The Offensive - podcast cover

The Offensive

An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC.


'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian


'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ


This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1.

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Episodes

Episode 073 - A Goal For Africa

Football is at a standstill and in an effort to gain some positive online traction; Ashwood City have released a fundraising anthem during Sport Relief mistaking it for Red Nose Day. It's up to Jess Tate to handle the fallout from the controversial song. Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Additional voices Lucinda Shaw Joel Emery Di...

Mar 16, 202025 minSeason 2Ep. 38

Episode 072 - The Boy Who Cried Wolfsburg

Flying high off the back of a 1-0 win in Wolfsburg in the Europa League Round of 16; the Ashwood City players are taking measures to ensure they avoid being affected by the Coronavirus outbreak. Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Directed by: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some li...

Mar 12, 202021 minSeason 2Ep. 37

Episode 071 - Old Etonians Assemble!

As the authorities prepare their case against Patrick Nolan, old connections provide an opportunity to hinder the prosecution. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Rhys Tees as Rob Jefferson Additional voices Nalan Burgess Joel Emery Directed by: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any s...

Mar 09, 202022 minSeason 2Ep. 36

Episode 070 - Dangerous Liaisons

Ashwood City set their sights on Norwich and all three points as 19th in the Premier League take on 20th at Carrow Road. Woody however has bumped into an old colleague that could turn the fortunes of the club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find ...

Mar 02, 202023 minSeason 2Ep. 35

Episode 069 - Broom With a View

Ashwood City are in Basel, Switzerland for the second leg of their Europa League Round of 32 tie. In addition to already trailing 1-0 on aggregate, the side now have to deal with club captain Kieran Broom walking out on the team prior to kick-off. Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr Rachel Webber Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Additional Voices: Nalan Burgess Joel Emery Casting Director: Kirsty Gillmore Directed by: ...

Feb 27, 202027 minSeason 2Ep. 34

Episode 068 - Hold The Phone

UEFA have been in touch with Ashwood City to confirm the use of Patrick Nolan in the promotional media for their latest campaign. The Chief-Executive however... has a few tweaks. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Directed by: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may fi...

Feb 24, 202025 minSeason 2Ep. 33

Episode 067 - Family Matters

The Europa League returns as Ashwood City face FC Basel at home in the first leg of the Round of 32 tie. Tensions from the previous week have got unresolved as Kieran and Christian's relationship deteriorates further causing Dwight Hayes to step in. Lance Fuller as Dwight Hayes Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom Esmonde Cole as KFC Isi Adeola as Christian Akuffo Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Casting Director: Kirsty Gillmore Directed by: Joel Emery Episode written by:...

Feb 20, 202020 minSeason 2Ep. 32

Episode 066 - Training Day

With yet another Premier League defeat, this time at the hands of Leicester City, Ashwood find themselves in turmoil as on-the-field pressure breeds contempt on the training ground. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Lance Fuller as Dwight Hayes Nalan Burgess as Natasha Harley Additional voices Thomas Mitchells Casting Director: Kirsty Gillmore Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edite...

Feb 17, 202021 minSeason 2Ep. 31

Episode 065 - Rest For The Wicked

Ashwood City are without a fixture and in an effort to fully embrace the Premier League winter break, the ownership have taken the team and staff to Florida for an extensive training camp to save their season. Patrick on the other hand is working on his own brand to save not just his season, but his reputation. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Nalan Burgess as Natasha Harley Additional voices Vanessa Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell E...

Feb 10, 202022 minSeason 2Ep. 30

Episode 064 - Bourne Ultimatum

With the close of the transfer window, Ashwood City's attention returns to the Premier League and the visit of relegation rivals AFC Bournemouth. Patrick Nolan's attention, however, is focused on how to undo a personal faux pas. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Isi Adeola as Christian Akuffo Additional Voices: Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Casting Director: Kirsty Gillmore Executive Producer: Joel Em...

Feb 03, 202024 minSeason 2Ep. 29

Episode 063 - Deadline Day

Ashwood City are moments away from getting the Christian Akuffo deal over the line from Napoli. The new signing however has a difficult first demand upon his arrival at the club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Lance Fuller as Dwight Hayes Isi Adeola as Christian Akuffo Rhys Tees as Rob Jefferson Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Lucinda Shaw as Christine Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery ...

Jan 31, 202022 minSeason 2Ep. 28

Episode 062 - An American Werewolf in Ashwood

Struggling Ashwood City have travelled to Molineux to face Wolverhampton Wanderers. Joining the Ashwood City hierarchy is Anaheim Sports Group's latest addition, Operations Director; Dwight Hayes. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Lance Fuller as Dwight Hayes Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Additional voices Jonny Blain Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Casting Director: Kirsty Gillmore Ex...

Jan 20, 202021 minSeason 2Ep. 27

Episode 061 - Wayne's World

The Premier League returns after a brief FA Cup interlude. For Ashwood City preparations for the visit of Crystal Palace have been disrupted by the disgruntled 'Wayne'. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Additional voices Lucinda Shaw Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contai...

Jan 13, 202022 minSeason 2Ep. 26

Episode 060 - Pat on a Hot Tin Roof

Following a brutal festive period in the league for Ashwood City, it's finally cause for celebration as Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan is to receive an MBE. A celebratory party is arranged in a rare weekend without Premier League action. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Directed by: Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit ...

Jan 06, 202023 minSeason 2Ep. 25

Episode 059 - The Christmas Special One II

It's Christmas Eve and the Ashwood City hierarchy are spending it in Los Angeles. For Patrick Nolan, it's a chance to solidify his masterplan, whilst Jess and Woody are tasked with retrieving the player on top of the club's christmas list - Joshua Nakatomi. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Rhys Tees as Hutch Lewis Additional voices John Brannoch Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery & Adam Jarrell Edited by: Ad...

Dec 23, 201933 minSeason 2Ep. 24

Episode 058 - Hutch Ado About Nothing

The bail is set for Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan's release as his cooperation with the investigation ensures a problematic scenario for Anaheim Sports Group owner Hutch Lewis; whose trust in Patrick is coming back to haunt him. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Rhys Tees as Hutch Lewis Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Additional voices Lucinda Shaw Vanessa Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam...

Dec 16, 201921 minSeason 2Ep. 23

Episode 057 - All's Well That Ends Well

It's the final game of the Europa League Group Stage and Ashwood City face Qarabag at home. In the lead up to kick off, the club hierarchy have arranged to shoot an advert. Adam Jarrell as Chris Well Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listen...

Dec 12, 201921 minSeason 2Ep. 22

Episode 056 - Desert Storm II

A midweek Premier League clash with Everton is followed closely by Bournemouth away at the weekend. Chief Executive Patrick Nolan, however, is going to be absent from the visit to the South Coast as he is drawn back to Saudi Arabia at short notice. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Rhys Tees as Hutch Lewis Additional voices Nalan Burgess Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery and Adam Jarrell Ex...

Dec 09, 201922 minSeason 2Ep. 21

Episode 055 - Theatre of Schemes

Ashwood return to Premier League action at Old Trafford. Sharing a car journey together en route to the game, Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan discovers that Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall has been hatching a plan. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some liste...

Dec 02, 201921 minSeason 2Ep. 20

Episode 054 - Slip of the Iceberg

It's Thursday night football yet again and Ashwood City are up against Rangers in Glasgow as their penultimate Europa League fixture sees them look to recover from their 4-0 defeat to Roma and their 3-0 domestic defeat to Leicester City. Last time out, Rangers boss Steven Gerrard neglected to shake Eric's hand, this time out Eric is looking to return the snub. Thomas Mitchells as William van Ginkel Nalan Burgess as Natasha Hardy Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Esmonde Cole as KFC Adam Jarrell as ...

Nov 28, 201922 minSeason 2Ep. 19

Episode 053 - Desert Storm

Ashwood City are concluding a brief warm weather training session in Saudi Arabia ahead of the next Premier League matchweek. With a player revolt behind them; Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan and Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall are looking for the remaining conspirators. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Nalan Burgess as Claudia Seymour Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery E...

Nov 25, 201920 minSeason 2Ep. 18

Episode 052 - When The Man Comes Around

The Ashwood City hierarchy enter contract talks with former club captain Kieran Broom. After scoring the winner at the weekend away to Newcastle United, the Midfielder believes he holds all the aces as he attempts to orchestrate a potential return of the prodigal son, Dan Watson. Chief Executive Patrick Nolan on the other hand, has different ideas. * The Offensive will return on 24.11.19, after the International Break Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chri...

Nov 11, 201921 minSeason 2Ep. 17

Episode 051 - Children of the Revolution

An emphatic home defeat to Manchester City has prompted an emergency Monday morning training session ahead of the Europa League home game v Roma... But a few senior players have other plans. Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Rhys Tees as Rob Jefferson Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom Joel Emery as Dan Watson Directed by: Joel Emery & Paul Waggott Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery...

Nov 07, 201920 minSeason 2Ep. 16

Episode 050 - Lest He Forget

Ashwood City are playing host to the Champions; Manchester City on their final home Premier League game before Remembrance Day. A recent faux-pas by Patrick Nolan has prompted the Chief-Executive to keep a low profile on the matchday. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Rhys Tees as Hutch Lewis Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast conta...

Nov 04, 201922 minSeason 2Ep. 15

Episode 049 - Fight at the Museum

It's the opening of the Ashwood City Museum. During preparations for the unveiling; Patrick, Jess and Woody explore the not-so-glorious past of the club. As Patrick prepares a speech to the press, things go from bad to worse. Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains expli...

Oct 28, 201921 minSeason 2Ep. 14

Episode 048 - The Boys Are Baku in Town

Ashwood City are in Baku, Azerbaijan following their fixture with Qarabag FK in the UEFA Europa League. With an early flight back to the UK the next day, the players are expected to get some much needed rest and recovery in the hotel. Esmonde Cole as KFC Adam Jarrell as Chris Well Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners...

Oct 24, 201922 minSeason 2Ep. 13

Episode 047 - Black Hawk Clown

The Premier League has returned from the international break and Ashwood City face Brighton at Dartley Park. With hastily made plans to find a sponsor for the former Gerry Harkness stand; the club face fierce protests and a possible boycott of the game. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Additional voices: Luke Stevenson Joel Emery Lucinda Shaw Alex Marshall Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarre...

Oct 21, 201923 minSeason 2Ep. 12

Episode 046 - Brussels Scouts

Ashwood City take on Tottenham Hotspur in the Premier League at the newly developed Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Patrick and Woody are admiring not only the new stadium belonging to the North London club; but also one of their centre-backs. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcas...

Oct 07, 201921 minSeason 2Ep. 11

Episode 045 - A Tale of Two Coaches

Two Ashwood Managers, old and new face very different challenges as European football grips the continent yet again. For Ashwood City it's the Europa League and they play host to Rangers, while Valencia are at home to Ajax in the Champions League. Allon Sylvain as Eric van Smit Joel Emery as Dan Watson Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber Adam Jarrell as Chris Well Directed by: Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podc...

Oct 03, 201920 minSeason 2Ep. 10

Episode 044 - Riches Get Itches

Pressure is mounting on Patrick as financial conduct, club form and dressing room turmoil are all catching up with him, he pays a visit to the club doctor to seek some medical assistance. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber Esmonde Cole as Howard Jagger Additional voices: Luke Stevenson Directed by: Adam Jarrell & Paul Waggott Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language a...

Sep 30, 201922 minSeason 2Ep. 9
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