The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Glaser, here's Nicky. Hello, here I am. It's Sneaky Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm here in Saint Louis with Taylor McGraw again. Hello. Hello, You're in a fetching laser fetching. It's the only one I had at my mom's house. It looks good a show at your mom's house watching a cat. Oh? Just I just put staring at it. I do. She's very sertable. Wait, so you watching a cat though? It is like low maintenance, it's nothing.
Yeah.
She wants me to stay there though, because the cat was pissing on the rug. She stopped, and she thinks if someone doesn't spend the night there, the cat will begin pissing on the rug again.
It doesn't make any sense. Oh, it makes note.
That's not why in the first place. But she's she really.
Wants to day there. Got it?
Yeah?
Are you getting paid?
No?
Well no, one time she gave me a little money.
But you're just doing it out of the kindness. Got a blazer yeah, yeah.
Well isn't your mom's this blazer? No, I'm going to wear it to work tomorrow.
So I had it there got it, Okay. Brian is also here.
Yeah, I'm blazer less.
Yeah. What's that shirt? It says since I left you? What band is that?
The Avalanches? Since You've been Australian. Yeah, they did since You've been gone. They did all the songs that start with since, which I think is only.
Two since I've fell in love with you. Yeah.
I don't know. That's just if I fell since. No, there's only two sinces. I think it's a It's something that the America has been talking about for decades that there's not enough.
Yeah, and they played it on a sens of the Sizer.
Yes, cool joke.
Noah's here too. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling sore. I've started doing so I have. I'm taping something on December sixteenth that I want to look snatched for. And by the way, I've been using the word snatched. Way anyone wants to hear it? Like you got snatched up? No, like you look snatch snatch? Okay? Can I just say what I think it means? But I don't know that. It's like it's definitely a gen Z word that was
retired eight to ten months ago. So it was like, no, it was like a cool way to say, like, oh, she looks snatched, Like it just means you look like I like the word it's it makes me feel like your skin is pulled back, like you're tight, like you're spy, snatching your skin from behind. Your ponytail is snatched from Yeah, so beautiful. So I just want to look snatched.
It's a millennial word for vagina, like.
Someone snatch your snatched? Okay, so what the gen z term definition I have?
Go ahead, sorry, I'm not don't.
Dueling, dueling, you get a briand who's going to snatch?
The number one definition of Urban dictionary is vagina. The scent of her snatch.
They don't the most disgusting visceral sentence possible. The smell of her sat elevated, saturated, and I like that. Anyone looking that up has to look up the word elevate too, elevator. Wait, whoa, you're connected? Okay, wait a second, So what if someone's saying like, you look snatched? It looks like someone would cannot be.
Her snatch looked like.
Now I have at you want it? Okay? Thank you? What is it? Okay?
Used to take the place of on fleek perfect on point or fashionable?
Okay, fashionable, yes, snatched, but what about ate up?
Which is what one of my students said I was, And I said.
That's not good. That's not good. It is now good. It's good you ate that. If they say, oh, she ate, like people always are saying that about to so just like she ate this. Look.
Yeah, they said if they saw me on Instagram, they would put flame eight ball flame.
That's how my outfit looked. Okay, what I see that eight up? Did drugs?
Eight that bagel?
Use it a sentence. It's going to be difficult. The pussy fumes coming off, they can discuss the snatch fumes coming off from blow her skirt through her moist panties made everyone say, wow, she ate. I'm just trying to make the most visceral.
I thought it was like eight out of ten or when we were in school, eight up. Men, so many drugs, that's eight up.
Remember well someone, if someone's way wet, it's kind of like the same thing.
Yeah or no, because that's like you just look like crap ate up as you did so many drugs that you're like stupid. Really, yeah, your brain is ate up by acid usually.
Okay, well that makes sense, like literally like it's eaten. Yes, yeah, but if someone says I look like I ate, it's usually looks like she's been overeating.
Yeah.
I don't like that. I hate it.
I would rather be snatched. Although I thought like you were snatched when your wig was snatched off, Like I thought that was like a drag is another thing that.
Well, wigging out. That's like millennials.
Again, No, get back to the nineties.
So what are they doing? What about doing? They're just repeating the words that we are.
Wait, okay, look up wig for like drag culture. When something's wig, I swear to god, that's a term that they use.
Wig is a political party from the seventies.
Powdered hair. But I'm trying to changed for December sixteenth, and so I'm just I'm not. I refuse to eat any differently because it's the only thing that I get joy out of in my life right now is eating. And I refuse to really work out any harder except I'm just doing pilates four days a week, and then I'm going to work out that's hard days a week. As I can plates.
It doesn't seem that hard.
It sucks exercise. I really think it is because shout out to Kirsten who teaches pilates and does it perfectly. And I can't even believe anyone could in holla, oh yeah, halla's listening. I can't believe any two of my friends have chosen this as a life career. It is so difficult. I know that I've talked about it before and I was like, I like it because the routine switches up.
I said to Chris last night, I'm like, I can't believe anyone would try this and go this is what I want to do forever, because at what point does your body remember to do eighteen things at the same time, Like when you're going to see a trainer, like a regular trainer and they're like do squats, Like there's a little bit, like you have to like have good back posture, Like there's there's some there's like three things you have to have in mind to have like a good form pilates.
There's literally eighteen things at all at once. You have to be a fighter pilot in terms of switching things on and off, and everything feels awkward, nothing feels nothing makes me go, oh yeah, this is locked in this is how my body should feel every time my hips are aligned, and they're like, this is how your hip
should be. I'm like, I feel like I'm playing twister right now, like I'm twisted and my hand is on yellow and my foot is on the other yellow, Like it feels so contorted, and then you have to hold that. And yesterday I almost started crying because I'm so frustrated in my own personal life, but also it was like it was all coming out. I went to therapy and I like kind of released the valve a little bit.
I liked at two. Yeah, and I cried a little bit, and I grabbed this box of Kleenex, which, by the way, and I know my therapist bodies y, I snatched it. I know that therapists are supposed to be supportive when you start crying, please, And my therapist isn't watching. That's what I love about her. She literally did not know what a roast was like when I was like, I'm kind of known for the roast, Like I was trying to contextualize something about how people expect things of me
and then I disappoint them. Yeah, And I was like, I'm known for the roast, and she's like, so a cooking shot like she had, and I go no, They're like, you know, there's like a bunch of comedians and like.
A rancid vagina is.
And people make jokes about that ramsom vagina.
Sounds so bad you have to joke. Yeah, no, other requestion.
She really didn't know what that was. And I was like, I like this because she's never going to like google me. There's literally, I'm not kidding you. I walk into her waiting room yesterday and there's Saint Louis magazine sitting on the table and it's me looking at me in the waiting Can you snatch it? Because I don't have one. I don't think I can, because if that would be really wrong, to get caught stealing at your therapist's office, that would be like.
No, it would be something to talk about problem.
You have a problem, and I would have to talk about your friend. Then I did this thing for you, even though you stole a lot of things from me back in the day. You gotta pay. Yeah. I would just go to your kailor I like this necklace and she'd go cool, and then I would put it back on the rack and then I would walk out into the mall and Taylor would just pull it out of her pocket and hand it to me. Yeah, and then I didn't have to do it quick drawmic gral. That magazine is sitting.
Feel it generate material. You gotta go in there and do an hour every week.
But I do material.
I don't need someone material.
No, no, there material perhaps, but I don't need this magazine in my life. So I saw it and I pointed to it. This is weeks ago when I first saw it, but yesterday I was it's still there. It's been there like two months, and I saw it two months ago. I guess is when I first saw it and I pointed out to her. I was like, that's me because she came out to get me, and she was just like, ah, like didn't care at all, which I kind of respect to not even be like, sorry,
she did it all here. Let me give you say that to me, I'll do what she said.
You should sign it for me right here?
Oh really okay, like literally just like that's a move she's doing.
She really Now, I don't.
I would I have would have this woman's number if I thought like I'm down for a therapist. Being a little sneaky and like trying to put me down and like make me not feel so important. I've had that therapist before. This one is just doesn't care about.
Popsicle, so what does she care about bugs?
She cares about feeling your feelings in your body. But what was she doing crazy where the feelings are going?
So she just goes home and sits out. She has kids, so you.
But she let me go buck wild. Yesterday I was cussing, Like I can tell she's like a very like she's not prim and proper necessarily, but I don't think she's like dropping f bombs a lot. How old is she?
She's probably forty nine eight seven six something in late forties and she so yesterday I was really accessing my anger, which apparently is a very good thing for me because it lights me up and I feel invincible, And I mean I can think most people feel that way when they're angry, don't you feel like very good for you. I love it when I'm like done and I'm like you know what and fuck this shit man, and I like, yeah, i feel like I'm no more. There's no more confident
version of myself. Yeah, there's like that's why my best joke from my last special was about old souls, and I was like, yeat like because I got angry and I was actually angry for that bit. And so when I'm angry, it like it really does, like it charges me up. It makes me feel like it gives me self esteem to be angry, because I think it like overrides every other feeling you have because it's such an intense feeling and I don't let it in much. But so I was talking, Oh, this is what I want
from her, and she's not listening. But if any therapists are listening, because I think we do have a lot of therapists listening. I don't know about you guys. Noah, you see a therapist regularly, Brian, I don't think you do anymore. Taylor, you are one, or you have been one. When your client starts crying and there's a tissue box across the room that they are aware is there, will
you please not grab it for me? Will you just like my tears fall, because sometimes I think tissues I know they're really but just to wipe it up so you don't like have tears running down your face and like all over your clothes and it's like it's just cleaning up a mess. But I think it is trying to It's another way of being like what you're doing is embarrassing, and you need to clean up this mess. Like don't You're not allowed to sit in the tears.
If I get to the point where I'm crying, I don't want to man if I like, for me, crying is coming and it's hard to do. Don't throw a talent at me to clean up my squirt as soon as I like, let me, don't go like, oh god and put on your fucking you know, medical goggles or whatever, like, don't shame me. It's she's not she's not mean to do it. She's being helpful, I would suggest to I don't think she's not.
She's not.
No, she's every therapist has ever done it. But it is. It's it's letting me know that something is wrong, Like she's uncomfortable, she wants it clean, embarrass She's not doing that, she really all she wants. Every time I even get close to crying, she goes, what is that? What's going on? And then I go, oh, and I like that because she like acknowledges that there's something I'm like, damning up and then I release the damns and then she wants me to blot it. Noah, do you like a helpful
like here's some tissues or how do you feel? Like what's the response you like when you cry in therapy?
Well, I've been seeing my therapist remote for a couple of years now, but.
She, like Amazon's.
Over.
She's very empathetic when I start crying, She's you know, she she's not like a straight face like you know her. Her eyebrows kind of like go down a little bit, and she like feels for me.
Right, that's so nice. That's what I should think, Like, huh, what would you say eyebrows go down?
Eyebrows go down?
How does she show an expression on her face of sadness? Express the outer parts of her eyebrows kind of like bend down where it's like, you know, look at your chart, look at the face chart that the doctor printed up for you, and I look at Kitty. I don't know, Yeah, I see what you're saying, Like she does house like, oh, like her eyebrows become a thatched roof where they like are but when I was like a bungalow.
But when yeah, you were in her office, she would she would give me the tissue box, but she would just putting on like on the table and not you know, like not like like give it to me. Mine is like literally throwing them at me and they flutter down like she it's it's so immediate that I next time, I'm just gonna grab the thing when I get in
there so that she doesn't have to. Like I don't like when people because I'm uncomfortable with crying because I feel like I'm just burdening people and then everyone goes, oh God, I'm not gonna be able to leave anytime soon.
Like after this podcast Tailor, I was like, everything is like if you had an appointment, you'd have to like quietly text them like I'm gonna run late. You can't just leave me if I'm crying, Like that's a crazy thing to do for a friend. So I feel like when I when someone cries around me, I guess I'm projecting is that I feel, oh, no, this is gonna be a hole to do, like I can't So then I don't like to feel that way. I don't like
to put anyone else in that position. I'm always like thinking like, oh, how is this going to make that person feel. But at the same time, she has a time limit like on her Yeah, like we have a.
Time and she's getting paid, so you know that's true.
But I the weird part is so I leave her office and I got I scored it out a little tears, like not full blown sobbing, and then I had pilates. So that was at two and then I had pilates at five thirty. I went for a run beforehand because I'm trying to like get cardio and and I hate anyone talking about trying to lose weight. I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm just trying to look shay it
with me now, sash. And that just means like I want my I don't want my I don't want there to be a little like run over over my.
Back like thing your tail and snatched your prone tail and I hung you upside down so you're tall.
I just don't want to have to stand in a way that my arm fat won't come over. Even though arm fat is not it's not bad, and having backfat is fine. It doesn't make me less funny or whatever. But I just there's a dress I want to wear, and to wear it properly. I gotta look snatched. So I went to Pilate's at five point thirty and there was like a group exer set, Like I'm sure these girls are listening because I think maybe they recognize me.
But there's like a group of girls, and I picture anyone who does pilates regularly and wears like a matching nude set that has like a cute bra and it's like a mauve color with a matching high waisted like tight, you know, scrunchy, scrunchy matching and like a fun ball cap and like perfectly white nude trainers, but like a matching nude set. We all know it from, like, you know,
some company called Gypsy and Wine. They're like, you know, like it's some Instagram and brand and they're they're definitely gonna make an ad for it someday where they're like, I honestly, these are all Instagram ads. I'm honestly pissed off that this is exists because Gypsy and Wine. Before, before Gypsy and Wine, I had so many clothes and now this is all I wear. I'm literally angry with Gypsy and Wine, Like that's the new angle of these ads.
Is that they're like mad at the company they're promoting because they don't wear anything else and it's reversible and it looks so cute, and they're they're always size negative eighteen hundred and they're always like and I don't ever feel big and this it's like, why would you ever feel big? You're so tiny. So these girls were all doing their group workout, which is fine, it's like they were a class, but and I was doing my like individual session over across the room and another woman was
doing her individual session. And this woman, I'm were like, she's she got there a minute later than me and we're on the same they're doing the same exercises for us, So like I see her like catching up and I'm like, no, i should be ahead of her because but I'm slow and they have more springs on the board than her, so she's like obviously more fit than me. And I'm feeling ultra competitive with her, but she's not even looking at me. And I loved it, Like she was not
a I can tell when someone's competing with me. This girl did not give them uck and I liked it. Okay. She was total. She was like and she was like married I could tell she was maybe like a mom. Like I just like admired this woman who is my age and wasn't comparing herself to me at all. I was like, this is a strong bitch. And we're like literally on reformers next to each other with different trainers doing the same exercises thirty seconds differently, and then there's
this class going on over there. They finish a half hour before are They started a half hour early, so they're done a half hour into ours, And then they just hang out at the front and they're like talking like you do after a class, and they're like friends. They're three girlfriends, and they're adorable, and I'm just, you know, I'm doing that voice because I'm like jealous of them, and anyone who i'm jealous of if I like do this,
fu it. And so they're like hanging out afterwards and stepping water, and this one girl like just kind of was like she was just like staring at like I'm literally as close as I am to you right now three four feet and I'm on the reformer doing like a hard exercise where I'm like shaking, and she's like, now now you're inner thigh and I'm like, I don't feel anything on my inner thigh, like I'm having I'm not saying that, but I'm like, I don't feel anything,
and I'm having to do this weird thing where you just like move your leg a little bit and then snap back. Curston's probably like I know exactly what that's called. And it's so hard, and she's looking at me and I you know, at the end of your day, when you're super tired, you have no defenses for being a complete cunt, yes, like don't die, none. I had none. I literally looked at this girl and this is not a joke of what I did. And we're this close, and I'm like this, so look look me up and
down and then meet my meet my eyes. I went, if you can't stare, you just go you rate, You get your eyes really big and you go like what are you looking at? Kind of face like your head really fat, Yeah, wiggle your head. And I do it every day in the car. I fell bad because I told Chris about it later and he was like, she could have just been tired after her class, you know,
when you're tired of just kind of like staring. Don't know, Like one time I was staring at Casey Mulchler's boobs after geometry class, and I think it was like they were impressive, but I was just kind of zoning out, and who was that? What was that guy's name? Fuck? I know you know his name. Fuck, I can't even remember. It's like it was he was on the water polo team.
He was kind of like a little twerp. Anyway, he was like, Nikki wanted you take a picture, and like, all these boys got me staring at Casey Moschler's boobs, and I felt like I was gay and that they caught me being gay. So I felt like this girl might have done that, and so I owe her an apology. If you're listening, I'm sorry I got a rude face with you. It was at the end of the day, and I didn't feel like I felt like you were judging me, because I was probably judging you, and so
I was just doing the same thing unto you. But there was a little part of me that was proud of like doing something confrontational because I rarely do that. I'm usually just confrontational through like your car and you can just zip away in a place when they're like within like I was like, what do you want? And crazy? It feels good to feel crazy.
Sometimes, Yeah, why not?
And it wasn't against an employee, which I've always like, really grossed out when people get like that, Like it was just another person that I know against an employee. I mean, I've done it too, where I and I always have to go, Yeah, I have the CEO's problem. They're not giving enough money, they're taking too many Christmas bonuses. Twelve times and this has happened every time. It's not your phone. But on the twelfth day of this Smith, I fucking match. All right, we'll be back with the
more show after this. All right, we're back. So I said that I would get to this. Yesterday I was doing a meet and greet after the show in San Diego. I think this was yeah, and one of our besties is there. I don't remember his name. He was adorable and I think he was alone, which is cool. But he told me that he flew from DC to San Diego.
I don't know if it was to see my show, but he was either visiting there, but he arrived that day and he said it was so it was almost kismet because he was on the plane and he heard someone going like and look at the truck, and look at the plane. That's a plane, and those are the wings, and that's a man with what are the what color of those things? He's waving orange and like and he it was behind him, and he was kind of like, Okay, I remember Nikki complaining about this, like, we get it.
You're a good mom. Yeah, everyone on the plane has to know that you are just really zoned into your kid, and your kid is just getting the best education. Homeschool queen, plane school queen. And then he was getting off the plane and this woman was talking to her dog. He is a new level. That's not true. Yes, he was one hundred percent donated. I'm making up those things. He was saying that she was narrating the you know air field.
Oh, I thought you were want to say to her like disabled sons.
I mean that would be that would be sweet. I mean yeah, it would be I would feel bad. It's fine, But does that have to be so loud? Don't kids have amazing hearing? Can't we whisper?
You can't know? They definitely want you to let.
You know I'm a really involved parent.
Oh, look at her shirt? Is that Taylor Swift look at the stars on her necklace match the stars on her share and I'm just like, I don't even know what to say.
You don't have to talk like that either, Like you don't have to talk like you're.
Yeah, make the child not be good? Yes, I started, Oh, I was this hap That actual conversation the stars on her shirt match the stars on her necklace happened on my Taylor Swift shirt on the morning on San Diego on Sunday when I was leaving the hotel and this little girl, she must have been like three or four, was just like, what's that? And she was talking about my guitar and she pointed at it and her mom goes, that's a guitar, and I said, that's a guitar and
then and she was really cute. She had glasses, which always makes kids amplify, like their eyes are like fourteen times bigger with those big Why do kids glasses always make like they don't look like normal glasses. They always make their eyes look really.
Big because they're because they're like far sighted, because colins make his eyes look small.
But some people make your boyfriend Colin is your boyfriend. And but anyway, she had those big, you know, cute eyes because she had those big thick glasses on. She's like, what is that? And then her mom goes and I bet she's really good at it, and I go, I'm not, and I just like cut it like because I'm just like I don't want kid, and like, also I'm not and that's okay, and I go, I'm not and I go, but that's why I practice very hard, because if I practice a lot, then I get And then I had
to like make it a lesson. But don't play your that you're very good at it on me. I know she's trying to be nice and she probably thought I was a professional, because everyone does when I'm traveling with a guitar, and I always just say I'm a hobbyist and that I suck and I just do it for fun. And oh and then I was getting on the plane, this guy goes, what model is your tailor? And I had to take out my fucking air but and I go, what what model is your tailor? I don't know what.
Like we I am walking on the aisle. I understand if you say that at the gate and you're trying to spark up a conversation and flirt with a girl I'm walking by. There's like, no, and I know he was just an old man trying to connect seven point three. I just said, it's a baby tailor. I don't know, It's just the kind you can travel with. I I wouldn't know the model of my car if I had a car. I don't know the model of my car. I do have a car, my mom's car, and I even know you had a car. I know the make
of it. The make is a Lexus, right, That's what the make is, and then the model. It's a bunch of letters and numbers that I would be wasting my time memorizing.
Chris every I made up.
I think Christ knows every model of every car. And because he cares, I don't understand remembering. And because I was like, I saw this Mercedes I really liked. It was like boxy, but in the front it was kind of round. He's like, oh, yeah, the CS twenty for hl oh, and I think that's the DS version. I'm like, how would you remember all this random? There's no rhyme or reason any of it. Although I do think I want to get a Mercedes Glah. I can put ser
because I think that's cool. I would literally get a car just for that reason or like a good looking Yeah they are, I do miss having. I was driving Mercedes during yeah, oh custom plates. I think I would do it though, even though it's banging for attention. It's a vanity plate. That's what they're called. Oh yeah, and you're right, yes, and vanity should be the name of it because you you went the extra ount you paid and you and you like you tried a few different combinations sing.
I don't think I've ever.
Instead of an A and you put in I saw the best one ever? What was it? It said demon?
Not demon one? And I can't believe I'm saying this. There's not a lot of Missouri listeners, but it wasn't a Missouri plates. I'm gonna try to get it, okay, demon, Oh you're.
Going do you think people are going to beat you to demon? You're gonna try to ask you want demon baby? Because I want you know what, do you ever send an email and or it was back in the day and it would go to the wrong person. You would write that mailer, little lad a little scamp, being like that's not the right email. I'm gonna send you a notice Mailer Demon, he returns it to your mailbox. Demon scam, little scamp. I like mailer Demon always made me laugh
so hard. I would get a vanity plate, but actually I wouldn't because it's too much effort. But I don't think they're not fun when people have them. I'm not like. I actually think they are cool. I just don't know that I would do it. I think bumpers aren't cut either. I like them. I think you are risking getting your car keyed. You're risking being like everyone thinking you're lame.
I think actually having bumper stickers is cool because you're risking doing a thing wherever almost everyone thinks it's lame when you have bumper stickers, unless you have a really good one like BNS. Remember when Huffey in high school had BNL. Remember those ones that are just like three letters. It'll be like adirondacks, a R, yes, or like DM and it was like a cool, like white hat thing to do. Speaking of yesterday's white hat, thanks, but Huffy had BNL for band Naked Ladies. Who are you are
a great band? I heard Chris's show talking shit about well Chris was talking about.
It, and I was like, gonna be trouble, and he gets on.
You can't tell me that Brian Wilson is a bad song, and you can't tell me that my Old Apartment is a bad song. And you can't tell me that You're a good boy is a bird song because you're a bad boy if you think so. But okay, so what I will say about Oh, there was a vanity plate once in l A and I'm not joking you. It said it said something like to the effect it's maybe not the exact thing. I tried to get a picture of it, but it was he was driving too fast
because he was cool. He was really cool, but you would at first I thought kah because his license plates said I don't care, Like it was just like yeah, it was like it was something like id O N C R ear like it was that would be I don't see her, I don't but it was I don't care. It was very clearly that however he wrote it, and at first I did think, kid, don car, id your don car. I think it could have something like that,
but it was truly his. His vibe was I don't care, and his car wasn't that cool, like it was just like a It was probably like a super Yeah.
But if you're doing a vanity plate that says I don't care, that means you do care. If you really didn't care automatically, that says that.
But I'm not joking you. This guy, because he had announced that, everyone kind of got out of his way and everyone wanted to be him and was trying to follow him. He ruled the road on the on the one oh one. I drove behind him for twenty miles trying to like and he was he was out of sight because I was like, oh, at first, everyone hates this guy, but then they truly are like, no, I want him to like me, Like we were all trying
to keep up with him. He really set the tone because I think that's the thing everyone wants to be is, is if someone doesn't seem to care, everyone wants their attention. Yeah, that's true, And it made me realize that announcing you don't care is a kid so not caring.
It's a way to tell yourself if you're not going to care. I just thought a really good one I saw and on the one on one also and it said I'm ninety and what I've tried really hard to catch up and look, and they were indeed ninety in there.
Isn't that good?
Like, don't be mad at me if I drive, so maybe.
But also don't get me old to be driving. Well, they weren't. They were doing a good job. Isn't that too old?
It depends.
There's a waste teacher my voice teachers in his sixties, and he just told me that getting his pilot's license because he let it lapse. If he got it again, it would be very difficult because of his age. Because they don't want people up there having heart attacks, like just passing out because they stayed up late to watch sixty Minutes the night before, so they that it would be hard to get a night. It doesn't makes sense.
That would be a sad day. That isn't getting old fucking blows dude, when you like lose, That's why I always say that I hatem losing fertility, because it's the first thing you lose. It's the first signal of yeah, I know, well, it's the first signal that like sorry, like you're gonna die before you ever get this again.
Like there's nothing else in life that you lose until fertility College things start to go lose collagen collagen, but you still have a little bit and you can still get You can do things to get I guess you could adopt and stuff like that. There's still things that give you the aura of like I have, I have fertility. But fertility, I think, is the first thing taken from you. And men don't have it taken from them obviously, so I'm trying. I think the first thing that's taken from
men is hair. Yeah, that's a good point. But you can get a nice function, but you can get it back. Boner ability, bonerabilities.
It's like the slow degradation that is that is bothersome to me, is just like all of a sudden, this thing hurts.
When us degrading.
Yeah, like the penis just keeps like little parts of it hurts.
Hurts.
Yeah, the jina does degree it does. Yeah, it dries out, snatch it, it gets moisture, it gets.
Everything starts sagging everything.
No, I think it becomes tight because it gets dry.
Oh you would think, I don't think so mine is. I think like most skin on your face around your it gets jowy, is what Anya said. And I'm musing them in my set but mine is definitely. I'm like all worried about getting a brow lift, and I'm like, I gotta double do it. I'm gonna have something done down there because I see what's happening like in most days a brow lift. Yeah, I'm gonna get a brow lift down there. I'm gonna have them lift my brow
so much that it pulls up my vagina. It gets lifted, it's gonna they're gonna have to really snatch it back though. But yeah, I think your vagina. I remember hearing Joan Rivers do a joke about how her vagina fell and now she looked down with her She looked at one day and said, I didn't know I was wearing bunny slippers and like it's like on her feet. And I never understood that joke. Like I was always just like okay, but now I really get it. I'm like, oh, gravity
affects every area. And if you have like your lips, not really because those lips are so light. I'm talking about the outer, outer, outer where it's like the skin area, that's the part that starts to droop.
I think it looks like a bunny. In fact, it does look like bunny's ears.
In fact, yes, but you can just get him I think, yeah, it would that would be easy ish surgical procedure, but still a fucking pain in the ass.
It's still annoying pain in the vadge.
I was talking to Whitney Commings about getting a brow lift and she was like, dude, do it, because maybe that's what you need to take a break, you know, like the last time I have surgery, I like took a break from work. And she's like, maybe that's the only way that you'll vacation. And I was like, that's actually really smart because I don't do it otherwise. But if because I was talking to him, like, when does
anyone have to time to get the ship done? That's what? Yeah, she she I don't think she's done surgery, but like she she gave me the number of some guy that's going to be amazing. So I'm going to get that done at some point. But I can't. I almost can't do it before I'm taping this thing December sixteenth, and it will probably come out in like March, so I probably have to do it in like July. What does it do what? It'll just make me look like like
my old self. Like, just pull back things. I thought they were going up. Okay, No, it's not going to be like I'm constantly shocked, like you're constantly telling me you're pregnant. No, it's like I just want to.
To look like, do you lose your ability to going and.
Under anesthesia where you might die?
Do you lose the ability to make certain expressions you might not?
I think they have No. No, No, that doesn't happen. Ye for that, but doesn't happen anymore.
That's old.
We all think about surgery and it's like people either going to shitty doctors. I'm going to go to somewhere who has done celebrities and I know, oh not everyone has that privilege. So I'm sorry if you have to go to a shitty doctor, but you don't have to. There's a if you go. If you're spending fifty thousand dollars on your face already, you're in a like find
a good person. If you're spending that much money on something, find someone who's done examples of work that you're like, I like that, and that make people look like a younger version of themselves that don't look like a totally different person. If I end up looking like a different person. I'll go with it. I'll run with it, like who cares someone is everyone going to be like, we don't love you anymore?
What about Jennifer Gray? Nobody loved herning.
That's an example, I give him my stand up. No that the only reason people didn't love her is because they knew. It wasn't that she she looked better, to be honest, like she looked aesthetically not better, like it's the eye of the beholder. But most people would argue her class like classically, beautiful, symmetrical, all those things. She looked better post nos jup. But the reason she stopped
working was because everyone knew she got one. And it's shameful and it's embarrassing and it's like ew, like that's really sad and it was such a sh aimeful thing that we created in the media of like we know you got a nose job. That's why celebrities get those jobs whittled down slowly through the years so that you don't notice because she lost all of her work, and it wasn't because her talent was in her septum, Like it's like she was still talented. Why didn't she work anymore.
It really was because people were like, you're sad. And this is why people like Jennifer Lopez lie about getting plastic surgery because they know that people will go, oh, you cheat it. That's sad, even though they all fucking do it, but they don't say they do it, because if you say you do it, you get shamed. That's why you know, people don't respect people make fun of Kathy Griffin for having work because she's honest about people make fun of John Rivers having work because it looks like make.
Fun of Kathy Griffin. That people just don't like Kathy Griffin.
God, they really don't.
Man, But did you see that Jennifer Gray's nose went on to have a career on Broadway? I want to it was nominated for a Tony didn't win those.
I mean, another theory of why she lost work after she got her nose done, I would love to hear it, like, did she get less talented? Did she look so different that she wasn't a leading lady anymore? Like she arguably did look better.
I thought like the care character was gone out of her face and she just looked like everyone else, when before she had like a striking. Since when is that a problem? Not it? I think then it might have been now not at all. Now they want everyone to look.
Okay, that's that's actually a theory I will I will accept. But I still think that it was mainly because people were like, you got a nose job and that is so sad. You're sadates, I've got it. Yeah, that's like, I don't. Pilates is so hard. Wait have you guys done it ever? Any of those?
Yeah? I do it all the time. It's the hardest exercise.
Wait, how do you I said to this woman, if I couldn't, if you weren't here, there's not a chance I would be doing this at all correctly. I couldn't get this in a So do you have a coach, Brian? Because no one, no one is doing pilates on their own the correct way. I don't believe unless you are a pilate's instructor, you're doing the wrong form. Because I can work all day to get in the right form and like remember it in my body, like you were
saying about your pasture. Kirston taught you, Like, yeah, that's right. People do they You can't remember pilates because it doesn't feel right. It doesn't even feel like you're doing.
The muscles go around to support the correct business.
Telling me to suck in my ribs to my spine. I don't know what that means to me. That means just sucking it and then I have no breath. It doesn't make sense. I don't like pilates. It angers me. I don't know when this is all just going to click and I'm just gonna feel strong everywhere. But I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm doing pilates four times a week for the next five weeks. That's got to give me something. If I don't see results, people tell me
Pilate's changed my body, change my life. Wait, what did you say.
You're doing You're gonna be doing it so much you're going to turn into a coach.
Yeah, you're might. I mean that's what happened. Let's yeah, that's true, it did happen all. I just don't understand ever doing this unless you are getting ready for taping something. I mean, I don't or like your wedding. I guess is people's version of what I'm doing.
I think once you get into the shape, you get into the position, then your muscles form around it. Then you know the position, and then once you feel so good, you want other people to feel that good, okay thing, you've achieved it, and then you can do the things effortlessly, do the like.
And then it's just fun. And then it's like you just get an easy workout. Right, It's like, stand up.
I feel like your whole day you're putting yourself in the wrong position and your muscles are doing the wrong thing, and pilates is just slowly trying to correct that but failing over the course of time, Like you'll never be able to catch up to your shitty day of muscular positioning.
That's what I'm saying. Like, unless I do pilates fifteen hours a day for six months, I don't think my body is going to start learning it. But I'm going to trust. I'm gonna trust the reformer. I'm gonna trust all the weird little equipment that makes me feel like I'm disabled and needing to get into a pool, Like it all looks like equipment, like you know, physical therapy equipment. I'm gonna trust it.
And it's very scientologist, isn't it like the reformer. It sounds like something you have to, like.
My instructor, think, God doesn't make me do a weird thing like you get you have to get on the reformer and you have to like put your hands like a genie in front of you, and then you have to stand with your pilate stance and then lower. She just lets me get on it, and I'm like, thank you for like not making me honor this machine anyway. But I do have to clean it up every single time because I leave behind spray tand sweat that's like orange sweat, and people are confused. All right, we gotta
go to break. We'll talk about more stuff when we get back after sweat. Alrighty, let's get to read it, dumb, this is your redit, dumb. Ugh, God, my voice really read yeah, because it's before my vocal court surgery, and I would not have noticed. I like actually used to enjoy that before I got vocal cord surgery and start doing voice lessons. That is someone's voice who is in distress and trauma. That is a traumatic. It's weird we do I'll redo it because that was not It's just.
Do you still have that mic karaoke microphone?
Oh?
I have three of those microphones, now karaoke microphone. Yeah. I love karaoke so much. And when you go to a karaoke room, they only have one or two mics, and one of them is usually shiite like breath. Yes, so I have three of these that are boom as loud as a karaoke system, so multiple people can sing karaoke, because, if you know me, I like doing karaoke, but I like multiple people to sing with me, so I don't feel like I'm like getting too much attention and stealing
the spotlight. Okay, let's do uh, let's do one of the videos I sent you. Okay, Noah, can I do the one with the hat?
Yeah?
I don't remember this one. It's been so long.
Okay, so this is you sent it to me. Actually it's on Instagram. It's uh Hannah Dickinson.
Oh yeah, this was so funny.
I saw something very upsetting. I saw a girl holding onto a guy whose hat.
Was like this, It's like resting on top of her head like a ball gap, like literally just sat.
If a man cannot commit to a hat that's literally on top of his head, probably is unable to commit to you.
This is genius. I mean, this is ridiculous. It's so daintily touching.
It's just so unnecessary. It's not even like it was daylight and he needed a melanima shield. I just like taking it off, taking a break. It was like he just fully went out like this for an evening. It's so because I don't understand how they think the ladies like you deserve to be more than just another accessory that a man is unsure about.
Yeah doing Hans Dicky is her h A n S Dicky d ic k I E on Instagram. She's so funny, But that that killed me. It reminded me of you know, because she kind of like talks like you. And because she said melanoma. I like that because you have a malasma hat. Christ and I have our malasma hats because malasma's like when your skin gets tinted, Yeah, from the sun.
You just get these like dark spots and it takes forever to like buff them out of the skin. So we just have to wear these like gigantic brim melanoma hats.
Oh so you can buff them out though, like they eventually like shed with your epidermis. Uh, if you're lucky, they like for it.
Yeah, like through a lot of what is it like hydro something like just a bunch of chemicals and lasers.
And stuff like that. What about when you do have you done a spray tand do they light up on the spray TND? Because I have certain spots in my body that like capture a spray TND and hold it tight and the rest of my skin will not never tried to. I think it's the same thing maybe, but yeah, that hat placement is so funny and so ridiculous. And the fact that a girl was like holding on to that guy is also a very funny image.
Yeah, like please any wind that thing would be worn.
Wonder like, what what is that trend? It's like basically backwards hat and the hat is not it's just on the head like what a top with the hair?
But then why.
It's because they don't care. It's because they're so chill.
Oh yeah, no, no, nobody's not like that.
Yeah, that's the driver of the I don't care.
Yeah, guys, what the hat cares more than any care? Oh ridiculous. Stop. I mean, these people care more than anybody in the world.
They're trying to convention they don't.
But I don't care. Persons also doing.
That, But I'm just telling you it works.
In order to keep that hat on his head like that in that perfect position is more difficult to hat normal, so he's got to spend all day making sure it stays on there like that. If it could get blown off, it could go down a little bit. For God's sake.
I feel the same way. And that don't sit. This is not a racial thing. I'm because white guys do it too. But wearing your pants super baggy where it looks uncomfortable and you could not run in sprints.
I've ever seen someone try to start running and then they kind of have to they kind of have to.
Bowl leggy, uncomfortable and what they would probably say the same about us in high heels And like what high heels make you look good?
Like?
What does that?
What?
You know, like, high heels create an illusion that your calves are then locked. It like your whole leg looks more muscular, You look taller, which gives you a more statuesque look, which will attract men, which will try money, which you will attract safety and protection. It's like an evolutionary thing to make your legs look longer and more like fertile or whatever. But why does a man's baggy pants make him look more attractive? Something it's doing so.
He doesn't look fertile, so you don't think he's going to accu up, but he is.
Oh, you think men are trying to undersell their virility. Maybe whoa dude.
They're like, no, it's okay to just sleep with me randomly because.
But women's subconscious doesn't want to not get pregnant constantly, to get pregnant no matter what.
And it's the opposite of tight of like tight underwear, so you have more sperm. They're very loose, so you would think his sperm are fine because they're not being suffocated like our.
Caveman brain is like that underwear is cutting off his semen sack or whatever. That is what it does. Oh, maybe it does. It's so very interesting because the.
Pants are halfway off already.
Yeah for the pooda fish have to take. Okay, I have to read this one because wait, Taylor, I know would love this. Okay, this is from Too Afraid to Ask. Okay, this is someone on your Too Afraid I probably wrote this. I think you probably did. Okay. The title is this literally sounds like you trolling? Oh my god, this isn't from too afraid to ask? Okay, how can I stop seeing Jigsaw puppet in my crushes? I did? I have
a crush on this. She's cute as a button, pretty face, bright smile, saying, dance, act, and does brilliant accent invitations. What the fuck? Why would you add that to that's weird to say it sounds like cursten. Honestly, she can dance, she does imitation, she has a bright smile, she's a pretty face, she does bloodies. She's a class act. Oh yeah, she has a what is it? A brilliant dairy air? What a gorgeous, perfect dairy air. What did that old
man say to curs about her butt? And we were like, oh, that actually is a nice way to compliment a butt, a beer bottle with her butt cheeks. Yeah, she's a class act and a crowd pull her what the fuw? And I always wanted to get to know her better, but lately I noticed that her face resembles the Jigsaw we got to see a picture or the Canadian horror series saw. Okay, why I didn't know that until he put that in? And why is anyone going which Saw the horror movie Saw which one. Yes, that's the name
of the guy that's like I have a challenge. I've never seen Saw, but I read about it. The resemblance is so uncanny that her face is exactly shaped like it, nice rosy cheeks and a long chin with round eyes. I now inadvertently crack up when I see her, and she's noticed it multiple times, especially when she's singing. She tends to be very passionate and fixates her eyes on the roof level while using her beautiful expressions to elevate her performance. But she ends up looking like the puppet,
and I can't control my laughter. Should I tell her she looks like the puppet, just to get it out of my system, she might end up laughing and becoming self aware. How do I unlearn the resemblance?
Okay? Oh?
He says English is not his first language, so this is very clear through that. Okay, and American is not his first culture. Some one said, christ no, please do not tell a woman she looks like the Jigsaw.
One time you were referencing him and you said you you called him the guy from Saw that does the challenges.
I hate that his name is Jigsaw, because I say in my act, I say that when I get too much filler, I look like Jigsaw from Saw. But if you're a comedian, you know that you don't say the word before the war like having too much of the word. So if his name was Jig, it would be funny. But his name is Jigsaw from from Saw, so it's funnier to say the guy in the Saw movies who gives the challenges. But okay, have you ever like but this has happened to me before where someone like looks
like something and it makes me lack every day? Really dog detective? Yeah, what's that?
From?
What was that? I thought?
I thought people have looked like a detective that was also a dog before and I couldn't un see it.
Wait, have you ever gotten the ick from like a uh, like a partner though that you were like someone you were interested in all of a sudden someone was like they actually look like blah blah blah, and you're like, oh, I cannot see.
It about that where Jerry's dating someone that looks like Jerry. Oh, no, George is dating someone looks like Jerry.
Oh, that's right, I remember that one. Yeah that actually I just saved a thing last night an article let me pull in a I didn't save it in here it says, well stop, okay. It says people tend to be more attracted to opposite sex individuals who bear a resemblance to themselves, according to new research. I watched Passion Backs last night, and it's true. That's a great show. By the way. About Spice and David Beckham, it's not and it's so good. Yes, it's great. He is an
incredible athlete. I love sports documentaries, which is that, but is also a love story, a codependency story.
He has OCD show that big time. Yes, I want to watch it.
Yes he does. It's really good. Okay, so pretty much they tell him like not to tell this woman.
That the thing in the world to do is to tell her she looks like a jigsup up, especially if she if he likes her. He's thinking that this is like I think a subtle nig Like he thinks, like, oh, now that I think this about her, she's less intimidating to me. Or maybe if like undercut her a little bit, then maybe on the chance with her. But really he just he's grasping here, and this is stupid. He shouldn't pursue this avenue.
No, I will say, when ment send me people who I look like on Instagram, I will never You will never have a chance with me, no matter how single and desperate and horny I ever get. If you've DMed me a picture of a girl, it's not worth it. There's no one you can send me that will actually make me feel like. It's either I think you're lying if she's hot, or I think you're really really mean
if she's not. And so I always there's so many people that have just been like, man, this guy is trying his best to fuck me by saying like this girul like they're just trying to like connect with you and they found a way, like this person looks like you never gonna work.
It always is offensive, And by going on Reddit and posting this, he's asking the Reddit community for permission. First of all, he's like excited about a girl he likes, so he wants to go on there and be like I like a.
Girl talking about I like a girl.
She's so hot, she's so hot, and maybe I'll get to talk to her and she's my friend. But it also sing and dance. He wants permission to He wants permission to nag her. He's like, can the Reddit community give me permission to call her a puppet?
Yeah, it's so true, Like, you're right, because then he has an excuse for a fit backfires. Yeah, they told me I should. I asked, like, I don't know if he would say that to her if she got all upset, Like I asked a community. Some guy just wrote to me on Instagram saying that he was bringing a friend to one of my shows coming up and he said something to her that upset her, and now she won't go to the show anymore. And she's like, don't talk to me again. It's pretty much what I got from it.
And he's like, can you give me a meet and greet because maybe that'll persuade her to go. And I did, because I give anyone a meet and greet. Who asked pretty much? But I'm getting to the point, to be honest with you guys, that I can't keep giving them out because I am so exhausted after shows and I'm reaching a threshold. But that being said, if you hear this episode and you want to meet and greet, just go into the merch booth and ask on and she'll probably give you one. But I did give him one.
But I think this is the same scenario. I'm like, I bet this guy's friends with this girl. He got tickets to my show to be like, he likes her romantically and he wants more with her, She's probably not interested. And he nagged her and she was like, nope, no, thank you for that comment. I'm not talking to you anymore because I've done that to guys before, where one guy called me white trash. He was like, oh, I could see how you have white trash in your family.
And then one time we were at Subway and this was literally sixteen years ago, maybe more, and we were at Subway in line, so I keep burping under my breath. That's disgusting. I keep real like trying to get away with it. And I didn't, but I would thought one best, he's gonna hear this. It's going to nauseate them. But it was we were at Subway and he saw this this hot girl walked in. He was like, oh my god,
look at you. If you tried, he liked me so much, yeah, And I started crying at Subway and Jesus it wouldn't be the last time. And then and then another time I got off stage and he was like, you have a really big forehead, like it's really long from like your eyes.
That's the only excuse for that. Okay, what.
Sometime. But it was also he would punch me on the arm jokingly, and it started to get really hard more than I would like getting out aggression and angerty totally. It would like bruise my arm. It was like really abusive. Okay, next up is also too afraid to.
And then he hits you, And that's what his plan wanted so bad because.
He just didn't you know, like boys don't know what their emotions are. It's like they just like they have a bully. Yeah, they just they do. They don't have anything where they stop and go. Is this maybe re routed anger for the fact that I can't fuck her? Or is it am I actually angry at her? They don't examine and not all men, but like I think it's a very common thing. I've that's why there's road
reactions with men. Yeah, their anger, like goes is much more propelled than ours and much more unchecked because they're not examining their motivations. For like why they do things? Final thought, Brian, when did you start going like I wonder why I do these things? Like is it a weird man thing where you just like I think I've always been examining, like why am I the way I am?
I think some men are just like I'm just gonna act because that's what I'm feeling like doing and they don't ever go let me stop and like think about where this could this could maybe be about something else than this thing.
Or like that was embarrassing? Why did I do that?
Yes, I maybe need to apologize. Is that was like I can take accountability? Like when does that click in? And do you do you? Was it always in you to be that way because you're that way?
I think it was always in me. But after college and when I had my ball pain for six years, I started to go to therapy and you know, talk I you know, figure that stuff out.
And then the ball pain was funny.
The ballpain was psychosomatic pretty much. But yeah, I think after that, you know that'll force you to be introspective. But I think I've always been like that. I think it's because my parents got divorced and I was always trying to figure out like what is it that's going on here for real underneath it all. So I think
that helps develop that. I think, you know, some people maybe will never you know, there are definitely like people in the boomer generation who have never figured out any emotions at all for their entire life and then it just die angry crazy. But I think it's also nowadays, like newer generations are way more aware of that. It feels like people are more emotionally aware. It's more accepted than it was back then.
I saw a video the other night, like talk about new generations of like little boys being raised to feel things and have boundaries and like stick up for themselves and like not be scared, to be like I'm scared or whatever. There was this little boy and his dad was holding a pumpkin and kind of going like I'm gonna get you. And at first he was like really curious about the pumpkin, and then he just goes, no, no, no, that's too scary for me, and the dad immediately stopped.
But the kid like had a threshold and like let them know, and like, I feel like so many people would keep doing the scary thing, and like this kid just like knew this is above my pay grade. I am not going to keep seeing this Jack lanyard getting closer to my face. I'm getting scared. And he was like aware of it. It was like, oh, I can't wait for this kid to be president, Like just I like that and someone would be like that kids so.
Oft I can only handle like ten seconds of the pumpkin me off.
It's too bid. David Beckham speaking of like So in the documentary, he pretty much loses England. He he is what England thinks is responsible for losing their chance at the World Cup, which is the biggest thing that ever could happen in England. And so they're at the World Cup and he does this thing and you'll see in the documentary but he does this thing that he didn't need to do and he gets a red card that
means he gets kicked out of the game. And because he gets kicked out of the game and he's their star player, they lose the match and they all think like it's his fault and honestly, but he's the one that's going to hand of all, they wanted him to die. They hung this, they were doing burning effigies, they were hanging effigies of him like they wanted his head. They spit on them in the street that he then went on to play, went back to his team, Manchester United
to play, and he went on for months. Every time he walked onto the field, they would boo. Anytime he get like kicked or like hurt, they would cheer like his own team fans. It was one real and he never once lashed out. Everywhere he went, paparazzi were screaming things. People would spit it him in the street, like locals would get in his face. But what the fuck is
wrong with you? Because it's like it's all these people holy honestly, Because Chris, when I was watching it, he was like, one of my biggest fears is that England wins the World Cup ever in my lifetime. Like I don't want them to win it. They're like they colonize, they think they're better than everyone else. Like he was, I go, what if we moved to London? Will you root for them? He's like I don't even think I could. He was like, I want a team that's like a
South American team to win, like an underdog England. And then we go on to watch it and he goes, do understand why I don't want England to ever win the World Cup? And I'm like, one hundred percent. What they did to David Beckham is so disgusting. The British press with the royal family, the British press is disgusting and uh and the English people just seem to believe whatever they're they're fed by these people. And this is back in the nineties, so it maybe is a lot
different now. I don't think it is because of what happened to Michael Markle, but anyway, so but he said like he never once lashed out at them, and any every one of his teammates was like, I don't know how this guy survived it. Like he went for months of being just spat at, and his own matches where he would win and score goals, they would boo constantly, you fucking wagger, fuck you Becka, fuck you constantly when he's on the sidelines when he's playing and they want
him to win. And it's like, Brian, I don't know if you know any of the history of this, because Chris didn't seem to be that well versed in this whole controversy, but this was wild I've never seen anything like it, and they said the only reason because the documentary guy who's actually the one of the characters, one of the actors from Succession. What's his name, he plays the publicist. I forget his name, but anyway, he is
the director of this film. And he asked Beckham's another burp that like, how do you think he survived it? And he said, my dad. How tough my dad was on me, So maybe he also wouldn't have Yeah, he also wouldn't have gotten to that point where people were like wanting to hang him if his dad wasn't hard to him, because his mom was like, I just want him to have a childhood and like be be a
fun kid. And I was looking at Chris because Chris and I were like, man, he is an amazing athlete, Like we're just like kind of marveling at all he's able to accomplish at such a young age. And then it gets in later in the documentary it gets into what how his dad made him practice, And it's true, if you want to be great, don't have a childhood. You just have to be if you want your kid to be the best at what they do. And we're not talking about like average levels of success, because you
can have that. But in entertainment and sports, if you want to be the best, there's no anomalies. It truly is. Whoever doesn't have a childhood and just dances or shoots hoops or does free kicks over and over and over for eight hours a day, rain or shine, no vacations and no good jobs. That was great today. You did the best of everyone on the team. It's constantly you could have done better. You did all right, we're gonna
work harder next time. Never praise them. Always make them feel horrible about what they're doing, like they're never enough, and you can create someone with yeah, crippling what seems to be pretty bad OCD.
We have to keep in the practice zone. You have to keep them. If you push them too far out, they'll get so frustrated that they'll break right.
So they have to be like earning things enough.
It's the reach you got. They always got to be reaching and they can never grab it. But they can't. It can't be so far away that it's like this is impossible to grab.
And you can never say they're amazing. No, I would say if I would raise a child and want to make her a pop star. I would absolutely say she's amazing, because I know that's what Taylor Swiss parents did. But you have to, like you just have to, you have to sacrifice everything.
Did you ever watch The Queen Dambit?
Yes?
I just I just watched that for the first time. I didn't see it.
Back You gotta play chest on the Wall?
Yeah, well yeah, I mean so she had that type of mentor that that the custodian who was just like, you're fine, You're fine, You're gonna have to do this now, now this is going to happen. And also she had like the upbringing and this. I watched that whole show this past week and I was so excited about it, and I was like, this is so amazing, and I was like, I'm not going to look anything up about Elizabeth Harmon because I don't want to know like what
age she died and like what actually happened. I don't want to spoil it. And then I look it up and it's like, she's not real.
When you were saying that, I was like, I don't think this is based so true.
I was so disappointed because I was like, half the reason this was exciting to.
Me, trained by a janitor.
Yeah, and then wins and then beats the Russians.
I hope you never look up Lord of the Ring.
I was so disappointed. I was like, so she's not dead because she was never alive.
I wonder where you went wrong to think that was a true story. And I like the fact that you didn't look it up because you wanted to wait. Yes, all, but it made you even more believe that it was a story.
What a triumph?
Yeah, that movie's really good or that serious.
Basically it's basically pretty.
Much it's Yes, it's when people want to make a really fucking long movie, they just break it up into episodes. Morning show losing. It's goddamn mind, y'all only getting worse. Yeah, it's only getting worse. That's all I'll say. I mean, there is a single long part in this next one
or in the latest one that is just crazy. And but Jennifer Anson and John Hamm are hooking up now it's I really feel uncomfortable with it because I know they're friends, and I would feel really weird, like making out with my friend and like having to roll around in bed if you were like and my like, he's married. I don't know. I would just I'm usually not a prude about that stuff, but I was just like, I don't, I can't see. Yeah, I just want her with Ross and no one else They woun't want to break.
Ross isn't really Ross is a guy as a character played by an actor Ross.
Can I say Israel? Because I did an audition with Ross David Swimmer and we had to act against each other. He was already cast in this role and I was like, it was the closest I've ever gotten on a roll that was. It was for a pilot, but I just I had to do a scene where we were a couple that was fighting in all this, and he was so Ross off camera he was so nice. I'll always love him. He is Ross juice, even in that OJ documentary thing, which is one of the best things I've
ever watched. I need new stuff to watch, though, any suggestions me to murder please. Golden Bachelor is amazing, love it. He's getting rid of all the hot women. Oh wow, he just wants a woman with no face work. Yeah, he's old as shit, dude. He's seventy three, seventy three, and he looks good. And they had a pickleball tournament on the last episode.
Yeah, and Chrit.
It's so funny watching it with Chris because pickleball comes on DV and he loves pickleball, and so he got very excited and and.
And Gary is like, you know, like I love pickleball. Who have Like pickleball is a big part of my life. Like, whoever you know wins this one is gonna be with me playing.
I'm trying to find his voice. But it's kind of like I need to find someone to play pickleball with forever. Chris really does a really good impression of Gary. This is more like it if I find a woman to play pickleball with me. I mean I play it every day. I really, this is a big day.
And so Chris and I are realizing, like whoever wins this, whoever's good a pick a ball is like gonna win because this guy, he's retired. All he wants to do is play pickaball.
You want to win pickleball too. He wants a partner that will win him the trophy.
Girl who is great at it. So anyway, whoever won this competition gets to be gets to be on the cut or like I have a spread in in Pickleball Magazine. And by the way, I didn't say in twice in Pickleball Magazine is the name of the title of the magazine, so you can just tell every time they were renouncing the prize and whoever wins gets to do a spread
in in Pickleball Magazine. Like you can tell the first time they were like, and gets to do a spread in Pickleball Magazine, and they were like, it's sorry again, Jesse. It is in in Pickleball, so the magazine is called in pick so they have to in in Pickleball, in in Pickleball. So the next issue of in Pickleball Magazine will have the Bachelor's on it. And guess who will be getting that Chris Conby. I got a magazine yesterday. I can't wait for it to arrive, so don't tell him. Okay, guys,
thank you for listening to the show. I will be on tour this weekend in Milwaukee, in Iowa, in Lawrence, Kansas, and then next week I am going to be in Boston, Baltimore, somewhere else. Two shows in Boston, so many shows coming up. Can't wait for you to be there. I'll see you out there and don't be kid and just just In and pick aball