The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Glaser, here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's a thank you guys to podcast. New week of podon starting right now, joining me, Brian and Noah. No one's in studio with me. No wait, Noah's not. No one's in the studio with me. Noah is on Zoom with me or whatever program we use.
How's it going, guys?
Good.
I've been walking around town going can you believe that Nikki won two Emmys? It's incredible that you won those and that speech was amazing and it's just amazing.
It's a really good speech song two Like you mean, we we won for editing and for.
Yeah, you won for editing. Yeah, yeah, I hope let's just say this. I don't mean to we're nominated.
We got we also were nominated.
Not only did we win for the Best Special pre Recorded, but we won for editing as well, where we were nominated and won for editing.
Yeah, that's right. The editing was good. Is Guy Harding the editor?
Mm hmmm, Wow, he's amazing. I love him so much. He edited Ara's tour.
WHOA, that's pretty cool.
I know it was awesome.
I mean that lineup was stacked.
You had the Oscars lighting that, you had the director of the Super Bowl, and you had the the.
Guy that lit.
We were watching the documentary We Are the World, like how that.
Got made that song?
You know? Yeah, And.
Bob Richardson, who did my lighting for my special Someday You'll Die, was.
In that documentary lit that We Are the World.
Like music video.
Wow. He was the one that was like.
Setting up the lights when Michael Jackson was like practicing alone before everyone got there, and he's like in the documentary we were watching it, we go, oh my god, that's Bob, Like it's incredible. And Bob told me I had really good skin that day. That really made me feel good. And he was like, you have really good He was like, I'm not just saying that you have great skin, And I was like, no one's ever you know, and like you just don't get a type of compliment
that you hear other people get. Like I've said before in the show that no one's ever told me I smell good and that stands to be true. And people have said it since just to like say it because they know I've never heard it, but I've never sincerely gotten it my mom, I think said it last week, but she goes, that's your shampoo, right, like she like, it's never just like what my body smells like. But
no one's ever been like, you have great skin. It's never been like something that someone has said to me apropos of nothing. It's always been like, you have good skin too. After I've complimented there, you know what I mean?
Oh god, what do you think about that?
So sometimes I'll compliment somebody, or someone will compliment me, and then I feel compelled to say something nice back to them. And then this new thing's happening, I think post Internet, where people go, don't just compliment me back, just take my out, just like accept my compliment.
So it's like if people getting mad at you when they compliment you and you say that's so nice, and they go, it's not nice. It's true. They get like mad at eve.
They go, I'm not being nice. It's just like, well, now you're not.
God, sorry, I don't know what to say. What you If you reject a compliment, you are in the wrong because you can't accept things. And if you say thank you, they go, no, I'm serious, and you go, I don't know how to make you shut up.
I'm uncomfortable with this. I'm accepting it.
And then if you go, that's so nice to go, I'm not being nice and it's like you but it is. But I've said this before. It's nice to say it. You didn't have to say it, and that is nice. Yeah, I know you're not lying. I'm not accusing you of lying.
They want to extra prove that what they said was to me.
I get it. I've done it to be four two. You know, how do you do it? How do you accept a compliment?
You just say thank you? That means so much to me.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's what I've been trying. Like, well, you.
Know my famous U nine had to talk to anyone ninety two Big Secrets for Little Secrets for big success.
They did you write this or did you now?
This is that book that I read that taught me how to accept the compliment? Oh yeah, okay, And the answer was you compliment Uh, you compliment them for complimenting you, which really works, right, But I did a.
New thing so that the compliment that from a while ago.
Yes, if you say, oh, that's such a nice shirt, Brian, and then I would say well, thank you, this is my favorite shirt.
Then them feel so smart.
Oh, yes, that's a good one. I usually say, Like the other day, Christina Hutchinson, who's a comedian, posted about my special on her story and I wrote to her like, thank you, my god, this is so nice, and she was like, she wrote this whole really nice thing about it that really like hit me, you know, like it was just like she had watched it and like really you could tell it it it affected her, and and I just knew the time of compliments she was giving me is the kind that I give when I really
mean it. And I was just like, I wanted her to feel as good as it made me feel. So I was just like, and it did make me feel good because I think she's really funny and really smart and savvy, and I just respect her opinion. And I gotta say sometimes I respect some compliments mean more from some people. Huntinson, She's cool to me, so her compliment meant more.
And I just said, this.
Means so much from you. You made my day. I often say you made my day, you made my week, you made my month, based on how much it means. But yeah, like if it's a it's a really good Oh my god, do you want to hear something crazy? This might have made my like six months wow. Okay. This is up there with like being being cultural, like moments where I'm like, oh my god, I'm I'm culturally relevant in a way I didn't know, up there with being a New York Times clue crossword clue, like. This
is up there with that moment for me. Okay, which happened May twenty first, twenty twenty three. But this happened yesterday. Seth Herzog, who works on The Tonight Show doing warm up, he texted me and said, Catherine O'Hara just name checked.
You in her interview.
WHOA And first of all, Katherine O'Hara, if you don't know best in show, Shit's Creek Mom and home alone, one of the best comedic actresses of our time, of all time. Yes, I don't know this woman at all, never met her, never DMed with her. I've never even like done a shout out, and she's liked it, you know what I mean? Like, there's been no crossover between us and I'm like, and he thinks there has. Seth is just like, oh, you guys must be friends because
apparently what did he say? It's airing on Wednesday, So it's airing tonight, you guys, if you're listening to this on Wednesday. But he said that. Jimmy The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallen, Jimmy tells this whole story about getting his sweater attached to Taylor before a show of hers. Oh, like he accidentally like, I don't know that. I guess there's his sweater got snaggled on her, and Catherine O'Hara says, that's Nicki Glazer's dream. Have just seen like a TikTok
or an Instagram or something. Yeah, But that to me was because Seth goes, you guys are friends, and I go, I don't. I've never even That's how you prove that you don't know someone. I go, we never even DMed like not only are we not friends, because that's where you can be like kind of like we're friends, but DM friends or whatever. That made me feel so good. And I'm sure Jimmy doesn't even know that I'm obsessed
with Taylor Swift in that way. He was probably like what I'm talking about, But that was really cool to me and made me feel like, oh, Catherine O'Hara on her own referenced me in an interview with Jimmy Fallon again apropos of nothing.
I just thought that was that thing.
Now you're you're a concept, you are a figure in society.
Yes, I guess so you're referenceable. That's crazy, At least for this year, I am referenceable. Will it will you know? Let it in?
Make you like like Bill Clinton.
Letting it in?
Yeah?
Yeah, well it can come and go because they're the Huktua girl is not going to be We might know her name now, do you think it is.
Kaylee Haylee Welch, Haylee Welch.
Will you know her name? Will she have name recognition? You might know her name now, all of you might, but will she have name recognition? In a year?
You might forget that name?
Like it's I think we think once we know a name, will always remember it, And that's just not the case. Like I knew, you know, Devin Sawah isn't rolling off the tongue for me anymore like it was in nineteen ninety four.
Katie Anthony, on the other hand, Yeah.
Well, Lacy Peterson, Scott Peterson, Yeah, gonna get into that watch that documentary on Netflix, which I really recommend.
But yeah, I'm part of the zeitgeist and uh, you know, and I'm.
Saying that, but it probably made my six months because that's like a really funny, interesting I don't know it just it's a little thing, but it was just so funny to me.
And then if someone complimented you and you were like, that made my minute, yeah, a low level yeah.
And sometimes they do some like you know what makes my minute?
When people say your dog is cute? That doesn't even thinke my minute? That makes that Maybe that actually took away from my life. Honestly, I know she's cute. Here's my new Okay, I'm gonna sound like a real bitch. Get ready to not like me.
Everyone.
If a girl has her headphones in, don't tell her her dog is cute. She doesn't care. She already knows. That's why she has it. Even if it wasn't cute, she would love it and think it's cute because everyone thinks their own dog is cute. So you validating that I already think my dog is cute is not what I need to hear. And if I have my headphones in, I probably can't hear you, especially if their airpod's because they block out all the noise. I can't hear fucking shit.
I can't hear a fire engine. I can't hear the look my car alarm going off right outside the Starbucks that I left my dog and because my dog moved a little bit, and so the car is honking for about three minutes while I wait for my Starbucks. I'm inside the Starbucks. Everyone in the Starbucks is like, whire is this alarm? When is it gonna go off? I can't even hear it because my headphones are in. That's how much I cannot hear you. So when you talk
to me, it's going to see like I'm rude. Anyone from my apartment building who is listening to this and thinks that I am rude to them. I have never ignored you. I've always just had my AirPods in and I didn't hear you unless I kind of see your mouth mood or your jaw moved out of the corner of my eye.
Then I take it out and.
Go huh, and then you go I didn't say anything, but most of the time you're saying my dog is cute, And I know she's cute.
Yes, stop talking to w with airs? Is that the song you're listening to when you're walking your dog?
It's I got to get it auto tuned.
But yeah, that.
Would be a hint. It's like a musical. I want to see them stand people talking to you when you have AirPods in yeah, and I know you're like, well I can't see, yes, you can.
They're little white things.
When I have when I stuffed toilet paper in my ear, like inside my ear, people can see it and they're like, what do you have that in your ear? Because I'm like, it's too loud in this restaurant, so I know you can see my big ass AirPods hanging out. Don't talk to me, and especially stop trying to flirt with me, like I've been getting flirted with. And I know I've complained before that I never get flirted with, but I don't like it.
It started, and I don't know why.
I left the house yesterday to go get or two days ago on Sunday to get Starbucks.
It took for fucking ever.
I was waiting in line, it's not in line, but like waiting for my mobile order, and I was very patiently waiting, and this guy came up to me and started talking to me about how my dog was cute. Yeah, And he literally asked me do I come here often? I almost laughed at me said that. And we were talking about what he does for a living, and he asked what I do for a living. I said, I'm a comedian. He said, do you perform around here? I said no? He goes, do you perform when you lived
in La? Because we were talking about La? And I said yes, And I just cut to the chase and I go, I'm famous. I was just do you know?
That sounds crazy?
But do you know what the conversation is like if I don't just cut to the chase? If I say I'm a comedian? They go, do you perform around here?
Well?
No, not really, because I live here, I usually perform. I travel on the weekends to perform. Oh, have you ever performed at the comedy store? Yep? Have you ever? I think there's a one down in uh, you know in San Diego? Yep? I perform there too. Now, Well, who do you h? Do you ever think about maybe being on TV?
Yeah?
I think I've been on TV before.
Really, what have you done? And it's just like I'm famous. Just it just I swear to god, it's more like me being like, you're gonna find that on your own, and it's like me kind of being like I'm a little teaser and I can't wait to find out. It's it's more annoying and revolting to like string people along than to just be like I'm famous. And and I really I didn't say it loudly. I didn't say it braggadociously.
It was just like I don't want to tell you all the venues I've performed at, sir, And so he goes, oh really, and I go, yeah, yeah, I'm on Netflix.
And you know, Max, does he not know, especially being in Saint Louis.
Business a foreign man' why yeah?
You know? He was like it wasn't like he just probably doesn't go isn't really aware of American comedy at this point. But he did ask me if he was like we should keep in touch, and I didn't know what to say.
I just go I have a boyfriend.
And he immediately was like got it and was like okay cool, And I'm like that is so weird that, Okay, this guy starts talking to me right, and then I say I have a boyfriend, and it's completely the conversation's over, which I wanted it to be, by the way, like it was clear that's what he wanted to get at. It's so weird that that man the only reason he chatted me up was to put his penis inside me, like that was the end game, Like why are this
is why sex is so fascinating to me? Is like all this bullshit that comes between us and like slobbing his knob like that is what he wanted as we're standing there, and because I said I had a boyfriend, that completely called out exactly what it was. I'm already slabbing this man's knob. I can't slap yours because we could still hang out. I'm allowed to. He said, let's just keep in touch. I'm allowed to keep in touch
with men that I have a boyfriend. But because I said I have a boyfriend, we both knew we can never have sex. You can't have sex with me, And that is so weird to me that that is constantly like it's we.
Were basically like, oh, well, I was trying to fuck you this all time. Yeah, I guess I should leave because I don't want anything else from you.
I don't want to talk about what coffeedy girl has to do. When she says I have a boyfriend, That's what she's saying is that you can't put your penis in me.
And it's so interesting.
If we could just cut to that, if a guy would just go up and say, hey, can I put my penis in you? And you go no, I have a boyfriend, then we wouldn't have any of this other stuff, because all of that stuff was just to get to the penis in me.
A little song and dance.
Do He was agree, like, are people trying to talk to you when you have headphones in? Because I know it is anti social to have headphones on, and it is by design. I don't want to socialize.
I'm not someone who likes to.
Talk to people about my dog being cute or their dog being cute.
We both got dogs.
Let's let them sit each other and we don't need to talk about it.
I have an interesting situation that is not headphones related, but it is dog related.
And this is from the male standpoint.
I have a neighbor who's probably like h in her late twenties or something like that. A girl, and she has a dog and I have a dog, and so very often we are outside at the same time, and I make a point to not like interact with this person because I don't want her to think that I'm one of these guys that's like.
Ooh, let's let our dogs meet.
Yeah, and then oh, listen, this is cute that we are dogs. Hey do you like comedy? Have you performed the comedy store?
And the problem is my dog, Jack is upset test with this dog. This dog is a mile away. He will start yipping like I've never heard these noises come out, like they come out of like the center of his soul. And I'm like, and I just want to go up to the girl and say, listen, I don't want to have sex with you.
Can you just let my dog hang out with your dog? Do it?
To be like?
I wish we could be that honest with each other of like, I'm not.
Like we but we can't say that either, even though it's the opposite of what everyone's scared of. It is literally the thing that would like make everyone feel not just not that any guy saying I don't want to fuck you does means he actually doesn't, but it would make life a little bit easier to navigate if you just knew it was a thing or not. Like the second I drop boyfriend, things can change in a conversation with a guy or the second they drop yeah starts raining.
But I know what you mean. There's sometimes my dog wants to socialize and and I just don't. I don't want to, but I you know, I really like people that just let your dog sniff their dog and we don't talk. Our dogs just talk and we just kind of go okay, and then we talk through our dogs. Oh he likes see you, you know, like.
Go I like the silence. I like like, oh hi, and then just let the dogs talk and then go see that's the dream.
Yeah. And I want to be clear, I'm not like completely anti social. I do like saying hi and nodding at people, and like I'll say, like anyone who's like working in my building, I will take out my headphones and if they want to talk to me, yes, But other people who live.
In question about the guy, No, what if the conversation ended like him, you know, you said you're famous, and he goes, oh, that's so great. I'm gonna check out your work and then he goes have a nice day. Would any of your ego like hurt a little bit or something if he didn't appear to be hitting on you.
No, that would have been great.
That would have been great. I wouldn't mind that at all, Like if someone's just like chatty, because I was just sitting there and like I didn't mind chatting with him. He was talking about La and about how Saint Louis, like it was good during COVID because New York was so oh no, he lived in New York, he said during COVID.
Saint Louis.
He moved here during COVID and it was like great because we didn't care about masks and everyone was running around and it was like he was escaping New York, which felt like really lonely. But now that COVID has lifted, New York is like he misses. Now Saint Louis feels really lonely because compared to New York it is and there's like one block that I live on that is
similar to Manhattan. He's like, but this is the only played part of Saint Louis I've found that makes me feel even similar to Manhattan.
One block and so that was an interesting.
Conversation, which I fed happy to have, But I yeah, I just like, how no, yeah, not to.
Me, not to at least a hot guy.
Yeah, I mean no, I mean I used to take offence when guys that weren't hot would hit on me and be like, God is this he ye be offensive, especially when hot guys aren't hitting on you. But then it's just like, you know, yeah, it's still offensive when I kind of run it through, It's still like, shouldn't you think I'm out of your leg?
But I'm not, Like, I know the way I dressed.
I came back home and to see Chris and I go it, just do do I look provocative? Because I just got hit on twice? And he was like, yeah, you kind of look sporty and fun, and so I guess he was kind of like yeah, And I'm like, you do you even want to stick your dick to me?
All Right?
We gotta go to break. We'll be right back up to this. We're back, can you sorry?
I was going to ask you about this New York Times piece? Was it New York Times, La Times? La Times? They did a profile on you. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
I didn't read it because I don't anything that is written about me. Whether I read the title and that was nice. Why Nikki Glazer is the something the.
Biggest comedian right now or something like that.
Yeah, if they say why, I didn't, I didn't see did they answer the question?
I don't know.
I have the same question, I go, why what is happening right now? I yeah, it was really nice. I didn't even I do so many interviews that I don't remember which are which some I remember that one I do remember because it was a really good conversation. But yeah, it was Uh. I didn't know that that was going to be the headline. And of course my PR people sent an email being like, look at this headline. We got like they're not pushing forward, Like you just don't
really know what's going to happen. That's why there's so many times interviews go wrong because they come out and it's like a hit piece, and you had the person would never agree to a hit piece. It just comes out like they don't look good. So, yeah, it was really nice, and you know, it's just it'll it's when
whenever you're the girl, it's not gonna last long. Look at miss Blake Lively, like you're gonna get taken down at some point, Like people are gonna come for your throat and you're gonna get people are gonna start going truly why But right now I'm on the rise. It feels good. I'm gonna accept it. I'm gonna enjoy the ride. But the rollercoaster is going to go down again, and
it's gonna go up again. And like even Blake Lively, like for a second, I don't know if you've been following all the stuff that's been going on with her,
but there's like a backlash for her. I'm not gonna get into it because I don't want to give my opinion on it, except for the fact that you know whether no matter how you feel about it, whether your team Blake or your anti Blake, don't worry about miss Blake, okay, Because whenever a celebrity as big as she is and who's been her long around for as long as she is, it's it's time they decided it was time to take her down. So she's getting taken down. Everyone's gonna turn
on her, and then guess what's gonna happen. What always happens when someone has a backlash that does not involve sexual assault, that does not involve and even when a divose sexual assault, let me just say, there's a little bit of a comeback that you can you can enjoy.
I think even Kevin Spacey had like a comeback.
But there will be, there is a there a backlash to the backlash is coming. Blake will be just fine. She might have to go away for a year, so be it. That's fine, a year, maybe two. But then what are we gonna see. We're gonna see her on the cover of something with her arm like this kind of hidden behind her arm, and she's gonna look stunning, and it's gonna be like she's ready to emerge or like like, and it'll say the sub headlines, she went, she went away for two years, but now is she
ready to come? Are we ready for her to come back? And the answer will be yes, because we love redemption. So I was starting to feel bad for Blake Lively because I know that everyone's like, she should feel bad she did this, and that she doesn't.
You know, she did not do those things.
Knowing that this she she loves her career and now everyone is piling on her. It's gotta feel awful that everyone's turning on her and she can't kind of catch any break from any angle. No matter what side you're on, you got to admit that she didn't really she didn't hurt she didn't kill anyone. Guys, she didn't really hurt anyone. I think the biggest indictment against her is that she might be a mean girl, like unless she's like bullied someone to death, like it's not really punishable, but like
we shouldn't take she shouldn't lose everything. Am I annoyed at people wanting to be billionaires? You know? I am? Do I want people to just back off and stick to what they do? Surely I do? Do I not like girls who seem kind of mean? Yeah, I don't like it either. Have I seen kind of mean before? I'm sure in different context. I don't know what's going on with her. What I do know she's gonna be just fine.
She's gonna be fine.
We're all gonna play this video.
Let's clip this right now.
For two years from now, I'm talking November twenty twenty six, Blake Lively will be on the cover of things and there will be like a She'll be kind of hidden behind it, emerging from her arms, wrapped up in her arms, kind of Tortured Poets style, the cover of Tortured Poets, and her eye will be peeking out from her elbow and it'll be like an eye that's kind of sorry, but like I'm ready, and everyone will fucking jerk themselves off over it, because we love to welcome someone back
in and to forgive someone, and I think that's a beautiful thing. But I think she'll be okay. But I do have empathy for.
Her rings as it does to destroy someone on top.
I almost like in the same way that I can't enjoy being on the top because I just know it's gonna I'm gonna feel down again. Uh, I don't even I used to enjoy wind stars would get taken down, Like yeah, she's so pretty.
And perfect, fuck her.
I can't wait for her to get dismantled, like the way I felt about you know, I used to feel about j Loo, Like yeah, the tides are turning j Low. No one likes you anymore, Blake Lively. Sorry, You've been a perfect gossip girl your whole life. Now you're a mean girl. We all know it. I don't even I can't even bask in the enjoyment of it because I see two years from now when we're all when I'm jealous of her again because she's the girl like, don't
worry guys, everyone, it all comes around. It's cyclical.
Well you know who's been piles on and it seems like it's never let up.
Is Ellen? I feel like, is Ellen comeback?
Her new her new specials coming out this month and the press, Yeah, and she addresses not being.
Nice cosby never made a comeback?
Did you hear Neil Brennan's thing about Uh, that's why I said sexual assault, right, Okay, okay, I.
Gotta think of an example of a non sexual assault person who never made a comeback.
That's who has It has seems coming into my five years out because it takes about five sometimes five years for someone to happen to come back.
There's a lot of names going in my head right now, and I'm like, oh wait, that was a sexual assault section.
Yes, yeah, But what I wanted to say about Ellen Neil Brennan had a joke and a special and he goes, you know, you know, you know, people like hold comedians to these standards. He's like people are like. He was talking about his contractor came over. He hired this guy off Craigslist to do some work around his house. And the guy was like saw that he was famous or whatever because Neil told him And and I'm making a joke referencing what I just said. I guess this clip
is pulled out of context. And Neil probably let him know anyway, because he's got Emmy's line around his doorstops. But he uh. The contractor was like, hey, is uh is is Kevin Hart?
You friends with Kevin Hart? And he goes, yeah, I know Kav And he goes, is he humble?
And he was like, he goes, Jeremy, you're not humble and you're a fucking handyman on Craigslist.
He's like, why would Kevin.
Hart, who's five to one in a billionaire be humble? Yeah, he's He's as humble as other short like Tom Cruise. And he lists all these other guys and then he goes. He goes people are like, you know, we like Ellen, but is she nice? And he's like, who gives a shit if she's nice? She you know, she's a trailblazer for gay rights. She was a gay woman who got canceled for being gay. Her show Like was off the air soon as she admits she was gay. She went away.
She came back five years later and had that hit TV show. He goes, is she nice? Have you ever met a nice lesbian? Like they're fine, but they're not nice, they're pleasant. I guess he makes just a good point that like why do we need our celebrities to be all of these things? And I think that is the
articles I was reading about the Blake Lively thing. I was telling Noah and the other girls on Girls Chet because we were talking about it, Like I like that there's this backlash too, inauthenticity, which I think is what is the pylon about Blake is like movie stars don't get to be like I'm not gonna discuss that anymore,
and like I'm you know this this perfection. Even Anne Hathaway, I think, has been kind of mom about some stuff that's not even that inquisitive like of questions and she's just like no comment.
And like stars used.
To be able to have this like wall up where they're like I'm perfect and I'm not gonna show you my real self, which is fine, But now people because of TikTok. And because of social media, people want their stars to be normal and relatable and authentic. Yeah, and and and that's and when they're not, there's there's a backlash coming. And all these stars that grew came up in the early two thousands and made their mark and don't know how to live in this kind of world
where they're expected to be. They can't be authentic because they're not. And I'm not speaking of Blake Lively. I'm just speaking like they are celebrities that are so detached they cannot be authentic, Whereas people like Chapel.
Roone actors are like you fall in love with the character they're playing, and then you expect like.
Oh it's insane.
Why why aren't you acting like Captain America? I don't understand.
Expect nothing of them, folks. Please said it best. Did you hear what she said? Do you know who Chapelrone is?
Brian Uh? Yes, I am aware.
She's the best, But she just said it said. This is the headline.
Chapel Rone is turning down movie offers because quote, actors are fucking crazy and Hollywood is so scary.
I'd rather get arrested than be an actor.
It's actors and weird, dude they are. It's like I'm friends with actors, but am my close friends. No, I'm mainly friends with comedians who have acted, but like actors that don't do something else, Like it's not I remember when I wanted to be an actress so badly because I thought it was just your ticket to being on TV and being on a TV show. I didn't realize
like what it took to be an actor. It's like a lot of hard, intense work, and you have to be delusional or you have to be kind of like a crazy person in a different way than I am crazy. But I remember I went and auditioned for theater school at uh for an NYU auditioned. It wasn't like I sign up and you get an audition. It wasn't special. I had literally no talent. I'd been in like three plays in high school. So I flew to Chicago to audition and I was, remember, you know, is this probably
fall of my senior year. And I'm in the hallway in this hotel in Chicago, and I see all of these theater kids practicing their monologues in the hallway and like not talking to me, but like being loud and like I'm important and I'm screaming in the corner and like just but also anti social. And I remember just thinking this, this isn't what, This isn't it for me,
even though I did still want it. I remember thinking, like, I don't know how I'm gonna find friends in this kind of I the plays I did in high school weren't They were all like football players that got talked into doing plays, or they were like there were some actory kids, but they weren't. It was in the bulk, whereas when you go to theater school, it's that. And comedians are weird too. If you're an actor and you're
taking offense to this, you should. I'm saying you're weird, but you're weird in a way that is fantastic because you can portray other people so well in almost a creepy way.
But they are different. And I love Chapel.
Roone for saying, like, I'm not going to fucking do anything. I'm getting all these endorsements, I'm not gonna like get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to use to like pretend I use a product I don't like. I love I love her character. I just love her. She's so real, and that's what people want. That's like, that's the epitome of what people want from anything.
Is real now.
Parasocial relationships now because the industry has severed the ties between the Hollywood industrial complex and fame, there's no more stars. It's all about developing relationships with your fans, and they bolster you.
Yeah. I mean, I think that I get interviewed about Taylor Swift a lot, and I always kind of gloss over the fact that, like, I've learned to manage my career in whatever way I manage it. I really I wish I was a little bit more focused and intentional with the things I do. But the way I relate to my fans is the way I feel I relate to Taylor as a fan. I want my fans to feel that close to me and I because I do
feel like I'm rooting for Taylor. I feel like I know her, like I don't need to be friends with her because she's told me everything she needs to tell me in her music. And the truth is, I say, I'm way more honest in my comedy than I am almost in one on one relationships. Or at least the same, And I think that that is I.
I feel like you're more honest in your stand up than in real life. I feel like so too. Something about you stepping on stage gives you carte blanche to'll just unload things that you probably wouldn't say in conversation.
I think so too, because I don't have to defend them.
I don't have to answer to anyone going well that doesn't actually hold up. I think you're right, but I just I don't mind a parasocial relationship. I've said it before, but if you think you could be friends with me, you are right. I mean I don't. I don't have room in my life for you, probably just as Taylor doesn't have room in her life for me. But you're not wrong that if we met in middle school, girl or guy listening to this and you were like, man,
we would really hang out. We would have been besties. But it's just the timing and the circumstance didn't allow it. So for you and your mind to think you're my friend, go for it. Don't get to the point where you need to murder me because of it, you know, like that's where.
It becomes a problem.
But I don't mind you thinking you're my friend and telling people my friend Nicki said this, My friend Nicki said that, like I don't. I don't think there's anything weird about that. And sometimes I have fans saying I talk about you like you're like I heard Nicky say this day, and my boyfriend's like, Nicki the glazer who you don't know, you're just calling her NICKI, like, you talk to her today, And I always go, that's fine.
I've been listening to Last Culturistas, which is on the Big Money Players Network with US, and I am starting to have that with Bowen and Rogers. I am.
I can't stop listening to them.
I feel like it has made me funnier and more wise about pop culture. I've learned new words I just think. But I also feel like I'm I'm hanging out with them. It really gives me the sense that I'm hanging with people.
God to ask you that a lot like it's such like an intimate it's in your ear while you're at Starbucks, and it's like an hour conversation. And if you listen to people long enough, you're just like they become part of your the network and your social brain.
Especially if you're a person in conversation who doesn't already talk that much. Like, say you're someone who hangs out with your friends and you're not the most chatty of the group, Like it might resemble what it is like to be with a group of friends anyway for you. Yeah, of just kind of observing and maybe nodding along because I'm like.
Well, that's the most comforting work place to be. I mean, just remember when you're at like a sleepover or something and you're like the first one to go into the sleeping bag, and you still hear your friends chatting.
Is there about how they're gonna draw on your face?
Okay, So imagine you're in your room at night and I want to hear your parents in the kitchen talking.
Oh, it's it's the best.
Yeah.
I have a new thing. I was watching Taylor tom Winson special and she does this thing where she asked the audience if they have any she has trouble sleeping, And she says, if you have any like weird sleep tips, share them with me. I've heard them all, And she goes in the audience it's really funny, and she hears one that she says helped her. Is like this woman said, go lay on your kitchen floor for ten minutes, just wide awake, and then go back to bed.
And she goes, that actually worked. So Taylor said that worked.
But I would have if I was at a show, I would have raised my hand because I came up with one. So if anyone out there struggles to sleep, this is one that I had been doing since I was a young girl, but I didn't put it together that it actually works until recently when I couldn't sleep. You okay, You go from being like I can't sleep to tell yourself you have to stay awake. You don't get to go to sleep. You must stay awakes, like
you cannot fall asleep. And when you stop, when you start, instead of fighting staying awake to go to sleep, you stop fighting. You start fighting sleeping man, that sucker will win over Like do the opposite, go like you can't fall asleep, don't you dare fall asleep? You don't get to and then suddenly you want to so bad and then then let go and lean into it. And I promise you it works. Because my sister and I used
to take turns looking for monsters. One of us would have to stay up and keep look out for monsters. Yeah in college we were both a little mostly underdeveloped, but yeah, it was so cute. So whenever I was on monster lookout duty, I would feel so much more tired than when I wasn't, And I remember realizing, like, why when I have to stay up to look for monsters do I just suddenly almost immediately, I'm like, oh, I'm so tired, And so I've started using that kind of same thing.
That's interesting. I'm gonna try doing that.
I just try it because I think what it does, what would do for me is the reason why I can't fall asleep is because I'm thinking about something else that I'm stressing about, something else that I need to do the next morning, or sometimes it's like I can't.
I'm like still I ate a meal too late. But if I'm thinking.
About something and then I start thinking I have to stay awake, then I'll be thinking about that instead of the thing that's actually keeping me awake.
Yeah, then you're actually thinking about sleeping. Yeah.
Interesting.
Well, I was listening to this meditation of this guy named doctor Russ. He's a chiropractor out of Portland, and I watch all his videos. He's the most relaxing ASMR voice ever. But he does like chiropractic videos. But then he does like meditations and he did one about sleeping and he was talking about how people when they can't sleep, he does like a talk with you about how you can't sleep, and it's so soothing and I literally haven't got it's like fifteen minutes, so long, and I never
finish it. Because his name is doctor Russ out of Seattle. Just I've been sleeping doctor Russ. And he was saying that people feel like they can't sleep because they have to solve They need to solve whatever it is they're worried about, which is impossible to do, like you're not going to solve it. But I don't relate to that. I've never felt like there's.
What's keeping you up, like what's happening in your mind?
Only just my caffeine. Like I'm just not tired, you know, Like yeah, if I'm tired, though, I don't think anything can keep me up because I almost feel like sleep helps me, Like I'm not going to solve us something when I'm tired. I just know that my brain's not functioning right, and I'm just like it's almost like I'm drunk. There's no part of me that even wants to solve it when I'm feeling tired, because.
I you've acknowledged that sleep is an necessary step in order to get you to the solution.
Yeah, maybe I'm procrastinating a little bit. I'm like, oh, maybe if I sleep, I can do it after I sleep. Like, there's that, But I'm glad I don't relate to that. But I think a lot of people do. They are trying to solve things and they're sleep. Do you guys both do that? Yeah, I mean that's happened to me.
I used to have like a period in time where I'd wake up at three am, like every night, wake up at three am, and just start thinking about like the stresses of the next day. And my therapist, I mean she kind of told me what doctor Russ said. She goes, at three am, you cannot solve your problems. No one is up to help you. You can't send that email, you can't communicate, so just go back to sleep.
Yeah.
I start saying that to myself, there's nothing you will do, Like when my dad told me there's nothing. When I was scared of nuclear war, in nighth grade, and he was like, Nikki, there's nothing you can do about whether or not we die in a nuclear explosion. Nothing. And that was like, bring it on, Powerless.
When I feel powerless, I start screaming, literally screaming. Yeah, like that's how I feel in the shower. But I want to show you something I got that I that I sometimes use when I wake up at three o'clock in the morning, which is this, Uh ACU show this you already.
No, but I've seen that kind of So it's a pillow, guys, spiky things on it.
So what is it called acupressure?
It's it's an acupressure, Matt this particular brands man.
Yeah, so that's it. Yeah, this is actually they made it out of Lady Gaga dresses.
There's only it looks like a skirt I wear to aerostour.
Yeah, but it's like it's really painful and you lay on it and the pain just kind.
Of distracts you from whatever it.
Is that you're thinking of, My God, and you go, this hurts so badatos, But then eventually the pain subsides and you sort of enter into the it's like drifting state of nirvana. It's like it's like your body just accepts the pain and then sends all these endorphins to the area.
Well, wait, so you really get like tripped out because the pain kind of disappears and.
Because you get relaxed cloud of pain. Yeah, in a way.
I wouldn't say tripped out like you're taking shrooms or something, but you do enter this like state of this good vibrational state of calm.
Oh my god, yeah a lot.
Wait to tell you guys what I did last week. I don't even know if we have time for it. It's so fucked up. I'm gonna get into it after break. I haven't told anyone about it. Literally, it's you won't even believe what happened. Okay, we'll talk about when we get back. Okay, I have not told anyone about this except Chris. And Chris like didn't even really care to hear details about it. And I don't know why, because I think he was just ashamed that I even did
something like this. But I've been having you know, I suffer with like vocal tension. I just have too much tension in my body that I literally just can't get rid of, and especially in my throat. And my neck, and I was like, maybe I'll go to a hypnotist. So I googled hypnotist right Saint Louis. Found someone who has been doing it for almost thirty years. Looked like someone like you know that experience. I just went off of experience. Chris was like, how did you find this person?
I'm just like, I don't know. She just said she'd been doing it the longest and I just picked Willy Nilly. I don't know how to pick a good hypnotist. It's all fucking whatever. So and I've heard people like hypnotize themselves to you know, release, to stop smoking or to I don't know, it's helped people. Yeah, And I saw a girl get hypnotized at our like post prom party and she peter pants because she thought her share was on fire. And I know that it's real because she
would never have done that. That's so embarrassing to do.
She's literally giving a lap dance to your ex or something exactly.
Like people like I understand when they do dumb things that are like kind of cool looking, like a girl is doing a strip teas because she's always wanted to, you know, yeah, but pissing your pants in front of your senior class, when you're not the most popular girl that could maybe get away with that. I don't know what kind of girl could. That's when I knew tipnotism was real. So I never tried it because I never really wanted it, but I just felt kind of desperate.
So I called this woman and I go in and I tell her about my stuff, and she's kooky. I was outside of her office for fifteen minutes before she picked up her phone because I'm banging on the door and I'm like, she's not even here. She had just told me to reconfirm, and so I'm there. I drove forty minutes to get to where she was. Finally she lets me in. There's not really an apology. She's just like, oh, I didn't check my phone, and I'm like, okay, but it's two o'clock. I was with you here at two.
I am here at too. Now it's two twenty and now you're letting me in, so we go up. I was just about to drive off too. I wish I would have we go up. We sit down in her own office. She keeps apologizing that nothing is where it's supposed to be because she just moved in. Not my problem.
She's a wreck.
She's totally She keeps checking her phone, putting it back in her purse. Her purse is full with things. Yeah, I know, her foot phone. She her purse is filled to the brim with things. She's kind of like a slight bag lady, a little hoardy, you know. But I don't judge it because like people that aren't, I don't need her to be perfect to be she's a fucking right, she's supposed to be out there and kookie. She has like a white beret. She has long white hair down to her shoulders.
Well, that's good. That's a good sign.
She is probably seventy five. Sorry, if you're listening to this, I don't think she is. And she's not that all like white outfit. Really really nice woman. What I loved about her is that when I was talking about was going through she kept saying, I'm really sorry you're going through that, And I thought that was a really nice thing.
She was like, that must be.
Really hard, that's I'm so sorry. I was talking to her about imposter syndrome. I was talking to her about my throat issues, and she was like, I really want to get back to this imposter syndrome thing like why you think you don't deserve things or whatever.
Final thought.
So she goes, honestly, I think before we do your throat stuff, which is why I went to her, like I want to release tension to sing better.
Yeah.
She was like, I really think you have some past life stuff that we have to address about this imposter syndrome. And I'm just like, okay, sure, let's do that. She wants to get paid first, and I go, that's fine, two hundred fifty dollars all. She goes cash would be best. I go, I have cash, but I have three hundred. I'll just put fifty towards the next session because I'm thinking this is going to work. I'm not going back. She's keeping that fifty, by the way, So she's like,
let's get into past life work. I just want to tell everyone I had time. If anyone wants to do past life stuff with you, run I've done it before. I talked about it on the podcast years ago. When I did it because a friend of mine recommended this woman. If you want to just sit for an hour with someone closing your eyes and making up a stra for
them to help you make up, then do that. If you enjoy tucking your kids in at night and making up a story when they go tell a story, and you just enjoy speaking off the lit off the dome, coming up with characters and settings and a plot line, then this is for you, because this is what it was. It was me staring at a literal wheel that turned, you know, like a black and white wheel, Oh god, that she put across the room. So it was really small, and I go, I think it needs to be closer.
So then we moved a bunch of shits so it could be closer. I'm on a love seat. I'm five nine, so I'm like bald up on this love seat, laying down, and she was like, my long.
Couch wouldn't fit in the new office. I got.
I don't care. So then we're going in my past life and she's like, okay, you're walking down a hall. She goes, your eyes are getting heavy, and my my head is going like, no they're not, your eyes are watering, No they're not. But then they start to because I just want to make it right, right, like I just want to give her what she's telling me. Your eyes are closing, and I literally felt like if I don't close my eyes, then what is this gonna be? Like, I just need to do I need to close my eyes.
I need to give her what she wants. And I'm someone that's not like I pride myself on not just doing what people want me to do. But I just wanted to get the fuck out of there, and I go, maybe part of being hypnotized is kind of, you know, controlling it a little bit, like, yeah, closing your eyes because she said to close them, but you know, I don't know. So I at first was like, I'm not gonna close my eyes just because she says close your eyes and your eyes are getting heavy.
They're not, and so I kept them open.
But then she kept saying they're getting heavy because she was getting frustrated. And then finally I'm like, they're closed. Then I'm walking down a hallway. Then she's like, there's a bunch of doors. Suddenly a door is going to look familiar to you. I think I might have the thing that Halla has where you can't picture things. Because I could not see a hallway, I couldn't see doors nothing.
She made it sound like I should be like in this virtual reality world that would be so clear to me, what the floor looked like, what the doors looked like. You're gonna see a door that looks familiar, walk into it. Then that is a past life. So I walk in this door and then she's like, and what's in the room. I'm like, I can't see anything. Well, if you could see something, what would it be. I'm like a bird cage.
I mean, I'm just literally making shit up. And then she's like, you find a closet with clothes in it? What do the clothes look like. I'm like, there's no clothes. I don't see a closet. Well, keep looking, Oh, I found the closet. Like, I'm just like getting raped into mini raped into making things appear. So finally I'm in this dress, I'm on a plantation. So I'm making up
a story. I'm literally in Bridgerton because and then she goes okay, and then we get bored there because oh, so then I'm a woman in the eighteen hundreds walking around a house.
I'm just making this.
Up literally, which could she could cause I literally said that to her. I go, I think I'm just making things up to give you a story, because I don't none of this is appearing. I'm actually trying to think of something to tell you. And she goes, well, what's the difference between that and an appearing? And I go, well, that's a good point. Don't really know, so let's just
go with it. But I think a lot of this, exactly, I think a lot of what I'm coming up with is stuff that I just saw this week on TV. I said that, I go, She goes, esventually, I end up in this office, and she goes, what does the office look like? And I go, I go, it looks exactly like the office of the man whose office is next to yours, who I walked into right before the session.
That's exactly. And it's the same man sitting there.
And she goes, well, maybe it is. Maybe it's just maybe it was another past life where you run into him.
And I'm like, unlikely.
So I made up an entire plot line for this girl who I used to be. Her name was Abigail, She lit, she was She grew up.
In an orphanage.
She worked at the orphanage she grew up in. The woman kept wanting me, Okay, so because I want to be a singer, she kept wanting me to be a singer in a past life, and she kept being like.
So, so what are you do? You sing a little bit?
And I go nope, this girl does not sing.
Does she go out to like have or anything?
And I go, it's the eighteen hundreds. I'm a single woman. I can't go anywhere for fun on my own. I just go walk along the river and she goes, oh, that makes sense. I go, I need a male companion to go anywhere. And I really truly felt that. I don't even know if I came up with that logically. I literally was like, bitch, why do you keep asking me to go places when I don't have a husband so I can't fucking go anywhere. I work in an orphanage. And she goes, that actually would be true. She goes,
do you have the friends? And I go no, and she goes, What's how's this girl's life gonna end? I'm like, she wants to throw herself from a fucking bridge and she goes, okay, well does she?
And I go I don't think she does. She just thinks about it.
And then I made this girl find a friend, and I'm like, oh my god, this is actually turning into like an a lane Ferrante book or whatever. That my brilliant friend book. This is turning into a book. So this girl then meets a friend by the lake. That girl comes from a privileged life, but they have to keep their friendship secret because she's not allowed to like have friends that are dirty and like poor. And then they kind of are gay for each other, but they
can ever admit it because she's married. And my character like hates the patriarchy, even though she doesn't have a word for it. She like hates men and hates her status, and she's a right like I came with this whole story.
And then she just dies in her sleep. Like my paracter, she wanted.
This woman to be she I think she wanted me to be like Judy Garland in the past life or something, because she kept like trying to steer it to that. I'm like, we're not even in that same fucking century, bitch, and but I and then oh, don't even think it was over. So after that woman died, she makes me go to my next life after that, and then I just threw in the cards and in my next life, guess what, I was.
A whale.
I just became a whale because I was like, I need something simple, though, require a bunch of doors and like dresses and an occupation and friends and different floorboards that I have to describe what the floor looks like and the bedding looks like like it was true, Brian, you know how I get stressed out in improvs games, Like when we played Bag of Fun. I can't.
I don't like coming up with things.
So for a whale, I was just a whale, a lie in the scene and I didn't even have a pod. I was like, I'm a lone whale who got lost from his pod. That's how done I was. And then this session, which she told me was supposed to last two and a half hours, which, by the way, that's disgusting, and you should tell someone before they get to your office that someone's going to last that long like this, does.
That include the twenty minutes that you were waiting outside exactly?
I said, I got to be out of here by four forty five and going to see you fucking house. And she was like, well, what we might we might be in one of your lives, and I go, well, then we'll have to leave that life because I have one to get to here. She was just so like, well, we don't know where we'll be and I'm like, well, I need to be out by four forty five. And so but I was out by three twenty five because I was a whale and then I was nothing else and she knew. I was like, I'm out of this
cause I was just like, I'm just a whale. And then I go I just started like opening my eyes and I'm like, that's really cool.
That makes sense why I love whales, and that makes.
Sense why I, you know, feel angry about being a woman sometime, Like I.
Was interesting that in both of your past lives you were alone. Yeah, you're a lone wail and a lone girl walking along the river.
But it did help me. I was like, I kind of want to write a book about this woman now that I invented. Like I have never ever written fiction because I just don't find it interesting. I don't watch fiction. I don't really read fiction that often. Like I just don't care for fiction unless it's Taylor Swift writing folklore. I just don't care about made up things. But when I was forced to make this thing up, I'm like, oh my god, this person like exists somewhere. I like
really feel like this Abigail girl is real. I don't think it was a real past life because it was made up of things I've seen on Netflix, you know. But it was like, oh, I see how people can be like attached to a character. I've never felt that before, so it wasn't all for not. But I wasted an hour and a half of my I would say two hours with the driving of my life making up a story for this woman, and I paid three hundred dollars
to do it, and it's so embarrassing. So I just want to tell anyone whoever is involved in any past life stuff, it's.
Bullsh I really think it's bullshit. It Do something else with your time.
Do not get suckered into this, Like I just it's happened to me twice now where I've had past life people make me make up stories on the fly, and they make you so uncomfortable because they make you feel like when you're resisting and saying this is not real, they make you feel like you're doing it wrong somehow, and like you just can get so tricked by these people. And I'm just it cannot happen again to me, And I just want to ask any besties.
If you've had any.
Stories of this where you go to like a healer or something and they take advantage of you. I've been like sexually assaulted by a healer before. I've been. Yeah, they're not canceled yet, they're still working. I've been and it wasn't a horrible sexual asault, but he like licked tears off my face so much kind of unpleasant.
It's disgusting. It's truely disgusting.
And all my friends were in the next room and I talked about it afterwards, and they were like laughing about.
It, like, Oh, that's just tim or whatever.
It was so weird, and he still works and he works with really famous people and he's disgusting. But and he gave me the worst. He like adjusted my neck and gave me. I was vomiting for hours the next day because of a migraine I had from that, uh, from that adjustment. So I just I want to know if anyone else has been hoodwinked by these people, which I do think this woman believes what she's saying and doing. Sure, I don't think she's a Tyler Henry, which is a no.
I do Tyler Henry. I believe it's real. But I believe she feels the same way Tyler does. Like I don't think she's aware that she's tricking people, And I don't think Tyler Henry's tricking people, by the way, But like I I think that I don't think she knows that she's full of shit.
Well, she's either got a mental disorder or she truly is no longer tethered to reality, which is why she can't be bothered to like organize her apartment or you know, do things on time. Maybe she's in between worlds right now and she can see the past life.
I don't you just hate when you get taken advantage of and you can't You're like, you're paying for something that you don't want and you can't leave. Does that happen to you guys?
Ever?
I mean this fear, No, not the fear like ever those sphere's the sphere.
When you're watching YouTube being like I can't leave.
I don't want to point Nikki and Chris, I just want to guess.
I felt it to that night. Yeah, and yeah, you're so right. And Bono is on stage rambling like someone who is doing a past life meditation.
I am away taking things up.
I've had that in like massages or facials where you're just kind of like stuck to the bed and okay, that's a perfect example.
No, nail, you know what, you nailed it. Massages.
I think everyone can raise their hand right now. They've had a massage that sucks, and you know it as soon as their clammy hand touches you. Yeah, but you have an hour maybe sometimes ninety minutes to get through with.
This person, and they talk constantly and you just don't want to hear anything.
Oh god when they talk.
Yeah.
Oh but yeah, just pretend you're a whale and get the fuck out there.
That's my life, all right, guys, we got to go. I'm in Michigan this weekend. Really exciting stuff coming up Battle Creek, Michigan, Friday and Saturday and Saturday, and then Sunday, I'm going to see a Taylor Swift show, but not by Taylor Swift. I'm going to see a young boy I found on Instagram.
Who's like eight years old perform.
Taylor Swift and is back two hours outside of Michigan. So I'll tell you about that next next week. But we have another show tomorrow. We'll get to we'll see you then, thank you for listening to the podcast, doob bey kit, and bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts.
Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina.
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