#402 Name Nikki's Special, The Magnet Theater Thrives & Satirical Headlines

The Nicky Glizer Podcast, Nick Glaser Podcast.

Nicky Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's a Nicky Glazer podcast. Here with me today or Brian and Noah.

What's up guys?

Hello? How are you?

I'm tired? Well, if I'm out of it, I'm you know.

I just woke up like I was supposed to wake up two hours ago get a workout in so I could I have a really long day and fit it all in. But I just kept hitting snooze, baby, just catch going back in those dreams, wanting to finishing them up, just having dreams of eating my breakfast and and then, which is such a waste of a dream. When you do something in your dream that you're about to do, it's like likely tonight.

Also, yeah, this morning, I dreamt that I was doing this podcast.

No way.

I dreamt that the podcast has been recorded in my kitchen at home on Long Island, and that it was you and two elderly women, not elderly, but maybe like in their fifties or sixties, Okay, And I was late, and I was so late that I decided I'm just not even going to be a part of this episode, and I'll do the next one. But then you kept like trying to bring me into the episode, and I kept going, no, no, no, it's okay.

Well boundaries, I know, Yeah, what does that mean?

Don't know, I don't know.

It means that you need to put your foot down about something, probably maybe with me, maybe maybe not with me. Maybe the old women represented. Wait isn't it alway supposed to be that whatever is in your dream, like the thing that is coming at you is.

Actually you, and you're I'm the old women. Yeah, like you.

A lot of the times people are like I fell in love with this guy or what there was this there was this dog in the dream, and it's like the dog is you?

Like most things in the dream are you?

I don't know.

But also no one knows fucking anything about dreams really, it's all just guesses. Yeah, and yeah, I wanted back in though, Like I love when you wake up and you're like I love setting my alarm for super earlier than like with all my ideas, Like sometimes I do wake up in the morning, I'm like, oh, I can get this workout in. Like the first thing is like, oh, yeah, I want to work out, But this morning I woke up and I go, what the fuck was?

But I said this so early and.

Then I was like, oh, yeah, well fuck that, like and then I just tensed up my muscles to like see if I still had the abs that I've worked so hard for and I did, so I was excited. And then I was like, I don't need to do a workout this morning. I've been going hard recently.

Yeah, you're posting special. Now it's time to let loose. Now it's time to go.

I did it two a day on Monday because I

I wasn't I wasn't with it.

So then I was like, I only gave half for this, which is all I had to give, so I gave one hundred percent.

But it was just not good. So I said I'll go to a class later on.

And then the class later on only had two people in it, so I got like a semi private two times.

And then also, can you come up with some new material? Like the other left? You do it eight times. I think at that point you should say something else.

It's not even funny anymore, Like it's not she's not saying it to be funny. It really is like what they say to get people to do the right the correct leg Yeah.

Yeah, that's so. That's when you know you're really dumb. But they're very forgiving.

That's what I like about pilates is I have yet to have a coach that makes me feel stupid about anything I don't know. And I feel like I have had a lot of trainers in the in other ways that when I go what are your obliques, what's a what's a trap? I don't know where the traps are?

And I'm sorry I've become.

Obsessed with pilates, like the people I hate that do pilates, that talk about it all the time. But once now I get it, I get it, I'll shut up about or I'll uh, I'm eating crow now about how people.

Talk about it all the time.

Because when you do something every day, you you tend to talk about it no matter what it is.

That's great because before you started, you were just kind of like dreading it, yes so much and dreading just dreading someone focusing on the things I can't do well, and it's and now I'm starting to do those things easier.

I couldn't tell in the class.

If she because it was a the class was by someone who I had never with, so it was a different instructor there that I'd never worked with, and I couldn't tell if she just gave up on correcting me or if I was doing it right, do you know what I mean?

But I have a.

Feeling she just gave up, not to give up, but was just like she's not my client, like I don't care if she does it perfectly. And I realize a lot of times, my I love my two women that I work with there, and they are nice enough to not make me like you have to like really like you have to put the bar up, then you have to put the thing down, and then you have to you there's all these like techniques of like you have to sit on the plate's chair and you have to

And I know that's probably not the way like.

We we do sometimes they go, this is the right way to do it, but we're not gonna do that today. So we're just gonna we'll learn that pilates stance like intro to it later. And I like that because I don't like there. I don't need another thing that I'm doing wrong. Right, let's not add well, let's just keep it as simple as possible and then we build from there. And I feel like I'm gonna get them in trouble by saying that they don't because like I.

No, it's it sounds like they're customizing it for you, which is yeah.

Appropriate respect in the art.

Yes, And I like wiping down my thing afterwards. I really like that. Yeah, I like wipe oh yeah.

Like I like, like I'm done with my class, I clean up my station, Like I feel like a little bit of a kindergarten. I've never learned to clean anything after I'm done with it, so it kind of feels like I feel so accomplished.

I feel like someone should be like, great job after I like wipe down this.

Dumb thing, because I feel I've never been rewarded for cleaning in that kind of way.

Ayan like Dora the Explorer plates, yes you did it. Yeah, And now we're going to get into this post. But do you remember that back in like the nineties, early two thousands, I guess it was more like early two thousand stand up when Pilates was like a joke when people would make fun of Pilates.

But it's almost like Ford focus or a Prius, like it's a punchline.

It was one of those punchlines because I just think, honestly it is because it was pilates and then people would say, what is it pilots or whatever? That would be one angle that these comics would take, and it was always to represent some I don't know, pretentious woman or something and stand up. Do you do you remember that?

I do remember it when it fell on the scene, and I remember a girl talking to me about how pilates changed my body, and me and my own my friends would make fun of her. She would talk about it all the time of like, it transformed my body, and her body was already amazing, so it was like she's a model. It was really obnoxious to hear on top of that that Plattis had changed her body. But yeah, it does change your body because you're like stretching everything

Yeh.

Had my mom feel my stomach the other day. I would like tensed it and made her like punch me in the stomach. It's just like I'm not doing anything with this body. I mean, yes, I am. I It ended up so I started to do piltties because I

I don't want to give it away, but yeah, at the beginning of the special, it's a pretty big theater and Nikki comes in on a trapeze swing. She swings in. I'm not going to say how she dismounts, that's kind of the impressive part. But she swings in. She's about twenty five feet in the air, swings in. The microphone's up closer to the ceiling, so she's got to grab the microphone. But the real surprise is going to be how she dismounts from the trapeze. Yes, that's the funny part.

I'm in a plank on a trapeze. Yes, And I do half of the specials in a handstand and would I slowly lower down to middle splits?

Bye way, did we ever figure out what the name of the special is going to be? No, it's still not named.

No, I never name them before.

But now it's over. You filmed it.

I know. I well, we don't know what's going to make the cut.

Wow, you know, yeah, we don't know.

I know it.

That's insane.

People are like, what's your special name? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't And this is the kind of celebrity I am. I'm not good at planning things. I just like go, I free ball it, man, I just go. And I'm doing a photo shoot for my next tour and today today for four hours and I had a call with the photographer.

My assistant just wrote me about it.

Everyone's asking what is the name of the tour so we can like make the photo shoot about the tour, and like what kind of poses do you want to do?

And I'm like, I don't, I don't know. I don't.

I just want to name it emma, like a baby or something. I want to pay, Like so easy to name a child, but a tour that has a whole

But in comedy you can't say.

Like, yeah, I'm getting rammed at the Ass tour or whatever. It's always got to be like my Tiny Dick.

Tour, yes, or I'm you know, I love Tom sigour as I'm coming Everywhere tour.

I like that be a joke. Degradate, degradating. Yeah, that made me think we should You should name children once they're thirteen, because if you name them when they're zero, that kind of influences like if you named your kid, you know that you know, but what do you.

Call them until then?

What you don't know? But then when when they turn.

Thirteen, you go some cult that describes to.

Now that I've seen you, I know that you're a Dylan, Right, that's so insulting. You're a dealon where adorable?

Yeah, they have their hair parted in the middle and it's right down to their ear, their top ear lob. Yeah, and they look like writers strong, So they're a writer or Dylan.

Yes, okay.

So if you named your kid Striker or something or Parker, then they're going to be a certain person is just going to influence them in some way. But whereas if you wait until they become an asshole, then you can name them Parker.

It is interesting that people become their name. No, Parker seems like a nice person.

I just you know, I think Parker sounds like a rich person.

I don't, Yeah, I mean not my Parker.

Yeah.

You a man? Is it a woman or a man? Uh?

It's a man.

Okay, So you know, let's think of a different name. Then then nobody knows. So I don't offend anyone's friends.

I know someone who parked their car yesterday and they were a Parker and they were nice about it.

Yet it was just randomly plucking names. No offense to friend Parker, who I'm sure is a saint and has no negative qualities.

Yes, well yeah, we all do.

But I think I see what you're saying, Like what would happen if the name came later? Like what kind of person would you be because you kind of become your name.

Noah is totally a Noah.

Yeah, well, who knows if she was name, maybe she became a became.

Noah.

Yeah yeah.

I don't think her parents were like, she's a Noah.

I think she turned into an I think your name does dictate the kind of person you become, not fully. But also they say birth order does something, but then that was recently debunked that birth order really does is like nothing, even though it's such a popular meme to be like. I mean, I get targeted instantly of like, I'm the older daughter, I have autism ADHD, and no one loves me.

I get everything.

I see on Instagram is targeted towards me of being like the firstborn. Everything fell on me. Everyone's an alcoholic around me. I couldn't manage my uh you know, temperament. No one sought after my feelings. I played alone like it tries to make you feel so seen about your childhood, but it's so often many ways. Yeah, people love it. You see all of these likes. I get to see everyone who's fucking struggling when I look at the likes.

Chris women at the Magnet Theater to performers from the Magnet Theater in New York City.

I thought it was definitely an offshoot of the Onion.

It's not, no, no. It was actually pretty wild at the time when they started it because of the Onion and some other things. It was like is there space for this? And it just it, It blew up. They never looked back and it was amazing.

This one Chris sent me, and I felt sick old. I mean, the women who do it.

The only thing that I have a problem with with the Onion, Hard Times News, Reductress and what's the other one.

There's tons of.

Them, these like fake news things that are hilarious. I want to know who wrote them.

Give me an author. I want an author.

I want to credit this joke so I can be like this is I want to be able to write the person on Instagram and be like that was so hilarious. My friend Bobby, Bobby jay Cox, he said he wrote me like a bunch of stuff that's going cool in his life because we share that stuff.

And he said that he had just.

Gotten a headline through on Hard Times News and I was like.

Fuck yeah, which one?

And sometimes Hard Times News uses a picture of Ian for because they always make fun of punk culture and it makes me so happy.

I finance.

Yeah, it's kind of like when restaurants pull the tips. So yeah, when you think you're giving your waitress the tip.

I don't like the socialist bullshit. I want to know. I want a meritocracy.

I want to know who did what, and I want to give credit because sometimes I don't, you know what. I also don't like it on shows where they go it's the opposite. On TV, shows will be like written by blah blah blah, and you'll be like, this is an amazing episode, and then you realize that person's episode got it was touched by everyone else. It wasn't just that person, and people at home like my mom or dad are like, well, she wrote an entire episode and

To post which ones you've done, which is dumb to me. Who cares?

These are unfounded conspiracy theories. I've seen people posts that they've written a Reductress.

Oh you do really? Okay, Well, then Reductriss is doing it right.

But I've never seen someone I've never seen it before, and I would like to see more of it because that is I mean, maybe I'm just a little I've seen the creator.

Of Reductress post an Reductriss title and tag the person who wrote the title.

I love it. I love it. I just haven't seen it.

And I apologize for calling out reductriss if they're if they're giving people credit, But I would like a tag on the post itself.

That's what's the harm in doing that.

We need authors things.

And I think Reductross Lady would probably tell me, well, it's that one actually was a lot of people and then and then okay, maybe they'll tag that.

Chris Lady says, Reductius Lady needs to put authors on things right now.

They're so good though, they keep doing whatever they want because it's I would say nine out of ten of their article headlines are hilarious. This one I loved it said nice, this woman achieves something, so now she thinks it must not have been hard, must have not been hard.

I loved that one. That one speaks to you, Yeah, Chris set that one to me to Yeah.

Does that one not speak to you?

Noah?

Do you like no one you it speaks, well, it speaks to me about you because you see that all the time because you think that.

What you do is easy, but it's not.

It's hard, but it's easy for me, so it is easy in some way. Like you know, I think any there are some people that can play guitar just really well, and it just like is who they are, Like they're just born. Like, yes, they put in hard work, but they pick up a guitar and it's just like easier.

But that's easy because they put in the hard work.

And also some people are inclined to do things better than others. There are some kids that sit down a piano and they just kind of like, I know what an E and an A.

They just have perfect pitch. They were born but there they were on top of it.

It's limited, though. They have to get practice and education and stuff to expand their knowledge.

I will give myself credit, but I won't give it because I wasn't born with the brain that made me work hard. That wasn't my choice. It just is the way I got it. I'm lucky. I'm not gifted. God doesn't love me more than he loves me.

That is your name.

Nikki.

Nikki is a name.

I will say that it's kind of splashy, it's kind of fun. I haven't met many Nikki's. You don't like you might made a Nikki that's annoying. I E me, I might be a little overbearing sometime, but a Nikki will be someone that is like happy to see you, has a good smile. Maybe is kind of a bitch. I think I was describing myself. But like Nikkis are different than Nicoles, you know, like if I switched to Nicole, it just wouldn't fix this is like.

This is this uh horoscope stuff because like they do you feel like you're you have stuff in common with Nicki Hayley, the Republican uh running for president right now?

Yeah, let me do teeth and kind of like blinky you now, like kind of like I look like, let me look got.

To be n I k k I or can you be like Nicki Minaj also or Nicki I don't even know the many Nikki's.

Yeah, Nicki Minaj is a c K Listen. I will say this every time I meet a Nikki, I go, how do you She goes, I'm a Nikki. I'm like, oh my god, and I go, how do you spell it?

Uh huh?

And then if she says n I c K I, I go, oh, I love it?

But I don't.

No, no, no, That's that's how I am with Brian's b R y a n Brian's not. I don't like they're they're well, you're just I'm not a b R y a N. Brian. I get offended when people say b r y a N. It's because I don't surf or skateboard.

Right, If you're b.

R y a N, you are on the beach, you are wearing a puka shell necklace, you've got.

A sounds like it was your choice to change it to b r Y to me, like it sounds like your parents gave you b r I and you and high school were like my friend Lauren in high school say changed her e to a y, like Lauren Hill, and we were all like, no, that's not who you are. But it sounded like Brian with a Y sounds like a choice. What about Robin's with a Y? I don't hate it my mom, they don't change for me.

My mom's name is Karen, which has been very difficult for her over the last several years. I bet she's a white lady named Karen, but her name is spelled c A R y N. And that's not something she changed.

Okay, yeah, well no not now she isn't. Why think it's different.

Yeah, you spell my name right up by Starbucks cup being a Karen about my name was spelled Okay, that's really interesting Okay, I have a lot more to say about names, and we'll read through some more reductor's things to see what we were late after this, Can I ask about your mom's name, like, is she truly like

Now. It was really surprising for me because when it happened, because everyone was like Karen. People are like, man at Karen's all the time.

I wonder how it started and an etymology of it.

Someone I didn't know what it meant. And then someone was like that woman was acting like a Karen, and I was like, she made you pizza bagels like a rude.

Lady and her name was Karen, And that's how they started it.

No, I don't think it was just sounds like the white lady of that age group that would have It's like a forty to sixty five year old name for a white lady. Yeah, Karen, Yes, could have been any of us. At any point in time, one of our names could get sucked up into the negative machine.

You know, everyone made fun of John and Kate plussit that hairstyle was the Karen hairstyle, and I think Kate, her name being Kate, kind of influenced it. Kate's not a good enough name to be like, you're a Kate, so they think they think they chose something close to that based on the hairstyle from John and Kate.

Plessy is my guess.

Can I just say though, that Nicki Haley, there can't be a president Nicky. No offense to me, but we're not. That's not a president's name. It's just ain't happened every president of the cheer club.

Yeah, exactly.

And but Nicky's Yeah, I guess Nicki is a it's a prostitute name. It's a stripper name. And I say that with love. I am saying that with I'm glad that I have that kind of cool name. My mom always said that she named me Nicole in case when I became a professional person, like so I would go by Nicky.

And so Nicole was on my birth certificate when.

I became a lawyer or a professor, and it never happened. It's actually been a huge burden of my life to be named Nicole on every document.

And it not be. But it is my real name. But what does that even fucking mean?

It's just on some papers, but you know, no one calls me it except.

What's said for me. Is that Brian, which is my name in CASEY didn't know, is become one of the names comedian yous in their act outs to indicate like it's a it's like a funny, stupid name, like and then Brian said it's happening more and more and I don't like it.

Yes, Stacy, Brian is another name. I think, Brian, Yeah, you are Brittany Stacy. There are certain names I go to and I go where did I even come? Like, no one I know is named that name. I just picked it in the act because it's a funny sounding name and it kind of and certain names do personify exactly the thing you want to say. Like I had a joke in my special where I said aunt Gail.

Yeah, and I don't have one.

But I for a while I was saying an uncle's name that I actually have, and I was struggling with that because I was like, why can't I pick a different uncle? Because it was a really dirty joke about like wanting to have sex with your uncle, and I kept saying this uncle that I do have, and I'm like why, and it became a part of the joke. I'm like, why do I pick a real uncle's name for that?

And people would laugh.

And I'm like, there's literally thousands of men's names and I can't. But I do have many uncles because my mom has ten kids in her family. So it's Nancy, jim and Michael, Julie, Tommy, Peggy, Chucky, Sallly, Mom and dad. Right, Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, tom Er, Peggy, Chucky, Sally, Patty, mom and dad.

Or something like that.

It's which one is TV Bobby, Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, tom Er, Peggy, Chucky, Bobby, Sally, Mom and dad. Yes, okay, so I must Bobby, thank you?

Whoa?

Noah, TV Bob is Bobby Whoa? And then I have two on the other side too, so it's a lot.

But U yeah, names are cruise.

Oh wait, let me go back to reductra stuff because I think I want to Yeah, I want to relate to more because these are so good. And wait, so it was they came out of what improv school?

Well, they didn't come out of, but yes they were. One of them was a teacher at the improv at the Magnet Theater in New York City, which is to.

Do with like the Magnet schools, because those are like gifted schools.

No, no, no, not at all. It was basically like the third tier theater in New York City. They came up third. It was the Upright Citizens Brigade, which was like the Alpha Dog, and then it was the Pit. The People's Improv Theater was the second theater, and the Magnet came out third and the Magnets. Whole deal was they want to be They don't care about the industry. They're not interested making people famous. They are only interested.

Maybe that's why they don't share the names.

They are only interested in being a community where people can go and practice improv. Whereas if you wanted to be famous, you go to UCB and then somewhat you go to the like Pitt. We know how many people came out of UCB and then Pitt like Kristin Shawl came out of and others. Magnet nobody came out of, or it seems like nobody came out of. There's like a few people.

I think I did a couple of shows there.

Yeah, but it was a good theater.

And then hilariously, and then I go, they're not going to make me famous. I got to get the fuck out.

But that was the whole point. Famously, SNL did a sketch where they had a black box theater one person show they were making fun of, and they they chose the Magnet Theater as the as the setting where they would film this sketch as like a lame, uncool black box theater. And in the Magnet Theater, the bathrooms are very close to the stage, so when you're on stage doing improv, occasionally you can hear a toilet flush. Oh

Where was the Magnet Theater real quick.

The seventh, eighth and seventh Avenue. Yeah, and the and so.

Because of that, wait, is it still there?

No, Well, here's the that's the end of the story. Because of that SNL added that into the sketch where they're like and also you can hear the toilet flush from the stage, so like it was just like kind of embarrassing.

Were you when you went to the Magnet Theater after that SNL sketch came out? Was everyone talking about it? Like in the bar area, like, yeah, let me four of.

Us this week again a little bit. Yeah, but here's the thing.

Wait, were you?

Did you buy into this whole thing of like, no one wants to be famed.

No, and that's why a lot of people. I don't want to be famous, but that's why people disliked me. I performed at the Magnet. I was on six different house teams at the Magnet while I was in New York. But I kept I was on so many house teams because I would be on a team and my team would get broken up. But people didn't like me there so much because I was doing stand up and I and they felt like I had an air of superiority.

I would love to see how many famous people would still be doing the thing that they do if fame were not a thing, if money and fame and influence were not the rewards of the labor, how many would still do it?

I think it's many.

Yeah, I don't think it's all, but I do think that is a bad business model.

Well, here's what happened.

Because our society is obsessed with.

Fame, I get that, But here's what happened. COVID happened. Happened, Ah, COVID happened, and the UCB theater shut down, the pit shut down. Guess which theater is the only one that didn't shut down, Maggie the Magnet. And it's because they were based on a community of people who all just wanted that place to survive. And it still exists and the other two are gone.

Whoa, it still exists. Okay, I give my words again, Crush.

So they were right, I mean all they needed, they.

They That's why your mom loves you.

They survived a pandemic because of the community and because it wasn't just like, well, I can't be famous here anymore. So I'm gonna no.

It's a nice it's a nice idea, and I always wonder, like what I I do think that a part of the appeal. I mean, stand up, it's absolutely part of the appeal is that you get immediate attention and love for what you're doing in front of a live audience.

I was being interviewed yesterday by.

Someone in Denver because I have two shows coming up in Denver December thirtieth and December thirty first New Year's Eve Eve and New Year's Eve at the Paramount Theater.

Through, Nicky climbs up on a twenty five foot ladder and she stands on this platform and underneath there's a big pool of water that she dives into. I won't say what tricks she does to the land, but it's really amazing.

Oh yeah, that's the surprise of it.

Yeah, the tricks, I mean how many? That's it's really an incredible special I've never seen anything like it. Honestly, it's a no.

The ending did require so much core. It was so ironic because everyone goes, how did you do that? How the fuck did you do that ending? And people are marveling at it, and I go, pilates, yo. I never would have been able to do this thing that we ended up writing, not because I could do it. We were just like, what if you did this thing? And I was like, let me try it. No one who doesn't do pilates could have done that. And I'm not even that good at it, because I'm not that good

And that's that's the excuse you have to say. It's like, well, I'm not doing it to look good. I'm doing it because I require my body to be able to perform the act.

Yes, yes, but I do want to look good, but it is about feeling good. It's about feeling strong and feeling sure, like solid and like wiggly jiggly, and like all my joints are just like we're learning. It's it's nice to feel compact and like I'm everything is coming from your powerhouse, because if you do pilates, everything comes from your powerhouse. Literally, you move your toe from your aps.

So wait, what was I just gonna say about you.

You're talking about an interview that you did yesterday. O.

Yeah, I did an interview yesterday and so thank you. And so the guy was asking me about you know, he had all these prepared questions. It was really sweet. It was adorable actually, And he had one that was like, you know, what's the difference between different mediums that you, you know, perform in on TV and stand up and podcasting? Which one is the most gratifying and which one? Which one

And so yes, thank you.

So that's why stand up is great and we all know that, like that's why stand ups do it. But I think we forget that sometimes that that's what stand ups are after, is that immediate feedback. And I just don't believe anyone does stand up that isn't insecure. And I have no problem saying I'm insecure. Even Anya Anya doesn't like to hear the word insecure. She I think she grew up with a mom who said, like, it is so sad that these girls are insecure. It's just

Is in the New York Times crossword puzzle. Like every month, She's.

In it as much as a Gara, the capital of Ghana, yes, and a man, a man named uh blank a Tom Hanks film auto.

Oh God yeah, or or mining or mining gold, or a tribe a great plans tribe Oto.

Enough of Oto, man, I'm always putting Opie in there, and it's not right Opie.

They always they will because it isn't.

Hopie is a tribe, right, So I get Oto and opek and I put u t e s youtubetna volcano common gross words. Anyway, it's out of there are sometimes that it will be three days in a row of the same clue. Oh yeah, where you'll get There's there's other ones too that happened all the time. And Bow and Yang was in the cross puzzle the other day, and I got very excited and I sent him a little messer in the cross.

Yeah. I was in the cross Puzzle of clues because you were in Jeopardy and the New York Times Cross Puzzle. Is there any more that you could be in?

I said the No, I don't think there's any more.

I've got a trivial pursuit card or something.

Wal fortune would be cool, and I.

Wasn't because I did Will of Fortune.

This year and one of my.

Name was one of the clue was one of the things, even though celebrity will fortune yea lost still counts.

No.

The weirdest thing about that Jeopardy things so one of my names, So my name was used in one of the questions, not questions, but I guess answers. And then the question was what is blind Date? Which was a show that I hosted that I literally forgot I hosted.

Well, that was Jeopardy, wasn't it. Yeah, oh sorry, Jeopardy.

So on Jeopardy it was like, if your friend sets you up on one of these, also a show hosted by Nicki Glazer, you might want to not turn it down.

And it was like, what is a blind date?

And Chris and I were watching it because someone texted me. The first person to text me is Colin Donald. I think he was actually one of the first people to text me about the crossword puzzle too, and it was a Sunday crossword puzzle. So Colin Donald is a smart guy. He's watching Jeopardy, He's watching the cross puzzle.

Colin Donald, he.

Is on Chicago Chicago Hospital, Hospital Chicago.

One of those shows. She's a big deal, he's a big TV star.

Yeah, but he was I went to high school with him. Cool and yeah, he's awesome and he he was like my first date. I didn't know it was a date when we see Baar Naked Ladies Chicago Med.

He's in Chicago Med. He's a very handsome man.

What was that.

Chicago Chicago fire? There's a lot of them, There's a whole Chicago.

There's a lot of those. I'm sure he does cameos on the others. I'm sure it's a whole community. And it's very incestuous in terms of I'm starring their things. But he's up in Chicago and that fire or that med and but yeah, he sent me a thing. It was like, holy shit, Jeopardy And I was like, I was with Brian on a zoom call what I got it?

Yeah, you were the first person I.

Told because Chris was down getting our uber eats and I was like Brian, oh my god, I'm on Jeopardy And we were both like, oh my god, let's find it. So we went and watched it and then Chris came beck in was like, wait, what.

What is the What's the answer to this? Like he couldn't even answer the question.

My parents were both like wait, what and I was like, yeah, I hosted blind Date.

I was like the voice for blind Date.

Deep cut, a deep cut deep cut, who wrote that.

No, isn't that where Jackpot came from? Jackpot came from that? Because I was like, it's a blind date. Jackpot and Emil and Andrew were at the voiceover for it, and I kept saying yeah, Nat, and they were like, then we went nuts with Jackpot after that. And that is why Andrew Colin Haspot tattooed on his arm. To this day, I can't wait till what he does to cover it up someday. And I love what he I wonder what he says when people ask what it's about. I just

Let me just play it. Let me just play it.

Oh my god, this is so nuts. Sorry for this pause. Who is this other family member? I don't know.

That's why I go, there's no fucking way, like, how could that happen?

And this brings us back to names too.

Sometimes you can see this green sometimes called Lincoln Green for the trees.

My nephew's whole name, much like my whole name was in the show. How often does Forrest Green get said? I mean, yes, it's not that big of a coincidence. It's not special, it's not Destiny. There's no signs from Bob. All right, all right, forest green is a color that my sister shoes.

I think it was just shows. You know what, Nikki, I think, just for the sake of interest, I am going to go full hog on Destiny. I'm going to be the Destiny guy. Now it was Destiny.

You're the fourth member of Destiny's child's prosperity.

Yeah, I wait, Oh, you still want to pull up that reductrous article?

Yeah?

I found one that, let's hear it. It says inspiring. That's I love the ones that start with like nice or inspiring.

I think they did too.

The first time I saw it, I go, I don't know what this is, But then I now I'm bought in. I love it. I love things where you at first go what the fuck is this? And then you buy and hard. Oh yeah, this is always what? This is always my point when people go what is this? And I go, there was a time where Tom Hanks, you go, who is this?

Yeah?

You know, everything takes a second to let it in. Our first reaction with something is new is always.

Like and sometimes it never everything is Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks was new to you at one point you saw him for the first time, and we're probably like, you just don't. You're not born knowing everything and being just everything, So let new things in your life. I have to remind myself sometimes because I go, what I so, okay, this was it says inspiring. This millennial works hard so the previous generation can have.

A better life.

And it shows this woman like with her grand like with her parents, and I relate to that. But I like working hard for my parents.

Yeah, you know what. I There was a moment in Thanksgiving where I said to my dad that I feel like your generation is the uh your generation just took everything and like they you're the generation of using things because they like ruined the environment and blah blah blah, and now they're all like enjoying their retirement and we're kind of like we can't even own a home or

Say that his fault, but also we would have done the same thing if.

I love my dad and I do not blame him for climate change.

That's nice of you, Brian.

Yes, Okay.

Another one was uncle has weed pen this year for Christmas. It's just a man with a strong point of you pointing with a weed pen.

Yeah.

They're always funny, they always they always make me. I just love when someone can nail something so specific that you're like, whoa, that's so band.

But I can't believe that.

Noah, you've never felt like something you get credit for when people are like good job, You're just like, well, it's not that.

Oh, it's like comes easy to me. I don't I can't believe you don't know. I've definitely felt that.

Okay, you have Okay, but I don't like.

I guess I don't really like. I don't like.

I don't diminish what I do because it comes easy. Like I know that it comes easy to me because I've done it for so long and I've suffered a lot to get to the point where it's where it feels easy.

Gotcha, Okay, Yeah, that's so you don't focus on how there are people that are probably doing this thing that you do better than you because they did work hard. You don't focus on that more than the fact that I focus.

I focus on my annoyance for people who think that it's easy and who think they're all that and that they can do what I do when I do it, well.

That's interesting because I don't give a fuck about that.

Like when people are like, you know, have a special and they got it before they were ready for it, and it's I just go, it's not gonna be good, Like, yeah, I don't, and like the proof will be in the pudding. I like when people get things. I don't really get jealous because unless I think they're going to knock it out of the park because they work harder than me,

Work hard enough on their own.

Yeah.

I just I'm like, I can't wait to see that. I know they're good.

God for your career anyway, if you have a special before you're ready, I mean, it's just because then you go up there and it's bad and then people are like, oh wait, I guess this person wasn't as funny as I thought they were. Yeah, you shouldn't do.

It, and yeah, but it's but how do you turn that down?

You can't, I mean that's the other Yeah, you can't.

So I also don't get when people when comedians talk about like I can't believe this, I got this thing.

I'm like, was he supposed to turn it down? Would you?

Like?

Sorry? This guy's popular.

And like humilody maybe when we have some humility, and you can't have humility in this industry.

If you want to make it, you're gonna have to put yourself out there. You're gonna have to go out topless if you want to maybe what.

Chris told me I should do as a topless yeah special, And I'm like, that would have been good two years ago.

They're not.

They're not in the I need a lift to do a topless It'd be so distracting, and then the theater might get like hot, and then your nipples change.

It would just be it would be too distracted.

It would be like, you know, like a move, you know when like the color changes on the background where people have a moon shift a topless.

Billboard for for banging.

Remember, Yeah, it was like kind of it was like my whole body was covered up. It looked as if I was naked.

But I, you know, gimmicks you need to stand behind the fact that you go on stage and you ride a unicycle while juggling.

I was going to say, like, my there's a couple of gimmicks, and there's just one gimmick in this special. But it's uh, it's fitting and it's funny. All right, Let's talk about what I should name my fucking tour when we get back, because I really need some help. Maybe it's called my fucking tour, But then radio stations can't talk about it, and it sounds like I'm mad about it.

I'm so excited. Okay, we'll talk about with.

Okay, we're back. I just want to say that we recorded this before Christmas. That's when we're not talking about Christmas yet. But I'm guessing I had a great Christmas. Me too, Yes, I always have a soon.

Yeah, I'm going on a track, that's what.

Yeah, we we recorded ahead of time because we wanted this week off. And yeah, I'm going skiing before my shows this weekend in Denver and thirty first. Yeah it's in Denver and so then I'm going skiing before that in Beaver Creek. Look for me if you're out there, I'm gonna be sloshing down the blue slopes. Maybe get in a one black diamond, mostly blues. I can't wait to be on chair lifts. I can't wait to.

Be Are you're gonna be so strong for skiing from high bodies?

Yes, dude, it all worked out.

I'd be so nervous about the ski trip because I really I'm not even gonna say what I don't want to happen, because I'm not gonna manifest that like I'm manifesting strength and just slough like I just want to have those moments going down a ski slope and thinking

Jerk off to something bad that happened as an enemy, None that I could.

I probably could. I like when someone just like has a flop of a thing. It makes me puts out something that it's like so not funny.

It just when someone has that when someone gets a cartoon and then it just sucks and then it gets canceled after one season and they didn't deserve it. Only they didn't deserve it. Oh, I love that.

I love the amount of people who have had this feeling about all the things that I have done that aren't great that have been canceled is probably a lot also because I do it, so it's probably happening.

Well, then people are doing it to you. Yeah, so you gotta do it back. You gotta get a give and take. But then you got the seed.

I used to have the thing where someone would say, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, and I'm like, that's the dumbest for I would wish.

Yeah, people say, I mean, you know, it's.

Like, but of course you're the person.

Hitler would have a sty on his eye, like, come on you.

Small, it's so yes, exactly.

You wouldn't wish that Donald Trump's flight was delayed three hours out of LaGuardia.

You wouldn't. Oh, that's crazy. I think I would.

I would.

I wish horrible things, not I wish them on people. But yeah, I mean that's what a lot of like. I Yeah, I guess that's what my I think maybe my tour should be like called like bad Thoughts or like bad Person, or like something like like the Unwanted Thoughts or that I know that was a Maria Bamford special. It's so hard to come up with something that hasn't been done by another comedian too.

Yeah, he can't call it bad because that's Michael Jackson.

I can't call it.

You call thriller.

That's true.

I could do thriller mirror, yes, like Woman in the Mirror. Okay, let's just spin. I would like to do I could do like a take on a Taylor Swift tour, like.

Yeah, no you can't because Joe Parra did it Errors Tour.

Yeah that's funny. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah, there have been compilations of all the time she fucked up on the error Eras tour and it was called the Error's Tour and she sucks up like one time every eighteen shows and it's like the cutest thing ever.

So she's she's flawless.

But Terra's tour is funny because Joe Parah could not be more opposite to Taylor Swift than he is. Yeah, and so it would be less funny for you because you're much closer to Taylor Swift than you know. It's too close. You're too close to Taylor Swift to have it be funny to name your thing after a Taylor Swift's tour.

Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think.

There's lover, there's folklore, there's ever more there's speak now, fearless, fearful.

I don't think people would take that.

People wouldn't connect it. Yeah, and Eras, there's no other like, you know, I wouldn't feel like I was stealing from Joe Parrah if I did a rhyme with Eras. But yeah, it's just there's nothing there. I really don't know what to do.

So far, all of your specials have been kind of plays on sexual terms. You've had banging well, no, you have perfect. That's not necessarily but it's based on so you have you have banging Perfect, and then you have your tours to the Good Girl.

Tour and one night with Nikki Glazer also kind of a sexual connotation, like a one night stand.

Yeah, not safe with Nicky Glazer. Ye, you had good, clean.

Filth, unprotected.

Brad Dog, come on, come on, Nikki Glazer.

Cosby's book is called come on People, Come on, common people. Yeah. I me just make sure people.

That's so.

The book looks like, uh, it looks like come it looks like white. Let me see make sure it's Bill Cosby.

Yeah, yeah, a phrase it's okay, I.

Got to see no or somebody can you can you pull up this picture, please and hold it up to the camera. It's called come on.

Could look like I'm so, I'm.

Telling you it looks like come So I have to you have the actual cover that I'm talking about, though, Yeah, it's blue. All right, all right, show it? Here we go, Here we go. Yeah, here is Sorry for people at home, this is on YouTube. You gotta go to YouTube dot com slash Nikki Glazer podcast. Look at that. Oh my god, come on, I mean, does that not look like little cum droplets? Wait?

Wait, I am so confused because it's not even come on, come on?

Is come on people?

Is cee apostrophe m O n you guys, this is come c O M E on O N people, by the way, I know, but there also is no comma, which is come on people, Come on people.

And then it's a blue cover.

It's a blue cover.

And then there are footsteps and appears the footsteps are white, but they look like droplets of common.

And then look at the subtitle. Look at the subtitle on.

The path from Victims to Victors? What the fuck a path?

So it's like footprints that look like little jizz droplets, and it says each droplet has a it says respect on it. The other one is caring one says hope once his skills.

Yes, says that's that's how he views his come.

Disgusting what I mean in plain sight.

And the co author is Alvin F. Saint, which kind of sounds like pussy, but also I mean Alvin. If you're named Alvin, of course you're going to co write a book with Bill Cosby. It's inevitable.

Where's that guy today?

You know?

Okay, Brian, you wanted to bring up.

Something that happens the I talk about how we went to go see Jimmy Carr at the More Theater the night before you're taping.

Yeah, bad idea, final thought, bad idea, because he's so good. It really got in my head. I got a little bit. I got thrown. Yeah, because I'm in the same theater, I'm shooting my special at the next night, I'm watching Jimmy Carr's show. I'm comparing, contrasting, I'm you know, that's pretty much what I'm doing.

The whole time.

Is like I can't even laugh because I'm so angry that I didn't write all those jokes and that I.

Don't that I just couldn't. I couldn't relax.

I couldn't have fun because I was so in my head of like he's so good, I'm such crap like it was. It was not good for my self esteem. I will not do that next time. I will not in the theater of which I'm taping my special go see someone who's been doing it. You know, I would guess at least ten years longer than me. I will never do that again. We'll go see someone who's been doing it ten years less than me, so I can feel superior.

But it was an amazing show, There's no question.

Yeah, you should just go me at the theater before you.

No, you're amazing, You're really really fucking good. I mean, but yes, that that was. That was My takeaway. Was like an unsettled feeling after that, of like it's too late to change anything. I can't be more like Jimmy Carr. I could have seen anyone and been like, I need to be like that person. You know, I was so in my head the night before doing this.

You could have seen Jeff Dunnham and even be like, I think I need puppets. I think I need It's so true.

It really could have It could have gone either anyway that way, just someone who has been in the business longer than me, who just yeah, I just compared myself to and so I was I was a little spirally after that moment.

While I mean, I think the takeaway for me from Jimmy Carr was, first of all, you know, he obviously gave us free tickets and we went and we sat in great seats and we watched his show. And he was also, I I hear, incredibly gracious. His team was incredibly gracious, allowing your team to go into the theater the night before to set up everything, and so he was amazing. But the takeaway for me was when we went after we went to the green room, when we

Cool and interesting. Yeah, yeah, I knew he was that nice.

So because I've met him obviously a lot of times, and I'd been a fan of his for so long. I mean, there's just I think he's one of the best joke griggers of our time, and and just what a polished and perfect perform Yes, uh yes, flaw.

The new jokes that he says he writes new jokes for every single show and then at the end of his show he reads them up a piece of paper to test them. Every show and even his new jokes felt like are these new? Really?

They were so good? Yeah, there, it was so much stuff that I loved. So I was trying to think of he had one joke. I don't want to ruin anything, but he was just talking about he has a lot of good jokes about I liked his chunk about date rape, and I liked his about saying like it's you know, it's like he pretty much takes this kid in the audience and he asks this kid, like a younger kid he was nineteen years old, like when is it okay to have sex with a girl? Like when is she consenting?

Is it okay now?

And he's like, no, it's not okay yet, Like he keeps us and it really is. Like he brings up a point of like how women will have sex a lot of times just out of like I already gotten this far, like I don't really want to. I'm saying yes, but my body is saying no. He like literally gets into that of like if her body is as tense as your dick is hard, that is a no. Even if she's saying enthusiastically yes, that's not enthusiastic her body.

He yeah, what what was your takeaway Brian.

From his set?

Or from yeah? What do you remember any stand out moments?

I mean, my favorite part of his set was when he started telling a personal story about his oh baby being born, because it was a departure from his usual stand and deliver like set up punch. Yeah, I would like to see more of that from Jimmy Carr. I want to see an hour or where he's like talking about his life. That would be cool, Yeah, because I know that he can infuse the same number of jokes

Yeah, well, I saw him a clip of him last night actually on Berbiglia's podcast, where he said that there was a girl who came to a show and she was celebrating her second life versary or something. It was something like, I was gonna kill myself this day, but I was waiting till my parents fall asleep so I could do it when they were asleep. And while I was waiting for them to fall asleep, I was on YouTube.

I the exact opposite happened with someone who's who was going to kill themselves or was actually going to live and then they started watching Mark Maron clips and then they decided to kill themselves.

There are so many people that can't tell that story to him because he's They're gone now.

Yes, yeah, his special? I like, what is the title of his.

I'm not saying that Mark Maron's a bad comedian. I'm saying that he will is the depressing comedian.

And that's that's what I like about Mark is that he's just like it's things are bad as he sits on the stool like a little gargoyle.

And I like the name of his last special. I forgot what it.

Was, but.

Gargoyle. What is it? Oh?

Sorry gargoyle? No, shut up, Ryan, I heard your daughter and times fun.

No times depressing, a lot of anger always no.

Sound like chat GPT.

Mark Merrick's we should ask chet GBT to name my next special?

Can we do that?

Yes, of course?

Or name my name my tour. Oh that's that's a good way to I would love it.

If I can t because they have not upgraded it to.

Okay, hold on, I'll try to.

Like I just need help peaking, Maybe it should be I just need help. That's what that's what my you do life for help? You can do Instagram. On your Instagram, you can now leave notes on you know about the notes where it's like in your messages, you can now leave a note and it just says like a lot of people use it to like plug their tour, which is a little silly.

So like you respond responds to the person right away.

If you go into Instagram and then you go into messages, on the top of above all of your messages, above where it says primary general requests, there's like a bunch of circles of people's profiles and above them is uh, little notes not for me. And so like my friend Dwight Simmons is saying Indy Thursday date and Friday and Saturday, and then Jayung Summers is saying twelve twenty one LA one twenty one New York City, like right, this is what And then like my friend Shaq Stanley has just

Okay, okay, I get what you're saying. I like the idea of saying, like someone help her, or like a Niki Glazer a cry for help NICKI Glaze. I just don't know what I'm going to be talking about. I'm always talking about the same shit, like my life, my observations on life. Like I don't have this like overarching like I'm telling it like it is. Yeah, I don't want to do it like a phrase like can you believe these people? Like I don't want to have it be like a quote.

But I also had this idea of peaking was a title. There was also just like turning point something that has to do with it being a turning point for you where it's like this is an inflex point where you are. This is kind of like you're you're turning that age where decisions have to be made and things are going to change from this point forward in all aspects of your life and your career.

What about like.

Balls to the wall or like some kind of like like because I think, or like a tits out, or like I can't say tits though that's the problem.

That is always the problem. You can't say you can't say tits.

But like some kind of like I don't care anymore, like I don't want to do that, of like no, no, I don't want to it's I want to do this. I'm excited to be here, but I'm not like like you know, six years ago zero fox give it like you know what that like that kind.

Of thing you like that one? Three stifled?

Oh actually, speaking of naked, I have some exciting news to talk about on the show tomorrow. Oh shit, I will I will share because I got an email asking me to do something that I've been wanting to do a while, and besties who've been listening a long time might know what it is. But I finally got the call and she Ready She Ready.

Is a good title. But Whitney.

Houston. So, bestie's can you write to us? What do you think Nicky should name her next special he's got?

I might actually like ask them before this because I really need to pick a special name like today and today is actually a week ago, so I might put it on our Instagram story because I do need help. Is that lame of me as an artist to come up with?

Yeah? Taylor Swift would never do that, but maybe she would.

Who knows, She just like knows Taylor Swift knows what album she's gonna put out nine years befo.

She's a master.

Taylor Swift did do that, and you contributed to it, and then she used a piece of your contribution.

How good would you feel? That's true? That's true.

Listen, I'm not Taylor Swift. I gotta do it my way, my.

Way, or the highway my way.

Will gargoyle, Oh, you throw that in again.

Okay, we have to go.

Thank you for listening to the show this week. I hope you have a merry Christmas. We'll be back tomorrow with more podcasts. We love you guys so much. Don't be and name I special for me please.

I don't know what to call it.