First drafted in Everglades National Park, after a week of mesmerizing nature experiences. Paddling a designated mangrove trail, I cringe as our inflatable kayak rubs the bottom of the pond. “We’re stirring up the mud,” I worry aloud. “How many organisms call this mud home?” Sean shakes his head. We turn around shortly after. By this point we’ve already seen five alligators (one swimming parallel to us, disquieting agility on full display) and a dozen birds and too many fish to count. I’m in awe...
Mar 08, 2025•4 min
Virtue signaling: * Oxford Languages (labeled derogatory): the public expression of opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one’s good character or social conscience or the moral correctness of one’s position on a particular issue. * Wikipedia: Virtue signalling is the act of expressing opinions or stances that align with popular moral values, often through social media, with the intent of demonstrating one’s good character. * Helpful Professor: ... actions that are more about posturing a...
Mar 07, 2025•4 min
Sean and I don’t regularly wear wedding rings. (The ones we do have are cheap nontraditional bands.) Our ceremony was short and, to be candid, kind of not a big deal. He did not only see me in my dress before our vows—he actually found my dress in the first place. I kept my last name. We rarely celebrate anniversaries beyond a “hey, look at the date!” nod. I am unduly proud of the ways we eschew marriage norms—and I think I’m finally able to name why. I worried for a while that my feelings were ...
Mar 05, 2025•3 min
This morning I find myself saying to Sean, not for the first time: “You know, whenever I build a task up in my head and then actually sit down to do it, it’s easier than I imagined? Not sure why I put things off.” I am not proud of this recurring declaration. I’ve long been a bit of a procrastinator—usually motivated by perfectionism—who manages to rarely miss deadlines but consistently doubt the quality of what she turns in. I often feel like I don’t have the resources or focus or ability to do...
Mar 04, 2025•5 min
We make it to our Harvest Host after an hour of thick traffic. I take Scout to pee, light my lavender candle, and luxuriate in the coziness of a rainy—and unpromised to anyone or anything else!—afternoon. I loved gallivanting around Miami with Evan and Marie. I loved our time in the Florida Keys and Everglades before that. But this is the first evening in ages where I have felt no pressure to do anything but simply exist inside my tiny home—and the first time ever , I think, where I’m getting a ...
Feb 24, 2025•3 min
“She doesn’t require an ounce of management when people don’t expect her to be a Labrador” — summing up Scout’s ability to happily coexist with strangers We just spent a long weekend with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend in Miami. After we bade them farewell, I found myself gushing to Sean about how perfect Scout is (“I mean, she’s the most perfect creature to ever walk the planet, right?!”) and gushing to her (not that she understood, of course, though she did like my tone of voice) the rea...
Feb 24, 2025•2 min
Drafted four hours after sunset in Bahia Honda State Park on February 15th. It’s clichéd to be inspired by the night sky, and yet getting to know the stars feels something like a revelation. Tonight I find Polaris without help even though the northern horizon is washed with artificial light. I think I might see the Milky Way, just a barely-there glow near Orion, and the internet confirms my guess when I look it up later. I can point Sean to Taurus without hesitation when he asks. This newfound, ...
Feb 22, 2025•1 min
Today I’m struggling with the reality that sometimes when I say “I made a different choice” other people hear “so I think yours is stupid”. The messiness makes me think, vaguely, of Lauren Oyler’s essay collection No Judgment . Oyler talks about how “no judgment” is a silly thing to say when the truth is we judge each other all the time. It’s like adding “no offense” to not-exactly diffuse an inarguably offensive comment. But do we really judge each other all the time? I guess by the Oxford Lang...
Feb 21, 2025•5 min
I am once again thinking about the fact that Scout is going to die. Not soon—not if all goes as planned, if we continue to be so lucky in our lives together—but not in a distant unimaginable future, either. She will die and I will have to go on without her ( how ?) and my habit of scrolling through old photos, soaking in memories, will feel different than it does now. It already feels like grief just to realize how much the three of us have changed since I adopted our shy-but-sweet stray heeler....
Feb 21, 2025•3 min
Drafted in Long Pine Key at Everglades National Park on February 12th, as a male and female cardinal danced outside the van’s open doors . Catherine Raven, a solitary biologist in the mountains of Montana, wrote about befriending a wild red canid in her memoir aptly titled Fox and I . The most magical moment in the book occurs one night when Fox brings his kits— baby foxes ! I nearly squeal with delight imagining a rough version of the scene—to Raven’s cabin. While he settles for a nap, she watc...
Feb 17, 2025•3 min
Written on February 7th in late-afternoon shade at Everglades National Park, my keyboard clicks barely audible above the rhythm of pileated woodpeckers. Reading Maybe You Should Talk to Someone makes me realize (not for the first time, but I’m terrible at internalizing this morsel) the obvious: There is no finish line. There will never be a finish line. No streamers, no cheers, no clear-cut you did it, well done (note the past tense) because until I die, I will still be doing. Sean and I used to...
Feb 15, 2025•4 min
A couple walks two small dogs past our campsite. “Morning!” I reply to the man’s warm hello. I give Scout a treat, not because she needs it (there are still times where our use of food is more management than reward) but because it is a beautiful calm morning and she is a beautiful calm dog. “She’s so good,” croons the woman as they pass, chihuahuas’ legs working overtime to pull ahead. “Ours aren’t quite so composed.” I laugh with her, give a final wave. And think to myself that even all these ...
Feb 13, 2025•59 sec
Clad in my bucket hat, saltwater dripping from day-old braids, I make Sean follow me outside for a celebratory photo. “You want a picture of the pie here ?” he asks, slightly incredulous as I try to balance the melting treat on uneven gravel. It’s heavier than you’d expect. “Yes,” I reply. “My key lime pie in our keys campsite!” Later he sends the picture to his mom. She says it looks delicious—and it is. Let vacation begin. I can’t get over the view from our bed. I take entirely too many photos...
Feb 12, 2025•10 min
I meet my younger self for coffee. (She still only drinks chai tea.) How can I leave? she asks. This must be as good as it gets.I know she wakes up at three am gasping the opposite: This can’t be all there is . It isn’t. She dreams of good enough. She looks so small. She wonders how anyone can love her, and I’m ashamed of my flicker of agreement: I don’t tell her I look back as a stranger thinking thank god we are not the same . I sit around a campfire with her college friends and roast them—lov...
Feb 11, 2025•1 min
When a woman you once called a friend marries the man who once abused you, what are you supposed to feel? Anger? Rage that she chose him and his transgressions—things she knew about, you told her, she was there for some of it firsthand—over you? Sadness? Despair that he snagged and manipulated and convinced her of the same half-truths and full-lies you once believed yourself? Happiness? Relief that everyone has grown and this is a truly good thing—grace toward his past self, her past self, your ...
Jan 06, 2025•4 min
Inspired by a conversation with a friend and Joanna Bagniewska’s A Modern Bestiary . “Would you go to Mars?” I hesitated. “Safety guaranteed,” he added, tone suggesting an obvious answer. ( Who wouldn’t want to go to space? ) “I couldn’t.” There are no creatures on Mars: no fireflies, no frogs so small you can’t believe they exist, no rare snails on the edge of a hot spring’s pool. There are no sleepy dogs to welcome you home, no grizzly bears across the river, no foxes carrying prey. How could ...
Jan 02, 2025•35 sec
Late last night, sitting around a friend's kitchen table, the conversation turned to relationships. “When did you know Sean was the one?” Ari asked. While I'm skeptical about the idea of the one in general, I said it might have been New Year's Eve nearly six years ago. As 2018 slipped away, I too loudly told a mutual friend “I would marry Sean tomorrow” (not realizing Sean himself was listening to the conversation above the party din). We'd been dating for just four months, and the whole thing—m...
Dec 30, 2024•2 min
Behind me at the coffee shop stands a man in a gray shirt with white letters. “Anti human,” reads the top line. “Pro dog,” completes the bottom. I almost laugh. I want to be the type of invested dog person who can still chuckle at jokes meant to be benign; who friends don’t hesitate to send viral animal videos out of fear I’ll latch onto questionable body language; who is not, in short, a killjoy . It is a funny shirt if you take it in the right way, only a few steps removed from “tell your dog ...
Dec 22, 2024•4 min
“ A dog like that is too high energy for a small space. ” “ It’s cruel to keep an animal in a van. ” “ Dogs need yards. ” “ [Insert other skeptical comment here.] ” Living in a van with a sensitive dog isn’t simple. We all made sacrifices when we hit the road in January 2023—Scout included. While my partner and I discussed our plans for months, daydreamed for years before that, and knew exactly what nomadic life would entail (on paper, anyway) our heeler came along for the literal ride. Sure, we...
Dec 21, 2024•5 min
Three days ago I got a rejection email. It’s not important what it was for. When I first pitched, I remember telling Sean I didn’t even care much about the specific opportunity anyway. (“Why not try?” was the extent of my excitement. “Why not try!” he agreed.) But the rejection came after I spent a lethargic day at a public park, feeling simultaneously lonely and observed, and either “I didn’t care much” was a plain lie or reading another canned “our apologies, but…” was one disappointment too m...
Dec 19, 2024•3 min
I bookend the day with coffee shops to stave off loneliness. Solitude isn’t the problem—anyway, I’m rarely by myself thanks to Scout—but I can’t quite swallow the strangeness of not feeling alone even when I ought to be. Between me and the outside world is only a thin line. It’s easy to erase: Someone can peer through the windows, knock on the door, blast subwoofers from the parking space one over, speak directly into my living room. I’m comfortable in our house on wheels. I’ve lived in this van...
Dec 12, 2024•3 min
The first time I took Scout to a brewery, she lay quietly on her mat. She did not bark. She did not growl. She did not stand up to stretch or shift her weight or investigate the environment. She also did not enjoy herself. My cattle dog was quiet and reserved and “polite” because she was scared—scared to the point of shutting down. She took a few treats and gave me eye contact when I asked, but her body was stiff, tension in every muscle, and it was only lack of experience that made me think the...
Dec 11, 2024•4 min
Growing up in Wisconsin, I thought snowbirds were weak. I also thought Florida was one of the last places I’d live—when Sean started applying for jobs and asked how I felt about various parts of the country, I said something about being flexible but “not seeing myself in, like, Florida”. Today? We don’t want to live anywhere full time (this is, after all, the greatest van life allure) but I’ve come around to spending winter near the beach. After a lovely month visiting friends and family, we’re ...
Dec 09, 2024•3 min
Today I meandered Instagram memory lane. The trip started unintentionally—I was simply “cleaning up” followers by looking at flagged and deactivated accounts. (Having recently learned this can help with engagement, and feeling stuck inside waiting to hear about freelance pitches on a bitingly cold afternoon, I figured why not.) Then I decided to look at who I’m following for the first time in ages. I filtered the list by “date followed: earliest” and found myself plunged into the old days—possib...
Dec 05, 2024•3 min
Sean and I recorded this on December 14th, three days after my eye surgery. Now I'm finally able to look at screens here and there to share it! Mostly a (somewhat silly) story of trying to make my drops suck less... but as usual the experience did make me think of some real dog connections too. Get full access to Paws and Reflect at www.pawsandreflect.blog/subscribe
Dec 18, 2023•9 min
'Tis the season for holiday family time! We talk about how it can be (counterintuitively) harder to advocate for our dogs around loved ones than strangers, that it's okay to focus on humans-only activities sometimes, what our visits have looked like lately, and my very best advice for anyone who gets overwhelmed at social gatherings 🚐😉 Related links: How We Handle Traveling to See Family With Our Dog — older blog post about our logistics before we lived in a van Why I’m Risk Averse With Family...
Nov 30, 2023•30 min
Sean and I sit down to talk about the ways I've struggled with ego, self-righteousness, and external opinions in life with Scout, including where I think the pressure came from initially. I feel more confident about our life together today than ever before — but wow, has it been a journey to get here. Some blog posts that address similar topics: What Level of Obedience is "Good Enough" For My Dog? Is My Dog My Mirror? Yes and No Worst Moments in My Dog Ownership Working Through My Biggest Dog Ow...
Nov 30, 2023•40 min
Probably one of our least organized episodes to date (yes, that says something haha...) BUT Sean and I finally recorded another podcast! We reflect on our recent visit to New York City with Scout. Urban dogs & their people face so many challenges every day — it made me think about how adaptable our companions can be, how much work goes into taking good care of a canine in a city, how our environments affect our training goals & choices, and how different our life with Scout might have lo...
Nov 12, 2023•47 min
Haley and Sean sit down to talk about fulfillment, a topic inspired by a very kind listener in a podcast review. We discuss what biological fulfillment means to us, what it does for us & Scout, how we try to find activities that fulfill our cattle dog, and a bit on how we conceptualize our human fulfillment too. Related blog links: Fulfillment checklist article Reasons We Play "Just" to Play Our Play blog category Q&A From New Cattle Dog Owner on Fulfillment Get full access to Paws and R...
Feb 13, 2023•43 min
Sean and Haley sit down to record a podcast for the first time in a while after several weeks of transition. We're officially living full time in our converted van, Hermes! We talk about our first impressions of van life (we absolutely love it so far); how the small space has changed (and not changed) certain parts of our lives; Scout's fulfillment, confidence, and overall routine being on the road; what it's like to leave her alone in the van when we go somewhere that isn't dog-friendly; and a ...
Feb 04, 2023•39 min
