#90 They Venti A Latte!

your husband's last name? Yeah? I am. Yeah. I struggled with the last name thing because I was thinking about, like, you know, if I ever get married, doing the Courtney Cox Arquette kind of thing, Like if I'm gonna do Nicki Glazer Arquette, even if the guy's last name is more, I'm still gonna go with Arquette, just because I want to every did she heap the Arquette too, because there's a part of me that thinks that they're still friends

and that because he's the father of her children. She's like, I'll keep this last name. A lot of women, I mean, I have a bit about it, but a lot of women get divorced, and they don't even go back to their old name. It's like forgotten. And I just feel like it's so weird that we give up our name. It's a nice thing to do for your man, to be like, I respect you so much and you have so much integrity that I will take I'm so grateful

for you for not having sex with other women. This is all from Getting to I Do, the book we have to we have to respect in the book Getting Do I Do, which teaches you how to trick me out into loving you forever and trick him with things

that serve you. Anyway, you kind of trick yourself honestly, but with that book you learn that you need to every like when you when you were in the feminine energy, you need to respect the male energy, which you have to acknowl Edge wants to have sex with everything and you can't deny that, and you go, oh my god, that is so nice of you to not have sex with everything for me, because I I don't want you to that. You are so much integrity not to do that. That takes a really strong man, and I am so

impressed that you don't do that for me. And then they get off on like the feeling of being like, oh my god, I'm like a superhero because they don't bang other women, and then they get horny for the idea that they are like superheroes. You know, I'm watching White Lotus. My friend recommended it to me because she was like, you know, it's about a strong woman's among other things. I've only watched the first episode and and like twenty minutes of the second. And that's about how

much I read any of these books that I talk about. Too. Let's just know that I'm always watching the Eddie book I talk about. I've read four chapters and I just a third of them. But I do. I do finish fiction, but nonfiction. I'm just like, I get it. Stopped talking down to me. I'm not as dumb as your average reader.

Do you feel that way? Noah, When you read these nonfiction books, I realize that there's a certain amount of repetition that you like, I'm grateful In the Alan carr uh Easy Way to Stop Drinking Without Willpower, that book, they repeat the same things over and over because you need they're unbrainwashing you, because you've been brainwashed to think that alcohol is like this thing you need, so they

need to be repetitive. But when you're learning about like social science, it's just like you guys are I just can't hear any more examples. And I skip chapters because I'm like, Okay, that's not They're not talking about my mom here, so I want to skip this. I want to get to the chapter about my mom or about me. Um. Do you have problems? Do you do when when you're reading nonfiction? Noah, and a chapter doesn't apply to you? Uh? Do you skip it? Or you like a completionist kind

of like, oh, I want to read everything? And do you find that nonfiction books are mostly a lot of filler. I'm not a completionist, but I do. Um, And I get what you're saying. But for me, the repetitiveness helps instill it. So it's good for me to keep seeing it because I'm trying to rewire a part of my brain,

you know. No, I think you're right, um, and and that that is That is why the Blinkett app, which is this app that takes nonfiction books and kind of like parses them down to very abridged versions that are like spark notes. They do a great job. The writers for those things are really intelligent people that are good writers, and but it's because you just read it so quickly

it doesn't really absorb. And that's why I always say people that when I recommend the books that have changed my life, Healing Back Pain, dr John Star Now, Easy Way to Stop Drinking, Alan Carr Easy Way to Stop Smoking. Uh, And those titles have kind of shifted since then. So just the Alan car method. It is very repetitive and and I always tell people take your time with it.

Read very slow, make sure it really absorbs in. Speed reading apparently is not um the best way to get information like and and to remember information, because I've always been obsessed with I like things fast, you know, I'm always like, oh my god, it would be so nice to be what I heard. JFK was like I heard he could just read newspapers like he would just go down with his finger like zip zip zip, you know, back in the day newspapers like the columns like this.

He could read so fast, and and there's all these techniques to do that. You know, most reading you're slow because you're moving your eye. So that's why I do really big font on my um phone. I'll show you an example of just how big my font is. Uh no, uh, but yeah, it's like I think it's like four words per page. Um, yeah, no, three words per line pretty much. Um, you can't really see it. But and so I'm able to just do chunks of it like three words, and so you don't have to move your eyes back and

forth and scroll. So it's it cuts down on time and then you can change the app I like to reading my phone, as I've talked about a lot. Uh, so you don't have to flick your finger every time you turn a page because you know, there's so little words on the page. You can just scroll like you're reading an online article. But then there's not that satisfaction of like page, I'm done with this page. It's just

like it's never ending kind of. And the scroll on the side is so small you can't see any progress

because it's a whole book. That's like, you know, the little thing that shows you how much you've read, it's not there's something about reading that really, Um, there's something so satisfying about when you first get into a book enough where you're like, oh, there's a chunk that I've gone through, you know, that first time, because when you first start a book and you maybe get ten pages in, that's not a substantial amount to even hold its own weight.

Like if you're let's say you're reading a real book, it won't like stay open on its own. If you would like crease it even, it'll be like the paper will like fly back over and you're like, god, I haven't even accomplished anything. But man, when you get that halfway point, there's a chunk you've already taken down that feels so good. Used to do a bit about how women would read on the train. I should bring it back because it only I only did it on Canadian television. Um,

and I really didn't. There's so many bits I look back on from my early days of stand up that I didn't really get into. I would just kind of, oh, that's good enough, and then move on to the next thing because I was kind of scared to go too deep or I'm lazy, I guess is what the word is. Um. But I used to do a joke about girls reading

on the train. I would see it in New York and like, I would get so jealous because I would see girls reading and then they would read something and they do the thing where they go they kind of laugh to themselves and like kind of like shake their head and you go, we got it. You read like, Oh, you're entertained by a book. Oh, and is it? Oh you have a New York or tote you're so smart. Oh you have a book from the Strand? Is that a bookstore? Like? Or you have a tote bag from

the Strand? Like? Oh, and it's a little bit old. Oh were you reading books in the seventies even though your parents weren't even born yet. Like, there's people that love to brag that their intellectual in public. Listen, do I feel a little bit annoyed that when I read on my phone people can't tell that I'm reading a book. And do I want people to know I'm reading a book on my phone when I'm on my phone? Yes?

I do. Is there anybody to let them know that? No, unless I lick my finger and do that every time I turned the page on my phone, which is unnecessary. But yeah, there's no way to let people know because when you're on your phone, you just look like you could be on TikTok. You know, people, I need to just be like I'm reading. I just need to announce it um. The other day, I was reading on the plane and it's reading David's Spades uh memoir forget what

it's called. But he has an audible book that he just did for audible, an audio book sorry, that he just did for that's only audio. And then he did one that was his memoir, the first one, you guys. It is so goddamn funny and such an easy read, and it's just like how he talks. I couldn't recommend it enough. I was on the plane. I was laughing so hard that I had to put it away because it was becoming annoying to the dude next to me, because I was becoming that girl that was like, we

get it. You're entertained by that. You have so much joy in your life. You can laugh alone. I mean, laughing alone is a if you're able to get someone to laugh when they're alone, and that's a really good feeling too. You're in a good place in life if you because so much about laughter is contagious. And that's why comedy clubs they pack you in the front really close together, because when other people's laugh makes you laugh, it just is that's you know, that's just widely known.

Low ceilings get the laughter really um in a cavernous dome, so that it can just vibrate round and everyone you just catch it, like COVID. That's why COVID it was like the worst thing for comedy clubs because it's small rooms. The best thing for comedy clubs is small rooms, low ceilings, not a lot of ventilation, and people packed very close together. That's why when you're performing and the tables were distant,

it was like, this sucks. This feels like the open mic I used to do in Kansas City in two thousand four, where people would just seat themselves. That's why when you go to comedy clubs, they they shove you to the front as close as possible because it makes other people laughter makes you laugh. That's why I like to watch comedy shows with other people. I hate laughing alone because you want to go wasn't that funny? Like you want to share it with someone laughing alone? Is?

I mean, it's nice when I'm reading a book of my friends and I literally am sending in voice moments like oh my god, this thing you just wrote was so funny, And yes, I'm bragging about being friends with David's paide. I do it every podcast. It's the best thing that's ever happened in my life. Um. But it's

funny because he likes to hear. I'm not someone who likes to hear my stuff's told back to me, because oftentimes people are like, oh my god, that joke you did on that thing, and I'm like, I didn't even write that. That was written for like by my friend, and I tell them that, or it's like a joke that I wrote so long ago that I don't even feel like good about anymore. I can never it's it's

the only times I like getting compliments about jokes. And by the way, people coming to my shows, please giving compliments. This is not apply. I would rather have a compliment than no compliment. And there's just no way to give me the perfect one. But my favorite ones are like about a joke I just wrote, I mean, and that's the only time a comedian has any pride generally. But Spade, he likes hearing stuff that made uh me laugh and uh he he doesn't have any problem hearing that stuff,

which which makes me feel good. There's this thing that he wrote in his book and maybe this will translate, But can I just read a little excerpt? And I know, no, you're not a fan of me reading things on the pod, but this is so funny. And I told him, I was like, I bet you don't even remember writing this, but you need to do this on stage and I'm gonna make you. I'm gonna like work over the beats

for you so you remember. So this is an introduction he's talking about, like, you know, everyone has to write an introduction in their book. That's like, hey, I know you just picked up this book. This is what you're about to see. I've never written a book. It's always like whatever comedians. Books are always like listen, welcome to the book. I don't know what I'm doing, and it's just like, why are we even doing this? So this was he goes f y, I this book is not

that serious. This is meant to be read when super bored, than forgotten. Fifteen minutes later. By the way, I have read this book before and I forgot everything in it. So it's fun to be able to read it again and laugh. He said it could be read cover to cover during one medium to severe case of diarrhea. Nothing in it will change your life. There are no easy tips to lose belly fat like I see on my

computer every day. It's just me blabbling, blabbing away about my life and s and l and getting beat up by my assistant and any other stupid shit I could think of. It's easy to read, no big words because I don't know any. He says. This is the part that I was like dying. He goes, it's like watching Dolphintail on HBO and then forgetting you ever saw it. By the way, I did see Dolphintail, and I didn't forget it. In fact, I had a few problems with it.

This not might be for this forum, but real quick, it's about a dolphin with a bad attitude. He gets caught in some lobster traps and his tail gets chopped off, and so he's fucked. He's basically an anchor because he doesn't have a rudder. He starts freaking out, so people start to help him, and for some reason he's a dick about I don't know why. It makes me laugh so hard that this dolphin is that he's calling this

dolphin a dick. They make him a little crumby tail out of popsicle sticks or whatever, and he doesn't like it. This is where I'd say it's for your own good dipshit, but he's not having it. Then they get a doctor to make a better one, and he's still being a pussy. He smashes against the wall and breaks it, like, I hate it, it's not my real tail. I hate the ocean,

I hate everyone, full Jan Brady tantrum. Then he realized it helped and starts nudging the fake tail, like put it back on, get it on now, and they're like, funk off, you don't want it. Remember you're so fucking tough. Have fun drowning more on because this is going on a shark. Now you're an asshole. I've never seen dolphin tail,

but now I want to. I want uh it? Just you know what, Reading this book made me realize that when I am approaching writing my own it's okay if my book sounds exactly like how I talk, and if anything, people who are drawn to my book are going to be people who have listened to me talk incessantly and are going to want to be able to write like read in my voice. Whenever I read a book, though,

like and really get into it. I really loved Lena Dunham's book I Forget what it was called, really really good. She's an amazing writer, however you feel about her work on yourself? By the what the fund just happened out there? Did you hear that? I think Andrew killed himself? Andrew, Andrew, are you okay? Okay? Jesus Christ has scared me? Um. We'll get to him in a second anyway, Lena Dunham,

his book was really good. And Uh I started writing when I was I was trying to write after I read her because it inspired me, and I started writing in her voice. I just become a sponge. I just can't help but talk like the people I surround myself with. And um. So that's why today we might talk about Ony fans, because I've been around Andrew a lot. And uh it's uh darn daring um our discussion about only fans. I'm trying to think of other words team has pronounces?

Did you have anxiety? And anxiety? Ony? Uh? What was the other one? Daring? Daring? And uh? Oh vocab vocabulary vulnerable, vulnerable regular um. And I think that's that's it for now. We'll get some more. Well, we'll definitely get some more. When I bring him in just a second and make we'll find out what that humongous crash was. I hope my room was okay, okay, yeah, what happened out there? That was a huge crash. I really want to know.

Nothing broke? What I what felt a guitar? No? No, no, no, no? Um? What do I do out there? Oh? Golf? You hit something? Did you wack something? Yeah? Would you wack? It's probably the worst thing you could whack. But everything's fine. Guitar. No, A mirror? Oh you at the mirror. It's a very heavy mirror. No. No, I hit the wood on the side and I was very startled. How did you hit it? I got a little too excited. I'm actually sweating right now because of that. I did a little workout out there.

I swing this like rubber ball thing that's a little that's heavier than a club, that gets your swing feeling smooth, and it's like a way to jacket for swinging. Yeah, it's just like it's a it's a swing practice er. Yes, the club feels very light comparative to us memory. I think it can. I think it can stretch you out and strengthen your rhythm, rhythm, and so I rhythmly hit the mirror, and it's just you never know when you're going to counter a mirror on the eighth hole. Look,

I look in the mirror on every hole. Yeah, in my head, and I see a loser who can't fucking master this game. And I don't understand, man, Andrew, what is going on with this game? Yesterday you came up and then you were muttering to yourself while you were practicing your swing. I don't I don't know if you knew you were doing it, but you were like, write two more on. You can't even get anything right. You look more on you And I was just like strumming

my guitar, just quietly, like wow streams. I was like trying to sing, and like he was just like you, because some days you're very proud of what you've done on the course thing in one of Noah's favorite bands, Cannibal Course Swing Harder Swing, Swing Swing Harder Death Suck My Balls. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I get very hard on myself because I swear to God, I've never

put this much time into something. I know I could be very good at it, and I know there's a lot of golfers out there that are way more less coordinated out there that are better. And it's just about doing the same thing. I'm very we do it in stand up, but repeat the same thing over and over again. My brain doesn't work that way, like like muscle memory, Like I constantly I get bored with doing the same thing, really because I feel like you like to go to

the same workout classes. You like to go to the like, but each workout classes different. So like with a golf swing, you just have to repeat the same. Yeah, you get excited when you learn a new thing and you're like, oh, I'm changing everything. You get really excited, like I thought I was holding it right this time I'm changing it, and you want to keep. You want to keep. You ever feel out with a guitar when you're like strumming, You're like, I kind of want to strum did or

I want to try this rhythm? No, because I want to just I want to believe that what I'm doing is the right way. And if I have to change everything, then I go, oh no, like all the things I've been doing thus far, I have to read like the way I hold my pick is completely wrong. I mean any I dying to find any example where the pencil weird too. Yeah, that's that's my argument, is that I that's my justification for is that you know, and how do you hold a pencil? Can you show people do

you have? Well, this is just gonna be audio, but like, yeah, I hold it like I look like I have cerebral palsy when I hold and then that is not a slight on people's cerebral policy. It looks like I have a bone disease. That who taught you that? And who tried to get it out of your system? It didn't

I taught myself. This just feels comfortable to me, and this never felt comfortable to me, Like holding it like I was like writing my dearest Tabatha, I am that on the sea ease, and I loaned for you whenever I right, like you're supposed to. Yeah, it feels like I'm writing with a feather quill. And like signing the Declaration of Independence had nothing to do with wanting to be different, What are you kidding? All I wanted to

be was the same. I hated being like Nikki, we need to get you special writing lessons like Nikki Holzer and and you know, everyone was just always like, what are you doing? Now? You don't write anymore, so no one ever sees me do it. Once in a while i'll do something people be like, what the fund is that? Why do you remember? Yeah, I thought your hand was broken. I thought it was an advice. Well, the thing is, I think that my my pointer finger is twisted like

it doesn't go straight, it goes to the right. Is that's why you don't need sushi chopsticks? You know, I love chopsticks. I would I would forego a fork chopsticks. I love chopsticks, I really do. I would rather use chopsticks in my hands. You remember the first time you ever used up sticks? I think every like small town or like I know a friend time I had sushi. You eat like a you get a tuna roll just playing tuna macky roll, or you get a California roll. Yeah,

that's the classic one. I mean now the chicken karoaki guy. Until I was about fourteen, I was so afraid of sushi. I mean I think we all were so um oh, so exotic. It was like eating it was like a fear factor. It was speaking of the one time I was not a cook such big bites that um and I think I've said this before, and I'm sorry to mention David Spade again, but I was at dinner with

him and I ate such a big bite. I was eating this like salad, and I took such a big bite with my chopsticks that it was honestly, like a perfect right angle with my chopsticks, like they were so there's so much between them, and I stuffed in my face and he goes easy fear factor and he goes, gut, is Joe Rogan sitting next to you with a stop Watch? What's going on? I spit it out. I was loving sword and he goes, honestly, he goes, it looks like

I think I said that. I was like, it looks like in a too angle, like my top six were this thing like this much a party was like it was so embarrassing and getting caught doing a big bite. But that's I take huge bites. I would never have called you out on a big bite. Yeah, it's just something I wouldn't do. I mean, I think, I don't know, I wouldn't mind if you called me out a big

but I'm a big bitter. I'm like huge liked sometimes I'll take too big of a bite I need to spit it out, and then I try to or because of my choking fear still hits me up. When I'll eat a fat hits you up. It's like, hey, what's up? What's up? Bad? I remember me? Do you remember how you're a little bit Yeah? Remember when I made you go to the hospital when you weren't choking on anything and you were laying on your grandma's carpet and you thought you would'thale a fiber and you drove yourself to

the hospital because you thought you were choking it up. Yeah, I remember you. You want to hang out later? Thanks for coming up. One told before I made this chip, I appreciate that. I'm gonna make you smash a mirror tomorrow. Dude, I don't give a fuck I do. I'm scared of you. So I every anytime I eat like a fatty piece of meat, I'll think I'm gonna choke on it. That I better like. If Brenda weren't the most perfect bodied person in the world, I would never make that joke,

you know what I mean? And if she wasn't cool, but um uh no, I but then I'll have to spit it out, but I spit it out smoothly. But there I'm not being smooth. I'm sure you've probably spin into a napkin, like when you think you're being smooth. I mean, we're talking about this the other night, like I can't. Andrew will always like if we're in, if

we're together and there's like someone being weird. Let's say there's like there's three of us at a table and it's some it's like a new comic that's like backstage with us or something, and he says something like dude, like I just he says something you know, ridiculous to me, Like he goes, he goes, you know what, like I I didn't used to think you were funny, but you were like so something that I honestly don't even care anymore. You know, Andrew will like, I'll just keep looking at

the guy like totally normal, like nothing my face. You will not read on my face if even if I am a fact in a perfect pokeram I'm really good at having a bog and someone says something really absurd or drops like, you know, said I was going to say the N word, but someone said the N word in front of me. I would call them out on it. But no, not that word. But if I um, if I if but you, but you, this is what I feel. I could feel Andrew next to me and he'll do this.

His his head will jerk so wildly that he'll knock over a mirror like it is. He'll he'll look at me like did you hear that? Like right in front of the person, And I'm like, and maybe the person isn't looking at Andrew. But I don't think Andrew understands peripheral like vision. I don't. I think that there's a lack of um just understanding that that person might be able to see you. And so you'll and then yes, yes,

you'll do that. And because there's it started so early with you, I started recognizing it because I've always been someone who's really good about not if there's like a little person who walks by, or someone that looks really like weird and there's like limping and like homeless, or is signing a check and as holding the pen the same way I do, like I've never I've always been someone who doesn't want to anyone to feel like I'm making fun of them, even though I'm not a good person,

like never make fun of them, like now, I don't ever people, no, no, no, And I'm just giving examples of like little guy. Adults all the time point out little people. A little person walks by and they go, oh my look, hands are already pointed that way. Are you kind of what do you mean my hands are naturally faced down? Oh yeah, well yeah, well that was that was good. That was decent joke. It's time to joke. I'm just it's a biology. No, I mean, like across

the street of someone. I just never someone I hate when there's a person with a facial disfigurement or something really weird and they just have they go through their whole life and all they do is people look at them. That's all their whole life is. Or if they're like a trans um, like a trans woman who is a six foot what had been a six ft six man and now and it's just like it's very obvious that they're a man who is transitioning. I'm never I never

will snicker about that. I will not talk about that. I will not acknowledge that they're different until like and if pretty much ever now because I'm just like it's not of note. But then I if I'm with someone who does something like hits me, I won't even acknowledge it, like because I know that when I was anorexic. I think it's after I was intorexic, I realized that all the things that people do that they think you don't see, you see when you're a person that is being talked

about everywhere you go. You see the nudges, you see the look over there, you see them whisper, and then the person doesn't see it, and then you see that

person's head move towards you. You see it all. And so if I could just reach out to anyone who's listening right now, that might be someone who you know, sometimes you're not a bad person for wanting to point out a little person because sometimes you don't see them a lot and it is interesting, like maybe you're not making fun of them, but it's just like an interesting person that maybe has like a a um you know, like maybe uh like it out behind no person someone

that just like looks different. Don't be a child and go and they know they know that you're talking about them. They even the most subtle thing, like even a kick under the table, They see that stuff, and I know you're like, they don't see me kicking at the table. I used to see girls kick each other under the table about me across the cafeteria when they thought they were being so subtle. And then there were other girls that would just go like, oh my god, like and

do it very obviously. So I think I'm just very sensitive to that stuff. But like you know, when I went looking an ass, oh my god, watching you see other women or hot guys, guys, did you see that guy? And I go, yeah, I saw that guy. I didn't this girl was wearing I mean, this was I'm not saying it's just it was a couple of years ago in New York and she had on you know, um yoga pants, and her butt was just it was the biggest, most insane but I've ever seen. And I'm just I'm

mesmerized by it. But I don't try to be creepy with I'm literally just like in awe of It's like seeing in beautiful painting. But I'm not like you. But you weren't present enough to know that someone could see. Yeah. And so another comic, this guy readye Conquest, so he's like, bro really and like I didn't know he was there, Like he was just randomly and old, and I was just like I did. I got caught staring at a

girl's boobs in high school. I think that was very formative for me too, when because this girl just had big boobs and I was just like, I think that was just I don't I could have been looking at her shirt. I don't know what it was. But he goes, WHOA Nikki's checking out your tips and I was like, I don't even know that I was, but it was so embarrassing that I just got caught staring at this

girl ruin my relationship with the nipples. My ex girlfriend said that I was staring at someone's nipples through their shirt because she wasn't wearing a brawl. That's why I don't wear things that show my nipples, uh and like my cleavage, because I just don't want because I know men can't control it, and I don't want to make men like I don't like when men are like, especially friends like you, I don't care, like if you look at my nipples, I'm just like, oh, he's just a

But I wasn't even gawking over nipples. I was just like, those are nipples. I'm not used to seeing female nipples. They're here in a bar. I'm gonna maybe they're gonna

probably get my attention for a little bit longer. It's not like, well the thing was you probably do or did there's like something not her, but like the fact that you were trying to the nipples didn't mean that you wanted to suck that girl in particular to her, but made your girlfriend at the time think, oh my god, he like he's attracted to other things that catch his eye, necessarily his friend's nipples, but like that made her feel insecure that and that girl is living in a delusional

world where the guy she's dating is not going to be attracted to other women. I mean, please get over yourself. I mean I honestly feel like even with Brenda, if we were people watching, we could go look at that that girl's nipples are and like you can almost talk. My god. I love pointing out hot girls when I'm with a guy that i'm into and being like, look how she is, like would you and like he's like, oh my god, I love It's so fun. I don't do the same for guys at all, because it's just

not a two way street. Like people always go, oh, you don't mind if you're boyfriend like hooks up with girls on the road, so you got to hook up with guys. And it's like, no, not everything has to be equal. I'm just saying I don't mind it. I respect that he does mind it. No, I have a question for you. How do you feel about um, your fiance if you catch him looking at other girls? Or like, do you do you struggle with the idea that he

might be attracted other women? Not anymore? Really? Yeah, he's in a deserts but when that cactus has that little bloom once a year that looks like a nipple. Oh shit, no no, uh yeah, tell me tell me, no, what what have you Have you seen him be attracted to other women or had any kind of like angling in your healthy stage of your relationship? And how was that different than when you would have perceived it before. Can

you give us an example or Uh? I think it really has a lot to do with uh, our our relationship and how we've built it and conversations that we've had about my jealousy UM and I don't know, like something just happened and it was a conversation that I've told you about where he pointed out He's like, yeah, if I see long legs, I'm going to be attracted to that. But it doesn't mean that I'm going to go and like pursue that girl to funk her, because

I have integrity and I love our relationship. Once I heard that, it was just the right wording, the right time, and now I actually think it's hot when he looks at another way. Have you tried making your legs longer? Yeah? I have us like a stretcher in the back. Yeah. Well, she's tired of being pointed out across the street by people. She's a tiny, tiny little person. Um, Noah, that is

so interesting. And if if you are someone listening to the podcast right now and you just zoned out and didn't hear what Noah just said, very important to rewind and hear the way that man handled jealousy and women too. If if your woman gets jealous of you looking at another woman or being attracted to another woman, saying that you're not denying it is not going to get you anywhere, because first of all, that's a lie. You're a man,

You're allowed to be attracted other women. It's biologically impossible for you to not be I think, unless you were completely neutered by this woman. So the way he responded again tell us what he said. He's like, I have integrity. It's not like the long legs thing interested me because you do not have long legs. So that is a woman's worst fear, that a man might be attracted to something that you don't have. So say, you have small boobs, and you and and you are jealous of a guy.

That's kind of like getting a little bit aroused by a woman on TV with big boobs, or you know, his friend is telling about a girl that he's dating as big boobs and he high fives him or something, and you go, oh my god, he likes girls with big boobs. Instead of you going do you like girls with big boobs? Like tell me you don't, or like that's what you want, don't look for that. This guy that Noah is in love with was able to tell her that he is into the opposite thing that she has.

I mean, she does have legs, but they're real nubby, And know you have amazing legs there, Your legs are incredible and they are looking for your your body. But but for him to say about long legs, that's not something you pride yourself on necessarily as having long legs. So for him to acknowledge that and say, yeah, I'm going to be attracted to women with long legs. Yeah, it's gonna be sexually rousing for me. But I'm not going to go off and try to have sex with

them and replace your short nubs. Sorry. No, I'm just trying to be funny with those long legs because I have integrity. Men say that, say I have integrity, and I'm not gonna if I'm in a bar and a girl says, you're looking at her nipples, and I go, you're right, I am looking at her nipples. She has great nipples. But I'm with you. I feel like a lot of women hearing that out there right now, I would have trouble, especially at a bar, because this is

a two way street. To Noah, because I don't think you would have been able to handle that at statement had you not done the work on yourself as well, where it doesn't mean you're gonna be perfect and not get jealous. Like you, there are times where bubbles up. Obviously that was a time for you where you were doing better than you would have before that you could even have that conversation without smashing playiss. But it still was uncomfortable for you, and you didn't like the conversation.

But then there was something about it that not only a put you at ease, but b turns you on the thing that irritates you more than anything in the world.

It makes you feel more insecure than anything the world in past relationships is now something that turns you on because you know, and this might not be one size fits all where every woman is going to be super horny for integrity, but there's something about the way he phrased that where it was like, I value our relationship enough that no matter what happens out there or what I'm tempted by, I'm those sirens can do whatever they want.

I'm going to I've, I've, I've I've Like you know, like what Odysseus or whatever, he ties himself to the thing so that he can't make the ship crash into the ocean. So you're the tye, You're you've you've bonded him to the ship. Yeah, no, I think her reaction

and exactly what you said. If they've worked on themselves, and a woman who can't handle that is just yeah, yeah, I mean, then he's gonna run to old Daddy long legs because you just screamed at him for being honest and for just being a human being, and like the rushes him to lie to a lot of men are just going to go. I wasn't looking at her because like, yeah, I mean, you did not want to bang your friend whose nipples were I really didn't. She's not the one

that you have a like. And I know that too. I know I know who we're talking about, and that's not you're dynamic with this person. But the fact that you're looking at nipples does mean that you are tracted to other women. That's like yeah, sure, yes, I would agree with that, but you you probably just double down on like I don't want to funk her, And that was probably the issue. Where the real issue is you have a probably with me being attracted to anyone else,

not just her, which isn't the problem. And that was the problem with that that particular woman, which I mean, who what girl hasn't felt that way? I'm sure of wanting a guy to only have eyes for you. I remember asking my friend who was dating a guy ago, if you could make him never attracted to another woman the rest of his life and completely turn off his sexual uh attraction to anyone else but you? Would you? And she was like, and I was like, I would

never want that. Would they know it? Or would their mind brain be erased? Would be erased? Would you do that? I think most men would. I don't think I would. I like giving her or the idea of choice. Well, I like the idea of like I earned you, like I'm earning you every day and like that, and not even earning, like I'm important enough to you that I I make you want to have integrity enough to uh

be be honest with me and respect me. If I said yes it away, I would feel like I don't trust that person, Like deep down, I don't trust that person. And I think that's what makes me horny for guys that hook up with other girls. Or if I talk about how hot a girl is and he's like, oh my god, she's because yeah, because I like because he's with me, and he could have that because he's a great guy. And if I like him, he could have anyone.

You know, I'm picking as ship or in my mind that's what I think, like if if he's if I've I've given him the green light, this guy could get anyone because I'm such a prized which is how you should feel about yourself anyway. And so to me, it's like, Wow, he's choosing to stay with me because I have all these other things that aren't those those tits or those legs or those you know, labia or lack of whatever

it is. Yeah, No, I I hear you. I just think it could be exhausting too, like feel like you're competing for the person's attention, Like like every day I gotta feel like, oh, they could they could leave, they could find someone better. And I'm not saying that that's what you're saying. I'm saying like for me, like I would just it would be exhausting for me to like feel like I have to that that I continuously have

to beat out these other people. No, I feel like this isn't a continual thing that you have to be like, oh, if you running find myself, she likes me. It's just like she makes you feel that way. So it just doesn't even it's not even an issue. Yeah, you know, apparently here it comes down first. Oh boy, sorry about not saying swells right away. I hope you have all the swell swell swells, swells and having a great time

out there and swells. Okay. New research suggests that in a romantic relationship, current feelings of intimacy, connectedness, closeness, and warmth can predict sexual desire ninety minutes later. So essentially, more intimacy means more connection sexually, and in relationships people start, you know, people get ignoring, get sex confused, like they're the same thing. Got Emotional intimacy is a pred is predicated, Yes,

before you're gonna be banging. Like a romantic relationship as a living system, If the partners ignore the relationship and become distant and mutually alienated, the relationship can slowly shrivel and die. So, essentially, keeping for intimacy to motivate sexual desire, intimacy needs to be renewed regularly. The best way to build intimacy is through quality time. Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

I the book I'm reading that Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. It's like about they they schedule like a cuddle session every day where where they hold each other and like touch for like a couple of minutes. Like that's a long time to hold someone and like breathe them in like I do it with my dogs sometimes, like when I'm feeling distant from them, I'll just hold them and like and you know, they're rescue pups, so they feel very insecure, even though they push me away a lot and like

like act like they don't want it all Luigi. Once when I finally like grab it, I'm like get over heat just like falls into me. And sometimes I just like put my face in their coat and I just take three deep breaths because I just want to, like I want them to breathe me and and like just feel like you're safe, like we're safe, and then we bang so fucking hard water. It's like art that what did I Marian see? You look at she's she's just laying here and not even given a ship because we

we had morning sex, so she's tapped out. She always looks told you know what, I told her not to come. This is so gross. Uh you know this checks out. I think that my next relationship, I'm really going to want a lot of um forced I hate to say it, but like scheduled um yeah, like of just like those

questions that esther perel game. Where should we begin just pulling one of those out every single morning while we're getting ready for work and going like even if we're in a rush and just trying to like connect and share something together that isn't sexual and it's just meant to and and the cuddling doesn't have to be sexual either,

and I don't think should be. Yeah, here's like a list of like some things I could build intimacy, having high regard for the person happy when together, the desire to promote his or her welfare, able to count on him or her in times of need, mutual understanding, sharing one's possessions and innermost self with him or her giving them, receiving emotional support, intimate communication. Yeah, I mean these are all they're all very like on the service, but I

do think people don't do them. I I do feel like we're all in our own, um, you know, our own minds and thinking about ourselves, where sometimes we don't stop and think about our partner and what they're going through and being I hate the word empathetic towards their feelings, but that word is I think it's over you is now because people don't even know what it means. They don't know the difference betweens sympathy and empathy, and they

just are sympathetic but they're not empathetic. And um, if you don't know the difference, you should look it up. I don't want to go into it. And uh I had to learn it like it. I was not taught it my um. My family did not have any empathy. And it's not because they're bad people. They didn't learn it from them their parents. But being able to like under like I was just the most Russell brand No. I saw you liked this too? Did you see the Jocko Willing UM video on Russell Branding or did you

like it without watching the whole thing? Because sometimes I do that too. I I started watching it, but I saved it for later to watch the Hodding. UM. I'm just gonna read the quote that Jacko Willing said, Uh, Russell Brand's talking about um, how to uh losing your ship. Here's how to deal with conflict with help from Jacko Willing. And it says, so Jocko Willings is gigantic man. Okay, yeah, extra Navy seal. He never gets into any conflict ever, any much. He's very mindful, and he goes, what I

do in a situation like that? So Russell brands like, so, what would you do? You know, if you go on the streets and someone you know, bumps into you road right, how would you handle that? Don't go? And he even acknowledges like, this is a big guy. So this guy is not having a lot of confrontation on the street like a normal person would. But Jocko Willing even acknowledges that the most of the time that he's provoked is in traffic because people cannot see what he looks like.

So he says, what I do in a situation like that, if someone was yelling at me is I'd probably say, hey, sorry, man, didn't mean to If I accidentally bump into someone in a bar and they get hostile with me, I'll probably say, hey, man, sorry, didn't mean to do that. Can I buy you a beer? Yeah? And you know, anyone that's going to try they're usually provoking your ego, you know, So I'm not really gonna let some person get me emotional about whatever is going on.

And you've got a figure they've had a rough day, Like if someone's that mad because you cut them off in the car, man, what are they going on? What's going on in their world? I don't know what's happened to um. I don't know whether they've got a sick kid. I don't know if they've got fired from their job. There's all kinds of situations that could be happening. You know,

my life is pretty good. There's a nine chance that that person is having a much worse day than I'm having, So I don't want to make their day any worse. I normally don't get, you know, accosted on the street. It's more likely in the car that someone can't really tell, you know, what I look like, and maybe they might flip me off or something like that, and maybe UM and I'll say sorry and waive whatever. But we're looking to de escalate those situations. Nothing good is going to

come from them. And I just thought that was I've been in so many situations, especially with men in cars, where someone will do something stupid in front of you, and by the way, stuff we've all done, we've all cut someone off unintentionally and I know you're like, no, when I go back to this person, it's because they knew what they were doing and they because sometimes there are guys with like the truck nuts and the Trump flag, they're like and like being and you know they're doing

it intentionally. But there's also people that you get mad at that just didn't know what they're not being attention. Maybe they're texting like you've never texted and driven before. I mean, this is what empathy is, is being like as understanding that that person has had a bad day and also understanding this isn't really empathy, but when you

have been in there that situation too. I've said this a million times, but people who don't let people who are running late for their plane cut in front of them. When you're not running late, you're a piece of ship because and I know you go, well, I got here in time. They just and you don't know why they're late. First of all, they could have had a sick kid, They could have whatever their alarm clock, their power went out and their phone died or something. Oh but you

know what, they were just hungover. They drank too much last night. Well you also don't know what led them to drink a lot. Like you can make a million excuses for why that person was a ship head and like just oh, well, they were just lazy. Well, you don't know why they're lazy. Maybe they had a rough childhood and didn't learn how to not pack early and

get to the airport early. Whatever it is, just know that there's gonna be a time in your life when you're late for the airport and god, are you gonna want someone to have the courtesy to go go ahead. I'm not going to make you feel bad about running late, because it's so embarrassing to run late. So when there's road rage and so and you you get mad at someone in front of you, it is all about you.

It's all about whatever you're going through that day. Honestly, you should be empathetic for yourself because you would not get mad at this person if you had your ship together, because you would understand that this person is going through their own ship and has nothing to do with you. And maybe you're like, well, they're not being safe and they could hurt someone. And if I don't hank at them and flip them off, they won't know that they're

being an asshole. They know, especially if they're doing it with intent and being a little like you know, anca they know, so you're flipping them off is not going to make anything better. And I just think it's hard because sometimes it's like you want to be empathetic or sympathetic, whatever the word you want to use, but it's like, at what point? And I guess Jocko would say, no matter what, the point, unless the guys are actually stabbing him, is he gonna try to fight back or or get angry?

Like That's the hard thing is like at what point are you like, Okay, I can't give you all these excuses because you came from a childhood that was bad, or or you got hung over because your wife, you know, spitting your food or it's putting arsenic in your food. Whatever. But but my point is is like, at what point do you stop being empathetic and start going, look, motherfucker, you need you have issues you need to change, or I can't keep giving you. I think it's when it

would like injure other people and and I don't. I gave that example of like you know someone who's rubbing their like driving, call the cops and say, hey, there's this truck going. That's how you handle it because you flipping them off and honking and getting out and yelling at them. That person is not gonna handle that well, it's only going to lead them to like beat their children when they get home and and add to it, and it's hard. I mean, this is this is stuff

that I trying to practise myself. What was that? Can I chanme in on this? Please? Just real quick? Um? I think with JOCKO is trying to say, is that don't give someone the power to influence how you feel. Yeah, that's that's what I take from that. And like in anger management, that's just like a thing that I've held onto and it's like, yeah, I don't want to give someone the satisfaction of making me feel worse than I felt two seconds ago before they cut me off. So

that's how I interpreted that. Yeah, I mean I I I hear that, but I would even challenge the way you're presenting that because I like what you're saying, but even the way you're presenting it is doing something like I wanna I don't want to give them satisfaction. I want to take away their pleasure. So I wouldn't even

phrase it that way. I would phrase it like I don't want my uh, the way that I'm feeling after having that inter interaction that didn't need to necessarily happen if I was able to just apply empathy and de escalate. The tension I'm now feeling is going to have a ripple effect for people in my life, and it's going to cause people in my life pain. And I want to not do that, and it's gonna cause me pain obviously the rest of the day's stress. You're you're like,

all your stress hormones go up. It's gonna like aide you and cause you pain. So as much as it's like don't give them the satisfaction, I don't like that phrasing because it means like I don't want you to be happy, and and I'm not saying like, oh, well, then give them the satisfaction, because then that I'll make them feel good. Um Because honestly, the satisfaction they feel, even if you do give them what they want in terms of like escalating, is not going to actually make

them happier, even if they think it will. Um. So, but I understand what you're saying. That's a good way to phrase it for people who are still making that person the enemy, because you're like, I don't want to make that fucking motherfucker happy. So I'm not. I'm gonna be stoics so that they they don't get to smile and know that they affected me, but they did affect you, But no they don't. No, no, But I'm saying that.

How you're phrasing it and how I think what you're saying though, is like make it more about I'm reacting. This is how I'm going to react, no matter. It's not because of you. It's not because I'm doing it to defy you or to piss you off. It's not even having to do with you anymore. Well, you're doing it for yourself and for the your loved ones who are going to be affected by the mood change that is, uh like comes from this interaction. But I mean it's

so important. Like anger is such a um an insane It just really hijacks your brain and can make you say and do the wildest things. Like I was talking to someone about it yesterday about like things you've said to people to just like just really just I mean, my dad always just to say, Nicky, you go for the juggular, and I always just felt like the worst person because he was like, God, you take it from

zero to sixties so fast. Nikki always goes for the juggular, and I was like, I always like, why do I have to have a biology lesson with your insult that I have to go look up without me? But yeah, like I would just I would go after the meanings thing.

But really what I was going after was let's acknowledge what's going on in this house that no one will And in the moments of anger, I was able to be like, actually, it's all because of mom doing this all the time, and I would say the thing that no one was talking about, which what he would say was the jugular, which was really the thing that was really on my life, as opposed to being like, well it's because mom's ugly, I wouldn't say that. I would

say something that no one wanted to talk about. Yeah, and that was apparently going for the juggular. But again, I have empathy for my dad, who, um like, didn't grow up in a house where people talked about feelings. So you know, I'm reading this book right now called Running on Empty, and I really recommend people check it out.

It's about emotional neglect in families, and it's not you know, if you grew up in a house where there's addiction issues and physical abuse like and you know, incess molestation. Those are really like very concrete things you can point out and go, Okay, that's why I'm fucked up, and it's it's not better than than um, you know, emotional neglect, which is a little bit more insidious, and you A lot of people struggle because they go, I had such

loving parents that gave me everything. I didn't go to school hungry, I was well fed. My parents said I love you. You know, you might have the story of your parents being perfect, and you go, why am I still fucked up? Why do I don't like myself and I'm in bad relationships? And it's because you probably suffered emotional neglect from your perfect parents, because no parents are perfect. Even the best parents of the world have some cases

emotional neglect. There's ten types of emotional neglect that are written about in this book called Running on Empty that I found about on Reddit. We're gonna get to read it dump later, but I've I've turned all my friends onto it because I feel like so many of my friends did not suffer really obvious trauma. They suffered just they they had everything provided for them. They came from either rich families or like their welting care of their parents.

Weren't like guttural alcoholics. That's Rachel fine science word. Um, but they were just like you know, maybe had a you know, computer addiction, TV addiction, depression, and these are all things that you go, My mom loved us, but she was you know, really depressed. And it's like that really fucked you up in ways that you don't even know. And you're not allowed to let yourself ever feel bad for yourself for that because because but I never was hungry and my parents said I love you, and I

was never I was always got whatever I wanted. So this book kind of helps you pinpointed and if anything, it really helps you have empathy for your parents and not blame them in and um, I'm reading it now. My I talked about my parents emotional neglect on stage this weekend and my my aunt was in the audience, and my aunt wrote to me later and was like, UM, you know, I'm I'm actually it was really nice to

hear you talk about that. I because I told her, you know, you really inspired me because she made a joke of like, oh she was my she's my godmother, and I was like, she was like, I barely even like talk to you. I'm sure I was such an influence and I go, you were. You were like a very career driven woman, very successful and just kill like start your own business, multimillionaire like boss bitch. And I

was like, it's hugely influential. And she wrote to me and she was like, I sacrificed a lot for that, Like my my kids need a lot of therapy because I wasn't there for them because of that night. Was like read Running on Empty, not only so you can realize where you got that from from your own parents,

but also empathize with yourself that you aren't perfect. And this book makes you feel if you're a parent right now hearing this, it'll hold your hand and make you feel less bad about because you're always you're gonna do something. And so I even told I go, I'm reading this book.

It's helping me have empathy for my parents and not being mad at them about it and acknowledge it and also prepare me for when I have kids to know that I'm gonna funk up too, and it's it's okay, and that there are ways to to work on it. Next story. Sorry, I spent a lot of time on that. Jonah Hill says Instagram is the cigarettes of this time. I know, he got. He's quoted as saying it is the biggest killer. It is death, and I fully participate in it like I smoked cigarettes. Again. It's a spectrum

of what you find healthy. I have to have really limited interaction with it, he added. And so for me, I'm not dissing anybody. I'll post a selfie on Instagram. I don't give a fuck. I'm just as hypocritical as everybody else. So the point being is it's all maybe a work in progress to get towards happening. Acknowledge it. But the real truth is we're all out here selling a movie. My ego is stroked in some way. So I said yes and cool. Today I'm playing a different game.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be less self involved. Love it. You know. The first step in uh, taking care of an addiction is not quitting it. It's acknowledging that you have a problem. That's the first step of anything. So just I love that because he's not acknowledged, he's not doing anything different. He's just saying, listen, this thing we're all doing is really really bad. The thing that I'm currently doing, uh is bad? And it is I mean how many I have a timer on mine that goes Yeah, I'm trying

to be better, you know. It is so interesting. He does say, like some days you're really into it. Another day is I really don't check Instagram. And a lot of it has to do with if you post or not. If I don't post my the probability of me checking probably goes down, My percentages probably go down. Yeah, my daily average for my phone like on like for everything I'm on ten hours and ten minutes. That is I

mean that's a day. That's a day, dude. And and let me just say that I do have my white noise machine on all nights, so maybe it's a lot of that. Let me just see watch it. I don't think it's it isn't that Instagram one hour, twenty four minutes, not bad, Messages one hour, six minutes, Reddit fifty minutes every single night. Google, you know, Google twenty three minutes, Mail ten minutes, and then the rest are like, you know,

but that doesn't count, that doesn't that doesn't work. But yeah, I mean, I mean, oh, this was today I think is four minutes. No is that today? Yeah? Let me go to yesterday? Where where is it in your phone? Again? Um? Yeah? So usually let me see today wasn't turned on? Yeah you didn't want to know? Okay, So yesterday, oh my god, this is gonna be really sad. Zero minutes for me. So yesterday, oh my god, you guys, Yesterday twelve hours

fifty minutes. Instagram was one hour and fifty seven minutes. My camera was an hour and forty seven minutes. That was all me, just playing guitar. Yeah. Uh, Messages was one hour and forty minutes. That's crazy. I know. I don't know what that means. I guess I listened to voice memos and I'm on Voice. I don't know. Reddit was an hour and twelve. Safari was forty nine, YouTube thirty eight. Uh Finder? Why would I be on Finder to find a perfect section? Honestly, I was not on Finder,

so that it makes sense. Tabs twenty minutes. I mean a lot of this was just me playing guitar. But you know, um my limits for Instagram and Twitter though together two hours, like I can, and then a little thing pops up that goes you've reached your limit for today? Do you want to? And I always ignore it, but sometimes I see that in the morning. Sometimes I see that never but two hours is my limit? But will you put yours on so we can? Yeah? I did.

I put it on, and you know I do. I'm look, I don't post on TikTok, but I'm probably on TikTok at this point more than Instagram. Uh. The nice thing about TikTok you don't see your friends on there. It's just random strangers. So there's no like connectiveness to or competitiveness or like what are they doing? What am I not doing? Some reason, strangers trigger me so much more because I can, really I can project more perfection. If it's my friends, I'm like, I know that person's an alcoholic,

I know that person has abusive relationships. I know that person is so insecure. I've seen them certain comedians like selling out Arenas or whatever. That doesn't affect you at all. They're close to you know, I'm not anymore. Like there's

there's a couple of comics that there. Their popularity triggers me, and I mute them and I don't go to their stuff, and if I see it, it will trip me up for like, I think I went to one person's a couple like a week ago, and it tripped me up for like two hours, and I was kind of going down a rabbit hole. I was watching all of their content being like, is this person as funny as they

are popular? And the truth was yes, and it instead of me going I would prefer them to be not funny, so I could go, God, people are so dumb fucking Trump, Like this is all just Trump, like drum Trump. But but the person he was as funny as I didn't want him to be. And when I saw that, I was like, Nikki, first of all, you're funny, You're hilarious. If you're able to acknowledge how good this person is, like and you know I'm that means I'm like, as

funny as this person. I need to work a little bit harder if I want to be this good or I need to acknowledge that this person. I don't know them personally, but he probably doesn't have the fulfilling relationships you have. He probably doesn't do a podcast every day. He probably does and play guitar for two hours a day.

He probably doesn't enjoy Taylor Swift music and like feel emotional, going runs, and like there's a lot of stuff that I'm doing that isn't crafting perfect jokes that is contributing to my well being and uh and my art. Essentially. I might not have perfect I might have a lot of likes and ahems, and I might not remember things that I say all the time. But you know, when I'm on stage, I think my happiness is going to

come through a lot more than this guy's. And I would argue that you'll be by time you're time to film the special. You have a way of word economizing and getting a rid of and just becoming pinpointed just as much as anyone else. Thanks man, I appreciate it. Thanks for the support. Let's go, let's go to a quick break and we'll be right back with why do we care? All right? Why do I care? Why do I care? Mama June forty two. Oh, Mama June responded online trolls who slam her for twenty four year old

TikTok influencer Jordan McCollum firing back. So they're dating L O L. I do very good with myself. Thanks for the concern, though, so old, so a lot of people are giving her ship. One Sword has claimed the reality star is so into her younger man, who was a single dad to a young daughter and a fellow recovering addict. Yeah she I but she might him in recovery. I wonder if she's clean now. I don't know if she has or not. I know she struggled a lot with drugs.

I I really love Mama June. I met her when I was on Dancing with the Stars because uh, what's her name? Uh honey bub Allana Honey Boo boo um was on Dancing with the Stars Juniors and they show and then then yeah she also I was on Honey Boo Boo, like her reality show. I don't even know if it ever aired, but her Honey Boo bo and her sister, her older sister was lovely, came backstage and us in Atlanta and we did we shot a little scene with them. Wheber that camera up. He was so hot. Yeah,

he was a Boston hat dude. I like DM. He never followed up anyway. Um that was years ago. Uh so um yeah, I mean I I I reached out to Allana and and at the time and said, like, if you ever need to talk or anything. I really feel for that girl who was like thrust into the spotlight very young, and her family has just been on display and ridiculed and made fun of her so long, and and they're all just so sweet. Mama June was so sweet backstage, and like, you know, they've had they've

had a hard life all, especially Mama June. You can only imagine what she's come from. And then they gave her that makeover where they gave her new teeth and put her through all this surgery, like they kind of like remember that movie that showed The Swan where they just make women who are ugly and yeah, and the Swans and they do all this surgery. It's like very intense and they have to. It's just they did that to her. And then every second they're like is she

keeping all the way? Is she losing the ways? I mean, she's just someone that will never win. You know. People are like, well, you're dating in twenty four year old, you're forty two, how do you think your daughter feels? Like? They always like throw it on the kid, like, how are you doing that to your kids? It's like, how are you being happy? Obviously I don't know from the

little time I did spend with honey boo boo. She seemed very funny and very like like with it and easy going, where she would be like, good job mom, Like I kinda want to sun the guy, like I think she'd be funny about it, like from what I gathered, this guy's give me a break. And would we be talking about this if the other way around. No, I'm literally dating a year old on forty one. There we go,

the same difference. Yeah, if I had a kid, people would probably and she was like twenty, people go, oh my god, she's the same age as your daughter. Yeah. Well they share coloring books and they actually have fun together. Yeah, they color in between the lines sometimes. Yeah. I just like, it's just ease off, Mama June listening to the stop commenting celebrities anything negative, anything, I just quit it. I want to do it all the time. I want to comment on celebrity, and I do it on the show.

I'm a hypocrite. I'm going to continue to do it. But when I find myself wanting to comment or write a YouTube comment or a Reddit comment that's negative, stop it. Just you don't know these people. Stop. Also, if she was hot about your friends, but you don't shoot on them with your friends, but don't actually write about it and tweet about it, you lose her. And if she was hot, like Demi Moore got Ashton Kutcher. But Demi Moore was a hot older woman, she was a cougar

that took down a little baby lamb. But because she's not pretty and this guy's like a little bit muscular, I mean he's not like insanely handsome whatever, But it's like, what God, like, that's it's because she's not attractive whatever. Also, what I did find funny about the story though, because Mama June buys them two cars, and you would think, like, oh,

she brought them like two teslas. She bought him an uh two thousand thirteen Maxima that broke down, and then because it broke down, she got him a two thousand nineteen Maxima. Like that, that's a responsible purchase for your new boyfriend. Maybe he's becoming an uber driver and needs a make that's an income for him. I don't know, Like,

just I really mean this. If you're someone and I and I used to be you two who has an opinion about celebrities and wants to tweet about it, and you don't have a right to do it, and I would, I would actually examine what you're going to comment, and I bet it has something to do with your own life, and it just but you're you don't know these people, and you don't have a right to comment on them.

You can talk about them in your personal life with your husband and your friends and gospel you want, do not tweet about it because these people have families and people have daughters and and it's just none of your business. Stop it. I read on dem mois on the Reddit. I'm gonna get to the Reddit dump here in a second. But I see these celebrity savvy like little catty bitches on you know, the gossip blog that on their Instagram story they write all these like you know, posts about

celebrities doing different stuff, and it's all blind items. It's all people just ratting celebrities out, overhearing their conversations, spying on them in public. Oh, he was cuddled up with this girl and the girl got up when he got from the table. The girl seemed to be texting and like making fun of him, and it's like none of this, he didn't need to know any of this and he's definitely gonna see it. Because whenever I see my friends

on there, I always go nick vile. Someone said you look yummy on DOM He's like eight people have sent me this thank you, and I'm like, you do look yummy. Um. But if it's positive, these people always right, yeah, if you're it's positive. That's why I love the Nicky Gleezer subreddit.

I think what happens though, is I think with reality television people think they could comment because they're it's it's more personal because you're commenting on their actual life as opposed to critiquing a TV show or something that's you know, fiction. Even though we all know Reality Team. I would even say that, like, just you and comment, you get you get to even look at these people's lives. And I know you're like, well they get paid a lot. Now,

they really don't. He doesn't pay that much. To be honest with you, it's not people are going. Brett Butler apparently made like twenty six million dollars when she did Grace under Fire from two from six to two thousand, and she squandered it all with bad husbands, gambling. I saw her one night at Ralph's at grocery store and she was buying gigantic stuffed animal Siberian tigers at a grocery store in the middle of the night in l A. And I was just like, oh, that woman is has

a spending problem, no judgment. She seemed like lovely and I've done that before. I've been erratically spending before too. And now she's doing a go fund because she's fucking broke. And people are like, well, what, but you just you appeared on American Horror Story last year and you were also in that um on hacks in that one episode, like she was did bit parts and she goes, yeah, I made twelve dollars and after taxes, six hundred dollars from that one show. Celebrities actors don't make a lot

of money, you guys. I just get the Reddit someone that spends a ship ton of money and ends up broke. Reddit dump, Reddit dump, reddit dump. Okay, so, oh my god, that would actually be a good song. You know what people are singing a lot of This is karaoke mode, this is professional mode, and they're singing the f Boy song a lot too. I like the bus, but it was like the buzz. Okay, so this Reddit. This is due. Okay, this will be the new Reddit song. Okay, now ready

and in one of our best seas. Can you guys take this and just put music to the background and make one for us. This is your wait hold on, I want to I want to really do a good because you don't get that. No, we should go get the microphone and do it. It's on It's on the couch on the side karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dom alright. It sign for Reddit dump. This is where I go through my saved items and Reddit stuff that I wanted to show you guys. Here we go, Here

we go. This is from the subredd Starbucks, where people employees of Starbucks and patrons just vent about their frustrations mainly and about it. Yeah they VENTI uh a latte? Okay, so yeah we did we did it. The podcast is over you guys, thank you so much for listening. Now okay, this is from This is a tweet from Jake Jake Woody. Yea as name is Jake wood but it's Jake Woody on on Twitter. I loved this. This is from yesterday. He tweeted this or two days ago. This girl at

Starbucks yelled across the place. Uh, that's enough ice to one of the breezes, and the breeze yelled back, this isn't your order. Oh yeah. I mean I creoned so hard when I read that, because I've done that before where I've commented like, oh, actually I wanted almond milk and they're like, this isn't yours. I'm like, I am so sorry. I'm gonna step back, and I'm so annoying and I hate myself, So don't be that person. Okay, this is uh from ask reddit. I loved this one.

I was dying to hear both you and Noah's response to this uh. The question was what was the greatest pleasure you ever felt? The greatest pleasure you ever felt? Now, let me share a couple of the top ones from this reddit. UM. This guy said getting a job offer days after rounds of interviews and assessments. UM. One guy said wake and wake induced lucid, dreaming and flying and

said dream never felt anything more pleasurable before. Someone said watching people enjoy food I cooked, it never gets old. Person said finishing a marathon and this one said, Uh, this one's kind of gross. I got surgery to fix a broken nose so I I couldn't breathe better, so I could breathe better. This involved having my nose packed with packing essentially tampons for weeks. It wasn't the removal of the packing that was amazing. It was the first

time I blew my nose. Shortly after, it felt like a half cup of mucus was pulled directly from my brain and there was a golf ball andrew sized in the tissue. The best feeling I titlist, the best feeling I ever experienced was directly after that. We're breathing through my nose was so incredibly easy. I felt like a superhuman who conditioned in the andies for months of something. I laughed with excitement. Can you guys think of anything? Um? I got to probably one hosting for you, a Carolines.

Really very first show was really amazing because it just felt like I finally was like starting like there was something there and then secondly fixing my anal fisher Like the feeling after it, Yeah, I mean it's the same thing as a guy blowing his nose is like pooping without pain. Because I knew that it would, you know, and every day, every time you poop. It just is like rewarding every time. Wow, Noah, can you think of anything that was the best feeling you've ever felt. I

also have two real quick ones. So any time I act against the negative wiring in my brain and get a positive result, which I guess, like an example of what we talked about earlier, it always feels really good. Um. And then I guess Another one is Um, I did ear candling. I don't know if you guys know what that is. It take out the wax. Yeah, and it like sucked all this wax out, and I felt so clear headed. And then I got that cleaning my ear with a cute tip. It was like orgasmic. Oh I

love a cute tip in the ear. Oh my god, I love it so much. I mean, I have my greatest pleasure as yet to be had. And it's when someone lets me dissect their AWAR award that I really want to get into. That will be my greatest pleasure. I'm serious, Um mine is And these are weird ones. I'm a freak. Go fine is when I have shin splints because I get them really really, really bad. I

used to in high school. I couldn't walk. I had a quit field hockey because of it, and I sucked, but I truly no. I I was nicknamed Grandma Jennifer because I used to iron my hair like Jennifer an since and I limped, and so they called me Grandma Jennifer because I lived when I ran possessions with so bad. But right here along my I have exterior like uh in flints and when they get inflamed, they hurt so bad.

And when someone just goes massages down them and the pain of it, being like tortured is pleasure for me. I love I love sore muscle pain so much. And I remember going to get one I am when I got um a massage with my pedicure and this woman, I go, can I just get twenty minutes of whatever that is? And just and sometimes I'm like I get ballsy enough to ask for what I want in a massage and just like this woman just made me feel comfortable and I was like, just right here and just

hard as you can. And I was just like, ah, like the you know, I've been next to you when you get foot massages, and I never see a more happy present. It's the best feeling in the world. Yeah, And then the other one is when a guy that I like text me back, Like when I get the confirmation that a guy that I think doesn't like me does like me, that feeling like, oh my god, he likes me. Like, oh, it's just the best feeling. Okay, So here's another one. Um uh oh, this was interesting.

This was on ask Men, which is just a thing it took me. This guy says, it took me until I was seventeen to realize that percent. The percent sign quite literally means per one hundred scent is a hundred in French. What is something that took you way too long to realize? Now? I love the answers of this because I learned some things. Um. Someone said, wasn't until my thirties that I learned sitcom stands for situational comedy. Um. And then someone said, I always thought peanuts grew on

trees or bushes. Turns out they grow underground, which explains why they're sometimes dirt on the shell. Always goober. Also goober just means peanut. Um. Elevators in the U S ding once for going up and twice for going down. Part of the Americans with Disabilities Act for non seeing individuals.

I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it anyone. You guys have any I mean literally all of these I just learned, but off off, off putting, off putteen I thought was off putting until about five years ago, and not even like a joke, like I really thought it was just off putting. And I was off putting by thinking it was off putting. No, I was off it was all putting and Hyena, Hyena's I remember the story how you found that out? It was like in front of your coach. Yeah,

I told him, Yeah, like an old teacher on a reunion. Yeah, I said, I wasn't even in high schools. After at school, I said I was on a hyanus from working out, and he goes, okay, And then I walked away and my brother goes, you mean, hiatus, you told him you have a tall ask And I go in that was

off putting, and he goes putting. Yeah, I thought the one that really got me and and made me feel like I just go how did you not know that when I was a kid and until my adulthood and this I've known this probably for ten years now, and thought it was so hilarious that I didn't put together.

I couldn't believe that everyone who died on the highway or on the road always died on the side of the road where the like no crashes, No, there were no casualties ever in the middle of the road, that the car would crash and then the person would eventually die where the cross was right. The cross would always

be where the person pished. And then one day I was like, wait, are you envisioning them getting in the accident, walking out of the car, and then in the road the cars tumbling into the side of the road, and that's where they die. Does happen very often? Sure? But I never I go, that's so funny that most of the time it happens on the side of the road. I just And then one day I was like, oh my god, they can't put a fucking cross in the middle of the road, you idiot. They just move in parallel.

And then I go, I don't trust anything because I want to know where someone exactly died, Like I'm kind of like morbid like that where I'd like to know exactly where. Um. This one made me laugh. Someone said, I've never been a big gamer the through most of secondary school, high school, in us peak. They said, I had no idea Call of Duty was C was c O D and c O Sorry, I had no idea Call of Duty and c O D were the same game. So when this person would read c O D, they

thought it was a different game. And actually I thought c O D was a fishing game. There was a game from COD that guys were playing with their final thought Andrew, why do they why did they still do

they outlined these dead bodies? It makes me think of that, like because I was like in movies like a trope in movies like under like oh, like like White Chalk, because they need for forensics, they need to get the body out of the way because it's like a body and they need to h when they do the crime scene investigation, they need to understand where the body was so that it maybe fell in a way because it

was How long would it stay there? Though, because in movies like I'm thinking of Coming to America, they go into the apartment, like the shitty apartment and there's like a body outline. I wonder how long you guess until the forensics person comes in and wants to play Hot Scotch, So they have to you know, wash it off and draw a new little thing. I mean, I don't know.

That's a good question. I guess maybe till the rain comes, or I'm guessing when the forensics team cleans up and they pick up all the caution tape, they also go, hey, can I get a bucket of water? If I ever die on the road, will you put the cross in the middle of the street. No, because you can't. No. No, just like spray painted on the ground, so then it's flat. Yeah. If I ever die, but from a traffic collision, I definitely, I don't want to cross. I wanna. Um, what is

something I like? You know how someone gets with on a bicycle? They do like a white bicycle. I do, and you've seen white bicycles? No, h do you know about? Yes? I know. So if someone dies, a lot of people like families. If someone's it's just to raise awareness for like most likely it's a white guy on a No, they do like an albino bicycle and you shouldn't look at it. It's bad luck. No. I'm just making a reference to do you put your thumbs up when you

go past a graveyard? Did you ever hear that? Or hold your breath? Hold your breath, I've heard, but I don't do that thumbs up. Arlington Stary almost died that day that we toured that way in school. But they just fall into a grave. They're they're like superstitious bitch over here, she took one for the team. Will let her, will let her lay here. But the thumbs up is to go to heaven. Oh, I guess like I do want to, like, it doesn't matter what happens when I die,

Like you know the playlist that I want. I do have a funeral playlist on my Spotify that I want you to be able to access. That's why I've given you and my parents my password on my phone so you can get in, even though none of you are to remember that I gave it to you. Is it the same as the computer? No? No, and you can't even remember that one? All right? But okay, so, but

it doesn't really matter what happens. I don't believe that they're's like I'm gonna be like watching what happens and being like gutty funked up the playlist And I know, I mean, like, yeah, I will live my um dying before you. If I if we had to put money on it. I don't know, man, I see myself kind of tragically dying. And I don't mean to be morbid, and I don't want to say I'm not going to take my own life. I'm not going to cause it. But I just know that accidents happened, and like a

fucking air condistrict could fall in my head. I could be crossing the street like ship happens. And I'm not saying that it would happen to me more likely than you. But you're on the golf course most days. I'm I'm running around the top. Probably die from lightning strike. Well after I hit my first hole in one yeah, oh my god, yeah, and then a pig flies by. Um Um. I don't know what I would want, but white bicycles. If you see a white bicycle, man, that means that

a person on bike was killed. Why don't pedestrians have any kind of like there's never like a walking stick or something, or a pair of shoes. Maybe I'll put a scarecrow if you die, and then like with like a quote of like bec I look like, oh that's what you meant? Um, what you know what? I wanted to share this one from this the reddit cool guides. That's like for this for people that are like that's just cool thing. Like there's always signs that are like

cool guides. This is a guide for feeding ducks. And I just think this is good information to have and to put out there if if you want to share this with people, it says think it's a sign at a park. It says thank you for not feeding us bread. And there's ducks. It looks like the ducks wrote this sign. They printed they went to Kinko's and got it printed up. I hate when things are written by the people. It's

so weird. I used to have a joke remember those little posters that used to get in the mail that were like dry cleaning coubans and they were like blue font and it would be a picture of a missing child.

What do you remember these? No? H So you would get like sometimes they were inserts in like the coupon, uh you know, newspaper selection thing you get and it would be like a white card and it would say have you seen me on it and then on the back it would be like coupons, but it would be like awareness for missing children and would say have you seen me? And it would have a picture of a child, and it was like, I don't, like, have you seen me?

I was like, no, I haven't seen you. I haven't been like, you know, draining lakes any time, so I haven't been going through your uncle's crawl space. I haven't seen you, like, you know, just making a joke of like, this child is dead. Why do you if you're alive, you have a printing press of some sorts. I feel like it's a marketing employ to be like you're gonna die soon. You might not have clean clothes, like do your laundry. No, I think it's actually trying to do

good and trying to find missing children. But you know, people companies us like the fear. Fear makes you buy more. Yeah, but I don't think fear of your child becoming missing would can make you go get you know, dry cleaning anytime soon. You haven't read the dry cleaning. So here's the thing. Thank you for not feeding us bread, says the ducks. Bread makes our tummies hurt and makes us ill. Bread does not contain the right nutrition or calories that

we need to survive. It makes us think we are full, and then we don't eat the food we need. It also pollutes our water and causes nasty surface algae which kills our fish friends and gives us diseases. What should we eat half cut, seedless grapes, chopped lettuce, bird seed, peas, corn, and oats. I'm a duck now, I just added that. Yeah, I felt like, I feel like you could have wrote that like it's for a human. It's like, so, that's just good to know. I used to always feed uh

duck's bread when I'm in the park. It's just like a commonly known thing. A little did I know it was not a good thing to do. But I will say one of the most satisfying sounds in the world that I should have maybe answered for that that reddit is the sound of a piece of bread hitting a duck's back and going like on its feathery like layered feather back. Me and Kirsten used to be like, oh, it's so satisfying there, like a piece of bread, like a heavy piece of bread not only hurt the duck,

but like you know, we wouldn't try to. I mean, eventually we tried to just throw it on its back because it would be funny to see all the ducks like try to go for the duck. But like, if you do ever, just throw one piece of bread, well I have, I have a grape would sound good on a duck's back. Throw seedless grapes, chop lettuce, bird seed, peas, corn and oats, expensive bread or insurance policies black. Alright, guys, thank you so much for listening to the podcast today.

We will be here tomorrow, uh, Andrew, uh, and I will not be cooked. We hope you're not going to be kicked. And uh, we hope we'll be here tomorrow. And then we don't have to put up any roadside uh you know, bicycles or I'm gonna put up a white mirror in my living room to pay homage to the one that used to be there. I know I'm scared, as long as you didn't hurt our room. But um, thank you so much for listening. See tomorrow, don't be kat ad Er