The Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Glaser pos.
Hello here, I am welcome to the Nicky Glazer Podcast.
I'm Nicki Glazer. I am in Saint Louis, Missouri alone. Well, my dog's in the room, but I'm back home in my home studio. Good to be back. Brian is in Los Angeles. What's up, Brian?
Yeah, what's up? I'm in my home studio with my dog as well.
Yes, Oh my god, dog life is so good.
Dog you like being back in the dog life.
I mean, she didn't like recognize me, because honestly, I had her for I think four weeks before I left for Europe, and then she was with her dogs atter for two and a half, which is like the same amount of time. So I think she just thought that was her new owner, and she was probably sad to see her go.
But then Chris was with her a couple days before I got home.
But I got home yesterday and she barked at me at first and was alarmed. But I had sunglasses on, so maybe she's not a fan of the podcast. She's not used to seeing me like that. She'sn't watching her YouTube channel, so half my face was covered.
But she's more of a Tiger belly fan. I think, yeah, yeah.
And uh so she she oh, she is. She would be a Tiger belly fan because she just loves the word. Just belly is like very crucial to her. She's so cute and I love her. But she Yeah, she barked at me at first and then wow, and I didn't take it offensively, like that's the thing.
Animals can do.
No harm to me, Like they can do whatever they want, and I'll never take anything personally or be like. She doesn't wike me anymore. I'm just like you, be you girl. I don't care like I like. People sometimes ask why my parents have my old dogs, Luigi and Marion, and the reason that I didn't take them back from them because I gave them to them because I was living in New York and it just made living there. Oh,
I forget to turn off the AC. So I'm sorry if you guys hear that it's just too hot, not too This is what I'm gonna say, even though I don't. It's not true, but it sounds like it could be anywhere in the country. It was yesterday, but now it's not too hot. I'm just too I'm too lazy. To do it, and I think it's just it's for the best that I don't because I'm just feeling really lazy right now.
You're hot and bothered.
Yeah, And so I gave my dogs to my parents because I was in a four floor walk up and it just became like brutal to walk them up and down, and they didn't like the stairs and they don't like shitting on the sidewalk, and so I was like, I just want them to have a better life, even though I love them, And it made my life a hell of a lot better too, so we both benefited from it. But then when I moved back to Saint Louis and I was able to like actually have a dog again.
First of all, my parents didn't want to give Marian back because they love her so much and Luigi. They would have given back, but Luigi really liked living there. And he's also too big to travel now because he's a he's just a chonker. He got too big and I can't carry that thing around. And he has a better life with them, and he doesn't like leaving them, and one time, like he would do little sleepovers with me.
For the past couple of years where I would just borrow him for a couple of days and we'd just hang out like we to, you know, when I was his owner. And one night he was coming over for a sleepover, which he did not ask to do, and I'm just like, get in the car and he gets in the car reluctantly, and then I just open the door and I go, do you want to go back? And he just instantly juts out and I go, I just call my parents. I'm like, Luigi's at the door.
He's back, and They're like take him. And I'm like, no, he wanted to be with you, and I'm not hurt by it, Like I just want him to have a good life. So yesterday when she barked at me, there was I'm glad there's no part of me that was.
Like she doesn't when membo.
Me, Because all it takes to get a dog to love you is just like hang out with them for a day and feed them and give them snuggles, and then I'll be her number one. Whoever is giving her the most attention is her number one.
Yeah. Well, I mean over time, that'll get harder. It'll take longer than a day. Over time. I think if you own this dog for years and years and establish this.
I want her to be a transient pop that's just horrid around, because that's what she.
Is right now.
She's like, some dogs are not bad.
No, what's going on?
When I was picking out dogs to foster and then eventually I got Jack. I remember one of the dogs I walked. I walked around. This man was holding the dog and he's like, you want to try walking this dog around? I was like sure. He handed me the dog, and the dog like didn't even notice that someone else was walking him. Yeah, there was no difference. He could have handed the dog off to like Hitler and he
would have been totally fine with it. And I was like, I don't know if I want to foster a dog that like, I don't Well, I'll foster a dog about you, but I don't want to adopt a dog who like doesn't even notice that you're a person.
No. The thing is, my dog is not totally just like, Uh, I've been tossed around so much that I'm just numb to any new person. She just likes everyone, and I love it because she's just gonna have a ton of people who she's like always excited to see when she does get to see them, Like her sitter, her sitter who she had for was with her two and a half weeks, cried when she dropped her off. She was gonna miss her so much. And she's been texting us being like, can you send pictures of the dog? And
I'm like, wait, who's sitting for who? She's like requesting footage to make sure she's okay. I'm like, yeah, so we uh so this weekend, like I'm out of town in Vegas, and I don't want to bring her because it's just too hard to be in a hotel on the strip walking a dog and and so and then Chris is trying to get work done here. So I was like, let's give Gracie a couple of days with the dog and get the dog sit are back in here, because she like is constantly she's like I miss her so much.
So yeah, it's like now she has a bunch of people who love her.
It's so nice.
That's very good. I bought Jack to Vegas when we went there for the Super Bowl, and I have to say, there's no place, there's no place in this country that's worse to bring a dog than a Vegas hotel because it takes like forty five minutes to leave the hotel so that they can piss.
Yeah, it's not ideal. You'd probably have to carry Jack through. Did you carry him most of the time?
No, I walked him. I mean he was he could do that walk. He can't just to take forever. And it's like, yeah, if I want to walk the dog, I mean four times a day or something, I can't take an hour every single time.
That's the thing with my building is like, that's why suddenly I'm looking at houses because I have never cared about having a house until I had a dog, and I'm like, oh, every time this dog is to pee, I have to walk down a hallway and then go down you know, I think I've talked about it before, an elevator and then go outside. And it's like, if I could just the difference between having a dog when you have a yard and having a dog and not
a yard is a really big difference, y'all. I didn't even think about it, but it is a big difference. Like you just open the door and your dog goes out in the backyard. That's amazing, yues. They need exercise and you should, but a lot of you don't do it as much as you should with locks because you don't have to because they do have a yard that you can convince yourself they can run around. And the great thing with her is is that I can get
her tuckered out within five minutes, like full blown. Like if you had a dog like a whine marine or something, you would have to go run this thing in the park. And I guess throwing the ball. Having a dog that plays fetch is so great because you can tucker them out so quickly, But it's you have to teach a dog how to play fetch. We do. We play a game called hallball where I throw it down a cat like the hallway, and she runs so hard. I have
to do it like five times. Her legs are so tiny, and she's dead, and then she has to go sleep for five hours.
She yes, it's great, So maybe.
I don't need a yard in a house. But I was looking up apartments Friday night or Saturday night. When the assassination attempt broke, I immediately texted Chris and was like, let's get an apartment in Amsterdam. Let's let's move to Amsterdam. I'm seriously I'm not joking about it anymore. I'm literally looking at property I want to have, like a small place that's just to get away.
Literally to get away.
Not just a little beachy getaway, No, like I need to escape.
So U can, and you should, and if just for the escape, but it's like you, if you can, why not?
Yeah?
And I loved Amsterdam so much when I was there for tour, I was like just obsessed with that town. And I found this cafe with this food that I just can't thinking about. I talked about it already, but I just I can't stop thinking about Amsterdam.
And so I was like, a, yes, a reason to go.
Not that you know, you can never escape anything that's happening right now globally with the weather and everything, but it seems like a pretty good place to like die.
Sure, I mean there's lots of places that are great to die. But it feels like this is like a full character arc for you, like you've gone through a transformation, because I recall before you went on your European tour, you were like, why leave the country. I don't want to speak different languages, I don't want to experience these cultures I know, and now you're like, wouldn't it be nice to have a little getaway at Amsterdam?
I don't have to do work and I can Can I retire if I just oppositely in Amsterdam? Wow?
Yeah, this is all a big change.
Well, because vacation rules, and if you don't take one, you never know how good it can be, and so you just are addicted to work. But people who are addicted to work don't take vacations because if they really let themselves do it, they realize.
How fucking sweet it is not to work. Oh yeah, I loved it. I like it.
I mean I think it's probably me picturing Amsterdam like this place where I don't I just don't have to do anything today and I just walk around and tonight I get to go see Taylor Swift like that was my life there. But I just liked the weather. I know, I was there for a really nice time of year. I liked the vibe. I liked the smell of the air. I liked the vibe of the people that were not judgmental but not overly excited.
I just liked it.
And I'm like, what can I Could I be famous in Amsterdam? Like my parents have a friend who's a musician who claimed only to be famous in Holland, like he can go over to Holland and he like cannot get around, And so I was like, can I be the Can I do that? I was almost going to say his name, and then I was like, no, I'll have to take it out because I'll be alorad he sees.
It and it's going to be a whole thing.
But yeah, I was wondering what I could do over at Amsterdam, and then I was like, wait, I looked up like what's it like to be.
An American in Amsterdam. I'm not even joking.
I was like, I'm I want to eventually have a plan to move there, and so on Reddit, I found this thing about you know, someone was like, I'm moving to Amsterdam from the States.
Can will tell me?
Like, what's the biggest difference is culture shocks And the only one that stood out to me was that shops and restaurants close.
At five five and stores what no that open?
Well, there's one night a week where it's it's called like nocked eternal and it like they're open till eight and it's one night. Jesus Christ, where to God? Yeah, And so that would kind of bum me up. What do they do the taste of Starbucks over there? I don't, I don't know. I don't know how they eat.
They I mean they I mean obviously you can cook, but like every single night five o'clock, it's all shut down, Like what if you work?
I don't. I think everyone doesn't work. Everyone just cooks.
Nobody in Amsterdam works.
They all just cook and then dates. I guess if you're dating at night, where would you go? I guess bars are open maybe okay, but I don't know. Like that was the one thing that I was like, I don't know if I could do that, but I really did love.
This one word.
I came across Amsterdam and I want to try to figure out what it is. It was like they have a lot of like bing ding dang's in there, Like they'll just throw the word ding bing dang, Like those ding bang and dang are all over the.
What's what's the what's the lexicon? No? What's the language called Dutch?
Dutch? Yeah? Okay, thank you.
I'm really bad with languages and like countries, I'm really like, I show how stupid I am when I start talking like that.
I literally thought this was.
I thought I almost translated in front of someone who is in uh Switzerland, but I just thought Zurich was in Sweden. I just thought I stopped at the s W and I just like committed to it, and I was translating things to Swedish to like communicate there, and luckily never said anything to anyone, but I definitely looked at the infection to take to a pharmacy and like was in Swedish. So I would have said just in Swedish to someone that I should have been speaking doing
Swiss German. All of a sudden, I've we're two nights into Zurich, and I'm like, this whole menu is in German.
I go Swedish. Looks like German.
I want an idiot, okay, kind of look Swedish. If you start speaking in Swedish, they would have been like, oh, she's from Sweden.
Okay. Literally this is the word Brian. Are you ready? Because this I only know this word because I.
Was trying to find the entrance to the Aristour and so it was like on my ticket it said entrance b So I'm looking for this word and I'm so. I did not confirm then that it was entrance, But I'm glad because I just looked up entrance dunch and here it is hoof ding gang hoof Okay, look at think of seeing this word gigantic hoof ding gang b. It sounds like a horse gang bang, hoof ding gang. It sounds like a uh.
It doesn't sound like a made up language. It sounds like a made up language like if you're thinking about like Elvish or something in a fantasy novel. Kind of makes sense. Hoof ding gang.
I wanted to ask someone how to pronounce it. I mean, I guess I could look at but it's silly, serious word, and it made me go like, maybe I want to learn this language because it's so funny. But I just I could not believe that they had signs that were literally that said hoof ding gang and everyone was just like, yeah, go to hof.
Ding like this.
I mean, I'm sure there's English words that make them go what are you saying?
But that really got me.
No, we're culturally insensitive here, but I do think if the language is already that ridiculous, I can't imagine doing comedy in Dutch. Every single word you say is is is nonsense.
I really feel like the Dutch people.
I remember I performed in Amsterdam, so I can't remember what the reception was, like I would remember if it was horrible, so I'm sure it was just like fine, but or or it could be really good. I tend to not remember great and fine. I only remember horrible. But I would have expected them to just be like kind of like hmm, that's funny, I guess, like polite, but not like laughing like ha hofting gung gun doung like I wouldn't as what I know about the Dutch people.
They're just smilers, uh huh. And I like that, like I dig that vibe. But yeah, what was your initial reaction on Saturday night?
Oh wow? Switching gear without getting.
Without getting too uh, without getting too honest.
We can let's talk about it honestly and cut.
It all right, Well, welcome back to the show, because we got off on a tangent and I know it just like cut out there, but you can only imagine the things that we were saying and discussing regarding just the news of the weekend.
And when I say the news of the weekend, we got our fact straight.
Now we really have true opinions about the girl who sang the national anthem last night, And that's what we're going to talk about when we get back from break.
We're back.
My dog's going crazy. She doesn't understand that I'm recording a podcast right now and I'm not in the mood to play. But did you hear the national anthem last night? From that girl?
So I didn't hear it. That was the only thing I didn't see. Can you give me the lowdown?
Yeah? Can Olivia? Can you play it for us? So I only heard about it because.
I opened my phone and it was everywhere immediately last night. And as someone who sang the national anthem at a parade publicly, it's a very hard song. And I didn't really do that well at it at all, Like i'd give myself maybe a D plus.
Like not good.
But I got asked to do it, and it was a small It wasn't that big of a deal, and I didn't think it was going to exist anywhere, and I think it probably does, but like I don't i'd like it.
You learn from these things. It wasn't on this scale.
And also I'm not a professional singer, so if I sounded like a d is really moves up to a B for the learning curve from me because no one expects me to be any good. This girl is a professional singer, and all I can feel for her is I feel I feel sad and embarrassed and I'm sorry for her.
Talk about sympathy.
Wait, I don't even know where this was? What where was that?
It was at that like home home run derby?
What do they do?
Like the just some kind of like is it that?
Yeah? No, home run Derby was yesterday? It was all start breaking mL.
Yeah, it was a big event.
I mean it was a huge baseball stadium and it was not good in a way. That's so like, I don't even know. I don't know that I've ever sounded this bad. And this girl is a professional singer, so I don't know what happened. And apparently she's messing with her in ears during it. Oh, I don't even know if I can watch it.
Is she a professional singer and like she's a pop star or.
What she's like a burgeoning country star? I think Ingrid Andress. Okay, four time Grammy nominee, by the way, four time Grammy nominee.
It says, Yeah, what's happening.
I got to look this girl up. Okay, let's listen. Oh say you.
Sae Bye the Donce, What's too? Proudly by the Tilight, Last Green.
Almost shot silmade.
Through the pain.
You're just nervous. I can hear it.
Oh the.
But we watch We're so gas least stream poor thing and get spread the.
Bombs burst.
Gave pool, do the night.
That of the wash, say thet speed.
She doesn't look like she knows. Someone said there was an instant meme that.
Said, this was a rough weekend for America's ears. She looks like a Heidi Gardner character. She looks like Heidie Gardner.
It's almost like it got so bad at the end it almost felt like she was doing it on purpose.
First, honestly, I think that's the track she should go in, So I looked her up.
She's, you know, a four time Grammy winning.
Artist, Grammy for Comedy Album God.
She's born in ninety one. She's thirty two.
Her breakthrough say More Hearts than Mine peaked at number thirty on the Billboard. Okay, we got to listen to More Hearts than My? You know what, it doesn't matter because you can sound good in a recording studio. Her single The Stranger peaked at number forty nine on country airplay.
But Da Da Da Da.
She's released two albums. She has also co written songs for Charlie XCX. That's a big deal. Yeah, grew up in Michigan. Okay, she's been on the show Perfect Pitch or something pitch Slapped. No, she was in a group called pitch Slapped on the NBC singing competition The sing Off, which is like an a cappella show.
Do you remember that? Uh huh, So she is a history of singing.
Yeah, but I was gonna.
I decided when I was listening. Okay, she's nervous and she's tensing up and like it is like trot. I've talked about it on the show. Unless you're relaxed, like you cannot sing and if you're nervous. But also the echoes coming back to her, she looked. But then I saw her and she looked very relaxed.
She looked like she was enjoying that, you know what. She was doing a lot of these like flourishes and had that She has that weird like b York style voice where she's like not really using like a human accent or whatever that is.
I think yeah, yeah, yeah, where she changes like the wording of yeah.
And I feel like that's that's happening a lot now with like younger singers or something where I'm just hearing a like pop songs, like people are doing like little baby voices or something. I don't know what to call it, but it's a very sting for a while. What what is that and why? And is that good?
It just is easy to sound like this and sing like this.
Like instead of saying instead of saying like I went to the store, yeah, or it's like stir.
Well.
It does help with singing to change the way you say some words like justin Timberlake kind of got poked fun at for it, but you shouldn't have noticed. It's gonna be May. May is easier to say than me, Like singing me is not easy. So most people when they say me, when you hear me in a song, they're saying may.
But I thought it was gonna be May. I thought about the months that's about him. Yeah, I'm sorry to interrupt. Related to Ingrid, two minutes ago, she posted that she was drunk last night, apologizes and she going to rehab.
Oh she's going to what rehab?
Oh rehab?
Yeah, I just it just notified.
Yeah, okay, Well that's an interesting angle to go. I think I don't really believe her.
Whoever in her PR team came up with that one, give me a call, because I want that person in my corner when she hits the fan, because that is good that this is.
Going to be a huge positive for her now instead of being like you're the worst singer in the world, it's like she's suffering and she now has admitted her addiction, and now she's going to go try to fix it. And I still think she could have.
Got an addiction, an addiction, but she was wasted. I don't know that she was.
She didn't seem but but that might explain the relaxation. That might explain crazy she loses it. I think two notes in she uh goes her own way and then everyone's going like, why is she doing all these like land of the like those little things. It's because she already practiced it that way. That's why she didn't abandon those like yeah, she she just had to do them. That that's gonna be this is Yeah, the HAKT girl needs to move to the side, and this.
Is our new queen.
This is it.
I mean Hawk two is doing all right by the way she's having she you're gonna like this. Actually, did you see what hawk Ta posted this week? No, so hawk Tua is now getting a lot of pushback because you know, she's getting fifteen minutes of fame and now people are like, she's not anything. Why is this girl who spit on a dick like gonna be famous to us? And she is now owning the idea that she only
has fifteen minutes of fame. And she made a video where she said, people are telling me I only have fifteen minutes of fame, and so I'm gonna take that fifteen minutes and do something good. And then she goes to a Pet Smart and she buys sixty thousand dollars worth of pet food and pet supplies, and then she goes to her low animal shelter in Nashville and she donates it all to the animal shelter and uses this as a platform to get dogs and cats adopted.
Okay, couple things. What number one that I don't like.
Pet Smart? I got a problem with pets. Pet Smart is not a good They don't care about animals. They're there to make a profit. They really don't. They throw goldfish out in the trash, still alive. They do that with lizards, they do it with hamsters. It's well documented. They don't give a fuck about animals. You should not shop at pet Smart if you can avoid it. I know that there's so many things in the world that are It's like I've had to do it sometimes too.
There's just no other place to go to get the dog food and you need it. But I think pet Smart was in on this. It's great again, another great PR move. I want whoever is on her team on my team. I have a great team. But I mean like I think, like, yes, these are people that I would employ.
You'd fire a regular team if you could have one.
It's a good thing to do. Go, okay, let's spin this fifteen minutes. Now what can you do?
And everyone like really is on your because now they're not on your side because you made a dirty joke and everyone's.
Intrigued by you. And what this is like When people go like, oh, this is where our culture's at. The hook tool.
Girl's famous, I'm like, it's the same when someone complains that there's traffic.
I'm like, you're a part of it. Yeah, you are making this traffic.
You watched the video, you know, you liked it and you like it's it's just you know, when someone goes like it's so crowded here, I'm like, but you're here too, so you're part of stumbed to k Blaine. It's like when people get mad about it. I understand commenting and being like, God, it sucks that it's crowded, but like to be like, what all these people doing here? Yeah?
Well I think that sometimes when I'm driving down the street and I see all the cars driving in the opposite direction, and I'm like, where the fuck are all these people?
I think I sometimes do, Yes, I do wonder, like where everyone is going. I wish I could have random information about people's.
Oh my god, I would love that if you could just scan a car. And it's like I'm going to the beach and I am with my sister, Essay.
Is probably doing that.
They're like, what would it be like to know everything about every person? Like when everyone lost their virginity, and they.
Like have that now?
Yeah? Yeah, I mean I now. The assumption is whenever I'm looking at the cars driving by and im when I'm like, where the fuck that they're going? Yeah, honestly, what I'm thinking is they don't need to be going there. I automatically think they don't need to Wherever they're going, it's not important, it doesn't matter. Meanwhile, I'm like driving to like get a candy or something, and I'm like, what are these people doing?
I never think about other drivers, Like, I don't get mad at drivers almost ever. Do you often get mad at drivers?
I'm not mad at them. I think I'm just like, I'm not mad at the people driving. I'm just like, why are you even trying to go? Where you're trying to go? I just assume everyone's doing something unimportant when they're probably all like saying, registered nurses going to the hospital, and I'm just like, what are you even doing? Right?
I often have that thing called sounder, where you like realize other people have deep internal lives, just as deep and interesting and complex as your own. Where you where you go like, oh my god, every single person. But I don't think they all, do, you know?
I think some people kind of.
Are just like du.
Their brains aren't doing much. They're not like struggling with things, and.
I think it's about half. I think about half the people are just like I just don't even Have you ever heard someone say like, I don't really have any thoughts, I don't really think about Have you ever heard someone say something like that, No, I don't think so much. Like if you said, what do you think about this person.
David conversation on the show?
Like I feel like that's the kind of thing someone would say on that show, and you go, what do you mean you don't have thoughts?
No, I've never heard that.
I think there are some people who go through their day and they're not really thinking about much.
Well, I do agree with that, but I don't I know that I've ever heard someone say I don't think about much.
Well, like if you ask someone what do you think about this national anthem? And then they'll go, I don't know, I don't really didn't really think.
Yeah, just people that don't seem to have much of an opinion and don't seem to like, oh, I just don't really meddle in those kinds of things, like you know, what are you talking about?
But you can meet those people for a functioning society.
Yeah, well, I.
I really, you know, I was on this track of like not talking shit about anyone, or not gossiping, or just not just saying things about people that I wouldn't say to their face for a while, or at least trying to, and I got really got away from it because it's just it's almost impossible not to bond with
people by talking shit about other people. And I find it's just not talking shit and being like, don't you hate them, but like, you know, another version of hate, which is like making fun of them or whatever, or being you know, I don't think I do it as much because I definitely think that period where I was trying not to taught me that.
Some of it's just not that fun. But I still I think I let it back in my life a little bit. It's kind of make fun of you.
You've been trying to avoid it for the last You've been saying like, I'm trying to avoid it, and it is like it is somewhat poisonous to yourself.
But man, it's like so what like, but people can make fun of me, and if I'm allowing that, then I I should be able to make fun of them. I really, you can make fun of me you can talk shit about me. Any comedians that want to like pull up my stuff and go like, look, how cringe this is. I just have at it because I want to do it to you too.
Is that okay?
Is that a fair exchange if I offer it myself to be mocked behind my back mercer, I.
Think it's a fair exchange. Yeah, And I think you know what, you can't control it anyways, see of mine as It's like people believe that if they don't talk shit, they're like spreading joy and happiness in the world, and that's going to make a difference, and it really doesn't. Other than the fact that does. It's not going to like you're not to start in a movement by uh not talking shit about other people.
I think it can't.
It's a little no because I was actually inspired by my friend who I was trying to talk shit about someone around and he was like, I just really am not like into talking about people that like talking, you know, making fun of people behind their backs, and it would like shocked me. And that's was the first time I was like, maybe I should do that. So I do think it does affect change, But I know what you're saying, like in the scheme of things, just you can't control it.
So but I I just don't know, Like if it's it's just not good for your bottom line, send me out like negative energy. I should just much more be always thinking positive. Like this documentary I watched over the weekend about the boy in Harry Potter who was Harry Potter's stunt double, that I didn't get to the story the other day. I don't think he was.
Paralyzed from the waist down, and or maybe I did say this.
Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but because I've been telling people the story because I was so inspired by it.
He was on the set of Harry Potter.
They were planning for the seventh final Harry Potter movie, and he'd been on he had been Harry's stunt double the whole time for six movies. Seventh third in pre production, he does a stunt, things go wrong, he gets paralyzed, and he was like, he's really good friends with Daniel Radcliffe.
And this is a documentary called The Boy Who Lived on HBO.
Aw it's really good.
But he once he gets paralyzed, and he was such an active person. I mean, he was a stunt man. He was like a stunt kid, Like his whole life was doing stunt work and like moving around and then suddenly he's paralyzed. He said he was allergic to negativity.
He was like, I don't let any end. He was like, literally, if something there's a negative vibe or someone has a negative he was like, I have to get away from it because it's just like because he knows the poison of it, especially for someone in his position where like he can't distract himself if a negative thought comes in, like he has to avoid it, like an alcoholic would avoid drinking alcohol.
Yeah, but that's kind of unhealthy too, to be like I can't even be around negativity. And it's also kind of like, well, sometimes negative things happen and you have to like accept that. I acknowledge that.
Yeah, I agree with you, but I'm just saying, like stuff that doesn't need when you don't need it, when when someone just has bad energy getting them out, like, yes, you'd.
Have to, it's good. It's a bad look. It's a bad look. Also if you're like doing it all the time and people are like I don't know what to deal with this person, Like why are they like this, but like every once in a while you got to you do drugs, you know, and it's like talking shit drug spending a night talking shit about everybody. It is like doing a coke yeah, one.
Or four or five, you know, like, yeah, sometimes you just gotta lean into being a little bit bad.
I love being bad. Yeah, what did I say the other day?
I was like I had to do this thing because and someone goes, why do you do that? And I go, because I don't shop lift anymore?
And this is where I get that.
Yeah, oh oh, I know what it was.
It was like I was talking about Rachel Finestein and I were talking about being add and how we won't screw the lids on things fully even though we are mid screw and we could, we just don't because we almost want to, like fuck with ourselves, like we almost want to, like we don't deserve a full screwed on lid, or like there's some kind of challenge and like, Okay, yeah, if I hit that, it's gonna go everywhere.
But I'm not gonna hit it. I'm gonna actually give myself a chat like.
Dot I've noticed this actually on like a die a coke bottle you won't screw it on and I look at it and I'm like, oh my god, I do.
It all the time.
I do it.
I won't zip things, I won't close drawers, I won't close cabinets.
I won't.
Yes, And it's really and I could, I really could, And there are times where I just go Noh.
I think this.
I don't want to give away what I said is the like the shoplifting thing, because there's this other really gross thing that I do where I like test the limits of like almost dying, like just doing something really weird, and it really is because I'm just like I need to feel the adrenaline of the risk.
But I think the lid thing is maybe not the same.
That I feel like is a low self esteem thing where it's like I don't deserve to have nice things. So like I have this really nice cream that I should like wipe it off and make it look nice, but like it's I'm embarrassed I even have this and I shouldn't have this, and so I got to make it look like shit because I'm a fraud and like I don't like my I think that I have this the well I've talked about on the podcast years ago.
But like, I feel like everything I owned is stained somehow, like nothing I get ever doesn't get like have some kind of defect in it, which is it's dumb, because I will find it everything has some kind of is different. Even if things are perfectly made to be different, there's going to be defects, and I'll always find that, and I'll always think it's a reason why I'm less than Have you ever done that?
Does that?
No, Because I'm the opposite of that. I'm a perfectionist and everything needs to be like perfect around me, and any any sort of error or miscalculation or something like that needs to be corrected instantaneously or else. I feel probably how you feel when it's perfect.
Okay, Yeah, but.
I am a perfectionist when it comes to like my performance or like when I really when I'm trying, it needs to be perfect. And I think that's why I don't try, because if I even tried, I know that cleaning this bathroom to make it perfect, yeah, be so much work. So don't give anything because now you're not failing yourself.
You're just not like you're not a failure. You just don't care.
Right, Well, that's why you're Maybe that's why you're a three and you supposedly I still think there's a seven in there. But you're a three because you're your care when other people are watching you, Like if someone was watch if you were if someone was filming you do your bathroom routine, I bet you'd screw all the lids on perfectly.
No, it depends on what I was trying to capture.
If I was trying to be like do a product review, yeah, I would try to make the product look nice. But if it was trying at this point in my life, I'm like, I kind of am comfortable with who I am on camera, but I if a guy that I liked, yeah, that I was trying to like seduce someone or like have if Jennifer Anison was watching a video of like someone who I wanted them to think I was a clean, neat person.
Yeah.
The general public, I think they kind of know who I am now, or at least I'm not interested in like convincing them I'm otherwise.
But yeah, I think you're right.
When I know I'm being watched, I probably if I'm on a date, I'm chewing with my mouth closed, yep, and I I just the fact that I don't know if I chew with my mouth closed is not a good sign that I do.
So I don't think I do normally.
Like I think I'm a pretty gross eater, but I'm also like, I hope I don't offend anyone with my eating. But if someone is like, wow, Nicky's does, it doesn't affect like I'm not a bad person because I'm a gross eater.
I don't think I'm doing it being like I don't care if you're offended, Like that would be weird.
Like if you're in a work meeting and you have a bunch of subordinates surrounding you and you're just like spitting lettuce out into the table and stuff like that, I think that would be a bad person move to do because no one can do anything about it. It's just like, yes, God, these meetings are excruciating, Nicki's just spitting lettuce at us for an hour.
No, I really try to be I think most of the ti I'm a pretty like trying not to ever cause a stir or like be an inconvenience to other people in public. I think that's just you know, even when I'm with people and they like quietly pay something on their phone. They're showing me something like of someone I'm with, Yeah, and like horrified if it's ever above a volume that a person nearby could hear.
Yeah, I mean, I wonder how to how to make sense of that, because that's like politeness and you actually caring about other people, like other people's thoughts about you. But then also you you don't care if.
You care about that, because I would fucking hate to listen to the volume, Like I'm not caring about them being like when I'm when I'm keeping my volume low, I'm not like, Wow, they're gonna think I'm I'm a good person.
They're gonna like approve of me.
It's so that they won't be like in hell listening to someone's like speakerphone out of context.
Now, let me say this, this is this has proves my point.
Now, if I'm in an uber and I'm on a phone call or something, or let's say I'm having a conversation in the backseat and I'm like, we're talking too loud and we're kind of being annoying, like the volume, and I'm.
Guessing the driver doesn't like it.
If the conversation is juicy yeah, I keep it going because I know that now I've made something that would otherwise be annoying. Pretty like, at least I'm giving them a show.
Yeah, podcast.
Yeah, And if I was listening to something on my phone that I was thought might annoy people, if it was something that was very clearly funny.
I can't even think of an example of what that would be.
Maybe that girl singing the national anthem, in which there would be context for them, I would play it.
Yeah, but yeah, it's I just.
Oh, yeah, that poor girl. Well have fun in rehab. I want to do something so embarrassing and then just go I have to go to rehab.
How many times do you think you could do it? How many times could you How many mistakes in life can you make where you can say gonna go to rehab?
I think you can keep going. I mean, if you're a true addict, you I mean addicts just be addicting. You know they will repeatly, But at.
A certain point the public will tire of you going or making a mistake and going to rehab.
The public doesn't give a fuck about it. You can't ever count on the public. No, you get one shot with the public, maybe one show you get one redemption and it's hilarious that we found we didn't know who this girl was, and we're already redeeming. But it is an interesting because you cannot make fun of someone who is claiming to be an addict. It's a perfect out and it makes all it makes all us look like assholes.
Yeah, and hey, Joe Biden says, everyone's got has a bad night something?
Yeah, everyone was that his one bad night of his life?
That was the one?
Yeah, yeah, we all have a bad night.
I mean, I will say not not to speak of the debate, but I think that, yeah, I don't really let myself out bad nights, but they do happen.
The other night, I got off stage early. Whoa because I did two shows.
And the thing about two show nights is that you would think that you could differentiate the two shows. But because I do just such a mishmasher material and no show is ever the same, I like, forget which if I've told the joke already in that show or the show before. When it gets to around the thirty minute mark, I just start going like, whoa ever? The show is just one big show now and now am I gonna be repeating material, so now I have to do stuff
I haven't even done tonight. But then that's a challenge because now it's just like so anyway, I'm in, I'm well into the second show.
This is in Columbus.
If you're at the Columbus second show, I gave you a shorter show than you deserve. But I didn't know that I was, and I had so much more material to do. But I was given like a very definitive like they if we if we keep the lights on past this minute, you have to spend twenty five hundred dollars, Like there was a talking show beforehand. No, it was a it was a theater, but they had really strict union rules, and so it was gonna be twenty five
hundred dollars if I went past this one minute. And I thought the minute was approaching within three minutes, so I just instead of going into another bit, I just was like, I'll just get off now, And that was like the right thing to do, but it wasn't because I was supposed to be lit at that time, so I really had thirteen minutes to play with and or maybe more twenty three, like I got off at forty two minutes, which is no. Forty five unheard of for me,
unheard of. But I will say no one complained. No, it's a great amount of time. It was a late show. Is a nine point thirty show probably.
Started to ten.
People were dying to get out of there, so it didn't bother anyone. I did all of my stuff that I wanted to do. I wasn't like, you know, harboring something that I was like, Oh, I guess they're not
gonna get this joke. But if you were at that show and you want to go to a show of mine for free at some point, just tell me what show you want to go do and then like show your ticket, like screenshot your ticket and DM it to me, and I'll like give you a mean like a free not meeting great, but a free ticket to any show you want to Because I.
Feel bad, I mean, I don't think.
I think is actually pretty typical for a lot of headline I.
Know it is.
It is that there's nothing wrong about doing it. No one was upset, and no one even wrote anything afterwards. But to me, I was like, oh no, and I like really couldn't shake it. And then I was just like Nope, You're not gonna let this ruin your night. Like you just did two shows, you would have easy
week of work. You should just be able to eat your pizza and celebrate and not like be like, oh my god, I can't believe I did forty five, which I did do I let I told a meal in Matt and I was like, just let me because they were like, it's fine.
I go, I know, it's fine.
I just need to beat myself up for three more minutes. That's it, and then I won't say then I will literally forgive myself.
And then I did.
And then after that three minutes, I was just like, I'm done, and I'm like, you didn't mean to. You are gonna make it right on your podcast and tell those people that you will refund them or not refund them, but give them another free ticket. And also, who gives a fuck in the scheme of things, It's okay forgive yourself. So I was just like, I let myself up with the hook and I ate my pizza and I had a good night.
We'll be right back after this. All right, we're back, Brian. What's been happening in your world? My word up?
Yeah? I mean I'm one month away from having no gall bladder, and uh, so far so good. If anyone was wondering, oh.
I was like, I thought you were like, in one month, it'll totally dissent. Great, And I'm like, they put some kind of acid into it that.
It's like, so what they do is when you drink an acid and it goes right into your gallbladder and over the course of a month, that starts to disintegrate ten percent of the time.
But what's life like without a goll bladder? Like, is there a difference not really getting crazy pain?
Well, yeah, I'm not having horrible attacks in my fear of eating. I've been eating some fatty foods. I've been eating, you know, chicken palm and stuff like that, and I'm like, totally fine. So I feel great. If anybody is thinking about getting their gall bladder moved, even if it's just to lose weight, I think I highly recommend it. It's amazing. I really wait, really, you can lose what is it three ounces by like.
The weight of the gall bladder. Yeah, don't joke about that, dude. People will be like, what, I can lose weight, but taking on an organ.
I also have been losing weight ever since I did it, like on purpose, I've been like dieting and stuff like that. I'm trying to eat out. I want to be the healthiest I've ever been. My golf for the rest of the year is I want to be the healthiest I've ever been. I was telling you about this in the car. I've discovered this like rich person thing called health spas that I had no idea existed, and I went to a health spa. Basically, if you ever go to the doctor and you're like, I want to know if I
have like the proper vitamin B levels. I want to test my blood for to see if I have this like genetic predisposition to whatever disease, Alzheimer's or something like that. Your doctor won't do it for you. Yeah, they'll say there's no reason to do it. You're not in the Even if you wanted like a colonoscopy, they'll be like, we can't do it, it's not appropriate. But if you're rich,
you can do whatever you want. And so there are these places called health spas where you just go in there and you say, I want to get my blood tested for all micronutrients. I want to get a full genetic profile, and they're like, give me money and I'll do it for you. And so I went to this health spa and I got a full micronutrient blood profile.
How much is that?
That was six hundred and ninety nine dollars?
And then do you have a membership fee as well to join to the spa?
No, but you can become a member if you want to, or you can do a la carte.
So you did all a cart six ninety nine six.
And you know, I'm kind of likesalitating in here?
Are you like a fucking like?
Yeah? I say this all the time, Like I don't spend money on clothes or watches or technology or anything like that. I will spend all my money on health stuff. So this to me is like the equivalent of going into like a Chanelle store if you're like a housewife.
Yeah, it's that's crazy to me. I didn't even cause you were telling me about it. I'm like, yeah, maybe I'll check it out. Like I don't do any of that stuff. I don't. I'm not really interested in finding Like I guess if something was wrong, I guess you feel sick, so you want to find answer. Sure, I don't feel sick.
That's true. But also it's the difference between screwing that cap closed and leaving it open. I just want every number to be correct, right, and that's impossible and it won't actually happen. Yeah, but right. I'll never leave that cap on screwed. I will. I will run through a war field to screw that pap and.
I'll address the lotion spilling out when it spills. I'm not gonna like prematurely.
Cap it in.
That's right. But that being said, you should get your standard screenings.
I know I should.
If you want to, if you want to have that analogy, be truly like, you should get don't wait for the cream to squirt out of the cab or whatever you do for some things. Oh god, I know.
I was just reading a book actually about.
It.
Wasn't about it, but it's fiction. It's Miranda July. It's called On All Fours, and it's about this woman going through perimenopause, which is the next thing in my life that will happen probably forty five I think, like so in the next five years, but it can happen even earlier.
And it's just so fucked man. And I've heard Naomi Watts talking about it menopause on something, and she said that it's so interesting that we give so much compassion to like young girls who and young boys who are going through puberty, but like women who go through this gigantic hormonal shift.
It's just like no one talks about it. It's just only shameful. Not that people really talk about puberty.
Puberty is also very shameful, but there's there's at least like people know that kids, that teenage girls are crazy and emotional, and like then women in their fifties it's just like, oh, but you know, this is cute when we're about to want to fuck you, but right now, no one wants.
To fuck This is just annoying to that change.
You have puberty, and then you have periods, which everybody makes fun of too, Like every stand up comedian in the world has made a joke about periods, and then you go through menopause, which also a lot of comedians make fun of. But I wonder if that postmenopausal life is uh is good? Has that that's what I've heard?
Yeah, there were there were some positives that came out of the book talking about it, but where it's kind of the thing I talk about in my special where you just give up and you just stop carrying what everyone thinks and you can kind of just do what you want because you don't suffer fools anymore. Yeah, I think a lack of suffering fools is one of the the best parts of going through menopause. But yeah, it
seems pretty rough and I can't. I mean, I'm are that could explain even my mood swings now, like I could be in it now, who the fuck yeah even knows.
That's the most fucked up thing about like birth control and stuff that men I really don't think truly grasp that you have to take a pill or whatever you do every day and it like really fucks with you in ways that you don't understand, like a man doesn't understand.
I thank god I'm not on it, but I probably should be. Like my hormones are totally out of line and all my friends are on some kind of cream. Yeah, I've had to like rub creams on my thighs, like just hormone cream. Like it's coming for you girls, if you're not there yet, it's a coming. Yeah, where you're
gonna have to like balance your foremones. So you even want to do anything the way you ever wanted to do it, if you want to eat even remember or have like a little inkling of what your former self used to.
Oh my god, yeah, no, I don't want to do that, but.
You got to do it.
And that's the thing about going to this hell spot, like, oh god, that stresses me out, Like you're going in there, like yes.
Oh my god, yes. I When I saw that list of things you could buy, I was like, I'm so happy I found out this existed. I had no idea I'm sitting there to get bad results. Well, I got my results back for the micronutrients, and now I made a mistake I took. I got the blood test two weeks after I got my gall bladder out, which is like the dumbest thing you could possibly.
Do, because your body is like still figuring out what to do with that.
Everything, popping pills, taking pets. Right, I've been eating saltine crackers exclusively saltine crackers for two months. Okay, and I got your blood tests. What was I thinking? Six hundred ninety nine dollars? But I get the results back and they were mostly good. Oh even whip.
There was.
There was a few things that were low. My selenium is low. A couple of amino acids were low. But like, yeah, I know, you got to get those aminos. But for but for someone who was like in the worst possible state you could possibly be, and you just got laparoscopic surgery and organ removed, and you've been eating exclusively saltine crackers for two months for my nutrients to be good. Why saltines because they're low fat. I was, I have to eat a low fat diet for in order to avoid it.
Timet it. I was even things that are low fat.
By the way, I couldn't think of anything. I kept trying to think. I kept brainstorming at all squalk.
Through the aisles, and you look at any packaging that's green.
I didn't think of that.
That was like the nineties color of no fat, low fat.
Okay, I'm not gonna eat fruits and stuff like that, like a banana, and you know, all right.
But you're relatively healthy. So what's the next test you're going to get to prove to yourself that there's something wrong with you.
So yeah, so that's two months now, a month from now, which will be two months away from getting the gall bladder aut I will do the micro nutrient test again because I think my results will be even better.
Final thought, Wait, you're going to go back and have the same exact test. What do you want?
What do you want to get out of this? Do you just get this test every six months to keep proving to yourself? Or are you going to add more tests? Is it going to get boring if you stabilize? How are you going to achieve this new healthy Brian? Like, what's really going to change in your life?
Well, it's diet. You know I've been at I have been eating very well ever since I got the surgery and my smoothie, you know, like if if I was low on vitamin B for example, like if.
It came back eat very well. What are you not eating now? That was like such a problem before.
I don't know, I thought that's not a big kit cat bar. Yeah, So like I mean, I'll.
Go back cookie. Can you get one of those?
Still?
I haven't eaten one since.
No sugars.
No, I'm not going to try to.
Get the healthiest ever. Like you got to get rid of sugar, you got to get rid of wheat.
You gotta.
I'm not doing any of that, but like you're not. If the results came back and said you're low with vitamin B, which is a common low vitamin thing and people feel tired and stuff, then I would get I would start taking a multivitamin or a vitamin B injection from the health spot. I'm surprised they don't lie until you have all these problems that they can inject you with things for you're just taking.
A selenium supplement right now.
I believe I can raise my selenium on my own. I mean, I know it sounds hard, but I just got to eat my selena. I don't know where to gas.
I don't even know what to get checked though.
Well you know what your regular screenings need to be, right.
Tits assus that's right?
Uh?
Dentist?
Dentists, Yeah, dentist. I'm I'm dentists.
And there's one more that you're forgetting that people completely ignore. It's insane, but well yeah you you. I guess once you ears, you don't. No one really checks the ear untilase start losing hearing. No but blood, no what your skin? You need to go to a dermatologist once a year to get a check you need to get everything that removed.
That's the organ I want to get rid of. Yeah, that's a good point.
Resent full of dermatologists at this point, though, because I went in to have a thing checked and she was just like, no, that's nothing, and then charges me hundreds of dollars just to no, that's nothing.
Yeah, that's like your little test you just got. Yeah, you wanted to see something. You wanted to hear some action.
I mean, no, I'm happy that it was. I mean I did get some action. That's selenium things.
Going to look over your whole naked body to look for any kind of suspicious access exactly. And then what if I feel like there's I look at my whole body, there's no moles that are changing or moving, or.
There might be places that you don't see, like looking into on your butt or something like that, Like there might be like, oh, look, there's one right in the middle of your back you never saw.
So they're getting in your butt cracked to look.
They're going to look in my butt crack, they'll look in your scalp, they'll look Okay, fine, I could do that, they'll I mean, it's it's good. I mean, if if you don't have literally and a single mole on your body, then I guess you don't have to go. But it's good to get in the habit of going and just getting looked over. Yeah.
I don't know why I'm fighting it. I don't know why I'm fighting it.
I'm getting my new car today, I think, and I figured out a way to get it where it's like I'm leasing it and Chris has worked it out so like I don't have.
To go to the dealership.
You can get a dealer.
Yeah, and they just are letting me sign a thing. It's heaven. This is what I've wanted for so long.
I hate sitting at the dealership and having to like sit there and talk while they fax.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Yeah, that's like Carvana. Doesn't Carvana do that.
I feel like I've died and gone there.
No, I think that, Yeah they do, but I think they But then you get a car and it could be stinky. Uh huh. Because I got into I saw a car that I loved in the showroom at this place, and I was like, look at this big puppy. It was like the number one car. Like I'm looking in the windows, and I'm like, I love it. Oh my god, it's used too and it's like lightly used perfect.
Get it. It smells so much like cigarette smoke. They can't get it out. But it's brand new.
Yeah, so you're not going to worry about anything. You just get it.
I will say that it's a white interior and that it's dicey for me with all my spray tnds and makeup.
Cap unscrewed half the way and the unscrewed caps.
You're not joking, but I you know what, The white makes me feel cooler. It makes me feel like it's the person I want to be. And I felt the coolest in it, and I like the black exterior. And the other one was a white exterior with a black interior, and I was like, I really just I don't want to like air on the side of like, but you're too dirty to have a nice thing. So in the end this all comes around and I actually am getting
the thing that I feel. I'm not going to mess up the thing that I think I'm not it's too nice for me to have. I'm actually gonna keep it nice. And I got the nicest version to like, and I have to get detailed quite often, so I'm gonna learn to treat it nice even though I'm lasing it.
It's not really mine, so right exactly. That's the way to think about it is you're taking care of someone else's car.
Oh okay, that's a that's good. I'm so much better if it's someone else's I would be.
That will be someone else's car in three years.
That's so beautiful. Yeah, okay, that's a really nice way to think about it. I'm gonna go drive someone else's car right now, I think.
Thank you for listening to the podcast. I'll see you in Vegas this week.
People who are coming to see me and David Spade at the Venetian in Vegas next weekend. Uh, and then we have shows I think I'm off the next weekend and then shows, so many shows, so many tour dates. Nikyplaser dot com, you know where to find them.
Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. We love you so much. Don't be cut and bye.