Revealing Hidden Narratives: Unpacking 'Precession' Documentary

I can chew the balls of a union electrician , but I can't talk about what happened to you when I'm 13 . I have so much anger and hatred I can't even put into words .

These are a group of men who were abused in the Catholic Church , and what we are actually following is basically their way of confronting that past . So there is something called drama therapy , which I would have never in a million years thought about , and that's basically what happens in this documentary . Is these individuals ?

They're going to confront their past , using drama To basically replay the events that happened to them .

I think the oldest one was 62 and he was in tears the whole time .

They all have a piece to say . So Tom Viviano is the gentleman that you were talking about . That was 62 years old . He basically , in this press conference , he says that I'm 62 years old and this is still affecting me .

The amount of disdain that he has for the Catholic Church is absolutely unreal and it is absolutely justified . My man is like he has nothing good to say whatsoever . And then you have Michael Sandridge , who is to me . It seems like for him , the way that this has affected him is to make him a little bit withdrawn . Like to me .

He's kind of the silent pillar of strength in this whole documentary , like he's there for the other guys . There's at one point something that he's asked to do . That's hard for him but he's willing to do it because part of his healing is to help them get through their healing .

There are times that we're scared , there are times that we're mad , there are times that all we can do is cry , there are times that we get depressed , and I felt like we got to experience all that with these men .

He was originally from Cheyenne Wyoming , but they brought him in as well . So that's your basic setup . Then we move to the next scene , and this is what tricked me out about this documentary . At first I was like what the hell am I actually ?

watching right , we just went from this press conference that was really like this happened , Like this was a real press conference To this next scene of some man and I didn't catch it at first , but it's actually the Tom Viviano character , right ? The not well , I shouldn't call him a character .

He's a man , he's somebody who has been sexually assaulted as a child , sexually abused as a child . But it's his voice , but I didn't catch it at first and what you hear in the scene is some man saying what do you ask of the church ?

Parents say baptism , and then he goes on to ask these godparents , will you help raise this child in the faith of the church ? So basically , what you're watching is a baptism and I'm like how did we go from here to here ? So basically , what they've done is they went from this real thing and just put you right into one of the scenes that they were shooting .

But you don't know that at first , which is kind of because I was like wait a minute ? Did I flash to something else ? Like what is happening ?

Now , that's typical stuff that is said about a baptism , but you hear that and you think about what these men have went through right . So you are claiming these kids for Christ , for the church , and this is what happens in the church .

Like that , just like every time , like I would move on to another scene , I would keep on seeing flashbacks of that and that being read out loud to like man , like this is supposed to be something that's holy , and how fucked up is it that these disgusting things are happening in a church ?

But you know , in this opening scene it has them walking down the aisle to the pew when this baptism is taking place , and nothing scares me more than those ooze and auls and that vocal tone . I guess they were wanting to make it a little bit sinister Because of the topic .

The only thing that kept me together with this Is that it wasn't children singing it , because if it was kids I would have been done , I wouldn't have been able to do that , like it was just so terrifying to me . But then , like , this little boy is up at the pew .

So let's can we take a minute and explain , like , how this documentary was filmed , so they'll know when we're going through . Like the movie part Quote unquote versus the documentary part .

It would be one that followed someone's story from beginning to end , or what exactly would happen . Well , rebecca , like she is so protective and so kind to these individuals , my girl is out here doing the work . Do you hear me ? She is out here with a whole garage full of boxes and she's telling folks these are boxes these are people's lives .

Like she is doing the work .

So I'm sure they were comfortable with her because she was a woman Like I mean , when you see them in this documentary , like they all love on her . Yeah , like she is definitely kind to them and does whatever she can in whatever way she can for them .

And when you see when they say that and you see the relationship between her and these guys , you can tell that it's very motherly . She did have that mother instinct . She was able to help manage and control that inner child , that beaten inner child inside them with a little bit of love and I thought that was really cool .

Now that could be me over analyzing the show , because you're not beating with a stick , but that's what I took from it .

The first question is , should we even do it ? And so she thought , you know , and I think in her mind she thought , you know , I don't want to do anything that's unsafe , but at the same time it could help those little boys who can't stand up for themselves , right , like it could put a spotlight on the issues in the Catholic Church .

So what she thought was that well , let's take a look At those individuals who had already been in the spotlight A little bit , who have already been in press conferences and in the media , who have already shared their story publicly .

She didn't want to go , and I think this was just so kind of her , like I don't want to oust someone who is not willing To share their story , I don't want to , basically , you know , spin the wheel On someone who agrees to do it , but then we find out later that this is just way too traumatic Because they've never done anything or been in the spotlight or ,

you know , talked about it publicly

.

You know , this is money , it's going to be pocket money , unless I make it good and make a profit .

But I don't think that , even with that being in their mind which I don't hate them for there was still that respect of If we find someone that just cannot handle this , we get them the right treatment that we need and we let them go take care of and even some of that the people that we will meet About the show that the producers were bringing on To make

sure that these victims , who are now relieving their tragedies , are getting the therapy and the care and taking time For the self care that they need . I thought it was brilliantly done . I have such a respect for Robert Green .

So you have Ed , and Ed is a gentleman who I think he probably I think a lot of victims of Childhood tragedies will probably relate to him . So what he basically opens up and says to everyone Is like look , I can't risk not being believed . That's the first thing , right , because so often in cases , especially with men and childhood abuse , they're not believed .

The second thing he basically kind of hinted on he was like I can't have people thinking that I'm trying to exploit my situation for money , like that's not what this is about . This has been pitched to me . I feel like some good can come from this . And then the other one is he was like I can't have people thinking that I'm this weak for a man .

He was like , because that's not what I am . He was like I'm a contractor in New York , like I can go toe to toe with anybody .

He said that this particular situation he was like it's going to bring up a whole lot of stuff , and of course I'm paraphrasing here and he was like I don't want to be seen as the man in the corner you know broke down crying Like because that's not who I am .

Yes , he should be able to cry , he should be able to have those emotions and not be judged , but unfortunately that's the world that we live in , and so his mind is he was like I know he didn't say it , but I'm sure in his mind he's thinking you know , so many times with these Hollywood films they over glorify certain aspects of people's lives , like oh , and

they make it almost into a stereotype . So in his mind he was like okay , I'm doing this , I'm trusting you guys , but look , don't be over here trying to make me seem like I'm this sobbing , weak man who can't get through the day . Like I work , I'm successful , I'm married Like . That's not how I want you to portray me .

So what you see him a lot of times throughout this thing Is he's actually scouting locations for this documentary , like that's what he's doing , and at one point he even says that he was really going ho about it .

And then he started coming to all these churches and then he's like ooh , like it's like trudging up some stuff for him , like , and he's probably the easiest going one of the bunch .

So his story was that he both he and his brother were abused and he basically says he wants something . You know , part of what he wants to come from this is something that connection with his brother , like he feels like something is broken in that relationship Because he doesn't .

He feels like his brother is blaming himself , but he doesn't want his brother to blame him Because , you know , blame himself , because it wasn't his fault , right , and so he is an interesting person Like I just feel like he's . So he's the person who you don't know that something's going on with , right .

You see him and you think that he's just going on about everyday life .

The first time we had touched on it in the beginning , when one of the ladies I'm horrible at names , you all know that , I know . But when one of the ladies was talking about you know she didn't want to do anything that was going to put anyone in harm and to keep everyone safe . When she said the word safe , chills ran through me .

And then him going into this church and the emotions that he had was another set of chills . And what I realize is that I forget where . A I'm not Catholic . B I have a great relationship with God , but I'm not involved in a church .

So I forget about the religious politics of things and what they kept reminding me , accidentally , was the power that especially the Catholic Church has .

I mean , that's part of even the opening scene with the incense burner right , like you see that , and it just , I mean , look , I'm not even Catholic , and it just there's this image of holy right Because of all the symbolism of everything that is done in the Catholic Church and so , and again it goes back to what we were saying earlier the thought that this is

supposed to be something that's so holy . But there are some individuals I don't want to say the entire Catholic Church , I don't want to say that but there are certain individuals within that organization that are using those symbols , you know , for power over someone else , to abuse someone else .

I wanted to educate myself on what they were meaning by things , because when I hear the word ritual and it's probably because of the movies I watch oh , come on , what a cult Right . Right , it's because of the documentaries I watch . You know , I think of these horrible , mean cults out like Right out here in Utah .

So , for example , my daily ritual is I get up early in the morning , I take a shower , I go to the gym and my ritual , before I ever even get started doing anything , is to touch my toes , stretch my back . That's a ritual . That's a daily ritual . So a ritual can have .

It doesn't necessarily have to be what we think about , what we think about with these people out here , who these cults and things of that nature , Right ?

But when I heard that word I was like so you know ? Like I Googled and it was talking about the purpose of a religious community and , to simplify , it says no matter the actual tenants of belief , a religious community is broken .

People gather together and intact in some ritual and it said that they become a tiny bit more whole and regain a little bit more power over their trauma that they have been stripped away from . However , a lot of these religious communities withhold a healing instead of offering the healing Girl that is powerful wow . And that .

And then the last line of it says people are hurt in unimaginable ways with these religious communities . And I've said on the podcast before and I know I say things the humorists sent sometimes , but there's sometimes there's truth behind the joke and I mean this .

I can't even apologize for it , but when someone tells me that they are a Christian , that is what I fear the most , because I associate it with that organized . I don't really know what the Bible means . I'm just going to pretend I do .

I'm not really going to do my homework , but then I'm going to judge everybody because I'm riding the coattails of Father , the Son and the Holy Ghost .

I was lucky that I was in an organization that I did not feel like I was being manipulated or abused as a matter of fact , that's what you used to say I could be telling y'all anything . Read your Bible like he would , literally like he would harp on it all the time .

Maybe that's a conversation that we need to have , and I think that's a healthy relationship to have with a pastor , someone who says that , no , let's talk about this . Not everything I say is , yes , I hopefully I'm anointed by you , know , by Lord Christ , jesus , god , you know , whatever . Hopefully that's the case .

He said , but I'm imperfect , maybe I heard it wrong , maybe what I thought I was seeing maybe that wasn't the case . I need to be corrected sometimes too , and so I was really lucky to to have a pastor who was like that . But I have heard horror stories .

I have seen I mean I won't say that I've ever been a member of a of a congregation in which was obviously a phony , you know congregation that shouldn't have been in an organization period , but I have attended a service of one that I , when I left that I was just like something is not right there .

I think the Bible and it was brilliantly said to me in one of the episodes in season one when I had a southern Baptist preacher on there . He was like the Bible doesn't contradicts itself . It's having a conversation with itself . And and one little story that I want to share , and then we can get back to it .

But one of the last times I was in church was I went to visit a church with my cousins and they had talked about how great their church is and you know , everyone's just loving and you know , just go in and be yourself and you'll be fine . You know , don't , don't your church , you're welcome , right .

So I walk in and it's a southern Baptist church and of course you know they all want to stand at the door and shake your hand as you walk in and speak to you .

And I'm naturally a flamboyant guy , I dress loud , I you know you can sometimes tell , and just conversation with me you know that I'm openly gay and I noticed this one man was looking at me really hard and he was an older guy . So the preacher gets up , does the the morning prayer and asks if anyone has a song they want to share .

And he was like , oh , I do . And goes up and he says I'm wanting to pray for the homosexuals out there that think that their lifestyle is an alternate lifestyle . That's the worst thing . You never call it it's not an alternate and sings amazing grace , which . That song has nothing to do about being gay and a damnation .

So I was like how would that song come ?

I don't think that's what God wants .

And hearing him say it , so , because we've all heard someone say ask that question , there was something about the way that he said it and it just makes me gag and not in the good gag . It breaks me .

So some other people may have a different reaction to him and I can understand that , I totally can , but for him he was the one that broke me , like he was the one who , of all the and I think it may be because most of the time when you see these documentaries , it kind of is like what , what Ed was saying earlier when he was saying I can't be seen as

this person who balled up in a court crying that kind of thing so many times with these documentary that's , you know , or reenactments , I should say they portray somebody that way , and so that's what we're used to seeing right now . We may see some anger , but not to the extent of this , like this man's blood is boiling all day long .

so many people in his life probably is Right when his anger is trying to be placed somewhere that he doesn't have access to place it Right .

Yeah , his voice , like he has a great like , like somebody really should hire him to do voiceovers for , like , halloween movies , like legit , like yeah . And then you move on .

And then they introduce Monica Finney , who is the dramatic therapist , like she's the person who's kind of overseeing all of this , which again thought was brilliant that they actually took the time to basically bring somebody in . Now she mentions what she thinks trauma is or how she pictures trauma .

She basically states that trauma is something that's sticky and so that stickiness you know , this thing that happens to you , it's got you stuck like it's sticky , like it won't let you pull from it , and so what the drama therapy does is it allows the person who's experienced this to just put out whatever it is on the inside and into the world in whatever way

makes sense .

Just the thought that it doesn't have to be that organized , like it's . If you want to , you know , lay in , yell and kick and scream in the middle of the floor . If that's what makes sense to you to put it out in the world , that's okay . Like the fact that there doesn't have to be any boundaries .

There's no one telling you or controlling how you decide to put it out into the world . As long as you don't bring physical harm to somebody else , let's not traumatize someone else during this recovery .

Do you think that it's time for us to bring up Sasha Sanders ?

Let's bring up Sasha I as soon as the camera came into the room and she was sitting there with all of her tattoos and that Janice Stoplin hair and that lipstick .

She's got tons of stories and we need to know them all If we could work on getting her a guest and be like , look , we don't really know much about you we're just going to say , hey , listen to you talk , that's right .

And so he makes the comment that sometimes people state that they sometimes start to look like they're animals . Baby , yes , you do . You look exactly like that .

to tear your neck right now . That's not how I would have done that .

You know , like there's so much symbolism within the church , but at the same time you can kind of see that he's just very like , kind of cringed by trying on this stuff because you know they're basically they're going to come up and , you know , write their own scripts and things of that nature , and so he basically it's wardrobe , so that's why he's trying this

stuff on , and you can just tell that he's just

beside himself about having to even put this stuff on . Then we flash to Ed , who basically talks about how his former self is just some kid that he used to know but he has no connection to . Like I thought that was incredibly sad .

Like he's just like there's this kid , like this thing happened to him , but because he , in order to cope , he basically has cut himself off from his former self like that kid in order , because I'm sure and this is me , I mean I don't mean to speak for him , but if it were me , I could see myself not wanting to know that child , right , that child was

powerless to do anything , and so you know , I just I don't know , that's something like that hit me , yeah , and he made the comment too .

He talks about the fact that you know each of them are going to script scenes based on their experiences and so and this is where we kind of get into what I was telling you about Dan- who was super excited at first , but then , as he's scouting these locations , he's becoming more and more and more uneasy about the situation .

So basically , I mean I think we get some written vermin at some point . They basically talks about Dan's abuser I think his name was Hugh Monahan who , led Missouri has been avoiding services , uncle Zuri , but also takes more time to guide where he looks in the camera . So isn't legally enough .

He's got two black signs up One that goes into this whole . So basically I'm gonna get ready to read y'all what it says . It says it is an absolute poverty . The statute of limitations is the crown jewel of the Catholic Church . What does God think about ?

He's like no , I know what I'm doing like they end up . There is one guy who decides to come and stop to listen to his story . He thanks for that . So then we flashed to Mike and he's like , well , we're in a hell of this day , we're in the hell of these damn cops .

And then because of , and so and let's back up a little bit the reason that he has such an advantage is that by the time he recovered his memories of what happened to him and tried to take him to have his day in court , they basically was thrown out due to the statute's limitations .

That's bullshit , it is bullshit , and so , especially when you think about abuse like , oh okay , so you're just gonna go rape a child and oh well , it's been 15 years now , no , and I haven't been caught , so I'm good to go like what the hell is that ?

after me for a second . You got my soul 10 years ago , fine . Okay but you're taking my innocence . Why you're taking my security ? You're taking my faith right and every day .

He is so like and let's back up a little bit . So he was abused when he was in fifth or sixth grade , but he is more upset with the Catholic church . Then he actually is with his abuser .

The reason why is because when he brings it up to them and he actually Replays the scene , like his part of his drama therapy was to Re-enact in the scene when he was , he went before this independent committee For the Catholic church .

They wrote him a letter Basically told him that they cannot substantiate his credibility and let me tell you when I tell you it set him off .

It set him off like he's like how in the hell can you tell me that you can't substantiate my credibility , like I know what happened to me and he in , and I mean like when I tell you he is so Incredibly upset , he's more upset with the Catholic church , just simply because they well , he feels like they , like that he was like there's no doubt in my mind

that when I left that review , but they knew that my story was true but they covered it up . So Dan's story and Mike's story are similar .

So there's bits of pieces that they that crossover right from Dan and Mike and then there's a little bit that crosses over between Dan and Joe because they didn't Joe , they both were taken to places where there were lakes and so and then with Dan and Mike , they both had to go before this independent committee , tell their stories and Like to me , like it's , the

whole situation to me is very intimidating . You think about , you've been abused like and while my boy , mike , was like hell , yeah , I want to go in front of these folks and I'm gonna tell my story . You know he had gotten to a point where he was so angry like he had to let it out , but not everybody gets to that point , right .

And so here you are , the person who's been abused , telling this story and maybe you haven't told it to many people and you're in a room full of no four to eight individuals , like how I mean hell , I'm not been abused and that , to me , is intimidating .

You know , I Understand exactly because I I've been hurt , I've been almost killed and I'm supposed to be able to go to you all and trust you on say you know , this person damaged me and you're supposed to help fix it and Didn't give a damn , and it is such a horrible , horrible , different kind of trauma when you End up finding out that Superman isn't really

that great right , like it's just .

Right then , right there , regardless of your Emotion or feelings behind it . And I kind of think of that with the victims impact statement . I wrote the letter . I Wanted to get up and read it . It was my truth , it was a way for me to get back that control . Then , when it was time to do it , I , for lack of better words , have chickened out .

You know , because you have these people that you don't fucking know standing in front of you , wanting to hear your fears .

I have this person that gave me these new fears and scars Breathing the same air as me , with his eyes and his family and friends eyes on me for me to expose , of how vulnerable I've been and how hurt I am , and which was also to me showing them a side of weakness , which is what he wanted , which would mean he won , and I chickened out and I said I

mean I had an eight page later in my hand and I said you know what ? I can't read this . I'm not gonna read this . I want to focus on the good and I want this over and I turn around and sit down and then now I'm gonna healthy or place .

I would love to have a call him up or sit in front of him in jail and read that fucking letter , but I can't . Now I hate that . At one point One of the guys was asked the question Would you want to see these people again ? He said yeah .

It's for the victims impact . You know , if you all are supposed to be taking care of this , they said no , this was two years ago . You should be better . That's not how mental health works at all . That's not how you cannot put a time frame and say , okay , boo boo's are gone , the state kissed him away . That's not the way it fucking works .

You know they're saying okay , you've got the floor , tick tock , let's go , you know , and then you're fixed , you're better , this is your band aid right , that's it , because we can't substantiate , as they told him , your claims and and so like .

When I tell you like y'all , like if y'all go out to the WWW dot I am not Catholic dot com Like I'm telling you we're talking about , we're talking about a whole web pages , not even a web page , like I'm sure if you printed it out , and be like 40 pages long Of him just going in on the Catholic Church and do you hear me ?

And he tells his story and he talks about archbishop at some point .

I think he calls him a feel-threat , because again , at the end of the day , is absolutely justified , especially when you start listening to historian will get into historian a little bit , but he , but the letter that he gets from archbishop Joseph Norman , or for as he calls it's , I mean , can you imagine ? so ?

You have been abused , you've been forced to tell your story in front of all these people . You're thinking that maybe something will come out of this , but then you get a letter that basically states that we can't substantiate your credibility .

And then it ends in this right here it says it is my sincerest prayer and hope , through God's abundant and unfailing grace , we're able to experience healing and peace in your life .

My blood would boil too if someone basically just told me that they could not substantiate my credibility , basically calling me a liar , and then ended the letter with that and and that Control that this man has .

He's not going to stop and I can't blame him because he feels like I mean . Even at one point he states that he there is no doubt in his mind that he would be a different human being if that didn't happen , if he wasn't abused and I think that for Everybody that's been through this type of trauma , it makes you somebody else . It makes you somebody else .

She looks , she's in it , she is doing the work . She's like look , these aren't just boxes , these are people's lives . Do you hear me ? That's how she feels about this she was like , like I'm looking at that and I'm like those little light boxes to me , but she is so In it , she is so like her work , like this is her heart's work .

You can tell this is what she feels , like she was meant to do , like she doesn't see that I'm a stressor for her garage Because she's awesome .

So Joe is probably more close to what you have seen portrayed in , you know , any reenactment of documentary of someone who's been traumatized . He is an amputee and he was actually abused by three priests and it actually names these individuals , so it's Thomas O'Brien , mark on heart and Thomas Reardon .

Right , I liked about Joe is that , even though he has went through this thing , he has made it his life purpose to work with children who have been abused , neglected , abandoned . Like that is what he does , like he in some ways he is the superhero right , like he's the one who has taken the pain that he has and says you know what ?

No more for any child that I can help , and that's what he does . And so what they start talking about with him is and what he's wanting to confront is the lake house in which he Was basically abused . He talks about how you know , for a while suddenly he just started having nightmares .

But what he realizes now , and these nightmares were actually memories coming to surface , um and and that to me is like I can't even imagine . Like you know , I I don't sleep well now . Like , imagine that being your life , your night after night , you're literally having nightmares of your abuse .

But then he gets into the house and there are his abusers and really what happened is was it was all a setup to begin with . He was being chased by these feet , by these , this dangerous entity , we're gonna say . And it was really just to lure him to another unsafe place .

And so I just thought to myself man , I that is so hard to live with like I just can't even imagine . Later , what we see is that they actually find that house and take him and they take him to it .

You know he can't go in , but you know he goes up to the porch and peeks in and you know what's he confronts it Like once he forces himself to go there to do it .

But I was thinking , you know , when you had the Cowboys and Indians , as he called them , chasing him into this house where you know there's more bad guys is to me it kind of represented at you know , his family and everybody's like you gotta go church , you gotta go church , you gotta go church .

So he's being chased to this building where these abusers are and you know , and , and then you have now even you know the judicial systems , like that's like well , it's no longer a factor , or we don't believe you and you know , and so there's always these bad guys are chasing you right back to these bad guys , and that structure was a hole you know , where

you would think that you were saved . That church is a Dwelling where you think that you'd be safe , and that's where this unimaginable acts are happening , happening , and it's just heartbreaking .

And so he's talking about hands , like the symbolism of the hands , like how you know , there's so much that happens with hands in the Catholic Church and all these rituals that happen . And he says he wants to show , you know , these ritualistic things that are supposed to be holy , that are supposed to help Bring us closer to God .

But then flashed you hands of you know the same priest or whatever , jerking down my pants , and he says is this right ? It shouldn't be . But this person who's doing this is the definition , the very definition . Well , what right is supposed to be ? And he was like who can I check in with ? He was like I don't have anybody I can check in .

He was like and this is the thing that caught me with him he said I've been checking in with God , or he says no , he says checking in with God wasn't working . He said I , he basically had no one that he could check with , like . That to me was just like Reggie , the fact that he thought like he was like . Who do I go to ?

Like this person is supposed to be the definition of all that's holy , all that's right . Yeah , it doesn't seem like this should be happening to me .

It took place in the swing , with father tyranny , and so basically , he takes him to this pool , he abuses him and then he basically , when he takes him home , he tells him nothing happened you know , this is just something that happens with special friends and priests and tells him that he can't say anything to his parents , like just sends him on home .

And then when his mom questions , you know why is his eyes red , like he looked like he had been crying and he just , you know , basically told her oh this because we're going from the pool , because this , this person with this power that he's supposed to respect , right like you're supposed to do what they want you to do Told him that he couldn't say anything

like , and you know , and again he's another person still waiting for his , his abuser , to be removed from priests , and still nothing like it .

Just to me , and I think the other sad part about his was , like you know , a lot of these individuals are going to locations to kind of come up that past , the kind of not put it behind them , but you know so they know that they have power over this location . The pool in which it happened was torn down . He can't confront it .

just so busy and so numb and so much going on that they're not really getting to mourn yet . Well then , after those three days , everyone goes to work and that person goes to make two pots of coffee . Well , I only have to make one .

Now , you know , that's when the the dust is settling for everyone else , but that person the dust is far from settling , because they're now getting into that , what their new routine is going to be . I don't have to make two cups coffee . Right , I want to , but you can't .

But I can't , or you should , and right , and and so it's what I always try to remind people is and and this is from example with these guys is dust . Don't settle for us on this .

is just like rocking the hell out of himself back and forth like some stuff . That is not you guys like , is not normal . And I hate to say not normal because I don't want to Anyone who has been through what he has been through . They have to find ways to cope right . So I don't want to make it sound like you know , oh , he's , he's off his rocker .

He is now dead and they were . They were his killer , right , you know , which is where the peace and stuff comes in . Like that , forgiveness is not for the , it's for yourself , it's for the victim , you know , and he's not getting there and it's terrifying me for his health , right . So when you're saying a normal , I think like I'm understanding those .

And he basically said that this has been happening since that time , like he had no place to put you know all the things that have built up . And he basically tell you .

No , just start that , just like he's got it .

He even mentions at some point , like he mentions at one point , talking to his dad . He calls his dad by his name . He says to his dad has it never dawned on you that I've never had a single romantic relationship Like you ? Just think about this .

This man has went through his life Refusing to have or or maybe it's not that he's refused it , maybe that nobody has the mental capacity to really deal with him because I'm sure I don't raise a factor Right , because he's so angry he was like , and he tells you and we've said it before , like he's , he's convinced that it Just had not happened to him he would

have children , he would have grandchildren , his life would be so much different . But because it happened , he can't get past it .

And then , on top of the abuse , and he has to go through a Different type of abuse from the Catholic Church and basically Saying , not believing his story , right , and I think that's the thing that burns him the black , it's like burning deep into his soul that these people do not believe .

But I am telling them , or they believe , or better , yet , as he says , they believe it , they know it's true , they just like to cover it up .

You know , especially like after , I think we find those moments and we see those moments with him where you know it's like okay , he just took a deep breath .

And the reason that I bring that up is because In one of the scenes that we'll talk about , there's a line that he mentions where he says don't blame mom , and let's talk about mom Because mom look , he's a better person than I am is what I'm going to say , because he says don't blame mom , mom , mom , I'm sorry , I'm blaming mom .

So his story was this , so he was once at a different , and now I will say they , they go into part of his story . They don't go into all the details , some of the details that I'm getting ready to tell you is actually from that . I am not Again . I show had to go and look at it I love that you know how to use the good machine .

But so he was at it . He was in public school , basically from what I understand , and he loved it . He was . He played baseball , he played football , he was a happy child . Then his mom started getting active in the church and then he transferred him into a catholic school Basically , and he said there was something about this place that he just did not like .

From the time that he got there , start skipping school . That are the other and so someone had suggested to his mother that he should go seek therapy . I do therapy with priests , so his very . So that's the setup .

So what they actually mentioned in the documentary Is that he you know , his mom drops him off to the , to the priest's therapist , and that's where he was abused .

What happened was he was literally told he got there to lay on the floor and close his eyes and before this poor kid knew it , this priest was on top of him sexually assaulting him , trying to stick his tongue down his throat . Now , the documentary doesn't go into details . Website .

And then , when the priest was done , he goes and gets this pillow shaped like a ball and tells him to hit him with it . It'll help you with your anger , like it's very bizarre shit , like what the hell . And then he said again not all of this is in the documentary , but he says he remembers the pastor .

I keep wanting to call him the pastor , but he's a priest in the fetal position , like you know , while he's asking him to hit him with this pillow , like like . It's just really , really , really bizarre . And then when he leaves , he tells kid , I'll tell your parents about this because they're not going to understand my therapy best .

Well , bitch , no , nobody's going to understand your therapy message . You want to pin down a child ? So ?

And he's reacting out . Not that this justifies any of it at all . If you commit the crime , you do the time , as you know , but usually victims of sexual assault have also been sexually assaulted .

And so I wondered if , where you know , some people cry or some people might cut themselves after or whatever they're going to say me , if , if he was like , okay , now take this pillow and I'm going to get into this weak , vulnerable state of curled up ball of emotional mass and you beat me , and if that is his way of punishing himself for doing something .

You know what I'm saying .

So she's wearing the scarlet A because it's obvious that she has hornocated , as they would call it back in those days . She's , you know , had this child without out of the block or whatever , and it's been branded now . But he this religious figure never comes out to take responsibility .

Right , he doesn't , but what he does is he flogs himself , and so that's kind of what it reminded me of , but instead of him flogging himself , he's having someone else do the vlogging , like it was . Just I don't know , that was like the initial imagery that I just got when I want to . He was .

When I was reading the story I was like this is some weird , bizarre stuff . And then then get this , you guys , this shit , mama . So Mike has always been a bit of a pistol and he was like bitch no .

So , but he still goes and tells mom and mom agrees with the priest , like yeah , we probably shouldn't tell dad this . And so he doesn't tell dad because mom now has roped him into not telling . And you know what

his mother does . His mother sends him back . Okay , it's bad enough that we're not going to tell dad , right , we're not going to tell the one person who might actually go seek justice , right ? But then she sends this poor boy back with the baked cake .

With a baked cake , not you sent your child back to his abuser with a present which , oh , thank you , do this to my child again .

I don't have great maternal instincts .

But I also think that's part of my PTSD and I think that that's part of how I've been trained of . Now , the other shoes dropping . You know , there are going to be negative comments about this documentary . Regardless of how great it is , there are going to be negative things said .

I am terrified that , for someone like Mike who is , who has all this anger , if he's going to say you know what , fuck it .

I mean , he basically goes and says that I am by myself most of the time and I think at one point and I believe his father has passed away , but he pretty much says that Doug , his dad , because he calls him by his first name is the only person who has had the mental capacity to actually deal with him , like to listen to him , because it always goes back

to the same thing , like he can't like when . So let's go backwards a bit . When we talk about Miss Monica , talking about what her , what she , how she thinks of trauma , the sticky thing that keeps you stuck , that's exactly him . Like he is stuck because he keeps on seeking justice . He never gets it .

And then Dan was saying that his story was similar , like he also had to go before this review , and but it was him and his brother and they were having and now from his perspective it's a little bit different , right , they're still kind of young .

And he's like we're having to tell these stories that we haven't even told each other , and like , and then we're having to be in front of these people , and then that's when the guy gets him with the we'll tell your mother , I'm sorry , and I'm like . And he's like well , you tell her that I'm sorry , and here's the thing he went . You tell her .

I was thinking to myself and this , and they don't say this and no one brings us up in the document but to me I was thinking why didn't they apologize to them ? Right ? You said tell your mother , we're sorry , but you know , apologize to me .

Just a different way , right , a mental way , because he said you tell my mother you're sorry Because she still believes in you , and I will tell you in now .

My mom said hey , let's take you back to your abuser . It was none of that , but she completely was just like she just , she just blocked it out , like she just , and I will say that one of the things .

So you have Mike for me , you have Dan and you have Michael , who all of them , basically you know , there was this fear for their family members blaming themselves .

So , like you have Mike , like said , even though Mike , like I said , mike is angry as he is , he's justified , but he's a better person than I am because he's , you know , basically he's like don't blame mom , she was just brainwashed by these folks . That's what . That's what he has in his head . Dan also was like it's not your fault .

Like you know , he even tells his brother because at one point , you know , his brother was also abused and his brother was his older brother and you know thought , you know , wanted to be a protector for his little brother . He's like it's not your fault .

And even you know , michael , he's like at one point he's like you know , whatever happens from this , what I don't want to happen is for them to feel guilty Like I don't want them to be upset . This is the thing that happened . It wasn't their fault and I do think that is important and here's why I think so .

When we start talking about Dan's mom , who completely blocked it out , who just doesn't even remember the first time he told her like there was probably an incredible amount of guilt there , and I think they have to also remember it's not their fault Now . It's their fault if they take them back to their abuser .

You know , even though , again , mike , you know , my man like again , better person than I am saying don't blame mom , but in most cases it's not their fault . What should happen is okay . My child has told me this . What are my actions next ? Right , right , what do we do for this child ? How do I stand up for my child ?

And now your mother , who turned a blind eye or blocked things out or sent you with a cake , you know like that's a longer safe place and you're just starving for the safe place that you can't be mad at mom , because if you are , then you lose that too . Then you lose that too .

My child , you know , have let this happen to my child , and so , in rather doing something about it , the the easier thing , or her way of coping with it , was to just block it out . Right , that was her . You know , because I'm supposed to be your protector .

I have let you down in an unimaginable way , right by letting you go that , like , even though she technically had no control over the actions of these other people , like she blanked herself right for this happening Again , mike's mom , I'm gonna , I'm sorry , mike , like again , how do you take in that information ?

And then you just say , ah , go on back , go and get it again . Like , yeah , like , where do they do that ?

Oh , absolutely . And their traumas and PTSD is going to play a factor , not to mention they are also a victim of , because these priests that are preaching stuff , you know , and in the back molesting boys in between sermons , it's also like , so I'm sure they're saying things in a certain way .

So think of the time then , where women's rights were and what women was allowed or and I don't even want to guess allowed , but even even with things evolving , you know you had that traditional household , you know where the , you know , and then in a lot of churches , women wasn't supposed to speak , you know , and so when you have all of that playing a factor

too , which I don't think we really got reminded about- Well , and if you think about so , things were not the way that they are now , but even with mental health , like there was things that you just didn't talk about right , and so there there is probably some of that playing a role in some of this .

That mother of a , we're gonna have words , right . So I would love to say that I'm that person but you don't know until you're in it , like what ? what ? Let's say I had children .

Now they would be a product of their discipline and some of their treatments would be a product of what I've learned through my trauma , you know , and there would also be bad habits that would be taught to them because of , and they would be end up being a victim because of and that doesn't justify you know about any means , but it's what I mean , it's life .

I don't know what the cameraman was doing , but there is this shot of these weird fish . I know I'm doing what you were saying . I was like what is happening ? How did they find that ? How did ?

? And they stay on it way longer than they should ? It's not even like a flash and then we're gone . It's like oh hey , here's these dead . Whatever fishes I don't know .

And so there's this kid , tarik , who he really , really kind of like . He sees himself in this kid . He's like there's something divine about that little kid Like he was like and I just like he was like , I feel like that was me when I was a kid . And there's this line that they have .

All the kids say , and it's just something about the way that the kid says that he's like , that's the one and it is . Forgive me , father , for I have failed in doing right and succeeded in doing wrong .

Because this kid is doing a confession and there's something in Tarik's eyes and you can see it like Tarik's little shit , like he's like there's innocence there . But you could like like seeing what Dan holding the door you know , on Michael , like trying to shut him in that's this kid .

And then they're like I guess we'll tell them about it and we'll talk to them about it , and like they are literally toiling it . Meanwhile this kid is like dude , like that's not my reality in there , like , but it really happened .

He was like , so like it's not happening to me , like this kid is just like , yeah , like and thank god , right , oh , absolutely thank god .

I felt like , like I , I wouldn't want to be this seven years old in the dark alley . I know .

And then the priest takes the kid Tarek's character because this is actually Tarek playing your character at this point Takes him back and gives him actual alcohol . Like says here here boy , have a drink with me , like and we're not talking about like oh , a little bit of the wine , like , like the blood of Christ .

.

I felt like he was a creepy old priest .

So we don't talk about a lot about Tom and that's because Tom can't actually reenact any of the things that has happened to him , because at the time that this was being made , his stuff was still being investigated in the court and in the Vatican , as a matter of fact . Like that's how deep this has went .

So he can't really say much about his particular situation and so his way of being able to contribute was to do a lot of the acting . He didn't do it all . There is a scene that actual Michael , our queen , does , but that was his way to contribute . And let me tell you , you're exactly right , this is what he has seen in his nightmares every night .

Because when I tell you like I felt , like I kind of felt some kind of way like did he really ?

Like no , like that's creepy , like that is super , super creepy , so we have that and so then we move on kind of , and then we kind of get into the scene that happens at the beginning and then you know the kid running up and he's standing and and everybody's looking .

I don't know if anybody catches on to this , but I'm going to take kind of freak me out a little bit about that scene . You know , yes , there was the green glowing eyes , like that was like me , but the kids ears were just glowing red like .

I know they weren't really red , it was because of the lighting behind him , but it kind of magnified to me this thought of him feeling like everybody is looking .

You know how somebody gets embarrassed in the red , in the face or whatever case maybe and your ears will burn like that's what I kind of felt like with him like he's up there , everyone's staring at him , and you know , and now these people are now the enablers , because you know , this bad thing has happened and they're just , you know , staring at him like he's

the problem .

And when I was breaking it down and thinking about it , you know , it's like every parent , every authority figure , all eyes were on him , but no one knew why he was acting the way he was acting .

No one really understood why he ran off , right , no one understood what his fear was , but they were all looking at him , judging him and so were his peers who were also being molested and and traumatized . They were also looking at him and that judgmental state and the same shit's happening to them . You know that .

That's how I was taken in you know , and and so , of course , like your ears are burning because you're embarrassed , you're angry , you know , and it just again . This , this documentary , really triggered me a lot and it reminded me how I felt in the courtroom and everyone was looking at me . I know how to who any of these people were .

They all knew all this shit about me and I'm expected to do this and act a certain way , and I don't know how to fucking do it , and that that was a trigger for me .

Then from there we have a few other things that happen , um , but I'm going to flash forward to our boy , tom , in the confessional scene , where that we see Tom throughout this documentary and for the most part , you know , you see him in the beginning and he breaks down and cries

.

He's 62 years old and it's still affecting him , but for the most part he's a pretty calm presence , um , throughout this whole thing , until they're getting ready to film the confessional scene and he gets in there and there is this lock in the confessional and he cannot process why there would be a need for this lock in the confessional and he , I mean he snaps

, I mean I mean he doesn't have now it's not a snap like Mike snaps , like you know what I mean .

But you , you go from this very calm presence to this guy who suddenly pissed off at this thing , like you know , and it just you know , and he can't really talk about it because , again , you know , his stuff is so , you know , is still being investigated , so he can't just really let out all the things that he wants to say , um , and at one point he even

apologized because I think he punched it or something like that , but it just , it , just , you know , like the things that will trigger you , that's what I took from that , and I hated it for him too , because he put himself in this situation for to better himself and to hopefully help other people .

All these people that have went through the same shit he's went through is able to show their emotions and get it out .

What people should take away from this is that you need to look upon people with understanding , because you don't know what might set them off Like who knew that this little lot was going to set this man on ?

And no , it could be the slam of a cabinet door . Right and it sets them on it could be the clinking of a knife on a wine glass , you know .

They're asking him hey , do you want to stop ? And he's like no , he's like I'm going to push through . He was like this is the way that I can help . So I'm going to do it . And I can't say like , like , dude , you're my hero , because I would have been like nope done , I'm out , probably not going to see me for a while .

I need to go sit in the therapy right now . But he does he pushes through and they're . At one point Joe asked him to get you know . He was like , can you get angry ? Like basically he wants for him to basically show control over this child who's on the other side of the professional . It just breaks my heart .

And he was like , well , you know , what do you want me to get mad at ? He was like I want you to use the anger at

that lock to basically use it against this kid . Like basically and I think he even gives him a specific line and I'm going to paraphrase here but the line basically is like if you tell anybody about our special relationship or mom , your family , you will all be kicked out of the church and you'll go to hell . Like what kind of shit is that ?

If you tell anyone about our relationship and you're being , you're being kicked out of the church and you're going to hell .

What I was like go , ed , look at you . Okay , I see you .

needs to be addressed as well . Right , absolutely .

And so they shoot a scene really quick , just showing the mom , you know , basically dropping him back off to the priest , and he's like mom , I really don't want to go there . And she says he's trying to help you . Again , this whole situation just tore me up . I can stay on that forever .

I'm going to move on because I'm going to tell you I just get , I'm with him when I like . It just makes my bullet boil every time I think about that Moving on . So then we move on back to Dan , dan's mom , and again we talked about this a little bit as well and you know she felt how blind could I be .

And then who we haven't talked a bit about is Dan's brother , tim . Tim , just you know he said that at one point he just felt like he deserved it , Like he , you know , not necessarily he knew it was wrong he felt like he did something at some point that he must deserve this .

a bad person , they just think that , oh , I messed up this time and so this is the retribution for that one thing that I did wrong . All right , so moving on . So , shortly after we talked to uh , talked to Tim Tim and he's talking about how he felt deserved we get into Dan and the fishing rod incident Issue it , Issue it , Turn your wine .

Oh my God , Is it ever so ? Dan basically was given a fishing rod to you spy , Father Monahan , but the fishing rod actually belonged to someone else . Dan ends up breaking his fishing rod and basically what happens ?

When he brings the fishing rod to Father Monahan to tell him or that you know he's broken it , he basically tells this kid that well , this was not my fishing rod , and because you have broken it , you're basically going to have to have sex with this other guy to pay for it .

basically , like , this is a kid in the fifth grade and you basically told him in order for payment , you're going to have to perform sexual acts in order to pay for this fishing rod . Not , hey , let's go . You know , see , you know your mother , or you're going to have to work , work on .

And so when his mom talks about committing suicide and her , you know , blocking this out , like yeah , if my kid you know , I don't know that I would have blocked it out , but yeah , I probably would have wanted to commit suicide .

Like I have failed to protect this child and to know that he had to perform acts , not only for this priest but now for a complete stranger , like it just ugh .

So , that being said , so moving along , so what happens next is so they're going to go , he and his brother are going to search for the location of their views , and this is where it gets a little so from . So what I'm going to say ? From an outside perspective , I didn't quite understand it was going on at first and why there was .

They were so upset at first .

like they know that it was a Swiss kind of type house , but they can't remember exactly where it is and so they go riding around they go investigating , they go asking questions and they come to their first location and it looks similar to where they remember , where they remember that they were abused , but it doesn't look exactly like that right Now .

Mind you , this is also years upon years , upon years later and I don't know that they took that into consideration right off bat . But they go around and they can't really , they can't really find it . And what happens is is they are both .

Both Tim and Dan are in a place of I don't it's confusion is not the word but like they're almost let down because you know they've seen the therapy , this work , you know for the rest of the guys where they're getting to go confront , but they can't find their place .

Right , and then it also makes them feel as if you know , because it goes back to that whole being believed , right , if I can't find this place , did it really happen ? And so it took me a while to get there . But I got there because of Michael , because Michael was like , look , you know , like we need to .

First of all , we need to make sure that when we go to a location , that we actually can find it . That's the first thing . Because he was and he basically goes to say you guys aren't crazy , like that's not what it is it was like , but I do understand that you know it makes you feel that way , like it just , you know you guys want to find it so bad .

And then for poor Dan , because he hadn't talked to his brother . It made him feel like he drug up a bunch of memories for him without any payoff , right , and so he was really , really worried about that .

And so the owner comes out and says , hey , well , it didn't always look like this . There was something that was you know . That's now covered up , that used to be here , and then , as they start to explore , that's when it hits Dan that this is the path .

This is where I broke the fishing rod and so you know , saying all of that , like that kind of , was one of those things that I really understand . But can you imagine for a person who is going to look , going to confront you know this horrible thing in their past but they can't find it , and then it's like they start .

Basically it was almost like they started to question their sanity . Yeah , yeah . And that to me , like from a victim standpoint . I feel like what happens with rape victims often is that they will gas , like you , To test your sanity , and even though no , they weren't being gaslit here , it was just . But that's what happens .

But what he starts talking about first , before they get to the scene , is what actually happens , where he's forced to lay on the floor , lay on the floor in his first air of the session , but then it flashes to him talking to the review board and look , I'm trying my very hardest to call him by rat filter , filter , whatever he's calling .

How does the bad behavior have anything to do with being abused ?

Was then , after they reenacted , what happened with this independent review board they allow him to say what he felt like he should have said , and I wish y'all could see my face right now , lord , at the time that this review board , this review , happened .

And I was like not a crack whore bike , not a crack whore .

So basically it should be child Mike played by Tarik , and then it has adult Mike and basically what Mike is doing is standing up for child Mike . He's being a protector over the kid and at one point and like I said , he's letting like I'm talking about like just absolute disdain amount of his mouth . At one point it's kind of whispers to the kid .

Don't take this too serious . So so there's goodness there .

So you can see that a lot of his issue comes from the fact that he wasn't believed . His mother made him , by taking him back , made him feel like he wasn't believed . Um , then this review board made him feel like , like he feels like . I can't prove that .

I , which all believe me , I don't know Like he feels , like I know y'all believe me , but y'all keep saying that you don't Like , you . You're lying about this whole situation . I can't prove it , but you're lying .

can see this breath , this release , you know , and hearing those words that he's been wanting to hear , right .

And so what you put to is Michael in his robes and he's getting prepared , but what was supposed to be portrayed is someone who is really pulling the wool over someone's eyes . It's not really for going out here to be holy , it's really it's showtime , like . He's the hustler , like and like .

At one point he even looks in the mirror with the sense he's like it's showtime and um , and so then he goes out and all you see are the hands . You see the hands that . Ed was talking about earlier , that he wanted to do Hands , hands , hands , hands . He's giving people the wafer . He's , you know , giving people the sip of the blood of Christ .

You know , it's all about the hands . Like he's doing all of these things . It's not even a damn thing to him , it's just showtime for him . I'm putting on a show . This is what I'm going to do . All these people are eating this shit up . That's what's supposed to be portrayed .

Then you flash to and this is probably for me the most uncomfortable scene of the whole thing Um , to the point where I was so relieved when they yelled to cut I didn't know what to do with myself . And so you flash to the priest and you're in an all brown room we're talking about , like seventies , paneling , looking stuff .

And kid comes in and he's asking him to help him back . Now the conversation first starts off like normal , like hey , you know , how was school , how was your mom , you know ? Like you know we're thinking okay , like this is not that bad , right , like he's just asking normal questions .

And then he's giving him order , saying hey , grab this out of the , out of the drawer and put that in there . Now

do this , now do that . And then he says to the kid and this is where it starts to get a little uncomfortable he says to the kid um , you need to do confession before I leave . The kid said well , I did it last month . And he was like tell me what you did , confess , right , what have you done ?

So he tells him that he , you know , cheated on a test . He's been fighting with his brother and he was like you can't lie to me , like what else ? He was like tell me what , um , tell me about the impure thoughts that you've been having about girls . And the kid is completely confused by now . Like he's like what .

He was like I don't know what you're talking about . He was like um , and again , go to under pressure and say that he can't lie to him . And he was like show me what you do when you think about girls . Now , mind you , at this point we flashed and so this brown room has now turned all white .

The priest is sitting on the bed in his underwear and the kid is now in his underwear as well , and he pulls him close and he tells him again I say show me what you do when you think about , or have impure thoughts about girls . And then finally , as you know , he's got this kid super close to him . Finally we hear cut .

You know , and then the fact oh , you're going to show me what you do when you , when you think about these girls like and and and ask to say not only like , I'm going to not that I'm going to watch you do . but what you , what you with these impure thoughts , like no , you're going to perform it on me , like that's the indication that I got from it .

And I was like , oh , please , please , please , make that stop . Like and when he yells and Ed yells cut , like I'm going to show you what I'm going to do . So I was like I'm going to show you what I'm going to do . And then he goes . You know , he goes cut like , he does like , and he yells it loud too .

And I was like , oh , thank God , like I'm just I can't watch this . Like I thought this was going to be the point that I turned this thing off .

Well , this letter shouldn't be used to vindicate this asshole who did this to you . We have come to the conclusion that you are a victim , but due to we ain't got enough resources , we're just gonna say fuck this shit .

Next , there's other things that we got to take care of like what the hell is kind of shit ? is that like , how is that justice for anybody ? And don't get me wrong , I do understand that Unfortunately , with police departments and things , a lot of times they do have scary sources .

I'm not saying that they're not , but like , is there not a process to figure out ? Okay , this , this person has actually been wrong . This person has actually abused . Like can we call somebody in like ?

There's good and there's bad police right , um , but ultimately , like you're just like okay , we're just not going to do anything with this , um , we've got to worry about other things , like I . That just is so confusing to me , you know .

You know , and and there are , of course , times that we just don't have an answer for them , and I'm sure every career meets that but help lead them into a direction saying you know what , we don't know what to do , we don't have the resources to do it . Try reaching out to some .

my heart so bad . So then he he talks about how they he basically Someone got him in touch with someone who could reach out to the pope and he actually was written back from the pope . And the pope writes back to him and says basically asks forgiveness , pray for , and that they both pray for each other .

Um , but ultimately they still decline to remove Um the guy , father or monty or whatever he is from priesthood . Um , and I just felt like I mean , don't get me wrong like okay , fine , the pope takes the time to write me back , but it's like nothing . Nothing happened from this .

Let's pray for each other and what we have heard in other cases and If something like this happens , and well , when something like this happens and it's going to become public , and so sometimes businesses and companies and organizations Would rather keep that off the public record and so , therefore , they just shoot the victim away Right to try to slip in the rug

and be done with it Right .

And the fact that you can still believe in that whole like , okay , like the pope , really , he just couldn't , his hands were tied , you know , okay , I , I guess at least it's something that you can still believe in , because I'm telling you it's all aren't to hell in my book if that , if that happened to me , right , you know , like it's just no , yeah , um ,

and so it just , I don't know that that just ending with that just kind of Whoo , maybe feel some kind of way , then we fast forward . So this is when they're like literally bringing up all the letters , right , so he's got , so it has just gotten his letter . So now , mr Joe , mr Joe is writing a letter to the past , joe , like kid Joe .

So one of the things that Joe had mentioned earlier on and that we didn't talk about was that he could never confront His younger self like he wanted to be able to confront him's younger self , tell him that everything is going to be okay , but he had completely just locked that kid away , like that kid just no longer existed .

And he writes this very long letter and if he wrote this himself , it my man or not ? Sorry , joe , my man . He is very good with birds . Yeah like it just was a very . I'm reading your book , yeah very heart felt letter to baby Joe and I just I couldn't get over of how well written .

The same thing was , and to the point at which point , eventually , he basically tells younger Joe that you become the superhero that you looked up to . Right , superman was someone you looked up to , um , you know , because he was different . How often did you feel different because of what happened to you ? And now you're .

You have Dedicated your daily purpose into helping those kids that felt the same , and so I . Just it was just such a heartfelt letter .

Like I will do it until I get it . Um , he had at this point , I think he um reached out to the kansas bureau of investigation to take on his case . Like this maintenance not going to stop . Like I'm telling y'all , y'all better give him , like he's wanting something , y'all better give it to him because he's not going to stop . Like he's just not um .

And then we kind of get to the point where we're starting to close out the , the documentary . So you have tom , who we had mentioned before

, who's just not really able to talk about his stuff because it's being pursued in court . He was still waiting for his day in court .

You have ed , who basically ends on saying that you know he wants to use this film to explain his abuse to his daughter , like he feels like they need to have that conversation , but it can't be him just talking to her , like he wants to use this to kind of help explain .

Um then we flashed to some writing that says december 2020 michael's abuser that we're talking about equine His abuser died . He quietly was removed from priesthood days before his death . So and so I don't really . So here's let's talk about that a little bit , right ? So it says he was quietly removed from priesthood days before his death .

So did they remove him from priesthood because he was dying or because they knew this man fucked up , abused this person and was like you know what ? Now we're gonna do it while he's dying and nobody's really paying attention . Let's remove him now .

He was like , oh , I'm just torturing my life , that's all Right , right . And so he , finally , he finally , shaves it by the end and it has a nice little picture of him and his wife , you know , and his wife is quite a pretty lady , Um .

And then we finally hear the last word of um joe that I had mentioned earlier , reading his letter basically talking about how Superman was the hero Um , and that joe has actually become the epic hero in the story of us .

I'm very glad that I watched it , I'm very glad that we discussed , and I think it's a good way to open up um season two , um , and of course this was kind of a long documentary too , so it took it . It took us a while to even .

So I thought that was another good way to open up season two is , you know , have like a nice , a nice couple hours with us , and then , you know , but I , uh remember in the beginning when I said that I was mad , I still am , and uh , but but not as you know , I did feel a little bit at peace for these guys when , when it was time to to turn it

off , but I , I don't know if they're ever going to find the justice that they deserve .

to come out of this documentary , maybe there will be acts to happen even just for his case , but because that bond they would all feel a bit of justice from that .

It made him very uncomfortable to shoot that scene that he did like he'll . It made me feel uncomfortable .

I can't imagine what it was like for him , but he did it because he wanted to help out Ed like he felt like he owed it to him even though he doesn't owe Ed anything but because he understands it , because he was there , because he was also that boy , he felt like he owed it and it helped him in his healing , like that's what he wanted to do .

So , since Keanu is mostly going to be the leader of this part , I have a homework assignment for her .

you'd like for us to cover . Have a good night , everybody .