This is the episode about sexuality, lust, fantasy… and your story. Are you curious about how your story can help you understand your current sexual struggles? Jay Stringer presents a surprising—and deeply refreshing—approach to understanding your sexuality in light of your story. He is the author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Support the podcast
Oct 07, 2019•34 min•Season 3Ep. 49
I’m joined today by my friend and fellow therapist Sam Jolman to talk about the fact that we have been made to need more than God. We have been created to need other people. Deeply. However, our need for others can make us feel weak or “too needy.” How are we to navigate this?
Sep 30, 2019•49 min•Season 3Ep. 48
In a previous episode, we looked at how we can make agreements with evil that bind us. Today I talk about how to break those agreements. I also share some thoughts about how to resist evil by addressing evil spirits that may be assaulting you. Jesus has given us the weaponry to be successful in warfare. Your words and your will are your weapons. Support the podcast
Sep 23, 2019•25 min•Season 3Ep. 47
In Warfare Part 5, we look at how to wage war against the kingdom of darkness. Warfare move #1 is to pay attention to your life and question the voices, particularly the voices of accusation that you hear throughout your day. The first tactic in waging war is paying attention to what you are hearing and then determining the source of that voice. You can discern the source of the voice with a simple question: what is its tone and tenor? Support the podcast...
Sep 09, 2019•22 min•Season 3Ep. 46
When it comes to resisting the assaults of evil against your heart, the starting place is stepping into the authority that is yours . Jesus Christ has set you up to succeed in warfare with evil. However, it’s essential to get clear about the authority that Jesus has delegated to you. This entire podcast began with the claim that “you have a story and that story matters.” The corollary today is “you have authority and that authority matters.” Are you aware of your authority? Support the podcast...
Aug 26, 2019•36 min•Season 3Ep. 45
We are in the middle of a series of episodes on warfare. Last time we talked about making agreements with evil… and how those agreements bind us. Today we are going to take a break from the series to hear Susan’s story. Part of my interview with Susan includes a discussion about an agreement she made. I wanted to make the previous episode practical by sharing a specific example of someone who made an agreement in a moment of heartache. Support the podcast...
Aug 12, 2019•46 min•Season 3Ep. 44
We live in a world in which the kingdom of darkness wars against our hearts. Today we look at the second main tactic of evil—namely, to deceive you to make agreements with it. But what are “agreements with evil” and how are they made? We’ll explore both of those questions in depth. Support the podcast
Jul 29, 2019•27 min•Season 3Ep. 43
In Warfare Part 1, we looked at the fact that The Place We Find Ourselves is living in the midst of a world at war. Today, in Part 2, we look at how, specifically, the kingdom of darkness wages war against your heart. What are evil’s goals, strategies, tactics? The kingdom of darkness primarily uses two simple tactics: deception and accusation. Today we focus on accusation.
Jul 15, 2019•22 min•Season 3Ep. 42
We live in a world at war. It’s a war between light and darkness, between the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Evil. This is the place we find ourselves. In the episodes to follow we’ll look at how evil operates and how to fight back to win the war for your heart and the hearts of those you love. Support the podcast
Jul 01, 2019•23 min•Season 3Ep. 41
Today’s episode focuses on how attachment styles play out in close relationships. I am joined by Rachel Blackston, who is a therapist in Orlando, Florida. Rachel begins today’s conversation by reading an essay about love and war in her marriage. It’s a beautiful and vulnerable piece that gives you a window into how insecure attachment plays out in a real-life marriage. I’m deeply grateful to Rachel for her willingness to dive head first into this very difficult and important arena. You can read ...
May 06, 2019•45 min•Season 2Ep. 40
I am joined today by Scott Gibson who is a therapist in the Chicago area. Scott graciously shares a story about himself as an 11 year old boy. It’s a story about desire, about devastation, and especially about attachment. If you resonate with Scott’s words today, you might want to go back and listen to Episode 14 in which Scott talks more about his own story, particularly with regard to engaging the harm of sexual abuse. Support the podcast...
Apr 22, 2019•34 min•Season 2Ep. 39
For most of my Christian life, I didn’t know it was possible to hear from God. I was taught that God stopped talking after the Bible. I simply didn’t know that God talked to his children on a regular basis. And so I didn’t take time to listen. Not because I didn’t want to hear from God—there was nothing I wanted more. I just didn’t know it was possible to hear from God. In 2015 this all changed for me. I began to learn how to hear from God. Today’s episode is about the process of learning how to...
Apr 08, 2019•38 min•Season 2Ep. 38
If your parents did not have a healthy marriage—a deep emotional connection—then it is likely that either you or your sibling has experienced some measure of subtle sexual abuse. Subtle sexual abuse wreaks havoc in your heart… but because of its subtlety, you can live your whole life without knowing what’s plaguing you. Today we talk about what subtle sexual abuse is and how it can affect you. Support the podcast
Mar 25, 2019•30 min•Season 2Ep. 37
This is really two episodes in one. In the first half we talk about sexual abuse that doesn’t involve physical touch, also known as subtle sexual abuse or covert sexual abuse. In the second half, Sandy graciously reads a story from when she was in kindergarten. And as we reflect on Sandy’s story, we see how a single story can affect your brain for decades. As Sandy puts it, “I don’t think I was ever the same after that day.” Support the podcast...
Mar 11, 2019•43 min•Season 2Ep. 36
How do you know if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist? What might that relationship feel like? In today’s episode, I talk with Chuck DeGroat about the dynamics of narcissism. Chuck is a seminary professor and a therapist who has a book coming out about what happens “when narcissism comes to church.” Support the podcast
Feb 25, 2019•33 min•Season 2Ep. 35
Many times clients have said to me, “What is the ultimate purpose of counseling anyway?” Their question is excellent because it grows out of their sense that healing alone is not enough. Deep down, we all intuitively know that we are made for more than healing and even made for more than freedom. There is an ultimate goal. There is a reason for digging into your story. It may be bigger than you think. Support the podcast
Feb 11, 2019•32 min•Season 2Ep. 34
I met Blaine Hogan at a Recovery Week a decade ago. Blaine is an artist, creative director, and filmmaker. Our conversation covers sexual abuse, sexual addiction, and the importance of being curious when it comes to engaging your stories. Blaine reads a story from his childhood… and then shares what happened as he realized that he had left out the most important part of the story. You can read more about Blaine at blainehogan.com. Support the podcast...
Jan 28, 2019•38 min•Season 2Ep. 33
In today’s episode, Christy Bauman and I talk candidly about the reality of wounds in this life. What does it mean to enter the wounded places in one another’s hearts? And can genuine goodness really come from places of death? You can read more about Christy at www.christyvidrinebauman.com . Support the podcast
Jan 14, 2019•36 min•Season 2Ep. 32
Enneagram expert Beth McCord and I conclude our exploration of “How does your enneagram type influence the way you respond to trauma/abuse/harm?" Today’s episode looks at Types 2 through 7. Type Two - 0:30 Type Three - 5:30 Type Four - 12:40 Type Five - 16:00 Type Six - 21:00 Type Seven - 25:50 Support the podcast
Jan 01, 2019•34 min•Season 2Ep. 31
Enneagram expert Beth McCord and I begin to explore the question of “How might your Enneagram type influence the way you experience abuse or harm? And how might your Enneagram type influence the way you respond to abuse or harm?” Our conversation begins with a discussion about the intersection of trauma and the Enneagram, and then concludes by looking specifically at Types Eight, Nine, and One. Type Eight - 19:30 Type Nine - 27:45 Type One - 32:00 Support the podcast...
Jan 01, 2019•36 min•Season 2Ep. 30
What is our calling with regard to forgiving those who have harmed us? If forgiveness doesn’t require forgetting, what does it require? And how do I know if I’ve forgiven someone for harming me? These are some of the questions we explore in today's episode. The Bible’s treatment of the subject of forgiveness is far more nuanced and complex than many people acknowledge. Support the podcast
Dec 17, 2018•31 min•Season 2Ep. 29
What does it mean to forgive? Today, Robyn and I talk about what forgiveness is NOT. In particular, we discuss the very problematic notion of “forgive and forget.” Does forgiveness really entail “forgetting the offense and never talking about it again”? Support the podcast
Dec 10, 2018•25 min•Season 2Ep. 28
In today’s episode I talk with KJ Ramsey about how her suffering has forced her to rely on other people for help. There are times when our suffering puts us on the floor—either literally or metaphorically. Today, KJ talks about the rather remarkable surprises that often take place when someone joins us on the floor. Support the podcast
Dec 03, 2018•41 min•Season 2Ep. 27
Often the place we find ourselves is a place of desert, of wilderness, of valley. Indeed these are places of death. And they are real and they are part of the process of healing. But they are not the last word. Today we look at what happens when you linger in death. The thesis is that if we are faithful to enter death—to dip down to the bottom of Cathy Loerzel’s U-diagram—then resurrection and healing can begin to exist. Support the podcast...
Nov 20, 2018•32 min•Season 2Ep. 26
Last week we talked about Cathy Loerzel’s U-diagram and about the importance of engaging particular scenes of heartache and harm in order for healing to begin to take place for you. Today we continue our discussion of what the process of healing requires and what it looks like. If you linger in death, if you dip down into the bottom of the U-diagram, you will enter sorrow and grief… and grief is met by the comfort of God which brings a newness to your heart, and a restoration of vitality and joy...
Nov 20, 2018•26 min•Season 2Ep. 25
In this week’s episode, we begin a three part series on the subject of healing. What is necessary for healing to begin to occur? There is no way to experience healing apart from taking an honest look at those stories from your growing up years that hold intense feelings for you—shame, powerlessness, terror, sexual arousal, ambivalence, a sense of betrayal, etc. Healing requires that you allow your heart, mind, and body to ponder and engage what it was like for you in your family of origin. Suppo...
Nov 20, 2018•36 min•Season 2Ep. 24
Autumn reads a story that is a beautiful illustration of what it can look like to engage a parent who has done harm. This story is from a very recent time in Autumn’s life when she found herself caring for her sick mother. For all of its redemptive beauty, there is nothing tidy about this story—you’ll hear about Autumn’s dysregulation and indeed her murderous rage at her mother… but you’ll also hear about Autumn’s fierce commitment to offering her mother the very thing that Autumn never received...
Oct 15, 2018•43 min•Season 2Ep. 23
In the near future, I am going to address how healing happens in the brain. But there is a prerequisite to healing, there is something that you have to be growing in if you are going to experience healing. And that something is awareness. Awareness means choosing to pay attention to what is happening in your mind and body. Today we’re going to talk about why awareness is so critical for healing, what it actually means, and how to do it. Terry Bohn can be reached at [email protected] . Support ...
Oct 08, 2018•39 min•Season 2Ep. 22
Laurie tells us how and why she began to engage her story at a deeper level. She then shares a story from when she was 12 years old. It’s a story in which her sense of innocence, beauty, and hope were shattered in an instant. We talk about how she responded to the assault against her heart and body, and how she has come to reclaim much of what was stolen. Support the podcast
Oct 01, 2018•50 min•Season 2Ep. 21
“Affect” refers to your moment by moment experience of your internal bodily sensations. Think of affect on a scale of 1-10, where 1 represents completely numb and shut down and 10 represents panic, rage, or terror. On this scale, 5-6 represents a slight feeling of relaxed excitement—you are alert, present, and attentive. When you become dysregulated, your body’s greatest need is to return to a regulated state in that 5-6 zone. Affect regulation lies at the core of feeling like you can control yo...
Aug 20, 2018•30 min•Season 1Ep. 20
