137. I'm putting too much pressure on myself

catch up with each other's lives, mainly my life. That's how this kind of works. If you cannot tell, I am quite sick. I unfortunately have COVID, which doesn't feel like it's such a big deal anymore. You know, like back in twenty twenty, it would have been like, my god, like breaking new use, like you would have been posting about it on you know, your Instagram story, like people would have been checking it on you. But nowadays I feel like it's just kind of like the flu. But

oh my goodness, it has wrecked my body. It has completely wrecked my body, and it's also just come at such a terrible time. I feel like, I guess one of the things I want to talk about today is just how much kind of pressure I've been putting on myself recently, how much I've been working and really kind of hustling towards some big goals, and I think for a while I've been really quite burnt out. And I

always say this. I always think this, like if you don't take a break, your body is going to take a break for you. And I think that is definitely the case right now, where like my immune system was like super low, had so much like cortisol and adrenaline like rushing through my body trying to like keep me sustained. That of course I like got exposed and suddenly here we are quirky voice, naisy. Not amazing audio quality for you guys, but if you like our little catch up episodes,

well hopefully this is nice. You know, you can just listen to this on your way to work, like you're talking to your friend catching up, just like having a little sit down chat, which I think is really lovely. It's kind of been a while since I've done one

of these as well. If you are from like the OG podcast days, you will remember how I used to just sit down with my friends and like talk about mental health and talk about our lives and our like meaningless gossip, and I think, as like the podcast has kind of evolved, it's felt quite vulnerable to do that now with so many of you listening. But you know what, there are some things that I want to get off my chest, and maybe I'm sharing because I just really

hope that you can relate. You know, MY mission has always been connection and letting all of us feel less alone through vulnerability and through candid conversations about what we're all experience dancing in our twenties. So I thought, let's do that today. Let's do a little throwback to the vulnerable episodes of the past and check in. So to be honest, on a scale of how I'm doing right now, I'm at like a five. There are like some things in my life that are going really really well. You know.

I have like the job of my dreams. I am madly in love at the moment, to the point where it literally hurts my heart sometimes to look at this person. I'm so in love. I'm about to go traveling for two months with my sister and then with my boyfriend to la and then New York and then to Japan, which was not on my twenty twenty three or twenty

twenty four bucket list. And I think, actually, that's something I need to be really really grateful for right now, because if you didn't know this, I used to suffer from some really extreme claustrophobia, like couldn't get on a bus or a train, couldn't get stuck in traffic, couldn't go like in a tunnel without having a panic, that kind of level of claustrophobia. And you bet that flying was definitely off limits to me in the past, and it was like one of my twenty twenty three goals

to get over that, to like work through that. I actually think it's quite common after the pandemic because we've spent like two three years not really getting that exposure to traveling or to flying, or to leaving you know,

our houses. I was talking to one of my friends, Josh about this, and he was like, Yeah, it's like post pandemic like claustrophobia because we've gotten so comfortable and so used used to like our own little environments, our safe environments, that when we put in these like uncomfortable positions where we are not in control, where we feel a sense of starkness. All the feelings around that are

just like exacerbated, heightened and like extremely extremely scary. But I went through like a lot of exposure therapy at the start of this year to kind of be able to make traveling a part of my life. I hadn't done it for so long, for like five, maybe six years, because I was so scared, because I was so fearful, and that involved really pushing myself out of my comfort zone, like doing things that would create panic, like I did have panic attacks, like trying to get over this fear.

And then I obviously flew to London at the start of the year, I went to Bali, and I'm so grateful that I did those things, even if in the moment they were so freaking terrifying. I cried for the first like two hours of my flight to London, and this like really lovely lady kept like patting me on the arm and being like happy, be happy, be happy, and I was like, dang, there are some really good

people in this world, Like that is so beautiful. But anyhow, back to the point, good things on the horizon, like travel, like all these amazing opportunities, good things in my life, good things on my mind. However, I think the more humage, the more you realize that your emotions are not always black and white. You are not either unhappy or brilliantly happy, like you can sit in the middle, you can feel

everything in a week or even a day. It is so rare that we are at like the extremes of the spectrum, and I think that creates a lot of problems because then when we ask people like, oh, how

you doing, like are you okay? Like give me an update on your life, we often only ever want to talk about the moments where everything's going really, really terribly, and we don't acknowledge that sometimes there can be smaller things in our lives, smaller like imperfections or events or moments that although they are not like groundbreaking and life changing, either in a positive or a negative direction, like, they still deserve to be spoken about, and we still need

to be able to communicate the impact that those might be having on our mental state. And I think that's kind of where I'm at right now. I also feel like something I've struggled with for a long time has been like a sense of guilt, feeling really guilty for feeling bad or having negative emotions when from the outside my life looks like it's going really really well, and I can acknowledge that it's going really really well. It's so interesting because I feel like I kind of have

everything I've ever wanted right now. But that doesn't necessarily mean that your life is perfect, and that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be completely happy. And I think that with every good thing that comes into your life, there's always going to be like uncomfortable things associated with

that change. Right, Like your life is kind of adapting and expanding around new people, around new experiences, around new opportunities, and that like expansion and that growth and that like flexibility is going to sometimes leave you feeling a little bit off and feeling like things are changing really really quickly and you really don't know what to do with yourself.

So I think for me that really comes down to three things that I want to discuss in this, like candid chat putting a lot of pressure on myself, and

the kind of resulting burnout that I've been experiencing. I think that really derives from imposter syndrome and feeling a lot of career anxiety and social comparison, which I think is all kind of blending together to create like a little bit of I'm gonna be honest, like an existential crisis in my life at the moment where I'm like, is this going to make me happy for the rest of my life? Is what I'm doing right now? Really like just have that longevity, and I really hope that

it does. All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna go back to that first point because I feel like I'm rambling but firstly putting a lot of pressure on myself. I think that if you are an overachiever, you will understand this, or if you are a perfectionist, you will also understand this.

A lot of the times, like especially young girls who are like intelligent or like quite emotionally aware, like they experience a lot of additional pressure placed or like weight put on their shoulders to be these like kind of golden children, and often they're not really like met with the same level of reward as they're like male peers or maybe their siblings or other people around them who aren't performing at that level. And I'm not to like say that as if it's like, wow, look how amazing

we are, Like I'm an overachiever. Everyone give me like a gold medal, but more so that I think this is especially the case if you're like the oldest child or the oldest daughter, Like, please raise your hand if you are an oldest daughter, because I'm gonna bet you

some good money that you are also an overachiever. You have this like sense of like everything I have, everything I do, has to be perfect, and everything I do has to please everyone around me, and that creates a lot of pressure where when you are inevitably not able to meet that standard that you have internalized from your early childhood or from how your parents or your teachers or your mentors kind of taught you to act or imposed on you, it's kind of like feels like a

disaster and it leaves you feeling like super exhausted. I'm finding that a lot with like I'm gonna be super honest, like with the podcast. At the moment where the things that I really want to talk about, I get so worried that other people aren't going to want to hear it, or that it might not apply to their own lives. Like I did like an episode on like Emotional Eating recently, and I was like, Wow, this has been a huge problem for me? Is this a huge problem for other people?

Will people actually find that they can relate to this? And what if they can't, Like, is that the end of my career? Will people be like, Wow, she put out one episode that like didn't relate to me, Like I don't want to listen to her anymore. And I think that that is such like a toxic standard to hold yourself by of being like, I need to make everyone like me at all times. I need to make content that's going to make everyone happy at all times

and make sure that they feel seen. And then you kind of have to sit back and be like, yeah, but do I feel seen? Like I think that's kind of the superpower of psychology, and like the psychology of your twenties is that you should feel like you're not the only one going through these experiences and that someone like me who is like sharing this online is someone you can look to and be like, oh my god, Like, here's this person in their twenties who's kind of like

me and is experiencing that as well. I hope that makes sense. Like, I think it's just this sense of like I do feel a real sense of responsibility to make sure that people feel like this is a safe space for them and for people to come to this show and be like, all right, I know that if there's something I'm going through, like there will be a perspective on it that's going to make me feel better.

So when I do episodes that maybe I don't feel like are completely hitting the nail on the head, that makes me feel like a lot of guilt and I put a lot of pressure on myself. I also think

it comes down to imposter syndrome. Whatever you are doing in your life, I feel like imposter syndrome is so inevitable, and the irony of that being like my first episode is not lost on me because even to this day, like two and a half years later, it is perhaps my biggest flaw, like the thing that I struggle with the most. So imposter syndrome is really just like this self imposed doubt around our skills, our intellect, our accomplishments,

what we're doing. I think wherever you are in your life, like I said, you could be working like at a bank or at a corporate job, or as a nurse, or you could still be studying, or you could be pursuing your music career or being like I don't know, a stay at home daughter or whatever you're doing, there is always this sense of like am I doing enough? And am I doing it right? And when is everyone

around me going to realize that I'm a fraud? And I think the problem with imposter syndrome that I've really come to realize is that regardless of the amount of external validation that you receive, regardless of the amount of praise, the amount of times your boss tells you that you're doing a good job, that your friends say they're proud of you, that your partner says they're proud of you, it is such a core belief that you are not good enough that it cannot be undone. So it requires

like some really deep internal reprogramming. And that reprogramming, I think I'm evidence of this does not happen overnight. It hasn't happened over two years, like it has been a slow process of being like, if why can I not trust the opinions of others when they say that they think I'm doing a good job, when they say that they feel comforted by what I'm doing, And further to that,

like why is my own opinion of myself? Why can't I have a good opinion of myself, you know what I mean, Like, why is my sense of accomplishment and my sense of pride and my sense of like, oh my gosh, I'm doing something that I love and I'm doing something that gives me purpose. Why is that not enough to satisfy or fulfill this like deeper sense of failure? And I've been talking to my therapist about it, you know, Sidebark therapy. There is a reason that we talk about

it so much on the show. It's because it is super life changing. And what she said to me was really really interesting. She said to me, for so long, you have internalized a set of assumptions about yourself and how you should be acting based on an unrealistic standard.

You know, you look at people on social media, you look at your idols, and you put them on a pedestal, and you see them as these like imperfect human beings, these like brilliant people who have never experienced failure, who have always know what they were made to do and done it so well. And that is just so unrealistic and it's so like one dimensional because we really don't get to look into other people's lives and see what

they're dealing with. Yet we just look at this like shiny, perfect, beautiful, flawless version of them and their accomplishments and what they've done, and think, well, why do we deserve to feel like we could get there? Why do we deserve to feel good about ourselves? When there is this version of me that I would like to be, like this version of

another person that I am not. And there's a real reason why I think social comparison in that sense is like such a thief, like a massive thief of joy, because when you spend your entire life thinking that you can do better, that kind of I guess line in the sand, that end goal, that like finish line, is always going to keep moving like you are never going

to be satisfied with what you have. And that is something that I still I don't think can wrap my head around that who I am right now is probably and actually very much good enough and very much like a good version of me. I just keep trying to remind myself that I am not who other people think I am. I am not my accomplishments, I am not the things that I produce my output. I am my kindness, I am my generosity. I am the love I show

to my friends, I am my tenacity. I am these things that would exist regardless of whether other people could see them, and that is really really important and sometimes obviously, like I think it's such a it's so interesting, like consuming self help content, and something that I try really hard not to try hard not to do is put forward this image that like that journey is always going to be one that is moving forward, like it's always going to be one of like progress, because I think

sometimes we relapse. It's actually I don't talk about this a lot, but like some of the criticism that I get online, someone like made this video about me recently that was like this, I don't know, I'm not even going to go into it, like I'm sure if you want to see it, you can find it, but it was like quite critical. And it's so interesting that anyone on the internet feels that they can have an opinion about anyone and feels like that is something that they

can share. And I just think that like, no matter who you are, that lens of judgment can really stop you from being your authentic self. And that experience of this I don't even know this person, but like seeing their opinion of me, and their opinion really mattered to me, and I was like, why does it matter. I don't even know this person. This person has never met me, This person doesn't even live in the same country as me.

Like they have seen this very very uh one sided point of view of my life, often through the lens of social media and through my podcast, and like made a lot of assumptions, and those are assumptions that I know aren't correct, and yet I was like sitting there

being like I believe them. And it's so interesting because I think that in everyone's lives there is a version of this whereby someone else has decided that they think about you a certain way, whether that is a friend or an acquaintance or an ex, or just like someone random who doesn't even know you, some like friend of a friend, and we cannot stop obsessing over their opinion. I remember when I was at UNI, one of my really good friends had this friend had another friend who

for some reason just didn't like me. And that's fine, Like, you can't be liked by everyone, Like I certainly don't love everyone I meet. I like them at least, but you know, you cannot be liked by everyone, And it was so interesting because I had all these people who loved me and who I had the best time with, and yet the only person's opinion I wanted to like change and win over was this one person who I knew was never going to change their opinion because their

opinion was not based on fact. So how can you alter something that is based in fiction by providing someone with like reality like you can't. They've already decided to believe a certain story about you. And I think that really comes to this deeper kind of lesson we need to learn of how do you deal with being disliked?

I think that deserves its a whole episode, Like how do you deal with being disliked in a world where to be liked is to be valued and we put a lot of self worth on what other people think of us. I guess that first strategy of reaffirming what you love about yourself is important, but the second strategy is really being like, why does this person need to continue to have access to such that they can talk about you, such that they can form an opinion on you.

I'm not a big fan of like blocking people like I don't know some people think it's petty, but you should definitely mute that person. If there is someone in your life who does not like you for whatever reason, even if it's someone who has a good reason to not like you, like maybe like an ex best friend or an ex boyfriend, or someone that you know you may have hurt. Your only obligation is to move forward and be a better version of yourself, and that sometimes

requires limiting how much this person can see you. They don't get to see you be better, they don't get to see you be worse. Like their judgment of you, their vision of you, their perception of you, is not something that should be of your concern, and so sometimes that requires just limiting it, muting them, blocking them, whatever that takes. Like that is a huge component for me of dealing with dislike. And then I think the third thing is just to keep it in perspective. The world

is so large and so big and so wide. Not everyone is going to like you. But also it really does not matter. You are so small. You're so small, The world is so big, there is so many other people out there. And I know this sounds so corny, but like life is so so short, and you know, I don't know your beliefs. But my beliefs are that once you're gone, you know, no one is really going

to remember you. And maybe they will remember you in the next one hundred or two hundred or three hundred years, but in like five thousand, six thousand years time, like you know, past your lifetime, Like that is a long time, and those people who had opinions of you will also be gone. Those will no longer matter. So why do they matter in this moment when you're alive? What do they really say about who you are? And what do they say about whether or not you deserve to be happy?

Like I just I always think that I always try and put it in perspective, and sometimes that involved really branching out and going big and being like everyone is just like a kind of like tiny speck of sand in the universe. What's one speck of sand to another spec of sand doesn't really mean that much. That person who doesn't like you doesn't mean that much. They are exactly as you are, trying to figure things out. Their opinion is not an informed one, So there's no need

to change it, there's no need to internalize it. All you need to do is move on and realize that you deserve peace and happiness and to have a good life. I'm so sorry this is such a ramble. I think that I have like serious COVID brain right now. I feel like that whole speech I just gave was such a fever dream. But I really do hope that maybe you got something out of that. Honestly, it deserves its

whole own episode, especially since in our twenties. I think it's something that we all have to adjust to, not being liked being disliked. It's a very common, universal experience. But the other thing I really want to talk about that I've been going through I've been experiencing has to do with body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia is interesting because I think that it is not as well understood as we

would hope that it would be. Right. I think it's part of our dialogue in such in such a limited way where we all have a sense of what it means to experience body dysmorphia, to experience perhaps shame around what we look like, but we don't understand how it really manifests. So what it really is is like this persistent, kind of intense focus on the parts of ourselves, of our bodies that we don't really like. And it's not

always like a constant thing for some people. It is for some people it lasts for so many years, and I just cannot imagine how mentally exhausting that would be. But speaking of my own experience, it kind of comes in waves, and it's always triggered by something, and this time it was triggered by me shrinking my genes in the wash. I know that is so stupid, but you know what I was never taught, sus is that you can't put your jeans in the dryer. Did not know that.

So of course washed all my denims, my lovely Levi's jeans, because Levi's are a classic. They're the only jaans I wear not sponsored but please an. Yeah, So I washed all of my jeans and then I put them in the dryer because I wanted them to be dry. And then I like, you know, a couple days later, I was like, oh, I'm gonna put on my favorite blue jeans, my baggy dad jeans from Levi's. They look great, they

make my butt look amazing. Couldn't sit them up, literally, could not do them up over my belly, like over my stomach and I was like, oh my god, I've gained like five kilos in like two days. How has this happened? Like, Oh my god, I've like something is wrong, Like am I bloated? Am I pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant. No, I'm like all of these like impossible ideas. And then I was like God, like I've just of course, like I'm just not taking care of myself, like I've put

on all this weight. I'm such a failure. And I was like, holy crap, Like I don't want to be that sixteen year old version of myself again who worried about these things, and yet I do. I worry about them all the time, as if they really mean something deeper about myself. And so I think that's something I've

been really struggling with. And when you don't feel okay in your body, in your vessel, in this like physical form that you inhabit, it's really hard to go out and live your life as someone who is confident and someone who feels comfortable taking up space. It's something that I struggle with where I'm like, Okay, if I'm not having a great day, i feel uncomfortable with my body. I feel ugly, there's some kind of like imperfection on my skin, or my jeans aren't doing it because I

put them in the fucking dryer. Like suddenly the rest of my day is ruined and I don't want to be seen, I don't want to be observed. I feel less productive, I feel less useful, I feel like this real intrinsic sense of shame. And I just think that is so like something that I wish I could just take away. There are always these things that I think we deal with that we wish we could snap our fingers and never have to deal with again. And I think that that body dysmorphia, that sense of insecurity is

definitely one of them for me. And then my friend said something really amazing. She there's my friend Al. She's on the Two Broke Chicks podcast. If you're not listening to that podcast, it's another really amazing Australian podcast that is incredible. They like talk about kind of like life advice, but mainly like financial tips for your twenties. And you know, Two Broke Chicks they're broken funds, rich in life. I

think they're amazing. And our was like, you need to stop thinking that your clothes carry some kind of social worth. You have to stop thinking that your clothes are there to prove a point about who you are and your value. They are inanimate objects. It is literally just a bunch of fabric sewed together. It means it is nothing deeper than that. It means nothing more than that. All it is is like I think, if you go back to like what clothes were originally used for, it's like to

shield yourself from the elements. But I think this like kind of modern day society, especially one that's like completely being co opted by social media and social comparison, has made it so that we see things that are normally so you know, it's just so basic as clothing, as meeting so much more. And she was like, Gemma, you just need to go and buy yourself a new pair

of genes. It's like, if this is this like thing in your environment, this thing in your life that is making you feel bad, why would you not change that? Like if you were eating a certain food and you kept like having an a logic reaction, or it kept making you feel uncomfortable or feel lucky, like you would stop eating that food. If you had a friend in your life who every time you hung out with them was making you feel terrible about yourself again and again

and again. You would stop seeing that person. If you have this pair of jeans, or this stress, all these shorts or whatever it is that every time you put on they make you feel bad about yourself. They make you feel uncomfortable. Get rid of those genes. Like, you have the agency and the responsibility to live a life that is as comfortable as you would like it to be, and that includes feeling a sense of comfort towards your body,

like at the end of the day. And I always try and say this, obviously, I probably need to hear this reminder a little bit more. Your body is just a tool. It is just a vessel for your soul and your personality and your values and the love you give yourself and you give others. It is just like a physical physical being. It's not a representation of your value as a person. It just is. And like, obviously you want to treat your body with respect and show

it love, but it really isn't deeper than that. I don't think, and I don't think that how you look should be the biggest determinant of how you act. And I know that's a lot easier said than done. Obviously, I'm saying this from a perspective of someone who definitely needs to hear that a little bit more or at least believe it. But I think if you're someone who's

struggling with that, know that you are not alone. Know that you are not the only one who is being held back by something that you might, you know, think is silly, Like I think when we also start being like, oh my god, it's so stupid that I feel this way that shame is that, like, you know that self shame of trying to shame ourselves out of a belief is only going to do more harm. So maybe it's confident to hear that there are so many other people out there who are going through the same thing. I

want to finish on, like some good things. I feel like maybe I'm just sick and I just am like wanting to have a little bit of a complaint, Like I couldn't go to therapy this week because of my COVID, so I'm like using you guys as my therapist. I'm so sorry for the vicarious trauma and the trauma dumping, but I do want to finish with like a few updates of like things going well. I know I spoke about it in my last life update about healthy love,

but I've been getting so many questions. Yes, i am really really in love and I'm still with that person, and maybe I'll talk about it more and maybe i'll have a mom for an episode. But I just want to thank you guys for all your really lovely messages of people being like I've been listening to you since you were single, since you did that episode with your ex, and I think it's so amazing that you found someone,

and it is really amazing. It is so amazing to be experiencing what I would call healthy love for the first time. And we're going to Japan together for a month, which I'm not gonna lie is kind of terrifying me. I've never been overseas with like a partner before, with a boyfriend before. Any advice would be amazing, and I think anything that's new is going to cause anxiety and discomfort, especially if you're someone who is anxious like myself. But yeah,

we're just super excited to be doing that. We're going to go skiing, we're gonna go obviously to Tokyo. I really want to go to Disneyland. I don't know if he's convinced, but I'm like, happiest place on Earth. I would love to visit that place at least once. And maybe it won't be as happy, maybe we'll be like overpriced and like hectic and crazy, but I want to have that experience. Also, apparently the food is great, So if you've been to the Tokyo Disneylane, can you let

me know is it worth going? It's kind of expensive, but I'm also like, let's live out out inner child fantasies, Like I always wanted to go to Disneyland when I was a kid. Why not fucking do it. I'm also doing like something really new for the podcast in December.

Here is your snake peek. If you have listened this far, all December, we are doing only guest episodes, so it's like twelve Days of Christmas, but it's the twelve days of Guests, and I've been hustling hard to get you guys, the very best guests, the most informed, most amazing people who can come on the show and talk through some really incredible topics. We're going to be talking about ADHD, We're gonna be talking about the medical like medicating for anxiety.

We're gonna be talking about like how you can use confidence to manifest your best life, financial anxiety, so many other things. That's something I'm really looking forward to. I think treating the podcast as a creative project rather than as a job has really helped me feel less pressure to like always be doing something perfect and always be

thinking about like what's next. Treating it is something that I enjoy it because I do really enjoy it, and I think talking to other people who have a similar passion for the topics that I want to discuss and that I talk about in my own life is such a valuable part of like, you know, growing this community and making the show as good as it can be

and also making me really happy to be doing it. So, guys, I'm so excited for you to hear these episodes, Like I just feel like some of the people we have on they're going to be like such a surprise, and they're just so lovely and they're so informed and passionate, and all those people just like the best people in

the world. I was talking about this with a friend the other day, like sometimes you just meet someone and you're like you just like you're just you're so bright and you're so passionate, and meeting someone who is passionate about something, those people are like gold. Those people are like the best people in the world to care so

deeply about things that everyone else is going through. All things that you're going through, things that are nuanced, things that are hard to explain, is just like things that are like beyond you. Is just like one of the best traits I see in other people. So super pumped about that Christmas is gonna be a freaking bomb. I'm gonna be in New York. I'm really hoping it's gonna snow.

And I guess you know, I've had a lot to complain about in this episode, but I am really happy and I feel like, like I said at the start, you don't always have to feel fine, and you don't always have to feel like everything in your life needs to be going perfectly for you to feel good, And you don't always have to feel like even if everything is going perfectly, you're not allowed to still be sad or still have down days. So I hope that this episode has served as a reminder to you of that fact.

Thank you for putting up with my Sicky Covid voice for this episode. If you have made it this far just part of life, you know, I feel like I knew this was gonna happen. The burnout train was coming for me very steadily. It's a good reminder to rest and to let myself take some time off to just actually take care of myself and take care of my health. So thank you so much for coming along for a little catch up, but coming along for a candid chat with me about how I'm going and what's going on

in my life. Of course, we will be back regularly scheduled programming on Friday with another amazing episode, one that I oh, I really want to tell you what it is, but you know what, We're gonna build some suspense. Be back here on Friday and you'll know what it is. That. Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever you're listening right now, give us a follow so you can be alerted when

new episodes come out. And if you have an episode suggestion, if you have an opinion, if you want to like, just make a little comment say hi. Please follow us at that Psychology podcast. You can see more stuff behind the scenes, some video clips, whatever, what's going on, what's going on in the podcast life, in the podcast sphere. I'm rambling, I'm talking absolute shit right now. Maybe it's time for me to go. So thank you so much again, and we will be back on Friday with another episode.