The Nicky Gliser Podcast.
Nick Glasers Nicky, Hello here I am. It's Nicky Glazer podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm in Saint Louis with my dogs, dawgs, actually my dog's dogs, and my dog Big. Taylor is here. Taylor, welcome to the show in studio with me.
Thank you, thank you.
She was over here organizing my She was unpacking for me after my two months gone.
It's only two months.
Those two months. How many luggages? Three bags? Three and then half of another one, So three and a half three point five bags. Yeah, a lot. That's not bad. She had a lot to sift through. And there's another shipment coming. Because the thing that I was filming, I got to keep all of the dresses filming the show. Yeah. I've been doing this show for many moons and I never let me keep anything. This time I got to keep everything. Yeah, and so I have lots of dresses
to wear the weddings, nice mostly and tour clubs. Yeah, I'm gonna wear stuff on tour. I'm very excited. But it's nothing I can wear my normal life, because I don't. I just can't dress like the way I wish I could dress. Oh, Anya and Brian and Noah are all here as well.
Yeah, Like I just wish I.
Could wear like a linen law, like like dress like a girl in Beverly Hills that just wears like a long linen dress and like some fresh sneakers, and like just a simple necklace, Like if I put that on, I feel like I was doing cosplay or something. I just I have to. I always picture like the people like I always picture my I almost said sister in law.
But if I marry Chris, she will be. She's Chris's brother's wife, and she always dresses so impeccably, even when she's wearing like Lulu Lemon, like she could wear something that I'm wearing, but it just looks like nice on her, Like she just wears things and it all fits nice.
She's not stay clean, No she is.
Yeah she's not. I think I think you said she's not sane. I was like, no, she's very sane. She just yees, she's not stained like I was picturing. I was like, if she dressed like me, if she was wearing this I'm stained fit, what would it look like on her? And it would just look different. I just carry things differently.
I think you have your thing though you don't know like you have changed. I've known you for a decade or more now, and there are so many days that I just look at you and I'm like, God, she is the it girl and she has no idea. Yeah, and I can't even tell you because I've been forbidding.
Girl, because my hair looks like no.
No, you just have like you don't even realize it. Sometimes when you're just like you throw something on, I'm like, how did she do that? Like there was this one day on the European tour where you just like showed up like fucking pissed or so no, like grumbling in the green room, and I was just like, look at this bitch in her pleather cool black shorts like some weird cute crop top jacket.
This was to me. I hated that it doesn't matter. It was all less to me. I didn't pick it out, But it does matter. That's my own devices. It would not be left to my own devices. I wear tailor swift shirts that don't fit and then not put on shorts that are also really old from old Navy. Like all of my clothes are old.
They look good on you. You have like you have like the grace of a prized pawny. That's so like stride when you stride, like I just I am first one hunchback cashi. But every time I see you, you stride into a room and your clothes is like, hang off you. That's really like a mantis with sexy closes.
I didn't mean for this to be like give me compliments, but it does feel really good. Thank you so much, Tailor.
My girl calling him mantis is such a high earlier and.
She felt like a like.
As soon as you saw me? And I was like, is she just saying this because she knows on the girl's chet that I was crying about being fat.
I've been on it.
Really.
I was telling them I'm kicked off.
Oh well that actually makes everything better because I go, oh my god. She just like I rounded the corner and she immediately was like you are little or something, and I was like, oh god, she's just really saying exactly what I want to hear because she knows I was sobbing about things I saw in a dressing room the other day. I'm not kidding you. This is my thought I had that I think is actually really funny.
In a mirror.
I know this is really grim, but it's really funny to me. I just saw Joe List Special, so maybe it's getting in my head. Joe List has a joke on a special where he's like, sometimes he sees a picture of himself and he's like, I just should just kill myself to like, for the betterment of society, Like I'm so disgusting looking, And I really related to that.
And for some reason, Joe can say that everyone laughs and doesn't go, no, Joe, you're beautiful, But when a woman says that, everyone has to go no, Nikki, you're beautiful. And let me just say what I'm about to say trigger warning, I'm about to be I'm a skinny woman talking about feeling fat. Okay, I am aware that I am a thinner woman and that I have thin privilege, and that I am talking about how I perceive my body.
It does not mean that if I see you at a meet and greet and you're bigger than me, I'm gonna be like, she's disgusting and doesn't deserve to live. This is a me thing. It's the way we see ourselves is different than the way we see others. And I know I said last week on the show that my mom, the way she talked about her body would make me really upset because my mom was so much tinier than me, yet she would say she was big, and then I would be like, well, what do you
think about me? So I know I'm being a hypocrite and saying that right now, but I will just say I struggled last week. I went into a dressing room, like knowing I'm bigger, Like I was fine with it, Like I know I'm bigger than I was six months ago, Like I just know the pants aren't fitting the same way. I accept it. I'm fine with it. I just went through. I just filmed a bunch of shit, and I was like trying to get into I was wanting to be a lot thinner than I was for all this, but
I wasn't. And it's fine, and it's just the way it is. And I accepted it. And I really felt ready to go in a dressing room, even though I never go in dressing rooms ever. I always buy things at the store and I take them home and then I cry there and like all that abercromy stuff that I had you return. I bought that online. It's all doesn't fit me. I can't even get it past my neck. Like some of the things won't even go on Myercon.
Base for children though, But I think no, Actually a lot of that I saw it was from Abercrombie Children. No, it wasn't. That was Happy Kids, And I.
Was like, no way, okay, that makes me feel better.
Then I've always run from two thousand and two only dress me in Abercrombie Kids.
Oh baby, what really?
Yes, you can always be like, let's go to this store. It's so fun.
I was to get like size medium or lar you are like Anya has. Sometimes if you're on your lower end of your way, you.
Want in a red T shirt for a ten year old with a dog on it. I will show you the photo if we wanted to.
Delia really wanted me was.
I want to say that Delia's was not sexy, And that's what I kind of liked about it. Delia's wasn't sexy. It was making girls feel like empowered about being like a little tomboyish. And I was remembering Delia's because my friends and I were talking about it and one of them said, like, it was like or I think, I said, I was like they were like sexy babies, and they're like, no,
they weren't. They were. They weren't wearing. There was no cleavage, there was no crop, there was no tummies hanging out. It was like col girl.
They were cash you on purpose. They always had.
Like like a hard side or they'd be like wow.
Yeah.
They were always like screaming or like taking their legs like average. Yeah they were. So they were jumping a lot, yes, And they were always just like leaning against a wall like kind of being like I don't care, like chewing, like loitering, constantly loitering at a ball.
They had to get picked up by the cats.
So I went into this dressing room at a store called and Other Stories, which by the way, I needed to return something to it.
If it starts with and you know, it's not and it's Amber Sand like you know.
So Chris we were we were going there the other day and he was like, where are we going? And he put it in the ways and I go, it's it's called and Other Stories. It's Amber Sand Other Stories. So he when we got there, he goes, I typed an Ambers other Stories.
I would like that better.
So I went to and Other Stories to return something like just I was there months ago in Beverly Hills game my hair done and I just was really cold. So I went into and other stories just to get a fucking sweater for dinner, and I picked up a couple other things. They were all like yippie skippy hi, like people don't know what that means. But when we were kids, and there would be like pants that were too like short, and they looked like like flooded, you know,
like they were just flooding. Kirsten and I and I think you we would call them yippie skippy kippy Egan because my parents have a friend named Kip Egan, and so we made we were like, I don't know how we got to call them yippy skippy Kippy Egan, but anyway, so they were yippy skippy and so I had to return them. I went there the other day with Chris to return them, and they gave me a store credit
because I didn't have the receipt. They go, I go, can you just get my credit card and like find it in the system, which every story's been able to do that since the nineties, But they go, sorry, we only do you know physical receipts and I go, oh no. She goes, no, we can't do we can't look it up from your credit card. I go, oh, well, I'll just look it up. You probably emailed it to me and they go, we only do physical receipts. And I go,
isn't that convenient? And I said sarcastically and she goes, I know right, like she like was like thought I was being helpful, but I was being sarcastic, not to her to be like, I wasn't being rude, but I was like, well, isn't that convenient? Like you know for the corporation and other stories?
I want to tell you what do you think the reasoning behind this name and other stories?
Where do they go for there?
I think it's whimsical, Yeah, whimsy.
One time I was at Rag and Bone and I bought an outfit and the guy helping me goes, I love this.
This tells a story.
So maybe it's like accessory, like and other stories.
Tell the story about Rag and Bone, because that's not whimsical. That's dark. It's like what is found on a corpse rag?
But you know what shows that name to be It's like when you call something like they called a restaurant eggs or they call it like dirty water for like a bar or something like. They just names are like challenging you to like, Like the rag and Bone is definitely one of the stories reminds me of like things remembered, Remember that story from them all things remember.
Yes, it's not like it's not like evocative, like oh, I have to look at that now because what is that?
It's like just a bullshit name.
Yes, totally. The font is like written like it's like scribbled quickly. Yeah, Like they didn't even spend time on that, Like they just were like, let me get my grandmother to like just fight this and then that's gonna be the story. That's gonna be the end. Other story I tell about this business.
This is what happens when we tell everyone they can be entrepreneurs.
Yeah. Well, and our stories has some decent stuff. I have to say. I do like the store, but I don't like so I went into the fitting room. I was like, okay, I'll just use the store credit I got and I was like, I'll just spend it now. I like when you get store credit, it's just a gift certificate that you get from yourself, like you it feels like free money, but it's from.
Its immediately though I can't hold.
Because Christmas, like, you can just get some stuff online and I was like, I will lose this card. I'm spending it now. So he went up the street to James Purse and I stayed there and I was like, I'm just gonna try on some stuff I never try and stuff. But I was also like, I'm not going to return this if I don't try it on because I have to get money. Yeah, I won't get money and Taylor will have to like track down the return address and it will just be it'll be hell. So
I was like, I'll turn try it on. I grab two pairs of jeans, one in the size that I don't want to be and one in the size I do want to be. You know, we all have those sizes, the one that we used to be in and the one that we're gonna get back to and the one that we're probably in and we don't want to be. And guess what I tried on. I grabbed the one that I used to be and I'll put these on first.
And they're like kind, they're pretty snug, but I'm like they're all like they are not acceptable and I will not ever be seen wearing them, but I'm not. I'm spilling them on and I had to go like I had to do a yippy skippy dance where I'm like pushing my legs out to get them on. It was a struggle. It was embarrassing. And then I go, well, that's fine because these are the these are the old ones, these are my old size, the the the young nikki.
And then I took them off and I grabbed the other ones and I realized they were actually the ones that were supposed to be too big and they were so tight. So then I go, I am, I will be damned if I don't try on these tinier ones and just see where I'm at. And I tried on the tinier ones and they were more of a struggle, but not that more of a struggle. So then that made me question all the sizing altogether all day. They were actually longer than the other ones that were a
bigger size. So anyway, but then as I was taking them off and I was feeling okay about that, I'm just like, okay, so I'm bigger than I thought I was, but I'm still like, I don't look in the mirror and like despise myself. But that was until I saw a different mirror and it was a mirror behind me. Oh no, that was showing. And this reminds me of a David Spade joke where he catches a glimpse of himself in a dressing room mirror and he sees the side of himself and he's like, you ever seen the
side of yourself? And You're like, well, no one can ever see that again. So he goes to the bar that night and he only beats women and he walks like a crab so that they can never see him. From that, I do, and that's my pavoke. It's so funny, and it reminded me of that. But I saw in that mirror the ass of a woman. I've I don't know this woman. I don't recon I would never recognize in a line up the ass that I saw it was.
I just was like, I I can I have to do everything I can to keep Chris because no one will ever Okay, love me again. I know he's seen this because I've been walking around nude. I'm not gonna let him see it anymore. I thought it looked way better back there.
He didn't see it in like bright hellish lights and like ye a box with like a bad color.
No, I have a ring light next to our bed that's on fluorescent mode. It everyone can say the lighting, everyone can say the mirrors, everyone can say whatever it is. The fact of the matter is it wasn't about the lighting. It was the shape in the like it wasn't the It wasn't the skin tone or the celly light, although that was a problem, but I like, I don't mind the saggyness and the skin tone because I know that is lighting, and I know that I can't help that.
It was the size and the shape. It was what's that movie called the Shape of the something? It was that movie and stores and other stories, and so I was so depressed, much bigger, like why like this is stiffler at third grade? It was, No, it's it's going. It's going wide. This is wide screen. See Oppenheimer on my ass. It is, it's going, it's branching out, it's really fighting itself, but it's just going. It's getting to
an old woman's ass. And then I saw Chris and I just looked shell shocked, and I was like, I can't really function right now, Like I'm not gonna be I need to cry, and there's nowhere to cry in Beverly Hills.
In the dressing room. That's what I've done.
Title because they needed that dressing room. There was like a long line, and so I just and I didn't want to be in there anymore. I was if I you.
Know, and other bitches inline to cry.
So I just bought my shirts, my big shirts and Christmas, like what'd you get? And I go a bunch of shirts for fat girls. That was being such a bitch and not that there's anything wrong with being a fat girl, and I was like, I think that's just that's what's going on. I was like a bunch of shirts that are like oversized skater girls shirts, like giant shirts, like yeah, Adelia's. And I was like, I can't buy any bottoms anymore.
That's just not my life right now. And we went into a store with him and he was like, so what do you think about this? And I was like, I'm right now catatonic mode, like I can't think about anything else but my body. I'm obsessed right now. We have to go see Oppenheimer in an hour. I need to get I'm so glad we're going to see Oppenheimer because I need to get this out of my head. Like, do you ever like where you see?
Yeah, out of my head?
Do you ever.
See why do we obsess over our bodies like this? Like I was totally happy before this. I went to lunch, we went to go to a shelter to look at dogs. I was having a great day and then I went and looked in a mirror and my day was hijacked. September eleventh, shout out, Oh my god. I don't know like he doing shout outs to nine eleven. I don't mean that nine to eleven shout out, but I just my brain was hijacked, and I was like, this is the sickness. It's not like what it's not even about
what's going on in my body. It's about what's going on in my head.
I have a theory we're human beings, but we're probably not supposed like we are spiritual. This is probably just evidence that we really do have a spirit because we're it's like this cognitive dissonance. When we see our body, we're like, that's not me, but it is you, and it keeps changing, so it's probably just kind of it's traumatic. We've all had this moment. I'm sure men even have it, right Brian, where you're just like.
H, that's need.
It could be about your hands, it could be about too when I should have a video of himself at the Porsche thing.
He was like, you showed me a video the other day that I like was a little bit shook by seeing that angle myself, So like, yeah, it happens to men, Brian.
I've never thought, yeah, of course, I've never actually seen myself in a mirror, so I'm looking right.
Now to.
Mirror.
I always with the fact that people like I just all of a sudden get really embarrassed. It's almost like, if you listen to our secret podcast that we did for big money players what do they called the Power Players or Diamond Yeah, shot out Element Diamond Players Network, you get a free episode and if you listen to that one, you'll hear about a really embarrassing moment of
my life. And it was almost like that, like what's embarrassing about being When you're embarrassed, it's because other people witness it, right, Like if you trip and fall in your own home, you're not like what an embarrassment, You're just like, oh, that sucks, you know, But embarrassment relies on other people witnessing it. So for me, it was like, I can't believe I've been walking around like this thinking
I'm thin. That's what I'm thin person confidence and no, everyone's knows that this is like not the way and by the way, please no, don't write to me and say, Nikki, this is all true. Like it can be triggering to you. I know it's triggering to some people. This triggers me sometimes when then people talk about feeling fat. I promise you this is my own issue. I don't think you're fat. I think fat is beautiful. I don't think it's a problem.
I just I have a lot of you know, trauma from the growing up in the nineties, in early two thousands when we all thought Britney Spears of the VMAs was fat, like these kind of things where it's like, I'm just I need to rewire my brain. I'm just sharing my truth and has nothing to do with you, And I'm sorry if it hurts anyone's feelings that I'm saying this. I love all of you. I don't think
if you're fat that means you're wrong or anything. And I don't know why I think I'm wrong if I'm fat for some reason, but that's just the way it is. So please don't take this personally. I love you all, and we have to go to break, but I want to hear your thoughts about how you guys get through this, because I was able to get through it, and I want to hear what you guys do. All right, we'll talk about that when you get right back after this.
All right, we're back. What do you guys do when you have been like overwhelmingly depressed about something, whether it's like whether it's a physical thing you see about yourself, whether it's something you you some critique, you get back on your work, or like you just realize all of a sudden, like what you thought was not what it seems. You get cheated on, like like where your reality is like not what you thought it was. What do you do?
I enter into a fugue state where I endlessly work to try to change what happened.
That's not a healthy way.
That's it's useful, but I think.
It's sometimes it is for work and stuff. If I get like bad notes on a script or something then I will. I will sit in a chair for two straight weeks trying to learn why I was inadequate and fix it.
And then usually I come.
Out and ask it's flat from sitting in there, Then you gotta fix it.
It's wow wow.
Usually I come out on the other side with with something better say, yeah, same thing happened when I got cheated on. You know, I decided, Well, I went and tried to figure out why and which that doesn't work. But then I went and I went on a million dates. And that's usually I Usually, some for some reason, falsely believe that I have the power to change my position. And sometimes that's wrong and you're just punching a wall or hitting your head against a wall that will never give.
And sometimes it works and you actually do mold the universe into how you want it. But most of the time it's not.
A bad idea. Well, I was talking to Chris last night about we were talking about sports we'll get into in a second. We were watching football, and he was he was kind of reliving his days of when he was a budding athlete, and he's he wishes that someone, he wishes he would have worked harder at football in high school and trained off the field and outside of
practices to become even better. But he said something to me that I really really resonated with me, which is, when you're young, you don't think that hard work is going to change anything. You like, you know about hard work, you hear about it, but you kind of just feel. And we talked about this before, that you either got it or you don't, and that hard work like when you're in high school, you're just like, I don't know, I'll just like I'm not gonna like persevere past this
block possible. Yeah, you made like a really mean father to push you to do that, or like a coach, you know what I mean, Like you can't do it on your own. But like I think as adults, I just have a better idea of that now that I can I can do anything except you know, be president or fly. But like I can do or understand football, I can or understand, uh, what is going on in the movie The Big Short. We'll also get to that
in a second. I can't do pretty much anything if I if I, if I try hard enough, And yeah, I think that that is exactly what I decided to do about this. I was like Okay, my body is not what I want it to be, right now, what
can I do? And so I'm like, okay, without like killing myself, I'm just being more mindful and I'm just like like being more uh you know, disciplined, I guess is the word, and like feeling like I'm gonna And now that I live with Chris, it's kind of nice because before when I would like eat better or get on an exercise regimen, there's like no one to see it, you know, And like I do everything for like a for someone going like you're actually doing good, you know,
like that's I don't do everything for that, but like it really helps to have someone go, wow, you're like putting in the work, You're actually doing it. And so I think it like it helps to live with someone for that regard. And it's been one day of doing things extra.
People post Instagram stories of like look at me, I'm working out here, I lost this weight. It helps and people don't hate you as much if you just show up with a glow up.
Yeah, I don't mind if you post stuff about working out. I've been clear about this before, but don't pretend like you're trying to motivate me.
Yeah, that's my call.
Bullshit. If you can say, hey, I want to post this because I'm proud of myself, go for it. That's the reason. That's why you're doing it. Anyway. I'm proud of myself. I want attention for this, but don't try to trick me into being like, you can do this too. You don't want me to do it because you are trying to be hotter than me, and you don't want me doing that too.
You post just maybe Nikki Glaser podcast Instagram of you playing guitar because you want to improve playing in front of people, and then that's a good way to do it. I kind of want to do that too with piano, but I haven't yet built up the courage.
Go live. You can go live on nick Glazer Pod anytime you want to practice your instrument. It's space to go. You can always go in there because it's always people that are going to be encouraging. They know what they're getting into. That's what I do sometimes, in case you didn't know, on the Nikki Glazer Pod Instagram, I go live and I just play guitar and sing and I say countless times I don't think I'm good. This isn't
for entertainment. This is for you to be witnessed to me practicing because it's the only way I can ever practice this. If someone is like.
Yeah, and it's to struggle.
And people have been encouraged to pick up guitar or pick up singing or do something that they didn't you know that they think they're too old to do. So I have encouraged people. Is that why I'm doing it? No, it's not. Because I'm being honest with you. I'm not about there are some things in my life that I do that are meant to like help others and make it so girls have an easier time in life and
young boys. I think my stand up is more motivated by, like, I want people to have information that I didn't have back then. But am I playing guitar to inspire others? Fuck? No, I'm doing it so I can get good.
I like this thing you're bringing up. It's really like activating my brain a lot about like what do you guys do when you're traumatized? How do you make it through? I think that helps people too, Just to hear that other people, even successful celebrities, can have these like I would love to hear am I Rabatowski talk about like has she had a dressing room moment. I had this, and I'm a very very thin woman. I had this
a year ago. I remember the day I was in Baja California in a hotel, different lighting, bright.
Fresh bathroom.
On your yeah, but the.
Light caught my I was in a bikini and the light caught me and I was in a new mirror, new room. I was just like, what this cannot be right. And it was a huge mirror and the sun it was like morning, bright bright sun, and I just couldn't believe my eyes. It was cellulate from my like my everywhere, like all over my stomach, all the way down my leg. And I was just kind of marveling at first, like wow, this is incredible. And then the breeze started going and like it was just like myne I was in my
hotel room. And then I started like moving my skin around and I was shocked at the lack of muscle tone, and I was just like, my leg is flapping in the wind like a flag, and.
I it was so triggered.
It really looks like it looks like.
Just fabric a mirror. Ever again, do you want to know my process?
So did you hold it up and give it to I never to touch the ground?
I did what I would Okay, here's how I've grown because in the past I would just like skip right to action, like what do I do to fix this? But what I think is really helpful is like, sit with the feelings. Do not take a shortcut around to action, because action should be like step three. The first thing I did was just be like, wow, okay, I'm just going to sit with all the feelings I'm having anything it can be like this is disgusting. I don't accept myself.
I can't believe I'm aging this way. Holy shit. And then like the most important thing for me to realize is my eyes are not accurately seeing shit. Also, this is a two dimensional thing. This is not four dimensions. So whatever I'm seeing right now is actually the baby, but maybe three D. I don't I don't know what D. But you know nothing, but it's not accurate. Like I cannot be a good, tried and true, trusted resource.
How true is that? Because anytime I see my friends, think they look like shit. I mean, there's sometimes where you're like you're kind of spot on. There's sometimes where you go just go, yeah, okay, I can see what you're saying. But I would say ninety percent of the time I don't see what they're talking about, and not in a way that's like I love you and I only see you in a beautiful way. I truly can't grasp what they're fucking saying.
I think still are fully and completely tripping all the time.
Well we is, Annie, you have a good point, like your eyes are fucking we just see ourselves so differently.
That's the thing.
You like, you are in your own head and so you don't get to see yourself like everyone else in the world sees, you know, And then to double down on that, when you look into a mirror, it's a reflection of you.
It's not even what your boss.
Yes.
Yes. So like in cognitive therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, they do this. You guys know all about this. You you work through stuff, you say you're feeling, You rate the feeling. Then you like, how what percent of this feeling is
accurate and true? And then you list all the facts and then what percent is not true, and then list all the evidence there and then you have more balanced Thus, so I try to get to a more balanced place than this triggered state of like I am disgusting this as an emergency and then.
Yeah, that was what was happening to me. I was code ready, I was, but this is the thought that I had that was funny that I want to share that, I promise you is not how I really feel, but it was in the moment. I wanted to kill myself. Okay, I wanted to jump off a bridge. Not really because that's not how I would go if I ever did it. I said on Ander Tantino's podcast recently, I was like,
I have suicidal thoughts. We were talking about it because that's what I talk about on every podcast that I guess not and and he goes, how would you do it? And I go, I don't want to ruin this rise and people people's I was really sad for you until you said that it made me laugh. So but I would never jump off a bridge, but there was like something in me that was just like, I need to end this right now. And then I go, but I don't want to because then someone has to do an
autopsy and they'll see me naked hot corner. I was like lifting up the thing and being like you being like your ass is there's a dimpling on her ass.
So from hitting you're actually off the side.
You request an ugly coroner And like.
Before I jumped, really did. I recently watched on Theo's podcast. It's so interesting he interviewed a coroner and that's why that word was. He wasn't hot, but he was cool. There was like a hotness to him because he was like so empathetic and like sweet. Did you watch it, Noah or like or anything? Yeah, yeah, really good. That was a really interesting thing. I forget what I gleaned from it, but I just wanted to share an interesting fact. Oh yeah, that went out.
I went out with my girlfriend pull on my yesterday and she's doing a program to become a death duela or like a death midwife. And this program that she's uh going through encourages people to not go through the embalming process. And she was telling me how like before the Civil War, every household had a death room where you would hold funerals and where you would keep the dead.
And after the Civil War, when all you know, like the soldiers were getting killed, the families wanted to bury the bodies in their home state or whatever, and it took a while to transport. That's when they started doing embombing. Also, embombing is not a law. It's just a suggestion.
Right now, what is it covering you with wast.
It's like formaldehyde, right, it's suggesting.
You were.
I thought they Why does embalmings sound like waxing because it's a bomb, like a lit bomb.
Yeah, yeah, you get like, okay, so it's just a suggestion. You shouldn't do.
It, Okay, No, it's you know, choice, but part of your death planning. And after the Civil War, those death rooms turned into the living room living room from because after they embalmed, like once, they decided like that they didn't need to have a death room.
They just were like.
Just changed it sitting room.
It changed the funeral industry and people started moving over to funeral homes where bodies would be embalmed and stuff like that.
Is that way They.
Call it the living room because it's the opposite of the dying room.
Yeah, the death room, oh my god, And it's a room for the living. Oh, Louis is the funniest joke. His grandmother or someone donating her body to science and He was like, what if you donate your body to science and you just like you were given to some student who got like an F and they just read an F like your head this rejection, Like the kid just looks up on Is that a Louis bit?
Brian.
I know you're encyclopedic about Louis, but that made me laugh so hard because you think you're like giving your body to like research, it's gonna like your cancer. But it's just like some kid is like poking around and like probably is hungover and just shows up and like just like scratches your eyeball with something and they're like Nope, that's wrong. You ruined this corpse and they're like f and just like throw you in a dumpster.
I got lost at at the school and I found the morgue there, but it said gross anatomy and it was just like a basement. I was looking for the bathroom and it was just that one room with like a big chesl door sking in there, clinking clanking of like metallic tool.
Taylor's a professor.
I like the professor, Yeah, they do, they do.
Oh my god, what are you teaching?
Said professor Mcross Psychology at where you don't have to say, Okay, they're going to find me or not.
Oh yeah, that's true. Didn't one of your students find you?
Yeah?
Eye?
Oh no, my makeup? Oh no, there's no one wearing makeup. Now I'm a fraud.
Did you hear the thing about when there was a controversy at least ten years ago or something where a lot of the bodies being donated to science were being donated to the military and then they were just using your body to test weapons on to see how like a you that's kind of would react to, like getting shot by a bullet that explodes.
They have to do that though, they have to do the right research and throw a body into.
Like the controversy was like I'm going to donate my body to science, and they weren't telling the families that, like, this is actually going to be shot by a tank right.
Over. Remind me, Taylor of this. Oh my god, this comes full circle to like the joke that you told me about the Simpsons that you said was the funniest joke you'd ever heard in your life. I reminded you of a couple of years ago. Do you remember it?
Uh?
They like they they shot a dead body in a cannon. Noah, do you know this? You have been speaking of encyclopedic knowledge of Simpsons. They shoot like a grandma and a canyon and it said a cannon.
That's what I meant, jaguar.
And what does it say on the flag letter rip'n. That's so funny And that's that's what they said when they shot those people with.
I mean, let's a great and that's great.
That's a great one I want on my grave.
Okay, can I say one more thing about you?
No?
Please?
The thing you're talking about, please, Yes, the thing.
You were saying about trauma. Clearly this is speaking to me a lot, but like how people get over breakups and stuff like Brian talking also about like you know,
beating a How can I never repeat this thing? What has helped me so much is advice you've given me and other people a lot, like with regard to having a trauma around a relationship or someone that like sign a bridge, someone that like she's on you or can't love you the way you thought, and rather than like beating myself up for it and like figuring out how to never have that happen again, what helps a lot is just like the thing you say about it's like
hugging someone that doesn't have arms, you know, like they really can't help it. And it sounds so trite. You know, you can't tell someone that and believe it right after you found out someone cheated on you. But but so often that is the thing, like you really didn't deserve that particular trauma, and it is like you just picked someone that can can't give it.
Back to you.
And it might even have the It's like the same thing with a job that goes badly, Like maybe it's just not a match.
I'm going off, no, no, no, I think what I I remember the person who gave me this advice first was Rachel Feinstein. I was going, I like, liked this guy so much and he just wouldn't like me back. And it was like, why not? We're perfect for each other, like you, I know you like me as like a friend. Why couldn't this be romantic? I know you're attracted to me. It just doesn't make sense. And she was like, he can't love you the way you want to be loved.
And I'm like why though, she goes, no, you're not hearing me. It's not that he can't love you. He can't love anyone. Like it's you're asking for something he doesn't have to give.
And people can sense that. It's you can be so hot, but they're they're probably like I just can tell they want more. People can sense it.
Bicycle, yeah, exactly, our fish like they just can't do it and like and like, I think that's what was so incompon about, like my body not being what I wanted it to be.
Was that for an order? For I think we just want immediate, We want to take action. We want things to change instantly. Someone's mad at me, Stop being mad at me right now you're cheating on me. Apologize and make everything better and say you won't do it again. And sometimes you just don't get that immediate thing that you want so much. I mean, I know every bestie
is like thinking about something. I hope that you're thinking of something in your life that you're like, yes, I just want this to be like relieved now, Like why can't you just give me what I want? And when you're dealing with your body stuff, like it's just it's impossible to have a quick fix. There isn't one, even if you were to get surgery. If you're do to do ozembic, those are still things that are gonna take weeks, Like I will not I can't fix this right now.
And that's so frustrating that I just had to go see Oppenheimer when really I wanted to go do a I wanted to go run twenty miles, like I just wanted to get and I had to go to dinner that night, and like I'm like I have to eat and the meal soon, and like this is what got me here, is eating and I have meals that I have to go eat, like I can't not eat the rest of my life, and like that is really frustrating that you just have to keep living your life when
there is something that seems like so desperately in need of change. But then you just think about like I just had to go back to like I'm so happy I have arms. I'm so happy I have an ass that is like bigger than I want it to be. It's better than having no ass, which I'd had for
a really long time. It is hard to sit on and really hurt a lot, and you know, like or whatever it is, like I just I just all I know is that what helps me is that I was a weight that I liked not so long ago, and if it took me this long to get here, it'll take me that long to get back to that. Like, I don't have to do anything crazy. I didn't do anything crazy to get here. I just ate a little bit too much here and there. But it wasn't I
haven't gone nuts. And maybe you're someone who has gone nuts and who was like, well, I've never been the weight that I want to be. I don't know what to say to you, but for me, I don't have a solution there. But I think the solution is just is truly just accepting the moment and just being like and going back to a thing that I said years ago in this podcast, which is like, I don't want my ass to look like this. I would have never chosen this. It's not my fault. And I could say
it's my fault because I overate. I was a lazy ass. I didn't work out, but if I could have, I would have and I didn't. And it's not like I'm not a bad person because my ass looks like this.
I'm not.
You know.
I was starting to my therapist yesterday and I was lamenting this stuff and I'm like, to me, it equals lazy, And to me, laziness triggers everything that my dad didn't like about me as a kid or my mom as a kid, Like my dad's a go getter, always wants to be like, let's go on for a bike ride, Let's go, let's go down to the creek, Let's go do this, let's go pick up pine cones, come like punks,
let's come on, let's go do anything. And if we didn't want to do with something, if we would have preferred to stay in and watch TV, we were lazy. And it was kind of like this, no shame on my dad because that's just the way he is. He was kind of like disgusted with us, like how are you even my kids? Like you just want to stay Like that's such a waste of life. So I have this like association with being lazy as being a wasteful person,
a bad person. And then to me, having a fat ass equals you'd weren't active, you were sitting on the couch eating too much equals you're a bad person. You chose to do this, but I didn't. I didn't choose to have this ass. If anything, I am very upset about it. So if you don't like what you have, just go back to the reasoning of like you didn't do anything to do. You're not a bad person because you have it, because no one would choose to have something on themselves that they don't like. It just is
the hand you were dealt and didn't help that. My boyfriend then wanted to go into ag jeans that is now has a whole section that's by em Rota, and Emrota's fucking abs and her dumb little ass that is literally the size of my forearm is her waist is so fucking tiny, and it's everywhere on these posters. And I was just like fucking furious because she doesn't she has her own struggles, but she doesn't. She was just born with that body. She didn't do anything different than you.
She doesn't work out more than you do. She doesn't like she doesn't. She's just born that way.
Just like a great tip for being traumatized in these moments and fitting room or at home is get away from the mirror, go put on something comfortable. Those two things have saved my life so many times. That day that I was in the bikini in front of the man, I'm like, yeah, get away from this fucking mirror. You've spent twenty minutes just being.
Like, oh my god.
What about this angle?
Oh my god?
What if I don't have a problem with Like I don't dig into it. I see it, and then I.
Wait and get out of the bikini and put on something comfortable, because there's nothing worse than having like super tight pants on where you're like, I can't believe these don't fit, and then you're in them for hours, just like these fucking pants my fucking body.
It's just do you do.
The thing though, where I mean we all do it where you look at someone who has the body you want or has the job you want, and you just go like, how could they ever complain about anything when their body looks like that? How could they?
They're they're laundering it? Well would get mad at that?
Oh, you get like you think they're just they're not even appreciating, and.
Like you don't even your pants just slide right on, isn't that great? And then you slide out the door and everything's.
Fine every time. If anything, yeah, there's there, they're sliding. Yeah, that thing of like you've never put on pants and gone like, oh, they're like, I know people again.
I can't put this on nothing, fetch, you've never done that.
I see a.
Famous person who's got a great bod, or at least I used to do this. I would just look up what their workout is, Like I did the Huge Jackman workout for a couple of years, and I did the Chris Evans Captain America workout. I wanted to be like, I can do what they do and look like then the Huge Jackman workout actually did change my body in action.
Man, now he has I have.
Knives coming out of my knuckles now. It was actually surgery, not a workout that I say that, the.
Huge Jackman thing. It's it reminds me of when I probably have told this on the podcast before. But it's like a famous moment and christ Andized relationship. Is that any say christ Andize chriss in mind my relationship. We went to go see Avengers one of the fucking X Men movies.
Is that X Men Avengers is Marvel? Uh No, that's like.
X Men movies.
We went to see x Men. I'm so sorry, Oh my god.
Truly that is only something that someone truly doesn't know that stuff could say like a person who knows, like, if you're trying to come up with a.
Joke anything about it, You're trying to come up with.
A line of dialogue that someone who doesn't know about this stuff would say, you wouldn't be able to do it unless you truly didn't know, because that's so But mind boy, I wouldn't even think to say that.
That would be like you saying I don't know that that Britney Spears was in clueless, Like you just take two cultural phenomenons from the nineties and you like put.
Them Britney wasn't.
X Men?
Okay, right, that's hounds crazy. It is so, yeah, I truly don't know about this stuff because and Chris always tells me when I don't know about things, because I get I get annoyed that I don't know things, Like I'm like, how do I not know the X Men, Marvel DC, how different? And he says, because you don't care? And I'm like, but I but I want to know, so don't doesn't that equal car you want to know? Anyway, we went to go see I do want to know everything. We went to go see X Men years ago and
Hugh Jackman. There's a scene in the morning where he wakes, he gets out of bed. He's like in bed with a woman. He gets up in the morning and he like goes like he like stretches. He's sitting up in bed. You'll know the scene if you know what I'm talking about. And his back looks and I logan, logan, Okay, I accidentally gasped in admiration of it. I just was like, like I but Chris immediately heard it and goes, did you just gasp? And I'm like, but I did mean to.
It wasn't the type of like because I've talked about this on stage where there are certain guys and girls
who will like say little thing. I'm sure you've dated some guys like this, or I certainly Anya Noah have dated guys like this, or been women that do this when you're in a jealous situation in relationship where you will make comments about celebrities in front of your partner because celebrities feel safe because it's like I'm not going to date that person, so they're like safe to comment and be like God she looks good or oh my god, he's so hot because you're like I'm not gonna actually
meet him? What are you jealous about?
John?
But you do it because you're trying to make your partner jealous. It's like this passive aggressive way to get away with making them a jealous that you're like, well, I can't really ever be.
With them, but it's a shitty thing to do.
I would never do that on purpose unless I was like a really bad version of myself. But I wasn't doing this on purpose. It was truly a gas deep from within me that that's like where I was like, oh, I know I'm not gay, you know, like there's a moment like that that comes out of me where I'm like, you know, sometimes I question if I could. I'm probably like, I think twenty percent gay, And that confirmed the other eighty percent hardcore was that just came out of me.
The huge jacked man.
The huge jackman. And have you guys ever dated someone who has made like comments about celebrities or like just little things that ego are like are so annoying and you're.
Like, oh, really do you think she's you think she real?
Everyone likes her?
Dum anyone.
No, I'm trying to think I'd like someone who's intentionally cruel like that, Like.
Like, no, they're but they're getting away with it. It's such it's such a good move. It's it's someone who's very smart about being a piece of shit because they have the excuse that it's just she's a beautiful woman, she's a model on TV.
What am I not.
Supposed to No one should look like that. No one does look like that, Babe. I wouldn't expect you. But they're just doing it to get you a little bit.
No, we don't know any You're good looking, so why even bother?
Yeah, well, I have a joke about it, So I'm sorry to share my Djokovic about it. But didn't he just win finals? Nah, well here's my Djokovic. Well, because this really happened to me. A guy like right after we had hooked up, was on his TikTok and was going through and he saw j Lo and he goes, God, she's how it And I was just like, kid, I called him out for it. I was like, that's really I go. I What I said was can you not?
And I'm really apologize if you hear this in my act And I'm not trying to tell the story to be like give you a little trailer of coming to see me live. But this is a joke I do in my act, and I'll try to make it more conversational.
This weekend in Chicago, and yeah, Chicago, Yes, come to get tickets.
It's gonna be so exciting. But I don't even know if I'll tell this joke on stage. I'd probably tell it one every ten shows.
But he this is one hundred percent true.
I had just given him pleasure and to completion, right, And I'm cuddling afterwards with him and watching him him on his phone and he pulls. J Lo comes up and he goes, God, she's hot, like just under his breath, almost like I can't help it, kind of thing, like the way I did with Q Jackman. But I knew that it wasn't just involuntary like sorry, I can't help it, babe, she's hot, because it's.
Different than a sentence for all, even if it was a.
Gasp, anything that comes from that place of like, man, she's hot, that's a horniness, right, Yeah, I had just his horniness was inside me. And if you have no semen in your balls anymore, you have nothing in you. Your body is not sending signals to your brain to go to lust after women, men who men who are listening after you come. Is there anything in you that would be so horny that you couldn't help but say, God,
she's so hot literally a minute after you come. No, it was completely done to be to send a message to me please leave and you I don't really like you that much. And I said to him, I was like, can you please? I really did say this because I was trying to practice telling my feelings to men more than I usually do, because my whole theory is that
I don't know. I always think that if you tell men how you feel in a relationship and you're like, I don't like when you do this, they'll just leave you because they'll go, well, that's the way I do it.
What are you doing?
So I said to him, can you not say other women are hot when your semen is still in my upper digestive? And that is literally what I said, And I said it in a joky way. Even though I stood up for myself, I still was saying like, I was still like I have come and me I stuck your kick. I'm a little cum baby whore. Like it was still like me being like but remember, even though I'm confronting you and a little bit mad, I'm still a little.
Come baby, I'm on fire.
Come come, And so he laughed, and then he truly said, no matter where my com is, it's never going to change the fact that.
Jalo is hot.
She's always going to be hot, no matter where it is in the world's never going to be anywhere near her. Yes, well, he he had before, and so he was kind of that was so nice.
And though it's like, this is who I am. If you want to date me, this is who I am. That's what he's doing all met So many men do this in the beginning of dating. They just show you who they are so that you know, like this is the ship. One of my friends was texting with the guy early on and it was just like, what are you up to And he said something like, well, doing my favorite stuff, like so my kids did this and watched porn. And I'm like, he's just letting you know right.
Now so you can't get too mad at him later, right, That's so true. And yeah, this guy was telling me who he was. And I left shortly after that and was just like bye, Like I was. I was proud of myself for being like bye and like slammed the door. I mean I pursued it for too long after that, but yeah, I mean loud and clear.
But he still hasn't fucked j Lo Hasie.
Probably not. No, No, there's no fucking chance. All right, we're gonna go to break. We're gonna come back after this. I want to talk about football, of all things. I'm so sorry to the girl in the room that doesn't want to hear about football. Okay, we're back. Last night was Monday night?
Was Monday?
Yeah, shout out to September eleventh.
Yes, never forget September eleventh. Happy, But today is Thursday. Yes, today is September fourteenth, Yes, but we're recording this on a Tuesday, So yesterday was Monday Night.
Football.
I I think everyone here would know, and probably have all my listeners. I don't understand anything about football. I don't get it. It's confusing. I can't follow the ball. Everyone looks the same. It's too many players on the field. I can't. I don't understand literally anything about it. Taylor, do you can you follow a football game?
Pretty well? It almost never even touches a foot the ball.
There's kicking.
Oh I never seen that, so I guess I don't know anything. Do you like the one.
Downs and the yard lines and like line of sidage and like penalties? Taylor does not know? Okay, I don't know.
The only time I ever watched it was in high school.
When you guys watch a football game, what and you try to understand it is? Is there anything that you understand?
Like the first part of that sentence I can't relate to.
You've never tried to watch a football game. You've never been watch high football game.
I was forced to cheer for football players for a year of my life or a season I was.
I also about Taylor and I were both on the girls, so we didn't watch because we were just boys and painting our faces and just liked leading cheers.
And arranging the boys to spell penis with their chests.
Oh right, yeah, because it was Pioneers Pioneer Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that.
I still have the picture. I think I should find and send it to him.
Okay, but okay, Brian's last night, I was watching with Chris, and Brian likes football, and I was kind of inspired because last weekend. Last week we went to Brian's house, Me and Chris in La and his apartment, his lovely apartment with his lovely wife and his adorable dog, Allie and Jack, and we watched Thursday Night Football.
Yeah yeah, yeah it was NFL Kickoff. Was the first game of the.
Season, NFL Kickoffs.
And every night it's like.
No, no, it's not every night.
I mean, yeah, they it is increasing in days just to make money, but it is. The big day is on Sunday, and then there's Monday Night football, and then there's now they added Thursday Night Football, which people aren't happy about.
The players aren't happy.
How do they differ? Why are the why are the players not having.
Because it's too short of a rest week and more people tend to get injured on Thursday night because it's they don't only have four days to rest between a Sunday game a Thursday game.
Gotcha, okay about it?
So we're watching football. So I was inspired by Ali, who is Brian's wife, who like understands football, is like passionate about it, like they're both excited to watch it together. And I'm like, man, I have a boyfriend who's just as passionate about football as Brian is. It would be nice if like he had an alley in his life that could like understand it and like follow along with him. And he had it on on I guess Sunday Night, and I was I just don't like Chris Collings worst voice.
It just sounds like he just felt like how it sounds, and it's just like it's like he always has like a bubble and buff and like a thick neck from being a football buff man.
I don't know was was he. I'm guessing he was a football player, Brian, Yeah, player.
It just sound.
I can't do it a good impression because it just hurts my throat. But his voice doesn't. It's almost comical that it bothers me. It doesn't really bother me that much. But I love Joe Buck, love, love love Joe Buck. He does money.
That is a controversial statement.
He's well, you know what, it shouldn't be because I know Joe Buck personally and he is one of the greatest people I've ever met. He is a friend of mine. He is a true friend. He is a good person. He is so funny. He's one of the funniest people outside of comedy that I've ever met. I originally became a fan of his because I had no idea who he was.
I sports related, and he's like an old Jack Buck.
With his dad.
Was his dad that did Cardinals announcing, But Joe does baseball and football and I'm sure other stuff. But I first heard Joe Buck on Howard Stern Show and he was doing the commentator, like the commentating for JD one of these people on the show eating a cheese steak or something, and it was just so funny that he was doing the play by play of this guy, the sloppy guy, like eating food, and I thought it was so funny and I was like, this is the first
time I've ever been interested in anything sports related. Was this Joe Buck guy. He also was getting a hair transplant and had was getting when during the hair transplant they gave him like a tube down his throat for the anesesia during the process, and it damaged his vocal cords in such a way that he couldn't speak afterwards, like he lost his whole voice. And he is a commentator, like he's that his voice is him and so he
had to go get vocal cord surgery. He was actually the one that sent me to my vocal cord surgeon, the best in the nation. Who's done? Adele, Who's done? John Mayer, Who's done?
You know?
Uh?
That one guy that sings off Stop Shop, off that top, Sam Smith? You know that song. Anyway, He's become such a good friend of mine.
I love him so much.
So last night I woke up from a nap at like seven point thirty and I walk out in the kitchen and Chris is watching football, and I go, is that Joe Boock Because like, his voice.
Just is like a sousing.
I fucking love him. Is a Cardinals He does the Cardinals, but he does like I love.
A Cardinals guy, one of them.
Really.
Yeah, I listened to it in the car.
He has He's just the best guy. I just love him so much that you know when you just like hear someone you like love and you're just like, my friend is like doing this the thing that is watched by the most people. My friend is his voice is talking the whole time. And so that made me kind of want to get involved, because I'm like, I'll watch anything Joe Buck does. And so I was like, Chris, will you explain football to me? I know, we tried
this before, let's do it again. And so he got out of he pulled up on his iPad like a picture of the football field, and we talked about downs, and he ran a fake game to be like, okay, so what down would it be and what it would be? Blank and blank, and I'd be like, okay, it's second and three. Okay, now they got a penalty, so they lost five yards now and I would be like, okay, now it's third and two. And so I think I
got it. I think I understand. Okay, well, basically first and that means it's the first down and you gotta get ten.
Yards, yeah, ten or FirstRand.
For any sport.
If you want to understand any sport, just like anything, you need the proper motivation and the only motivation.
There's two ways you can motivate Joe Buck. Two ways you can motivate.
Yourself properly for a sport, and that is pick a team that you like and root for them, because then you'll be invested in knowing the rules because you want them to win. If the ref fucks up and fus your team, you'll be like, you didn't know the fucking rule ref?
You know?
Yeah, that's what I told Chris, I want to be someone that goes like.
Oh.
To be out of Buffalo wild Wings and go I want to do it because I can do it, but I'm always a second behind everyone else because I want to make sure that I'm doing it on the right time.
I've done it the wrong time right.
It sucks when you do it for the wrong team. So I want to be able to And then I I was also motivated by I saw I send it to Noah and Anya a clip of a bunch of famous people watching tennis.
Uh huh.
It was like Cara Delavine and like Nicole ki Men and they're and make the Kaling and they're Amanda Seifred and they're going back and forth watching and they they all like at the same time, we're like oh, and like tennis is easier to understand, like when it's like oh, but there's like lots of little rules in there where it's like the ball can maybe go on the line and that's okay.
I don't know any of that stuff.
And I was like, if these bitches can understand this, I gotta get in on this, Like there's gotta be something fun about this.
I want to so Brian.
The thing that I'm a little confounded about, though, is I don't care about learning the positions, Like I don't care about learning wide receiver. I don't care about learning you know, uh, the defensive line, the I don't care about the I don't care about that those certain positions. What is the position of the guy? What's the guy that is the quarterback? And then he tosses it to that gap they're running back. I don't care. And I also turned to understand why why do they do that
where they have to talk sit through their legs? What a dumb little.
Gay rule, I see.
I mean gay in the sense that it's men who have sex with each other. I don't.
Quarterback literally has to stick his fingers in the center's grundle.
It has to be.
That when they get right under. Chris told me, the running back comes and he's just like sitting.
Right sitting right under the center's ass ready for the high. It's just a what is that called snap behind?
Yeah, it's what What is the point of tossing it through your legs?
Do we know?
Is there any point to it? Is it just like, well, what's the point?
Well, if I was going to get into the history of it. Then there's a lineman that needs to protect the quarterback, and you could just hand the ball to the quarterbacks that he has the ball, but then he would get hit immediately because there's no one protecting him. So there has to be a you need that time, a big giant guy who's standing up where the ball is and he has to throw it back to the guy behind him that really needs to have the ball.
So the big giant guy can protect the guy who needs the ball from the other big guy.
Is helpful. I just want things to make sense, and a lot of things don't. Like Chris was talking to me about like it's if there if anything but their hands touch the ground, it means that it's a fumble. And I was like, well, what if they're why wouldn't their hands why so why wouldn't you always just lay? I couldn't understand the hand thing. He's like, because your hand can be used to like propel, you could still be going with your hand on all fours like that little horse girl.
I don't know.
It's what I don't understand. If you understand all just oh you've never seen the girl that runs in all fours like a horse. No, you know I want to see. I know you're off the grid and you just have a flip bone. There's so many fucking crazy things happening on.
You've never seen it either.
The old that can run like a horse on all fours. Have you seen it, Bryan's it's sexy. Oh my god, I'll pull it up for you. I'm not trying to football or anything. She's like probably in her late teens. Okay, yeah, but she jumps over things too, like a horse like, she'll jump over those like little senses. You just made a horse sound?
She eat apples?
You made?
You didn't the next generation. You're all trying to be little animals.
But Brian, can I ask you this and we'll close up this talk. Final thought, Brian, did someone sit you down and tell you these rules? Because I don't know how people. I even ask Chris las Night, I go, do you think Ali like someone sat her down with an iPad? Or like drew a football.
Just from watching? Well, for me, I played I.
Could watch it a thousand years and not on the stard I.
Played football video game Madden. And so you learn the rules that way, you learn all the players that way. But then also you just sit down, you watch, you root for your team, and now I gambles, and then I know everything about everybody. All those things combined over the course of you have to understand over the course of what's it now, like twenty years, twenty five years I've been watching this, so of course some of that's going to sink in over that amount of time.
No matter what, is there anything that do you remember though in your formative years where.
I just feel like, yeah, maybe other bros.
Everyone is just born with everything about football in their head already, Like do you remember being like, well, dad, why did he just get that? Why are they now going to the side of the thing, And why is the clock still running when there's no action going Like questions like that that have confounded me.
Why does the clock keeping.
Going on?
That is confounded.
Players are all walking around like they're socialized.
That rule keeps changing, and so I relate to your confoundedness, like why is the clock run?
Does it stop? The guy that runs the clock.
As sleep and that can make things even more complicated. In college football, the rules are different. So if you're watching a college football game, it's like, well, now the clock doesn't stop that's no, but no, I do have so much. There's exciting things that happened in football over this weekend that were not game related that I think
you'd be interested in. So to start off this weekend, I'm going to Dallas because every year my high school friends go to a Jets away game somewhere in the country so they can go to all the different state of and see their favorite team, the New York Jets, play against another team in an away stadium. This year, they're going to Dallas to see the Cowboys play the Jets.
And so I'm going this weekend. Oh, at NRG Field, I guess, So is that what it is? That from Taylor Swift knowledge.
I don't know. I've been to all these football stadiums now because of Taylor Swift.
But yeah, but yeah, so we're going.
We're going to the Dallas Cowboys stadium this weekend to see. Now, the big thing about the Jets is that they got a brand new quarterback this year, Aaron Rodgers, who.
Is a Hall of Famer king he got injured.
The Packers and the Jets have not won the Super Bowl since nineteen sixty nine. So if you're a Jets fan, This is like every year is just hell for you. You're just watching your team get dominated. And this year was the first year ever that they had a quarterback that could potentially take them to the super Bowl, and everyone was sighted and it was all built up.
That's not the story though. So okay, So, as you may have seen.
Uh last night Monday Night football, three plays into Aaron Rodgers' tenure as a New York Jet, he tears his achilles and he's out for the season.
What yes, I didn't know that to his achilles.
He's out for This is all the Jets fans, Oh my goal. They spent twenty five million dollars in caps based on this guy and three plays he's done for the season.
His career is most likely over now.
And this was the only because he already just because is a giant, giant tendon.
An achilles tear.
It is. Yeah, he's out at least.
For three He's out for the year for sure, and then he probably will There's football players who get achilles tears and they can never come back and play again because not only does it takes a devastating injury, but also and he wasn't even the only guy who tore his achilles this week, and a running back also did it too. Usually, if you tear your achilles, you cannot come back and play.
To the remember on pet cemetery when the kid like cuts the guy's achilles on the stairs and he just.
Goes devastating injury, usually you can't.
Can your team get their money back or at least to store credit?
No, why do you want the team like the players should get money? I mean he played, he still tore his achilles. You know you gotta give.
But they spent all this money on him, acquired assurance for that.
Yeah, but that's like take. That's like saying that's like take, that's taking away money from the worker. Aaron Rodgers is the guy doing the work. He put his body on the line, he tore his achilles on the job.
He should still keep the money. But so, why am I feeling for the big guy?
I don't think you're feeling for them. You're just thinking logically, like if you spent something on something and it got injured.
We want some emotion to go into this feminine energy.
Okay, so this guy's hurt, the Jets fans are devastated, and now on top of that, personally, I've got to fly to Dallas to watch some backup quarterback get trounced by the Cowboys. This is gonna stuck. But here's the really interesting thing. There's controversy because the Jets, which I also, share the same stadium with the Giants.
Okay, it's the same stadium. They just switch off there Gellette Field or something. I think. So this is where you can come in handy watching the game.
Get do you know how the distance and like all the treachery could that's where Taylor Sailors listen.
I don't know who's winning the game right now.
I.
Space. I just know everywhere she sings and I can talk about plays that way. Okay, go ahead.
Yeah.
So not only do I have to watch the shitty game, but so on this field, the Jets and Giants share the field. It's MetLife MetLife Stadium and the field. There's controversy because the field is made of turf. It's a turf field and a lot of the time, a lot of time the fields are made of grass, which are harder to maintain. But people have been saying four years
that the field is horrible to play on. It causes injuries all the time, and the players have been begging for them to change this field from turf to grass and uh. In fact, in twenty twenty six, the World Cup is coming to America and for twenty twenty six for the fucking soccer players who have demanded it. For some reason, they are changing that field from turf to grass.
They did it on purpose. It's a conspiracy.
I believe they all.
Agree that the turf field is bad, but they left it there and they're changing it for the soccer players. Three hours before the game started, this guy on Twitter three hours before, many hours before the game started.
Sorry, Brian, it was the Monday night game played on this field.
The Monday night game was played on this turf field. Okay, thank Everyone's said like this is bad for the players, and then it was raining outside.
How many fields are turf in bands?
I can't answer that, but they are slow. Like Detroit's field changed recently. They are trying to change out the fields to not be turf anymore.
Crazy. They would each have different I know the tennis to play on different kinds of quarts, but like, why not keep it consistent? That's insane.
Field manus NFL teams are indoors and some are outdoors and like if it's snowing.
That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a cold night at Lambeau's.
Yeah is that a well?
Whenever I would wear this, Chris would make fun of me, because when we used to do shoots outside for Not Safe, I would wear this gigantic long down jacket that goes all the way down to my ankles, like black down, and whenever I wear it, he'd say it's a cold night because I guess I looked like, I guess they wear those jackets down to their legs. Is that down to their ankles?
Yeah, sometimes they do do that.
Yeah, okay, so that's how I know it's a cold night. A lot again another field, I know, Okay.
Go on, Oh it's good.
So this conspiracy on Twitter three hours before the game.
On Twitter three hours before this random guy, random guy whose name happens to be at Daddy Zaslov and his Twitter name is David Zaslov, which is just like sposed to be funny.
Wait, Daddy's Aslov is what Tim Dillon calls.
Uh yeah, maybe he's a Tim Dillon fan.
I'm sure he is.
This guy tweets out I quote Aaron Rodgers is going to tear his achilles on a rain drenched MetLife turf in two and a half hours.
See it's a spear. I knew it. I can.
He tweeted that and then two and a half hours later to take a fall three.
Well, that would be why would they do?
Why would that be a conspiracy like that would be horrible for the game.
It's horrible for the NFL.
It's hard him to take him Why.
Why that's kind for the game? That's bad for him because a rich.
Guy. Yeah, what do you think it is? Brian?
This guy, I think he knew about the turf and that it was that and he was just predictably taking a shot out of all the millions of people who tweeted about the game.
He just happened to be correct.
But what I don't understand is you look at that same Twitter account today and for some reason, that guy's Twitter account has been.
Banned, no due because it's tweet.
Has been deleted and he's been banned.
Why.
No one knows, because because I don't know.
And by the way, this is we're all talking about x now, right, Twitter is not the way.
It's not Twitter anymore.
It's called X.
It's weird that he said in the hour see exactly right on the that's.
When the game started, so pretty close.
And it happened right then.
I mean it happened about three minutes into the game.
Don't you think that's also a great guess.
Yes, that's why this tweets viewed millions of years.
There's probably lots of ones that lots of people probably made tweets like that that.
Didn't want exactly right.
Aaron Rodgers is going to tear his achilles? He said the exact injury he knew before, but then it was banned.
But does he have a week of achilles? Does he have history of any kind of achilles?
Not at all.
He didn't really tear his achilles. And it's all part of the plot.
What is the plot for?
I don't even know what football?
I'm trying to be interesting.
Is a conspiracy theory that the NFL is scripted, which is totally wrong, but like people, do ye.
Believe it a script?
It's like, yeah, are you guys going to watch the MTV movie or Music Awards tonight? Is there any interest there? Because I am so excited about it because Taylor might be that I'm watching MTV Music Wards because there's just rumors she might be there. And where are these rumors on Twitter? Or I mean not on sorry, not on X They're on Reddit just in the Taylor Swift sub
There's no way she's actually gonna go. I was thinking, there's probably a million people that are going to watch this just for the off chance she does show.
Does she not go?
And she's nominated for eleven awards?
Is will well Nicki Minaj be at the I don't think she was listed when I saw the rundown, but I could be wrong about that.
Why because Daddy has a lot of just tweeted it she's going.
To be there.
There's a rumor that they have a collab going, so the Barbs and the Swifties are.
About to collide into the What the Barbs? Is that her fan group?
Yeah?
Okay, I think the Selena's Selena Gomez is people. Their group is called the Senators.
Do you know why? That's a really good Selena Gomez?
Is this a good one too?
Have you been watching Only Murders season?
That's really good?
Anya, my god, I'm riding the elevator separately from your Oh my.
God, that made me have I know, her voice is so soothing. It's pretty good. Okay, So I talked about so I think I figured have a grasp on football. Chris is gonna keep tutoring me. He got really into it. It was really fun to have your boyfriend explain something to you. It would be like me getting to explain like Taylor Swift stuff to him. More like I'm trying to think of when I explained something to him that
really got me worked up. But a lot of times I like, if you want to have a good time with your man, ask them to explain something they care passionately about and let them like demonstrate it and get up and like draw diagrams and things like that. Like I think he had a really good time with it.
And I'm really dumb and surprised, Like, oh my god.
I really I was dumb.
But otherwise it gets frustrating.
Ye know, I got he was a crowday.
I can see you wild Wings being that girl. I could see it.
I I really do, because I listen. I'm a passionate person. I really love to care about things and root for things. And I've always felt my whole life that the that I don't enjoy sports. There's something missing, like there is something fun about root like even though it is fleeting. And I really would argue that most people can't even remember what happened in a game they really cared about four months ago that they were screaming about, like breaking things about that.
It just doesn't matter. I wait to find something I love so much that I breaks.
What is Taylor? What is your thing that you care
the most about? I recently that we should. I just got asked because I'm doing Ellie Kemper's podcast next week and it's called Born to Love and it's like we talk about things you love on it, and so they asked my assistant like or you know, they asked my people, like, give us a list of things that she loves, and I said Columbine and Taylor Swift and so Ellie Kemper reading that made me so laugh to think about her getting an email being like she sure that she said
Columbine very like music. We can't talk about that. You know, everyone loves different things like her just being very She's such a positive person. But I was struggling to come up with, So your your passionate, most passionate thing is Joan Benet.
Uh, yeah, murder psychology stuff.
When Casey Anthony's verdict? Were you like at Buffalo Wild?
I mean you can see a lot of good video clubs of people.
Do you remember the O J Verdict?
Yeah? I do.
I was in sixth I was in the seventh grade, No, sixth grade, and probably in seven Yeah, I remember that was a big fucking day. We were in gym class and we had the radio playing. We can all listen to yeah, to.
Watch them because the teachers had to and they were.
Pretend it would need to be help. Oh my god. I remember all the black kids were happy and all the white kids were sad. I was happy because we went to the school like we we had a lot of kids from yes, uh the city and also you know, from the county, but mostly from the city. And I remember just how divided it was and it was not it was it was such a man. Do you remember the ESPN OJ documentary Did you ever see that?
Probably? Oh, I don't know.
It's so good when that when there was an OJ resurgence of like the OJ show, the true American crime story that was happening, and then also the ESPN documentary Brian you can have an Emmy twenty sevent sixteen seventeen. That was the fifteen best time of TV ever. All Right, we gotta go. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Come see me this weekend in Chicago. I cannot wait. There are tons of shows.
Uh.
San Francisco is being announced. October twentieth added a second show, so I'll see you in San Francisco as well. On you will be there special guests as well. New I'm saying as well, a lot like that girl that was like and the maps and I read this well and New Merch so excited about that. Thank you for listening to the show. Don't be Ka and Digit Johnny