#89 A Moment's Notice

there in a moment's notice. It's just a short Southwest flight away. God, I love Southwest. I could do without the flight attendants making jokes. Yesterday, our flight attendant was really taking some liberties before we took off. I guess they can't start the actual you know, nuts and bolts of like the like the script until you leave the gate, until you pull off the gate. I didn't know that

because he was just rambling. And then as soon as we pulled off, he goes, okay, sorry, guys, I was stalling. But he said something about I had my air pods in which muffle everything. But I I overheard him going like because we're Americans and they are We're it's all America on this flight. And I was just like let it and then I took it out, and I think he realized he was I think he was making it like he was just rambling, and then he realized it

sounded like trumpy. And then he goes, and maybe there's some visitors here. I'm like visitors, like or or what did he call them? I don't even know. I mean, no, what you are a visitor visitor to this country? Yes, I mean you moved here at what age? When I was seven? Seven? When did you get your citizen ship? I was a teenage I think it was maybe like sixteen or seventeen. Did you have to take the test and like go through all the and like memorize all

the stuff that we as Americans don't know? Well, I I was in uh school, I think I was in junior high school or I was in high school, and um, I just remember kind of freaking out about it, like a test, but it wasn't anything too complicated. Gloves of Tango recently took it and he was quizzing us on stuff, and uh, he asked me what did he ask he asked what were the original thirteen colonies? And I embarrassingly everyone at the table. It was Anya. It was on one of the It was the first stop of our

tour in San Antonio. We went out to dinner the night before. It was me, my assistant Jen h Slash, co tour manager, co tour manager, Matt Pond. Matt Pond p a is his uh musical name on your Marina. Andrew and Gleb Glub's quizing us, and I'm nailing most of the questions. They're easy, Uh like first president, who signed the um name some people who signed the Declaration of Independence? What is the Bill of Rights? Stuff like that. And then he said one of the original thirteen colonies.

I'm thinking, like, I don't I was like Jamestown. I said Rowanoke, and everyone goes Roanoke, Roanoke, and I'm like, I don't know. Sorry, I was thinking of like actual little towns, but the thirteen colonies were like states. I didn't know that, And you know what, fuck it, I know what I know and I and you know what. I want to do a segment on the show because Andrew and I find ourselves being so stupid so often and I am a know it all for sure, and

I don't. I want to make it clear to everyone that although I think I'm very smart about in some areas, I very stupid about other stuff. I remember one time on You up On when we were doing the Serious Show, we kind of toyed with doing the segment and we just tossed out a general question that was what is physics? And boy was that hilarious to listen to us try to describe in generality what physics toords. So I think a fun segment would be, um, are you like? Like

are you dumber than a fifth grader? But like how dumb are you? And then me and Andrew try to describe like concepts like what is geometry? Or um try your best to explain what a black hole is? Or string theory, these things that like I would, I would be like the you know how string theory is the name of the book I read too, learn how to do cats cradle with that weird string that you do? That I still know how to do Jacob's letter, That's the only one I can still do. Did you ever

do those? No where with the little strings? Are you like this? This? And then you go this as a kid. Yeah, but I never like, I never got it. It wasn't a thing that's stuck. What did you do as a child to pass the time? When we were waiting in cant or when we just went to to loom I forget where we flew into Cancount. Yeah, we're at the airport waiting. Um we saw two little girls doing this, yeah patty kick, but like doing doing the one that's

like really like a lot of different movements. Andrew and I have a fun handshake. That's what we used to do with kids, before phones and tablets and drugs. We used to just make up little handshakes. And I mean, I know it's been said before, but what the hell did we do before phones? Last night, Andrew didn't have his phone with him. Did you see the video I posted? He or he had his phone, but it died on

the plane. And this guy like it made I wanted to get off my phone because I felt so bad, Like it was like eating a sandwich and someone's in front of someone who start thing. He's just like, so what are your like, what are your apps doing? Like? What what's going on with ways? He just wanted to know anything. Now he didn't he was. He was just like looking at the road. I don't even know. I don't want to know what was going on in that

brain of his. He was very He was chewing on a lot of skin last night or yesterday, which is his anxiety thing. And I know it doesn't help for me to go, what's going on? Dude? You're chewing on your hand a lot? Are you anxious? Like I was trying to like, but being around someone who's constantly gnawing, I just feel like, is it something I'm doing? And yeah, it could have been. Well, we'll get to the root of it. Now. What did you do as a child

to pass the time? Like what we're If you were in a waiting room, I mean what kids aren't waiting rooms? But like you know, when you were a kid and didn't you know, let's not say, let's say you didn't watch work with no technology, what were you doing? Well, if I was in a waiting room, I used to have like the mad libs to do that for entertainment. Math lips were so fun and you learn, um, you know about grammar right exactly. They used to make me laugh so hard reading them back. You are so cute.

I can only imagine a little Noah reading back. Now give me an adjective, and then it's just like green and you're like green slime. It works like you're just being so cute. Mad lives were so fun. We used to do those in car rides and for some reason they were like a treat, Like why couldn't we just have mad libs all the time? Do you ever think about the things you got as a treat as a kid, and you're like, that wasn't that like expensive my parents?

It wasn't like disney Land. My parents could have just gotten us. Mad lips are like a buck for four of them for like you know those they came where the binding is at the top, kind of like a notebook. And then did you ever do word searches? You know? Uh yeah, like like that puzzle and you would have fun love those. I loved all the word games. Those are fun for children. When you see an adult doing a word search, you need to be a special needs adult or I need you to explain yourself if no

adults should be doing word searches. Sometimes already for quah uh comedian post these things on Instagram. You know these dumb memes that are like the first two words you see are the words are the things that are most important to you, And like they'll be like six and then they'll be like horny and diamonds, money, family, and it's just like I always just see, uh, you know, I see a myriad. No, I just see like I and you fall for those things where we always want

to know things about ourselves. And like, that's what I've realized on these TikTok's, anything that tells you about yourself people love. This is the TikTok I keep saying, is the one that's like, will you do it with me? Noah, Okay, this is the TikTok And this is the TikTok voice if you will. I mean it's not usually this is a man's voice that does it. You know how they pick an audience. I don't know. I don't need to explain TikTok to anyone, and if I do need to

explain it, just don't listen to this podcast. I'm just kidding. Please do. But there's this voice that isn't all the TikTok's that's so annoying. This voice is not used for this particular TikTok. This TikTok is rampant on there, but it's usually a guy's voice being like, if you want to do your model face, but I'm working on doing the TikTok voice. So if you want to know what your model face is, uh, smile without moving your face, then raise your eyebrows. Now stop, then drop everything. Then

drop your smile. Okay, no smile, it goes smile without doing anything, raise your eyebrows and then drop it all. Wait wait, drop no, drop drop the smile. We gotta find it. But it's so fun because you do it when you're watching it. There was another one the other day that was like, here's how to take the perfect selfie, and it was like, raise your eyebrows, squint your eyes, say the letter L but don't say it and it makes you do a face that is like a hot face.

I don't know, do you want to see my hot I mean, this isn't good for our audio listeners, but we got some you know video up in this, bitch. This is my um. What's your like? Go to wait? I bet I could do your go to pose? No, because I've posed so many pictures with you. God, you looked so hot in that one in too loom. It

like made me angry. I do like an up as much as like I used you know, like girls used to always take pictures from above, and the joke used to be like, hey, dad, could you get on a you know, a high dive and take a picture of me so that it's like hides double chins and it makes you look really but that's not I look better from below, like my angle I kind of look good with when I'm like, what's up? And I don't know why.

I think it's because it makes my lip look a little bit fuller because I'm I'm a t l B, a thin lip bitch. Y'all know it. Um. I did recently get a lip flip though. I got a little injectables right here and it makes it go brup. It's pretty cool. I just got a Sephora hall. I want to go through really quick, maybe a little a smri and um. And you know, like, if there are guys listening to this, you're not interested. Maybe you have girls in your life and you need to get them a gift.

Maybe we'll find something in here that you would be into getting. I got this last night. Um, I do not remember what I ordered late at night on Sephora, on my Sephora app. Um, I did this on stage this week and no uh. I went through a girl's purse and she had a Sephora coupon or AUM receipt. It was a long story, but Anya's guitar didn't work on stage for some reason. It was not working. I had to go out and save her, and so I go, let's just let's just talk and so no, um, sorry.

Anya and I were talking about living together, and I was like, she used to do a really good impression of me when I would come home from my day, and she needed a someone's purse to do it, because the impression is her throwing her opening the door, throwing her purse on the ground and going it's just like going like that. So that's her great impression of me,

because that's the way I am. But she took this girl's person and I go, I'm actually gonna take this purse while on so on his guitars fists and I go, I'm gonna take this backstage? Can I go through it and like make fun of stuff in here? And the girl was like sure, her name is Taylor Glazer. I open her wallet backstage while I just singing, and her name is Taylor Glazer. Her last name is Glazer, spelled

the same way mine is. And I realized, Taylor Glazer is the name that I hope someday exists for Taylor Swift when we get married and she takes my name, because I feel like I'll be the masculine energy in that relationship. Okay, let's get through the Sephora hall. How much money do you think I spend at Seaphora? Noah, damn it. It It doesn't say, it doesn't say, but it's it's gotta be. I mean, I can look it up on my app. It's gotta be like three bucks. I

think maybe four. It's so disgusting. What did you guess? I guess two hundred and thirty two dollars and sixty three cents. That's the number that came to my head. Two dollars and sixty three cents. I mean, I have to check if you're right, because that is so specific. It's like beautiful. Okay, um, order order order info. Sorry, this is not interesting. Oh god, it won't even give it to me. Fuck it. We'll find it later and we'll we'll we'll get to it for the final thought. Okay,

so I got this thing called Glowish by Hydra. Who to Who to beauty me? Who to beauty me? This is light? Oh it's this is um a bronzer. I needed a new compact bronzer because I've been using like a big palette of bronzers and it's too big and sometimes I forget and I need to bring it backstage. So this is the light color Glowish. It's not very light at all. It's gonna look awesome. I'll put a little on because I didn't have any I also got

either Beauty Topaz Mini Crystal palette. I'm guessing this is eyeshadow. Do you wear eyeshadow? No, not so much, but I always put it on when I wear my waterproof cat Bondie Island your what proof my water water my water proof your waterproof cat bondi eyeliner because that takes it off easier when it's not directly on my skin. Uh yes, okay, God, it's almost like you use it as a primer. Primers are what there is used so that it sticks and then it kind of comes off easier. Yeah, this is

a cute. Um. This is a great little palette. I don't like the big palettes of eyeshadow. They're always like four colors like you're a little like the kind of um marker sets I used to get as a kid too much. This is just eyeshadow. Do you use your finger? Do you have an actual one for I use a brush because I buy brushes all the time. I always buy synthetic like cheap brushes. Brush I you don't need

to invest a lot in brushes. I always bry brush kits to keep them like clean and separate, but they always end up just mushy in my bag and I never clean them. I just buy new ones. It's it's not very green, um it. This what I do with my eyeshadow is like and this is honestly, this is not helpful to anyone who does into eyes. But what I found is like the creases on the side, I

don't go all the way on the lid. I do a light lid, and then I do like black in the in the crease on the side on the very side. Then I did bye bye under I This is by I T Cosmetics, which does my favorite C C cream, which is the only foundation I use. And this is an under eye uh stuff. Oh and look at what that? Look look what I got. You remember when I revealed

my favorite skincare product. Yeah do you? Maybe you don't. Well, if you don't, you gotta go back and find it because I'm only going to reveal it once because I didn't want anyone else to get it. I got five of them stocking up bitches. Um, it's by the ordinary. I'll tell you what it is again, plant derived squalling. It's amazing. You can use it as lube, you can use it on your face, your body, whatever you want. Let's just get through this. Oh, this body wash is amazing.

I got this from idea from the Cut. The Cut is this The Strategist? Sorry? New York magazine has a blog or a website called The Cut. I think it's no the Strategist. It's all about buying things. I mean, it's like so stupid and consumerist, and I'm I hate that about it. But it also just tells you there's one thing where it's like ten things I couldn't live without, and celebrities do it. They actually I asked them to interview me for it, and I made a whole list

and they never published it. But um, I got this idea, I think from Nina Dobrev's Ten Things you Can't Live Without. And it's called Nissair Nisssair, the body washed um and it's eucalyptus smell and it is amazing. It just smells. It's like twenty bucks but it's body washed and it's a Oh. I can already smell it. It's so good. I really recommend this, and it's boys like it, girls like it. It just smells really really good. It makes you feel rich. It's like from us, like it smokes

like a hotel spot. I got a new eyebrow um uh pencil, which I'll lose another one of these six. I got a brow powder duo from Anastasia that I'll probably lose and never really use. Oh. I got a a soft pinch. I think this was on sale. Oh rare beauty lips hearted mm hmm. Yeah. This I could have gotten Wet and Wild at Walgreens for and it would be the same as this that I probably spent fourteen dollars on. And then I got a Mark Jacobs highliner.

I don't even know what this is, oh eyeliner, I think, well, I usually use the cat VONDI thing too. Oh yeah, this is gonna be good. It's a um a new eyelinder, Mark Jacobs, no big deal. And then a sephora simple um brow pen killing it. Um. Oh wait, no, that's my um all right, that's it, that's my sephora. Hall. Let's get Andrew in here. Oh, I have one minute left. What could I say in one minute? Um? When I was a kid, we used to play Mash to pass the time. I loved Mash. I loved um. God, what

else did we do? Gymnastics? We would just like you jump rope. Um, yeah, but jump rope. We would do a lot of like bike riding. And but I'm trying to think of like if we were stuck in a place where he couldn't run around, Like what kind of things we would do? Oh, we would do the game where you close your eyes and you go up your arm with your finger on your friend's arm and you try to guess when it gets to the crease of the elbow and then they're wrong, and I don't know

what you prove. Um. We would finger each other. No, we didn't do that, but some kids did. You know the experiment? Don't do that? Um or do. I mean, I don't. I don't mean to tell you what to do. Um there. Uh, this weekend was so much fun. I really shout out to Taylor Glazer, by the way, who let me go through her purse and I found so many things. She let me go through her phone. She gave me her password for her phone, and I was

going through that. I was texting with her family, trying to get dirt on her, to make fun of her. On stage. She loved Disney. Her her fiance was Therego are you gonna take your fiance's name? His last name was Matata? And then she loved Disney. And then later on I put it together. I go, oh my god, Hakuna Matata, you gotta take his name you love? And no one got it, and I go, that's pretty great. I got so heckled in um Napa by a drunk

woman who loved me, which is always conflicting. We'll get into that and and so much more when I get Andrew in here right now. Andrew, Hey, Andrew, good morning, baby, No baby, come money, sugar boobs, sugar like that sugar boobs, because that doesn't that sounds baby? Is I mean for your dad? Yeah, don't no sugar. Sugar hits is what my dad calls me. But you can say sugar boobs, babies. I don't like baby. I want to save that for my lover. You hate sugar more than baby? Um? Do

I hate sugar or babies more? I don't know. I've said, I've said that I will go the rest of my life without either of them. I don't want um what's it called? What's it called? When sugar is like like added sugar? I don't want added baby, process babies or um, you know, babies in a lab or your food. I might take a baby and a lamb, though, would you rather eat a baby? Okay, let's say you were a plane crashed and you were on a You're on a plane full of process, sugar, food and babies. What would

you eat? And Andrew eat? Andrew? I would eat. I would look for people that had um hangnails that they need bitten off, and I would chew on those. They're just like you. Yesterday I showed you. I almost posted the footage of you gnawing on your hands. So Noah. When I was boarding my flight, so no Andrew and I had a little time before a flight. We ate lunched together at a table and I just noticed he was like really going hard on his hands, and I didn't want to say anything because I was like, I

want to stress you up more. But sometimes I just want to go, hey, what's going on? Like why? Because there's there's a reason why when I like, I had to put a band aid on my leg today because I was picking it because I was nervous about my day. I have a meeting leader on with my um lit agent and I haven't made a decision about my book, and that's why I'm doing that. I know it and my date later, there's a lot going on. Why why was that yesterday? By the way, not in a sexual way.

It just very cool. I don't know if you can open it up like that. Oh I got him at Sacks on sale. They're like, why is that? Why would I buy these for that much more? I don't think they were under Bucks. I think they were like fifty but they saw me coming on these, but they're on. Yeah. Marylynn rice Cup got me into having fun pants when she was on our show. She stood up and they were so fun. I go, I need more of those in my life. Well, those are fun. They're not pants,

are they Wait? What were we talking about? Right? Oh? Yeah, I mean biter. I've been a nail by yesterday you were really going hard on them, So what was going on? I think I was just still hunger. I don't know if my sam My chicken salad sandwich did the trick. Sometimes I'm just still wanting something in my mouth. Also, when I tend to drink more caffeine and I'm flying

anxieties up even though I don't feel that. You always tell me to get you a cold brew, and I always get you an iced coffee because cold brew is so much more caffeine. And I don't think you know that. I think you just think it's another word for ice coffee. And I was right, No, not completely. I knew cold brew. I didn't know how much stronger it was. Yeah, I'm just trying to I mean, I'm trying to help you out a little bit here and there. You love changing

my order. You get my order and then you go, well, this is actually what Because the thing is Andrew doesn't even yesterday at the because Andrew will just happen, let me get a let me get He doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't Andrew so often, but it's true. Yesterday we were we were at the airport. Don't go, don't do it. I did it. There's food in there actually from either the pizza last night. No midnight ships by the way, I just had a pizza late at

night at so yeah, I had a morning ship. But anyways, Yeah, yesterday, we get to the airport a little bit early, and I get through sooner than him because I'm t s a Prix and he's regular, he's one of the polabs. And I get through, and I am well, I I like it's a shore. It's not a long terminal like we're talking a quarter mile back and forth right like

not even back and forth like the whole thing. And I like to go about every food option, especially when I have time before I select what I want because I want to have the best possible want. Now, if we're talking there's like four terminals, I'm not where I have a short amount of time. I'm not gonna I'm gonna just choose something. I always mitigate, you know, But Andrew will always he will just pick what's right in front of him, as opposed to walking one gate down

that might have his favorite thing he's ever eaten. He'd rather eat a shitty sandwich that will just do the trick. Now, I don't know if you're an Andrew or Nikki, if you're a llama or a hedgehog, but hedgehogs just take whatever's in front of them, and lamas like to select, No, what are you in this scenario when ms are in an airport, they're always very discerning in this scenario on

the Llama. Now, okay, and this goes for everything with you, Andrew, Like, if you would go to a store and the first rack of clothing you would see, you would instead of going throughout the whole store. Now, granted, you're saving time, but I almost don't think you're saving time because the sandwich that you eat is gonna make you. You You could find something that goes through your system better, and then you would spend less time on the toilet because you

looked a little harder. Because I looked harder and went to one place that I go Pizzas Coffee is not gonna have salads because all these salads are like you look at a salad and you go, well, this is more um nutritious and like better for you than this vegan rap. They had a vegan rap yesterday at this place, and I was like, that's what I'm gonna get. Then I go, let me just check these salads over here. Every salad was like seven and eighty calories for half of it. And I'm like, this is for like a

vegetarian salad that looks it's called like healthy salad. I'm like, and then it's like there was thirty nine grams of sugar in one of these salads. And I literally go, what the fuck? And this guy next to me like looked at me, and I go, I go third. I didn't even say it, but I'm like, thirty nine grams of sugar in this salad that has ed a Mommy, it looks like it's just lying to you about being healthy.

But those cranberries and then the dressing. I know it sounds like I'm obsessed with food, but that's You've gotta read labels, not because of calories, but you just don't think salads are gonna And I know this is everyone goes, oh, salads are we We already know, Nikki that salads can be jernky. I'm not talking about salads with fried chicken on them. That's why people go, oh, fried chicken and cheese on salads, that's really a salad. I'm talking about

salads that look healthy by all aspects of it. So then I went a little bit further and I found the most delicious thing I've ever had in an airport, quinoa with all these roasted vegetables in this vinagrette that was light and not too sugary, and it was divine. And I would have just settled for that dumb salad and not use the dressing because of the sugar, and not eating the cran beers, and it would have been bland. And I didn't do that because I wanted I just

went a little bit. You didn't even ask me if I liked my food. I like my food. I had a chicken salad sandwich with a little too much lettuce on there, so I got rid of a lettuce. It was on a croissant, just French, and I had Nacho Dorito's, which I didn't I know, I rarely eat chips, but I felt like putting some chips on top of the sandwich. I chipped it up. It was a little crunchy, a little soft burrito. Delicious. Yeah, and a diet coke. Popped it off of the diet coke. It's not my best meal,

it's not my healthiest meal. Talking about the meal we're talking about, um just going doing a little bit more to make it that much better. And and and you like the other day you posted a backstage picture of you wearing the onesie that I got. So Noah, let me explain those outfits that you may have seen on tour. So I I love to really I'm trying to go Taylor Swift like, you know, reputation tour lover. Like I'm trying to dress like a pop star on stage because

why not. You know, these are big theaters, it's a big event. I can and I want to just respect the audience to be like I dressed up for you. I'm really like giving it my all and it makes me feel important and pretty and fun. And so I was on Rent the Runway because I've been buying outfits.

They're like four dollars for a dress and then I don't wear it again and I can give it to my mom to sell on eBay and she can like sorry, I just she can tell people like Nikki Glazer war this, but people are gonna be like who or I don't even they don't even care. It's not gonna reasell for anywhere close to four hundred. Or I can do Rent the Runway, which I used to love to do. I used to do their monthly fee with it like a hundreds of the bucks and you get four outfits and

you can rotate them as much as you want. And I had a lot of fun with that for a while until I realized Rent the Wrong Way like their their buyers were just buying some really ugly stuff. But I recently went on there because they go, oh well, I never looked at their like fun like stage where like night out dresses. I was always buying like you know, daywere and they have so much fun stuff. The thing about Rent the Wrong Way is, and let me just

tell you you guys should all do this. You and your friends can wear the same exact thing if you buy a Rent the Runway thing and you rent it for four or eight days. I had to return it today. Actually I was looking and they give you so they let you pick out a size that you think is your size, and then they let you get one exercise for free just in case that one doesn't fit. Because you know, you can't try it on there, And so I realized, I generally know what size I'm gonna be.

Why don't I buy an extra size that would either fit Anya or Andrew so that we can match when we do the dance at the end. And so, yeah, run the one is a little suspicious when I'm getting a size what my size, and then a size fourteen also, which is like kind of the spectrum you might eat that bigger salad, you know. Yeah, maybe I could just tell them if they asked, Well, I don't lie, but

I could tell them I could. I could just be doing a role where I'm pregnant and uh in the in the play that I'm wearing this for um and so I yeah, you were wearing this insane jumper that made you kind of look like Harry Styles. You loved the pants, which were like kind of a flared pink pant. He loved them. Gave me a big moose knuckle though, and a and a sidecock which look terrible. But anyways, go ahead, what do you mean it didn't look terrible.

You're a little proud of your penis. It just looks like because the pants were so high, it looked like my my dick hanged farther than it normally it on a normal Parapan illusion. I like that. Yeah, I felt like David Cockerfield. We know what happened to the Statue of Liberty. Everybody made that thing disappear. Illusion run the runway. So then um, Andrew takes a picture back stage of the I'm on stage. I go, Andrew, he's when I So I go out in an outfit to to on

you finishes her song. I come out with her and then one outfit. The audience goes, oh, this is what she's wearing. Okay, we thought we'd expect more. And I go, no, no, no, just wait, I'm going to do an outfit change. Next time you see me, I will look different. So then I go back. Andrew does ten minutes. I have ten minutes to change into the jumper. I changed into the jumper. I go out on stage, Andrew h comes off stage.

Then by the end of the two hours that I did on Saturday night, two hours of stand up new stand up, and I was scared that I didn't have twenty new minutes. So thank you Monterey for staying or Nappa for staying out late that night, Andrew, while I'm on stage in those two hours, he takes a picture of himself backstage in the outfit. Maybe this wasn't yeah, and then I put it on again in Nappa Yeah, but you took a picture backstage, and then I saw it when I came off stage, and I go, Andrew,

just wait to post something. Can't you just wait until I can take a picture that isn't. His picture is blurry, it's foggy because he didn't wipe his lens. It's not even a it's a selfie in the mirror. He could have framed it, so he doesn't understand that I'm not. I don't think what do you. I understand that it could look cleaner and better. I like when it looks rugged, and I'm already in this pink outfit, so it's like I don't want it to like look perfect. I think

it's funnier. I'm leaning towards funny. The picture is already funny. I I would have to say that I don't think you understand. And I've told you this before, and maybe I'm so out of line here lighting in a picture, and like the way it looks esthetically is so in the color and the brightness and the just the pleasingness of the picture means something. I know it could be better when I'm started in Instagram live yesterday in our cab on the way home. We started one on nicki

glazer Pod. Thank you to everyone who watched. We started one in the cab. Andrew goes, we're live and it was dark. There was no lights in the cab. I think you're you lean towards the side of anal about things. You and I leaned towards more. No, I don't know. I lean we're on opposite sides of the spectrum. Some would say you're over analytical, like over look at my room.

I am not that anal when it comes to clean stuff and oh no, but if it was on video, we go, hey, let's go video your your room and put it on your main Instagram. That ship's going to be clean as fuck. No, no, it won't be clean. What it will be as well lit, because I do know that on Instagram when I'm scrolling, I tend to

like photos that are bright. When you put your phone in gray scale and make it boring looking, that's a way for people to stay off their phones more because everything looks boring brightness and lighting and a photo having good contrast. And if you send it to me, I can put it in snap Seat, which is my photo editor app that I paid five I can give me thirty seconds and I can make a photo. And I bet you anything it will get at least you do

the snap Sea thing. Obviously they've already seen the photo on my Instagram. I'm gonna do a side by side in my stories and do a poll on which one do you like. I wouldn't have I wouldn't have allowed you to give me that photo because it was so grainy, and I would have just asked you to stand in some good lighting and I would have taken a photo and then two seconds later you would have had a photo that would have killed My thing is is that I feel like my uh lack of awareness and stuff

a noise like annoyed as you. Yeah, it really does. And whenever you're o c D like, I'm so flattered when everyone thinks I'm o c D because it makes me feel like I'm clean, but I'm not. But your your attentiveness to detail and needing something to be perfect when you want it to be perfect, doesn't really annoy me them, like things get to you that I do

more than I feel like the other way around. I know, but it doesn't need to be a two way straight you know, No, you don't drive on those I understand that it's annoying. How annoyed I get at you. I just want you. I just know that you could get like likes means something to you and like it would help your brand, Like I'm just trying to help you

get your followers and have more aesthetically pleasing stuff. And I get that you just put stuff up and it's like rugged, and there's a part of you that there's a part of that about you that is so beautiful, and I wish I could embrace, like the way that you write some of your jokes. It's like the way it comes out, the way you say it right away, it's like so brilliant and you never even need to touch it again and it just works. And then and there's also something about how you can be happy with

whatever sandwiches they have backstage you don't need. But for me, you know, when I ask you, like, like, uh, you know when we got off stage on in Napa or in Monterey, when I got off stage. Uh An yet said before, like, are we going to do dinner? And I go, guys, I already put on my writer everything I want to like satisfy me for food for tonight. I kind of just like eat all my snacks for dinner and I like that. And I made it clear

to you, guys. I sent each of you an email from my assistant saying what would you like on the writer, so that whenever you're hungry backstage, you have exactly what you would want, and none of you put anything on it. It's free food. I put a couple of things. I

put cashews and dates. I should put some chicken salad and some But Andrew is a person that when you the other night, you know I went to the grocery, I was going to Whole Foods Foods, I finished my run and I took a scooter to Whole Foods because it was too far away. After my run, you scooted from our apartment to No No No. I went on a run and then my run went didn't end exactly

where I wanted it to at four miles. I was stopped at four miles and so then I scooted the rest of the way on my little line was so fun, I wrote Andrew, and I go, hey, I'm at Whole Foods. Do you want anything? And I always know what he wants, A zv we we always want more zvia and so that's a foregone conclusion. Um. And he wrote back, no, I'm good, And then I had already grabbed him four pizza, three pizzas, No, two pizzas, one for myself, which he ate the one that was for me. But that's okay.

I didn't tell you I got you too. How am I supposed to know that? Because it was vegan? And then I got you two cauliflower ones for you've been Oh I thought, I thought I brought It doesn't matter. But this is why I don't ask, because I don't care. Does hurt your feelings? It doesn't hurt my feelings. But you break when you break things down. You're so attentive to these kind of things that I'd rather have you not get me anything, and then it just be separate

and we have a boundary there. Rather than you go, well, I got you this pizza and then this pizza was for me, he goes, no, I'm good, and I go, I got you pizzas. I'm already in line, it's fine, and he goes, thanks, and that was it. So that I got home and guess who immediately puts a pizza in the oven because he has nothing else to eat. I knew he had no food at home. That's I knew that already because I live here. What would you have done? What I've eaten without you? I can eat

without you? But listen, I go, no, I go, what would you have done if I didn't get you that pizza that's now in the oven? And he goes, I would have gone to Whole Foods and I go, but I was there and I asked if you wanted something, and I would have bought it for you. And why wouldn't you just tell me? Because I because, like I said, I don't I'm not being like I need to do it myself whatever, but I just feel like when we start buying things for each other, it just it can affect.

Like today I add a Zevia and you're like, hey, can you wait on to Zevia? Then that makes me go, well, I don't want to share anymore because now there's counting. Now there's not counting. I just don't have a lot left. But there was no, there was a fool fool for me. That's not all I need two cases, I know. But so like before I left, right and I don't. This is why, like I bought a whole thing of ZeVA.

When I got back there was no Zevia left. I don't give a ship because you've gotten a ton of ship and I I try to get just as much ship and think about it as well. But so then when you go, hey, don't have anymore Zevia, when it's one of the say don't, I said, hey, would it be okay if you ate drank the spin drifts that we got? Said a ton of spin drifts that you like? And I go, can you have spin drifts until you

get us more Zevia? That's all I said. I know, But then that but why does that make you feel so sad? I didn't say it's what the funk? I wasn't throwing things at you. I think, Um, you're scared of just being confronted about anything. Yeah, I mean, I just don't understand what the what's so bad about me saying hey, these z is that? I but you're not

scared to confront no? Because why so? I think that's where we have a disconnect because I think like times when like like yesterday, like we're in a car and you wanted to put something on on the radio that wasn't for me at all, and he didn't ask me at all, and I know that we're all You said, can you take this off the radio? And I said, okay, I know, I know, but I almost just had it on the whole time. Well, that would have been you not having boundaries. And that's not my fault. I'm not

saying it's your fault. I'm I'm saying it's partly my fault too. Like I was honestly putting it on because I thought it was going to be better than you being in silence with me listening with my headphones, which was I think for me it would have been better with low music with that in your ears. I couldn't have music on because I needed to hear it. Yeah, well I ended up playing lay Miss on my left here.

But I will say I looked at your phone when we were when we were flying and you were sleeping next to me, and it's it was lame as like I dreamed most time going by. It's just so funny that Andrew is like wearing all this golf attire, like just such a dude, and it's just lame miss on its pond like constantly. Why don't we have singly miss on our lives. There is a castle cloud. I like to go there in my sleep. We need to get too news. Please pull up the news first. Here first,

Oh so good. We California did it up? Boy, what did northern California where the girls are warm now they're a little bit colder, didn't didn't bring enough of a jacket. Yeah, that was surprising. I was ready for the code. Yeah. He was wearing a sweatshirt when we had to go get Starbucks on Friday morning, and I go, what what are you doing? What are you dressed for the winter? And we went out and I learned my lesson Andrew was correct. Your nipples were freaking poking. Oh my god,

I didn't wear braw this weekend, like at all. I'm going brah. Yeah, I noticed that. All right, Well, now you're gonna go s go back to calling me baby. Don't call me sugar boobs, don't call me baby. Look at this, let's get to the news. A couple on a bike ride near Lake in France called the cops after they thought they saw a corpse taped up in a black bin bag floating. When cops arrived, they discovered it was someone's inflatable sex doll. I look like a sex all right now when I go, you kind of

have a sex doll. Look, you're like a Stepford wife sometimes like very like you could be like one of those robot girls from Austin Powers like take me, Oh my god, you really nailed it. When we were watching f Boy Island and Sarah at one point looked like the she was so shocked by something. She looked like one of the um the fembots malfunctioning and awesome powers when they go like these boots are made and they're like wait where and then they start function. It was

it was such a good observation sex doll. I mean this must happen all the time, that sex dolls are mistaken for corpses, because I mean they're the size of humans. Would you ever fun a sex doll? Yeah? All right, get me one. Would you fuck a corpse? Uh? Do I know the corpse? Um? Or is it just like you used to follow her on Instagram until she died. Okay, but do I go to her? Do I funeral home? Do I show up at the funeral? Like? How listen?

I don't even want to talk about so gross And now you wouldn't because you're scared of bugs and it'd be mushy, but maybe you like it. Yeah, you know it would be wet, maggoty all right, Well yeah, um, let me just say sex dolls. Um. I think I think they are great tools for men that don't have an option to have sex with something else. I think they are great ways to experiment with bringing a third

party into the bedroom. If you and your partner are talking about like, oh, I'd like to maybe have another girl in here and like just see what that looks like. I think that's a great way to like incorporate it. I think that, Um, what if the guy was like brought in a full body sex doll while you guys were fucking, and was like, why don't you lay on top of the sex doll? Well, I a sex doll underneath you, or vice versa, Like would you get to

sandwich it? No? No, because you just said it looked like a sex doll, So I'd kind of be like, oh my god, he just likes me so much once more. But I don't get jealous. I know, right, Wait, so what do you think though? I want to know the story behind the guy who got rid of this body in a canal, Like he was done sucking it and he just threw it off a bridge. I also think a sex doll not only is good for men who have desires that they can't be met with real women.

If you have a murderous, homicidal kind of tendency where you want to dump a body into a bog or a swamp, this might be a way to do that. Now, I don't let me get growth here. I don't mean to get disgusting here. I'm sorry to shift into this, but this does remind me of ways that they seem to that have been offered to treat pedophiles, where okay, you get a sex doll so that you act out

on that. Whether or not that is something that would even work, I don't know, but like I do feel like for people who might want to murder women and dump their body and like love podcasts murder podcast and like want to live that out, maybe this is a way to do that that based on my porn consumption and the things that I do artificially to to supplement the things that I really want to do. You eventually tire of those things, and you gain enough practice in

those things that you do it for real. So I actually would recommend that to people with homicidal tendency. Yeah, eventually dumping the body off a bridge. The liberator online. I talked about this the other day, right now, the Liberator, the little ramp. Yeah, I just bought one. But this one has a hole in it so that you can put um a magic wand and so you can um deliberator for the listener. It's a it's a bridge. What it is. Yeah, it's awesome. And I bought a lot

of stuff online today for my sex dungeon I'm building out. Umm, like, look at this Liberator. I just want to show it to you. I'll show I'll tell you the model I bought you guys. Um, I bought the Axis magic wand toy mount D sixty bucks. Not too bad. Um gonna it's gonna it's in black, because don't ever get something that can show fluids all black, brown, red, red, dark

velvety red. Don't get white. Don't kid yourself. I also went to love Honey, which, by the way, I tried to use my own promo code that I did on the show. It didn't work. I had to look up a promo code love Honey. We no longer have them as a sponsor, apparently because I not only did love Honey dot com slash Niki Glazer and it goes this is an error. Um, but I got a lot of stuff from there. I want to tell you what I got.

Doda goes through the hole and you sit on or not the dilda the vibrator, so it's a ramp and then there's a hole in the ramp and then there's a magic in it. So when you lay on it, the vibrating ball of the thing is just just right outside of the ramp. You know what I'm saying, because usually I put it down and it's like this big thing. It's like, what are you using this while you're having sex with someone else? So you lay on top of it, yeah,

and the thing is there. So there's the ramp and then he's banging you from behind, Yes from me, and then you have this because I don't even like it from ND unless I get a little something on the front. So I also got um, like your mom shopping a thrift store. I don't even like you from behind the rest of stuff I got. Let's get to the next new story. I mean, I did get the sports sheets. This thing. I cannot wait to use the sports sheets,

spreader bar with cuffs, this thing. Let me see sports sheets. So it's a bar, and it has a cuff here, a cuff here, and those are for your ankles, right, and then it has a cuff here, cuff here, and that's for your that's for your hands. And I can do this, I can do behind my head and then you put it behind your head like this and then you're I don't even know if I've been able to use it, but it was. And then I got some other I got a sex toy cleaner, because you're not

supposed to just use regular. So yeah, they're supposed to use that only on ducks that have been an oil spill, that have been using sex chice. I would say, what you're doing in there is well, there's there's been some oil spells in there for sure. Alright. Only fans is banning sexually explicit content from his platform. Putting the income of the sex workers helped popularize the site and jeopardy.

The company says that the changes are in order to comply with the requests of their banking partners and payoff providers. These motherfucker's use these women to build their platform. I mean, why don't we start one? Not bad? You do like to say only instead of only and that's hilarious. However, go ahead, what do these people expect to how do they how do these bankers expected to make money on this platform that no one's gonna What are they going to do in this thing? I mean, yeah, they wanted

to be like a Patreon, like just regular stuff. Yeah, just regular Patreon. I mean that's what they think. Long term. It's kind of like I guess Craigslist, when Craigslist had sex workers on all the times, is still doing okay without it, right, it was a big part for a little while, but thinking long term down the road. But you know, you read you had a really cool tweet that you shared with me. What was it that some

girl from only Fans Roads. She goes, well, I guess I'll go back to fucking your husband's for money and and tagged a woman that like your conservative husbands, you're Christian conservative husbands I'll go back to being an escort and having them pay me to have sex with them behind your back, you dumb broad. I just think you need there needs to be a site. Look, this is the thing actually safe because it's like children can't get into it without you know, paying money. You know, like

it's not here's the hotness of only fans. It's like I say, like it's like getting naked out of Walmart because only fans. How how it's built and stuff seems like like a normal site. Like it's like when you see tits on Twitter, porn going on the sound tube, So we need to build red tube. Just sometimes there's like a jazzing dick next to the thumbnails that you're looking at and you're like, what's going on? This is

a who I am? I'm this nice person. You're trying to sell me something else over Okay, So I get what you're saying. It's a site that does not make you feel inherently dirty or shameful going to it. What do you cause? You know? Sorry, I had a question about this article. I was curious about your input. What do you think about credit card companies though dictating what

you're consuming? I mean, it's and it's just like these it's the the Christian, it's the it's I'm guessing it's like the wives of the men who run the company's because these men are disgusting, I'm sure, and they like sex and they consume porn, and if they don't, they're doing horrible things instead of that because these powerful men that run I just think that. I mean, I was at the baseball game other and going off about how

the world is run by billionaire pedophiles. But and I'm not trying to watch the game and eat my peanuts, I know, and the guy who like you don't like nachos, like Dad Andrew, I'm like, I'm just trying to watch the game. Friend who got his tickets was like, these are like my mom's friend seats, and uh, we probably shouldn't be talking. You shouldn't be mouthing off about that.

But the thing is, I just think it's so hypocritical because the men and the people who run these banks are all they're all running banks because they like power, because they want to have sex with a lot of things, because they're pervs. Everyone likes sex. The world is run by it. Everyone consumes porn. Stop acting like you don't stop acting like you're a good Christian and it's just Christian.

I mean, it's just they're probably getting they're probably getting actual escorts for like two thousand of pop. They have that kind of money, but for you know, the average Joe that can only spend a month to see and their wife is going to leave them and less they put their foot down about this only fan thing and their wife not that their wife is like, I'm not

gonna sun you anymore because that's long gone. The wife says, I'm going to take all of your money when I divorce you unless you shut down only fans because our son has an only fans account, I realized, and it's it's it goes down to something like that's small, do you know what I mean? And then they're they're they're they're sorry, go ahead, and yeah. I read a couple of tweets that made me think, and I was like, I was going along up until a certain point of

what you said. But it made me think like maybe all these like rich guys who are heading these banks and stuff, maybe they don't like how much money women are making on these sites monthly and how rich women are getting and it's just kind of like to put them back in their place. That's that's what I took from it. I mean, it is funny when some when someone's like, she's not even working for this, she's just

showing her body. It's like you're just hitting a button to trade of stock that you knew about because you're all connected in the illuminati, like off and I bet

one of them you're so right now. I bet it was all precipitated either by an angry wife who was like, I'll leave you if unless you do this, or it was a guy one of those bankers God and only fans requested a woman put like a tennis ball sucking you know, package upper but vagina, and she was like no, and he was like, what about if I give you this most money? And she's like no, and he's just like, well, then I'm shutting it all down because something he wanted

her to do. She it's something about either they can't have those women, they're angry, they're making money, and listen, I follow a lot of men on not a lot of men. I think two different men on there that do things to women like they this guy like ties women up and gives them a bunch of orgasms. I follow him on there. I don't know what else he's

gonna do. I just, like so many, I just loved only Fans because it felt like I was giving directly to the person making it felt like very Etsy porn and I of the cross stitches I was buying from Luna Star. Um. Yeah, I just I'm I'm I'm really saddened by it. I haven't read a ton about it though, are are are people on there just freaking out? Is there is someone else going to join the game. I mean, someone else has got to create a platform where we

can all just go over there. I mean, it would make sense and just make it exclusively for that, and then you know, then if you want to sell tupperware over there, you're going to really stick out, you know what. I know selling were on eat my ass only fans,

you know what I mean? I just don't know what There's no financial gain to be to be had by making porn, uh, you know, limiting explicit content on there, And that's what I think all men, So I think you're right knowing if it's not about money, because this is not about money, they're gonna lose money on this correct me if I'm wrong, besties, But like, why would they be doing this? It's because the long run. I

think it's because of the long run. I think I think there is I think there's like probably there's plenty of people. I mean, we have to break down the numbers, but I bet you there's plenty of people making a lot of money for them that aren't showing their tits and pussy. I bet. I mean, I think money is involved, but I think it's like someone someone's wife is going to take billions from them if they get divorced. And

that is why. I mean, it's so interesting that these when we have four men who like control all the wealth in the world, their personal lives can dictate so many huge things because of like they might have a bad morning or something. They might you know, their balls are full. So now Elon must smoked weed on Rogan's podcast. It changed a whole stock just because he's like, I want to get for two minutes. Oh god, alright, the company. Uh sorry sorry sorry, sorry, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

sorry here here here, no have all the swells. Oh you didn't say that, Holy sh it. I hope you're having a great time out there. And having all this. Well, if we're having a ton of swells over here, I'll forget to say it that because we're having so much swells. Okay, sorry, Um, A forty six year old liquor ceo plummeted ledge head here by the phone ship. Really yeah, forty six year old liquor ceo plummeted thirty to fifty ft to his

death attempting a backflip a show. I thought it might be Phil Handley and I was like, oh no, that guy can't backflip. He's only deadhead I know. Oh no, this guy is really a deadhead now, so casey Joe better. This guy tried to flip. I'm sure he was like, hey, you got this badass flip. It's so funny that we've talked about that flip so much recently, not on the pot especially just but in our own life. You were talking about I want to be able to do a backflip.

I can't believe people can do them. And I go, what is this obsession with backflips? And you said that a lot of guys will use them to like get chicks. Yeah, okay, so I mean now that peacock's extinct, so he felt did the show stop or people like that? So it was during intermission, but I'm pretty sure the show kept going on because he didn't die right there, you know, they took him away in the ambles. Was at the beginning of one of their songs. It was like twenty

three minutes and they had to finish out. Oh god, miss hammered. He owns a liquor company. Oh his nickname is the Rooster, which I thought was interesting. Yeah, yeah, I saw that. Um yeah, I mean look he uh, I'm sure he was like he's like that guy like I'm gonna do the worm, I'm gonna do a backflip. Do you think that guy? Uh? Do you think that's how he probably wanted to go as supposed to, like dying of a heart attack and on the toilet. You

know that is true. I mean, I guess that's a very nice way to look at Would you like to die doing a backflip? If you actually what? Did he complete it and then just kind of stumble. I guess he kept doing flips because he felt d does a flip on balcony. I mean, I don't know if he had his own boss. Well rest in peace, ledgehead. We love you and deadhead ledgehead. Um, we'll be right back with why do I care? Andrew? Why do I care? We'll find out why do I care? Google founder? Well,

he's kind of a founder. He was the third guy on the thing. But whatever admits he created a revenge site against a strange wife under her name in a moment of frustration. Scant Hassan and his ex wife have been embroiled in the nasty divorce battle that has raged seven years and involved millions of dollars. So what was the what was the site called? Um? It was her first and last name, Yeah it was. It was her name is Alison how un Yeah? Sorry, So he created

a revenge site, but it was all public knowledge. He just consolidated it to make it easy to see all the things that Like, she had a couple of lawsuits against her, one saying that she was going to kill the guy she was dating who was also her boss, and then kill herself. Yeah. So but you know, did he do this anonymously not thinking to get caught. What an idiot? And so then she hired so get this, she's like works at robotics. This is like a battle

of these nerds. She figured out how he started because in the Google drive it was his uh first the middle name or something or like the middle name. So she figured she was she figured out his password, and she just figured out who created it, and so then she was able to tie it back to him. I mean, of course it's going to be her ex husband who hates her. Yeah. I mean this guy's apparently like a real like nerdy guy that doesn't really get social cues

and he can't talk. He's kind of autistic, like brilliant numbers guy. Yeah, and uh yeah he doesn't. They have one point eight billion dollars revenge porn and revenge like stuff like this. I mean women do it too, It's not just a purely male issue. But um, well he was mad because she accused him of infidelity in front

of the kids and that he hasn't cheated. So what's worse, Um, being a child witnessing your mom accused your dad of something he didn't do that it involves sex which is inappropriate, or your dad making a website saying that your mom is crazy and hired people like Well, what's worse? The reaction or the initial Uh? Did use squarespace like dragon drop tools? Did you get twenty percent off using promo code. I mean, this guy wrote, this guy wrote the code

for Google. Like, this guy is brilliant. Yeah, and you know,

brilliant people do dumb stuff that's scorned. And that's what I That's why it's so fascinating to me how men can be so manipulated by their balls, because this is all essentially a woman who used to make his like he he got this woman in his life who this woman seems to probably have been toxic herself and have issues to initially because okay, but he's originally tried to do it because his balls were full at one point when he met her, and he wanted to come right.

So then he gets in this and she wanted safety and she saw a smart guy that probably made her feel good. And then they get together and it's toxic and then they break apart and then I mean, so many things are fueled by men just being like horny and confused and like smart men, brilliant men that like builds our phones, and but then they can get so

derailed by anger, precipitated by I think horny. Yeah, there's new vagina that there's a whole new there's a whole new buffet for them when they start having a billion dollars and you're in the news, Hey, this guy's worth a billion dollars. They could do whatever the hell they want. So weird, so dangerous. I mean, I've been really horny before and done kind of dumbing his wife over his

balls being full. Yeah. I mean, it's just so funny when I see like, really guys like this that are like brilliant geniuses, and they'll be You'll hear about them on private planes with you know, twenty year old escorts and it's like they'll be acting like that, they'll be having conversations like talking to these girls. I'm like, you're so transparent, like you have nothing in common with this girl. Stop acting like you're interested in her life. Like I

don't know. Maybe, I mean, I I honestly would year old Bill Gates. It's like one of smart person loves reality TV and they allows their brain to shut off. Maybe they're just tired of talking to a robotics woman who's like, you know, breaking down their chicken salad sandwich. Let's get to top one bottom one, top one bottom one. Today our category is childhood toys. Childhood toys I don't know what made me think of this one, but I

just wanted to. You're probably buying adulthood toys, like for adulthood toys on the internet or when you're a kid. Picking one of kid is so much easier because these you're just like reading reviews and it's you uh, you know a review is fake on a sex site when it goes this big Daddy. Really like when they described the toy as like this thumper really gave me a run for my money, and you're just like, no one talks like this is what written by someone who has

bade So okay, Andrew, can you kick us off today? Yeah? The bottom one toys is gonna be probably pretty controversial, and I don't know if it's technically a toy. But Monopoly, oh not a fan. I boy, that's a great one because I don't like Monopoly either. Really, no, no, no, oh, I'm so happy. No I hate I hate Monopoly. No, what do you hate Monopoly? I actually loved blame Monopoly. Really, I don't think I ever had the patience for it. I just liked all the counterfeit money and holding it,

I mean, like a little iron. I did like the thumbnail. That it's not thumbnail. It's a like a thumb attacks a thumb protector. Simbol Yes, yes, thank you? What thimble for? Andrew? What is the fimble used for? To simbolize things? Seriously though, what was the fimble used for? I think it's too for something with when you're knitting. Yeah, but what would it be used for? You put the pin in it maybe or something. No, no, you put on your fingers so you don't get pinned. Yes, there you go, boom,

got it. It's gonna be hard to hold the pend to why you're doing that? But yeah, Monopoly, My friends would love to play and you're like, go four hotels and I'm like, dude, why are we waiting? We could go fucking play outside, you know, yeah, you go fart on each other. I don't know. Yeah, there's too many pieces, there's too many arguments. There's it's money, it's properly real estate. There's that little man with the mustache, you go to jail.

It's too much. You could probably break down like McDonald's monopoly if a twelve year I did too, Like just I love ripping off a sticker. Yeah, twelve year old loving Monopoly is really good and probably doing pretty good in life in regards to business. I'm sure. I'm sure he did. Might I have plenty of rich friends that love Monopoly that are that are doing way better with finances now. But yeah, so what are your bottom one? Noah,

what was your bottom toy? This is very embarrassing. I don't know if it's considered a toy, but this is the first thing that came to my head. I never told anyone about this. So when I was really young, I was still in Israel, so I was definitely, like like five or six, I got a gift um from

my grandparents. I think I don't remember who gave it to me, but it was edible crayons, so I used so it was and I guess they must have taken it off of the market, because sure, I'm a hundred percent I remember it having a flavor, and then any other crayons that I would receive, I would bite to see if they would taste anything as a result of that, So that is my bottom. It's like edible cigarettes. You

were chewing on newports. It's so embarrassing to admit, but I just thought, like, whoa, because crayons seem edible on their own without being called edible. For me, they were at least that is insane that something someone would make edible crayons? It was the last do you know? In St. Louis. When I first moved to St. Louis as a child, I was six and I've moved from Cincinnati. Um our neighbors would call crayons. Do you guys want to go

draw with some crowns? Crowns? And me and my sister were like, Jamie and lindsay, always want want to draw with crowns? What are crowned? We didn't. We were so confused. Wait, what was the weirdest thing you would eat when you were like in preschool and stuff? Did you ever like I? Oh? No, I was not someone who did anything adventurous or risky when I was a child. I was very safe. My first word was dangerous and I would point out things

that were dangerous. Those crayons. You know what I remember eating? Remember the thing ants on a log where you put raisins on peanut butter. Yes, I put actual ants on the peanut butter and I ate it to be like cool, like pre school. I remember putting ants on the actual salary. Okay, I'm up toys because I wanted to be reminded of stuff. And I gotta say my least favorite toy and this is just a general one. Ken dolls. I didn't see. I wasn't interested in Ken dolls. I love barbies. I

loved their clothing. Um, I wasn't one that wanted like my barbies to date. I didn't. I didn't want a guy to funk up with my barbies and I had. I thought it was just and it was just forcing me to. I really felt like I think that I intuitively did not like how they were making girls do things that uh, you know, perpetuated marriage, like all these things, marriage, babies. I didn't like having baby dolls. I didn't. I didn't.

I was just like Ken because Ken cost money. It would be a part of my barbie budget would be spent on a Ken doll. I didn't have many clothes for him to change into. He would just kind of there was nothing interesting about. That's a good point. Um, we had self driving cars way before Tesla even introduced them. Because I wasn't one of my bar on that front seat. She does not drive, she doesn't have a license. Um. No, I just uh, I would use like a stuffed animal

to drive like, I just did it once. I just didn't see the point of Ken's and I thought that they were only there so that we could have mock weddings and things like that. And I just didn't I didn't like them. And I just really I already knew that part of my toy budget was being affected by the Kendall and I just I didn't need him. And whenever I play with my friends and like they would get married or we would play like. I always wanted to play school. I never wanted to play marriage or house.

A lot of kids like to play house. I wanted to play school. And I liked being a teacher. I didn't want to be a mom or a wife ever. Man, I really did. Um. And let's get to uh top toy. I mean, I guess my top toy would probably be a NERF guns. Yeah. I loved the nerf gun. You know, we also we would we'd use the nerve guns to uh. You remember American Gladiators, So we would set up stations

in our front yard. Like at the end of American Gladiators, they got a rundeed station you got to throw somebody at the target while the gladiator shooting stuff at you. So we would set it up with like different nerve guns, nerve arrows, tennis fun. Me and my older brother would do it and it was so fun and we would just set and god, we're we into American gladiators. Man, it was badass. Anyways. Yeah, just any kind of like gun. You were such a little boy. I love the gun. Yeah,

you know what about you? What's the top toy for you? Wait? Super soccer? Were you into that? I have a crazy Super Soccer story that I won't tell right now, but I just noted that I do too. Happened in Vegas. You heard it though, after I masturbated. Okay, No, My top one is a specific Barbie doll that I had. Which one? Do you have a picture? I don't have a picture of her. I do have like a small anecdote.

Um My, my favorite grandmother gifted her to me. And this Barbie she was just so much prettier than the rest of them, like her, like the shape of her eyes was a little bit different. She was just so beautiful. And she had this like pink dress with stars on it, like this ball gown, and the funny thing is it's so funny that you picked this topic because I remember the first day that I met you in person, you

reminded me of that doll. Like you're like the shape of your eyes, the blue in them, and it just was like, I don't know, it was like a sign because you're wearing a pink hat. Oh my god, I look more like a skipper today, But that was I just want to say, like, I never had an opportunity to tell you this, but you just reminded me of this very special doll that I had growing up. That happens to be a thank you so nice. I thought about my gun when I met you, too, not nerve,

not nerve. The lower half of my ken reminded me of you when I met you. I wish I had that. Can I ask a good question about these Barbie dolls? Yeah? I love That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. You said, some really nice ship. Don't you think Barbie dolls? And I know this is going to sound pedophily or whatever, don't you think they should come with nipples and a vagina? Because it's showing girls that it's okay to have your body parts. I think it early. Aren't it's being like, hey,

you shouldn't even talk about these body parts. Is it too much? I'm not talking about like a fool on. I think it's just like they're scared that boys and men are going to do weird stuff with it. It's not about protecting girls so much. It's like I think boys would start jerking off with their sisters barbies and like, b sexual you know you don't want to sexualize a Barbie. Let's uh, we just gotta keep kids away from any sexualization.

I realized, and like that is just a way. And I know maybe there's arguments against having these like kind of just unnippled. But I never as a child was like I want no nipples. I want to have nothing down there. Like I I kind of understood that. You know, I always make an argument when when parents go, oh, you can't, don't do that around, don't vape around Arlow

or whatever, and I'm like, but Arlow. When I was Arlow's age four, I understood there were adult things and there were kid things, and then I wasn't to do those things till I was an adult. Like kids can make the distinction. I think we can. We can do

that for kids. Well, that's kind of what I'm saying, but I guess you're you're making a It's like if you made a kid vape for Arlow because I spoke kids cigarettes, those candy cigarettes and I ended up eating cigarettes later on in in my life back a day, Um, Alan Carr got me off eating cigarettes. What was your top toy, Nikki, my top toy? Um, I just really want to say, amend my bottom toy. My my worst bottom toy, same thing as the Kendall It was my

gray him off. For Christmas, one yo probably gave me a Kevin from Home Alone talking dog where you pull the string again talking doll. It was like a Kevin

from Home Alone. He had a plastic head his soft body and you pull the string and it goes or like you know, say the things like you're gonna pay for this scumbag or I don't know what he said, and um, everyone in my family was like Nicky's boyfriend, Like they made this narrative that I had a crush on him, and I hated it so much because I was like, boys are discussing I don't even like him like that, And I just remember hating the doll because it made everyone say I had a crush and it

was so gross to me. My favorite toy was a thing called a yak back, and you would record something in it and then it would play what you just recorded backwards. And so my family had so much goddamn fun with this, and I learned how to say my name backwards or as leg he can, whereas leg he can. I swear to god, it's nicky glaze backwards. No, I'm sure it is. Wait, so that's like literally just yeah, it's called a yak back, and I think they still exist.

They're so fun. Let's see if we can actually find a yak back, like I bet they have like an internet thing where you can put it in and and do it. Yeah, yak backs look like this. Oh it's back word word word draw. No, no, no, it's not what you it's not the way it's said. It's the way like, it's not the way you would spell it backwards, it's what it would say. So here's the yak back commercial.

Let's play it. Not it's a brother antagonizing his sister and he's just holding it's not it's not he's expressing. It's something a drink. Yes, he just keeps if I'm playing it backwards. I swear to god he's They're just showing that it can record what you say and play. That's how like on advanced technology was back then that if you could record something right away and say it back, it was like amazing. But or as Lagan is, NICKI glazer backwards and parents talk to their dyslexic kids, Um,

because it's backwards. I think that's a misconception about slexia. Final thought, the shows this weekend in Monterey and Nappa were incredible. A lot of besties at these shows, more than have been at any of the other shows. Thank you all so much for coming out. Um. We have a guest book that a lot of people have signed that you can sign. We have a step and Repeat, which is a big you know, a curtain thing that has uh my image on it that you can stand

with and take a picture. And then I have a merch booth and uh and then during the show we have on you special guests. I mean, it's so much. And then a dance at the end. I mean it's been it's been incredible, even when there's technical issues and I have to grab this girl's purse and uh, and and go through it. I mean that was the wildest thing, going through this girl's purse and going through her Google searches? Can I go? You would not go through each other's

Google search? Really quick? Can I? We? I want to bear if something is um incriminating in a way that I know you won't be comfortable with, I won't do it. But I think it could be funny. I really don't know what mine would be. I don't know what's in here. Let's just go through our own and share something funny. So I won't go through years, you'll go through we'll go through each other. Okay, how do you go to the you know search engine and then you go up

to the uh, you go to the bottom the little Yeah? Um, I have a lot of me searching for different tableature. So we could play songs on our Instagram live, which we did go live last night and I played a bunch of songs. Thank you to all the besties that watched that. It was so fun. You played a song too, Yeah, I played the John Prine That's the way the world goes around me. You have annoyed it. How good your

strumming was? It bothered me because I played all the time and you don't play at all, and you were just good. I mean, don't you get bothered when people are kind of thing? Okay, if I suddenly was, I would love it for you. I'm sorry, I really would. I would love for it because then it's someone I could play with. No. I mean, I wasn't like, well, you never play guitar with me, even though I would love for you too. So it didn't make me feel that way because I already know that you won't play

with me, just like I won't play with you. Um. I looked up Let's see, Oh my god, I want to read about Oh. I was looking up side effects of my medications. Um, I was looking up how to fix an Apple eleven iPhone that suddenly quits on you? What effects did you read or did anything come out come up with? Yeah? I mean like, there's there's a lot,

uh that I would like. The thing is, I don't like to disclose what medications I'm on because then people think, oh, I should get on that, and then it doesn't work for everyone, and I don't, you know, and I don't want people to make assumptions about me. I definitely, UM, what I've looked up so many different sex toys. Uh, mine are just different wedges, Like I'm looking for golf clubs, like you're you're looking for sex toys. Like that's essentially

what our searches is. It's literally like yesterday he was showing me the four phases of a golf swing, and I was like, which phase is me walking out of the room Because you seem to think that I'm entertained by this. I almost started to record it and go and wanted to send it to Brenda and say I need I need you please. Do you do that to Brunna and show or the four phases of a golf swing? Or is that just for me? I don't know. I mean interesting than something that you maybe don't think you'd

be interested. No, I mean I was. I was like I was, I was interested in you being passionate about showing me this thing that I had shown no interest in. Like all of a sudden, you just started going and I was like, all right, let him go. I know, I know when I'm showing you something on guitar and you're just like um, But I don't know if you knew if I was kind of like who cares. All my thing is is just comparing different golf clubs. That's

literally and then porn've been watching recently. You just you just pull up whatever right, you go to most viewed and I get it done and then I go to bed, and that's pretty much it. It's not like there's no masturbation. Um higher or lower now that she's gone, yeah, I mean it's definitely higher. Well, I told her I was saving my stock for for about two weeks and she's like, no,

you need to. You need to get rid of some of it be a moldy batch in my mouth, Like that's going to give me some kind of bacterial infection if you don't. I was so funny because I was telling her like kind of romantically, and she's like, you need to get rid of it. Save my stock. God, I did you get saved my stock from me? Can I be honest? It was from this comedian named Casey James Lango wrote a bit about saving his come for his girlfriend. So that's initially where I where I heard it.

But I mean a lot of guys have thought about like not jerking off to be more attractive, but the actual saying save my stock. I don't know where it sounds. It's a nice saying, though, because I think I read something to you the other day and that was about that but saving my stock. Know where I was texting with someone and I was like, save it. Oh yeah, I mean look, whatever it is, it got to me because your boy was saving it and your girl Brenna did not want me to save it. She's like, get

rid of some of it. And then now, yeah, I would just if I was seeing a guy, I would say three days before, but I honestly I would love two weaker. I would love I would love three year because that guy is going to be I mean if three year, I mean, this is the Cupid's boyson Narrow dude. The book I'm reading a third of im. I'm gonna actually finish it. This book says you don't you come like you know quarterly okay, but this is I guess this is where the rub is no pun intending, uh

where is he coming? Because if if you're taking in your mouth, you don't want to three you don't want a three year. If if it's just on top of you, you could do a three year if it's inside of you, and depending on what you're doing with your pill or I U D or whatever. No, it's in your hair and then it's like a conditioning serum because it is dousing, and you leave it in for three minutes and then you wash it out. I'm saying, I think the level of how long is where you're gonna put it, where

it's gonna be placed. What do you mean? I don't think that. I honestly don't think that. If you don't come, that you're you're come just starts to get moldy. There's a lot of it. It builds up back there like a damn and it breaks out like a flood in Tennessee. Like I'm telling you, so if it was in your mouth like a girl might like, it might go in your you might inhale it in your lungs. It's a big that sex doll died. All right, guys, we gotta go. Thank you so much for listening to the show today

or watching it. I don't know how you consume it. U bestie's out there. You're the best. We love you. We'll see you on Instagram live, follow us on Nicki Glazer pot on Instagram, and don't be care and U