#467 Nikki's Tirade, 'I'm Seated' & The Pup Has A Name!

The Nicki Gliser podcastisers.

Here's Nikki.

Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's nick Glazer Podcast. How's everyone doing today? It's an extra episode this week. We've covered it all.

But we're gonna keep going. Brian and Noah are here.

Comedy today is a bunch of leftover bullshit.

That we Yeah, sorry guys, Yeah, this is the scraps. Brian are getting a lot of feedback on bone Appetite.

Yeah, a good amount of feedback. Yeah, people are excited. There was one person in particular who was very important to me who I don't want to call out, but I texted them the article without comment, you know, just like, here's the article I texted to a bunch of important people and then they really.

Importing people in your life or people that.

Like, yeah, like important people in my life.

And you didn't say like, hey, check, like I'm in the you just like scent it contory.

I mean, I guess it is.

Everybody who received it was like, oh my god, it's amazing. Whoa, it's so good, It's so well written. And this one person wrote back three hours later cool with no with no, that's it just cool?

Is it a sibling No, No, someone that is in the business.

No, No, this person should be much more effusive to something like this. I don't want to say who it is because I don't want to like call them out, but I just feel like, did you it's a little bit it?

Or did you just write okay with a period?

Back?

Like?

What is now? I just did nothing? I just did nothing cool?

Like did they write cool with a period or cool exclamation mark?

Just cool? No situation? Yeah?

Like do they heart it too?

No? No, just cool? And I was like, what the fuck I mean to take it?

Is this someone who's who you? What would you have expected out of this person? Cool with an exclamation mark?

I'm so proud of you parents.

Oh no way, did your mom write cool?

No? I'm not saying.

Male or female based on this reaction.

I don't even think this person's listening to this podcast because they don't have an investment in the things you do. Oh my god, I'm sorry. People can be so disappointing. That's it's it's you know, she could have been he or she could have been distracted at the time, but it is so much more than cool. If someone that you are a blood relative of, and I'm not talking like if you are a cousin can write cool, a sister can't write cool.

You gotta have more than that.

Can we all just step it up with celebrating things in other people's lives a little bit more like it's like just and it doesn't matter what's what it is, like if it's cool to them, like excited for people and also if someone's sending you something and I'm just like, I gotta say I've been to like I'm just like so disappointed in people lately for other people, Like you're not even asking me to be disappointed at this person

I didn't even want to go off on a tirade about.

It, but not a trade.

Here's a tirade. We love a tirade. It's about money.

If you are rich and someone in your family who you love isn't and they are struggling at all with money, and you do not loan them amount of money that you do not need, and you will not think about or even notice is missing, You're a bad person, And I just need to reiterate that, Like I'm talking to you person who's listening to this, who has someone in their life, And I think I've said it before, but

Like, I'm you know, I'm struggling.

I lost sleep last night because we just don't know if we're gonna be able to afford this trip. And and and it's like or like this this we want to move, but we have to stay in this place we don't want because or we have to downsize to this place we don't want. And I'm like, your brother has one hundred million dollars, What is happening?

What's going on? Your brother who you're not estrange from, what's going on?

How could that brother know, like know that their brother is moving to a small place and not go here's ten grand. It's literally does not matter to me because

And then what did she say? She said, what does she say when you brought that up?

Well, first she goes, you spend too much money.

You're spending too much because she found out some money I've blent someone who needed it. You spend too much money, Nikki, I'm more worried about that, like literally that kind of tone out of nowhere. And then I was like, I need you to know that I have people and looking after me who trust very much to know that I don't I literally don't spend a lot of money compared to the other clients.

Like I'm okay, And I said, Mom, this is the amount I have.

You need to google this amount of money and see what people can do with that amount of money. Like I literally was like, I just this is what I needed to do, Like when you you don't know because you're still living from a place of like I'm just scraping by. So she's thinking I'm always scraping by and that because I'm spending all this stuff on people's hotels and flights or whatever it is, that I'm just like

Go, you should sleep all night.

If you ever were in financial straits, I would bail you out, like I have the ability to do that. I am a single person with a big income, and I I would take care of you.

There's no question about it. You I want.

That's the greatest gift. It's the reason I do this is that I want you to live longer. So you're so you get good sleep and you're not like my mom's stress about money is like ruins her body, you know what I mean.

And it ruins everyone's body.

So if you are putting your family through this when you could bail them out, and you're making your sister and brother in law or whatever it is, or your or your best friend, and you have ten thousand dollars laying around that you literally would not do anything. With a good investment, you can even say pay me back when you're able to get on your feet. But if the person is not an addict or has psychosis, you're a bad, bad family member. If you're not lending the money,

There's I think there's some twisted backwards honor and being like, well I earn this money and people it didn't all that. Yeah, cool, think about that.

They didn't.

The salaries that people get for their jobs are random and don't.

Make it, thank you, Brian. They are random. It don't make sense.

An EMT who saves people's lives on the day gets fifteen dollars an hour, and then the CEO of a tech company that delivers you a Nestley Quick drink in three minutes gets like seven hundred million dollars.

And then I had fifty million dollar bonus.

Yeah, and so like teachers are getting paid fifty thousand dollars. If you have a cousin who is a teacher and they don't have enough money and they're putting money out of their pocket to buy their kids school supplies, and you work at I don't know, a fucking oil company for doing marketing for Sonoco from.

Your dad, yeah, you didn't earn it, and I'm guessing he and if he got it from his grandfather, neither did he.

So a lot.

I have a friend whose parents are like hoarding a bunch of money until they die.

Then then they'll get the money.

And my friend is like, well, you know, my dad really believes in hard work and earning.

And I go, he didn't earn it. He got it from his dad.

And she was like, whoa, oh, she didn't even, she didn't even, she haven't even thought of it.

I go, he's hoarding it until he dies.

So he wants you to get this when you're seventy because he's gonna live to ninety three, So he wants you to get this money and he's not even. So if you're someone who's like, I'm not gonna get my kids money until I die, you don't want to see them have fun with that money and like live a better life because of it. You want to wait till they're in their sixties or seventies. Purpose of it is? What is the exactly what is the purpose of it?

For how much she was working.

Let's talk about that, like she moms are working so hard, they're not getting paid literally anything, even by the government, who should be paying them to have kids, because we don't have people having kids anymore unless they you know, like, it's.

That's Kamala Joe Biden and Kamala are trying to do that. FYI either trying to increase the child tax credit.

It's it's it's just like I just if you have money and you don't like because my mom the other day was like, Nikki, what you did for so and so, you were just so generous And I wasn't trying to be hero, but I was like, you have to stop saying this because I don't. I know that it's technically generous compared to other people, but I really believe everyone should be doing exactly what I did in the circumstance.

I'm not generous.

But I was like, no, this isn't coming from a place of being like I'm just I'm just a kind person.

It's just in me.

I literally don't think it's I'm not I'm kind. In many ways, this is not a kindness. This is literally like I just you just do it because you are safe? Can I so?

I as a person who was on the receiving end of it. A friend of mine when I was in college, I was so broke. I was so stressed over money. I couldn't pay my credit card bill. It was just like mounting and mounting with interest charge. And my friend just helped me pay it off and he never asked for that money back. I did eventually pay him back, but just to say, here, take that pay off your bills so you can just breathe a little bit and then just like not have to, oh like feel like

I can't even tell you. I remember when you're selfish to me. I told my mom.

I was like, honestly, I get off on it. Not because I'm like I'm such a good person. I just like that whoever can breathe easier when they're looking for a new job, which they were scrambling to find one and getting desperate and being like do I pay for.

You know LinkedIn?

Plus I don't really an't really afford it because I can't I'm looking for a job. But like, I'm like, how about you take this money that I don't even care about and that I could spend on some lavish vacation and you sleep at night. What a great gift to give someone. And it doesn't make me feel I just don't. I don't think it should be about general. It's not like I should be. My Mom's just like not a lot of people would do that, and I'm like, well, that's what's wrong with the world.

Maybe I'm just lead.

I just feel like, I just think if you tried it out people out there who have a lot of money, and you just gave a little bit to people who don't ask you know, I'm not If people are begging you for money over and over, that gets annoying. And I do have some people on my dms that listen to the podcast that beg for money, and I get it, and I probably would do the same thing. I can't help out strangers. It does have a limit, and sometimes

I like, I talked to Chris and I was like, we need to have.

A talk with my mom at dinner because of what she just texted me before this.

Dinner and had money. We'll be back up for this.

So, like an hour before dinner, my mom was like texting me, Nikki, I'm looking at this menu. She suggested the restaurant right because I said I had been there before, like weeks ago or something, and she was like what She was like, let's celebrate Golden Globe. So it's her idea to go out and celebrate, and I go, yeah, let's go to dinner.

Why don't we go.

To this Louis place, which I love, This place called Louis in Saint Louis.

Louis and Demunt and.

Chris and I had been there like a week ago with h his brother, and I was like, Yes, I can't wait to eat there again. They're so nice and it's like so delicious. It's a little out, not even a little I mean, I honestly think the decibel range in that place is on the verge of like the waiters and waite staff and the people who work at Louis. It is the best food I've had in Saint Louis, the best service, so delicious, so much care. Honestly the best meal you'll have in Saint Louis that I've found.

It is so loud. I don't know how you guys are gonna fix it. I love you so much, Louis.

There's music in the background that's like a you can hear like a bass, but it's just like people are screaming in there, scream.

Took people out of the restaurant and put them in your living room, it would be insane.

Yeah, you'd go, what is going on?

Are all these people deaf? Because they're all just screaming at each other? You really have to scream. And so because I don't know what, I really can't find the source of it. But if you work at Louis, I'd love to like help you. I'm not gonna help, but i'd love.

To want to give them money.

Takes territory to get them like foam for the walls so I can have a better dining experience. I will, But I have a funny thing about Louis too, by the way that I want to say, I think I want to say, I'm kind of embarrassed by it. But anyway, going back, So my mom goes, this is an hour before dinner, Nikki, I'm looking at this menu.

What can you even eat here? And I go, Mom, I've been there before.

I get a pizza with no cheese, and I just ask them to dump every vegetable they have besides olives on the pizza, extra red sauce, and then I eat like probably one piece of pizza minus the crust, because I'm not huge on carbs because I grew up in the early two thousands, and it just gives me anxiety.

And then I eat all of the toppings off the pizza. This is who I am. That's what you're gonna see from me.

Sometimes I'll stack the loose pizzas so it doesn't look like just an empty pizza.

But they don't judge me for it. There they just collect the plates. They don't go, whoa, what is this?

They don't like make me feel bad about my weird eating habits.

I also get the broccolan.

I literally could like mock me to my face screaming and I wouldn't hear.

I almost. I usually bring my.

My uh you know, tailor swift ear things, which, by the way, in Europe they gave you free ones. At I think it was Zurich, they handed up free ear plugs and it was such a nice thing to do. If you're going to concerts and not using your plugs, you're you're fucking insane or Louis so I So that's what I got, And so my mom was just.

Like, what are you gonna eat?

We all know my mom, love my mom, and I go, Mom, I got it. I get vegan stuff there all the time. They know me, and they'll they'll they'll take care of me. They like adapt things. There's sows, and there's tons of stuff on the menu, tons of budgies, and so she goes, Oh, and I'm looking at these prices, NICKI.

I what did I say? I can't. I want to read this to you, guys.

I want to know what the prices are too, because my perception of prices. Go ahead, you tell me.

What you think the prices are that my mom said. She goes, she goes Nikki.

I only suggested that place because he's yeah, because you said that the food was so good. I've never been there, but I feel bad that it's so expensive.

What do you what do you think of entre?

Is there?

Like it's a fish entree. I would say it's probably like forty six dollars.

I'm guessing it's around that.

I was gonna guess, like, maybe, well not fish, but let's say like an entre that Julia would would be like eighteen dollars.

Yeah, honestly, I think it's let's look at it, because I really want.

To for her to be a gas, so a pizza.

Is twenty around twenty three dollars. A main entre is the beef tender loins forty five. But we're really in the range from twenty three to.

What about pasta? Do they have a pasta dish?

Yeah, a pasta is going to be twenty three dollars.

That'say. A hamburger at McDonald's in la is twenty three dollars.

Yeah, exactly. But my mom is used to like my mom, doesn't my mom is? She goes, don't you call me cheap? I'm frugal, and I go I hate that. I don't like that word either, Like that word's almost worse.

I go, you archie, So she goes, So she goes, I go, I go.

She goes.

I've never been there, but I feel so bad that it's so expensive. I said, you should feel really bad. She goes, I know you don't care about that, and I go, no, I'm serious. This is the first time I've ever been mad about something like this. But I'm really pissed off that you suggested a restaurant.

I go to a lot.

You and Dad can split a water in an app. But that's it. I'm gonna have to talk to my financial guy and move some stuff around if you also want to split an entre, but we can maybe make it happen.

And she wait, wait, hold on, she is her reaction like, finally Nikki gets it.

At first, I was like, maybe she's gonna take me seriously when I go you should be mad.

But the thing is, she knows We've been through this a million times.

I'm almost I've told Chris it's at the point where I feel like it's just something. She feels like she knows that it's not too much for me, because she also just told me I should buy a two point five million dollar house. She was like encouraging that, So why would you encourage that and then go this place for a twenty three dollars pasta?

Is too much?

Like, so it doesn't fit with what she's It doesn't align with what she's.

Already telling in the core of her being. Yes, like ingrained in her since childhood that those prices look, especially restaurant prices for some reason, specifically going out to eat is such an extravagance for boomers.

Yeah, yes, it totally is.

And and Chris even noted something at dinner because I go Mom, I need to talk to you about something like we we can't do this these theatrics before I spent something anymore, Like if I say I'm gonna spend something, I don't want any kind of pushback on it. I think the best way to acknowledge that it's a lot of money and that you can't believe it's so much money is to just thank me afterwards and say, wow, that was such a good meal. Thank you so much.

Better than going nicky.

No, you can't, because what that says to me is that I'm I'm doing something bad with my money, that I'm being stupid, that I'm a putts, that I'm a that you are tricking me somehow, and just like that, I'm That doesn't feel good to always feel like you are spending beyond your means.

And then you have to love.

The word theatrics. Have to watch a little play every time you want to every time.

No, Nikki, you can't for that, I'm not I'll just drink from the tap.

I'm not doing that. That for a water.

No, And I'm just like I can't. Yes, and it's just and it's Chris made a point. He's like, you, Julie, you felt it was tacky for you to suggest a place that is what you didn't know was so expensive, and you wanted Nikki to know that it was not you, like you didn't know it was these prides, like you would never tell Nikki to buy something that was expensive, Chris, And so it was really nice that he like advocated for her position in that. And she was like, yes, that's exactly how I felt.

And I understand that.

And I also am my, my, you know, mother's daughter, and I get upset about you know, uber canceling and charging me ten dollars or whatever, and I'll.

Go why did they do that?

Like that's ten dollars I just wasted, And Chris will be like, what is going on? Why are you freaking out about this? Because it's it's money. Is just makes people crazy. So I understand it.

But there's a boomer thing that every I think every boomer does. I went on a road trip with my dad who's a boomer, and for for hours, for days, every single time we passed a gas station sign, he would go that's a dollar cheaper. Here, that's two dollars more expensive. Here, Oh, look at that. We should pull if we have a full tank of gas, you'd be like, we should pull over. That's fifty cents cheaper. And it's like, we don't need to point out every single gas station price that every we.

Grew up with parents who were in the Great Depression? Is that what happened? And that's how it trickled down to them being obsessive.

About No, the grandparents were in the Great.

Depression, right, their grandparents?

No, maybe it was their parents.

I think it's their parents were like at these kids during the depression.

Yeah, and so it trickled down.

But they were born in the fifties. Their parents parents were born in yeah, the twenties. So yeah.

I will say though that the other day Emily, my social media girl, who is just teaching me honestly, everyone needs to get young friends because I am so much younger.

Because first of all, I listen to last culture resas it's.

Making me feel younger because they're younger, and Emily is twenty five, I think okay, and she is just she's so smart and well, like I can I can hang with her because she is mature for her age, you know, like I have some young friends who are just like seem like they'd be in their late thirties because of how smart they are and stuff. But she still is like a youthfulness to her that makes me feel hip

Like with a period, you know.

And another one I learned the other day is I'm sitting like someone if someone's like expecting like I want, like I'm like, oh my god, I'm about to tell you this good news, like this big news. People go I'm sitting, I'm seated.

I'm seated. Sorry I'm seated.

To anyone who was like I'm sitting, I'm seated, and I go, what does I'm because I sent Emily a screenshot that someone had said I'm seated that we were on a text group chain and I go and he's a younger guy, Jonah from my PR team. I go, Emily, what does I'm seated mean? And she was like, oh, it means, like I go, is that a gen Z term?

Have you heard that? She was.

I was like, maybe he just made it up, because that can happen too, and she said, no, that it means like, Okay, I'm ready, like I'm sitting here with popcorn, I'm ready for the show to begin. Tell me what's happening, like I'm seated, which is a great phrase. Let's all use it, like, let's not mock gen Z for the phrases.

It's honestly so much fun.

And then I go, maybe though I'm seated is in reference to when before you tell someone something crazy, you go are you sitting down? And someone go, I'm seated. So we were like, it's maybe a mixture of those.

But Emily, wait, hold on, I think I know the appeal of that because it gets ahead of it. So instead of like you telling them to sit down there getting ahead of it, it's forward to dating.

And again, like I said, with these gen Z terms, it like gives you more, It allows for more, more thoughtful context of the conversation is fun.

I'm not I love seated. I'm just I'm just not confused by this term at all. I don't understand even why.

Okay, if you were in a conversation with someone where it was like, okay, you guys, you got to see this picture. You guys, I'm about to send you this picture, you're gonna freak out, and someone just goes, I'm seated in all caps. Wouldn't you be a little bit like, what is that? You would totally not think that's a weird thing to say, or something like you would just know that that.

I mean, there's plenty of terms where I would have this.

Well, it wasn't like I was confused. I just wondered if he made it up, like I understood what it meant. He's waiting for the thing. I didn't know if it was something that other people were saying. And I like that it is because I'm gonna start using it.

I do have to say, I I am. I do appreciate gen Z speak. I think I love it. They're pretty cool. After watching a bunch of like youtubeer gen z YouTubers who just have their like monologue videos out there, which is like the most popular YouTube videos. Now, yeah, I'm like, these guys are funny and they are cool.

It's they're so cool.

They are so cool and I don't know, they're just like more emotionally advanced. So they've got that going for them, which we really didn't even though they still have immaturities about them because they are had less life. But Emily the other day was I was complaining about some cost of something.

What was it?

Oh, she videotaped me and Target, like getting new makeup because last weekend I totally forgot my makeup bag. So we went to Target and I was like making like an emergency makeup bag, even though like all my makeup is like Elf products and Wet and Wild and like, in fact, I left my I accidently was using Emily's makeup bag and I had my Wet and Wild foundation, which Wet and Wild is like the cheapest brand, Brian.

Like that's how it's less than McDonald's.

If that's even a possibility of like what makeup would be yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So it's a costco uh Glizzy, So I aren't they a dollar?

So I left it and she.

Goes, nicky, I'm dead or so whatever. She sent me a picture of her Wet and Wild that I left in her makeup bag once she got home, and I was like, it's good it Actually, I go, Bethany Frankel likes it too, because I saw Bethany Frankel doing drug store makeup reviews and I was like, she's on the Wet and Wild train too. It's like it has like a shine in it, and I just like it. And I feel like all makeup is like trash for your

It's insane.

But she was like, I'm dead, you're using this and I go, it's honestly so good and then she put it.

I go try it and she was like, I'm well, she said, you know.

She was just like, just give me who is this person? How did you meet them?

She is my social media yeah, and she's just like blown up my TikTok. She just like helps me feel She is like she's like my cheerleader. She like noticed one day I was down and she sent me these voice memos about.

Like, I just want to let you know that.

And I realized recently that you like voice memos maybe more than text. But I just need you to know that the reason like you, She was like, I had a goal when I first started working that I wanted to work with Nicky Glazer, and I am now working for Nicky Glazer, and it is it is a dream job. Not only is it so much fun, but I am getting to grow so much, I'm learning so much. I'm having the best time. Like it was so and she was like, and you are a queen. You don't realize it.

Go, Chris, I just got it. I left.

She was like maybe like leaving the job because she said a really long voice memo and I was like, what's this gonna be?

And Chris and I are just listening into a bed and she's just like talking like this. She's like, seriously, you.

It's it was the nicest thing I've ever gotten. And I'm like, this girl loves me so much. I love her so much. She believes in me. I like trust her because I think she's really cool, and like if she thinks I'm cool, it just is very validating when like a young person thinks you're so cool.

Oh yeah.

But she goes Nikki Nicole Glazer Wet and Wild Foundation. I said, I like it. Bethany Frankel does too. She goes, okay, maybe I'll try it. I said, do it. She goes okay, period, but I think she accidentally sent period, you know, like she was talking, and she goes okay. So I tried it and look stunning. And then I go, it's good. It's probably full of bad shit, but what is it? And she goes one hundred pee. That's the new thing too.

Pece sign does already the percent sign?

No, no percent sign, just one hundred pe o.

It's not cool anymore.

No, well, I think that's just it just works to say one.

Hundred p And when she said stunning, she was question mark yes.

She's like I look stunning. Like she's like, you know, so she's cool.

But she was like, so she fills me for this target run and I see a nine dollars lip gloss and I'm like, fuck that. And I like threw back and I'm like that's bullshit, and I was like, she sent me the clip of it. She was like, I'm dying.

And she was like, and you.

Demolish it within one minute. I'm like, you're so right that lip gloss was worth it. So it's all perspective, like does.

She talk like this in real life or is it just overtext.

A little bit? Both?

Like she it's it's she definitely does talk like a gen z or, but it doesn't make her seem less intelligent or like trying to be cool.

It's just like one hundred oh yeah, it's like, yeah, we'll get it done.

What did you do today?

Okay, you know, like we'll get it done.

I mean like yeah, she talks like like I go to.

The I go up to you. You're her, and I go, what do you think of this shirt? What do you think of this shirt? I'm thinking about buying?

I mean it's cute. I mean, I mean I think that one's better.

Like she would she was She's honest with me, but she's like she'd be like, okay, it's like giving tortured poets like she she would use its giving. I mean like and then she would reference something like a like some kind of person like someone who's She's like, oh yeah, like so and so aware stuff like that, who's so that I'd have to google the person and find out.

As like a motivational coach that you're carrying around with you.

This is also positive all the time. I love having her around and she's like, yeah, girl, we'll get it. Like she's just like and she won't accept extra money for coming out on the road with me. She's like, oh, I already get paid to work for you, like you pay. I pay a company that like employs her. And she's like and I'm like, okay, I need to pay you extra, like you're giving me your weekend, you know, I pay

But I'm gonna. But she's just like she's this weekends.

Yeah she's request but she's just so sweet and she's so positive and like, yeah, she just everyone. I think everyone could really use an Emily in their life. I didn't know I needed one so desperately until she came into it. Of just like a young person that kind of looks up to you and things. I didn't even know she was like a fan of mine, Like I was just on a call with someone who she was on a zoom call, you know. I found out about this the company she works for, up High, through my

And she was just on that.

She was just a girl on a box and a zoom call, and I was like, Oh, she's really nice. But I didn't know that she had written down when she first started working for up High. They asked her, like, with your dream client, and she wrote Nikki Glazer, like I didn't know like.

That is, and that I didn't know any of that.

So it was really cute that she's like kind of revealed it quietly along the way of like what I mean to her. It kind of feels like how I'd probably do a Taylor Swift thing, even though Taylor Swift is well aware at this if she isn't she's not

Try, what job do you think you could realistically be hired for it? And if you're worry, banter.

Banter, Yeah, for her to go on talk shows punching up stories she tells or you know, she doesn't need the help by any means, but like even like you know, things she says in between songs, like I thought of a funny thing for Taylor to say after Like there's a part in at the aristour when everyone's holding up their phones and doing like, you know, the lights, like we don't have lighters anymore, which, by the way, that would have back in the seventies when everyone did that

She's like, you guys, are so sweet.

You all held up your phones and like, I just think it would be a funny thing to be, like, you risked wasting your battery life for me, for me to have that a special moment with a song, because we're really doing it for her because it looks so pretty for her to look out and she's singing about her grandmother, who were all kind of like paying homage to in this beautiful song about her grandmother who's passed away, and her grandmother's voice is singing throughout because it's in

Said because I was just like she might people just.

Might assume she already knows how great she is, because why wouldn't she She's Jaylaw. But like I would just try to find a way to yeah, just like because I know that I always still like to hear great show when I do have a great show, you know, not when it's just like cursory. I mean, I still want to hear it because when I don't hear it. I'm like, it must have been the worst thing ever.

Of like awkward to like clasp.

So it just seems like weird to walk out of that and then walk by someone who's just like says nothing. I mean, Brian, We've been comedians who like have walked off stage and people don't say good.

Job, And when you haven't done a good job, it.

Really feels hard when no one can when people go how were they? That's the classic, like every comedian knows you bombed. If a comedian watched your you know they at least saw the last minute of your set, which was rough, because you didn't.

Now they're just worried about their set because they saw how terrible the end of your set.

Oh, I think that's interesting. I think they just want to be like, did you think that went well? Like they need to say something because they can't say nothing, so they go out.

Did you like them?

I'd rather someone go rough night because it really night acknowledges that, like, I know you're the atmosphere. Yeah, I know you're a good comedian. I know that you're funny. That was just I'm not going to particuld, Like if someone's tiptoeing around maybe upsetting you because they said that that was a bad set, and that means they really think you. You're bad enough that that it's something that would bother you.

See.

I just think we're all fragile enough, no matter how good we are, to never want to acknowledge a bad set.

But I've I've had some, you know, bad sets.

Like if it was you coming off stage and you had a bad set, I would literally know it was because the audience sucked, like I think we we've I've had some openers that have just had not good sets because the audience is too drunk. They don't respect the opener because they're there to see me. They don't understand how a comedy show runs. They just talk through their

The fuck are you supposed to get a laugh? So it's just the whole time, it's a struggle.

And I've had some you know, openers walk off like a little shell shocked, and I always just say to them, I fucking hate them, like it that's that's just like I fucking hated them, Like it's because it's.

Not about you. It's very nice, but it's true.

It's like, yes, sometimes I do think that it's kind of always I always actually think it's on me, Like even if the crowd is I mean, there's been some crowds that are just insane that you're just like I don't even want them to like me, but it kind of is always on us to win them over. We're performers, like that's part of the skill. Like you can't always

Because you have such a reaction.

But like getting mad at a crowd for like not getting you is it always to me is not a good luck. And I'm someone who always will take blame almost too much, I think, to a fault.

But I do think it's that's part of our job.

I think it's joke per joke. I mean, to me, the opener's job is to make sure that they are laughing by the time you get off stage. So if you start off and they're and they're tight, yeah, as long as they're ready to go for the headliner, Yeah, then that's fine. You did your job, even if your set was was torturous.

Yeah.

But like that for me, so if they if the audience just seems like tired or stoned or like not paying attention, then I will be like, what's going on? That's like, what's wrong with you? Like wake up? Like I would I do that? Sometimes, Yes, just and kind it kind of like sabotages my own set so that they wake up a little bit for the next person.

Well, that's really nice of you, because you're doing the

But okay, oh sorry, really send it. No, I don't even view it as like something I do as a comedian or as an opener. I do it in real life if if I if I say something and I don't get the response I want, then I'll I will do that in real life. I'll go, how did you not think that this was? Like that's just my personality? Also just like cool?

Did you right back to it?

No?

No?

I no, okay, so maybe it's not you but no, in real life, it is not overtext.

Right, all right, cool, all right, we'll be by for this.

All right. So I have a twist for you in the theft in airports saga that you talk about frequently on this podcast.

Yeah, I'm seated, let's hear it's okay.

So there has been a rash. You're gonna be incredibly disappointed by the end of this, but there was. There's been a rash of thefts at an airline terminals over the last year, and governments don't know what to do about it. Cities don't know what.

To do aboutside the air pertinal, past past tsa well or at baggage all.

The So I was looking at this article. It's like, I can't wait to send this to Nikki because there's all these thefts happening. They don't know what to do. Everyone's bags are being stolen. And then I look it up and it's like all of them even think they qualify, and all the articles they're like, all of these thefts are happening at baggage claim. Yes, I'm people, so.

It doesn't happen even more often, Yes, it.

Thinks about it like you're just you're not there.

Yet it's almost like.

In there, please steal me fit yes, and anyone.

Can go in there, And it just feels like the why criminals haven't figured out this sooner is like how I feel about why we didn't figure out putting wheels on luggage sooner?

Like it's like it's right there, guys. Do they not want to pay for parking? Maybe, but it's worth it. There's treasures in every luggage.

Every luggage there's treasures or medications or.

Something you can get high on. And also we were talking about wheels on luggage. Remember, you know, like there were wheel and luggage until like the early nineties, I think maybe late nineties that became ubiquitous, but then.

Even even but.

But we all go, how did we not think about wheels on fucking luggage? Like we've been carrying around luggage for decades now, like maybe almost centuries, just carrying this like wooden handle that you've got. And then but wait a second, but then also for two decades, we were doing two wheels four wheels until like ten years ago, and now every luggage is four wheels, and four wheels, if you don't know, is so.

Much better than two whey and it's been so much.

Better, and so it's like, what it could be next that we are not seeing that is right in front of us.

What's six wheels? What's that gonna mean? What were you gonna say, Brian.

Well, I just want to using wheels. I think about luggage. I think about the people in the you know, fifties and below who could afford to have luggage. We're rich enough to have servants to carry the.

Load them and they didn't care what the see.

I would have been a rich person being like the servants are going to break their back. Like I really can't stand when I get a car service and it's an old person. I'm like the Larry David episode when it's like a woman and he's like, I don't want this.

I really am like this is bullshit.

I want like a big man who looks at my seventy pound suitcase and is like this is nothing and just hurls it in with one hand.

And is not hurting his back like that. That's kind of what I want.

I'm sorry, I'm sexist, and I'm sizest again for an age. I guess I am able ablest probably in terms of like their bone density. I like I don't, But I don't want to hold this thing either, Like I'm I'm packing it this way knowing that it's going to get a heavy tag and that people who are in the back recesses of the airport or have back support scraps on I hope.

I don't.

Don't even like it when the Southwest woman has to hurl it onto that little thing. I'm like, you pull these these people are beating up their bodies and they're at the ticketing counter and they don't.

Have any type of baies.

Oh it's it's a shout out to you guys at the ticket encounter on anyone who deals with baggage. It's it's fucked. But you're so right about that, Brian, Like no one gave a fuck.

Back in the early twentieth century or the mid twentieth century, they even had trunks instead of oh insane, like a rich debutante would show up at the dock with a bunch of trunks.

And a briefcase. I mean, men were carrying around briefcases themselves. Why not put a strap on it because it was gay? Do you think it looked too much like a purse?

Ye? Women did.

But even women didn't have, like, you know, what's it called crossbody bags?

Like, yeah, you've just had our bosoms? Yeah? Yeah, we either hurl those around, should put a wheel on them.

When I was in college, I used to use a messenger bag instead of a backpack. Remember the messenger bag.

Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. I don't know. Yeah, I think you can bring it back. Uh, fanny packs on the new purse though. I see so many girls with my same purse that every day.

Yes, he's on the fanny pack train.

Does he wear it around his waist or does he.

Wear it right under his belly?

God?

This stuff and his cargo.

Uh, it's so convenient, it's amazing.

It's so much better than pockets.

Proud of So, I wanted to talk about a thing that I did for One of my favorite things to read is the things like items I can't live without. What is the name of the title? The title of it? I'm sorry, Yes, it's by the Strategy. The Strategist is

I think they even have to say they're paid.

But generally these are just people who are hired that have great taste in literally everything, and they get people to review different things and try out every kind of Queason art or every kind of yoga matt like. If you are looking for a product type in the go to the Strategist website and they will have like a listicle of like which ones are the best, with links and everything, and so final thought, one of my favorite

You can tell when celebrities.

Have phoned it in, and it's like the whole thing they talk about is just like whatever lotion company their best friend started and it's like eight hundred dollars a jar, or it's like they're trying. They're like, uh, they do like a meditation book that they read one they're trying to seem smart. A lot of them talk about journals and pens they like and like quill pens, and you're like,

And so when I got interviewed.

By by Jordan McMahon McMahon Mayhon McMahon, he was like, wow, I He even noted, like I haven't seen someone, I haven't interviewed someone to put this much thought into it. I was like, because I'm a staying and it's like I picked things that I needed.

I didn't want to.

I made it sure that I didn't want anyone to think I looked cool, Like none of these products were picked so that you would think I was something that I wasn't. And by the way, my list was way longer the first one I gave, and I took things off that I did.

I checked my ego and.

I'm like, you're putting this on to seem like cool because you're worried who might see it. But these are just things I think everyone should have, not everyone, but most people. First of all, My Halo's sleep iyemask, by the way, they gave the wrong link at first, and there was a picture of one that looked like a Migraine helmet, and I was like, people are buying the wrong mask because of me. It's the first thing on my list. Switch out that photo right away. So it's

Every day and now I can't sleep without it. God damn it.

It truly like you said yesterday, it makes you a little bit like, it makes you like I can't sweep without my face mask, okay. And then the thing I've always talked about on the show before, in case you're new to it, it's the Ordinary.

It's by the ordinary. It's ten dollars.

It is my favorite serum that I use on my face every single day. I've used can't believe you put that out there ten years. I know, I was like keeping it for a while.

You know what I have.

I have other ways to get this stuff because it's just one hundred percent plant squalling. And by the way, everyone's putting it in their shit now, squaling is like the new thing that people put in their skincare lines. It's so cheap, you guys, just get one hundred percent plant drives squaling the ordinary ten dollars. I use it on everything. It's just moisturizing without being oily. But it goes on like an oil. It's slick, it absorbs great. You can put it on the morning and your moisturized

Through the night.

They always you always, they absorb quickly and then you gotta put something else on.

This keeps you moisturized all day.

Can't literally would that's my number one product I can't live without, and I would put it above Starbucks. And I didn't put Starbucks on this list because you know everyone already knows. Then there is a eyeliner that I found when I was traveling in Europe for my tour.

So the only eyeliner you use. It's a pen.

It's like if you want to do a perfect wing, it just gives you the blackest line. It's five dollars. I mean, I'm not even meaning to be give you bargains here. It's by Caligraph C A L L I g R A pH pro Precise twenty four hour waterproof matt liner. Holy shit, it's so good. It's five dollars on Amazon or no at Katrese. Well, you can find it anywhere, but it takes a little while to ship to you sometimes because it's back order and it's from Europe.

Stand, Okay that I'm I'm buying that.

Dude, Noah, buy three of them because you'll lose they They are so compact they fold up. It's just a little phone stand, so like when you're needing or something, you just like it stays sturdy, it's got great movement. It's just a well engineered phone stand. It is the one of the best thing engineered things I've ever seen.

It's so simplid. Sometimes I'm like.

Eating oatmeal and I want to like be on my phone and I want to read something or look at something, but I don't want to hold my phone.

I want my.

Phone perched up so that it's reading and I can just scroll with one hand. We're watching, or if I'm doing an Instagram live, I can purchase it and then talk or filming something hands free.

I get that. Or if you're watching a YouTube video making a smoothie or something.

Absolutely, oh my god, Brian, you will die. It's so they're so.

One hundred P one hundred pet dead, I'm.

Dead, one hundred pe You're seated, you're screaming.

I love because there are so many of them that I got overwhelmed trying to figure out which fucking iPhone stands a by. So thank you Nikki Glazer for putting that on your list. So right, Noah, it is.

So.

This is also like dogbeds.

If anyone has a great little dog dog bed to recommend, I am overwhelmed at the options, and I have it, like.

I mean, everyone has it. We already know what it is. Let me look it up. I just literally bought another one for my dog because my old one was like looking a little ratty. So I was like, let's get you a new one. Every dog loves this bed. They cannot get enough of it. I'll get up right now.

I'll keep going.

So, by the way, that phone stand was called the New LIXI n U l A x Y. It's on Amazon fifteen dollars. I put in a guitar, a baby tailor guitar, because it's four hundred fifty dollars. That's a little bit of a price point. But if you're buying a guitar and you want to learn. It's small. You can figure out how to learn. I was just trying to encourage people to pick up guitar later in life and you could travel with it.

And if it gets like beat.

Up on the plane and they make you check it, like it's not the biggest, Like it's not like a you know, two thousand dollars guitar that you're like, it's the neck broke. It's four and fifty dollars. It sounds great and you can travel everywhere with it.

I just thought was good.

This one I've kind of backed away from, but I do believe when I do use it, it's amazing. Red light therapy apparently, is like it takes years to actually start showing, Like the red light therapy mask you wear, like whatever the LED masks, the thing they're doing to your face won't show up for a year. Like so whatever college in their building has to take a year to build. So you'll never see direct results from this stuff right away.

And that makes me discouraged.

To use it because I've bought I spent thousands of dollars on red light masks and different things, and I just don't use them. But the solo wave four and one Red Light Therapy Starter Kit. It's like this little wand and it vibrates and it has a red light on it, which is like whatever, who cares. But the vibration and just the gliding on your face. You could do it with the squalane. It's so relaxing. It definitely d puffs because the slight vibration and it feels so

It's mindful.

You can just sit there with your new phone on your new Lexei stand and just do it gently across your face.

And it's two hundred and sixty two dollars.

But I really do think it's awesome and works really well and I like it. And then there's a charcoal deodorant that makes you smell like nothing, and I think I've talked about it on the podcast before, but it's called Purely Great Charcoal Deodorant. You stir it up and if you literally don't want to smell for like a day, swab this stuff on your pits.

It's natural, it's charcoal.

You do have to stir it up, and it does come with a little stick like the stick you know that you get to in those cheese crackers, the red stick.

It's literally exactly.

That stick, but it's white and you stir it up and it's almost like that same cheese consistency, but it's like chalk and water that you got to stir and.

Then you get it too, that cheese consistency.

You put it in your pit, you close your pit, and you just like get take the little stick out and you just like kind of and then you just mush your pits together like this and you will not smell for days if you don't want to, literally zero cent. It's wild, Chris, and I can't stop talking about it. I don't use it every day because it's kind of the pain in the ass with the ladle and stuff and you got to stir it and sometimes in a rush.

But it's called purely great.

And if you want a natural deodorant that honestly does not make you stink, And if you've heard intrusive thoughts episodes, I have problems with natural deodorant and sticking stinking. I've had that in my past, and so I had to go back to like the aluminum kind. But this has made it so I can when I want to have a natural geodorant and not smell at all. We don't even understand how it works, because Chris has tried every natural geodorant. We all know they don't work like they

The dogbed is twenty four dollars and thirty cents on Amazon.

Okay, I'm getting it right now.

Best Friends by Sherry, the original, the original calming donut, and it comes in many different colors. And I'm telling you, my dog can get enough of this thing. This.

I tried to order this last night, Brian, but it's back ordered.

I mean, everybody knows it's the best bed. I mean I see other people when I go. Sometimes I'm on Instagram and I see someone else's dog in that bed, and I'm like, you know, you know that that's the best bet.

Okay, I'm getting the Tope shag oh okay, fifteen ninety nine. Actually yeah, it's I needed this bed this week and it was back ordered till Tuesday's September third. But I'm getting it anyway, because you know what, she should have two beds, and it's the best one, and we'll see which one she chooses.

I also have a good harness recommendation if anyone's looking for her. If your dog slips out of its harness, gets out.

Of it, will if I put a harness on it, she freezes and won't move.

She literally can't like.

And then I'll pull her and she'll slap market, but then she'll freeze again. She can't understand that her body my cat does battle.

This will fix that. But this harness is you cannot get out of this harness. I tried like ten different harnesses with Jack when I first got him, and he slipped out of all of them except for this one.

Slip out of a harness that goes around your legs like pants.

He pulled it backwards. He's so small, and he pulls backwards and then it slips his neck out going in, and you're like, and sometimes you're pulling to like come with me. And he pulled the other way and then he lifts his leg and gets out. He's got called the new harness is called well, this is the harness I've had for him for now like six years. It's called Roughware. Are you f f W E a feeling? Okay, yeah, do you know the rough wear?

No I just had. When you said rough I was like, oh, oh yeah.

No, they're going to do that now on Amazon it says currently unavailable.

See that's what I'm saying this the ship sells out. I'm a little I'm worried about chewe I've I've always had a great They're so amazing, customer service is great. Oh the dog has a name, by the way, named Hepially yesterday next week seated.

Okay, it's seated, is going to go?

Are you guys? Seated? For the name? Everyone seed seated, get seated.

Cromation point Goldie and it's golden globes.

Didn't hurt this name, but it was like, oh, that's a sign we should go for that, because it's kind of like funny that that happened in my life around the time I got her.

And it sounds like girly, which.

Which is what we've been calling her, but we weren't like sure of that, and she is golden and our pet sitter told us she's just a golden dog, like she's a gold she is, like she's just got golden energy. And she said that like a month ago, and we were like.

Oh, that's kind of funny. Maybe we should call her Goldie.

So we were flirting with it, and then the Golden Globes and then and then yeah, Matt Green, my brother in law, yesterday texted our group chat like congrats on Goldie and I was like, oh, wait, I go, this is her name. I go, that's what we're naming the dog. And so Chris agreed last night, so it's official Goldie.

Yeah, yeah, Goldie.

Yes, such a cute night, like she's a golden girl. We love her.

Thank you guys for listening to the podcast this week. I hope you enjoyed the extra episode.

We'll be back next week. I am in North Dakota this week.

If you are near there's there's people up there. I think I'm there on Saturday at a casino, but check my website. I don't know exactly the new Town North Dakota's where I'm going Newtown, North Dakota.

Hope you to see some of you there.

I don't know who's going to be there. I've never been to North Dakota. I've never performed in North Dakota. We'll see how it goes.

I can't wait.

Lots stordades available Nicki Glazer dot com. Love you guys, K bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton,