The Nikki Gliser Podcast.
Glaser.
Here's Nikki.
Hello, Here I am, It's Nicky Glazer podcast. I'm Nicki Glazer. Welcome to the show. We're doing one a week, two weeks in a row. Is that correct? Noah, Yes, one a week because you and I are both on vacation. I'm in Australia right now. And where are you?
I'm getting married?
Oh you, Liza. I'm so glad we dedicated half an episode of my Australia trip and didn't even mention what a good friend I am. Not knowing the timeline of my friend's lives the.
Most important it's me. I don't talk about myself. I don't know how to talk about so okay, let me ask you about that. If you're someone who doesn't talk about themselves a lot. Brian's here as well.
Hi Brian, Hello, So okay, someone who doesn't talk about themselves a lot? You I project what I experience when people don't know things about my life that I feel like they should. I don't. I don't. I'm not really bad about it. I actually am very forgiving and I understand like if someone doesn't I've maybe gotten hurt one or two times. When someone doesn't remember something that I think they should. But as someone who doesn't expect feeble
or it, doesn't talk about it very openly. Do you get hurt when people don't remember significant things in your life? Like friends that are like.
You know, No you don't, you're not so.
That's interesting, So that works. Then you don't reveal a lot you don't expect a lot back.
Right, Well, I try to have any expectations of people because it always leads into disappointment.
But it's so healthy.
I should be better at talking about myself, and I learned. I had to learn how to do that in therapy. I did not learn how to do that at home or growing up.
Yes, back to therapy, A little bit better at it.
But like when it's like big occasions where I'm the center of attention, I don't know how.
To do it. What's uncomfortable about it?
For you? I think it's like all eyes on me makes me feel very uncomfortable.
So what but what is that fear? Like what's going to happen if all thyes are on you? Or like do you even know how to articulate it? It's just scared. It is scary. Yeah, you're waiting for your reply.
Yes, what's your reply?
We're all wearing sunglasses. I'm wearing sunglasses, nos wearing swim goggles, and Brian is wearing like science lab goggles or nerd on a basketball court goggles. Robert or yeah, that guy, he's probably doing the right thing. I've been in ten years. Everyone's gonna wear goggles and be like. It's like the
ski helmet thing if you go skiing. There was We'll get back to Noah's wedding eventually, but there is if you go skiing, if you were someone who skied frequently in the past fifteen years, I would say fifteen to twenty years, there was a time where no one wore a protective gear on their heads. No one wore helmets at all. It's like children to like adults, but pros no one did it. And then like so you know, we lost Sunny Bono, Natasha Richardson, Liam Neeson's wife also
died from falling. Seeing there was some like couples, there was some Kennedy I think skat into a tree or something. There's been so there was like awareness about it. But then there was a shift overnight. I mean, there was maybe a period of ten fifteen years that I didn't go skiing regularly, But it went from no one wear summits to everyone, and we go like, how could It's like smoking on planes? How could we have thought this was good? But smoking on planes that took like decades to happen.
Well, it was overnight except for the fact that you didn't ski for fifteen years.
Yes, I know, but like, that's still a short amount of time for something to shift so drastically. I do acknowledge that, yes, that's part of it, that I did miss a big window there, But doesn't that seem pretty fast for something to be that overhauled.
Back in the seventies, like hardly anybody wore seat belts.
Yeah, that's a good point, I guess. By the nineties seatbelts were like absolutely ubiquitous. And by the way, if you don't wear a seatbelt, you're such an idiot?
Are you forget?
We're the biggest idiot.
I keep forgetting this, And then every like five or six years, I look this piece of information up and I relearn it and I go, what and that piece of information is that you know, Sam Kennison died in a yeah crash, and oh yeah, every five years, I forget that and every five years.
Dude, that story behind that?
Have you do?
You know the whole story?
So he was driving. What I know is this he was driving back from Vegas after getting married. It was he got married for like the second or maybe third time.
I'm gonna have you guys pull up this clip on YouTube of Sam Kennison, the story of him dying.
It was at the peak of his life. I think he was so he was probably so happy and then a drunk driver swerved into his lane, hit him head on and hen plane highways.
It's probably the fucking story I saw on VAH one one time about his death.
But he was not wearing a seat belt.
Yeah, big mistake. You're so stupid, Like I always tell and I don't you're an idiot in the sense that like you're just you're kind of an idiot if you don't do it. And I mean that with love, because Chris often doesn't wear a seatbelt because I think I don't even know what it is. I just always try
to remind him. If you die because you weren't wearing a seatbelt when you easily could have been, everyone kind of goes, oh, is their fault, like you are looked at as kind of an idiot, like it's you kind of go, well, they had it common like not not really, it's still tragic, but I go, you don't want to die that way with a story. That's because you weren't wearing a seatbelt. Were you also wearing a backpack with one strap on?
Like?
Are you also wearing sunglasses and had your backwards cap Like it's just like, it's all these dumb things. It's like, it doesn't look we're you also smoking a cigarette. It looks cool, but it's bad.
For you wear a seatbelt, you walk around your backpack on zipped. So if somebody robs you, you.
That's true. I actually you're so right. I would not. I don't I would think that I wouldn't complain. I'd go I did it to myself. But I just don't think that happens that often. But if you and also, and I've said this point before, but it absolutely bears repeating. When someone's not wearing a seatbelt in the car with you, they are a threat to you because if the car flips, their body flails all around and knocks you in the
face and you get head trauma. From their body that's going sixty miles an hour or whatever it is in your direction. That's what happens. So I always say to Chris, I don't care about I'm not even asking you for this for you. It's for me. I don't want to die, so will you put this on for me? So because sometimes people go, oh care if I died, It's like, well then it will you care about me? And it's it's nice to other people. It's like not looking at your phone during a movie.
It's also for the person that hits you.
I've learned from that. What was it.
It's also you wear a seatbelt for the person that hits you, because if they hit you and then you die because you're not wearing a seatbelt and that person just killed somebody.
Think about that.
If you're wearing a seatbelt, you might not have died.
Just so much trauma for that person. And also do you really want to die going through a windshield? Does that such good to you?
Windshields are pretty strong now you probably just hit the windshield.
Oh dear, let's change the subject. Yeah, oh god, it's not like Sam Kennison. No, we can I say something cool about the Sam Kennison thing, and this is the thing that I like am really so he he's someone that like saw God when he was dying. So like I think it was who was opening for him was right behind him? Was it Henry Rollins? Matt he was around back then. He's that's that good his work is Yeah, he is sixty seven. No, Uh, it was some comedian.
I think it was Henry Rollins. I'm remembering this vach One thing that was calling, like called like behind the Funny or something, and there was a clip about this guy. It wasn't even clip. I saw the show when it was on Beach one. I think it was Henry Rollins for some reason. But someone that looked like him following behind Sam Kinnison as as he crashed. So he came upon the crash immediately and uh held him as he died. And when Sam Kinnison was dying, he's what was his
last words? Noah or Brian? Will you look up his last words because he said it beyond okay.
He said, I don't want to die, and then I don't want to die.
And then he goes, oh, yes that was the story. He goes, I don't want to die. I don't want to. And then he just looked relaxed and he goes okay, and just like drifted off. The story was sad.
It was a seventeen year old who was driving the other car.
Seventeen year old but drunk driver. And I say this, if you drive drunk, you should have your head cut off. If you drive drunk one time, you should have your head cut off, was.
His brother, who is following him.
No, I you know the drunk driving thing. I gotta say, I yes, horrible, horrible, horrible. But the person who's deciding to drive drunk is drunk, you know, like I have compassion because they are hopefully an alcoholic. But the choice to drink knowing that you could end up driving is so reckless when you're your state of mind. And I don't believe in free will, but when you're of your right state of mind and you decide to drink when you know you could drive, yeah, you're a total piece
of shit. But I do.
His last words, yes, so it wasn't okay, okay, okay, it was before that, okay.
So basically.
Literally his oh wow, wow wow, oh.
He was seeing the iPhone seventeen in his head. He was picturing the eighteen he was like, oh god, they're gonna be so great, and then he died left us with nothing.
Okay, okay. So his brother, with the help of friend Carl Lebouve, so basically above, Yes, Kennison began to look off into the distance and began talking to a force unseen. He said, ye ready, I don't want to die. I don't want to die, he told the force above. Explained it was as if he was having a conversation talking to someone unseen somebody else, but some unseen person.
Yeah, uh oh wow.
And then he asked, but why, then paused again and then responded, okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, oh that was the story. He was like, you saw him grappling with the idea of death, and then when it suddenly was imminent, he was like so okay with it. And I remember watching that and feeling like really happy that that was the outcome, Like like I was like, Okay, that made me not scared of death, because he seemed they described him as so at peace, and maybe that's the story they're telling themselves and they don't remember it correctly, and this, you know, whatever, it's actually.
Going No, yeah, I mean that's what he did. He was a screamer. He could go on stage and he'd scream and then his last words were a whisper. That's not an that's not his persona. Sounds fake to me, No, but you know what it is. It's just DMT being released in your brain. That's the last chemical that gets released into your brain before they die, and you start to see all these things and you generally this wave
of calm washes over you. That's the that's the one thing that sucked about about being a suicide bomb.
Oh they don't get that.
They don't if you blow up or something like that, you don't get that final d MT hit that makes you feel calm and comfortable.
And potential, something where your body like knows it's going so it sends off this chemical. But you don't have that because it's so fast ship. Yeah, okay, that's a reason.
To not suicide bomber.
Yeah, that's that's such a reason to not. Yeah, do not blow your brains up. You have to have that moment. Fuck, dude, you just blew my mind because Yeah, I want to trip DMT someday, but I want it to be when I'm dying. I don't experience it, but I'm I would be so scared before then that he said, I think DMT was what Neil Brennan did, and he said it was horrific. He can't describe what happened. He truly, like I've tried. He's such an articulate person. He cannot describe
what happened. But he does not get depressed anymore. I haven't checked on him since then, Is he okay? Actually no, I haven't checked up. But he said that it switched his brain off. It worked, It cured his depression, his lifelong depre that he was seeking for treatment for for so long. He did it, but he said the experience he had he would never do again. For a billion dollars, I believed him. He was like, it was the worst
thing ever. You couldn't really describe what was the worst thing, but he suffered, like he would have like kind of flashbacks to it for a couple of months, but that it cured his depression, his like horrible, suicidal, manic depression. But he also wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. So I'm like, okay, great, I'm glad there's a solution out there. That's the worst thing possible. That's the other side of it. You're fine, No, I don't know. I don't like roller coasters.
People do shrooms and they have revelations. People do ayahuasca. But the one drug where I've seen people take and then legitimately permanently change its DMT, really DMT and may become a different person. It's almost like, I mean, it doesn't happen to everybody, obviously, but for some of some people that I have known, they do DMT and then
they become just like totally disconnected from outcomes. Yeah, it changes their personality, which is maybe healthy or whatever, but it also makes from outcomes.
Yes, yeah, I wonder if I want to be I would love to be disconnected from self and other judgment, but from outcomes. I guess that would actually be pretty freeing in a lot of ways.
Well, it's part of being disconnected from yourself because you're now viewing yourself as part of the whole of the universe, So your own personal success is not really a factor.
It's like your success, Oh my god, it would absolutely change me that if that was the realization that I was able to come to, I wouldn't be able to do anything I do my life. It would be impossible if I didn't feel like I was a special individual that needed special or like need Like, I don't know, do you think that you need love still? You just don't seek it in validating ways or whatever.
I think you just feel the love of the universe. I don't know. I've never done it from what the people have described me. I know two people who changed dramatically, and then a few other people who took it and just like had revelations. But the two people that changed dramatically, they just felt like they were constantly feeling the love of the universe, and perhaps they were in a state of bliss. But I have to say, from an outsider's perspective, it makes you almost insufferable.
I don't want to become that, just this floaty like you know, I'm just too happy.
What do you want for dinner tonight? You know, it doesn't matter what we eat for dinner. Who cares, Let's just eat enjoy the fruits of.
Of what they say, Yeah, like I don't care, But it's just like I don't care, Like it's a different side of yeah, like when you're depression, Like I don't care. I don't know, everything's just yeah, it's.
One of these guys went really nuts though. He really so.
Much gratitude, too much gratitude, too much gratitude too Okay, we all know this person on Instagram and TikTok, the person that's just always like just able to conjure this, like you need to love yourself. And as a woman who's aging, it's your dude, And I'm like, you have perfect hair and you have perfect skin. You're sixty, you look thirty four. This is all very easy for you to say, ma'am. But it's like, maybe that's what's behind. Maybe, Yeah,
she like is leaning into her. She's actually so beautiful and I do get a lot from her videos. But on days where I'm not feeling very good about myself, this woman irritates me because I'm like, if I looked like you, I wouldn't really give a shit about my looks either. But that's not fair. She's still had to have opinion about that stuff and try to promote, you know, like Jamila, Jamila Jamil. I always always fuck of her name, and that's so embarrassed. I just don't say her name fully.
I just call her Jamila. And then when I have to throw in the next name that sounds very similar. I'm not being not saying anything, I just mix it up. I get nervous. It's the same as when I say take for granted and grant. I want to say granted, and I get so nervous that I want to say granted. But I get so nervous when I'm about to say
it that I fuck it up. I struggle with people names so much, and I'm always really embarrassed when I have to bring someone up on stage that has a weird name that I think I might mispronounce and therefore insult their ethnicity. I get like, I get so nervous, and then I end up doing it every time. It's so embarrassing.
Yeah, people say my name wrong all the time, and I don't get upset about it.
But I don't care at all. My dad is very like they said Glosser, and I'm like, it doesn't matter. I mean, it's it was just a it's a show in a at the Funny Bone. It doesn't It's fine.
One time, in an email to Kelly, who edits our videos, I said I'm missing brains because I didn't have Brian's video or something.
Like brain must happen all the time to you, Like.
Yeah, sometimes I'll get like uh uh spam emails that say dear brain, and it's like I couldn't even fucking.
Yeah, that would just be bots copy and pasting and maybe me too.
You didn't get it right Somewhere that actually does bother me. Brain bothers me for some reason, whereas it someone says frange or or frangie or something like that. I'm not brain should bother you, but brain that bothers me, because yeah, that's why it bothers me, because people find it so funny they say the brain frangie and it's like, what is goggles?
Is that why it does? It? Kind of suits you? You are a brainiac, I would say, yeah, you take that as a compliment, right, Who doesn't want to be a brainiac?
I would love to be a brainiact A brainiac means I've never had sex though I.
That's when it does imply, but it doesn't have to not the one that I you this, you are a brainiact that sucks a lot for sure. Yeah, that's right, they are out there.
That's my persona.
Isn't getting brain a sexual act? I got brain, she gives good brain.
Oh, well, that's is that when your dicks goes all the way up there?
Uh wha?
Is it getting brain like a term? And if that gang's used when they're talking about killing somebody, when you in the head, you brain them.
Oh shit, that's good.
I like that.
No, I think it's this. I think give good brain means give a good head. We got to look it up.
Give good brain, I've never heard.
I think it's in. It's in whatever. You like this The t I song that Anya does hold on give good brain me give good brain is a slang term usually referred to giving oral sex, usually to a person with the penis. I'm hip with the kids. In two thousand and one.
When that song was written, one was this article on okay pop buzz dot com, recently.
The internet's most trusted viral news source.
What's the most recent like word you've heard that?
You're like?
What is that?
Oh, there's a bad one that's coming out that I don't think is going to catch on. That Allie told me the other day, and it is fuck. I just forgot it.
Damn it. I hate when that happens.
God, damn it. You know what?
Yeah, say less. That's my favorite one.
Say less. I like say less.
It sounds almost insulting, but it's supposed to mean like no, I got like, I got it right. I think that's what it is.
Yeah, I came and went.
There was like a brief, there was like a no, I think it's I think it's stuck around.
No, because too many adults are saying it. There was a three week period where RIZ is it and now and now you see on like Fox News where someone's like or as the kids are saying, Ron DeSantis has no Riz, and it's like, Okay, it's over. That's the that when it's being said on Fox News, it's over.
I don't know. I don't know. I think it's going to stick around. I predict. Let's revisit in six months. Someone remind us in six months to revisit and see if RIZ is on the RIZ or on the so okay, say less. I was right. It is a slang way. It's the concise way of expressing agreement or acknowledgement that you understand what someone is saying without adding further comment. It's I like it because it sounds insulting, because like say less, like ugh, say last, just talk last. You're annoying,
but it's just like I got you. I love it. Okay, we gotta go to break. We'll come back and I'll say more.
We're back.
We're wearing sunglasses, or at least I was wearing glasses and then noah, oh you gave up on those.
You know why because my goggles I felt like they were sucking my eyes out.
Oh yeah, that has happened.
My My brother goes scuba diving and one time I saw him and his eyes were all like bloodshot, and I was like, what the fuck happened to your eyes?
Oh?
And He's like, I accidentally moved my goggles and the pressure sucked his eyeballs.
And they straight his eyebrows.
He's underwater though that's not because of the goggles alone.
That's what was happening to me.
I feel my well, I just want to dress on YouTube that I'm flipping up my glasses because these glasses are polarized and they make it so I can't see this. And so when I do this, you guys are literally I can't see anything totally black on the screen. It's like takes it away. So that's when that's why I keep going back and forth.
We're able to do something. What.
Oh yeah, Yeah, it's good to have a little task.
It's like having a cigarette.
I keep dropping coffee on myself. I went we we just recorded, We're not doing two back to back episodes, and I like went to Starbucks to kind of break up the just feel like I did. Yeah, I ran over there and I'm trying to think of anything that monumental aut but no, it was just my friend Laurens there.
I have the other word, just to keep it on the for a second. Copium. Have you heard that yet? Copium opium?
Are kids using that word?
It's on It's used on Twitch a lot. It's copium copium. It's a combination of cope and opium. So it's used satirically and is a joke term used to describe a fictional drug that one consumes after suffering a loss, defeat, or disappointment.
Oh so you need some copium, man? Yeah, because you just.
Often said when people try to make excuses for a failure or who try to spin something that's decidedly negative into a positive. What, So here's a I was just trying a new dance move. Dude, Copium. I don't get what that means. But no, I don't think copium is going to catch on so much with the regular people outside of twitch because it's just I don't think it sounds very cool.
It sounds like, no, it sounds like a drug or a genus have a type of flower.
It is being said copium because.
I guess it is a opium. It's a part is it? Opium's a flower?
Right?
I think I smoked opium one time. The weirdest drugs outside of pot that I've done. I think I did opium in high school, but I don't remember. I just remember a little black rock. Yeah, it didn't affect I don't remember it affecting me in any certain way. And then I did salvia, which is so stupid. I'm so mad.
I haven't heard about Why is it so stupid?
Because if you watch videos of people on it, people get so weird at almos pass out and just their bodies contort and they look like they're having an epileptic seizure. They look horrified, and it lasts a very short amount of time, but then you come out of it. Luckily I did not have that reaction, but I could have. Like it's very well documented all over YouTube. Watch people on salvia. It's disturbing to watch and they are freaked out.
And I read on Reddit all the time, like what's the one drug like you don't recommend, and people are like salvia. It fucked like talking about DMT and stuff. It fucked with me so hard. So I was lucky that I didn't experience that with it. But I did smoke the synthetic weed in Indiana, Oh, Dayton. I was in Dayton. I remember it was the day of the royal wedding that was I remember it was on TV.
But I was staying at this comedy condo in Dayton, and there was this guy that I was working with who had kids and was on like parole from like a drunk driving thing, and so he couldn't smoke weed because they drug tested him. So he was like, I got the synthetic weed and it looked like easter basket like stuffing, you know that, like grass plastic wrap, and you smoked that. In my heart, I thought I was
gonna die. I literally was considering writing a note or and I started like the joke I wrote after it and this is not even a lie. I started like cleaning up because I literally thought EMTs were gonna have to be called because my heart was being so fast and I felt so crazy. So that was the one time I was like, holy shit, and I was like, what are you doing? Why are you smoking something that
looks like plastic? Like what is wrong with you? But I was just young and dumb man like I wasn't trying to hurt myself, but like I was thinking.
Now everything has plastic in it.
That's true.
I was.
I was smoking microplastics before we were drinking them where it was cool. Yeah, I mean yeah. And then I smoked weed out of like a red bullcan, and then I realized that I was just you know, smoking, You just smoke aluminum, what the fuck? Or like a big pen plastic? Yeah, what You're not even supposed to like microwave a plastic thing for ten seconds that eats something out of it. Yet you are inhaling the plastic fumes, which I did many times, and Creek beds and Kirkwood, Missouri. It's insane.
So if you if you look into Nikki's glasses, if you hold them into a specific way, because the reflection of the screens that we're on are in her glasses. It looks like she has big giant cartoon eyes. Really hould your head up and to the right a little bit.
Oh yeah, I see it.
She's got a big giant cartoon Oh, oh my god.
It does look like I can kind of see it through it. It looks like almost like I'm on like ants.
The c G. I yeah, yeah, wow. So go to YouTube if you want to see those wacky cartoon eyes.
I hope it looks good in on the thing. I'll keep looking up this way because I actually can see better because slightly less can this one.
That one's great. It looks like cartoon eyes. Oh my god, it looks like we added a filter to nick.
Like if you can see it, because I can seriously see it. My neck will start hurting. But it's good.
You can turn your head to the exact all the way. And you also get cartoon nice because you have the other screen.
Welld on, I'm trying to keep the dots in the in the middle.
Yeah there's now there's two. Yeah, there we go, there we go. Oh my god.
It really does really got to churn into our YouTube. Yeah, experience this and I can't I can't be too aware.
Of it.
Uh, it's hard. So Uh, Taylor Swift is coming out with a new I'll be and yeah, and I haven't talked about it yet, and I know it's been so many weeks, but it just happened for me because we're pretaping these episodes. It happened how many nights ago. Grammys were Sunday and it is now Wednesday. So I just
want to walk you through my experience. I was on the red carpet for the Jane's Fund Jane's Got a Fund event, and there was a woman who interviewed me and I was talking about I alread talked about I was talking about the foster system and how foster care system and how women get out of it and they need help whatever answering those questions. And then this one girl was like, can we talk about Taylor Swift or some something like that. I was like yes, and I go,
I think tonight, I'm trying to find the video. I'm desperate to find this red carpet interview it, or even just find the girl who it was so I can go, hey, can you give me that footage? I said, Taylor switches. Everyone thinks she's gonna do a re announce of her re recording of Reputation, because that's what's next. We just know it. She's giving all the clues. But I said, I actually think she's announcing a brand new album. I know that's a lot to say, but I don't think
it's gonna be Reputation. I think it's a brand new album because there's just been I just had a sense because the hints were not giving over the top reputation. There wasn't like a ton of snakes. There's been snakes in her outfits and like she's dropping Easter eggs here and there. All of her friends turned their profile pictures to black and white about two or three weeks ago.
And this is again I'm talking to like two weeks in the past right now, So this was five weeks to you, but like right, I would say two weeks before the Grammys, maybe three weeks. Everyone in her circle, including Travis, turned their profile pictures to black and white. And everyone's like, oh, that could be reputation because Reputation's imaging is like black and dark and snakes and like black sparkles and like it's that vibe. So everyone's like, oh,
this is her teasing reputation, it's coming up. But now once you see what this album is about, this new album called the Tortured Poets Department? Did I get that right? Can you like have it up in front of Okay for now, I just now memorized it. I don't know about other Swifties, but Tortured Poet's Department was not sticky in the brain in my Brian that night, I like kept thinking it was the Tortured Poets.
Committee, the Dead Poets Society.
Dead Poets Society. Yeah, that's comes into it, and so it was just really hard for me to get. But I think I TPD. I think is what we're gonna call it as Swifties because it's just a mouthful toilet paper dick. But yeah, tepilet paper dick, that's what I'll call it. And that's could be her next album. She could Like Icepice just came out with a song about fart and it's number one or it's like on the Billboard charts. It's the first song with fart.
And I've always said that, you got what fart's number one? You do fart songs number one? Always say it. I said that podcast interview on almost one hundred episodes. I've said it on everyone, you just got to find it.
But I predicted it and anyway, so because it just felt like it didn't feel over the top reputation to me. And it turns out if you look at the now styles of these different albums, of what she's given us, of this new one, it is not reputation at all, but it's kind of could be. So we all got clowned hard on this one, which is what we call it in the swifty community when we think she's going to do something then she doesn't, or we think one thing and she does other things. The emoji is a clown.
You just go like me me on April nineteenth, and I'll be like a clown, like we know she's gonna clown us, Like we think she's gonna do this, she's gonna go that way, and she totally clowned us.
But not me.
I knew, but I was coming out of the bathroom. She won. I'm running down the bathroom in these like seven inch heels, like from I'm at the Palladium. The bathroom's like in the lobby, so imagine the Pladium's like going to a place to see a play, you know, and so it's like you the bathrooms are out in the foyer area, like removed from where it's being shown on the screen, and I just hear her win. I
don't see it because I'm in the bathroom. I'm running out and I have to run down these marble stairs like this whole staircase, like like I'm like Cinderella at midnight, like oh before, and I'm running down and I hear her win. But thankfully, while I was running, she was getting to her seat, so I missed all of her like you know, high fiving everyone and hugging someone. But by the time I got in the room, she was then perfectly on stage ready to talk, so I didn't
miss that. I was so excited so that I ran and I gave Chris my camera because I was like, I want to get a picture of me with her, like you know, winning, And I was because I was so excited because it is her first thing that she won was best song, I think for Anti Hero. I'm sorry, I don't remember it right now. I should do that because she's my best friend. But she she looked so beautiful.
I was so excited and then she says, you know, and I want to tell you something that I've kept secret for two years and were still thinking, like could it be reputation, because yeah, she could have been keeping that secret to years, but I just knew. And she's like, I have a new album coming out and I am so fucking excited. And I know it's annoying. I know
swifties are annoying. I just have to tell you, as a swiftie, I can be really obnoxious sometimes and I know it's like overblown and over the top, and it's like, roll your eyes. It feels so good when you hear that your favorite thing is about to have more of your favorite thing, Like just imagine that your team wins and you get to watch them play more in the playoffs or whatever. Like it's just more new things of
the thing you love the most. So it is a amazing feeling that this bitch is so goddamn parl.
Is there anyone else at your table that was a swiftye?
No?
So you this was hard. I was looking around. I was like I vibed my table to see if anyone else was a little bit over that, like even like you know, just really had a lot of respect for her, or like not obviously everyone respects her, but I just thought someone would be, you know, even a moderate.
Uh.
I was looking for moderate, a moderate to severe swifty. It was the range that I would have liked. But there was no one. But there was Chris, who knows how much she means to me, so he was excited that my friend won. And I know that feels stupid, but I don't think she's my friend. I'm not saying that in that way. I'm just saying, like, for I have had friends win these awards. I've had friends, like a best friend win an Emmy, and it's the same feeling.
So you can say like, she's not your friend, like when Swifty's are excited about Taylor winning these things. You someone can always be like you don't. You don't really she doesn't feel like This is not the way you react if she's not your friend or whatever. But I'm here to tell you I have had friends when iman It is the same feeling. You are feeling a real thing that is like, it means something. It makes you
feel good, so lean into it, Mitch. But I had to pull back in a little bit because I just was trying to be cool around my new famous friends, and it just wasn't the vibe to be like, hey, yes, people are like talking about their kids, showing pictures of the kids, talking about other stuff like it was just people weren't even watching and for me to be like, she won, can you believe? So I was furiously texting nor Hadidi, who is my uh my one friend who is the biggest swifty that as big as I am,
and like right on the same level. She's severe, uh chronic swifty, and so we were texting back and forth about like, oh my god, she did it, and I was like, nor I predicted it, and she was like, you did, you said reputation. I go, oh fuck, I didn't tell you my new prediction because I wanted it in writing. I was searching our chat to be like, I know I predicted this, but yeah, I was so excited.
And so then that's how I felt about nine to eleven. What then I predicted it? But nobody.
You do wonder like if you went back in time and could stop nine to eleven, like how you would convince people. You would just go like, hey, well you just like screen people extra hard at this airport today, and you could have or these airports would ever believe you no, especially no, but you could just be like, I have I have you know information that uh.
And then you'd get arrested and you'd get yeah.
They'd be like, how do you know this, and you're like, I'm from the future. It's a long story, Like it's gonna be as crazy as American Nightmare when they were like, these guys come in with wetsuits on and put headphones over our ears and goggles speaking of goggles that you
were wearing. If you saw American Nightmare. The story, the way in which this guy kidnapped these people was so crazy that he definitely sounded like he had murdered her because he said this guy was wearing wet suit and put you know, music on in their headphones and then made the little square for them to sit in like it was everyone's just like oh yeah, And then did the guys climb out of the seat and trying to kidnap your girlfriend. It's like, we know you killed her.
This is ridiculous. It was as if he said I'm from the future, so yeah, you'd be fucked with the I'm from the future.
That would be a funny movie. If a guy's from the future, he's trying to he'ps trying to prevent tragedies from happening, and no one believes him, and then and then keep happening. He's like, I told you I'm from the future.
Yeah, that's interesting, and they're like, no, we think you're the cause of it. Like what, oh that's good. Okay, someone to make that someone Steele Brian's idea.
Okay, wait, I have have a conspiracy theory. Questions about this, please before we go through the track listing, if you have anything to say. So Joe Allen, is this album about him? He says, not a.
Great week to be Joe Allen. Yeah, chat, Yes, that's okay, So he did. Yes, this is the Man Club and we all knew about this. This was in an interview a while ago with Paul mess Cal that he did where he said that they have a group chat called the Tortured Man's Club.
Is that what it's going It's called the U the Tortured Man Club.
Okay. So yes, they had done an interview where I think it was for Vanity Fair, where they admitted that they had this chat. And this was months ago. It might have been even when Taylor was still with Joe. Maybe a year or so ago, and yeah, that's that's definitely possible that she could be hinting at that and
making fun of that a little bit. But because I do think there's gonna be something, I think she's gonna take herself, not so seriously as we all think she's gonna take herself with this new like whole poetry thing, Like I think she's she's gonna have like a wink that she's gonna be winking at us throughout it, So I don't I don't think she named it the Tortured Poets Department because she's like, I'm a tortured pope poet and I'm the commissioner of that, or like, you know,
the chairman, because she's she does have that listed chairman Taylor Swift or whatever it is, which I think it's all like fun funny. I think it's funny. Otherwise I'll have to I'll have to, you know, reassess once I hear the music. The music's gonna be amazing no matter what. That's what we know. I don't care what she's doing with the branding of it, like I actually it's not that I don't care. I just whatever she means by it.
I love it all. I think it's gorgeous. Her photo on the fucking cover of this new album is so good. It's so sexy, but it's like not over the top at all, but it's like she's wearing a sheer top. Her mouth, her lips are partially opened in a perfect way. She looks stunning. It's hot, it's sexy, but it's also indie and cool. It's just she nailed it, nailed it with this album cover. I think I love it so much.
And then the track listing got released. Last time with Midnights, she would give us a new track like every twice a week. I think it was all of a sudden, she'd post on TikTok this midnight thing where she would get a call. She'd be in this room and she'd get a call and she'd be like, the next track is Vigilante Shit. And then but it was Oh, she would pick a ball out of this thing. She would roll this like lottery ball, and then she'd be like, oh,
I'm gonna reveal check three. So you would just get a random one every night, and we were freaking out because we're like, she's a song called Vigilante Shit. She's putting shit in the fuck. She just started cussing two albums ago. Now she's saying shit. She like doesn't give a fuck. That was so exciting and then you know, so the track names are so important to being as swifty because you get to like have this whole experience of like imagining what it could be and being like,
oh fuck. And so we got all of them in one night. We had to wait for so long, which I'm a little bit sad about because it's fun to just get something new every so often. But I think the tracks got leaked on TikTok, which people are saying, how could that happen? She keeps her circle so tight, like if you want to listen to a tailor So song, she is like, hey this other artist, will you listen to a song? Someone flies to that city and brings them the track to listen to and then takes it
away on a physical device. It does not get sent digitally ever ever anywhere. So she doesn't fuck around. But people are saying that because records take so long to print, it's someone involved with the rec like some printing on the record. He did it leaved both one. I'm so excited he is on the first track called Fortnite, which people are saying that Fortnite might be about how Joe plays so much Fortnite. Oh brother, dude, can you imagine?
It's such a good word too, and it fits with the aesthetic and and like being a poet like saying Fortnite but then being a song about him playing to which Fortnite is fucking brilliant, and so just like, dude, I really do feel bad for Joe Alwen, but like he'll be okay, He'll be okay.
I don't.
I'm just like, what is he poor Joe Alwen? Because what do you do in defense? Like you've signed all the NDAs, you really can't give an interview in which you talk about her. And if you want to talk about her in your art as she's talking about you, what are you going to act really mad one time? Like what are you gonna you have to write a character.
Where he's from the future and he's coming back to tell everyone about nine to eleven.
He has, you know, like artistically, I want him to have the freedom to respond because I think it's fair. Like Chris always wanted to start a podcast for men who get talked about on podcasts like their girlfriends do podcasts, and so they just go in and listen to the podcast and then comment on their side of things. And I'm like, do it. I think that's a great idea. I will be I'll own up to this stuff. But I think that it's it's it isn't fair if someone
is not able to reply. But it's like, what if your girlfriend is a comedian and gets to talk all about your relationship and your job is like you, you tap dance and musicals like you? How are you gonna like you don't write plays like or you are an electricity like you? I guess you. But if you sign it in DA you can't write about someone outright.
It's okay. As Jacquelin Novak said in her last special, they got the blow jobs and isn't that enough?
Yeah, blow jobs are pretty These guys.
Dated Taylor Swift for a while and that's.
You know, is that what she's saying? Echlan says it to is like she's talking.
About all these guys that she gave blowjobs to and that, and she's like, but is it is it? Uh? Is it offensive to them to be talking about them like this? So intimately and She's like, I'm not gonna name them by name, but also they got the blowjobs and isn't that enough?
Yes, yeah, that is Oh god, I love that. Yeah, we've I think Jacqueline and I have blown the same people, So I think, uh, same person, one of the same people, because I remember us both being this.
Uh.
I was very jealous of her at first because she was just a beautiful girl my age, blonde hair, similar features, I'm like, and so funny. So I remember being like, who is she? And she had this amazing like I think it was on MySpace. She had this photo that she just looked like a fucking angel. And I'll tell you more about it after the break. We're back. Jacqueline Novak, who's new special Get on your Knees, Get on your knees.
Such a good name too, but I couldn't remember. But she's amazing and I used to be Yeah, I used to look at her from a farm and be like, cut, she's like everything I want to be. She'd remind I didn't me have this girl in high school who I really admired Jen Shoemaker. No, Lisa Schumeyer. Lisa Schumeyer was also a girl that I just was like, she's looks like me. If I could figure out how to just tweak myself a little bit, like I can see myself looking exactly like this girl, if I just figure it out.
You know, Lisa Schumeyer's flares always hit on the ground perfectly, like not too baggy, where it would be like you would get like a fold at the bottom. There's a name for that, my stylas just taught me, but I don't know what it is, where it kind of like crunkles at the bottom because it's too long. It's called so there's two crunkles on the bottom usually for me with either because they're too long. But hers would hit.
It would crunkle just that little seam, you know, the little end part of the so it wouldn't even be that be like half that that, but it would never if she raised, if she crossed her legs, it would still be at that level like they were. Just I used to just stare at her the fit of her jeans and how they would gracefully lay perfectly across her birkenstock, and then they would crumple in the front because you have to like a little crumble, but in the back
there wouldn't be too much crumpling. They were never dirty, and she had this like hair that she could just like put back. Like her hair you could tell dried straight. Like fuck you. If you're a girl whose hair dries straight, I'll just speak for frizzy haired bitches. We resent you, and I know that you resent us because you want to have curl in your hair. So it's like the grass is greener. But man, I really admire girls like can just their hair dries straight. Mine does now because
I have enough weight on it. But when you are have short hair, as a girl with hair like it doesn't, it drives dries crazy. Frizzle frizzle, Yeah, miss frizzle. It's frizzling out. And but yeah, wait, who was I originally talking about the reminding me of this.
Girl, Jaqueline Novak?
Yeah, so Jacqueline, So Jack Jackel. I remember finding out about her because the guy I had blown and was like I liked final thought, and like always wanted this. I always wanted this guy to like come back around. I saw him like hanging out with her, and I was like, oh God, like she is the better version of me, Like he did it, and I was really jealous, but then I got to know her and she's so amazing.
Have we talked about her yet?
Nice? I haven't watched it, Oh, well, so I can't. Yeah, and I'm so embarrassed I haven't because I owe sure and I promoted it. Yeah, I will watch. I think it's hard for me right now to watch other women's specials because of that competitive nature in myself of being I just don't. I'm avoiding things that I know are going to be great because I have a special coming out and I've just reviewed mine and I can't take mine back like it's in it's in the chamber ready
to shoot, and once it's shot, I can watch other specials. Yeah, but right now when I'm like, I could change it, which I can't. Like, there's something in me that's making me not watch good comedy specials, especially from beautiful blonde women, which there seems to be only like.
She doesn't that blonde to me? I always fere as a brunette.
Really, Okay, all right, well now I can watch it like dark yess, wait, you can speak to it. How did you feel about it?
I thought it was an incredible piece of art, hilarious, and I feel like she you know, she's been working on this special for five years, so I would expect it to be like extremely particular and wording and things like that, but this is like above and beyond. I feel like she's somewhat invented a new form of comedy that marries poetry and stand up in a way. It's a genre of bending piece of work that totally as inspire a new generation.
I think the clips I've seen it is absolutely it is totally tortured Poet's Department. Yeah, it's funny poetry. Yeah, it's like leaning into that style but also mocking it, sort of having fun within it while also like honoring it. It's totally TPD.
There's going to be a generation of barred graduates who are going to try stand up comedy and do it like Jacquelyn Novak, and they're not going to be able. It's gonna be like when they were the baby Bird.
She's brilliant, dude. She wrote a book about depression. I should read that book since I've been feeling depressed recently.
I did.
I never read that book either. It's like, I just have to say I have a lot of talented friends that do a lot of things, and I don't always get to all of them, and I feel bad admitting that, but I'm gonna read that book because that's actually what I need right now.
But can we just Great Depression? Maybe that?
Oh yeah, yeah, Gary's I loved that. I loved that a lot, Gary Gary Goldman Special. Yeah, The Great Depress. Yeah, I should watch that again. You're right and Neil talk about Neil Brennan. He has a lot of coming about depression. But uh Tortured Poet's Department track listings. I just want to say, we're about to get a really good album,
Like it's gonna be so much fun. Some of these titles are just like someone kind of talked about how this album is probably the stages of grief and her breakup because she only gave us the song You're Losing Me as the song about her breakup with Joe, and she probably wrote it about him before they broke up
this last time. It's probably written between two breakups or before the first breakup, So that song's amazing, You're Losing Me, it's like perfect for anyone who's going through a breakup and this struggles of like it's it's written from the perspective of someone who's like telling someone the first time, Like, I have a question, we have to end this.
Yeah, about Taylor's history, has she ever released an album while in a relationship with a new guy where this is kind of new?
No, There's Lover was all about falling in love with Joe, but she with yeah, huh no, like now she's with Travis Travis, and let's say some of the songs in this album are about her relationship with Joe Allen.
Has she been in this kind of situation or was she always broken up when the album came out.
She's been in this situation and she's been on the next one. So Joe definitely dealt with well, she was more coming out of the Kanye Kim stuff that he dealt with that. But I think, yes, There's Travis is gonna have to be okay with her writing about other guys and being sad or whatever. Like part of me was like, can you like this? Yeah, because she's fucking I mean, because it's gonna be undeniably musically fucking perfect.
But it's like he's she's over that guy, so she's writing about being over him because the first part there's like four quadrants. People are kind of separating them into I think she actually separated them Side A, side B, whatever, CD and then but it's like the stages of going through relationships. So the first part is about breaking up with Joe, the second part is about or like when they broke. We're talking about breaking up, breaking up, and
then her rebound with Matt. Heally, what is the third What are the tracks in the third quadrant called so Long London? Oh again, that's him her leaving Joe. Joe is London, He's from London. He's he's the guy from the song London Boy. So that is straight up going to be like by Joe. Yeah, I can't wait.
But Daddy I love him.
But Daddy I Love Him is a shirt that that was Harry styles War. He is pictured with it, maybe more than once. It says, but Daddy I love him. It's also from The Little Mermaid. She says Daddy, I
love him. She doesn't say but Daddy says, Daddy, I Love Him, which is released in nineteen eighty nine, which is Taylor's birth year, so people think it could be and that is a story of a woman who lost her voice because she was so in love people are speculating that the Little Mermaid could be related to that was Fresh Out the Slammer. Fresh Out the Slammer is she's out of the prison she was in, So this
is the first this is when she's out. She's and by the way, this is all I get this all from a TikTok guy who broke it down and he's amazing, and I wish I could credit him, but I don't remember him, but he kind of put this all together, not all of what I'm saying, but the thing about fresh out of the Slammer, because after Fresh out of the Slammer, it's Florida, right, Yeah, so Florida is the date because there's one song called something Florida. What is it called.
It's just called Florida with three exclamations, three excamation points and it's featuring Florence and the Machine.
Yes, so florencea Machine is gonna be hon it. That's going to be amazing. And Florida, Swifties have discovered is the first date that she had after her breakup, like that she was performing in Florida, So that's like something happens in Florida. And then comes the Matt Healey stuff, but Daddy I love him might also be Matt Healey, We're not sure. And then uh, and then the ending.
I think the last couple of songs were on. The fourth part is going to be her coming out of it and meeting Travis, so we might get like a whole life cycle of a breakup into the new life, which I'm so excited about. I knew this so badly. I just cannot wait this long. It's the It's the fourth, the nineteenth of April. When are you do?
Noah, end of April? I might, but who knows.
I got two things for me to look forward to.
I mean, I get that this is such a great win for the Grammy. It's gonna be such a good yeah that they you know, Taylor Swift announces her album dropping at the Grammys.
And no people said it was lame that she did that, and I'm like, why.
Well, there is a there is one thing that that bothers me. It's that boyfriend's in the super Bowl this weekend. And now this is being totally overshadowed because she just did an album thing the same weekend that he's going to be in the super Bowl.
They both have the moment.
Everybody's talking about her album, but the super Bowl. Uh, Now, nobody cares about the super Bowl anymore. No one's talking about.
It, no one's everyone's always so much that no one's talking about.
Sports, no one's talking about the sports, and then one's talking about Joe. I'm sick of that is.
Really interesting, Brian, that you think that she's stealing a spotlight listen. Not a horrible theory, interesting theory, but I just don't think that's it.
But I also this is this episode is coming out five weeks after the super Bowl.
Okay, maybe yeah, but maybe by now it's been proven either right or wrong.
I dress to the Grammys, especially with everyone talking about engagement and all that. I don't know if it's interesting.
I didn't even think of that. I've so much to say about the tracks, but we have to go. We learned a lot today. Thank you for tuning in. I'm gonna I'm still in Australia right now. Next week we'll be back with fresh episodes two a week. Thank you guys so much for holding out. We might not have commented on a huge thing that's happened in the world since four weeks ago. Clear War yeah, if you're listening to this from a bunker. Oh my god, can you
believe this fucking happened? I know me too, I predicted it all right. Bye, guys, have a good weekend. We'll see you next week