The Offensive - podcast cover

The Offensive

An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC.


'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian


'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ


This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Last refreshed:
Follow this podcast in the Metacast mobile app to refresh it and see new episodes.
Download Metacast podcast app
Podcasts are better in Metacast mobile app
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more

Episodes

Introducing... BOOM Season Two | Out now

The creators of The Offensive are back with Season Two of their groundbreaking audio drama, BOOM. The first two episodes are out now, with new episodes released every Monday. Search 'BOOM' in your podcast app and subscribe. And if you want to get the whole series straightaway, for the first time ever you can purchase all six episodes ad-free for £6.99 with Acast+ here . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....

Jul 10, 20231 min

Bonus: Episode 189 - Thanks for Listening

Behind the scenes for The Offensive finale. patreon.com/ashwoodcity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

May 29, 202343 minSeason 5Ep. 37

Episode 188 - The Final Finale: Part 2

The fate of the club and its staff hang in the balance as 5 years of mismanagement and greed come home to roost. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Natalie Green Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Se...

May 29, 202341 minSeason 5Ep. 36

Episode 187 - The Final Finale: Part 1

Having been relegated from the Premier League, the season's proceedings come to a close. Including an outstanding Court of Appeal appearance for Sir Patrick Nolan and Ashwood City FC. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Harry Attwell Lauren Ingram Karim Kronfli George Still Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery W...

May 22, 202326 minSeason 5Ep. 35

Episode 186 - Full Time

Matchday 38 and just 90 minutes of football remain in the 2022/23 Premier League season as Ashwood City throw everything at survival. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson As themselves: Peter Drury Gary Lineker Alan Shearer Micah Richards Jules Breach Kate Mason Danny Jamieson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell & Joel ...

May 15, 202336 minSeason 5Ep. 34

Episode 185 - Everton v Ashwood City

It's Matchday 37 in the Premier League and we join Peter Reynolds and Billy Richards for Everton v Ashwood City at Goodison Park. Voices by: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisat...

May 08, 202325 minSeason 5Ep. 33

Episode 184 - Council Culture

Off the back of a 4-0 defeat to Manchester United, Ashwood City need a result on the pitch. Meanwhile, a decision by a local magistrate gives them a result off the pitch. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Joel Emery Thomas Mitchells Jemma Revell Lauren Hall Adam Jarrell Michael Lyons Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam...

May 01, 202325 minSeason 5Ep. 32

Episode 183 - Hove is where the Heart is

As the financial cuts deepen, Ashwood City are barely keeping the league form together at the most important stage of the season. Chief-Executive Jess Tate and Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan finally discuss the fallout from administration. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel...

Apr 24, 202324 minSeason 5Ep. 31

Episode 182 - All The Manager's Men

In the grips of a brutal CVA, further cuts are made and this time the coaching staff are targeted. Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall looks to offer a beleaguered Dan Watson all the help he can during a wobble in form as Patrick Nolan continues to distance himself from the crisis. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Joel Emery as Dan Watson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Direct...

Apr 17, 202330 minSeason 5Ep. 30

Episode 181 - Risen from the Zoom

Ashwood City travel to The Emirates Stadium on Easter Weekend. Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan informs Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh of his Zoom meeting with the local council. Meanwhile, Administrator Tom Beattie has completed his dreaded 'Black Folder'. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Natalie Green as Elaine Wright Chirstopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Additional V...

Apr 10, 202320 minSeason 5Ep. 29

Episode 180 - Uncivil War

Ashwood City clash with the local council over who's to blame for the collapse of the iBET stand. Meanwhile, Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan makes a momentous call on the club's future. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Darcey Ferguson as Leanne Potter Natalie Green as Elaine Wright Additional Voices: Adam Jarrell Joel Emery Vanessa Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed ...

Apr 03, 202324 minSeason 5Ep. 28

Episode 179 - The Stand Before Time

Ashwood City Football Club are hit by the news that the fabled iBET Stand has collapsed. The club hierarchy and local council clash over who's to blame. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Additional Voices: Thomas Mitchells Natalie Green Nalan Burgess Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Hol...

Mar 20, 202322 minSeason 5Ep. 27

Episode 178 - Stranger than Fantasy

As the football world reacts to the BBC's treatment of Gary Lineker, Ashwood City have a social media issue of their own Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Luke Stevenson as Gareth McAskill Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwood...

Mar 13, 202322 minSeason 5Ep. 26

Episode 177 - The Great Escape

Stuck in traffic after the second leg of The Champions Fixture against PSG; Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate questions Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan about rumours surrounding the future of the football club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Seaso...

Mar 06, 202327 minSeason 5Ep. 25

Episode 176 - Blind Tate

Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate spends her 'day off' visiting both her doctor and an old acquaintance, who may know more about the future of the club than Jess does. Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Lauren Ingram as Fiona Weed Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holder...

Feb 27, 202322 minSeason 5Ep. 24

Episode 175 - Nude Awakening

A day in the life of Ashwood City is interrupted by a protestor, who aims his fury at Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contai...

Feb 20, 202321 minSeason 5Ep. 23

Episode 174 - Live and Let Liverpool

Liverpool FC are in town as Ashwood CIty play their first home game since the catastrophic transfer window. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.c...

Feb 13, 202334 minSeason 5Ep. 22

Episode 173 - London Calling

After a brutal transfer window, Sir Patrick Nolan heads to the City of London to seek new money from old friends. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Thomas Mitchells as Simon Napier-Fox Adam Jarrell as Chris Well Additional Voices: Joel Emery Nalan Burgess Jennifer Tierney Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This pod...

Feb 06, 202324 minSeason 5Ep. 21

Episode 172 - Deadline Day: Part 2

A seismic day in the history of Ashwood City Football Club has arrived as the severe financial crisis, internal disputes, player disharmony and firesale of key team members comes to a head on a tumultuous Deadline Day. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Additional voices by Darcey Ferguson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell and ...

Jan 30, 202325 minSeason 5Ep. 20

Episode 171 - Deadline Day: Part 1

The departure of Brazilian striker Kevin brings about yet more protests at The Credit Master Stadium. Despite a decent run of form in the league, the Ashwood CIty hierarchy find themselves locked in the offices, for their own safety. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City ...

Jan 23, 202328 minSeason 5Ep. 19

Episode 170 - Woody's Roundup

Ashwood City Chief Executive Chris 'Woody' Woodall goes back to his roots on a scouting mission to recruit an up-and-coming player for the January transfer window. All voices by Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectiona...

Jan 16, 202322 minSeason 5Ep. 18

Episode 169 - Mixing Business with Pleasure (Beach)

Ashwood City take on SkyBet Championship side Blackpool in the Third Round of the FA Cup. Before the game, Chief Executive Chris 'Woody' Woodall takes Club Chairman Patrick Nolan to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.c...

Jan 09, 202322 minSeason 5Ep. 17

Episode 168 - Super Trooper

A new year, and a new beginning for Ashwood City, as the second Dan Watson era gets underway with a visit from fellow Premier League strugglers Everton. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Ant McGinley as David Hall Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Sharehold...

Jan 02, 202325 minSeason 5Ep. 16

Episode 167 - The Christmas Special One V

Merry Christmas from all of us here at Ashwood City. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Ant McGinley as David Hall Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom / Chris Well Jemma Moore as Danielle Broom Additional Voices: Joel Emery Vanessa Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery...

Dec 26, 202253 minSeason 5Ep. 15

Episode 166 - The Damned Re-United: Part 2

As the Premier League fixtures wrap up before the World Cup break, Ashwood City owner Patrick Nolan is still trying to secure the services of Mauricio Pochettino. Meanwhile, the players await their international call-ups, and the club bids farewell to Chief Player Liaison Officer, Theo Clinton. The Offensive will return on Boxing Day 2022. For exclusive episodes between now and then – including a special World Cup bonus episode – subscribe to the Ashwood City Patreon for just $5 a month: www.pat...

Nov 14, 202230 minSeason 5Ep. 14

Episode 165 - The Damned Re-United: Part 1

The World Cup break approaches and Ashwood City desperately needs a new manager to take the reins during the much needed downtime. Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh get to work with their array of scouting talent, Patrick however is distracted by an old acquaintance. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: ...

Nov 07, 202222 minSeason 5Ep. 13

Episode 164 - Smit Happens

Unfortunate news regarding Head Coach Eric Van Smit forces the club to make a decision. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Allon Sylvain as Eric Van Smit Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr Rachel Webber Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains ex...

Oct 31, 202226 minSeason 5Ep. 12

Episode 163 - Grand Pricks

Ashwood City Chairman Patrick Nolan M.B.E and Chief Executive Chris 'Woody' Woodall fly to Austin, Texas, to enjoy the US F1 Grand Prix. But the situation surrounding Club Doctor Rachel Webber provides an unwanted distraction from the day's events for Patrick Nolan. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr Rachel Webber Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Produce...

Oct 24, 202221 minSeason 5Ep. 11

Episode 162 - Universally Challenged

During a dull Premier League fixture away to Chelsea, Ashwood CIty Chairman Patrick Nolan is offered a role within His Majesty's Government that could potentially allow him to gain the respect he so desperately desires. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Hugh Chambers Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery & Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood...

Oct 17, 202221 minSeason 5Ep. 10

Episode 161 - Flaw and Order

Senior management at Ashwood City attend a pre-hearing for the legal clash with Arsenal Football Club, as the fallout from the final day of the 2021/22 season continues to engulf the club in financial and legal turmoil... Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Karim Kronfli as Judge Gastrell Jennifer Tierney as Hannah Ingram Harry Attwell as Robert Granger Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Exe...

Oct 10, 202222 minSeason 5Ep. 9
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android