Casper grew up with a lot of confidence. And as he’s gotten older, that confidence has only been encouraged and solidified by the various privileged identities that he inhabits. Knowing that, he wants to intentionally cultivate a practice of humility. But how do you temper confidence, without crumbing into self doubt? With help from the TV show Julia and The Methodist Quadrilateral , Casper and Vanessa explore how to tell the truth in every situation. -- Funding for this episode was provided by ...
Sep 05, 2022•40 min•Season 2Ep. 15
Vanessa has always had very good instincts about people. But recently she's started to wonder: where does that gut instinct come from inside of her? And how can she make sure her 'gut' is reflecting her wisdom, instead of her prejudices? With help from Into the Woods and Gilmore Girls , Vanessa and Casper explore how to give people the benefit of the doubt while still being able to trust your instincts. -- Funding for this episode was provided by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center , as pa...
Aug 22, 2022•43 min•Season 2Ep. 14
Lily has a boyfriend who she loves. But you know who she doesn’t love? Her boyfriend’s brother. He makes Lily feel small and hurt and honestly angry every time they see each other. But Lily wants to have a good relationship with her boyfriend’s family. So how does she deal with him? With help from Sara Bareilles and a scene from Fleabag , Lily, Vanessa, and Casper explore our relationships with in-laws and how to best deal with a bully. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information...
Aug 08, 2022•52 min•Season 2Ep. 13
Hima’s parents moved to the United States when she was two years old. Her first language was Telugu, but her early teachers encouraged her parents to speak English at home. Now, she’s not entirely fluent. Hima knows that learning the language would probably make her feel closer to her family and her cultural identity – but it feels embarrassing to try, and trying comes with a lot of family baggage. Should she do it? With help from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer and Jane the Virgin , ...
Jul 25, 2022•42 min•Season 2Ep. 12
When Rachel was working on her PhD, she always thought she would graduate and work at a science museum. But the pandemic changed her plans, no museums were hiring. But now she’s wondering, was that change forever? Or should she try to work her way back to her passion? With help from the show All Creatures Great and Small and the book Ammonite by Nicola Griffith , Rachel, Casper and Vanessa explore the relationship between passion and work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informat...
Jul 11, 2022•37 min•Season 2Ep. 11
Mariah has filled her life with meaningful friendships. In fact, she bought a house with her best friend and is helping to raise her friend’s kid. Now she’s starting to think about what role a romantic relationship might have in her life, and she’s getting nervous. She knows a romantic partner would take up space in her life, space she doesn’t really have right now. If she wants a romantic partner, what would she have to give up? And would it be worth it? With help from the songs Into the Unknow...
Jun 27, 2022•40 min•Season 2Ep. 10
We're cross-posting this special episode of Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, which we've released today. This year in commemoration of Juneteenth, Not Sorry is spotlighting The Final 5 Campaign , a coalition working to close the final five youth prisons in Illinois. Vanessa is joined in conversation by one of their leaders, Alicia Brown, who tells us about what it means to be a prison abolitionist and her work with the campaign. Please join us by making a donation , learning more about the fail...
Jun 19, 2022•20 min
Anna had her first child during the pandemic and she found her maternity leave to be really isolating and depressing. It was only once she was able to go back to school and work that she felt like herself again. But now she’s pregnant again and starting to get worried about her next maternity leave. What if she feels the same way? With help from the The Bright Field by R.S. Thomas and A Line Above the Sky by Helen Mort , Anna, Casper and Vanessa explore the sacrifices and guilt associated with m...
Jun 13, 2022•43 min•Season 2Ep. 9
Sarah Steinberg is passionate about making stop motion animation. It’s so satisfying, she could easily spend hours at a time working a single project. But Sarah also lives with rheumatoid arthritis, which makes her art practice difficult and often quite painful. This worries a lot of her friends, they don’t understand why she insists on having a hobby that’s so hard on her body. How does Sarah explain to them why it feels worth it? With help from the Lin-Manuel Miranda episode of Song Explorer a...
May 30, 2022•46 min•Season 2Ep. 8
Marie-Hélène is the kind of person who changed her major a million times during college. But after a while, this habit started to feel embarrassing. So she made a promise to herself: “I am going to become the kind of person who commits to things and sees them through.” Now she’s been at the same job for seven years and is starting to feel antsy. But she can’t tell - is it because her old habit is rearing its head? Or is it because it’s really time to move on? With help from Independent People by...
May 16, 2022•44 min•Season 2Ep. 7
Dani has always wanted to live alone. Now, at 28, she’s living the dream. She owns her condo and doesn’t foresee needing a roommate. But looking ahead at the rest of her life, she’s a little worried about what she sees. If she lives alone forever, is she closing the door on an important kind of intimacy and support? With help from a song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and a scene from Friends , Dani, Vanessa, and Casper explore society’s expectations around partnership, family and long-term relationsh...
May 02, 2022•45 min•Season 2Ep. 6
A few years ago, Lindsay left an abusive relationship. Since then she has almost completely cut her abuser out of her life. But there’s one friend they still share - and that friend is getting married. Lindsay has never talked to her friend about the abuse. But now, with her ex likely invited to the wedding, questions are coming up: Should she tell her friend about the abuse? What if he doesn’t believe her? Or still wants her abuser at his wedding? With help from In the Dream House by Carmen Mar...
Apr 18, 2022•42 min•Season 2Ep. 5
Ruth has been a woman their whole life, but that label has never quite felt right. Recently they had an experience where a stranger gendered them “wrongly” and it felt amazing. Since then they’ve been wondering, should they identify as non-binary? With help from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night and an article by Tre’vell Anderson , Ruth, Vanessa, and Casper explore the confines of gendered language and the possibilities we have to expand it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information...
Apr 04, 2022•41 min•Season 2Ep. 4
Maya Gosh has been in pain for years. She’s been going to doctors, trying to figure out what's going on with her body, but nobody seems to think anything is wrong with her. And lately she’s started to feel like the whole process of trying to get good healthcare is more painful emotionally and psychologically than the physical pain she’s in. Should she stop trying and protect her mental health? Or is that giving up? With help from Mythbusters and the Liverpool Football Club , Maya, Vanessa and Ca...
Mar 21, 2022•38 min•Season 2Ep. 3
Last fall, Sophie Clark broke up with her long-term partner and it was one of the hardest things she’s ever done. Trying to organize her grief, she began a weekly ritual - lighting candles and journaling about the break-up. But now, several months later, the ritual is feeling a little flat. What can she do to reimagine her practice to better fit where she is now in the grief process? With help from Jane Eyre and a William Prince song , Sophie, Vanessa and Casper explore what kind of thoughts and...
Mar 07, 2022•41 min•Season 2Ep. 2
Dana Schwartz is a #1 New York Times Best Selling author (go read her new book !), top charting podcaster, and Twitter super-star. But still, she sometimes finds herself looking at other writers with feelings of professional jealousy. She doesn’t like that feeling when it comes up, but she doesn’t know what to do about it. With help from Nick Jonas and the movie Amadeus , Dana, Vanessa and Casper explore how feelings of inadequacy often lead to jealousy. -- If you’re interested in joining Dana a...
Feb 21, 2022•38 min•Season 2Ep. 1
Happy holidays! We're dropping in your feeds to share some news about the future of the show. If you’re interested in being on the show, please fill out this form and we’ll start contacting people in the new year. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Dec 26, 2021•4 min
Vanessa's step-daughter is *very* cool. But...is that a good thing? And what is coolness really? With help from West Side Story and Gone Girl , Vanessa and Casper explore the social capital and social manipulation of coolness. -- We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....
Dec 13, 2021•44 min
We got so many questions for our "bad chaplaincy" episode last month, we decided we needed another round! This week, Casper and Vanessa answer your questions about work, exes, and how to know when you're on the right path. -- We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....
Dec 06, 2021•48 min
Casper's life is on a path and generally he's pretty happy with how it's going. But every so often, he likes to fantasize about what it would look like to step off that path. What if, instead of living his normal life, he went on an adventure? What if he spent months traveling the world? Is that just a fantasy or is it something he can really do? With help from Under the Tuscan Sun and Mary Oliver , Casper and Vanessa explore the fear and excitement tied up with choosing something new. -- We are...
Nov 22, 2021•41 min
This week we're taking some time to answer real questions from our audience! We touch on questions about disappointment in love, whether it's okay to be late, and setting boundaries. -- We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Nov 08, 2021•43 min
Risa has a family member who isn’t getting vaccinated and the relationship is really troubling her. She wants to respect the values of the person she loves, but is finding that hard to do when the ‘right thing’ seems to be so clear. With help from a Brandy Carlile song and a blog post by Lilach Shafir , Risa and Casper explore how to be in relationship with someone who has values that seem diametrically opposed to your own. -- We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show po...
Nov 01, 2021•43 min
Vanessa used to have a helpful story she told herself about her depression. She let herself stay in bed some days and understood that it was important for her health. But lately, she hasn’t been staying in bed. The story seems…broken, like it doesn’t fit the new version of her life. Is there a new story that could help her take care of herself better? With help from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Cheryl Strayed , Vanessa and Casper explore how to think about mental health when there’s so much pres...
Oct 25, 2021•49 min
Casper is feeling a lot of nostalgia for his graduate school experience. There are so many times in his day to day life where he feels like he should know more and he wishes that he had a teacher to guide him. He's been trying to teach himself, but it just doesn't feel the same. Should he just go back to school? With help from Legally Blonde and Hermes Trismegistus, Casper and Vanessa explore how learning gets institutionalized and how we can make room for it after school is over. Hosted on Acas...
Oct 18, 2021•44 min
Back in May, Vanessa brought us the question 'am I a Karen?' That episode focused on gender and the way systems of power can fail and frustrate women. This week we bring you part two of that conversation, where we discuss the racial dynamic at play in the Karen meme. We were incredibly lucky to be joined by Dr. Apryl Williams for this conversation. Dr. Williams is a multidisciplinary scholar who studies the experience of race and racism in digital spaces. -- We are so grateful to our supporters ...
Oct 04, 2021•38 min
Casper has a soft spot in his heart for the monarchy. He understands all the absurdities of the institution, but he can’t get rid of that feeling that he associates with childhood and history and national identity. Is it okay to have that feeling knowing what he knows intellectually? Or should he be trying to get rid of it? With help from Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf and The Mirror and the Light by Hilary Mantel , Casper and Vanessa reflect on what it means to glorify national stories and how...
Sep 20, 2021•44 min
Every so often Vanessa scrolls through photos on her phone and runs into some memories she’d rather forget. Should she just delete those photos? Or are those bad memories something productive? With help from Spotlight and Mad About You , Vanessa and Casper explore what it means to re-write our own historical record and when we should do it. -- We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/p...
Sep 13, 2021•44 min
Casper is getting older and he's been thinking about what that means. On the one hand: age is just a number! There’s no such thing as the ‘right’ thing you should be doing at any age. But on the other hand: he wants to make sure he’s stepping into the full responsibility of what it means to be an adult. Without subscribing to tradition benchmarks, how do you keep yourself on track? With help from David Sedaris and Shakespeare , Casper and Vanessa think about the 'stage' of middle age and what Ca...
Sep 06, 2021•40 min
Instead of a normal episode this week we're bringing you an episode of The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos, featuring our own Casper ter Kuile. Space crews, athletes and pop stars all indulge in strange rituals before moments of high stress. It's easy to mock these behaviours - indeed even the people who practise them often admit they're a bit weird - but they can act like performance enhancing drugs. Dr Laurie Santos looks at the research to show why creating a good luck ritual can make us...
Aug 30, 2021•37 min
Vanessa has had a lot of really positive interactions with strangers. However there are moments when strangers, for whatever reason, trigger her defense mechanisms. What should she do in those moments? She doesn't want to be naive - there are people out there who can hurt you or take advantage of you. But also, she knows it's important to be kind whenever possible. With help from Thelma and Louise and an episode of Radiolab , Vanessa and Casper discuss whether we should assume good intentions in...
Aug 23, 2021•39 min
