Hello , my dear passengers , and welcome aboard the Self-Growth Train , a podcast that combines personal stories , opinions and research in order to better guide you through your self-growth journey . My name is Frances Marie Tiera Pacheco and I am your tour guide .
First , I want to say thank you for tuning back into the podcast , and I also wanted to explain why I have been wearing a crown on my head .
If you were a previous passenger for over the last three years and you saw one of the episodes that I did earlier this year , you probably remember that I talked about how I wanted to start seeing myself and representing myself as a princess . Not because I wanted to think that I was all that .
I just wanted to make sure that I claimed the respect and the honor and the discipline that I knew that I deserve , right . So , because of this , that is why I wear a crown on the podcast . Also , it's better than a train conductor hat , because that wouldn't look good on me .
So , yeah , if you ever wonder why I'm wearing a crown now , you know it's because it's my way of representing that I am a princess at heart and that I deserve to be treated as such . Well , my dear passenger , the time has come for us to buckle up our seat belts as we go into our first stop . That is the topic of the day . Today's topic is boundaries .
Boundaries are defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as something that indicates a limit . And I don't know about you , my dear passenger , but I have struggled over the last 29 years with setting and upholding boundaries . Sometimes I can communicate them , but definitely setting them and upholding them .
That is where I struggled the most , and I figured right that we are almost to the end of the year and with the end of the year comes New Year's and with that comes new resolutions . I figured it was time to talk about boundaries now . That way , when the new year comes , we're more prepared .
For today's episodes the resources that I will be using are handouts that were actually handed to me by my psychologists over the last couple of years . These handouts come from TheHeartAdvocate . com and also TherapistAid . com . But how do we know when a boundary needs to be set ?
Well , my dear passenger , whether it be a job that you are feeling kind of iffy about , a relationship that you're struggling with , or maybe some other type of situation , the way to know you need a boundary is when you're starting to feel uncomfortable . Now here's the catch .
Sometimes a boundary will not be enough to withhold or maintain that relationship , that job or that situation . Okay , so it's very important to realize when a boundary needs to be needed and when a boundary is not going to work at all . I'll give you an example .
Back in the day , in 2021 , I used to work at this place that quite simply did not match anything about me . The core values did not match , the way that they did things did not match , and also the way that they made me feel did not match with what I was expecting for my job .
Sure , I could have set a boundary , but at that point , the main factors or the main elements of the job were really completely opposite for me . So setting a boundary in a place that already didn't respect me was not really going to do anything . So at that point , I decided there's no need to set a boundary , I just need to leave .
However , there are times when you can set a boundary and it will work . But what type of boundary should you set ? Well , there are physical boundaries , intellectual boundaries, emotional boundaries , sexual boundaries , material boundaries and time boundaries . Let's dissect each one of them . Physical boundaries refer to personal space and physical touch .
Now , you see , for me , I'm Puerto Rican and in my culture it is totally acceptable for us to kiss on the cheek when we first meet each other and even hug each other . But I have learned that in the United States this is not the way to go .
Usually , anything from a handshake or a high five or even a fist bump is acceptable , but hugs and kisses Not really , unless you guys have known each other for a long , long time . Intellectual boundaries refers to thoughts and ideas . You probably heard it said before that at the table we don't discuss politics and we don't discuss religion .
We can only discuss the weather and maybe perhaps what happened during the day . This is because we want to make sure that the conversation doesn't turn sour by disrespecting other people's ideas and ideologies . Emotional boundaries refer to a person's feelings .
It is when a person decides whether they want to share or not share and when to share how they are feeling with somebody else . Sexual boundaries refer to the intellectual , emotional and physical aspects of sexuality . It is when you share with your sexual partner the things that you enjoy in and outside of the bedroom .
Material boundaries refer to money and possessions . It's when you determine when you are allowing yourself to share money or share your possessions with others and for how long they can hold them . Last but not least is time boundaries , which is when a person decides how they want to spend their time and on what they want to spend their time on .
Now that you know the different types of boundaries and what they mean , it is time to determine which type of boundary you need . But hey , you might still struggle to understand why you need a boundary or where exactly you need a boundary . So , in order to help you , I have four questions . Question number one what feels disrespectful , violating or concerning ?
Question number two what am I allowing or settling for ? Question number three the boundary . What do I need to do or say to protect myself ? And question number four what will I do if my boundary is violated or disrespected ? Once you determine what type of boundary you need and what exactly you want to say , it's time to practice saying it .
You might want to ask a friend or a family member to work with you and help you through that process . I will suggest using I statements . Now , you might not know what I statements are , so I'm going to go ahead and teach you them . I statements are used to communicate boundaries .
I'm going to create an example right now of supposedly somebody standing me up for a date , right ? So this is how an I statement will look like . I feel upset because you had told me we were going on a date and you never called to cancel . I need you to let me know ahead of time if our date is going to be canceled .
If you invite me on a date again and do not cancel before you stand me up , I will not go out with you ever again . That's a little extreme maybe , but I think that it's a good boundary of saying like if you stood me up once and you stood me up a second time , that's it , you don't get a third strike .
Now comes , in my opinion , the most difficult part , which is upholding those boundaries . I know you want to call them . I know you want to give them another chance . I know that in your heart of hearts , you're saying oh my gosh , what's going to happen if I put this boundary ? What if I don't get a better opportunity ?
What if this is the best that I could ever get ? What if nobody ever treats me the same ? Blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah . All of this is totally normal , and I know that you're going to feel it . Why ? Because I have gone through it myself .
But the reality is that when you communicate your boundaries and you uphold them , you are respecting yourself . And not only are you letting people know exactly how to treat you and what things you're allowing them to do . It's going to determine how that relationship is going to be .
And that relationship , again , it can be something regarding a job , it can be something regarding a partner , it can be a friendship , it can be a family member , it can be like so many different things . But the reality is , communicating your boundaries is going to help you become a better person and a better advocate for yourself .
Well , my dear passengers , the time has come for the last stop of the day Recap time . Today's episode discussed boundaries , which is simply something that indicates a limit . Now we know that the first step to setting a boundary is analyzing the situation and understanding what is going on .
We want to know what is making us feel uncomfortable , violated or even disrespected , and also what type of boundary we need to set in order to make sure that we do not feel this way . Once we determine the boundary , we're able to use I statements to communicate them properly .
And hey , if we struggle with communicating with I statements , all we need to do is practice with our loved ones . That way , we gain more experience along the way . Last but not least , our job is to uphold our boundaries .
I know it's hard and I know that it can seem useless and sometimes impossible , but the reality is that the more you practice upholding and the more you stick to it , the easier it becomes . Remember , self-growth is an endless journey towards self-improvement . However , you don't ever have to do it alone .
As your tour guide , my goal is to guide you with the best intentions and the best research available . Make sure to follow me on Instagram , Tiktok and Facebook at the Self-Growth Train Podcast , and to also follow the new website , theselfgrowthtrainpodcast . com . As always , all the resources used today have been added to the episode's description .
Well , until the next stop , dear passengers , safe travels . Bye !