#79 A Kangaroo Stampede of Emotions

is this? Oh god? Everything? Literally I am on right now a carpet that yesterday during a podcast, I knocked over the entire gigantic coffee onto the carpet and I haven't even cleaned it. I don't even know what to do with it. Like I I don't know what to do. Like you stop up the stain, I just let it run in. I don't even go stop it up. I let it dry. Do you want to see this? Noah, take a look at this. Really. I think it's gonna be worse than you could think. Wow. Yeah, I had

diarrhea everywhere on it. It didn't get anywhere on the chair, which is the thing. I'm I don't care about this rug anymore. Room book keeps getting caught on it and um, and like it's like Roomba eight, you know, stopped at McDonald want trying to think del taco and got a

number eight. And every time he comes in this room and and tries to go over this carpet, he gets Roomma gets confused and di oriented every time he accidentally if I leave this door open when Rumba is work in the work in the apartment, um, he will wonder in here. He will get caught on this shaggy carpet and then I will find him an hour later in the corner, just like hitting the wall, like over and over, like a you know, a girl playing a video game.

Whenever you know Sarah Tomamashes comic, you have a great joke about like girls playing video games, and it's always just like the person in the corner, just like like jumping in the corner wall. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like the body you can't you don't know how to like move it. It's a sexist joke, but she's spot on. It's based on her experience. I think

playing video games. Don't write me and be like, girls are great at video games, I know, but whenever I pick up a console, I am that soldier in the corner, just uh, you know, trying to high kick into the wall. Okay, So anyway, that's what Ruma does. He gets caught and then I go, Rumba, what's going on with you? And he's just going large horror like talking to himself in the wall. I picked him up and I go, let's

flip you over. And I sit him down and I go, give me rub your tummy, and I go, it's okay, because he's going God, God, he's going crazy because I'm picking him up. But he wants to work. But I go, room, but you're sick. And then I open up his stomach and do some surgery, and sure enough, there's a bunch of goddamn fluff from this stupid carpet because he got ahead of himself. Room. But you know, you can't go up on that carpet, um, and so I gotta get

rid of it. So I was kind of glad when I knocked over gigantic coffee yesterday when I was on Jason Ellis's podcast with Andrew and just spilled it everywhere, and I was like, you know what, good, I'm glad. I didn't even want that coffee and I didn't want this carpet. And he was like, wow, Mike, is that the way you look at everything in life? And I was like, yes, it is. Sometimes if I've taken my meds, I can see life like that that you know what, that needed to spill, because God, what would I be

talking about today if that didn't spill. God only knows. I might say something that could get me canceled. Now then my life would be over. But instead of talking about the spell man, this room is a mess. You ever look at your life and you just go, well, I've really let it go in here. I've got three

Zvia cans, I've got an Amazon Prime empty package. Now this is in my podcast studio studio, you guys, the one you haven't seen yet because we are still getting it ready, supposed to be like a clean off hands room. If my mom, who designed this room with her friend Debbie, they like you know, styled it. If she saw the mess that was going on in here, she go, nicky, goddamn it, now, why don't you spell that on that rug? And I go, Mom, the rug was never even part

of the look. You didn't even like the rug. I got it for free from a company. We're going to get rid of it anyway. Well you didn't even stop it up. What do you just left it? Well, you know, mom, I don't know what you're supposed to do when you're a clean person. If you spill something. I know that

there's like a rule there's on Reddit. Sometimes it's like cleaning its or it's like, uh, it'll be like simple life hacks, and it'll be like, for this stain, use this for this stain, use this for blood, Just give up and bury the body in the woods. For you know, a tar stain, use baking soda and as all the solutions. So I could look it up. I did buy a little bustle Um pet cleaner thing that I put together the other day, and then I put the liquid and I got it already, and I go, I got nothing

to clean. I don't know what would I even use this on. Now I got something. I got a stain. But when my clothes get stained, there's something about it that makes me so depressed because I don't know where the stain came from. I just steamed this stupid dress. So I would look not wrinkled all day and respect myself. I go, Nikki, no one's gonna see you today. You have no plans, You're not really going to be on camera for anything, even in your zoom life. Why don't

you just have a not wrinkled dress. So I steamed it and then still got some dirty chocolate, poopy brown color on me, and uh, I'll get it out later. We'll see what happens. I do want to know if anyone has ever had UM, if anyone could let me know how to get pot resin out of a brand new UM dry clean only gray silky sweater that I spent a hundred dollars on for some reason, it has a bedazzled skull on the back of it. Talk about a t J Max. Find that's TJ Max for you.

A sweater that looks cute from the front and on the back of it has a bedazzled skull. But you know what, I saw the skull and I go, that actually fits with my feeling today. I just get overwhelmed with stains. I just feel so dirty, like um my depression is feeling like a stained person, like inherently nothing I own will ever be clean, even when I clean it, it's still is stained. There's something on my soul that stained. I think that's a common feeling for people like I

don't know. Andrew can like clean up his room and feel pride about it and be like I'm clean now, Like he's cleaning right now, and he's like in a very giddy mood, and I'm very happy for him, even though I slightly resent it, because I know that he can like just collect the cans in his room and maybe make his bed and the sheets will still be dirty, but he just makes it and that will be enough for him to feel good about himself and to feel

like I did something today, like how he should feel. However, I do that and I go, yeah, my bed is made. My clothes are put away, but they're all like dirty somehow. They all like have a weird feel to them, or like other people's clothes just don't. When I put something on my body, it becomes like yellow and tarnished. It's and it's not just my spray tant you guys, like I've dealt with this my whole life. I think it really is ecological. But all of my clothes growing up.

I talked about this on you up ages ago, and someone made a cartoon of it. But all of my clothes growing up, we're all stiff and stained and like hard. And I would buy the same shirt as Kurseden from a store and she would bring it home and wash it and then wear it, and then I would bring it homeline and wash it and wear it, and mine would be like stiff and sad, and hers would be like soft and smell good and still look new. And I'm just like, what is wrong with my body that

makes things gross? And I don't have an answer for you, but I do not think people go, Nikki, this is just your depression. Everyone gets stains, this stain that I have on myself today, I don't believe other people have. I just I really envy people who can just be clean. And people go, Nikki, I'm clean because it's my O C D and it haunts me and it's the only way I can feel relaxed. That's why I clean, or they just go I clean because I want to, you, you know, and it's like, okay, well then I wish

I wanted to. I don't know what the argument is. You want to know something. This stain is still wet. I spilled this yesterday at twenty four hours ago, and it's still sopping wet. I just put my foot on it, dude, I thought that would dry. Let's be honest, though, it is like a small kind of spill, and it was a full latte, so there's no doubt that this zeeped through the carpet. It is still like it just was spilled yesterday. Oh my god. In other news, Andrew cleaning

his room. He left his I was eating breakfast this morning and he walked out of his bedroom with a handful of cans and different cups, and I tried to film him to see to catch how many cups he was carrying, but he almost caught me. And then he said that he might also be depressed, because I've been depressed, you know, the past couple of days or weeks, who knows really what's going on. Feeling much more stable now, but he was like, you know what, cleaning my room.

I go, how's it going? He goes cleaning my room? Um, you know, I think I was depressed too, And I go, oh, all right, Um I didn't. I mean, it makes sense his girlfriend just moved. Um, I've been in a bad mood. He's someone who, like me, can be dependent on other people's mood to make him feel good. But he's been playing golf every day. Maybe his swing hasn't been what he wanted it to be. We'll talk to him about his depression. But UM, you know, I it's it's weird

when you're depressed. If you have people in your life who are depressed, talk to them. How about that? How about we all if we notice someone sad, we call them up and we say, is everything okay? I just like I think God, I have girlfriends who I can talk to and share my sadness with and they can all go, I'm so sorry, Nikki, and like send back really nice things and ask me about it and let me cry. People that don't have that I really I

feel for. And that's why I try to ask um people how they feel a lot, because I think I just want it so bad back and I don't really get it back. And I'm not being like woe is me? I'm just being like I don't have Uh, I don't always surround myself. My girl girlfriends are great. Um. My mom has gotten better about it. I told my parents the other day that I was just trying to get a reaction out of them and have them have any

concern about my mental health. And I told them that if I work too hard, I'll kill myself someday, if I if I don't get enough sleep and if I keep working, and you know, I was talking about Simone vials and and they were like, well, you gotta keep your word. You said you were going to do these gigs. You gotta do them, or like whatever it was. I wasn't even talking about canceling. I was just like I might have to like just pull a Simone vials at

one point and pull out. And they were like, no, you gotta keep your And I go, um, what if it leads to me killing myself someday? And they're just like, so Luigi is doing good. I'm just like so it's like I know that they can't handle my pain in that way, and so me being um depressed, I try to, like, you know, you do the most outrageous thing to like make your parents pay attention. That's like why why kids get like tattoos and like pierce their tongue to be

like look mom, look at me. React, you know, And that's why I say outrageous things and then they don't say anything, and then I hang up the phone and I cry because I feel like they don't care. But the truth is they just can't handle the idea that their daughter would kill ourselves, so like they just shut down. UM, And that's okay because that's their own thing. But then my mom did to text me later and say I'm

worried about you. Are you okay? And I felt really good and I burst out crying because she said it. And then I wrote back to her, I said, I am okay. It means a lot that you asked me. And then she's checked on in on me every day since then, so they can learn. Um. You know what I don't need is people using the things I tell you guys at the top of the podcast against me in my d M s or on Reddit. UM. I got a little heated yesterday on my subreddit because someone

wrote Nikki is spiraling. Has anyone else noticed that she's uh going through a psychosis and she's subjecting all of her friends into loom to it. They're all in hell listening to her talk about how messy her packing is. No one else is telling her this, and I go, bitch, I gave you all this, I used the word spiraling. I said, I'm spiral. You don't get to form an opinion about me that I gave you and then act

like it's a novel opinion. You know that doesn't. This is happening to me a couple of times, and I really do appreciate some people don't know where they get ideas about me from. But it's a lot of times you form it on your own. Maybe you make observations, you connect the dots and you go, hey, I've noticed this thing about you that you might not notice about yourself. That's interesting. And also you're I'd rather you not share

with me um right away. Maybe draft out a thing and then sit on it and wonder if you would want to say this to a stranger that or a stranger that might be suffering like you think they are, why you would want to pile on and make them feel worse about it? Just would want I would maybe second guest sending that. But also, I'm not you do what you want. I know you're just doing it out

of love for me. If you listen to the podcast, you're a fan obviously, But for someone to get on Reddit and try to start a discussion about how I'm spiraling based on the word spiraling, which I gave you. I said I was spiral, not you. You You don't get to act like you're like I've noticed she's spiraling because she told us she's spiraling. I've noticed she seemed unhinged because she said she was unhinged. You. You're convincing yourself that you're smart and observant about me, when really you

just are repeating what I said. So it doesn't it doesn't need to be repeated, and it especially doesn't need to be repeated on a subreddit that you as a fan of mine. No, I'm reading because you listen to the show, and you know I'm on Reddit, and you know I follow my own subredd because I told you

I did so. Instead of putting something on the subreddit that you are trying to say to me that I've already said about myself, how about you draft it, read it to yourself, and ask yourself, would you like that said back to you from a stranger who thinks they know more about you than they do because you gave them that information to put it out there. That being said,

I love you. I love that anyone's talking about me and thinking about me, And I did it unsubscribed from my own subreddit because it's too painful and I don't wanna have see that again at two am when I'm trying to fall asleep again because Reddit soothed me to sleep. But you can go on my subreddit and read that and then read my response, because it's exactly what I

just said here zip it. Um that being said, I love you besties, and most of you are not like that, and you understand that I'm very self aware sometimes to the point of, uh, you know, sometimes like I just want to reiterate that when, um, you're annoyed with me on this podcast, I'm beat you to it. I'm already annoyed with myself, So uh, you telling me that you're annoyed with me? Um, unless I'm completely unaware of it, I just don't need to hear. I already feel the

same way. But I'm coming out of this depression. It's the only reason that I'm able to talk about this in this way with a smile on my face. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew, Hey, Andrew, remember that you think people would kill themselves? Um, I mean after they just heard my intro. They might find it soothing. I never know what I'm walking into. I really it's like, I know, what's what do you feel today? What do you think the tone might be? Well, I don't know,

you kind of a you're upset about something. I don't know. Where are you sad? I'm not? Um no, I'm well. You know there's an underlining, underlining underlying sadness. Uh this week for some reason. Yeah, I think we're all feeling it nationally. It's things are getting weird again and um yeah, just feeling a little bit low. But actually things are okay. I just noticed a stain on my dress and it just sent me for a Dare I say a spiral boy? And what was the what are the some of the

key points that I missed? If you had to um, the key points are I everything I touched gets stained and dirty. Other people are clean just like by being like they're just born clean. I was born a smudge on, like I was just born dirty. My hair even yesterday, even you like saying my hair looked like wild, Like that's my wild state. Like some people's hair just like dries straight and like just like and and some people

just have like naturally my skin. My sister's skin was always like perfect and she had straight hair, and I always had like discolored skin with zits and like and hair that was always just mousey brown, like mousey almost blonde, not really and like tangly. And it's hard growing up with like just your only example of another young girl that comes from your same lineage being like this perfect thing and you being like like drool everywhere, like not

being able to keep a clean room. She likes clean things. She has like American girl dolls that have like the little basket of fish, and she has the little basket and she can keep the little piece of bait in the basket. And all of her barbies have both their shoes, whereas my barbies look like they should be living on skid row right when I got them out of the box.

I once had a connection fit my my earliest memory of my parents looking at each other and going, oh God, something's wrong with this child, which it happened so many times. But my first memory was um Easter when I was probably three or four. I got a aerial doll, little Mermaid, and her bangs had like a weird flip at one of the bangs was like not straight with the other bangs,

and I couldn't handle it. It was like it wasn't perfect, and especially a Barbie doll should be perfect, right, like there shouldn't be a man aufacturing flaw with the Barbie doll. And it just made me feel like I can't ever nothing can be perfect, and I I was crying so hard on the way to whatever fucking Easter family ship we had to go to. It was flailing around the van. I took off, like I got out of my seat. I was like throwing, hurling myself on the floor of

the van on the side of it. I probably tried to like jump out into traffic. I'm not kidding. I was four and because the barbies bangs would not be straight, and I remember just feeling. I feel that way sometimes about things, like the other day, I was like looking around my room trying to clean it and I looked up on my um like a picture fell on my head because I had to like, I don't have a man in my life who knows how to hang anything.

In the task rabbit I hired take seven hours to hang one picture, So I just don't trust anyone anymore. So I just propped this picture on my night or on my what's it called bed? What's the thing behind you? On a bed bed? For a headboard headboard, which, by the way, I've never even felt I deserved a headboard. And by the way, my headboard is rickety as ship. Even though I had a professional put it together, it's still rickety. And you know what I say to myself,

it's not because I bought a rickety bed frame. It's because I'm rickety. Nothing I can own can be sturdy and and good and beautiful. It has to. And then I looked at it. It fell on my head because I had to prop it up against it because I was just holding it in place until I found someone to actually mount it and found a man to love me that like knows how to like put holes in walls.

And my mom doesn't come over and do it, and it takes her thirty hours to hang one thing, and she goes, nick, I didn't tell you I was good at this, Well, Mom, you do it all the time. Well, I, this is how long it takes. Anyway, So I propped it up the other day, I hit my rickety headboard. The picture fell on my head Taylor Swift fell on my head, dented the side of my head. I started sobbing because I was just like the thing I love more than anything. The world just hit me like bangot

my bang got dentit just like the bang. Oh my god, thank god, I don't have bangs that would really show you that I was off off my rocker. I get that, Da, I get everything you're saying about your sister. My brother is brilliant, like brilliant, you know what I mean. And he always was brilliant ap classes, you know, took s a T twos. He was always way smarter than me,

like way more productive, could could study for hours twos. Yeah, I mean I didn't even know that something out there Jesus Christ a second s a T just for fun certain colleges back in the day, like toughs and I don't know ivy League schools that he was applying to, like and so I And I was at least attractive. I was cute like I had that, and I was decent at sports. But that goes away. You know, your brother's bald is tuck. Yeah, he's shorter than you. Oh

shi okay um ye. Growing up like physically it wasn't there for me. But you know, I'm sure if you ask your sister personality wise, and also she would say you're beautiful. But besides the fact, she would say a million things she wishes she had about you or had things that you have in your in your life. And I know that it's I'm not trying to like make

you just feel better. I'm just being on like you know what I mean, like like on a pedestal, because she has a lot of people that would that put me on a pedestal that and and it's it makes me feel great, where at the at the same time, it makes me feel like, um, I'm projecting a lie and then I feel bad about that, you know, like because I just know that that's not true or whatever. Like, Um, I just watched Cooking with Paris today, a couple of

clips they sent me. It's on Netflix right now, my episode of Cooking with Paris, And like, I just can't watch myself. I just can't. I'm just so disappointed in my performance every time. What do you see are? What is it? Like? What I just wasn't funny. I just like all these chances I had to be funny, I just go, Um, like, yeah, with someone that's like not

riffing though, right, I don't know. I think it's sometimes it's not only you and I would have And I bet you if other people watch, they want to notice quite as you're so hard on yourself with these things. But but I always just think, like my friend Kirsten is funnier than me, Like she says funny stuff. No, she's actually funny like she is. She thinks like a comic. If you just wrote down what she said, you would be able to make a perfect stand up bit without

any changes. Like she really talks very funny, but she doesn't want to do that. She doesn't want to be a comic. And that's always been my thing with her, is like she could be on SNL, she just doesn't want to. Um, my sister could be a model. She just doesn't want to all these things that I would want if I had that skill, I would Uh. Yeah.

I'm just having a hard time today because they sent me all these clips to watch and I have to watch them to put them on my Instagram, and I don't want to watch them because they just make me so sad that I wasn't funnier and that I had a chance to be funny, and I just squandered it by going, uh, yeah, add more catch up, like what you would like? They give you thirty seconds to say something funny, and you go, yeah, more ketchup is good? Like what are you? What are you doing? Are you?

Why would you? Why are you on this show? What do you bring to this show? I think we're similar in the sense like we're chameleons, chameleon chameleon, chameleonaire chameleons chameleons. Yeah, people where off people's energy. We go off of other people, like are you know? My whole life is like if I was hanging out with the stoners, I was a stoner. If I was saying know so, sometimes it's tough to feel, you know, the energy in the room. It's like it's

not conducive for you to be your funniest self. And you know what, when you're not that funny, maybe it's just as compelling, you know what I mean. We're so used to having to fucking get a laugh every three seconds. That doesn't mean you know what. Uh. Someone Brenna said this, which I love this line, and I don't know if she copied it somewhere but she said, uh, just because it's silly doesn't mean it's not meaningful. And I don't know I like that line or no, no, I'm sorry.

Just because it's not serious doesn't mean it's not meaningful.

So I don't know exactly how that works with this, but it's just like, like, at the end of the day, just don't be so hard on You're so hard on yourself, and it just upsets me because you're so talented and you have so many positive things, and you always are looking for the negative in you and it just like I just I don't know, and I know you don't want to hear that myself to a stand no, and I'll never believe you because I know what I consider to be excellent comedy. I have a very high bar,

and I don't match that. Like I don't hit that. There's there are times when I hit it if I really work hard, but the amount of effort that I'm able to give, like right now to comedy, I can't really hit it. And it's I can hit other bars of like being honest and sincere and reel with my feelings and saying things that other people wouldn't say about

how they're what they're going through. But then you go on Reddit and you get torn apart for being too like someone last night on Reddit said that I was spiraling and made this whole like in my subreddit, they made a whole post about Nikki's not even fun to listen to anymore. She's spiraling. Um, she's going through psychosis. She's torturing her friends that they they're all trying to have fun into loom and she's crying and being and these are all things I said, by the way that

I gave of them. This wasn't like this person inferred this. These were all things I said. I'm annoying my friends. I'm a burden all my friends. I am uh spiraling, I said, I'm spiraling. And then this person makes a

whole post about it. And it's just as like, why do I do I put that stuff out there because I feel like it's relatable and it's real, and I'm tired of pretending I'm okay when I'm not and all these things that every other celebrity fucking does and so and I do a daily podcast so that you can't really escape that you can't I can't say, you know what, let's not tape today, I'm not feeling well, I have

to show up and do it. And the thing that I've created on the show for myself is a place where I can be completely honest with how I'm feeling, regardless of I just have no room on this podcast to be fake. I don't think I wouldn't want that for me. You can skip the episode if you're not in the mood to hear me be sad. But you know, I feel like that's that's my talent now. And then I just got admonished for it by my fans on my sub credit, and then there were more than ever.

Usually there's like a picture of me being like, look at her legs for days and it's like two comments, and I don't even read comments because comments are worthless. I just like, look at the post. But last night there was this diet tribe about how I'm unlistenable and um, I'm no fun anymore and why they used to like me they don't anymore, spiraling blah blah blah blah, all things I've given them, by the way, nothing they put together themselves, literally, and they they're acting like they put

it together themselves too, which is so insulting. That's the worst part of it is when you give someone something and they use it against you, and you go, I gave you that you didn't. The mark of a good insult is one that you create on your own by observation. It's not one where you just throw the thing the person gave you back at you. That's actually the weakest form.

You know, when you, like, are in an argument with your loved one and you've maybe told something about your past, like I don't know, I was teased for looking like an elephant when I was in fifth grade, and it's always been this thing I'm really insecure about. And you told that to your lover on like a really you know, a warm moment where you felt safe and vulnerable, and

you both kind of laughed about it. And then later on he makes some comment about you looking like an elephant, but pretends like it's has nothing to do with that, even though he knows that he's trying to trigger you about the thing that is the same thing you're doing to me. Commenter. So I wrote back, and I go, this, nicky glazer, you know I read this thread. I gave you all that. So I wrote this whole thing back, and I felt really good about writing it. I didn't

read any of the other comments. I'm guessing I'm hoping it was all people defending me, because they were fucking fifteen comments, which is a lot for Nicki Glazer subread at post. So either it was people agreeing with this

person or was people defending me. I don't know which because I didn't read them after I read it, But you know, I think that probably got me started off today, which is ironic that someone who is complaining about me spiraling then cause as me to further spiral, thus, you know, just perpetuating the cycle of abuse. And I don't read comments, Andrew, so I unsubscribed from the reddit. I'm not going to read anymore. So I'm never gonna see when people say I look funny or cute or all the nice things

that people were saying. We don't get to see this anymore because you ruined it. Person listening right now, we probably feels so good that you are being talked about for the first time in your life by someone other than your parole officer. Well, that person will probably go, well, I was doing it for you because I care about you, Nikki,

and I'm a huge fan. And that's why I said to them next time, DM me, if you're really concerned d M Noah or Andrew, if you really are concerned from my mental health, why don't you write someone that actually it will get through to d m um the Nikki Glazer Pod. We don't have as many followers that we wouldn't see a message in the d MS. We're always all looking at it. I'll ignore it, they'll read it, they'll get back to you, they'll check in on me,

do a wellness check. If you're really so worried about me that you wrote a whole message on I just I mean, you're cleaning your room today, you're in a good mood, you've got sunglasses on. I'm trying to get some of your vibe. Like everything in me, my negative vibe wants to like resent you and make fun of you for being in a chipper mood, as I usually do because that's my depression that wants to put everyone in the worst mood with me. But I'm instead I'm

looking for a ride on that boat. Can I get on the boat comes coming in to Okay? Because I just told Noah you can collect a bunch of cans from your room and like make your bed with dirty sheets and you'll feel better, Whereas I need to get new sheets in a new bed and like a new hend better. I know, I'm going to clean my sheets. I'm after today, Like I'm like, my room's gonna be spotless and not the back closet, but the room will be good today, and then I'm gonna go, Hey, golf balls.

Just feel good. I feel vibrant. I don't know, I'm ready to go. I'm vibry, I'm vibing. This is like an ad for um. What are what's the new drug that I hate the name of so much. It's called like jubuli or something. It's always on. It's the there's a new ad for a drug. It's probably it sounds like happy something. It's so bad these new drug names. They're just out of names. Yeah, yeah, they really are.

They You look like your depression. We should make a fake depression and of someone that's coming out of depression where they're just exiting their room with a armful of cups, because we all know cups by the nightstand equals depression. We should do like a real ass depression that isn't just like a mom in bed looking out a window for Lorne or kids on a swing. You know, like that's not real. You know what's really depressing is when not just cans by the bed because we all know

Lacroix can's add and up. That's depressed when they're only half drink or even three quarters drink. That is, I can't when you have to pour out a full causes my depression because you know that I drink. I drink every game down to the last sip because I love that. When you when I find a three quarters drink Zvia, even though you've paid for it, I get furious because I'm like, I would have drank that, and now I can't.

I think I think I fell asleep, sad, I was too lazy to get to my night, staying to drink the rest of Lacroix. But I'm good now, I'm good now. You know I was sad. Dude, Brenda leaving really fucking fun with my head, so I'm but you know, it is what it is. Yeah, it's the first time you've ever been in love, like really in love. I know, I know, it's like it's so weird anyhow, but yeah, let's get to the news apparently, Well, why don't we

sitting that feeling a little bit longer? All right, never mind, let's get to the news. You're like Katie on The Bachelor at I hope you're having all the swells out there. I know we talked about some sad stuff right now, but we're having all the swells because if you get out the negative, you end up positive, not with a bad disease, but with jubilee and your system. Okay, alright.

At twenty two year old drunk frontier passenger screen his parents were worth a million dollars after groping to flight attendants and then punched a third before the crew duct taped him to a chair. You saw this video. It is so cringe e It's so bad. Was it on? It was on a frontier. First of all, if your parents, if your parents are worth enough money that you get

to brag about it, you're not flying frontier. Well is it so funny when these people are like bragging about their parents net worth and it's like, it's not your money, dude, it's not your money. Also, two million dollars isn't enough to brag like you, it's not anymore. But and also

that guy like it is his money. Andrew, that guy is a is a little rich kid who's waiting for his parents to die and it will be his probably because he's an old he's probably an only child or you know his older brother died of opiates and you know these kids in a wakeboarding accident. He will get he will get that money. He's not wrong, he's not wrong to say that. But I don't know after this video he might be kind of love to follow what happened after this and like, interview this kid or anyone

who knew him growing up. Someone listening to this podcast has to know someone who knew this guy. Please let us know about it. Also, let us interview the parents because I want to know if he's still in the will Um. Here's the thing though, was this is he was obviously hammered. He asked for another drink, They didn't give him the drink because he was drunk, and then he threw a punch at the third person. That's when they duct taped him. Now, Pete, they got relieved from

from their job. The the stewardess and ship do you think flight attendants do you think it's fucked up that they duct taped him, duct taped his mouth shut. I loved when they added the duct tape at the top. You see them duct taping him with all this like terrorists, you know, like apprehension duct tape that they have on hand. It's like special tape. You know, it's not probably duct tape.

It's like, so they get him to the seat and then the guy just like keeps going around his head and it's so I knew that there was no point in doing that, but I really loved it. You guys gotta watch the video because of the guys. Everyone on the plane is like mocking him and laughing just by the end of it. Though I don't know why. I just I don't know why. I had empathy for him, because you know, your hammers have empathy for this guy for sure, and he has a terrible life to be.

People were getting off on him getting tortured, like it ended up like he got duct tape. Funny, ha ha ha. Then they liked the torture, like there's a thing about people like, you know, public torturing. Where it went from him being annoying to the to the passengers being assholes. That's how I thought, although you know, if I was on that flight, I'd be like, you know what, let's just shoot him. But how did he grow the flight attendant did we hear about that, because that's he's on

the window seat. How did he leap across to grab a tit his parents bottom long arms? I don't know. I mean he reached I don't think anyone was sitting next to him when he was taped up. He just kept going, help, help me help. Honestly, this kid is very, very sad and definitely struggling with alcohol and probably other addictions. And I'm not joking. I bet he's lost a sibling to opioids and that's why he's like, I'm going to

get more of that two mil. I mean, this kid definitely grew up with parents who said stuff like that, probably behaved like that. If you are able to, you know, think about when these people behave like this, and think about where they came from that made act like this.

You can find it in your heart to feel bad for them, because think about how embarrassing an awful life would be if you were one of these people that when you are provoked, you fly off the handle so easily, like these Karen's and these just people you see like cause huge disturbances screaming. Those people have anger management issues

and they truly can't help but react that way. Think if your best means of handling uh situation where you got backed into a corner or were embarrassed or frustrated was to scream and have everyone in the terminal look at you and videotape you and laugh at you because you go well Nick either choosing to do that, I would honestly venture to guess that they don't, just like you can't choose when you scream at your husband or have road rage, Like you don't go right before you go,

motherfucker fucking drive, do you say before that moment? You know what? I could not do that, and I could do that, Let me do it. I want to do like you don't sign up to do it, you just do it. So I'm not saying these people are right, I'm not saying that there we should forgive them, And essentially I actually am saying we should forgive them because

it would suck to I'm so grateful. I'm not a pedophile, and I'm so grateful I'm not a person that uh hits people when I get mad or throws things when I get mad, or says the worst thing I can think of when I get mad, Thank God. But the only reason I'm not is because I wasn't raised in an environment that made me respond that way, and I

have a brain that doesn't short circuit to that. But if I did, I would had, like so many of us have been fucking blacked out, hammered acting almost just as ridiculous as him, but probably around other hammered people. When you get fucked up and you're on a plane, or if you're like a Walmart or like somewhere where it's not conducive to other people also being drunk, you

know you're gonna stick out. So if you're gonna act like you know what I mean, Like he just decided to get very fucked up on the like in the worst situation possible, and with everyone with cameras. I don't know. I'm just saying, like, put yourself like, we've all acted not that bad, but that bad in like a different kind of situation. You know what does that make sense? Like yeah, and if if, if you probably had his life, with his parents and his brain, you would do the

same exact thing. But you weren't born with like him, so we can still get mad at him and laugh at him, but understand that you're just lucky that you aren't such an idiot as well and not being you Andrew. But even even you could go, well, I drank and sometimes they say buffoonish things, and maybe I would act like that, but I wouldn't do it before my flight. Um, you can't say that because you don't know. That guy might not have had a choice but to drink, and

you might have gotten some. So you know what I mean, spend walk a mile in his fight. You've never been seat thirty three f on a frontier flight after you've had seven canceled flights and they're doing half price Margarita's at fucking you know. Uh, what's this? There's yeah, teacher Fridays what's his name? That always has a place in the in the God, why can't my brain is much who's the guy that always Tyler Florence. No, it's there's some guy that always Wolfgang Puck. That's the guy I

was thinking of. I don't know. I'm just like even even the worst people in the world, I'm able to go. Thank God, my brain isn't like that, you know, and sometimes you know, maybe the person that wrote that thing about me and that reddit just instead of being mad at me, just go thank God. My brain isn't like hers, and you should. It's sometimes Helen here next story, I'm gonna cut my hair in the bangs a straight bang and have one off. Oh my god, you would not.

My biggest fear is having an unbalanced bang, like a Betty Page bang that's a little too short. Just just kill me. I would just shave my head rather than have like a too short of bang. You with those four little hairs, I would rather have that. Brenda has five little hairs too. On the top. We have match. Let's move on subjects until we think about our love for her and we can't handle it, so we gotta yeah yeah, oh god, we're feeling things. I want to

just touch her again. Okay, a woman escaped the steam. Get out of there. No, Brenna is my friend too. You get scissor. I don't care give your bandies on though. Oh I've I've scissored her like she's given me her foot and I've cut out a corn. You don't think that was intimate. I've been inside your girl. You don't have to do it with your teeth with a scalpel. I would have. I wanted to eat her, I told her I kept a little piece of coffee. Feel about good.

I'll be happy to hear it. Yeah, okay, next door, next story woman chromgaroos bouncing? What get out of here

with this story? It sounds like a fake story. You move on from if things are like really you know what, Like Mom, you're at like a graduation, like dinner where your parents haven't seen each other and forever they're divorced and they're like about to be on the precipice of like dad, Dad said that he gave you enough alimony to pay for that, and then you never let me go back to bellerina classes even though it could have been great. Well you're an alcoholic. And then everything gets

quiet and it's like here about a stampedeo kangaroos. He's relating with of it, of them? It was ready for anchor man with the banda that escape from this. Yeah, it's a good icebreaker. Let's let's have that be the new icebreaker. When things get really tense or awkward, we go do you hear by the seven Kangaroo stampede. Okay, go on, I mean that's pretty much the whole story. This lady was in Australia. There's a video of it. She's standing there and Australia. This happened to the down yeah,

and above the ground. I thought it was Montana. This was in New This was on in Times Square. Kangaroos took the train all the way from Aspen. Okay, so it was it was a promo for it was a new like you know, um, what are those things called when the improv people, Yeah, a flash mom. I was thinking of a flashbob in Times Squared. It would be like Kangaroo Jack two's coming out. There's like twenty seven kangaroos let loose and they're like, what is this? Like, Oh,

this is promo for the new movie. Anyway, Okay, So what happened Kangaroo would live in New York City. Though if we let twenty out just in the middle of the city, I wonder what would happen. They'd fine, they're scavengers and they look, they'd adapt. They would jump up

on a fire escape ship. All right. So this woman was standing there was like an empty like in the middle of nowhere, and she saw the kangaroos coming at her, and it was like a fight or flight moment, and she just flighted a little to the left of the road and was waiting for the kings to come up. And they rude out of there. They they jumped over. There was like a like a barbed wire fence. Like fifteen of them jumped over. Four tried to go through

the fence, one tried to go under. It was a real you know, they looked at her, they like stood up from jumping, and they were like, who's that. You know? They flighted, you know, even though they would have whipped her ass. And she's like, I hope I don't get hoofed. I mean, I guess that happens over there, you know. Um. But yeah, so she was saved. But yeah, the twenty I don't know what the hell you just described. So to be honest, wait, there was a barbed wire. A

woman saw kangaroos coming. I saw like from very far away, like um, an independence day when I'm trying to think of, like what's the thing like in a desert when all of a sudden you see like a little in the in the distance, you see them coming and you're like, what is that? Like the wildebeest. It starts out very like distant and your faint, and you're like, what's that little rumbling? Here's something. Then all of a sudden, she's like, holy sh it, it's the one to jumping angaroos coming

at me. She ducks down under a barbed wire fence, trying she just got next to a bush. But were they coming at her or were they just coming in her direction? Where they coming forward direction? Okay, okay, so here's some here's some lessons though. I guess this would be great for listeners. If a kangaroo comes at you, so this is I'll list them down, and I'm sure this works for other animals. Bears call it time out. Call time out. Okay, call it time out. Call you mom? Okay.

Turn your body sideways, exposing the narrow profile to the animal and protecting your face and organs. Raise your hands and lean your head away from the animal to minimize the chances of being scratched across the face by the kangaroo's nasty claws. Retreat, but do not turn your back and run. Give a short, deep cough and crotch down as you move away. Make it known you're not a threat. As a last resort if you can't escape and attacking kangaroo, roll up into a ball on the ground with your

arm covering your neck and call for help. Try to roll or crawl away to a safe place. That's a lot of things. Yeah, okay, so I'm gonna this. This is what I got from that. Kangaroos are astonished by a profile shot. They like they love old timing. You know those old timey pictures where it's just a profile and a black profile of you that you could have on at six flags. They love those, So get a mimiograph of you as a profile shot. They love. They

love a strong nose and chin. They're almost astonished into um they can't jump when they see that. They're just so h Then crawl into a ball, cough slightly. Get a rectal exam as you cough, right, there are things

then um uh wait, you're supposed to also scream. Essentially, you're supposed to You want to back away, but not seem like a threat, so you can't run away though you don't go to Australia because you can't right now anyway, there's like, you know, you have to be in quarantined for like eight years, where I think you probably have to read a manual about how to prevent a kangaroo attack. It's probably on the like drive as license. Well, what I heard the kangaroo's if you're not wearing a mask,

they set out twenty kangs at you, and uh. And the ironic thing is you got to take the mask off and do a profile shot if you want them to stop you seem like too much of a threat, or you pull your pouch. You pull a kangaroo pouch over. They all pulled their pouches up to the point where their masks disgusting. Why have you seen inside one like a hidden camera? Yeah, they just I guess the baby hangs out in there, and I just wanted to see what was going on. Wait, you did not look inside

of pouch. You just saw there was no I've never seen it live, but yeah, I've seen an inside of the pouch bucket list, you know, pouch list alright next door. What I just love that we learned. I just love how we I do always think that if you're attacked by an animal, cover your face and neck because that's like your juggular and that's the moneymaker, right, yeah, I just don't. I mean the idea that you can't run, you gotta like casually walk. It's like when you've got

to take a ship and you can't run. You have to do this like certain kind of walk. There's a certain speed that you have to walk so you don't shake yourself, right right, you can't go too slow, you can't go too fast. Is the same thing as a kangaroo walk like you gotta take a ship. That's what

I think. Okay, yeah, no, that's that is interesting though, that like all these animals that charge, um, you have to you know, I was going to make a joke about their charging you money and then I just dropped it. But um, any animal that charges you just have to. You can't run from it because you'll always lose. It's always about like you have to confront these terrifying animals and go like yeah, yeah, like you have to kind

of go like and like cough in their direction. And it's like so the opposite of what you would want to do. Flight's flight or cough, fight or clear your throat. I'm not a threat, but also don't come near me. Also, I'm going to turn to the side we look at them with side. I like, you have to look almost like suspiciously at them and go and then rolling the ball. People, let's get out of here. I don't believe any of this stuff, Okay. I would rather be stampeded by twenty

three kangaroos. Then see one giant centipede that lurks in Australia that I always see on Reddit whenever there's a big bug. They're like, must be Australia, and they're like, yeah, we got them down here. They're coming out of the wall. You know, a spider was in me sulks last night. These fucking bear heads too. Have you seen these bear heads on TikTok that like the bear gets close? Hey boy. There's a new one called Hey big Boy, and it's a grizzly bear and they're just like, hey big boy,

it's okay. Wait. Isn't there a movie called The Edge that has a big bear in it? Uh? I feel like there's a bear in that movie The Edge, so they could be called the Edge. D Alright, guys, next story, why do I care? Getting breadcrumb can can hurt more than ghosting because we are strung along, making us feel a sense of helplessness, a lower quality of life, and the loneliness of feeling excluded. So essentially, breadcrumbing is when someone says, you know in the future you're going to

get this, so stick around and then it never comes. Essentially, yeah, I I see could I can see how that could hurt more? Because ghosting, you go, it's definitive, it goes. It doesn't make you feel kind of crazy, like it cuts you off and you go, I can't believe this person who I liked and who liked me just disappeared. Like it's just very obvious that like that sucks, Like

no one could argue. Ghosting is like unless he's dead, there's no excuse for ghosting, right, It's like he's the one that's in the wrong or she right, And all your friends can go, he ghosted you, how dare he? When it's breadcrumbing, your friends who are trying to make you feel better, or even your psyche that's trying to make sense of it can go. Maybe you're just reading into things, maybe you're expecting too much. He's giving you something.

Don't don't be sad about this. He's giving you something, and then he can even justify it and say I did not talk to you. I said this. It's like when I used to get into a fight with a guy I dated, and I'd be like, are you mad at me? And he'd be like no, and I go, well, it seems like you are. And he's like why and I go because you're not talking to me? And he goes, what is this I'm talking to you right now? And

I'm like, well, that's not what I mean. You know what I mean, Like, I know you're actually making words with your voice. I'm not being literal when I say you're not talking to me, but I can't you're not saying anything of substance. And then it just you know, when they give you anything, it's hard to actually form a case. You know. I get it, I get it. I also thought bread crumbing. Honestly when I read it, was like, is no one making fun of my bed?

Like I thought it was referring to me? And I think Noah was initially attracted this story because she saw the word Cross and she knows you're Mr Cross, Mr Grumsey, Mr Crumbs. I think your bed would mind would like if you ghosted it more than whatever you're doing to it. If your bed didn't have sheets on it. It It would feel your mattress would feel better if you had no sheets and slipped on a bear mattress than clean sheets with all the false promises you're giving it to it.

You ate all the crumbs off, Professor. Have you ever have you ever bread crumbed to girl? Coma? Yeah, I think I was bread cuming bread coming, bread crumbing. Oh Jesus, next story. Okay, Taylor Swift, why do I no, no, no, no, no no, When did you bread cr I feel like I bread crumb bread a little bit up top because I didn't know if I wanted to be in a in a committed relationship, and I think sometimes I was like, well, I'm giving her all these things when I'm not really committed,

and I just think, now I'm not bread carming anymore. Now, I'm um, you know. Yeah, it's sometimes out of fear, But I think bread crumbing is more about when you don't like the person and you're just trying to still get your dick sucked and you're like you would ghost, but you're just trying to be nicer and make it a little bit more confusing so you don't come out to be a bad guys, you always have an excuse, But yeah, I guess it could be that too. That's interesting.

Good job calling yourself out on it and um actually saying your feelings, because I will say that when Andrew decided to actually lean into his feelings for her and admit that he liked her more than he was maybe even allowing himself to and was able to commit to her,

the opposite thing that you were scared of happened. Because I think so many guys are afraid of commitment because they're scared that if I if I go all in, then it's probably gonna then it's gonna make me panic, like the panic I'm getting of being in a committed relationship and shutting myself off to every other opportunity. Oh my god, that's so scary. I'll probably like I want

to get out as soon as I get in. But when guys, actually, when you choose to commit and you actually lean in, you were like so much more in love and like committed after you may the commitment then you were before when you were on the fence. Does that make sense? Yes? Yeah, a thousand percent. Why do I care? I miss her doing? You know? Why do I carer? And I hope you're listening. Taylor Swift narrates new Olympic video all about Simon, raises her talent on

and off the mat. I mean to the podcast, Taylor, are you listening Taylor? Taylor? Oh god, Taylor this and I posted this on my story yesterday and I'm not INVENKINGU you might. I still have goose bumps. They I've never had goose bumps for so long after listening to a video. Taylor Swift's voice talking is amazing and her just you know, she wrote the voice over for this.

I'm sure they gave her a template of like, here's what we kind of want you to say, and she was like, got it, guys, and she wrote it herself. It's so nice. Can we play it? Noah? No I just gave the best face ever. She did the thing where she lowered, just did where she lowers her glasses, like like, listen now, crisp her voices. It's just like, first of all, Noah has one of the Christmas voices going, but um, Taylor Swiss voice and this is just like

she doesn't even sing. What do we want from our heroes? What do we expect from them? What do we need from them what happened. The song is called this is Me Trying by the last, and that was not what was playing. Just doubting herself somewhere. When you have the attention of the world, everything you do takes on a bigger meaning and it shows you someone falling. Kind of what it feels like fixed up for smone Vials. It's got to be a lonely place at times. Just want

it again. I'm giving goosture. It can be a chance to change everything. Put mental health first because it shows how strong of a sheditor in person that you really are throughout the last significant Okay, thank you. I just beautiful as the perfection that had long been her signature. But don't you see it still is. She's perfectly human and that's what makes it so easy to call her a hero. Simone biles back on the beam in Tokyo. Oh gosh, I just want to get up. She could

do it, she could do anything. She could talk about me taking crumbs off my bed and like getting rid of like jizz in my sheets, and I'd be like, God,

that is at least he's trying. Um, yeah, that just like I didn't even realize I was gonna get teary eyed just then, but like I feel like I needed to hear that today because like, you know, um feeling all these feelings of like like if Simone Biles can feel like she isn't good enough and have people tell her that she's failing them and like, isn't like you're not giving us what we expected from you, which is kind of how I felt about that Reddit post yesterday

of like like I hate more than anything when people like buy a ticket to my show or listen to my podcast or like invest their time, because I do value that people even though the podcast is free and people always go it's free, what are you complaining about? Like, I actually do value that people like spend their time and like time you could be like talking to your kid right now, you're listening to a podcast that might make you better for your kid later because you know,

indulged in your this or whatever. So when I have betrayed aid someone's trust in me that they put in listening to me or buying a ticket and then it's not what they wanted or the podcast isn't what they wanted, I feel like I've let people down and like I'm not living up to the golds that I have that that have made them subscribe to my podcasts in the first place, Like they saw me do a balance beam routine and they were inspired by that. That's why they subscribed. Nikki.

We want more of you on the balance beam. We want more of you sticking the landings. And the truth is that sometimes you just like don't. And when Taylor said the thing about um, like the perfection is what this is all about, you know, like the Barbie's hair wasn't perfect, and like when I got a Barbie that is you know, their barbies are are notoriously perfect, and they set a standard for girls that are like you can never achieve that it's perfect. We shouldn't even give

these two our girls. But for my barbie to not even be perfect the one that I get, like that to me just showed like even things that are always perfect you don't get they're not perfect for you. And so I've always been striving for perfection, which I know is a lost cause. So if you relate at all to this, I'm just saying that, like I need to hear that today, and maybe you should play it again for yourself too, because I think I was just caught

up in her voice the first time. But like how Simone Biles and I said this the other day, like I want a poster of her quitting even though she's going to do it. She's back in Yeah I saw that one, but I really want her being like like a poster that looks like those ones that says like determination that are people having, like white men having their offices. Yeah, but um, I just want to say that the line about um being imperfect is perfect because that's what being

a human is. So like whatever you are today that makes you like my stain on my dress is perfect, Like this is the way it was supposed to be for me. It's good that I have the stain on my dress that led me to have a sour mood this morning, because it's funny. That's who I am, is someone who acknowledges that I that I have a stain on my dress and makes light of it and makes a fun podcast about it. As opposed to if my dress was perfect, who knows what I would have talked about.

It could have been a lot worse. So, Um, I'm sorry to get emotional, but like it's just I'm getting emotional in like a good way that, Like, I do realize that even when I'm not funny or like I bomb on the Para Sulton Show in my own mind, whether or not I actually did or if you know, f Boy Island takes out my of a moment that I thought was funny, and they kept in one that

I'm like, oh that was embarrassing. I wish I wouldn't have made that face or like, oh my stomach looks bad and that shot Like I was meant to look like that in that moment and there was no other way it was going to be. And that's perfect, Like the imperfect things are perfect. So just try to remember that today. And um I'm sorry to like have this little moment. Obviously, I'm going through kangaroos. Oh shit profile profile. They're like, get a nose job, bitch. I'm like, oh shit,

are you in my subreddit? Alright? Uh, let's get on to collection of Brenna. I love you collection. I just love Brenna so much. That's what's going on with me. Um No, I do miss her a lot though, and she's someone who probably would help me right now during this because we reached out to each other recently and shared our feelings. It was really nice. Yeah, behind your back, bitch. Let's get to collection of getting ready for so guys, if you didn't know, speaking of the good news that

came from Reddit. We do have a subreddit for now. It is our slash c O u h L. You can find it on Reddit. It's where everyone's posting kiss on the reddit. I posted a video that Kirsten sent me um of one of the kids things I've ever seen. Kirsten, who is the first person you hear on that that goes getting ready for some kids. She sent me a video from last year, last summer when you know Trump's were out in full force and not wearing masks and

proud of it. And there is a video that you've got to go watch over And I posted it from my Reddit account Nicki Glazer. I have a secret one too that I'm not gonna ever reveal, um because I it's it's mostly for posting on wart stuff. Um. But and I did say ward And if you're a new listener to the show and you rewinded a bunch and go, did she say word? Yeah? I did. It's a weird thing. Um. Collection of kids. These are all kids sent in by besties, and we love you for it. We love you screaming

kid people. I um, I've been I could last night, Andrew, you heard me. Someone was revving their engine and I was eating dinner on the porch. I got it. At this point, it's involuntary. When I hear a rev like, It's like when a dog attacks a skateboarder. That's how I am. When I hear a rev like, I go good like, I guess I can't not do it. I'm really excited for it to be involuntary at some point, but people are really excited about the new subrenit. Thank

you to the reddator who made the account. I really do think this is going to take off in a major way. Post your kids on there, but also keep sending them to the account, um NICKI Glazer pod uh and we will read them aloud and and also voice moments. So this is a KI from John K Hello No whatever it is himn par Pennsylvania and I was just

calling with a momentum. We realized that the weekend. I'm not sure if you guys have discussed this, but possibly the most thing ever is when those guys hang like testicles like balls off the back of a big pickup truck and right in there with This is basically like any kind of bumper sticker. It's usually just, but especially I saw one this past weekend that said my heart beaver on a pickup truck with balls were also hanging off of it. I think that is as fuck. Have

a good week always listening all the swells? John John, when is a bumper stick I totally agree that by default bumper stickers are kid. I also want to say, I have never understood the balls hanging off of a truck. Will you explain to me truck nuts andrew? Are they are? They just supposed to be funny and gross. I'm just mad they don't have hair on them. I think it would be pretty badass, you know. But I want to see a truck pussy. I want to I'm gonna put

up some truck nuts in my mouth. Can we put it out there that we wanted truck pussy and I'll put it on the back of my Corolla. I swear to God like truck labia. Do you know that labia are balls or an empty ball? Said on Mike Corolla. Some truck labs that would be so funny to make those you know how girls have eyelashes on their cars. Yeah, okay, um wait, what is the point of truck nuts just to make people laugh? I think it's to make people laugh.

It's also to be like, look, you know even you know, just just I got big nuts like my car, like I'm a badass on top, like proud of their balls anyway, So I don't like I would understand if it was like a truck dick, because guys are proud of But it's like a common phrase like, oh, that guy's got balls, he's got balls to do this, he's got balls. If you already have a hemmy, why do you need to add balls to it? Like I think it's just like weird.

It's already understand that's got balls. Like you think putting your putting balls on a Ford focus would be used? Yeah, that would be great, but already on a car. That's like you're trying to like show off is It doesn't make any sense. But you're right. I think most bumper stickers are kid. I got one that said that is

the kiss sticker from Etsy. I buy Taylor Swift stickers all the time on Etsy that are like, you know, they range from being like my favorite lyrics to just pictures of her and um, there's one that I saw that I think I paid six dollars for plus shipping, and it says yeah, it says milf and it says man, I love folklore. Yeah. No, I mean, I'm driving my mom's car, so I can't put any stickers on it. But I thought it was so kid that I had to buy it, Like, no, I can't. That's my mom's car.

She would be so mad. You nice car. It doesn't matter. It's not my car to put laughs on. Even if I buy my mom she's letting me wait wait, I can'd damn it does sound like wait, I want to ask your doctor about SLOPPI wait, what was the fucking um story? Steal steal a gelop from between bumper stickers and we'll get to the next story. Brand I missing? Um? Is it my my fifth my my fifth grader made the honor roll or my fifth grader beat up your

honor real student? What is bragging about your fifth grader would know? No, no, the beat up one. You know what, because the sticker that says I'm proud of my fifth grade honor roll student, that's not for you. Hopefully that's for your fifth grader to show that you're a proud parent, that you love them and you're proud of them, and

like they brought home the sticker to you. That's what makes I always think this, This parent doesn't really want this on their car, but they go, I want to make my child know that I'm proud of them and wouldn't want to talk to them and tell people about them. And you know, it's like putting your kids shitty art

or on the fridge. Like my parents framed some of my shitty artwork and they probably didn't really love it that much, but they wanted me to feel like, oh, Nikki, you did something special and that made that gave me self esteem. So the I would say, it's wakeler to have the joke my mom just wrote me, how is my girl today? Is that the sweetest thing? I'm gonna say. I'm a milf. I'm gonna say, Mom, I'm feeling mills man, I love folklore. She's gonna go on. Um, okay, let's

hear from Sarah. This is Sarah wrote in a d M to the show, Um, I'll and do you want to read it? Or second? Yesterday at my neighborhood pool. The girl said one thing. I'm guessing she complimented the podcast, and then she goes second. Her name is Sarah. These two guys my age forty is we're talking about college days. This guy was bragging about it. He took tests for all the frat guys, so they all treated him like a frag guy, all the benefits without having to pay.

He was telling stories of parties and girls. I couldn't take it anymore, so I grabbed my stuff to leave, but not before yelling, oh my god, Sarah, I love you so much. I sent this to Noah and Andrew because I remember you deemed this to me when I was reading this. First of all, it said I found like She started off being like, here's a kid, and then she said the story I'm not even junkie you. As I read Here's a Kid. I start reading the story.

I might have gotten distracted by something in between Here's a ka and me reading it. I might have looked up from my phone, or maybe my mom texted me and something came up. I started reading the story and after it said so they took tests for the frat guys,

so they kind of treated me like one. I literally go, kid, I literally involuntarily to this story that I knew was going to be about kiss because I had forgotten it was just so this was maybe one of the kiss things I've ever heard, because frats in general are but a guy who didn't even go like Russia frat feeling like he's in a frat, the guy because he's the

nerd that they cheated off of his poor guy. What a kid and I'm bad kid that didn't he was like the nerdy kid that always wanted to be cool, was the one that brought him the thing and his parents didn't put it on the car. Oh yeah, so he doesn't have self esteem and so he has to use his smart to get people who are less. Yea, And supposed if his mom just would have put it on the goddamn truck and said, putting up, there's truck nuts. What have you put the sticker and the truck nuts together?

That would be really fun. I would love us a bumber sticker that said, my fifth grader made the honor role. Who haven't who I haven't seen in ten years because I left and for another woman. Yeah, that's how smart they are. They still persevered past the trauma of their dad leaving. Yeah, it's good for him. Hatchet nuts on your hair. I just said the word hatchet because it's a book that you read in school, Like that had

nothing to do with anything. I was just picturing this kid who's struggling with his dad abandoning him, really getting into the book Hatchet in sixth grade. Let's get to Marissa's voicemail on the room Mr Brown by baby. So I have like a could that seems makes me seem like an asshole, and I really might be, but I know this is a judgment free zone with the three

of you. So, this kid from my high school died a few days ago, and I guess there's so many people that were posting on Facebook, like reposting the obituary and saying like how good of a person he was and all of that, and I just find it so it's like, you weren't really friends with this kid, you haven't talked to him in ten years, and you just want people to feel bad for you that you know somebody who died. Like that's just so care Marissa. I mean you were so right girl. Like I used to

hate this so much. I remember there was one guy. Um, I'm trying to give not too many details because I feel like someone might listen to this podcast that the story involves. But I remember someone in my life died that was like in a group that I was a part of. All he died. No, but let's say it's acapella, So there was an an an alto uh no, a base, a guy who died a tenor he died tragically, and another group and our another guy in our acapella group

who was not that close with him. I got a tattoo of the guy's name or like something that meant represented that guy on his body. Now, this guy already was someone who was tatted up, not crazily tatted up, but had tattooed, so it wasn't like a first tattoo. But he did commemorate this guy with a tattoo. Now I knew that if that this guy's relationship to that guy was not even as close as I was to tattoo guy, Like I'm not even that good of friends with tattoo guy, but I knew that I was closer

with him than this guy. So I remembered thinking, if I die, this guy is going to get a tattoo of me, no doubt, like for sure. And I remember thinking that's such bullshit because people who are actually close to wouldn't do anything with their bodies to memory, Like the only that's I'm going to be remembered more by this guy taking off a shirt at the pool. People are gonna go, what's that about? What's that? Um, what's Fabio? What's that portrait of Fabio on your shoulder? Oh? Okay? Wow?

She did have like a masculine look to her, and I guess you got it with her hair like down and like no makeup. That's an interesting What happened to her? She got hit by a um uh that that a kangaroo kicked them. It was bad, damn. Um wow, you guys must have been close. Um. Actually I didn't really know her. No, no, no, no no. This person definitely thinks no. But I actually was very close to her though. Oh my gosh. Wow. Um I just ran into her mom the other day and she didn't even mention that

she died. Yeah, I'm glad that I know it about it from your shitty tattoo, Like do you know what I'm saying? Like I realized that the people that I'm closest to wouldn't be as kid and like brag about knowing me as people who didn't know me at all. But you know what, I also reason, I used to judge these people, Marissa, just with you, and I still do,

by the way, I still could them. But I want to say that some people, even if they're just doing it to get attention and to get sympathy for feeling like you know, um, oh my gosh, they're trying to just get sympathy for being like I know someone who died, I'm special, I'm hug me. Really, what they need is a hug that they aren't getting for other things in their life that they can't really articulate. So I let

them have it now. Um. I used to know someone who would get really mad when people would get upset about celebrity deaths and and say, you didn't even know the person. If you're this upset on Facebook about the death of Robin Williams, what's gonna happen when your dad dies or your mom dies? Like? Are you gonna? Are you? What are you going to post? You've just given us everything You're This is almost like the kind of post you would make if your mom died, So what are

you gonna do when she died? You left no room. And what I reason is as someone who got very upset about the death of Corey Monteeth for no reason pertaining to my closeness to Corey Mont. I didn't know him. He died of a drug overdose. He was young. I

just felt sad. My sadness that was unexpected when I got that Google alert or whatever was really because I almost died when I was young, tragically and wouldn't have achieved all the things I've achieved and all the joy I brought people, or the you know, just the life I would have lived could have been cut short by a dumb addiction that I didn't get help for. And so I was crying really for the for myself, and

and like it was healing for me. So I think these people on Facebook that are looking so badly for sympathy for someone they didn't even know, we just got to remember that they're in pain in other ways and this is the only way they know to. Like it's almost like we were talking about breadcrumbing. You know, you feel like if a guy goes to you, you get so much more mileage out of being like he ghosted

me than if he like texted you every so often. Right, So this just gives someone on something tangible when they don't aren't able to do that with, Like they're not able to admit that their parents didn't love them enough, or that they really miss their sister who isn't talking to them anymore. It's too painful to admit those things, or that they push people in their lives away and

have caused themselves to feel really lonely lately. Like that's too painful, so they'd rather cry about Anthony Bourdain or that guy that you barely know from your high school. Final thought, the celebrity thing is interesting because it's like when they post, it's always like someone more famous than them. So it does feel a little like, you mean when

celebrities posted. You've told me this before. Yeah, yeah, I've always thought it was kind of culb But you know what though, I think though we if you ask some most of these people, Hey, you posted this story. You didn't really know Jeff that Well who died wakeboarding. Uh you know, but you know, are you doing this to get likes? They'd be like, what are you fucking like? I think a lot of people don't think so, like you know, as dark as we are, like they are,

but they are getting to get likes. It's because people hate people that are cloud chasers. But you've got to understand that likes our love. So these people didn't get enough love and and as as pathetic as it seems that this is going to give them this, Like you want heart emojis or are just people writing comments? You want the most comments and you're refreshing it to see how many comments you got about the post about your cousin who died. If that's making you feel better, just

let it be. I mean, it's just like who cares, like even Andrew. Sometimes I see that you will latch onto like a like the Simone Biles thing you posted, a big thing like you were very passionate about, like people talking about Simone Files dropping out number a couple of days ago when it first hit Yeah, like you.

But but you were triggered by that not because you are personally friends with Simone Biles, or because you love USA gymnastics, or because you love meant like or because health, Yeah, because you struggle with mental because it was personal to you. And I could have gone Andrew, this is all about you. You're the reason you care is not because you care about Simone Biles. It's because you. You You care about you.

And this makes you get defensive of people who judge you for having mental illness things which you know and I know too, this you but that's okay that you took that stand on it, and that you're not taking a stand on Yemen, like this is what people get mad about. Its goes you're gonna get You're gonna make a whole post about Simone Biles getting some ship talk to her about from a tennis player, uh, and you won't post anything about millions of starving kids in Yemen.

And it's like, well, that doesn't relate to me as much as this does, and it doesn't trigger my shame that I have about my mental illness as as this does. And so does that make sense? And I'm sure I just relate whenever I post something like that. And I'm really passionate about like a news item that's kind of out of nowhere. It's because it's because I feel defensive

and I feel victimizing. Was funny with that post, because like I when I saw the story, it just like I just I honestly just felt compelled to write something, and then when I didn't, I swear to God, I thought I would probably like take it down in like

two minutes. And then it got so many likes compared to my other where, Like I started to be like, Okay, I didn't mean for this to be about my life, Like I started to get I feel like, um insecure about like getting these likes, Like I don't want these sympathy,

Like this isn't for that. I literally just wanted to put this out, I swear to God, Like I felt like weird about it becoming such a about it getting legs, yeah, because it became like it got shared more than anything I've ever posted or any And I was like, also, it's kind of easy to be like, but like, why would that make you feel sad that it got shared when a PicTel you would be celebrating a video of you dancing with your shirt off getting shares like that,

you know what I mean? Like, because I feel like I do sometimes feel like I could have been funnier with it, and they I'm almost like been not a contrarian, but like just been a little bit more satire ish, you know. Sometimes when I think, because uh, when you just write something like kind of like a preachy post, I feel like sometimes it really is easy to get

legs on a preachy post, does that make sense? Or a vulnerable one where you're taking a stand and defending someone that so it feels easy because as a comedian, I want to be the funniest I don't want to be the most preach great and I could go Andrew just got a bunch of likes for saying the easiest thing that everyone's saying. Only like three people are even actually mad at this girl, and they're all like right wing idiots, so like he's not saying that something that

anyone which you. I didn't read it because I was just like, but feel too much for me? Thoughts are a little Are these real thoughts that you actually have towards that or towards me? No, towards it, like about myself when I when I post those things. But I just knew that post you made it because you don't like when people judge you for having mental illness stuff? Right would judge me or judge anyone? I just anyone. But it's like, but if you didn't suffer with mental illness,

you probably wouldn't have been as fired up. I just have to say, but that's just because I'm assuming that for myself. I get fired up about things like the trans movement. I remember I was like very I'm and I'm wrapped ing up, But I remember being obsessed with how no one could understand that when Caitlyn Jenner came out, Everyone's just like, what the funk? And they couldn't understand it.

And I just didn't understand why people couldn't understand that you were someone could be born in the wrong body, like feel like they were a boy, or feel like they were a girl when they were born with a vagina or penis, Like how could you not understand that? In my therapist, I used to just go into my therapist office and go, I'm so obsessed with making people understand trans issues and I really can't be friends with people who don't get it, who can't empathize with that,

And she goes, are you trans? Like what's going on? And I go, I know, like, no, I don't feel like I should be a man or whatever. Like my pussy does look like a penis sometimes, but like that's not that's a joke, But like I I. The thing is, I relate to trans issues and I was passionate about it.

Not because I'm such a trans advocate and I love trans people, Yes I do, and I empathize with them, but it's because I felt like I was born in the wrong body, meaning I felt like my sister got the right body and I got some kind of wrong body. Not that I was assigned the wrong gender, but because but because I thought I deserved to have straight hair, smooth skin, um no acne, and I felt literally wanted to be skinnier, wanted to be taller, wanted to be

all these different things. I felt just the same, like I knew what it feels like to be born, to feel like God smited you with the wrong body, that you mentally you were meant to look like Giselle not Nikki Glazer, and feeling like it was unjust and I needed people. I was so mad about because I needed people to understand me. And the thing is, I didn't make that connection until I was in therapy and she was like, why are you so upset about this? Because I was like, I guess I'm just a good person

that like has empathy for trans people. I'm just like on the on the right side of things. No, bitch, it's because it's about you. Well, you said to me before you go. You know, when I don't have makeup on, I feel like sometimes I look like a man. And then when and then when you so you understand like getting done up to look more feminine, which I feel like I'm in drag sometimes when I dress up like a woman a lot, and then I feel really comfortable

when I dressed like a man. Sometimes I don't understand it. I don't yearn to be a man the way the trans people do. I've looked into it, even because when I met Caitlin Jenner, she said, are you trans? Because she sensed my empathy so much and it even made me question it. But I am. I am not trans. I uh if I were, Well, I'm not counting it out because you can, you know, you can discover these things about yourself later. But I've done a lot of thinking on it, and uh, it's just not me. Um,

So don't be kid there. Thanks for putting up with this podcast today. It was a wild one. I love you guys so much. As always. If you don't enjoy the podcast or me at any point, just turn it off about me. You can d M Andrew or Noah and just try to keep things nice out there and be nice to each other and understanding and kind. And I'll try to do the same. And I love you guys so much, and don't be kid and um all the swells. Watch Cooking with Paris on Netflix. We miss you,

brenna Um. I'm one of the episodes on Netflix is Cooking with Paris. Also f Boy Island new episodes out Thursday. We watched all three last night. It's so good. Check it out. We'll see it tomorrow on the podcast. Uh