The nick A Gliser podcastser here's Nicky. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nicki Glazer Podcast. I'm here in Saint Louis, Missouri, joined by Taylor McGraw.
Up in the studio, up in this studio.
Brian is here in Los Angeles.
Hello.
Noah is in Arizona. People have wondered what happened to Anya, and I'm sorry I never announced it. She just was a regular obviously on the show for a while, and then I couldn't afford because we don't have a budget for guests and it's coming out of my pocket. And she felt her worth was more than I could give, and I totally agreed with her. But then Taylor stepped in and said, I have no worth. I'll take whatever you can get. And fine, no, I'm just gonna be
back to Mark. She just, you know, it was something that she was like, you know, I either want this or you.
Know, just put her foot down. But the drama, there were all these comments like drama, where's Anya? What happened to Anya? Oh right, yeah.
No, she's still my best friend. She's still a part of the show. There's nothing like It's not like the Andrew situation where it's like, you, guys, we just need some space. We're gonna talk about it again at another time. It's there's no drama behind it. It is literally like, hey, I like doing the show, but can I get paid more? And I was like, I don't have any more money to give you from the show, and I don't really want to pay out on my own pocket more because
not that you she doesn't have value to me. It's just like, you know, I only make so much on this show. And she was she understood that. I understood her, and I literally said to her, do you want to give less?
Just give less?
I was like it half assed.
I was like, she's so cute because she was like I can't do a bad job, you know, I can't phone it in. But I think I agree with that too, Like you either get she's like an all or nothing kind of person, so she'll come back to the show when she wants to make a little extra cash or just because she wants to. But uh, that's the reason. And don't you guys go off and comment like Nikki's so cheap. Not that anyone would say that, but maybe I would think that, like, well, you're you have money,
just pay her more. She's already an employee for me on another thing, Like it's just it's just too much and it's none of your business to be honest with you, and not that you even asked.
But it's I'm sharing all of this.
I mean you do like to behind it.
Really it's too but it's just like otherwise I'm gonna say, like what else could I say? I don't know, Like, but there is no bad there's no bad blood.
We are still ill.
Friend, gonna want to hear what actually happened? You got the Diamond Players Club, will.
Really give you the how much I was paying her. We'll tell you the amount and go.
What We have a transcript the conversation that Anya Nikki had when.
Talking about, Yeah, what are we going to do for our next player Diamond Players episode?
We Yeah, I want to try to do something.
I know I'm trying to collect more and then I the problem is not telling them on here because I truly don't have anything to hide except the things I don't want to hide are the things I hide now are just like name dropping things or like got me want to know them all just stumm subscribe stuff that I wouldn't care if that person said it about me, But like that person might get hear it back to because like I've said before.
Yeah, like a dictionary on one of those stands in a library.
I always turn it to dick or penis.
You do, yeah, Taylor works in libraries. You turn it to penis. Yeah, I turn it to penis or like anal or something. But maybe you're looking up.
The word analysis, Like do you highlight the word anal or do you put like the uh not?
No, I don't do like the Ramses did, where the dictionary was open and pointed. The corner was pointed to insect. What in the Ramses dictionary usually your John Bennet died. My god, it's a true.
Wait, they have it and stuff. No, I've looked everywhere the baby Okay.
I usually rip out the page that says and bring it home with me.
Jack.
You're like, I don't want anyone knowing what this is besides me. Wait, Taylor, I'm trying to say Taylor's hair. You have just a little fly's hair. Oh that's nice. I thought you were like you got to ask her about her hair? What's going on with it?
When are you going to fix that ship.
I know I saw it, and I honestly there was nothing in me that was like fix it.
I just like I think, I just.
Love you always, like have told me if there's like a little smudge or something, just to tell you, just.
So I was passing them on. Yeah, no, I appreciate you were good looking out.
I was not thinking, but I did see it, and that makes me question my whole being. Do you ever like catch yourself being called on something and you're like, oh, yeah, I totally did.
It's like a night and day or like sure, it's like you're go into a fugue and you're like I was doing this wrong the whole time, or no, like you.
Know that you did something, but in the moment you didn't know it was wrong.
Yes, I just did that. I can't talk about it on here the way.
She really Okay, diamond players, let's just save it for that.
Maybe you could come on and tell us what it was about. So big lots has happened since the last time I was here. I was in Arkansas, I was in New York, I was in.
Where were we this weekend?
Oh goodness?
Which is the New York Yeah, in New York for that, and then we rounded out the weekend in Boyd, Atlantic City. Oh my god, so many things to talk about, but yeah, I did. I went to New York on Wednesday from Arkansas to be a part of this Bob Saggat Scleroderma Research Foundation annual show that they do to raise money. It's so weird they started this charity thirty years ago, or that they started this charity event thirty years ago.
And Bob got asked to be on it. I think the after the first year, the second year they did it.
And it's for sclare deermat It's like this horrible like kind of skin disease that it's no cure and it's really painful and it's awful, awful, awful, And and he did the He did it the first the second year, and then the next year his sister got Sclara derma died of it, very rare disease. So then Bob was a part of this whole thing for years and years until he died. He you know, during the pandemic I did. Bob called me and asked me to do a song
for it. I did another thing. I've done something for it. I think two out of the last three years. Last year is supposed to but I had the vocal cord surgery so I couldn't talk, so I couldn't do the show. So I did this year and it was fucking awesome because I flew in. I got put up in a nice hotel. Thank you so much to Adam Sagitt, Bob's nephew, who hooked it up and like made my stay so comfortable. And then the event was in the in the hotel. It was like the ballroom of the hotel.
I didn't have to leave. I just go down to it. And then it's me and Ronnie Chang, who I love is so nice. We hung out backstage. I've never really like hung out with them.
He had a story of like, oh, when I first I went to visit New York in two thousand and like ten, and you helped me and my friend like get on a bar show and I didn't remember it. It's so weird that you remember things. But I think I had a crush on his friend. He reminded me who was friend Mows, And I was like, oh, yeah, I think I did that because I had a little
crushy poo. But also, you know, I would do that anyway, But I do remember maybe, and then I think I'm not going to say what ended up happening, but because it's mean, it's not juicy. But no, Ronnie Chang is awesome and so funny. I had never seen I've seen clips, but I had never seen his stand up. I never sat and watched it. And that's not me being like I don't care about stand Like you just don't see comedians. And I'll get into that in a second when we
talk about someone else. But you just like, I don't know, I just don't watch that much comedy.
There's nothing I'd rather do less than go to a comedy show.
Yeah, that's the way I used to feel. That's the way I used to feel past Saturday.
Yeah, I think shame.
But also watching Ronnie Chang, I you know why I watched comedy. I watch it like this. Okay, that's really close to what I'm gonna be talking about on my special. Please don't do the joke I'm gonna do. Please don't have a take that's better than mine. Please don't have the opposite take that proves my take wrong, Like, oh god, don't do because a lot of times you'll hear a joke about a topic that you are tackling, and it'll just graze it.
It'll just like just touch it, but it won't dig in.
But now it's dead because anytime you go into that again, you'd have to kind of graze it the way they did to get deep, and people would call you a thief, you know, So it's dead. If someone just like touches a subject that is a little bit of the.
Same, ta.
A becomes like their signature bit and famous.
Because even in the comedy community, I don't ever want like even five people thinking like she saw that at an open mic or whatever, like I wouldn't.
Even but there's gonna be things at open mic. You're not watching all the open mics.
I know, but if someone can place me at one where I saw one. That's why I don't like to watch comedy is because if I don't see it, then I could do the joke, and if someone accuses me of stealing it, I'll be like, I don't even watch that person. So sometimes I see something I'm like, I wish I would have just left the room because I could keep doing my bit, and it wouldn't have I wouldn't I would have been earnest about it, not.
Knowing that someone else kind of ignorance.
Yeah, but it's not good because you find inspiration. And Ronnie Jane was so funny and he was talking about fertility issues with him and his wife.
He was talking about having kids.
So it was a lot of like the same stuff that I talk about, but it was like from his perspective and it was nothing, nothing touched on anything I did to thank fucking god. It was really funny. He was so good. He's like talking about Luigi. He was talking about what was like the host f Boyd Island. A lot of topics were raised. Honestly, it left me with not much else to do. It's just at the end of it, like he didn't talk about having you know, significant labea, so thank god.
Yes, but aren't you gonna like run out of topics in this world?
Then no, No, you're just going to have to do But like someone does a topic about okay, let me like someone can two people can do topics about, you know, the airplane.
Okay, here's an example.
I was trying to make a bit about magnifying mirrors in bathrooms and hotels and how they're horrifying and no one needs to see that, and it sucks.
But have I said this before?
And then I was reading Ellen DeGeneres's book and she starts with an entire All she does is talk about the magnified mirror on the first two pages of this book I'm reading, and she literally covers every joke that could be done about it, like she.
Looks like the moon looks like a sandwich, looks like Yeah.
She just lists all the things.
It was so funny and so well done, and I was just like, well, that's done for me. But if we let's say I had a bit about a magnifying mirror, but it was like, my point was I love them, or my point was they make me feel bad about myself for this reason. But she's saying, oh, they make me feel bad because of my wrinkles. I say, they make me feel bad for my poor size. That could we could still do things. But if we're both saying, like, it shows you their skins so close up it looks
like the surface of blah blah. And she says the moon, and I say, Mars or some other surface that looks like the moon. That's you shouldn't do that. Yeah, I think that's the rule kind of god, at least that I followed.
But I just said that it looked like the moon. But I never heard anybody's stand up.
So I really have to be very careful with what I say to you do a hack because no one's gonna.
Think you're beause on a stage. You're not on a stage, and I won't ever be. You could be if you want, you couldn't. All of my friends could be comedians, but they just don't need that scary.
And then why is it scary to go on a stage? Yes?
Why?
Because I mean I know why, but I just want to hear, like why, Like I'm interested in, like what what is the fear?
Well, I have OCD, so I would think that I would pee my pants or something like ridiculous.
It would never happened.
At one girl at prom after Pah.
Cassi.
Was it Cassie. I don't remember who it was.
I don't remember her last name, but I believe it was something Cassie. But that was what solidified that hypnotists are real and that's real, because we were like, no, there's no way hypnotists are really real, Like people just want to they're doing it to a fee and pretend that their chair is of you know, uh, their their husband and pomp it or whatever. Like they're just putting on a.
Neck because they're like helping the hypnotists. They're being part of it.
But man, this girl got hypnotized.
She was She's not She wasn't particularly an outgoing person, but she wasn't so so shy. She was just normal. She goes up, she gets hypnotized. This is on Taylor's after prom. Taylor isn't a grade above me. I got snuck in because Taylor brought me along. I was a junior at a senior prom thing, and that's hypnotists said your chairs are on fire. And she pissed her pants in fear.
Continues to walk around, not knowing that she did it.
No, and then she took off her sweatshirt and tied it around her way. Yeah, like our friend who has bladder problems and would piss her pants every time she laughed too hard. It's a thing, But that proved it because I was like, no one would choose to pee their pants in front of their high school senior class.
No.
Also, there was a girl it was I don't remember who this was either, but he said something like do your favorite sex position or something or something like that, like you're.
Making out, you know it.
Maybe it wasn't sex, but this girl, who was like a very Christian girl, was like kind of going a little buck on it. Yeah.
And then and then when I remember when.
Cassie or whoever it was, he he went like, okay, ready, set, you're awake and snapped.
She's like, that's right. That's when she did the sweatshirts. She woke up out of it, but she in it. She thought her chair was on fire, and as you would, you would piss your pants and.
Fear if your chair the fire.
Yeah.
Oh that's a good idea. Yeah, okay, I've never even thought about that.
She's very good, smart, resourceful.
Yeah, but yeah.
I saw Ronnie Chang and then Michael Chang was also on the show, and he we didn't hang out backstage, but he showed up. Change Chang and Nikki Chi Chang Chi Chang Chang. The chounting shows FROs. Yes, so they had a music at the ends.
The chaluting show was counting time. Yeah, that's them. I think that's like that. It's like or lighthouse or something.
Fastball. I don't think so actually sounds like something though.
Yes, someone at home. We're not gonna look it up closing time semi.
Oh yeah, we were so close a fastballs go fast almost like sonic speed in there. Okay, So Ronnie Chang went up. Jeff Ross was hosting. They were doing like an auction. It was like a dinner. It was this banquet. It was a really like lovely dressy affair. Yes, and jeffs. Ronnie went up, went up. I follow Ronnie. I do so so it was fine, not my best but definitely
got the job done. And then and we were all telling stories about Bob, which Ronnie kind of kicked off, which like at the end, Ronnie was like, I just want to say Bob, like you know.
He told a story about Bob.
Just being really just an amazing person and like seeking out friendship and always wanting to hang and like, uh, I really forget because I was like getting ready for myself. But he said something nice, so at then and my said I got to share a nice little thing about Bob.
And then Chay went up. Chay killed Hay was hilarious.
Chay also did jokes that I was like stop stop right now, stop going there that's really close to what I'm doing.
And then he didn't go all the way there.
I was, thank god. My dogs are fighting at my legs. If you guys want to watch on YouTube.
The dogs are wrestling at my feet, which is what they always do.
They just need to wrestle on you. And this is when they're the happiest thing. So relaxed because two people they love are hanging in a room and talking. We're not watching like we're everywhere. Everyone they love is where they wanted to be. They are just we will look at them also if they want, yeah, and they love it.
If not, they just stare stand far away and stare at you until you reach the.
Position the stairs.
I've been getting while watching these dog for my parents while they're out of town. It's like they just Luigi almost. I think yesterday he glared at me. I saw him just like disgusted with like you we should be playing right now, you fucking lazy piece of shit. He doesn't play, Yeah, but he's playing right now. He would play so but then counting Crows. I'm flipping out about Counting Crows because I love them, Taylor and I loved them in high school.
It was Dave Matthews band, it was Counting Crows. It was John Mayor for me. I don't know if you were onto John Mayor that much, but those were like my trifecta. And we went to see Counting Crows in September of maybe two thousand nine eleven.
I don't know.
It just felt fall. Maybe it's because it was August and everything after you and everything September you were plans was doin fall.
We didn't.
We was at the American Theater, which I think is something else now, and we were front row because we were This is the best thing I ever did as a teen. I learned because someone recently was talking to me about going to Eras, and I go, if you're not on floor and you've seen the Eras movie, I don't even think it's worth going to, Like, you gotta be close because if you've seen the movie, you've had
a front row seat and you're good. It's not gonna be as good as the movie because the experience of the movie is great because you're with a bunch of swifties and they're all singing, Like I would say, oh, the movie at home is not as good as experience for the movie at a theater is as good as going to Ara's show on the floor. But you gotta sit on the floor because once you're up close, you can't go back. Because we would always do that in
high school. We would be up close, we'd get general admission, we'd get there early, and we'd get to the front because it's the best.
And then so we were.
Rat with Beatle Bob.
Oh.
Yeah, there was a famous Saint Louis and guy who would go to every concert, every single night in Saint Louis. He's at every single one. He was he died recently, but and he would dance and he had a beatle haircut, and he would dance and everyone knew him as Beatle Bob. And he would be at every single show in Saint Louis all the time, and we saw him all the time.
He recently passed away, Beetle Bob.
I'll tell you what the counting crows the rest of the story when we get back, because we have to go to break. But something embarrassing happened during I disagree.
Wait why I'm proud of of what happened?
Oh yeah, I think I told you girls aftermath. Yeah, it was it was not it was at your thing.
I thought you were talking about.
When year, oh, when we were kids. Everything's embarrassed. Yeah, the whole thing's embarrassing. We'll find out about all that when we get back on your all right, the dogs are still fighting. So I'm at this event. Jeff Ross is on stage, Michael Jay has just gone up. Now it's signed for Counting Crows. He's about to bring up
Counting Crows. And I am on the side, like so excited because I'm like nearly front row, but I'm like on the side and I'm feeling like I'm like I can't believe I get to watch and it's just Adam and his guitarist I forget the guy's name, but it's just those two, Adam Duritz. It's not like the whole band.
And Jeff is about to introduce them, and I'm kind of like looking at Jeff, like involve me in this, please, Like I just want to be involved and uh, and Jeff is like as they're setting up, Jeff's kind of killing time by talking about like I love these guys. I've seen them so many times. They're one of the greatest bands. Blah blah blah and He's like, who here in the room is a kind of Crows fan?
And I was like hey, hey, And then I was like, can I come up? And Jeff's like, yeah, come up here.
So Jeff and Jeff is always like we're buds, so he was like, yeah, come up. So I grab a mic and Jeff and I are on stage, and I was like, I just didn't plan it right, Okay, Like I should have. I should have had a plan knowing that I possibly could have been speaking into a microphone about my love of Counting Crows and my history of loving Counting Crows. Oh, because I would have just had a beat to like, think of the punchlines, ease the
crowd into what I was about to say. So instead I ran up on stage and I just go I love these guys so much. Adam Durretz. I saw you in high school. I was obsessed with you in high school. My friends and I touched you. We went home. We put our fingers on masking tape so we could collect your fingerprints.
We put them on note cards.
This has been By the way, there are four hundred people here, all at banquet tables, all old people. They don't have any context I'm just like, I went from straight up like I love you guys, high school note cards.
DNA, and then I.
D because I think that's I just don't want We'll talk about that in a second.
I chose not to say that.
Instead, I said, we even stole your water bottle and choved your backwash about us because we were like we're drinking his DNA. I was like, I thought this was funny. I was like, we were obsessed with you. Okay in retrospect, Okay, by the way, no one laughed. Everyone's horrified. There is literally dead silence. There's not no it's awkward, And so I just keep going.
Did you every time I tell this story?
Did he?
No?
He's confused.
To everyone give a chance for anyone to mas see this video of this?
No, I don't think there is one.
I'm going to find it.
It was so so I'm like, I don't care. I care, but I kind of don't care. I've just like bombed so many times. It's really is not that it doesn't hurt as much anymore. So then what I would have done in retrospect, let me just like rewind this is how I would have said it.
Thank you, Jeff, Okay.
I am a giant music fan to the point that it becomes obsessive and scary. I've been to nine Taylor Swift shows this year. It's a little much. I have been this way since high school. I have always taken it to the extreme. I literally had beatlemania for the Crows. I was a dirret's head. I would have said something I would have just a dreadhead.
I was a little on ramp to the insanity.
Yes, because the insane cologist came out.
Of nowhere because you love them so much.
It's honest and right way I did lie. I didn't drink Adam Durtz's backwash. It was John Mayer's backwash. But it just stills. But it would took the play to how a Day Was stole his set sweat Raguar and we like inhaled it like we were puffing.
You got to go either way with it. You do the on ramp. You acknowledge that what you're about to say is in says that they're like, Okay, she's jerking around because she knows. Or you go the exact opposite direction and you go I drank your piss and I followed you home and I went to your kids room and I watched them sleep either way, not.
Give them an on ramp.
I just flew off the highway, flipped the car six times, like wrapped around a tree survivors.
And so then.
So I did why I chose to say lie and say the backwash story is a because I would have done that had we gotten his water bottle without questions. So I did feel bad lying about that just because it would have been true had we had it. We just didn't have access.
You're just combining stories.
The real story that's worse than that is that I grabbed his dreadlock as he was singing a song.
Yeah, but he's white.
Yeah, but grabbing any Yeah, that's true.
It's like it's not like you're like, like your hair is so pretty to think.
God, I didn't do it to Ben Harper.
We were also obsessed with him, but he was just sitting down with a.
Harp on his entire show. But I didn't grab it. Let me be honest with you.
I just like drifted my fingers through it like a wind chime, you know, like I but he looked at me. I will never forget he looked at me, like, get the fuck off me, you dumb bitch, which I completely deserved. So I didn't want to retell that because I didn't want him to remember or be triggered by an.
Assault like that.
You know, like I just didn't want to be one of those girls, even though I was. I would tell him this personally one on one, but like in the room before he's singing, I didn't want to bring that up. So then, Jeff is it's kind of just like I'm running out of things to just I'm trying to dig myself out of it.
I'm like, I was just a huge fan. I wanted your DNA.
But like then I'm realizing I'm bombing and the sweat is accumulating on my lower back. There's a droplet that's sliding down into my buck crack, which always happens when I bomb. If it gets to my buck crack, and that means there's no saving it. So there's always a droplet immediately, Yes, a barometer. It's like the ball dropping on New Year's Eve.
And Adam responding to this at all? Is he just like nodding like okay.
Adam's there with his girlfriend.
So I also would have liked to say some kind of acknowledgment of like, I, you know, like to make it not sexual.
I think it was too.
Like even though I was I sent myself ever sine fifteen. I know, so I have some girlfriends who would have been like and then this bitch was like going on about how she like wanted his DNA, which and like it would have just been like I didn't need to hear that he's my man like, but luckily I met her afterwards. She was not like that at all. She was like smiley, so nice, so sweet. But so then I go to Jeff and I was like, can I introduce them? Like as I'm like trying to dig out,
I was like, are we ready? No, I just started to Jeff, I go, are we ready? Because then they're set up for there's you know, the plugs are the guys have set up the guitar stands and everything, and I go, can I do it? And then I was like Ladies and Gentlemen one of the greatest bands of all time, which I thought was good, just like cut to the chase like Count and Crows, and then I bring them up. They walk up and I'm already looking
at Adam like I'm sorry. That was so weird, you know, and I've never even met him before except for you know in two thousand when I grabbed his dread and that wasn't really.
So he was acquainted.
He remembered your hands. Suddenly he was triggered.
He saw your hand and was like no, and the DNA we got we have been working on a clone.
So I have bad thing in my close.
Is it's in one of our closets.
Do you have it? I mean we went to Leslie Lamer's house.
Afterwards, I remember, but no, I've seen it since.
I'm JK.
I've seen it since then. So oh really, so it might be in my house. You haven't found out.
It's a close card with all the data.
It's like under the bed, like does it move around?
No, he can't talk. It's a really we sucked it up pretty bad. We have a couple of arms, his arms coming out of his head.
He's like, I kind of just where they pulled the old lady out from under the.
Bad right about that.
I'm scary. It's so good.
So yeah, we I have forgot to feed it. I have to go feed the Adam Clane later. But it's just makes guitar.
No it's just like he thinks he's playing the guitar, but he only has like one arm and the other ones like kind.
Of yeah, a claw.
Sometimes we just set a guitar next to it. I don't think Adam can play guitar. Actually, I think he's on He bounces around and even said that when he sat down to play piano, he said, this is the only song I can play on piano. Because then he played so that as we crossed paths, he says to me he was like, here's some more DNA or something like, as he shook my hand, makes joke. He was cool, and then that maybe that's why in retrospect I didn't give a fuck, because.
He he didn't care.
Yeah, funny, I'm sure I love him so much, you guys. He goes on stage and oh my god, I'm like getting goose books just thinking about it. He talks about Bob, and he talks about this event that he's been playing. He's like, I'll always play this event. He's done it before in the past, it's been going on for thirty years. And then he says that Bob introduced him, like Bob took him under his wing, and like really, brought him around the comedy community, and he was like, and I got to know comedians.
I got to be around comedians.
And he talked with such reverence, which, by the way, I just as a comedian, I never hear people be like I mean, it's not that I never hear people be like comedians start wow, but like, I never hear someone who I look at as a fucking seminal artist being like in awe of what we do. And he said, direct quote, he was like, and man, comedians, what they do is so much harder than what we do, so
much harder. And it was like it was apropos of nothing. Honestly, there was no reason for him him to say that in that moment. I needed to hear it because I have such I just have such shame about not being able to be a musician that I want to be your intro.
Oh yeah, he just like wow.
To survive that, to not go up to your and yourself tonight live, it's going to be a long December for Nikki Jesus to rectifying that situation.
So closing time, so.
He uh, he said that, and he goes he's he said, you know, I'm there's which I would argue with him on this. He said that, you know, they put themselves out there in such a different way, which I I do disagree with because and I've talked about this on the pod before, but you know when and I just let me just caveat this. Also, I just heard Joe lists podcast Mental Metal Jacket or something it's called.
I don't know what it's called, but it's really good.
Joe lis podcast where he talks about mental health, and he had on Henry Phillips, who is one of my favorite comedians and writers and jokes. He's just from punch Why Punching the Clown, a movie that I'm in, and Punching Henry the sequel, which I'm also in, But he had Henry on. We were listening to that podcast this weekend, me and my friend Sean, and they were talking about singing and how because Henry sings in his act and
he also is a comedian, but how singing is. Joe was making the same point I make, which singing is so I think much more vulnerable than being.
A comedian being yourself, because.
I think it's so embarrassing to be like I'm gonna He compared it to character work. Too, Like if you're a comedian doing like voices and like big bits where you're doing act outs, it's so much more putting yourself out there if that bombs and you're because there's effort behind it. There's clear effort, Whereas if I'm just on stage telling you about my trip to Starbucks in my normal speaking voice and I have a couppeled jokes that don't do well, there's not a lot of putting out
on the line because I did it. I'm not trying whether or not I'm even if I'm talking about my vagina, if I'm doing it like this in a conversational tone, or I'm talking about something that is like you know, seems really like wow, Nikki, thank you for sharing that I'm not trying because I'm just talking like this, Like it's not like I'm doing it like this and I'm tayking like that. I realized what makes me nervous is effort. Yeah, because if I put an effort and it fails, that's
so much more embarrassing than no effort. And that's why I do think that musicians for me do something that's harder because especially ones that sing songs that they wrote because it's so.
And you add sincerity on top of effort and you're like.
Oh, moaning singing, crying singings, Like is.
It reminds me of doing sketch comedy, which I think is the saddest way to bomb, because if you bomb with sketch comedy, I just remember doing shows and then having to like pack up all my pro that didn't work to put on a plane, like oh no, this fake chicken has to go in this bag. No one laughed at it at all.
Yeah.
Rick Lassman uh uses a puppet on stage, and he says when he gets home at night, sometimes he like takes it out and like tucks it in, and he's like, that's the saddest night of my life, is like taking it out and like arranging it so it's like propped up perfectly and kind of just like closing its eyes and like just any effort, Like even in my own act, like when I write a bit that has some sort of memorization value to it, where it's like it it
hinges on me, like remembering this thing and then saying this thing and then doing this thing, and then it's sticking the landing. Like even that I get so nervous because if that bombs, it's sod.
That bit of.
Sweat will start forming.
Whereas if I just like shooting from the hip talking about something and it doesn't go, well, there's no I didn't lose anything because I didn't try, so he can't be mad at me if it's bad. My whole life is this, Yeah, I pack my schedule so that if you go, Nikki, that thing sucked that you did, I'll go, well, I'm so busy it should suck.
Look at my schedule.
But if I and Chris the other day was like, you've got to clear out your schedule. You got to make time to work on the special, and like all you do is the special. All you do is the podcast voice lessons and the special, no thing extra, And I'm like, I don't want to do that because if the special's not good, I'll have no.
Excuse because you're a three on the enneagram.
Really, Oh is that what threes do?
Yes?
If you start even like being like, I think something's wrong with me if you're not busy, because you need to be occupied all the time.
But it's but is it inherently an excuse for low self esteem which you don't want to be revealed for because if you if you try it something and it fails, that means you're.
Bad at it because you try.
But if you don't try, you can always say I'm not bad, I just didn't try.
Yeah.
Oh so then Adam Durrett's this is my second favorite part. But he goes, you know, he's like saying, comedians, what they do is so much harder. He was like, they really put themselves out there. He was like, and that's why I'm just I'm in awe of these guys. And he catches himself saying guys, and he's kind of like referencing me and Ronnie and Jeff that are kind of standing to the side. Chay's long gone at this point, but he's like, you know, that's why I'm in awe
of these guys. And then he like positioned himself on the piano to start playing and he goes and Nikki, he like, yes, because I don't care when guys say guys for women. I'm not like in the Now and Then movie where it's like we're girls, some of us aren't girls. There's like a line in that movie. But just that he said my name was like yes, and so then then this is the cool part.
Okay.
So he played three songs. The first song was beautiful, I don't remember what it was. The second song he kept making a joke before each song. The first song he did, he was like, he said something about at the beginning, like, all of these songs are about Bob.
I wrote them all about Bob.
But he was like saying, like they aren't, but like, let me just pretend like they are, like this is a night for Bob. So it was kind of established that that was the joke or whatever, that these aren't gonna be about Bob, but like, let's just say they are.
So this.
So he goes in the song and he goes and so this this next song is also this is a one hundred percent about Bob sagot And then he plays the song and in the song is a character's name Bob. He's like, it's the song is about a guy named Bob. And you can see his face as he's singing it, like whoa. And then he finishes the song and he's like, can I just say I didn't remember that song had
Bob in the name. It was so weird that I said it was gonna be about him, and then Bob he was like, and maybe if you're not an artist, and I don't mean to be like, as an artist, I can tell about this.
You might go, how did he not know Bob was in the name.
Sometimes I tell a joke and I have like there are kids in the room, and I don't realize, Oh, fuck this joke to use the word again hinges on the fact that I say, I scored it all over his face or something, I'll like forget that that's in the like, you know, so there's all the time that you have content within these things that you've made and been doing for years that you forget, like what it even is.
You're like thinking of your grocery list.
So then he was like that was so weird, Like he's kind of like, I can't even believe that. And then I just grabbed Jeff and I was like, that was Bob. I was like, Bob is in the fucking room tonight. There's no question that Bob was like, Oh, you're gonna make a little joke about these songs being about me. You're gonna sing a song bitch with my name in it and make everyone think about me, and everyone's gonna tear up because it's it sounds like it was about a tall man named Bob.
Like the song was, and it wasn't even.
Maybe look up the lyrics know it like counting crows, Bob tall, because I think those were three words that were in it. I'd appreciate if you would just so people could maybe go give it a listen.
So then Jeff was like, whoa that was?
And I don't like to think of I just felt Bob in the room, and that's what I said on stage. I was like, I just love this night because I like, I feel like he's here. It's just such a celebrat of him. His wife was there, Kelly Rizzo, who I absolutely love. We got to like hang out and talk about her appearance on Special Forces, which is that show where celebrities go on and like have to tough it out, and it was really fun to talk to her about that and how I want to do that show someday.
Hell yeah.
But then.
After the show, so after the show ends, oh, then they play Long December And let me just say thank you Adam Durretz because sometimes he can get a little liberal with what he wants to do with the song, like he can change it a little bit and be like it's been a long December and the reason to believe. Yeah, yeah, you could probably on you grab him, but he you know, he just does that.
He like likes to mix it up for himself. It's his prerogative.
But he fucking stuck to this song and he only did one part where it was like and you know what I really loved that he's stuck to was there's at the very end he goes no.
No Nanna, no no no no no no.
No no no.
And I really didn't think that he would stick this part, but he goes.
No no no nine. Yeah he did that. Yeah, like, yes, that's the part you don't eat. We would we would be okay if you didn't do that because it's not but it's such an essential part of the song. It was so good.
And then afterwards and everything he said, like as someone who speaks for a living and just got done being a total mushmouse and literally not making any sense. When I did his intro, he was so amazing at what he said.
It was all poignant. It was like tier jerky.
It was just like usually musicians, you're like zip it like just sing, but he really said some good things. So afterwards, I was like, I really want to meet him, but I'm like, also, I kind of said that I wanted his DNA, and I don't want to go in like his girlfriend's there. I don't want her to feel like I'm like trying to make I don't know. I
just didn't want it to feel weird. So I was like, and Jeff is friends with him, and so I was like, Jeff, will you introduced me to Adam Duritz, which I've I really think this is the first time in my life I've ever asked someone to introduce me to one. I am not someone who does that. I think it's kind of annoying, like do it yourself. And so Jeff's like sure, and then I was like.
No, that's stupid.
I'll just go up to him, like I don't know what I'm thinking, because Jeff's like, I really want to go, but I was like, no, Jeff, I can do it, and he was like no, no, no, I'm going to So Jeff goes over introduces me to him, and I'm.
Just like, I love you.
I was like, I just need you to know you are so talented. I felt like his grandmother. I was like, you have so much talent what you said and I said, your voice has not changed. I was like, your voice sounds just.
You're just the good boy in the world. Are you on the road.
Yeah, I just told him because his voice sounded it hasn't aged at all, and voices obviously aged so much. It made me laugh on the Girl's chet the other day when Holla was talking about aging and Halla was like, I don't care.
Halla talks everything like this.
I don't even care.
This is that for those of you who are keeping score, this is the friend who peased when she laughs too hard.
Hall is like, and I know holl is listening now.
All I was like, I don't even care about like wrinkle and like my face like sagging.
I don't care at all, like.
Hair.
All I care is I like, don't want like an old voice. It was making me laugh so hard.
Anything topic like a oh boy, she.
Doesn't want to be like her like this, but still have an old voice.
Yeah, her mom's voice is like this.
Her mom had a girl growing up and we were We would always wake up to girls.
It was like, wake up girls, would you let some chocolate chip cookies? Girls.
I made some gram cracker cruss.
She was like the most chipper woman.
I ran four miles, would you like three? Yeah?
She had a very active mom and now her mom Halla's mom is obsessed with veterans.
I don't know why.
It makes me laugh so hard because it's so sweet.
But her mom, like on Instagram, is constantly posting things about like honoring her veterans. She's always doing like a vetter ends run, a veteran swim like. She's always posing next to someone who looks like a corpse like, and she's like she's always like leaning down next to their wheelchair, like thank you for your service. I think it's probably some way for her to feel connected to her father, who's probably passed or something.
Yeah, but I'm.
Veterans Day and I wrote Tala, you better fucking wish your mama happy Veterans Day and thank you so much for this reminder.
She was sincere about it. I was like, oh, I was just joking, but she was like, no, this is gonna get me. She'll be Yeah. I always think about.
Lisa Holly when I think about veterans. I think it's so sweet that she's passionate about them. Okay, we got to go to break I'll uh come back and tell you more stuff when we get back. All right, we're back. So, Brian, you were saying before, and you agree with me watching stand up as a stand up comedian, No, thank you. Like going to a stand up show. What was the last stand up show.
You went to that I that I just bought in the seats? Yeah, yeah, I can't remember, but yours. I mean, I've I went to see Patona Walt in San Diego before he filmed his last special, which you know he wasn't he was the special wasn't ready, so it was just kind of like watching someone try to figure stuff out on stage for an hour, so not like not locked in.
Well, I kind of like that show me. I need to see more of that. I want to see comedians not being amazing and like that's what.
The show is good. The show is good, it's just you.
Know, yeah, he's one of the best. So he's one of that.
I mean, he has one of the best comedians of all time. I just saw him early on developing his hour and I was like, yeah, I don't yeah, I see, I've seen enough comedy that like I'm not interested in seeing I know it's happened. Someone figure it out. I want to see his bits at the end when they're all finished, and like, oh my god, that's genius.
Did I tell you about the trick about bringing your notes on stage?
Have I talked about that on here?
No? What's the trick? I want to know?
Okay, Well, I ran into I think Whitney Cummings. I mean, I don't think it was.
I know it was. I'm just trying to think if I should name names. But we were talking.
About someone we were on a show with or something.
Who had uh oh, I know what it was.
I was like when he was leaving, I was coming to them brow if we were talking in the lobby. She was like, oh, I'm headed to Burbank right now to do Flappers. And I was like, oh god, Burbank, that's a far drive. She was like, I can't just I can't develop material anymore in Hollywood, Like there could be like the president of Paramount could be in.
The room, see a bomb working on a bit.
Yeah.
And I was like yeah, and I go, you know what? And this is something I think I shared with her more than we came up with it together.
But I was like, I've been seeing certain comedians bringing their notes.
On stage, and it is not because they need them, it's because it gives what I was just talking about. If it's bad, you can go. They were not. They were working things out. They need to practice, so it excuses it. I saw this person using their notes, and then I saw them two months later using their notes and doing the same jokes, and they the bar gets so lowered if you see someone being like, this is some new stuff you know I'm going through. But the
person I confirmed it did not need their notes. And then subsequently, everyone I would talk to about seeing this person would say it was so cool. The other night I got to see him working on new stuff and I said, it's not new stuff. I've been seeing that saying. And I go, let me tell you the jokes they were working on. Da da da da d da da da, And they go yep, yep, yep. But I go, I've saw I saw that two months ago.
That is not new.
That person gets on stage all the time. That's but it's a it's it's smart. I don't begrudge that person because they have figured out a way to make it. That's alternative comedy. Though, is like this. It was this you know, surge of you know. Janie Grofflo brought notes on her special, on her HBO special to make it look like I don't care, because being like you don't care is it's yeah and so.
But I this is why, this is why LA is the worst place to do comedy. I think because the audience is always filled with agents or some or someone in the industry. They're not good laughers.
Believe how much people have seen me bomb.
Yeah, it's crazy. You got to go up there and do your best and you can't work on anything unless you're at very specific rooms where you just guaranteed no one's there. But man, yeah, someone like me. It sucks. It fucking sucks because it's like no one knows who I am. I go up there and it's like, if I don't do my best stuff, they're gonna their first impression will be your piece of shit and you're white.
I think what you do is you gotta do your best stuff, and then you pull out that little piece of paper and you go hear some new stuff.
It's not good. You put the paper back away and you get back to your good stuff.
I don't I go up there, I do my jokes. If they start bombing, I pull out a piece of paper and then I go by the way, you know, I was. I was trying out these jokes and this piece of paper. But if it's doing well, keep the paper in my back pocket, and I say, I'm just fucking awesome.
I brought a paper on stage the other night because I'm working on memorizing like the order of this one bit. And I'm usually just like fucking grab bagging at shit on stage, and Brian is helping me very much on my special, like organize it and put it into an order, and so I wrote it all out in an order the other night, and I mean it is it was like a hundred words listed because it's like.
You know, I need to remember every little joke.
So it's one hundred words for like a ten minute bit, and I'm just and I put it on the stool next to me and I just kept looking down. I felt so I was so scared someone was gonna be like she wasn't even ready, but it was like, no, this is put more effort than I've ever put in my life.
Like I'm actually trying harder on.
This show than you think, but it did feel weird to like look down at notes, even though I definitely needed notes for the first ten, I would say, six years of my career.
I was like five. I was obsessed with bringing notes on stage. I would never not they.
Become a crutch. Then you get to the point where you can't do without notes, even if now.
I would never bring notes, and bringing notes on stage is crazy to me now.
But but uh, and that sounds like a.
Brag, but it's just it's just whatever you do, like the habits you form stick. So okay, getting to the point, have you ever heard of Sebastian Manscalco? Taylor heard of them, but I don't know. Okay, that's good, that's good enough. So on Saturday night, I was in Atlantic City. I was at the hard Rock. It was an amazing show, so much fun. Thank you to everyone who came out. And also in Rehobeth Beach, you guys were a little rowdy,
a little different, but I also appreciate you. And I met one bestie backstage in Rehobeth because it wasn't a meet and great, but he I forget how I figured out some way to get him back. And I'm you know, if you if you try very hard, you can find a way always. But if you can't, it's not because
I like barred you from it, Okay. And then Saturday, Atlantic City, I do my show, I do my meet and greet, and then Matt, my tour manager, is like, hey, the promoter is doing Sebastian show too at the Borgot.
It's across the way.
Do you want to go see it? He's doing a ten o'clock show. And I was like, yeah, you know before the show he actually brought this up. I was like yeah, But I was also thinking, there's no fucking way I'm gonna want to go see a show after I've done a show and a meet and greet and eaten too much for dinner and just been like I.
Want to just go to bed.
But I was like, no, let's go because it was me Anya. My friend Sean O'Brien was like, let's go see Sebastian. So we get in a van, we drive over to the Borgata. We get like a throw and we are in the spotlight, like there's no way we can get out early Like this is I don't sit in seats like this to seek it just never doesn't happen to me. But I'm like, you know what this
is like, Actually I'm in a really good mood. I'm in the stage, is in the center, and then it's a you know, it's in the round, and I'm like, this is really cool, and let me just like surrender to this night, being like I'm in an audience, like take off your little like comedian brain and have fun. And you would have been able to in this moment. I'm not kidding you, because I was fighting it the whole time and it kept happening. So then so Sebastian
comes out and I have announcement. He's my favorite comedian. I think he's he's up there with Louie. He's up there with Burr, He's up there with Carlin.
He's up there. I mean he is Paton. We're talking about the Chappelle.
Sebastian mascalco is one of the greatest comedians who will ever live. It was so fucking funny, and I do say that like him because it was fucking clay.
It was. It was so good. It was.
All I can say about it is that it was if he would have just been standing at a microphone resting his leg on a stool or sitting on a stool Maren style, Cause style.
If he was raping some girl in the back, if.
He was just standing there, it would have been just as funny. So I think that I used to have it in my head that Sebastian was a lot of like not gimmicks. But I think some people can think he's gimmicky because it's very He's very active, and he acts out things, and he does character voices, and he does like weird inflections with his voice. Final thought, Sebastian doesn't need any of that shit. That adds color and a pastiche. I don't know what that word means, but
it feels right. That adds texture to an already a plus set of material and jokes there was. If you read it in a transcript, you'd be laughing. He could write a book and you'd be laughing. And you don't need to hear his cadence. But adding his cadence, his rhythm, his almost like ballet type limberness, and just choreography through the show was so fun.
It took me on a fucking journey.
I thought, a rejuvenated sense of like, Wow, this is the best art form ever, it was like seeing eras tour.
It was like it was.
Because he would he would turn around in the round so perfectly. He'd be facing you, and then he would turn and then it's his backs to you. But then you look up and there's a screen and then he's right there, so like you're always he's always right there.
He then did crowd work for a bit.
The lights came up and he made fun of people and it was so just, you know, pitch perfect. But he also like didn't shy away from being dirty. He didn't shy away from being weird, he didn't shy away from being really inappropriate. He at one point he made a joke about make a wish kids. That was like in the joke, right, and he was, you know, I'm not going to kill the joke, but he he does something to make a wish because that isn't.
That nice, right, He like he takes He doesn't he doesn't do anything.
Violent, but yeah, he kind of like he butts them in line, essentially is the joke. And then he you can tell it's like I don't I'm not that well versed in his material to know, but it felt like it was like maybe a departure for him to make a joke that kind of dark, right, So then he stops and he's like, I just want to take a break and say that was a joke. Okay, I don't want any letters tomorrow.
Were you writing I have a make a wish kid? And he in sinuated that they could have been in Lyne. He goes, that was sarcastic.
He was like he which is is not the first time a comedian has done that, to like take a break and walk you through, like why it's joke, But it felt the way he did it was so funny and also left no room for anyone to be offended. And he really explained what it was and that it wasn't and and he.
Had a venom for the person that would write that.
He wasn't like I'm sorry, there was no like, it was like, you're a fucking idiot. He didn't say that, but you are an idiot if you would ever get offended by that. And it was just I don't know, and being with Anya and like laughing next to her, Can I just say it's pretty fun to go to comedy shows with friends and like and share laughter with people, and like Turan and go like it's so true. Oh my god, the thing he did about Venmo I just
around me, people got guys going. I gotta remember that one like everyone is just and then there's couples that are pointing to each other like you're the one that does that.
It's so fun. And I gotta say people should go to more comedy shows. I should go to more.
And I did feel a little bit like watching how great he was, I felt a little bit like Ashley Simpson at Taylor Swift's concert. But I will say I don't say that disparagingly. I am definitely on the same
path as Sebastian Maniscalco. I worked with Sebastian Mansclco in two thousand and nine or ten, and I don't remember him being this fucking good, So in my mind that that is a nice I remember him being good, but I don't remember being like jaw on the floor, like I feel like right now good And so that that soothed me.
That he has ten years on me is eleven years on me.
He blew up just over the last like four or five years.
I can get there and that we're all I'm I'm on that same trajectory like escalator, but only if I fucking put the work in, because let me say, this is the difference between Sebastian and anyone else who's been doing it as long as him. This guy is obviously
very naturally talented. The amount of work I've been putting in on my special recently is is indicated to me like, oh, okay, this is what this is what it takes to be that, and so it's it's made me realize that this guy works a lot harder than most people and is and that's what it takes to be a Taylor Swift. That's what it takes to be the best at what you do.
Is not just natural talent, it's like it's work. And I wrote something about him on Instagram the next day, being like it was so good, you know, on my story, and he wrote back like a really nice thing about it's always an honor to have another comedian in the crowd. And I know Sebastian, like I've no I run into him at shows and stuff, and I you know, we
don't say for each other's sets. I just know that he's horrible to follow because it's it's just he's too he's unfollowable because he's too funny, and everyone just is like, well, nothing can beat that because it's just it's.
Too good and it's true.
But he wrote back, and I wanted to write to him. I fear for you the next time you see me, because I am going to be asking so many questions about everything that your process, like how you do this? And I will be using masking tape on my fingers and putting them on a note card later and I will I will take your water bottle it. Yes, scotch tape is what about not masking tape. It was scotch tape in my mind.
So we could see the disgusting, so we could see the impregnated with his greasy cells.
Yes, of the dread, dread juice, dreads.
Yeah, I just I wrote to I wrote to Did I write to you, Brian? I wrote to so many people, like my life has changed. Sebastian is the best the world. He's so funny. I gotta say, like the live show of something, I'm gonna fly Chris out. We're gonna go see him, like I'm gonna find his show again, or go to the because I think he has a residency at the Borgata. It is worth the three hundre dollar ticket. Whatever it is, it's fucking worth it, dude, it is.
It's a show I'll never forget. And I've been to nine ERA shows and I will remember. I will remember this one as much as all of those.
Like it was they put it all together. You know, he's got he's got the material, he's got the persona. He says things funny, he acts out things funny, and it's just like one of these guys that is like a direct line to your to you laughing. It's not like, oh I thought about that and it's funny. It's like you're laughing at just like the aura of what's happening on stage.
Yeah, it was. It was just a I don't know, it's.
Just kind of like Patrice, Like when Patrice steps on stage, it's just like, when you remember what this guy does, now it's gonna be funny. His material doesn't even have to be that good, even though it is. That's what sebassions.
I listened to Patrise's special in the car on the way to Atlantic City with with Sean when we were driving, and it's so fucking good, and I love he actually has the same argument that I have. I felt very very much seen because I don't I wouldn't say famously, but I notoriously don't care if my partner were to be attracted to other women, have other women be attracted to him, whatever, And I've always felt weird about that.
But Patrese says that women you should want that, because men wanting women is like a fisherman and you've got to go out and fish, and you don't keep every fish you get. You just want to reel it in and say I could get this, And you should want men to want to feel like they still want to fish. And he says a wife is just a fish that jumps in your boat after.
You're trying to release it and just keep stopping back in.
And then they say you can never fish again, and this should be enough for you.
Don't ever fit? Do you don't?
And he's like, I just want to get it and then like pose with it, you know, like I just want to take a picture with my catch. I want to be able to say I could do it so that I feel vital and alive. It doesn't mean I'm gonna And then he has a whole I mean, his whole thing about we cheat for you I'm trying to find some happiness without hurting your feelings.
It's for you. It's so good. Yeah, he's incredible, and he does that whole special.
He talks about how he has diabetes and he can't. Yeah, he talks about food.
Addiction, taste like his wife. His girlfriend tasted his piss and it tasted like fruity pebbles, birthday cake or birthday cake. Yeah.
Yeah, she was like, honey, you your piss is scrumptious. He was like, that's love.
The fact that he only had one special is just a crime against comedy.
It is.
He had his half hour special also. Yeah, but when he was fully formed and he did Elephant in the Room, that is the pinnacle of comedy. It cannot be better than that. And I can't even imagine what we lost. I mean, the amountain. It's just it's the same thing with him, with Caralin. It's just like.
Giraldo Giraldo Hebburg.
I think of all the little jokes that would are just not being written because Hedberg's not alive.
I want to know what their perspective is on what's happening in the world today. That's what we want to have all.
Yes, is that perpective.
We lost Geraldo right before I guess not right before Trump, but we lost Carlin and him right before all that.
It would have been nice.
Yeah, disaster, but at.
Least we have insert comedian who never says anything about anything to listen to. There's so many to choose from, yeah, but at least we still have that person putting out specially.
No.
Yeah, you've got stuff to say.
And by the way, Brian will be opening for me coming up in Brea. I think that's the first weekend in December.
Yeah, December sixth or something seven.
Yeah, something like that, Yeah, sixth of the day in Brea, California at the Improv. If you want to come see me there. I will be at the Tempe Improv this weekend Thursday and Friday with Pete Lee. Two shows Thursday, two shows Friday. Just added a Thursday show, I know. I'm so excited, repeatly, and then I will be in Portland on Saturday nights, so get those tickets. And we just announced Florida dates. I'll be in Fort Pierce and
Daytona Beach in January. I think it's the twentieth and twenty fourth or something like that.
You can hear that?
No, I don't know what that is.
Andrew Colin messaged me and said I could stay with his dad.
On his farm. Yeah, when I'm doing that gig.
So maybe I'll do that and see that little donkey again that we pet. But okay, so yeah, you can get those tickets. They go on sale Friday, but presale is on now for both of those shows, and you just type in good at presale and you get presale prices for those Florida shows.
So I'll see you on the road. Thank you for listening. Uh, don't be Ca and Taylor, do you want to.
Take this one? It wasn't prepared. Just touch a dread if you can, but not on a black person. It just DoD White