The Nikki Glaser Podcast Glazers. Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
It's Nicki Glazer Podcast. You're on iHeart Radio podcast? Is it iHeart Radio or is it iHeart I don't even know. I know I'm a company gal.
You don't know anymore you used to know.
Corporate mergers are just hand. I can't keep track of what their names are.
Yeah.
iHeart National Tire and Auto Smoothie King. I think that, yeah, there was a merger.
You've been keeping track of this Boeing situation, right.
No, because I can't control it.
And most flights I fly on are the plane that everyone is saying it's malfunctioning and I just don't.
Care, you know, like get in pretty wild it has, yeah.
Because like there was some whistleblowers that died mysteriously. Yea, even talk about it.
I don't know, are we going to get in trouble if we talk about it? Is Boeing?
I think everyone is talking about it though, what's going on?
You know what, though, I'm surprised that more people aren't talking about it.
Well, I guess it worked.
Yeah, I mean, well there's there is. The lawyer said, so just for people who don't know. We all remember that Boeing has had these issues with malfunctioning planes. You know that we've talked about that, like the door blowing off the side and people flying out of planes. And no one's died yet. I think no. Maybe in like a different country people have died.
Oh okay, well yeah, and we don't care about that, yeah, because there's some other country who gives a shit.
And I'm pretty sure this.
Really is how Americans look at shit.
I do you know what?
So we whenever there's a mass tragedy overseas and they go in eleven Americans and we go, it's like four thousand Indonesians and four Americans and.
We go, oh wait, name them is one of the names? John? Is there a Sarah?
And it's like, there's four thousand others. It's that is always, thankfully, that has always struck me as really weird. Even as a kid, I'd be like, why do we need to know how many are? Which ones are white?
Yeah? Which ones are? What? Four thousand? And then John who loved apple Piece, Oh my god, I loved apple Piece.
Yeah that's what you can put yourself there and you go, that's why I don't travel not because I'm scared of other cultures and customs, which is really why I don't travels, because I'm scared of customs.
But okay, so tell me.
Okay, so a couple of people have died, possibly not Americans, so we don't really know.
To be honest, though, I mean, if I'm going to be totally openly honest about how I felt.
Save it for intrusive thoughts. Brian, we have to do one of those episodes. It's for the big money players, Diamond Network. No, no, no, tell us what you think if you're gonna be really.
I do remember reading about this plane crash and finding out it was in like I don't know, like it was in like Ethiopia or something.
I was just gonna say, Drekar, like when you hear that, you go, of course there's a plane crash.
Yeah, and so exactly. And I felt a lot better about it because I was like, oh, it's just Ethiopia, not that those people dying. But I just don't trust Ethiopia as much as I trust I will I.
Would be I would be not as chill flying in Africa that I would be in the States because I just feel like a lot of Egyptian air goes down, like I just feel like, I don't know, I don't have any evidence to back this up. But I did watch a documentary, not a documentary, I watched a show where this girl's parents are on like a safari and their plane goes down in the jungle, and I just
I can picture it happening to me. But okay, so this Boeings, So we have a new thing to be scared of, the Boeings doors flying.
But the thing that's crazy about it is that there were two whistle blowers who came forward. And these are quality control expert whistle blowers who were responsible for like checking the parts that have been malfunctioning, and they came forward and were saying that the upper brass at Boeing told them to let things slide, to let things pass, just to and that's the reason why these things have
been happening. And the first thing that happened is one of those people died apparently from a quote unquote self inflicted suicidal attempt a gunshot wound or something like that. And then the second whistleblower also died from a heart attack type situation. They were both in like their.
Forties, whistle too hard?
You know you heart attack? Yeah, this is pretty crazy. That's pretty suspicious.
That's like, and it's always these people that and you know a lot of times they leave behind there's a lot of hearsay of like they tell people if I ever die.
It wasn't suicide.
Yeah, I want people to know, if I ever die.
It is suicide.
I don't want people to even consider foul play, even if there's like an uh A video.
Yeah truly, No, No, that was suicide.
I ask, Yeah, no, that that's this is scary. And I just looked up the guy, like one of the guys that has found dead. That's why did they do this? Don't they know that We're gonna know who did it?
Like they do know that, and they don't care because we.
John Barnett worked for Boeing for more than thirty years before retired Sean his.
Name was John.
In the days before his death, he had been giving evidence in a whistleblower lawsuit against the company. Boeing said it was saddened to hear of mister Barnett's passing. Yeah, when they planned it, they were really sad about hearing the future plans of it. It allegedly, not even allegedly this we're just joking this. This is a comedy podcast.
It said.
The sixty two year old had died from a self inflicted wound on ninth of March and police were investigating. Mister Barnett had worked for the US plane Giant for three decades until his retirement twenty seventeen. Okay, so he was a quality manager at the North Charleston plant and they build the seven eight seven Dreamliner. He told the BBC in twenty nineteen that under pressure, workers had been
deliberately fitting substandard parts to aircraft on the production line. Yeah, he had uncovered serious problems with oxygen systems, which could mean one in four breathing masks would not work in an emergency. Okay, so before you put a breathing mask on someone else, a child, make sure yours even works.
Because one and four won't.
It makes sense though he was so distraught over that took his own life. O, we're having a whistle blow that he took. It's crazy to think that this guy retires in twenty seventeen, then whistle blows in twenty nineteen gets all the way through COVID without killing himself yeah, and then decides, now.
I feel like I'm gonna be Actually, I will just say that I am not planning. I will not kill myself. I promise you I won't if I feel like me saying that. I if I die, I honestly think because I have such a loud mouth about stuff, and the more I get into the Hollywood world and see the stuff going on and I start shooting off my mouth, I do think they could come for me.
What company or organization you think is most likely to kill you.
Off an individual? I think like, oh yeah, yeah, like I feel like or.
You know, just think Ben Affleck's going to come after you?
Well, yeah, Page six made because I said that, Bennett. I think my quote was that Ben Affleck truly. What I think I said was that he we all saw what happened. I'm not I didn't make any judgment about it, but all I said was that he didn't. He didn't he underestimated the scale of what the Tom Brady roast was.
Yeah, he thought I was gonna be like a some dinky event in the Friars Club.
Yeah, like a Screen Actors Guild presenting an award type thing, like, oh, this is gonna air on FX.
It's not a big deal whatever.
It is XN probably yeah, yeah, And and we've all done it and in different ways in our life. And I even said that that I've done it before, so I but then they all they have to do is say Nicki Glazer slams Ben Affleck Yeah, and then that's and then but I didn't slam. I didn't say slam. They said that, so they get to just decide what I do. And then if you write a cap, if you write something underneath it and you go, I didn't
slam them, then you're making enemies with page six. So you can't like, say, page six, you fucking liars.
I didn't say that.
Maybe you play along with it and you just go, yeah, I really slammed this guy. I really took it to him. And maybe that in a sarcastic way and maybe everyone's happy.
Yeah, I don't know. Then then yeah, that's maybe that's a good one. That's maybe you lean into it. But I just gotta I gotta watch. I realize I do have to watch my mouf.
Oh that makes podcast no intrusive thoughts.
No, I know, I don't even think, I really think.
I just I've learned my lessons so many times in my life, but just based on like my personal relationships, my my my family and friends and things that I share that I'm like, oh, shoot, like they I'm okay with people knowing that about me, but they might not be okay with them knowing that about them. And I realized that Hollywood is just so surface and they don't want you to know anything real and and I'm not trying to be like, I'm so real.
Because real it's the way you move.
Okay, So, first of all, the least real person saying that song, but also I don't I'm just gonna I'm just gonna pull back a little bit. I'm just trying to not talk about anyone except myself. But then if I go really real about myself and overshare about myself, people go, oh, no, one wants to hear that all she does is talk about So.
We should just start we just continue talking about as Oh yeah, well, you know what we like talking about is we like talking about stuff that's happening on TV reality shows.
But that's here's another thing I just realized, No, I'm sorry, you know that's you know that podcast?
How did this get made.
Oh yeah, of course.
I love it. Paul Sheer, Jason Mansukus, and.
June Diane. Who else is on it?
I feel like there's someone else, but anyway, it's really good podcasts so funny. They make fun of movies and they're just like, how did this get made? They just watched unwatchable movies and make fun of them, which is one of my favorite things to do.
They always I always confuse that with how did how did you?
How stuff works?
Yeah, how stuff works?
Which is the no that it's how wait it's That's one of my favorite podcasts ever, hosted by Juck, John Clark, W Bryant.
Get Made, I've known Stuff.
You should know, Stuff you should know? How Did This Get Made?
Is a comedy podcast about movies, and they make fun of movies. But they I'm always like, why aren't they making fun of the idea of you or what whatever movie I just did?
No?
But you know why, because they can't burn bridges. They've got to pick things from two thousand and nine, and they got to because they because they make fun of all the stuff and they literally go like why would who would do this?
And why did this happen?
So they do risk a lot in doing that, and I understand that, like you, it's risky having a podcast every day where you have to comment on pop culture and you're in pop culture and you end up working with these people. So I always have to give the caveat of like, I've done shitty stuff too.
Yeah, my new thing.
Like, it's also this thing that sometimes you believe that a person is a person is beyond your reach, that you'll so you can talk about them because they don't exist in your reality, and then you do actually wind up meeting with them or working with them in some capacity, and you're like, oh, fuck, I talked shit about you on this other thing, and I need to think out ever I come with.
Remember the girlth and the Bear?
Yeah, yeah, she.
Ended up working with j Lo on the SML, and she had you know, she had said stuff on a podcast, so she never thought she'd be co hosting SNL with musical guests j Lo.
Yeah, she was, well, that's happened to me with Barack Obama. This exact thing happened to me with Barack Obama. Which that's what I'll tell on intrusive thoughts. Really, that's the that's the intruth I'll to that.
My god, that's so insane. Okay, that's great. That's a great interest of thoughts. So if you want to thoughts, hey, five extra dollars a month and you get ad free episodes of this show twice a week, and then you also get a bonus episode every month that we're gonna record after this. Okay, that's that'll be exciting because I remember the story but not exactly every detail.
Can I just say for the record publicly that I am on Boeing side in this whole thing? I believe, Hey, if you got to take out a couple of Johns to keep the wheels spinning, you know, sometimes you gotta do that. If they didn't take out the Johns, we would have how much flights would be more expensive? There'd be less flights. We wouldn't be by the.
Time the air masks are dropping. If your air mask doesn't work, you should be lucky that you die, you suffocate to death. Besides, what's really gonna happen to you? You know, like you hope. Like in fact, yesterday I was going to a workout class that was very hard. It was this new place that I'm trying just try, like they're workind classes are so packed that you have to schedule like a month in advance to even get in one. In Saint Louis. It's crazy. So now I'm
having to go to multiple different places. So I tried a new place yesterday. We were doing some It was a hot pilates thing. I don't really need to add hot to anything. I think this adding hot stuff is really just to convince you you have a better workout, because it makes you sweat more, and so you leave
feeling like I just did something. But you literally, if we would have done everything we did in that class in a regular room, we wouldn't have sweat as much, but we would have gotten a great workout also, and I wouldn't have felt as if I was having a stroke the entire time, and honestly, I thought I could pass. I like was lightheaded the rest of the night, which
so I'm not gonna name names, but I did. I will go back to this place because I need to, because there's not enough places to work out in this town. But I will say that when I was walking into the place, I was like, WHOA.
They were like showing me the room and I go, it's so hot.
And the guy walking in goes, you'll pass out before you die, and I didn't even I don't comforting. That is what I'm saying with the boeing, that is comforting. I hope I pass out. I hope I just don't die. I hope it's just like, oh, I'm fainting and then later on I die unconsciously, like that could be a better scenario.
But I think he was just.
Trying to be funny, but I didn't really know what he meant. I don't need a class, I really. Here's another thing. And people are gonna think I think I'm hot shit because I'm saying this, and so just know that I promise you I do not think I am. It's just happening to me lately, is that I am recognizable more so than ever before. It will fade because people will forget the Tom Brady roast, but right now my face and name are kind of people remember it.
They just saw it, you know, like a couple weeks ago. They were seeing it everywhere, so it's just kind of current to them. When I sign up for these classes, they know I'm coming because they see my name and I know you're like.
Nikki give a different name. I don't want to give a different name.
I don't want to walk in and be Renee Glazer or what you know, like, I just don't want to deal with it.
And so Renee Zelwigger say that's true, that.
Could do that.
I mean, I just picked my middle name, but I just don't want to come up with a I do have a secret name that I use at hotels, but I don't want to do that.
And also your name, I would never tell.
Because then it's really good though it's so fun. I'll tell you off air it's really maybe I'll do intrusive thoughts for that, and then I have to change it because I don't want people. I mean, I guess if you pay five dollars a month, you should be able
to stalk me in a hotel. I think that you should have that information if you are willing to pay five dollars a month and also go to the hotel that you think I might be staying at that you don't have confirmation of because I don't reveal that where I go to towns and hotel.
But sometimes it's not.
Oh many times it is not because I gotta buy like five rooms sometimes for everyone that's on tour. And that's another thing. I recently texted Nate Bargatzi and I was like, because I like a really nice hotel, it makes me happy.
I've worked hard for it.
But I'm also paying for like five hotels sometimes because it's like I got two openers, I got a tour manager. Sometimes I'm flying out a photographer, I'm bringing out a social media person. I'm also bringing out just and so I'm like, I wrote to Nate, I was like, do you ever get like a cheaper.
Hotel for everyone else?
Because sometimes I stay in a place and the cheapest hotel room is six hundred dollars a night, even for like a bedroom. And I know when I was at that level of opening and I would It's not like I'm putting them up at the you know.
No, you don't need to do that.
You don't need the microtel next to the airport. It's like I'll do like a double tree or a bus.
I mean, you don't need to do that. I think almost everybody.
I said, get a bus and make them sleep on it and then go. No he said, yeah, he said, well I have a bus, but no, he said, he said, that's I think that's okay to do. I would never put someone up in a place that I would not also be okay sleeping it.
But I want them the ritz.
But the rest of the people that you're with, I mean, I can speak for myself at least, and I'm sure like Anya is the same way. Like we don't need that level of hotel, like where I'm fine in a standard like any standard hotel that has like two queen mattresses and a right though.
Well, I want you to be in a nicer hotel than like, you know, a club would give you if you.
Were like at.
Especially comedy condo.
But yeah, I'll give you a nice place.
But also I would also want you, Brian, to be able to call down to the front desk if there was techno music playing all night long, like I would hope that we didn't stay, I know, and next time you got a call down like I can't.
I can't.
I can't believe I got tired. I was. That's absurd.
To put a pin in this before we go to break.
I just want to say that sometimes when we get there, when I get to the class, they know I'm coming and they're excited, which is really sweet. Like that is the part of being recognizable I like is when they're like, Hi, Hello, oh my gosh, okay, you're on machines eight and they're just like, yeah, oh brand new.
They did not.
Give a shit.
I gotta be honest, they didn't.
There was maybe one or two people at these workout places that were like, Hi, I mean a shout out to Pilate's Lab. Always happy to see me, not because but they're happy to see everyone. That's just the vibe there. But a couple other places I go there's been a couple girls that recognize me and they're like really cute
and excited. But now it's like that's they're all like it's almost like everyone is like at the front like a hey, and it's really, first of all, that is so nice and I would do the fucking same exact
thing if I were you. There's no but here's what I'm asking if anyone is listening that ever is in like running a class that I'm doing, you know, like you're the person, you're the instructor, will you not try to Even though I don't think this has happened yet, I just worry it will because I know I would do it. I would be like, I want to give her the best class of her life, the best workout she's ever had.
That is not what I'm looking for.
I am looking to be pushed a little bit, but I want to be able to do every exercise. I hate when I have to bail on an exercise because my legs start shaking so much it gives out Like then that makes me feel like I should just walk
out of the class entirely. So please don't try to like, just know that I will always go back to your class if you are clear about where I put my feet in my hands, and you don't correct me too much, because you're just gonna get a vibe that I'm gonna do it wrong every like you're like they always do this, They always like maybe correct me a couple of times, like actually this, and then they kind of give up on me. And I like that vibe because I'm kind
of doing my own thing. I'm kind of just renting your equipment to do my own thing in a class a lot of times. But let's just just don't try to kill me, because I think that I would be like, she looks fit. I want to I want her to love my class. The most and fit people love to be pushed. I don't want to be pushed that hard.
Yeah, do you know what I mean?
Like, I think if I were them, I would amp it up for me, and I'm asking you to amp it down.
You want the anonymity of a standard class. Yes, you don't want them to be like yeah, and I get that. And also you don't like when other people feel like they have to try harder around you, Like you don't want to be responsible for them putting in there all.
No, no, do what you would do on a regular Wednesday four o'clock class, Like that's what I want, and like that is. But I will say I had a great instructor yesterday at this place and I I left him a review, so I already because he was so amazing he like.
I talked to him after the class.
The first thing I said to him, though, was you have a perfect body, which I think is okay to say in this setting.
I was like, your body is amazing.
Yeah, you could say it in a few Definitely in a workout setting you could say. You could say it at the office, you could say it. That doesn't matter where he's okay.
I got to go to break, But I felt weird as soon as it came out of my mouth, like, oh, that's inappropriate for me to say. But then I was like, wait, no, we're at a place where that is the goal.
Yeah.
Yeah, And he did have a perfect body and I did not think he was straight, so I didn't feel like it was inappropriate in that way.
But like credit score, how they react if it's appropriate. I don't know.
Is it safe to assume a guy is gay if you are jamming out to all gay club music?
Yeah, I mean I would assume he's gay. Yeah, he's safe. You know, there are certain things you know, people like to pretend, like gaze or not. You can't tell if someone's or not. And you know, there's a thing called gaytar and sometimes you're wrong and sometimes you're right. Yeah, sometimes you can tell, I mean, and sometimes you're talking about you Yeah, even though you could tell. But here's sure.
There's nothing wrong with being gay, like it used to be, like people were embarrassed to be gay. Now like if I think you're gay and you're not, okay, well you're you're welcome. Yeah, Like now it's cool to it's always been cool to be gay. You're fine, if you're gay. It's always been that way, but culturally I think it's much more acceptable now. I know there's still a lot of discrimination, but I want to say, if I do think you're gay, I'm not gonna be.
Like, oh, I'm so sorry I thought you were gay.
I'm gonna be like you, so you look like you are well styled, and you look like you take care of yourself.
Sorry that every time, every time I see a guy and he's got a boyfriend, I think he's gay.
Well, even that's not true, you know, because some people are whispering. Like when I hang out with my friends sometimes we get into discussions about what celebrities we think are maybe on the side secretly do something and everyone always goes, oh, he's gay, and I go, no, he's by Okay, By the thing, why is everyone forget? Why is the thing by? People just get thrown under the bus. We'll be back after this, I will say.
I'm working.
I'm trying to work on a bit right now about straight men with the gay voice.
Right, so this is the thing that's the So it's hard because if I hear a straight man with a gay voice, I can't help but think and this is just again what I think, just can't help but think he must be gay. It's hard to get over it.
Yeah, because it is such an identifying factor in like a in a gay man.
Which is weird because there are some white people who have a black voice and they talk black for whatever reason, and I have no problem thinking they're white.
Well, because they grew up around black people, or they grew up around where being you know, that was that kind of that culture was celebrated and was a way to be accepted.
I think so if there's a straight guy who hung out around a bunch of gay people and they developed the gay voice for whatever reason, I can't I still think they must be gay. Whereas white person talks black, I think they're white.
Still, it's okay to have a gay voice.
I want to be honest with you, like I am still attractive to straight men who have gay voices, Like it would never make me go I don't want to date a guy because he has a little bit of a voice that might sound more like a gay man's.
Here's my problem.
This is what Seinfeld got in trouble for. That's just to be clear. It's that the official term is not gay voice but you all know what we're talking about.
But is like, I don't who is that offending? Like because I just think it's I love the gay voice. I love that there's something that really just is like this is what it is. I think it's very cool anyway. I have no judgment about it, but I can understand someone's offended by this. Please DM me and let me know, and I will retract my statement and from a place where I can't be extradited from.
Like in a video you can see cabanas behind me, like did he did?
No?
I The thing is, I've met a straight man with a very gay voice and so such a such a voice that I thought there's no question, Like it's just even the way he kind of dressed and the way he moved, it was just like so solidly. There wasn't like maybe I shouldn't ask him about his boyfriend, Like it's like I would be like, do you have a boyfriend?
If I'm inquiring about his personal life. And before I even had a chance to ask that, this guy says my partner, ah okay, and so I go okay, more comfortable, like not even questioning it in my head, like literally not.
I thought that would be confusing it more.
Now he's gay, people say partner.
But the queer community is much more on board with partner than I think the strates with.
Straight MPR listeners say partner.
Yeah, I I that's another pet peeve straight people stop saying partner. It's really obnoxious. It's like you're trying to like kind of co opt queer culture. I think that's what I think.
I said partner after well, because I.
Had saying partner to it, I go, what are you doing?
If you're not married and you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you get to a certain age, it feels very immature. Boyfriend or girlfriend own it.
You either own it or you get married.
You don't get to say partner's yeah, so now you have wife.
Yeah, it's great.
So good, so good. But I just think partner is just you're just you just sound like you're trying too hard. And I just really, I'm not in the queer community. I could be at some point in my life, but I think that if I were queer, i'd.
Be like, let us have that one.
So anyway, this guy goes my partner and then his partner was named Andy, so like.
Right, it's Justine.
But I'm already thinking this guy's gay. There's no question in my mind, right. The voice is so and.
Then he says and she said blah blah, and I'm like, oh, literally was like, have you ever seen the video.
Of Britney's fears finding out Ryan Seacrest is that gay?
No, dude, It's so funny.
She like, one hundred percent. It's this is literally the moment I had. There is a video where Britney Spears is talking to Ryan Seacrest and another guy and they're all just like sitting on stools talking doing an interview, and I.
Guess they're talking about flowers or something. And Ryan Seacrest is like, and uh, yeah, I give my girlfriends flowers. And you see Britney Spears just go like literally like she her she does.
She has whiplashed from it. It's so funny.
She goes cause you know, Britney Spears can't really hide her that face. I'm like, oh, like, she really looks like one of those dogs in a meme. That's why it's so funny. But that is literally what my face did. And I'm like, this guy knows he has a feminine voice. He's had it for a while, He's thrown around partner and his partner is named Andy Lake.
And last night, yeah, which is all Yeah.
I just want I just think that if you do have a voice, that lends people to think that it's okay. But I don't think you. I just don't think straight people should be using the partner. I think it throws us off.
Yeah, for our sakes, for the other people around you.
And I'm okay with every other thing, like do you think this? I will do anything that queer people want me to call them. I will say anything. I have no problem with any pronoun anything, but straight's you don't get I get to tell you.
What you are. I don't want you. You don't get to be something.
You are a wife, you're a husband, you're a boyfriend, you're a girlfriend, or you're a non binary and then that's a different story. But if you are a CIS man or woman, straight, Nope, no partner unless you're in a law firm, call him it.
Do you think that this guy knows what he's doing or is he completely oblivious to the confusion that surrounds him.
That was that was the thing that I didn't know.
I'm just like They're just it would be like a woman who carries most of her weight in her stomach constantly rubbing it and going.
Oh, you know, like you know what I mean? Like it was like that of like and then when someone goes, are you pregnant?
You go, oh, how dare you?
It's like, well, what everything indicates?
You know?
I think it's kind of like that. Like he was maybe as think he.
Gets off on it. I think he has a power trip there.
Well, it's an interesting power trip.
But I I would be honored if someone thought I was lesbian. I but I think it's pretty much out of the It's that doesn't happen to me much. I'm trying to think if I've ever been miss.
Sexual sexual eyed. I don't know any of this ship. I have no idea. Yeah, ever, I don't think no one's every people. A lot of people have called me gay because they think I'm gay.
I got surd at the airport like six months ago with a a ball cap on and the person was hardly looking at me, and I I honestly felt great about it.
Yeah, yeah, that that felt good.
And uh, they gave me twenty five percent back on my ticket.
Because of the Sarah.
Yeah, they gave really no, it would be amazing.
They're like, we need to refund you. I just found out. Okay, I was just looking at this reel. I sent it to Anya and I screenshot at it. So this is so depressing, but it's like kind of about the same stuff. So they had a chart and who knows what research this is from, but it seems like based on experience, this seems about right. So they said, like men's ages, it's a graph of men's ages and then what age
of women they're attracted to as they age. So for a twenty year old man, he's attracted to a twenty three year old woman, twenty one year old man, twenty three year old woman. Then by the age of twenty nine, by thirty they're attracted to thirty year old women thirty one. Okay, so they're in line pretty much to Oh no, sorry, that's women. Sorry, bad news, bad news, ladies, you get the rock grap This is a scientific study based on this woman named nude Underscore nutritionist.
She said the research is from the book. Oh, I actually have where it's from.
He is a nutritionist who does her work nude.
I think that's just her name. She's definitely not nude in this.
This researching choice.
Is from the book. I don't see where it says from the book anyway. So a man's age, So men at twenty are attracted to twenty twenty year olds. Yeah, twenty twenty six, they start being attracted to twenty two year olds. It jumps up, Okay, then it goes at twenty eight, it goes back down to twenty, and it stays at thirty thirty six years.
Or thirty one. There attract it to fourteen year olds. It's a very dangerous year. You gotta get past thirty thirty one.
Yeah, so then after thirty one they go back. They stay at twenty from twenty eight to thirty six years old.
For men, they stay attracted to twenty year olds twenty.
Then at thirty seven they have a weird moment where it leaps ahead very far to twenty two. Okay, they've starting attracted, Like what is the fucking difference?
I don't even know.
The highest we get is a forty five year old man will be attracted to a twenty four year old. And let's just okay, this is the ideal, and this makes sense because of fertility because of because of fertility. It really it's like that's peak fertility for a woman.
It makes sense.
And then it goes all the way to fifty years of age, and that a fifty year old.
Man is attract most attracted to a twenty two year old girl.
Now women, yeah, it goes to it back down again. Wow, okay, but it's like it stays within. Nineteen to twenty four is the range that men are attracted to you the most. And by the way, that was when I was most disgusting, So I'm not even like, oh I wish I could go back.
But then this is the depressing part.
At the age of twenty for a woman, she's attracted to a twenty three year old guy, and then pretty much it goes up and with her age all the way to forty two. It's forty three, she's attracted to a thirty nine year old. Okay, so it starts to goo going down. Forty five year old is attracted to a forty year old. Forty six year old is attracted to do thirty eight, but then by fifty they're trying to do a forty six year old, so slightly younger,
but still in the ballpark. We can all agree to the ballpark, and that is depressing, but you know, it is what it is. Men are still can still sperm you up. We're not breaking news here, no. But then this woman goes on to say that Julianne Moore is like this woman who's kind of aged pretty naturally. I mean, I'm sure she's had a little things done here and there, but she's like in her sixties. And she was on the cover of I think Vogue, and she's airbrushed completely,
like you can't see any line on her face. There's nothing, it's totally like blank, and we applaud her for aging naturally, but when we put her on a magazine to make it sellable, she is now airbrushed to be a twenty four year old literally, like has no line on her face.
Then this woman goes on to say, which is what I've been to the point I've been trying to make my whole.
Fucking life, which is if you age gracefully, people are disappointed, and then they fix it and they really want you to look this way.
They prove it by doing graphics and fixing things.
And photoshop, but then if you get work done, they shame you and go that's so sad and that's so gross that you like did all that stuff, So like what are you supposed to do?
Go away? You got to go away.
That's what it really is.
That is that is that's the key, because I think I think that's what I'm I was getting at because I am like, you know, I went and got botox this week.
It's not it's not.
Don't even you can go to the video on YouTube and go, oh, let's see what she looks like.
It's not showing up yet.
Botox takes like eleven days, so check back in like ten days. Because I got it yesterday and I was asking about all the things I can do and because I'm just like, just make me as hot as possible, like, let's see what we can do, and it really is gonna take surgery and downtime and me, no, got it, Like I do not. I have a big thing coming up in the fall that I think I'm doing and I would.
Like to look as perfect as possible for that.
And I know it's vain and I know it's dumb, and I know all the besties are like Nikki, we like you the way you are. Well, I just I just want to see what science can do.
But what are you thinking about?
I just like a surgical procedure. I'm not sure what, but like just something slight that because I've just been looking at so many celebrities and literally every celebrity you love, and you go, she's so naturally beautiful. She had something done. Like I don't want to name names, but it literally is everyone. No one doesn't do it. Even Jamie Lee Curtis who stopped doing it, did it a lot before she stopped.
Right, there's a great YouTube channel that I discovered that I discovered it was me. That's that covers all like the uh, what's it called face work, face work or whatever?
Body modifiing?
Can I think of the word of plastic surgery? Plastic surgery that people do? And she really gets into it and she points out things that are like Lori Hill, it might be Lori Hill. She's just she's so good. Yeah, she's incredible. The videos are really engaging and entertaining. Yeah, and yes, I'm really shock at some of them because some of them are like really subtle and they just say like such, yeah, she did this tiny little thing,
And I think that's the key. It's like you can't do anything too dramatic or else everyone notices and it looks bad. But I think, also, Nikki, I want to warn against Okay, I just beware of doing so much stuff that you wind up looking beautiful but looking like every other person. Because I think it's getting to the point now they do everybody looks like Kim Kardashian and it's like, you all look the same. It's like, what's the point of this. Yeah.
I actually saw my face and something recently and I was like, oh my god, I look like so and so. Like I looked like this girl who I know has kind of the same She's at the same age, she's doing the same stuff. She hasn't done surgery yet, but she's doing all the same stuff I'm doing. Like I've gotten filler in my cheeks. I got filler in my chin recently, like I've done some stuff. And please do not go why, Nikki, why, like spare me all of that,
please God, because I'm just being honest about it. And literally everyone think is beautiful, does it? So please don't have any of that. And truly, if you could, you would probably too. And I know you're like, no, I wouldn't. Well it's maybe because you're a teacher and you're not on TV every day and have to see your face, so just cut me some slack, even though most of you are probably like, Nikki, it's.
Fine, just do what you want. I love you all.
But I did see I actually saw Kate Hudson's face and I thought it was me for a second the other day, and I was like, oh, well.
That was good. That was nice, because yeah, she's beautiful.
I mean, but we we are definitely having similar conversations. But she's also ten years older than me, so I was like, okay, well, if I'm on that track, I can I can do that. But I will say that I just don't have Oh I am working every single weekend of the next year. My schedule is completely filled up since the roast, Like I have dates, and then the dates I don't have, I'm flying places to go
see Taylor Swift. So I am gone every I don't have a single I don't have time to get plastic surgery, and that's what's going to keep me from ever doing anything.
So that's good. But I am getting a car, and I want to talk about that with you after this. Okay, I'm getting a car I'm really doing.
Final time, about fucking time, Nikki, Jesus Christ, you're driving around town and that unsafe nineteen ninety nine Volva whatever the fuck I drove your mom's.
Uh, Lexus and it's in two thousand and five, Yeah.
Lexus to day anymore.
It's so first of all, it's so safe. It's not about it's not safe. It's not safe because it looks junkie, and it's not safe for my reputation. Like I just don't feel good in it, you know, when you're like driving a car that's first of all, not even yours.
It's my mom's old car.
And I just don't keep it nice because I don't respect it, which is not really nice of me in the first place.
I should respect it. And if I dressed it up, it would look nice, but.
Looks like a car from the outside that would be filled with trash, like I filled with bottles from Sonic.
It kind of is a lot of times anyway. Yeah, yeah, it's I'm kind of one of those people. And even Chris was like, you should maybe get an suv for all your stuff, and I'm like, you mean my trash or what if I get a car that's like small, and I actually keep it nice and like treat myself nice because I am trying to be tidier and like just treat myself better. And I think getting a new car, I really do think I'll take nice care of it. So I went and test drove some Audis. Love the
cars like a lot. Okay, I am really looking. Here's my problem with cars. Beautiful from the outside, no question about it. Love the way an Audi looks. I was looking at the.
Q six, the Q five, even the Q three. I was loving them.
I need the car to feel amazing on the inside because guess what, I'm not on the outside of the car. I only see the outside when I walk up to it. And that's a nice moment to have to go. My car is nice. And but you know, when you're wearing clothes, you can even look at those clothes, you can still see them. When I'm in a car, I can't see myself in a car. There's no car mirrors. Even you might drive past a reflective building or something and you'll
see yourself in the car, but rarely just happen. It's such a cool moment, but generally, oh it's so great. Yeah, and you like literally you you like can't believe that you can see yourself. It's like, yeah, that's the only time, like you behave like a caveman with a reflection. You marvel at it, and so I, but you don't see yourself in the car outside of that or maybe if someone takes a picture of you in it, but when you're in the car, you don't.
It could be anything on the outside.
And yes, you are aware of what people are seeing, but you kind of want to see it. So then I realized, I need to shift my focus. My focus has to be on the inside, Like the inside has to make me feel so luxurious. So your girl drove over to Mercedes, because I gotta be honest. The interiors of Mercedes, it's a dream. They're so nice and you feel like you're in your own little spaceship. And I I, but I cannot decide between an suv or a sedan.
I can't decide which one to get right now, I am driving, okay, so I'm thinking about the funniest car for me to get, like just the one that would be the Like it's like being first voted off dancing with the stars, Like it sucks that I would never have chosen that, but it fits me, Like, it's.
So for me. What you would think the car you would think I would get would be a gl e.
It's like a you know, a suv that's almost like has a sloped back. It's not it's not like too mommy. It's like it looks like a cool suv. That's what you'd think I would get. And I just am like, why do I need this? I don't have kids. I'm not lugging around equipment. I'm not toting around you know, uh the Credenza's you know, like I'm not loading things ever. Yea, I should just have a sedan. I'm driving my mom Sudan.
Why do I need a big car?
It's not SUVs are nice? I have an suv. I have a super roof yea, So why do you like it? Well, super ufore? I like a super because I like doing outdoorsy things and you know you drive. It's got all wheel drive, and it's got the most window space in class. Okay, that's nice.
Windows space is nice.
Yeah, And I just love a super number one car.
But driven Mercedes, I have to say it's real nice, dude.
I believe I have a go buy a super dealership.
Try Super. The nice thing about SUVs in general, though, is that there's more headspace above you.
Yeah.
Sometimes when I'm in a sedan, I feel like I've really passed in there. Yeah, and so there's more head space. And then also you're just a little higher up on the roads kind of have a better view out there on the road. You feel like.
That's a really good point.
Those are the two things about stvs besides like the extra space. Obviously, why can't.
They make like a high up sedan like you know you should a cybertruck?
Oh yeah, those are so ugly.
I just don't want a car that's going to make people go like, look, I don't want people. I want kind of a car that's like whoa, that's nice, Like look at that. But I don't want people to be like pointing at it because.
It's so weird.
But I think I might get one that's kind of like that. It's kind of in the so it's Matt Black, which I kind of love.
Matt Black's pretty cool.
It's really cool, and it's like it's so not the car you would think I would drive, Like if this car pulled up to Valet you would think a man would be in it, which is what I like you'd serve me.
It is a oh god, what's a.
Ch Yeah, I gotta look at this car Mercedes, Yes, Benz.
Yes, it is a sorry I know that people know who know cars are like, what are C forty three? It's a Mercedes C forty three AMG, which is like a really like sporty Like when I turn it on, it.
Goes like it's cool.
Kind of one of those and I do like zipping around a lot, like I like going like weaving in and out, like not in a dangerous way, but I do kind of fancy myself, like there's a little bit of me that's like I could have been a Danika Patrick, like I could have been a race car driver as a part of me that like likes doing that so it feels cool. But then there's an electric car that's like the four fifty.
Yeah that is oh it's I mean, these are a hundred thousand dollar cars. I'm gonna lease for sure.
I'm not spending that much on a car, but the lease is insane as well. But you know, I don't have kids and I don't own a home.
So just let me fly. Look, let me fly everyone.
No one would expect you to drive the car you have. Now, that's what's happening. And I've been doing You're going to get a car that people ears. Yeah, You're going to get a car that people are going to expect you to have. Yeah, But this is the Mercedes AMG because I'm looking at it now and I'm like, I wouldn't be shocked.
But it's mad black and it's like mob.
And it can go so fast and has like you like, do these settings on it that are like superpower? And I'm so I picked it up today and I'm just test driving it around today. So I'm going to tool around town today. I'm going to pick up my nephew. And my nephew got in my car two nights ago and he was like, you need a new car?
Wow?
Is seven?
And he didn't even know I was looking for cars, And I go, you're right, And so he's gonna lose his mind when I pull up in this thing today.
I'm very excited. I'm taking my nephew on like a solo line.
Are you gonna tell him that I took your advice like it was his idea?
I really am I'm gonna be like, Arlow, you inspired me because I thought, you know, you said I need a new car, and do you like this one? And then maybe I'll go to the dealership and be like, actually, let's go test drive some other ones. I wonder if they'd let a kid go in a test drive.
That could be cool.
Yes, of course they would. They're trying to see you think they would car. Oh my gosh, let's you do anything.
Shout out to the guy helping me at Mercedes. He walked up to me and Chris, I was dressed poor, you know when I went to test drive cars yesterday, Like I was just dressed like someone who doesn't have money, because that's the way I dress.
That's the address, and so I address. I dress like someone who doesn't have money, and I don't have money.
Yeah, you dress like someone who doesn't might possibly not have a home.
And no, I was just like, really, who who's who got to choose to dress himself today?
Who wandered away from his guardian?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, No, that's how I was dressed as well. And I kind of like dressing that way when I'm going to buy a high end item because I don't want people just sucking up to me because they think I'm gonna spend because I might not, you know, And no one came up to us at this dealer. We were walking around the dealership for probably five minutes before someone ran out, and this kid runs up to us. I'm gonna say kid because he's young, and shout out to why am I forgetting his name?
Kurt? Nope, that's not it, Kyle, that's not in either. Forget your name.
But I do know his last name because it's a famous department store here in town. But anyway, he I do love you, and I can't believe if I forgot your name. Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Sounds like it starts the K.
Yeah it might not, though, but it definitely is car Kyle. No, it's not that Eric. It could be something like that.
Anyway, love him, want to keep his anonymity even though he doesn't care. No, he came up to us and goes like he first said hello to Chris because I think Chris was closer, not because he's sexist. And then he looked at me and he goes, oh, oh my god, Nik, and he like had to catch his breath. It was really, really cute, and he was at my show at the Fox in Saint Louis, so he was a fan before
the roast. I mean, I know there's a lot of new people on board, but he was so excited and then we just test drove around with him all day, which I think was very fun for him.
I know it would be fun for me.
I got a story. Isn't that cool?
Him and his girlfriend came to see me at the Fox yet, that was really fun to give him that story.
But then you, your whole life now is just providing people's stories. Even just seeing you at a restaurant eating is a story for people.
It's that is a really fun thing because I know what it's like when I spot someone recognizable, and it is so exciting when you just see them out and about.
So that is really fun. That is fun. I didn't even think.
About that really, like what what kind of gift I'm giving the world? But I will say that I do feel I need to take it up a little bit in terms of my like the way I dress and the way I hold my body, and like I just want to look a little bit now, like people are gonna start taking pictures and and be like can you even when she was dressed like this, like it's gonna be disappointing to people like I have.
You're probably more famous than the guy from Bosh right at this point. Yeah, I mean, and I saw the guy from Boss on my plane and that was a story for me.
Yeah, it was.
In fact, it was a it was an intrusive thought that we got into. Yeah, it's a special episode that we're doing after this final thoughts, f y I.
I wanted to I forgot to mention this last week, but did you notice that you are now.
One point four baby, one point four?
Mandela's well, well, we were laughing last night about you saying after the roast you go to to M to M and Chris was like saying that that was like saying, like someday you'll die. Like it's just like you're it's obvious that someday it will get to that. But I know what you meant, which is like it will be sooner than you think.
Yeah, I mean, you're the point four. That's four hundred thousand people. It seems like it's not that many because now you have it's a one point but four hundred thousand is so many. If I just had the point four, I would be over the move. My career would be like changed.
No, it's a fifty percent.
Is a forty percent increase in my followers over the past three weeks.
It's it is wild.
My special is number three on HBO move right now on Max because Dune Dune something or other just got added, so I can't compete with Dune.
I didn't even know my specimens a movie. So shall oh my God, with those little nose things.
The other night, I swear to God, I woke Chris up and then like he was nearly asleep, and I go, babe, because it just occurred to me because I keep trying to learn about football and also just boy things I think I should know. I go, oh, he's also reading Dune. Maybe that's what inspired it. So he's reading Dune and I go, why have those nose things? And he was like do you really want to know? And I was like yeah, and he was like, well, do you have any guesses? And I was like it, like so they
can like breathe and he's like, no, not really. I'm like, so they can. It's like another sense that they have that they can like pick up on alien activity.
Or something. He's like, no, do you know why they have the nose things.
I believe it's because their planet is covered in like the spice and they need to protect themselves from getting high.
They yeah, well, no, they have to stay cool. It's cooling system. It actually like it makes a lot of sense. It's not like that much. It's not supernatural. I thought it was gonna be like it provides them with some superpower, but it's just keeps them cool interesting so they don't die of heat exhaustion. Yeah, which is why I need one of those nose things for this fucking class I'm taking.
So I'm getting a new car, I'm getting a new wardrobe.
I'm gonna purge all of my I'm just I can't wear like Dusty s T shirts anymore. I but I'm scared because every time I dress, I know you probably won't be able to speak to this because your wardrobe is pretty much like set in Stone and you're probably not like I need to. I need to upgrade my wardrobe. But I don't know if any women approaching forty or even in the range of any woman out there, what the fuck are we supposed to dress like?
Like?
I don't even know, like I don't I know.
Noah felt that way for a minute, and I was kind of like, I don't understand what you're saying.
I get it now. I don't know how I'm supposed to dress. And to be honest with you, I don't want.
To dress super nice all the time because people expe things of you when you dress really nice, and I think when you dress like shit, people don't expect anything. And I think that's why I like it. And I can stain my clothes and I don't feel bad. I don't have to dry clean, I don't have to like if I take them off, I can just leave them in a pile on the floor.
I don't need to feel like I have to fold it. And I honestly I.
Do this thing where I buy nice things and I won't wear it because every time I even think to wear it, I'm like, you don't deserve to wear that today because you're not going to a nice enough thing, and so it never gets worn, and then it will be in my closet with a tag on it until four seasons later when it is so out of style, and then I just have to donate it. And I wonder if other people go through the same thing as me.
Like right now I'm wearing an Abercrombie sweatshirt that is had been through one wash, so it still looks okay.
But I gotta say most clothes.
Just depreciate immediately, like there's no more nice clothes left. I know Quint's is nice because I do ads for them, and their stuff is really nice and doesn't get shitty when it gets washed. But if girls have any rex on, like just capsule clothing that's like just tried and true, like blacks that don't fade, whites that don't get grungy, like just clothing that's well made and just classic and simple, or some kind of influencer, I can follow and just buy everything she fucking wears.
That's why I love Taylor Swift styled.
I buy everything that Taylor Swift wears because it's approved by Taylor Swift. I need some other people putting out what their wardrobes are. There used to be blogs you could follow of girls that were influenced. Now you go to Instagram influencers and everything they wear is an eight hundred dollars boot. It's like there's nothing affordable anymore. Or there, or a company owns them and all they wear is abacronty.
I can't trust you can.
And I go, well, you're only wearing Abercrombie, like you need to mix it up, so you know that's even begging you. Send me girls that have good fashion that actually post where they get them stuff from.
I will buy it blindly.
You can't trust the influencers because not only are they owned by companies, but then half of them make their own line of clothes, and then half the time are promoting their own clothes, and it's like your clothes aren't better than the other king clothes.
Do a line of clothes.
I want someone to make a line of clothes for what I'm looking for, which is basics, simple things that you can get grungy but still look nice. I would do a line for like made well. I mean, not that anyone's asking, but I think I should do that. I'm seriously begging besties, even if okay, bestie's listening. If you get advertised something that you're like Nikki would look so cute in this, will you literally DM me it?
Because I need help so much. I don't know what I like.
I don't know what to get and I can hire stylists, and I do hire stylists for big things, but like podcasting looks like just day to day stuff that I can get photographed in by people who see me at a restaurant and people don't get disappointed when they send it to their group chat and they go, that can't be her. Look at her shoes, or that can't be her. Her pants are so sad. That would really be helpful to me, I like need help.
Yeah, remember when we were outside of the sphere and those people were like, you're not Nick Glazer and then remember, yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Key Glazer would never be wearing a Zara crop top, Yes I would.
I mean, has really could.
Get away with waiting in that line anymore? After the roast, I.
Can think I could still get away with it, but it would just drum up some attention.
Yeah, I have it.
I was in Vegas last weekend actually and was able to get around just fine.
I just yeah, I was there with Spade and a couple people thought I was David Spade, but that's it.
That's okay.
No, I I didn't, I did. It wasn't happening too much. Last week, I think it's fading. I really do think. It was like crazy when my face was everywhere that week, and I was like, oh my gosh, this is my new life.
And it's not that it's not that way all the time.
It's it's just settled somewhere in between what it used to be and what it was a couple.
Of weeks ago.
Play and that's perfect one point four. But I will say to shout out to the besties, Oh no, I wanted to keep growing. Oh my god, it's so exciting when it grows. Shout out to besties who literally I don't even have to look at what the number is. I find out from besties who obviously heard the episode. We were talking about that, and they will write me one point four like they update me when it happens, So say, keep doing that.
That's really fun.
So shows coming up Salt Lake City this Friday, June seventh, June eighth, I'm in Boulder for two shows at the Boulder Theater.
Come see me there.
We also have dates honestly the rest of my freaking life. You guys all new material. You can watch my special before you come see the show. Those shows Salt Lake City will be the first show I will do as a forty year old woman. That's very exciting. Cleveland, Indianapolis, Wildhorse Casino, and Chandler Arizona that was just announced June twenty eighth. And then oh and then July. We're getting
into other shows. I mean we got North Carolina, Hyannis, Cape Cod added to I have two shows in Cape Cod that'll be so fun on and yeah, there's just tons and tons of shows coming up. Nicki Glazer dot com for all the details. Follow me on Instagram, you know, let's get that number up and listen to us on intrusive thoughts.
Follow Brian Frangie f R A n G E.
And by the time this comes out, this will be this is next week's episode.
So either one point.
Five tomorrow you're gonna be doing an episode with Rachel Finestein and you won't be there. I won't be there, but uh, and then it's your birthday. I won't see you until after your Birthday's a happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm not forty yet, I think yeah when this airs, I won't be forty either.
Thank you so much. It's gonna be so fun.
I'm on your trip I'm.
So excited to be forty. It's like I don't care at all.
I'm literally so happy because I think forty is just like a woman who knows who she is.
She doesn't take no for an answer.
She drives a Matt Black amg CE forty three Mercedes around town, and she she can dress like shit because she's driving a Mercedes. Actually, so this is I can just however I want. Yeah, that's what I feel like. That is forty for me.
Forty Yeah, literally you can.
I'm in I'm still in my thirty nine insecure phase. I'm kind of like just ringing this towel for all I can get of the insecurity of like I know when I get old, but then forty is gonna hit, and I swear I'm gonna be different. I'm gonna be so much cooler and I'm just gonna freaking own it. I can't wait for forty one. I'm already like getting let's get to that. Let's get to four point one. Yeah, talk about one point four needs it. I'm ready to
get into the forties. I think you just get cooler and smarter and uh and better.
So join me in this journey. We'll see you next week.
Rachel Finestein will be on the show tomorrow, excited to talk to her about her special. Go watch her special Big Guy tonight, just to get like acquainted with her.
And it's so freaking good. Have you watched it yet, Brian.
No, I only saw her tonight' show appearance.
Yeah, Netflix, Big Guy so funny.
But before you watch that, definitely watch my special on HBO Max. But then watch them both because you can do that. You can watch two female comics. It's wild, but you can do it. I know anyone listened to the podcast. I'm being sarcastic.
I know you has like a female comics, all right. I love you guys.
See you for intrusive thoughts, don't be cut and Baye