The Nicki Gliser Podcastick Glaser, here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast. I'm in Saint Louis, Missouri. Guess who's here in studio with me?
It's me, I guess.
Yeah, I wanted you.
To get where you were. Brian Frandie is here in Saint Louis in studio. He was here this weekend working at a local comedy club opening for Adam Conover from Adam Muron's Everything.
How was that of weekend of shows?
Oh? Great weekend of shows? Said a great time.
You hadn't been stand up in a really long time.
Well, the last time I did like a weekend was in was right before my wedding, and I realized that's a long time. Totally forgot about that. Yeah, Chris said something pretty funny because Chris and Tim came out to see the first night of shows.
I was gonna go, but I was tired.
Yeah that's what I heard.
No offense, but I would have liked to see you and then leave, But then I would have had to say for Adam. It's not that I don't want to see Adam, but I.
Just didn't I thought you were out of town.
I got back in town like an hour before, and I was so exhausted, but I did want to see you, but I thought it would be rude if I.
Left right after you.
Sure, sure, and not safe for Adam. Yeah.
So I just missed everything. You you missed everything, but I heard you were so good.
I did a great job. Chris said something that really struck me on the on the ride home, because I was like talking about, like, you know, getting the rust off and stuff, and and he was like, it's really hard to be funny like twice a year. And I was like, yeah, you know that's right, because I'm like, how do I get better at this? How do I get better at stand up? And it was like, well,
you gotta. It's hard to do it just twice a year and then and it's not like I'm only doing it twice a year, but like, you know, I don't. I don't. It's not my priority.
No, it's it's yeah, it's that's is the truth. When people dabble in it. You can dabble all you want, but don't expect to see results.
No, it's like working out, it's like.
Singing, it's like playing guitar.
I'm not like, I can't be mad at myself for being a shitty guitar player when I play twice a month. Yeah, it's just it's I'm never going to grow from that. But it was a good week of shows. You by the end of the week, I but you felt strong because I felt very strong.
I was doing all that. I was like doing bicep curls all weekend, and by the end I was like, I can lift a good amount.
Stayed at Chris's place.
Yeah, I stayed at Chris's old place, his.
Old place that he doesn't live in anymore. But he's like fixing up to maybe rent something, which.
Is the second time I've stayed there without nice. It's very nice.
You stay there longer more than I have.
I've been there, I've slept, and Chris's more than you have.
I really, you really have home.
It's a very classy joint because one time I was on Zoom with Chris and I saw the background and I was like is that I was like, is that your real background or is that a photo? And He's like, oh no, that's my real background.
It's so nice.
He redid his whole kitchen. Yes, and it's a dream kitchen. It looks like the Zoom kitchen background. It's that good exactly.
Yeah, he's very handy.
You got in there like it's a It's an expensive ticket to get into the Convy House. I don't know that many people that have been in there.
Oh yeah, he doesn't have many guests over.
Oh really well, I feel very special and Chris is like the ultimate host there is. There could not be a better host. When I arrived at the house, there was like craft services set up in the kitchen, I know, with all of my favorite snacks.
Yes, yes, this is what he does.
It was absurd.
You think he might just do that because you're his girlfriend, but then you find out, no, he doesn't for anyone he cares about.
He is he is. He's just someone. I was telling my dad.
This weekend because I was hanging out with my dad and we were talking about my relationship, and I'm like, he just he'll do and this man will do anything for me anything if I were to ask him, Yeah, you know, like if I'm in Dallas and he's here and I was like, I forgot my charger, he would overnight.
He would overnight. He wouldn't go just get a new charger.
He'd be like, obviously wants her charger, and I'm going to overnight it tomorrow first thing in the morning to go to the like he goes above and beyond he does, which we used to call having anal sex when when for.
Some reason we would always say not about that girl.
Really, I think we watched a porn once where the girl went the extra mile and it was having anal And so whenever I hear that, now.
That should be the phrase for all, like for the world. Everyone should say I went the extra mile last night. Yes, like that should be the euphemism.
The Hershey Highway.
Yeah, there's already Hershey Highway and they have mile workers.
But uh yeah we And and then last night, I won't go into too many details, but Chris uh hung out with Bill Maher because he was in town and I wasn't. But they went out on the town hob nobbin and had a boys night. Yeah, yeah, they And yeah I'll tell that story at some point if I have permission to do so. But they went out on the town. They went on the wrong side of town, if you know what I'm saying. They went out and that just makes me so happy.
Figure out.
Yeah, I mean now it sounds like they went cruising for hookers, which you know in many ways, the place they went is where you would go if you wanted to.
Let's just put it this way. They spent a lot of money.
Yes, I wonder how much he did spend, because I will say that when my boyfriend has been an establishment like this before.
A year ago on his birthday, when I surprised.
Him, he did greet me at the door with a handshake when he didn't know that I wasn't a lady of the night.
That's the most incredible story I maybe ever heard.
Yeah, you hadn't heard it on the podcast I told you just in person.
Way, Yeah, recently. I could not believe that.
It is one of my best stories ever, is that I did that. People do think I'm a pretty cool check for doing that. It's like kind of one of my things where I go, Okay, that and putting a gummy worm in my vagina one time because I knew my boyfriend was gonna finger me when he picked me up from the airport and that was his favorite snack. But yeah, different Chris would not be entertained by that.
He doesn't want to hear about that. That would not he would go Clays, what the hell, because I do some gross stuff with him sometimes, But that would have that wouldn't have turned him on at all.
He's like, these are from my craft services trade.
He uh, yeah, he's a good he's a goodie. And he's in the other room watching football right now.
When do you do this?
He's keeping track.
Yeah, and you're on your way out. I'm I just got in. I I flew from Calgary this morning. Calgary is so far west, I like forgot how far it is. I did go through Minneapolis. I woke up at four am in Calgary, which is mountain time here in the States, and then I landed at two pm Central time.
So that's a good that's all over the places.
An eleven yeah, ten hour, nine hours something like, Yeah, I was all over.
And you do like one show in one city one night, and then you go to another city the following night.
Which is like not the way it used to be, because it used to be clubs. You just stay in the same place all weekend. And I used to always go like, man, I can't wait. Actually I never said that. I never have wanted more than.
What I have.
I always am kind of happy with what I have. I've never been like I can't wait to play theaters. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't like chomping at the bit like some people aren't sure. Like I remember when I started doing theaters, Chris got me a cake that said see you later clubs, and I was like, but I've never really had this attitude about clubs. I liked that he said it, but I also was like, I will be back to clubs because I'm going to age some day and people will forget about me.
I will be back in clubs because it's the way it goes.
In fact, I'm going to be back at clubs this tour. I'm going to do some clubs. I'm doing the Brella Improv where Brian will be opening for me. Forget the dates on that.
Do you remember December fourth or something.
Yeah, Brian Improv. That's going to be so fun to be back in a club. And then I just found out I'm doing the Tempe Improv November sixteenth and seventeenth. I was supposed to be in Vegas those dates, but they got canceled because of the F one races. So instead of being in Vegas, I'm gonna be at the Tempe Improv on those dates.
So no one tee.
That's the other place. That's the other place I did comedy this year in Tempee at the Tempe Improv.
Oh, I love the name Tempe.
Tempe is great.
It's such a cute name.
Sun Devils.
And then yeah, so I was we were all over the place.
Annie was with me open for me in Where were we Prier Lake, Minnesota, which is like thirty minutes away from Minneapolis, or at least the airport, but it was a it was.
A casino called the Mystic Lake Casino.
One of those cities where you just go Minnesota.
Yeah, you don't say Prior Lake, Minnesota, Like, no, everyone would be like, Prior Lake, this is just a reservation that none of us know the name of. Yeah, it was nice that was sold out show. Thank you to everyone for coming out to that. That was felt really really nice tout and see just like a giant fucking room of people who dedicated their night to come watch me and do stand up and uh it was awesome. That was and they had like I like when I the screens up on the side. Yeah, I mug a
little bit more. It's more fun and it's more fun to watch screens. Like when I go see Taylor Swift, I'm watching the screens.
Sure, so you mug a little bit.
Sometimes I'm like, oh, that's a good angle, Like I kind of like play to it. But yeah, people I can see the people watching the screen. I like that because it does it.
Feel like it's a show. It's like more pro Yeah.
Yeah, it was nice and that the dinner was really delicious.
Ironically, the only good place to get vegetarian options is at a steak restaurant. Turns out they do have the best veggie sides.
Oh my god, Yes, stake places do have the best veggie sides. You just gonna make sure they don't.
Use bartersp That night I had I either don't have the gene to smell the pee, or I don't have the gene that makes your peace smell. So we've determined, or I didn't determine. Scientists determined that asparagus pea smell either. There are some people who can't smell it even if the smell is in the air. They need the gene for it. And then you also might not even have smell coming from your pea because you don't have that gene.
So I don't think I have either, because i've I might have the peace smell, but I definitely don't.
I'm not able to smell it.
I'm so glad that scientists figured that out. You know, they spent their valuable time, that's true, figuring out why are pea smells When we eat asparagus.
I pea will smell exactly like almond milk. Though when I eat too much, drink too much almond milk, like, it's nothing, it changes. It's almost almond milk. Nothing nothing.
That means your body didn't er anything from the almond milk.
Oh, that's interesting.
A lot of almond milk is just like carriagene and other emulsifiers.
Oh, I know, it's so gross.
Chris started buying this almond milk that has no additives, it has no what, it has no carriagene, and it has no oil.
It all has oil in it.
Oh yeah, it's so ross.
And your own.
You can make your own.
I would never do that.
My friend used to do it. And you get like a nut milk bag and you like.
Scuguital I can't make it.
I just sent you a thing that Bethany Frankel made that I'm like, I could make yeh, like I can make a little snack.
I wanted to write you about that because the way she says.
Almond, almond, almond, h m I n d amen almond yeah, g L Yeah, that's kind of annoying someone. I just saw a podcast call out people that say cupon, cupon, and that has been annoying me. There was a Nate Nate Bargatzi clip recently going around and he said cupon the whole time, and I was just like, I know that's a dialect. I know that people just say that that way.
Two questions. One is, how do you say the fluffy thing that you sleep on a mattress, I mean the fluffy thing that goes onto your head, that goes your head.
A pillow, pillow not a pillow.
It's not a pillow. People say pellow.
Why yeah?
And then I think no one might say pellow.
You say, you seem like a person that says pillow.
Noah, pillow, Okay, okay.
And then and then you have almond blank the stuff you're just drinking. And then how do you say the next word milk.
Just kidding, milk.
I don't people say milk.
I know they do.
Atrocity, yeah, a criminal offense.
Remember Hannah from The Bachelor, everything that ended in I n g's I've been thinking about fall ink in love with you every Yeah, everything is ink and it's it's like almost like a Southern thing.
That you think people do think.
I've been dancing that one that you say, weird?
What is it?
Yeah? You say, wait, spell it v E g A s.
Oh.
I've struggled this with this one forever, but I say it. I'm trying to get better Vegas. Oh that's correct, but I say Vegas.
Yeah, Vegas.
It sounds like it.
Should be Vegas. Yeah, I like Vegas.
So I got called on that years ago, and then I switched over to Vegas and I would literally in my head c v A y g U S because I was so bad about pronouncing it. And now I guess I'm back to Vegas, back to Vegas.
I like.
I guess she pronounces this part of Los Angeles l O S space flie. But Brian, how do you say it?
Oh?
Sorry? Oh well, uh, I've been I've been called out by a Hispanic person for saying it wrong, and I forgot how they told me to say it. But I would say I would say lows, I would say los police, but.
Everyone in La says los felis, which is los felis.
Yeah, I think that's how you're supposed to say it.
No, it's not.
I forgot what this man told me, but he yelled at me on the streets.
I don't know why.
Yeah, because it's like felice means happy in Spanish, and that's felice, like the song, but the name.
When you go there, no one's smiling. Everyone's too cool to smile.
Would you asparagus pea? If I would you get drunk into a bathroom?
You okay? Because I don't think.
It's like smells like shit, you know, it just smells like kind of acidic or what. It's probably gonna smell funky, but it's not going to make me like want to barf.
Right.
No, it doesn't like gray.
Oh, it smells like BV as well.
It smells se BV makes me sick.
That fish smell.
Smell sell your own, then you can be able to smell hers. But I might not have the gene that makes so I might be able to smell it, and this would be determining because I ate probably forty stalks of asparagus the other night because we ordered we did a double order and Chris didn't like it, so I ate all of his and I did not smell anything in my pea, but Chris might have.
You know, Chris might have smelled it from the next room and been like Jesus Christ.
I could eat like a half of a half of an asparagus and it'll smell Yeah.
Really yeah, same me too.
Okay, this is a great thing.
That Brian brings up. We should smell each other's pee, like maybe it's genetic to us, Like maybe I can't smell Nikki's asparagus pee, but I could.
No, because no, you can smell it on everyone. I think if you can smell it, but some people don't have the smell, so you wouldn't be able to if I didn't have the smell in mind, you wouldn't be able to spell it even if you could smell it.
I think this reminds me of something like when I was in college, like when I would make a suggestion that, like you should all go to dinner, and then everyone would be like what the fuck's wrong with you. That's like you suggest saying that we should all smell each other's pee, we should all look at each other's I mean.
I was just gonna say that on you.
I think that's what we used to do before we forget. I do want to say that a bestie came to one of the shows uh in Saint Louis that I was at this Weekend's so nice and she and I don't do like a I don't go outside and stand there and wait for people to say good job to me. I usually just disappear. But she went up to Adam, who was doing a meet and green, and said I want to meet Brian. And then Adam texted me and was like, you should come out here. There's someone who
came to see you. Yay. And I was so flattered and so happy.
That's so sweet.
I came out and she was there and she's like, I'm a bestie and I was like, are you kidding me? You came here to see me? Are you kidding?
And she was like, yeah, I came to see tell you that you seem taller in person because people can't believe how tall you are.
Oh well, I'm not that tall.
Well, you're six foot.
Five eleven and a half. I never made it to six.
Okay, well you come off tall like Anya and Noah or Noah. I think both of them thought you were shorter. They thought you were five eight.
Yeah, wait, you thought he was like five to four. I thought he was tiny, though he was a tiny Let's go through our heights because people don't know. I'm five nine, Brian, you're five eleven and a half. Anya's five two.
Brian. You've never met me, So what do I project? Like? What am I presenting?
Yeah?
Survey?
Yeah, you seem like a tall thin like you. You seem order because nine I think I I wouldn't be shocked if you were five nine, not at all. Actually, I think Nicky is much taller. I always thought Nikki was much taller.
Ye, nick five eleven, you read.
Like you could play basketball.
Usually people say you're much taller than I thought.
But then recently I've been getting you seem taller on TV, so I don't know what to think about it.
Interesting. I want to be five to ten, just like Taylor Swift.
I just have to say, but I've met Noah. I've seen Noah in the.
Brian, what do you think my height is?
I think, I mean, I do believe you're short. That based on even though I've never met you, I you've you've seen your personality is that of a short person comes short? Okay.
I wouldn't say, let's say you're a spinner like I look at you and I'm like, she's a spinner like shorts. It means like it's a thing guys say, like you want to put this.
You can put them on your dick and then you could just spin them around, spin them around.
Because you are that one that is a compliment.
I like it.
Yeah, oh my god, Yeah, because you're because Noah's incredibly nice. And then she could also destroy you. And that's what a short person's personality is.
Like, Yes, how tall are you? Noah five three? By the same yeah, and Anya five.
Three, I'm probably like three yes are you shureing?
Oh my god? If I if you were to ask me who is a taller, I would say Anya without question.
The height is okays, this makes me happy because that means I'm cun to your sounding. And when I was on the radio for you know, as a DJ, I would meet people all the time in San Diego. It would be like, oh my god, no offense. And this is such a weird piece of feedback. I thought you were like a bigger brunette.
What does that?
One hundred percent of the people that would say I thought you looked different?
What it is all said to.
Meet bigger brunettio radio people's voices. I mean, now we can kind of see everyone because of social media, but like back.
In the day the radio, I fell in love what the fuck? And then you matter?
I felt there was a back years and years ago. I was listening to some random podcast off of MPR or something and the person's voice was like, I think I need to meet this person that I'm in love with this person Yeah, And then I did wind up seeing a picture of them and I was like, I don't need to meet them. Yeah, I don't think I
need to meet them. Actually, I know. It was disappointing to me because I'm like, now I know the face, the voice, and it would be nice if I just imagined whatever I wanted, yes with the voice, yes, But can I just say it really quickly? Her name was Jessica h. That was the best dude that came to the show, so shout out to Jessica h shout out.
To Natalie and Maddie and Alan, who are the names of the besties who I met last night or maybe the night before too, and who and there were some other besties who gave me present and stuff, like so many came out and gave me cards and a little picture frame and so many nice things. And we just love it so much, So thank you so much for doing this.
You aara bestie, and you're trying to do the thing where you get into the show for free, and you've come alone and all that. Don't wait. If there's a long line in front of me and you're waiting to be polite, just cut ahead of the line and just quickly be like, Anya, can I get into the show really quick? I came along. Yeah, there were one of things, yesdies that were waiting in a very long line that almost missed the meat and grace. So just just do that, promise you it'll be fine.
Yes, that's that's good. Thanks Anya for saying that. All Right, we gotta go to break. We'll be back with more for this. All right, we're back.
There is a new Nikki pod memes that just came up whoever does that, thank you so much.
We love it.
And this one is like a drawing of a man and there are three different ones, and it says headache and his like a head, his head has like a red spot on it stomach ache, and then there's like red where his stomach is, and then Brian is just the whole man is red? It is?
Where does it hurt?
I just can't wait until that's not true.
I know, yeah one day, what are you at today?
Oh bad? It's been really yeah, but I do want to say, never tell us who you are, Niki pod Memes creator like, it's just like the voice. We don't want to know what you look like. We don't want to see your face. We don't want to know who you actually are. We just want to imagine. I have ten You might you feel like a person who's five to ten, but we just want to imagine you. The perfect version of you is in each of our heads
as a different thing. So you're going to disappoint one of us if you reveal your identity.
I never get worried about Nikki pod Memes of doing of making me upset or offending me. Yeah, and I feel really safe with it. Because I don't think many meme accounts would make me feel safe. It's like when someone does an impression of you where you're like, Okay, I can't wait for this, but you're just like waiting for something really offensive to happen. So Nikki Pod means you never disappoint me. I'm never like what's this going
to be? It always makes you feel good. There was one meme you did once where Chris saw it and was like, will you explain this to me? To me because it was like it was something about Chris going on like some expedition and then me pulling up Tinder because I had made the joke like if he dies doing something like okay, babe, go like scale mountaintops, but I'm gonna like go get back on Rya. Yes, And so once I explained it, he was fine, but he was like, you want to tell me what this means.
I kind of liked it because I was like, are you scared to lose me?
Sometimes you want to feel a little jolt of like your partners, a little territorial.
Of course, it feels nice, spark.
Yeah, when they hit you, it means they love you. They're scared to lose you yeah, but yeah, it was a fun weekend.
What if you think of any of your airport experience.
You said there was like a family there.
Oh yeah, okay, so there was like a family at my gate today that I was at first it was like a husband with the nanny and the kids, right, And at first I was trying to clock if he had a crush on the nanny, if they were like flirting at all, and there was like some light flirting.
But it didn't bother me. I was like, I don't think it could have just like flirting is very it's there's there's.
A fine line, yeah, because he could have just been being nice and she could be laughing at what he says. And I'm like, I'm painting this whole, Like I just read this Esther Pearrell, you know, article about cheating and how it doesn't mean that your marriage is unhealthy necessarily. It's just a lot of people cheat just to find another part of themselves or to like have a kind of adventure, and it has nothing to do with your partner,
like not satisfying a part of you. Like there's nothing they can do to like actually give you that thing that they need, which is like I just need to feel live for a little bit. I need a shoplift, I need to do something wrong, I need to smoke cigarettes behind the shop class or whatever. You know, like you just want to feel bad and like there's nothing your partner can do to like give you that. So it's as it really has nothing to do with your partner.
So I liked this article that I read about it because I'm interested, I think, And I posted on my Instagram of this article called why happy People Cheat? Yeah, And I thought it was interesting because it's just an to me. It doesn't mean that I'm like I'm gonna cheat, or I want Chris to cheat, or like I think Chris is cheating, or I'm cheating. Like I don't want to be anyone to think that because I'm posting this,
I'm like in favor of cheating. I just like subject matters that are taboo seemingly even though so many people are doing them or it's happened so much. And I was listening to a Dak Shepherd podcast with Esther Perell, and he said a really interesting thing, which is, like, you know, we talk a lot about addiction on this show. We talk a lot about eating disorders, and things like that. But he's like, I think infidelity is the subject matter out of all the things we talk about that are taboo,
that affects more people than all of them. And I thought that that was such a true statement that the cheating people don't talk about it, but it's happening all the time around us, and people don't have People can quit and then never talk about it again. So it's like it can be happening and never get addressed. It's almost not like an addiction in terms of it's always gonna spiral out of control. Are kind of always on a slippery slope. It's eventually you're going to reach a bottom,
like you can't do it forever. It's gonna like raise some red flags. Cheating can happen, then go dorm, it happen again, like little things pop up here and there can be a one night stand and it happens all the time. And I think, I think that's why I'm drawn to it, is I'm fascinated by things that are happening a ton and everyone's like, no, I would never do that. No one in my family's ever cheated. We
never cheat. Cheating's the worst thing that you could ever do, and it's like it's people equate it with like a hit and run as how bad it is, or a murder, and it's way more common. In fact, you're listening your parents probably a stop sign. It's like, yes, thank you, Anya,
it is totally rolling a stop sign. And I think that the data around it is just you know, That's why I like talking about molestation because this weekend Chris was like, hey, if you're going to talk about this and maybe give some stats on stage, because I say one and four people were molested, but I don't even know where I heard that. He was like, you should probably look that up and like give the actual stats.
So I want to say the actual stat and this is only self reported, sure, which so let's be honest sexual abuse. Self reports are not telling the whole story
because there's so much shame around it. But it is even realized one in five women were molested before the age of you know, eighteen, so like as children, one in five and then one and twenty men, and I would venture to guess that number for men is way higher because women have a lot more, uh, we have a lot more opportunity to talk about our sexual assaults and it's it's less taboo for us to speak of for getting sexual assaulted than men, So I would venture
to guess it's more like one in ten for men. But anyway, so I was kind of hardy, had my mind around like cheating or whatever. And so I'm watching this like dad and he's taught. He's like, girls, do you want to call your mom? Is two little girls and this one little girl. I had just done the whordle and I had like failed really miserably at it. It was like a bad one today. I like didn't get it and I failed, and and five guesses couldn't
get it. And this little girl's probably like seven, and I hear her like working out, and she's like, mom, can I or maybe it wasn't it was a different little girl because she asked her mom. So this is a different family. Sorry, they were all kind of together. She's like, mom, can I do the wordle? Or like maybe do her babysitter?
Can I do the wordle?
And she and that she pulls up the wordle and on her iPad and the girl's going so it's either binge binge, And I was like I wanted to go, like it's bingeing, And I was like, how did I not get binge?
That's like one the thing I think about doing all the time. But this little girl got it.
And then she went over to dad and she was like, see, Dad, it could either be this one or this one.
She was so smart.
I was like, this girl might save us from climate change, Like this is our future.
I kind of believe in and think, like seven.
Probably figure out binge.
Yeah, I knew the word binge. I was like wow.
So then because when she started the wordle, I was like, there's no way she's gonna get it. Now, you're too young to understand the depths of that disorder. And then I go, wait, there's lots of binging for like entertainment. Maybe it's seeped in somehow. Now we use that word kind of, you know, for TV, and.
Maybe more young people are using that word because of Netflix and stuff like that, and we just don't realize it. Maybe it's more common. Maybe it's top of mind for her.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It could be just.
Very yeah lucky. He's not gonna solve anything.
He's smarty.
But she was so cute.
And I was watching this family and I was kind of having the thing of like, oh God, I'm like this older woman who's passed up on this opportunity. And I'm like kind of looking at this family like, oh, that could be me, and I could be helping my daughter like with the wordle and talking to her about it like it seems kind of fun. And then and then I saw the dad talking on the phone to the mom. And the mom he first of all, he answers the phone, he goes, he goes, he goes, hey,
or he didn't answer phone. He calls her, he goes, I just want to ask you, when do do you think our kids have ever been to the cheesecake factory? You could tell she was like, what are you talking about, John? And she he goes, no, it's a simple question, have our kids been to the cheesecake factory? And then she's again like what are you saying. He's like, Nope, it's just one question with one answer. Have our children been
to the cheesecave? Faundery Now his children are a seven year old girl and a four year old boy, approximately maybe five year old boy. And he goes, because they haven't, they haven't. We were driving, we drove past one and she asked, is there cheesecake in there?
And I go, what are you talking about? Is their cheesecake in there?
So we took them for breakfast today and I was like, oh, the nanny went with you to and it's like eleven thirty and they're at their gate. I'm like, you went to Cheesecave friundery like nine am. It was very confusing.
Flight.
Yeah.
So then I kind of like this guy's demeanor with the mom though. He seemed like a funny dude. And then at one point he says to the daughter, Reese or whatever her name is, do you want to do recycling club after school? Which is an adorable club, And I'm thinking this girl can save the world. Yes, you want to do recycling club after school?
And she goes. She looks up from her iPad and she's like, yeah, yeah, I do.
I do.
I thought that was so cute that she's like, yeah, I want to say it.
She goes after school yeah yeah, and so she goes, yes, she does want to do it, and she goes, wait, do waye dad, Dad?
Dad? Then who's gonna.
Pick up Owen? Owen needs someone to pick him up? And he goes, no, don't don't worry. We've got it.
Like, but I was like, this is my daughter.
That's me always worried about like her little brother, but who's gonna pick it? Like she's trying to figure out older daughter symptoms of like trying to figure out the whole thing, like worrying about all the puzzle pieces when really your job is a seven year old do you want to go to a recycling club or not? You don't need to worry about who's gonna pick up.
Oh, we have swim practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
And I just was like, Oh, this girl is inn Like I just know what her life is going to look like, always taking care of everyone else. I was like, then I just just determined that one of her parents is probably an alcoholic. I like, he has to figure out owen's gonna get forgotten?
That happened once and then she never let that go and now she's like every time there's an issue, I need to be on top of it. Yeah.
Like I was obsessive about my sister being kidnapped because I just thought my parents were a little too free with her. Yeah, I had learned about kidnappers, and I knew I wouldn't get kidnapped because I was smart and vigilant and not that cute, and I knew my sister was adorable and kind of like just toddling around and would probably attract one and I was obsessed with it, obsessed, and my parents didn't.
Care at all.
Doesn't that suck that in order to create that kid that you're like, this could be my daughter. I would love this kid. She had to go through some kind of trauma to become that person. Yes, Otherwise she'd just be, yeah, I'll do recyclor she would be like, no, I don't want to do recycling club. She'd be like on her iPad, not even look up when he spoke. Yep. But because she's got an alcoholic parent, she's like a perfect child. Yeah.
Because they're at the cheesecake factory boozing it up. Yeah, they can't believe they haven't brought their daughter to the cheesecake p I am.
Well, they could be any kind of aholic, you know, maybe.
They That's what I mean, like exercise aholic. They have some kind of addiction in their house, which.
Who the fuck does?
Right?
Everyone does?
Well? What I want to know is what was the why was the mom so hesitant to give up the information of whether or not the children.
She was just like, why is my husband being so cheeky right now? Like why did he not say hello? And he just answered the phone with like he's just being this weird guy that he is, Like he was trying to be funny, you know, Like I thought I kind of liked their dynamic. It was almost like flirty, like our kids haven't been to the cheesecake factory. And then but then this is what I'm plugged by when I do see young girls or young boys is like
all I can think about. Almost all I can think about is what you're saying exactly of like how much they have to go through, Like they have to have a first crush, They have to have someone make fun of them. They have to worry about a test that means literally nothing. They have to worry about college that means literally nothing. They have to worry about. They have to, you know, figure out what shoes go with what jeans,
They have to like spin the bottle. They have to study like what they're gonna do with their tongues when they make out. They have to like stay all night thinking about that.
They don't know.
They have to learn every lesson they have to learn. They have to intern somewhere and not make any money.
It's life. But to go through it, I want it. I want to skip it.
No life sucks, say that is what we don't want to go through life.
I saw a meme the other day that said, thank God you only live once.
I can't do this shit again.
Ship.
When I get jealous of the youth, I always I think that's maybe a defense mechanism because I have such jealousy of young people and like, Wow, they get to do a whole life and they get to have all the fun that I had as a kid. But then I think about all the things that they like are gonna go through.
I just want to say that I have.
A memory, and this is maybe one of the reasons I don't want to have kids, because my envy issues are so exhaustive and so crippling to me. I'm not joking you, and I probably reference on the pod before, but I promise you I can now track it to the day I said it.
I was in bed with my mom. It was after school.
We were probably watching like some kind of like daytime TV show, fourth or fifth grade, third, fourth or fifth grade. I'm guessing it was third because I remember being very very young and my mom being like almost goffawing that I said this, And I said to her, yeah, I've said this before, I think, but I think this is actually who I am. I said, because she's MYA says something like, well, when you have kids, you'll do this,
and I go, I'm never gonna have kids. And she was like why and I was like, because I'll be jealous of them because they're younger than me.
Wow.
And she said what And I go, you're jealous of me because I'm younger than you.
You have to be. How can you not be?
I'm younger, I'm plucking tinier, I'm in third pop. I'm like, I have like third or fourth grade. I just knew being young is the best.
How could you not?
No?
Everything in our society is about being young and youthful. And I remember, and I just remember being like, mom, are you jealous of me? And Laura and her going why And the only reason I remember this is because of her reaction being so crazy and her going why would you ask.
Something like that? That's insane? No, I'm not. And I remember being.
You're like, but look at my abs.
Yeah, I remember being I was tying, I was little telig. Yeah, I had my whole life out of me. I already heard her complaining about cellulite and wrinkles and things like that. Like that's so, I honestly do think. I don't think I would struggle with it because I think when you have a kid, you're just like, this is my kid.
I'm not jealous of my kid. But we know that there are moms who.
Are jealous of their kids, and they try to dress like them, and they try to hang out with their kid.
You know, like heared, I would.
Be jealous, absorb the youth from a child and steal it from them. I would do it, vampire, I would take their youth. Well, vampire, at least you give them eternal life. But if I could, if I could just take the youth and then and then I have their youth and then they fade away, Yes, I don't. I couldn't, especially when I'm in my eighties or something. I don't know if I could say no to that, I don't.
I mean, they're gonna yeah, yeah, where does that come from?
It's like an episode of Charmed, Like there's like a demon can suck the youth out of somebody and then they turn to an old person. Yes, and then you're young and you're beautiful.
One time I was in a cab in Los Angeles going to the airport, and the lady that was driving me was telling me that there's like an underground in Hollywood that has all of that.
So no ever of young Like when you see young girl girls and kids, do you ever get jealous of all the fun they get to like have in their life that you have already said goodbye to.
I get jealous of you and your high school girlfriends and your high school experience because it sounds.
I think that's maybe why I struggle with it is because I had so much fun in my childhood. I had a really and I think a lot of people don't have great childhoods.
The most fun in my early thirties, So I get jealous of like early thirty year olds.
Interesting, okay, that track.
I get jealous of Poppy. I thought I was gonna get jealous of when she entered into our lives. When my sister had a little girl, I was like, Oh, this is gonna test me, am I gonna be jealous, and I'm I never get jealous of Poppy until I remember that she doesn't have to like figure out a talent yet, Like she doesn't even have to. She could still be the best at something, like she could be Taylor Swift and she doesn't have to pick up a guitar for another like seven years.
She's like four, Okay, so she has.
She has figured it out.
Well, we're trying to get her to pick some off her yeah.
And then force once they pick it, You're like, that's it. You're never switching. I don't care how sad you get. Yes, that's what I would do.
Like when you send me that meme of the little Korean child of playing a perfect guitar, I was like, I'm jealous. I want that.
I'm most parents just want their kids to be happy, Like my parents would always say, I just want you to be happy. I don't care what you do or what you like. Couldn't you just want me to be sad and rich? Like why didn't you force me to become the best whatever that? Instead? You just let me quit piano, you let me go to school free for me.
It doesn't work, Brian, No, this is what I would tell my kids, and I think this is actually good parenting advice from someone who's never gonna have kids and really hasn't even considered what I would do if I did. So take it with a grain of sand. You tell your kids, I want you to be happy. But here's the thing. Talent is not something that is going to come out of nowhere. If you want to be good
at something, you have to work hard. And I think that obviously parents go, yeah, I mean me telling my kid to go to piano lessons, that's me telling them to work hard.
We don't. Kids don't understand that from piano lessons. They're in lies.
You're going to be great at this time and you'll be, it seems, and then you'll be happy. Yes, it just seems like a chore of doing a thing I'm bad at still and just I'm not gonna get good and you just have to you know, practice makes perfect. We I used to sing songs about practice makes perfect.
You'll see, like there.
Were all these songs, but it didn't get in my head. I wish someone would have said, Nikki, you can be that on TV. You could be Kelly Kapowski.
Whatever. I was like, you know, looking at at the time. But she is only that because she's hotter than you. No, she's only.
That she worked hard, and that's the only thing you have to do. I didn't compute the two, and I don't know how to get kids to understand what hard work is and what it can mean because they don't have they don't understand time.
No, well, that's exactly right. The time thing is important too, because you know how, like when you wake up in the morning, like your first like thirty minutes of just getting out of bed, time goes by like much faster like that first thirty Like if if in that first thirty minutes you decide to like work out immediately, that workout will go by so fast it will not be challenging. That's my experience. I guess I'm just saying everyone experiences this.
You're like kind of half awake. So if you just do the thing that like you would be dreading if it was three pm, it'll just be done instantaneously. You won't even realize. And that's like being a kid, it's like you have nothing going on. Time is different for you. If you are just put in a room and forced to practice for ten years, that time will not matter to you at all. It'll just fly by and all of a sudden you'll be the world's greatest whatever.
It's so true. That's a good point.
Sometimes when I'm on a treadmill and I'm like dying and I have five minutes left, I.
Always go, you dumb fuck, why didn't.
You start five minutes earlier because you'd be dumb done right now? And then I go, wait a second, in a different realm, I am done right now, like I am, I'm gonna do this, So just know you're.
Done somewhere like that.
If you do you struggle to get through workouts, just tell yourself you're done five o'clock. It's just not there yet. But like, and also another thing, and I've talked about
this before. If you're trying to start working out and you're like you're in the first two minutes and you've like, oh my god, I have another twenty eight minutes of this workout, just keep just keep thinking you're on the last minute, or like, just and just keep saying fifteen I'll quit in fifteen seconds, keep adding another fifteen seconds. And then also if you're someone like me who's like, if you're not doing it, at the ultimate level. If
you're not running the whole time, then fuck it. Then give up. Just take it down one mile per hour, like, don't give up, just go slower and stay with it, because I used to give up. I've given up on so many workouts because I couldn't do them the best. But just take it down one notch and then you can get back up to that. I mean, this obviously goes. I'm not like David Gogging is in here. This is like not that interesting of information to give. But like
I wish I could. I wish I could have told myself these things earlier, because I it took me until this year to start just going a little less hard on my workouts to get through them.
Yeah, and these are things that you could tell a child and they would have to they don't shape like this. You're still learning this stuff now like as an adult, Like, oh, if I just try it a little less hard, I could get through my whole workout. Yes, like that, you're you're always learning stuff, and like you, this is all stuff that I would want to like brain dump onto my child when they're five years old, so they have to I kind of.
Want to have a kid just so I can relay some of this shit, you know, like and see if I could test without how to make a tailor. I want to make a Taylor Swift. I want to like leave us with this before we go to break because I've been reading that Four Agreements book. You know, Oh god about like B B whatever with your words.
Yeah, I'm disagreeing.
No, they're they're legit. I mean, they are the way of life.
If you were able to agree to the four agreements and keep that agreement, your life will be perfect.
Oh yeah, you sent us.
Yeah, this is the thing. Whatever people do feel, think, or say. Now, this is don't take anything personally. That's a third agreement. I think, don't take anything personal whatever. This is the paragraph. Whatever people do feel, think, or say, don't take it personally. If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful.
Don't take anything personally. Even if someone gets a gun and shoots you in the head, it was nothing personal, even at that extreme. I want us to ruminate on that and talk about it when we get back right after this.
All right, we're back. Okay.
A book can tell you not to take anything personal or personally, how the fuck do you put that into practice?
You don't. That's why this book sucks.
It tells all these things to do.
Don't ever lie, don't don't be impeccable with your word. The other ones, never forget.
The other ones are assumptions that don't make a sum.
Sh It's like, yeah, if you if you could monitor your own life like you know, one hundred percent of the time and make and calculate every single thought and action that you have, then sure maybe your life will improve incrementally. But you just can't live your life like that.
Well.
I have a girlfriend who who's boyfriend. Her and her boyfriend were, you know, getting into little TIFFs here and there, and she goes, hey, let's just do this experiment for the next day where we don't take anything we say personally. Sure, and I and I remember, and she said it worked, And I'm like, but how how do you not take things personally?
And what what the book.
Goes on to say is that when someone is saying something bad about you, and if someone says, hey, Nikki's not funny, that's their own opinion, has nothing to do with me.
It's built upon what they think.
But sure, but I don't.
Understand why it won't affect me because I need public support to make money, and I need a roof over my head, and I need money to have.
That you are successful is because you've been taking things personally your entire life exactly.
But if I were to be an artist who just does every like someone like Natasha Leone, who everyone just who admires because she's just her son. Yeah, if I just was someone like that, who just never takes anything like, who seems to just be their own unique person, what would I be? Because you know, there are times where people don't like the things I do, But as long as I'm confident about that thing, I don't really care what their opinion is. So I guess what the point is is that I have a spin.
On that for agreement. It's like a mantra that I live by, which is, or try to live by. Okay, don't let people. Don't give people the power to influence how you feel. Sure, so I think that.
Kind of goes. How do you do that?
You? Noah, can you give an example, like when you've used that when maybe you would have been completely hijacked by opinion someone out of you, or like what you could do with that.
I think it maybe for me, it's more like matching someone's energy, and that's kind of like a codependent thing where if someone else doesn't feel good about something, then I feel like I have to fix it or I have to feel bad about it. So I think I struggle with that. Maybe that mantra is something that I try to repeat in my head if I talk to my mom or something where it's like, well, I don't
have to just because she's not feeling good. I don't have to change anything about my lifestyle to make her feel better, right, I play it.
For me, it's like if I'm around someone in a bad mood, it can radically affect me. And I don't think most people have that, but that's where I'm like, Okay, this person's in a shit mood. I do not have to be in a ship mood, like let them be in it.
I forgot the term, but there is a term for that. It's it's like some kind of mirroring. I forgot what it was called.
Yeah, sorry, I feel the same way.
No, it's interesting because Chris, if he's in a bad mood about something, I can't really handle it and I need to I take it personally, like talk about and it will have nothing to do with me. But because he's in a bad mood, like you know, people in a bad mood about something, they're not going to be cheery to everyone they're around, and it has.
Nothing to do with me.
But like he might be just not smiling as much or whatever, or not laughing at my jokes because he's just not in the mood for my you'rer And I'm thinking he's never going to come back to me. You know, he's never gonna this is gonna be forever mantra. Yeah, assumptions, that's that's so. Yes, I'm I'm making assumptions that he's never gonna get better, which you know is probably something from my childhood.
Who the fuck knows.
But then I notice when I get into bad moods, I he is able to he doesn't do that, and I will sometimes when I get into bad mood, think that he's gonna have the same response I do, and I go, hey, this has nothing to do with you. I say all of these things to make him feel safe. And almost giving him the things that I would want him to say to me if that were the case, that I need to hear kind of when he's in those moods. But he doesn't need to hear from me.
He doesn't need to hear like this has nothing to do with you. He's like, I know, I know.
He's like, obviously, I think it's a guy girl thing sometimes because I have the same thing. When Matt's in a bad mood. Sometimes I'll ask him a question. Let's say he's in physical pain and I'm like, hey, when are we going to this? And I'll be like I don't know, and I'm like, easy, Jesus, you know, like what is this tone? And he's like, babe, I'm stressed. It hasn't And I'm like, but you're talking to me
like you're pissed. He's like, I'm I'm pain. I'm like, well, you need to fix this because this tone is not cool. But I just have to like let him be short with me and go away. And if I'm a.
Dad with him.
Found out, But nine times out of ten he'll be like, Babe, I'm sorry I was short with you earlier. And a lot of pain, you know.
That really helps Chris the other day, not the other day, but weeks and weeks ago, was got Yeah, it was it was something personal. It was like something I said that upset him, and he he made it clear very quickly like what it was about, which is a growth because I think usually in the past, like like many people in my life or men in my life as well, will like just kind of like just get a little quiet because they're still processing it. They don't want to
tell you they're mad at you yet. But he was like open to me about like this thing you said kind of upset me, and I I think in the past I used to go like I'm so sorry, like how can I fix it? Like like damage, like oh, just taking on all the blame, like just let me make it right. So we were like in a good mood again, like I'm sorry, I'm stor I'm sorry, and I just I did that a little bit. I like accounted for what I did do wrong. But I also was like I'm annoyed that you're anno. Actually I'm kind
of pissed off. Like I got. I was able to access the anger that I felt in that moment, which I couldn't help I did whether it was it was right to feel angry about I'm getting upset with me, I felt it, and I gave it back to him, and I felt really good about it because I expected I think I've always been scared to do that in circumstances with men, because I feel like they'll go like, what the fuck, You're not allowed to get mad at me, I'm at like and then and then break up with me.
But instead he said, you know, I'm just like really tired and I don't feel good. And I was like, yeah, like all of a sudden, I didn't give a fuck about the thing he was upset at me about.
I like, apologize already.
I let myself off the hook for it, even though I had previously felt so guilty. I also was like let him off the hook for being what I thought was maybe overreacting to this thing that I didn't think deserve that, And I was like, of course, all then we got snickers and.
He was fine like snickers or.
Yes, yes, but not taking things personally is a really interesting.
But can we look at that that little thing you read like closer, like, imagine if there was an actual person trying to give you advice and they're like, don't take anything personally. If someone shoots you, just let it. If someone shoots you in.
The head doesn't mean let it go. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be punished for it. But you don't need to be like, I'm a bad person because I got shot. I'm not a bad person because I got molested. I'm a bad person because I got into this traffic collision. Like, it doesn't it's not about you. That person ran the stop, Like that person had road rage against you and shot you because they have issues.
It's not you.
What am I supposed to do with that? Though? Like I get so if what if I'm not a person that would say, oh, it was my fault that that person.
You don't need that advice, then you don't need that advice. This is for people who take things personally and who think everything is their fault and think they can control things and other people.
Here's an example to close or go back to the infidelity cheating thing. I wanted to say this earlier. I remember learning that Tommy Lee cheated on Pamela Anderson and I was in my very first relationship ever, and I was this is what she used to make up yes, I was like, you can cheat, Like the hottest woman in the world at this time can get cheated on. Okay, it has nothing to do with her. This guy is just a cheater. He's a bad guy. Like, she didn't do.
Anything, he's not a bad guy, but that's lied and.
He lied to her and broke their marriage. Vow. Let's just say, you can't argue that they did not have an open thing. Yes, so yes, so it had nothing to do with her. She can't take it personally like, all right, Tommy has this addiction or whatever the fuck or needed this thing. That's not that's not my fault that he cheated, right, uh huh.
Yeah. I can see that a lot of people might might make it their fault, and it's important to not take it personally in that way. But I still don't find any example of getting shot in the head and then whatever the fuck forgiving the guy for shooting you.
You'll forgive. It doesn't mean about forgiveness.
It just means like, don't think, like why was I in the wrong place at the wrong time? What did I do to that guy that made him want to shoot me?
Like?
How could I have done things differently? Like don't. Yeah, don't punish yourself on top of are already what.
Isn't it like what that person did had nothing to do with you. You were just shot random.
It's totally random.
Yeah. So the knowing that doesn't help me at all. Oh, so, like it doesn't matter what you do, someone's still gonna shoot you.
You're Selena.
She's like, well, I think I got shot because I'm amazing, and my fan club president like thought I was so amazing that she had to like take my soul. Yeah, but they're like, no, you can't have that. You're just random. You're not that great.
You just got shot. Yeah, let Selena have it.
Yeah, this guy, I don't like this guy. I'm taking it personally that he'sistic.
I could see why you don't.
Like and impractical.
I like it because it is so simplistic and it I think you need to read the book.
It's very easy.
I've read it. You have I own it.
Oh, owned it to you. There should be like a subheading that's like, obviously, take all of this ship with a grain of salt. No one can do this perfectly.
No one can do it perfectly. Final thought.
Let's do top one bottom one because I had an idea for a segment today because I was doing I was traveling all day and I was at a gate for so long. I wanted to figure out top one bottom one type of person who you're sitting at a gate with for a long time, Like you have to sit next to this person for a couple Okay, please start with bottom.
Bottom one is somebody who is coughing and just can't stop coughing.
I was at the gatege that you're coughing.
A lot, right, No, this person was with someone else, and and the person that they were with was even like, can you please just take it down a notch? Like no, I can tell if they were thinking that. Yeah, this person was like performatively coughing, like she was like I need to get it out, and it was everyone in the whole terminal was like, are you gonna go on the plane with us now?
With that and not wearing a mask.
I I didn't even look at her. I couldn't. I couldn't even go look at her, but I assume she wasn't wearing a mask. But it didn't feel like COVID coughing. It was either like long COVID like I've had COVID, but it kind of felt like I am of sickly older person cough, even though she wasn't that old, So I wasn't really worried, like from a COVID standpoint or whatever, but I was just like, how, like, where's the shame? Like when I sneeze, when I sneeze in public, I
cover my mouth. I try to make it not very loud. This person is like, I am going to let everybody in this entire vicinity understand that I am going through a cough.
It's almost to like perform it.
This is this is, this is what we're getting at My bottom one is also performative, and this has not made me my bottom bottom.
But this is an annoying thing.
A mother or a father showing their young baby through the window the planes and look at that plane, and look at that man with the orange stopping so loud. Your baby can hear you, babies have great hearing. You're performing as a great parent for everyone around us.
We get it.
You're a very involved parent. You're really good at being a parent. Your kids are gonna be grow up to be better than other kids.
You definitely don't regret this choice exactly.
Yes, anya, thank you. It's just like listen. I definitely think that is important. I actually really admire when I see a parent do it. Today I saw a parent doing it, and she was doing it at a volume that I respected, and I thought it was such a beautiful thing that man, this woman has been traveling with this kid all day long and she still has the energy to be so enthusiastic and so would a horrible with her kid at this time of day.
And like I knew this.
Woman had been through it, so I thought it was like lovely that she was still like, no, how many plans are out there and like doing all that, but when it's loud and you're trying to let us all know what a great mom you are. Here's my new theory and a little thing that people aren't gonna like to hear. If you're a mom or a dad and you play this I'm not selfish card, and that's why your parent is like, I'm just like I was tired of being selfish.
Have I said this already? You're still selfish? You're not.
No one has a baby. And then suddenly it's like I'm gonna start volunteering for Greenpeace. They don't start being more selfless citizens. They're just less selfless about themselves and now they are putting everything on a kid that.
Looks like that them selfish.
You're not.
You're not selfless.
Even people with narcissistic personality disorder can do that with their children and having kids.
Because it's themselves.
So like, I'm not giving an award to you for being like I'm yes, I know you're not bathing much anymore, and you don't dress well anymore and you look but draggled all the time. I'm not giving you an award for like, I don't care about the way I look anymore because I'm focused on this thing. It's like the thing is you, and the thing didn't exist till you made it. So if you were, if you, there are some parents that have kids and go, oh my god,
the world's fucked. I'm gonna start like volunteering for climate change activism and like I'm trying to say the world that I can get behind. It snapped you into being like I need to save this planet again. It's selfish because it's for your kid that looks like you, and that's why you want to save the planet. And you didn't give a fuck about the planet before there was a kid on the planet that looked like you and that you made.
So it's still selfish. But this is what bothers me.
Walking around with a kid and showing them off or whatever is no different than walking around with like a painting that you painted. I mean, like, look at my painting. Don't you love my painting? Isn't it so beautiful?
Yes?
Oh? I also hate with kids when when parents force you to become a part of the little game they're playing.
Oh.
Really, like when when parents are like, look at the plane, look at the plane, and then they go like, isn't the plane nice? Like something like that.
They never involved me. I would like to be involved actually.
Or when you're at a friend's house and their kids are running around and they're like, do you think you want to tell Anya what they keep?
We keep?
It's like, oh, do I have to do this now?
Blanket statement. Your kid doesn't have to say thank you to me.
I don't need it.
I don't have to say goodbye to me. They don't need to hug me, they don't need to kiss me. Your kid needs to have boundaries. Your kid can be rude if it wants. I don't need to give a present to a kid and get a thank you back. And if you do need to get your kid to give the thank you to me, don't make them like stand in front of me and say it. Just like later on tell them, hey, you should have thanked her, Like,
don't bring me into it. I want to see I feel like stand there waiting for your kid to be like, I'm not going to say it, and then it gets awkward because the kid.
Now I hate your kid because he's refusing to say thank you to me. GIF okay the top.
One, bottom one, okay, my bottom one okay, gate okay, person at the gate on you, let's the least favorite person?
Ye have speakerphone FaceTime? Please, Well, you're not that dumb. You also aren't that poor. We can all afford twenty dollars headphones. Just pack them with you and if you're not going to pack them, don't do the thing you don't get to do it walk away from the gate. Do not my girls involved that you think just.
Broke up with the guy.
And I was like, so on on board for this guy. And then she told me that he takes zoom calls in public.
Oh, and I said it was as if she told me that he hits her.
I go, you cannot be with this person, he says, and she goes, he just did it once, and I go, once, is he's gonna do it again?
Yeah?
You need to leave him right now.
You cannot be with someone who takes FaceTime calls in public. Anyone this is and what is the protocol to stop this? Because we need I think in an airport, I feel safe that no one's going to pull a gun on me because they've gone through screening. So I do feel
safe in an airport. I would love for someone to be talking on the speakerphone at an airport within vicinity of me, as long as they're a white person, because because I would slam them if they're if they are a person of a different race, I'm not going to say anything because I'm.
I always think about you.
I'm not going to do it.
How can I be Nikki? What would Nikky do? I know exactly what you do.
I would like to do it to someone of a different race, but I feel like they would say, I'm You're just doing this because I'm black, And then no, I'm doing this because I'm the reason I wouldn't do it is because you're black. That would be racist. But but I do. But I definitely wouldn't do it to a black person, But I like a white person. I'm dying for you to be on your speakerphone in front of me.
I'm dying for it about a child or someone like this just happened flight just the other day, a guy listening to the football game loudly as we're deeplanning. So we are deplanning, so we're all going to say goodbye to each other soon.
But we're perfect time because you're on your way out, you don't have to be around.
What would you do if it's you're trapped in there, you're still on the tarmac, you're still taxing.
Is that necessary? I mean that's what I'd say. I go, is that necessary? And then I just look at them and then wait and then he goes a big game.
It's a big game. I mean for me, that would be a moment of bonding for me, I think I'd be like, what's the score with that? But if it was something else, like if this.
Guy thought he was doing and someone's gonna say, Nikki, didn't you sing Taylor? So songs on a plane with a bunch of people. Yes, I did, because the flight attendant started it.
Oh it was patient, and.
It was it was a group of us, and it was obnoxious, and I'll own up to that. But I would never do something as a single person to be like, everyone has to listen to this. That is a personality disorder and there needs to be a protocol for it. I think maybe the thing to do is to turn up your phone all the way and listen to something. I think that's the thing to do.
It was too passive.
I almost did it to their level.
Yeah I would, because it's obviously calling it out and everyone around would know the joke, what you're doing.
I would love to see that in practice.
That would be the hamster dance song. Do you remember the Hamster dance song?
No?
No, So if someone you lived in New York for a long time and when when someone's on the subway and they were just listening to music, like, you can't do it on the subway. You're gonna get shanked. Yeah, you'll get shanked. So like, uh, doing the same. So you're you're saying you'd engage in a bat.
What did I say? You can't figure it out. I'm just saying it isn't.
Trapped for a while.
So let's say you're in the subway, pops. Let's say you're in the subway in Ireland, okay, and someone's playing music on their cell phone.
No, I wouldn't do it in another country because I don't want to be an American.
That's like I would.
Say, I have something to yell at you a boot okay, Canadian?
Okay? Top top traveling.
Just happened yesterday, Okay. We were merging to the boardy line and a gentleman I've felt this guy trying to edge in front of me. I'm like, god, damn it. I was definitely here first. And then I just go, who gives a shit on you? Doesn't matter? And I looked at him and he goes after you. I like that guy. I like a guy that's going to say after you.
I like that too.
Yeah. Ironically, I did get stopped, and the weirdest thing happened. They were like, your seat is broken, ma'am, you can't. I'm like, my seat is broken, and they go, yeah, it was on the way to Vegas, Nikki to see you, and I guess I go Vegas. Yeah, and the guy also the ticket agent goes, you're not checked in. I go, I am checked in. This is my boarding pass on my phone. You can't get this unless you check in. I'm checked it. It was the second leg of a
journey too. He goes, you're not checked in. You didn't check in. You need to check it. I go, okay, I don't know what to tell you. This is my boarding past. I did check in twenty four hours ago. And he goes, well, your seat's broken. I have to give you a no boarding pass. It took forever, and the guy behind me. I looked at him, I go, are you regretting your decision? Because he left me he let me go first, And he's like, oh right, I worry. He goes, take your time. He was so nice.
My favorite one, very quickly is someone when you are looking for to charge your phone at the gate and someone goes that one's not working.
This one over here, helpful.
Just a helpful tell me where the charger is, don't watch me struggle, offer up yours and like an area fears and and someone that doesn't like scoff at me when I leave all my bags by myself and they don't go like, what is she gonna do? What's going on? Like, just calm down. I do this all the time.
We're gonna be fine.
Yeah.
Yeah. My top one is I think you're gonna really like this one. I think you're gonna change yours when you hear really okayah. My top one is when I'm with somebody and I'm talking to them and I feel like I'm being particularly entertaining, and then there's someone else who is hearing what I'm saying and enjoying and laughing a little bit at me being funny with like Alley or something.
Yes, that's really nice.
I get that with drivers sometimes when I get the driver to oh yeah, really good because he's not supposed to be listening, but he gets eating us.
And then sometimes they can't help themselves and they laugh out loud. They're like, oh no, now they know that I was listening this whole time and enjoying that.
Yes, oh I like that.
I do like a making strangers laugh sometimes, like and that goes into kind of almost like putting yourself on speakerphone, like you're kind of performing in a way like oh shit, I think.
But I'm talking to my wife, but.
You're talking loud enough that someone could help.
I'm just I'm just telling my wife, look at the plane, you know, look at the outside.
Any planes are there? All right?
Noah, what's your what's your top one? Okay, well I don't think I said my bottom. My bottom one is anyone who's grooming themselves, like clipping their nails.
Or they're eating their hang now, which is what I did today.
That's that's different. Like once I started hearing the click of the nail cutter.
I I have done it before, but I put a sweatshirt over my hand to do it, and you can't muffle it and so it can't spring anywhere.
I'd rather do that than on the plane.
Okay, I'm oh, I'm deeply ashamed. Okay.
And then my top is anyone with an animal. Please come stay next to me so I can look at what's inside your animal.
Pressure.
Yeah that's a really good one. All right. Well that was fun.
Great to see our top ones.
Yeah that was sweet.
That was the togetherness and connection and and like humanness.
Yeah, we just want people to be nice and kind and gentle.
But let's look out for each other more.
Yeah, let's do that, all right. And and if you get shot in the head, don't take it personally.
Recover first. Why are you knocking on what superstition? I don't know anything. Okay, all right, well, thank you so much for being here.
Brian. Uh come see us on tour. Don't be kissed, and just don't take personally