The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Glaser, Welcome to the Nicky Glacier Podcast. This is a special edition from a double tree near the Dullest Airport, where we have never intended to be in our entire lives and hope to never return to again. I'm here with my most loved possessions.
I don't know, I don't know.
Do you possess us? I possess love for you? My most loved people in my life. Chris Convious here, my boyfriend Hello, he said, we had to project you always protect on me anyways psychologic. And then my sister Lauren, hello to be here, and my brother in law Matthew Green.
Hello, were you going to give yourself a clap?
I don't know, to yourself? Okay? So why are we in Dulles? Why are we in Washington, d C? Which, by the way, when well, I'll get to it later. But what happened yesterday? Anyone want to top us off? I mean, what didn't happen yesterday? Am I right? Okay? So we were all headed to Vienna to go see Taylor Swift and just to have a good vacation. Lauren
and matt have three kids. They have not been on a vacation away from their kids, even for a bathroom break in seven and a half years probably, yeah, since their oldest was born, and so they were getting away for the first time. They took me up on an offer that they couldn't refuse, and we were all going to go see Taylor Swift together. We boarded the plane yesterday in Saint Louis at eleven am, just flying through
the skies. Do you ever think back before an airline catastrophe, not like a real one where there's a crash, but like one of these, and you like think of how naive you were, Like I keep thinking back to that flight and being like, oh, I remember I was reading my Steve Martin book and just like planning when I was gonna where we might have lunch at Newark during our layover before Vienna. Like just a dreamer.
I didn't even know we were circling. I was so engrossed in below decks, Like do you know what's happening? I was like no, and She's like, oh, We're we're going to Dulles instead of Newark. Yeah, And then I was like, oh okay, But apparently we had been circling for like an hour it was the longest flight.
Yeah, you can imagine it was. We knew something was wrong, but they wouldn't tell us anything. Really.
Yeah, I kept looking down, peeping for the ground, and it was just circles.
So no, what happened was there was an announcement, and I usually missed those announcements because I am listening to blaring white noise on my uh AirPod with Jason Rand's lucky you were in love with my best friend, which Lorda and I saw last week, and we do we resent your talk about them. He is white and he does make noise, but that is all we want an isto about that comment.
Sorry, you didn't say white scatting.
He did do some scattingt he's kind of moved beyond the scatting.
Does anybody move? Are you ever allowed to wait?
You can't forget the scatting.
His memoir is going to be called Beyond the scat So no you.
So I got like I could tell because you were so chill that you had not heard the news, not that you would like freak out. You're always chill. So I was kind of like, maybe you had heard it and we're just being so cool. But but then you. You. I looked over at you kind of like murg and you handed me your phone and said, is it crazy that I got I got emotional reading this. Do you remember what you Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well you tell them.
Well, I guess I should find it, somebody, tweeted out. Representative Dean Phillips, the Minnesota Democrat who waged the futile challenge against prencident Biden and the Democratic primaries, praised the selection of his state's governor, saying, Tim, this is about Tim. Okay, sorry, Tim Waltz can fix a lawnmower, fire a cannon, and fiercely protect women's freedoms all in one day. It's pretty good.
It's so good.
I thought it was like a bit of a bad ass quote.
I mean, and he turned to me with tears in his eyes and care.
Less about women's freedoms. But that's fixing a lot.
She really identified it, that part. It was John, dear to your heart. But this guy.
Liked it. But that man, what a great just that that guy seems like a great person.
Oh he seems amazing.
Such a contrast to all these other things we've been seeing, and we're like, my god, he's surrounded by students that love him. He seems funny. Yes, it's just like this is, oh my god, what we want.
He is such like someone just wrote to me, I forget who on I posted something about him on Instagram and someone wrote back to me and said, I've never stanned a politician before, but I guess this is the first time. Like stand like standing, yeah, like if you fans stand, you like you stand fish like, if you're a diehard fan, it's called standing. You've never heard that. I'm not trying to be cool. I thought it was
a non standing Okay, it's from the Fish song. It's from the Eminem song Oh stand like yeah, the where.
He's like I can't stand this conversation.
But she said I've never a stand a politician before, and I felt the same way. Like last night, Chris is in the bathroom and just like brushing his teeth and or no, you're taking a shower and then you came out ten minutes later and we're like, did you scream? And I was like I don't know, and I go, oh, yeah I did, because I was like, babe, because I wanted you to see his speech. Did you see the
clip of his speech. Yeah, where he says jd Vance, I'd love to uh debate you if you can get a a lot of the couch to reference him with the couch is so funny. Yah, yeah, yeah, it was like it was so subtle and so funny. And I know that they're going to be like, oh, you stoop so low as to make a joke about this thing that isn't even true, but like we're just joining you. And also it was a it was death and it was like perfect and it was Yeah, it was so funny.
I like him because he doesn't seem like a politician, because everything we're talking about is like not a characteristic politics.
She seems like a good guy.
He's like a real person.
He taught social studies. He knows about the government. Now it's supposed to work.
Did you hear his response to people saying like he look way older than sixty, He said like, well, if you've had lunch room duty for twenty years ago.
God, So Chris was crying about that quote. I he's weeping. He had the barf bag to catch his tears. It was nuts.
Was just filled with emotion. That's right, sweet, have it cried since nineteen eighty nine when.
You were eight years old?
What happened he knee?
Are you talking about Taylor Swift's album?
Yes, nice one, that was really good. Yeah you haven't really good, Matt. Good? Yeah you bwing to the camera was good, Matt. Then we're circling Dulls, trying to because they're like, we're supposed to land in new or Yeah, we're supposed Toart. We're supposed to land in Newark to go to Vienna. We're circling Newark. They're like, Then they let us know we're being rerouted to Dulles because we're running out of fuel. So we go land in Dulls and we get off the plane. It is mayhem inside.
We get in line to talk to the front desk. You guys know the old story. This is just a bad travel day. They have no information for us. We then almost split up, so we almost go Here's the thing. Can I just give some advice to besties, Never leave your bags. If your bags are on a flight going somewhere and you get diverted and they try to your bags are going to that place, You're going to the other place. Stay with the bags if you can. And
that was my motto of the day. But then we talked about it and we were like, Okay, the bags will eventually make it. We can just shop for new stuff. Let's just try to get out of Dulls and go to Vienna. So but there's only two seats available on two different flights leaving from douls to Vienna. So then we decide to split up. Lord and Matt are going to go through London, so long London, and and Chris and I are going to go through Hamburg. And so
we decide, yep, let's leave our bags. Let's go in these separate voyages and we'll meet in Vienna about seven hours difference each and so Matt and Lauren agree this. These two man, those too late.
Wait, we were tricked. I feel like.
We were having a conversation about what we were gonna do, and it took about fifteen second thirty seconds, and within that time we all lost our flights and we couldn't get them back.
Sorry. Take yelled at me about, well, guys, we don't have enough time. There's a whole lot of people. We don't have time for you to debate. And I go, I think I don't ever get yappy with those girls, but I go. I think it took fifteen seconds for me to talk about whether or not I should abandon my back like I go, I'm allowed fifteen seconds to decide. I if anyone in the world, I am the most cognizant of people in line behind me struggling, I will never waste anyone's time.
And you're the quickest Hi I've ever met. And that's a good thing and a bad thing, but it is you are the quickest by far I've ever met.
Well, Chris had a really good point last night about my quick decision making because I was lamenting. So it ends up blah blah blah. We that flight, we get back on the flight from Dullest to Newark, We get back on We wait and wait, wait, and they go, we have to deplane again. So then we're just left and we're stuck in Dullest. We decided to spend the night in Dullest. We're gonna get our bags in the morning, and then we were going to go from Dullest to
Vienna all together on a different flight. Two day at eight forty five pm. We were supposed to be in Vienna. We were already supposed to be in Vienna for seven hours at this point right now, and now we're not leaving here for another ten hours anyway, doesn't matter. We're still going. Life is great. What a joy. We get to ride in the sky like a bird.
We got to eat dinner in a boardroom.
Yeah. So well, I was lamenting last night that I we got We did get a voucher for a free hotel room for each of us, which is nice at a double Tree. Yeah, and then we later on, I was like, double Tree promise. Double Tree promise is that you get two cookies upon check in and someone has shitten your tub within the past two weeks. That's the double Tree promise. Watch my special now nominated for an Emmy called I Know some day will die. I was like, a clean fill. I have so many I can't keep trying.
And so then we so we're last night, we're in bed, and I was like kind of being like sad about the fact that, uh, well, how about.
What was your state of mind? Basically the whole time.
I was miserable all day long because I have to shoot a bunch of I have to do a bunch of zoom calls because I'm nominated for Emmy I don't know if you guys knew that, but being nominated for an Emmy means you have to like promote that you're
nominated for an Emmy to Emmy voters. There's like it's stage two voting that starts August eighth, and we need like there's different stages of it and you need to get people to vote for your Emmy's true life, It's kind of brought a lot of turmoil into my life because I have to do zoom calls and look appropriate and look. Men are so lucky that they don't have to do hair and makeup. I am just saying I've
said it before, I've said it again. It is such a joy to be a man in that respect because they just go I get asked all the time, make make a promo a video to promote your shows in Sacramento. We need a video to do this. And it's like, but I need to look like I look on TV for these people to come see me. And I know that not everyone's an idiot and things. I always look that way, but you want to look a little bit presentable. Ladies, know, what do.
You say to people that are like you don't have to wear makeup.
I say, you haven't seen me without makeup? Do you want to see how bad it gets? Because I'll send you the video and then you will need CGI experts. So make this look in a way that doesn't give people pink eye upon seeing it. So, but you don't have makeup on right now? You agree?
No?
I do?
I have?
I have, but I also have glasses that are covering half my face and a hat. And this is my podcast. I feel less pressure about this because.
This people here, because no.
One watches you look at the numbers, no offense. Most people listen to this, thank God, and so uh. But the thing that I have to record, let me just be quite honest about the thing that I'm nervous about is there's this for your Consideration event for HBO where all HBO talent is there, anyone nominated for an Emmy
within the HBO circus is there? And I'm they're gonna just toss to a video of me being like, sorry, I can't make it, thank you so much, h like, and I don't even know what it's supposed to be. I've been writing my publicist being like, is this a thank you speech to HBO our voters? There do I say, vote for me? Like, what do? And it's literally still unclear. I do not know what I'm supposed to say. I'm supposed to just make a joke about going to see
Taylor Swift and I go. But isn't that going to make it seem like I don't care about the Emmy voters that I'm not there and I'm going to see Taylor Swift? And she was like, well, you joke about it your special. I'm confused, but can you.
Write anybody that has done that and say what did you say in your video?
Thank god, My amazing assistant Jen looked up past videos of people that sent in and gave me some examples, so I will watch those before I do it. So anyway, last night I was looking at the app that they the United gave us free hotel and they gave us fifteen dollars meal vouchers which can get you a dissni water at most Hudson News and I was thirty fifteen each.
No, I think it was two. No, I think it was thirty each, but too fifteen vouchers per person?
Oh really? Yeah, okay, I take it back, thank you, Yes, a water and half a tailor, Swift Commemorative magazine, and then so uh. But then I was like, oh, I just you know, sometimes like when you get an email from United with a bunch of useful information, they'll just throw in like ads for Uber, you know, like you'll just get an ad. So I thought it was just an ad for lift, but it was about cure for a lift, and I could have gotten about black car lift black car that ended up costing me one hundred
dollars to get. I got us a black car from the airport last night, and I do have one hundred dollars to willy nilly spend. But it would have been nice. I'm just saying it would have been nice to use the free one which I did not use. Well, can we use it today? While I was complaining to Chris, I was like, cut, I just like, don't look at things long enough. If someone else would have gotten this email, they obviously would have seen this, like I just like
zoom past things. And Chris had a really great thing to say to me.
It was Nicky makes such fast decisions about everything, right, and she's moving in like this kind of a different speed. And so because she's making fast decisions, she has become successful. I think, I think it's like one of the reasons. But it comes at a cost, and that cost is one hundred dollars lifts from the airport. So because she's scanning things and making quick, quick decisions.
I'm making more money.
Ultimately, Ultimately, the little you're making more progress and people that are like thinking about it for four days like I would and but I wouldn't miss the lift taxi thing. But it doesn't matter because Nikki's outperformed those.
Types of mistakes, and that made me feel better. Like if you if you focus on things that you always do wrong, think about the ways in which they are improving your life instead of the things that you're just like, I'm always forgetting this, Like, Lauren, what's the thing you always do that I always do wrong? Yeah, Like, what's the thing that you're constantly like Like I move too fast and I don't look at details, and I always miss details and then I miss I get so frustrated with myself.
I mean I mess up with dates all the time, Like I get I see a date and I think like, oh, that's when that thing is, and then I will like somehow wrong and turn it into a new date and set that in my mind that that is the actual date, and then I like, will misappointments.
Or yeah, you convince yourself like no, no, it's always been this.
Yeah, I don't know how I do that, but yeah, and then so I think that's betefit than you.
How yeah. Oh, sometimes you miss things that you never wanted to go.
I think that's what it is. I think their dates about things that you're dreading and then you get out consciously, My mind is like you're going to do this. Yes, you never really wanted to do this in the first place, and you didn't really have to because is your life working great right now? Is everything great? Yeah? It's fine and everything okay?
Is everything great with you?
Pretty much? Everything is good?
What do you have to complain.
About this video that I have to make? How to like make it funny while also thinking like, oh my god, Kristen wig is going to be watching this or whatever. Who's on HBO? Oh what's his name? Uh? Oh, Larry David. I have to make you Pascal Field no anxiety because sometimes he gets anxious and he has to hold someone's And have you guys seen that?
Why don't you do that? Why don't you just talk to Pedro Pascal.
Oh that's funny. I wish I was there because I want you to hold my because everyone did see that clip, right.
Should just be a p to Pedro Pascal?
Well if you did, and then like, oh yeah, I didn't do Miami watches canoe videos.
So his Instagram. Okay, we'll tell you what happened about. We'll tell you what we're all watching on Instagram and what Pedro Pascal did in the clip that I reference. Will we get back up for this? All right, we're back. So the video map that you missed was Pedro Pascal is on is in like some kind of like not Red Car the kind of Red carrom premiere thing where they're being interviewed and it said it's it's it's telling
us what to feel about this clip the text. But it's like sometimes Pedro Pascal suffers from you know, anxiety, and.
He needs like human context.
Yeah, yes, he needs I love that we all saw the same clip and he needs human contact to calm him down.
It's like an American tale.
And then he like you see him just like gracefully touch this woman's shoulder the next to them, that his castmate and then she just like reflexively just puts out her hand for him to hold, and then they hold hands and he like seems to have more confidence and it's so fucking cute, so cute. God, he is just I think there's some people, there's some celebrities that no one dislikes. We got Dolly Pardon, we got Paedro Pascal, we got uh, that's it.
I think. I Betty White on SNL who their favorite, like their favorite person that came through is and they said, Pedro Pascal.
Oh my god, Yeah, he might be perfect. He might seems perfect, well easy.
Perfect anybody Latin.
Trying to wear a chain show.
We don't need to talk about that yet.
We'll get to Matt's Chaine's actually from Brazil, well originally Pedro.
Yes, I don't think he is.
Racist with the guy that played he was in that that.
Show on Yes, Narcos, Okay, do you watch Narcos with no subtitles? And can you get by? Because you're my sister's fluid. I love, I love subtitles. I like I like to read subtitles when I'm watching.
The Spanish Can you watch Door the Explorer?
Oh I can there's a lot of slang.
There's a lot of doors slang andos that it's like it's it's hard because every country has their own dial.
He's Chilean and American. Okay, never mind. I was thinking of the guy that played Thank You.
Drugs Smuggler on Narcos. He was Brazilian, but he had an amazing ability to just like pick up.
But do you know what I'm talking about. There's some celebrities that have no like there's no tension around them for people, they're just like both sides love them. They're usually women who are old and non threatening, but Dolly Pardon wasn't always old, old and non threatening. Yeah, or there are men.
Do you feel like I feelk Jlaw has gotten an Emma Stone?
Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, there's a lot of love for Emicstone.
What about Will Ferrell?
There's a there's like a weird group of people and they're very uncool. Who will be like, you know, I don't really think he's funny, and you're like you're out of your mind.
You know who doesn't think he's funny?
The greatest American?
Yeah?
Oh he by the way, is the is the CEO and namesake of the big money players, which is my network.
So there's just the biggest douchebags on the planet and there's not very many of them. Will trying to be interesting people by being like, yes, I don't they do that with everybody though, like, oh, I don't think this absolute gem of a human being is that good?
Yeah? Yeah? And I know one of them, and it's the one glitch in this person's opinion names well, I feel bad, like, yeah, it's not the same. He's like, I don't get it, and it's like, well you there, you need to go be taken to a hospital if you don't think, well, they're all sorry. It's crazy people.
I mean he's he's an amazing guy, greatest taste in music that I know. Yeah, but that's a blind it's.
A huge blind spot. And I think that he just has.
Your entire childhood.
I'm thinking of examples of people that have are like wild, I love well who Jimmy Fallon?
I feel like has that so many people that yes, people I love just a simpleton all the late nights.
Not you can not a backlash. It's there. You know. Some people are like I hate this one and I love that one it's competitive, so you kind of automatically have to say you don't like other ones to like, doesn't everybody so.
Up? I Jennifer Aniston eye like she also, Yeah, there's just some people.
And I always am like, how do you? How do you thread that needle and be that person? But the thing is you just can't. People are just gonna not like you sometimes. But have you has anyone ever not liked you?
Do you?
Have you ever heard rumors of like a teacher or a student who didn't like you?
And you're just like, why, I've like not gotten along with some coworkers actually.
Just one Well how does that happen? Always budding heads about No, it's a it's a female teacher, and how what you don't have to go?
I just thought she was like rude a lot of times, very curt with certain people, and so everyone would just give her a pass and be like that's just how she is. And I was like, no, you're not allowed to treat people that way, and I would call her out for it. And I was the only person that would actually like stand up to her, and we always like butted heads, I mean for like ten years, every couple of years we'd have like.
Like a moment coworkers like Laurens.
Very uncomfortable moments where we'd be like have a staff meeting and I would like say something and then she would take it offensively and it would like shut down and we would we would not talk for like weeks.
Oh my god. Yeah, whoa. It's the only place to be when you're the only person that calls out somebody who yes, and.
No one would pick a side because everyone wanted to like keep the peace, and so because everyone's scared of this woman, probably very scared of her.
Have you ever had enemies?
Yeah, I really, Yes, a boss, well, yes, that was one. But the biggest one was in college. Lorden and I had a secretly date and then because there was my roommate at the time, Uh yeah, he did not like that. Laura and I started dating really ended in a fistfight.
Wait wait why I never.
Punched anybody in my life.
We never heard this story. No, yes you have. Wait why did he love you?
No? Maybe I hoped, Probably he was.
He was just I did wear a chain, ba I bet you anything. It was just he felt your friendship was threatened and you weren't getting he wasn't getting any more time with you, and he was a little bit gay for you, and that which is no he was now really was he into you?
Yes?
Oh that's it. I didn't know it. Oh I thought I thought it was. I didn't realize that was it. You start with a t No, No, who was when did this happen?
Talk off camera?
Oh my god. So he had a crush on Lauren and was upset that you were with her.
Yeah, he thought.
He was trying to like he thought that Matt understood that he was pursuing me.
But it was like we were always just friends. And I was like, no, I love when it comes down to like, it's not that Lauren doesn't like me. I'm going to beat this guy up and then she'll like me. It's like what you call the snake in the ground. I didn't beat or he thought he was going to beat you up and then win her for some reason, like that would win.
It just got weird. There's just a lot of animosity, and it was like Lauren at one point was like, uh, you either we can't have a secret relationship. We got to end this.
So it came to ahead and uh, you get some good licks in I. I, uh, there was a there was a bleeding.
No, there was.
He just like attacked you.
I got attacked. Hilariously. One of the moves in the whole thing had happened in the hallway of our apartment, and there was some swinging and like on the ground wrestling. At one point he tried to give me like an atomic wedgie. Kid, you not underwear ripped?
Yeah, I was there.
It was wild.
Let me guess you guys were drunk. No, completely daytime, the middle of the day.
It was not like it was not a late that was literally no, he was like it was like he came home. It was, you know, probably Friday, kicking off the weekend, and he came home. Lauren and I were there with two other friends and we were just enjoying the afternoon and then he secretly yeah, well he knew at that point, but he turned on music, got really loud, and then got really weird.
And then what's he doing. He was in his room, closed the doors, blaring music, and.
Yeah, it was just like it was weird. It was it got weird.
And then we had always had guys that liked her so much that they would get like insane. It was like the only time it was a weird situation. No, I feel like there were other times in like high school and stuff where guys would get like too big of crushes on you and then act a fool. What about the one time that you got let you got into a physical fight in third grade? But Gary, I didn't get in a physical fight with him. Didn't you push him or he pushed you or something and didn't you go?
Well, yeah, I guess he pushed me, but I didn't like fight him back.
But I had a bully in second grade because he probably liked you, and I.
Had to go to the principal's office because he like it was just he would call me.
He would like make fun of me and be like, you have veins in your forehead. I remember him saying that about and then Laurens slayed him with the best insult ever. I called him Mary. Well, yeah was scary. Yeah. There was another one. Remember of the sweatshirt he was wearing. No, how do you remember this?
Best memory?
Okay, he was wearing he used to wear. Oh, yes, he wears.
He wore a limited sweatshirt like it's unlimited, the women's brand, And I was like you're wearing a girl's sweatshirt and that.
Was the year. That's when he loved you or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah, but he would chase me down the soccer field and he would just like yell taunts at me and chase me, and I'd be like, oh my gosh, why am I like dearly was?
I remember crying to my.
Teacher and she she was like, it's not your fault, it's okay. But when you're a second grader and you're getting like bullied by a boy.
It's just yeah, it was a great time. Did you ever get bullied? No?
The only time somebody, the only time, like there's like a moment. Was in college and I started seeing this girl. You guys know, oh.
I know this. I love the story and.
I don't think I really knew it, but wait.
This girl is this is such a crazy story. Chris and I started dating and we were talking about like who he dated in college, like who I might know, because it was he went to a college that a lot of kids from my high school went to, and he dated my say, to college, it doesn't matter, let's
just keep it beag. He dated for a while. Yeah, he dated the most popular girl from my sister's grade, who my sister was also one of the most popular girls in her grade, not by not because she wanted to be, just because she was very pretty and everyone liked her. But this girl personal, yeah it's fine, and
so she dated. So this girl was in competition with my sister because this girl was artificially the popular girl, you know, like tried to be and was like badass and like wore her hair with like you know, like she would like blow out her bangs and was just like like this, like she would like go tanning beds and stuff.
It was natural to her.
So this girl, I don't know if I agree with that Nikki, that she would blow out her bangs. It was trying to be popular, she mean popular, Yeah, she was not there was she was popular? Yes, she was not a nice girl.
I liked her because she made fun of me a bunch. That's why I really.
That's probably why. Yeah, okay, I do.
I will say I have good friends that are good friends with her still.
So the first time I met her, she just just burn after burn after burn, and I was like, Wow, I love this girl.
Shut up stupid. So it was so ironic because I knew this girl, because I'm sorry that you're still friends with girls that know where. Back in high school, I did not like this girl because she did not seem cool to me. She seemed like a bully. She seemed to be jealous of you, like she just was. I heard that she was mean to you a couple of times. So I did not like her, and I still don't like her. Because she's great. I'm sure she's fine. Now,
I'm sure she's great. I'm sure I could go on and on about all the things I'm sure about her. All you said about her is that she makes fun of you. Why she Why she's so great? Because she was hot, she was hilarious. Okay, she was hilarious. No, I am sure she's hilarious. I'm sure. And she was very popular. A part of this is coming from my jealousy of how this girl was popular with every guy from my And that's not true. And I am not
the number one, but that is not true. There is one more that's odder than her, and so, but she was very hot. So, but this girl I just always knew is like I. This girl was mean to my sister. I don't like her. And then I'm starting to date Chris, and he tells me that he dated her for a while. So, anyway, you dated this girl in college.
I dated this girl in college and she I guess she was talking to so mother guy at some point, and he one night, I guess he found out that I was hanging out with her. And one night he lived like three houses up. My car window was down and he used it like a bathroom.
Are you kid?
She's standing there and he did it and somebody said they saw one. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, somebody said they saw him. And I was like what. And it got back to the people that I worked with and they were they're all bouncers, are huge, and they all wanted it to kill him. They were like, we're just gonna We're just gonna beat his ass. I was like, no, let me go talk to him. And so I guess the next night I went down to his house and knocked on his door and I was like, man, what's going on.
That's so embarrassing.
And he was wasted when he did it, and he was totally cool about it, and I was and he was like he was apologetic. No, because I think I cleaned it up.
And you're still good at doing that. To this day with our dog. We'll be right back after this. And we're back today. We are in d C. Our plane doesn't link till eight forty five pm. And then I think, where are we traveling to? First, No, back to Zurich. We were just there to see Taylor Swift. And now
and oh, this is breaking news for the group. I think I told you on chat this morning, but I thought we were going to land at like two and then Laura and I would have to go, not have to We're going to see Taylor Swift that night at like seven, which would have been a rough. I could have done it, but it would have been a rough. And so but instead we are seeing tailors with the next night, and it's all four of us for the
first night. Then the second night Lauren and I are going so low and so we have an e we have Ah.
So first night it's all of us, yeahah, first it's all of.
Us, But the first night is not until the day after.
How dare.
So we're gonna get We're gonna land. I have I have faith that everything's gonna go smoothly today. What are we gonna do in DC today? After this podcast?
I think it's between the Holocaust Museum and the Smithsonianthian.
I think we should. Lauren loves the Holocaust, so I think we should do that.
Well, Lauren already said, we just have to prepare ourselves for Austria.
Yeah, we are going to Austria. What did you say, Hitler's Greatest Hits. That is the exhibit that they're doing there, Hitler's Greatest Hits. So I think, what's going on the Smithsonian. Whenever I think of Smithsonian, what's the first image that comes to your head?
For me?
Like a big broadus or something. Oh, I think of a big mammoth tusks, and then like a tote bag.
I think a gold coin. I don't know why.
I do have this thing called museums fatigue that happens to me. It's a real thing. I looked it up on Wikipedia because I feel I was in Amsterdam with my parents and we were going through the reich Museum and I was feeling sleepy, disoriented, agitated. I mean, what's new? But your posts were so funny. Of all those paintings that you were like focusing in on. Oh yeah, that's a lot of the way I have fun. Let's do that, Okay,
we'll do that. But I looked it up and I just typed in like museum feeling sick because I was feeling like I don't really ever feel sick, and it so was notable. And it's a real thing that's been studied called museum fatigue, and it's been studied since the eighteen hundreds, and museums are designed to combat it. Not well, might I add, because every everyone's quiet and it's dark, and but I was getting ornery. There was one guy who like walked by me and like I was typing
in my phone. So you know, this new phenomenon of old men yelling at younger people about being in their phones is fucking wild to me because guess what, all old people, you're all addicted to your phones too. You're like worse than us because your brains are going back to the way that they were when they were babies, and they're impressionable and not working as strongly to combat being addicted to things. Old people are more addicted to
their phones than us Millennials are. I think there are studies, but they just keep going Jesus crossed and they have to like mutter underneath their breath, and I go excuse me, I go kid Jesus crash. I just set it back to him, like really, I was not in the moon. And then I waited for him because I wanted to
see him again. I was hissed. And then this guy like cause he just kept going, he just mucked Like I hate when someone tries to like mutter under their breath something to you and then think they can get away with it because there's such passive aggressive. I can't do it, and so I just go cross to his dumb best fucking bad And then I was trying to find him throughout the whole thing, but he kind of like slipped away. But I was looking into it. And
it's a real thing that it happens in museums. Twenty minutes into a museum, a lot of people are struck by complete tiredness and boredness and it all starts to just like there are only so many pictures you can see of people going like this with no eyelashes, going, oh, eyelashes. Why was everyone Jesus and babies, fat babies, Jesus and sad women and just like it was just it was just a bad time.
Well, the Jesus stuff is because the church you have had all the money and would commission like artwork.
I just I don't really need to see it a bunch. And why is every famous? Why is it famous painting?
What is it?
What's your dream museum? Like, what's a museum that? Like, this is thing you could do for.
An act, like I think maybe more modern or more like just like bright images that aren't all Catholic sadness and like aren't and just things that I just I think sometimes the most famous paintings. I just that's why I subscribe to this YouTube channel where it's like great art explained in ten minutes and it will take you through all the most famous paintings and really give you a reason why it's so great, Like and if.
You listen to it on double speed only thix five minutes.
That's true.
Oh my god. The other day it was unbelievable. Nicki's listened to listening to what is It Like Last Culture.
Which is on Big Money Players. It's my favorite podcast I think of all time.
And these guys are talking fast anyway, like they're ye fast talking culture like gods, and they're just like blah blah blah bla blah blah blah, and Nikki listens to it on double speed. I couldn't. I couldn't understand any of it.
Chris looked at me like I was listening to Japanese or something like. He was like, how could you ever? He goes, is this real? Because I I usually not show him that I'm listening that fast because it's kind of embarrassing because because it looks like I'm not really like consuming art, it just makes me seem like some kind of like I just read books like the little like you know, like I'm skimming things.
It is the equivalent of like that speak speed reading, like in short circuit.
But I can, or you follow all of it, not all of it. Sometimes they will say something really funny and I can tell and it's just a little too fast because they were, you know, just talking faster, and so I'll go back and make it one point seventy five or one point five to like or one sometimes to really catch it. But I will say most of the time that I go back and make it one to understand it. It wasn't even understandable in one, like it was some kind of mic issue where they kind
of brought it away. So I really can follow it and that's but it was kind of embarrassing getting coplessly to it like that because it sounds it sounds like foreign language to anyone else. But what where was I going with this?
Your ideal museum?
Ideal museum? Like I really like Edward Hopper, I like uh, I like I like things that look the way they're supposed to look. I like realism. I think I can take a couple of Monais, but I don't need more than two, like I get it, like.
Limit okay, and like what is the big one that's like at this Everyone's like, you must see this one painting at the reich Museum and it was like.
Some kind of it wasn't even the night Watch. The night Watch. I was so bored by that painting there was there were there were thousands of paintings that were more interesting than that, And I really don't understand. I gotta watch the YouTube video about that why that's interesting because what is going on in that painting that is different than any Like I get Gertica. That is something that you go, whoa, this is huge. There's a lot of stuff going on or Washington cross lots going on.
Night Watch was very boring. I think it was the way that the artist was able to capture the light in at night.
Yes, facial facial expressions were very telling.
I feel like that's we saw that. Were you moved by it? It's I thought, I mean the size of it on with art that is so kind of unnecessary, Like when you enter a museum suddenly like you are more cultured than anyone else and I'm I'm and you're
just staring. I mean, this isn't the first time anyone said this, but like just staring at a painting and like you feel even I feel self important when I'm like really taking in art and I'm like, wow, I must be so intellectual that I can stare at this picture of a MOPy woman over a baby crib that like I can like really look at it and like I'm spending more time with it and I'm looking at the detail like I must be smarter and a better
person than everyone here who's just walking by it. Like I think, people, really, that's why that man was like this Christ phone, I don't be on your phone in the museum. It's like why not. The people who made these paintings would have been on their phones too. If phones existed back then. They would have made these paintings on their phones. You're not better than me, And then.
That's the point.
And then there was another guy at this fucking Amsterdam museum that I was asking where Oh, I was asking where the airplanes were because my dad was adamant on seeing the aircraft, which sounds like there's going to be multiple No, I know that's a plural, but it was one aircraft.
What is it?
It was a plane. It was like a biplane. It was really cool.
But I also said that old people like airplanes.
They really are Andrew, Yeah, they they love. Dad was really excited about transportation planes, trains. But I was just trying to get Dad and Steve Martin. I was just trying to get Dad and John Candy, and I was just trying to get Dad up to that fucking plane so we could leave, because he was already he was getting a little ornery and like we've already putted this, you know. So I was just like, we gotta find this plane so Dad is satiated and we can leave.
Not because I wanted to leave, but Dad was just he was getting too hot. There were twenty stars. It was it was around dad's lunchtime. Side note, Lauren made a genius thing for my dad's seventieth birthday. She did seventy reasons why we love Dad, and it's so funny, but one of them was like, no one has a more regimented meal schedule, then like a rare Honestly, he's like a rare bird. That's the last of the spushies that were trying to keep alive. Like that, you must
feed us. If Dad doesn't have dinner in like in place in front of him by six thirty one pm Central Time, there will be a panic. Another thing about Dad is that if he the time zone will if he switches time zones, he will talk about it and it will be the reason for anything that's going wrong. So like, if my dad goes to the West Coast, he'll be like, well, well, where we're from, it's nine
o'clock right now, so we're really tired. But then if he is in the West Coast and then travels to the Central Central time zone, he'll be like, oh, well, we traveled so much today because of the time zone. We like the times will never serve him.
He did use the term he was jet lag from being in California.
Can you keep jet leg a two hour differ you? Dad talks about jetlag like it is stage four cancer. That is how much he will use it to get out of things, to be excuses for things. But Lauren made a really good list that are so we should read some of them because they are so funny. But so, I was trying to find this plane to get Dad his to lunch, and I went up to this guard who was like kind of my age, and I thought, oh,
finally like us, someone who's not gonna Jesus Christ. Me and this guy and I go, E see me, where is the aircraft? And he spoke English and he's like, you're gonna go straight down this hall and I go, oh, thank you, And I start walking down the hall and he goes, I'm not done. But then he just stares straight ahead like I hate when they do that, like instead of being like, man, I'm not done talking, he just goes, well, I'm not done, and then he looks off like this like you made me mad, and I
go what. He goes, I wasn't done talking, and I go, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I was just trying to not bother you for a really long time, and he's like, no, you seem to know where to go. And I'm like, no, wait, I swear to God, I go no, I want to know where to go. I'm so sorry. I'm I'm I'm stupid rushed Canadian because I always say I'm Canadian. If I do something that seems annoying that they're going to
tribute to Americans. That's from Chris, and so I go, sorry, all of our books cost a dollar fifty miles America, And yeah, I was just trying to find about where we can get planes. But yeah, he did that to me, and I was just like an after Jesus christ man and that man. I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here. This place hates me. Everyone here hates me. I'm just a dirty American who has
no patience and they all don't like me. And I was so mad about it because I was just what I was trying to do is not inconvenience him.
Yeah, but it's also the same thing with the lift. It's just like you're in a rush to get everywhere.
Yes, yes, what do you think that is? Well? I really was like I just didn't. I just I just know I just feel like everyone takes too lot. Yeah, I just really don't have patience for someone going like, well, you go down that hallway and it's gonna look like it's three. Like I just I'm an intelligent person. Just go left, first, straight down here, first left, go right up the hystairs. But he was talking at a pace that I wasn't trying to interrupt him. I would never
have done that. I literally thought he was done with the sentence. So I was like, okay, thanks, like I was just trying to get there so dad could get lunch. But then I was made to look like an asshole, and he was like he was hurt by it, and I'm just like, don't take it personally, dude. But you could tell that he just he probably has a girlfriend like me, and was it was taking it out of here, yeah, yeah, And and for his mom was like that, yeah, that's
probably it. Final thought. So we're going to see Taylor Swift any how many times? Is this just so this would be eighteen and nineteen for me? It is I'm excited to go because it's like, uh, I'm excited for Matt to see it because you haven't yet. Nope, and you've watched it, probably at home with your children. No, he hasn't.
No, I watched. I watched really uh Disney plus the whole thing. Yeah, I got through it some of it.
No, you watch a baby like No. I twenty minutes of it.
Yes, okay, No, no Fortes.
Seriously, you wouldn't even listen to the album.
I was like, let's listen to the old to gear up.
He's like, you're getting right.
No, no, no, no. I said, we were on the way to your parents' house and he said, let's listen to te Swift and I said, let's just talk to the kids. We're not going to talk them for seven days. That was fair, good dad, right.
Yeah, he would have chosen.
Yeah, we ever full life with the kids. We don't know how long aerostore is going to be around, or Spotify for that matter.
No, but I'm excited. And yes I didn't watch it all.
No, but I was saying, I think you're I think it's cool because you were at fish last week. You went to two fish shows. Your fish head A fanatic, a fisherman, Yeah, pH fan, And I'm are Is there anything that you're excited about for this or are you just like just excited to see whatever happens.
Just the fact that it's sold out across the US and the world, so that's obviously a testament to the fans. And then she obviously is like the biggest superstar ever and you all have I mean, you've gone nineteen times, you've gone, You've gone. I feel like I'm left out and uh, you guys, what are the biggest superstar ever?
What are you gonna wear?
I have no idea.
You don't have clothes right now?
It's true, but did you bring in a sailors with outfit?
I don't even know what that means. I asked Lauren, I said, what is that? And I said what are you wearing? And she said, I don't.
Know, but you don't know where you're wearing. No, I don't have anything. I gotta like hit up H and M or something.
Okay, what are you excited about?
Why don't Okay? What am I excited about?
I'm excited about seeing what the fan base is like in Europe. It's probably still going to be most Americans.
Yeah, it's gonna I'm excited for her new T T what's that songs?
It's the new It's the latest hasn't seen.
Yes, I went summer, but I thought that the new so she's adding new songs.
I thought, you say, this album came out during this tour, so there's a new era, and so she added that era.
She took away some songs, so she sit in a new era and there's about five songs.
Okay, so maybe, oh my god, all the seventeen shows you've seen so far have not been the same since that album came out.
Yeah, the last five I saw had the TTPD set, got it. But before then I saw twelve shows that were normal, and then well she added long Live probably six shows in so that was different. And every show she does two secret songs that are different, right, and those are so exciting. On last cultures that at Rogers and bowhen Yang went to an Amsterdam show that I was at. I'm so mad that I didn't know that they were there, but they were talking about I just
love them so much. They were talking about how before she reveals what the secret song is gonna be, so she like talks about She's like, welcome to the acoustic set, and then she was like, this is my favorite. This is the favorite part of the show for me because I work really hard to figure out, like what songs to do, and she and she combines two songs, so when you hear the secret song, she'll do one on
acoustic guitar, one on piano. And just know that halfway through the acoustic song that you will not know because you won't know it.
I've listened to plenty of teams.
You might recognize it, but halfway through it, it will change to another song. So you might think, WHOA, this song just sounded really different all of a sudden. Just know that it's too. She always mashes two songs together for each one. Am I a fan of that? I don't know.
When Fish goes from like Tweezer to you Enjoy Myself back to do.
The sing sing that you Gotta Jaboo got a sing got I knew that song. That's the only song I know. But uh, what was I gonna say? Oh, the secret songs? Oh what was I'm gonna say? I forget now? Oh oh yeah? And yeah okay, So then they go, they go. They anticipation right before she starts playing. When she's she starts playing a chord and people are kind of like
trying to figure out. But when she starts that first lyric they compared it to being Kelly Clarkson right before she won American Not don't like that moment of like because the crowd goes fucking nuts. And then I think Bowen goes wait. I think Matt Rogers said this, and Bowen goes wait, is it before? Like, are you is everyone Kelly in the crowd? Or is everyone the crowd in the American Idol? And back goes everyone is Kelly
And it's so true. That moment is so exciting because we're just like because they were at the show where she played Guilty as Sin, which is one of the best new tracks off of t TPD, and it's not in the set list, you know, so when she said drowning in the Blue not, we all were like, like, it was totally Kelly Clark's American Idols. So we're very very excited about that.
What are you for the show?
I just love I'm well, I just am obsessed with Uh. Well, I'll probably try to sneak to the floor for Tortured Poets because I just I want to dance around freely.
Have you talked about the difference between the europe floor and Yeah, so.
In the in No, I haven't in the World tour floor. Everyone is just on their own. It's like general seating, right, so it's like everyone's standing room only, and it's like like the Fish Show in America. The floor is seated. So I've been on the floor, but it's always been seated, and seated is fine. You just dance in place, but on the floor there's like space to like really like get into it and like express yourself and just like
feel the music. And I really and I'm not trying to get in the front and be in front of people and dancing and being obnoxious. I'm I'll, I'm proud to be in the back before, like next to the concession stand, just dancing. I just want to be able to move a little bit freer and and get a diecoke, even though they taste differently in Europe. But my favorite
part is, uh, the Who's Afraid of Little Me? I'm very excited to see that, and apparently she is fitting a new shriek during that that everyone is talking about. I have not seen it or heard it, so there's like a new shriek during Who's Afraid of Little of Me? That I'm very excited about and you know what else I'm excited about. I'm excited about you guys being there because this is such a fun group of like people who are like into it, and like will will be
just cracking jokes the whole time. We'll be talking about like our surroundings will be like making fun of each other, and that's gonna be really fun. I think, Chris, did you bring your shirt to wear? I meant to tell you maybe.
I did a shirt.
I'm the only one who's going to be dressed.
Shopping.
We gotta go to Italy now apparently and barter for some shrimp and I don't know where.
Can I say one thing about your dad and the show, Yeah, that he's been hanging on you know, he just turned seventy and and he went to Taylor Swaft and you guys had such a fun time there. But he keeps referencing like in anticipation of less going. He's like, have fun. I hope you don't cry.
And he said that his friends, like, after you filmed that video of him crying, his friends were like going deep in the comments section. Oh yeah, like I don't know TikTok and stuff that he's not on. Yeah, and they're screenshotting the funny ones, being like, uh yeah, but the one that he loves the most, he said, keeping in mind that he just turned seventy. Is that someone said he's crying because he realizes he has limited time on Earth and he's wasting it.
At a Taylor's concert.
Yeah, that was a really good one, and they kept calling him up pussy and he loves it. Like, my dad is not scared of negative comments about himself, so keep them coming for him, but not for me. I can't take up. Who's afraid of little old you me? I am scared of comments? Thank you guys for listening. Thanks to Lauren, Matt and Chris for being on the show today. Thank you for Noah for arranging this. We will see you next week on the pod when we were back from Europe. Sorry for the only one show
this week, but you know how it goes. I would have had more for you, but travel arrangements got screw. Love you guys, Thanks for listening. Don't be good bye.