#78 Stay Flat Safe

Pretty sweet. Um, we're running out of Stevia, Andrew. The thing is Andrew went to the grocery store for us the other day, and um, I was like, I'll get you groceries. What do you want? Like definitely, uh, maybe sensed that I wanted him to do things for me more or like, you know, the last time I complained to him, like, don't go to the grocery store without thinking of getting me things too, um, because I always think to get him things. Even when we're at the

same grocery store together. I will grab things from an aisle that I know he'll skip because he'll be like, I'm just not hungry for that aisle right now. I just what is it with boys that they don't anticipate their needs. Boys are so good about like planning for well, not Andrew, but like I'm talking about like men in general, or like I know my ex boyfriend has like a go bag. He's like ready for, like if disaster strikes. He has tools for every kind of dilemma that would

arise in the apartment or like in his life. Um, and then when it comes to like food for like the next week. No, I'm mixing two people. Andrew's not prepared. Andrew picks what he needs. That's why he shows up to gigs with a limp backpack. I can't even believe this guy. I bring a hundred pounds of stuff, a hundred pounds of two huge suitcases fifty pounds each, and then my backpack. My carry on is packed to the brim. So is my guitar bag that has a guitar in it.

But the little pouch that's supposed to just carry a capo and a pick as like you know, socks and lotions and whatever in it. And Andrew's backpack is like a limp back I don't understand. Sometimes you watch the baggage Carousel. When you go to collector bags and there is a loose duffel bag like a backpack, sometimes people will check like a loose backpack, and I just go, what the fuck is this? Why would you check that?

I don't understand people. Um, but yeah, Andrew, I, UM, when we were in San Antonio, we got a ton of like my writer, which is the thing that you

make a list of things you want backstage. It's the famous Like the first time I heard writers was like Mariah Carey needs everything, like you know, Beyonce needs everything on a writer to be white and Mariah Carey needs you know, roses in every toilet or I don't know whatever, like the Eminem thing, which was an interesting thing, you know when um there was that big there's always that one story or anecdote of only green Eminem's on someone's writer.

It was either like the Rolling Stones or like led Zeppelin or something like and thank you yes, okay, only the brown ones. Um. They did that because they wanted to make sure that the venue was if they if they got that, if the venue read the writer that correctly and got that right, it would be indicative that they would get all the sound things right and all this like it's it's was a thing they put in, not because they like brown Eminem's or just to be assholes.

It was like, okay, if we walk in the green room and there's only brown Eminem's. They were very detailed in this, and we can trust this venue. So I thought that was kind of interesting. It's it's you know, it goes from being like care brown Eminem's too, like, oh, that's actually like a good system. That's how like when I found out that Bill Burr said that people rev their motorcycle engines not to be care but so that

they let people know pedestrians know they're coming. And I was like, okay, that just changed the way I looked at that. Now, what were you about to say before we get corrections? They wanted the brown Eminem's out, so they wanted the stuff to pick the brown Eminem's out. Okay, that's yeah, that's even more Yes, thank you, thank you. If people were going to write in about that, I don't want to listen to this podcast. I'm just kidding.

Please keep listening. Um. So, yeah, so we got a bunch of snacks for the writer and I and and when um My tour managers wrote to me saying, Hey,

what do you want on your writer? Because my writer used to be like very antarrextic and like always like feeding into my eating disorder because I would just I would starve all day and then I would get to my show and I would start like snacking on the veggie tray and I would get like veggies and like hummus and like salsa, but like note, I would get chips, but just so that no one would think I was weird for getting salsa and hummus without chips. But I

wouldn't eat the chips because they're carbs. So I would just like get the chips for the illusion that I was a normal eater. And then and also like Andrew would eat them. But I never could figure out what chips Andrew wanted because he would never be hungry for chips when I would ask what kind of chips do you want, so he'd be like, I just don't want chips, and I'd be like, this is for two months from now.

This isn't for now when you just ate dinner. Um, But now I have a revised writer because I'm not uh in the depths of an eating disorder anymore. So I and and so I have like regular food on it, whatever I have. But the thing is when I sent in my writer, I literally I just say, give me Thai food, Like, just send whatever Thai restaurant. I want to papaya salads. I want a green curry. I want um green vegetable curry. I want rice cakes. I want vegan cream cheese, which, by the way, I just got

Andrew and vegan cream cheese. He's freaking out about it. The guy is like eating, like you know, in one sitting, he'll eat a whole thing. Um. It's so delicious. Vile life is the best kind. It tastes exactly like cream cheese. Um. And Then I asked Andrew and Anya and Matt On his boyfriend, my tour manager, and Jen like, what other thing? What's next to you? Guys want backstage because this isn't just for me. And of course Andrew was like, I don't need anything to gen, you know, Jen, I said,

Jen asked Andrew what he wants on the writer. He can get anything, and it's out of my money, by the way, or it's out of money that would go to me if it weren't spent on the backstage experience. But I want the backstage experience to be amazing for everyone, So like, get whatever the funk you want. You know, Andrew doesn't want anything, so I go, Okay, yes he does. Get him some popcorn with the words skinny on it. Get some drinks with the word fat burn on it.

Get you know, snack wells, healthy choice, anything with healthy on it that just is like a word that will lie to you and convince you you're being healthy. Get that for Andrew because he'll eat it. He also likes dates, so I got him dates, I got him popcorn, whatever. So I get there. It's a smorgest board of food at San Antonio. We had two shows, so they doubled up the um, the writer order. We have no time to eat at all. It's just like all this food.

I'm like, oh my god, it's going to waste. I was kind of like freaking out, but it was more about my stress of life and m Andrew left early because he was bored. After the show. I'm sitting backstage, and Andrew is Auntie a f and like just wanting to go back to the hotel which is just across the street. But Annie is out there selling her merch. Jen is out there selling my merch. Matt is out there like picking up cords and like figuring out like Howard.

So I'm just like back there with Indur Andrews, like I can tell he wants to leave so bad, and he's like, do you mind if I go? And I go go it's fine. He's like, are you sure? And I was like yeah. He's like, do you want to go? And I'm like, well, I'm gonna wait for the rest of the team before I go, so we can like talk about how great the show is and stuff, but

you go. So he leaves and I go to the I go to leave eventually, and I see that the table of food has like full bags of popcorn that I just are no or either gonna get thrown out or not. Like I'm just like mad when food goes to waste. So I take this full bag. I take a whole bag on top of all my bags, I start packing a bag of his dates, of his um that he ate one of. You know, he opened the bag and ate one of a popcorn that he didn't even open. Because we have a long flight the next day,

a connective flight. I know that he doesn't plan for those, so I and I know that. It's like, why am I thinking about him? It's very alan on, it's very like controlling other people. But I just don't like when someone else is like starving all day around me. So I grab all the stuff. The next day, we're at the airport. I'm carrying this bag and I go, um, I have a big bag of pop. I had a huge bag of popcorn, skinny pop, and I'm thinking, I can't fit this anywhere on me. I don't even know

where Andrew's gonna fit it. This is all to say that Andrew has brought this baggy little backpack that has like one shirt in it for his whole weekend's day. I don't even understand it. It definitely doesn't have a toothbrush. There's no way there was one in there. And I go, Andrew, I brought these for you for um, like the dates and the bag of popcorn for you for the for the day of traveling. Is like, oh thanks, and I go,

do you have any room for this? He's the only man on earth that could fit a gigantic bag of unopened skinny pop that is like inflated into his backpack. With ample room. I put that in that baggy backpack. That's what those baggy backpacks are for there, for women to place food that they bring along for the men they travel with who have not thought about their needs.

And that's why men have baggy backpacks and don't pack anything is because women are going to stuff it with food that you should have stuffed it with because you don't think about your needs. What's going on with me? I don't even know. People are going to write it and be like Nikki, that was a waste of our time listening to that, and guess what it was waste

of my time saying it. But all I'm saying is that I don't understand these scrotum like backpacks that are like old men balls that men bring on long trips. What what are what are they packing there? Someday I want to go through Andrew's bag for a long weekend. We're going to Atlantic City this weekend. Maybe I will do it then and do like um, an Instagram video

or something for it. Man. I have felt very uh, not wanting to be on social media, not wanting to post about myself, not wanting to there's sometimes I'm just a adverse a verse a verse. I feel like that's the word a verse to social media and like disgusted by it. I don't want to put anything out there, don't want heart emojis, don't want people telling me I'm hot, don't want to tell people telling me I'm great. I just like don't want to post anything. And right now

I'm in the middle of F boy promotion. I gotta do it. Um, I don't want to watch videos of myself. You know what. The best thing was, Okay, if you're gonna listen to anything, listening to this part. Okay. Last week I was talking, Dave Spade sent me a voice memo that's how we communicate, um, where he was like, I just saw the video you posted on Instagram where you said, uh, like these guys like do nice guys always come and last? And do f boys always come

on your face? Or something like that, which, by the way, I said that to make everyone, to make everyone laugh in the moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I think they would air that. I'm not even joking you. That was like me just trying to like warm up the crowd. They used it. Okay. Dave wrote to me and was like God, I was just so on Bachelor in Paradise, like we could they they told me I couldn't say this, and then or like you know, that

was I can't believe you got away with that. And I was like, yeah, that's the beauty of HBO, Max Baby, maybe you should jump over there, and he's like, well, I don't even know if i'd want to say something like that, and I'm like, touche, I know it was really gross and I don't even know I wanted to

say something like that. And then I go, you know what, Dave, To be honest with you, I didn't even know that I posted that clip because I just saw it on mute and I saw it looked pretty and I saw that people laughed at whatever I said, and I knew that I needed to post something, so I just posted it. I did not watch it. I don't want to hear my voice. I don't want to hear the joke. It's like my timing of that joke. By the way, it was like not my faith. So I posted it blindly,

not knowing what I said. Then a lot of people wrote to me and I was like, oh, I guess that's the one I said, Um, and I go, I didn't even watch it. I'm embarrassed to tell you that. And I go, I don't like watching myself. I don't know what it is, but I hate watching myself. I can't watch f Boys second episode because I'm not with

my girls, who I watched the first one with. I can't bring myself to watch more of it, even though I want to because I want to be able to talk about it because I know things that didn't air, and I don't want to talk about those things. I want to know what people are seeing right. But I can't watch it. And so I wrote to David and I was like, do you relate to not watching things of yourself and like not wanting to see yourself? And he said, Nikki, people will send me things to watch.

He's like, there's something right now. They sent me, um, they sent him some something he just shot. They sent him there, like take a look, tell us what you think. And he's like, I can't do it. I cannot do it. And it made me feel so good because it's David Spade. Everything he talks in like a perfect jokes, like there's nothing I would I would seriously murder Andrew right now with a blunt object to have of. I'm giving myself of half of David Spade's funniness. So that's about I

don't even know what that means. You know what I'm saying, Um I would, I would, but for someone like that, who I project so much perfection comedically onto to say that they don't watch themselves. And I said to him, you know the when people, especially that when people are like, you look amazing in this, will you watch it? Or there's a photographer that's like, look these shots, Holy shit, look at these I don't have I go no offense to you. I know they're amazing. I don't want to

see them. I'm so sorry. Or if someone's doing my makeup, I don't want to see it. I don't want to look in the mirror. I'd rather like be having my makeup not in front of him herror, and then they go look at it and they want to hear me go oh my god, but like I don't like looking up myself, And which is so ironic, because that's what I'm getting paid to do, is have people look at me. And it's just weird that I would expect others to enjoy it. I don't expect others to enjoy it. Actually,

I'm baffled why others enjoy it. But I'm going along with it because it makes me good money and it makes me feel loved by strangers to fulfill the needs of love that I didn't get met as a child, by no fault of my parents. They did as best as they could. I just was a child that needed more love than most. Um. But what I will say is that Spade said, I'm finishing this thought. Spade said that he uh what. What I meant to say was when when I know there's no I will watch something.

When I was on Not Safe with Nicki Glazer and I had final say in the edit where I could watch something and then I give notes, it was hard for me to watch myself. But at least you know what. I edited the Degenerates, I edited Banging. I had to watch all of those and it was torture, but I did it because I had a say and what made

it and what did it. But on something like f Boy, something like a podcast clip that someone's putting together, that's already put together and they're done with and they just want me to see it before it goes out, No, I don't need to see it. It's already done. Please don't show it to me. I'm good and to hear that David Spade also feels the same way made me

feel so much less alone. If you are out there and you don't like looking at pictures of yourself, let me know too, or video of yourself or your voice or anything. Thank you for listening to my voice every day. I don't think you're wrong. I think I'm actually a lovely person to listen to. And I respect you all for being a fan of mine. It's just hard for me. Let's get Andrew in here. And by the way, talk about someone who loves to watch themselves and has no

problem doing so. Andrew, Hey, Andrew, ni, Oh my god, your voice is like sexual. I was just talking about how, um, I hate to watch myself, and so does David Spade. I got confirmation that he doesn't watch himself either, even

on like really important things like movies and stuff. And I was saying, speaking of someone who loves to watch themselves and like doesn't mind looking at pictures of yourself right away and posting things right away, I really envy you of like loving to post content as soon as you get it and like not needing, like I just what is that? What? What? What can I do to

be better about? Like just you know, if you if you do a photo session and then you see a picture of yourself where you look way fatter or way like, not as funny as you thought you were, whatever it is. I mean, it's surely got to happen at some point where you see something and it's not what you thought it was going to be. What what goes through your head? And why don't you let it derail your day? Um hmm, Because I don't know. I guess because there's other pictures

that I look good in. So it's like, but what if there's yeah, yeah, what if they're a lie? Yeah? I mean well, I think there's a difference between it being just between you and the picture and then you putting that picture online. I think there's there's some strength in just being like here I am at my ugliest state. Now. The hard part is when you're trying to look good. Well let me yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay, Yeah, when you're trying to look good and it doesn't work.

There's a difference between making a quirky face and you're like trying to purposely look bad. But if you look bad while trying to look good, yes, it's tough. But I mean I don't I mean I try, I don't really post like you know, like Jore. We had this like photographer in San Diego or San Antonio this weekend

who was amazing. I mean I've worked with a lot of photographers and a lot of good ones too, and this guy was up there with them because he just set up these really quick shots that usually would take most photographers forever to get the lighting perfected, and they look like, you know, the types of photo shoots that I would have to show up three hours after the photographer got there because they have to set up so perfectly and use a bunch of stand in. This guy

would just like do it on the fly. And I was like, way do you see these shots? I mean they're amazing. I felt almost um I felt bad not being like putting enough effort into my looks for how much how beautiful these shots look, because it's like, oh, this should have like better makeup and hair instead of me just like scrunching my hair in the sink in my hotel room. Um, I like your hair when you don't do anything too and it's just natural, and you

always say that it's almost uncomfortable. Yeah, like every time, my hair is just like wild and like just air dried pretty much like I've just been doing a curly not curly, but my hair naturally is like just have that hair like that. You should ride a horse without a saddle everywhere you go. Well, listen, I'm metaphorically I'm doing that all the time. Here, here's the interesting thing about that hair stuff. We'll get back to the picture thing,

but the hair thing. Yeah, every time. So Noah, you've seen it like with the same kind of hair. No, that's like if you let it air dry and you were to scrunch it, I call it congealing. So what I do with my hair. Girls, if you have hair like mine, that you can blow dry it straight, but generally it wants to just be poofy and kind of

it never really will get straight enough. I used to iron my hair with a literal iron in high school because I just could not get it straight, and then I would look like a cucumber because it would puff out around my the crown of my head and make my head look like a bigger cucumber shape, and then

it would be I would just look like predator. It would just be like a like an old founding father like Quaker oats, because it would just be puffy, but like trying to be straight on the edges, but like puff out anyway, Now I can get it to a place where it looks like bone straight and like really smooth. With a blowout, you know and uh, cheese straightening irons and all those things, you can get like a straight looking look and people think that's, oh, that's Nikki's natural hair.

My natural hair is um what like I guess it's called ship but um no, it's it's like like a hot lion exactly. It's like it is. It's kinky. It's like it um it's not curly, but it's like wavy, you get it. It doesn't matter what it is. It's like um Jason Momoa. Like it's like has texture and it can be a big old mess, but it's can

sometimes look really great. So if you have hair like mine, eye mastered away to make it look the best possible, which is you know, when I was in San Antonio, I did not feel like I didn't bring my straightener I didn't bring a curling iron, so it was all going to be me blowing it out and using an iron, and I just didn't want to an actual iron with an ironing board. I didn't want to deal with it. It's so humid there it would have puffed out by the end of the night because I sweat on stage.

So instead I was just like, Okay, I'm just gonna do the air dry, which, by the way, it takes longer than doing my hair curling. Like I was, I was arguing, like in my own head, what people are like, her hair looks like ship It's like, well, this took two hours to air dry, as opposed to if I did it straight, it took an hour to get it curled, you know what I mean. So I had to get Yeah, so what I do is I brush it. I get out of the shower and I dtangle it so I

brush it straight. I know this is not interesting to anyone, but if you have hair like mine, this will teach you how to do the like kind of curly messy look in a way that looks the best. Because I've I've this took me years, years and years years to perfect and I actually met my best friend in college when I was doing this weird thing in the sink and in our freshman dorms. Um, you straighten your hair, you like, get out the shower. You put enough like conditioner,

and then it's straight. But you get the conditioner out because you don't want it to be too sulky and conditioned. So get it out and then be able to brush it through so that you can run your fingers through it without any snaggles. Right, Um, use a dtangling spray whatever you need. Then you go to the sink and you fill the sink up to about a third with hot water or like not hot, but like warm hottish water. Then you dip your make sure your hair is parted in the way that you want it to be for

the final look. Then you take each side and you dip it into the water, and then you run your hands through to make individual curls that you want those ones to be like the Because this is the thing. When you brush out your hair and let it air dry, it gets too stringy. All the pieces, especially with thinner hair, all the pieces it will be like three pieces of hair will be like a little curl and that's not enough.

You need like a big thick curl. Right, So you do your you do your hair, and you go in the sink and you run your hands through it, uh with separate with your fingers, and you get it to a place where it's like, oh, that looks good. And then you go in the sink and you dip it in and then when it comes up, it should be individual really wet pieces of hair, right because you dumped it in the sink. Then you do a thing I called congeal, and you gently from the bottom bring it

up and squeeze up and squeeze. You might put a little bit of mute moose in your hand, a very light light because you don't want it to get crunchy. Light moose mixed with a moving bomb. And then you can squeeze it again, make it even more congealed. Now do the other side piece, piece it with your fingers, then congeal and then let that air dry and see what happens for you. And then the top stays more

straight and doesn't get too curly. Then by the time it starts drying, you can just like let it go and kind of congeal it and like and just scrunch it all over and it gives you a nice piece. Look. Now, the only problem with this is that your male best friend might start getting corny for your hair and like say weird things when you're literal tits are hanging out on camera and watching you and kind of drooling and

saying your hair looks good. You and of course I'm exaggerating, but like you have mentioned my hair looking great, Yeah, both sides of my mouth. But you know I have a wet mouth. So if you really do like the curly hair. But here's the other thing I remember, and maybe some girls up there is funny that you're like, yeah, it's just natural. But I didn't realize. No, I mean like, that's no, it takes two seconds. It really does. In the scheme of things is so much easier. But I

also don't do that every day. That was just for the San Antonio show. But the thing is, uh, oh, here's the thing most men do well. I learned from Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker. She used to yell at women about, um, how they should show up to these dates to meet the millionaires that she was setting them up with. And she would say, girls, no, it was so racist because this all goes back to like hair being like, you know, glossy, straight hair equals white, and

then like anything that's not equals ethnic. I mean, that's pretty much what it is. And so she wouldn't get away with saying this, m bravo now, but she was like, men want hair that they can run their fingers through. Men do not want curly hair. So she would yell at these girls that would come to these functions and go, you're gonna straighten your hair, You're gonna get a carrotons treatment. You're like, men don't want curly hair, and um, I've

found that men don't care. And if a man is going to care about whether or not you can run his hands through your hair, first of all, you can't run your hands through my hair no matter what, because I have a sensitive scalp and I'm scared of losing hair, So get off my hair. Um. But I do find that men like tend to like you know, or I guess media tend to like shiny, smooth hair more than like, you know, the messy, kinky hair thoughts. Well, I don't know. I mean, I think it just makes it seem like

you're more put together. Yes, so it seems like if you're dressed up, but I think there's something really hot about being dressed up and then your hair looking like natural and fun and vibrant, and it just you know, and this is who you are. You're being honest about it while looking great. I don't know, I don't like that, see that that that whole thing of like she's just being herself. That's like when you know, that's like no

offense to lizz Oh. I'm just saying, like we we say that about Lizzo, you know, like I love her body, it's herself. We don't say, we don't go on to anything else. We just go that's her when really she's someone who has a body that is not normally seen in magazine. So like for you to say your hair is just yourself, that to me says like it's counter what we all want and it's you're just doing you Nikki. Like yeah, I'm saying, no, it's your hair without product.

It's like if I didn't put gel in my hair or like paste in my hair and I just went out and just had my regular hair. I don't know, I mean, I don't I don't see anything more than it's without product. Is what I'm saying. So it's just your natural hair, what it would be on an island when you got out of the beach. That like, no, I hear what you're saying. I like it too, and I like that juxtapose with a really nice outfit and like everything else perfect. It looks cool. But that's the

problem is like it inherently to me. And I didn't mean to bring up the Lizzo thing. I'm just bringing up someone who you know, like any you know, when they're full figured women, which is anti what media has told us we should be. Right. That's what I'm talking about is when women are bigger and they're like, I love my body and everyone goes, yes, I love you being you. That's another way of saying like I'm not sure I want to be that, but good job for you.

Like that's kind of what people say about that. And I'm not I'm not saying I say that, but I think that's kind of like when I hear I love it, that's like saying, Nicky, you look really healthy, like I don't. I know that's a nice thing to say. I don't want to hear it. Or Nikki, that's just the real you. Like that doesn't feel good to me when we're talking about physical things. But that's just because everything we're told is don't be you if you want to look the

best you can. So I reacted that you were talking about about how when people say you look great on f Way Island that you feel like it's fake that you have this. You have tanner on your hair isn't really like your clothes aren't really like you're like lying to people. And now when I say you're being honest because you're not doing any of that and you still look great, then it's like, well that's a problem too. So it's like I don't know. I oh no, no, no,

I'm not saying it's a problem. I really like that you said that. I'm saying that it only works if everything else is over the top, not you the hair with like no makeup and pale, like it wouldn't be so interesting. But but yeah, it's like, yeah, there's just like you can have one thing that's like, oh my god, she does doesn't wear make like Alicia Keys can look perfectly quake in every way, and then she doesn't wear makeup and everyone's like, oh my god, she's so amazing.

But if she wasn't wearing like amazing clothes and have like perfect skin tone and perfect like shiny, like beautiful dewey skin, it might not work. It's like with me with it being a guy whose hair is receding some like I have to like finagle in a way where my hair looks like very thick. But if you peeled away a few it was so fun I got a haircut the other day and no one noticed. No, but

I didn't know that. But okay, well you kept mentioning it, and everyone was just like, all right, I didn't keep mentioning in it. What are you talking about? But the lady shaved. I have four hairs that are trying to hold on on the front, and she just shaved and then just like, yeah, I just get rid of them, and uh and uh. It's just so funny because they're like sticking out a little bit, so at least four hairs that are trying to hold on that she just got.

She's like, what are you doing? Why are you get rid of you? I really don't look at you as a guy with It's so funny, like the things that we are insecure about I don't notice on like you wouldn't notice the thing. Yeah, I mean, like, I guess I agree with you because you're just a man at that age that it would be insane if you had a gigantic, bushy head of hair, but you just don't. It doesn't look add to me. Yeah, I mean, but

I'm saying noo. If I don't finagle it in a way, if I wake up in the morning, there'll be some mornings where I'm like, I'm a bald man, you know what I mean? And then I'm like, down, do you see it on the pillow or do you see it in the shower? It used to be in the shower when I would brush with my toothbrush with my hair. Can I ask you something? Did you bring a toothbrush with you to San Antonio? Yes, no, it's not the

one on the floor. Was it really new one? It was? Yeah, it was from another hotel where they gave me a package that I never opened. Oh nice, okay, Um, your baggy backpack? Yes, how do you have a baggy backpack? When you what do you mean? What did you take with you to San Antonio? In that backpack? I brought tooths? It was? Oh you did you brought a lot had a backpack in a a side backpack, a double backpack.

Oh okay, that answers everything. That's why you could fit that giant bag of skinny pop I go, there's no one in no way would you be at the ticket terminal and have a bag of skinny, a gigantic bag of skinny pock that hasn't been opened, and someone's able to fit it in one of their carry ons except a boy you're traveling with with a baggy scrolled um backpack. It fit perfectly. I was like, this is a miracle. We gotta get to the news. But not a lot

of things. Was your was your backy backpack? Jealous of your back other backpack, your side backpack? Do they not? They don't know that. I don't tell each does your bad getting jealous of your backpack because it has popcorn? It depends depends. What are we calling you, Mr Grums? Yeah that was a great nickname. Okay, Mr Crumb, bring it back, Yeah, let's bring it back. Bring it back now. Okay, let's get to the news. The apparently your first first Oh man, I know, Tuesday could be a tough day

for everyone, but hey, it's not the best day. It's not the worst day. It's just a day. Have a great day and have all the swells out there. Everybody um about Tuesdays? What happened to you on a Tuesday? Well, Tuesday, Monday always like, oh fuck, it's Monday. But Tuesday, it's kind of like a birthday, Like that doesn't matter. Like no one thinks about Tuesday. Tuesday never gets talked about. There's Taco Tuesday, which is fun, which you know, I guess see you next Tuesday as kunt Oh yeah, yeah,

that's always fun. All right. I like Tuesdays. I think Marty Gras fat Tuesday. Alright, worst date ever. A thirty one year old woman who traveled from Massachusetts Arizona to meet a guy she's been talking to on Instagram for two months has died after dehydrating on a hike they went on together. Oh no, and know a great news article. Another reason why uh no, no hikes for me. Um, it's too dangerous out there. I'm not a ledge head and I'm not a flat flat earth. I'm not even

what's the up? What's I don't even want to get in the vicinity of where ledges are. I don't even want to walk up a hill to where someone might find allege I hate hiking. Yeah, so they went. She traveled. First of all, she traveled. They were, you know, just talking long distance. She went. His first date was taking her to a hundred and four degree hike up a mountain. Degrees like there's staring height. Oh no no no, no degrees temperature okay, yeah, and I think would be like

walking backwards, um okay. And so they're walking up right, she gets, uh, walking up right, like you're walking up right ones crawling um. Eventually yeah, and she walks up halfway she gets dehydrated. She says, you go get a photo for me from Instagram up top. He left her, he left. She ends up being found I think a little bit down the mountain, like off the trail, dead from dehydration. He was an e MT Police officer. Get out of here, dude, get out of here. Yeah, I know.

And they didn't have extra water, which is like everybody knows to do that here in Arizona. Yeah, tragic being from Massachusetts to I'm sure she's not used to the dry heat, sure, but she wasn't like out of shape. She like apparently she drank a lot of water. In a regular light. Someone brought that up. But yeah, I mean he knows. She probably was just trying to go along with like what he wanted or I don't know, I'm projecting a lot onto this, but oh he but

she said to go ahead. And I mean that's his story. I mean she's not alive to tell all the story of like here, like I was just I was trying to get the picture she wanted of me alone, Like who wants that Google image? It? I'm sure was on the top of the mountain. That Yeah, yeah, I mean what do you You can't you can't leave your date. You can't leave your date. You go, Look, the photo

is not important. Your health is important. You're an E M T like like power perfect and you know what, he might have been not thinking clearly, and she might not have been thinking clearly. She might have said that like go ahead, I want you to go ahead, please, and like he's trying to please her, she's trying to please him. Um, she doesn't understand the dry heat. Maybe

he doesn't either for some reason, because he's dehydrated. Like they're not thinking clearly, Like oh, this is just so sad, and this is like such a first date thing where you try to please the other person so much that you're not yourself. She's I can and then this is obviously the ultimate price. Uh do you think? Uh? No, yeah, I mean what you're going on a first date? Yeah? Um on not hiking? No, but we we are going outdoors because of Delta COVID. I'm just like not taking

any risks. Um and what are you guys doing? Uh? Well, I don't want to say where because I don't want people to come find me in St. Louis, But we're going to um St. Louis outdoor spot that is flat and safe and it's my sister's chest. I'm just kidding. Um, ship shots fired, dude. I just picked someone who my sister has great boobs actually, and she's pregnant right now. So um and and yes that can be out. My

sister is doing in in December. So excited. But um no, I uh yeah, I'm going on uh an outdoor um date on Thursday. And I'm actually stoked about it because I was realizing I didn't go on like I think I went on one, you know, hike with a guy that liked me, but I knew that I was just

wanting to be friends with him. So I didn't really go on any dates last COVID where you had to keep things outdoors and stuff, And now that Delta is surging again, I feel like those kind of precautions of Like I had a joke in my act about it was like, oh my god, oh no, I have to stay six feet away from anyone who might have feelings for me. I can't like swap spit with them. I can't hug them, I can't get like it's ideal, I can't be inside alone with them, like this is a dream.

So I'm just going on um and and honestly, it just feels like two friends meeting up because we're we just um we met on UM, we met on bumble, but uh, we've just been text thing and it just has been like very friendly and not thankfully overtly sexual in any way on his part or mine, which makes me feel safe. And it just is getting to know someone who may or may not look exactly like someone

from my past. My grandma Shirley, after my grandpa died, she kept dating guys that looked exactly like my grandpa. Was so weird. Well it's so it makes sense to me and I think that that happens more often than not. Of like, you know the person that this person looks like I had like unrequited love with, And then I saw this person on bumble Dude. I showed Andrew right away. I screenshot at him and showed all of my friends that know this person and sent them to all of them,

and they're like, what the fuck? This is like spitting image of this guy? I almost do you do? I tell this person that he looks like someone from my past, but a taller and handsomer version. Well, that's actually that would be fine. I wouldn't bother me, it wouldn't mother me if but I don't. But we're not all the same.

You know, it's on two way streets. So I know that if a guy bet up with me and goes you look like a girl I was in love with, but you honestly look like a taller and handsomer version of that girl, I'd be like, thank you. I would be like, oh my god, even if I didn't like sometimes when I look at a guy's ex girlfriends and they're all like dark hair and dark complexion, and like I feel sad because I'm like, I wish they looked like me because I want to fit and that's just

a sixth need to fit it. So I don't know, but maybe guys would be like not into that because guys hate hearing about other guys. But listen, if you're gonna be a taser, you're gonna have to deal with hearing about x is. And I'm not someone look almost like you or maybe even better than you, not better, but like almost a spin I would want a guy that looks nothing like a blonde hair, blue eyed man. You'd want her ex boyfriends to look nothing like you? Yeah,

I would want them to look like me. See that's the difference. Noah, what about you? Nothing. I don't want them. I want to be a new thing on the menu. I don't want to be just a shittier steak for the guy is because I know that if I look

like the what he's attracted to. I am so confident about my personality, like I can be a lot, as Joe Rogan said, and I have my definite personality flaws, but like I've said, I feel like I'm a supermodel of personality, even though I maybe I am a lot and stuff like that, but I feel like I'm always going to have a better personality than your ex, but you know, in terms of being funnier and like smarter, and not because I'm think I'm a genius, but emotionally smarter, funnier.

I'm I'm funnier than literally every woman you've ever dated, no question about it, unless it's you dated Kurseden Forlorman or Taylor McGraw or Sarah Lena prosal or like my best friends who aren't comedians, I'm funnier than or another female comic because or female comedy writer. I'm always going to be funnier than these women. Well, I picked good friends that are funny. Um, yeah, I I sometimes I feel like if they if I don't look anything like the ex, like they win the opposite of what just

broke their heart. So I could just be, like, you know, a rebound, you know what I mean? I would think about that a little bit so weird that I want to see I want to be no, no, no, it makes sense. I think it's healthier to want to be the opposite because I have such low self esteem about my looks. I want to just be secure that they are like what I'm into, whereas I'm not insecure about my personality. So I feel like I would like to be the opposite of that. I love when they're like,

oh my ex girlfriend wasn't funny, she sucked. I'm like, good, Okay, well I'm gonna show you a whole new world um of pain. Let's get to the next new story. Uh. The FBI use photographs of lower level female employees to pose as bait for potential sex traffickers without proper consent. They did not document which websites their photographs were posted on, potentially placing the women in danger. They also started an

only fans for these girls and all made millions. No no, no oh, I was like they did that too, and then gave the money to the women. Like, by the way, if you're upset about this, here's uh seventy it's a big check. Yeah. Uh, this doesn't surprise me that the FBI is doing. They're using like employees that you know, FBI employees, Yeah, FBI employees photographs they asked for lower

they probably have access to these photos. They probably own these photos, because there's photos they asked for, like like risque photos. Well, then didn't these women know what this was gonna be used? For like, why would your boss, the FBI be asking for risk A photos? And I think the problem is that the low level employees are

not undercover agents, so they weren't properly protected. And you know, they just didn't know that they were working the front desk at the fucking Pentagon and they're working like the Can I get some paper? And why don't you put your Yeah? You know what this reminds me. I was listening. Uh, this doesn't seem like something that would happen in America, But I'm not surprised. Last night I was on Reddit and you know we're doing Reddit ump today, but I

didn't save this headline. A guy this is years ago. It happened. He was a medical student in um I believe, either Uganda or Nigeria, forget which one. And they are so low on corpses for medical students there that they use any kind of any anyone the police murders, or anyone that's like a cash guilty of gun viol like any criminal violence within the police unit there, they throw into a van and then they give to the medical

students to dissect. A guy goes to dissect um for his class for his med school class um lifts up the thing and it's one of his best friends that was murdered, not because he was a criminal, like you know, it doesn't even matter if he was the victim or the assailant or not. He was had three gunshot wounds. And the guy, you know, he's his best friend on his and he got it. He got an f on

the project because he ran. I'm just kidding, no, but he And it's because it's so corrupt there that they what a great show where you pay the Let's say you're a rich guy who needs a new heart, so you pay the cops to kill a guy that you know how your heart is. I don't know how you'd find out that. Oh yeah, that's a good plotline. Yeah, and then you take the heart from that's everyone biggest fear about being an organ donor is that you're gonna someone's gonna make sure you die so that they get

your organ. Yeah. You know, I'd be so happy if someone like if I was a concident and I broke my finger and they're like, we need to put you to sleep because Megan Markel needs a new you know ear lobe, I'd be like, mine are great. I do have great earlobes. It's one of the best. I just sprained my wrist, yeah, exactly. You know girls that went

on the date. By the way, like I feel like if you travel really far to see someone for the first time, there anything, yes, anything, anything, because you've already it's like you know what it is. It's the same psychological um phenomenon. Guys. I can't recommend enough The Psychology of Influence. It's a book that I read that I just retained. So many little tricks from that are I don't use because they're just so manipulative, but it teaches

me how I become susceptible to these things. So the famous one is like if if Andrew and I are sitting at the same table and we're within the same arm's reach of a glass, and I go, Andrew, can you give me that glass? Andrew will get it. But he'll because he knows that I can get it myself. He'll convince himself that he likes me a lot because that's why he's doing it, because otherwise he's just a little pussy bitch that's doing something I could do for myself.

So in his mind he goes it's because I love Nikki, and I want to get her this so it makes you like me more. For you get you, you convince yourself you like me more. So if you go to the lengths of flying somewhere for someone to do something that dressic, to grab a glass for someone that far away, essentially you got to convince yourself that this is love. And then what else will you be willing to do? Um, go on a hike that you don't want to go on. I mean, how many times I have girls done things

don't want to do on a date and men. I'm not discounting you too, but I think generally women are taking the like the men are taking the lead and the women follow, and you just agree to something that you don't want to do because you want the guy

to like you. Yeah, it's like even driving an hour for a date, like you're like, oh, maybe I'll just sleep over there because I'm already an hour away, or like all these like you know, depending on how far you get from your house, the more you're willing to do things that you might not want to do, like d and four degrees or it's like you know, that's how they get you to upsell on things They're like, oh, you're you're already spending thirty four tho dollars on this car.

It's hundred dollars extra to get this extended warranty. I mean that is nothing. I mean, you're already doing this and you go, you know what, You're right, that would be foolish. But it's really like, no dollars by itself is a lot of money compared to thirty four thousand. It's not. It isn't, but let's not do it's all in comparison. So like it's like I already traveled this far for you. I don't also have to eat your ass.

Like that's yeah, well, if you bought you the ticket, and if he didn't use miles, let him meet your ass. Just kidding. Don't don't do anything you ever don't want to do, including hikes. Next story. Oh why don't I care? Why do you care? Why do I care? Matt Damon says he stands with the LGBTQ community after the backlash over his use of the homophobic slur in a conversation with his daughter just months ago. I have never called anyone the F word in my personal life. I know.

Why did he have to say personal life. I mean, and why because all that makes me think of he is going off in his private life is personal personal? Okay, what's okay? So impersonal life probably screaming enough the wind. Oh so public life if there's a microphone, or if it's in a script that he wrote with Ben Affleck, yeah, it's like you wrote that, you wrote those words. Wait a second, I mean, like, doesn't that stand up. What happened was he he told a joke to his daughter,

but that had the F word in it. When he's like, first, get announced did he say this in an interview with a magazine or something He's just trying to do. He said, listen, we've all done interviews where we said some dumb thing. I'm being haunted by one right now. Thankfully it didn't get a lot of press. But like you say, one dumb thing and then they run with that. And this is the thing. Remember Liam Neeson he had that thing where he so, you know, a black person killed his friend,

and so then any black person. And then so here's Matt Damon saying, look, I funked up in the past. I said the F word in front of my daughter. Here's a vulnerable thing that I'm being honest about I have flaws, blah blah blah. And then did you say that. No, No, I'm just saying it's like it's it reminds me of that you can't say something from your past that you have amended and realize is wrong. We will punish you for you saying that you once thought something like that, yes,

or said something like that. So I didn't even read the details of this because I don't think Matt Damon is a homophobe or a racist. I don't know him. He just doesn't come off like that. I've heard he's such a nice guy from people, big guy in that movie in Princess to Boblo or whatever, I don't know what it's called. Yeah, Princess to Bablo. He won an Oscar for playing a gay guy. None of us know what the funk you're talking about. But no, I don't

want to think about it. We gotta move on. So what So he shared this anecdote that he wants used the word maybe in a joke or something that he's telling his daughters, and his daughter said, Dad, the whole thing wrote like a thing for him of why this word isn't right even sharing this, and now we all all the headlines were about that Matt Damon didn't know until his daughter let him know that this was wrong, when he was really actually just showing how his daughter

is to be more compassionate than him and has learned more than him in a shorter amount of time of life, and how he's changed his ways. So now he has to then address all of the headlines about how he says the F word, because you listen, I didn't read any of the details. I just saw the headlines and I knew that it was being blown out into something it wasn't. But listen I did. I I saw the headlines.

I'm like, oh, this is this isn't good. So then um, he goes So then he now addresses those headlines and says, let me clarify. What does What does he clarifying for us? He's clarifying that he when he said he never says it in private, and that he's not homophobic at all, and he supports the LGBTQ community. Oh and his daughter didn't teach him a lesson, like he already knew the lesson. Yeah, everyone's saying, oh my gosh, Mat Damon, your daughter had to teach you that the F word was bad. Here's

the thing I like. I believe him, and I believe that people. That word, by the way, was used so much up until ten years ago, it was like the R word. I want to just say, that word was used a lot, and it was like the saying things were gay, which doesn't feel good anymore. Things change there are It's undeniable that we associate different meanings towards over time, based on the cultural interpretation and backlash that we see, and and and the feelings expressed by the communities that

are marginalized by these uses of words. We all grow more empathetic and we stopped using them, but going back and punishing people for when they did use them, because it was just a part of the colloquialism. Even though we knew it was slightly wrong, it was still like I I proudly am someone who has never said the N word that I can remember, since maybe I was

a kid. I accidentally said it once to say something that I heard someone say, and the shock of which it was brought to my attention by my parents of me saying that word just in you know, in private, and saying in repeating someone else story was like so bad the feeling that I never said again, and I

don't I brush over it when I sing songs. It's I'm not one of you know, we all know as three white people, white people that say that word in private as jokes and say it ironically, like not really using it in a real way, but say it like I'm getting away with this, but I'm saying it as a joke because it's the most shocking thing to say. I'm not even one of those people. And I'm not patting myself on the back about that. I'm just saying that, like I am safe to know that I don't say that,

but the the F word. I'm not sure that I didn't maybe float that word around ten years ago, um, not to not to cause hate, but because I didn't understand how hateful it was, and now I do and I would never use it again. But I'm not going to go back and fucking cancel myself and hate myself the rest of my life because I may have said it one time in the past. I just don't get why people can't forgive Yeah, I mean, if you, if you, if you don't see the error of your way of

using it in the past, then fuck you. But if you really know how fucking hurtful it was and how thank god no one heard you say that that could have been affected and if they did you can go back and talk to those people, then then then yes, you deserve to be still homophobic and still races is not going to tell you a story from their past where they've learned ship, you know what I mean, Like they're gonna be They're not gonna that kind of person

that's honest about that obviously, isn't that anymore? And about when we've been unintentionally racist or homophobic. We need to be honest about those moments because if we earned denial of them, much like I was talking about yesterday, if we don't talk about if we don't talk about rape, if we don't talk about molestation, if we don't make jokes about these things, then we act like they don't happen, and they do, and then it lets people who do them in private still do them so and it makes

it close people. So when you are in private with someone as a white person and they use that word, even ironically and they're trying to shock, you make a point if you can to say I don't tolerate that even in private. I know you're going to get away with it right now, but like, no, you know, like we need to we need to correct now, and don't We just need to be more compassionate because the only way to get better is to forgive, is to be

able to have the capacity for forgiveness. I could forgive pretty much anyone for anything if they see the error of their ways. And I'm not even joking you anything. I could forgive anything if the person does the work and can see how wrong they were and explain what pre what caused them to say those things or do those things. Even I just I really think I could forgive anything, and that's a powerful place to be, and I wish more people could get there, but it's it's

not so easy. And I also don't know what it's like to be a victim of these things because I'm a white, uh you know woman, So I don't pretend to understand people that are like I'm not ever going to forgive, So I'm not telling you to do that. I'm just I'm grateful that I I pretty much can forgive, and I wasn't always like that. You were the Zach Sherman episode I loved not forgiving, but um, and it's not my place to forgive Matt Damon. I'm not, you know,

gay yet Let's get to the red dump. Yeah yeah, that yet is a huge part of this. You know, I ou't know for how long it took me to get into men. I don't question that my reluctance to get into women could be is the same thing I felt in middle school about men in high school, and then I finally got into men. So who knows. Um, wow, I just pulled up Reddit. It's Reddit dump, you guys. This is insane. There is a it's this isn't I didn't even mark this one to show you, but it's

in Humans being Bros. This is the subreddit Humans being Bros. And they have on footage this woman. Oh my god. It says woman saves kittens after they've been thrown into a river. So there's I guess it's it's just a person running up to a river in the broad daylight, like up a pond almost uh that has like seating area, so it's like a public pond. And she tosses a

bag into the pond and then runs away. Then all of a sudd and all these people come to the pond and a woman jumps in, strips off all her clothes. Oh my god, she's naked. A woman strips off all her clothes, swims out to the pond and saves them with a bunch of crew people waiting. Yeah, and the

quick kittens are saved. This happens all the time. People dump animals that you know, litters of animals are grown, and they throw them in a sack and they dump them on the highway and then cars run over them. My aunt, you want to hear disturbatory, so this is a disturbatory dead air. I think I don't even want to tell this story, but I have to. If you don't like animal, no, I'm not gonna tell it. But I just don't understand why people put animals in bags,

because someone might rest an animal. If you don't put it in a bag, just put it somewhere where it's not in a bag, so maybe someone can find it and give it a home. You fucking crazy person, who I can only imagine you've seen a horrible abuse in your life if you think it's good to put animals

and bags. But my aunt one time was at a grocery store and saw a bag and like like kind of like uh walking out to the parking lot um, and you know how sometimes you just like jump on a bag to like make it deflate, just for fun. You're like a young child and you see a bag and you just jump on it. You can, you can finish that story in your head. Yeah, okay, let's get to my saved posts. Um. Oh this one is good. Okay, Andrew,

I wanted to show you this. This was in this was this is this is a palate cleanser, this is a gift um, and this is from gifts Reddit Separate Gifts. It says this baseball player making sure that everyone knows that there is one out dot dot dot, including the praying man just hitching a ride on his hat. Did you see this? So this guy plays in the Nationals and he he there's a Peuge frame mantis on his hat. He says one out to the guys on the side, one out to the other people on the side, and

then he does it right in front of his hats. Wait, hold on that. And then he does it right in front of his hat and he looks up almost like cross side. No one, let me show you this one out one out. Well, here's is he had it on and the dugout and the announcer for like, I wonder if he notices and then and and it just shows me though. It's like that's how comfortable these guys are. Like he's like, yeah, I'll just have a praying mantis

on my hat. You know, like people die for these teams, you know what I mean, Like they fight their kids for their This is our town, this is our team, and this guy is just like I never heard the Nationals being in any kind of play situation. Not more Well, I love I love this gigantic Bragmanda's Um here's one that I found. So I have a lot of visual ones and I apologize, but um, this will just make

you guys maybe have to go to Reddit. This one's from Contagious Laughter and it's a it literally is me as a baby. It's called Impatient Baby, and it is a baby that's probably about two, and she's trying to put a straw into a Starbucks Hot Starbucks slid, you know where they have that little slit. It's like impossible for human to put a straw in there, much less a baby. So please just watch this, baby, She's trying to put it in and then she just crumbles it up.

That's her mom just laughing at her, and she stares into the dark. Her mom. She's look at this. It's like me trying to get my dick in when I'm drunk. Does the way she throws it. So if you guys want to look it up, go to our Contagious Laughter and impatient Baby. It's one of my favorite things ever. Um okay, and then there's this other thing that I wanted to play. This is um this might take a second though. Let me see how long it is. It's three minutes long. Fuck um it. Do you know a

woman named Mary Carrill Carrillo. She's a sports podcaster. Yeah, I think so. She looks like this. Yes, yes, yes, she's amazing. So um so this was in uh subreddit funny and it says Mary Carrillo's brilliant bad mitten rant And it's from like the two thousand three Olympics. And she's doing you know, she's talking about badminton and she starts talking about like, now this is a bad minten um racket that you usually play with in your backyard. Now this is the one they use in the Olympics.

This is the birdie that they use in Olympics. Here's the one they use in your backyard. And then she starts talking about how uh playing with it in her backyard with her kids, and I want you to hear this because it's just turns into like a stand up bit the goose. I'm not making this up, so that so she's describing let me just get to the park.

So she's describing the birdie of the players in the Olympics, and then she goes on to describe, um, what it's like playing in your backyard, and it turns into a comedy bit that no one sees coming. You cannot tell me that the birdie we use it home. This thing. You can lean on this as hard as you want. This thing isn't going two hundred miles an hour. It's not.

And even though it doesn't look sophisticated, it has a tree seeking device implanted in It's somewhere I don't know where, but I've played a lot of badminton with my kids. By the seventh shot, this thing's up in the tree. Okay, so then what is your kids? Do? She just want me. I'll get it down, throws a racket up in the tree. Now your rackets up in the tree. Said, don't worry,

I'll get that down. So now it kid goes into the garage and goes and gets the red rubber ball, which should come as standard equipment and any kind of backyard badminton set. Throws that in that immediately gets impaled. So she goes to gain something else to get the bed to get one of these things down. Okay, Now there are kids from all over the neighborhood that have come into your backyard and they're emptying at your garage, throwing stuff at your tree. All right, you realized suddenly

you own eighteen basketballs. You've got nine footballs. Okay, there's softballs flying through the ears. The tree is now growning with children and equipment. All right, someone started on the hose. Badman is a water sport. They're trying to get this thing down with a hose, and somehow mothers from all over the neighborhood here that badminton is being played at Mary's house. They're dropping off. They know it's an all day affair. They know what it's going to be bought.

Seventeen other sports they're dropping off their kids. They're even skin marks. Okay, you've got Colleen Clark up in the tree trying to get down a SpongeBob SquarePants beatball with a hockey stick. Okay, there's pool sticks flying through the air like javelins, and you hear yourself saying, somebody's gonna poke an eye out. It just never ends. So everything is going on right. Then you see Christopher Burr, and it's always Christopher Burke. He takes a roller blade, throws

it up at the tree, hits your car. You got a dent in your jeep. You realize you better get your jeep out of the way, and you also realize that for the first time in seven years, you can actually pull your car into the garage because there's no sporting equipment there anymore, not even the inflatable raft that hasn't seen action. The Baby Duck rescue of you pull your car into the garage and as you do, your other kids coming out. He's on the phone with our

team Murphy. He sizes up the situation and says, Hey, come on over, we're playing badminton. That is a sport that I know, and that's probably a sport that you know as Well's coming back after this. It was like Aristocrats for clean version of the I love that she's the A and Christine Burr and it's always Christopher Burr throws up a roll up. I mean that woman. I want to know everything she's done. Final thought. I was

reading all the comments about this and it was great. Uh. People were saying, that is how you feel time, folks. And then uh, he says she slowly morphed from composed news anchor to Jersey mob boss in two point seven five minutes, and then said then people were saying, Um, the next thing, you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen in a

hundred times. I guess that's a quote from some other thing. Um, this could have aired, as someone goes, this could have aired as the opening sketch of SNL, and I wouldn't have thought it was out of place comedy gold. Um, yes, you would have. You would have been like, SNL sucks. Now. The reason why this is funny is because it's out of context for a comedy thing. This isn't actually as funny as things on SNL. Stop saying SNL is not funny.

You're I'm so tired of that argument. Then someone wrote back, you're giving us an L too much credit here. Then someone said modern us No, but I thought it felt like nine S all the way, but it wasn't. And then someone said it totally felt like the old sn I honestly thought it was for a second. And uh, it's just like people just love being kid by the way. Um yeah, well, I was thinking. I was listening to Michaels.

You like any SNL when you're fucking eighteen, like that's your I forbid my dad from saying SNL sucks now. I literally go, Dad, you can't say that anymore because you've been saying it since and I don't care. Um dude, they're not like You're not like when Eddie Murphy was on in the first episode. It's just like, yeah, things change like so edgy and now it's not ted last I was only going to go for three seasons and everyone's like no, and it's like, you know what, I

think it's smart. Why would they stick around until you say that they used to be good and now they're not anymore. That's all anyone ever says of anything that lasts more than three seasons, So funk yourselves three seasons out. That's what I like, except for f Y Island. I want to run that thing into the ground. Um, this was a good one. I just want to close with uh, we gotta go. But this was from ask Men, and it said what have you been up to recently that

you're proud of? This person wrote, I just got out of a wheelchair and and learning to walk again. What have you done that you're happy about or proud of? Someone said down eighty pounds going for more. This is just so sweet that men are just like saying what they're proud of. Someone said, I'm a healthcare provider and work in private practice. Worked up the balls to email my boss inquiring about partnership with the practice. Not only did I not get shot down, but he agreed to

start discussing it. I'm not good at all at taking initiative on stuff. It might not sound like much, but it took a couple of months to work up the courage to send that email. Was a huge step for me personal and professional. I think it's just so sweet that you can these people are supporting each other. They're just strangers on the internet that are like this. Is what makes me feel good about Reddit. UM a lot

of times. There's so many good things on there that make me feel connected people and less alone, so many communities. Whatever you're suffering with, there's a subreddit for it. I swear to God, Andrew. What's something you're proud of recently? UM, yesterday you hit Yeah, I shot at thirty nine again. I am just I just feel so proud of how much time I'm giving to golf and how much reward I'm seeking from it emotionally and physically. And the movie by Matt Damon was behind the Candabrea, I was a

little off. What are you proud of? I am proud of um getting out of a depression that I was in two days ago and uh and and be and being very honest about it with my friends, even though it was hard for them to probably hear, and just like getting honest about my feelings and how just like awful I felt with people that were able to like hear it and not like tell me I was wrong or try to like commit me somewhere. Like just being able to express how sad I was and not struggle

with it alone. That's what I'm proud of, Um, I hope you do the same for yourself if you're struggling out there. Yeah, thanks for thanks for noticing, uh that I was struggling. No, you've got me, ZeVA and that helped. Uh. Hey everyone, thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast. We are also going to be Um. I'm all over podcasts recently. Check them out. Just google. You know, Nikki Glazer on whatever pod cast searcher thing that you want. Um. I was on the The Ringers

um Bachelor. Uh, I forget what it's called The Bachelor. I think it's called Bachelor Party. And I recapped last night's episode of the Bachelorette, which was insane. It was one of the best Bachelor att episodes I've ever seen. I gotta go. Uh, we'll see tomorrow. Delbeka and Jack to Jack bach Chaker for