The Nikki Glazer PODCASTO.
Nik Glazer posy.
Hello here I am, It's Sticky Glazer podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Sticky Glazer. My voice is scratchy. I've been talking a lot. This is a busy week. But I got some sleep last night. Thank you Melatonin. Shout out to twenty milligrams of melatonin getting me through, calming me down at night, easing the thoughts in my head. I really recommend it. People always say melotonin doesn't work for me. I fall asleep and then I get up later, or it makes me have weird dreams. First of all,
who doesn't want weird dreams? And second of all, stop telling yourself that story. I don't mean the doctor Phillipp, but like, if you keep telling yourself the story of the time eight years ago where you took melatonin and it woke you up and then you couldn't get back to sleep. If you tell yourself that's what's gonna happen, that's what's gonna happen. Because I know that when I have to wake up for something in the morning and I set my alarm for seven nine, I literally so
often will wake up at seven o eight. Your body will like do what you tell it to do before you go to bed, Brian, do you relate?
I can relate, well, I can partially relate. I know that I tried magnesium before bed, which is something that a lot of people also try to, Yeah, relax your muscles, and that thing made me fucking crazy.
Yeah, that didn't do shit for me.
Yeah, it's like an electrolyte. And I think if your electrolytes are balanced, then taking an electrolyte supplement just throws your electrolyte balance off. Like I felt, I felt jittery, and I was like, why do I feel so jittery after taking magnesium? And then I looked up online, you know, the internet, and it said that a side effect of having an electrolyte in balance is feeling jittery.
That's so so great when your like symptoms are confirmed. Yeah, oh my god, it feels so good. Like I ram someone through a psychopath test the other day. I'm not going to say who, but they passed with flying colors. And I was with other people that I was like reading it too, and it was like lack of remorse doesn't share, doesn't It was like, let me just say.
Yeah, I didn't get to beat him.
I did kim Wa yesterday and he just like was interviewed before me, and then we passed in the hallway and he was just like good luck out there, and I was like, thank you. He said the same thing to Tom Brady said to me, good luck.
What's that all good about?
Good luck?
Isn't like when Tom said it to me? It felt like, you know, I said thank you so much.
Tom.
I just ran, you know into him the hallway and yeah, I said down the podcast before. It just felt like a take.
Care, that's the end of this relationship.
Have a nice life. It's that's really what it is. It's like I will never see you again. I hope you well in everything you do until the day your heart stops beating, but like we will never cross paths again, and that's okay.
I don't think there.
You know, there was a part of me in my mind that was like Tom Brady's gonna like love what I do so much that it's gonna like I'm gonna get pulled into his world and he's gonna want to do I don't. I don't even want to do tiktoks with him. Like I don't even like there was no goal in hand. But I think right as the roads started, when I saw his first reaction to Jeff Set, I was like, this isn't a guy who's.
Going to be like whoa, you were so good at like tearing me.
Down that I want to pull you in yeah to me and kiss your neck.
No, I really I had to.
I wasn't.
Yeah, I'm doing Edelman's podcast. He reached his his people reached out to me, and we're like, oh no. My publicist reached out and was like, there is a podcast hosted by Julian Edelman. He's a football player. I'm like, yeah, I know, and they're like, they're interested in having you on. I go, okay, yeah, we do.
We know the connection to this.
No. I think they just had to send it that way because that's the way they send things.
But I was like, oh, yeah, I'm aware.
So I'm so excited to do that squinty ed fuck Boys podcast.
I think that's what they're renaming it too.
Oh.
We got Spade yesterday and we were like, I did David Spade and Dana Carvey's podcast Fly on the Wall, which is so fun. I love them both so much, and they're just it's so sweet. I just I love them and uh they were Oh. Spade was texting me afterwards kind of going over what we were just talking about, and he's like, yeah, the Rose jokes like they really stay with you. Like he was like, I bet you anything. He was like someone called Julian Edeman's squinty ad and
I can't I bet you anything. He's like, wait, am I Like he had it like no one else was saying that. Whereas when we were working on jokes for this, Brian, you and I and others, we thought squinty id would be like I thought, there's there's so many I thought it would be a fabric of the roast, like I thought would be one of many people calling him squinty. I'd saying like like one of the jokes was why why do your eyes look like that? Are you trying
to understand why Andrew Schultz is funny? Like there was stuff like that, are you trying to find out why I'm here tonight?
Like whatever? It was, like I think there was a.
Gilbert Godfrey joke of like something one year like Greg Giraldo said, are you why why are your eyes like that? Are you trying to see Jeff Ross Jeff Ross's dick or something like, you know, like squinting to look at something.
So yeah, he was like in vein.
So when I called him a squinty ed fuck boy, I thought it would be like in the air, but it was the only there were so many jokes like that. Do you relate to that that we wrote so many jokes that were like I thought would be treading on things that were so tread on already, And then there are a lot that we didn't tell that I'm like, oh my god, that could have been said and wasn't.
Like I have so.
Many more jokes about things that like and I think we did the perfect thing. We are all in agreement, me and my team that did a great job.
Made was was the correct decision. It's almost remarkable that we didn't make an incorrect decision.
It's I've been saying it like I ran that set so much and there was never once the time that I did it that it was as perfect as the time that I did. Like it's like one of those Olympic stories where it's like she never landed the triple sawcow and she did it once in practice, but she stumbled a little bit, but she's going for it tonight, and it's like, why would she go for it if she's never landed it? And the fact of the matter is,
I you can't really land these sets. I can't land the Triple Souco at the Laugh Factory on eleven o'clock that night when that when Drew Bledsoe is not there to you know, there's no imprecedent for who that is, so my jokes about him will not ever work.
Yeah, Like what was great about the Kia Forum is not only were they there, but the audience knew who you were talking about.
Where.
Yeah, we would do shows that like the Store or the Belly Room or at the Store, and it's like, oh, you guys don't know even who Gronk is, Like what the fuck? And so it's hard to tell, like are these jokes gonna work? Are they not gonna work? You kind of have to just like take a cold like accumulative effect of all of the sets to see like what's like the percentage of how many times it's hit and not hit.
Yeah, it was really it was so rewarding. But I just was so surprised at so many areas that I had written to or we had written to that were like I just thought would be, Oh, this is gonna be so well tread that we shouldn't even say this because it's just like we're gonna be Like even the Bridget moynihan joke that I did, which I was the I think, was the only one that referenced him leaving his pregnant girlfriend for Gizelle.
Uh huh.
I may be wrong, but I think I was the only one. And I thought that was gonna be like one of the top ten overdone.
You know.
I thought they would have mentioned her name by like the time I went up there. But did I talk about how Kevin Hart did the same joke as me?
Yet? Well you talked about it on Stern I think.
I know, but I didn't talk about it here. So everyone has.
Struck and that when he said that, I was like, what the fuck are we I turned to what are we going to do?
What are we gonna There's nothing anyone can do, literally nothing. So I wrote a joke that I masturbated so hard to Tom Brady. He's on my fantasy team. My clit has CT now. So Kevin Hart, you know, three people before me goes up and he does a joke that Tom is fucking so much after his divorce that his dick has ct and when he said it, I wish if you can find footage you can just see. I would love to see what my face did in that moment, because I just don't.
I did not see.
I really I had gronk face. I just started just so confused, looking around, like considering all the options because I cannot talk to a producer because the show is live, there's no one to call up to help me.
There's no one to talk to.
Jeff comes back after his set because it's Kevin opened. Then Jeff comes out, Jeff after his set, sits down. I go, they did Kevin did a joke I have in the prompter saying it like this, like Jeff, Kevin did a joke I have? And he goes which one?
And I go, like, Clint has CTE. He said his dick has ct and he goes, just do it, and I go, yeah, I'm then I'm like, yeah, I'm just gonna do it like I did the math already that it was enough time in between me and or Kevin and me him telling that joke in me was enough time for the audience to forget the specifics of the joke. It was never gonna kill his heart because they subconsciously know that they've heard it before, but they don't consciously
know it. But it was enough to build that sub that's only the subconscious would really understand that they'd heard it before. It was enough time that maybe like probably a tenth of the room was like, wait, that good joke hasn't done.
I would say, nine tenths of the room would be.
Like, that's I guess it's not that funny, and it's kind of funny.
It's not as funny as it would have crushed so hard. I mean it was.
That was one of my best lines, and it became it went from a ten to a five and a half because it had been said before in a different way.
But then I had the tag of I would.
Show the reason why it was saved because it had three jokes, three parts do joke.
What if I didn't have that tag that that was you know my clip has CT now and the NFL is making me I would show you, but the NFL is making me cover it up. If I didn't have that tag, I would because it used to not have that tag and it was working well enough, just like my clid has CT now, Like it was a big enough line that it would have stood on its own, I would have. I couldn't have skipped it in the prompter.
There was no like communication, like I couldn't have at any point gone prompter guy like can we go through?
And I didn't.
Really I couldn't remember what was after that joke because we had changed the order so much. So. Kim Congdon, who worked with us as well, and brilliant comedic writer roaster, she's on Kill Tony all the time. She fucking destroys. But she was in the front row, thank god. And I looked at her face and she is as shell shocked as I am. She knows exactly what's going through my head. And I go, what do I do? I don't even have to say like did you hear? I
just go what do I do? And she goes and she's looking at the ground and her foot's shaking, like I can see she's in this beautiful dress, but she's just like we're both writing, like I'm trying to figure out another line that I can say, you are on my fantasy team last night, like what else? And she just looks up and she goes, just do it. She said that she's mouthed that just do it. I could see her mouth.
She was so.
Thank god for Yeah. I think I love her.
I think I do too.
She said she's moving to Austin. I'm very sad, but she's awesome.
Kim congdon cog d wait co o ng d e n c o n g d e n kim d o n sorry d o N. I don't know why I was saying it like a bear den, but she is so funny. And she has a podcast with.
Why am I not? I'm so sorry, I'm.
So Sarah, Yes, duh because that Sarah Sarah.
I love Sarah so much too. I'm so sorry blanked on your name. That is not because I don't like you and know you so much. I really can't remember my own middle name today. Yeah, they have a podcast. It's so funny. I watch any clips that they have up. There's only so many podcasts that I like. Anytime a clip comes up, I watch it and there's just one of them.
They're so cool. But she was amazing and hermo's was amazing. Rashidi.
We had so many good people, Bob kas Strone, Sean O'Connor, shout out to my team, Dan Saint Germain, Mike Lawrence, Ari Findling. These are all the people that if I was to win an award, Brian Franjie over and over again,
Chris conn Andrew Colin, duh Andrew Colin. It was so fun We like, you know, last week Monday through Friday, no Monday through Saturday, we met every single day as like a group with at least three or four of us and would hang out for two hours and just talk about it's funny, if it's funnier to say retard or retarded, if we should call him a date rapist
or say he looks like a date rapist. Like these were the really intellectual discussions we were getting out about, like is it funnier to say gronkuts puts the tard and retarded or is it funnier to say gronk puts the tard and retard?
And I think I went with retarded.
That was the correct answer. Yes, you know, correct answer.
Yeah, I mean we we just had to. You just don't know.
But these are like the these are the discussions comedians get into really seriously, and like these really, we're not at all aware of how ridiculous it is until after the until someone walks in and goes, is this really what I'm walking into?
Is this like, yeah, heated.
Discussion about the word retard or retarded, But that's what comedy is. It's very I was learning, like in the aftermath of this, I really always hate when people talk about comedy ist like it's an art, Like, I mean, I know that it is, but I just I'm always like, get off your high horse. But it felt like putting this performance together felt like an an Olympic ice skating routine m hm, or a gymnastics beam routine.
Yeah, I mean, well because it was live especially, it felt like a sporting event. It felt like. And also, roasts are inherently competitive, even if you're not battling, everyone in the audience is comparing your sets, which.
Is everyone's ranking everyone.
It's on like a showcase show, even where you just have maybe people talk about who is your favorite, but in a roast, it's like who's number one, two and three, who was the worst? And that's what the internet did and NICKI was overwhelmingly number one.
Yes, it's been nice. My life has changed. I haven't been out enough to really sense it. But it's just like, you know, even being at the comedy store last night and Netflix's a joke as festivals happening in town, and there's so many comedians in town, and it's.
Just like it's been so sweet. Everyone is just so.
I've never done something where when someone sees me they just start going and they like, come on, bring it in for a hug, and they just start get they go amazing, amazing, like we don't even know, we're not even they don't even have to say what it is. It's literally every single person and they're even going, I don't have to tell you, You've heard it a million times. I've gotten more text messages than I've ever had anything in my life. I mean, I mean, this is unprecedented.
I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I really, I think I'm the luckiest person in the world this week because everyone is an agreement that I did great. No, there's no criticism there, which is usually whenever there's like even Taylor Swift released her album, She's on top of the world, but there's like so many critics, Like no one's weighing negatively on this yet, there is just it's only trace now one point is it too?
One point too? Oh?
I just got to one point two.
Yeah, after two hundred thousand followers in.
Two days happened, It'll happen to two Mandelas is coming. Holy shit, we got to scratch the surface of the whatever is going to come out of this. I mean, who knows you might get an HBO special after this?
Well, who knows I might be having an HBO special come out this Saturday, which is like.
That fast, that's how successful.
Yeah, well dude, everyone, even Kimmel last night was like did you plan this? And I'm like, no, it is coincidental. Yeah, Like I remember HBO not being that thrilled that I was going to be doing the roast this week when they found out, and vice versa. Netflix is like, really, you have an HBO special? Like both were kind of like yeah, I said on a podcast it was like.
This week was like I'm.
Fucking two different guys and it's fine because it's like all legal that I'm doing it, Like we're not exclusive with each other. But they went to the same party and now I have to like dance with both of them.
And it's somehow each one of their dicks has made them like, I can't think of a good analogy, like they're they're coming more because you suck them both.
Yes, somehow HBO is gonna come more and Netflix, and I think HBO is coming more off of the hbos.
HBO is your husband and Netflix was the fuck boy that you you plowed on the weekend.
That made me feel like a woman again and like made me really feel like confident and hot leading into it and back to your husband him up so hard, so hard. Yeah, all eyes are going to be on the HBO special U this Saturday.
I hope yours are on it as well. You guys.
Someday You'll Die And then my title track, Someday You'll Die will be on Spotify. I think tomorrow, maybe today because this episode comes out Thursday, so check on Spotify iTunes. Someday You'll Die my first single ever, which is so exciting and fun and and you, guys, I talk to you about the process of writing it, so you you're all squared in on that, but it really is. I can't. I feel like I'm living a dream. I am Taylor
Swift for a couple days. My face is literally everywhere people are this sounds like I'm bragging, but it's just the truth.
I'm not, I promise I'm not.
I'm I really am not letting it get to my head at all, in fact, and I feel really proud of myself for not being like I'm just I like it. It's gonna go away at some point. I know that, so I'm not letting in too much. But you couldn't open your phone without my face popping up. I felt like Taylor Swift, Like that's what Taylor Swift's life is like. She's not safe anywhere without someone with an earshot talking about her. Like I'm passing by people in the street
they're talking about the roast. I'm everywhere. I'm getting so many texts about I was at the hairdresser today. They were talking about it. I heard a guy on his phone talking about it. They were talking about on the radio show. My therapist, I was with you I had a obsession with yesterday and she was like, I don't usually say this, but I couldn't avoid it. I was in the car with my husband. He was listening to
the Dan Patrick Show or whatever. Some kind of a part in the eruption, not part of the rich one of those shows, and she was like and they were talking, they said your name, and he has no idea I even am your therapist. And I had to just like keep my mouth shut. And I'm like, no, tell him.
Like, that's that's my girl.
I do that all the time today. Huh what your old therapist would do? I wonder what she would do.
Oh, it's not that big of a deal, No, Nikki's it's just oh, it'll come and go. It's like, this isn't She's no different than anyone else. She's not better than anyone else. She's not you're You're not worse than anyone else. You're the same as the homelest man on the street. Like she would just like diminish it as like it'll go away. Like she would be like the person you know, my inner critic.
That is a voice.
You do not need to amplify that voice. You have enough of that in your own head.
I really do. Absolutely.
Maybe she put it there, I don't know, but but yeah, it was like, it's just I'm just going to the store last night. There is a vibe, I will say, of people that were never nice to me being nice to me now that kind of like would not me and now.
They're like girl rubbing my arm gently?
Do I you can't say who they are. You can't say who they are.
No, I wouldn't say who they are.
But it's but it's not a ton of that, like I will say, it's just what I'm really touched by more than anything is the female empowerment that I'm feeling. Like I feel like women are not jealous, Like there is a vibe when you kill it and women are you know, just they're like good job, Like there's like this like like yeah, girl, you said what we want
to fuck? It's like you there was like a women empowerment thing to it that I didn't plan on, and that has felt really special that women are just like psyched for me, like there's not a jealousy about it, which I don't know that if I could, I think I would be very jealous of me this week if I was, of.
Course, because I mean if it's something else maybe, but if it was a roast and.
Yeah that's true, I don't know. I just was.
I just feel I feel so like special and like like and you know what a lot of people have just acknowledged the whole hard work that went into it, which is really what I am proud of as well, Like I just did the I made the right decisions, I had the right delivery, did the right timing, I hired the right people to help me. Like it was just, uh, I'm taking I'm taking credit for that.
I am, And I also want you to take credit for your performance, because yeah, the same person, a different person, with the same exact jokes would not have crushed as hard as you did. You delivered those jokes x professionally expertly.
It wasn't just even if like Tony Hinchcliffe, who had an amazing set made see if he had the same jokes as you, it wouldn't have gotten the same pop because you added this like emotional response to each of your jokes, like you would smile, Like when Kevin stood up and gave you a standing elevation after you said he got five pounds of common him, you paused, then you said, oh, thank you for you know, laughing at that,
and you smiled and laughed at him. And uh, there were a few times where you would have these like after you would tell your joke, you would have just a line of like, oh my god, I can't believe I said that, or it's true. And that's that's why you were so successful, is because of that delivery really connected with the audience on like more than just you were a true star performing this piece and it connected
with us on an emotional level. Whereas Tony's stuff was I think just as good writing wise, but he's like a deadpan delivery and so that on an emotional level totally.
So it's just a different style. But yeah, I ran into him last night.
He's also we're both like we will said to each other, like we are the only two people that understand what this is, what we're going through right now, because he's having a big pop too this week, Like it's his name is on the fucking map after what he did, and so he was.
Already on the map, but now even more.
Yeah, yeah, like even like you, he was on a map in a way, and now it's it's a more that's a bigger wrap, a bigger map. I just saw the word wrap and speaking of rap, let's go to let's wrap this up and go to commercial and we'll be back right up with this with just more of everything.
All right, we're back.
I woke up this morning to Andrew Collins sent me a clip from New Heights, you know, the Travis Kelsey Jason Kelse podcast. Yeah, and they said, Travis Kelsey said, Nicki Glazers fucking hilarious. If I ever do a roast, Nicky's gotta be there.
Yeah, Like I couldn't have.
If I would have written a script for him to read, it couldn't have been better. Like there was like some mention about him doing the roast, like we were just kind of all riffing. Some people involved with the roast were riffing like oh my god, if he would be next, that would be amazing, And I.
Go, please, please, God, I have to do that one.
And everyone's just like yeah, of course. Like I'm like, really, you will let me. I would be so sad to not.
But no, there cannot be a roast without Nicki Glazer in it.
I helped that go so fun. It was so fun this time. It did not kill me.
No, you said time.
Yeah, I had the best time preparing for it. There were there was maybe like maybe a twenty minute altogether chunk of me feeling like, oh my god, is this
gonna be okay? But I didn't really like have a breakdown like I've had in the past where I was really like I just remember being spraytnd and dripping like sweat and spraytand naked, being like I need to go to this event, but I'm not ready for the roast, like I remember, just like having meltdowns all the time leading up to the Rose, feeling it wasn't gonna be
good enough, it's not tight enough. And this time I was just like, it's gonna it's gonna work, It's gonna be okay, and it was, and really just not letting Oh there was Oh, there was a thing that happened.
What had happened?
Oh okay, So I did this weird OCD superstitious thing that I'm so glad didn't happen. But I was trying to remember the lyrics to this new tailor So song Guilty as Sin, and I said, if you can't remember this one lyric, that's just like on the it's like on the tip of your tongue. If you can't remember it before you're gonna play the song. If you can't remember the lyric before she gets the lyric, then you will not do great at.
The tomb reef Roast. It just would. It just entered my head.
And once it enters my head, I lock into that agreement with God, like I can't go no, that's a dumb one and you can't live up to that. And You're like, it just was what that was written in stone. And so I'm in the shower. It's playing and it was like uh and I got to h top lip kiss slip in them, like I kept saying, like the sloppy the top slip kiss. I couldn't think of the dun dun dun dun dud duh. I couldn't remember it. But it's like how I long for artists and I
couldn't figure it out. So I'm in the shower and I'm like, oh, no, it's done. I had to learn the lyric from Taylor that means that is said in Stone, I'm not gonna do as well as I'm gonna do on the roast. And then I just said to myself, this is so dumb and this is not true.
It's just not true.
That was like a dumb little thing that I did, a little that was only me that has no power in the world. Like I was able to overcome this, like OCD set in stone. Now because you didn't do the thing that you said you were gonna do, the world things are gonna fall apart and you failed yourself, and that I so often follow and it worked out
fine and it wasn't true. So if you are someone that has OCD that thinks if I don't touch this door knob, if I don't knock on this thing, if I like, it's very possible that that has nothing to do with how your life's going to go at all, because I proved it to myself because this was one of those one hundred percent If you don't come up with this lyric in time, things aren't gonna go well
and they couldn't have gone better. So I'm I'm proof positive that OCD is in It's not real, yes, and not that that helps anyone, but like, just try to get through the pain of thinking, maybe this is set in stone, but also maybe that is just so make believe and not a real thing.
I think people can.
Relate to that of like making these little I think it's OCD challenges for yourself.
You know, it's an aspect of it, probably.
But I think it's I've been doing it since I was a kid of like, if you can't get to the porch, run to the porch from the mailbox in point in three seconds, yep, then your.
Mom will die. Yeah, kind of things. And then I just start walking.
Yeah, you don't even go home. I have. I just wanted to show people, for the YouTube viewers who can see that, I have the cookies from the roast, right from the after party, and I thought it would be good to show them. You know, we were talking about the cookies yesterday.
Yeah, there was one with his head on it too.
They have to make these by hand. This was not a machine. This. Can you imagine how many having to do that?
Do you think one person did it?
Or someone was like I got the top, I'm the white, the white frosting, I'm the red frosting, and you pass it down.
Oh yeah, that one's pretty interest.
My favorite one, the goat with the twelve on it.
Oh it's a goat. I thought it was a jersey because mine. We're all crumbled and I don't pay attention to detail.
Yeah, and then this one's just a little odd.
The oh yeah, his face.
No eyes, no nose, What the hell?
I think the those the eye frosting person took off that day called in sick. Yeah, that was a little like the fact that they didn't have ice. I bet they tried with eyes and they were like it's too creepy or they were like, it looks more human than he does, and so we can't have Yeah, yeah, but uh yeah, some thought.
That Julian Edelman, Uh the joke we had a funny discussion about. We were just we wanted to call we wanted to point out a squinty eyes. And at first it kind of went in waves where at first we were like, we he doesn't even have squinty eyes, and then we look at pictures of him and you'd have squinty eyes like when he was outside, and we're like, maybe he's just squinting because he's in the sun, but
whenever he's inside. But no, at the roast, his eyes are fu I saw him in person, his eyes are squinty.
He's a beautiful man.
He's a beautiful man, and so Randy Moss is a man.
There were so many beautiful men.
Yes, I thought I thought Zach Effron was supposed to be there and dropped out of the last second.
And then and I love Zac Effron.
And it's been like a funny joke between me and Chris that I have this like crush on zac Effron, and you know, so when I found out he was gonna be on the roast, I held up the sign. Chris was at my rehearsal and I held up this. I turned, I saw it out in the chair and I go Chris, like it's gonna be here, and we were laughing about it, but then he dropped out. I'm like and Chris was like, oh, so good to me, and I was like, damn it. And then we're backstage and I saw who I saw, Danny Amandola Ya.
I didn't know like I didn't. I don't know who that is.
I know that name very well, and I remember being like, oh, he's a hot guy. Like I remember clocking that, but I didn't.
I thought he was Zach.
I go, zac Effron is here, and I said to Chris. I was like, he's right over there, and Chris is like, I don't see him. I'm like, he's the guy over there. He's kind of like kind of your I was like, he's like your height, babe, but he looked he looked
like him. And then and then Chris, I don't want to Chris and Danny Amadola dated the same person, and then afterwards after the show, they both had a moment where they talked about it, and I think Danny and Amadola told Chris that they were Eskimo brothers.
Oh yeah, that's and.
I was like, do you want to be Eskimo brothers again?
Hey, he's great.
Do you want to be Eskimo twins? Add another brother? Yeah he is.
He great.
He's the same position as Julian Edelman. It's just a funny coincidence. There's not a lot of white wide receivers that are successful in the NFL, and Tom Brady has thrown to three of the most successful white wide receivers in NFL history, probably at least in the That's.
A good area for us to go to for this rest.
Like, oh, I didn't really understand that, Like that was touched on a lot that there's no like the Brandy Mussel is the only black guy there on the day, or like the black football player. But yeah, I just uh, doing so many I had already booked so many podcasts and pressed things this week because of the special, but now they're like piling up even more because of the roast and like things are coming in again. It's good for these special but I'm talking it's so funny. They're like,
let's talk about the rostro shows. Okay, now, let's get to your special when we have one second left, which is fine because it will all.
Be okay, all feed into each other, it do. I do want to point out two things that you were mentioned on that were really like, really made me happy. One of them was the Pat McAfee show. They talked about you. We saw Pat McAfee when we were at the Super Bowl radio row and I tried to get a picture with him in the background. Across the board all agree that you were the best one. And Pat
McAfee punter of the Colts. He's, you know, probably the most famous sports broadcaster right now, and they also punter. He was a punter, the coolest position I think nowadays.
Oh cool. I didn't know he played I'm this how out.
Of it punter for the Colts. Pat mcas you.
Know him as a broadcaster, Yeah.
Yeah, and yeah they were. It was just cool to hear them talk about you. It was just like, oh my, It's like it would be like if you know Peyton and Eli on the Monday night football broadcast mentioned dude, it's like so cool for me to hear, and then I really loved that clip that you shared on the Rich Eisen Show with Todd Bowles, the coach of the Bucks. Now why this was so cool was because Todd Bowles, who's the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, hadn't yet watched.
The roast, hadn't seen it.
Unbelievable, and rich Eisen had the pleasure of saying, well, you're in for a treat because she stole the show.
I just like, I feel like my life is a simulation because everything that could happen is happening. Everything good, everything good that someone could say Kevin Hart coming up afterwards and telling everyone, I got a standing ovation, like people just like Travis Kelsey saying exactly the words that I would want him to say. That it's not too
effusive or over the top. It's just like a perfect, like just mention that that that rich Eieson thing of like, well you're in for a treat, because she had the like these just things keep happening where I've just never done anything where it's just everyone is just saying the nicest things over and over. It's just it's just wild, and I'm so sad. It will never I'm like having this thing of like it. This won't ever happen again.
It can't. This isn't a repeatable thing in the It just.
Even if you do the next roast and you crush just as hard, people will just be like, yeah, that's NICKI.
Of course that's what she does best. It will not be the same ever. Again, I've said it already. Unless I get slapped at the Oscars is the only way comedian will ever get talked about on this scale.
Ever, I'm not joking you there.
Slide in my DMS and tell me another way and don't be joking about it unless I die tragically, in which case I'll never be around to read it, or unless I get assaulted at the Oscars on stage. I'lla Chris Rock there. That's the only other time a comedian's talked about this much. Even Chris Rocks Lives Special wasn't
talked about this much. The next day SNL, If I host SNL and have the most amazing monologue that's ever been had on the SNL, it will not get Can you think of a most amazing monologue that's been talked about the next day. I mean, there have been monologues that are the you know, incredible that aren't being discussed on this level.
There isn't there isn't this much attention on comedy.
Problem a few people. You probably have to murder a few people.
I have to.
Bob Saget was talked about this much the day he died, like, if you die tragically young, you will get talked about. Your face will be everywhere in this way. Or if you get something horrible happens to you.
The good news is someday you'll die.
So oh my god, it all comes back around.
I'm doing a boom thing with my hand.
If you're not watching, that's so true.
So I do want to talk about your on Kimmel and I watched that and you're on Stern, Yeah, and I thought it was I love that your tradition is to go on Stern after a roast and then reveal the jokes that you did not tell.
Yeah, I wish I would have told more.
Document was so jumbled that I didn't put the best ones at top, and so I was kind of just I thought I would have time to scroll, but I just.
Didn't, So I'm to be honest.
With you, I'm very upset with myself and not really letting myself off the hook for like all the jokes that I didn't tell him that I should have.
Well, it was still good. It was still good to see you on there, and and and what I appreciated about the Stern stuff was online with all the clips that were posted, the comments. You know, his his audience is probably like fifty year old men, right, yeah, and women, yeah, and women. The comments were all like, so happy to see you know, Nicki Glazer is a Stern product or whatever.
They take away the ship over you, and they all love they should yes, and they all love that Nikki is just watching watching you crushes another.
That's so cute.
Yes, God, because I you know, Stern is my favorite thing that I do up there with Conan Kimmel is up there now too, because he's just iconic and so nice and but there are certain things you do in your career that you're like, I always want to do that in Stern, I think is like, you know, always been my favorite person. I moved to New York to even be to do my serious show in New York, so I could be in the same building as Stern.
I didn't have to do it there. I was supposed to do it in LA And I was like, guys, can I move to New York? Would I still be able to.
Do it there?
And they were like okay, And but I was It was really all to just get close to Stern and to get in that world. And I was able to get in that world, not by like being manipulative or like doing any I just was like I became friends with people from his show, and I never you guys know me. I never want someone to have me who doesn't actually want me. So like I wasn't like you
need to have me on Can I be on? They just like it naturally led to that it over the course of a really long time and then and I still like will do anything for them, Like yes, they've had me on it for these kind of serious interviews twice. But I also judge Penis competitions. I will like simulate
a blowjob with one of their whack packers. They call me up sometimes and they're like, can you just do this voiceover where you're like giving fillatio to Mark the Bagger, And I'm like, sure, you know I'm doing I'm doing Conan's podcast in a second.
But let me just step off into.
This alley and be like, oh, Mark, like I will give them anything, Like I'm a whore for Howard Stern, much like I was a write a sippy and I would do anything.
So that was really nice too. That's nice. I don't read any comments, so that's nice to hear that they were saying that.
Yeah, And then on Kimmel, I really like that you got to say the artificial intelligence joke, yeah, which we cut mirror seconds set before you went out there. Yes, it was like that was the last one out, and.
Our decision to cut that was that Tom Brady wasn't being set up as like an idiot, you know, like we weren't proving that thesis like a lot of these jokes, Like I think a lot of people who don't get it, and I've worked with some like you know, writers who are just not who just write amazing jokes, but they don't understand the structure of a set. Will be like, well this is the best joke, and I go, well, that is the best joke, but you don't understand. We haven't set up that he is dumb. And so it
isn't the best joke. We need in order for a joke about his you know, him being like AI, but without the intelligence for that to work, we need to give some kind of and I know you think that they that you don't need that, but it would work so much better if you just lay the foundation. There's there is an art to it, like of setting the stage subconsciously so people are ready for that joke to
hit in a different way. And you can't just like shoot just because a joke is just great, Nikki, just do a joke about like I think some people proatroth set where they're just like, let me just stack the best jokes. Just grab all the best jokes and just stack them. That does not work. That will not even if you have jokes that are all better than mine. Let's say all of my jokes are nines, and you get a bunch of tens in there, and you just stack them on top of each other and buy each individually.
They are better than each other than all of my jokes, literally better. Anyone would rate them better. It will not be a better set than one that I've used with less good jokes that I have structured in order for those jokes to actually sing as it will never be as good. It's a and you wouldn't you wouldn't think that way, And I didn't think that way. If you look back earlier Rose sets of mine, there was the glimmer of me trying to pull a narrative into it
and find a perspective. But I was more a back stacking jokes earlier on. And now it's like, what do I want to say? How do I actually feel about this person? How do I get the audience to understand how I feel about this person? Okay, yeah, I want to say that Tom was on my fantasy team and I my clip has CT now and that I would shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face to you know, have him. I need to set up though, that he's
so hot that it's not a doesn't make sense. How do we communicate that, Well, there's not really a joke to do that. Why don't you just say he's hot? Why don't you just literally have a real moment of you're so hot. I shouldn't even be talking to you like that really will convey that. It doesn't take a lot of time. It's okay that it's not a punchline that will set the stage for all this.
Boom boom boom boom boom.
Without that, it's out of the fucking blue that you want to fuck him. And yes, it's still funny, but it doesn't have precedent like you need it needs for play, and I think people don't understand that sometimes for play for a joke is is it's subconscious stuff Like I talked about it before with the seat to E joke, Like subconsciously you lay a foundation and then you build upon that, and that's why stuff can be so much funnier than you would think it ever would be.
There is an art to it, and I.
Just I just know, though I don't know if I'm so sorry if I'm repeating myself on this. I know that I am because I've done so many different podcasts and you guys know that I love you the most, But that I was thinking about, how you know, did I talk about that it took a month of it took two weeks of extreme hard foot laser focus work to perfect this, and then let's add on a month before that of.
Still just collect for that month of yeah, yeah.
But that's how long it took to get six minutes.
Right, So if I want to do an hour special that has this much precision, I have to work ten.
That's time six times ten. I have to work ten.
I have to work probably a year and a month, thirteen months.
Yeah, I would add just because.
A year and a half of like every chunk being that, And it's I don't know if I'd have that in me because I am so tired at the end of this, like it really is. It's you can't compare the six minute set to a special like because it's just it would almost be I'm going to attempt it at some point to do a special that is that tight. But also it's not the nature of a special special. It
is more conversation. It has more ebbs and flows. There's more time for it to breathe that you're telling a you're weaving.
A narrative that is like longer. But I've been perfecting this style.
I realized from the get go, Like I my first Tonight show out of the gate was like, I've always been good at late night sets. I've always been good at putting together tiny tight sets, always been good at doing panel and panels a little differently. Panel is when you sit on a couch on a talk show like with Jimmy Kimmel, Like I had so many jokes prepared,
but then the conversation can steer away. It's not like I have control over I'm going to do this joke, and then this joke and this show, this conversation goes different places. So you know, obviously I was spial spiling out last night, being like, oh my god, I didn't do this or this. I had so many plans, Like I printed up a bunch of jokes that were written about me that I paid people to write for me, because I thought it'd be funny to go like, okay,
you know, I went hard on Tom and everyone. But it didn't really. I didn't get the brunt of many jokes. So actually, why don't we take a break right now, and then when we come back, I'll read to you, Brian, some of the jokes that were written about me, and we'll talk about how they make me feel inside.
Oh, it looks like I just got asked to do a some panel.
I just said that I was good at panel, and another panel opportunity came up. I don't want to say who it is, but it's on the East coast and that'll be very fun.
Okay, so these are some of the jokes that can Oh you got it?
Yeah, I think so.
I wrote to the head writer, Mike Gibbons Yester I was doing Kimmel and I was like, oh, that's a funny ideas. Just instead of reading roast jokes that I didn't do, I'll read jokes that weren't that weren't done
about me. And I kind of regret asking for them because it was just so it was a little some of them hurt my feelings and I really am not gonna read the ones that are really really mean because I don't even want people to think these things about me, because some of them were like, oh I see in my this in myself. Uh okay, so this is this is like jokes that Kevin Hart could have done. Hey, Nikki, I'm not gonna mess with you, girl, because you've worked
hard and you deserve to be here. Plus how many she's a beaky blonde who wrote a parade of dicks to get to the middle jokes?
Are there?
I like, beaky blonde? That would have been fun for whoever wrote that. Shout out to the Writer's Roast Writer's Room there were so many great comics on it. I can't even begin to list you all. Benji Aflalo, Nicole Buchannan, Ben Hoffman Sorry he had used to have a showing conge Central.
He's so funny, Mike.
Lawrence, Kevin sheeney mm hmm, Sarah Tiana, and there's so many more.
I'm sorry, I'm forgetting all of you. I really apologize.
If you hear this and you're like, why didn't she say me, I'm fucking sorry.
And these are the writers for the roast. So they were riding this stuff for all the football players. They were making sure for the.
For the comedians as well, Like they they gave me up. They were definitely handing me jokes. When I would ask for him, I'd be like, oh, I need let's let's look at this angle. And then they would send a sheet of stuff, so they were yes. So every roast hires a team of writers for the show. So they're writing Kevin's, they're writing everyone's stuff. So if you go, you can literally show up empty handed and they will have great jokes for you. But you know that's not
how the comedians approach it. The comedians all also write their own jokes and have their own kind of groups of people if you're doing it right. In my opinion, Kevin is still sore from riding Nikki here tonight. That's like me looking like a horse. Okay, Nikki, I'm not saying you look like a horse, but clearly you are broken.
I like that because you break in horses. I didn't.
I kind of didn't get them for a second. Nicki is Jewish, that's just the joke.
Now.
They did think I was Jewish, though, which is always a compliment. I'm not, though, Nicki's Jewish, which means Palestinians can hate her as much as Hollywood does. I couldn't decide whether Hollywood likes me, and everyone's mad about it because Tony Hinchcliff had a joke where like shoving Nicky, yeah they're Nikki is Hollywood shoving Nikki down our throats like she does her hand after every meal, And.
So I couldn't.
I was flattered by that. I was like, oh, Tony thinks that, Like I'm in a lot of stuff.
That's not. One of my My favorite Tony Hinchcliff joke, which there were many, was Jeff Ross is such a big jew that he watches football just for the coin toss.
Incredible.
I love that one.
Incredible.
Yeah, yeah, he had so many great ones. Ye well, I'm trying to think of one on my wait, what is what was one of he said that I fucking loved so much.
I don't have it listed here, but some more were.
NICKI think you were taking time off making the breisas at Starbucks. Miserable to be here tonight? You know a Karen joke?
Yeah, I'll take it, sure, guilty. And I actually am very nice of an enigma here in these days, because you know, back when you were in your twenties or whatever, whenever you did your first roast, it was like easy to say slut or whatever, and now you're you're like a little bit more nebulous than that. Like it's kind of like a lot of the stuff that was said was not correct, and the stuff that wasn't correct that doesn't ring true doesn't get as big of a laugh.
And so it's like, what do you make fun of, Nicky?
For you look like Brittany mahome wrecker?
I thought maybe Brittany Homely would be better. Showtime is paying Nikki to do a special on HBO.
That's pretty funny.
As a true beat to Taylor Swift. Here is a blonde to take attention away from football.
That's good.
I really liked that one ever Ever, being compared to Taylor Swift, I'll take it. Nobody could have sex as much as Nicky claims, especially not with her.
Oh man, that makes me sad.
NICKI looks like a trophy wife in the xfl Uh huh, let's see, NICKI looks like Nicole Brown sim Simpson. Thank you very much with an unlimited Sephora budget. Okay, I think that means like I'm not as pretty as her, so I've stepped it up with makeup, which I'll listen.
I agree with you. Sam j and Nicki Glazer are here.
It's so nice to see two totally different eating disorders come together.
I like that I got a lot of eating.
Disorder jokes, which was really I was flattered by, Thank you so much. But then I did I talk about how I questioned whether or not it was like, does it mean that I fluctuate too much? And people have noticed like I go up and down? So I even took it as a fat joke, even though I think it was because they were saying I was so skinny. I was like, maybe it's a fat joke of saying I'm too fat.
Sometimes, what you've talked about having an eating disorder, you know.
All the time everywhere.
Yeh.
The problem is is like I know that I'm going to people are gonna start making fun of me for like, we get it, you had an eating disorder.
But when people ask me how I got.
Into stand up, I can't not It's like it would be like saying, it's just part of the story. It's it's I don't even want to talk about it, but it is the only reason I did stand up. It is part of my origin story. So I just I don't know how to stop. I'm just trying to say more flippantly, like, oh, I was dying of anorexia, so I did. Like I'm not trying to be like, this is my story. I think I'm so cool because I
have this tragic story. It just is the story. So it's it's I know that I'm going to get roasted for uh in certain circles for like we get it, Nikki.
Marvel Superhero, You're right, syphilis and there, Nikki.
I didn't like all those jokes about you being a slut. I heard enough of them in your first four specials.
That is so good.
Don't get excited.
I didn't actually watch your specials, but I got the gist from the comments section. That one hurt because I know what the comment section is on it. Literally until this roast, I have any any clip with my face in it is going to have the meanest comments and you will see how people feel about me. Please never read it, busties, if you like me, I doubt Nicky would have lasted long with me as her coach.
Oh this is for Belichick.
She'd be smiling on the outside, but just like every time a man doesn't like her, she would cut herself. Wow, I'm glad he didn't do that. I don't think that would have gone well. But it's not wrong. And whoever wrote that joke definitely like did their research on me, because definitely feel that way when boys don't like me.
It was a good thing because Bill Bill Belichick shouldn't have said a joke about really any comedian. He should have just focused on the football players. That's why he was there.
Final thought, Bill Belichick. The joke was made by Gronk that Bill belit should be dating someone his age, Picky Glazer, that's pretty good.
It's so fucked up, man, it was.
It's like that really got me because first of all, I'm forty Bill Belichick.
Is how old is he?
Like seventy nine or something?
Yeah, And but the truth is like that is probably the age rage. Like if he was dating me, people wouldn't mind. I think the girl that he was hooking up with was much younger than me. Yeah, and so I am age appropriate for him. Yeah, seventy two and nearly forty three weeks away from being forty is a normal age gap in Hollywood for a man to woman.
It is fucking insane.
YEA.
I really remember turning thirty five. I wanted to work on a bit about it turning thirty five, and suddenly I went to go see a matchmaker that like had written to me. This was when I was living in New York. It was twenty eighteen nineteen. A matchmaker wrote to me and said that we have like a celebrity client, or like not a celebrity client, like one of our millionaire billionaire clients that like wants to meet you. And I was like, this would be good as story for
the radio. I was doing the radio show every day, and I'm not like opposed to a matchmaker situation. Okay, let's go, So we go. I just talked to the girl. He's not there. She's just like telling me about him, won't show me a picture. And I'm like, Okay, this guy seems nice enough, probably not gonna be anything, but I'll go on the date. And at the very end,
I was like, how old is he? And she was like fifty seven and I was thirty four at the time, and I go no, yeah, and she goes what and I go no, like that's too old, and she was shocked, like it was as if I was saying thirty six was too old, Like that's how she was reacting.
I'm like what and I go.
I'm thirty four, maybe thirty five. And she goes, well, how old was your ex boyfriend? And I go, I think he's thirty nine and she goes, m young, and I'm.
Like, he's still older than me, bitch, And you're acting like I'm grobbing the cradle. Ye.
But it's like when you reach a certain age as a woman, as a there are people. My joke was that people when you're thirty four, people are like, you should meet my brother's roommate. He's great, and you go, okay, great, and he's like of your age. And then you turn thirty five and people are like, I have someone for you, and you go awesome, and they're like, it's my great uncle Lucas. And you're like, why is this And they're like, but you're thirty five, so you should lower your standards.
And suddenly this is okay for you to date very old men. And I will say that I would be open to it if I was a single girl, like I don't really care about an age gap, because but I was. Even we were making a joke about how Bill Belichick isn't old enough for me, because if I'm gonna go old, I want them closer to death so I can have like a second life after.
Them with all of their money I wanted.
I want it to be like I want to be hospice side at our wedd Like I want our wedding to happen in a hospital room. I want when they say to you, you can now kiss the bride, I want them to have to take out his ventilator, like that's how old I want him to be if I really go go old.
If you go that old, though, then you're gonna have to deal with his original children, who are going to contest your claim.
I don't need his money. I really would not be in it for the money. I would be in it for, like just see what would I be in it for, Like just to say I had married this really old guy, just be funny.
Maybe I don't know. I think I would do things for the joke.
Yeah, let's see a couple more jokes. The most impressive stat here tonight is Nicki's monastat. It's working very hard.
Let's see. Uh.
People call Niki ugly, but she Oh, this fucking hurt.
Dude, are you ready for this one? This hurt?
Oh?
And this is such a good joke.
Thank you so much to the writers who gave me these jokes or like to read these jokes about myself that make me want to cut myself, even though that was part of the joke. But this joke fucking hurt and is so funny. But wouldn't work, And we'll talk about why it wouldn't work on a dais. People called Nikki ugly, but she has some really great features. Unfortunately she can't follow them on stage. So features meaning my feature act, which is the middle act, which is the
person I bring on the before me. So that joke wouldn't work on this kind of platform. It would work in like a roast battle at a comedy club, because everyone talks in that language, but no one knows what like outside of the comedy world. If you know what a feature act is, you are a savvy person. If you're not a comedian, you're very comedy savvy. And it was also follow her like people don't know that either.
Really right, There was another great joke we had with a similar reasoning why we cut it even though it felt so great.
Oh yeah, okay, it was Bert and Tom the only comedy duo without a straight man.
Yeah, great joke, but.
It was it was in my act.
It was in the like ready to send in the script because it was a last minute edition. I forget who wrote it someone. I think it was Douglas Fager, I think wrote it. I'm sorry if I got maybe Nathan Orton, but the last minute line, and I was like, that's perfect because we were looking for just something that brought Tom in a little bit, addressed them both. I ended up going with like Burt and Tom. You know, you guys are presenting together later like two peas in
each other's mouth. But I did think thet one was a better joke, but couldn't be used because my makeup artist right before I'm like with my laptop in hand backstage at the Kia Forum, and I said to my makeup artist, I go, do you know that there's a thing called a straight man in a comedy duo? And she goes, no, I'm sorry, I don't know that. And I go, well, then it's like you're a person that I want to appeal to. That is like you're not dumb. I know you're paying attention. If you don't know that,
it's it's not looking good for other people. And she goes, I'm really sorry, I don't know what. I go, don't be sorry. That's not like I'm not like, how do you not know that? It's like that was just me testing how many people kind of know that idea? And I think most people that listen to this podcast would probably know that thing. But if you don't know it, you're the reason I didn't tell it, and you need to fucking do your research. Okay, Like there's a straight man,
and then there is a what's the other person? And I'm kidding when I say crazy person, there's not a name for it, like the straight.
Man, though, well, no, crazy, it really is.
It's crazy.
Yeah, well, at least an improv and sketch it is.
Okay, Okay, I didn't know that. Okay, So there's a crazy person, there's a straight person. But the straight person is always the one that's confused by the crazy person, you know, like who's on first? That classic bit, like the guy that's saying, well, who's on first, and the other person's.
Like, no, who I'm saying who is on first?
That's that sounds really it might be a scrazy person, but that's a straight man.
You know what's a straight man because the last thing they always say is something in the realm of I can't believe this guy.
Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld.
Seinfeld is the straight man for most of the Sometimes he is the crazy person when he's when there's a straighter man than he is, But he's mostly the straight person that's like observing the chaos around him.
That's his whole stand up personas to be the straight man in life and observed, Yeah things.
Is Larry David the straight man on.
Curb No No, no No.
I think sometimes he is when he's dealing with Lea Himes, but he's or Susie.
He is a crazy person. It's like that's a show.
Oh yeah, you're right, there are all the straight people.
You're right, there's so many crazy people on that show at times, but Larry David is almost always the crazy person.
And Tom and Bert, Tom is the straight man.
Tom seems like, yeah, taking off his shirt. Yeah.
Liked.
Occasionally Larry David interacts with someone who's so brutally mean for no reason that Larry becomes the straight man, but that happens only every once in a while, and the joke there is almost like, can you believe someone's acting even crazier Larry.
David and I wouldn't.
Just the joke I really liked about Tom and Bert is that if you know Tom and Burt, which it was like, you have to really explain their dynamic for this to work. But I felt like, I feel like when I watched Tom and Bert, sometimes Tom seems so exhausted by Bert and almost like, what's he pulling me into? Because that's there, that's their dynamic he's the straight man and Bert's the crazy one, and he's like Bert, what are you doing?
What are you saying?
Where are we going? Like why is Bert taking off a shirt and running up on stage? I guess I have to go. And I said that sometimes Tom looks like like the conjoined twins that just got married, the one that didn't get married, who's just hanging off and as they're like slow dancing, and it's like Tom in most of their scenarios of like why am I.
Here right now? This is not this is so uncomfortable. And I thought that was like a funny visual.
But again, like there's so many factors you have to like consider when writing these things that like should we even address Burton and Burt and Tom?
They haven't been up yet.
Like if you noticed the first joke about Sam Jay did not work because she had not been introduced. Yep, you forget what the first line someone said about her.
I didn't say anything about her.
I had jokes about her, but I decided to cut them because I knew that I would have to set up who she was so much at that point that the first time someone referenced her, no one really understood it. Even for me, Like before I got brought to stage and had my moment, the jokes about me were not doing well because people are like, who is that? Like we don't know what to feel about.
Her, and you were still on twenty sixteen Comedy Central. That's the token whore, you know, Yes, and that's not the case anymore.
But it was.
Funny that I got up there and I said, I'd shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face, have a lottery ticket to suck Tom Brady's dick. So I kind of was the tokenhore. I mean, I don't mind that, but I do.
You want to talk about like nitpicking your set? You know how after your set you watched it and you're like, that's a mistake. That's a mistake. That's a mistake. That was the one moment where I felt like this little tiny change would have made it five percent funnier.
No, don't do this, what are you doing? It was great, I do What could I have done?
It's just so small that it probably would, but it's just like this, you can't help. But it was I would whatever, I would pay this amount of money to suck this guy's dick. I think it would have been slightly funnier to say this man's dick.
I'm so glad I disagree with you, because that would be devastating if I agreed with you, Like I couldn't handle the regret this guy I think calling him a guy is.
So we might have actually discussed that anyway.
No, I don't think we did, but I don't think you're wrong, and that is truly like, and you don't even listeners might go like, who cares about that? It's like, what's the difference between those A five percent on that joke?
Would have like I would have done anything to get five percent harder on that joke, you know, like I would have literally done anything I could to get even to like I would have well, you know what I was the next day when I was freaking out about my makeup, Chris was like, would you have done like would you have sacrificed your beauty that night to make your set funnier? And I was like one hundred percent.
He was like, then that's what happened here, okay. So like if you would have been focused on having your eye look as perfect as you wanted it to your eye makeup, your jokes would have suffered to just consider that, like you, they didn't look as good because they was going into the comedy and like it was no other way it could be. Yeah, so that is, but that's I'm so glad I disagree with you. And don't you ever do that to me again? Did you ever say that?
Can I just say though, that that joke particularly high bar for delivery. The delivery on that joke was perfect.
I practiced it so much and we only wrote that jo the day before, right, like Jimmy Carr was the one that wrote that joke and convinced me that I should say it. He said it at the Netflix brunch and I was like, I'm not gonna say.
I can't say that.
I just was laughing at it, as like that would be the funniest thing to say, but like it's horrifying. First of all, it's throwing Chris under the bus in a way that I'm just not comfortable with, even though it's totally a joke.
But Chris was just like do it, and.
I was like really, And then it was like starting to be like, Okay, if I did do it, what would it look like? And I wrote you I was like, I think we have a new closer, So it didn't quite be the It didn't end up being the closer, but I was. I saw Jimmy Carr last night and gave him like the deepest hug of my life because of that lot, Like, there were so many people that just like came in last minute with amazing ideas, and it.
Just I loved.
I loved the collab of it, Like I really want to do something that I can just hire all of my friends and we just work on something, and then I go out and I do my little routine and everyone feels like they they were a part of it. Like it feels really good to perform and have everyone feel like, oh, she did that joke that I wrote, or like she nailed she like I I cause I know what it feels like when someone tells your joke
or something like I didn't. There's usually so much pride on my part of like I have to write all the jokes. But I liked nailing jokes that other people wrote in ways that like made them feel so good because I also know what it's like to write a joke and have someone deliver it and they fucking blow this joke so far that could have been.
I have to have faith in the and you know, we have faith in Nikki to deliver the joke, and like everything it felt like it felt like at points I felt just as good as if I was up there doing this. And that's why I felt I felt much better than if I was up there, because I know if I was up there, I wouldn't have done as well because.
I can't relate to that because I want to be men. The only person I want to be in this process is me, and I have been other people before coming up, but like, I'm so glad that people really did feel as if they were like me, Like people were so our team. Those people I listened before were so happy for me. We were all in a group chat like it felt it was the best feeling in the world.
Like the pride that I felt for you guys in my performance that was like I'm not trying to be like humble of like it was about making you guys happy, but it was it feels what is what's the point of doing any of this if you aren't like like for me, it gave me a solution to like, when my parents die, I feel very scared about, like what will keep me going what's going to give me motivation to impress people? And now I just have the answers like you assemble a team that are all very invested
in this. They're not just like writing on a show for a paycheck. They are like they They are mostly here because they just want they they feel like it is them too, and that is what it felt like that night. And I'm like, Okay, now I have something in place for when my parents do pass away, and that will still motivate me to really perform and do a good job for that like satisfaction.
So that was a good feeling.
So now my parents can die and someday you'll die out on this Saturday. Watch it when it comes out. If you could watch it live, that would be the best, but definitely stream it within the first twenty four hours would be amazing for ratings and for me. And I appreciate your support, Bussies so much. I'll never forget you. I'll never get too big for you. I love you so much. You're my ogs, You're my number ones and you know that. So let's just all have a great weekend.
Don't be Kit, and I will see you. We'll see you next week.
Bie guys,