The nick A Gliser Podcast.
Glaser Cheer's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast starting off this week. Strong. I'm in I'm feeling strong. I really that sounds yeah, I'm feeling strong. I yeah, I think, yeah, I feel good. You gotta work out today. I did. I already got it done and my schedule is insane today. I shared it on the Girl's Chat because I needed someone to bear witness to it. I really don't. I was like, I don't even know where I'm going to walk my
dog in this. It's just back to back and it's just talking all day long and different things. But I started it out with a pilates you know, work like a plank class, a lagree class, and I finished it and it was so hard because I'm out of shape because I've been on the road for so long and I'm back in Saint Louis and I went to my regular class and it was so difficult. And then I was like, nothing I do today is going to be as hard as that just was. That's why I did it.
It's just it's like you the first thing in the morning, right because you're up at six. I don't always do it first thing in the morning, but I was up at six. I like to get up two hours before I have to go to that class because it leaves me time to walk the dog, which, by the way, it's dark at six in the morning, which I didn't know because I don't ever get up at six in the morning. Sometimes I do to catch a flight. But like, you can't walk your dog, and when it's dark, I can't.
Like I'm a single lady and I'm defenseless, and when it's dark it's dangerous. You can't. Like, my neighborhood is kind of getting spooky lately.
Well, it's spooky season for that reason.
It's because of homelessness and our country's ability to inability to handle it.
And I am ceting season.
It's a display.
Run it around with that knife was just protested.
Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah. I really got accosted last night with my mom and she was like, you do this alone, and I'm like, every single time, and every time I go downstairs. Now, my neighborhood, I think everyone's felt the shift. Not everyone, but a lot of people have felt a shift in their neighborhoods where over just a couple months, You're like, I'm just getting I'm feeling less safe more and more often. There's always
someone Who've got to keep my eye on. I can't have my AirPods in anymore, I can't be on my phone. I have to be alert of what's going on around me. I'm jumping a lot more like when there's like someone that's not scary, you know, like, I'm just like it's getting it's before Halloween.
Can I give you a quick self defense tactic that you can carry in the morning when you're walking Goldie at six am.
It's dark, very easy.
It's not mace, it's not those like knuckle things to punch any screaming fire.
It's not screaming fire.
Take a really bright little flashlight and if you feel someone is walking up and attacking, you can just blind them and then run.
So I should have my phone out because that flashlight on your phone is very intense. I would say more intense with like intense, Okay, like a very intense flashlight.
Yeah, you need to get like a lot of lumins.
It's a great ideas. That's a great idea that's been your self defense dipped from no thank you for that. I think that's something that everyone can employ because that's you probably have a flashlight laying around. I'm just like, I don't think people understand what it's like to be a lady walking around at night. It's like and it's just it's.
Getting even I'm as a man. I'm a man, and I feel the same way. I even even in my little uh Culver City is supposed to be like a pretty safe, like Beverly Hills esque area, but no, it's just like compared to where I grew up, like in the suburbs of Long Island, I feel so so frequently in danger when I'm walking my dog at night. Yeah,
there's just always somebody. And one of the reasons why it's so bad in LA as opposed to like New York City, where you see a lot of suspicious characters roaming the streets, is that in LA at least, you're always alone. If you're walking around at night and there's a crazy person, it's just you and him.
Yes, yes, it is, Saint Louis. There's not enough people either down here, and it's it really is. I just last night I was actually hoping for an incident, so I would have to get out of all my work today.
I honestly told my mom, I was like, I just want to be injured enough that everyone goes take the day off, or like spooked enough, like I just want something to Like I was kind of wishing something would happen one of those days, but it really is like I would have to move, Like I've had to do this many times in my life, like not many, but a couple where like I lived in la for in
two thousand and seven. I remember there was just a string of weirdos that started hanging out, and like one time a guy was masturbating on the street where I was trying to park and I would have to like pass by. He was standing just in the middle of the street jerking off. I had to like drive around him, and I was looking for parking and he was he was standing in front of my apartment. He didn't know
I was that's where I lived or something. That's just where he chose to stand that night, and so I just had to keep driving around. I was like, I can't, this is unknowledgeable.
That guy was just celebrating Easter, and then these people are all You're just around very festive places, but you lived in like a downtown area where there's like a lot of walkable stores and stuff like, is that why there's so many people around.
No, it's like it's on the cusp of a bad neighborhood, you know, Like Saint Louis is very like one block over, and it's like the city doesn't fund it properly, like it's it's all messed up here. It's a great place to live. Our crime rates are through the roof because it's like it's it's a neighborhood. I'm not even near like like we have. There's some reason why we have such horrible crime rates.
And Christmas saying it in the truck.
Oh, the county and the city are like not the same, we have different I don't know. I've heard it explain so many times.
Like most crime rates, I'm gonna I'm gonna guess what he said. Most crime rates take into account just the city or just the entire county, And for Saint Louis, you're getting just the city and so that inflates it.
Per capital, the city in the county are like separate. But everyone just thinks that most of Saint Louis is County and they just think it's all of our city numbers. But yeah, I'm not. We're I'm not in like a crimey area.
You're not in Like you're not walking around like worried that you're in the wire, you're gonna shot any.
Sides I am lately though I'm not. I mean, it's just it's you know what it is. It's it's it's homeless people who are having psychotic breaks. It's not like even violent crimes that are premeditated or like muggings. Like it's just I'm scared of being stabbed by someone who got a new knife that day at the bins at Goodwill, And is I walk in some way, I mean, who knows what they're gonna find. Like, but just like twitchy people aren't properly medicated having psychotic brees, I honestly feel
so bad for that. Like there's no part of me to like get out of here. I'm just like this this fucking guy last night, this guy really scared me my mom. He was like as he was like waiting for us outside my apartment, uh building door, like the main door we came out to walk Goldie, he's right there and he's like, can you call this number? And he's like, looks like his shirt's all torn, he's barefoot and just unc like, but he has his paper and
he's like, will you please call? Like I don't have a phone and I need to have my friend picked me up, and thank god I didn't have my phone on me because I go, dude, I don't even have my phone. I'm so sorry, And I said, sir, I always try to look in the eye. I try to give them respect, because that guy would be me if I grew up as that guy, Like that guy didn't do anything in his life that made him deserve to
be accosting me at that moment. Not that it's not scary, not that I'm not frustrated by it, but I was just my mom was more like, what the fuck was that? And I was like, that poor fucking guy, Yeah, you have compassion, didn't have a chance. And I doubt I'd have compassion as he was stabbing me in my eyes but pulling a king leir on my face. But I would, I would feel like I would find it eventually. I
just it's just so sad. But anyway, I am feeling strong today, So I yeah, because I have that flashlight, he will be stabbing him this I blind him with my flashlight. Those flashlights are on our phones are fucking intense though, But that is such a good idea that I would never have thought of. Noah, did you just learn that? Have you always known that? Gay?
No?
I I had to learn it, Okay, I learned it a couple of years ago. When yeah, I mean, it's just like I don't really feel safe walking alone, and especially now that I'm not living in Brooklyn anymore and there's no one like on the street. There are no sidewalks where I live, so I have to like literally walk on the side of the road.
Yes. So, and now that I'm walking with a baby, it's even a little.
Bit even safer because you can throw the baby at the.
Right just blinded by the cuteness, just launch the stroller for to distract them.
But in uh, yeah, I heard that in like some countries where there's gypsies. I don't know if that's the right word, but it's not so where there's the uh but pushka is what are they? So? Are these folks that what are they called?
What? What are you trying to say? Yeah?
Something bad?
Okay, So let's.
If I'm already gonna do it. So you go to like you go to Spain or whatever the gypsies room.
People like like people who are like grifters trying to steal them.
And they're an ethnicity, aren't they They're like a sect.
I'm not putting that on there. You might be, but okay, I.
Know that they're not called gypsies, but we don't know the correct word. I heard stories that they'll in certain countries because they want to rob you. Yeah, they'll take a baby and they'll throw it at you. I've heard of that, and you'll have to catch the baby unless you're a monster and you just drop the baby. Then while you're like, oh my god, you're trying to catch the.
Baby something through it.
Is that a real thing?
Anything someone throw at me? Yeah, like a need to be a baby, But that's a yeah, I've heard of that. And by the way, I get really uncomfortable when people say they got jipped. Mm hmmm, that feels I haven't had that in a long time. I heard it the other day, like on my friends like like broadcast show, like they said it. You could tell that they didn't know it wasn't something you should should not say anymore.
And again I don't quite know why, but it's yeah, it's because Gypsies are an ethnicity and they're.
No, we don't I think of saying gyps You could just say Jude Judah they judas.
Of people know not to say. But yeah, I think there it's just people don't catch up to what's not right anymore. What is.
Sometimes I hear words and I go, there's just no way that that's appropriate. There's no way. So I was listening to sometimes I listen in on my wife on her work calls and frequently on her workholls, she used the phrase let's get into the nitty gritty, and I was like, there's just no way that nitty. There's just no way that's an appropriate word. And I looked up nitty gritty.
There's not appropriate.
You're not going to belie the origin of nitty gritty. It's like word I don't even know, like it's say it on this podcast. It's so offensive and bad. Really, that's right. You can't say is you can't. No one knows the origin of nitty gritty is nitty gritty came from the filth left behind in slave ships coming across the ocean. That was the nitty gritty what that's right, It's it's like as bad as you as it sounds.
I cannot believe that, and I cannot believe that you even knew that that there's something off about that, Like it doesn't. It sounds so innocuous to me. I can't be saying that anymore.
That's what I told her. I was like, don't say nitty gritty and you're say something else. Let's get into the details. Let's you know, that's.
Nuts and okay, so that's not one. I don't think I ever really say it, but that's okay. That's an interesting etymology. I was just reminded of something I said. Oh, there's a word that we used to talk about this on you up. There's a word that sounds like it combines every slur into one word, and it is It's a word you can can say and it's not the the word that sounds like the N word. By the way, I do not like that word. I know you can use that word and it means something else if you
add a delee at the end of it. Do you know what I'm talking about? No, Okay, take the N word, and if you end delee at the end of it, it's a different okay, yeah, yeah, yeah that people sometimes use them, just like what are you doing? Like stop trying to sneak it in and I know you can get away with it. This is like no that that's not okay.
It's even more offensive you if you add an oh to the end of delee.
No.
I heard people say it all the time, and I'm like, you got to stop, like this is appropriate? Do they? I mean not all the time. I guess I'm not like walking around listen people, but no.
I hear I want to type it. I was to type it in like see the definition. I'm not even gonna do what they are still, come on, let's not.
Well what about okay, okay, what even with it's a salad dressing. But it's a very basic salad dressing. It's oil end.
I know. But I'm not going to say it because it's that's just that's.
Just a condiment and that's appropriate either.
But you do say it, you say it. Can I just say that I got some ooh boy, I had someone made some stationary for me. Didn't ask for it, didn't didn't need it. It was a gift I forget from who. I put it away forever. I just looked at it once and was like, Nope, can't send that to anyone because my initials are n RG. Okay, But when you do stationary, you put the last name in the middle, so it looks it just says n g R my stationary, okay, in the middle. That is what they do for a signet, a.
Signet, Nikki, I think that the word I can't say sign.
Yeah, monogram on monograms that you put that they So yours would be B F.
T no, A no. It's the most common men's name you could think of. J no, no, you got C no no, very basic men's name.
Well, I mean just let's not have to play this game.
M Matt Matthew.
Okay, So yours would be B F M if if you're you got stationary, the F would be big, the B and the M would be like kind of in the background flanking it. Do you agree with me?
You know what?
That's what station Yes, yes, I've seen that the middle initial get this so big.
I had never witnessed my name.
It's not little initial. It's the last name that gets big.
Yeah. The last name is the front, big letter okay, and then the two other letters are flanking.
It on the side.
I see, okay, so glazer would be I'm Glazer and then Nicky Nicole renee on the sides. But NGR looks like something else. Yeah, and I'm guessing that you don't let you put that on your license plate because it's it looks so much. And sometimes you know when you go like, we sent this, we sent a confirmation email to the email given, and then it has your like email,
but it does starstar star star star or like your name. Well, my email used to be my full name, and so it would say ni starstars stars stars stars starstarstar e R. I have the same thing, Nikki with my name God yours is Wow. That is crazy, yes, and so it makes me very uncomfortable. But that's stationary. I just showed
it to Chris the other day. I just go look at this, and he goes, no fucking way, cause it's just so it's it's I'm almost keeping it like like just a relic of like, can you believe someone thought this was a good idea? I forget whom it was, something like you know, aunt who made it for me or something but it's unusable, completely unusable, and it was very sensitive. It's nice as like gold plated.
Oh my god, yeah, well, I I my Chase account. I had they abbreviate stuff on the Chase account all the time, and I had a Subaru loan which I've paid off. But it said the way it abbreviated was I've put to some instagrams. Some people might have seen it Subaru A C dot dot dot dot dot U n T. So it just said you were a cunt
SUPERU a cunt super That's what it said. Account account account like this probably happens a lot where it's the perfect amount of letters to get the A to get the C dot dot dot dot U n T like Chase needs to.
Oh god, words are fun, but I was gonna say that sounds like all of the ones. Come mind, you're not even gonna believe this word, and you it is a word that you've heard, Okay, we probably talked about on the show. Okay, So if you're drinking water, so it's a hot summer day, go to the place where you attach the hose usually and you get some water from the Yeah.
Oh yes, yes, yes, we've said it before.
I just it's just too funny because Spigot, it's.
A combination of every.
It's also fits all.
The name of the people who say slurs is in it Begot Yeah, it's a oh.
I was thinking that that was something else, was representative of another slur, but yeah.
No, well it all is. If you took every single slur and put it in a machine and created a slur homunculus, you'd get Spigott.
My god, my god. We're gonna take a break. We'll come back with more show after this. So yeah, I'm feeling very strong today, which my co and then I had I had an interview about Anthony Jesselnick for Vulture. They're doing they're writing a piece on him, and so I was asked to contribute and I was watching a lot of his It was fun because I like got done with the class and then I was just getting ready for my day and I just put on Anthony Jeslinic YouTube and then it was just like playing it
two times the speed. I was just trying to catch up with all the jokes. It was so fun. He's so good and I felt like it like made me a little bit like more savage in my thinking for the day because I just absorb whatever I'm listening to so much. And we got.
Anthony Jesslnick's like latest. He's like a comedy sage now, like he has like the beard and he sits in calmly and interviews and says like wisdom instead of he's great.
Yeah, he like, what have you learned?
Oh? I don't remember any of it. But his general demeanor sad.
Yeah, it's like you you're hanging on his every word. He uses word economy. He's not trying too hard. Ever, his comedy never seemed sweaty, even if he is sweating literally, it just it's always seems Yeah. I just I really was reminded of how much I like his comedy. And but I said on the interview. We got on the call and I really didn't have time for this interview, but I was like, you know what, I should do it because he he would do it for me. And
then I go, no, he wouldn't. He wouldn't. And that's why I love Anthony jessel Dick is that I love him enough to know that even though he's my friend, he probably would be like, no, I'm not going to do that, and he would say it's my face and he has good boundaries and and yeah, so but I do. I do tend to make decisions like about what I'm going to do for people. It's like, oh, would they
do it for me? And and that one I was like, yeah, he'd do it for me, And then I thought after listening to his comedy, I was like, no, he wouldn't if he had my schedule, he would not do anything else. Today. Hey you Anthony.
On the topic of stuff that you're doing, besties wanted to know, did you ever audition for that car commercial?
Yes?
Oh my god, oh thank you so much for asking. Okay, so I like forgot about it until I remembered it on the podcast, and then I forgot about it even more and then it was the day it was due. And then DMB Radio, who I do the voice of, asked me to send in a bunch of live like reads for like you know, you know, Dave All Weekend All, Dave Weekend Long or whatever those things are. And I
didn't have any of my recording work equipment. I was in New York, and I go but I could come into serious and just record it in studio if you have the space. But what I was really thinking, was and then I'll do an audition from emotion And then they said yes, and I was like, by the way, can I also like do a quick audition while I'm there and they were happy to cut it. It took two seconds, and I'm happy to say I did not hear back because I don't have time in my life
to become the voice of a luxury car brand. I'm sure they're still deciding, but I send it in a week and a half ago, and thanks for bringing it up, because now I'm reminded that I didn't get it. That's a funny thing about auditions, and I was just joking my sod. You don't know. You don't get things until
they just air, Like no one ever tells you. No, like you don't find out even huge things you're up for you if it's like down to you and another person, no one wants to break bread bad news to you, So no one tells you, Like your agents might find out you didn't get it, but they don't. They don't tell you, And honestly, I don't want to fucking know. Most of the time, if I don't get something, I'd rather just like keep this hope alive until it just dies on its own. And by the time the thing airs,
I don't even care. And by the way, I audition from Galopolis. That was a huge part of my life, and I'm so glad that that didn't happen. Not because it's like a megaflopolis or whatever. It's because I just like, it's not as big of a deal as I thought it would be. You know, you go like I would be in a Francis Ford Coppola movie, like my life would change. It wouldn't change at all. The person who got my role I haven't seen one thing about, Like I've read a lot about the movie that it was.
The role wasn't that substantial. It's not because that person didn't do a great job. I'm sure they did amazingly, but it just was so important that fucking week of my life flew out there, like how did you like do hair and makeup for it? Went to spent you know, probably close to one thousand dollars on acting lessons for it, and then it doesn't happen. It felt like such like a letdown, and then the thing happens and you're just like no one even cared, and no one liked it
even if I would have been in it. Nothing it just then no one cares about anything anymore.
Nothing moved the knee. We have no culture. That's the problem. We have zero culture. We're just siloed in these little buckets and we all have our we all watch one there's too much culture. Well, we all watch a show for five people, and it's you and your five people see it. And there's nothing unified about us other than our politics, I guess, which is horrifying.
And football is unifying that is still being watched. And by the way, this weekend, I was at a Taylor Swift concert and I went to go to the bathroom, which I never do, but I did because I was in a suite and it was like I had the room to do it. And so I went to the bathroom and I was coming back and I saw an amazing play by Patrick Mahomes that I witnessed it live. Like I was like, what the fuck? Oh my god, whoa?
Holy shit? He keeps going, oh, whoa what b And I was alone at the TV going like, oh my god, what bah? And I was looking around for any man to confirm that it was amazing. What I just saw because I didn't really like I'm still on that stage of like not knowing if what I think is cool is actually cool, because sometimes I'm really very off about it. And so I was looking around for any man. There was no men around. It was in this like big lounge area with all this food, and it was an
amazing setup. We had like a box suite. Thank you so much to the owner of the Miami Dolphins, Tom garfing Goal, for hooking me up and my friends for two nights of Taylor Swift shows in your box suite with this amazing like It's called the Nine at the Miami Dolphins Stadium, and it's this private place that you get to go to and they have a cafeteria of like gourmet food with different stations every kind of food you could ever want, done in the most beautiful way,
with like garnishes of like flowers. You know, when there's flowers on your food, it is high end. Like I it was Miami's finest in the people that worked there were so proud of their jobs, like waiting on you, like honestly, this woman that was waiting on us, shout out to Kim. I believe her name is coming to my show in Fort Lauderdale next week. She was like, she got me a tampon. I felt so bad asking she wanted to put it in for me. I mean, this woman was so helpful. She couldn't stop helping us.
She was like disappointed that she couldn't do more, like she was amazing. Anyway, I see this play and I'm like, oh my god, and then I go, am I watching a highlight reel because this was just too good Like that. I just happened to look at the screen for a second when Patrick Mahomes was doing this amazing thing, and then I thought nothing of it. I just went back to the show and had a great time, and then got home and it's all over my Instagram as like the best moment. Did you see it? Do you know
what I'm talking about? Brian?
Yeah, he scrambled around and then through a touchdown pass. Was it that?
No, he didn't throw, he just he scrambled so far.
Okay, I mean I probably saw it. I didn't. It's sticking out.
I felt really good. I got home and then I sent it to Chris and I go, is this impressive? Is this like something that I should have been like? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I when I have moments where I feel like I understand the sports, you guys get it, Like, I'm so happy, I feel like I'm in a foreign country and I just like got I for the first time went around and talked to the language and didn't need to look in my little dictionary or whatever. It feels
so good to know when something's cool. So that was a great moment for me this weekend, among many others. Yeah, talk about the weekend because I was in Florida all weekend. Started off Friday night Taylor Swift concert, private suite, so nice, so accommodating. Who'd you go with? I went with Emily gen z M and I went with Nora Haddi, who did the deep dives that we did on the Torture Poets for the podcast. I flew her in from Toronto because she had not Toronto. I mean, you don't say
that extra tea. She had not ever been to an eras show, and I was like, we gotta remedy that. And then I also Chris was supposed to go, but he had to work and couldn't get out of work, and so I was like, oh, I invited my mom. She turned it down. She's like, it's too much. I can't do it. It's too much. So then my sister also said it's too much. I can't make it work. And then she fucking rallied and made it work and my sister got to come out and we had the
best time and it was such a great show. Obviously, I think that was my eighteenth. And then and I also got to I'm really into Gracy Abrams now and she's opening for her on this last leg of shows, and so I got to see Gracie Abrams and like I got to scream sing her songs. So I got like two concerts and one of my two favorite artists right now of all time, which is just insane. And then and then Saturday drove up to or down I don't know the direction. Why would I pretend to, uh
two and a half hours down the coast. I think maybe up to Vero Beach to go to Andrew Collins's wedding.
And it went so well, it was so sweet, Like you know, you just kind of think that like with a friends like Andrew who's just like always about the joke, and it's like I've obviously been taking their relationship seriously for years now, there's no question that it's like just such a great thing for him in his life, and she's so amazing, But like, you know, everything's just a joke with him, Like not in a way that I'm
dismissive of it. It's just like, you know, it's like there's not all a sentimentality around my feeling with Andrew. I thought. But man, was I a blubbering fucking mess right away? Like you cried right away like the music. I sat down. We were very late getting there because I underestimated how long it would take to get there. I instantly got ready. Was late. The recepsion was supposed to start at four forty five. I got there at
like five ten, so I was late. But thank god they were running late too, perfect timing for everyone sat in the back row. The music started within seconds of me running down, and I was in no state to cry yet, by the way, Like I was just like, oh, I'm just getting ready for a wedding and like I'm excited and like ah whatever. But the second the music started playing and I see his mom like being wheeled, that she's in a wheelchair. That was not why I
was crying. His mom could have been walking or running chair so much. Yeah, I was just like right away I did the same thing happened at Brian's wedding, like like overwhelmed with emotions that hit me like a like a tornado that hit Andrew's uh you know, first.
Emotions came out like a spigot.
Exactly like splashed, like just splashing tears down my face. Could not like I couldn't control it. It was just I don't even know what I honestly still can't really pinpoint what the feeling is because it I don't anticipate it, like I I think that some people are like, oh, weddings always get me. Oh, I can't watch these kind of commercials because they get me. I just like didn't. I'd never see it coming. And then I was crying the whole ceremony and then we get to it was
just like beautiful they they did. How how did Andrew do on his vows? Well you didn't get to see them right, Well, no, the vows they did alone at each other before on the beach, like they did it like they wanted to do it alone and I have to have everyone here, which was the right move because they didn't have a PA system outside and it was so fucking windy that you couldn't hear anything. You could
kind of just see what was happening. So they like exchanged the classic vows, but the vows that they gave each other. I guess Andrew forgot to vow anything. Like he just said how he felt about her and like it was really wet, like he shared some of it with me, and it was like I was like, oh, this is perfect. This is like exactly what any girl would want to hear. It's exactly what I would want to hear my future husband say to me. But he
forgot I guess. The next day we were driving with him and Brenna and he was laughing about how he was like I kind of forgot to like vow things. Let's say what you're gonna do. I was like, oh yeah, like I didn't even I looked at like he he let me kind of proof read his speech before or his vows, and I didn't catch that either, So it was on both of us. Sorry, Brenno, I didn't. I forgot that part of it too, So I guess he can do anything he wants because he didn't vow anything.
He's got free.
Yeah, but I was. I credit your wedding so much, Brian, even though it was like so full of like funny, like I was crying and laughing, and like it's just so touching, like to just be so sincere and have no kind of like irony about it and to have just everyone's family. There's just so much love and like there's not even like an ounce of bad will in the room, Like there's there's few places where there's just no egos or anything. It's just like devoid of any cynicism for like one.
Well, I don't I think some weddings have a lot of cynicism and opinions and drama going on in the bat true.
Yeah, I guess sure.
It depends on the family. I mean, yeah, there are some there's a lot of drama at some weddings, And it's a testament to Andrew and I guess to me that you surrounded yourself with loving people, whereas there might be sometimes you don't get to choose because of your family. But I think for Andrew too and for me, like we didn't have actually a lot of family come, so it's mostly just people we selected to come who I made a point of eliminating people from my life who
would bring that drama. It's not worth it at all, or.
Like make it anything about other than what it is, and just like celebrating love. I just saw Comedians clip this morning that was like I'm tired of weddings, Like if you guys are doing well, just like keep it to yourselves, like we don't need to like see it. And I thought that was kind of a good point, like don't waste everyone's time to be like, look how great we are, Like right, it's kind of it's a funny way to look at it, like we're weddings are
just like letting everyone know, like we're awesome. And but I really like there's I really just love weddings. I think it's I think it's you know, much like I feel about football games. I didn't expect to love them as much as I do. I love weddings too. I
just love them. And yeah, there was a part of it that made me feel like oh, and then the reception was like so sweet and all the speeches and were funny, and Andrew was just like so happy, Like it's just so cute to see someone like so happy and like so certain of what this is what they want, Like there's just it was just a celebration. It was just awesome to see him be the belle of the ball. I mean, obviously Brenna was. She looked stunning, like beyond studying.
Like there's not even a word for it, Like I don't even understand what I was like looking at as cowperty. She looked and like glowy and just perfectly. She was so happy also or just and so happy. But yeah, it was just he was just so happy, and it was so nice to see my friend just like taking a huge step in their life that I was just
so proud of him, which I was trying. Pride was supposed to be a feeling that I was supposed to be trying to eradicate because it means that like you are giving yourself a pat on the back for being like I'm like, I have a friend that's like making great decisions. I was grateful to have.
Fusing thing because it's like you're supposed to feel proud like you have and there's like gay pride, but like it's also like sin.
Gay pride just sounded like you were saying, like there's like kind of pride that's like not as cool. It's like gay gay pride, Like I forgot about the fun or not, you know, the whole.
Yeah, there's gay pride, there's gay envy.
Yeah. Well I I and then so on top of me feeling like so emotional about Andrew crying so much when he danced with his mom. She got out of the wheelchair and they danced. It was so sweet. His love healed her there, Brenna and his love heals her for just a moment and they danced. It was so cute. Cry cry cry. But we were done by like ten thirty. Like ten thirty, I think the reception was over, the songs had been played. Everyone was tired, and I went.
I went, and I was so tired because I had tailors with the night before and had to drive there and everything. So I was like, this is perfect. No one's expecting me to go to an after party. This is great. And then I realized, oh my god, it's ten thirty. I'm on the East coast. Emil Jaquem is about to be on SNL. I have an hour to
like get my pgs, eat more food than that. I than I ate at the wedding, because I ate at the wedding, but I just you know, just get my like I had so much food, like ready to like just fucking go to town on when I was finally like alone, you know how we do, And so I got so comfy and then watched SNL, which is my other time in my life that I felt so proud
of a friend that I don't even know. I've never felt this like happy for friends before, like my friend's giving birth and my friends being on SNL, like career wise, I've never felt this happy for a friend before. Oh that I felt for a meal, which I've talked about, but it's on a weekend updates. I didn't tell anyone
because he was scared of was gonna get cut. So I had been texting him being like, tell me what's going on this week because he's been very like open and fourth cut, like an available to be honest with you, like to text and talk about stuff. And this week I was crickets and I go, oh god, he must be really in it. But he said that he purposely
didn't tell anyone. He didn't even tell his parents because I was texting with his parents being like, I can't believe he just killed so hard on his first desk piece, like his like his like debut to the industry in this massive way, on this amazing, you know, the best comedy stage possible, absolutely crushed and they were like, we didn't even know because he didn't tell us. And he said he didn't tell anyone because he was scared it
was gonna get cut. But he killed it. And so I just had this like I was crying about a meal, I was crying about Andrew. I just had a day of just being so happy for my friends, which feels so And.
Your friend had a baby also all on the same weekend, Oh my god.
And then Sara Lene had a baby, which, by the way, everything Sara Lena does, she does like so many incredible things. But it's just so there's no pomp around any event, do you agree, I know, yes, I do agree. I've heard no offense, Kirsten. I know you're listening. I've heard more about you pumping in your fourth week of having a baby, Like there's been more pomp around that pump than there has been for her entire bath. Like I would say, both births, and that's not any that's not
I like hearing about the pumping. I like like there should be a lot of like I'm telling my pregnant friends, are anyone who's going through pregnanc ory is just going through pregnancy, talk about it all the fuck you want. I am not one of those childless women who's like enough about the babies, like you should talk about it non stop. It's all I would be talking about. So I never begrudge you talking about it. But Sara Lene is just like, oh, girls, I just had a baby.
I don't know, so what's going on with you? Talk about something else? I'm sorry, this is so boring. It's going on so long. We're like, wait, tell us any details. And she's like, I don't know, girls, it's just she was like, she's eight pounds nine ounces and she's healthy, and there was you know, it's four pushes. It took four pushes, And I don't know, girls, I'm talking too much about myself. Nikki, tell me about Taylor Swift and I'm like, I I cannot talk about Taylor Swift right
now when you are have just given birth. It's not allowed. I'm not allowed to. This is insane. But she's just so like, tell me what you go? What are you wearing tonight? What's going on with the show, who's going with you? And like she is while she's in labor, she's asking these things. She's just so like flippant about the amazing things she does. I mean, it's it's truly incredible.
But yeah, Sara Lena gave birth to her second baby and that happened on Thursday night, Friday Friday night, so it was like that was it was just and then you know, with Kirsten going through it, with you going through it, Noah, like it's been just a great And then Anya's album is coming out this Friday, Asteroid, which everyone needs to get and pre order now and just support her in every way. You can post stories about it, like add it to playlist on Spotify. All that helps
so much. We love Anya so much and this album is like one of her best. I think it's her best album ever, That's what she's been saying. And I'm obsessed with almost I think like every track it's so fucking good. And I think you'll hear a lot of the same themes if you li in the podcast a lot, you obviously know Anya, but if you don't, you'll like hear things from girls Chat and just she's living in the same world we are, so I think you'll really enjoy the album, and so all of these exciting things
are happening. I'm just gonna say it's kind of as someone who does a lot of big stuff and is often the one having friends be like, well, like, it was so fun to watch you, Like I like being on the other side of it almost, I think more.
And I that makes me feel really good because when things start to go away for my career, I can still it's nice to know that, Like I can watch younger comics who I'm friends with like have the wins that I have and not feel like a jealousy, Like there was no jealousy about Emil's thing, even though I'm sorry. I if you would have asked me a year ago if your friend gets SNL and is like, even though I don't want to send oul in that way, like
I don't want to. I'm not a cast about Like that's not what my calling is right now, I would have Probably I'll be a little bit jealous. They'll be a little part of me. That's just like, man, I like, cause it's just you can't help feelings of I know myself, but I'm so glad to have you right like, you don't take it to the next step, whereas some so called friends do, and you know, they just get like jealous and then you have to manage different personalities and stuff.
I do.
Here's the thing everyone I do. I do still suffer with massive, massive jealousy of my great friends. And here's the difference between me and other like I witness. My friends have friends in their life who have the same jealousy that I have in my heart over the winds in their life, and they're so sloppy and obvious with it. Tuck that shit in. Stop being so obvious that you're so jealous of your friend's life by a Okay, if you're a girl like me who gets jealous of everyone
and compares themselves to everyone else, I'll admit it. It's a flaw. I don't like it about myself. If I could get rid of it and shed it like a skin like a lizard, I will. I can't. Don't be mad at me about it. Sometimes I'm jealous. But here's what I do. I don't do. I do the opposite. So if I'm jealous of someone, I just lean in and I celebrate that thing. I don't do the fucking
shitty thing that so many of my girlfriends. I know. Ever, when my girlfriends come to me and say, blah blah blah, never complimented my You know, we just put an addition on the house and they came over and they stayed in it, and they didn't compliment it. She's fucking jealous. My friend just saw the baby for the first time and didn't and it was kind of like flipant about it. She's jealous. Stop being so sloppy with your jealousy. Ladies, Do the opposite, and no one will know you're jealous
because it's such a bad look. It's not a good quality to have to be so envious. So when you act disinterested, when you act when you don't say to your friend, you look amazing when she's just lost a bunch of weight, even though you're jealous because you want to lose weight too and you haven't figured it out yet, or whatever's going on in your life. Say you look
great to your friends. Say the opposite of the thing you're feeling, or say what you are feeling, you know, say like I you can even say I'm so jealous of you, right, now, like, just be honest, but don't do the don't do the thing where you act like you like when I first when I met John Mayer and was like, Hi, I'm Nikki, what's your name? Like, don't do that shit, don't act like you don't don't do the opposite because it stinks of we know what's going on? Do you know what I'm talking about? Like?
Do you do?
I encounter people all the time that are like my mom will tell me stories about like people who say things to her, and I'm like, it is so obvious she's jealous. There's just no other reason that generation. Yes, Oh, come on everyone. We can be jealous, we can be petty, we can be our sickest selves and so envious of others and and covet what other people have, but just hide it better.
It's or dumk. It's kind of funny to be like, I'm so jealous of you. I want to take this from you. Yeah, I want you to not have it so I can have it. You don't deserve this, and I want to kill you, you know, except that.
Yeah, I'm not. I haven't been there with it, but like I have, and I've talked about it. So much like when I feel threatened on Instagram by someone being funnier than me, and it's truly a funny clip, and I want it to go away because it's so funny and it makes me feel like you're not as funny. I gotta post it. I gotta fucking post it. You gotta go the opposite way to combat it because you
don't want to be that person. That's like nakes others feel worse because you feel threatened by how great they luck or whatever. Like kid, even though I've done that a million times.
Positive energy, not to surround yourself with negative energy, then you will produce negative things.
And also I was talking more about like a cohesive group of friends like our girls chat. We're always so supportive of each other. There's never any envy or jealousy in that. I'm gonna talk about it.
I feel envy for all of you. At times, I felt it for each single one of you. I will admit it. I felt gross envy. That's been like I wish this wasn't happening for her because I want it, like it threatens my bottom line, Like like I'm talking about a base level not that I would really take like organized to take it from you, or if a genie showed up and was like, well you can take this from Noah, I wouldn't say yes, do that. But there's this, you know, the inkling feeling of like, of course,
like that jealousy. I felt it, but I wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
But but with girls said, I will say, when I feel jealousy, it doesn't last long at all, and like's a fleeting passage and shit goes away so much faster. But there are times that I do struggle with it still. But I'm just like clean, just I just expect more from I just want other because because my friends take it so personally and they're like, she like didn't say anything about my baby, And it's like, because there's only
one of two options. Either she didn't notice you had a new baby, or she's jealous, And I don't think it's possible she didn't notice you had a new baby or a new car or a new house or a new haircut.
Or maybe she just like feels like shit or something and has her own thing going on. Is nuts jealousy that doesn't happen. No, she just like generally feels like it and doesn't have the energy to make a big show out of how much she loves your baby.
I don't know. Then don't go see the baby, you know, like, I think you got a rally for a friend who just had a baby and ask a lot about it. And also, don't like text your friend who you're jealous that just had a baby and they're maybe getting a lot of attention. Don't text them. Is it hell? Are you doing so bad? Is it so tiring because you want it to be You want her to answer yes so badly because you're jealous that it's not bad arm for her. We gotta go break. We'll be back after this.
So yeah, So, speaking of babies, Yes, my brother had a baby this weekend.
Also, oh my god, wait, gradua the first time being an uncle?
Right, No, I'm double uncle. He's got two daughters now, oh my god, congratulations for another kid. What's your brother's name again, Adam Adam baby congrat Yeah, he looks like Bob Saggatt.
He does. He was so comforting to see him.
He's a very comforting guy too. He's a lot like Bob Saggott and I love him.
I loved hanging with him after your wedding. So what's the baby's name?
It's not public yet, so I don't want to say, uh, got it. I don't even know if I'm supposed to know what the name is, honestly, but I was told surreptitiously via text by someone.
Okay, yeah, why isn't it public yet? Is this?
I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I have no idea. No one's told me. He didn't tell me the name of the baby like you have normally when you have a baby, you get a text with a picture of a baby and it says welcome, you know, Jennifer as into the world. You know that. I didn't get that. I just got a picture of that baby, and it's.
In the length. Yes, By the way, no one cares about the length of your baby. I've never once been like, oh, interesting, I don't even know what it's supposed to be. Wait, I can kind of guess, like, Okay, that seems underweight, that seems like whoa, she's definitely torn up from that. That's an interesting detail. But length, no one cares.
Unless it's like really small, like one inch, then tell it.
Can you tell us why length is important? Like why anyone even includes that? Like what's I get the weight?
The weight gives you the length already kind of probably they include it because that's just the standard information the hospital gives. But like, no one but the parents, it's not important information to anyone but the parents, so that they can monitor the growth.
Can I guess what the average baby length is? Like, I'm gonna like, I literally don't know, but I'm going to guess, Yeah, eighteen inches.
I'm gonna say fourteen inches.
Uh, average length for a full term newborn is nineteen to twenty inches.
Okay, great, nailed it, So yours is a little not to term. But do you guys do that with when you calculate feet or like inches of something? Like I just was like, oh, this was a that was a good way to do it. And then I go, what's a piece of paper? Because a piece of paper is eleven and a half inches? Does everyone else.
Ruler is twelve inches?
But you don't encounter rulers as much as you encounter pieces of paper, wouldn't you say, like a piece of paper is like like a printer piece of paper. Yeah, everyone kind of knows.
That, sure, sure, no, yeah, no, what you're saying makes sense. I just I've always used ruler.
And then for inch inches underneath eleven, you just think of boyfriend's penis. That's what you do.
That's what I think of.
Yeah, right, and then you're then the wingspan. Your wingspan is usually your height and I know I'm five.
Oh is that true?
Yeah?
So when you do your arms out, that's how tall you are.
I think it's you're an anomaly if it's different, But it's almost like exactly the same.
Is that pretty long arms? Is? That is? I would like to measure my wingspan. Inten, you gotta do it.
We got to do this. That'll be very interesting. So okay, so your uncle again, that's so exciting.
Double uncle. I'm excited to be a double uncle. I'm excited for my other niece to get a little older so I can start having conversations with her.
Oh it's so fun.
Yeah. But yeah, I mean it's I'm just glad that there's this, that I have a sibling that's having kids. Takes the pressure off me. I want to be around kids in a very arm's length way. And this is I'm gonna go.
Colly based on you. Three and a half feet yeah, three feet and an inch Yeah.
It's four pieces of paper. I want to go like trick or treating next year on Halloween, Like I'm not gonna I think that stuff's fun. I want to take them to an apple orchard sometime. Oh, but I don't want to raise.
Me the fun uncle. But you're an uncle. No, I'm just kidding. No, that's that's so sweet. No, I feel the same way. I'm so happy that my sister has kids. It really it's it's not about the pressure, because I don't think my parents would ever have put that on me because I just make so much money and give them free dinners. But I will say that just being around, getting to be around kids and having kids, like care
about you. But I will say that, like how was at the you know, Andrew's wedding this weekend and I'm like, no one gives a fuck about the ant man, you know, like, no one aunts don't get no matter how cool of an aunt you are, it's not your special day. There's a part of me that was like I want a kid so that I can see them get married. Like that was like, uh, oh, I see why people have kids. It would be really nice to see them get married.
But then I was thinking about like with climate change in like thirty years when my kid is in probably thirty five, they'd take after me and marry late. So like forty years from now, I don't know the venue space we're gonna be, like it's gonna be there's gonna be hurricanes no matter where we are. So I'm a little like I was just already freaking out.
This is too much trouble traveling there.
I'm gonna be eighty, I'm gonna be eight, and everyone's gonna cry when I get out the wheelchair. But I will say that there was a video taken of Emily took a video of me crying at the and and Ari Findling was crying. Also sounds like.
Ari Findling is my uh, he's like my wife. When we're together, Ari and I are like an old married couple.
Why why is that?
I don't know? Ari just like gets he knows how to like needle me and then seven and I respond in tow.
He's the only person that like I. Like, We'll be on the road together and someone will be like, will you get Nikky's backpack or whatever, and I'm like, no, I got it, and he goes, no, I'm not gonna I don't respect her, and like, I like love it and because I know he does, but like he will say really horrifying things to me, and and I really enjoy it. But he was crying. I was crying. Raina and Ashley from Girls Got E Podcasts, they were there,
they were crying. So she films all of us crying, and I put on my Instagram, and my sisters told me that Forrest, who's three, wants to watch that video constantly of us all crying, and then it cuts to Andrew and it looks like we're crying at him dancing with his bride because it's just like just our a song playing and then us all crying, and then it cuts to him and he's dancing with his mom in a wheelchair, or it looks like he's dancing with like a very
old bride. And but Forrest has become obsessed with this video, which is so cute when kids just gravitate towards something like that. But she said, I go, oh my god, this is so sweet, and she was like, guess you're I go, why do you think he likes it so much? She was like, guess, we'll just have to see when you get married, and I'm just like, wait, so I have to like, how are we gonna do this? So we need to invite Andrew's mom to my wedding. I have to get her out of the like how and
then but it was it was really cute final thought. Yeah, weddings are amazing. I'm on board. Please invite me to them if I love you all cry so much it made me kind of want to get married, but also not because it's just, oh, that's what I was gonna say about Andrew. He was the star of the night.
And I feel like, you know a lot of times when Andrew and I have hung out, like I'm having these big moments and he's always there to like celebrate me and be so excited, like, you know, in the same way like I get off stage at the roast and Brian, you and I hugged for the first time, like you're your guys who work on things with you are so fucking pumped for you when it's over, and you feel like I'm usually the groom and he was the fucking groom, you know, like he was the star
of the night. And they were asking me the next day in the car, like did anyone bug you. And I was like, I didn't even didn't even occur to me that anyone would give a fuck like that. I was there. It really was. I was like, you guys were celebrities. Like when you walked in, we were all like, oh, oh my god, I think they're coming. Like it was like it was awesome for them both to like have that of like they were the biggest deal ever. And everyone was so swept up in how happy we were
for them. It was awesome. It was awesome to see and yeah, I'm just I'm so happy for those two. And then the next night we went to Taylor Swift again, took them to Taylor Swift for Miami Night three of her show, and that's when we were in that fucking box again. Thank you Tom Garfinkel for for arranging that and being so generous with your private box. And I'm just so grateful to everyone who made this weekend happen.
And obviously Taylor was just so extraordinary. And I also I gotta stay on Friday night, got to leave my box and go down to a seat in the crowd for one of for one of the eras, because I didn't want to bandon my friends all night and the box was awesome seats. But I had a friend from Saint Louis Amy Uh from Uh Carol House Furniture. Amy, Uh god, Oh my god. Why am I forgetting her last name? Amy Adam Amy Well Amy from Carrol Furniture. She runs like a pet.
Is it her last name Carol House Furniture.
No, it's not, it's something dubmin Amy Dubman from the Carroll House Furniture. She's been a stape by the way, her and her brother brook have been a staple in Saint Louis television. They are like you know the classic local ad that's like up. They're a furniture supplier warehouse like not warehouse, but like a furniture store. And they always have commercials where she will always say, uh, we're
cutting prices because Brooks Brook is out of town. Her brother's out of town on a buying trip, so while he's gone, don't tell him, but more slashing prices. So fun, so fun, so adorable. I grew up watching these ads. Come to find out they are like major players in like pet rescue, and they have a spae clinic that they do free spaying for for stray animals. They're amazing and I did a charity show for them. I love them. Anyway,
Amy had tickets to Miami. She had three tickets, and I guess she had a drop for her third and she got my number through Chris and she was like, yeah, tell Nikkis she can come down. And I went down for Tortured Poets Era, which is the newest one and
the one that I am so enthusiastic about. And I got to watch it like fifth Row, section A two if you want to look it up, swifties, and I you know how I feel about the Bridge to the Smallest Man who Ever lived, Like where she's stomping across the ground and she's marching and she's going to battle. I can't tell you what it was like to see that up close. It was so emotional. I cried again. And I don't usually cry it to some shows. I'm usually just so swept up and having fun, Like I
don't get like that kind of emotional. But I was like, and I was trying to film it, and so she's going she's like and uh, for you know, right before she goes, she's like for spark uh, And I just what is the line? Can someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived? And she's going to her spot right to start the march, and then she turns,
she goes where you sent by someone? And so but she goes and I don't miss we do, and she's singing that part and she's walking up and I'm filming it, and I have footage of me filming it, and I go, I'm really conflicted right now. I don't know whether to film it or to live it. I don't know what to do because if I film it, I can't live it because I have to. I'm getting this footage for sostis. It needs to be perfectly centered, and I have to watch the phone like I have a million times on
TikTok of this exact thing. And I go, I don't know what to do. And she's like a message to the smallest man whoever lived, and I go, I'm gonna live it, and then it just cuts off. And then I was like send by someone, And I fucking lived it so hard, and I would just implore anyone who goes to concerts to put down your phone and like fucking live it because it was so fun. And then after torture, Poets. I just said, by Amy, thank you
so much. But before I left, I said what I thought might be one of my favorite lines of my entire life. And I turned to Amy right like it was in transition from like down bad to whatever. There was some moment where it was kind of like Taylor was obscured and we were all kind of like talking and collect and it was, oh, it was after but Daddy, I love him. And I was like, I had like an orgasm of emotions for but Daddy, I love him.
It was the start of Torture Poets. And I just got into the seats right in time, and she comes out She's like, you know, I forget what the line is. I was there when the West was won, and I like got there right in time, and I'm like, I'm here. Oh my god. It was like perfect. And then I sing the whole thing and then she finishes it, and then I turned to Amy and I just go, I am so glad Brooke is on a buying trip. So
happy with the line. I like texted Chris as soon as I thought of it, But it was it was such a good weekend. I'm exhausted from it. And there's a little bit of guilt of being exhausted from not working. Really yeah, like you didn't do anything wise because you went to Utah.
Right, I went to Utah this weekend and I am exhausted.
We gotta get We'll talk about that on tomorrow's podcast. I honestly can't wait to hear about it because I'm glad you commiserate because I'm struggling with like because usually if I've had an exhausting weekend of work, I feel like I can like muster sympathy from people and it helps me get through my week of work. And this one's just like, Oh, you went to a wedding and twice, but I am exhausted from it. But we'll have another podcast tomorrow. We'll see you then. Thank you for listening.
Don't be good bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton, and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel.
The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Player and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, Follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel.