The Nikki Gliser. Here's Nikki. Hello, it's me. It's the Eeglazer. Hi, welcome to the podcast Glazer Podcast Live to you. I did not do that the way I was supposed to do, but I didn't listen to the song, you guys, and so I don't know what it is unless I need the song to cue me.
I can't do this without listening on the headphones.
I feel crazy, right, Really, you don't like it.
It's almost like having a conversation is foreign to me.
You don't like it, raw dog, I don't ye.
It's in person for everyone listening to LA and so it's like it without the head We don't need the headphones, yeah, because.
We almost feel like I can't hear you because you're not like talking through the air. Oh my god, not through a wire.
Yeah it is an okay, I like hearing my own voice.
Thanks for a different podcast. For sure, we'll not being on zoom, but also not having headphones on. Whenever I don't have the headphones on for a conversation, I'm like, oh, we always get like deeper. But then sometimes having the headphone on make you more professional because you could hear yourself and you're like I'm on the radio right now, right and I'm hearing my voice and I'm feeling like I'm on NPR. Are we good? And so? Yeah? You it's you know, put them on if you want, but like.
It goes honestly, you're you're killing it right now? What put them on?
You know, I'll put it on halfway through the podcast and seek yeah it changes. Yeah.
Andrew Collin is here.
Hello, what's up? Everyone to come back? How's everyone doing out there? The last Thanks for following up with my.
Career as a as a bachelor.
Yeah, I'm getting married on Saturday. Yeah yeah, sorry everybody, Sorry, the.
Boys, the girl.
Sorry everyone.
So your venue was destroyed by the hurricane and then you got a new one.
By a tornado.
It's not a hurricane like. Connor is also here, by the way, I want to at the table.
Hi, Sean, Hi, how are you?
No?
I want to hear about that.
It's so funny that everyone's like, is are you Are you okay from the herd and you go, yeah, we're fine. But a tornado got us.
Yeah, yeah it was an earthquake.
No, it's insane, like so the hurricane was supposed to be a category five, which is the biggest hurricane.
Yeah, meteorologists were sobbing.
Florida was gone to Florida. That guy was crying. Yeah, he was really dark. I think he was just sad about his house.
But so it's gonna like.
He was gonna ride in Panama City, so he's like the bull.
Okay.
Anyhow, so so it's gonna be a huge hurricane going to ruin everything. I'm getting married there, I got, I got the venue. It was the end of hurricanes hurricane season in November Vera Beach, Florida, which is on the east coast.
Okay, was that where it was getting hit though.
No, it was getting hit on the west side.
Okay, so you felt safe already.
Yeah, yeah, I know enough where I'm like.
So inland, no one thought that was gonna get sucked up.
That is true.
Yeah, So we got playing what happened and knowing my luck, I'm for sure this wedding is not happening. And and so the hurricane before it even hits, they have like outer bands and a tornado and F four tornado, which Florida never gets hit with tornadoes.
Yeah, went right through Viero, right through the backyard of.
Where I'm getting married, so we weren't going to ride off on a houseboat.
Like just married my buddy Rusty, his younger brother Ryan Guy married his nephew. Yeah yeah, yeah, just some teeth. Yeah.
So uh so yeah, so the tornado, the boat we're gonna go on. The houseboat gets picked up by the tornado and thrown from Rusty's parents' house into Rusty Street, which is a thousand yards away.
My god.
So he's walking out.
And he was he doing it?
Was he sheltered, he was.
In his house, but he started walking around first, Yeah, of course, just to see the tornado. Boy grabbed the surfboard one to ride the tornado.
So cowmonga.
So he goes, he goes, and he he's walking and he sees He's like, why is a mobile home on my street? He's like, you know, I don't I've never seen a mobile home. And he gets closer. He's like, I recognized this debris from the side of my brother's.
House boat whoa blew all the way. Yeah.
So the best part I actually I can't say it. Okay, I'm gonna say no one.
Okay, so we're back, But that whole part because Andrew just reveals something that would never make it on. I mean, actually, if it were up to Andrew, we would have gone through. I don't think I would have gotten.
Later on live in trail of evidence behind.
So you missed a great thing that uh just occurred.
But me, I'll let you know.
And in the.
You know what I I said, I didn't do tags for a long time. And whatever he calls you in this scenario.
Rustye, rusty a third and how does he break this news? Like, because I bro that guy so quick. Dude, he called me Tornado. I don't even think touched yet. He's like, can't do.
It, can't do it. Parents, can't do it.
He was because he's divorced with nine kids from nine different women and they all hate him.
And he's like, you don't deserve.
I should have went like that when I said that, that's between us.
He's very nice to doping and his parents were very nice.
But so now there's a new venue.
The new venue we got for a Tornado fire sale. We got the hotel that we wanted to do the wedding night before, and now we could take an outside vendor in for the only time ever.
Yes, yeah, this is gonna be way better.
So it's outdoors on the beach.
Yes, this is way better than Rusty's house.
Oh my god, did you wouldn't you were scared for a little bit from that day or like a couple days meressing out we have a venue. And then when you found out you got that booking. Were you so excited? Did you like dance around your apartment? Like what was the vibe? Because I know that you guys were so nervous.
I mean a week away.
Look, I'd get married in Arby's, you know, like I am very chill like that, to the point where I'm surprised she wants to marry me. But she was, yeah, insanely Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was insanely excited.
I mean, this is the venue we wanted the whole time.
So good.
I just took a tornado and like forty five people dying for us to get.
Yeah, do we know?
I thirty thirty? I don't know. Actually there's one development that got.
And this is just a Varo beach, right, there's not just thirty in general.
In general, thirty people have ever died.
Like, yeah, it was a coincident. Thirty people crushed by the house boat.
Yeah, my mom lives in Fort Saint Lucy, which is like probably really gross. Did she get she said there was tornadoes everywhere.
Yeah, my dad's house got hit by a different.
Getting out, But really does Florida get tornadoes like historically.
Historically not really they do now yeah, I know they caught up too.
They're retiring.
Climate change is just different by the systems, like getting old and moving south.
Yeah, I mean no, and there's no the scary part there's no basements, and like you're from well, you lived in Indiana, you have basements if there's tornadoes.
Right, So it's like, yeah, I guess, I guess I lived in a basement apartment, so I was really comfortable.
I get nervous about tornadoes with my parents in the Midwest. I just look at all these like huge trees and I'm like, oh my god, like I'm just a tree collapsing on their house. I think they'd be safe because they live in like a basement and they're my mom will like make my dad drive up to uh the grocery store up the street to like go in a parking garage that's really protected, so they're very cautious. But like, yeah, those trees when I see those trees like a storm. I'm like, how do they.
Stay up just uprooting something that's been around for five hundred years and just like throwing.
It in your living room?
Yeah, terrified nowhere.
There's a good improvisor from New York who died that way and really, yeah he got the tree. He was just sleeping and a tree fell.
Okay, this is a new criteria for Zilla, is that will I die from a tree hit in my bedroom? Is the master bedroom within where a tree could fall?
You know, partially you have to look out for that. You have to have a safety zone around your house technically, especially if you live in an area where they are a really tall old trees.
Yeah, I mean it's getting wild out there.
When you own a house, you have to do so many dumb things, like you have to call in tree people to cut down every couple of years or else you're gonna die.
Yes, But you're also inevitably going to be fighting with like your older neighbors who believe those trees like create this community, like make like your hole.
Oh you'll be doing with me who's like, there is a family of birds in that tree. Can you just wait until we can move them? And then it's like thousands of dollars to move them. It's not even a thing that's that's a service. And I would be like, because every time I see someone cutting down a treem, like all the wildlife in it is displaced. That's insane. But people don't think of it that way, because I know I used to not. But if I had to knocked on a tree in my backyard really.
Knock, I would really struggle. The tornadoes all the animals.
The tornadoes are going to kill the animals anyways, right, so you're saving you're.
Killing the animal.
That animal to die.
Oh yeah, just move? How about the animal? Maybe that murder?
Maybe that's a service I can start providing. Will tank immediately and it completely has to be funded by donations because no one.
There'll be another tornado in Florida.
So they can build their tennis court, uh, put up a parking lot. What's the song that the Counting crows pave Paradise?
John Mayer, No, it's I.
Like attributing to the counting crowds for five seconds.
People reason to believe I.
Saw them this summer and they were great. I had such a great time. And he does like go away, from the melody a lot. But it is so fun because you try to sing the melody and keep them keep the melody, you know true, or try to sing with him, and it's like and it becomes really fun because he will he will always let you down. You just harmonize it. It's been a long December, and it's reason to believe. Maybe this you will be better than
the less. You're just like just sing it hard. In the music video with Courtney Cox, it was so good. I love that song so much. But I did see I he I have seen him do stuff and follow the melody. I'm giving him ship. But he was still amazing and his voice sounded as good, which is always so impressive when guys sound as good as they did in the nineties.
Yeah, I mean, like.
Thirty years later, if you could still sound like you did.
And it's so hard.
Frankie Valley is but he LIPSI.
And he also has like a team of boys behind him. I think he body's thinking I do.
I do not think he put out that statement saying I love touring and I can't wait to slay it on the road. He was literally a fucking a gen.
Z for him.
Yeah, of course, do you think he knows how to type.
That you think he likes being on the road. I think he likes doing it.
He keeps him well, he would die.
A lot of people would die if stop working.
So I don't think when people are like this is elder abuse, I'm like, I really don't think so. I think this guy is born to perform.
Yeah, and he'll die.
He's dead to perform.
Lady Gaga's friend to be like Tony Bennett. Yeah, I guarantee you he wanted to be out there even though he was like losing.
Yeah, Frankie val also is. But it's like you're ninety three, like you're like everyone you've ever known has died.
Like, yes, you've outlived your children. Of course, put me on the road.
Yeah, And I like when they pair them with a younger, like a Gaga helps out the Tony Bennett like is his hospice nurse on stage? Much like Brandy Carlisle and Joni Mitchell. Yeah, they're holding their hand like the next Joni Mitchell's like whole Like there's.
Give me a Halsey and Franky Valley.
I want to pair more people together.
That's like Dick Van Dyke and that whole team that gave him them.
Yeah yeah, yeah, but then they loved they looked like older.
I mean, the stones still work because everyone looks dead, you know what I mean? Yeah, they ever liked rons Now there's just like a group. Yeah.
That was seriously like insane watching.
Yeah, yeah, did we go?
Did you go with me?
No? I saw him in Miami and he he dated three hours I think he did is.
When I saw him, and it was so energetic. Same with Paul McCarney. I always talk about it bonnering, like twenty eleven. I was just like, watch Paul McCarty for three hours sing and sound incredible and there's just no way it was lip singing. But you know who knows. But there, I mean, the staming of these people.
It's just so impressed credible.
But you know, I don't I don't think I'll ever stop.
I can't imagine a really young girl next to you.
Yeah, and your fans, you know, fans will age with you and you'll still have the same fans that you have now for the rest of your life, and hopefully you get new ones coming in. But oh my god, you can still maintain a career.
I mean with the same group.
If they stay alive, they still and excited, and you put out new material and you respect.
Them inside because they were so hot.
I mean Joan Rivers like she she went to the very end like just doing like new jokes.
But Jerry Jerry Lewis, he would do palm Springs that it would be like a whole audience just full of like eighty five year olds and he'd be like, ask me every question you've ever had for me, and he just insult them for two hours and it like read the articles about it, It's so funny.
Wow, was like I would pay five hundred dollars.
Someone just not giving a fuck anymore and talk and like roasting he was like or he was just like.
Being insulting them, like just being like, oh you you.
Roast do No, no, not at all.
He would just just a womanizer, right, like hate women.
He kind of hated women and and the articles he kind of goes off on women.
Question, well you know we we weren't we weren't we weren't a prolific and stand up at that or like really made a mark in the fifties, now let us But he didn't attribute it to that.
Yeah, we still have.
The Dean Martin roasts, and he was part of that.
He was, but most of that was just him putting like glasses in his mouth.
I don't watch like old comedy. That's like never, Why would I ever watch that? Yeah, when there's someone's dance to.
Watch occasionally, like a sketch from like the Smothers Brothers.
When am I in the mood to do that, someone would have to sit down.
Like people wanting to take like a class. It's almost like giving yourself a little close.
I need a ken Burns comedy. I need one because I watch that. Wouldn't that be great?
Yeah?
I definitely want to make comedy boring and not funny.
I'm being serious, I like because I look, that's the kind of TV I like.
I don't want to laugh.
I just I want a slow moving show, right, you know, I enjoy that.
You know, I'm trying to keep blinders is kind of.
Yeah for drama, Yeah, drama, Like make comedy drama and I'll enjoy it.
I am that's the bear.
That's the bear. Enjoy the bear.
I do enjoy it.
I know I gotta get back to the bear. I gotta get back to hackts but oh my god, oh I have to go to break right. Well this weekend, I'm gonna tell you what we're doing this weekend because it was really brought me a lot of joy when we get back after that. So I was on the road this weekend with Ari Findling your best friend Andrew and you introduce me to and we were just like every time we would ever be like like he'd be like, hey, I was thinking about a teg for that joke, I'd
be like, are we on ax? Like, because because I would feel like we were on Hacks constantly, because I'd be like, and what if I said this that? Like I kept like and every time it was just like, are we unhacked? So that would just become the running joke any comedians talking earnestly about stand up, which which is only I'm only doing it right now because I'm like like begrudgingly trying to build a new act and
do it the right way. And it's I when I watched Hacks, especially season two, I'm like, no one writes like this, like this is the dream.
So then when it happens.
And they never yeah, there's maybe one bad thing, so they kind of yeah, not quite that and then you know it's coming and then it's just like fucking pitch like she says it perfectly. She it's they speed up the process because they have to. I like let it go, being like this isn't isn't like real stand up when I was like she was pitching her Netflix special around and like, that's not how you pitch a Netflix special.
You just like for anyone who knows you just know your your agents, like have meetings on your behalf about your stand up. You don't go in and go, here's my new hour. It's gonna be you know, like and sit with your writers and like pitch it to a You do that with TV shows, So it's like, okay, great, they're giving us that experience. I like at first was
like why didn't they do it the right way? And I'm like, because it's more interesting to have this and guess what that is the thing people do yeh TV shows, So just mix them and it's fine, make.
Them because it is more dynamic in that way.
Like exactly, it's not fun to see Johnny Cash sit a guitar going no, that's not it, that's not it.
It's more fun than I walk the line that's it.
Yes, that's what a real writing is. It's just constantly saying that's not good, over and over again.
Yeah.
Now it's shooting your own special, paying fifty thousand to shoot it, and then you might sell it.
Like that's like it's not romantic.
You lose a bunch of money selling it, but like it's not I spend so much fucking much. I just I spend so much money on thing things to have them be great, because sometimes the budget that you were given doesn't allow you to be as great as you want to be, and so you might lose money on things to get it. To have a thing out there that's so good kind of an I don't think I got. I probably broke even on the roast. I spent so much money just having a team of people helping with it, and.
How worth it was you make money with all the other stuff that comes from the extra fame especially, And.
I would say to people out there, do that, like, spend money in the right places if you can. Uh, Like I don't complain about like I should maybe complain about money more because I I a comedian just told me, like, do you ever feel like they take advantage of the fact that they know we're going to come like prepared, and they don't give us as money much materials, like as they would give someone who's an actress just showing up at a thing. And I don't have that experience.
But that was an interesting take that I was like, well, I always show up so bad and I'm always told that I do. They're like, god, Nick, you always do so much work coming in.
Do you think I think that's better? Yes, I would.
That's the only way to do it.
Yeah, like with so many people who like come to set with like nothing, being like can you explain what I agree to?
And I'm like, I've done that before and like done a bad job because of it. But I was at Award show recently and there was an actor backstage and I was like, do you like what do you do when you like put these? Do you like read the script? Do you like give notes on it? What do you do? And he's like, no, I just read with the good man.
I'm like, you Dode, Like that's so much trust because and that's why a lot of those Award show banter moments are incredibly awkward, because the writers are trying their best. I mean, it's funny stuff, but then the delivery the person said it once. The two people have never even
met until they're standing backstage about to go on. They read through on prompter once together because they probably both can't make rehearsal because they both flew in that day from their separate movie premieres, and so it's like you watch it, but it's like I could never I would want control over that. But I guess for some people, their image when they're not being like a character, they don't care about that much.
Well, actors are empty husks, But.
Wouldn't you work on building that empty husk to be something.
They're constantly being filled with that external content, whereas you have to write your own stuff and be producing it on your own.
I'm glad that I can do that. I guess it's like if they were if you know, a dancer or something was doing, they would put more work into dancing on TV than I would. Sure, except no, I worked really fun.
You kind of would expect that, Like people just don't want to look like a total like idiot on TV. But I think so many people are okay with it.
Sometimes actors do write their own thing and it goes much worse.
Oh, I had an experience on the vma IS one year where we wrote this thing for Paul Paul Rudd and I think Rick Ross like because that was like MTV was like put them together. And then Rick Ross like approved the thing, and then Paul Rudd was like, can I just take a stab at this? And he wrote the funniest possible, so funny, it was so good that it was like the best part of the show to me, and like, and he projected our draft like wholesale and.
Like no offense taken. Yeah, Like you're like, he is so funny. You know that Biddy does on Conan every time people don't know about it. It's like he goes on every he's done it probably twenty times, I'm guessing every appearance he's ever been on since Late Night Days.
He goes on and he says, you know, he's promoting a movie that's a real movie, and then he pitches to the trailer or like you know, oh, we're gonna see a scene and he describes a whole scene and maybe has a story behind it, and it cuts to a scene from.
Mac and Me, which is like the McDonald's produced Terrible e t.
And it's a child. What's the scene when you describe?
Because a child is in a wheelchair. He's the lead of the of the movie.
And it immediately cuts to him speeding down a hill.
Speaking down a hill. All you hear is a.
Child going ah, and then he krenes off of a cliff into water, and then an alien pops up.
And every time and then he got him so good. He was doing his podcast, I think, and this was like after he hadn't done it for a really long time. But even though he does it every time, and he was describing a new did you see this? It was like a new podcast series he was gonna do, Like it was like a serious thing. He got really emotional about it. He told like an eleven minute story about a new podcast he was doing. Is that what I'm getna get right?
A podcast?
No? No, he completely made it up so that he couldn't drop in Mac and Me and get Conan again after having done it for twenty, like twenty times on his latest show. And Conan was so riveted by this, you know, really intense. It was like some kind of podcasts about going back to your roots or something. I don't even know the context, but it was very serious. So Conan was almost like taken aback and it was
really like a somber mood. He dropped the wheelchairney. It reminded me so much of I mean, Conan is so amazing, but I just forget entire eras of Conan that like changed my life, which was late night days when he would do the the lever for the what's his name Walker texts thank you Walker Texas Ranger lever? Do you remember that? So they you NBC in Universal had a merger and he was like, it's now we have the rights to Walker Texas Ranger and we can like for
free use any of the footage. So like you know, we have a budget around here. So they just decided to show clips have context from the show, and they're just like horror, like the weirdest and worst acting, worse stunts really just like outrage like hilarious, you know, dialogue just awkward, ye.
Stuff so so out of context.
Yes, and it was all just so bad, and it was like this thing that everyone looked forward to of like these clips that he would be like, we have another one, and there was like a button he would hit that would like make it happen or it was a lever. Yeah, So then they did a lever where he was like, I'm not doing it tonight, and they'd be like crank and then I would just pop to a clip and it was just the timing was perfect.
But it got to the point where they were like, he was like, seriously, we can't do this anymore, like we're running out, we don't have anymore. And he'd be like, actually to protect the lever because things have been getting
weird around here. We're having like a security guard here tonight and a security card was like standing in front of it, like real serious, and then he just starts to have a heart attack on air and it's felling down another time like a hawk swooped out and he goes and like hits it and he's like and and so the but the final one that they show that maybe not even the final one. It was one that he was like, we shouldn't be showing this, and we
we had We've been saving this one. We we can't show you or it's been a debate around here whether we should show you, and we're finally I guess we're gonna do it, and he goes cut to the clip and it was before there was a lever, and it's Haley Joel Osmon talking to walkitexas Ranger and he's with like the old man diabetes and they're like, hey, little little Ranger and he's like, it's little uh, you know whatever, I forget what he's like. He's saying, it's like some Indian name they gave him.
It's like, oh, it's a little Navajo chief.
And they're like, okay, little Navajo Chief. And it's in the music. It's really still. And then Haley Josmon is four years old, by the way, and he just goes Walker told me, I have aids.
I've seen that. I've seen that.
They play it all the time. It's so funny. There were just so many great Conan bits. I mean my life.
I mean he changed my life too, Like I truly wanted to work in late nights so bad and show it like Chase Yes, and like even his opening bit, like I I've watched it like a hundred times. H have you ever seen it where it's basically him walking to New York and everyone's like you're not gonna be good as good as Letterman and then like and then like he goes into thirty rock and like the guy in the elevator's like, hey, good luck, You're not gonna
be as good as Letterman. And then it's like two minutes of showtime and he's like perfect, and then he just ties the news and he's like onto a chair and then the theme starts, a song starts playing, and they're like, Conan, you got to get out there, and he's like, all right, I guess this is kuwait. Was the first that you see on a show starring a guy you've never heard of.
Fucking smart of Lord Michael's to pull him from hes. He was nobody to anyone except that kind of crowd, and even within the writing crowd, he was like everyone knew him as a performer, but no one was like this guy's destined for on camera. He was really kind of plucked out of nowhere, at least to his peers. I think even they didn't see it coming.
They did not see it coming.
Like there's this book about the Simpsons writer a writer's room, and he's like, I'm auditioning to be the host of the late night show and then they're all making fun of him, being like that's never going to happen. Oh my god, they thought he was getting like led on, Like wow, they're pranking you.
Conan, He's such a one and like he's just he's the best. Every every time I'm around him, I just can't help but tell him. But I always forget, like all of the things that I like, all of the memories of Like I was even talking about remember Jay Leno used to do headlines, sure, and then Conan would do like fake headlines or like no real headlines. I think it was called actual headline because okay, so this is wild. Okay, So this weekend I remembered this bit
and I was like, we gotta watch. I have to. I was talking to Ari and Anya and Matt about it backstage, and I'm like, it was so because we were talking about Leno doing headlines and how I would look forward to it so much as a kid. It was like my favorite thing in the world. And then I thought I was like talking, we were talking about it, and I go, wait, did you think they like made those up? And then I was like, of course they did.
Like It's like it was like how I remembered Santa, because I was like they were so good, they were so weird. It would be like, you know, like I'm trying to think of things that would happen in but they couldn't keep that up. I'm sure some of them were real, but there's no way they could keep up with the demand of.
Every month day it was every Monday, and it'll be like, you know, like every week they have like.
A long wang wedding.
Yes, yes, every single day, but they have people watching who sent in headlines. I'm sure they got thousands and thousands.
I know, but I'm sure they. So that's what I said out loud, and then I go, actually, oh my god, I think there Like Conan had a parody of it called actual Items, That's what it was. And so he would do the same thing where he would take like, oh,
we got this. He would do the same board where Leno would like kind of like take the board on the edge of the desk, you know, and like have and it would zoom in and he would say the name of the newspaper and when it ran and then it would be just some ad what were the ones this weekend? Like uh, like it would be an outdoor pool and it would you zoom and he goes, this looks nice. As outdoor pool. It's two hundred and ninety nine dollars. It looks like all the kids are having fun.
What I'm really disturbed by is right here and it would zoom and it would just be like this little tagline that says perfect for even the biggest white trash family. Something like that. That would just be so funny.
I thought you were going to say there's another outdoor pool one. Oh my god, it was.
It's the hardest I've ever laughed, Like I truly like, it's my favorite joke ever on TV. Outdoor Pool. Then there was a little faded boy and it's like, this is the pool I died.
So it was. It was so funny. But then I go, wait a second. So then I pulled up a clip of it, and in it, Conan is like mocking Jay Leno so fucking hard with like disdain of like you know Letto does headlines, We do that too, and you know how and Lettos are real. Ours are real too, and Lettos are too, because why wouldn't they be real? That would be a big waste of everyone's time. And he says, right, take him, and I'm like, oh my god, this bit was born of them being like, he's made
his most popular thing. They're writing and it's fake. Let's make like and I trace the feedback a little bit. Yeah, like, I'm not kidding you. There was disdain yeh for what for what Letto was doing commedically, as there should have been if the allegations were true.
If the allegations are of the headlines being fake, I still think that's impressive writing that's still funny, Like the headlines were still funny.
Someone wrote that, all right, well, this is the difference between okay, you can't. It's funnier. It gets so much funnier that it was a random happenstance that that was misspelled in a way that made it pornographic. That is that people are relying on that sense and you're lying. It's mad, yes, but it's mishap but it's you're not telling the truth. And I don't know. It just bothers me for some reason. Yeah, I wouldn't want to write that.
Bothers I can understand.
I loved headlines growing up.
I loved but I liked the fact that they were they were real too.
Actual items is like my favorite piece.
I'm it feels like when I when I went to a birthday party Laura holly'es I know you're listening, in fifth grade and her mom had a psychic there and the psychic told me that I was going to be like an a famous actress or like it told me everything I wanted to hear. And I was just like so fucking happy because there was no indication that was ever gonna happen to me, but it was like my deepest desire. And I was like, oh my god, like,
you know, who knows that this off is real? But she like said that, like I'm going to do it. And then I found out her mom had hired their neighbor to dress up like a gypsy, and like then she called our parents to get reconnaissance on us to then tell us what we wanted to be and what we wanted to hear. And so I.
Crazy, it's crazy.
I was so None of my friends cares. I was like, this is not like I cried. I was like, why would you do this? What is the point of all this? It made me so fucking mad.
Well, you know you're going to be a famous comedian, You're going to host the Golden Globe?
Why would do.
Who was that I bet they're still friends. Kathy, I think her name. I knew Kathy too, and I was like, oh, I like she was wearing like sunglasses and like a show like disguise. She dressed as a gypsy woman and it was in a dark room, all these candles.
But every gypsy woman predicting the future is lying. Yeah, he's authentic, But.
I was in fifth grade. I was, so I just and the same with Santa. I'm just like, I'm not into lies, just for wonderment and for like fun.
Well, I'm personally, I wrote.
Santa, I respect I personally like.
The uh, the old Nordic ancient Jesus, I don't know who.
Wait you're Did you celebrate Christmas at all?
Yeah?
No, I celebrate Christmas.
Did you believe in Santa?
Yeah?
Yeah I did. There was actually I had a fireplace and one I don't remember what happened, but there was a crack in the fire. There's like a little glass panes on the doors, and there was a crack on it. And one day I was like, what's that crack? And he's like, oh, this year Santa busted the glass a little bit. And then for like six seven years, I was like fucking Santa sucked up.
That's the ship that I don't like. Is this like my parents would like chew on carrots, and like there's like effort put into making me look like a fucking.
Idiot came in here and chewed.
Up a bunch of sorry for the Easter Bunny. That was the one that was like he got into the carrots, and I was really like, whoa, he trashed our kitchen, Like what an asshole? I kind of felt the same way like.
That as a parent who has to do this stuff, I don't.
I wouldn't know what to do.
I am biting carrots with my two front teeth to get the more funny.
Well, you want to fill your child with wonder, and then all of his friends at school are gonna be like the Easter Bunny came, and then you you want your kid to be the one that's like, Easter Bunny is not real. You dump fun.
It's starting, it's starting, and I'm watching its seat band because he's like, oh, my friend told me that Santa is not real.
And that's a great way. Friend's a liar. Maybe it's just really bad.
And make him distress his friend who's only telling.
Him, true, your friend does drugs.
But I just wanted to be young forever.
Yeah, I think a little bit of wonder is good early on, and then you know you don't want to dash it. But I think discovering something in that way, but they don't become.
At her conspiracy theory that like turns into thinking, you know, we never landed on the moon.
If you don't believe there are some people who get the wonder and then just grow up with joy and then become like a healthy, happy person.
That's true.
I don't like being misled by the people who love me, even if it's for because Santa doesn't like Yeah, maybe if it means like we have to stay quiet at night to like we have to play a game of like it's quiet and we're in war zone or something, but like, don't make up a man coming into our house and giving me gifts that you bought. Like it's okay for me to know that, and probably I would spoil it for my friends.
But it reminds me of like my my parents and.
The school kids, you can't have friends.
My parents got were separated and then from my bar Mitzvah, they pretended to still be together.
Wow, because they didn't want bad. Yeah, bar mitzvah. They gave me.
I got seven grand I bought a jet ski that I think lost in the tornado. But the uh yeah, no, they're saying you got me babe at my barms.
Oh they hated each other for years before this, and how.
Have they been looking a part?
Uh?
You know, we're not talked.
Probably about six months. So you get that point from what I remember.
At your bars, but you knew they were I was like, what is this?
Wow?
And I'm Jewish from their friends in the community.
Yeah.
Yeah, every family does this, and like there's like a deep shame in the family and then in public everything everyone acts like it's okay. And that fucks with kids. So if you can avoid doing that to your kid, if you're listening.
Yeah, I should have punched my mom at the.
Bar to show or at least talk about hey, because mommy and daddy are separated and it's something that people might think bad about us. We're going to pretend to be together and I'm so sorry we have to play pretend to like talk about what you're doing.
Maybe he's thirteen, I mean he's a man.
Now. You had just become a man, shrouding family shame.
My whole bar mincent was about dealing with like, I'm just trying to get a hand job.
You guys pretending to love each other.
Yeah, I was trying to get a handsobrom By, one of the dancers that was at the party, like an older one, you know, she was like twenty, and I.
Was like, I've never been to it, but it sounds so horny, Like every one of my friend's.
Stories wouldn't have been horny at thirteen. I was still a kid at thirteen. It happens.
No, it's not, No, it happens. Yeah, secret horny.
If anything, it's so funny. You're not horny when you're a man, you know what I mean.
I didn't have pubic care for another two years after becoming a man.
Throw that man.
I think horny Calling a thirteen year old a man, it's a little bit.
It's too it's a game. There's eighteen.
I think eighteen is when you should legally be called a man. But this is like you're dealing with some like year one type stuff.
No, well we don't have your one.
What's your one?
I know nothing. I was talking like, you know, you're twenty four. Yes, we do have a.
Year, but it's not the year one. That year one, and I don't even think it could be a year.
One.
Oh yeah, yeah, I know that I found that out too late. Every anytime people start talking about religious stuff, I get like, really, which is another way of saying horny, but yeah, I get like, I don't know anything about it. Like I it's I feel shame that I don't.
I don't know anything about religion.
Yeah, like I don't know the BA. It's like the way I felt about football for a while.
Yeah, but you can learn just watch the games, yeah, Jesus or something.
Yeah, you'll make three million off of it.
I don't know all the books. I don't know the difference between the Old and the New Testament. I literally don't know what that what happens that splits those two. I know that they exist. I don't know who job is. I don't know who Cana and Able exactly are. I don't know.
I feel like Jeopardy, Like Jeopardy questions, you would.
I just know these names, but I don't know anything.
Literally, kids, you know who Noah's ark?
Yeah, you know Moses, Moses and the Red Sea and the Evan Almighty. But does those I just know like kind of not, like, are there any subjects that you guys feel like deep shame that you don't You're like, pretty I.
Don't feel a shame about it. But I don't know anything really at all about like art.
I don't know anything about presidents, like outside of this center.
That's interesting. Like I'm like, I wish I knew more.
About I wish I knew presidents. I'm just constantly referencing Millard Fillmore.
And every time we go to yeah, name that was a funny era of names. Every time I see you, I'm gonna give you a president fact. Please, time you will learn about presidents. Love it that Howard taft Our fattest president died in a bathtub.
I knew that.
I did know that just because about Millard Fillmore.
What you got Millard Fillmore? A fact about Millard? I don't have a fact about Millard.
Film seems like a seventies pop.
I con wait, how did die in the bath? He drowned?
He was too fat, or he got stuck in a bath.
He got maybe he did die.
Conan is one that gives present facts all the time. He he loves his knowledge, his knowledge in general, just like here's.
A president in fact, did you know that Bill Clinton got his dick sucked?
Wait?
You know what I said the other day? We have to go to break, but before we get a break, do you know what I said? I referenced the other day on set, I was doing a photo shoot and I had a cigar, and I like was naked on a bike for this photo shoot, and so I was like, oh, I just put it up here like because it was like my vagina was right there, and I go and everyone was horri I was like, like Bill Clinton and everyone was like, what knew that reference? I'm like, did you know that Monica put a cigar?
I did not know until you just said it.
Just now, I only knew that president even know what was on the dress.
I had no knowledge of like cam yet at this point in my life, but I knew that she stuck up and I thought it was kind of cool.
I remember, why didn't you put it?
It was kind of nasty and like a cool way. I remember being like, that's gross and kind of like because I've put like weird, like one famously, not famously, but notoriously put a sour patch kid in my giant like a jelly worm or something. My boyfriends came picking Hi up from the airport, and I knew he would finger me right away, Like, so I put his favorite snack in because I would just be so funny for her to be like, why is my.
That's the funniest thing.
He did not think it was funny, And I understand that now, But I think because Chris. I would never do that to Chris because Chris would just be like gross, he doesn't want to combat, Like, but this guy was a little bit grosser. But even he didn't like it. But I think I got that idea from originally Monica being like, you know, like put things up there, they're funny.
Yeah, no, it's so funny. I mean like you is doing that. That's like kinky ash ash ship.
We gotta go to break. I have to reapply my lip gloss because I'm learning from gen z M that She's like, do you put on your lip gloss? It's like gives you an instant boost of confidence, and I'm like, it actually is working. It's like the new nervous thing to do. Like some people have chapstick, some people have do you guys have any nervous habits smoking.
Nails?
Yeah, yeah, it gives you something to do.
For the wedding.
So because they have that photo with your hands and I just have these little stumpy hands, have.
Someone pose in for you for your hands. It'd be funny. It gives a ship about your hands.
Yeah, you would do and no rest.
Friends, Funny you're worried about that hand photo.
Yeah.
How are you feeling ahead of the wedding?
I feel good. I mean, I'm a little nervous.
About with the live class.
I would, but I don't like it and I hate the feeling. It makes me feel like too hot.
Your mom and dad are gonna go to the wedding and tend to be together.
I feel like, have you started your vows? That's what I'm scared about. And I was debating on going to chat GPT about it.
No, No, we're good friends. I'm vain. I know what you think. You don't want to learn to your wedding and be like chat cheap?
Are you? Are you worried about your like friends and family like thinking it's funny? Are you worried about her thinking it's enough in terms of your feelings? Are you feeling. Are you insecure? So just nail that, don't worry about it.
One just said talking from the heart, and like, really.
You're afraid that you're not gonna be able to express.
Well when I got married to her or when I got when I engaged her, Yeah, I can't talk anymore. But I got down on a knee and I go, well, maybe me.
That's how I said it.
I'm not even to be funny anxiety, yeah, and ziety, And I wasn't trying to be funny at the time.
Literally the most earnest thing you could do. And it's so it is so hard. I like, I fucked up mine, all my friends fucked up theirs.
Yeah, I felt I can't imagine doing it sincerely with anything. Like really, it's it's very hard to be the vulnerable, especially like in a park on your knee where your family is like watching, like an.
Actually strangers were watching, which actually was even more vulnerable. I felt like, Yeah, I was like, I don't want anyone to see this, but I want everyone to see it.
But just challenge yourself to be like, say, just write the speech that you think right, exactly what you think she wants to hear. Yeah, yeah, but you don't even say what you want to say. I want, but like also try to nail what she wants to hear and don't worry about anyone else.
Be super earnest, and then just do the Jim Gaffigan voice, like making fun of yourself after yes.
Yeah, it's like hot bockets. I don't know, it's going to.
Be great because it's going to be a mixture of both, and even if it sucks, it'll be great.
And we're not doing it even if it's like, we're not doing it in front.
Of people, I don't know what y'all did. We're doing generic in front and then on the beach the morning of we're doing.
Yeah, just saying this to her. Yeah, oh, that's so sweet that just write a poem.
She hits a mottle, She goes full, full throttle.
He wrote a poem in college that was between us about his mom and the podcast we used to do about his mom's drinking and his friends founded.
And it was like my fraternity in my frale.
She hits the bottle. She went full throttle. Now shes brottles. Yeah, she's on oxygen.
Which sounds like a good song.
Actually, yeah, I know the lyrics were clear song. Yeah, no, I'm very good at A B A B or just simple.
It's so that's not good for because it's just no, you don't want to rhyme in your Brenda.
You are my girl, You're my Workna.
Yeah, it's so like that is my worst fear is like if I in a moment where I thought I was kind of like sweet and then someone like, no, this.
Is the sad part.
I had mono in the frat house and I was listening to Garth Brooks, but not Garth Brooks, his alter ego Chris Chris Gaines.
And it's the saddest.
In a black light writing poetry on the floor because I probably had anchovies in my bed.
And I was chovies whatever it was the nineties.
And also he okay, this is the running theme of like you remember your brother gave you ice cream and it was sour cream but.
You just liked, Yeah, I got him.
What about what they put fish?
Yeah, they put anchovies under my bed for the whole year, my freshman year, and I know idea.
And I was like, man, I am they.
Were just putting them in your bed quietly and slowly, and you never noticed.
Yeah, yeah, under my match.
Was it stinking?
I had no sheets on my bed freshman year. I was completely depressed. It's you know, I actually can't.
Get that, you know what.
It's so sad. I'm sorry for you. But it was funny too.
Oh dude, my clothes.
I was a horrible roommate. Let's not get it twisted. I let all my clothes were on the floor. My buddy at one point packed up all my clothes and he put in the hallway and he threatened the lighted on fire. I was, I was just you know, I I don't know, I was like horrible.
You know, I had a shithead for many years of my life. I get it well because I grew up. I grew up though I was.
I had a bought how to take care of yourself on your own.
Yeah, I had a laundry lady.
I had a you know that it would have been insane, you getting dropped off at college when you had literally never done a load of laundry.
I would throw the long during the laundry room.
I go, laundry's ready the net and throw it and I go, man in the eyes and she's living.
H No, she pretty much we had another later.
Five years a week.
Jeffy was an older black woman who took care of me, taught me how to drive when I was twelve and sing from.
The chest that was her thing.
That's a good tip.
Didn't work, No, I sing horribly.
I like that though, that's I think that is a good tip. What about the when you were wiping the cum?
Which time? Which? Who's gone?
I'm sorry to relive these these moments.
No, no, I love it. I don't talk about it enough.
I think you you guys had to move out of the house and it was revealed like this giant slick that you had created for years of just like dropping loads with your hand, dropping the loads, like underneath on the carpet, like between the wall and the bed frame or what you know.
I had to come yeah, like it's behind the bed.
You know. It wasn't far enough under the bed where I was so lazy. I relate to this, yeah yeah, and it plumped up and then looped up.
This is a liquid. It's supposed to go away.
No, no, come a hardest. It's like come as like paint yellow liquor.
It is absolutely it's a yellow liquid.
That you're still.
Cross it crusts in that very disgusting way.
Like even in water it crush. Yeah, it's I learned that the hard way too.
So why didn't you use a napkin or a sock?
It's too lazy?
Was there was not even a sock.
Or in your sheet? What is this? What are you doctor? When you are when you were in doctor? You're in high school on this situation? Right? What's that? You're in high school? I'm like fourteen? Yeah? Did you not.
Thinking about cleaning this? Thinking about getting the sin out of your bad I just thought about it. I haven't even thought about this until right now. My little brother was in the top bunk, and I think I didn't want to get caught walking with you know, come.
Hand, you've done we've all done that where we cuugh it.
So you didn't want to go like you're a lazy teen You just and you don't think it's going to harden into a thing that you could see?
What did What did it look like? I mean, how many years.
Have come slick like? It looked like a like a mark.
It was like it was it made its own?
Was it like like a full grown four year old?
How many months you look.
Years of it was like it was good two years?
Was build or was it just like a mark like a thing?
It was? It's everything you don't want it to be.
And did you see anyone see.
I've heard no. I think there were.
I think when we moved out of the house, my mom, I can't remember whether or not she had a comm but I feel like in my mind, I.
Bet this is a common thing that mothers deal with.
Of course they just find out that. Well, my dad found my penis pump and he's never mentioned it. I was like in high school.
I was obsessed with finding different loper kids and just seeing what they would do and like to your penis, yes, and it would hurt, like I like ship finding out shampoo stuck it up doesn't work.
One time I used my mom's bronze.
Oh no, I used my mom's bronzer in junior year of high school and I walked in to the high school and my hand was completely orange.
Every one knew it's I couldn't get it off. Why do you rub it.
Out over that the What did you think would happen?
I thought it was but get like orange? You know what? I thought it was body lotion and it was bronze are so my penis and a half which is orange like a week and a half.
Oh my god, there it did it work?
Oh yeah yeah?
The worst thing that's that's when it is the worst. Like you just avoid your palms in your feet because it's there's nothing.
There's no like alcohol or anything that you.
Cannot get it off. You just have to wait. It's like, sharpie, it's.
Straight up racist.
It's so funny.
Did I'm just imagining your dick with a perfect hand grip?
Oh it was horrified because I was just like hiding my hand. And then the first time someone saw it, they were like, did you masturbate with bronca?
Like wait, someone actually said that, yeah your friend?
Uh no, it was a girl in my homeroom.
Wow, so brutal. Wow nail it. Yeah, Like that's was always this. I just wanted to disappear in middle school. In high school when I started noticing that some kids would just like have your number and fucking say it out loud and like in a way that could be so devastating that I would like I there were moments where I was like I would all kill myself if someone reveals this thing. I'm thinking about myself. Like I literally was, like, it will suck that I have to
kill myself. I wouldn't have survived with social media, no fucking way. I used to pray to God so many times that a certain boy wouldn't be there the next day because I wanted to wear some like shoes that if he called out, like I knew he would call them out. He's the only boy that that was that clever to like make fun of like my new style. And I would pray that he wouldn't be there and that he would and I just to go into the nurse's office to like lie and go home because of
just avoiding insults. Final thought like do you did you relate to that at all or did you just I mean.
My freshman year the penis bump, my whole everyone found it, and my whole freshman year, my roommate found my penis bump, and then he called every girl to make it bigger, no smaller. Actually yeah I actually used it. Yeah yeah, cause the hemorrhoid though, which is weird.
It like sucks so hard.
But anyway, so I ended up getting caught by everyone, and I think in comparison.
But all the girls and they he was waiting. He was at his dorm. He had just done a gravity bong hit at someone else's dorm room. He comes back to his dorm room, all the girls from his dorm.
And all the guy every person second week freshman year.
Or with his penis bump.
He walks out and he's like, what the hell? I thought it was a party. I'm like freshman year and he's like, what the is this?
And I was and I was so hot?
Huh two lane and normal for these people, they they're cruel. For college, that's so good college a wedding, but for a dorm to do that, that's just where you never met the guy before.
Yeah, it was your ship or did you have it out like I made a mistake by putting it. No.
I put it like in a drawer and my buddy was looking for a lighter. Usually I would hide it where you had to go through like nine different bags to find it. So I used it for the first time and I put it in the drawer, and then my buddy he said what.
And you're walking around with a bigger dick right now, like, yeah, how well it works?
Yeah, that's the same.
It was decent. You have to clip it after you pump it.
People, Oh, clip your so the blood doesn't leave pumps blood your dicks, and then you have to clamp your dick so that the blood doesn't go back to your body.
And I don't know where I put the clamp useless. I believe it came with a clamp.
I don't think that's that sounds like unhealthy for you to It was the first.
Too.
It looked it looked, oh yeah, because you're dealing with all those Cajun sized dicks.
Compared to well, I met a bunch of football players at Boston College and they were like all six foot five. They were like going to the NFL, and they all had dick pumps. So they were like, it's like bench press.
Before you got that detail of yeah.
So I was like yeah, And I was visiting Boston College, I was like hanging out with all these foot and I was like, I got to get one right when I get home. And I found the one sex shop in my small town called Southern Exposure.
I went, that's because it's still exposure is only a TV show, right. There wasn't another phrase, So that's the only that that's.
I never thought about how witty.
It was back the Northern Exposure, the TV show from the nineties, because you're the exposure. Isn't something on its own right outside.
Of the TV shows other than like light apartments.
Yeah, no, it's going right now to like hung Sheldon.
That was so good. You're so right. You could write for headlines easily, easily. That was perfect.
All right.
Now we're halfway through the podcast and I put the headphones on.
Oh yeah, yeah, well we have the final moment change, so we're back on. Yes, this becomes a more like just self aware auditory moment. You know, you're just like hearing yourself.
Where you clip the thing exactly.
At the base.
At the base, I get to find a vein.
We're going to talk about the headphones.
By the way to the pump, dick pump.
You clip it at the base? Is it like two?
What does the clip look like like a standard clip?
And then when do you show this to a woman? Do you un clamp it? And will there be a climp all night at the bar?
You'd have to pump when you get home, which is a very.
And then you clamp it while you like when there's.
No way to do it.
How long does it take to pump.
She like just on your bed as you're like pumping away.
You want to know something that's crazy. I never did it with a woman crazy.
I honestly just did it to jerk off and not feel like my dick'small.
That would be That would be nice though, probably.
Yeah, it was nice to finally have some meat in my hand.
So it didn't work.
Yeah, my hand could barely.
Okay, you should have sat on your hand so that it felt like someone else.
Was so much.
I sat on someone other guy's dick so then he wouldn't feel my hand.
It is the reverse, like what's it called the stranger?
Yeah, stranger.
You can keep your hand up feeling.
You're just giving a head job and someone else.
It's the dream, that's the dream.
Yeah, I feel like a strangers dick because there was blood in it.
Yeah. Well, the problem with male sex choys is that they're they're big, they're cumbersome because you guys have to like fuck things and women's gonna have a little like.
This is a little Well, we have the flesh.
Colorsomething that has a receptacle in it. You've got to wash it out. Oh you haven't. We had one on not safe. I think it's it's like it's.
Looks like a I had one yours, assume.
No bigger like a mag light yea, yeah yeah.
It kind of looks like a like a wrap gift water bottle you get, yes, totally.
Yeah, I tried to The sex was the blow job one, and it came with a mouth.
This is like a battery operated thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it's very nice.
And did it feel good or is it like a foot massage or kind of thinghere? You're like, it's nice, but I'm like, I use it all the time.
It was better with a real person.
Yeah, You're like, my mouth works better than this.
It's going to actually write my valve. I'm pretty excited. It felt good. It's a little dry, but I like that.
I don't know, was it like a porn star's mouth because I know they do that, because like, yeah, it.
Was Ron Jeremy. It came with the mustache, which I was like, dude, it's not gay though, it's not gay because there's no dick. It's just mouth, right, that's not gay.
It's just a mouth, no, right, yeah right, if you can't see it, If you don't, don't, I know, I can't believe you're getting You're gonna be married in less than a week.
Yeah, I'll have a ring on my finger.
WHI this will be a three husband podcast when we all get together. I just realized you guys are all married.
Critical to get married.
Yeah, I'm I'm open to it. I think it's fun because you know you can get divorced, and that makes me feel I guess you can get divorced, and I love. If I were to marry Chris, I would not want to get a divorce, but because you can, I am more I would be more likely too. I would literally never get married if you couldn't get a divorce ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, I can't. Do you think people.
Would, I don't think so.
But people have kids, and you can't divorce those. They divorce you child actors in the nineties. But but but no, do you think that.
If people would, if you were locked in and you're illegal.
And you could, you will never be able to.
I mean, I think a lot of women would get trapped in marriages, just like in the olden days.
Yeah, okay, and men in the olden days, it was like you would be forced to marry and then it would be so shameful and societally forbidden to divorce that you would just be trapped.
Right, And people will get married all the time though, because there was nothing else to do. But now do you think they were trapped? Would that still happen because there's more to do for women and men.
I can see some people being like, even though it's illegal to divorce, you need to prove to me that you're committed and get married and force it.
It really isn't that. Like it's a cool thing to do. And I like the party, and I like the ceremony, and I like saying how you feel about each other and establishing like we're doing this now, and if we want to stop doing it, it's going to be very inconvenient, but it isn't impossible. And if that's why I am impressed when people just when they don't do prenups. I think that's kind of as close as we can get.
We're not doing it.
I don't have a prenup either.
I don't have a prenup. I just don't expect to make that much money, ye.
Wife, Okay, well then maybe it was smart in your case.
I know.
Yeah, yeah, all of our parents were in loveless marriages to the very end. So we just are assuming that is worst case scenario and best case scenario as.
We love each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, because that's that's true. But I feel like, and I even with a prenup, I'm not someone who's like I want all my money and I'm gonna fuck you over. Like I even even told Chris, like, if we get married, yes we will have something in place, but I'm never like, if we decide to get married and do this, I know that you're gonna sacrifice so much to have us be successful with my career, and so I'll fucking take care of you if we decided
to call it quits. You know, I got you like, I'll do it. I'll do it. You would not, no one would get screwed marrying me.
Yeah.
I don't like those when they're like I'm gonna leave with fucking nothing. And it's like I have a whole new bit right now where I'm convincing women to let their husbands go to prostitutes. It's my new mission to be like, if you're not doing it, let them go. It's not a threat to you. And I'm I think I'm going to prove a point in a way that might get people to be like, she's kind of right.
Maybe there might be a portion of the audience that then changes their mind.
I honestly think I will say this weekend, after I did a joke about male babysitters being pedophiles, there was someone after the show, I did a meet and greet and someone said, you changed a guy's life in the bathroom because we're at the journals, And he was like, I got a mail babysitter to night. I'm fucking I'm like scared now, And I'm like, yes, And I didn't do the part of the bit that I'm glad I didn't. That is devastating. The whay I go like, you don't
have to go home. I'm not going to say the joke, but but I didn't mean to scare that guy that way. But also, he'll never his kids are going to be way safer now.
Talking about like one a month, have however much he.
Wants to come and in a safe way, that is not going to give you an infection?
Are you working on your vows right now?
That's our show.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you Sean O'Connor.
Thank you, Andrew Colin. Yeah, no change, same vibe. Brian Frangie, Noah, Sorry that we didn't get to talk to you today, but you were here in spirit and I loved watching you laugh over there. Thanks Messi's we'll have one episode this week. Is that okay to tell them?
Yeah?
Yes, Sorry, I just have a huge busy week. I'm doing promo shoot for the Golden Globes, so you start seeing those commercials and I didn't have time to do too. But You've gotten a couple of weeks of three and so I feel like I deserved this break, even though I don't love it. So I'm so sorry. But check out my tour, come see meet lots more tournades. Just add in Nicky glazer dot com slash tour. I'll see you out there, and we'll see you next week on
the show. Bye, don't be kid Ye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by Me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior.
Edited.
It engineered by Lean and loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Niki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel