The Nicki Gliser Podcast. Glaser, Hello, welcome to the podcast. It's a Nicky Glazer podcast. It's Nicki Glazer in Saint Louis in studio again. Not alone this time. I've been alone for so for so long in my life. But I'm here with my friend Taylor McGraw, who's been on the show a million times before. Welcome to the show. Tayler, you look so young. What's going on with you? What treatments have you been doing? Brian Frangie's also here, Brian, what's up?
Yo?
Look in the same age as always.
I know Brian's treatments.
Does have amazing skin. If you see his face, skin is ridict It's really good. But you haven't been doing any treatments? Is it?
The haircut?
I'm not getting like a bot like a shorter haircut because I think it makes you look younger.
Yeah. I like to hear like this.
Really mm hmmm. Well, there's this Netflix documentary about a cult called Dancing in the Dark and this girl joins a cult, this dancing cult on TikTok and she cuts her hair and if you've seen it, you know exactly what we're talking about. When she cut her hair. It was just a good choice. She just looked so cute. And usually when girls cut their hair, it's no bueno. Like when the shorter you go, the more like, less
feminine you get. And that's just by society's standards, and I'm trying to adhere to society's standards.
I'm going to do my career. All Anya's haircuts are perfect.
Everyone, Yeah, they're always scuts. She is just of someone who pays attention like she doesn't never does anything wrong in terms of esthetics. She's very thoughtful. Her outfits are well put together, so are yours, though, I mean, that's maybe why you like it. It was my birthday this weekend. Taylor was not there. She was at a funeral that was pre scheduled for someone who died in January, which I don't really understand, but that's fine. Where are you were in Kansas?
The middle of Kansas, Okay?
And how was that?
It was cool? It wasn't too different than here. It's where my boyfriend is from, Central Kansas, eight hours from here, so I thought it was going to be kind of scary, but so long.
Eight hours is far.
It is kind of far.
Six hours is to since that up to drive, but you broke up to drive.
Yeah, we broke up during it.
That's good.
We broke the drive by stopping.
That's an interesting I missed it.
So they died in January and the funerals.
Because that's when everyone can get together, Like there's like a bunch of grandchildren in college and stuff. So they all had to wait till they were able to get because it's hard to get to the middle of Kansas.
No one lives there anymore.
But she just she was cremated and they like lowered the little ashes down and I wouldn't see it. Actually, we left and the ashes were still sitting there and we drove away, and I was like, what if someone comes and steals this marble urn?
Only you would think of that.
You would steal that marble urn, would at least open it.
My aunt used to steal flowers from grapesite.
I did too, well, not from grave sites, but just like from the cemetery you go like cut branches.
Oh, she would steal them from the gravesites. She's like, who, they don't be school, So I hope people are stealing them from hers.
Well, because I would I would go get them, you know, how they have a sign that says like they're going to.
Be thrown away later I.
Get them, lin, I go get them on that date. Oh date they say they're going to throw them away.
Oh they say they're gonna oh okay.
Sign because they they want them refreshed.
God like getting the roll in the back of a bagel store when they're at the end of the day.
Yeah, I can't believe things aren't marked down. But I go into Whole Foods and I go to the sushi department, and I'm like, none of this is lasting until tomorrow. You're closing in a half hour and all of this is still fourteen dollars.
What do they do with it? I hope they give you a food, but of.
Course they don't. They don't none of it they it goes, all goes in the trash. And then I think the dumpsters are like locked up. I mean, like they don't want people because everyone would go.
Because it's all how is the dumpster big enough?
Not everyone? I mean like me, you all, all of us would get lots of people like you would go, but I yeah, it's it's disgusting if anyone Busty's listening in the foods. I don't even tell me what happens with waste. I can't even I can't. My psyche can't take it.
I got their own coffee and she was like, I'll remake it, and I was like no, no, and she was like insisting.
I was like, is that gonna go to someone else? And sometimes they run out of at Starbucks, they run out of the warmer, the hand warmer things, you know, like the cardboard things, and they'll double cop it, and I go no, because I get extra hot. I definitely needed my hands start, but I guess I gotta get callouses on my hand so I don't need them because
my throat is now callous. And I can suck down an extra hot like lat that would burn someone's like just smelling it would burn their the inside of their nostril, and I suck it down like nothing.
Woo. Why do you want to extra hot?
Because I want to slow my consumption down because if it is just regular hot, I'll drink it in literally, I'll drink a ventie in a minute. I'm just a chugger. My dad has always called me one. I'm just I consume things so quickly. I'm just quick and so when it's extra hot, it slows me a little bit, but it's got to be. And then sometimes the coffee is burnt because I get it so hot.
Good coffee that doesn't taste as good or something because it's not as suckle.
Well that's not fun.
Well it could just it could be good. It just not. I mean, this is addictive substance, isn't it.
Yeah, It's like I know, it doesn't matter. I'll find a way to love it, like I used to. I was telling my sister yesterday we got Starbucks, and I used to put like eight splenda, this is like two thousand, how many do you put six? I was such an anorexic and I would just go and I would have like my one latte a day, and that would be like I'll be all I ate for the day, you know, until it was like witching hour, and then I would
eat all night. But like I would just have one or like two mistos because it's the cheaper version of a latte. It's half coffee, half milk, and it's probably a dollar fifty cheaper, and so I would get that, and I mean that these prices back then, it was probably like two eighty for a venty and then I would get I would put in. It started out with like two Splenda, and then it just your tolerance goes down. And I was doing like I would have to like hide it and like take do four at the bar.
And then if someone saw me take four extra and like save them, it was insane and and it would never stop. It would just be like, Okay, then I'm just gonna be just snorting Splendor eventually, and so I had to back down and now I'm at now I just have one Stevia. No Splender is like super low aspartame, and then Stevia is bad. Yes, Splenda is bad. That
sweete from this, I know. We were just talking about like how you are what you eat, and how I feel like I'm just so dry, like I I need to eat more fats, but I'm just so it's so ingrained in me that fat is bad because of the nineties brainwashing for diet culture that I just when I see too much fat in something, I just am too.
If you're just eating an actual avocado, I literally think.
The thing that okay, Like if it's guacam only and I look at the thing and it's about I literally think there will be guacam only on my thighs, Like it will be like the guacamole will go into my thigh and it will be the texture of it because it's like fat. It's just so it's so only cottage cheese. But I know, I love cottage so much, a miss.
But I think, yeah, that you that it will add to a lump layer on my thought.
Yeah, but it's she's just fatter than you'd think. I realized that the other day too. What the fuck? I thought it was healthy.
You can get zero, but it is healthy because fat is healthy. But it's you can get zero. You can get non fat cottage cheese. And then that has like a lot of sugar and just bullshit.
And it bullshit. Yeah, sugar is what makes you.
I'm drinking coconut water right now. But it's like has kind of pulp in it, which I love. I love pulp. It's so good. I got a Trader Joe's. Let's see how much fat eight percent of my six grams of fat. That's pretty good. Saturated fat six grams saturate is the one that you don't want, right.
Yeah, you do want you don't want trans fat?
Oh yeah, saturated fat's bad too, but yeah, saturated no.
No, no, that's nineties, that's nineties.
Really, Yes, saturated fat leads to heart disease.
Incorrect.
All right, Well, thankfully we don't have anyone to fact check, so we'll just leave that there for someone else to dm us later. But yeah, that's I'm gonna try to because I want to be more supple and I want to like look not so dry and husky.
Yeah I'm a husk too, because I.
Feel like you are what you eat. And like, if I'm eating rice cakes, I'm gonna look like a rice cake and I'm getting my hair is going to break off like rice cake.
You're eating avocado, then you'll be like creamy and like salamahayak.
I just want to look like I bet she eats a lot of avocados. Yeah, but you ever watch those things of like what No, you don't because you don't have a phone, but like what I eat in a day and like these influencers, Yeah, and I just don't buy it. And also it seems like I just I get I like to eat a lot, so I get sad if it's just a small little portion of toast with avocado and then I'm like, I want more food
than that, Like that's done. And because I eat so fast, I need meals to take a long time, so I need like a big salad because then I'm done with my toast and I'm like, that's it, and I like my stomach isn't full yet because I ate it too fast, so I just want more.
Put avocado in the salad and then put like a really fatty dressing.
I hate avocado in a salad like I just hate the consistency of avocado on its own.
You make it like and you blend, like make a dressing like a Green Goddess dressing, which can be vegan.
But then I have to cook, and that's just stressing me out because there's like dirty bowls, and Chris has a way that he washes certain bowls, and I don't really understand the he He does the dish washer like three times a day he's washing dishes, so I don't understand.
I don't eat oatmeal.
I would never dishwash if I did. I just don't. I would never even.
Know, especially like oatmeal which is gooey and like sticks to the edge. I don't know how you do it.
Oh, I know how to do it. You just fill the bowl up with water and then you scrape it out, you like brush it off with the soapy fingsh thing, the brush thing, and then you just put in another bowl. Like I don't care if there's residue because it was mine. If it was like someone else's bowl, yeah, I might like rush brush it really hard and wipe it. But if it's me and there's still residue, just more me. But I but bacteria isn't there. And we've talked about
this million times. I want to get into my birthday gifts that I got the weekend at my birthday. I have a box of a bag of them. They all fit in a bag.
If you're not opened them yet, they're oh, I'm.
Just consolidated them and I wanted to go through them. I got Kirsten recycled a birthday card from I gave her this when she was turning fourteen, and I don't know what we don't really get. These are a lot of inside jokes in here. But she gave me back a card I gave her when she was fourteen that said the judge, the jury, and the prosecution are ready. And it says like a courtroom you are sentenced to
a fourteenth year of life. And then there's a guy that someone's dad I felt Trad, Yeah, Trad's dad used to a guy that we swam at our pool with was like he was a lawyer and he would prosecute you. And we were always making fun of him for being like he is a Southern loyal who will prosecute.
Because we made fun of his son, and he said he.
Will persecute, persecute, Ya's persecute, but we were prosecute. Yeah, and we might. I don't even know that he ever said it, but we just gave him that character. And then we were also we made fun of some girl in high school that she was a mistake. We thought that was funny. And so it has him saying the stikes are rosin and we need seventeen identical mistikes. I don't know what that's about. And then I drew a
bunch of these girls that were a mistake. We were again we were bullies in quiet like we would talk. We had never seen it was observing, Yes, that these that girl was probably a mistake.
We're analysts, yeah, like she came from she was very analyzing.
Yeah, she had like fluffy bangs, like kind of eighties bangs left over. I don't even know who it was. I literally don't. And then there are two Siamese cats you remember in the Risk of Cats were psychees, we are saying, and they're sexy cats, and they're like, oh, even a sneaking baby bunker, and they wanted to eat the cat, and they wanted to drink the They wanted to eat the baby or like drink the baby's milk.
So they wanted to get the baby out because they used to be the joy of the family and then the baby came, so they.
And so I wrote two cats that their tails are like entwined and says we will get in baby bunkie, sneak into womb plenty jelly for me and some for whom. And then there's I drew Adam Sandler and he has a yamaca on it says, get on your hanukkah, it's time for yamica. I don't know, okay. And then I had another guy that was a cool guy and he's in a room and he has jinkos on in air walks and I know their airwalks because I drew an arrow arrow that says airwalks, and there's a lava lamp
and a poster that has pot on it. It just says pot and a leaf and then a black light that I wrote black light next to and a three to eleven poster and camel cigarettes and he says, h on my birthday, I get cussed stuff like guns and roses, T shirts and cool video games like Street Fighter. And then we made fun of these girls. I don't even want to say what their names are. I don't remember who they are, but blah blah blah twins, like and it's their last name, and I said, the blah blah
blah twins. And then it's two girls in Lisa Frank shirts and they say how much is that doggy in the window? T tih? And then there was another girl. There's another guy and this is I can't even I can't read that one. It's it's it's too much. I can't. It's like a slightly racist I think, I don't even know, like it's not it's not good. But anyway, she just she just gave me back this card and just wrote I love you Nikki on it, so.
She didn't she didn't copy it she gave it back.
She just gave it back to me and instead of fourteenth, I wrote fortieth.
Yeah, let me see it.
Yeah, look at the back is a lack a her wrath, you know, you know what it is? Okay. So, and then my niece Poppy, I've been like negotiating with her to get more toys, you know, in cards from her, and she dictated to my sister what to write, and this is so poetic. The cover of it says, I wish you were here okay she's four five, and then on the inside it says, happy birthday, Nikki, thank you for all the toys I she were here for every
day and every season. Ah, so beautiful. My dad was like, she got that from Taylor Swift, and I'm like, I don't think so, dude, I don't even know what that is.
She got it from, like the birds.
My sister gave me. My sister also she got me a Taylor Swift sweatshirt that Taylor Swift was a KU sweatshirt that Taylor Swift was wearing in a video that she posted and it's back ordered, so she just drew a picture of it. My sister also drew a picture of Taylor Swift and put it on the bag. Isn't
that beautiful cut? And the eyes were so hard to do that she erased them so many times that they went through the paper and she had to cut out eyes, make eyes separately and paste them on, soay, she had commit. And then I got a Taylor Swift golden book, you know, like for little kids. That's from my dad's friend Steve. That was really nice. Thank you Steve Schmidt. He's a
jazz musician in Cincinnati. And then I got uh. And then Chris got me Taylor's with Sweatpants, which I already got because I was like, Chris, look what I got sweatpants Torture Poets and he was like, oh god, and I go did you get these? And he was like yeah, and I was like that's okay, I want to. So we got me Taylor's with Sweat Sweatpants, and I now have the Tortured Poet's ear rings, the bracelet, two rings because my parents got me a ring and I got
myself a ring. But Swift, no, they're just like it's like for the album, it's like a Torture Poets ring and then the album's called Torture Poets Department, and then Chris got me the Torture Poet's necklace, which I don't even know how he got because that thing has been on back order and I've been wanting it. So that was really exciting. And he got me the Torture Poets album and I was very excited about that. My parents, Yeah, they got me the ring. What is in here? Oh yeah,
it's my Holly got me a necklace. She also got me a scavenger hunt. She would she went on, Yeah, so I had to open a letter and then she would read the letter and then we it would take us to a destination. So I'll just give an example, so I'll read the first one. And so we went to like five different deff We didn't end up going to all of them. We went to three of them. But this is her poem. Today You are so much, so much Today you are forty and so much lays ahead.
Your career is now soaring. Sorry if this brings you dread, but so much excitement within these years to come. Think in twenty years, Taylor may do a Dead Poet's tour. Run Taylor Swift. Sorry, Taylor, we can't see into the future to where this all leads. But since we and she she's doing a dead poets dead and she said dead poets, she's doing a torture poets.
Run anyway on this shoh, but who knows.
We can't see into the future where this all leads. But since we can't see forward, can we plead? Can we reflect back to days of your please? There is so much to celebrate in your life, both big and small, and for a little while, let's look back to connect some dots for us all. It seems Julie wasn't quite ready back on June first, nineteen eighty four. Let's get in. Let's get in one more game of poker before Nicole
Renet takes the floor. Okay, so my mom told us on Friday Night, all my friends that when I was born, when I was she was going into labor. She didn't want she didn't want to be a mom yet, so she stopped at her brother's house where he was having a poker game and played a couple hands of poker, and they were like, you need to leave, like you're getting water all over the floor, and so she and then she also said that when she was in labor,
she kept saying she wanted to jump out the window. Okay, okay, because she just wasn't ready to be a mom.
How old was she She was young twenty.
Five, But she really explains a lot of I came into this world with my mom wanting to jump out of the window before, and that's not the true. She was very happy that she had me, A small blonde with great tits. Could be what the doc could could be what the doc said. Nicky has always been a stunner. The Glazers were parents for the first time to a daughter. Oh this is rhyme. Sorry, moving on a few years
when when something came? When when a young sister came young Lauren Jane two two were The two were friends until they were not. And in those moments, boy could they rage. Teenage years were rough, They'd tell you, lots of screaming and fighting as kids. Though they had built in friendships. They had built in friend and each other to confide in. Ooh before acne embraces and the Glazers were an Ohio breed. Maybe they'd have stayed forever with the without with no real plans to leave. But as
fate would have it, you know, there's no will. That's true, that's free. EJ was offered a job in Saint Louis with Charter Cable TV, so the family was relocated to a city down the river. They moved to Saint Louis. Had they been there before? Who knew? Maybe never. Let's take a Let's take a jog down memory lane and see where all this started, where Nikki became the woman she is a generous, hilarious starlett Key. Happy birthday with an amazing friend. Thank you for gathering us all here
to celebrate, hang and sing. And then so we went to Blaze Avenue, which is where I was. Yeah, and then we and then then she read another thing there that took us to my elementary school and then high school and then the emos where we worked, and it was just such Me and Crison worked and there's tons of side jokes. No, we didn't go to emos, we didn't have time. But we did go to our old high school. And I went past the window where they would always post like the castings for the plays because
you would have to go on the weekend. You would audition during the week and then on the weekend on Sunday, he would finally post the cast list and you would go up to the school and look at the window to see if you made it, and there were so many that window. I cried so many times at that window because I just didn't see my name or it was just at the very bottom for some you know, townsperson role and what else. If my sister worked there until this year. So that's uh, she she was working
there for ten years. And I'm gonna be in the Hall of Flame Flame hall of Fame at uh Kirkwood Eye School coming up. They're inducting me in February. Yes, there's a hall of fame and I all know. But it was a huge like I had to like be submitted and have to send in all of this stuff, and I was kind of like what am I doing? Like Halla's dad was our principal and so he was the one that spearheaded it and was like, you need to send me this and this, and I was like,
I don't know if I have any of that. What volunteer work have you done? I'm like I don't. I've made a lot of money for animals. Here's my peda campaign. And then he jerked off and then send it in and then not gonna eat and say that. But uh yeah, so that's all happening. It was a really fun weekend. We'll get to more of it when we come back after this.
Who else is in the Hall of Fame.
Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, I don't he Scott Bacula went to my high school.
What is Scott?
What is the disease?
He was? He was the quantum leap. I think you're too young. You're too young to know. I was even too young at the.
Time to haughty. My mom was in love with him.
Oh yeah, she went to high school with him, right.
Yeah. We have a picture of him at her house. He's like really small on a football field. My mom took a picture of him because it was such a haughty.
I think you'll know. Uh Maclin, what's his last name?
Jeremy Macklin.
Yeah, Jeremy Macklin. There Roshawn Mackels, wide receiver.
Jeremy Macklin.
Yeah, there you go. Wow, Okay, here's here's Scott Bagula class in nineteen seventy three. Dylan Brady, he's the member of the musical duo one hundred gets. I don't know what that college X Colin Donald, which I've talked about before. He is in the The Affair on Showtime. He's in Chicago grade Colin Donald. Yeah, he was my first date. We went to go see the Barnaked Ladies at the Keel Center. I didn't know it was a date.
Yeah, what do you mean?
But until later and then I was like, oh, I think this was a date that you said we did play together. Yeah. He was always so good and he still is.
Let's see, he's a real actor now.
Defensive coordinator for the Washington Huskies football. William Ingey, Kyle Hawkins, prominent men's lacrosse team coach and gay rights pioneer. Okay, Marcus Harris American football player. Do you know that is Jeremy Macklin class of two thousand and six. I can't believe you know who Jeremy Macklin is. That's pretty cool.
Yeah, it's pretty cool to know who he is.
There's someone named Slater with three why's, and he's a singer. Wow, and he was born in nineteen six, nineteen oh Catherine Grace Garner, professionally known as Slator. Hell, yeah, nineteen ninety six. Okay.
They're leading pretty heavily into athletics in the arts. There's not a lot of like I found the cure for diabetes two or whatever. I invented a type of car part that makes the horsepower go.
No, it's all NFL players. Oh, David Sanborn class of nineteen sixty three Grammy Award winning recording Artists and musician Born. It's yeah, there's no no one discovered anything. Yeah, and from our school.
Feels like it feels like they neglected to include people who have like achieved things in business or science. Except for that one gay rights activist. There's only athletes and an artist.
But with Wikipedia, doesn't don't be a want to like submit it, so like no one just knows what you know, Discoveries are being made. Someone could have discovered a new species of bark and they wouldn't care. No one care.
Oh this is I thought. This is a hall of fame that your school was putting. This is in your Wikipedia page.
That's what Well, I just looked it up. This is it. I don't know who's in the hall of Okay, let's look at the actual hall of fame, Kirkwood High School Hall of Fame.
That was just notable Kirkwood. Yeah, okay, I.
Don't think Maclin's in yet, but he should be.
I was like Slater or is in this hall of fame.
Yeah, no, there's an athletics Hall of Fame and outstanding alumni. Okay, let's see. Oh no, this is about how to submit. So it's not even listed anywhere.
You might be the first one in it.
No, there's others. There's look at I'm looking at like there's been a ceremonies and stuff.
I oh the ceremony.
I'm going to coaches athletes. Greg Warren, Hey, yeah, Greg Warren went to my high school and it looks like he was inducted last year. Okay, so my friend Greg Warren, he can set me, you can walk me through the process. He is i think eighteen years older than seventeen years older. Yes, and he discovered a new type of.
Atomic un sponge. Yes.
Yeah, he was doing work in a submarine for a while and discovered that. So that's pretty cool.
Yeah.
I mean it does feel good though, like to get record like that actually meant something to me more than most things of like, okay, good my high school, because that's what inspires all this. We were talking about Enneagram this weekend as we always do, and like my shock at how like a is not like most musicians, musicians and actors. I'm like, I'm just like, why aren't they all threes? Because why would you want to create art
unless it was to get people to like you? No, that's a three mind, I know, but like, what would inspire anyone to do it otherwise?
You express that's.
Yeah, but okay, okay, Well here's the thing that's no, no, no, no, here's I'll poke a hole in it. Then why don't you just fucking sing in your room alone? Why do you have to disseminate it?
Why do you kind of has that trait of hers because she doesn't really want it. She didn't want to break through and achieve sort of commercial success, so she says, so.
She I put out an album at all for money. I mean, this is not.
Even the main reason. The main reason is because you're doing it and then people are telling you it's good and then you can make money. But you're not doing it specifically to get.
I understand that now because I don't care about making money and people like me anymore. But I think initially I don't understand why, like now that I'm having like I just had a meeting with a production company yesterday, and I wasn't trying to sound cool, but I was like, I just don't want to do anything. I don't need to do anything. I don't want to stand in a trailer all day. I don't want to write scripts that
I'm not inspired by. I just I don't. The only reason I want to do something is if it's fun, and it's like, actually is getting a message out there that I feel like is good? And I'm like, oh wait, maybe I'm like kind of transitioning out of three.
You're just not focusing on the main three.
Yeah. Well, Brian always says that you're not a traditional three because I don't I'm not showy with things.
Well that would make you more of a seven. But I think what you know about enneagrams, yeah, only recently because we were talking about it because of it. Yeah, yeah, but now I'm really into it. And yes, I think I do think you're a three. I think that you maybe mask some of your threes with like things that sevens might say. But I think deeps down inside your.
Seveny I thought she was a seven at first.
What's a seven?
Sevens have like the dilettants have like lots of different things that they pursue, lots of different interests, so they can be scattered.
But sevens are like a thrill seeker. They get bored easily. That's why that's another element of being a seven for you is that you want to jump from thing to think the thing because you get bored. I have something, you want to just keep moving doing the next thing and keep things exciting. But then, but then sevens don't
really care about getting outside approval if it's boring. So like if you receive an award that you don't really care about, Like if let's say you receive an award for like, I don't.
Know, hall of Fame at Kirkwod High School.
Yeah, like you're receiving a ward like hall of Fame at Kirkward High School. A seven would be like would maybe not even show up to the ceremony, right, but three would relish the opportunity to be applauded by all of his I don't like the I.
Don't like to be applauded because I'm embarrassed of it and I think that it's undeserved. I really I don't feel I don't like hearing your colicious credit but I do want. I want everyone to I'm amazing, but I don't want to hear about.
The three is three ever if you're trying to get out of it.
I like being a three. Taylor switches three. I want to be a three. They're called the achiever who doesn't want everyone wants to be a three.
I think I don't want to be a three at all.
Why wouldn't you want to be a three because I don't. I know listeners are being like Nikki because everyone wants to be here. But I don't think that.
Three coming from the mindset of a three. When you're asking these questions, well the.
Point of like everyone when you fill out the when you take the anagram quiz or whatever, you're instantly like why but everyone answers this one? Like you think everyone's going to be like you.
Know, you just you want there's different like kind of I want to have, like people recognize that I'm smart. I want everyone to say you like the enneagram. First, good job for getting us into the enneagram.
That's important to you.
Yes, I don't want people thank you for that.
That is true. You did get us into it. I did consult the book that you gave me you were, I will say I did.
And I want people to say you're right. I don't want people to want to be right or like I want to be acknowledged for my brain.
Okay, you want like a library after you on like a black.
I want people to be yes, good job, Brian. Wow. I want people to say everything that you've been working so hard on has a value. But I don't want any I want that or any attention. But it's just mine is So it's a scale. So like your threehood is much heavier than that. You're going to have different different parts.
That makes sense, you're and you know what else makes you a five tailor is that you have uh you waver between different sides of morality based on what's practical. So like I'll take the ern because why wouldn't I take the earth? You know, like stuff like that is very practical thinking, regardless of what side of the morality is, which is a very five thing to do.
I have my own, yeah, my own ethical code that has nothing to do with anyone other anybody else, and I follow it very strongly.
And then ones have their or following ethical that follow the rules the ones that okay.
So wait, let me, think what Brian is. I think Brian is a seven. No, I don't know, you.
Know, because the seven would be a thrill seeker and there's nothing I want less than thrills.
You like to go to national parks, that's so thrilling, and that's like and if you like to go on hike.
But what is motivating me to go to these parks.
To scratch off the list of I went to that park exactly? Okay, so what is that five?
No? That makes me? That makes me one? Yeah, I'm a perfectionist. I'm going to I'm not going to the parks. I want to go to all sixty three parks.
Yes, God, but when you get there, aren't you like? And why pick parks though?
Like?
Why then when I go to the park, I have a complete uh itinerary that I'm that I follow, so I make sure that I hit everything that to make the to maximize my trip to the park, which is a very one thing to do.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Chris is also one.
Chris is a one. Yes, he yes, he likes crystals travel. Chris is very black and white one like things are wrong, people are bad, or people are and he would not say this that he realizes that there is a gray area. But I think his initial instinct is that if he had a rough time when I would say, like, you know, for instance, my ex boy, I can't even call him a boyfriend. But Pete Lee, I like, he broke my heart.
I hated him for years, and when I met Chris, I still hated Pete, and so I talked about him in a way that was just like, he broke my heart. He cheated on his girlfriend with me, and then he chose her over me, and then he married her, and then I'm so glad they. I just made this whole story up about how awful he was. And then when Chris and I broke up. In that time we were
broken up, I became friends with Pete again. And then when Chris and I got back together, I was like, Pete's great, and he was like, no, he's bad.
And I'm like, I have everyone so many chances you and I.
Yeah, I'm like, no, like you please, I can forgive anyone, and he's forgivable. And honestly, I was the problem in that scenario. And he's just like, I don't get that, like in my mind he was bad. It's hard for me to just suddenly let go of all that when in my mind he was in this category and so that's hard for him to transition.
Well, the reason why you can forgive anybody is because three's main goal is to get approval from others, and so any if anybody disapproves of you, you will fight to get their approval, even if they're bad.
Ooh yeah. I mean I definitely have nightmares where my mom witnesses me be nice to Donald Trump and she's just disgusted with me, even though she would do the same thing, because I believe she's of a three.
Is like, you know what, maybe you weren't so bad.
And I used to have a joke that I if I you know, they always say like, if you had a time machine, go back and kill Hitler. And I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go do that. And then I come back from the time machine and they're like did you kill him? And I'm like, uh yeah, yeah, and they're like, wait, why what's that And I'm like nothing, and they're like what are you holding And I'm like it's his autograph.
I'm sorry. I just wanted to like he's scary, and I wanted to like me, Like, I want everyone to like me, even if they're bad, Like I feel like, also, if someone's really evil and they like me, I feel like, Oh now I have power over them, and I can do something to control the power. I can get in there and maybe convince them to not be so bad.
Well, you know, Trump's probably a three. Also.
Oh absolutely, so you guys are both Yeah, but he is also associated. He doesn't have.
I have a challenger.
Oh really, yeah, okay, good. I don't want to be him, I will say. Can I report a story that happened over the weekend that was so it kind of talks about this threeness of wanting them to like me? This guy I was walking into Starbucks, because where else am I walking into? It's like one of two places, my bedroom or Starbucks. I was walking in and I was
really distracted. I was on my phone and I was answering an email I just couldn't get to while I was driving, obviously, So as soon as I got done driving, I'm like in this email and I'm walking with my phone blindly into the store. I opened the door. The door pushes into the restaurant, so it opens in right. The door is er in and I'm step one foot into the restaurant and I see that there's a guy like right about to leave, right like, so I kind of like as he was about to pull the door,
I pushed it. So he's right there. What would you do in that circumstance there's some one right there, Oh you out of the store? Or do you quickly go around him and go sorry?
Go around him and go sorry because you're already in.
The store, right you have the right of way, Like you're a car that pulled out too soon and you're like, fuck, I'm sorry. You just instead of backing up and being like like making a big you just go faster around.
I would say sorry like ten times, yeah, to be fair, but I would go around.
Okay, So that's what I did. I just go oh, sorry, and I and I quickly scowed it, and I even pushed the door out so he would have a little like he wouldn't have to get it again, you know, like I like flung the door so he would get it. And then I quickly went in front of him and around and neither is ideal because I was walking blindly looking at my phone, and he goes, oh, that's how
it's gonna be. And by the way, this guy was carrying one drink in a tray, like he had a tray for four drinks and he had one drink and and he was maybe wearing a poly hat. Taylor has defined people that are poly amorous relationships that they wear poly hats, which are like us or a newsboy.
How it's uh extra extra Yeah, yeah, why if you were it's it's a flat.
Cap, a flat cap.
It's not it's newsboys. But yeah, you could wear fedora if you wanted to.
He had a fedora. What were you gonna say, Brian, if.
You're feel like those people have don't have sex at all?
I know, but some I know, why are they Polly when they don't?
We call it poly hats for some? Because Taylor was like oop, like she was just really going nuts on Polly's the couple of years because.
My partner was saying they wanted to be Polly.
Well, if you want to reveal those okay, people.
Were gonna come into my house wearing those hats. What how No?
Wait, okay, I recently was like, am I Polly? And I was so disgusted with the idea of being Polly? Because you have made them out to be so.
I mean, you see, I'm sure there's plenty of Polly people that are fine, but they're are also a large portion. You have to admit that wear those hats.
I don't know that. Oh my god. We're watching We're watching a couple's therapy on Showtime, which is like Anya's favorite show. It's this woman who's a therapist named Orna, and she talks to these couples and this season there's a poly couple. And guess what the woman who's in the poly relationship does for a living?
I mean therapist?
No, no, no, Like it's around what you were just saying, like, what's the crazy, Like if you're writing a character of a woman who's in a poly relationship.
Rope walker, My god, she's a circus. See I know about Polly just from analyzing my whole life.
It does like archery with her feet, you know what I'm saying. From a trappie and she's so poly and like she'll have a braid and it'll it's this really long, lustious braid, but you'll put a wire through it so that it'll go like so the braid will like be zig zaggy.
Now I feel like I feel like you're allowed to make fun of polly people because you choose to be poly. It's not like gay or just like born that.
Way and you're born that way.
I would say, they say they're born.
That way, they're born. That's a lifestyle.
Yeah, No, they're not conforming to monogamy.
But it's still a choice.
It's not like we all probably are poly and we're all conformed.
Maybe it's a trait of your personality, it's not it's on a disability.
No, but well not, it's not a sexuality. I don't think it's not sexuality. I think it's a life that It's like, you could choose to be emo. You're not born emo. Maybe you feel like your emo the same thing as you can make fun of an EMO person because they chose that, and or you can celebrate them if you want to.
Well, I will say it leads to some pretty celebrating, dynamic things. That's just how well in a poly relationship, they have like a primary partner, but they've changed the name to anchor so that it doesn't have a hierarchy ranking, which makes sense to me. Anchors on the bottom scrapes this poly guy with a tray that had one drink in it. I'll tell you what happen after we get back from r Okay. So this poly guy is.
I don't know, he's only got one drink.
How hesist and he doesn't get other.
He just believes he should have many partners and no one should care.
Why would anyone carry one drink in a tray? I need to know this because on the edge fill, Yeah, I just don't understand what was happening there.
But that's how it's gonna be.
He goes, that's how it's gonna be. And he looked he just seemed like he had like a weird mustache, and he just seemed like he seemed like it like someone who builds sets in high school musical. You gotta be Cary'll know what they're like.
You gotta be careful, Nikki with these interactions, because any one of these interactions could turn into an article where she did drink.
That is not why I wasn't a bit in the scenario. It was not on my mind that I could be recognized. It's not at that level yet, But I will say that I just was like, I'm trying. I saw this fucking Reeal a couple of weeks ago, and I think I've talked about it already, but it said, what if you let everyone off the hook for everything?
Oh?
I always what if you did this? What if you let yourself off the hook for things? What if you left your husband off the hook for that thing? He didn't do the thing he said. I mean, honestly, like, what if you let everyone off the hook? Like, just try what would happen? And I've been trying to do it more consciously when I find myself getting into but.
You already to do it, that's like something you don't need help with you already?
No, I know, I hold onto things and I'm like, why could they do this? If if they behave that way I'm talking about my relationship, then I can't be with someone that ever would say like this. I just go like, that's gonna be my whole life? Is that someone that didn't even notice that I got a haircut and he did notice and he didn't say the right like shit like that. That's not that's just example I'm making up. But like I go into like if they have it's again they've show they're just I kind of
get into one territory. If they're like they're bad, I can't.
Can you think about it and analyze the situation?
And then I just go, wait, what the fuck? I am so fucked up. There's so many things about my personality that I would never recommend anyone being in a relationship. If they said that this partner was this and this, I'd be like, get away from her. So, but you got to forgive people for things, and no one, literally no one's going to be perfect. And I know that everyone is supposed to know that, but I just kind of didn't know it until recently. But I've just been
letting things go. I just like let I don't, especially in my relationship, things that used to bother me. I'm just like doing what this girl said in this real and saying, like, what if I just let him off the hook for that, Let's try for the next minute to let him off the hook. And then a minute later I don't remember what he even was, or if I do, I go, let me do one more minute of letting him off the hook. Oh I'm still mad about it. Okay, maybe I do need to talk about it.
So this guy, so because I've been doing it consciously it's been happening quicker, you know, like I can just go to it quickert. So this guy goes, oh, that's how it's gonna be, and he thought I wasn't gonna say anything. He kind of said it under his breath in a way that I maybe wouldn't hear my my earphones were in, but he didn't know I wasn't listening to anything. So I go, yeah, it is. I go, I'm sorry, and he goes, I go, I was on my phone, so I didn't see you. I literally didn't.
I would never have stepped in front of you. I didn't see you because I was on my phone. He goes, you know what, and that's the problem that right there was probably go off the hook no, And I go, it is a problem. This is a problem, and thank you for reminding I needed this reminder that I need to get out of my phone. I go, thank you for this lesson today, and he just like baffled and confused, just mumbled to himself and walked out like it was
completely diffused. He couldn't tell if I was being a bit or not, because I couldn't even tell because saying thank you for this lesson sounds sarcastic, but it actually was like I was two in my phone, like this isn't well.
You think, thank you for this lesson, professor genius. Then you've curtseyed it.
Yeah, yeah, over the edge. But he didn't know what to do and it could have escalated. But wow, my adrenaline went up so much with that confutation. Holy fuck, my body felt like it was on fire.
I feel like I actually have seen red when somebody just says something stupid.
It's crazy. But we never really confront anyone like That's why we can just be We're so divided. I think because we can just be assholes all the time in our cars and we and online and we never actually talked to one another. We see each other side of things, and that's what I did in that moment. I felt like it really helped.
Sing each other side of things. Is definitely something. But I confront people constantly. Yeah, I feel like that's another three things to think is that you don't you don't I always confront people.
Do you do it like snarky or do you just like face to face goes.
You're out their side to argue my side and I try to convince them of my side.
Yes. Well, final thought, one time Brian and I got into a really intense like argument like debate. I'd say it was a debate about free will. No no, no is in front of It was on f Boy Island, which he was writing on and producing on, and so he was in It was in my dressing room, pretty much my room that I was living in over the summer, and my makeup and stylast girls were in the room and they were just like so awkward because they were like,
oh my god, this is getting so heated. But Brian and I were like thriving in it.
It doesn't happen. It's scary to have so much.
Fun with it. What was the last time you confronted someone? Brian?
Well, I mean I call my friend robster in almost every day and then we argue about something every phone call.
Do you ever walk away from that having your mind changed?
Rarely? I think nine times out of ten, my mind's not changed, but everyone out of ten it is.
It's his Enneagram number.
I've been thinking about that and I can't figure it out.
Because that's an interesting Send them a quiz.
Well, I this weekend talked to a friend of mine about like something with her and her husband, and she she was like when she loses things all the time and misplaces her own stuff. So she lost her wallet for a couple of weeks because she acidentally put it in her daughter's bag, like her backpack when she was cleaning, like you know, just like eighty D stuff. Yeah, forgot it. Obviously didn't know she put it in there, would never even looked, but that's where it ended up being for
like three weeks and then they eventually found it. But in that three weeks, he lent her his credit card because she was trying. She knew she didn't like it, didn't get stolen, her wallet was gonna show up, so she used this credit card and then he can I get my credit card back? And she looked in her bag that she put it in and she was like, oh, that's not here. I'll find it. And he was just like he kind of blew up, like how do you
keep losing everything? And now you've lost my thing? And he's like, you need to be better about this, and she's just like, I am the way I am, Like I can't remember to remember things. And I said, well, maybe you ask him for help. I'm like if this was happening with me and Chris. Chris would be like, I'll get you a little like sensor to put in your wallet so that you can have an app on your phone. Chris would find a way that fits the way I think. But instead her husband was just like,
just think more like I do. And she's like, well, I don't have the same brain as you, and they don't. They just come do a like you know ahead, and then she gets really defensive, like I didn't mean to and you know what, You're so mean, and like she gets immediately defensive. So then I told her to do the thing that I always do with Chris, which is like or like with really anyone i'm arguing with, especially
my sister. When we used to fight. I used to she used to say I hate you, and I would say, I know exactly how you feel because I hate you. She'd be like, I literally wouldn't care if you died, and I was like, Lauren, it's so weird because I know that exact feeling, like I want you to die, and she's like, I want you to die, and we'd like find a common ground, but I was like, your
husband is getting just as frustrated. He can't believe when you lose his credit card, he's thinking you don't love him like you you are taking his property and being like willy nilly with it. You're so when you don't put that credit card back in a place you know it will be found, you're not caring about him. And that's what it feels like. And so when he yells at you about this the way that you feel like, how could he yell at me like this? How can
he talk to me like this? That's so disrespectful. It's literally the same way he feels about you losing his credit card. And you both don't mean to do it to each other, because no one really wants to make someone else feel horrible unless you know, but it is a shaming thing, like the shame. But she was like, oh, that's a good point. Just try to see from their perspective, because generally, if you're frustrated with someone, they're just as frustrated with you, and you have that in common. And
that's helped me. Like that guy hated me as much as I hated.
Him for and I don't understand what the problem.
But because I just like cut in front of I didn't see him and that guy is aging. He's probably not be he never got seen by women. Here's another woman, and I'm like, forty, I'm about to not be seen.
The technology thing probably pisses him off too, that everyone's down their phones now.
And yeah, that's another thing.
In New York.
When I lived in New York City, there there were people who would paint on the sidewalk look up, like said, to get you to like stop looking down at your phone.
Sorry, I'm looking at my phone on the sidewalk.
Yeah, not looking at your shoes.
Yeah, emo there. And then there's this other thing I've been doing that. I mean, there are some things you get from your phone that have been helpful. I think I shared this too, but I guess I'll just repeat it. But when I'm really having a hard time, if you talk to yourself in third person, it's supposed to really work, oh as opposed to saying like you've got this, like keep going, Like when I'm in these really hard, stupid pilates classes and I'm like I want to give up.
I just go, Nicki, you can do this. Nikki, You're amazing. Nicki, I say Niki in my head, and so in that is supposed to. There's been studies that motivate you so much more if you say your name and you talk to yourself like you're a friend, yeah, you sting than if you just are like good job you or whatever.
I concur I agree with this statement. I feel like it works for you that I call myself Brie even which is like a oh that's loving. Yeah, I go, come on, Briy, you can do this.
When have you done that to your like working out you're talking about or like when when do you need to do that?
The last time I recall doing it was when I was I was confronting death in the shower again and I was screaming, and then I said, Briy, you just got to stop thinking about it. Just make an agreement that you're not gonna that you don't have to think about it for a year. It's okay for you.
That's interesting, Like do that test of like let's you know, we'll revisit this later. Yeah, you can always get back to it.
Yeah, and then yeah, constant just yeah, just anything really, anything that you're trying to push yourself through or you're trying to redirect your attention.
I've been trying to just let go. I mean, I've read that book letting Go. I didn't finish it because I just need to absorb it all. I haven't let go with the book even but I'm just find that when I let go, like my relationship has improved so much since I've just done this thing of like letting people off, like letting go, like just stop trying.
To game here off the hook, like.
It's true if you just let go. But then I also realized that so many of my achievements are not from letting go. They're from working very hard and putting a ton of pressure on myself. So I just don't know which is which. But I do know that with singing, I'm like really hitting a roadblock. I'm so disappointed with myself. I sang. The thing about singing is we did karaoke this weekend for my birthday, and I love it so much, But I always suffer a depression after the night after,
like when I go home and sleep. None of my friends know this, that's saying with me, But I go through a depression because I don't sound as good as I want to sound, and I'm like taking less I can hear myself. There's a microphone it's amplified and everyone knows you know when you do good, like people say wow.
Like the get quiet back and people actually listen.
Yes, Like my dad gets showered with accolades when he sings because he's a really good singer. So I know what the bar is. I know what people will say when you're good, and I'm not expecting that, like I'm not like no one said it was good. Please to the girls listening from the girls Chat, Yeah you did not disappoint me by not saying I was good singer. I want it when I deserve it. But I just didn't deserve it.
But because.
Yeah, oh, and they would never plagate me like that, I really trust them not to. But because I can see through all of Yeah I could, I could see through it. They'd be like, you're right, bit jab. But I just went to a voice lesson today and it was just another he's just like you. Your voice is in you. You are just like holding it back because you're so scared of what it will sound like if you let go of it. You're not like you want it on, You have it on a leash. So I
have to be like non monogamous with my voice. Like the way I want to be with like I like I always talk about non monogamy of like I don't really care. Like I wouldn't care if Chris hooked up with another girl because I don't want. I don't want him to obviously, but he has the to me, he has the option, which he never would go through with. But he does have the option to me because I don't. I want a dog that's off leash. I want a dog that chooses to be with me, even though it
has chicken. But my voice, I'm so scared of it sounding bad that I'm always like keeping it in. So I've been doing a lot of manifestations of letting go and trying to I'm like really deep in the manifestation community. Neville Goddard. Have you heard of him? Have you ever gotten into that? Oh my god. Well it's based in like science and physics and quantum physics. I believe it, and it like you can have you can like get money from manifest Okay, it's crazy, but I.
Mean not to sing like I have money, I have this, I have a new sub and then you write it in the but you.
Have to you have to like feel it though the problem is I can't convince myself it's already happened. I've already manifested one thing it's happening. I'm not even gonna say what it is because I've already did it and it hasn't it is happened. It's there's just no way it's gonna happen because I'm so sure of it. So I don't need to manifest that one anymore. But there are ones, like I'm trying to manifest being a good singer,
and it's just not every time I do it. I do these, Man, it's right before you go to sleep. You're supposed to do it right before you fall asleep. There's like this window where you're in kind of like a twilight, you know, right before you go asleep, but you're like still awake. That's where your body's really relaxed enough to change change your life and and project all these changes into your physical matter. Like you can get bigger boobs from doing it, like people have reported clear
skin overnight, bigger boobs in fifteen minutes. Like this ship will happen if you tap into the but it's really hard to do because you have to relax completely and you have to fucking believe that it's already is real. You don't have to believe, like what would it be like to have big boobs like whoa, they're growing? You have to like feel in your body you have big tits and know what that would feel like and feel I don't know. I just like.
This.
One girl on my subreddit was like about Nevill Goddard, who is the guy that created this kind of form of manifestation. She was like, I had a bra that was too big, and I just decided to like, oh what if I just tried to get Like, let me just instead of returning this because it's such a passle to return, I'll just see if I can do a fifteen minute manifestation fit yes, And she was like, I thought it would be like maybe a week of doing it.
She was like I tried it on later because I literally didn't have another broad a wear and it was fifteen minutes later my boobs fit in it. Who knows if the shit is real? I'm gonna have to try this, but I really do. I am a skeptic about everything, and I think that there's something to this.
I mean, you maybe subconsciously directed your brain to send more like fluid to the tits to make them bigger.
I think you can.
You probably have control over things within your own body to a degree. Yeah, so maybe it's possible.
I'm about to purge so much stuff.
Taylor.
We got to go because Taylor is going to get rid of that suitcase is filled with purge, and then that there's another suitcase that's filled with purge. But I want to go through another one and just make a pile of purge stuff.
Yeah.
I just want to get rid of everything in my life, get rid of chords. I just got it. I got to get rid of her keeping moment. I got a new computer, I got a new phone today, and I'm getting a new car soon, and I'm getting I'm just upgrading all the things that will keep my life simple.
I'll take this cash payout of two dollars. It's a good purpose.
Oh is that a there's a yeah, great, here's a scratch a ticket right over there. Oh yeah, take it. Getting rid of that, getting rid of that two dollars.
This is like literally spring cleaning.
You're letting go.
This is what's happening. It's spring or is it summer? Now?
It's not so summer till twenty first. I'm getting rid of stuff. I just it's too much. I'm feeling cluttered, I'm feeling too small in my space. Got to get rid of stuff. Even though I did go to Target yesterday and I got some new stuff.
So one in, one out.
Okay, you gotta get rid of old ship. Yeah, I gotta get rid of T shirts. But what do you do with T shirts that have sentimental valley?
You just put them at the thrift store and let it go.
Let go.
It's hard, I know, because you have you have T shirts from like every show you've done, and.
I have one little I have one container for sentimental T shirts and that's where all the sentimental T shirts go, or sentimental things even yeah, one Ben, yeah, one Ben. You know't don't want to get rid of all like I have. I still up shirts from like the deli I worked at at high school, or like my group in college, and I don't want.
To get rid of those I had high school shirt because one day there will be like a Nikki museum and you can frame them. I do want things, yeah, but I just make sure it's a bin and then you if it gets too full, you go through and you go. Look, I don't really need this.
Okay, we got to go stack some. We got to go stuff some stack and sentimental stuff and Bin's Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. We will be here next week on the show. Don't you think we won't This weekend Salt Lake City, Boulder, Colorado. Two shows on Saturday night next week Indianapolis and Cleveland. Yeah, it'll be so fun. Two shows in Boulder. So excited. Thank you for coming to shows so many At niku lazer
dot com. I'm literally on tour every single week for the rest of the year, so so I'm going everywhere. If I'm not near you just you just drive a couple hours and you'll hit me. Can't wait to see you guys on the road. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Thank you for being besties. Thank you to the person who came to the girls at Starbucks this weekend and said, is this girl's chat live and then just left. It was the coolest driver. And shout out
to Andrew, my new bestie friend at Whole Foods. I love you too. All right, Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you next time. It'll be good bye
Bye you'll be good