The Nicky Glaizer Podcast. Here's Nikky. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast, Fresh week of pod and for you. I'm joined in studio in Saint Louis. I'm back home. My mom is here. What's up, Julie. Hi, Nikky never called you that in my life, so sorry about that. Let's start this. Let's start it. Mom's getting old. Yeah, you're more than a mom to you.
It sounds Jules. Just call me Julie mommy mommy would be nice. I think I've ever heard that.
You never said it? I did? Oh mommy? Hut?
Yeah, when did I drop it? Get let's get back to keep back to mommy?
Like it?
Daddy? I will never did. I used to say daddy, daddy, Yes, of course you did. I used daddy for Chris for the dog, and he silently puts up with it. But I can tell he really doesn't like it. We're like, we find daddy, Well, that's weird. I like it. I have a new joke about how you can't get mad at me for calling my dog being like do you love your mommy to my dog? Or being like I'm your mommy, because if I say, I'm oh, I'm your owner. Do you love your owner? I sound like Thomas Jefferson
talking to his slaves. No, it's like owner is a weird thing to say. What else would I say in that situation?
Master? Some people say mass see.
That's that's that is giving plantation as well.
Yeah, yeah, some people go up to their dogs and say you're my slave.
Wait on, no one tells that too there about Wait? Oh yes they did. I guess you're right. Well, dogs are slaves they kind of away. Yeah, well they're not, well they don't.
They work for food.
And he thought it was the other way around where their slaves.
Oh yeah, yeah, we're the ones picking up their ship. Thomas Jefferson picking his slave ship.
Well, we did say that to Ceraleina's dog. We called her your little sex slave when she had a sex slave, Yeah, because she had a leather collar. And Taylor one time just saw the leather collar and was like, what's a little sex slave? And we were all like, what the fuck? And then we all just jokingly were like, Noah was there.
We were on a girl's trip and we thought it was so funny that this dog that Taylor just out of nowhere was like, she's a little sex slave because she had a leather black collar and it's like she.
Was a black, fluffy, small dog and she was so cute Billy.
And we just started calling her sex slave and it was a sexy makes on the podcast recently, Cerleina loved it, but we kept being like, so then it just became her name. We're like, so, how sex slave doing? Like even when Billy the dog was dying, we were like, is sex slave? Okay, Like it just became her name. I love when nicknames that are so ridiculous take on. You guys always do the extra. Yeah with our friends group. Wait, there was one last night that I was we were
saying and we were like, how is that just what we? Oh? Oh it was Octomom. We were talking last night. My mom goes, she's like reading her phone. She goes, oh, Octomom had another kid, and I go, that's well, that's impossible because that's she's too. I was quickly rating she had a grandchild, right, and then my mom goes, how many kids did that octomom have? And we just waited for her to.
Do the math Sowly, you didn't wait that long.
I didn't, I go eight, mom, And then you were like, oh, I'm so dumb, and I go, you're not dumb, because Octomom. You don't even think about the number eight. It was just like what her name became. Yeah, and it's so funny that we all that's such a funny name. And then it was just like, that's just her name, and no one even laughs anymore when you say octomom, it's just like what it was.
Yeah.
So if one of those kids dies, she's still Octomom, and then it's like every time her name.
Yeah, well she had yeah, eight, she had six. You had four at home already. I think she had two more. Yeah, I think she already had kids and then she got pregnant with eight more.
Yeah, she had fifteen or fourteen kids. She had fourteen, so she must have had five before the eight.
I'll wait for you to do this math. I think it's exciting. I thought thrilling. I think people are on the edge of their fucking scene. I just wanted to dress some things. If you're watching the show, I'm wearing sunglasses. I'm just like not into my face anymore. I just don't want to see my face. I'm not loving the lighting in here. I'm not like I see the clips and I'm just like you just look tired. I just can't do it. And it's too early in the morning.
My face is not like done the right flushing that it needs to do. I should be doing like you know where you like press on your limphs and like then drain your face with a face massage. If I did that, I would be fine, but I'm not don't know about that. I have too many things to do facial massage. So I just been wearing sunglasses that I got sent because I made a TikTok about how I got Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift was wearing some sunglasses at
the US Open back. I bought them instantly. They're ninety nine bucks. Anything affordable that she wears, I will buy bottom within seconds. They arrived the next day, and then I did a TikTok where I put them on and I go, oh, actually, I don't like these. And it's not like I was gonna say I don't hate them, but it blew up, And then a company sent me sunglasses. You know, Emily, my social media girl is like Quai wants to send you sunglasses because of your TikTok. I'm like, okay, okay, okay, okay.
So I'm wearing those and I do like those. I don't even care if you do, or I'm like, I'm glad you do. Okay, I just I'm I'm I don't know. You glasses look good or not on me? Do you like them? I haven't even looked in the mirror yet. I unbox them and just put them on.
Before the Niki. You look good in anything.
That's what I like. And that's why I chose these they sent me to And these ones are more covered up my face. I really was thinking about wearing some sort of veil or something over my face to do the podcast. Like I'm not going totally, but like maybe a one with just maybe just the eyes that you know, like.
Ninja turtle mask.
She's thinking about, Oh, that's interesting, justin okay, I could do like a Ninja mask. I just don't. I'm not trying to appropriate anyone's culture or religion. Sometimes I could get on board with wearing a veiled look. Like there's that country singer. Have you ever seen him? He has like a country yet and he has like it's like
almost coming down. Yes, that's his name, and he covers his face all the time because I think he does the sea thing, which Sia the singer always sings to the wall and she has a big wig on because she doesn't want to be she when she became famous, she didn't want to be seen in public and like recognized, so no one really you can. You can know what she looks like, but it's not like front and center. It's Oliver Pack. That's right. What if I or or yeah, yeah,
that's right. Well he was one of the guys that reached out to Chapel Row and that's all I know. But I could do the This would still be honoring my contract. If I did the podcast, it still iHeart could not sue me for not being on camera. I don't think they would, right, this would still work. I think I might try that some day.
You wear a daft punk helmet.
I should start getting creative with the cover because if I can't have hair and makeup, I really am not about it, and I'm all about like being yourself. But I'll tell you I have hair and makeup and I look amazing. I just don't want so much footage of me out there looking. I'll beat up there is. I wanted to be like a quick ticta. The ship has sailed on that. I know it's already out there. Well I think now I'm just I can't. I can't do
it anymore. And I'm also wearing a shirt that I got, also for free, and this is not These are not plugs. I'm just like telling you about my shirt. It says sorry, I'm on voice rest. I saw Hannah Berner wearing this shirt on.
Her.
Oh, you're just split coffee. Oh man, we gotta see that again. God, can we do that her? Oh you're displaying coffee. Hell, it was a water breast. Oh, Julieik, Mommy, it's a black sweater. It's from the downstairs. This lid does not fit for suing my apartment building. It is there. So this shirt, I saw Hannah Burner wearing it and I DMed her and I was like, where did you get that shirt that says sorry, I'm one voice? Yes totally, And she said it's our merch for Giggly Squad. She goes,
what size are you? And I go, whatever size you are. I like the way things fit on you. So she sent me this shirt and a sweatshirt. It is awesome because no one talks to you when you're wearing this. How often do you wear have you won? I just were today and in my elevator it was like, mum's the word, and not that. I don't want to talk to people in the elevator. I've been clear about this. Casual hello is fine, but I didn't even get that. I mean, it is really an antisocial shirt. And it's true.
We're also wearing masks.
I oh god, I love I love the shirt and I might never ever wear anything else except these shirts. Just wear that. In ubers, you hate talking to but anger drivers can't read backwards. They can't read. It's just very confusing. No no, Uber drivers. No, you can click I get Uber blacks and you can say conversation. No, no conversation, And then sometimes they go, well you click no conversations not then the doctor you and I go oh,
well that's the okay. No. One doesn't punish me now with not no. They do sometimes snarkily say that, and then I go, no, I'm sorry, it's just clicked from the last time someone else had my app.
I just like, lie, no, not you. I'd love to talk to you about it. You seem great Sun's graduation.
Yeah, you seem not you know, passive aggressive at all. You you seem to like to have a lot to say about bitcoin.
Speaking of different languages, I was at a hotel, uh and I had a delivery. You know, you can deliver to the lobby. Obviously I've met with this guy and he didn't speak English. And have you seen those commercials? I think it's for like Google Pixel with that phone that like flips up like.
You can like like you can stand it like a chair.
Yeah, you can stand it like a chair.
And then like they have these commercials where someone's in a different country and they speak a language and the person's like, I don't understand what the fuck you're saying, and then she brings out her phone and she's let and then she says it into the phone and it translates it automatically.
No, I haven't seen the commercial, but okay, I can.
Well that's a commercial.
And when I watch that commercial, I'm like, it doesn't really clock how amazing that technology is. But then I got a door dash delivered to the hotel lobby and the guy didn't speak English, and he was delivering like the wrong food to me, and I was like, I don't think this is mine. I think this is my bag, and he's like, I don't understand what you're saying. And then he took out his Google phone and I spoke into the phone in English and it translated it into
whatever lang. I didn'tven know what language he was speaking. It was all these weird letters. I didn't understand. I couldn't even discern what language it was. What the phone translated what I said automatically. And then he said something back to me and the phone translated it for me, and I'm like, this is the most incredible technology I've ever seen.
That's great.
So you saw a firsthand.
I saw. I saw that commercial too, so yeah, I know what you're talking.
On the commercial, it feels like, oh, this is done. This woman doesn't want to have hot soup or whatever. And but in real life, it's like there's no language barrier anymore.
As long as you have that.
Can you imagine how awesome you didn't just see he didn't have your phone or your food was it was the wrong food, So obviously it's like the wrong courier, and so you just walk away like not in a rude way, but you're just like, oh, it's the wrong one.
Like well, he winded me the bag and then I was about to walk away, and then I look in the bag and I'm like, wait a second, this isn't because I even said for Brian and he said yes, and it wasn't for Brian.
He just didn't know English.
He didn't know what I was saying, right, So I took the bag, I started walking away. I looked at it and I was like, this isn't enough stuff. And I ran after him and I said, hey, hey, I even said his name because it says the person's name on door dash, and he said, like Dylan, Dylan, and he turned around even though his name's not Dylan.
Yeah, so this guy totally, this poor guy. You know, I feel so bad for anyone who come home to a country and is working and doesn't understand just basic, the basic language. Shout out to anyone. I mean, they're not listening to this. Maybe they're translating it. But if you are ailding their phone right up to this, yeah, but if that would be so hard. I like panic when I'm in another country and I don't speak the language,
and I just feel so embarrassed. I feel so embarrassed and I but on the flip side, I've never embarrassed for people who don't know English. No, you're right, you shouldn't.
I was amazed.
I was just amazing, stunned at the effectiveness of this phone.
Yeah, well that's pretty cool. I mean there's I do the thing when I'm in foreign countries where you take a picture. You don't even take a picture, you just hold up you camera and every word gets translated on your screen.
MM, yeah that's what Yeah.
But I mean, like so if you like are looking like when we were looking for cough medicine for you, it just hold it up and it would just translate all the words on the picture. Oh how we get around before? Then? Well this is going to change everything. I mean it's been around for a while. I think.
You can take a picture of French words and then it'll translate it for you to.
Even take a picture. You just hold your camera over it, and then all the words on the picture on your phone that are in French will have a little uh you know, as if you were writing text in to type it, they will just have that text being who on a menu. It's awesome. It's just it's a free app. It's like Google Translate. I think, Wow, it's.
A Translate is amazing. Thank god for Google. You know, they've saved this planet. Truly, that is the most amazing company.
I was thinking to this weekend, Like, you know, we always talk about how no one looks anything, no one thinks anything anymore. They're just like, oh, who is that guy in that movie? And you just like google it and you find it, Like that is truly atrophying a part of your brain that used to have to eat. Like now my brain doesn't even think to think, if that makes any sense, Like if you were to be like Nikki, what's that one movie? I wouldn't even think to go let me think about it. I would just
think to grab my phone entight. Yeah, so you don't even think to think.
It's true, there's no thinking going on anymore, and so easy.
They're really This is why meditation it makes so much sense. Why meditation has become such a huge part of our culture is because it is just the only way people do anything without being on their phones. Like people don't just sit with their thoughts anymore. Ever, you don't have to ever ever, ever, and you used to not really Like in the nineties, people watched a lot of TV, but now it's like now the whole joke is like anything you're watching on TV, you're not watching because you're
on your phone. I mean, I read a meme I posted on my story yesterday that was like me watching a movie. I don't know, me watching a movie while on my phone the whole time. I don't know. It's just like slow and kind of boring and confusing. That's how I feel about everything. It's like I'm not giving any things a fair chance. No, it's my phone. It's
not very easy just to google and you don't. But we have to challenge ourselves to like maybe try to think of that one song, or try like person or that. Push yourself a little bit, crossword puzzles. Help me do that, because you do need to think in those. But it's yeah, oh, elevate the app.
Elevate by the way they did, they did fulfill their promise and they did give me a lifetime membership for freek.
God that's great. Yes, Wow, it's an app that helps your brain. I know. I remember we were all talking about it. Yeah, and they offered a lifetime membership because I'm really into this thing of like, like you talk about something that people reach out and find you, Like Emily today just freaked out my social media girl. Emily. I'm not so I don't have to say social media girl every time, but Emily reached out to me today and she's like dead deceased, which means you know, something
big happened. And I'm like, oh my god, what's this going to be? And that's gen Z for like, oh my god, this is amazing. I'm like so excited. I'm dead, I'm deceased, Okay, not living. Plan my funeral eulogize me and they just say that, but they say it was like it all caps. So she wrote dead, deceased, something like that, and then she wrote she sent me a screenshot that diet Coke commented on one of my tiktoks. She's like flipping out. She's like, Nikki, this is major
because diet Coke commented something. She goes, no, no, dot fucking dot way, and then diet Coke commented, so important to set these boundaries because I posted a TikTok and then I go, oh my god, it's the Taylor Swift of brands and she goes, no, this is so huge, Wow, it's gonna happen. But I just love TikTok is becoming a new fun challenge for me. You're page is blowing
up for sure, Like I did, thank you. I did one the other day, like Emily will send me, you know, a bunch of suggestions of ones we are on the road this weekend, and she sent me like, I was like, just send me some trends that are happening, maybe I'll do them. And I was looking them over and I didn't understand most of the jokes being made, like it just I will. I would like to I would like to talk to some people about the humor that's being passed around on TikTok because I don't understand it. I
don't even have TikTok. We need to keep you off that you will be to anyone again. No, dad's addicted to Reddit. Reddit. Yeah, yeah, sorry, so different. Sorry, but TikTok You're gonna love. It's pretty much do you do reels on Instagram? Yeah, that's TikTok okay, but it's more curated and I think it's a little more addictive on TikTok. Anyway, this weekend. She sent me a bunch of ones, and one was like, you know, you could do this thing.
It was like a Katie Perry song and are supposed to like sing it like sweetly to the camera and like look kind of cute doing it, okay, And it's for like girls who are cute that like their brand is being adorable, and like I totally honor that, and it's just not I'm not capable of being that, like I'm adorable and having everyone go yeah she hit you know, like it's just I can't do it. And so yeah,
it's gotta it's gotta be funny. It's gotta be like I it's gotta I gotta sneak and people have to be think I'm adorable despite me, Like I have to look like I'm not trying to be are you right? But these like you try to be adorable and that's the goal. And anyway, so I looked at it, and I was with Bill and Sean, my friends, and and Bill was like supposed to film me for I was like, you know, Bill, will you film me for a TikTok?
And so I'm just going through these like looking to see which one I'll do and I was just like, no, I'm not doing that. That's I'm not fucking doing that, and I I just and then I was like, oh, that could be kind of funny, Like maybe that becomes a TikTok of me, and then I'll title it my social media manager sending my gen Z social media manager sending me things that I should do at or whatever. And then it's just me going I'm not doing that.
No, hell, not not doing it.
And then yeah, and then now it has like a million views just me saying that. Wow, and then the character was like, no, no chance, am I gonna be this adorable? And then we like kind of put the video I was watching in the corner so you can see what I'm watching and being like, uh uh, not doing that. And then it has a million views, and
now that is being clipped. Me saying no, not doing that is now going to be a SoundBite that people use in their own tiktoks to like, do you know what I'm talking about?
To yea to lip sync too, Oh right, I've seen I've seen that, and.
It's taking on a life of its own. It's just this, this is fun to me, and I feel like anyone on TikTok watching me is not the same people on Instagram, Like, I feel so much freeer on TikTok.
Wow, Like I.
Don't feel like there can be watching me being like.
Only people watching you is the Chinese government.
My target audience. That's a good point. So yeah, I'm really digging it.
Wow.
So that's a new whole new thing, your trendsetter and TikTok. I mean, I hate to tell you how much money you make off of these. I mean, and you wouldn't believe. I had no idea. Emily's like, yeah, that video just made you. Oh how much one thousand dollars?
Wow?
Just from that going viral?
That one maybe not I think like ones that have like two point five million, one thousand dollars. I didn't know there was money like this to mew. I guess people do know this because they watch YouTube videos about influencers making things. I'm I'm sorry that number.
Is tricking people. People know.
People know that. I didn't know that.
I heard when I watched social media channels.
I've heard that TikTok pays the least out of anybody, and that the real money is in what I said.
She goes you need to start a YouTube, but I'm like, yeah, what do I do on there? So let her guide you. My God, but I'm scared on YouTube it's long form and there's more judgment and there's comments that are more accessible on the SAE.
The podcast is supposed to be that, like you're that's what you would do? Is it's like an hour, like thirty minutes of just talking.
That's right. Well, we don't have those kind of numbers on YouTube yet. But after this coffee spill that you've got to go watch my mom. It's gonna send people in throngs over there. We gotta go to break. We'll be back with I want to do a little I got. I got some things that I want to show you and I want you to give your thoughts on them. Fine, be back after this. Okay. So I went on, I
got I got some stuff. I got back in town from being gone for three weeks, and there are a lot of packages waiting for me and I first year, I ordered a lot of stuff. Didn't I see you? At some point?
You did see me, but I still missed you. Oh yeah, still a long time.
That's right. You flew Yeah, I saw you. Yeah, we partied it up, it up. We sure did. It was so fun. I almost didn't want to go too hard about how fun it was last night because with you and me and Dad at dinner because he knew I can't party, wasn't as fun as yours.
He had.
He had such a good time.
He did, and he actually got to see me like present an Emmy and then get not like he was in the mix. He was in. He had a better like show experience. You had parties, your party.
He was hanging with Rob Reiner.
That's all he's really he wanted. He love. Okay, so open that thing I got. It's not for you, it's for me, but you can borrow it. But if this is the thing, its golden. Yeah, it is golden.
Julie's opening a satchels pouring something.
Oh my god, I love it.
Isn't it so good? You said you were going to order this, Yes, it's oh yeah, I sent it to you already, damn it, because I was going to have you guess the price.
It's a golden chain.
I really don't know the price.
Well, it's a Versace.
Video. What you need to make before you can take one fifth?
Is this? Inspired by Taylor Swift. Oh yes, it's a Taylor Swift lover necklace that she wears that she's worn before. And I found it on Etsy for two hundred and ten bucks. Wow, that's the most I ever been a bargain. Oh I love I do love it too. I'm so excited. Okay, and then now I got another thing.
I really don't know how to get this off. Just press the no, there's pressure, it's nothing.
Well, you can keep it. Thanks.
Also very quick with the fraction there.
Really Yeah, I just went to two hundred and then.
Two hundred is cheap for this.
I mean I don't think i'd be able to get one fifth means two hundred that quickly.
Out of a thousand.
Yeah, I don't think so. Math this real atrophying brain stuff. Math for me is like it might as well be like Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I look at the numbers. Yeah, I can't even do it.
Nipth guy? No?
Is he that the words?
Guy?
kIPS?
I mean I I let me give you a tip.
Okay the bill. The bill is one hundred and eighty bucks.
Yeah, okay, so tip twenty percent okay, uh, thirty six dollars yeah, okay, I.
Would just round up to like for me to be easy, because sometimes I'm like eighteen, I'm like times two. I'm like so I would just go to any and then make it forty and then subtract four, or I would really just make it.
Because I've seen you. Oh wait a minute, wait, I want to ask you.
Yes, real, yeah, it's real. I think it like I think it retails for like five seventy fives. My god, Nick, use this a bargain, isn't it? Isn't it?
Nick? I'm not kidding.
I know, I know I love you would like it. I love it too, and see that that's I love this. It is so cool. This should be okay, a regular So then I also like so cool. Taylor Switchers at the VMA's I know who she has do it's tom Ford? Yeah? Well she was the vamze and someone asked her what she was wearing, like she smelled good, and she said tom Ford. And I don't know how Emily knew it was this kind of tom Ford, Like, who.
Really guess there's two different ones? Oh, there's lots of different No, but she said which one? They I guess they surmised which one I read the same article. I saw Taylor Swift have the conversation. She did not say which tom Ford said it was tom Ward, but everyone seems to think it's this one based on the googling. And it's uh santal blush de parfume.
And you know that Chris does not like sense. Oh, and so I've snuck this. He doesn't know him mallet. And I think I like it because it doesn't give too girly. It's not too it's not masculine, but it's not too floral. And yeah, you can try some of it. I want to see what you think. Wait a minute, I'm sorry, but I but I sprayed it this weekend and both and I told my both my male openers, because you wear it for I want women to think it smell good, but like I don't want men to
be like pulse by it. And both my male openers, who I said, please do not just know that I will not be insulted if you don't like the way my wrist smells. Like right now, I just got this, I will give it away. It does not hurt my feelings. And they were like, no, that's really good. I don't know if I still trust them though, I think they will. Yeah, Sean, Yeah, Sean, right, wouldn't. They're like, they're telling me what I want to hear. They know I gave them every opportunity to not. I don't.
I don't.
She's not a fan.
It's kind of a they called Santeo. It's kind of a sandally uh like Sandal would Sandal like old Teva. I'm not a fan of us.
You aren't. No, I don't. I wouldn't care. If it smelled like dog shit and Taylor Swift were it, you would love it. Yeah, I just don't care. I don't have my own. No, you really don't like it? Gets wrong? I like it. I like it. I'm gonna I'm gonna wear it.
Broke So I was wearing the scent of coffee.
Yeah, that's why I don't like it.
It's mixed with that and it's not.
A good So you're you don't like it? Do you like a sense? Oh? Yeah?
I honestly I cannot believe that smells like that. I couldn't wait to smell this. Yeah, I saw the same kind of article. I was like, I gotta go check this time. Well I did check it out. I know I'm telling you, well, here's the thing. I've never even thought you're so good. You're like going, oh, Chris, Dunlike. It's like I've never even asked your dad, do you like this?
Well, dad, well, Chris offers, I do not like perfumes. I do not like smells.
He's not gonna like that.
No, I don't think so, but it's gonna be really too powerful. I have like shampoos, I have conditioners, I have hair sprays. I'm constantly wearing. You have a lot of things that smell, and Chris is never annoyed with those. So I'm just he doesn't even know that. He just thinks it's a more delicate. Yeah, they're not as potent, that's true. But I'm going to be very gentle with this.
Yeah.
The concept of perfume, to me is as absurd, the idea that we need to like smell like walk through the world, like like if you go into a subway, there's like fifteen people wearing different perfumes and colognes and stuff, and it's like, this just smells insane.
I see the point of it, because smell is such a memory trigger, and if someone like mimes, if I smell red door. It reminds me of mem There's nothing else that will elicit the same kind of emotional response in my body of like Mimi than the smell of red door. There's nothing I couldn't see something, even a picture of her would not give me the same like
oh like like she's here as a smell. So I do think they're important, and I do think it's kind of cool when people have their own scent, and like care a lot about fragrance, Like I follow all these subreddits about fragrances, and these people are obsessed with them, and I wish that. I I want to like ers. Well, I don't trust my own taste.
But then, also, like scent is, it's invasive. There's no way to get away from it. If you step into an elevator with someone who's wearing perfume, you're just scrapped in a in a stench dungeon.
And then for a little I know, but then you get used to it because it's a part of you, like you get used to any smell.
That is what I'm saying.
If you if you're just on the elevator and then someone who has perfume on walks into the elevator. It's so invasive in your space to have this. What if you don't like the smell. It's like someone is just yelling in your face.
Except except the only thing that I worry about is people being like offended by what I have on me.
It's so different than wearing, than just having bo than just walking into an elevator.
Different. It's unequivocally disgusting. Everyone hates. And then there's I think perfume is.
I think rose water is disgusting.
Oh I.
That's my favorite se I don't know what it's.
Smells like to.
You know, Yeah, is fresh linens when a when a company tries to like make their soaps smell like something that people imagine fresh linen smells like fresh rain spring missed.
All those sense smell like shit.
They just are artificial, And I can understand why they irritate you because they're made with chemicals. But if something's made like with essential oil your things, I don't mind it. Where do you stand perfumes? I do not.
I'm on Chris's side. I don't like when Avi wears cologne. I think because my dad would put so much on and we would be locked in the car with him, and it would give me headaches and stuff. But I do like natural ones, like ones made with like essential oils and stuff.
Very very light, very light. Okay, I agree. I agree with that.
MS.
We were somewhere and some guy I hugged me, and his smell stayed with me.
The restaurant. Remember we remember I took you and dad to a restaurant a couple of weeks ago with Chris. It was loud inside. Okay, I'm not gonna say where it is. It's really nice, I know, Oh yeah, oh yeah, that guy, yeah waiter loved my parents talking about calling you mom. He called you mom, right, yeah, and then he gave her a hug on the way out, and.
That's I was like, oh my god, we're even outside and I can't get this smell off of me.
Yeah, it was really heavily. I can't. Okay, Now, I really regret this purchase. But I'm sure, Nikki, it's not tailor. It's good for me, and I don't believe it's tailor. Would ever wear that? What do you mean? It's tom Ford. It's like somebody's wearing it.
Yeah, somebody's wearing She wouldn't wear that.
Yes, stop saying it was. I don't like that tone. She wouldn't wear that is really an ear because you're making me, you're shaming me by using my.
I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't wear that. She's kind of cool.
Okay, tom Ford is cool, Mom, Nikki, smell it again. It's weird everyone to go back and listen to that tone my mom just did because that I don't mean her trying to get me to never do something and like to.
No, I love that you follow Taylor and that necklace is over the top, Nikki, she would never wear something.
I just feel like that with my tailor.
And then you tried to put you tried to say, please don't use my idol against me. No, No, she just wouldn't wear it because she's cool.
Yeah, honestly, I don't think she would wear it's it's it's it hurts my feelings. But that's okay. But you didn't you didn't invent it. It's not like and you're not even sure that's her scent. I'm pretty sure, pretty sure, I'm pretty sure it's not.
Tom Ford was sitting in a lab a couple of weeks ago with sense.
I'm opening a package. This is the shirt I got Chris. I don't think it's gonna fit him. What is that? It's Brian Adams from ann World Tour for his birthday. Yeah, I got him a couple of vintage shirts for his birthday. One of them got sent to the hotel that we already left, and I don't even know how to get it. I need an assistant in La, if anyone is trustworthy and can like run errands for me in LA. Someone who's trustworthy who I know, of course she is, I
just feel I don't want to. She's got a lot going on. Yeah, she has way too much going on, and it's that's true. Yeah, but she does do stuff for me. But if there's anyone in LA who is looking for uh, some kind of wants to run some tasks for me. It doesn't mean you'll be a part of my life. You might never even meet me. I might have you just ship things to me and pick things up. So if you just you know, and that then you can just DM me.
Someone will be there for sure. You've got plenty of l fans.
Well, that would be nice. I'll pay generously, I mean, not like, oh I will do but you. Okay, this is so confusing to me. Whenever I pay anything, my mom goes, I would okay, this this is the wildest one. Okay. So what I so, okay my mom and dad for are their dogs. I got a sitter for their dogs, right, their dogs? That are my old dogs. Which is what was the plan? Whi's like, you know, if you guys take care of these dogs for the rest of their lives and which they want because they love the dogs.
I'll pay for their food, I'll pay for their vets. I'll pay for literally every cost they ever have the rest of their lives. Fair deal. They're taking care of them. So when my parents go out of town, I are a dog sitterer. My mom found out how much I'm paying that dog sitter and this is my mom's words, Well, then I'll watch those dogs for that and I go they're your dogs. Like this doesn't even make sense, Like, now you keep talking about your dog. Oh, you'll watch
my dog for that amount, don't? Yes, well it's I do it for free. Here's the thing is, I will you whenever you find out what I pay people, because I am I feel that I pay very generous, not very but like pretty generously for things you always go I would do that for that. And it's like, but I don't want you to have to like move an armoire for me, like.
You, well I can't do that. Well yeah, but you the dog watching.
If you need some money, I will give you.
My don't thing Like, just listen, here's something I want money, earn money.
I want to earn it. I don't want to. I want to give you. You've earned it by being my mom and being so supportive and you're my mommy, and so I give you money. I want to give you enough money that you stop saying I do that. I'll fly to La to get some packages for you. I love La. What is the price that you would not do a menial tax for task for forty bucks?
What is something I want to do?
Like, would you ever if you were a millionaire, would you still be interested in picking up a package for like in mailing it for fifty extra bucks? Yes, well you have a million dollars. Why do you need to do that? I just love to make money. This is so weird.
It's not that weird, I mean.
Because it is weird because your time is money. Your time is valuable and going off and sending a package is like not something you should be doing with your time if you have a million dollars.
Well, people who are rich, they'll like pick up pennies and stuff and they'll be like, you got to save every penny and write about it on their website.
Might be dumb, but it feels practical.
But it's so funny to me that you're you're always trying to like, I want your life to be comfortable, yet you're still like, uh, like, oh, my parents TV broke yesterday, and I go just buy a new Can I buy you a new TV? I pulled out my phone to like look it up. I'm like, let me just buy you to be because I don't want my model meet some man in a Maryland Heights Lows parking lot because she found it on Craigslaw. I found out how cheap they're really, and we don't have the goddamn
cord for it. But your dad's gonna go and he's gonna go find the cord and send them off to the cord And it'll take you five days to get a TV that you bought and you have to drive all the way out to Fluorescent.
I'm doing that I'm not looking at these TVs now you aren't. No, you can't like an hour the doctor's office. Look one last time? Is there one?
No, it's worth the price of a TV just to have a TV delivered to your house to not know.
I know, yeah, I know. That's what My mom loves putting things in her car. She loves loading things into a car. It triggers me.
Some day with something.
He's like, we can't infit a TV, and yeah we can. I mean, it's not I'm you know what I'm in awe, I like respect it. There's a couple of things. Yes I do, Yes, I do. I honestly I don't because earn things too. So she absolutely does respect it. I respect.
Here's here's what I am learning about myself. Like this morning, I was we're talking some girls chat and I'm one of our girlfriends has like their mother in law staying with them, and that I would never want, like not because I don't love no matter who my mother in laws. I'm not thinking about someone in particular, I mean any I don't want anyone staying at my house now, you li truly, ever, I don't care if it's my best friend.
I don't care. I don't want anyone, and I know that's weird, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I just i'd like to do the things the way I like to do. I don't want to feel like I have to wake up earlier because they might be up. I wouldn't want to feel like, oh, they might not know how to work the coffee maker, so I need to be up to show them how. But people love having company. I'm not one of those people, and I just need to be okay with it. Here's another thing.
I was watching Hacks last night and they were loading an old chest of drawers into a bus and they were at a yard sale, which reminded me of you Okay. It was on season two Okay pull Off. They go to a yard sale and what's her name finds a big chest of drawers that she's like, oh, this is worth twenty thousand dollars, and she tries the low ball the guy, and the whole time I'm thinking, I'm like, already stressing out where are they going to put this thing?
They're on a bus ontour on the road, and that's I doubt anyone watching that scene would be like, what how are they going to transport it? And then instantly it cuts to them like loading it on, and I started getting almost hives from like having to like carry an armore and like load it onto something. That's why I don't think I want to move ever, is because I don't like watching people move furniture. I get stressed out by the idea of a couch fitting through a doorway.
Anytime I go to like a living spaces and I see couches, I'm like, I can't believe people like getting new couches because it stresses me out having to take the old couch out and like angle it and have sweaty men being like oh got it and ruining their bodies in front of me. So I sit them like way too much because I felt like why you sorry.
You had me come when you had this couch you did?
You're like, I got out of town. When my couches delve back. I can't even be in the room with it. It was stressful. It stresses me because.
Your couches were so big so they couldn't even get them, and they're like, how we're going to get this in? I know, I can't believe. And they were hand to move one couch. They they had to get the other couch totally out.
I really did plan that so I wouldn't be here.
You you were I paid you to do it. You were smart, and then we got it over to uh.
I paid your you to just witness it because I know that it's stressful. I can't does anyone else feel that way when you guys move and stuff, are you like, oh my god, I can't believe men are gonna have to come in here and like sweat and break their backs like it's it's I don't like fun.
There is a term called lickophobia, which is apparently people who are afraid of couches.
Okay, that's what we.
Were all like. I don't I'm not afraid of couches. I'm just afraid of the stress of moving things and putting things in boxes.
Phobia against moving couches, Like.
Like Chris will be like, oh this, we should get this thing, and I'm like, but it needs to be installed and there needs to be drilling, and you will have to like move the table out again from the wall. I can't, Like, I'm not even kidding you, I'm not gonna have to I want to move away for the first two months while Chris has everything loaded in because I can't. Yeah, I don't know what that is.
I don't either. I mean, is it from your childhood, from us moving furniture.
Possibly. I just get like your change. It's a fear of like things aren't gonna fit and then they're just gonna leave them there and then I'm gonna just be stuck with like this bed frame in my doorway or something like. I'm just scared because if I were remover, I'd be like, fuck you, lady, I'm not doing this, like it's not gonna fit by I'll just get a
job elsewhere. This job pays crap anyway, I'll go work at McDonald's and then I would just leave the bedframe in the doorway and then I will have to step over it for the rest of my life.
You know, move out, you're empathetic to people, That's what it is.
You just feel bad. You're like I do. I feel so bad for movers.
Yeah, and I would honestly love that mover if he's just like, you know what, fuck you lady, fuck you come out.
That's what I feeling they all should do. Like the fact that there are people bossing around movers is so wild to me, and like yelling at them and being like, don't do break that, like, don't stuff that. Fuck you lady.
I feel like it should be a federal law that every laborer should get like three fuck you ladies a year. Oh my god, you know what, fuck you lady.
I'm out, and then they don't have to do the job and.
Pay them for Let's just give them more.
Fuck you ladies, no recourse.
Wait, you get Okay, it's it's a moving company and they are twenty percent less than every other moving company. But each man in the moving company has a right to say fuck you lady. I think that would be so fun.
Careful with the fabric on that you lady, there.
You go, Okay, there's one can you please put the can you please take off your shoes?
It's like, lady, every single time.
All right, we gotta go to break. We'll come back with more after this. So my mom is fresh from a camping trip.
Yes, camping cane, Oh my god, that sounds amazing.
Three days, three days on the Mississippi.
Yes.
So yeah, So you soared your camping gear in the canoe and you would camp along the river.
Yes, we had we had sherpa's kind of but but they didn't set up her tents and everything. But we had a gourmet chef on the trip, and I think there were ten.
Of the James Beard winning chef here. We're not.
Yeah, he's he's an amazing chef. And his wife joined us halfway through.
But she came out of the woods.
Yeah.
Actually she came with your brother, your brother in law. Oh, okay, Matt, Matt who Matt who heads.
Up Matt has the company, my sister's husband.
Yes, So.
What is it called Muddy, Big Muddy and money? Yeah?
Is all in Missouri.
Yeah, you're all the Mississippi going down Missouri towards Arkansas or something going south.
Yeah, going towards Arkansas. My dad's cousin flew in from San Francisco with his wife. Wife, and my dad's cousin is a big wave surfer. Right. Doctor, he's a cancer doctor who like wrote a book that changed cancer how patients are treated with cancer. It's called under Understanding Cancer. And he uh, he's also a big wave surfer. Like has been featured on sixty Minutes in the New York New York New Yorker magazine. There was like a forty page article written about him in the nineties. His name's
Mark Rennicker. Is my dad's cousin. But he wanted to go down the Mississippi, so he flew out here. Well they made the friends with Chris Isaac. Oh that's true. Yeah, these are the three. And she's an amazing artist, right.
She comes from father was a humorist. He was a humorous Her grandfather was a humorist. Her father was a screenplay writer.
What did he write? That's okay, Ben her?
Yeah, how green is my valley?
Yeah?
I mean she's cool people. And her grandmother, well, this was another thing she said on the trip. She goes, we were talking about women in gold medal. She goes, my grandmother was the first woman to win a gold medal in the Olympics. She wanted in nineteen hundred in Parish and she got.
A gold medal.
And she you know, oh, yeah, god, I mean these are people that have really interesting stories. But anyway, I was not all gung ho for this.
You weren't.
And we were in San France meeting with him and he's like, your dad was tell him about this is what this trip is and he goes, I want to do that, and when he says he wants to do something, he does it. So it was like, Okay, Mark's coming in for and he and EJ I'll go on this trip. Next thing, you know, his wife is coming, and so it was like, shit, Jessica's coming.
Just push back on this. Just because a wife comes doesn't mean you have to go. Kind of no, it doesn't. This is what I think. I know you don't understand it, but I do understand it. I know you don't that you don't have a backbone when it comes to dealing with Dad and telling him you don't like to do things well and because you go I gotta go, Nick, And I go, no, you don't. What if you didn't, is he going to leave you for? He'll be pissed? Oak Tree like like mad.
Now I have an attitude during the whole day. It was like I honestly, I.
Just but I said, if you go, you're not allowed to paddle. I was like I told my parents. I told my dad, you are bringing an injured, broken woman on the river because of because she's going because of guilt, because she's going to be she's scared. You'll be mad at her, So she's going only because of that? Would you first of all, why would you want someone to go with you if they're only going so you wouldn't be mad at them? Can we all stop doing that? Well?
Like, do you want some things you just do because you're married and you please?
That's why I'm not going to get married. I don't think that. That's Chris would never make me do something I actively don't want to do unless it really meant something to him and like.
It really wasn't what it is.
Sometimes you don't want to do it, but then you do want to do it because it's.
Because it makes him happy. Okay, well then okay, here's the only thing. Then if my mom's doing it just to make him happy, I need him to acknowledge it and say thank you. I know you don't want to do it, be nice, because this is what my dad says. I go, Dad? You know mom doesn't want to go? Yes, she does. Stop saying that she does want to go? I go, Mom? Do you want to go? No? I don't dad. Did you just hear Mom say I don't want to go? She wants to go? Mom? Do you
want to go? Literally, this is a conversation last night? Did you want to go? I didn't want to go?
Nick?
Dad? Did you hear mom say she didn't want to go? She wanted to go? It's like, I don't understand what this kind of communication.
I just know it's important that I should go because it makes him happy, and I mean I needed to go.
Yeah, okay, I guess it's like about the end, do you regret going? Yes?
God, she does?
Okay, So I mean I don't regret it, regret it, but I will tell you the first Yeah, because it's over, thank you.
But would you do it again? No? Not interesting. If you could go back in time and say, Julie, should you go on the trip? Would you say go on it? I would say, Jessica is gonna go too? Okay, Oh so you'd guilt your past self into going maybe, but probably not. I mean, I honestly, when does a woman just do what she wants and not like you were of a generation of just like we do things because other people want us to because I feel bad, and
like we all do this early on our lives. When are you gonna doesn't Jane fond Of said, like she says that at some point in your life. You get old enough where you stop giving a fuck what people think and doing.
That I love people well, and is that gonna hit you? Well, let me just say Jessica was in the same boat.
She goes Mark literally.
So this is what you do. Anyway, Let's hang out all weekend and you let's send these goofs off.
I didn't even know if I wanted to do that. I was like, you know, okay, you know I'm going. So you were being nice, Okay, So anyway, it was fine, everything was great. We got there, but Friday night it poured down. They said forty percent answering, well, and we are already there and there were lightning bolts popping all around me. I was like, I'm getting in the tent and I'm gonna honker down. And I was scared to death, I have to admit. And it was something about having
no control. I mean, it's like, I put myself in this situation where I have no control.
Dad put you in that situation, well, and they did by not standing up to it and saying I just don't want to go and having that be a good answer, and you wonder why I go? Why can't I be the way other people are because I come from a family that goes. You do want to go camping? Yes, you do, and I don't. Final fat well, final thought. This is reminiscent of a camping trip we went on.
We were on so many camping trips as a kid, and there were so many downpours and so many lightning storms, and it was, oh, yeah, I remember one where you were hunkered down in the tent, going I don't like this, EJ. And I was trying to be like a cool daddy's girl, to quote a word I would never have called myself back then, but I was trying to like my mom was the pussy in the tent. My dad's making fun of her for being a pussy. So I'm like, I'm not a pussy. I'm going to watch the lightning with
my dad. The lightning is striking all around us. I think I kind of remember this. Do you remember that?
Yes, that's yes.
And I was terrified, but I was trying to stay cool for dad. And then let's not even get into when you and Lauren almost drowned on the river. You wonder why I don't like going out on excursions. Their boat flipped and.
I was at the helm, which I shouldn't have been.
No, but you liked it. You wanted to be at the hell I did not do. You liked it. You wanted to be there. Yeah. And then it flipped and and Mom and Lauren Laura almost drowned. Lauren almost drowned.
I mean was she went under a tree that was across the river and then I saw her going in and I just dove in after her.
Wow.
And I mean I could have died myself. Yes, but we both popped up underneath that thing. But I know about root wad and I know people get trapped under this.
Yeah, the dreaded Dad has told us about it many times. It was really scary. I was, but I for some reason.
We had to take two canoes and he's like, you can do this, and I'm like, okay, I'm not a canoer.
I know.
I've never steered. I've never pa ever ever even paddled. I've always been the queen in the front, never paddled.
I have no So in the end though, this trip.
In the end it was, I mean, it was, it was fun.
I can't imagine any of it.
It was.
Okay, what was your favorite part? The food?
I guess yeah, because I will be honest. I said, the chef I'm eating when he's cooking whatever he's cooking, and I ate.
Oh and you had to eat some red meat again. Sausage. My mom gave up bread, meat and chicken in January, yes, on my birthday, on her birthday in January twenty second, and so she has it. She's only eaten seafood since then. And she had a little sausage. It's a sasage. Deer meat. Oh my god, my mom's been obsessed with deer meat. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm going to bag a deer because she thinks that if she if it's wild game, than she is allowed to eat it because it's really about factory farm. Yeah,
that's my whole thing. Yes, so I'm allowed to respect that.
Yeah, I have respect it too, Okay, But I just guess what it is.
What it's called.
Somebody eats game meat, so anything game vegan?
Why?
I don't know, But you know, Julie Wagan, my.
Mom's friend is named Julie Wigan. It's going to be another Julie Weegand I just don't think you just eat just eat cows. I don't want you to eat a lesser meat that you don't like because deer meat is delicious. It is. Yeah, it can be.
Like gaming and difficult to chew.
Yeah, but I can eat it.
Okay, And I have been watching alone.
They can't know that. You and Ann you'll watch that show.
Yeah, okay, And they're down to like the last four guys living in austere conditions and one of the guys is eating mice.
I'm just thinking, like, what would I.
Like force myself to eat if I'm stuck somewhere for thirty days And I don't even think I could do that.
I think you would. I think when you're starving, you'll eat fucking anything. Yeah, nice would be a hard one. Well, if you don't what, you're not preparing it. If somebody else prepared it, I could eat it. Oh if I don't have to look at it was Well, that's how everyone gets by, because if anyone had to actually animals that they wouldn't eat any answer. Yeah, but I do want to cite a moment. It was like a couple of weeks ago. It was before we left for the Emmys,
and you said you would manifested deer meat or something. Yeah, what happened. Well, I was.
We were down at the river and I was like, craving deer meat. I was like, I have to eat some kind of meat. Well, I was craving meat.
I was like, are you not getting enough protein? That's probably right?
Maybe yeah, why don't you get some more protein? Yeah, I'm going to with some deer. Anyway, we let we went for a walk.
I said.
He's like, how are you gonna get deer meat? And I'm like, because they don't, you can't buy it.
Yeah.
So we're walking up the street talking to our other neighbors and here comes our neighbor driving down heading out, and he said, does anybody want a piece of deer meat?
Wow?
And I said what? And he said, I just cooked it on the girl. I had to cook it. And he had big chunks of tenderloin and he said, I marinated it. I'm just looking at your dad like you gotta be kidding me, like you had just been talking about it. I you couldn't ask for a better piece of meat. Tenderloin. They're called the backstraps.
Okay, So did you say, oh my god, I was just.
Said, you will not believe this. He said, well, here I am here you go.
He didn't say he didn't really, I don't think. And then my mom told us the story when we were at Posto House for my dad's show, right before we left for the ummies, and she was like, I can manifest now, I'm manifested this deer meat. I can do it. I'm doing your emmy. You're gonna win an emmy. I didn't do it right. That was the first thing that your mom failed us. Yafter, I didn't do it right. I didn't manifest right. But they were serving deer meat at the after party.
They did know. They served it on this strip. What do you mean deer meat on the strip that we just went on?
Oh yeah, how was it? What does it taste like?
Well?
He had scrapple or it's called deer scrap we had for breakfast.
I love that you just need the red meat, You're like Joe Rogan, I really need.
I had a friend who was a nurse, and she told me, anytime your body is craving like a certain food, satisfy that craving because it means that you are deficient and inviting them that that thing has Yes.
No, I I love when I'm craving something like I've been eating sushi for every fucking meal for weeks now. That's probably not good. And I think it's just because I, Oh, it's okay, because it's vegan. Yeah, it's the seaweed. Yeah, I'm I'm learning from a Yeah, seaweed. There's something of I a dine or something or maybe iron. I don't know a lot of you know, it's a lot. Oh god, I love it so much. It's all I want to
eat for. I literally eat it for lunch and dinner for the past three or four weeks, maybe a month, maybe longer. I just I'm on My mouth is watering right now even thinking about it. I can't stop. It's so good. I will wait you did you've got some? We got some last night? Do you see some leftover? Have you yet? No? I haven't eaten it.
Right now?
Breakfast filled already? All right? You got to go to the doctor. Yeah, all right, now, thank you for stopping by. Okay, physical therapy, all right? Nice? But thanks to all the best he's for sending suggestions for my I love them they. I don't think a bestie sent that one, but I sent you one that's been working. Next stretch. Yep, I've never felt better about myself in my life. Were totally a video.
Worked other people and they're like, it works.
Really, yeah, how do you do it?
Okay? It is a next stretch where you look all the way as far as you can to the right, and then you come and you just you picture what you the farthest you could see, like that lamp. And then you take your arms and you put the top arm of the right arm, right arm on top like a genie, like you're doing like a dream a genie.
You go like this five times. You go to the other side of the last stretch it and then the right to the side.
You don't do the right, just as center. Back to the left center five times, and and look again to your right after you're done, and you'll be able to see a little bit farther. It really works.
Oh, I'm going to do it right now home.
You got to do it when you're whoa, I'm not kidding out.
I went another inch. Yeah, I'm like an inch. Wow, it's impressive. Okay, that's cool. All right, Well, maybe send it back to me and maybe we can post it. Okay, if I remember, all right, this perfume isn't good. No, it's not good. I feel sick.
It's got a weird I really feel sick. Yeah, yeah, strange.
So if anyone wants some perfume, stop by. I'll tell you sell it on eBay. All right, thank you guys for listening. We'll be here tomorrow on the podcast don't be bye bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton,
and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nikki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel