The Confidence Blueprint: Building Self-Esteem from the Inside Out

As you guys know , I turned 30 last week and it has been an amazing first week of being in my 30s . Let me tell you , I feel very empowered , I feel very confident and I feel like I'm stepping into a new version of myself that is quite different from my teens and very different from my 20s .

And I don't know , maybe I'm the only person that feels this because , like every time I talk about being 30 and being excited , people are like oh my gosh , no , you have to grieve your 20s . And I'm just over here like grieve ? My 20s were great , but you know what ?

My 30s are gonna be amazing and I'm here for all the blessings and all the opportunities that are coming my way . Well , my dear passengers , it's time to buckle up those seatbelts , because we're heading into the first step of the day . That is the topic of day , and today's topic is self-esteem .

Self-esteem is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as the confidence in one's own worth and abilities . Wow , am I not ready for this episode ? And I say that because a lot of people think that I have high self-esteem . Why do they think that ? Well , because my personality tends to be very positive , very welcoming , very smiling , as you can tell .

But that doesn't necessarily mean that my self-esteem is high or that I necessarily think of myself as enough . In fact , I don't think of myself as being enough . And this is like in terms of academic wise , labor wise or not labor , but like job , wise , that's also as a partner wise , even as a friend .

Sometimes I think that I struggle a lot with seeing my worth because I quantify a lot of things , not so much for other people , but like for myself , like for people . I qualify what they bring into the table , like I'm , like you know what . This person makes me feel good , this person makes me feel safe , this person makes me feel valued .

I'm not counting how many times they've been there for me , but the moment that I'm not there for someone or I start failing someone and I'm not as consistent as I would like to be . That's where I start telling myself that I have no worth , which is not good .

It's not healthy and definitely not something that we're going to be doing in this podcast , but I did want to clarify that this is something that I'm actively working on . I am not an expert on self-esteem , nor do I have a high self-esteem .

I have moments with high self-esteem , but I do not have an overall high self-esteem demeanor or , like I guess , mindset , which is why I thought this episode was very important to cover , because I need help , and you guys probably need help too . So let's get started with it . For today's episode , I will be using two resources .

That is , an article that I found online and , obviously , my own personal stories . The first resource that I'm going to use is an article by the Yale Ledger . Now , keep in mind when I say Yale , I'm not talking about the place that you go to whenever you commit crimes . I'm aware that my accent makes it seem like that's what I'm saying .

I am actually talking about the student magazine of the very famous university , Yale , and this article is titled seven proven tips for building lasting self-esteem and boosting your confidence .

First things first , how do you treat yourself and I'm not talking about on an day-to-day basis , although that is important how do you treat yourself when you do something wrong , when there is a mistake ? Because , let me tell you , I love to berate myself . I love to say , Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco , why would you do that ? Who told you to do that ?

Why would you do that ? You know better than that . You shouldn't have done that . But if somebody came to me with the same story and the same mistake , this would be my approach oh , so-and-so . I know that what you did was wrong or what you did was a mistake . It happens . You're human , we're all human . We all made mistakes .

You see how much of a hypocrite I am , but I'm willing to bet that we're all a little bit of hypocrites when it comes to the standards that we set for ourselves instead of the standards that we set for other people .

And it's because there's a big part of us that it's like I should have known better , or I am better , or I just know what I'm capable of and I did not deliver that day . Yeah , okay , whatever . Honestly , at that point , what you need to do is take a deep breath and practice some self-compassion , and I know it's not that simple , but guess what ?

The reality is that that compassion , kindness and empathetic feelings that we can feel towards other people , we're also able to feel towards ourselves . We just need to practice , because a lot of times we don't learn to do that for ourselves .

But by practicing self-compassion we're able to see ourselves as what we are , which is human , which means that we are going to make mistakes . We're not going to be perfect , and that's totally okay . In fact , it's expected and it's normal and in a way , it's inevitable . So the first step will be self-compassion , but the second step is a fun one .

The second step is setting and achieving small goals . Now , I'm not talking about these goals that you have for months or years from now . Those are good , but we want to start getting a sense of achievement . Why ?

Because it helps to boost our self-esteem , because it means that we're working towards something that means a lot to us and we are seeing the rewards of working towards it . So let's say , for example , you wanted to lose weight and your goal is to lose a hundred pounds in a year . That's doable . It takes a lot of work , but it's doable .

So one achievable and small goal would be well , instead of drinking sodas , I now only drink water . And then you can start working towards that goal .

And then , once you achieve that goal , you can add another goal , such as , but not limited to , adding vegetables to every meal or walking 2,000 steps a day , and little by little , you will be achieving these goals that are going to boost your self-esteem and are going to help you achieve your ultimate bigger goal , and it's just like a domino effect and it's

great . So definitely try it . Once we have done that , it's time to really embrace self-improvement . Now , my dear passengers , if you listen to this podcast , I already know that you embrace self-improvement . But hey , maybe you have sent this to a friend or a family member that has never listened to the podcast .

So I'm going to assume that you guys have not embraced self-improvement yet . When it comes to self-improvement , self-improvement is not just physical or health stuff . Self-improvement also has to do with what you're learning and what you're feeding yourself , and by feeding I'm not talking just about food , I'm talking about what you're consuming .

That is what you're consuming through music , tv , books , you name it . Okay , so , with embracing self-improvement , it is very important for us to like take time for ourselves and just say , hey , I want to learn a new language . Okay , well , let's get started with Duolingo . Or let's get started with taking classes at night or taking classes during the day .

I don't know your life . You get to choose what time you want to take classes . I just prefer at night . It can also mean taking classes on dancing . It can also mean writing a book . It can also mean I'm running out of ideas swimming . It can also mean learning how to sew .

There's so many possibilities out there of things that you can learn or improve on that . It's kind of hard to like just pinpoint options , isn't that weird ? When there's so many options and so many things , it becomes harder to name them . Oh , what can I say ? What can we do ? It's just life . But yeah , it's just life .

Embrace your self-improvement , invest in your self-improvement and slowly but surely , you're going to notice that you're going to start seeing your potential and start seeing how your self esteem keeps increasing , because now you're saying huh , I told myself I was going to learn a new language and guess what ?

Maybe I don't speak it fully yet , but I now know seven phrases that I can say very confidently and without hesitation . So yeah , look at me improving . Next , we get to use positive affirmations , and I don't know about you , my dear passenger , but I absolutely love positive affirmations .

In fact , about two years ago , I used to do a positive affirmation every single day and I would post it on my Instagram and people loved them and I just , I don't know , like somewhere along the way , I stopped doing them and I don't know why .

So I'm actually going to start doing that because I noticed that , at least for me telling myself , I am enough , I am special , I am deserving , I am loving , I am worth it , I am enough , I am deserving , I am blessed , I am thankful , I am .

There's just so many things that I can keep saying and , like you noticed , probably when I started saying those words , how my whole demeanor changed , and it's because maybe at first I didn't believe the words that I was saying , but over time I started believing those words and , yeah , you know what ?

I'm going to start doing positive affirmations on Facebook again not on Facebook on Instagram again , because people need them . So I'm going to give it to them and I'm going to give it to myself . So I gotta make a quick pause , because at the beginning of this episode , I said that I felt like a hypocrite .

I mean , I still kind of do um , and I felt that I wasn't ready for this episode , because I don't necessarily have the highest self-esteem , and that's still true .

However , as I am reviewing these articles , and I am talking about them , and I'm talking about the tools that they are describing , it's interesting because , my dear passengers , if you are questioning , doubting or kind of like confused as to how these actually work , let me tell you I have used every one of the ones that I have already mentioned and they have

worked in the past . Now here's ?? kicker . Okay , this is the part where I'm like Frances Marie , what are you doing ? As I'm reading about all these techniques and I'm like , yeah , yeah , this one works , this one works , this one works , this one works . What I'm asking myself is okay , if you know that all of these work , why did you stop ?

Why did you not continue ? And again , this was a growth moment for me , because I was starting to go back into that mentality of let's quantify , because look at all of these times that you were able to do it , but now you're not doing it . So , therefore , you're failing ?

No , so I decided to stop the episode and , well , restart it and talk to you guys about this , because I thought this was a very special moment of growth that I needed to share with you . The way that we grow is we have to make mistakes , we have to fail .

So if you're currently failing , I know it feels frustrating , I know it feels like there's no purpose to it , but really there is , because , at the end of the day , you're going to learn from it . Now you might just learn not to ever do it again , and that's okay , but guess what You're learning ?

And that actually brings us to the next step , which is developing a growth mindset . Everything that happens in your life everything okay , everything that happens in your life , everything okay allows you to learn from it , to grow from it and to persevere through it .

So if you start developing a growth mindset which , by the way , the tools that I mentioned before will definitely help you do that what's going to happen is you're going to have moments like the moment that I just had , which was hold up , wait a minute . I said this before and I do admit that I haven't necessarily been doing all of this stuff .

However , I do recognize that they have helped in the past . So therefore , moving forward , I'm going to start doing them again . That's growth and that can happen as instantaneously as it did for me , or depending if you haven't developed your growth mindset . It may take a couple of hours , weeks , months , years , I don't know .

But the more you develop that growth mindset , the quicker you're going to get to it . So definitely start seeing the potential in yourself to continue growing and continue learning , because it's definitely inside of you . You just need to let it grow . Let it grow . The next step is to surround yourself with positive influence . What does that mean ?

It means you have to pay attention and be very selective around who you let into your space . You know , as you know , I recently got my first apartment and I'm very happy and excited about it .

I know I talk about it all the time , but like , listen , I'm very excited and for me , I have always been very like ah , whoever wants to come , let them come To my parties , let them come To my events , let them come , come . I just want all the people to be there .

But one of the things that I learned especially recently is I have to be selective in who I let into my space . Who do I let come into my life and affect me . Because that's the thing .

If you're like me and I'm very stubborn you might have seen what I just said , heard what I just said about surrounding yourself with positive people or the positive influence , and you might have said again , like me in the past , stubborn me , oh , Frances , I am a very secure person in my abilities and who I am , and I can be around any type of person and

they're not going to get me to feel any other way except the way that I want to feel . Well , let me tell you something they will , and it's going to be when you least expect it .

So do yourself a favor and be very careful with who you surround yourself with , who you give the time , your resources and the space to , because the reality is , whether you want to admit it or not , whoever you hang out with is influencing who you are and who you are becoming . So definitely , be very mindful and very careful .

And , last but not least , you know you got to practice self-care . You have to practice self-care and that kind of goes hand-in in hand with surrounding yourself with positive influence . But practice self-care doesn't necessarily mean getting pedicures and manicures which they're fun , as you can tell . It doesn't mean wearing a crown , even though that's also fun .

No , self-care goes above the physical . It also goes with the mental , it also goes with the emotional . It's learning who you are and the things that you need in order to take care of yourself . I have one of my co-workers her name is Maryam and I love her so much and she's always saying , like your body knows what it need , your body knows what it needs .

If you listen to your body , your body will tell you I need sleep , I need to take a shower , I need to exercise , I need food . Start listening to yourself , start listening to what your mind tells you too .

We got to be careful with the mind , because , that is true , we got to be very careful with the mind , but try to identify what it is that you need . How is it that you need to take care of yourself ?

Because when we don't take care of ourselves , that's where we fall into temptation , that's where we fall into drugs and alcohol , that's where we fall into peer pressure .

So by taking really good care of ourselves , we're also boosting that self-esteem and we're saying to ourselves hey , I know exactly what I need and I know that I can give it to myself and I don't need anybody else to give it to me . However , if somebody wants to give it to me , oh my gosh , they're so nice , they're so cute , thanks .

Well , my dear passengers , the time has come for the last step of the day , that is , recap time . Today's episode discussed self-esteem , which is our confidence in our own worth and abilities , also known as self-respect . We now know that developing self-esteem can be hard .

However , there are a couple of tools that can help us along the way , such as , but not limited to , practicing self-compassion , setting and achieving small goals , embracing self-improvement , practicing positive affirmations , developing a growth mindset , surrounding ourselves with positive influences and practicing self-care .

Remember , self-growth is an endless journey towards self-improvement . However , you don't ever have to do it alone . As your tour guide , my goal is to guide you with the best intentions and the best research available .

Make sure to follow me at my Instagram , Facebook and TikTok at the Self-Growth Train Podcast , and to also check out my new website , theselfgrowthtrainpodcast . com . As always , all the resources used today have been added to the episode's descriptions . Well , until the next time , dear passengers , safe travels . Bye !