The Nicki Glaser Podcast Glaser Po. Here's Nikki.
Hello, here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicki Glazer Podcast. It's Thursday for you. I'm in New York City at a photo shoot all day. That's not where I am now because it's not Thursday, but Thursday. That's where I will travel. This is time travel, it really is. Podcasting is time travel. But that's what I'm doing right now. If you're listening to this on Thursday, I'm on set all day feeling awkward.
Are you taking photos for.
It's a magazine?
I don't know if I can even say that I'm doing, But it's an it's a magazine that is you would you would recognize the the name of it?
Are you doing at the interview?
Yes, I'm doing an interview for this magazine and it also comes with a photos.
Wait, I get it. I know what it is. I can guess, but is that allowed?
No?
No guessing?
Yes? Is it highlights? I wish you remember Highlights?
Oh? Yeah?
I mean what where where would highlights be without that game on the back cover?
What was the game on the back cover?
I don't remember. I think it was a fine search the search.
Thing yeah, yeah, I love Disney Magazine. Oh I never remember little they were little Disney Adventures. Of course, yes they're little, and they were like your first foray into like an entertainment magazine for a child.
I do you remember.
I got Entertainment magazine at a very young age, probably sixth or seventh grade. I was obsessed with Entertainment magazine. And I got a call, uh asking me to do a survey about my experience as someone who subscribed to Entertainment magazine. And they were interviewing a seventh grader and they asked me, what features do you want more of? And I said, celebrities like out and about in their normal lives. We want we want more like red, like the car, not the red carpet stuff, but more like
them walking like I was on top of what. Yes, I want are just like us. I want us US magazine like. I want celebrities to be taken down and stalked. I don't want them to be applauded and in these fake scenarios where they always seem perfect.
I want the real dirt. I want to feel.
Connected to my celebrity that I could maybe be one someday.
I connected that that undercurrent of calling it us Weekly is trying to like take these celebrities and bring them down into they're just us because at the whole point of the magazine is to show them.
Yeah, to continue our conversation from the last episode, this like celebrities are like when you're in the same room as a celebrity, a shiny person, it is nice to remind yourself they're just they like took a dump today, and they only are just talented at a thing that makes people money. That's the only thing that makes them special. Otherwise they're really the same.
I will disagree, huh, really disagree finger only because they are not like us, Because I do feel like when they get to that celebrity status, their whole perception of reality is like completely different. And it's what we were talking about where everyone's nice to them. They never have to really lift a finger. They get stuff for free.
Yes, you have a support staff around you, yea, which is not you.
Look amazing all the time all the time. I've never not looked amazing to everyone who works for me. I always look like sometimes it'll be like maybe.
Not those boots, but.
Like that's the most criticism I'll ever get from someone.
Who is on my payroll.
Maybe not those boots.
That's pretty harsh, and I cry and I fire them immediately because I go, what do you mean not these boots?
I am wearing them, thus they must be perfect.
No.
And that's why I appreciate people.
Like Emily gen z m working for me, because she we have such a good friendship that I honestly, even though she does look up to me, she does work for me. She's been able to be like, girl, let's not do that. Like we're like, you're better than that, like her old stances, You're better than that.
So it's a compliment.
We're also been established that she's a huge fan of you. It's like if that, if you didn't have that foundation of respect, she's a judgment.
Would she wants you to succeed?
She yes, absolutely so today I actually sent her. We posted new tour dates, new tour dates up right now tons new Morelauderdale like, lots and lots of dates added and more dates are coming. And I got so many messages from comedians that are jealous of my tour schedule.
It was so funny.
I woke up from a nap and during that nap, my tour schedule got posted, and I got dms and messages from comedians who are big that are like, I'm so jealous of your tor sked and I'm like, I don't have a light, like I understand looking at at my torch schedule being like, wow, she's killing it because I am. But I that is that is so much work and I don't have a life when that's going on, and everyone needs to remember that. But it was just
interesting to me. I was just like, then, you guys, go do this.
Like I didn't.
I literally didn't do anything to get it. I just said yes to everything, like I wasn't like I.
Want to go here, and I want to go here, and.
This is what I'm gonna do, Like I'm not a type of person that like has goals like that of like and then we're gonna go there and we're like, it's just that's just you just say yes. So I was kind of perplexed at this, like what the fuck.
You have so many dates? How are you doing this?
And it was like I don't, I don't know. The demand is high. That's me being not modest. I don't know. I guess people just love me. That's not at all what I'm saying. But I just the people that wrote me have more demand than I do. And I was like, you, but you chose to have a family that you need to be there for. I don't have that. I literally wrote to this person, I go, but you have dozens and dozens of millions of more dollars than I do, so you deserve time off.
I don't have that luxury. The world is ending.
I need to figure out a plan for when entertainment stops and I.
Which is probably pretty soon, honestly, five.
I'm not kidding you.
I think it's it's the next five to ten years. I'm saying yes to everything I am. It's a cash grab for me. Not because I want new go yard bags, Emily, It's because I want go bags to stuff with flares and flint and jerky and other and gauze other survivals things.
You're the most important water waterfiltration, water filtration number one in an apocalypse situation that we worth see.
Just kidding, of course, it is. Yes, you're right, Yeah, after three days you die with no water.
And what's the tablets that you can take and kill yourself with?
Well, some guy might come in the most important part of the most.
Important thing is a gun, because you can just shoot the person with the water filtration thing and take it.
Oh, and that will be happening a lot.
And I, unlike Kamala Harris, would not know what to do with a glock and have no desire to.
I would rather be shot than shoot somebody.
Not as much as I get that water. What they've done studies about this about people assume like I study a lot, I watch a lot of zombie movies because I love zombie movies. And there is like this new era of zombie movies where as soon as the apocalypse happens, everyone just starts killing each other and the world becomes roving gangs of criminals.
But it's actually we could we get together and we like help each other.
Exactly historically until things really fall apart, like and it's been months and months and months, the only people who survive are the ones who are criminals. At the beginning of every crisis, everyone is nicer to each other. Like think about New York City nine the day after nine to eleven, people weren't like running around looting. They were like, there was the nicest time ever in New York twelve.
Right, Yeah, we.
Need another one of those. No, that's what I'm saying. But it did create even like you know, the natural disasters that are going on, like people come together.
It's it really is sweet and it's it's sorry that it takes that. But yeah, that's that's my point of working. Sort.
I'm just I want to coast at some point, or I just want to I just want to get as much as possible.
You need to get a compound.
I just can't buy a three thousand dollars bag. I'm not gonna do it, Emily, I don't care what you say. I literally can't do it.
Am I to think about that go outer bag.
When I'm trying to cut it up and eat it and be like, can I eat this leather during the apocalypse, I'll be so mad at this expensive dyed leather that I can't eat.
Would you say no, so am I? He's encouraging you to buy a designer bag.
Yeah, because it's just a good statement piece. It looks chic, it's it's a good looking purse. But to me, it is just a way to let people know that you have money. And I know that there's a lot of stuff like that, but like that's why in France no one wears labels, like Louis Vuitton is a French company, and no one in France. I don't want to say no one, but I've heard French people who are no fashion do not wear labels because they.
Think it's tacky.
It's tacky. America love showing off their wealth. Yeah, I mean yeah, that's also gas Pard. I don't know what that means. Actually that's just a name. Well it's a cool name, but it feels like uniquely American, or at least we established this that like you need to show off the brands. If you just show off, you have to have a fancy card just to show people you
have a lot of money. In fact, it bleeds down to even like inexpensive things, like things that are branded to seem expensive when they're not even like this is not that expensive, but it's branded like it's a fancy car, and so people poor people, not poor, but middle class people buy lexuses to be like, look I have money.
Man.
You just reminded me.
I got asked to do a voiceover audition for a luxury car company, and I really want to do it.
Where is it? When is it. Do Jesus please corrut God.
A luxury car company. Can we guess?
Is it you always want to kiss?
I want to know what it is.
I mean, it's it's it's it's it's high times. When would this be due? Is it a car that you would drive?
Has it been a has it been in a?
Is it Thursday October tenth?
Yet?
No?
This podcast?
It is?
But not in time? Okay?
Sweet? A couple of days back and and learn how to talk about a car like it's a fucking uh you know, van go pain you're basically on literally yes, like it is a newborn child I just birthed, And is it is the second coming of Christ? That this new suv hybrid that's literally the tone is so funny. But I'm like, oh, you know what, I'm gonna do this voiceover, like the joke version of this, Like that's the way it's because.
All that is is sincerity.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're all so allergic to sincerity that we can't even imagine doing it that even the.
Serious Can I tell you, like the the the kind of notes they give for this.
Sure, is this going to compromise the job?
No? I wouldn't do that.
Tone of the spot is playful and Rye. I like Rye. I like that.
Most people probably have to google that word. And then the there's another one. Tone of the spot is assertive and proud. Tone of the spot is proud. But this is a good one. These are so each spot has a different tone, and there's like a script and it's you know, the script is like a couple of sentences. So the first one playful and Rye. Okay, let me do playful and Rye. Give me a sentence The fox jumped over the lazy dog? Is that the one that people type in that? Okay, this is playful and ride
the fuck? Wait, the fox jumped over the lazy dog. Okay, that's playful and Rye.
In this spot, is it supposed to be like you as Nikki Glazer or is it supposed to be just like your auditioning.
It's supposed to be I mean, obviously they they ask for me to auditions, so I think it's one of those things where they want a celebrity's voice where people go, I recognize that voice. I respect that voice. Who is that? Was that John Hamm?
Was that that guy from us?
And L like the Buffalo Wild wings. Buffalo is what's his name? From SNL and you recognize it? You go, I know this voice, but what is it?
It's just.
Okay, assertive and proud. The fox jumped over the lazy dog. I'm like, proud of the fox. Okay, and then next one is proud but not over the top. The fox jumped over the lazy dog.
Oh I like it.
Well, they're all you, they're all different. Thank you so much, Thank you so much. I don't know what I'm doing. It's a crapshoot. I love voice it on makeup, but that'll be fun, I got. I'm so glad you brought that up. Like luxury cars though, Yeah, this driving the Mercedes that I drive, I feel like I told you, I feel like I get more respect everywhere I go.
Yeah, I'm so old that your other car was. You weren't getting respect with your other car because it was like a shockingly crappy car.
But it okay, here's the thing. It worked.
It was safe, it never broke down, so no one should be judging me for it. Like if it's you shouldn't think I'm a better person because I drive an expensive car, and I don't.
Think anyone was judging you, but because it was oh, f car, it wasn't like like your choice, like your.
No, I understand taste.
Yeah, if you want to. Yeah, if you were writing a scene in a movie where you wanted to introduce like an interesting moment for a character who has a lot of money, but you wanted to make it interesting, you'd have them come out of a car like that. Yeah, you're like, what's going on with this person?
Yeah?
That's I liked being that person for a while, and I'm still that person. I still dress like that, and I'm not getting a go yard bag.
I'll get a fake go yard bag. Sign me up.
I don't care, but I'm not spending three thousand dollars on a handbag people know is three thousand dollars.
Because that is the only reason you get is so that someone.
Goes, ooh, she has three thousand dollars to spend, she must be better than me, and I want to be friends with her, because when people want to be friends with you because you have money, disgusting, and everyone who has money needs to look into their life and make sure like That's why I really liked this weekend. I was in Kansas City and around Travis Kelcey's like group of people and everyone in his life like everyone I
met has known Travis for like twelve years. And I'm like good guy, alert, right, like wholesome keeping, like I love when I meet celebrities who they're entourage is a bunch of people that are not that that were there in the beginning. And it doesn't always have to me that way. It's not like no new friends, but it's just it says a lot about someone. And that's why I keep mine around so people think I'm humble.
My strategic.
Friends monthly to stay around.
I know.
I had a great weekend in Kansas City with I went to see Kirston and I also started comedy in Kansas City. I went to KU like Kansas City. I've lived there a lot. I lost my virginity in downtown camp I to a guy who will you know, uh, will remain nameless. I I auditioned for last Comic Standing out of Kansas in Chicago, but with uh, you know, I got on TV for the first time I.
Was in Kansas City.
I yeah, I fell in love for the first time in Kansas City.
A lot of things.
Happened in Kansas City, and I love it, and going back is awesome, and that city fucking rules. It's so good because you compare it to Saint Louis because it's like on the other side of Missouri. If you don't know, if you, if you, if you folded Missouri in half, Kansas City and Missouri would kiss because they're literally on the opposite sides, same like, same latitude.
I guess, so Kansas City is superior to.
Dude, no offense, Saint Louis. I'm so sorry.
But like even Chris, who is like the biggest Saint Louis fan, was like, I go, babe, it's not even a competition. Kansas City fucking nails it. They've got all these cool districts, all these like there's just their stadium is amazing. They have an opera house that I saw that was incredible. They have the plaza they have I mean, I just it's just the airport is gorgeous. They have a baseball team and a football team that are both the Royals or did well.
Last night in the playoffs.
I was at the Chiefs game and during the Chiefs game, they started screaming for no reason, and I go, what's happening? And it was because the Royals had just won a game, and it's like this town just.
Because I want to go to Kansas City, the.
Royals famously royal. I don't think the Royals have ever won.
Yes they did.
They won the World Series ten years ago.
Oh god, really, Yeah, and that's when the city kind of, like at least I've heard, kind of turned around and really became what it is today.
But it is thry thing and and.
Yeah, I went to my first Chiefs home gowns the Chiefs game last week.
And it was so fun.
And I love understanding football now, I fuck like, you get it. Do you know what it feels like? I told Chris, I was like, it feels like And I did post something in my story where something happened on the field and I turned to Chris and I go, what just happened? And it was a very obvious tackle, and I was being funny.
I knew what was happening.
I understand football probably four hundred percent more than I ever did. I used to watch I don't even know what I did at football games. I understood literally none of it, which, by the way, in the show, nobody wants this. They also talk about how they don't know anything. No, no, no, sorry, it wasn't that. Jackie Tone and Chris and Bell are best friends. They're both on the show, but they're best
friends in real life. And they were doing an interview about like what would be the worst Jeopardy category, and Chris and Bell said sports and they both were like, we don't know football at all at all. And it made me feel so good. But I'm not with them any more. Girls, Sorry, I left you behind. I understand it now.
Didn't dat that long.
It did for me. I gotta say Brian.
For me as someone who when I try, I kind of kind of get things pretty quickly, it was. It was a struggle. It was like learning a new language. And I am still in like Spanish two on it, but I can. I can figure some stuff out. But I will say I learned yesterday. If the ball hits the ground, it's done. I thought it could bounce and then someone could catch it and run. You know, there's little things that pop up that are like very well known that I'm like, oh I did I still didn't know that?
Right? That's true in rugby, though, it's another confusing Okay, big hit the ground, you can still keep moving.
But I loved it. It's like you know, you know when you realize.
I remember looking at my mom's cursive handwriting and going like when I before I could read, and going, what is that?
Like what?
I don't know what it is. I like the look of it, but I don't know what it is. And then one day you learn and it all of a sudden you can read it. And that's how football felt to me. It was like this thing that I could look at and it was pretty to look at or interesting, but there was no comprehension. It really felt like I just learn to read and all and all of a sudden, I'm like understanding most of what's happening.
It was like it was so fucking fun to like no wind to.
Cheer, and I like, I know last week I said I wasn't really sure winded cheer. I am like locked into wind to cheer.
I get it.
Now. Here's the only thing I can't. When you are watching a game on the field and Brian you can talk to this, you don't really know sometimes if they've made first down because it's like right on the edge and you can the angle you're watching from on the field can it can be hard to see if the even we were like right next to the field goal, parallel with it, so we couldn't tell.
To me, it looked like they made.
Every field goal right.
You were in the area, yes, yes, which is awesome when something cool happened down there, I think ideal area, but like when anything was happening on the other side of the field, I just I really couldn't understand it. But boy, it was so much fun. And Chiefs fans are wild. They do a chant that I couldn't really join it on because I don't know if it's I'm gonna be canceled if I'm photographed doing it, But that
is beside the point. I don't know if they're not they're definitely not encouraging them to do the tomahawk chop, but it's not being there's no like, you know, sign being like tomahawk chop, but there's no like, we're not doing this anymore. Everyone ring the chant.
They're one of the few teams that just kind of maintain their Native American status without anyone questioning it at all. Yeah, because their logo is an arrowhead, it's not a head, it's not literal, and their mascot.
Is a gay wolf, is a androgyis it's not even gay, he's like a sexual and he's like the guy that's furry. Yeah, he's like a furry. It's a really strange mascot. And so yes, but I did see a white man in a full Indian headdress and was like, oh, it's nice to be back in two thousand and four the last time that was okay to do. I was just like, it almost felt uh yeah. And then if you pause everyone doing the tomahawk shop at the right time and everyone's doing it simultaneously.
Back to nineteen forty two.
Yeah, it was. I kept trying to get it to show Chris to be like, look at this, look at this group of people.
All just lest white, mostly white.
But it was.
It was so fun And maybe more on that after the break.
After this.
Giha Stadium is where so I heard Joe say g e h a he likes spent. What they're calling it, yeah, they they that's what I heard last night is g e h a h.
But it is.
Beha gay ha yeah gay buck. Fun fact about Joe Buck. He went to Indiana University and he's a Hoosiers fan, and I went to Indiana University. I really didn't know that until last night because during the broad cast, Troy Aikman said that he's excited to see the Hoosiers because the Indiana football Hoosiers are six and oh, which that's the first time I think they've ever been six to oh. They're actually good, they're ranked. It's it's a miracle. They've
never been good at football. And Joe Buck and Troy Aikman gave him a shout out last night during the broadcast because Joe Buck's in Indiana Hoosier.
Well, Joe Buck is a friend of mine, as you may or may not know, and he he's the guy that gave me my sorry, I'm having acid reflex. I might need Joe Buck again because he gave me my throat surgeon. He hooked me up with doctor ze Tells, who you know. Joe had a hair transplant and had like a tube down his throat during the procedure and it damaged his vocal cord. I remember this, and so doctor ze Tell's uh was the one that remedied it.
And then Joe Buck also, I recently wrote him because whenever I'm in sant you know, in Saint Louis.
If you want the best of something.
Like, it's hard to like the coasts get people that are like, I'm the best at what I do. I'm gonna go to the coast to make the most money doing this thing. And then I think a lot of times in the Midwest, yeah, it's like, be good. There are great, great talented people in the Midwest. I e myself that have stayed, but they're harder to find. So I just go to Joe Buck and I go, hey, who's a good makeup person, who's.
A good stylist. Who have you used?
Who's a good bodywork guy? So he sent my mom to a nice body work specialist.
But Joe Buck is one of the nicest guys. I love him so much.
He's so funny, and uh yeah, I love hearing him on Monday night football.
His voice is soothing to me.
He uh, he's He's one of my favorites.
And and uh, so you watched the game last night?
Of course? Yeah, I watched all the games.
Did you enjoy it? Were you? Did you any good moments for you? While I talk about the game.
I don't know if you noticed, but I saw the game and I could talk about This is the first time I've ever been to be like I could talk about plays and stuff.
I put a ladder on Rashid Shahid, which a ladder is a betting term where you can bet that you placed like many different bets climbing a ladder of stats. So, for example, for Rashid Shihid, the stats started at forty seven receiving yards. He places a bet that'll hit forty seven receiving yards, and you place another bet they'll get fifty seven, then another one that'll get sixty seven, then
another one that'll get seventy seven. So if he keeps doing amazingly well, you just keep winning over and over and over again.
M hm.
So I did that, and okay, did amazingly well.
I didn't even hear his name even once or notice that he did anything, so maybe I can't talk about it.
He caught that touchdown pass, that long touchdown pass that he's on the side that was exciting. He caught that long touchdown pass.
That was pretty impressive. It is It's very interesting, you know, Like I know this is dumb observation to a dumb observation to make, but like the Saints obviously were maybe one percent of the crowd two percent of the crowd.
Yeah, well he can't beat out that she fans.
I mean, no, no, no, there, it's insane.
But so the Saints would do like something amazing, right that if the Chiefs did it the place, the fireworks would go off. But then the Saints do it and it's dead silent, and I'm like, but can't I still want to celebrate the feat of athleticism I just saw even as a Chiefs fan. Is that a weird impulse to have that? Like when the other team does something that you're just still you still want to be like, well, good job, well that.
Was I know it's particularly amazing, like some one handed catch or something, but like most of you just anger, Okay, how did he let how did your defense let him do that? How is he? Like it's almost like disbelief, like I can't believe he caught them?
Okay, football question?
Do you when you're rooting for a team, isn't it less exciting when they are playing defense?
Or is it equally exciting?
And I'm just missing something because for me, I'm like, I just want to get points.
I think for most people they would say it's offense is more exciting.
Okay, yeah, okay, good, But if.
You're winning and you just need to like dominate the other team and not let them score, it's kind of exciting. But so here's the most interesting thing that happened in the game last night and Taylor Swift related. So do you remember the Saint the big fat defenses?
I love this details.
Little detail. So a guy like that never ever touches the football like that and gets to run with it. And so he caught a deflected interception. He ran down the field. It was like tipped, like someone hit someone's hand and then flew up in the air and then laying it in his lap. That guy, First of all, he used to be a Chief.
He used to be a Chief, that's right.
But second of all, do you want to play?
Second of all, he is the brother of Tom Saunders, who is Taylor Swift's probably most iconic.
Dancer on Ara's tour.
Yeah, and Tom or Cam I believe it's com is from Saint Louis.
Wow, I didn't know that, which.
Is also cool.
But so Tom is brothers with the guy that used to play on the Chiefs that the Chiefs are now playing. So Tom was there at the game and that was so cool, and his brother had like ran the ball as a defense.
He's a defensive guy. He never touches the ball. Apparently in high school he played running back also, so he was actually a great as fuck. Yeah, so he carried the ball. Troy Aikman was celebrating how good he was at actually holding the ball, because as a defensive player, you're not known to be able to hold the ball. Usually you play defense because you can't catch and you can't carry the ball. But you're fast and you're.
Oh, they're like me with a baby.
It's just a little bit awkward, don't know what to do with it. And people comment if you're good at it at all.
Right, you're better at defense on when it comes to baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I turned Chris on at one point because there was a whistle blown right before the play and he goes, what is that?
I go fall start and he was just like.
Oh yeah, And I didn't think that was that impressive because I just know that if the whistle's blown before anything happens, it's always a false start.
I've just like picked up Okay, I A I have a real hack for you. This is this is a real hack. I don't even want to say it because I feel like I impress people with this sometimes and now they're gonna know my secret. Okay, okay, but this is not It's not some it's a well known secret. You can tell fifty percent of the time what penalty is about to be called by the refs based on
where the flag was thrown. Okay, so if the flag was thrown, like if you you start the line of scrimmage where the ball starts, and then if you go thirty yards down, if a flag is thrown thirty yards down, nine times out of ten, that's going to be past interference. So because just because of where the.
Flag was, I'm sorry, isn't the idea of football to interfere with a pass?
Why is that a penalty? I don't even.
Interfere with the past, but not with the person trying to cat the past.
Oh so it just means say, like, then what's holding? Is that a type of pass interference?
Yes, it can be, and that could also be defensive or offensive.
This is always an answer to football. It can be like, oh god, is it just yes or no? Well oftentimes but not always.
So watch for where that flag is thrown, flag is thrown behind the line of scrimmage, it's almost always holding.
Okay.
If the flag is thrown right at the line of scrimmage, it's usually a false start. If the flag is thrown and it lands. If the flag is thrown after the play ends and it's somewhere that the cameras weren't even seen, it's almost always a personal foul for like doing something like punching someone in the face or something like So if you just watch, start watching where the flags are thrown.
Throwing a flag on this conversation, okay, but I get what you're saying.
Start watching where and.
Where the penalty is, and you'll you'll know, you'll start to be able to say what the penalty is before the ref says it.
It's so fun.
I just, you know, I think I'm sorry to talk about football so much, but I hope that besties can relate, and I hope that everyone out there kind of forces yourself to maybe get into something that you were always really like. I don't it's not for me, but you had a kind of like people in your life like it, but you always sit out the conversations, force yourself to try to get it because when you do. And it took me literally a year, you guys, it's been a year of trying to understand football.
Chris bought me a board with the Magnets.
I've been watching YouTube videos and it's been slow, but it's finally here. And I had a fucking blast at this game understanding, not even needing to, Like, I have never once stood at a football game and wanted to. I only did it because everyone else was. I've never once given a fuck about anything that happens at a football game because I don't care. I do, I'm not rooting for a team. And it was so it's just so exciting to care about something and it really is. I really implore people to like.
Open your minds and it really Oh.
I was talking to a woman yesterday who is a talent manager shout out to Jen. I met her and she was a woman definitely older than me. I don't know how old she was. Yeah, she like it works with talent, talent, bookting, talent stuff. And she was talking about, Oh, I've always wanted to do this thing and entertainment agent. She's like, I think it would be a good agent and I go do it. And she's like, ah, I'm too old, and I go, here's the thing about this
old thing. You're never too old. All you need really is the passion of a young person and the energy of a young person, which you probably lack if you're in your sixties and you want to start something new. But you know what gives you energy is passion. You can get the same passion that like a kind of reluctant twenty something entering into a business has.
If you really find a way to love it.
And that's what can if that's what makes it so you can start something new, because it's so hard to start new.
Things when you're this old.
Like now at forty, I'm just like, I don't want to learn tennis. But it's like I got twenty five more years of playing good tennis without really injuring myself if I learned, And how good could I get in twenty five years, I'll never find out because I didn't get a tennis court in my backyard and.
I refuse to learn in front of other people.
But well, the secret to all of this is that it's always manufactured. Like there are some people who like have been passionate about something since they were a little kid, but it was manufactured at some point. It didn't come from nothing. It's not just intrinsic in your soul that you're passionate for something, because ultimately I got that. Well,
ultimately everything nothing matters. Nothing that you do matters. Yeah, when the day you die, you're going to look back and be like, oh, I was good at tennis for twenty years. That doesn't matter. So everything you do needs to be forced. At some point, you need to force to care.
And then my position is having an open mind.
You need to have an open mind, but caring. It's about It's about being passionate and caring about things that intrinsically do not It's like nerd nerd culture almost, It's like, how could it? Why does someone care so much about Star Trek? And it's like, because fucking nothing matters.
Right, But also, I you know what you know, what people also need is people who do care about things that they have a lot of knowledge about that ever other people are behind on. They need to be very welcoming to people who don't know and not judgemental because I found that that's why I like gen Z. They don't seem to judge me. For being interested in learning their ways and not being like she's old and she's trying to look young, because that's not what I'm doing.
I'm just trying to my mind young.
Yes, honestly, yes, And I haven't felt any judgment of it, which would have been my initial reaction. And of like, ew, Nikki's trying to be young or like understand are like what Riz means because she wants to use it, so people think she's young.
I just think it's cool.
I think you guys are cool, and I like that the way you talk, and I think that football. I've had a lot of compassion from people helping me understand the game, and I think that that's what turns people off, is because they just don't want to look stupid. But I was going to go to some kind of class.
Oh.
I wanted to like maybe join like a flag football team. But I just like, how are there enough people like me at forty who are women who don't know anything about who've never played because I don't want to play with girls that are really competitive and good at sports.
Yeah, it depends you and I who like loved I played basketball for years and years and years. I couldn't join like a Zog Sports because the people are way too competitive.
Yeah, we need a different rung. There needs to be a forty people who are want to cancel most of the time, right.
There needs to be a forty plus half cancel half not cancel league where people are like, I'm just here to have like a nice time and get some exercise. I don't need to win the game to prove that I have worth.
Dude, I like did a workout with Curson this weekend. She's a you know, trainer, and she just showed me some stuff and I'm in pretty fucking good. I'm probably in the best shape of my life because I do this plank class every day. It's I thought I was getting a full body workout and that is not the case. I am so goddamn sore from the stuff she's teaching me to do, and I'm I'm like, oh no, I have to start doing other stuff. Now.
I have to do like deadlifts and cross training.
I have to cross train, and it's my body is so sore and I work out every day. I was so depressed at how sore I got, and it was a it was eye opening that, uh, I have to do it. But I think that that's That's another thing, like people getting in shape. This plank class I go to shout out love you, it's called lagree that that's not the name of it. That's like the kind of workout I do, and I'm truly obsessed with it. Don't walk in there as a novice. You're not gonna have
a good time. Like I had to go learn pilates one on one from people to get fit enough to even walk in this class. Because I sometimes I see a beginner walk in this class and I go, this is not fair.
She's never gonna come back. This is so overwhelming.
I would have a panic attack if I were her, because I could see that she's doesn't know what she's doing. She's definitely can't do a plank hold, and they give modifications. But like I, it's it sucks that to even work out at places that most people are going, you have to like train before you go there. That's how I feel about so many things, is that there's not enough beginner stuff for adults, Like real beginner we gotta get Like if you don't get it in early, you're kind
of lost. Sure, but that's what duolingos for. I guess to get you ready.
You know what I think is like one of the most welcoming exercise situations. And this is coming from an outsider. I don't know this for sure, but rock climbing gyms, I feel like they want you in there, Like they just want you in there.
They just want to talk to someone.
They're all like high but also caffeinated, chatty. They want to like blay you. They want to teach you about the carabiners.
Yeah, they're they're real.
That does seem like a warm, welcoming community, which to me would be an extremely intimidating thing to go in and start doing. Yeah, but that does see, they do seem friendly.
I wouldn't want to do it because I don't want friends. Like I want to just go work out alone, listen to angry music, and then leave. I don't want to have to like socialize every time I go to the gym.
In a gym, yeah, I heard a really funny bit. Joe Zimmerman has a is one of my favorite comedians, and he has a special out right now on YouTube and it's so funny. You guys, Joe Zimmerman. If you want a good new stand up special, but one of the jokes that I'm just like, I can't believe this, Like, you know, when you come across the joke, you're like, why didn't I think of that? It's like right there,
why hasn't everyone thought of it? But he's like, as a kid, all you do want to do is play, and the worst thing is when like you get called in for dinner because you're like, I gotta go eat.
I want to play.
And like then the other worst thing as a kid is bedtime. You're like, I don't want to go to bed. I want to play. And then you become an adult and that's literally all you want to do, Like your whole life revolves around the two things. As a kid, you were trying to avoid the most so you could play. And then when you get together with friends to quote unquote play, there's no play anymore. You get together to go eat, you're like, let's go do the eating thing.
Wow.
Or you sit around with your friend and you watch a football game and you watch other boys play.
Wow.
And it was just such a great Joe Zimmerman amaze. That bit like floored me because it was just so it came around and like it proved a thesis and it was just one of those that you're like, damn, that's so true. But and then he just said, you know, like going to school, and I've heard people talk about like running the mile in your street clothes and then you have to go learn math and stuff like that.
But he has a great bit about that where it's like you would have you would eat spaghetti and milk and then they'd go like go to recess, now go run around on a parking lot.
That was so funny.
I had a great time watching comedy this weekend. I would to see Andrew Santino.
He was in Can another read comedia.
Yes is Josian Redhead? I thought, so, oh, he doesn't strike me as one? He seems so it was a joke. I love redheads, so he's definitely a red headed.
He's a little ready redhead.
No, Joe, if you're listening, you don't strike me as one.
By the way, Joe, one time we were we like used to we were like friends for a little bit. We're still friends, but like we were hanging out and he was going to the Mall of America to perform and I told him to go, like, do not go. You got to see the seals, like they have indoor seals that do a show.
It's disgusting. Like I was like, really upset by it.
I wanted to protest during the thing because these seals are just locked in this mall all day long.
It's like barbaric. It's disgusting.
And he thought I meant ghosts. He bought a ticket to go see the seals and he and he wrote me after it was I saw the seals and I was like, isn't that fucked up?
And he was like, what do you mean?
Like he messagere and why I wanted him to see the seals, Like I just want you to like see them and be horrified by it. But it was really funny. He's just a great guy. But I loved I'm becoming less.
See the border, Go see the go see the You have to go check out the border. I mean, you got to see what's going on down there.
Yeah. Because I watched US and L this weekend because obviously it's Emil was on, Nate Bargatzi was on Two Friends.
So much fucking fun to watch that, I like it almost.
Felt like the way I used to watch it when I was like eleven twelve, of like SNL's coming on, Like, I love anticipatory television so much fun to see a meal again in an actual.
I didn't see.
I think maybe he was in a sketch like on set last week but his first week. But for me, I only saw the taped pieces ones because I didn't watch it live. But this time I got to watch it live with my sister. We were laughing so hard. He was in a scene that I fucking loved it.
Would we talk to him about how it is?
You know, yeah, doing He's not gonna blast great. He's so cool and like, can you imagine being twenty five and being cool and calm about being on SNL and being like it'll happen when it happens. Like I'm just having a good time now, just freaking out about anything.
It's so much work. I've seen SNL.
I think i've seen it twice, and I know that they do like the run through and then they do the actual show.
It's incredible. Twice. Yeah, I was in the audience.
Oh, I thought you meant like the show. I was like, Noah, what, Oh, so you've been to the show.
Oh yes, yesterday run incredible. Yeah, it's it's insane.
What they put on every week, and they start writing, you know, they I think pitch sketches on Wednesday, and then they start producing them on Thursday and shooting stuff on Friday, and then then by Saturday, it's like time to go, you know, like and they don't do any prep. Like if you are hosting the show, your first day
I think is Monday. They have Sunday off, you know, to recuperate, and then Monday you show up at the office and I think everyone writes, and then I think Wednesday is when you kind of get pitched that the scripts. It happens within days. It's incredible what they do.
And I really hard job.
I love this.
It says like it's not good or like that. It's like like you have to write if every week and you have to write a full hour sketch show every week that has like all that your sketches of them, like you need to like tailor make it to this to the host, that is one of the hardest things he could possibly do. And the fact that they get even just one good sketch per week is a miracle.
They had so many this week. Nate's monologue was so funny. He was so good he's just so he's such a great like he would have been a great SNL cast member. He's just like made for that show. He's so himself in every sketch, but he's a really good actor as himself. His line reads are so on point. Everything he says is funny. He and you could tell he's actually like really trying, you know, like he has this great kind of vibe of of not putting in too much effort,
which makes him very likable. But at the same time, I know that he is trying, like he takes it very seriously. Some of the sketches that were so good was the George Washington one where he's you know, a founding father and he has dreams of this country and all the dreams are about like the way spell things and like this, like the absurdity of how we have a name for the number twelve another name doesn't.
And they're like, sir, will there be any other names for other numbers?
No?
Only that one.
Like he's just he has all these dreams of how American spell things, and it's just It's a great sketch.
And it was the second version they did of it, and then they did another one.
Uh, The final sketch of the night was my favorite, where he plays an assistant coach and this team during halftime, a high school basket football team is getting a pep talk from their coach of like, you.
Guys gotta want it. It's about focus.
You gotta go out there, and it's whoever, what dever team wants the most, and I don't feel like you boys want it.
And then he's like, you know, kach Wels, do you have anything to say?
And then what Nate comes in and he's like, you know, guys, I still need a lot of You sold me twenty dollars for the jerseys, if you could ask your parents, and so he just keeps harping on this twenty dollars. But the brilliant turn I like, you know, it's it's it's really hard to end a sketch and and and make it hilarious like the ending and that you know that. I think a lot of times you just like get out on whatever you can, and sometimes they go in
too long because you can't find an ending. It's really, from what I understand about sketch writing, ending stuff is hard.
Is that correct, Brian?
Yeah, Endings are probably the hardest part, I would say, right.
But this one had a great one because so this coach keeps talking about the twenty dollars he needs for the shirts, and can you guys ask your parents and can you please write the check out? You can't write coach Allan, it's Alan Welsh. It's wl c h w l s c H. There's a C in there back to you, coach, And it was so funny. So then at the very end, the boys are getting other, you know, pep talk from their head coach, and then they're like, you know what, we.
Are gonna go out there and I'm gonna get that twenty dollars from my mom. And the other one's like I am.
Too, We're gonna go do it, and then like it's It was just such a great triumphant ending. It was a perfect sketch. There was another one that was a waterslide sketch. I mean, I think these are worth going through and watching again if you have time. Lonely Island is back right, which is so exciting. They did a great a song called Sushi Glory Hole, which, like the premise, at first, I was like, Okay, I don't know if
I'm into this. It's kind of grossing me out. But then the whole, the whole song becomes it becomes funny because it's such an ridiculous idea and they won't let it go, and they kept saying, hear me out, hear me out, and it just becomes about these guys who are insensant about uh, you know, making a sushi glory whole happen, and uh, it's just it's just great.
The cold opens are great with.
Uh, you know, all the the impersonations of the political stuff. Like I am just like, it's fun being a fan of that show again in such a real way, and I look forward to it, uh every week now and oh my god, shout out to Heidi Gardner. Everyone needs to watch Heidi Gardner do a sketch called like, oh what was it called? She so she's I won't give it away too much. There's there's nothing to give away.
Her performance is unngiveawayable because it's an industry. It's the level of commitment that you have only seen on Conan's Hot Ones in terms of like someone doing something so insane just to make the most laughs. And she is just I think she is a national treasure of comedy. I love her so much. It is she's at they're at a very serious dinner where they're like talking about someone in their family like needs an intervention. Oh, it was like someone in their family has dementia and they're
ready to like maybe put them in a home. So it's a really serious topic. And she orders the Mile High Burger and they bring it over and they're like, and you have one hour to consume the or you have ten minutes to consume this burger, and if you do, you get a free meal or whatever, like some kind of surprise prize or all expenses paid trip. And so she's listening to the serious conversation. She just at first she's like, I don't want to do that. This is
I just ordered a burger. It just sounded good. I thought I would have like an egg on it, the Mile High Denver. And then she starts eating this burger and it is so funny, like no one would have gone as far as she did. I can only assume she can only assume that she consumed five thousand calories during this sketch, Like it was she went fucking buck wild. I respect it so much. It really was inspiring to me. To like go hard for the joke and if you commit,
people will come around. There was nothing to come around to. It was already a fantastic premise, but it was. It's really worth a watch. Heidi Gardner, I just I love so much and every week I'm like wowed by her.
I just really love this cast. I'm loving the show.
Back.
It's it always has it, It's always been great. It's like it just it feels really relevant and it feels fresh, and I'm just like, I just I like looking forward to watching something and you know, with all the things happening in dumps and streaming and and and something live, I mean the live element is exciting.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
There was this YouTuber who said, like wanted a question that premise that SNL is bad now and that it was better back in like the seventies or whatever or whatever the hive, and so he went back and he watched all the episodes and he's like the reason why people think SNL used to be better is because they are in their head they are thinking of SNL Best of compilations. Every year, SNL comes out with the best of compilation and that's what And then even if you
saw the SNL replays on v H one. They cut they.
Were pulling best doves.
Yeah, yeah, they would cut out like the bottom four. It would just be like four of the best sketches from that.
Lie when someone debunks this ship. Yeah, I'm so tired of that. Also used to be good, right, We're talking about when you were twelve and you like there was less things on TV and you had a smaller brain. Like it's always been a struggle of a show to like, and it's always had amazing moments.
It's it's it's always had amazing moments. And there was you know, there was that famous like when Lauren left that cast that was just like irredeemable. But like, besides that, they were they always had great sketches. They always they were always a cultural touchstone. And they always had terrible sketches. You just don't remember them because they're buried and they're gone. They're only out that one night.
Sure.
I just I'm really excited about being excited about.
The lore of it now.
I'm like I want to read all the books and stuff, Like I'm super into it. I'm getting a little autistic on this shit, Like I'm getting this I need a new like obsession and it's it's cranking in. We'll be back with more of my obsession before we get back up to this. We did a show last week that you might have seen on Netflix, my parents, me Coopermany live speaking of Tuesday Day Live the Tyler Henry Show on Netflix. It was called Live from the Other Side,
hosted by Amanda Klutz. Tyler Henry is does a reading and my parents were both there, and Andrew Colin and Lizzie Cooperman were my two friends I brought and.
So funny one the whole time. And then Tyler Henry asked that he said, I'll give you a private reading because I feel so bad that I didn't talk to you at all.
Yep, and I knew from that time.
I knew that he was backed up on these private readings because I would see Tyler Henry Live and I was like, he gave away seven private reading readings. I'm like, he that's seven hours of his time on zoom. Like, if he does this every show, there must be a long line. And I feel bad for the guy. What a sweeteet to give these way. But I was like, Andrew, don't expect that anytime soon, and Andrew told me it was like eighteen months.
Booked out right.
They he posted about that too.
What did he say, eighteen months?
Well months away?
Yeah?
And did you did he say the joke? No, it's the joke, I guess. He said that like you can talk to your alive mother when she's dead now later, So they like, like.
Right by the time I get the reading, I'll be the one you're talking to.
Honestly, yes, So we went in during the day last Tuesday.
We had to be top seagirt about it because Tyler did not know we were coming in and we didn't want no one wants anyone to know anything. So that's why I posted about it while we were live on the show, because I asked the producers like, do you want me to post about this? And they're like, you can't, And I go, what if it's once the show starts? And they're like, I guess, actually, that'd be kind of fun. So I did that and it was so fun to do the show with my family.
So you guys brought like family heirlooms. He didn't know what you were bringing until we were right around.
He didn't know it was me until anything. And so we walk out first time seeing him, and yes, we were told to bring things, not photos, but things, and I really didn't have any things of any of the dead people I wanted to talk to, unfortunately. But my dad had a drawing that my dead cousin had made, so he gave me that for my thing. My mom
had a bracelet from my aunt Linen. My mom also had some hair from my mom, but she forgot to bring it, as you do with locks of hair from your dead mother, she left it at home, which the ironic thing is my mom had someone else's hair in her hair.
My mom okay, because Julie had a glow up on.
That she looked like a real housewife. Yeah, unrecognizable. She said that her mom.
Shouldn't come back because she wouldn't recognize her. She was so funny.
She you know, I got her full hair and makeup from my friend Leah, and so she she My mom never wears her hair down ever. Ever, Ever, no one's ever seen her with it. I haven't even She's insecure because it's such fine hair. And she told a story that when she was little like her teacher told her she had fine hair, and she went home to brag to her brothers like I missus sut Key told me I had the finest hair, and they're like, you idiot,
it means your hair's thin and shitty. Everyone so mean to my mom My, poor fucking mom.
That's right. So I mean, I was watching this at home live as a skeptic, hoping that Tyler Henry would convince me and I he started off so strong. Oh the first gay out of the gate, he I mean him and his Is that his wife? Who is that?
No?
That was no, he's very gay.
Uh No, that is Amanda Klutes.
She is a host on CBS is the Talk.
She's also a Broadway star.
Yes, no, it was his mom.
His mom was there, Oh, his mom, Yes, that was something else. Yes, his mom was also sat on the.
Side out of the gate. He is like, what's that restaurant we went to? And then the mom's like it was Linz And then like do you have a lin And then you guys have a dead aunt Linz.
Aunt Lynn was our number one that we wanted to come back.
Is insane.
It was jaw dropping. My jaw did open, and then it just got ady d like there were just so many different details coming in.
I did to just unravel.
In my mind, it's a live show. He's tried his best. There was a lot of stuff coming through. I thought for me, him describing a guy being pushed and then being catapulted into like a wall or something was so visually representative of me pushing my dead cousin in a car and call when we called him crash Hiller, which was like his evil canevil kind of persona that he put up was a huge part of our childhood. I thought that was very much JD coming through. I believed it.
Maybe I was inventing that maybe everyone in the world can think of some dead person that they've pushed, that fell out of a window. There's some story or something, but that that from Here's here's my bottom like, because everyone like, is it real or not? I have no real I'm never gonna get a reading from him again. I could burn this bridge and say that it's not real if I didn't think it was. I'm fifty to fifty. Here's what I do know. I don't think that Tyler
if it's not real. I don't think Tyler knows it's not real. I think he is acting on instinct and believes right.
I mean, it could be hearing voices in his head.
I whatever, I don't think it's that, but I do. It's either real or Tyler doesn't know it's not real. And here's the other thing. Even if dear Tyler Henry is fooling us all and is a complete charlatan, I looked at it and I go, what harm is this causing? I'm trying to find anything bad that is because of if this were all based on lies, all he does is give people closure, makes people feel like they have that there's something after this life, which is so soothing,
And he tells people that they might have cancer. He gets people to google good cancer screenings. He's only putting good things out there. And I really racked my brain for any reason. If he was completely lying and I found out he was a fraud, why I'd rarely have a problem with it.
And I don't.
I think he's only doing good. He's making it's it's I would say that there's not a lot of difference between this and organized religion, except that he's not bilking people for thousands of dollars and shaming them about having premarital sex and being born with sin. So I would say that it's he's doing all the things that religion does, aside from building a sense of community, which is also a good thing about religion, but it's none of the
bullshit of it. He's giving people hope, he's giving people.
Closure.
My sister's can now going to get checked for uterin cancer because he told her she probably has it.
Well, that's question.
My sister's watching Netflix and like watching her family live on air and Tyler Henry says, does your sister struggle with any like, you know, below the belt feminine cancers? And we were like no, and he's like, she should just watch out for that, and we're like, oh my god.
That to me will be the deciding factor. If she goes to the doctor and they go, you got some polyps, then I will be more of a believer.
I won't, uh not, because I think I just think that cancer's very regular.
It's very common, right, And.
Uh well, that's where he should have started. If he's really a charlatan, he should have started off more vague. What's impressive about him, and I think why he's so successful is because he really takes wild stabs at specifics.
But I also like that he was like okay. You know, like when you said, oh, oh, I think it's my cousin, blah blah blah, He's like, no, let's not put this into a box. Let's not make something. Let's not make it something when it's not. Don't put a circle in a square like that. Yeah, try to make it fit.
That could be all part of his grift though. That's why he is a successful version of this because he has these two tricks. One of them is taking very specific shots, and the other one is when it seems like you're giving him a bone, he rejects it. And that's just so mind boggling for someone who's trying to trick you.
Absolutely, it could be part of the whole thing because a lot of times, yeah, people who are tricking will do the opposite of what you think because you go, no, if they were tricking me, they wouldn't have done that. And that's what I kept saying afterwards, was like, if he was able to google things about me and find a bunch of stuff, it would have been a better reading.
Right now, The reading was.
Substance, Yeah it did, because maybe that's just what we got, you know, final thought, because I sensed the reading was lacking substance.
I substanced it up a little bit because I was.
Very acutely aware during the show that this was a show and people needed to be entertained. So I did offer stories and Joe foaks along the way to spice it up.
About twenty three minutes then NICKI turned it on. That's what happened. It was like, you're waiting there, You're waiting for some revelations after Lynn, and then I could see in your eyes you like perked up and you were just like, all right, gonna be a comedy thing now.
Yeah. I dropped a couple of lines that, yeah.
I was just like, I gotta save this because I don't want people to start turning tuning out, being like nothing's gonna happen. I wanted to like get some stuff going because and I'm I'm constantly I was never trying to My dad was like, man the whole time, I'm just trying so hard to make him right, And I wasn't trying to do that. I was trying so hard to be entertaining for people at home right Like that
was because it was a TV show. I was trying to have real moments and keep it real and I obviously did that and and told some stories that I regretted telling and was kind of like, oh God, why to do that? But it was on my mind that this is a TV show and people are watching, and I can't just if it would have been a private reading for my family, I would have just been sitting there like, no, that's not really it, you know, And
I was. I was trying to find funny moments. But I do, like people keep texting me like do you believe it? And I really am fifty to fifty and I think that's the best I can ever could ever give.
And it's it's how I want to feel like.
I I don't want to think that there was some way that he found out I was on the show and went through my Instagram and saw my post about my aunt Linn. I don't want to think that that's what happens. Could it have happened one hundred percent?
Yes?
Right? But is there really to find that you have a dead ant Linn? Anyway?
Like my dad said, it took him five minutes of scrolling on my Instagram.
Okay, so it says on your Instagram that you have a deceased aunt named Lynn, Yes, Okay, well, I going into this, I was ten percent believe, ninety percent disbelief, and I think leaving it, I'm now seven percent. Oh shit, yeah, I think I dropped three percent.
I I just I'm still I'm fifty.
I like I and I will say the other fifty.
I do not think Tyler Henry is a fraud or like sche scheming people. I just think that whatever he's getting, you know, I think that you know, you know that documentary where the woman learned to like was helping the nonverbal man talk by holding his hand. Yeah, and and she was actually doing what she wanted to do, but she thought it was what he wanted to do. She really did think that he was spelling those things out
because subconsciously she was actually saying what she wanted. They did test and they determined that people who are helping these nonverbal people, they'll show the nonverbal person a picture of an apple. They'll show the person who's helping them with a hand a picture of a clock, and then they'll say, now, now, what did you just see? They'll ask the nonverbal person, and the person will spell clock, thinking that their nonverbal person saw clock. Now they're not
doing that because they're they think they're doing it. They literally think that that's they they I think people sometimes do things that are insincere and they don't know they're doing it, right.
I don't think it's a conscious thing. It's also it goes back to what Joe Zimmerman was saying.
It's like, let's just play as adults and see this as a.
Play that's fun, that's really good.
And it goes back to what I say, where with kids, I don't want to play and I can't, and maybe I need to get it into that more of being like this is a mean guy and he's going to get your fork and I'm a mister spoon and we're gonna fight.
Like more of that in my life, right.
I'm not getting Tyler Henry as a conscious grifter either. I'm getting him as like he believes what he's doing is happening for whatever reason. He might have some connection to the other side, or he might really have like some sort of weird pathology that causes him to hear voices in his head. Either way, I think he is earnest in his appraisal and he believes he's talking to ghosts, but is he actually I'm not.
Convinced he's entertaining, so and.
That's what it is. Ultimately, it's entertainment.
I've never wanted my sister to have uterine cancer more just to prove Tyler Henry's reel.
But it just shows you when you're doing when you're doing the private readings, like it just shows you how much of a handicap it is to have an audience of five hundred people and to just throw stuff out there that's very specific because someone in the audience is going to have something connected. When he did it in front of just four people, it's so much more difficult, and it showed.
It definitely showed, But it was really done.
What he should have been like, you should have said, like, does anyone here have like a relative who's like an animal or something like that who passed away, And when when everyone said no, like a lighting guy should have been like, wait a second, I've got a relative.
They told us that might happen. They don't know what could come through. But I will say that my mom accidentally sent me a text that she meant for someone else that said I didn't even want to.
Look like that.
Nikki forced it because she hired this girl and I couldn't say what I wanted and then my mom goes, uh oh, Julie and I just laughed and laughed. But it was so funny because my mom was like, take down my eyes. I can't, this is too much I need. I don't like my eyebrow. She was very vocal about what she did want, but we did force her because we thought she looked good to have hair, and I think she did feel pretty. And I and she cut
my extensions that I paid hundreds of dollars for. I was like, I'll give them to you.
Mom.
She was like, really, so she's got my extensions now and now she's sent a text to her friends being like, Nikki made me so calling you out.
Mom.
We also forgot everyone forgot that she was called pig lady, pig woman.
I was yelling, what the flow, It wasn't the weasel, it was the pig.
Yeah wait a second.
Okay, So if you didn't watch the show, Tyler Henry kept saying that our family had we called someone by a name like you would call your grandpa. We called him bear or we called him right, uh possum, you know, like uh someone, And we were just like sitting there, just like trying to figure out anyone, and my mom was pig woman.
I don't think that's it.
I think Tyler Henry would have been like, nope, and then we would my mom would have just been sad that.
We said that, but it would have been hilarious to have said that.
Like, there was a part of me that wanted to have my phone so people watching live could text me, because when you're out there, you like don't know, you're trying to remember every detail of your like childhood with these people that you haven't been around with since they died in ninety five, and it's vague and it's it's
like it was. It was really hard. But when I remembered, when I remembered the goose thing, I was so excited because that was a big part of our childhood, was when my aunt got goosed and we thought it was the funniest word ever, even though she was sexually assaulted in an ace hardware like a man grabbed her vagina.
That's what goos thing is.
Well, she came home from going to the hardware store and she came home she was like, you won't pull I was goosed and she was hysteric. About it because she got fucking goosed. It was the funniest thing we've ever heard, like, like a way a goose goes like honk like a guy like gooster?
Is that real or is she just saying that?
I don't know. It was the last time and first time I ever heard that phrase, but it made so much sense. But we giggled so hard about it. It became like a running joke with us kids, which is so cruel looking back. We didn't understand the gravity of it. But I was so excited that that might be the connection. And then Tyler's like, no.
It wasn't.
I was like, Oh, I just threw my aunt's sexual assault out on live TV for no reason. I was like, oh, you idiot, but whatever.
We should have playful animal names for all sorts of crimes.
Yeah, but it does work perfectly, because a goose would just go honk.
Now, describe on the doll where the man pelicaned you.
Well. I also thought it might have been because we were talking about my aunt j D or my uncle sorry cousin j D at the time, who died at the age of thirty two, and he's my best friend growing up, and it was very tragic death, which he nailed his death. He was like it was organ failure. Oh yeah, he was looking for his mother and as he was dying, we all heard that he was on
a stretcher, going mom, where's my mom? Like really like so sad, I can't even handle it, but JD like I didn't even want to say it on the show. But one time we were on a speedboat and there was this like girl that was a friend of my famili's that like we just didn't really know, and she was like a girl that was like our age, and
I was just trying to make my cousin laugh. So I just like grabbed this girl's butt and I go hunky, like I just like bost this girl on the butt, right, And I want to just say, if I could find that girl, I would apologize. I would a million times. It was so inappropriate. I knew it right away because everyone was like, why did you do that? And I
was just trying to make my cousin laugh. I think we had been doing it to each other all weekend or something, and I was almost gonna tell that story, and I'm almost reluctant to tell it now because like
people are so quick to be like, that's sexual assault. Nikki' sexually assaulted someone when she was six years old, and it's like you can be canceled for things you did when you were six, I think, but I really didn't know, and I thought maybe Jad was bringing that up live on air because it was a formative moment for me. Do you guys have any moments like that where you like impulsively did something and you're like, why did I do that? That was so weird and gross and and appropriate?
Like does anything haunt like that?
When I was when I was two years old, I went in blackface to a prom.
Or what you got to go to a prom when you were two?
Yeah, that's why I messed up, because.
I said, it's crazy. Yeah, I mean, like it's.
What I do. That was.
You just said something inappropriate.
There's like thousands of times I did that, thousands, Yeah, but.
That one really stands out to me because I just remember being like, oh, and it was like kind of sexual and it didn't mean to be, like I didn't even see butts as sexual, but the adults around me reacted it to it in a way of like you're a pervert, and I felt so horrible So if that girl's out there, and if anyone knows that that girl like has told a story where I went and I literally said honk it when I did it, like I said a funny voice, and I'm really really sorry, and
I hope you haven't carried that with you. I will make it up to you can have free tickets to my shows for the rest of your life. It's kind of all like I can give you like a free T shirt if you like, we have like a couple of extra larges left.
I'm just kidding.
I honestly I would. I would love to apologize to you in person if you're out there. I don't even remember your name or who you are. But and also to the girl that my sister ran into at the park who said that I shoved shit in her face.
Do you remember that story?
No, yeah, my sister told her, but like she this girl was like, I remember your sister at your birthday party. She shoved the shit in my face and like, my sister goes actual shit and she was like no, it was like icing or some thing. And I'm like, oh fuck, I was such an asshole. But I didn't know it. I didn't I didn't know what I was doing. Please forgive me.
Oh, I can't talk about it so embarrassed. But I did some stuff in like high school even that I look back on and I'm like, oh, no.
No, that I'm sorry for any time I did anything inappropriate to anyone it was. I don't want to say it was a different time because that'll get you canceled too, but it kind of was, I think. But also I'm not that person anymore. I've changed. I don't want to be that person. We got to go. Thank you for listening to the show. We'll have more shows for you next week. Don't even think they want a lot of
tour date's coming up. I have Syracuse this Friday, and then I have Hershey, Pennsylvania on Saturday, and a second show on Sunday, and those tickets are probably close to being sold out, probably some individuals available. I'd love to see you there. And then in two weeks I'm going to be doing a Florida tour, hopefully if everyone's okay there in Fort Lauderdale and Fort Myers. So get those tickets now. And tons of new tour dates announced right now on Nicki Glazer dot com. Go check those out.
I love when Bessie's come to shows. I love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to podcast. I'm so grateful for you. Don't be care bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina.
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