The Nicky Gliser Podcast. Nicki Glaser's Nicky. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. I'm Nicki Glazer. I am in my apartment in Saint Louis, Missouri. Brian is here? What up? Brian? Yo?
You're right. We're all wearing gray.
We are all wearing gray. Whoa, it's a great day, y'all.
It's uh Christmas malaise.
Yeah, you're strong. Ending the Yeah, ending the year is strong with a depressive color. Uh. Noah is here?
What up?
Nose?
Oh? Yeah?
People people sometimes go I remember Andrew being like that sounds like you're Jewish, serve some sort. I was like, that is not a take it back, take it back? Only she can call herself that. No. I, uh, do you hate it?
I like?
No's no, I like it. Anytime you call me a nickname, I like it. Yeah, I do. I love it. Even call me the K word and I would like it. Jesus Christ. Remember we had to walk my mom through that in a very like we had to literally spell it out for her. She's like, I know the word I've never heard in which way it was used.
Us rhymes with bike and she's like kicky, like no.
No, she's so freaking funny. My mom. We went to a party last night. We went to a party at Taylor McGraw, who you know from the podcast. We went to her house for a Christmas party. It was all of her friends. It was so fun. Taylor's house is amazing and it reminds you of being in a museum. And she has she collects bugs, so there's like pinned bugs in these like cases everywhere. And then she's obsessed with the JFK assassination and so there's like newspapers from
the day he was shot. Like she has all these. She has like a portrait of Lyndon B. Johnson written out from like a typewriter, typed it and then it like looks like his face, but it's all just if you look closely, it's just words typed. And she has tons and tons of books, one of which is Anya's dad's book about the JFK assassination and conspiracy that it was the CIA who did it and Anya's dad wrote a giant book about it. And we were all like oh my and my mom's like, oh my god, this
is Anya's dad's book. Like she couldn't believe it. My dad was getting a little jealous. Jealous. Yeah, he was kind of like, yeah, one of thirty copies and I was like, what they had a really hot that night. No, they did it because then we re dropped my mom. My mom is a party animal. Okay, my mom on a Wednesday night in Saint Louis wanted to go afterwards. She's like, We're going to see a led Zeppelin Tripapan. I'm going with Elaine, my mom's friend who like parties
with her. Were Elaine and I are going. Elaine doesn't drink, so but she's like it doesn't need a driver, and my mom can get schwated and hang out and then Elaine can drive her home. Lane just like has fun without drinking. Like she's just like, you know, one of those people. I cannot relate to my mom's stamina at sixty five years old to want to go to a Christmas party. Then she has a little she starts in vibing a little bit. She's doing a little jazzy kind
of dance every time she walks in a room. We're going, what this is Jerry's book? Oh my god, Taylor, you have Anya's dad's book. Look at this house. Oh my god, there's silk everywhere. She's bopping and booping and she's making us all laugh with all of her enthusiasm.
And then this is after she drinks a little bit.
It's a little bit like one or two, one and a half, and she is like she's she marches around, yeah, the zips and she she just like a little toy soldier. She's marching around and like she does a little dance in every room and it's everything is this and that, and you aren't get out of here with that. That is the cutest day I've ever you know, she's just and she makes Chris laugh so hard it's almost insulting to me because I've never heard him laugh that hard.
He just like ever, I think she says it's funny and so then but then after Taylor's party, she's like, I'm having your dad dropped me off at Broadway oyster bar. I don't care. I'm going to see this Led Zeppelin cover band. I don't give a shit there. And it's her her friend's son's band. So he's like forty something, so it's not like it's like a young it's they he's in this he's like a famous Saint Louis musician. He's in all these bands. But they do a great
Led Zeppelin cover band. Because we dropped her off at this bar, we could hear it through the bar. It was like kind of an almost an outdoor ish bar, even though it's freezing cold. And my mom is just was rage and probably till two in the morning, and then came back home and just and then I woke up to a text from her at like eight thirty in the morning, something about like will you send me that picture from a thing? Like she's just like she's up and she chugged a diet coke. She's ready to go.
She's back on the back on the I guess she's not back on the horse. She fell off the horse last night, but she's back. Well, yeah, she's back on the horse. She's going to Goodwills today, probably Payton a wall up on the ladder. She's just I love. And earlier in the day my mom came. I had a photo shoot yesterday and I was having an existential crisis and I was like crying, and which isn't good for your makeup that you just had applied for two and a half hours. So it's like I was like not
having a good times. I just needed somewhere that someone there that like loved me to like help me through it and to be like, you know, everyone there was so nice and so supportive and like so felt bad that I was crying, and it's it's awkward when you're crying about being ugly because people just did your makeup so you you're almost like it seems like they're constant. Yeah, which I was like, it's not your fault, it's God's fault.
It's not what you did, is it. It's just my it's I said, yeah, God made you and made you think you're good at something that you're not.
No.
I actually had an amazing makeup stylist, Kara Olsen, and then my stylist for clothing, Megan Perry. Shout out to both of them, and they were so lovely and so supportive and helping me with poses and looking up poses and moving chairs and being like you should try this like well and above beyond what they were supposed to do, and they were so emotionally supportive, and I wrote them both being like thank you for like not only your work,
but like I like start crying at one point. It was just like because I just saw things on my face. I don't usually like to look at pictures of myself. As I'm taking a picture, people know this about me because I can't convince myself I've changed. It's an ugly picture. In two weeks, I can say, oh, I've my skin is lifted since then. Actually I don't say that, but it's if it's like a weight thing, or just like a you look tired thing, I can think, oh, I'm
less tired now, or I've lost weight or whatever. My body doesn't look that way. It's been time since then. But if it's just now, it's like this is all I have, And so much work went into This was three hours getting ready and with a great stylist, this is the good best it can be. And it's just disheartening, and so I kind of started tearing up, but I wouldn't. I was like, you, guys, I have to just go
figure myself out for a second. And we're pressed for you also have a hard time, like especially when they do your makeup, if they make you face the miror and you have to like stare yourself for two hours. Yes, I know that's hard for you too. It is, but it's also hard if I don't look at the mirror because then at the they get done and I go, what did you do? You know, like sometimes I've had that happen where I look like I'm RuPaul's drag Race, you know, like where I've gone, oh my god, you
need to take this down. And it's much more harder to take off makeup than put it on. So yeah, it was just like, oh, and I'm not start up my period. It's just like the worst time I should look at my calendar when I'm doing a photo shoot and make sure it's not happening in the five days before my period, because it can. It's just too emotional. And so I just I sucked up the tears because there was no point. I was like, can I just
go cry really quick? But then I went to go cry, and I was like, I saw the bags welling up to produce the tears, and I go, I can't. I just sucked it up, and I was like, I went back out and I go, I'm just gonna pretend I'm someone else. And that's what I did. I turned the screen away Taylor Swift. I pretended I was Taylor Swift
and that I was. Yeah, I just had to pretend I was someone else because if I for a second was like Nikki, you're badass and you're gonna kill it and you just filmed a special and everything's going your way, Like I can't convinced myself of that in this state. Like just had a hard week. It's not been the week that I've wanted to after my special. It's been a lot of regret and like why did I do this?
And why didn't I do that? It like it just sucks when you think something it is as if I gave birth and my baby is was it was not a good berth, right, Like something happened during the labor, and I don't get to have the baby that I thought I was gonna have. And I'm not saying I relate to women who have any complications during that, but you know, I think I think even if you have a healthy baby, you expect that first week of like,
oh I'm not pregnant anymore. I think there's you just expect it to be like freeing, but instead this has been like oh god, if I could have I'm just getting jealous of people who are shooting their specials in March, Like I saw a girl that's shooting her special in March, and I'm like, oh, I wish I had marched to fix the things or whatever. It's just I'm having that. So it was just a spirally weak and then I planned this photo shoot. My mom came by and it
really changed my mood. She was like, so, oh, oh my god, you are just beautiful. I don't even I can't even Nikki, what are you doing? This is insane. So she was like saying stuff that I was kind of rolling my eyes out, but it did make me feel better. And then we left there and we went to a thrift store because that's my mom's favorite thing, and I just she was like, can't believe you're going to Saint Vincent de Paul with me. This is crazy, And I go, I would go with you to ask
me to go any day. I like hanging out. I have no friends in Saint Louis, and I like hanging with you. I think you're funny and cool and we really have a good time together. But she was just like, I can't believe you're going here. And I got the sweater there. It's an old Navy sweater I got for eight bucks. It's brand new and it's extra extra arts and I love it, and Chris will probably hate it because he doesn't like my oversized looks. I can I think men don't.
Like I love oversized looks on women. Yeah, I love oversize. Really, I love dressed down. I don't like I like when a woman looks like she it just fell through a laundry basket and came side.
Oh my god, that's real. It's sweet because I don't I think when I wear like Jinko, Like right now, Jinko type jeans are back in, you know, really baggy jeans like widely no, not with a patch, or like the chain wallet and the silver chair T shirt.
Yeah, and the mass of So strange how it feels like nineties fashion is making a comeback.
Maybe because it's thirty years. Every thirty years, it's cyclical. That's why in the nineties sixties was like kind of cool. I think, I don't know, or it's like retro. It's now retro, so retro equals cool. But yeah, so I think Chris is not a fan of the Jinko type jeans and any kind of oversized look. But I'm feeling it. I like things being big. I'm I realized one of my I can relate to people who have autism in the sense of sensory things. I have just to have it.
As a kid, I would freak out with socks being too fuzzy. I would be like, get them off, and I would cry, and my mom would be like, she's insane about socks, Like I just couldn't stand these socks I had to wear for these this Catholic school I went to, and I remember freaking out and then I would bend my sometimes and the fuzz on the knee that you could see in the silhouette makes me go like,
I hate it. I hate it so much. But that my biggest pet peeve with clothing is when the sleeves are like on our right here on my wrist, like right above the that bone, like I need to I want to sleeve like down to my where my pinky starts, like I want to baggy sleeve that makes me look like I'm a I'm cozy blake, lively on a and having a cup of cocoa, and the sweater is touching the cup of coco like I like to back my long,
long sleeves. I hate when it's just a little yippy skippy is what we called it, because I don't know why we just named that. In high school, when the pants would ride up too high, we'd be like, oh, it's yippy skippy, and then I think pants, yes, yeah, yeah, So it's yippy skippy on the arms too, like if it's too short, oh, I want to die. I want to die. So so anyway, I got the sweater and
that's not like that. And then but my mom last night was like we were walking in St. Vincent de Paul Society thrift shop and she was like, your dad's mad at me. I'm going because I want to go. He's already mad at me. She called him in between the photo shoot and Saint Vincent de Paul. It was like three mile drive, and I guess she called him in that time because we drove separately. She's like, he's mad at me because we're gonna go. I want to go to the led Szepplin. My dad doesn't like that
kind of music. He was like making fun of it. I don't I can't do a led Zeppelin song.
Your own dad doesn't like led Zeppelin.
He just thinks he's like, some songs are okay, but yeah, he's he's like Beatles anything that like made the Beatles go, like, we don't really care anymore. My dad was like not into it, it's as if. And he's a musician, so he's like, you know, I.
Feel like everybody in his generation loves led Zeppelin.
Yeah you would think, but my dad was such a Beatles head. It's as it's as if, Like it's it's like how Swifties feel about well, actually Swifties are supportive of all the artists that come in her wake. But it's kind of like that, like my dad does. My dad and I disagree on so much when it comes to Taylor Swift, but he doesn't realize we're very similar because of his passion for the Beatles, where he has
like a million Beatles books. There's Beatles posters all over, like you want to go down on the Beatles just as much as I want to go down on Taylor, and I don't really want to. That's just a metaphor for do you like my Beatles? Yeah? I love the Beatles, love love love. Like I grew up my dad like you know, indoctrinated me.
That was one of their unreleased hits.
It probably was love Love Love Wait a favorite, yeah in my life, I think is my favorite? What's your favorite?
Golden Slumbers?
Wait? How does that start?
Because I it starts with just a piano, I think, and then Golden Slumbers Feel Your Rise?
Oh yeah, yes I do know that song.
But Golden Slumbers most underrated Beatles song. I Will.
And then what is the chorus? O?
Sleep pretty dull? Please? Well, then it goes into carry that Weight and then it goes into the end.
That's why I love that song because it's like eight different songs in one song. That's why I can't pin it down. But yeah, that song is fucking great. My favorite, which I posted about on my Instagram story lately. It's not that sounds like it's the name of the song, but I posted lately about it. I think when I
was doing press for f Boy in LA. I was at the Spotify center doing a podcast and I was in a waiting room and they had all the Beatles lyrics printed up and I instantly found or not the lyrics, but the description of how each song came to be. And my favorite is the one about I'm Gonna You'll Get you in the No. If I catch you with another man, that's the end, little girl. I've talked about it a million times on this podcast, but I'm obsessed with that, like I'd rather see you dead, a little girl,
than to be with another man. Your head, a little girl, you won't know where I am the fuck he's telling her you better watch out. I'm coming. I'm gonna lie yes, So run for your life if you can, little girl. Hide your head and the sound little girl. If I catch you with another man, that's the end, little girl. And then it's like boom festive. Yeah, that's like to say. And I know I love when musicians make choices like that,
where you're like, what the fuck is that? I do have to say that when people say may like, you are looking at may like and out of the woods, Taylor, you were looking at may and it's you were looking at May instead of me. It's because me sounds very bad when you sing it. So, as a person who takes singing lessons, I've learned that people will say different things in lieu of the actual words. So Ariana Grande
does it a lot. She just she is very experimental with the words she chooses to sing but yeah that it's gonna be May. He just leaned into May a little bit more than it's gonna be me. No one wants to hear me. It doesn't sound it's like a warm up. Please, it isn't it dory me doray me? Yeah, I guess it is, but me sounds bad like. There's this Taylor Swift song, the August Song, back when we were still changing for the better, hold on wanting was
enough for me. It wasn't enough for May. It wasn't enough. So for the hope of it all, cancel plans just in case you call to meet me beehind the mall so much for some of love and saying us because you weren't okay, because you weren't mine instead of mine, because you weren't mone to lose, so you say.
Mon, yeah, mon.
So every time I sing that song, I have to remember to say because you weren't mone to lose, because if I said because you weren't mine to lose, it goes like yie, and then it makes your like and it's not as pleasantly.
Sounded like a season.
Sorry if you do that, because you learn.
The Beatles have a song called Maggie May and they sing it, oh dirty Maggie me because they don't want it to sound oh right.
You got to do it the other ways like that.
That's what I was complying with that.
I like it. I liked it first. I was I don't know that Maggie May song, I dirty Maggie May. I think that I don't like that song, I think. And I also don't like Hay Bulldog. I'm sorry to anyone who likes all Dog.
Oh yeah, I forgot that song last Yeah some quick Beatles Trivia before please, So you know the song the End, which is the third act of the trilogy at Golden Slumbers.
Love You.
Yes, So that song was actually the last song the Beatles together ever recorded, and it was the end, And it wasn't the last song they released though, because they released the albums out of order. They didn't let it be after they did, right, and but.
They recorded Abbey Road before Yes.
So the last song that they ever recorded was together all together was the End. Oh it's pretty cool?
Crazy?
Yeah? Yeah?
Have you do you like the news song that Now and Forever? What's it called? Then and Now? And then? It's their new release that just they cumpled. You know, they put together a bunch of old recordings. It's the last of the the tracks that will ever come out of the Beatles, Like they're not gonna squeeze.
The sponge anymore. Real Love, which is one of my favorite songs ever. Yeah, it's like, God damn, that motherfucker so fucking good.
Yeah, that was like came out in nineteen ninety seven or eight or something like that.
That was what the anthology.
And then the first anthology song though was Real Love was the second one. No, no, no, it was a different.
One because red is the color that isn't that.
Yes it was on a Yes, it is is on an album. I can almost guarantee it. Let's go to break and we'll figure this out when we get back. Welcome back to the show. Okay. The other Beatles Anthology song was Free as a Bird, which I love because John Lennon sounds so spooky in it because they don't have his like the recording shit, so it's like as the Bird, it's the next best thing. It's so good. When those songs came out.
The ship shot John Lennon, you like killed the equivalent of a thousand people or something. I mean, what a what a what a theft on humanity to steal that man. You know, at least George Harrison was stolen by God, but John Lennon was stolen by a man.
And that's answer. Yeah, which I guess God gave him, yes, And it's all that Dopey smoked in the sixties.
We don't know if the Beatles were gonna ever get I bet you the Beatles would have gotten back together in the nineties or.
A thousand question. The only people that don't get back together for money is Oasis brothers. Those two are like, really, I can't believe not enough money hasn't been offered for those two to settle their grievances. But you know, the Beatles would have been totally gotten back together because you might see them back with AI. Yeah, you're right, that will happen.
Fuck that. But you're like, they're not going to make new Beatles songs?
That are you know they might be able to do with AI. Oh my god, I don't.
AI is capable of doing anything artistic. That's good. Really, that's right.
They won't make it. It doesn't mean they won't.
Make it, but I know that AI is making a lot of music now and beats and stuff like that. But I feel like there's two things that AI can't do. One is they can't make anything truly original because everything is taken from other artists and cobble together. Number Two, they can't have human experiences. Therefore, the art that they're creating is based on nothing. And I feel like art they learn.
About having human experiences from observing from you know, consuming all of our media and writing.
And it can only mimic what other it's It's just it's just all AI is right now. Is this predictive, It's just a prediction engine. It's just predicting what the next word most highly probable would be after the previous word that was said, or whatever programming or however they're doing it. But it's it's not anything. It's not creating new experiences, it's not experiencing anything. It's not conscious in any way. It's just probability. Like if I say the
it's like it's basically like a really advanced version. Know, when you're texting on your phone and it gives.
You like, yeah, can we play that game? Can we play the game?
Game?
We got it so fun? Basically check that's my favorite game. Okay, I am going to pull up I'm going to write to Noah. Okay, so what you do is you pull up your phone. If you have an iPhone, if you have a droid, what the fuck are you even listening to this podcast for I don't even want you guys to listen now, I'm just kidding. Uh, Droid phones actually take better pictures by far. Okay. So I'm gonna pick up I'm gonna pull up Noah, and I'm gonna put
in Okay. So it's starting with My predictive thing is the and I like to do it where I press sometimes the left one, sometimes the right one. I mix it up, but I blindly mix it up, so I'm not looking.
So I'm gonna make a text instead of Noah. I think you should pick someone on your phone that's not involved in this conversation. Really, no matter what it says, you're gonna have to send it.
Okay. I just did one for you to make Okay. I don't think you should pick me, because mine that I just did for you is just HI. There. Just wanted you to see how you're feeling today. Oh my god, that's good that so you would be because Also, it kind of starts almost like you're like, hey, I just want to make sure those files uploaded if if you could check, Like it's still like, hey, not a big deal. I know you have a lot going on today. Like
that's I would predict. Noah's would be like, hey, it's always understanding of my circumstance plus asking me for something, plus a cab out of like you don't have to do this now, it doesn't really matter. I love you. It's always like she's the best friend a person could ask for, Like, God, I love it. Okay, so I'm gonna.
Pick she just sent a text to Kirsten or something.
Okay, I'll send it to Kurston. She'll be so confused. But she's probably teaching a polity of stuff right now, so I have time before she starts. Okay, So I'm pressing it blindly.
You have to do at least until a sentence is for him.
I'm doing it like so much. I'm going and I'm going fast. Okay. Oh, there's some emojis coming in.
Wow, you have emojis in there.
Oh my god, this is okay. Tell me when to stop wop. The only way I could do that was if I could find someone to help you with your car payment, I could get it paid for you. If you would rather, I can pay you for it. If I can do that, and you don't have a problem. I just want you to be honest. I just don't know if I can help you. You can help you out if you're not busy or not. If you're busy, just let us be friends. I love you. I hope you're okay.
Wow, that really encapsulates a laser crack.
Pay you. I'll let you know when I can pay you. It's no problem. But can I pay you? And I love you? And I'm just very busy, and I hope you're well.
And you wanted to be honest? Oh yeah, and I want you to be I mean that more Ni Glazer.
I just had to write. That's a game we played on the pod. Okay, that is so funny. All right, Okay, who are you gonna do?
No as you got I don't know a lot of your circle. But you could do your husband.
Yeah, I think you do your husband, or you can do Kirsten. You do Curson too, Okay, to do Kirsten too. Oh God, he's gonna get so many He's gonna get a car paid. I'm gonna I'm gonna raise the thing that I said. I'm playing a game. Damn it, I'm erasing it. Oh my god, mine is so boring.
Okay, so okay, here we go.
I just pushed the middle one. Okay, Hey there, I'm on the road. I should have an hour and a half before where I'm back to work. I will text when I'm leaving, and i'll text when I leave, and I can come get the car if that's cool, and I'll be home by five. Got the car payment. I talked to her, Wow the car. Disparate texts about this car,
pem that she's gotta be honest with It's again. I like how Noah's is Noah, we can tell when you text, it's mostly about alerting people to like let them know that something's gonna happen, right like you're you're you use your phone for like the reason it should be used is like, hey, I'm going to arrive at this time. This is stuff you need to know. I really like that. Okay, Brian, do you want christ Do you have your number?
I'll I have the car. Why are you pick that up? What's her note?
Oh?
Wait, you can't tell me your number on the ID.
You can just bleep it. Do you want to do it?
Yeah? Okay, Okay, here we go. Did you just do middle? Nick, you do first and third and middle or whatever you want.
I went all over. I went like like I was just like crossing, very feverishly fast.
Okay, tell me what to stop?
Do do do do do do do do do do do do stop.
Okay, please tell me.
Not gonna fucking no, wait, it's listening. Then.
I'm a little late clock emoji to this one. But I'm gonna go and see if they are available for a little visit tomorrow morning. I will be there to get it and then I can get the car. I am not hold hold.
The fuck on? Wait, send it, send it and it's a car Emojiay, I'm gonna text her. Now. You just got a random text from Brian Franjie because we're on the podcast and we're sending predictive texts of what our phone would think to send you. Period, we each had a text predict that we should send you something about a car. Period. Be on the lookout for car stuff today.
Yeah, I mean maybe it's cursed and not us.
Oh, weird when I send a car here in when I wrote car stuff, when I dictated it was c A R R like Alan Carr a car. Oh whoa.
That's so fun. Everyone should play that when you're bored and have nothing else to do on your phone, play predictive text games with your friends, because sometimes Chris and I used to do it so often that I would always know if I got like a giant, you know, tower of text, that it was that, and then you just read it and you go like, oh my god, I want to see what I would say to Chris. Let's just see where our relationship is today.
Is it different for who you're texting? I think it's just based on.
I really, it's just based on cars. Oh wait, wait this kind of car you guys? Car is coming up again? No? Maybe because it here's us.
Do you think it's hearing us and it's saying we're well, No, because it's not hearing you, because I'm hearing you through my headphones and Mike exactly.
It doesn't know. The only way I could get the job is to go back in and get my car serviced, and so I can come back and do the work for you. But you will have a good night. I will see if you want me to. If not, I'll get you something else. I don't care about that. But you know what, you don't have a job and you can do whatever. I don't want. You know, I love you that you have to you have to work for a lot, and you have a job, and I don't
care if I have a problem. Wow, this is so it's you know, I feel like I'm a good person based on these things. I feel like I'm a very empathetic This is an empathetic person's predictive AI texting.
You're trying to explain how you feel. You're saying that you love the person regardless, and if you just want to fix the problem, and if it needs if you need to pay for it, you will.
My car needs to be serviced so bad, you guys. It is leaking oil onto the engine, then it's burning, and then the burnt oil smell travels into my nose. I really am getting brain damage, probably from breathing in this. But it's not actually like ruining the car. The car drive, It's just ruining me car. What I do. It is so embarrassing to pull up in this car in this town. People think I'm like a big deal. And then I pull up in my mom's beat up Lexus, which is
a nice Lexuses are so nice. It drives, it's so old, and it's like really dented up. I backed into a trailer. It poked a hole through the back bumper, so it looks I have a bullet hole back there.
There's a lot going on.
But anyway, last night, so myody, we go to this picture of this car. Please, oh my god, I will. I'll give you one, Like people need to see what it is a faded dusty green, so it always looks dirty, like it's kind of dusty green that you can't it can't look And also I don't like that this happens. But it needs a whitening for its lights, Like it's almost like teeth are are like the lights of a car, and my cars are yellowing like the lights are yellow.
So it always looks Dirney always. And yeah, it drives like a dream. It's so smooth and I love it. But I really need a new car. I have a feeling Chris and I are going to find one over the break and I will have a new car soon and I will feel amazing about it. And you guys will hear about it so much. I will text you about it all the time because that's all my phone wants to even talk about anyway. But yo, so yo yo,
so let yes, fucking my phone needs to learn that. Yo. We're at Saint Vincent de Paulio and we are rifting, and my mom's like, your dad's mad at me because I want to go to this oyster bar to hear this band and your dad doesn't like them. And I go, Mom, and this is what the You know, when we were talking the other day about do you ever feel like you're counseling your parents? I always just And this helps
me a lot with my relationship. I go the things I see my parents repeatedly argue about and complain about within their marriage. It's like they knew both these things. They knew all of these things about each other when they got married. And there's this delusion that somehow along the way, in forty two years of marriage that someone's gonna change, And I go, mom, Dad married a party animal and a woman who likes to party, and he can't. It does make sense to think that your wife would
mellow out into her sixty But she hasn't. She's a party animal, and I go. Dad has to reckon with that. He has to just realize that you like to party. And also he benefits from that so much because my dad does like to party. And they both stay up late and play music into the night into like three in the morning a lot of times with their friends and stuff. Yeah they'll do it alone, Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah,
they love staying up late and playing music. And they're not like deeply unhealthy people or like you know, they're not you know, horrible boot They're just they like to have a good time. And it's like it's I love coming from that kind of stock of people who just like like a good party. But my mom likes to party a little bit heartier than my dad. She likes to drink a little bit more. She likes to get
sch wasted, which your your Girl relates to. My mom likes to get a little blackout and and you know she's gonna be having dementia soon, which that will be her being blackout all the time. Like you know, when Grandma's get like, they forget stuff and people just go all. But when people who drink to blackout get drunk, everyone's like you don't remember that, like they punish you for it. So I think it's yeah, I always.
Well one of them is you're you're doing and the other one is I.
Don't think it's your fault that you want to drink to blackout.
Well sure, sure you want to that.
Yeah, yeah, you know, you know how I feel about that stuff. Nothing's interesting, nothing special, and everything's not your fault, but also it is, so yeah. Anyway, it was just an interesting conversation of and she kind of was like thank you, you're right, you know. And then and then later on, I was like, Dad, are you mad we're driving her to this bar? And he's like, I'm not mad. I get to go home, be alone in peace.
It's gonna be nice.
I was just like, he's mad about it, but yeah, they're just like they're just cuties. And they went to this party. It was so fun going to a party with my.
Home and start working on his conspiracy novel. Oh yeah, oh yeah, you're going to match Onya's dad get.
Thirty one sales. I was just like, it's somewhat jealous. I called about he goes and I was like, thank you for admitting you're a little bit threatened by this, like a friend of mine whose dad wrote a book, and then I was thinking about, like, God, you ever look at all these books and just go like, I can't believe people wrote this many books. Yes, someone that'd sit down. It is so hard to write a fucking book, man, and so many people have done it, And I think
it's even harder now because there's less to do. Back in the olden days, like that was just kind of what there's not much to do. When you got a typewriter, that was like, yeah, that was like scrolling on your phone. People would be like, oh, you're wasting your life writing that book over there on the hype. All you're doing is just typing.
That's how I feel, especially about like nonfiction books. Like every couple of years, some random politician that was just like in the state department, we'll write a three hundred page book about like the year, and it's like, man, and then you know people and that people read that book that year, and then it's just a waste.
And then it's just I mean, isn't that everything though you put so much effort into it and then it's just fleeting. I saw this really interesting thought experiment today on Instagram. I put it on the girl's chat, but it was this girl. It started out really annoying. I like hated her. She was just like, let's do a thought experiment. And I love thought experiments because they're usually
I've always heard thought experiment. I first enjoyed heard the phrase thought experiment from Sam Harris, who is obviously the most intellectual person I could imagine, and so I liked them at first because they just they're usually philosophical questions that make you go, oh my god, they totally turn
your world around, and this one actually interested me. So this girl was talking about, imagine your life is fast forwarded, and all of a sudden, all of the things in your life just flash by in a second, like the seasons change, and you're watching the earth spin and you're seeing the seasons change and the sunrise and sunset, and it's going so fast, and all of the birthdays and
anniversaries and celebrations and Christmases and everything just lose. And then all of a sudden, you're there at the end of your life, and you're laying in bed at the end of your life. It's the last day of your life. You've arrived at it, and your consciousness is going through every single day of the past ninety years of your life, and it decides to pick one day to pull up for you to watch again and to relive, and suddenly you are in let's say it's today. That day is today,
you right now watching this at home. It's today right now that it picks up. And wouldn't you want that day to be something where you're not laying in bed scrolling on a phone. Wouldn't you want in your nine year old self, you get to one more day be in a younger body, with this young skin and your young hair, in your flexible joints and your strong bones.
Wouldn't you want to go do something with that body that's like walk outside and breathe in the air, which is probably at ninety not really breatheable because you can't go outside anymore. Don't you want to go look at animals that are probably I'm adding all these things because I believe in a more dystopian future than this girl probably did. But don't you want to go look at animals?
Don't you want to go call up someone who's now long dead and you haven't talked to in thirty years since they passed away, don't you want to go do that? And it really for whatever reason, At first I was rolling my eyes, and then I was like, man, this is like really tracking for me because I all of a sudden put myself in my nine year old body when all of my friends are dead, all of the people that are now currently in my life are gone, long gone. And I was like, I need to go
see my fucking niece enophew today. Like it created the surgeon me that after I get done with Yeah, they'll actually they will be Okay, I shouldn't.
Go to do that.
I gotta go hang out with see them. My mom will probably still be trucking. Yeah, yeah, I shouldn't. Yeah, I could see them. Then they'll be there holding up the simulation for me to watch. I don't know if you'll have to hold up an iPad for the simulation, but they'll be there. Yeah.
I go to a Led Zeppelin cover band. That's what I would.
That's living, baby, what my mom is doing is living. And that's not saying that scrolling isn't fun. I like scrolling on my phone. There's no shame in that. I like going on Reddit, I like listening to podcasts. I like being in bed in the dark. I like those things. It is okay, But spending your whole day doing that
not okay. You know, like even if you suffer with depression, like try to do something that gets you out so that if that day is the day you choose at the end of your life, which we don't know that this is a thing that even happens, that there's something in that day that you go, WHOA. I get to feel my body, I get to be young again. I get to be around people that I love again and enjoy the world that once was. I thought that was kind of just a.
Way to enjoy that.
Yeah, I like it.
I thought I had a belief a few times where when you die you just start rewatching your entire life. One thing I think is that what if hell is you have to redo everything you did in your life, except everything is grouped together. So like, let's say you ate turkey sandwiches, you ate a thousand turkey sandwiches over the course of your life. In hell, you have to eat one thousand turkey sandwiches in a row before you
can move on to the next thing. Let's say you which took poops for you know, seven hundred and eighty hours total. Then you have to poop for that long. In hell, let's say you had sex for because everything's bad if it's long enough so that it's all things added together in a row. That's one thing I've thought before.
Well, I was watching this girl yesterday, a girl I followed, Katina Quilo Kuilo, Katina.
Quilo, Quilo, Tila tequila.
No quila, Katina Quilo eats. Katina eats. I think it's her name, but she does. She's like a you know, she eats a bunch of food on Instagram. She's not a muckbanger necessarily. She's does food challenges all over the world, and she's so adorable. She looks like Noah, oh she and she is a body like has been a bodybuilder before, and I'm I'm guessing she does some kind of MMA.
But she also met her husband, who is also a food competitive competitive eater, through the competitive eating like community, and she met him and they would do videos together just like we're friends, and then they just like started dating.
It was so cute. You could tell they got together to like because they probably had like a crush on each other but didn't need to it was just you know, it's like how comedians sometimes like start dating and you can see like a podcast where they first met or whatever. It's just fun to see that kind of stuff in the like thenessence naissance of their relationship.
Yeah.
Anyway, so Katina Kilo's whatever. She ate a deep dish Chicago pizza the other day and a giant thing of beer and a giant pizza and a thing of fries. And I was like watching it because I was like, damn, that looks good, Like my my vegan self is just like, oh the cheese pole, because the cheese pole was just
like it was so good. And and then it got to a place where she was, you know, it was like her hell where she was eating this pizza and you could just tell she was just like, oh, Like, it's so funny how something so amazing can go from being like the greatest thing in the world to like, if I have another bite, I'll die. Yeah, And I hate it so much. I used to feel that all
the way all the time with Skyline Chili. I used to always binge too much of it as a kid, and then I would be like, how can I love something so much? And then I hate it. It is all things.
Yeah, fuck, too much of anything is bad.
That's why separate bedrooms. Dog, people didn't write separate bedroom did you see did you see a thing? There was some kind of study that came out that like, well, first of all, who camera Diaz says she does separate bedrooms in her religion? Was it her? No? No, no wait no no no, no, no, no, no no me Once she says we should normalize the conversation. She says, there's nothing bad if you sleep in separate bedrooms. But and she said she said this was her opinion before marriage.
But she also said, which I feel like is kind of like like a little bit assuming that your marriage is bad if you do it. She's like, my marriage is so good right now that we don't need to do it. Yeah, that's not good. That's judge you. Oh my god, you should have seen, like you read the comments about just the headline that seemed like she was just in support of separate bedrooms for a healthy relationship,
And you should have read the comments. It's just like all of these threatened fucking dads, chads and brads to quote Taylor Swift, that are like the uh, if you want to unhealth. Well, I actually don't need this because I love my wife my husband, and I don't need this because he loves me. And it's just like you guys are so fucking threatened. And I bet you anything people commenting that you everyone maybe your husband loves you, but everyone else in your life hates you. It's the
and he is stuck with you. You are a terrible person. There's the There are the worst people commenting on Instagram things. If you want to see the word the dregs of society, look at any comment under like the Daily Mails Instagram. It's truly or E or E news, any celebrity news. I'm so embarrassed to be someone who likes this kind of stuff because the people that comment on it are seriously the dumbest, moronic, most judgmental, miserable you've ever imagined.
They're fake. Part of me thinks is just like the dumb ut all down like ager, they're real people, dude, they I think they're real that they keep talking.
About separate bedrooms. But yesterday you posted a god I forgot the comedian, but you posted he was on the airplane and he caught two people. It was Adam Ray caught two people. Why don't you describe it?
NICKI God, okay, well, let men we describe it when we get back from break, because it Yeah, I would love to hear your edition. We'll talk about Adam Ray's Instagram post that I was like. My comment was, I have to text you immediately to find out what the rest of the story happened. And I'll tell you when I texted him after this, Yes, and I did. I did not find out because it's wait, yeah, okay, but
we'll talk about whatever this. Okay, So we're back. So Adam Ray yesterday posted a video of him filming a couple watching a movie full volume on their phone together, and he's sitting next to Sandy Danto. His opener, I'm guessing, and Sandy Danto he puts the phone he's filming the couple. You can't see Adam, and then he moves it onto Sandy and Sandy's just laughing like I can't believe this, kind of like eyes wide open, like holy fuck. And
then he goes back to the guy. The guy then takes a handful of peanuts or cashews or whatever, eats some of it, and as he's eating it, he kind of catches that Adam's filming him, and he looks over and he just stares at him down for probably like five seconds, and then Adam just goes, it's so loud. It's so loud. And then the woman looks over and then she suddenly starts turning it down. She's like, He goes, no, no, no, it's fine. It's just hilarious, and then it cuts off.
So I was like, what the fuck happened? After that? It was a perfect approach Adam Ray. I love Adam Ray so much. If you weren't following Adam Ray on YouTube and Instagram, you don't know what's up. He is one of the funniest, most quickest guys out there. His character work is hilarious. He does Doctor Phil live at the Comedy Store, and he puts up those live shows. He did one with Bill Burr, he did one with Santino Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee recently. They are so funny.
He is so quick. His crowd work is amazing. On his stand up, he did this one clip where he was asking about someone's like son or daughter. God, did you remember that one? That made me cry? I know, right, hold on, I went through like a whole roller coaster of a moment. Really you did, okay? So he so he asked about this person's kids and no life. They're like, what is your what does your son do? And they're like, oh whatever, and they're like what is your daughter? What
does your other son do? And he's just like quiet, and he goes this guy doesn't even know he doesn't even know what a son does. He doesn't even give a fuck about his son. It's not exactly that, but it's something like that where the guy like didn't answer him, so he did it. Adam assumed, like, you don't even know where your son lives or whatever. And then the wife volunteers, our son is dead and so and they're with a live band. So Adam is like jamming out.
He's singing this as he's going. So he's like, oh fuck, what did I do? What did I do? This is weird? Where do we go? What do we do? I don't know where to take this song? And then he's like, but then it turns around at the end. Didn't you love the end? Wasn't Wasn't it emotional? Because then he's because Adam's a sweet guy. He's never gonna go harder in ever, he's like, he's one of my favorite people.
But he's I'm getting emotional thinking about it now too, because it's awkward for a second, but the band is still going and everyone's kind of freaking out that this woman just like but she seemed okay with it saying it,
so it's both sign lighthearted. Yeah yeah, and then she goes, I just want you to know that my son would love this, her dead son, and he goes, that's it, Yes, you're and then any that's my trigger if there is a dead person that is being talked about, like they are there and like that they would like have an opinion about what's happening presently. It started with Forrest Gump, where it was like, Jenny, you'd be so proud when he said that, like a dead person being cognizant of
what's happening. I can't handle it, dude, I can't fucking handle it. So then I started crying at that part too. But then they started going like, what's your son's name? And they're like Max, and they're like, let's give it up for Max. Let's give it up for Max. And then the whole crowd is like let's give it up for Max. And then it's like this whole crescendo of like this this thing that could have gone so wrong becomes like this beautiful moment with the whole crowd, and
it was just such a I couldn't believe. I thought it should have gone so more viral than it did. So go to Adam the Ray's instagram and watch that clip, and then watch the clip of him walking, which means if you walk someone as a comedian, that means they walk out of the room. So it's not a good thing necessarily, Like that means that's off They're offended or
they got upset, or like they left. So if you walk a room, it means like the whole room walked out on you, and that's like the worst thing that could happen as a comedian. It's like, oh, he walked the room, you know, the whole room left. And Norm MacDonald famously would walk half the room like at shows
up until his death. Like he would always offend people, which is so great because they would go to see him as like that's the US and O guy and like we loved he's from TV, and then they would be horribly offended and it was like a point of pride for for him, I'm sure, and comedians that would like revel in watching these people like not not get
norm in the way that we all do. But so Adam was Adam should never walk anyone because Adam is an inclusive comedian who's like just having fun up there but also taking some chances and just being He's great at crowd work. So he's doing crowd work. And it was a Christmas party for this law firm and he said something to a guy and was like, what do you do at the law firm? And he was like, uh,
maintenance work. And he made some comment about like maybe that that's it's hard work or it's like, man, that's hard labor. He made some kind of comment that it was like I couldn't do that, like, oh, that sounds rough, and he kind of wasn't disparaging about it, but it was, you know, commenting on the fact that maintenance meant isn't like the most cushy job at a law firm. Correct.
So then one guy like stood up for the maintenance man was like, while you talk about your own job, or like yeah, because it's so easy because you're up there and he's just like wait, what, Like the guy just flipped out. So then Adam tries to go, hey, you're drunk, like it's okay, man, I want you to stay, like, don't get upset, and the guy was just staring him down.
You can like see this guy looking at him. And then the whole law firm decides to get up as a unit and leave the DC and prop he walks forty two people in one within ten minutes, and it's so wild and hilarious. And I usually don't like watching those videos of like watch this comedian and handle this heckler, Like I don't ever watch those videos, but Adam Rake
consistently puts out great stuff. But I loved this plane moment, and I wrote I wrote Adam immediately, and I said I couldn't say it on his comments because I knew people wouldn't get the joke. But I'm like, you're as much of a hero as the Let's Roll guy from nine to eleven. And Chris didn't know that reference, and I was like, oh, there's a guy a nine to eleven when they took down the hijacker plane and crashed it instead of it crashing into a building, they overheard him.
You know, it's lore. We don't know for sure he said it, but we There's one guy that was like, when they were getting at the boot boiling water to go pour on the terraces, he went, let's roll, and so that became like this anthem of like a hero's response. So I said, you were up there with the let's roll guys as a joke, because obviously he's not. But and I said, what else happened? He just goes, yeah, it was insane, man. So I didn't press further, but I'm like, God, I want to know more. I'll find
out in person. What did you want to say about it? Brian?
Well, the comments underneath there's three top comment.
No, I can't handle it. If anyone was defending that couple, I can't fucking handle it.
Brian, Well, do you want me to just stop and stop the podcast?
No, don't stop, But I literally I cannot. I didn't even read the comments because I go, no, one, he's going to not be on our side.
I lost faith in humanity when I read these comments. So the first comment on the top is your comment, I'm texting you for full story now. But then the second comment is am I the this is from uh I won't say their name. Am I the only one that is having a hard time finding why this is a big deal to others?
Are you fucking kidding me? Lady? Are you fucking kidding me? Man?
Yeah? And then there's two hundred and thirty nine replies to that comment trying to explain to him why it's inconsiderate and rude, and he's arguing with all of them. So I don't know if he's trolling and he's just trying to work people up, but I really.
This is this Hopefully this is the only comment that says that, right, Like, there aren't more people that are on this person's side, right, are there? How many likes does that comment have?
Sixty eight?
That is problematic? Dude, that's that's not good. That's too many likes.
He goes on in his own comments, put in your earphones, y'all are crying about something you can fix and getting mad about not being able to control others. Oh well, stay mad. It's so it's so brazenly obnoxious. I feel like a liberal. I feel like a liberal.
This is the only thing that could get my mouth to open. As far as Taylor swift. I am a gast at anyone defending these two pieces of shit. I can't believe two people have agreed that this is a good idea on a plane to listen full volume to their phone when they are in a first class cabin. It looked like it was a business class cabin. Not that it's like business class people should behave better, but kind of. I mean, like you've probably been there before,
you know, like that's a quiet space. Wait, what is one of the rudest things that you experienced on a flight happening next to that? Happened? Anything comes to mind? That happened next to me. But it wasn't a couple. It wasn't two people who agreed. By the way, when two people like this ever agree to do something so insane together. Chris likes to say it reminds me of incest, that like a brother and sister both had to be like, hey, I'm into fucking you, and they had to like both agree.
I thought that was a really funny comment, but it is. He's always like I can't whenever hears about incest. He's like, I can't believe two people agreed that that was a good idea, Like the odds of that are wild, which means there's probably a lot more people single people wanting to fuck their sister or brother out there. The thing, Yeah, what is the worst thing you saw? I think, I think,
I think that I can top that. The worst thing for me was some lady was changing her baby in the seats in front of us, not going to the bath instead of going to the bathroom to change the baby. Did she get confronted, Yes, thank good bye, a very sassy flight attendant that was like, you have to go do that in the bathroom, And then he came over and he like sprayed the area with like air freshener,
which is also just a little bit worse. Yeah, no one needs to air fresh is horrible for you, by the way, like no one should be using any of that ship We have been so lied to that that is good for us in any way.
There's another thing, big Al Fabriz but I put on my Instagram. Yeah, okay, it's one of my most underrated Instagram cartoons of all time. But it's big Al doing a Fabreeze commercial where I talk about how Fabriz just thinks the world stinks like shit needs to be sprayed with chemicals.
It is chemicals, but for somehow we convince ourselves that that is really we should all be huffing it constantly. Just put your face into the pillow you just sprayed with this procter and gamble like killing ducks, runoff bullshit that Like, Yes.
It's very sad. It's sad that you think that you need to that your couch stinks like shape.
It probably does, but it needs to be cleaned in like a way where that the water runs through it, not just bring onto it. Do you know another delusional marketing thing that I talked about last night at a party because I was with a I was with a woman who's a vet tech or used to be. She was like, I quit two years ago because it's the most depressing job you can ever imagine as someone who loves animals, like you just have to get out of it. And I go, oh my god, we have the two
leading occupations of suicides, comedians and vetechs. She was like this, I think I think comedians probably if if you were to average the amount of comedians that kill themselves versus comedians that are exist, we'd probably be up there with dentists.
But it's but.
It's veterans, veterinarians, dentists, and I would say people wouldhow business killed themselves the most. But she was like, oh my god, yeah, we totally are. And she was like, yeah, it was just she goes, I was a really happy person and I loved my life and I loved life, and I loved animals, but I just witnessed so much abuse, animal abuse. And I was like, I didn't want to make her sadder, but I'm like, and that those are
abusers bringing in their dogs. Think about all the if you abuse your dog most of the time, you're not bringing it in, Like, that's people who would risk getting caught. So those are the kinder abusers. And she said it was just constant, and so she was like a walking zombie after doing it for a few years and she had to quit. She had to walk away from a job that she loved so much for so many reasons, but but she just couldn't do it anymore because it
was just so upsetting. So, yeah, everyone needs to be nicer to animals across the board. But she was talking about she brushes her dog's teeth every night, all of her dogs. She has three dogs, and she brushes all their teeth every night. And then Chris said something like, oh, you can't just give them that bone shaped as a brush a toothbrush, And I'm like, oh, yeah, Greenies. We all to the people behind Greenies, the evil, evil geniuses behind those toothbrush shaped bones. You are so diluted. I
even believe it. Like it's shaped like a toothbrush. Yeah, why wouldn't it clean my dog's teeth? She goes. That would be like me telling you to gnaw on something to clean your teeth. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't clean your dog's teeth. Please stop giving them those. Actually, you should be brushing your dog's teeth. I know I wouldn't. I mean, I'm getting a dog soon, but I doubt that I would. But that is what everyone should be
doing for your dog. Which is insane that we have to do that. But and cats, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do that. Final thought you have? Do you brush? Do you brush? Uh? What's this buzzy fuzzy teeth?
Yeah?
Well, I just I use the brush to like, like, I wet it a little bit, and then I stroke the side of his head so he feels it's like his mom's tongue. But now I have to like move it over to his mouth, like your mom's about to get funky with you, she's about to Are you into Are these two into the same thing? Oh my god? What are the odds? Wait? What is your daily interaction with Buzzy? I want to know as a cat owner, like how much are you seeing your cat? How much
are you interacting with it? How like because dog owners, it's like you wake up, it's right away, dog time, gotta walk it, gotta feed it, gotta FuG in and talk to it. And then it's like throughout the day it's like a constant thing that you need to address. Now I'm wondering as a cat owner, like how much interaction on a good day do you have with Buzzy in terms of like maybe it's not a good or bad as negligible, it's just the what's the motion you have?
Al okay, what's your routine? So the okay, So what we realized is get the cat on the cat feeder. So we have an automatic cat fever the feeder that goes off at like six in the morning, so he can so I don't have to go downstairs and feed him. Otherwise he would be like meowing all over the place because he's up and he's ready. Yes, So now what he does is after your figure out the cat feeder. Huh how did he figure it out? Like he probably thought like, there's no way I can get food without
you being there. How did he realize this robot thing is get feeding me? Or did he just hear because it just it dispenses it and uh, like avy recorded a stupid thing that calls him. Okay, so on the cat feeder, it has that like it has a recording that goes like, yeah, so it's just like buzzy, Buzzy, come buzzy. Buzzy's stupid with the things that we call him.
That's so cute. Okay, So he figured it out that way. Yeah, and then afterwards he he comes, he like zooms to our bedroom and he wants to play a little bit. And by that point I'm already awake because at six clean yeah, so it's like six six, like six oh five? What I I wake up? I have no choice, and
then I feel bad. I'm like, oh, he just wants to play, So I take a wand that I like, well, hanging off the bed with your arm like kind of still lying, so it's like a stick, and I stick it underneath my mattress so I could just like literally put my arm down and just take it out of it. And then I just switched a little birdie around and he pounces it and jumps around and catches. It's really cute. And then once he's done with that, how long does that go on for? And do you decide when it's done?
Or does he does? He literally go, I'm cool with this now, like a feeling. Animals are never done. No, he's Sometimes he holds you it like three times. Sometimes he'll want to do it more and three times. I keep click it one, two, three, like it's like yeah. And then he goes back down and he eats, and then he does his own little thing in the morning. But he just ate. I thought he doesn't know. He eats a little bit and it comes up once to feel like he's hunting. Then he goes back and eats the rest.
He's got to know, you gotta earn it, got it, yes.
And then he'll he'll come back up and he usually curll on this cat. I love that he's like, I'm gonna save something for later, Like I don't know any animal that's just yeah.
I need to hunt that bird first.
That's what I I had to learn. Like cats are not at all like like dogs. Even if I put a treat in front of him, he doesn't just scarf it, like he can't find it, right, He like has to look for it. What wait, what do you mean you know how like a dog will just like inhale a treat and yes, so buzzy, Like I'll show him the tree and then I'll put it down and then he
like can't find it on the floor right away. Is it because of his like eyes and perception like the cats don't can't see it, or he like playing games with it? No, No, he's not playing diet. I think
he's watching his figure. I think he's he's having No, he's that's so cute, okay, And then what's the rest of the day of the interaction, and then you know, he'll have his like morning zoomies and then he pretty much sleeps the rest of the day and then in the evening it's pretty much the same routine around his meal time. So you just have to play with him like so it does and then when you're like sitting down and watching TV, are you petting him? Like? Is
he is he around all the time? Like while you're editing, is he like coming up and rubbing out in your left and you kind of just touch him a little bit? Does he sit on your lap as he walked across your keyboard? Is he like he'll he'll do that, like just like just a touch. He just gives you a little bit during the day. I want a pet so fucking bad. I just want something to like try to like get my attention and love me. But it's hard.
With the cat, you have a lot you have to have a lot of self control because they it's not like a dog where they'll take any kind of attention that you want to give them. They'll let you do it for a little bit and then they're over it, so you can't, Like I can't. I just want to like squeeze him so much, but he will not let the squeezes happen like he's yeah, they're aloof He just gives me a little Oh my god, Why do they do that? Why are cats so cool? I don't know.
Cat is so hard to get. I don't get it. But it's is that the different? But do you ever get to cuddle with him to the degree that you would like to, Oh, to the degree that I would like to know. No, it's never gonna last that long, and he will like fight and claw to get away if you want it longer. He never claws in a way where it hurts me. It's just almost like a little bit of a warning. Like, Okay, I'm sorry so many dumb cat questions. But when you enter into your home,
does he greet you? Is there like, yes, I'm excited to see you like and then like a cat? No, not even for a second, because I don't want to get that weird microbe that like gets in your body if you have cats, like you get a you get a bacteria.
Well if it's in the cat's urine that makes you, uh crazy, Just.
Make Chris clean the litter box. No, we don't know, it doesn't matter.
No, it's like you're still again.
I don't want I just that idea of that back to I probably still I probably already have it because I've been around cats before, But I just the idea that they could give me something I don't already have. I don't like that, and it just it kind of it makes me think of like a little worm going like through my brain. I just it makes me feel weird, but I do. And yes, I'm thinking about getting a bird or I was even thinking about getting a Hamsters
or like something easy. But I do have a dog that is seven years old whose owner died at the age of thirty two. I don't know the circumstances, but it was just surrendered and it's very confused, and it's seven years old, so it has another half of its life to live. It's like middle aged. Yeah, I know, it's so sweet, and so I might get to see that. I'm going to LA. I'm presenting at the Emmy Awards,
the Creative Arts Emmy Awards, let me be specific. It will be airing on FXX on January tenth, I think. But I'm shooting it on January seventh, which is my sister's birthday.
And you know, we almost want a Creative Arts Emmy.
We did for Not Safe Digital.
Team Not Save Digital Team.
Brian Randi had to present to the Emmy Society with me and Zoe, Yeah, Zoe Clark.
We both had to present to the Emmy Committee, and we did not know what we were getting into I can't even imagine the people that were in that room. There was it's like twelve people in that room. They were probably so much more important than I, even than I realized at the time. But me and Zoe had to go in there and do a little presentation. We did a fine job with the presentation. It was. It was just a little naive because when we got there, we were like, Okay, I think we might have a
shot at this. You know, it's either us or at midnight, right, And there was a presentation going on in the room before us, And when they finished, the presenter exited the room, and then it was like our turner was like going in for a job interview. Guess I don't know if Nicky probably knows the answer, but guess who walked out of the room who presented right before us Me and Zoe two no name digital producers who walked out of the room. I mean Chris Hardwick, Joseph Gordon Levitt was
the one to present right before us. So he does his thing, he's presenting about some band thing he was doing.
Oh yeah, I think record Joe yeah.
And then Brian and Zoe come in after Joseph Gordon Levit, My god, that we deserve a creative arts semi for making snapchats about pussys.
Oh god, there's those moments in life where you go, I am in over my head and I don't belong here.
And I had no idea. I bet you like Shonda Rhymes was in that room or something. I didn't even know who any of the people were because they were so Were you nervous or were That's the thing. We weren't that nervous because we didn't want the well we were getting into. We didn't know Joseph Gordon Levitt was going to be presenting, and we didn't know who.
We All of those people have that day as the last day, the day on the last day of their life where they have to go back and watch that day and they have don't rewatch your presentation and jose Gordon Levitz, which I'm sure.
Was yes, that the guy who made that presentation is the same guy who blew up all those buildings in Oklahoma, or whatever we want. I was creating a scenario where I became a terrorist and then they had to rewatch it.
Work out, Oklahoma, did you finish them?
I run out of steam? Uh do you want to update? Kirsten texted back what you say? She said, Hi Brian, which I don't know. I guess you told her that. I texted yea.
I said, you just got to write a text from Brian Frangie.
Okay, Hi Brian, Yes, sure thing. Just come by tomorrow and bring the car.
She's great. Yeah, she said, maybe I'll be getting a car today. I'll stay safe in the car. She said to me. Bah ha ha ha haa lol. Podcast. Yes, she'll hear this. She listens to the pod, so I like that she'll hear herself being texted on the pod. I was just about to say, oh, can I just say I watched the movie May December on Netflix.
Okay, yeah, yeah, it's so bad.
I cannot believe.
Oh no, they're hoping. They're hoping that's an award winner?
Are you joking me?
That's like their big play for to win awards is made.
Well, they've got this star power in it. And that's not to say that Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore didn't do an amazing job in those roles, but that fucking movie. Besties, who have seen it? Are you with me? Were you satisfied with that ending? Spoiler alert, It's a bad ending. It gives you fucking nothing. It's it ends in the middle of it, like there's no feeling you get at the end of it. I kind of like movies that
Levia hanging, don't. I don't hate it. I don't hate a movie going against like what a movie should do and give you some kind of, uh, you know, concluding moment of like, oh, thank god they got together. I like movies where people don't end up together. I love Romeo and Juliet where they both fucking die at the end. I love that shit. But this is just nothing happens.
It's so dumb and artsy. Julian Moore gave the character a lisp because in the movie, Julian Moore plays a woman who had an affair with her student, a Mary Kayla turn This is basically the story of Mary Kayla Turno, who had an affair with her sixth grade student and and then yeah, hell yeah, and then had his baby and everything. So this is this woman. She is now living with this man that she had an affair with, but now he is my age and she is much older,
and they have kids together. And they are like they live in this community and Nally Portman is going to play her in a movie. And so Nalie Portman is this actress that comes out to follow her around and like study her life. And Julian Moore gave the character a lisp so that Natalie Portman would have something to do pretty much, but she gave her a lisp. Halfway through the movie. Suddenly Chris and I are watching this and we go, does she have a lisp? We go,
what you can tell that, like she may have. Maybe they shot the scene that we're talking about where the lisp comes out maybe first, And then she goes, oh, this is a little much. I'm gonna lay off it for the rest of the movie. And then but it's so strong from halfway through the movie, maybe three quarters of the movie, and then till the end it's like I sahly like that pronounce and it is not noticeable
even before that. So then Noli A. Portman is really getting into characters, so she starts doing it a lot. It's really that's really weird. Even though it's a good choice had it been consistent, I just think that it was a weird choice to have it show up halfway through. Maybe I'm the only one that only noticed it halfway through, but I know I'm not because Chris also only noticed it halfway through, and we both looked at each other at the same time and go, what was that? What
did she just say? Why does she have a list? What's going on? Like? Did maybe she had a tooth operation that day she saw this the scene? Nope, it's in all the other scenes too. After that, also, it's what else did I have? There's the ending is dumb. Oh oh my god. The music, My god, the music.
It takes itself so seriously throughout the movie. There is this piano that goes like bang bang bang bang bang bong bing like but it is so over done and every scene at first you think it's funny, like they're making fun of like a movie that does that. It was whoever did the movie Deep Water? I go, there has to be this person did this movie too, because it is so taking itself too seriously. But it's not that good. And let me just say, I've never written
a movie. So if you were watching this, if someone in your life send this to you and you're part of the movie, that is a bad friend who sent this to you, who like sends you criticism of your movie. So you should get that friend out of your life if you were watching this and someone told you to watch it. Also, i have no idea what I'm talking about. I've never made a movie. I've never written a movie. A movie I would write would probably be horrible. I
probably would. I definitely would use better music. The irony is in the movie that Natalie Portman is making. Within the movie, right, Julianne Moore's son is like this kind of guy that he was a son from her first marriage, and he's like, yeah, my mom's fucking she blew up our family man. And he's kind of like looks like machine gun Kelly, and he's kind of like a rebel, and he's talking to Naalie Portman's character and he threatens.
Natalie Portman's character goes, you know, I could go to the press about you and my mom and ruin this whole movie, unless, of course, you hire me. As you know, I was looking into movies and I heard there's a thing called a musical director. And he's like in a fucking cover band, and so he's like, find he's musical. So he's like so I heard there's this job called musical director. I was thinking, maybe you get me in that job in that movie. Maybe I can make these
allegations disappear. And she's like, I'll see if what I can do. I guess she was practicing the list at that point, so she didn't have the list made, but she did in December, exactly me December, and so she uh. But then the irony is they need a different music. They should have hired that guy for this movie because this bang bong bang. You guys have got to watch it just so you hear this music. Because it's so comical.
Art movie bullshit. Oh it is so that one wants and then wins all the awards it awards.
I'm out of Hollywood. I am leaving. I'm not joking you. If this is what is considered to be an amazing movie, I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend like this shit is good. Natalie Portman's incredible, She's a great actress. She has to do at one point simulate
having sex with a teenager in a pet shop. She's literally like humping the air, like like simulating what it would be like to fuck a teenager because she goes to the pet shop where the woman had an affair with the teen and got caught, and so she goes to the pet shop and she's like, can I just
look around a little bit? And I love in movies whenever someone's investigating something and it's at an old like hardware store in the back room, they just let the journalists go in by themselves, like the guy doesn't stay there with them. They're just like, yeah, look around, you know, make yourself at home. And it's like, this is the back of a pet shop of a working business. You're
just letting this actress into. So then she sits down in the corner and just starts humping the air and I looked at Chris and I go, this is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever had to watch in my life. Is this girl? Natalie Portman a beloved, amazing actress. Black Swan, Where the Heart Is, other movies, Star Wars, Star Wars.
She's been in Marvel and.
Star the What's that one movie where she played a little girl and it was kind of like flirty with the older man? Yeah that one? Yeah, the professional Oh yeah, this is our Natalie Portman and you're putting her in this. It just doesn't It's just it's not a good place to be. Movies aren't cutting it from This is why I don't see movies anymore. All I want to see is concert footage at movies. Now I just want to go see Beyonce. I want to go see live events at movies.
Because there's still good movies.
Sure there are.
Oh I'm sure they're not Marvel movies. Those have jumped.
This is in need either. I need people to watch my December besties. Will you write to me about made us? I loved Barbie. That's a good point. Loved Barbie. Bessie's write to me good movies to watch. By the way, I watched my favorite movie the other day and I watched it with Chris. It was put out in twenty twenty and it is the best movie I've ever seen in my life. I've watched it seven times and it is this is how you make a fucking movie. And it's called The Worst Person in the World. It's on
Hulu for free. It is a Norwegian film and it is incredible. This movie May December. If you disagree with me, I am not gonna hate you. I want to hear why you think this movie is good. I cannot believe anyone would walk away from this and think if this wins Awards. I'm not kidding you. I will leave Hollywood. I'm done. I will watch it away and I will start a pet store where an old woman will have sex with the teenager in the back room. I really will. It will be a pet storre tell pets, but it'll.
Be weirdane without headphones on.
Yeah, no, you don't watch it without. You watch it without heaphens because you keep the headphones plugged in, but you take them out of your ears. Because this is a movie best watched just watching actresses act without the sound coming out of their mouth, which is a list that they choose halfway through the film. Even though I love Julian Moore, she kissed me once on a red carpet. Speaking of a red carpet, it was a red carpet for a Judge Cord Lovett film called what was the One?
He wrote about the porn addiction Don Juan It was awesome. That's a great movie. Scarlett Johanson is also in it. I don't know why Julianmore was there but she was there. Maybe she's in the movie. She kissed me on a red carpet on the lips. It was amazing. It was during nickin Serah Live. We're interviewing people in the red carpet and she just went in for it. We were doing a bit and she is the coolest. I love
both those actresses. Listen, I've been in shitty things too, and this is just one of those things, and maybe it changed my mind. If you made me December, if you have anything to do with it, I am so sorry. I've made a shitty things too. It's okay. We're allowed to make mistakes.
Bing bang bing.
Bing bong, bing bong. Please just go listen to it. Just pull it up. The first minute you hear the bing bong bing bong, and that same music goes throughout the movie. It's so funny. I love it. I think I'm gonna watch it again. Honestly, it might be a good sum all right, guys, I gotta go. At first, I thought it might be a comedy about movies like this, but no, it was just this movie. It was probably written by Ai to be honest with you, gotta go. Thank you for enjoying the show, we will see you
in the new year. Can't wait to see you then, don't be good and happy news. Oh, come see me in this this weekend in Denver, Sunday and Monday. I believe New Year's Eve and New Year's Eveve. I might have those days confused, but it's New Year's EVEVE and New Year's Eve December thirtieth and thirty first at the Paramount. I will see you their besties can't wait to see you.
Can you believe that twenty twenty four was the best year of all three of.
Our live I can't believe that twenty twenty four was the best year of all of our lives creatively, personally, emotionally, health physically. Oh, I can't believe it. All that Toothpaine you had in twenty twenty three, it evaporated in twenty twenty four. And I can't.
Believe almost instantly too, which is crazy. It was like just that calendar term incredible.
And I can't believe I'm gonna win that Emmy for that's for the special I mean, I can't believe I want it already in the future. That's so wild that we believe.
I hope with the creative arts means you don't have to introduce something for May December.
This is going to come back to bite me. I just feel, but I just want to reiterate I do bad things too. Okay, We're all allowed to do bad things, and bad things are more interesting than good things. So thank you for being ying me. Okay, all right, guys, thank you for listening to podcasts, and we'll see you next year. Don't be good, just have a great new year.