The Nicky Gliser podcastser here's Nikki.
Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. Same crew as yesterday on the show, Taylor McGrath, Brian Franngie, Noah. I still get nervous when I pronounce her last name avir a vi or avir god.
I thought it was av I can't.
It should because it's it's almost like the French verb avoir.
Yeah, but almost liked and I is separate? Wait avi or as I o r avire?
Okay, I'll never I don't know, so it's true. What is obvious last name? Cal Away? Okay, that is no, I don't even know that.
I knew that.
There's no call away.
I'm gonna do that.
Wait, so Noah is getting she's pregnant.
It's pregnant.
No one's getting married.
Are you getting married? Shotgun?
And you're doing in Florida's Yeah, in Florida.
When is the date?
And why aren't we invited? Uh?
Well, you are going to be away Nikki and it's a small wedding anyway, So I was just like, should I invite Nikki to this? She's gonna be hanging out with like family, and stuff. It might be weird.
Wait where am where am I during this? Australia the road somewhere?
Oh what's the date?
The eighteenth of February.
Yeah, I am going to be in Australia, Australia this year.
Yeah, and like a month I'll be in Australia. Yeah, I'm going Chris. Chris's friend has a wedding and yeah we're going.
For to go to his wedding, not mine.
Yeah, it's a Shelida Female Friends so much to my chagrin.
Just yeah, it's pretty it's a pretty long and I'm also.
Going to see Taylor Swift there so oh yeah, yes, I'm going to see Eras possibly in Melbourne, Melbourne and Sydney.
How long as Era?
How long is the show? I'm so glad?
How long is shit?
Oh?
How long is she going on?
Till next November?
So it's like a two year or tour called Eras.
A year and a year and maybe some more.
You see the big Easter egg in her Golden Globes outfit?
Do you know what it was?
Like a snake ring or something?
It was her nails?
What?
Oh her nails never gets on her nails? Done it means that she's taking long nails. Oh does that what it means?
Yeah, because she can't play guitar with long nails on both hands and she had both her tails.
But you can just have your fake nails for a little bit. They're probably not even fake.
She's just so extraordine golden globes.
She was wearing them last night at the studio at Electric Lady Studio where she goes to records, so we just think she was doing vocals last night. But yeah, she does have long nails in every swift is freaking out like we've never seen our with long nails before. But they're beautiful.
They're like you're as tailor.
I noticed she was going like this a lot, like you do when you get a haircut, Like when you get your nails done, you cut, you tap on.
Stop, You're just like such a way.
Remember Anya's wedding.
She kept like she's like tap on your face and she's talking to you and she's like, oh, staring at her.
Yes, it is, it does become.
It's so nice when you have long nails, But how do you keep them nice? Are you not rummaging in things or do you probably just have strong nails.
My own minor so thin, but I put dip gel on.
Oh so the strengthened the Yeah, tobacco.
Yeah.
Brian's like, take a note.
I know what.
You're a nail girl too, right, you like having nice nails. I love having nice nails, but I don't, uh. I don't keep up with them because I don't like the way they feel after I peel the gel off.
Very it's horrible.
They're so naked and like vulnerable ice creative.
It takes layers and peel off.
Yeah, nails weeks, right, I don't.
Like it all. I haven't done gel for years.
Yeah, but what do you do?
I don't like going to the nail salon. It is why does any you do that?
Wait?
So you don't get nails it's pretty No, I don't do Jill, I just do regular. You let it dry. You have the patience to let it dry.
It's so hard.
But I just set like ten, ten to fifteen minutes scroll on my phone, and then I go home and I get this just happened for the Emmys. Got my nails done, went home, got in the shower, it heated it back up, and they I was you know how sometimes you get a little like a little ripple in it, and you can just smooth it up by like touching it with your finger. It scooped off the entire nail color, the entire thing, because whatever they put on as a top coat or a bottom coat made.
It just slick.
So it was like the pizza Yes, yes, Saint Louis reference. Yeah. And so I was just cursing it out because I'm like, I just paid forty dollars for my nail and they're already fucked.
And I had to have Carlisle.
I had to ask her if she could go to CVS and match my nail color. So this is the nail that came off, and it doesn't match the others, and.
They're all rippley. They all look like.
An earthquake on the means with that one, Yeah, I does look like this is what I do.
I kept on the red carpet. I was like, gonna just put my finger in my mouth like a sexy baby.
Yeah.
I only just got a new nail polish.
And she was saying how great it was because it's like a special new nail polish that lasts a week. It's like impervious to ripples.
I think I know what this is.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's I don't believe in it.
No, it's so good. I got my nails done with it one time, and I was obsessed with it. But they're like twenty five dollars apiece, maybe even more. I think they're thirty dollars per Nailah. Yeah, nail polish that lass.
It'll come up right away.
I bet you really.
Everyone's talking about it. Then it's the nail technology.
But you will you if I say the name, will you know it?
Will it?
No? I didn't. I stopped.
You're surprised you know this much?
Yeah, yeah, there's some really good nail stuff. I'll find out what it is, Brian, do some research, even though you have no question. Nail to the bathroom, see what a pretty nail? Or snoop in your lady's stuff. Go to her separate bathroom. Does she have a separate bathroom or is it just bedrooms?
Yeah, there's two bathrooms. Uh so I guess technically it's separate. I'll go snoop right now. We'll see what I can dig up.
Are you really going to I'll go snoop. Let's see what see if we can get sewister.
And see what that name of that thing is, because I think I know what it is and it's I can't think of the name.
It's not googling.
Can you bring the camera and show us.
Who's not on their phone at work?
Okay, he's going to, he's going to.
I wanted him to bring the camera and show us.
So Brian does separate bedrooms? Oh, I want doing separate bathrooms. I always some other. Yes. Anya was going to do separate bedrooms because she got sick and then was sleeping in the guest room and she was on the girls chats sharing about how it was so nice having her own space and just having a separate bedroom, and she was like, I'm thinking about talking bad about doing separate bedrooms. I was inspired by that because.
Oh I thought they did do it.
No, she's sick.
So she got in my head about like this is what this is a good plan. So I said something to Chris about it because I just want Chris to be able to have his own room and his own space. And like he wakes up really early right for radio, and he does he wakes up so early and he
feels guilty. I don't really care that he gets up early, I can wake up and just be like, ha, you have to go to work Like it's I'm kind of like when he wakes up early and I there's nothing better than waking up and knowing that you get four more hours.
I don't like that he has to go. I'm not like, Yeah, what'd you learn?
Well? I went in the bathroom from his adventure. I went in the bathroom and.
I was very sweaty, and he's covered in like, uh, fine.
Miss some pineys?
Is there a wintry mix?
I looked through some drawers and I realized I was in way over my head. I know, but I was like, I don't know what any of this stuff is. It's really truly a mystery to me. There's all these creams, all these bottles, there's lots of medications that I had no idea what I was looking at. And I was like, there's just no way I'm going to find it in a reasonable amount of time.
Okay, reporting from a woman's dazzle dry.
Yeah, you want to know what just happened?
So I googled nail polished that lasts and dazzledry was nowhere on the Google list. I wrote in nail polish that Last Long Dazzled Dry right away?
What the fuck is that?
Yeah?
Just know that, I mean Last Long paid for the.
Word long maybe to go on Google.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that, but yeah, Dazzled Dry was the is the brand that girls, if you're listening, I can't say enough, like, pay the extra five dollars when you go to get a manicure and you they have Dazzle Dry and it's like a more expensive pay that extra because they last so much longer. They don't chip as much. I am someone who my nail polished chips immediately. I dig in purses too harshly.
I just I pick at things like I am like, I'll pick a sticker off something and even though I know that this is gonna hurt my nail, I can't stop and I'll do it. And so yeah, Dazzle Dry is really was really impressive to me. And I'm gonna get back on that bandwagon order some Yeah, I've nails. I think they always feel good, but they are pointless to get. I'm getting a facial today. I'm so excited about. It's one of those hydro facials that just like have
you ever had one? It's like a oh, you wouldn't like it. It kind of is like the straw oh at the dentist. It literally is that straw. It like sucks the things out of your skin, but then it puts in water too, so it's circulating constantly.
It's have you ever had one? Noah hydrofacial?
Yes, I've had it once.
Ooh they good.
I thought they were kind of bullshit because they were so in for a while, like ten years ago, and then I didn't hear anyone recommend them. And then I went to my to get botox last week and I was like, I'm just like dry and feeling like coming out of Colorado. I don't know how anyone has any moisture in their skin in that state. And and she was like, you should do a hydrofacial, and I was like, I should do one. And so I'm getting that today and it's just gentle and makes you feel so good.
What about if you did it with oil? I rubbed my face with oil night and day.
I rubbed my face with this stuff that I use, and it makes me feel so plant squatting. I wonder if she would love it, but she already has such smooth skin, like I have to ask you, guys, Noah Taylor, what keeps your skin from feeling dry on your face? Like? I don't Before this plant squain stuff, I could find nothing. Maybe it's oil castor oil, but that is so sticky. Yeah.
I put it on it at night and in the morning assessed me out. But my skin looks like an old mummy.
So yeah, I don't really want to hear what you have to say. No, it doesn't look like an old mummy. Will you try some plants squalling and tell me what you feel squalling?
Will you go get it? Have you tried it recently?
No?
Right now?
Yeah, go get it?
Do you know what it is?
We're all going on a mission, little bottle.
That squalling girl.
I'm so obsessed with it.
I know that I talk about it all the time, but I'm you know, I'm open for cancer.
It's like the cure for cancer is actually only three dollars, and that's why the pharmaceutical companies don't let you have it, because it's because the treatment is worth more than the cure.
Get cut, be careful.
Yeah you were about to get muted.
By Yeah, I mean the real person behind all of this pharmaceutical.
Oh it makes sense though, Oh no.
To learn that was like a little dad bit.
I really did think you got cut off, like I forgot the joke and it worked. I was like, oh god, we're having issues. That's how quick my brain resets. We were just getting ready for the show, Taylor and I. I was just doing my makeup and she got here early before yesterdays show actually, and I was putting on makeup and she she's like my housekeeper too. I don't like that word, but she comes in unpacks me. Anytime she's here to do the podcast, she unpacks me. She
straightens up my house. She like does things around the house. She knows where everything in my house is.
You know.
That's why I was like, you know where the plant Squaleen is, even though she doesn't. She's been gone a while, she's on a she's on an adventure. And yes, oh she's back from.
Squaleen.
Yeah you got it? Okay, So I want you to like, wait, did you already get something? Doesn't it feel so slick? And so you put it everywhere? Dude, It's so amazing. I love it so much. But we were just getting ready and you. Uh. I love Taylor because she's a really she's she's always been cleaning my room since we were in high school, and it's been like a thing. She now she gets paid to do it.
But he was straightened. Yeah, not clean, but you are clean.
I know I clean cleaning.
I know where straightening is cleaning. To me, those are like it's like supper and dinner. They're the same thing to me. But yeah, I have a housekeeper come once every two weeks to like clean clean, and the tailor comes and unpacks me and like makes my stuff organize.
But it was really funny this morning. She was like walking into my breadroom, which is a mess, not like a total mess, but just messy enough, and she's like, I love how you leave a little trail, like there's a sock here, and then you can just.
See and see the body. It's like a forendic.
It is a crime scene.
You can see exactly the moves I made because I'll take off a sock and I won't take off both socks and then put them somewhere together.
I just throw them where they were.
When I took them off. And then I take off the pants and I just dropped I kick them off where they land, and we were in my bathroom and she says it looks exactly the same as your high school bathroom. People ask me if you've changed, and you haven't at all. It's still not that that's the way I would change if I became a celebrity.
But but it's it's evident that, like, yeah, I mean, you have changed a lot.
It would be funny, did change.
I was an idiot back then.
Everyone's smarter than when they were fourteen.
That's so true.
Oh, I just saw a tweet yesterday that's from Joel Kimbooster that was like, stop saying you were cool in high school. No one was cool when you were sixteen. You were from the sixteen you were a fuck.
You were a total fuck.
No one was.
Can you imagine the coolest sixteen year old right now as an adult?
They are not cool?
No, what's cool at sixteen?
No one. It really made me laugh and it made me realize, who.
Says that anyway? I was cool? Man, you don't know.
Parents, they're like, you should listen to my advice because I was cool.
Yeah, no one likes to say they were cool in high school. Being cool in high school is only cool when you are in high school. If you say that as an adult that you were cool in high school. I don't even know any people were cool in high school, but they will never admit it. They just say, ye, I was friends with everyone.
Parent as an argument to their child, who's like not listening to them to be like, you know, in high school, I was actually cool.
I can see that working.
What does that mean?
Like I to make it like it's working.
Like, take my advice. I was cool in high school.
One.
Yeah, like their parents like the kid is at that age where they're rebelling and they're saying like, I'm not gonna listen to your you're so lame, mom, And then she's like, actually I was pretty cool in high school. I was you know, I had sex with everybody.
My mom was like, I hung out with Scott Bacula.
Oh yeah, because he was in her grade.
What Dracula.
Yeah, we didn't care about Scott Vacula.
That meant nothing to it. Even his nephew is my dentist now because doctor Bacula Macula, you know that joke.
Yeah, to say it's joke.
Doctor Acula is my doctor.
I went to the doctor all he did was suck my blood. Don't go see doctor Acula.
There was a guy on the plane two days ago who looked exactly like Mitch Hedberg, sitting next to me.
As I do on a plane. I didn't talk to the person.
The whole time, not because I was like, I'm not talking to you, like we just talk the entire ride. I was sleeping and he was kind of like trying to make conversation early on, like I was talking about tarmac lax when we were about to take off, like oh, I haven't eaten anything all day, like kind of saying things to himself but like to me, and I wasn't taking the bait. I was like, I don't want this because I know this person has a story yeah, and I don't and it's just going through something.
Oh my god. It was incredible.
I ordered cheese.
Yeah, it was just there was this guy had stuff going on in his head and he wanted to talk to someone about it, and I just didn't feel like doing that. But when we landed, he so I slept the whole time. He did not bother me. Again. I love this guy. We landed and he said something like uh oh oh. I lifted up the window shade and he goes, man, bad weather here, and I go, cause it's like totally white right as I opened the window.
We're like upon approach, totally white.
When I opened the window, and he goes, oh, bad weather, and I go, we're in the clouds. I was such a bitch. I like I already had this guy pinpointed as someone who just wanted to strike up conversation about.
Anything and like do anything to get com.
And I just I didn't want to. I wasn't being a bitch. I was just like, no, I think it's the clouds. Like I didn't say it in a mean way, but I just told the story in a mean way. But he goes, no, I know, but it seems like there's like big clouds that are like this is this is definitely rain clouds. And he had a good point. He actually was right. He wasn't an idiot. He knew we were in the clouds, but he was like, these are significant clouds. And he was right. It was shitty
weather in Saint Louis. And he's like, are you from Saint Louis? And I go, yeah, I got That's when I start talking, because you know it's on the descent getting off the plane soon, I'm actually kind of feeling chatty.
I just woke up.
I like, had I finished my diet coke. I'm having a surge of caffeine. I'm kind of feeling like I'm ready to make a friend. So he looks identical to Mitch Hedburg, and this is also intriguing to me. Was the first time I'd like looked at him and I'm like, oh my god, he's Mitch Hedburg, but with like kind of more gray in his hair. He's probably like mid to late forties, and he looks he's interesting looking. He's nice, nice, nice looking gentleman Mitch Hedberg hair like, but like hippie style.
And he's like, yeah, I haven't been back to Saint Louis and forever. I grew up here. And I'm like, okay, there's a story going on here. Something's happening. He's coming back for the first time in like twenty five years. What's happening, right? And then he goes, what do you do? I go, I live here, and he was like, oh, so you were at LA for work and I was like yeah, And he goes, what do you do? And I was like I'm a comedian. He goes, what's your name? And I said Nikki Glazer. He goes, oh my god,
what I know you? Holy shit?
Whoa and he had that moment.
I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe what I'm sitting next to you.
You're so great, you know, he's really nice.
Was like, yeah, yeah, there are people always shocked when I'm on the Southwest flight. But it's like there's not a lot of options and Southwest rules. I will always.
A mess Southwest.
And so but I'm boarding Group A. Don't you forget it. I will pay the extra to get boarding Group A one through fifteen.
It just it's saved me a seat, bitch, I.
Will save you a seat. What you do is if you want to save someone a seat, and this is cheap and it's lying, and I don't condone it because I would never do it. But if you want to on a flight, you know a lot of times people are flying together and they want to sit next to each other. But sometimes I guess middle seats would probably
be opened a lot. But if you want to save a middle seat for your partner or a seat for your partner, put their bag if they're loading later, put their bag or something in their seat and say they're in the bathroom. That tells people they're already on the plane. Now it's a lie, and I don't like lying, so I wouldn't do it, but it would work because I do often throw myself in the chair and go.
I always go to the bathroom right when I get on a plane.
For some reason, I just never remember to before I board, and people are always annoyed by because you have to like swim back upstream like a desperate salmon.
And so anyway, this.
Guy, no, I feel desperate. I feel like there's like it's like because look desperate unless they're like out of water, and then they're just like, oh, but their eyes are just like kind of stagnant. If animals could express pain in their eyes more, we would have more empathy. But they just are like I don't feel sorry for he should because they feel pain.
But anyway, I'll tell you what I have.
One guy when we get back from break up to Okay, I found the Jolk and Booster tweet and said, no one was cool in high school.
You were sixteen. You sucked ass. Made me laugh.
Okay, so this guy on the plane he's like, you know, he's very sweet about me, and he's not overdoing it or anything.
And we're talking about comedians we like, and.
He's he tells me. I asked him.
I'm like, what do you do? And he's like, well, I what did he say?
I used to be a comedian, but I died, No, he.
Used to be a musician. He's something else now I kind of got it out, yeaes Mitch. He uh yeah, maybe Tyler Henry. Maybe he had a Tyler Henry experience. Maybe see it next to me.
And then later someone was like, that's so nice. You didn't have an anybody next to you in your seat.
Well, his name was Ben and he used to be in a band called like Vacation Time that they had like a deal back in the mid ats and they were like a punk California rock band. And then he hasn't played music in forever, and I said why not? It just makes me so sad when I hear about people that are like virtuosos in music and then they go like, I don't know, I haven't played in like thirteen years. She's like, what that's like on you have
that in your fingers right now? And you don't do anything with it.
Maybe they play the drums, they don't.
They like I said, do you like, Well that's a good point. But just if you have musical talent, please go do use it. For those of us out there who don't have musical talent, and like that's natural, don't don't keep that shit in a drawer, go use it you have it, Like that is such an extraordinary talent. If you speak another language, show that shit off more. That's like really extraordinary. I just like never talks Russian, and I'm like, you know, Russian, that's the last language
to learn next to Mandarin. Yeah, you know, like it really is. I saw a chart of like the hardest languages learn. It's right up there with like Chinese. To know an extraordinarily difficult language like that is so cool. I'd be doing it. I'd be dying. What would she talk to I mean, she can't talk to me. I wouldn't say. I would just be like, guys, I'm gonna just talk
Russian for a bit and like impress you. I just think it would be impressive to all of us, Like I would love to hear I love hearing her speak Russian. I forget she speaks Russian. Sometimes it's just like have I just want her to do it at parties like a guitar player, you know, ruin a party with your Russian in the corner.
Speaking a different language is so cool, especially if it's like unexpected.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
I had a friend in New York speak language is Mexican, but she looks like a white person. And I went to a deli one time with her, and everyone working there was Latino of some kind, and they asked her what she wanted, and she started speaking to them in Spanish, and you could see for like the first uh couple of phrases, they were like, come on, don't talk to
me in fucking Spanish, fucking white lady. But then she just kept going and it was so fluent that they were like oh, And then they got so excited and they were started speaking back to her in Spanish, and was like, the coolest people.
Will be impressed by.
So cool.
It's so My sister speaks.
Fluent Spanish because she's a language teacher and she's incredible at it. I'm like, break that out all the time. No, do you ever get to break out your for your Yeah, your Hebrew skills.
Yeah, I do sometimes, and people are very impressed by it because I don't have any semblance of an Israeli.
What Hebrew sounds like? Can you say a phrase? Can you say like, this is the Nicky Glazer podcast. Let's get started with the show and.
Here brewm guessing podcast is podcast with an accent?
Okay, I'll say something else an.
I don't know what to say, yeah, exactly.
I don't know what to tell you. Brian, that's.
Brian.
I didn't say Brian, but I ended Brian.
Last night.
Tyler Henry, by the way, was like, it's Brian. And someone goes, I have a brother. Name is a brother named Brian. And someone was like, I'm Brian. He goes is it with a why? And he goes no, and he goes this one's with a hy sorry, sit down.
Like it was someone else.
I stood up, walked to the mic and then didn't ever make it to the mic.
And then the producer whoever said, oh, she thought it was Ryan, like just listen to.
Us, Saint Louis. I can't tell you enough how disappointed I was, I said. I asked Larry, the guy that got us backstage. I said, Larry is Saint Louis slower than other towns, and he was like, well, the MIC's were kind of in weird places.
I was like, just.
Tell me yes, because I was ashamed at how slow my said he was. But I will this gets back to us in the bathroom and you saying I haven't changed. I was like putting on my makeup and you were like, you maybe were. You're faster now than you were in high school. I was like, I think I'm still I was fast in high school too, because I got told a lot like slow down or whatever, like you're too rough with things and you plump down too hard, You're
gonna break that couch, Nikki and all these things. But I was saying, I can't imagine someone doing like, give me that squalen. I can't imagine someone putting this on wha.
Disaster second, and I have so many that's cheap, I know.
Okay, so this is how someone puts on Squally and they go like this and they go, oh, it's in the dropper.
Okay, a little bit in the dropper.
So you're doing shirst.
Like, okay, it's a dropper, and then I'm gonna drop like one, two, three. I just go, you know, and then you go like this, and then they put it on like this will like rub it in like and then they'll like rub it like gently, like blot like cool.
I don't even it would be.
Painter on your own face.
And these people have kids and jobs, and I just go, how do you get anywhere in life?
Because people like I think it's their form of like meditation or like they're just.
Being in the moment.
Really, you have to really try hard to be that slow, at least for me, I don't think you do.
You do?
They must not?
Ye.
Well, It's interesting because I was watching this Instagram video last night of this trans man who I've never seen someone look so much like a man like. I've never seen someone pass this hard. I mean, I most trans people I know are pretty passing, and I don't I don't even think trans people are required to pass. I don't give a shit what you do, but this person is I can't even believe hormones made this person into
a man this much. And he showed a picture of himself when he was still you know, a girl or whatever, and it I was like, this person must have started transitioning as a baby.
Or something, because they are such a masculine man there.
He looked like, you know, like the guy on the paper towse Bronnie.
You know.
Yeah, he looked like the man ever beard, huge thick eyebrows, sideburns down the side, like just broad shoulders like. It was so impressive towels in its own way. Again, I don't think trans men need to be presenting his men. But I just couldn't believe it was that I was using paperhouse to sop up my fucking pussy because I was like, this is the most masculine man I've ever seen in my life. No, it wasn't Buck Angel, but
he's this guy. I sent it to Anya because I could not It was really fascinating because he was talking look at this guy, Taylor, I'm about to say, tell me, you will not believe that this used to be a woman.
You won't believe it. Look at it.
Whoa and listeners, boys.
I went to work at a steel mill, and everybody wants to know. So I essentially was Jane good the.
Steel mail Like, Okay, so he talks about being a man at the steel mill as a trans man, and he's totally passing.
So no, one's even gonna question it. But he's talking about.
How men move and behave, and how he studied these men at the steel mill like a you know, in a really male dominant like kind of collar environment, and how men behave, and he's I don't know what his purpose of this TikTok was. It kind of showed up on my Reddit. I think he kind of gives tips about two trans men about how to act more masculine, or I don't really know. It was like an anthropopological study.
People in the comments are like, I can't even believe how well he's defined, like what it is to be a man. He said, to be the perfect man around other men and to assert dominance, you spread out as much as you can. So whatever chair you're next to, unless there's a woman nearby, and which case you you keep it more. But if you're around other men, you take a chair next to you, you pull it towards you, and you drape your hand on that chair, so you take up as much sitting places as you can.
And whenever you look at.
Brian, Brian's learning, he's taking notes, he's trying to.
Tie his hand. I'm looking at this on the I was just trying to look at his face.
Wait, I gotta show you this, Brian.
I'm just gonna send it to you.
I see him, I have a TikTok of him. I know who he is.
How do you know?
I just found him steel milk? How did trans man steel mill?
Yeah?
You got it?
Okay, isn't this guy amazing? He's in his car.
Right, Yeah, he's in his car. He's got the beard, he's got a really long mustache.
What's his what's his TikTok?
So people can find him? The gravel bro?
Yeah, I mean that's.
He loves gravel.
Then he also says this was interesting instead of when men look at each other like to be intimidating to other men, because he's talking about being in these circumstances where men are trying to sert dominance. So when you look at a man instead, when a man makes a joke, don't laugh unless it's funny. Men manly men do not laugh at other men's jokes. It's a sign of insecurity if you're giving someone a laugh when they don't deserve it.
So you just stare them down if they make a joke that you don't like or that doesn't make sense, and you will be the alpha male within minutes.
Okay.
Also, don't look at a man straight like this with your head tilt like this. Oh when they're talking, if you till your so look at this, look like.
This nice nice girl.
Mean, I haven't changed my facial stress and I just changed my tilt of my head to an upwards motion of like you kind of are like almost assessing them.
And then the one that I like, Yeah, it's like a shrug.
No, this guy looked hot when he was doing it. And then but he's just saying about other men. And then there was one more that was really good. I can't remember. Oh, this was the one that made me think of all this move slowly masculine men do not like if they drop something.
It's like a sissy move to rush.
Yeah. So if he's in line at the grocery store and he has a coke in his hand and the bottle falls on the ground, if you go fifth trying to get it, you look like a place. But if you drop it and you just go ooh, you look so cool.
Everything you're doing is looking like snoop for some reason, or very slow.
Now I'm just I'm picturing like ers.
They're very they're very slow, and they're very spready, and they're very look.
Downy's facing and he's gonna lose. That's that's a good point.
And then you just yeah, he's this guy's.
Just really he's not an asshole. By the way, this guy is just saying like men are pathetic. He's almost like calling out men, like this is so dumb that we all have to do this stuff, or like this stuff works. But I really like to think of like it made me want to be a little bit more masculine in some ways, of like I don't need to move fast. Every when I'm moving fast, it makes me look like I can be.
Preyed upon very quickly. Yeah, I don't look confident.
Silly is how I think, because I'm really fast, and I think I look like a silly goose.
But even when I was like, yes, when I was walking out on the Emmys and there was that long way for me to walk, I started like kind of running because I'm like, because my insecurity is that no one wants to watch me walk. I'm so boring. These poor people have to look at me so embarrassing. I'm not to be just a hot person that like walks, I need to speed this up because.
I'm being inconvenient. Do you do this seats confident?
If someone stops for you, like at a like it's not really a crosswalk, but they just stop for you to cross the street, do you just take your time crossing?
Or do you like I sprint?
I sprint because that is the right thing to do.
You're a fucking asshole if you slow to If you're someone who someone is waiting for you to pull out of a parking space and you know they start, you get in your car and start texting, or you even if you sit up partner of your seatbelt pull out before.
You put it. You get the fuck out of that space.
Then you put on your street I'm obviously joking, put on your set. But if you take your time and fix the rear view mirror and you make sure your seats adjusted, you're an asshole and you're desperate for attention and you need to get in other ways to talk to a therapist. You're a loser because you are purposely mating making other people wait, mom, yes, and it's not worth it. In this parking lot and target where this woman is just trying to get in and out, like
you're not proving anything to her. You're not better than her, You're an asshole. And I will say, yeah, no.
I hate when someone takes a long time to cross the shield here.
It's such a power. The other day, what's happened?
And I was like, can you move your wheelchair any faster?
What about these people when you're like when you're going towards the door and you know you're going to be faster, but.
Then they like speed up a little and then they go.
Like, exuse you, what about what are we going to do here?
Excuse me?
This woman did that at the y m c A and like and I was like, I know I'm faster than you, you're going so but she sped up because she wanted like some attention.
She wanted to like.
Get into dying for a fight. These people are dying for people want you a honk, they want You're welcome.
I've been a ship the other day.
I did it.
I said what I pulled a I pulled a real asshole the other day. Chris like he didn't thank me for something I thought I deserve to be thanked for. And because he just forgot, he was like feeling sick. He just like he's not an ungrateful person. He thanks me literally and he's totally a thanker.
But I just had it in.
My mind like he didn't thank me for this thing, and he did, and it was already on my mind, and I wasn't talking about it because I just didn't want to confront it or whatever. But it's in my head and it's just brewing and it's like I'm heated to a boil. And then he did something else that annoyed me, and so instead of addressing that thing, I go, it's like a chess gimmick, like he didn't ask me about everything else that I thought he should ask me about it. Yes, like someone was. I was like, oh,
they're sick. And he didn't ask a follow up because he was busy on something. He would have, but he was it was like circumstantial, and I go and she's fine, by the way, and by the way, you're I go, by the way, you're welcome for earlier today and he was like what. He goes, I'm not your dad, i'm not your mom, and you're not seventeen. You can't talk to me like this. And I was like, that's a good point, like, but I did say to him, I was like, he goes, that's a shitty way to call
someone out. He didn't say shitty. He goes, that's like an immature. That's a childish way to call someone out. And I go, I think it actually, I know that it is.
But it's fun.
It's more fun than being like, by the way, it hurt.
My feelings that you didn't think, I want to talk to you funny.
It's a funny to do it to he sarcastic, So I don't.
I don't.
It's indefensible. I should not talk to him like that.
I don't like being a little like brat like sarcastic. But I will say I am a funny person. I like to present things in a funny manner. So in a creative manner, I do think I can be a super.
Big creative apology I am.
I am, but no, I I did apologize and I was like, yeah, I was shitty and that was a childish thing. But I was in line to get on a plane the other day. Oh my god, I almost had a Tom sigurl where I like you, you know what Tom Sigar got in trouble for by like people just got upset with him because he had a gay agent tell him talked about yeah, okay, so just to refresher room one's mind. And he tweeted about it and he was like, you know, pissed about the skate agent,
which I get. I get his ire because first of all, I know, I thought about Tom when this happened to me, because I was like, Tom was just in a little
worse mood than I was in this moment. If this would if I would have just been in a worse mood and my day would have just got a little bit shittier up into this moment, I would have had the same reaction of like I'm taking this to the to Twitter, you know I was, you know, or like they would have just yeah, well, so I was boarding this plane, and you know, famously on planes you can have two things. You have one that goes in the
overhead and one carrying crowd. It's so dumb, Okay. I do understand when someone has three bags that are just crazy bags. But if I'm wearing a fanny pack that is clearly able to fit in my backpack, and you know, for a fact, as soon as I get on the plane, I'm taking it out of my backpack anyway.
Who gives a truly, who gives a fuck?
Because my backpack you can tell it's not packed to the brim. That fanny pack could fit in there. Why do you need me to put it on there? When the second I get on board.
The second you get on the skybridge, you're gonna take.
It out exactly exactly. So I am walking on and she goes, uh, beige bag, beige bag. And I have my headphones on and I go, beige bag.
Yeah, Like your like, your body is a beige sack of.
I was like, my bags under my skin eyes are purple, Thank you very much. Yeah, I didn't feel like a beige bag that day.
My face was a beige bag.
Yeah.
So beige bag.
And I'm like, it's pink. No, it was, it's beige. Sometimes Anya calls my bag pink and I'm like, this is beige. But anyway, so she nailed that. She goes beige bag, and I was like what She was like, you need to consolidate your items. And by the way, I'm in the first boarding class. This is not Southwest, this is like I'm in first class, right, so I've paid for this priority I and I always I never want to have this moment.
I'm not trying to bait them into it.
I always remember to put my fanny pack in my bag before because I know this bullshit thing and I don't want to get called that I had just forgotten, right, And.
So I go, oh, so sorry, So I undo my fan back.
She goes step aside, ma'am to load it, and I go, but there's still two people in front of me that have to scan. And I go, I can do this right now. And while I'm so on that, she goes step aside, ma'am, don't hold on the line, and I go, I'm not slowing down the line. Look what I'm doing. I go, look, oh my god, it's sitting in right now.
It's so easy.
And I'm trying to be like funny about it and be like, oh, it's like I got it. No, no, no, no, I do want to episode. She was like, ma'am, step aside, you're slowing down the line. I'm like, I literally am not slowing down the line. I just did it and then I got it done before they scanned my pass and I was.
Like, yees. But it was so it was going on there so.
Dumb, and there was a pilot in front of the control necessary who was like just you know, doing a you know when pilots just like fly in the sad it is called.
Dead dead dead dead heading, dead head.
Yes, good job is that it?
Yes it is.
He's dead heading and so I or I think it's something with dead in it. So he was a dead head and so he he had a grateful dead shirty.
He had really long, weird hair for a pilot and fine, he just rid flying the freak flag.
He he was like, my shoe was a lot. And I immediately saw he was a pilot and I was like no. At first, I shit talked to her. I was like, they are so fucking stupid about this ship. Like he saw that I was about to lose my cool and I go, I go, it's I go, I'm taking out on my bag right now. She's such an idiot. And I said something like that and he was like, oh yeah. And then I saw he was a pilot and I was like, oh no, I'm shit like sit talking his team.
He's gonna tell me, but he didn't.
He was like that was insane, and I was like, thank you, pilot, It made me feel so good, but I want to get back to the guy that would. I landed in Saint Louis. He told me he's in Saint Louis and he's like, I and this. I love when people tell me this because we were talking about addiction. I think we were talking about I forget how we we Within a minute. I told him like, oh yeah, I get depressed to and like I could just tell he was someone that has he struggled with.
Talked to him the whole flight, only a couple of minutes.
We really we really cracked through some stuff.
It was like, and he goes, And I love when people say this to me because this happens a lot that he goes. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but I was like, yes, I get that all the time. I love it. I made him comfortable. He's ready to share something really intimate that.
I'm going to talk about on my podcast and say his full name and exactly what he looks like.
We can figure it out. We know it's banned.
I think I think Ben would be okay with this.
He was like, I'm going to meet my dad for the first He's never met his biological father and he was going to meet him the next day, and I was like, oh my god, he's a twin and his twin wasn't there, but he was going to meet his dad and he was like nervous and it was so cute. I was so glad I got that story. Even though I didn't talk to him the whole time, I would have talked to him longer.
It was.
It was a shame I didn't spark up that conversation before, but it was so interesting. It's crazy that everyone's got their own little story of where they're going, and when people don't, Oh god, some people have no story.
As we found out it's Tyler Halley last night. Some people just.
Have nothing time to take a risk and they I'm like, oh, okay, she really wants to talk.
She might be interesting, and then she just goes, what are they? What are they trying to do? Kill us? On this point every five minutes like headphones off? What?
Oh?
Oh?
That was?
That was a weird bump in the ride.
People are so lonely. Yeah, I think that's the problem.
They're gonna want to hold hands if we're crashing. Why with a random person who says that there's bumps on the ride.
I would love to hold someone's hands when they're stressed out, like.
You're helping, because I would call.
Me if I'm also dying in this situation because the plan's crashing. I don't want my last moments to be touching a stranger's hand.
I disagree.
I think that we need community and other people when we're scared.
Different some people. I would be some people's hands.
I'll hold some people's I think that in that moment, you would want other things. Actually that you don't know what you would do.
You don't know what you would do. You think you're gonna die. If I'm in that moment, I might actually want to hold someone's hand.
Well, I don't.
You didn't touch I know I won't.
I was reading about the Alaska flight where the hole blew through the plane.
Did you hear about that?
It's just insane, insane, shut up.
They said that it was eerily quiet on the plane because everyone had an oxygen mask on, so there was no one talking. So it was like everyone thought they were going to die, and everyone holy lie through because they didn't fasten the bolts. So they've I think they've you know, not they've taken like twelve or fourteen something planes of that model off the market because they all were made here in Saint Louis.
Was going the Supermaxes and they said that the uh, there are people's like phones like flew out the holes.
Yes, and then and they found a phone that survived.
Yeah, those commercials are true.
Because it was a black pressure makes it only fall at fifty miles per hour. So it because if it falls like obviously, like straight down, it'll get the velocity to like kill someone even fifty miles an hour. But if it falls like this, the wind pressure will make it like gentle. And it fell in some If it would have fallen on concrete, it would have breaken. But the person got their phone back and it works.
Someone called it. I was like, are you missing a phone? Like, yeah, it flew out of a plane.
So in the door from the plane that flew open landed in someone's backyard and power, Oh.
My god, can you imagine? Yeah, I can't believe.
And there was also the miracle, the Jesus miracle of this whole thing was that the bolts that fell out were next to two seats that just happened to be empty.
I know people would have been sucked out.
Maybe why were there two seats empty? Why wasn't someone trying to.
Go if they had Because apparently my apparently my voice teacher had read up on this, he's flown planes before, and he said that the seats that were empty were like twisted metal and they were being like almost being sucked out. So if people would have been in them, it probably would have added to the weight of the suckage and they would have been sucked out.
I'm always I'm sorry to say I shouldn't say this.
I'm not gonna say it.
No while saying when we get back from break, after I talk to you guys about whether or not I should.
Say who's suckable out of ble is when he's.
Gonna, oh you want me to You think that I'm gonna say, I wish so and so and so would have been saying there, I'm not even know that is nicer.
Than what I was gonna say.
Yes, Okay, Okay, we'll.
Find out when we get back. Okay.
I don't think I'm alone here, But when there is a crazy thing that happens I kind of wanted to happen, duh, Like I am glad no one was hurt in that. I don't wish people to be hurt, but I think it would be a cooler story had some people been sucked out.
We've talked about this when we when we were kids. I remember you agreeing with me. I confessed this to you. I was like when I we heard there was something on the radio about like a bus and there was like five people died, And I said to you, do you ever wish that it was like twenty And You're like yes, And you and I like grabbed each other's legs and we're like, thank god.
I don't think we're alone.
I've heard echoes of this in Reddit, and I can't even imagine being someone who's like I can't relate to that at all. Yeah, it's not you, it's no one you love. Luisy Kay has a joke about this of like if it's you read about like an earthquake in China and like six thousand people die and you just can't carry can't get yourself.
Oh oh, maybe they both have the joke.
Oh yeah, maybe it is Patrice. But I feel like I've heard Louis say something like this, like you can't get yourself. Oh, yet it is Patrice. You can't get yourself to care. You try and you go, oh, those those people, But it's like if not because they're Chinese, I just set them somewhere far away, so far. Yes, because they're in the far East. Uh No, because they're they're you just it. I obviously have empathy, extraordinary empathy
for humans and creatures and all the thing. But there is a part of me that when there's a catastrophe, I want big numbers.
Yeah, you have empathy for an individual, but when the numbers get so big, it's abstract and you can't even really fathom the.
Horror the But why would I want more numbers? Because I well, it's the same reason that people like watching horror films, Like I'm always like, why would you want to see that? I think it's because you want. I want things to be morbid. I have morbid curiosity, and I want the more morbid they are, the more interested I am. And this is not These are full adults that I want dead.
I don't want to children.
Yeah, like children.
I'm always like, no, let's get casualties down to nothing, animals, nothing, But for adult.
School shootings, how many do you want in there.
Zero shootings, zero zero school shootings.
Let's talk off air.
But it's not that you want them.
It's already done. It's already done.
I think it's that you This is how I feel that I'm just I'm just thinking of now. Is that I want to be like, oh, I lived through this thing where there was something incredible that happened that we're going to be talking about for a long time, whether it's something good or it's something bad. I want it to be like an extreme so that it's interesting. Yes, because no one's going to remember school shooting with five people.
They're going to remember, you know.
Unfortunately, maybe in America. I think on the plane, I wonder if there's anybody on the plane who had their phone not in airplane mode and was like, oh no.
That's mine's never on an airplane.
You should never put it on airplane mode.
Everyone, No, don't, don't even do anything.
They're not going to get in trouble.
Can excuse me someone's phone on airplanes?
Just give a little let me.
People who don't fly often, and maybe you have a flight coming up, as someone who travels often, I just want to just talk to you really quickly about your dumb fears and your anxieties that I'm calling dumb because they aren't real, and you can you can just calm down, okay, because I used to be this way too. You do not need to be at the airport over two hours early at a normal regional airport.
Not right. If it's an international flat I might.
International, yes, like get there the day before. This is international. I don't travel. This is not talking about that. I am way overly anxious for those. Someone needs to talk down to me for that. But for domestic travel, if you're traveling somewhere, you don't need your shit in plastic bags. You don't need to put your liquids in plastic bags. You don't need to put your You do need your liquids under three like four ounces. They say three ounces,
but like you'll get away with four. Sometimes I have a full lotion and no one will catch it. They will catch water. It's not a big deal if they do. I forget water in my bag all the time. You don't need to be like so insane about it, like make sure I need to double check. It's not embarrassing. It happens all the time of plastic bags.
Three point four ounces people get the travel toothpaste, the little tiny ones. Yeah, a normal tube is under four ounces, so you can bring your normal toothpaste if you want.
Yeah, and it's also not liquid.
It's like I think made me thrown out about what they mean about liquid.
I don't know different was it over three point four rounds?
I used Tom's toothpaste and I had a full tube once and the guy made me take it out of my bag and throw it out.
They might, I would say with the toothpastes, I don't do that. I don't bring on full tube, so I'll risk it because a lot of times they won't catch it, but if they do, they could grow three point four. But again, if it is over, you're not a criminal. You're not going to be taken back into a room and like they'll just have you throw it away.
It's not a big deal. You don't need to be hyper.
Vigilant of like and then my shoes need to if you have If you don't have tsa pree, which travelers who are anxius about traveling definitely don't. You don't need to get there any earlier than two hours before. You don't need to put your things in plastic bags. They will tell you what to do with your shoes, they will tell you what to do with your belt, they will tell you what to do with your coat. You don't need to freak out if you get anything wrong.
It doesn't matter. You're not gonna be taken aside. You're not gonna be wanded. It's you don't You don't need to be this nervous about because there's some people I've heard that are like traveling and they're like, well, I have to get all these different containers for my for my things, and it's like, just check your biking bag, don't get little things, and your bag will not get lost. I've traveled a million times. My bag has only gotten lost two times, and all the time I've checked bags
and it was found instantly. It was just put on a later flight and it gets to me later on. They're not gonna runnigh through your bags and steal things. Yes, don't travel with your jewelry in a bag, but generally no one's stealing things out of bags. What else?
Airplane mode.
Don't get up as soon as the plane lands and just stand there like an idiot.
Everyone hates you for it.
It's annoying. Why are you in such a rush. Just sit down until it's time to get up. As soon as the bell dings, you don't need to get up, especially if cornet window seat. Very if you have a connecting fly people. Here's another tip.
Why Because I want to get my bag and be forward in line, and I also expect Also, I'm trying to respect the people behind me. You want me to move fast, and I don't want to be rushed in the moment, so I try to get up as soon as possible.
You're a window seat, take as long as you want.
If you're in a window, but people will the The ethics of exiting the airplane is that you let the row in front of you entirely exit before you move forward.
No, don't do that, just go if you haven't. It's like traffic. If this person's taking too long, you just sip ahead.
The door on the in the mid air well, they should have bring.
The back door.
While we're talking about what the.
Final thought, airplane mode is an illusion. You don't need it. Yes, you do need to buckle your seatbelt at all times. That is something they will check. You don't need to worry about having your headphones not on air. Canada is weird about headphones, but you're not flying to Canada. We're talking about domestic flights.
Up right. Why do they make you do that trade table up.
Because people to be able to block the exit if there's an emergency landing. They want to be able to not obstruct it. Put your bag all the way in front of the seat in front of you. That is something they will be weird about. You cannot have your purse on your lap. You can put your backpack next to you as a lean to against the window, which is a great device, or on your lap, or on your trade table. Put your backpack and lean forward on it. That is a much better thing than just putting a
pillow on your trade table. But you can conceal it with a blanket on the side and they won't catch you for that. You cannot vape in a bathroom. The vape will set up the smoke arm. You will be fined five thousand dollars. This happened to people I.
Know five thous Yet something like that that worth it.
Why can't you just do it in this s under your jacket?
Yeah, I don't, because it's it's no one wants anyone vaping.
On a plane, right, but they can't.
Vapor come and taking off. You need the window to be open.
Don't know that one's arbitrary. But again, you won't get in trouble. They'll just be like, put up your window shade. Like I think everyone's so scared of getting an FAA like suspension or something like if you fuck up on a plane. And by the way, you are allowed to lean back your chair no matter what it is, not it is. I don't lean back my chair because I just feel bad for the person behind me.
But it's not.
That's just that's a thing I used to not do. I used to be like, no, I'm going to lean it back no matter what. If someone leans back their chair when I'm behind them, I don't care.
You have that right.
The chair wouldn't lean back unless you were able to use it, So do that whatever you want. Get up to the bathroom as much as you want a flight.
Don't worry you have to go.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Please, I'm litter the world with sor but hey, here's my If someone says sorry to you, say it's fine.
I don't like when you say sorry and they say nothing. That is so rude.
You should be suspectful, actually pissed that they which is insane.
One. Yeah, they are actually pissed and they are that's so lame. You should You should pee a lot of times.
One bathroom break every three hours.
If you need to go more than that, you should get an aisle seat two hours.
Agreed, that's a good that's a good system. Let's talk about gate behavior. You don't need to line up before your roe is called. Let me even talk about Southwest while you wind up going one through thirty, B one through thirty whatever, A one through thirty through sixty. I'm always like a twenty two or something. I would never in my life go find my place in line wait for the road to.
Just hang back.
I don't understand all these people lining up, like just wait until you see about twenty two people come in, kind of look at their boarding passes, see what number they are, and.
Then just jump in line.
No one can get mad at you because you are you are in the number you should be. Even if they do seem like you're cutting in front of me, you can just be like, yeah, I'm a sixteen, you're a twenty four, you should be behind me and they can't get mad at you. And that's victorious and be quicker when you're like putting your luggage up.
Also put it sideways, for the love of God. Everyone they say that a million times. Then everybody puts it flat, you know, because you guys all have the box ones. Oh right, and they always put it flat, and then the light has to go. Yes, they're like like they say, like books on a shelf, and people are like.
My book go flat on shelves.
These people don't read books. They don't know they so.
And also, yeah, airplane modes an illusion.
Stop having a giant, hard rolling suitcase that you bring on the plane. I think that those those rolling suitcases that you bring on the plane should be banned because I think if you need that much stuff, then you probably need a check bag that goes underneath the plane.
If I disagree, because they but it should be free to check a back and that's why Southwest is good.
No duffle bags are hell.
Actually I have a Duffle bag wheel stuff and they try to get me to check that and they're like, oh, that's not going to fit, and I'm like, this is this could fit.
Under my seat?
What are you talking smaller than a roll a seat.
I think those rolling suitcases, I remember when they started to happen. I mean they weren't always a thing. It was like twenty years ago when they all of a sudden had the perfect size, square rolling suitcases that you can store.
Can you believe there weren't wheels on luggage until recently, Like that seems like the wheel would be invented and then put it on.
I just still carry a box one.
You have a brief.
Why don't you want wheels on your look?
Because they're so ugly and you guys, look, everyone looks so stupid dragging them around.
And I don't even.
Drag it because I have four and so I just lightly touch it. I would put a finger on it and it just travels with me.
Yeah, they're just so ugly.
My beige beige bag A moment that your bags aren't beige.
That's pink?
Really you think it's pink?
It's well, look at the website.
That the name of special. A moment that.
Is bad I can't get over on planes is when the pert when the flight attendant comes by with snacks or drinks and they ask you if you want snacks I feel so infantilized. Whenever I request something, they go, do you want a snack? And then you have to go, I'll take the cookies. It feels so like a little baby. I'll take we have chips and cookies, Like you know how you give a baby three choices so they don't have unlimited choices. That's what they do to you on
the plane. They go, we have we have chips, we have cookies, and we have crackers, and you go, oh, take the crackers, and then they give you the crackers like the.
Show you one end of my hand.
Yeah.
Well, when you're flying business, they give you a basket of all these snacks and they just like put it in front of your face and everyone just has to like read each thing and touch each thing. It's like just pick it like you don't need to be you're making everyone else wait.
It's so things just people that go a little touch everything.
Yeah, the next time you're in this class, just listen to all the people when the flight attendant is coming by with snacks and how childish they sound when they go, I'll take the cookies and I'll take the Everyone has a little technique for how they don't want to sound like a little baby. Sometimes they go like, I'll take the cookies please, and you can tell that they're over compensating. I just say I don't want anything because I'm afraid. I don't want to sound like a baby.
No nothing, don't miss out on a piscattie or like a nice brownie.
Brill for me?
What about the people that are ordering apple?
You're not going to eat.
I want to be like these losers and me are like, can I get the muncho's.
It's like you, that's so funny that you won't do that.
You're missing out.
So old.
I think you sound like a baby.
I don't, and I go, I don't want any thing, and then they think.
My biggest plane hack is what I said before. It is if you're in a middle seat, you can be comfortable when you sleep. You put your trade table down, you put your backpack on top of it, and you put a sweatshirt on top of that. You make it as tall as possible, and then you lean on it. Do not lean directly on the tree table. That's too low. It will hurt your back. Don't put just your sweatshirt on the tree table. You need the backpack on top of it, create a giant mount as high as it
can go, and then lean on it. It is seriously better than being a window seat. Like you can do that on a window seat too, but it's like you can make a window seat doable. And please, for the love of God, if you decide to sleep in a middle seat, don't make everyone next to you tortured with your bobbing head up and down. Just please lean forward and go to sleep. It's so hard to just race, like catching themselves apnea snyle style every three seconds.
It's like nodding off one.
You're lean your chair back, so there some way for your head to not keep going like bouncing forward. It is. It's hell, or get a turtle neck brace thing.
There's a there's a plan.
There's a neck fellow called the turtle t U R t L and it wraps around your neck and it keeps you from doing you a turtle I can't stay. But yeah, I mean, I'm I'm so obnoxious on planes and I'm sure there's and don't fart on planes.
It's really rude.
I I think people feel like they can get away with it because it's muffled by the sound.
It's really disgusting. No one means that.
Just don't go on a plane at all. Stay home. Yeah, that's really what it is. Just stay where are you going? Stay there?
Oh here's another one where to go? Oh my god, this is ninety percent of people. I think I am going to trigger someone. When you check your bags and you're at the you know, the talking to the person, and you get your boarding pass, and they give your vading pass, they give your bag tags, and it's time to go to your gate. Go to your fucking gate.
Leave the area.
There are people in line behind you who are late for their flight, and I'm time to talking about me. I'm worried about people that because I've been late before. Guaranteed there's someone behind you that needs that gate agent so they can check their.
Bag and make it onto the plane.
By the way, you can check your bag up to forty five minutes before your plane takes off, So if your plane is scheduled for six forty five, you can check your bag up until six o'clock. After that you have to get on the next flight because your bag will not make it. So that is a rule that people don't know about. But people just doddle. They will just get their tags and they'll go, and so I
go down here. It's like, just follow the fucking sign clear the way, because people always people that are that line is always urgent, so move your ass. There's no one that's not urgent in that line. And these people after now they're safe, so now they can start taking their time. They used to be an urgent person, but they have no recollection of what that used to feel like. How do we I all just have a little respect and empathy for other people's struggles. Well I got to
the airport earlier than them. Well fuck you. You had better parents that taught you how to be responsible. This person isn't late because they're a bad person. You're gonna be late someday in your life. Be nice to them. Oh this is my biggest tip if you and I've said this before on podcasts, maybe not this one specifically, but if you are running late for your flight and your bag's already checked and you just have to get through TSA and the line is fucking long, be a
hero for yourself and asked to cut in line. No one's gonna begrudge you that say how late you are for your flight, Apologize profusely and cut in line. Do not miss your flight because you're scared to be annoying. Those people will forget about you as soon as you go through. It's not annoying. You can be very grateful. You can make them feel like a little hero because they let you through. Fight for yourself. Don't just take it up the ass and stay in the back of
the line and be like, well I can't cut. Just have the balls, swallow your pride.
But where do you go?
You go in, You go in where you're going to have a chance.
Yes, exactly, don't do don't talk to the person right in front of you, and then like slowly make your way, yeah, right to the room, right and and and don't implore.
The don't talk to the TSA agent. They don't give a fuck about you.
To the back of the cat.
They won't help you, and they know not. They won't do that if they catch you.
They've caught. They've told me to go to the back.
If you're asking people, I was, I was going under the rope to cut, and they're like, no, going past the rope.
You need to go all the way around like a snake.
You know what I would do in that scenario, I would say.
I said, ma'am, I'm just going to ask someone if I can cut. I'm so sorry, I'm late for my flight. We've all been there. I'm embarrassed, so embarrassing, just a threat, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And I think people feel so scared going to airports because they feel like they're going to be arrested for the slightest thing. And everyone's a people pleaser, and everyone's has alcoholic parents, so everyone's tiptoeing around everyone's feelings,
and everyone's scared of getting in trouble. I promise you you can leave your bag and go to the bathroom. No one's gonna confiscate it, even though they keep saying things of like, don't leave your luggage, it will be confiscated.
It won't be I love doing it.
Just relax with air travel, and if you have any questions, dm me because I will love to dispel your fears. And also if you if you feel you have turbulence on a plane, it isn't gonna turbulence. Planes can handle it so much. Someone once said to me a pilot one said to me that turbulence is the same as driving over a styrofoam cup on the highway. Would you freak out about that? If you were a driver, No, it would be literally nothing, but it feels like so
much to someone else. But it's that is what pilots look at turbulence as it literally is not any detriment. You're not gonna die, and don't hold my hand. No, I actually do hold my hand. I would like it.
Is this the end of the show. Did we already do final thought?
Yes?
Okay, well we covered it all. This is a very uh air travel heavy show. But I think we I just am tired of people nervous about something that I'm just like, this isn't a big deal. But I get that because I used to be that way too, But as someone who does it a lot, it's not that much to worry about. You're gonna make your flight. It's gonna be okay. Yeah, And come see us in Florida this weekend nineteenth and twentieth fort Pierce Daytona Beach, and then I'm going to be in Atlanta soon and many
other cities. Nickok Glazer dot com, including the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, California, May ninth, with Taylor Tomlinson Shell Buteu and Sarah Silverman. If you want to plan a trip around that to La and that is going to be a fun one. Can't wait. I'm so nervous. Who knows what it's going to be like? Uh but it's.
Hollywood ballby.
Yeah.
I told my voice teacher yesterday.
I was like, oh, and I'm performing with the Hollywood bol name there. He was like what what? He goes, what is your life? But I was like, I know, it's crazy. I've been Balwin for this little voice lesson and I'm performing.
The Hollywood Bowl in May. Hey, Ballwin ain't nothing, Balwin ain't nothing.
Thinking bones all right, guys, thank you guys for listening. Don't be care And did the line the line tell me Jack Flash.
I