The Nicky Glaizer Podcast.
Glaser po.
Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicki Glazer podcast coming at you from Saint Louis, Missouri. I'm here in studio with my sister, who is kind enough to join us. Last minute. I was just like, well, just saw you at the parents house.
Yeah.
Yeah, And then I was driving home and I was like, do you want to do the podcast? And you were like sure, and I was like yes, hell yeah. So I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for being here. Brian Frangie's here, What.
Up, Bry that's right, your sister from another mister.
That's what we call you. And then Noah is here as well. Hi know, hey guys, everyone, have a good weekend, you know what.
I went to Trader Joe's and I had an interesting interaction with the cashier where she said, I said how are you and she said great? And I said you're great and she said yeah, I think so. And I was like, wow, that's amazing, and she said how are you. How's your weekend going? And I said, honestly, it's it's just like fine, Like I'm doing chores, you know, It's like I feel like I'm on my deathbed. I'm not going to like remember this weekend.
Yeah, one of those.
Yeah, And and she was like, oh, that's that's a good point. That's a good point. I said, what about you, And she said, yeah, I don't think I'll remember this weekend either. And then I said, okay.
So it's not great.
Well, I mean so yeah, I mean, I just it's just interesting that you asked me that, because I feel like I've gone off down like a spiral of oh right.
Like you've already been through this of like what your weekend was, and it was one of the ones that be remembered. But I feel like, a no, I think
you're so right. I just the more I look back on, you know, pictures that will pop up on my photo feed of like this was a year ago or whatever, or just memories in general, like big things can happen and I still don't really remember a lot of them, and it's just like even big stuff, I can kind of be like, oh, like I don't remember the details of it, or you know, oh, there was one we ran into a girl. Lauren and I were at dinner with our parents and the kids, like a week ago,
or so. And this girl that we went to school with that Lauren was friends with, and when when we were little, she was there with her kids at the same playground slash place to eat, and Lauren said to me later on that this girl said to you, she.
Said, oh, I saw your sister, and she was like, yeah, I remember your sister smeared shit all over my face. I was like, little ship on your face.
Yeah, when they were when we were young, she said, the mall there was your birthday birthday party, and I smeared ship all over your face. But if you hear that must.
Have been like a bath and body works like it totally was not shit. Actual shit definitely wasn't. But I had to clarify. I was like, that is just so un.
Did you say shit? Did I said? I?
I said, was it literal shit? I asked her? And when she said no, it was like something else, okay.
And so that girl remembered that because that probably really embarrassed something I did really embarrassed her, whereas from my point of view, like I don't remember that, Like if I were to really embarrass someone or like devastate someone's life in that way that they remember it for that long I it would have it would have landed on me.
I would still remember it. But to me, it was probably just we were smearing icing on each other's faces or something, and I just probably went a little too hard because I could be a little too aggressive sometimes just because I would get excited. But I don't think I was ever like I want to make this girl
feel bad. Yeah, and I probably did something that was embarrassing to her at the time, and to her that was a moment she'll never forget, Like we all those moments of like where we tripped and fell or we someone smeared shit on our face, and to them it was like totally nothing. Because I don't even remember this party. I don't remember her. I don't remember anything about this, but I do know that one time I snapped a girl's swimsuit and she remember that girl that was our
friends with Kelsey and Jamie and Lindsay. And she went to the water park with us one day and cousin yes Ok and j and Jamie and Kelsey's parents drove us, so our parents weren't there and we were playing in the back seat and she had I guess the week before slid down a tree, like fell off a tree or something and got really scraped up on her back.
And I like didn't remember that when we were all snapping each other's swimsuits and I snapped hers and it like broke open her scabs and she started bleeding everywhere, and I got in so much trouble. It was probably she probably doesn't even remember it, but to me, I got in trouble. So it's like I I even tell that story being like am I gonna get Yeah, like I can't I get a little bit. I'm like already like closing up on myself like a little like crustacean
even talking about it. But no one else in the car even remembers that incident. And to me, it was like the biggest thing. So memory is all just subjective.
How did your parents like not punished, but how do they reprimand you like when you say that you got in trouble, how did you get in trouble?
I got in trouble from their parents, like the like her aunt who was my neighbor's mom. I just remember her being like why would you do that? You know, like that kind of thing of just not getting in trouble but just yelled at. Yeah, And I just didn't get yelled at that much unless it was by my mom. And by my mom, I just sorry, it just didn't matter to me. When I yelled at me, she yelled, no offense. Mom, You're you're definitely listening. But she would
yell a lot. So it just want or out the other if you do it too much, your kids don't care or respect because I never I never got was scared of mom. Were you?
I think one time when we shared it speak pretty cutting with her words.
I was scared when she when we spilled the nail polish on the carpet, because I knew that was like that that I wasn't able to clean.
We were so scared, were.
Terrified, like I don't even know we were physical harm.
Like we were just messing around painting our nails. And she used to share a bedroom as a kid, and I put the nail polished. Mind I was forced on top of your head and she swiped it away and it went all over the comforter.
They it was on those Disney comforters forever. I still remember that. It was like a magenta right, yeah, it was. It was all over this like it was like a white bookcase. My mom had just painted like a really creative like she'd spent all this time painting this like cool bookcase or not bookcase, but like dresser.
Drawer or was it the bunk bed that she painted.
Yeah, bunk beds. Yeah, it was all over the bunk beds too. It was all over and I mean devastating. And I remember that was the only time I was very scared of mom. But otherwise we weren't like punished as kids. I don't.
I feel like we were good kids.
I was really good. I just didn't.
But that's why not because mom and dad can't understand why my kids are so.
Badly right right, well, why were we good? I don't compared to your kids, and your kids aren't like bad. But they don't listen.
They don't listen. They have their moments where they're just like, do whatever they want.
Yeah, and they literally yeah they and.
Then yeah, mom and dad were just trying to school me the other A couple of they said, you got, what are you going to do? You have to get these kids in line. I was like, he's a two year old, Like he's not. I don't know. I think it's frustrating.
Yeah, I mean they they yeah, they have. I don't think their way worked that well. We all turned out fine. Whatever, they're gonna be fine. But I don't know what to do. Like I wouldn't know what to do either, because you kind of do the opposite.
But your parents, my mom said you gotta spank them. You just got to do it, and I was like, Mom, I didn't really just swap first century and having your kids be frightened and doesn't work. It either makes them parents either, yeah, and it's just exactly yeah, well but even.
That, well, mom and dad used to spank us, but I didn't respect it because it wasn't hard enough. It didn't really hurt, so I wasn't scared of it. I would just kind of be like embarrassed for them.
That's why I would say didn't hurt every time.
Yeah, you would go didn't hurt, didn't hurt, and Dad would always make fun of that, and it's like, but they didn't hurt us, So it was like, so I honestly was kind of like your pussies likes put some shoulder into it. Like I kind of was like, it should hurt more than this, and this doesn't.
It just always seemed like, why would why would you do that to your kids?
I guess which I was acting out. I just wanted attention. I just wanted someone to care about what was going on with me. Like I'm like, because I was never bad, to.
Be bad, and that is all my children's behavior is attention seeking, that's.
All it is. Yeah, but so what do you do? How are you feeling?
Like?
What do you just like, start to care about the stuff that they're showing you and stuff because you already do. I can't picture a mom who cares more than you, Like, what more do they want?
They just want constant attention. I don't know. I mean we try timeouts, they don't really work. I try to be just the calm parent, talk things through and just take away, Like if they're throwing a ball, let's take away the ball, you know, just take.
Away that the weapon.
Yeah, whatever they're using that they they're using improperly or just I even do try to like if you do this, you don't get dessert tonight. If you keep doing this, then consequences, Yeah, we're no TV.
Then it did it work for you guys to be good? What did your parents do well?
This reminds me of a scene from the Greatest movie of all Time, Goodwill Hunting, where Matt Damon gets abused as a child and he says, my dad used to come home drunk and he would take out a switch, a belt, and a wrench and he'd say pick one, and then Matt Damon would and then Robin Williams was like, I'd pick the switch with that one, son, And then Matt Damon was like, I picked the wrench every time, and Robin was like why, and Matt Daman was like,
because fuck them, that's why. Oh. I've almost referenced every single Good Will Hunting scene on this podcast you.
Have, except how about.
Famous scene?
Yeah, what did you did? You guys get beat with things hands things.
Hands, But like and also yeah, like with my family, it was just kind of like terrorizing us, making us scared, which.
The like threaten of that as an adult is like terrible. Yeah, not good, Like they would threaten stuff that you like if it if it did, if you did that, this is what would happen.
It was just like a lot of yelling and you know, just like loud noises and wowd.
Noah sent this video the other day of a little baby like one and a half year old, I'd say maybe one, and it's playing on this woman's lap, probably it's mom, and it's like putting blocks inside a thing, and it's just like you know, pouring different things into things. And then like a person comes in the room and just starts arguing with the woman like kind of just like talking like this and I'm not doing like that, like kind of just that tone not even directed as the child, right, was it not?
No, they were sitting across the table, so the child was sitting at one side of the table just playing with blocks, like Nikki said, And then I believe it was the mom comes in and then someone comes in and they start having a confrontation in front of the child.
Yes, and the child just shut down.
Just completely shuts down, doesn't want to play with the blocks anymore. Even when they're done arguing, the baby's just kind of like staring into just space.
So sad. And it's not even directed at the baby, like the baby's just witnessing this like loud abrasive talk. And I was just like this.
That's that trauma right there, because you like you think about your own child and you're like, well, I didn't get beat and I didn't get I didn't watch my dad beat my mom, and my dad didn't beat me and.
My parents didn't like it wasn't there was no sexual abuse, there was no physical abuse, but there was lots of yelling around. There still is, there's still we just heard it this morning.
Grandkids get it earful for sure.
Yeah, it's just hard not to fall into that, because even I do this morning, Like I went over there to drop off my dog while I took a plates class like near their house, and I just like fell into talking like that little zippy like that like naggy raised voice, which I can sometimes bring into the house like it cannot be going on, and then I bring it in because it's just like what I know, and it's not like their fault. It's what they grew up with to a f show because.
More so than we did.
Yeah, yeah exactly. So it's like it's just almost.
Like what do they expect? They expect everyone to just be perfect people and perfect parents constantly. I mean, I feel like society has been functioning pretty well with a bunch of like angry.
And it's getting pretty bad. Brian getting We've done a show that highlights, haven't you just recently show run a show that highlights the polarization of our country and how angry some people are and out of touch.
Certainly, but I feel like that it's unavoidable. Like people aren't perfect, and I feel like babies, the quicker they get used to imperfect people, the better.
Yeah, yeah, there's a there's definitely an argument for like what are they gonna do when they first get yelled at by an adult? If every time they ever have any kind of conflict, it's like, now, how does that make you feel? Well, we don't like to do that,
Like they're gonna fucking you know. This is I'm not the I'm the millionth person to say this in probably a week on a podcast, but it's like they they definitely I remember the first time you get yelled at by like a different person or it's it's jarring, but you survive it, and you like your kids are now going to Catholic school, and you were kind of excited, Lauren because you were like, oh, they're gonna get some like some real discipline and just.
From like from not from their parents, just I think different expectations than.
Have you noticed a shift even just like with one week of schools.
They come home singing religious songs.
Does Jesus love them, Yes, he does for the Bible tells them, oh that's good.
Yeah.
Catholic school and she didn't become a big Catholics.
Most people don't.
Special just came out, Oh Chad Daniels his special. He was like, I don't think there's a bigger contingency of people than the group of people that used to be Catholic and are like, oh, fuck no, that is the biggest group of people that there is in this country.
The weird thing is is that the people, like the parents that send their kids to the school, none of them are religious at all, and they they kind of have that same mentality, like, but there's just not a lot of choices where we live in the city, and it's just like, yeah, it's a private school and everyone lives around in the same neighborhood. Like my kids could walk to school, which is so great, And I wish I.
Would have learned a little bit of religion. I was thinking about it.
I'm like, you know, it tells you to be a good person, and there's learning the Golden Rule, and you know, ASoP.
Has got that cover too. We could just stick to his fables and there's no doctrine that you need to follow and you're going to Hell.
But they don't teach them.
When do they learn about hell? When do kids learn about Hell?
I think now immediately. Instill is going to have his first communion this year and he's not even baptized. So we have to get all three of our kids baptized. What can't you just.
Lie and say he was. You have to have paperwork to hell exiling if you don't believe in any.
Of it about your child baptism.
I just we have to do it. Like the only kid that doesn't.
Let's take him to the Why today, dunk him in the water in the shallow end and have an old man say some mumblesome ship over his head and have his mom and dad next to him crying or whatever they do, And about what do people do at It's there's nothing lamer than seeing people getting baptized in like millionaires pools, like full grown adults. Yeah, it's so sad. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's like a great experience to like give your life over to something. I do feel
that way. When I became a Swiftie, I feel like it was like, this is it's exciting to embark on a new thing that's gonna be you that you're gonna like throw yourself into fully love completely and when you
just like it really is like a religion excepts. And I was actually listening to Sam Harris today and he was talking about cults and he was talking about how, you know, the cult of Trump and stuff, and how like if you disagree with him at all, you're kicked out, Like you either love everything he does or you're kicked out. And I was like, that fucking sucks. You should be able to disagree with anyone that you politically align with and still be able to like them and vote for
them and have their constituents like you as well. But with Trump, it's like if you got to be on board, if you say anything bad about him, you're out. And I was like, that sounds a lot like being a SWIFTYE because you're not allowed to ever ever within the swifty community say have any criticism tailor. And I obviously have criticism tailor because I have criticism of fucking everyone there is, and you should because no one's infallible. But I will not ever speak of it because I because
Also it's because she does not have political sweat. I mean, she could, but.
She she does.
I don't need to voice my criticism of anything that she does because it's only putting negativity out there. I'm doing it because I'm scared because of the cult of Swifty, but I'm also doing it because it's not it's I'm tired of people commenting on things negatively when they don't really When even though that's something I enjoy doing so much and I will miss as I get more and
more famous, you just can't do it. Instead, you just ask your parents their opinions about things, and then you're forcing That's my new thing is I have my sister on and I go, what do you think about? And I say show we watched together, and I know she feels the same way I do, and then she says it and there's nothing on the line for me. So look for more of that in the podcast because I
can't really share my own opinion anymore. Actually I absolutely will, But I like Bobby Altov, do you know who that is? You definitely know who that is. She does like interviews, and she kind of like talks like this, and she's just like she's really pretty, and she's like a young girl and she just like interviews like different floppers.
What was that she doesn't emmote in her interviews.
Yeah, she's just like so explaining your shoes, and she doesn't in bed. Yeah, she's so, she's just captivating to watch. Her name is Bobby Altof. I'll send you your stuff. She's you will be obsessed. But people all they write under her shit is like, you've ruined your face. You filled up your face too much. Because she got a little bit. I don't even know if she got fillers.
She got botox and her face looks better. And people are just so fucking jealous because they can't afford to do what she does, so they have to be like, you ruined your face, edit it, or guys like want to fuck her and they're frustrated that they can't. You ruined your face. And yesterday she was just like, you're such a loser if you write stuff like that, look at your life. What are you doing with your life? I don't like if you want to do what I
do because you're jealous, clearly go do it. The Internet's free to put stuff out on do your own thing. Leave me alone. I'm like, and Chris was listening to it, being kind of like, they're not all losers. It doesn't take that much to write you to win your face, Like, they could have really full lives. And I was like, a good point.
Good point in between picking up their kids from after school. Yeah, they're like, oh, yeah, you're in your phone.
I was like, yeah, you're right. They could be like trading on the stock floor and just being like you ruined your face like they could have. Really, they could be earning lots of money and feeling great about themselves. But what I do think is that you're a sad person if you write anonymously a mean thing to put online. That isn't like reviewing art, and like, if you're just commenting on someone's face to be mean, I've wanted to do it before, and you know where you do it.
You do it in your DMS with your best friend. You send, you send Bobby Altov's face, and you go, she ruined her face, your friend. And by the way, Bobby alsoff did not ruin her face. She looks fucking better than ever and I'm obsessed with her and anyone who says she ruined her face, you're just jealous because her face looks good and you wish you could look lyrics could look like that, but you're scared to go to the doctor and get stuff in your face because you're a pussy.
Just ask your sister what she thinks of Bobby all toss faith.
Oh yeah I would, I should.
Ye'll be picked.
Okay, I'll show you a pick next up, Well we get back. We're back. Bobby took down the post where she was calling people out, so I don't want to It's that's the clip where you can really see her face.
But she's like, you got another one? I can?
I mean, all a sudden, Yeah, yeah, there was a show I was gonna ask you about, but now everyone will know I don't like that show if I asked you about it, even though I've asked all my friends about this show. To be like, am I the only one who's not into it because it feels like it?
No, I gotta know what it.
Is, and and I'm not the only one. I think everyone's masquerading and acting like they like this show.
Huh the Crown?
No, No, I can't say. Let me just say, if you are a true listener, I will drop hints throughout the course of these episodes, dude, and I won't like not Today's because it's too obvious. But I really like people I really like and people who admire, uh may make this show. Show is like, it's not bad, and if I made the show, I'd be really upset at
someone who is nitpicking it the way I'm nitpicking. And to be honest with you, I'm that's a great question, Brian, one of maybe the best questions that you could possibly ask you to what it is. I'm not sure if it is or not. No, I'm not even like it's. It's well into a let's say, possibly fourth season, and I'm not even through the second season. I didn't I did.
I did a fake number just now, and I'm well, I'm not even halfway through what is out there for people to consume, So I'm not We've never talked to me, and I've been on the phone, like on my phone watching it. Here's my problem. I need two times to speed things. I need one point five and you can't do that on a TV. You can only do it on apps. And I'm sorry to people who make TV and in movies. Things are changing. I just consume faster and I want things to happen faster, but I will.
There are a lot of things I like about the show, and I should have started with that. But now I okay, let me check my phone and see if you get it right. You go Nikki, no.
No, no, no no.
Ted Lasso is what Brian guessed, and I will say I love ted Lasso, and I I actually didn't finish the third season because I was savoring it too much. And now I wait, because I just it was like a treat that I would let myself have every now and again, and and then I I don't think I ever finished it because I just treated it out too much. And then by the time I went to go back, I was like, I gotta watch more episodes, but there's so much TV you have to watch.
But coming back, it's going to have a fourth season. What I kind of heard that, Yeah, well.
It's like the major players are coming back.
The major players. Yeah.
Oh so it'll be Roy, it'll be.
There's still there's feeling out.
Oh Keeley, you do a good impersonation of Gee.
Why I used to if I'll watch it? But she's good? Is it? Oh my god?
The only one that they were like confirmed not going back. Was Jamie part, Oh we can.
Do without him? Yeah, he's he's great, but like, the show can go on with with Ted be back.
I got to assume he's like the EP, how could he not?
Well, I was just thinking. I was honestly thinking when I heard that they were just gonna take like everyone who like they were going to take all the supporting cast and make a new show and bring on as many people as possible. But it would be called something different, but it would still be in that world, and maybe they'd buy the rights to it and pay off who.
I could see Key having a spin off.
I would I would love that spin off. And did she And I don't even know if she ended up with Roy or Jamie. They were both coming at her and I think the third season last.
Oh I don't think I finished the third season?
Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with us? Because it was good.
I'm not gonna be able to accept Keeley in that role after seeing her in Fargo.
Oh God, she was so good in Fargo. I hoped she was Emmy for that. I voted so hard for her for that. I loved her because at first I was like, I don't know if I can believe keeley In's role. And then she was just really incredible.
Oh my god, that was so good. Was this your first year voting in the Emmys or yeah?
Yeah? And guess what. I didn't get to vote for myself.
Oh why not?
Chris and I both were voting and were like, where's my category? And we were like what the fuck? And and so I wrote my publicist I'm like, I can't vote for myself voting school in a couple of days, and she was like, I'm looking into this. This is crazy, and she had just gotten a text from I think Alex Edelman, who also said I can't vote for myself, and I go, well, that's weird because I can vote for Alex Edelman or no, no, no, I couldn't vote for Alex. I was like, I would vote for the Tom Brady
roast and I was in that. So I'm like, if it's about being in the thing, why can you vote for it? If you they make it so if you're nominated, you can't vote for yourself, which I think is so dumb because I remember third grade, I was running for class president and I remember asking missus Pickett, can I vote for myself? And she said, do you think the President of the United States does not vote for himself?
Yeah?
I go, oh my god, you're right. Why shouldn't I be able to vote from myself for himself? Why couldn't You can't? And neither could Chris because he's a producer on it. They like really got in there and made it so you can't vote. Yeah, so I.
Can't vote on I can't vote for you either, because I'm not asked to vote at all. Oh.
Really, I don't even know how I got in.
I just this process. What is it? What happens?
You have to agree that you've seen at least one of the things in each category that you vote on, so it'll be like Outstanding Dramatic Series, and then it'll take you to a screen and this goes do you to have you? They will give you all the nominees. Have you seen at least one of these? And then you say yes, and you lie and then you vote for your friend.
You know, that's not what I did.
I had to say I had to say no to some things because I hadn't seen it, but I'd seen one thing in most Huh.
See, just one day you wake up and you got a random I just.
Got an email. I mean, I'm sure there was a lot of process behind it that I could have looked into and been like, oh, you know, maybe me presenting at the Creative Arts Eemies last year got me in.
I don't.
I don't really know, but I got to vote this year, or maybe me being nominated this year got me in. I will say I'm devastated that I wasn't nominated for Best Reality Show Host. The CW just doesn't. They don't what nominate elect people. They don't put forth their people because it's nine hundred dollars a submission. Was like, I would have paid it. I literally would have. I could have been nominated for I could have been nominated twice.
It would have been awesome, and I should have been I'd worked hard on that show, and I just feel like it would have happened because but nine hundred dollars. They were just like, and it you know, it's but if they do me, they have to do everyone within the CW, and it's thousands of thousands of dollars that they probably.
Don't have picked. Hey what just pick me?
Why couldn't they have asked me like, hey, we can't afford to do this. Do you want to submit? Give us nine hundred dollars. I would have done it in a heartbeat. Yeah, and so Jeff Probes will win again or whoever, but yeah, that's coming. Yeah, I'm trying to think of a TV or Yeah, Chris voted this weekend?
How many times has he voted? Is this first time too?
I think no, he's been nominated. He has an Emmy, so I don't know what. I think he has an Emmy for. I think Storytellers that he did with like all Wow.
Yeah, Emmy Award winner Chris Convey.
Yeah, it's it's I don't even know where it is. I think it's at Kurran's, his brother's cabin, because they were using it. He gave it to current to for like a pussy magnet, like just to have in his apartment to have like a girls come up and be like it's a real Emmy, you know, like just for fun, because he was like, I'm not using this, and so it was at Currents forever, and I think it's probably
like in storage somewhere. I don't even know. But hopefully he'll he'll have another one that we can we'll have two we could put on the mantle here. What are you guys? Are you Matt watching anything good?
No?
Not really?
Actually what are the kids watching anything good? Just kidding?
That's all we watch. I swear like we don't even get to watch TV.
That sucks. I know, what do you do with your free time? Just go on your phone?
Oh I just watched the what's the Scott Scott Peterson?
Oh yeah, well just watched us that.
Okay, we already discussed that and right, oh completely wonder why.
Is anyone debating it? Isn't it hilarious?
His family is just in such denial.
It's sad. It's so yeah, so sad. That is It sucks so much that he didn't just divorce her, Like I know, he's suck a fucking pussy to kill her and his dumb mouth. Never, his mouth is the only thing that moves on his stupid face. Everyone's like, Nikki, there's new Scott Peterson interviews on Amazon. I'm like, I have no interest in watching that Marionette talk and his he just just sat on the top and just mumbles on the bottom. He's awful to watch, he's awful to
look at. He's such a lying miserable piece of shit. The idea I just can't even I can't even believe that that he.
Thank God for Amber.
Yeah, I had a gripe, but I shared on the podcast. Really I think they could have gotten a confession out of him if she would have just acted horny for what he did.
Yeah.
Can you imagine if she would just been like, Scott, I know you did it, and I just like, I want to help you, like not go to jail forever. Will you just tell me, like where you put her body, I'll go look for it. Like if she would have just been like, it's so hot, yes, and he would have been like, okay, well I dumped it here, and like if she would have even slown shown the slightest bit of wetness over the fact that he killed his wife,
he would have been like, I did it. I really think so he was so stupid, but thank god for stupid. I mean think because he got caught. But like, yeah, I'm I'm really My mom watched worst roommate Ever last night. She goes, she texts me worst roommate ever, Oh my god, and I haven't seen it and she goes, wait, who Lauren must have recommended it is it good?
The first the first two episodes, yeah really good. Okay, yeah, really good. Just each one is a different story.
It's the last way it is with the Netflix stuff. Like the first two episodes, you're like, I get it all, and then the third one, well it's looking.
For some gruesome and oh it's her silence. I mean it's there's murder involved there. Okay, you know, but every store, every episode a different situation.
I should be on that show.
What was your roommate in college? Wait?
Yeah, you had a.
Really weird one though in New York.
Oh god, I've had a lot of terrible roommates now you bring it up. But in college I lived with a child molester. Oh my god, I didn't know it was a child molester.
How did this happen? Did he get busted?
Yeah? Well I think I might have told this before, but he uh, he was a friend of one of my other roommates and we had like an opening, so he came in. I didn't like know who this guy,
and he was really weird the whole time. He was this like scrawny, mustachioed man, which is like, now that I'm thinking, that's kind of fits the bill and he would be drunk all the time, and he would do weird things like if my girlfriend at the time would go to the bathroom, he'd like stand outside the bathroom and then like drunkenly knock on the door to be like are you in there? Are you naked in there? It is like can you and I to go out and be like, can you not bother my girl from
while she's in the bathroom. So he was a weird guy the whole time. And then one day while he was at class, the police just came to the front door and they said, is this guy there. He's wanted for child molestation?
Oh my god.
Yeah, And I said, well, no, he's in class, and they're like, can you get him to come back? And then me and my roommates plotted to get him to come back by calling him and saying that we were all going to Applebee's and he had to come back right away because we were trying to get half priced apps.
Oh my god.
Yeah. And then he came back. This is the line I say, he.
Not half priced as.
He came back expecting spinach artichoke dip and instead he got the opposite. He got arrested for child molestations.
Oh my god.
He came back to the house and it was literally like the TV. The cops hid around the corner, like behind the bush, and then he walked up to the front lawn and they ran out and tackled him.
WHOA, So, were you working with the cops like sharing the like text or like his computer or something like that.
Would they did you get details of how they caught him?
Yeah, well that's that's like even that's like really sad they caught him because the kid who got old enough to start talking about it.
Good.
Yeah, it was like his cousin or something. And it wasn't like it was like a he probably was drunk and like he did some questionable things in the guys of potty training. Let's just put it that way.
Oh dear god.
Yeah, yeah, god, And then the kids started talking about it. Oh my god. Actually, this is so horrible. I don't even want to like.
Talk about Yeah, we don't have to get into it. But what I want to know is, were you guys like, fuck, we gotta find a new roommate. Was there like a part that was like shit, because yeah, you got to cover his rent?
Yeah? I actually don't know what we did after. It was pretty close to the end of semester, so I think we were like, I think we felt like we could handle it. And also I just assumed that he would continue paying his rent. I actually don't know what happened after that in terms of rent. That's a good question. I don't remember. But yeah, he got taken away in cuffs and I never saw him ever again.
So you were in college during this time.
Yes, this was college. And then the guy who knew him went to his court case and was like following the court case, and the guy never went to jail. He was released on parole, and then several years later he was spotted in Indianapolis and he had become a goth. So that's the end of his arc.
I mean, becoming a goth is if they if pedophiles have to run free, I hope they become goths because kids are not like drawn to goths and they and you wouldn't employ a goth at a place where kids are like being a workout.
Knocking on doors. Pedophiles just have toss up like goths. That's your punishment.
That is interesting, like it would it would keep people, It wouldn't make it would if you got like tattoo faced gothness, it would make it so you wouldn't get employed anywhere that you could work with kids. It would be like a permanent, like keep kids away kind of thing. Yeah, Arlett, all right, that's interesting. This weekend tonal shift, I got to go see that boy from Instagram, Kellen perform eras tour and it was so awesome. It was well, you didn't get to go see.
Him, you performed with him. You were like his backup dancer.
Yeah, which I didn't know was going to be part of it. So I was in Battle Creek, Michigan for Friday and Saturday. Shout out to every bestie who came. It was sold out shows. It was so fun to be at, so fun to just do two nights in a row and not have to travel. And like we were like at this casino with me and Ari and Sean and Anya and Emily my social media girl. Shout out, Emily, I know you're listening. And then Emily and I stayed for Sunday and went drove two hours to go see Kellen.
And how this all came about, which I didn't really remember how I even found out about this little boy was that the There's a girl named Melissa who's neighbors with Kellen, and she's friends with his dad, and he lives with you know, he spends part time with his dad and part time with his mom. But his dad's house used to be next to Alyssa, and Alyssa became friends with the dad and everyone, and she loves this little boy and it's like it's like her aunt, his aunt,
you know. And Alyssa and Paul, her husband, Paul, saw me on Jimmy Kimmel talking to Kamail about my love of Taylor Swift. Paul was like, Alyssa, you got to see this. Because Alyssa is a big swifty, he decided to tag me in the video of Kellen that she first put up, and so that's how I saw it and was like, oh my god, this kid's amazing. And then he kind of goes viral within the swifty community. And then yeah, and then I told this other day, but she was like, Hey, you're gonna be in Michigan.
I wish we could come see you. But you know, Kellen has a show that night, and I was like, what do you mean? He as a show that night and she goes, oh, well, he's doing the Ariscon. He's like doing a show in his backyard on Saturday. And I said, man, I would go see it, but I have a show. And she goes like, well, he'll move it to Sunday if you want. And I was like okay, and so Sunday I just stuck around, extended the trip. Everyone on the tour went home except me and Emily.
And Emily and I drove got driven by the casino two hours to this lake, this house on a lake, which is a beauty. Oh my god. This guy's neighborhood is so cute. Is a little boy he's nine, he's turned nine. Kellen and his sister Emery, who is thirteen I think, and she was like a stage manager. And the dad is like the sweet guy I love. I think named Chad. I want to Maybe didn't hear that correctly, but I remember it was Chad, and then a listen Paul,
and then his grandmother was also there. It was just us seven and we got there and we hung out. They had a fruit tray and a veggie tray for me. They had like skinny pop it all like they had My writer was so sweet. And then I gave Kellen some presents that I got a target. I bought him like a Taylor Swift Torture Poets outfit like this, like white dress with a black choker and black gloves. And he loved it. And he was like, I already have an outfit plan for that, and I was like, it's
totally fine. You don't have to wear it. You don't have to like any of this. I made it very clear I never liked I don't like giving gifts to kids because I always felt like as a kid, I had to act like I liked everything, and I always felt kind of embarrassed for the adult that was giving me stuff when I got stuff that I hated. And so I even do it with your kids, Lauren, whenever I give gifts, I'm like you, it is so okay.
If you don't like this, I don't care. You can always be honest with me, like it's can hurt my feelings, like don't pretend you like something, like just never be I don't want kids to ever have to be fake to appease adults, unless you spank them and then follow the rules. But so he was really sweet. He loved it, and he was so cute, and then the show, we were just like, okay, let's like mosey onto the backyard and we sat down and he played Lady Gaga intro music,
which is like the song that plays before eras. There was a countdown, and then he comes out and does all every single era almost I think he skipped. No, he didn't skip midnights. He it started getting late because it was taking a while, and his outfit changes and he had to hydrate because it was really hot out it was like in the nineties, and he's wearing these like elaborate costumes and he's giving its all and dancing
and everything. So they cut the short setlist a little bit short, and which that was what I was really impressed by because I was like, I thought, oh my god, he's planned this thing for weeks, Like he has every song memorized, he has all the movements memorized. If we have to cut this short, like we're gonna have a tantrum on our because I've witnessed that. But he was just like his day's like, hey, buddy, you know, I think we're gonna have to cut down some of reputation.
He goes, Okay, let's we'll do delicate, we'll skip, well, we can skip that something. Look what I made you do? Like he was just so amenable to the skips, and he had like, oh, he was totally fine with everything he would like. And then I was projecting a lot of myself onto it, like oh my god, Like if I had put this all together as a kid and I messed up at all, I would be like, stop it, we have to start over, like if everything didn't go right. But he was. There was one part it's so cute.
I don't know if put it in the vlog because it's like I don't want to ever embarrass him. I just only want to celebrate the great things he did. But at one point he like sneezed in the middle of like don't blame me, lord maybe, and he was like and just six inches of snot just drips out of his nose and he's still singing with it like swinging, and then he just wipes it and wipes it on his like skirt dress thing, and this keeps the show going.
You such a professional. He nailed all the notes, He had all the looks, and he had practice certain dance moves so he would kind of like look he kept raising his hand when he would need assistance, and that just met us like running up and then he'd be like, so, you guys are just trying to break free during this, and we were like, we don't even know what that means.
Like he'd just give us different dance moves. He's like, and then you guys swirl and then you're gonna do this okay, And I was like, I don't know what that dance move is and he'd be like, no, actually, it's it's more like this, and he would just nail it and show it. And I'm like, this would take me weeks to learn Kellen, and he's telling us like on the fly, and me and Alissa were like his backup dancers that he asked to like come in every
so often. He was just like so cool and sweet and like wanted us involved and it didn't have to be perfect. It like taught me how kids can be just so magical and lovely and just me as a kid, could never have done what he did because I was too scared of what people thought. I was too scared
of not being perfect. Even now I'm like, wow, like I gotta let go of some of my perfectionism because I was even trying, like starting to project it like or I was like, why don't we do that part again, Kellen, like you can really like you miss that, But he would just keep going and just pick up where he left off, and there was no like I'm so dumb, why did I must that up? Which I see in your kids they do that a lot of like I'm stupid and like, so I was worried that it was
gonna happen. But he was just like so easy going, go with the flow, so sweet, and his sister was thirteen and so appreciative of like him and like helpful and doing the costume changes the music cues because sometimes he would he would do all the music like the tour, so it doesn't go exactly with the tracks in the song.
So it would be like you have to do the first verse and then you have to cut to the bridge, like you can't like and so there was a lot of different like cuts being made, and his dad was like, Okay, buddy, you wanna His dad was so worried about him hydrating because it seriously was so hot, and he was like, Okay, so you're gonna wear this dress for it? Or you're
gonna wear this one. Like thank God for Dad's like Kellen's dad, because Kellen's spirit in with another like in a child that has a different kind of father or mother, or like thank God for the family and the people around Kellen because he is a beautiful boy who is just more himself than even I am after forty years of trying to be myself, and he is just and
so is his sister Emory. They're just such beautiful kids that are like so loved and like allowed to be themselves in this just like just sweet supportive way that is just it's everything that's good with It made me like so proud to be an American. Oh, it was just like this, like Michigan on the lake. Performing boats were coming by, like what is going on? Like me and Kellen are just singing all too well, and people are coming by and paddle boards like what's happening? And
it was just so sweet. And Emory was starting middle school today or on sorry Monday, and she was like, Oh, I'm starting middle school, and she kind of knew the gravity of that statement. She was like, oh, I'm starting middle school tomorrow. And I go okay, and I'm like packing up my it's like the end of the night, and I'm like, I'll tell you. I'll tell her what I said after we get up from brand Okay, we're back. So Emory's like, I'm going to middle school tomorrow and
I'm like, I don't. I didn't even know like what I wanted to say, but I just like had to say something to her because it's obviously like so scary, and I go, listen, you're a smart girl. I'm sure you've heard about how tough it can be. And she's like yeah, and I'm like, it is tough. It's gonna be tough. Kids are mean, it sucks sometimes, but please remember, no matter what happened, you're gonna have the best time, but you're also gonna have some really bad times, just
as life. But just please. And she didn't ask for this, by the way, I'm just like listen to me. I'm like holding her shoulders, like you gotta listen to me. What's Adam Sandler and what is it happy? What's the Billy Madison where it's like he holds the kid's face And it's like going, like that's what I'm doing to this girl. It's gonna be hard like, but none of
it matters. I promise you. The thing that seems like it's going to devastate your life and follow you around for the rest of your life, like something that maybe some kid latches onto and makes fun of you for and the whole school knows about it, it means nothing. I promise you, no matter what, none of it means anything. And then I was like, well, that's just disparaging the whole experience. That's just like invalidating middle school is just
it means nothing. You know, because sometimes I tell mom, Mom will be worried about what she's wearing, and I go, no, one's looking at you, Mom, it's not about like, and I don't mean to say that to be mean to her, but I'm just saying, like, ease up on yourself, like no one's paying attention to this much detail of your
shoes plus the socks. And she goes, that is so rude, and I'm like, no, I'm not saying like no one sees you, but she's taking it that way because you do feel less seen as an older woman.
But I just mean, like I think the kids though it's hard to imagine the future so much.
No, because they're so presently. I was thinking, like would this have landed on me? Like, obviously I'm trying to say what I wanted someone to say to me back then, But I don't even know what I would have wanted to hear. Like if I don't know what she perceives me, does she even look at me as aspirational? She even like I hope I turn out like this girl, Like I'm putting all that on that, like she probably looks up to me. She doesn't care. I mean, she was like,
will you move here? Like it was kind of cute. She was like you should move here because I was like, Chris and I should get a house up here. It's beautiful Michigan Lake.
God, Michigan's gorgeous.
I was like, I want to live here, Like why not? Like what is holding me? Family?
You should have pulled her up to you and said, like, listen, you have to know about middle school. Your friend Jen is a bitch and she will betray you.
What do you think?
What?
Like what do you even say to it?
Is?
Because I don't know that.
Be sure of yourself, like be confident, Like that's the biggest thing. If you don't care what people think about how do you part that I know you can't so like you are an amazing person, You're a good person.
Well I think so much to offer me that. I think that is good. But that takes a lot longer than just like here's twenty seconds of me giving you a pitch, like I was trying to think of the elevator pitch for like making it through middle school. And to me, it's about I just always thought things would follow me forever. I really did, Like I just thought there was no way.
What trauma did you have?
You know, like people finding out I peed, my wet my bad, people finding out that I picked my nose in sixth grade and that girl saw it and she told everyone. People finding out that my backpack is from Goodwill or like whatever the fuck it was like, or me wearing ugly shoes one day and one kid saying something and then everyone like kind of knowing that I have ugly shoes, like literal shit like that would be
like I'll never outgrow this. And I don't know if anyone telling me that I would that it doesn't matter would have actually landed. Yeah, But what didn't help, which I think is said a lot, is that high school is the best years of your life or childhood, Like I wish I could go back to middle school was the best. That fucks with you because you go, oh, well, then if this isn't good, what's the point of any
of it? And then I'm I'm then you know, I just I just want to prevent kids from ever hurting themselves, because that is something that like, I just feel like when you have such an underdeveloped brain and things seem so catastrophic and that there are kids that do that and you hear stories of that. It's like when I was in middle school, I didn't hear about kids doing that, and I think if I would have, it would have been like maybe a thing. I would have been like,
maybe I'll try that. So I just like I am trying to Like, this girl's really strong and she did have a strong sense of self and I'm actually not worried about her.
But she's gonna be okay because of the home that she lives and are very encouraging and.
And I think that's rich.
That's what kids need.
They're definitely fine.
I mean, if she's got a cabin on a lake, she's gonna have plenty of friends.
It's not a cabin. It's just a house. But that's what I liked about it. Like, that's what I like about Michigan is that these people don't seem insanely rich, which I think I'm kind of disgusted by. They just seem like they're doing great and yet the lake is nice. Like it's not like I feel like there's lake living. I'm sorry to like when Chris talks about getting a
lake house in Missouri. I'm just like where people just like dump you know, red Bull into like they'll just like, we'll fill it up with you know, red Bull because there's a drought, Like who cares. They're like fucking catfish and they're like coming all over different things. Like I just feel like Missouri doesn't really respect I just feel like lake living. It's just like Arah disturbing wildlife, plunging through this off roading through these rocks and messing up
all these ants. Like you don't realize when you're like off roading through shallow creeks and driving through all the shit, you're killing thousands of organisms, literal thousands, if not millions of species of animals because you're, like I love nature.
Disrupting their habitat.
Yeah, and being loud, and Michigan just felt like people have like I'm sure there's that going on there too, but I'm like, I want to go to Michigan Lakes where it seems even though flint is notoriously dirty water like, the water seems pure. It doesn't seem like people are distracting nature. I just am always like, what if sorry to get political. Final thought. If you love the if you love hunting and nature so much, why do you want to vote for someone who doesn't give a fuck
about any of it? If you love wildlife and buck hunting and being out and camping and off roading and four wheeling and all fishing, which I think a lot of people enjoy, why do you want to vote for someone who wants to ruin at all, who doesn't give a fuck about any of it?
Why he doesn't vote. He doesn't believe in climate change. That's the difference. They don't believe because.
Well, that's actually a helpful thing that actually makes sense to me, because if you love nature and you don't believe in climate change, you think that everything will be okay everything, And I think that is that I just answer my question. They just think everything will be okay, but just know that if you enjoy parks, they don't have any respect for those.
I will say this, I've been to a great many national parks in our country, and by far the most despicable park I've been to because of the people was Hot Springs, which is in Arkansas, and going there it was like there was like a motorcycle and loud car parade happening twenty four to seven down the main street of Hot Springs. The people were disgusting and awful. I could not bear to be there for longer than five.
It's not everyone down there, and everyone in Michigan is not like respectful and just like smelling the air and just only listening to like you know, gongs chiming as they meditate by the lake. Like ever, listen, this is happens everywhere, but there is we loudness in nature, fireworks
setting off fireworks around nature. It's disgusting. It really is something that we need to like look into and be like, wow, we need to wake up and not do fireworks anymore on Fourth of July because it makes animals abandon their babies. They're freaked out. They don't understand it. They they don't know that you love America and that's why you're doing it like they they doesn't. They're not like, Wow, that's beautiful. Beavers aren't like look kids like.
And traumatized George Washington. That's the only time you can get to do that.
It's like there's nature is being totally destroyed. But like you're right, like, I I don't like going to Lauren just said Naglajaus And I hope that you didn't think she said anything except that because when you were talking about when you were talking about Arkansas, we we know some people from Arkansas and one time they were we were kids and we were hanging out with these people that we are friends, our family is friends with and the kids were telling they were just like teenagers, like
trying to be like kind of.
They were like preteens, yeah they were, but they were talking about yeah we like we were, and we were like what are.
They're like, We're gonna say the law, and we were like, we don't know what that is. So we just kept calling them negla how because we didn't know. We come to find out they were saying naked live hose really fast. So we just call them nay laws. Now the people were talking about like strippers.
Yeah, they wanted to see.
They were eleven years old and these little boys were going negla hows and we were and we.
Thought it was the little joke about it till twenty twenty years later.
The solution to fireworks is forthcoming. And if you followed, you kept up with this curerent season if America's got talent, which I oh, that's right. Oh, so you know about.
Drones of the future.
I have seen the drones. It's a peaceful firework and it's beautiful and you can get much better visuals and shapes and words.
I think that people are gonna say fireworks are lame drones or what's what? Can we saw that in Vegas? I remember we saw the drones in Vegas.
Yeah. Yeah, I feel like they're already using them a lot.
But I can't wait for like it to apparent embarrassing to use fireworks like I can't wait for that term in culture where we realize, oh my god, this disrupts the environment. And first of all, dogs it's just education.
Nobody is I mean, people are slowly realizing yeah that it just it's affecting.
I's not gonna work. Making them slowly realize that it has negative effects on nature is not gonna work. It needs to be They're not that cool, They're lame, they're boring. That's how you get.
Them being Yeah. Well, Chris sent me a bumper sticker of a guy in his car. He saw it on Reddit and it said only gay cops pull me over. No, only gay cops give me a ticket. So it's only for like he gets pulled over, and then that cop has to make a decision, like the worst thing a
cop I can imagine. What Like the cop where this guy's from is like, I'm not gay, So like if he writes the ticket the guy, he is saying he's gay based on the bumper sticker, but he's also like, can't give into the bubber sticker.
But like I think most cops would just go, like fine, a report that in there's like this I saw this, like you know, frontline episode type whatever TikTok where they were doing a news report about these these two black people.
And I think in the Deep South that have like a Trump store that's like pro Trump, and they sell this thing called the white Privileged card, and it looks like an American Express card, but it's like it's white and it just says white privileged card, like I'm white since blah blah blah or whatever. And the reporter goes who buys these, and they go white people, and then it goes into this whole thing of like people, the
people that were buying the cargo. Yeah, I give this, and when they ask for my license, I give them this, and I get let out of tickets all the time.
Yeah yeah, I saw that, kid.
I can't believe that would work, So try it now. I'm just kidding. I'm getting vanity license plate. Did I tell you guys this?
You told me.
I'll talk about it on the the the pay walled episode, because I don't want people knowing what my license plate is unless you pay for it, which we have coming up or doing right after this. We have a show
for you tomorrow, though. Don't worry. If you don't pay extra, you can and then you can get that special unfiltered episode that we're doing if you want to become a big Money Player's Diamond member and plus no commercials, which, by the way, I'm a big Diamond Diamond member, so I don't listen to my own show, but I listened to last Culture Lisa's and I am like for a while, I was like, I love that they have no ads.
How does this really popular podcast have no ads? And then I was like, oh, because I'm a Diamond member and I'm zipping through no ads is amazing, you guys. So if you want to pay, I think it's five ninety nine a month for a month something like that. You get an extra episode every month from us, and you get no ads on all the big money shows, which include a lot of hilarious.
And if you use the code besties at checkout work but you.
Be typing in that's so funny. All right, guys, thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye me, Thanks Lauren, It'll be me Himes Gobika. The Nicki Glazer podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by Me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video
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