#393 Morpheus 8: Face To Burn, One Man Show vs Comedy Act & Cover Band Update!

The Knickki Glaser podcast.

Glaser.

Here's Nikki.

Hello here, I am welcome to the podcast. It's Nikki Glazer podcast. Just for anyone watching on YouTube. If my skin looks disgusting, it's because I got a Morpheus eight laser like staple gun in my face two days ago.

So the past two days my face.

I'm not supposed to wear makeup, but I did put it on for this and then I take it off immediately because it's just too disturbing. I was thinking I'll just not wear makeup and say that I had a facial, like I don't care, but.

If someone clipped it, people would be warm.

And I was like, maybe I'll hold a sign the whole time next to my face that says like I had a laser facial, this isn't my real face.

So you just can't.

You can't get away with things because they get clipped dominant.

It is a great question.

Not really sure because it seems to have like it's cut up my face pretty severely, like I have actual abrasions on my face from it, like it's cut like Anya is here, by the way, Tailor's here, Noah's here, Brian's here. Anya you've had this done before. Did you have actual cuts on your face? Because I have, She said, I might have scratches, And I do have lines and scratches and cuts.

I don't all over my face, No, but I did look like a fucking piece of work, like someone like a tractor trailer just drove over my face.

So you did have so that's cuts.

No, I didn't have cuts. It just was like you know, when you get like, have you ever had fratzel, you have like wild scabs.

But if a tractor trailer drove over your face, you would have cuts. So the analogy has been placed into question.

Well, I'm saying road rash only, h are Oh I think I had like long like you're talking like a razor blade cut kind of thing.

Yeah, Like I I have like a chunk missing from my nose, like it feels like it. It really felt like a staple gun. I mean that's what she compared it to. Its very painful.

I had to be.

Numbed for I put numbing cream on your face, which I've had. I mean, I've had a million injections in my life and different face things, and they put the numb and creon and it's usually on for like fifteen to twenty minutes. She was like, this needs me on an hour because this is so painful.

I had no idea.

I originally even got this because I heard Anya was like, I did this radio frequency thing. It's pain free. It just feels like they're rubbing a dildo in your face. Yes, But then I asked you what's it called? And you said the Morpheus eight. And so I went in that day and I said, can I have the Morpheus eight?

And then can I have the Anya?

I went in the next time to get it, and they were like, this is the most painful one. I was like, that's not the one my friend had, OK. And then I went back to you and I was like, did you actually have the Morpheus eight?

And you were like I don't.

I don't know.

And then I was like, oh wait, I think I'm in too deep. But then I couldn't get at that time because I had to be on TV the next day, and they were like, absolutely no makeup. And so I went back this week because I don't have any TV. I just have this and I'm not supposed to be wearing makeup, but I do. What's the wholest powerful thing the hope is building collagen. It triggers the underneath layer of the skin. No, what if you want to look

I just go to these things.

That's a descriptions titans. So it's like for people that.

Are it doesn't lift anything.

By the way, it three minds to show up.

Just so she told me it doesn't lift. She said, don't don't look for lasers to lift. They're never gonna lift. That's not gonna happens. Theres going on into your dermal. Don't lay look for these things to lift, she said. Maybe she's wrong, but like she was like smoothing. So it says I don't know what this means. But it remodels and contours the face and body via subdermal at a post remodeling.

Okay, I had Nate Burkis and.

Around is something that happens after you die at a post something or maybe that's just the fat that comes out, Yeah you die, Cyril wack or performing it.

Okay, So it's supposed to it's supposed to penetrate deep into the skin and fat for smoother and sleeker appearance. Does that make sense.

Okay, yes, so it's it's it really was like a gould drink could drink drink drink.

Like it's all over your first It hurts so bad, even with the numbing stuff, which is fine because it's like something like nine hundred dollars. It's ridiculous. But a shout out to to Nayak. If you're in Saint Louis, definitely go to Nyak. They know what they're doing. Everyone there is fucking gorgeous. Jen there, Jen Jones is Uh, it's my favorite she. I love her so much. She consults me in a But here's the thing I will say.

That shout out to West Nayaka City in New York.

Yeah, shout out there.

Shout out to my bank account that is missing nine hundred dollars after many treatments.

Uh, it is all it's it's a lot of money, but it's it's all worth it. But I this was what I was confused about, because I'm like, I go in there and I'm asking about like dents in my face, the things I'm seeing. And by the way, I did see a YouTube clip the other day of our show, and I just clicked on it to like watch a second of it, and you can't miss a comment because they just staple a comment to the top, And so I hate comments. And someone did say, can we all

On If I do write a comment, just not about because we need the comment to engage.

Yeah, okay, so leave a comment. But I guess I would be a frustrated. If I was a listener, I was like, will you talk about your face?

We can't weigh in? Can I just talk about my face without you?

Haig in?

Does I give you a write? But I don't know. Maybe it does, maybe it does, listen, that's up to you. Whatever.

I'm not gonna read it, but I did read one because they're staple to the fucking top and I can't watch a clip with myself without I can't show interest in my own show without having some kind of insight from a stranger. But so they were uh, but I just want to say, yeah, whatever, that's I guess that's my point. But then after I I get done with the staple gun face, and then I was like we were talking about Oh. She was talking about how some clients have to like lie about their stuff to their

It's where you literally suck on.

Fento's so painful.

That's how you kill yourself.

But you don't have any you can't.

There's no visual signs. And I go, what's that on her? Ask? No, it's on her face. So she goes, that's the old Sarah.

And she points to this machine behind her and I go, why am I not doing that?

And she was like, well, you.

Can do that, And I'm like, this is my problem with these things. It's like I just when I was leaving, I go, I want to do that next time, because it's bigger and better and you need a fentanel. Anything that's like requires more, and you don't have any fentanyl, and you don't feel there's no visuals of it. You look like maybe a little red, but like nothing like I got. So I'm like, why am I doing this instead of that? And I think the answer is cost. Maybe maybe that's like so much more. But I just

I want.

I don't think you understand everything. You have every arsenal, let's just do it. Let's because I don't want to get a facelift because the guy that I would go to is booked out until a year. So I got a schedule facelift now if I want, I'm ready.

To do that.

Here's what I want.

People our age, do that. Don't anybody say I need one? Don't do it?

Yeah, forty twenties, get them with all. Sarah doesn't see micro needling. You do have to be careful because you you can lose the very precious little fat tissue around your eyes, and some technicians don't know what they're doing. This is what I've been told by the best. And then you can melt away the beautiful fat that you desperately want, actually, and you can have that hollow look of the eyes that you trademarked, Nikki, what do you

You're like her eyes, doctor Phil's wife.

Okay, no, that's a that's that's those are her classic eye job eyes. But I think the hollow like hollow eyes, like Oppenheimer eyes, like you know, like he looks like a skull.

Yeah, Killian Murphy. I have those kind of eyes.

Someone sent me a Leslie Gore clip today, which I really was flattered by. This girl, a bestie I believe, was like, you look like Leslie Gore back in the day. And she was singing I think she was singing It's My party or something like that. Yeah, And again I was like, oh, every time I get told I look like someone, it's because their eyes are this certain way.

I can't describe it. Like Terry Gar, Yeah, Terry Gar's eyes weren't. That's that's what I look like. But it's not the eye thing everyone else.

It's just like all this weird eye shape that I don't I don't particularly like in other people. And I'm kind of I get this sad that I don't like it in my.

Line and is Shelley Duvall's eyes like borderline.

No, you don't graze.

Borderline, wham graves.

They're like for those of you are newsful eyes are based off of someone we went to high school with who like quispy. And his last name we're not going to say what it is, but it was something like it started with a kru Chris and he would always say like his that's how his name was was something like that and so. And he also had eyes that shut. The lower lid and the upper lid came together, each on its own, like symbiotically, they met in the middle

Because because he also looked twispy and singed because he had been in a fire.

My God always looks.

If you're listening, No, he wasn't. We made we pretended that he did run through a little bit.

He looked like he had just had all fair. He really did.

God, it was always he was like winter wind burned.

He was.

He was always skiing and his hair loved.

Try could have been like it.

Could like like if someone puts it could it was like straw, We're such bitches. But we loved this guy and he had no idea And it's not like we would say this to his face, and we.

Just wanted to draw him walking all over and you see two girls laughing at you, and you don't know why.

No, no, we were like that, you don't. He was like one of our best friends. He was our one of our best friend's boyfriend for years, and so he was like we we were.

He is also did your name the words your and name.

Tattooed on his ass our senior year, so he could say I have your name tattooed on my ass and then girls would go what, And then he would bend over and.

Be like, I love a guy commits to it.

It's pretty good, but I can't believe he still has that on his He's like off, yeah, So yeah, I got Morpheus eight.

And relate to this. That's because I got me and your boy Tim Convey used to live together, and then we would drive all the way from those Feelings to Santa Monica to get laser hair removal on our backs. The laser hair removal on and those days was excruciatingly painful. It was we'd have to like take the day off after doing the laser hair move. You just go home and pass out in our beds, wouldn't you mean dinner?

They didn't numb you.

They did they put like numbing cream on your back. But no, it was so painful both of us. This was like sixteen, yeah, twenty sixteen. And then by twenty eighteen it was like the technology or are we just went to the.

Better change everything for you guys.

Trump became president, hair removal technology improved dramatically. Say what you will about Trump, Okay.

What about hair placement? Should have been what.

Well the nineties hairplacement. I was like, yeah, that was a disaster. And now yeah, I can't tell.

How come Trump doesn't get hair placement.

He's got beautiful hair instead of.

His hair being like it is.

I think he does.

Probably it's attached.

I think it's it's a comb up, it's.

A comb over, slopping in the wind for his age.

Yeah, he kind of does.

But I do think it's I think it's pushed forward and kind of like, I think it's over.

But why didn't you just get it put in if he's.

So rich, because it would take time.

Oh you can't. He can't hide and you can't.

It's like that kind of guy that doesn't want to endure any discomfort or pain, don't you.

Think, Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I mean all this stuff is is that's the problem. It's like it's painful and it takes so much time. And that's why I kind of give it up for girls who get it done. It's like, okay, well you put it. That's it's it's not that easy to spend all this money and to be uh beautiful.

You ever hear the phrase just be laid up forever? You ever hear the phrase pain is weakness leaving the body that what do you think about that?

I kind of like that because it makes you stronger once you get through pain, it makes.

You do you feel less stressed?

Well, that's like trauma leaving the body.

Yeah, that's probably.

I just went to pilates this morning.

It was the most painful thing of my life of just like trying to activate muscles that don't want to work.

It was just it was one of the hardest sessions. It was the hardest I've ever worked in a in a workout class.

Like it was just like NonStop and there's no like you're not doing cardios, so there's no reason why you should be sweating and your heart rate should be up, but you're clenching so much, and you're doing so much like abs and like trying to push it back with that muscle.

And not with your back like it was insane.

And then I was doing this one stretch if you guys know plates, it's the front splits. Oh what it unlocks something so deep in me. I was trying to make people laugh. I was like my dad yelling at me six flags in fourth grade, Like I was just making stuff up to be like it's unlocking trauma because they weren't really laughing though, but it really is.

There's a bunch of people around.

Huh is it really a split?

It's like, well, you put your front foot on the on a bar and it's kind of like raised above on this reformer, and then your backfoot is behind you and then you your back foot slides on.

This thing so you slide back.

So no, it's not even close to front split, like if you were doing it right, it would be like front splits. But your your legs are you know, split open with one in front of you, like you know, it's not like a middle split. And then you're just but you're stretching your hip flexus and there's so much Oh, I watched this YouTube.

Video all the time. I really recommend it because her.

Voice is so soothing and it's so good and it's called trauma informed yoga, Yes, relaxing stored trauma, and she just like watched you through all these she does trauma yoga. This girl what's her name, it's amazing Hannah you Eerie? Why wait? You I are I?

Hannah? You I are I? And she does all.

These like trauma Uh, like she does like yoga for sexual abuse survivors, like and the whole thing.

I just listened to it to go to sleep.

That's smart, Yeah, it's I don't I don't know, because it helps me get to sleep because her voice is so soothing.

But she's just the whole time she this is what.

This is what yoga is for sexual abuse survivors. Now we're going to get into our front lotus position. Now only do this if you want to. You don't have to do anything I want you to do. You can sit, You can opt out at any point. Every time she tells you to now put your hand on your heart again.

If you don't have to do.

This, No one is making you do it.

It's just reminding them constantly that they don't have to do. Just very soothing and what I need to hear all the time and workout classes.

This is what my new chiropractor does. I told you I saw the chat. I have this new chiropractor. I went to him because I've had pain everywhere lately, just mysteriously out of nowhere, and he was like so much less creepy than my old chiropractor, who was like in the seventies jazz band and just would randomly put his hand into your sacred in case. Yeah, but this guy's like he was our just so you know, if you're ever uncomfortable at any moment, tell me, I cannot read

Not be so this guy, this guy's had some trauma. Yeah.

I was like, why is he talking so much? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I got He's.

Like whispering in your ear. You're like, right now, I feel really weird.

And he's started talking about boundaries like an hour into the set or I said something like, yeah, boundaries are cool. We're just like shooting the ship and he goes, well, tell that to tell that to Angela. My my reception. I'm like, what's going on with Angela? And he's like, I goes out your partner and he's like, yes, I mean I would color my partner. I don't think her husband I would appreciate that. Oh boy, this guy. I can't stop seeing him. Guys, I've seen him five times in two weeks.

Oh my god.

He is great. He's great. I like him, he's not.

Did you find him? You'll review it? You're like, got some intimacy.

I was.

I just picked him up and his reviews were like five stars, like so many great reviews. I'm like, I'll check is he cracking you? Is he crackling me? And he's doing weird woo woo energy ship And I'm so cynical and skeptical that what are you doing now? What are you doing now? And He's like, what do you mean like this?

I don't like woo woo the word either? Is that word said? We all said?

Instead?

We have had a supercut of all us saying on the podcast.

Oh, it's definitely been said by all of us.

Question I say hocus pocus, I don't say woo wu.

That's LD.

I call Luigi little woo woo.

Sometimes you call him little we Wei.

Yeah. Are they did they leave.

Room?

Yeah?

I call I call the dogs. It's just it's.

Insane what I can with the words that come into my mouth. But I was reading an article that it's very normal to talk to your dogs even though they'll never ever respond.

Or understand what you're saying.

And I do think I've I've made Chris and I used to joke that Marian's so ugly, and we used to just be like, you're disgussed. But we can't do that anymore because words have meaning, even if you say them cheerily.

So I whenever he's.

Like she's the grossest thing that's ever lived, I always am like, no, you're so beautiful.

Boyfriend, been to your face?

Why is it like, yes, she's so Yeah, she's funky looking.

Man. She needs Oppenheimer eight be gone.

All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back right after that.

Hey guys, it's Nikki and I'm in Tempe, Arizona, in a loud restaurant. But I have some urgent news to tell you that I am prag not pregnant. I'm actually taping a special. It's the opposite of that. My womb is probably inhospitable because I'm on the road so much. But I am taping a special coming up this December sixteenth in Seattle at the Moore Theater.

I would really love you to be there.

I really want the crowd stacked with my fans and my best fans, which are my busies. So if you want to play on a trip around it a little pre holiday trip. December sixteenth. It's a Saturday in Seattle. There are two shows at the Moore Theater. You can get tickets at Nikki Glazer dot com. I'm so excited about this new material. I'm putting it on a special. It's retiring after that night, and.

I want you there. Please be there. Noah will be there, all my girls from the Girls Chat will be there.

Everyone you know in Love Brian will be there. And I want you there too. I would love to see you there in the crowd, and you might make it on TV. You'll hear you laughter, you'll hear you're clapping. You'll maybe even see yourself. So I love you, guys. December sixteenth, Seattle, More Theater. Get tickets now Nikkeiglazer dot com.

We're back.

I'll be in Tempe this weekend, you guys tonight Thursday night. If you are listening to this, there's a late show that still has tickets available if you want to come see me at the Tempe Improv. And then I will be in Portland tomorrow and Saturday, and next week I will be in.

No You'll be in Portland on Saturday. You're in Tempe. Thursday Friday.

Oh sorry, yes, Thursday Friday, yes, right, okay, Thursday Friday, Tempe, then Portland Saturday.

Then next week somewhere else. Girl is on the go. This girl is on fight. Literally, I am.

A couple of months ago and I did I noticed it was hotter, but I noticed that, like people didn't wear like any clothes in Tempe. It was like the least clothed city I've ever been to.

No, it's very close. Are you not clothes a lot?

Uh?

In the summertime, I just wear like running shorts on his haktop because.

I went to Trader Joe's and there are people in like bikinis in the Trader Joe's.

That's great. Exit Beach.

Yeah, I'm excited to go perform at a club again. And Pete Lee is opening up for me, and it's he's always a fun hang and uh, yeah, I'm I have not had a day off and I don't even know when ten years. I don't even understand.

How are you?

I'm actually pretty good. I'm actually pretty good. I get tired around eight o'clock and then I go to sleep and I yeah, but I just have to not not stop working. Right now, there's always something to do, and that's just the.

Way it is.

Can I just around Christmas time, you know you're going to be done with the special and you're going to be like, what a weight lifted off? And then you've got this family time.

Then yeah, I think so, But then I have to get back on the road almost immediately, and then and then we're going skiing.

I'm look for to vacations.

You guys like, I don't want to go see even though it was my idea and I love skiing.

When I get out there, it is so much fucking work.

It's so much all that equipment, all that new stuff that you need to look cool on the mountain and make sure you're going to be warm enough and have all the little things.

It's just like it's a lot.

It should be about the skiing for you. It should be about the I'll pray ski when you're done skiing, sitting by that fire, eating whatever you want with your friends after.

Everyone's little tired of cocoyas.

Yeah, that's true.

I think the best part is truly going down the mountain full speed as fast as I can and like there's no one around me, There's I have I'm not worrying or waiting for someone, like if you ski with me, we're not skiing together. Okay, I'm going down the mountain full speed, esper I want this is my time. I don't want to wait for you. I don't want to go like stop and look at trees, dad.

I don't want to go go trick out this view. Let's take a picture. I'm going.

I get to the top and I go right down because that's so fun. And I don't want to wait for anyone, and so I I that is my And when I've been going down that mountain and just feeling so in control and slichen swashing back and forth, I just think to myself, I've I remember thinking this when I was I think, like in in college at some point I remember taking a snapshot and being like a screen shot with my mind and saying, Nikki, your goal in life is to do this as much as possible.

This is the best feeling in the world.

Chase it.

And I've only been skiing once, I think years.

Seas I've only been one sick in my life.

But it is the best. So I guess I am excited about doing that.

You don't go back and at all.

No I do.

I mean, I go back forward, but I go fast and I'm not recklessly fast. I I just I don't like to be leisure about anything. No, no, no, no, because I'm terrified of dying, and I wear a helmet and i'm and I do not like I don't try to be cool around people and like almost hit them like that so much. I am very controlled and I don't do that until I get my bearing.

Straight like crazy to go through trees.

No, I don't want to die. I an idiot. I don't want a sunny bono, and so I just keep I just straight down.

The going through trees is fun, though if you go the right it can't be.

And you see a little little dip in there and you can go and I can't be.

My most fun part about skiing is the tree not fast. It's not fast, and I didn't I didn't used to wear a helmet. You gotta wear a helmet. You're an idiots if you don't wear as We didn't wear.

A helmet all all my childhood. No helmets.

Who was that actress that died just because she fell?

Natasha Henderson and Natasha she was married to Nison No Natasha, she played the mother in the Parent Trap.

She just fell.

She wasn't even riteresting. She wasn't Yes, she was Natasha Richardson. She wasn't even skiing. She just fell over when they were like getting off the lift standing and hit her head.

I think, I'm fine.

They got to the bottom of the mountain and she was like, I am not fine, passed out, died.

Whoa, yeah, just start hitting the on the ie.

She died. She she hucked her head during a skiing lesson.

It says, yeah, but I feel like when I read about it, she wasn't like going, you know, like it was just like she kind of just toppled over and fell falling is terrifying. Yeah, Bob Saggat died from a fall, we think, I mean, like that's what happened, but we don't know where or yeah, like well some kind of falling back into the headboard, whatever it is. I always just think like if he would have just got a different hotel room, you know, like the layout would have

Yes?

I just mentioned it because I was watching a cut of the Bittersweet Symphony video that Matt did. Nicky's starring in it, and it's so cool.

Yeah, Matt did a cover of it.

Let's yeah, Matt Pronpier and Alexi Rose do this cover. It's beautiful of my favorite song. It's so good and I never realized it was about like depression, and it's the lyrics are so cool, like have you ever been down? Have you ever been down? And then he goes, I'm a million different people from one day to the next, back in chain and Nicki's in itut and they have all these different cuts of Nicki. So and I was like,

It's just like but it was really because I couldn't memorize the lyrics to do it in one shot, so that's why it's cutting around. But it ends up this is a happy mistake. It ends up looking cool because we do have to cut around it because I've been singing that song. I thought it was mam Mo Mo Mo. I didn't know it was my mold. I also didn't know that it was like, uh, what's the song about veins? There's like things, there's something song about about in my veins.

I thought it was in my Things.

There was also a lyric yesterday that Chris talked about on his radio show that I cannot believe what it is because I have been saying it wrong so much.

Okay, what is it?

Oh?

Just like okay, just like the what is that that the Stevie.

Next white wing Dove?

I thought it was white Ranger, White Ranger, like the wad Ranger sing sounds like. I mean, I didn't think about it. I wasn't like, wow, a white Ranger singing.

Yeah, But how was that?

I'm not white Ranger.

Because the white Winged Dove? Right? Is that right?

I'm not saying that. Why I'm not saying it. She's saying white Ranger. But I've never like, I don't think about lyrics. I'm just like, okay, yeah, white Ranger. I'm like whatever, I think about them later when they start to mean something to me. But like at first, yeah, I just don't don't think about it. But what were okay? So the yeah, the Bittersweet Symphony, think, oh, Sliding Doors.

I don't know what to watch without you.

And so then I saw Sliding Doors was on Hulu and I was like, oh that, Like well that's nostalgic for me. Nineteen ninety six movie Gwyneth Paltrow, some Scottish guy that is really not done anything that I that I've known since.

But he was such a cutie back then.

But I remember he was a weird choice for a love interest because he kind of has like droopy eyes and he's just I don't know, his name is like John Hannah or something. I looked him up, but I couldn't he he's still a cutie. But it's a movie about you know, she gets fired from her job and she's coming home to she she goes into work.

She leaves her boyfriend in bed. He's like a writer and he writes all day.

She goes into work, she gets fired, she leaves work, and in one and then it just has this mystical moment where this little girl is like playing with a doll and she has like walk around her. And then in the other moment, the woman's like the woman, the mother of the girl like grabs her daughter and it's like get out of this woman's way, and so she doesn't have to go around the girl. And just that

Lives end up.

And on one, she catches the train, she goes home, she catches her boyfriend in bed with another woman, and she starts a whole life new. The other one, she doesn't get home in time because she misses the train. She bumps her head. She gets home late, and he and then she keeps living with him, not knowing that he's cheating on her, and then one she's like, get some makeover. They do a whole makeover scene where she cuts her hair real short and it's like, you know, blonde Kate Goslin haircut.

But I love that.

I just remember one time, like I've told this before, but I was in New Orleans with Chris and I was like, I'm just gonna go put five hundred dollars. We were like near a casino. I was like, I'm gonna put five hundred dollars on black. I just like want to do it.

See what will happen.

Like, I've never once, I don't gamble. It's the only time I think I can remember I've gambled.

But it's like one in addiction, right, you know you got a fifty fifty chance, right, and the excitement of saying I'm gonna put a five hundred dollars to me, it was worth five hundred dollars to have that excitement.

So I like, already.

Chance yeah, of making a thousand dollars.

If it doesn't hit it again?

Oh sorry, okay.

Chance of winning. So that means if you do it.

Chance yes, because of that green.

So what happened? Did you win?

So I think I chickened out because he got my head because we were on the way there and I went I stopped to tie my shoe and he was like, because you're tying your shoe right now, it's going to be a different result.

And I was like, oh my god.

Yeah, he slid it open, and I don't slide my door.

Man, Like all of these decisions we make and just like a moment.

I mean, I know that people think about this stuff mostly when people die, of like if she would have just missed that flight, if she would have just not taken that route instead of that route, she wouldn't have been in that car, So that we think of a million things like that.

Box just sagod.

Yeah, Like that's why I think, like, oh, if he would have just not eaten that thing that gave him indigestion, that made him go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he wouldn't like, I mean.

His head is on the middle of the night, not at the club somewhere.

And then when no, dude, it was not there was like, do they proof that his head has had a fracture from they know it was from the bed well.

He walked into it. He took a picture with the valet.

He was he I think, went home to the hotel with another comics and then he there was footage of him walking through the hallways. So there was no incident. So it had to happen in the room. But there was no indication of like there was no dent on the headboard, there was no.

Like head somewhere in the night. And didn't really think anything else.

That's the thing he probably Natasha Richardson did and was like, I'll just keep going down this hill, or like I feel a little like bell froend.

It'll be fine.

So many men I die of heart attacks because they feel uncomfortable and they just go.

I'll just tough it out and sleep through it.

Yeah, maybe I don't want a tough fee then yeah it's uh.

Now, if you if you hit your head, you need to monitor yourself and if you feel like you got your bell wrong, you need to go to the hospital.

They do though.

In the hospital, they like check your eyes and they do all the tests.

Give you bloods. If you have a hemorrhage in your brain.

Ye, keep you awake. I guess I just wait.

My friend when he had a heart attack. We were both DJs on the radio and San Diego, my friend Hallerin had a heart attack. We were I remember I was like, you're eating a lot of Hamburgers lately, and we got takeout like shitty food, and then he drove. I drove home at midnight. He drove home at two in the morning, and then I got a call the next morning from his wife and she was like, Halarin's in the hospital. He drove was driving home, felt weird in his arm, was like, oh fuck. Drove right into

What's the acronym? I remember Rose o' donald had a heart attack and she spread this. I sent it to my mom. Now I forgot, but there's an acronym for women to have a heart attack. Because we really don't know what it is.

It's oh, it's.

Like it's cut.

There's some like because we have different signs.

It's like women just show different symptoms.

For everything, but we all when.

You look up the acronym noah for heart attacks for women, like the things you'll look out for me. Yeah, it's some, but it just made me realize, like, oh my god, everything could be a heart attack. I'm a little bit

It's they know, but like in the hospital, they're not going to assume that you ate bad.

I guess yes they must.

And I can't believe how disgusting food is and how people eat fried food all the time, and just I mean it's exmoking cigarettes. They don't know just package they know what's going to happen. I mean, I think they're unhealthy all the time. I know, but it's like and it's addictive. We're not talking about what it really is. It's an addiction. My dad, he's addicted to.

It was an alcoholic. He lost uh, let's see, he had a heart attack, he lost a bunch of teeth. They told him you have diabetes. If you continue drinking, you will lose limbs. He switched to non alcoholic drinks for a year and got so much better. Then had a little depression, had a divorce, started drinking again, lost his foot, then I believe six months later, lost his other foot and was like in a wheelchair. And then they said he died of diabetes. I'm like, he died of alcoholism. Just say it.

Yeah, that's corrt right.

No, he sounds like he died of divorce, of being left.

That's he just quit drinking. And I am laughing with you.

No, everyone everyone, that's what they should say.

In the Variety article he died. At first, I thought that this was a bad take, but now kind of on your side here that if you get the cause in there, that actually might help more people.

Yeah, yes, because it's like, but I forget what comedian I was listening to this weekend. It's like, oh yeah, it was Patrice o'nil because he was talking about food addiction and how sugar is an addiction and how food is an addiction and people laugh about it. But he was like and he was talking about smokers are like fucking insane, like they know that it's killing them. He's like, even head, Yeah, like the sixties seventies.

People were like I don't you know maybe, and.

Now it's like this will kill you. Yeah, you're still doing it. And I've I was. I was a smoker when that was knowledgeable, Like when that was you just think you're gonna be I do things though, I mean, I guess I. Oh, melatonin, someone just told me, wrote me. A bestie wrote me and said it causes dementia. I was like, you know what causes dementia?

Not being able to fucking sea?

So I got up.

I don't know, man, I'm I'm whining myself off of it though. I'm just I don't take it. I don't take it right away. I used to just take it no matter what. And now I go to bed and I try to get to sleep naturally, and if that doesn't work, I take it. But that has helped me because I get to bed naturally on my own like the past. Since I've known about this a week, I think three of the nights I didn't need it. So thank you to that bestie for alerting me. But saved

So fun, so fun to just play a show and then be ferried away five minutes down the street with your best friend and Sean O'Brien and just giggle, giggle so fucking hard. We were all, I think, and I'll speak for myself, I was cry laughing almost the whole hour, just so fun. The way it was a range.

I was pez dispenser that was going back a lot, but I was not I don't cry laugh ever, I don't think I.

Was laughing so hard. And then it went the seats are really close together in the bargata, and so everyone's like crammed together. And we came in a tiny bit late during the openers act, so we were like trying to like be hundred altogether and like quiet and not cause attention to ourselves. And then at one point, like Sebastian came out and we were laughing so hard, like

These clips have changed my life, these clips, they make me look poised, I swear to God, but you clip your hair.

With likes very nineties.

Thanks.

I watched Matt's video and I was like, oh, someone has the body of a toddler, Like someone has the torso of a toddler.

There's no definition.

I was like, I thought I was like looking good, and then I saw that video and I go, I can't watch this. I'll just let it exist as a time in my life where I wasn't happy with my body, and that's allowed to exist.

But it's just a thing.

It's just a toddler with the toddlers are just like they're just there's no definitely, there's no like in, there's no like waistline.

They're just like a fucking tree trunk. They're just a.

Tree trunk toddler titties.

Yeah, well, thank you.

Clips like these hair clips your hair and hair clips your body, making you look like you have.

Your Valeri wearing those clips or whatever it is that you can put like on your back that like forces you to have good posture.

That would be cool.

That you can also use the banana clip for that, Like try it. It's amazing.

It's also just skin.

In there sitting in those chairs, Like I had to sit up straight because I was like, it just makes my back feel so round. I always feel like really bad now when I have bad posture. I feel like if I catch it, I'm just like, this is feels so good.

But you got to stop.

Doing it, like right now, and if I can it, I need to Yeah, I need to sit up.

There was one person on F Girl Island who we kept looking at like that. She had perfect posture every single time she sat down. Was like it was like a show. It was like perfect really on F boy or girl F Girl.

I'm trying to think who that was.

Yeah, well we would talk about this, we would.

Yeah, I was, Oh, I remember her.

She had the perfect little slope of a lower back into her butt and I even told her, which I think could have been sexual harassment, but I was like, I love the way your back goes into your butt.

Like what is that? And it's genetics, dude, it's genetics.

What do you mean Like when you sit, When you sit, your back is like this, and then your butt goes whoop like that. Like it's not like there's like a little like ship a dip, there's a dip between your but mine just goes. Mine almost gouges out, like my sacrum has like a bulge and then it's just flat. Like Sebastian said that his ass is like a shelf. It's like a seven. It's just like a little rump at the top and then goes straight.

Down into his hamstrings.

Seven. So good.

Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about different bits he was talking, and I rewatched his uh Netflix special from twenty twenty two, and it was solid. I mean, it's a really good special. He's hilarious. I don't you know, there are some people who get to be that famous and that's successful, and you want your instinct to be like fuck them. They're not that funny, they're a hack. And perhaps Sebastian Mascalco is mainstream or whatever. But I agree with his level of success. I think it's good.

That's what I felt.

I was just like, you can't this guy has done no tricks like, which you would look at him and think, oh, it's all tricks like, but it's it's all earned like he is. He's so original, he's he's just uh, he's worked. He's worked hard enough, and he is talented enough. It's the perfect mixture where you're like, I can't deny that guy success, whereas I can't wait to uh yeah, I'm always eager to call someone out on their fucking tricks.

As everyone here knows. It's like, this guy's just doing this thing, come on, wake up. But Sebastian's not doing any He's.

Just what are some tricks after the break? Can you tell me what some tricks are that you're like, stop doing that.

We've talked about these tricks, but like the number one one is is like like no, I'm not I can't.

I can't say this no because then the audience goes, no, say it. There's just too much.

And then and then they'll like it no matter what, because they've invested their money and clapped into it like they and clapped anything. Hassan Minaji no actually a sense, like I think the whole thing with him is like that's what bothers me. I didn't watch his whole apology video, but I was.

It's whatever.

I just anyone who's on stage and trying to be like make a point and like get pull up people's heart strings.

It's like that's not that's fine.

It's whatever it is, but it's not stand up and it's kind of feels fake that you like do it every night too, Like every night you get emotional like that.

I don't care if they do that's right. It's a one man show or one woman show or whatever. It's it's not stand up comedy, like people have the industry, the entire industry has forgotten that there's a thing called one man shows for a reason, because the purpose of a stand up comedy show, the number one purpose it is funny, is to be funny and get people to laugh. And now all the stand up specials, like at least half of them are not stand up special they're one person shows.

Which is which is fine.

And I don't care if it's like, you know, all put under stand up comedy on the Netflix thing, like it's whatever. No, it's just I don't I don't like it, and I think it's insincere. This is what I think. It's insincere. I do think maybe you felt that way at one point, but like to have everyone on their edge of their seat, like trying to get them to cry is just manipulative and it just doesn't feel.

It doesn't feel.

And I and I do know that there's some instances where people have a story to tell that is emotional and you're allowed to tell that every night into pull on people's heartstrings and to like kind of recreate that moment, and maybe not every time you can get there, so you kind of have to fake it. But then you're an actor, you're not a comedian.

I don't like all comedy.

I guess that's but I would know immediately stupid.

Because people are dumb. Also, it's it bleeds over. It's not just comedy, it's not just stand up. It's also in television where now there's no such thing as comedy anymore. Everything is a dramedy. It's got to have some character arc where someone's going through some deep emotional thing and it's and it's killed off comedy shows.

This is what the problem is with the Morning Show. It couldn't find its tone.

Oh my god, that show.

It's like, is it a comedy or are they solving all the world's problems?

Yeah?

I think I don't.

I don't know what the solution is because I believe that everyone should like those kinds of shows should exist.

I love The Bear. The Bear is one of my favorite shows. It is in the Emmys as a comedy, which is mind bogglingly stupid. There's no way you can look at The Bear and say that's a comedy. There's funny parts in it, it's definitely funny, but the subject matter everything they tackle in that it's stressful for the.

Most stressful show.

Stressful because there's like, we got to get these fries out, stat Like, what's what's stressful?

Jo jo jo jo jo jo jar everything. The whole premise of the show is that their brother killed himself and that they have to take over this rest.

Is insane and everything's like it's a deadline. The sewers line is broken.

And here's like the the nominees for comedy in UH three Outstanding Comedy Series, half of them are not comedies. Like I would I mean, do you think Barry is a comedy?

I don't know, I haven't watched it, but I would think maybe kind of because it's Belle Hater and he's funny, but.

He's not funny in it, especially this last on US.

Now Bryan because a comedy just because he just talks funny Bryan.

Yeah, I mean that's the mistake, is that you cast a comedic actor.

And should that be a drama though?

Absolutely, especially the last season.

It was so serious the comedy then.

Because people because we because they've killed comedies because they don't make as many comedies are not respected enough to get awards because they're not Every piece of art needs to be saying some profound thing about the state of humanity and politics. Mostly it's like the days of like in the eighties when we had movies like Airplane and Police Academy and stuff like those are totally dead. We're never going to see those for the next Why until gen Z comes back.

In my car?

And I mean, I guess that's kind of old, but there's still like will Ferrell start like that are just comedy, just funny.

Gen Z is going to come of age and they will want that goofy shit again.

Yeah, they already do because they love like Rick and Morty, which I don't even know what that is, but a student ordered paper. It sounded funny.

Yeah, that's funny.

Okay, all right, it'll come back.

So question again for you guys between one man shows or one person shows and stand up comedy. Are you saying you don't like all one man shows?

We'll answer that when we get back after this and we're back. Are you are we saying that we don't like one man shows?

Kind of I don't know that.

Don't like things to be.

Back in two thousand and eight, ten or just five years ago and earlier, we would ridicule one person shows. They were a joke in an SNL sketch because it was usually just some theater major who was going up there and telling their truth and it was like not entertaining for anybody at all.

It's like Sally Weaver, I don't know from Seinfeld.

Oh, yes, exactly, character that they all made.

Going to be on the Griffin.

Yes, he's going to be on the show next week. Yes, it was.

It was mocked and made focked because we didn't like sincerity like that, which I still like it, just it's just it I don't like. I think comedians are smart and they know what they're doing and they see an inn to like get more famous, and they're not doing it because they actually want to do it. They're doing it because it's like a way to make money and to be more famous. And that's where I think it bothers me is to just be heartfelt. Where it's I don't know, I don't know how to feel about it.

I just I don't like it. So I think people being so too self important.

I see, yeah, there's a place for the one person show. You go to go to Edinburgh, you go off off Broadway in New York City and you do occasional stuff in black box theaters, but it's not supposed to be called a Netflix stand up special. It's not suppos called an HBO stand up special.

Well people got so many, and that is still being talked about in comedy circles as like the example of like well it ruined everything.

But I liked it.

Annette because it for me, it didn't seem like she was being anyone but herself or they were.

I don't know what she'd identifies it or they. It didn't seem like they were being anything but like that. They this is what they do. It didn't seem like put on to be like, no, I'm just gonna departure a little bit from the you know, the comedy.

And I just I just called bullshit on these guys being emotional, and I just I don't know, I just don't like it.

I think it's I think it's.

Have you ever watched a show, let's say, a stand up comedy show or a comedian doing something like this and they and you do get swept up in that moment and it is an emotional moment and it is profound.

I hate it. I hate it stand up that's all. It's fine, it's weird. I'm gonna pay three hundred dollars to see Sebastian Maniscalco and I sit down and he starts talking about when he got molested as a child, and all the said, it's serious for twenty five minutes.

Therapy with my ear and with not out consent.

But if you go see Taylor Swift, say and Nick, you've talked about this. She has one moment in the Dear where she does have an emotional moment night after night, and so it's a little bit rehearsed, right, it's not.

I would say, I've thought that before.

But I would say that if I had a crowd of seventy thousand people screaming and cheering, I could probably get to a place where it causes me to tear up. And it's not a performative thing. But that part of the show kind of she didn't have that built in. It just started happening with crowds where they're like, we're going to try to see if we can get her to cry, and she does it on every show, but it's not And by the way, Taylor Swift is an emotional person.

You're not going there to laugh. You're going there to feel things and to be emotional. She's sincere. She's nothing but sincere.

You know.

It's like I just.

Music is generally just sincere. It's sincere. In general. Your lyrics are supposed to be a connection to you, like your emotions or whatever.

I don't know.

I'm not a musician, but it's the opposite of comedy.

Performers, night after night after night will have the same spiel music performers and it's you know, they'll try to get an emotional.

Well, that's just the nature of performances. You have to repeat it. It's the yeah, I mean going into it. It's funny that it's going into it. It's like if if I want to see someone do their one person show, I want to be paying for one person show, and I don't want there to be awards to give into the one person show. People for stand up comedy, not stand up comedy.

Yeah, I feel sometimes I agree that Sometimes I'm on stage and I don't want to do a certain joke and I don't have enthusiasm for it, and I have to like summon it and kind of fake it if you will, because I'm in a bad mood and I just got some news that I don't like, or I'm I'm not feeling that well, I'm under the weather, whatever it is, and I have to like get into the joke the way I.

Was telling it the first time, and I hate that feeling. I don't. I would never seek out that feeling.

I would never put something in my act that would make me have to conjure that it's a circumstantial thing that happens sometimes because I just am in a rut. But some people design their whole sets to be like, here's where I'm gonna get fake.

Stamp of K just went on it, the judge stamp.

Yeah, it's staple guns.

I think some people should.

Do it well, but not everyone. It is an art form. I've definitely been swept up in a one man show before. I've been like, fuck, I'm sobbing my face off, and.

That's when you knew it was gonna be this.

I'm sobbing my face off. This is the best comedy show I've ever.

Like, you went to a comedy show because you were having a bad night, and you're like, I just want to laugh, and instead you're crying about someone else's pain. That's not fair.

I guess yet.

Rules, But there there are rules, there's categories. Literally, yeah, it's it's again, Aith, It's like it's like, oh, I'm a fan of comedy.

If you're a fan of comedy, you might like Shindler's List, right, I mean that was hilarious.

All right?

Final thought, Well, Anya, you're just joining us for this episode. Is there anything else you wanted to cover that you've missed out in the past couple of weeks from the road from you know, we went to the Taylor Swift day. We had this weekend on the road in Atlantic City. You weren't there in Rhobe that.

I really missed out on, but I've always wanted to go.

Trying to think.

We've had so much fun Lyla, I'm still just flying and you our band?

Yeah, your your cover band?

Were you guys?

We're doing great.

We're we had a great Instagram live the other day. We've really were Our catalog is growing.

Oh, we know it.

We know at least five songs perfectly, if not seven.

Yeah. This past week I've been working on it with my voice teacher, and it's I went in yesterday and it was such a struggle for me in that fucking lesson, and I'm going again right after this to my second lesson for the week.

It's so hard to sing.

And we got to the root of my issue, which is, like I'm always trying to sound like someone else because I don't know how my real singing voice sounds. And my real singing voice is fucking disturbing to me because he goes, there, there it is, that was it? That's the real one, because you have to like loosen everything.

Oh you guy, like, will we talk like this because your real singing.

Voice is when you go like, your real voice is like kind of the sound you made, or like cave men made before there was speech where it was just like oh and so yes, today he literally had me singing and Tyler Taylor Swift song. I mean he was having me exaggerated so I could get to it and it actually so we got to the root of my issue, which is I'm always trying to sound like someone else because I'm trying to mimic something because that's how that's how I operate in the world, Like I've my sense

I hate I said, I want everything to be only me. Nobody can ever I want.

I don't like it because then people are always like laughing about whatever that is. Like you slam cabinets, you fall down too fast, you PLoP around, you stretch out things, you take off your pants too fast, too fast, you say this thing weird, and I don't.

Like it at all.

But so the root of my issue is that I don't know my own I have to get to my own singing voice and then I can start adapting it to what I want it to sound like. But I I don't even have anything to work off of because I've never said my real singing voice.

Because your real singing voice sounds good.

It sounds because it sounds almost so, because I'm trying to always mimic someone else, so I don't sound like like someone's like oh, someone thinks like oh, because a real singing voice sounds really good and like different, and it will always it will kind of sound like you're trying to be. It just sounds like if I did my real singing voice, you wouldn't recognize it because it

Have you ever had a moment where you're like, oh, that's it, that's it, that's.

Me, yes, but then it's gone. She's gone, she leaves town, she buys a one way ticket, and you give us a sample or no, no, because I couldn't be able to find it. I can only find it when my teacher is like it's like pilates, dude, It's like, oh, you have it right now, And I'm like, this feels so weird.

It feels like I'm twistingly crazy to be straight, you.

Know, like it's not my Maybe you can record it.

I do.

I have recordings of it, but I dare not listen to it. It's only he has heard it.

I'm totally comfortable sounding like it in front of him because we've had like a year of hanging out and maybe making these weird noises.

But it's it's not something that I can Yeah, but but it's it's hard to get.

On talking about God instead of your Only he has heard it. We trust him.

His teachings are working.

You capitalize the age always.

I think repetition gets you there and slowly the shame will fall away.

But I'm did you have shame of your voice?

Are you kidding? My entire life was shame about my voice from the moment I started speaking.

What did it sound like when you first were trying to be a singer and like didn't find your voice? What did your singing voice sound like? Can you give us an example?

I mean all I was in a choir and just like singing along with a choir, just like no control, no idea. Then when I wanted to sing like Liz Fair or somebody, I was like, I hate her voice. She's since become my favorite singer or one of my favorite songwriters. And I was in the car with a little recorder and I was like, I want to practice, and I did, and I did my chest voice first, and I was like trying to mimic her. So I'd be like I wanna be you know. I was like, oh,

Do you hear Mateo Lane saying the other day on his He's incredible the opera My got. It was so good not to mention the woman he said next to, who's like one of the best sopranos in the world. It was I just can't even believe these sounds can come out of people's heads.

Lane upsetting talent, talented? Why far too many things? Why did he get Donald Glover? If you're talented too many things, you got to chill out.

And he's really nice too, and he's like humble and doesn't like and he has like total so much self doubt. I really love but his that clip of him singing, I knew he was a good singer. I didn't know that he what he his load like, he's he's all over the map. He can hit the high notes, he can hit the low notes, like notes that you go like that's coming out of him.

It was check out, Mateo.

Lane's ripped them in the world.

He speaks three languages. He's ripped. He's he looks like a fucking Italian statue.

He goes to Italy, speaks Italian to people and sings Italian arias and then does stand up in America.

He does amazing stand up. He sings He's saying at Carnegie Hall the other night. And then he also can is like a really good like chef. He's a really good cook. Draw three and he can draw. And he was just a drawer, Like if you just only knew it, he could have a huge successful career just from his drawings because they are so insane. There it's it's not, yeah, he's really that good. It's I've never met someone who is this town. It's really insane. And yeah, it's it doesn't make anything.

He had good parents. It sounds like I think he did. I mean had secure he's secure, so he had secure parents.

I know he's not. He's he's kind of insecure. No offense, Matereo. If you're if you ever hear this.

Well, he's displaying all these things. You have to be secure enough to be.

Showing you have to be really secure to be able to sing, I think in your natural voice because it's so I don't if any anyone can relate to what I'm talking about, it just doesn't. I get in the like, if you're a singer, the only way your bad singer is if you get in the way of your good voice. Like you have a voice inside you and the only thing that's holding you back is you getting in your own way. It's so fucking frustrating. And plates is the

Hmmm.

That's the same thing with everything with your whole life emotional.

Everything that's supposed to be my word that I take with me, like in my life is surrender. I probably could and then it will. Then I'm supposed to be more successful and more complete.

Well I think that's healthy because that's like it goes hand in hand with acceptance, like sort of based on what I was saying earlier, I don't think I uphold certain voices as like the like great voices, which probably ninety percent of the planet would like. Jeff Tweety amazing voice to me, one of my favorite male voices ever. It's very natural. It is not a super duper trained voice. I'm sure he's taken lessons to control his breathing. He's

Does sound good. It does sound I got to hear it.

I'll be the judge.

General as kid because you're like trying to get people like singing kids.

Are like you could say all hobbies are kid because you want attention.

No, sometimes hobbies are not about other people, like trying to control people's emotions, like singing is.

Of course, I don't think authentic singing is.

No, I I agree. I mean I wouldn't be doing it if it were.

I think means try hard. By nature, your personal can't be kid, But when you're when you're singing like Nikki, that's when it breaks through that you're you're trying. That's when the kid.

Okay, maybe if I just like think of myself as if I'm not doing it, it'll like help me not do it.

All I want to be is the first kit is I got confused?

Maybe yeah, Like maybe if I think of anything other than my real voice as then I will be less likely to do anything like I need to shame myself.

But that's not supposed to psychology.

It depends on if you need this for this one thing, you could use it for a little bit frustrating.

So yeah, the band is stalled out until I find my true voice because I can't fucking one.

Of your true voices like Stallwaine's voice.

I fucking wish I wish I had his body. I wish I would I would take his body over mine.

I don't know.

There's not enough hours in the day to beat the tailor. I don't know how it happened.

Girl mustache too. While you're at it, you would learning curve.

Yeah, ew, I hate the learning curve.

All right, we gotta go. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. I'll see you this week, and temp, I'll see you next week. And wherever I am do say, one room? Do you remember where we are next week?

I don't.

Oh Detroit and oh great, oh yeah Detroit and and.

Thanksgiving and and oh.

Okay, well then Saint Louis look for me around the Funny Bone. I'll be doing some secret shows for charity around the Thanksgiving period.

So come out to those. And I will see you this weekend on the road. We'll see you next week on the show. Thank you for listening. And dikround yeah don't because.

Not one man chow what oh yeah jokes, not one man chose Yeah, don't don't.

Be sincere, don't try to pull out a heart strings.

And yeah

And yeah yeah,