The Nicky Gliser Podcast.
Nick Glaser pos here's Nikky.
Hey everyone, welcome to the show. It's Snicky Glazer. It's Snecky Glazer Podcast. Sorry, I'm distracted. I am texting about a flight that my assistant needed a book cool cool issues. Hi everyone, I am back home in Saint Louis. I have wet hair. I just want to say, this is a wet hair pod. I didn't have time to get ready for this. Life is busy, and so if you want to see me with wet hair and see it get gradually dry over the course of the next hour, pop onto YouTube and check us out.
I am in my studio with my two dogs.
No one else is here, but Anya and Brian and Noah are all here.
Hey, guys, how's it going.
I thought you were.
Referring to us as your dogs and I was with my dogs.
Can I accept it dogs?
I didn't think that. I assume she was talking about her real dogs. And I also want to answer the question. I'm doing fine, Thank you.
I can't see you guys at all, because I guess my internet is not allowing me to see your video, so I'm just talking into the ether.
But this is this is technology who gives us.
And we just lost her time, but he'll be back. Don't worry about it. Anya, What are you up to this morning?
What's going on?
I've had a new friend. I had a meeting with a new friend. I met for someone for tea.
She was a friend of my man.
You guys ever calmed down? Anya, still to signor tea? It's still going on?
Did you hear the length on tea?
Did you go back and listen, Bessie's go and listen and hear the length on the word tea.
It's because I love it so much.
You wanted you're savoring it, even the word for tea.
Yeah, I met someone for tea and on the way home, I was like, good job girl, because you don't take many risks in adult with new friends. And it was just nice that I said yes to that. We might be walking buddies. Is this me moving into my senior years?
I don't know. We might go for a box together.
That's nice. That's so fun. Can we ask how you met this friend? It was idea.
It was just a woman I know.
Was like, hey, I know someone that lives in Kingston and she's new in town, and and then we I was we were just texting and I was like, I live by this coffee shop and so we grabbed a tea.
I was like, why not just say yes? It was nice? She was nice.
Were you like ner of us going into it.
A little bit? Yeah?
I was like, I'm blonde and I have a bob and I'm horny. No, it was fine, but.
It is always at awkward when you like first met I always like, that's always my Like when Brian was talking about going on a million dates on apps back in the day, I was always my first question to people who go on app dates. It's like, how awkward is that when you're looking for each other and you like first see each other and kind and go hey, and your eyebrows like raised like hey, yeah, Like.
It's so awkward.
I don't know why that part really gives me. As the kids say the ick, but it really does my whole It's what's would prevent me. Would I can't be single ever again because of that awkward The bell rings at the coffee shop you're going to and you like look over and there's just someone going like hey, I don't like it, and then the table approached, you have nothing to say to one another, and you just sit down and go like, like, what.
Do you say?
Sometimes it's the wrong person. Sometimes you look at someone you give them the nod and they're not there for the date. Oh, they're just there to go to get coffee for themselves.
Why can normal people do this?
And I can go on like and I can't, or I can and I have done it before, and so I'm not a complete I'm not talking from a place of complete like ignorance. But why can I go on stage for an hour and talk it to a microphone and have no problem with it and talk for hours?
I could go longer and talk for hours.
But I the idea of meeting with someone who you potentially could have sex with, and Anya, this is not the person that you just met with, but like too much on the table, man, I know why.
I know why because we're in control on stage. It is not an egalitarian relationship. We have a little more power than the audience has, so we're comfortable. But in the other situation you're supposed to both kind of have roughly the same amount of power and it's just.
A hard one.
Then yes, that's you know, that's what Heckler's like, and comedians always say to Heckler's is like you bought you brought a knife to a gunfight, Like I have a microphone.
Don't heard this?
Yes, whenever you're on stage, at any point, you could just be like, I don't want to talk about this anymore, I want to talk about this, Or you could just start making fun of the person in front of you on a date. Those things won't work. You can't just be on a date and be like, I don't want to talk about squirrels anymore. I want to talk about You.
Would do that, Brian, I'm done talking about this now. Please let's shift subjects.
This is boring.
Yeah, hey, where'd you get that shirt? Your piece of shit? Sometimes I'll do that.
That's a good opener. You should write a book.
Yeah, I am already figuring out ways for you to get out of this friendship.
I knew you were going to say that, but I'm okay with it, because, like.
You know, when people want to hang out and they you know, and you don't really want to, what do you do?
I just am unavailable. But I told it.
Here's why I'm proud of myself. I've made a strides in my life. First of all, I did not pay, which I think is is a progress for me because in the past it would have been like I got you, and then you set up this weird relationship again where like I have a little more power.
Well did she pay?
Well, I'd got.
There early and I paid for my own but she arrived just as I was getting ready to pay. And like in the past, on your you know, one point zero would have been like, hey, just I'll get you two, just to be generous. But then it sets up a weird thing I feel like where I feel pressure. Yeah, like I feel pressure to or we're doing like a you got me, you get me next time? Like what if I don't want it next time, Let's just do our.
Own thing, right, it sets up a next time. That's a good point.
Yeah, I ask, why do you live in Kingston?
Great question. Uh, it's Matt's fault. Matt lives here and I met Matt live there. Honestly, guys, I think when the apocalypse happens, I'm in one of the top ten places in the US to be I really do believe that we're at a good elevation. We don't have hurricanes, we don't have earthquakes. We don't have tornadoes. We have had an ice storm like once in the last five years, which is not a huge deal.
Don't have a grocery store within twenty miles roast Starbucks?
Yes, we do.
You don't, No, I kind of I envied, I asked, because I envy you. I want to live in a place that's like a little less congested and just kind of you can go every you know, go outside and not run into people all the time, and you can just be out and listen to the birds. Like I envy where you are, and I wanted to know why you're there, and like what what gave you the gall to live in a place that's not a big city.
Every time I read about a musician, they are recording in Kingston, or they're from there, or they have a bassis that's has a spot there.
There's lots of musicians in Kingston.
Was he drawn people are moving to h No.
The real estate was really cheap at the time that he bought his house. But now everyone's moving to Beacon, which is a little farther south. Everyone lives in like Beacon or German Town or these are little places upstate or like Sogerty's or New Poults, you know, sunny New Pults. So they're all around here. Woodstock is completely turned into like Silver Lake on a Saturday afternoon, it's impossible to get in and out of there. As Nicky and the
girls chat knows. I tried to buy a table in one Stock on a Saturday and it was absolute hell.
But uh yeah, I ended up sharing.
So much traffic and it's a tiny one like it's a one lane I mean traffic, one lane in each direction, and it's just absolute hell, like pedestrians.
Just society hell, what hell to you? Because if compared to LA traffic, like el, I mean when someone says hell in Woodstock, that's like ten minutes of waiting, whereas that would take you.
Figure, you're so right, you're so right.
I was getting angry and then I was like, what are you angry about? And I just thought about that great Pete Holmes special where he's like angry.
At everyone in LA for using ways and he's like, oh, you're psyched.
You got there a minute earlier than me, and you look like you had a nervous breakdown and you're covered in sweat. Meanwhile, I'm just like zen in my car, Like he's like, just shut up and sit in traffic, listen to a podcast and shut up.
Just accept it.
So I was doing, and I guess you're like stressed to get somewhere. A minute or two minutes can make a huge difference. But yeah, yeah, getting frustrated by traffic is kind of ku funny.
Nohow, yes, it's kind of sweet.
It's just like what like find it's hack, you know, like everyone's mad about traffic.
You rich, that's something new.
Yeah, isn't it interesting now when you're running late for something and you got that number on your Google Maps and it says you're gonna arrive at three twenty four when you try to go so much faster, you risk your life and everyone around you to get there at three twenty two instead, as if that's gonna make a
difference to anybody. And it feels like when I'm driving, like, all right, it says three twenty four, but if I go one hundred miles an hour and get there at three twenty two, everyone's gonna be okay with me being twenty two minutes late.
We were late the other day to for Chris's birthday.
I got him the poorest driving experience, which is this thing that one of my rich friends told me about that she did with her husband where they go and they you just drive two different Porsche cars and he drives with an instructor. And so he on this big track out in San Pedro, it's like south of lax And so he didn't know what I had bought him. It was a surprise. So I was like, we have to be there by two thirty. We're supposed to get there,
and we were. I was shooting something on the beach for something and and up in Malibu, and I thought it was an hour away because I had wasised it the night before to see because it's cool in.
Waves because you can see.
Tomorrow at what time I want to get there, like what based on the traffic tomorrow.
But they've been slipping, man, they've been slipping.
Hard because they just they just give me the time for now, and I think they just like kind of wing it for the next day. They don't really know because it was an hour and a half to get down there in traffic. And I was like, Chris, we are supposed to be there two thirty, but we are now getting there at three oh five. I was like, it starts. It starts at three. Fuck, like it starts at three, but they want you to check in at
two thirty. So it's kind of like, we're fine if we get there by three, but it's three oh five, and he's like, I will knock off ten minutes because we had an hour and a half, So ten minutes can be knocked off. With an hour and a half drive, you are really doing some maneuvering. So it was ironic because the whole way down there, he is driving like a Porsche race car driver and he was.
Doing all these crazy things.
And he later apologized to me, but I was like, I have become immune to your weaven and you know you turning in and bobin and weavin and like all the just gunning it and then going in the the lane where it's like the side lane where people turn off if they have a flat tire, like going down that and then like zipping in front of someone who's on their phone to get in.
Like he's really good at it.
We got honked at zero times, we got pulled over, zero times, I felt unsafe, zero times. He's good at it. So we got there and I was like, it's so crazy. He just spent the last ninety minutes, like Dale earnharding it down here. Luckily Dale Earnhardt Senior, because I think he didn't die driving. But anyway, so then we get down there and he sees the place and he's like, oh my god. And he was like, I've researched these places. This one's the best one. And we just walk in
and they're waiting for us. Because sometimes when people see my name on a thing, I paid for it, so they just saw my name on the credit card because I put his name for all the things. Because I'm just there to sit and watch, like a mom watching her toddler on the playground.
There's like a.
Whole area for moms to watch their little kids go out and drive around and go room room. But there was this woman waiting for me, waiting for us right as we walked in. She had a lanyard for him with his name on it and the cars he's driving on it, like it's such like a kid's experience. We're like grown adult men, rich men. And he was so excited. But they had seen my name and she recognized me
because she was a fan, which is so nice. So shout out to Michelle from the poorest driving experience, and they hooked us up and just well they didn't hook us up at all, honest with you. They were just nice to me. They gave me literally nothing. Actually, yes, they gave us one lap for free. Because at the end she was like, because he goes for an hour and a half, he's learning how to drive around this this track. Like there's tons of tracks, It's like miles
and miles of tracks. There's one that's Chris could to explain it to you, guys, not that anyone really cares.
I mean some people might, But there's this one part that there's like a skid like it's there's only two of these little things in the nation, I guess, and you drive over it and it pulls a thing out from under your tires and it makes your tires go like whoo, and you have like quickly like fix it, and then you skid all over these like this this tarp thing that has a bunch of water on it, so you go like wow and uh cool sound effects.
And then so I watched him do that seven times, like it was literally like watching your kid go down a slide. Like you go down the slide very slow. By the way, he was going fifteen miles an hour when he did this part, Like there's nothing like it's cool because it's maneuvering tactics and he like learned how to be a better driver doing it. So then at the end she Michelle was talking to me. She was
like the woman I want to be. She was like, she's older than me, but like just dressed perfectly, great makeup, great hair. She like loves cars. She's trying to talk to me about cars, little Dashieto. I have no interest in cars. I don't know anything about them. She's talking to me about like, well, I have four nine elevens, and I'm like, oh my god, I love talking about
nine to eleven. Like that's all we have in common, was that she loved Porsche nine eleven's and I like talking about nine to eleven.
Not the same thing.
It is nine to eleven, by the way, shout out two survivors and.
Shout out big survivors, nine eleven.
Everyone who had anything to do with nine to eleven. Besides people did it. I don't know what to say, God damn it.
Anyway, So she was like the coolest. And she used to work on the Dennis Miller Live Show. She used to work on Just Shoot Me. So we had like some friends. But she's a producer and now she's like, I just love she talks like this. She has like the greatest voice. She was like, Porsche.
Oh, she said Porsche. Sorry, I'm supposed to say Porsche.
Okay, sorry, this isn't Ellen's wife. It says it's Porsche. Who says Porsche. When you see a Porsche, do you say Porsche?
Oh? Uh no, I say yeah, No, I don't.
I say it.
Oh, let me ask.
Do you have a Porsche?
And I was like, I have my mom's beat up old Lexus that has a huge debt in the back. Because I ended as trailer recently, it would be humiliating for I was like, I don't.
I just uber everyone.
I was like, I didn't even tell her what I drive because I don't even know the make and model of it. It's I know the I guess the make, but I don't know the model. I don't want anything about cars. It's so embarrassing when you're around someone who cares so much about it.
And she's like, I just love this track. Look at that one over there, and that's.
She's just like pointing out all the things, and she's so smart and educated about all this, and I felt like a real dumb dumb and I was eating a salad out of.
A trash bag. It was like we didn't have means at my hotel room.
And so I was like, babe, I told Chris because I went to go shoot this thing, and I said, hey, will you when you come to pick me up, will you bring the salad that's in the refrigerator because I didn't want to bring up with me because it had gotten too hot. And so he's like sure, and I was like, you need to put it in a bag though, because it's kind of kind of loose. It's going to break apart if you just put it in my tote bag.
So all he had was trash bag. So I'm eating the salad up a trash bag and its container, Yes, in a container, but in a trash bag. And then oh, and then I threw it away because it was the wrong salad. He picked one that was like four days old, and I wanted him to bring the It was my fault. I told him bring the wrong one. So it smelled so bad. It was disgusting. It was like all these like rotting vegetables, and so I threw it away in the trash. I threw away my own car keys with
the trash box. So at the end of this whole thing, when we say goodbye and we walk out to like leave, we can't find my keys. And we've just said goodbye to like everyone that's been so nice to us there. We had a great experience. The place is closing, They're like so glad their day is done. And I had to be like, I love's my keys. And I go back in and we're looking everywhere, but the place is immaculate. The keys are not there, and I'm like, I have a feeling I threw away the keys. So then I
have to dig through the trash. This girl who doesn't even own a car, and everyone there owns like eighteen nine eleven's, they are all They're all staring at me digging.
Chris goes through the trash finds the.
Keys to our Thank god, it was a BMW, so I didn't look like a total idiot. But those that was just rented for me by this company that I'm working with, so I had nothing to do with it. It was just so humiliating, but they did at the end. So when he gets done with his lesson, he had so much fun. It was like he was truly like a child, Like he was like, that was the coolest thing.
I've ever done.
If you want to give your husband or boyfriend, or maybe your girlfriend, if she's into this kind of thing, the best gift ever. If anyone in your life is into cars, do a Porsche driving experience in La or there's like these dreve you can They're all these tracks are like all over the nation, but the Porsche Porsche one is one of the best.
It would be the exact opposite for me. I mean, I would hate to be in the Porsch driving experience, but Ali would love it. She would oh yeah, she would love that. I mean I I one time I bought her a Mario Kart go karting racing experience, which was like not as cool as it sounds, but it was fine. You know, like there's like, no, it didn't.
Sound cool at all.
So I want to make sure you didn't think I thought that sounded cool.
Well you can do, is it?
Sorry?
You know what Mario Kart is, right, of course, okay, so like you can do they have like regional races where you like participate in a Mario kart go karting race. You know, there's go karts that go fast, like it's not like go karting at a carnival. It's like fast go karts that could go around a track where there's a bunch of tires as the sides of the tracks.
You don't die. It is fun.
And then they're a regional Yeah, well, I don't think I have to wear a suit.
Just like Yoshi, and like, yeah.
Yes, yes you can. You can wear a onesie suit. So Ali dressed up like Yoshi, and then I think I dressed up like Luigi. And we went to this thing and it's like a regional race and if you place in this race, then you like go to Las Vegas and you race in like the big race in Las Vegas.
Oh my god. So she didn't place.
Well, we went there and I hate this stuff. I get motion sick in vehicles like this. I can't handle any of it. And but I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna try, and I just I think it was because I was nauseous and dissociating from my body. But I had no I was. I had reckless, abandoned for my own well being, and I drove like a monster and I was cutting people off. I got yelled at multiple times by you gotta slow the fuck down from the people working there. This was
in you know, someplace like four minutes outside lay. No, No, it wasn't there. And I wound up coming in third place and beating ally by one place. Oh my god, yes, yeah, And I was like I don't know, I just couldn't and I felt so sick. I wanted to throw up. I couldn't walk after.
I was despite being horrible at it, you were good.
I felt horrible, But it was like I left my body and like because I didn't give a shit whether or not I lived or died, I was just driving as fast as humanly as.
Possible, not valuing your own life at that.
But yeah, a moment, because I was so nauseous, I was driving this go.
Car, I felt so sick. You were like, I want to just die, to be like a death. All right, we have to go to break and then we'll hear more about this when we get back, or maybe we won't.
I don't know yet. All right, we're back.
I have a question for you. Yes, Brian, what okay? So you know the type of car that's named after. Don't say the name. The type of car that's named after a black jungle ca it's like a kind of expensive car. Yes, okay, now say it in your head first, How do you say that word? How do you say that word?
Yeah?
I don't like how people pronounce this word either, but it's it's jaguar, and I don't like jaguar.
Wait, jaguar. You say jaguar, Jaguar, Yeah, this is this is the Jaguar. This is war like the band.
What you're supposed to say?
There's some.
Yeah, there's three ways that people say it, Like people that want to sound fancy and British go jaguar.
Like jaguar, Jracula, jaguar.
And then there are people who say jaguar, which I believe is the way to say it.
It just son on your team.
Even though g u Ahar is Guar, I get it, but I feel like it's Jaguar.
I don't know.
I wire there's.
No jaguar and it is. I can't imagine it's ja. How do you pronounce it.
I don't know. I guess that's just my Midwest.
I understand that it's not correct, just like like saying crayons or crowns or however, people say it's not correct, but it's like regional for me, and that is how I say it. And so, uh yeah, jaguar, I just don't say jaguar. Jaguar sounds like you're just like I'm because you're not done.
With the worst jaguar jaguar jaguar war.
She is Mormon and she always calls jaggy war Like I get stressed out talking about cars, like even like there's too many models, there's too many kinds, there's too many cylinders. Chris is like, the turning radius on this BMW is amazing. I'm like, then, why doesn't everyone get this turning radius? Like why doesn't this turning radius? Why don't they copy this kind of turning radius and make it in all the cars. If it's the best, these heat, these seats are the best, Let's use all those seats.
Let's just make one car that does it. I'm I know, I'm talking about like we could do this for everything, and people like variety, but I just cars stress me out. Chris wants me to get one. I have to go pick up mine today from the shop. That's why we're doing this podcast earlier. I'm stressed out about getting it because it's just it's it's old, and it worries me all the time. Do you know what stressed me out more than anything? And I think, did I already talk
about this? Cars going over curbs. No, It's added to my list of things that fucking caused me so much anxiety.
When there's a car going over a curb and.
It kind of goes like boom boom, and like in move in action movies. In Barbie, there's a scene where they're being chased and the car goes over a curb, and I'm like, it just ruined the axle, Like it just bothers me that they just ruin this car for this little curt Like and if my car hits a curb or it goes over a pothole, oh good, I want to do it stresses me out so much.
That happened to me the other day. I was I was, I got an oil change and I was waiting out to pull out into a busy street and there was a traffic light there, so there was a bunch of cars backed up in a line, and I was just hoping that someone'd be polite enough to let me into that line, and somebody did, and I was like, oh my god, thank god.
Yeah, ola does that?
The light turned green, and like the lady was like, probably in the wrong for letting me go. She like was really maybe.
Too Yeah, people could be too nice.
But I was going to pull into the street and then I pulled to the right and I was too close and in front of everybody, in front of the lady that helped me, in front of the idea of the curve bomb. And it's like, oh my god, because not only did I embarrass myself, but I embarrassed the lady who was kind enough she vouched for me, She vouched for me, and I fucking bumped the curb in front of her.
And everybody's so embarrassing.
There's something I would rather just hit a wall and just like start smoking and I'll get all dented. Then it just then it continued going after it's been bomb bombed.
I don't know why.
It just like there's something about it that reminds me of when I was a kid. And I got a Barbie doll. It still stresses me out to this day, like I'm tensing up. I have to go to therapy later today. I'm going to my somatic therapist who talks about like what does your body do when you talk about things? And this is like causing me a lot of like I want to get small. I got a Little Mermaid Barbie doll for Easter one year. Maybe it wasn't a Little Mermaid because it feels too No, it
was definitely Little Mermaids. It was like ninety one first grade, and her fucking bangs were bent in a way that I knew was like a manufacturing error, and I could not handle it that this Barbie's supposed to be perfect. It is perfect, it is in a box, it was bought new, but it's bangs are bent in a weird way.
And I was hurling myself throughout my parents minivan. And it was one of the times where they looked at them each other and were like, she's crazy, and I kind of like knew I was, and I was like I can't control this though, Like I can't stand that this thing is now has like a little bit of damage to it that ruins the entire thing. So when my car goes over one of those things, I just feel like the alignment has now been set un straight and now it is imperfect and I've ruined everything because
I'm stained and I did something wrong. Like it is such a childhood trauma thing of like why can't things be just perfect?
I want them to stay perfect.
As I look at a room that is almost horder levels behind this camera, horder levels of crap, I can't get out of my life even though Chris we've moved in together, and I came home last night to our new apartment because he's he changed a lot of things while I was gone for the past two months, and he changed them in great ways. But I was like he was cleaning out the podcast room because he had put a bunch of stuff in here as he was organizing other stuff, and I was.
Like, I am so sorry.
I have so much fucking crap, and he was like, no, You've actually done a really good job of getting rid of stuff.
So I have done something, but it never ends.
Can we just stop putting jewelry in little pouches, little velvet pouches. I'm tired of things coming in pouches. I'm tired of little I have too many little things, do you know talking about when I say that, why does everything have to have a bag with it? Why does everything have to have little buttons that come with it, or like a little sack of buttons or a little like a little extra bag of string and coats, Like I'm.
Tired of little things.
You ever order something from Amazon and it's usually from China, and then they give you like a little gift that you didn't ask for a.
Long oh God, or Etsy, they send you like eighteen stickers plus a you know, another little bot like, yeah, a little gift.
I'm gonna remember this company directly to the trash. And then I.
Stress out though, because I'm throwing away something that like someone might go, oh, I love this, you know, like someone might love look.
At this little pouch. I have this pouch. It came with my noise canceling headphones. But it's good because I use this pouch all the time for this little cable that connects my headphones to my computer or the airplane when you're watching stuff.
A better person than me, I don't have anything. I don't think that way of like I'll put this little thing in this little thing.
I just don't. I don't think that way. Brian.
You even said that Ali during your vows, you were like, I'll always love you, Like you know how the thing that people do in vows Brian died too, where they like take something that they're annoyed by their spouse spouse about, but they go and I even love you for this thing. And it's like, you know, an annoying thing. And he's one of the things was he loves her for taking things out of little bags and putting them in littleer bags or something. I think you've explained it to already
on the podcast, but I don't. I still don't understand what that is.
Yeah, it's only annoying because of when she decides to do it. And usually it's like when we need to like leave the car get ready to go to a thing. Ali has this thing where she needs to be I call it just being comfortable. Like I don't know about you, but I don't need to be comfortable at any point at any time of the day, Like if you're feeling like a little hot or a little thirsty or a
little tired, I just keep going. I just keep barreling through the day until I finally collapse to my bed in a heap of agony.
And that is uncomfortable.
Your six, Allie is like, I've we've got to stop, and we've got to address this so that I'm one hundred percent comfortable. And so one of those things is taking stuff out of bags and putting them into other bags so that there isn't too many things in one bag. Or she has everything she needs in a littler bag, and it takes a really long time, and I find it to be entirely unnecessary, because like, yeah, just take the whole bag, or it doesn't matter if this is in that bag or that's in this bag.
Yeah, Chris is like that too. He likes to be efficient.
Yes, I don't know what it is actually, Like I honestly, that's the other thing. I don't understand it. I don't understand why that thing needs to be in that bag.
Is it a perse situation or are they're like plastic bags, like what's insight?
All sorts of fucking bags, all sorts of bags. I don't even know what she's moving from one bag to the next bag. All I know is that it about fifteen minutes, and it's in the car. Sometimes it's in the car. Sometimes it's like as we're getting ready to go, and it's like, hold on, I gotta move my sunglasses. I had my sungnglasses in my fanny pack, and now I need to take it out of my fanny pack and put it into my sunglass case, which is inside
my backpack. And then I need to take my water bottle out of my backpack and put it into my smaller bag that I'm going to carry with me my hands.
It's like he's just efficient.
He doesn't want to waste any he doesn't want to carry anything that he doesn't need to carry. He wants to bring everything that is the right amount and have a bag for it that is the perfect size for that.
But it's not efficient because it takes fifteen minutes to organize the bag.
Would agree.
I don't understand how slow people move, and that is sometimes my boyfriend, even though I understand why he does it, because he doesn't forget things, he doesn't lose things. But the way he like opens bags, like if I even touch his bag, like I know I have to like hold the zipper, like like I have to hold where the zipper starts and then the zipper, Whereas I would just like grab at my zipper without holding the bag, so the whole bag would mood with my zipper and I'd yank it.
You know.
But when I touch his bags, I have to be like.
Careful, careful, open it delicately, like it's like I'm almost it's it's it's actually going great because he doesn't care that I'm messy.
And the Great City Show, because I would watch every episode of this.
He is now for a guy who eats Emo's pizza, which is literally it's kind of smells like a dumpster like it is the it's I worked there in high school. It's it's it's gross. It's bad for you, there's no question of it. He's crazy about water and like plastic containers and like he doesn't want any kind of microplastics or any like weird stuff. So we are now having we have water delivered. I have I'm I'm a person
who has water delivered to my house. And I go, let's just get a britta and just use the tap.
You have the best arcoll filtered thing that's everything has a.
Burkie, yes, and we it's up on the shelf now because we're not using it. He just wants to do spring water, and we have like a receptacle for it, and we're having it delivered in these giant glass bottles. I don't know he's in charge of that. So I'm like, sweet, I have this water that tastes like nothing. It's great, it's great water. But I don't. I don't care about that kind of thing. I'm glad he does. My refrigerator
is spotless. All of my drawers have little compartments. Now every there's a little He went to the container store and bought everything, and so we have a container in every single cabinet. Everything is organized. It's beautiful and I had nothing to do with it. And he does not mind that. I am nothing like that. He Last night we made dinner, and by making dinner, we took we He got me emos and I got whole food.
So we just like and by hole assembled it on a bar.
Yeah, we put it on barely. Now, I ate it out of the plastic container. Did it assembling a p
chargers like eating dinner. I don't know why I said, made dinner, ate dinner, and afterwards we're like cleaning up and I'm like, man, if I lived alone, I would just like get this in the morning, Like I don't really care about going to bed with a clean home, and I know most people on here probably would, But as long as it's not like leaving old food out, I'd probably just like I don't know, I'd probably just
throw it on the sink. The sink is like a trash until I'm ready to put things in the trash, it like clears things off. It's just in a dirty little receptacle kind of. But last night I was like, how does a girlfriend behave? I washed off the plastic, I put it in the thing.
I wiped it off the.
Oh, Chris is home dogs? Calm down, Hey, Chris, will you let the dogs out to see you.
It's so interesting that he organized the closets and the drawers and stuff, because I did the exact same thing. Whereas Ali does the bags into other bags. She doesn't give a shit about putting little drawers and closets and making sure there's elving in the in the cabinets. And I went and I did that for every cabinet in the kitchen and all the closets. So what's that? Why don't I care about the bags, but I care about the the thing that Chris cares about.
I don't know, I don't I don't know.
Again, I can't really say this another time, But I don't know why I am the way I am, and I wish I was testosterone.
Really a question for you guys, which I think might be related to hormone differences. So someone let their dog poop in on our front yard and we have a nest camera and every time this happens, Matt is like, I cannot wait to go through the nest camera and see which of our neighbors let their dog do this. And I would love to see that too, And I was like, oh God, here we go. And he was furious.
So he's like, I can't who does this? And then he like get we were going to see the movie and we relate for the movie because he had to go in the house get clean up the thing. Take vinegar, pour vinegar all over the lawn. I'm like, why are you doing this? She's like it was dogs, because if a dog shits on a lawn, and he will always go back to shit on that lawn. But if you put cayenne pepper or vinegar on it, they will not want to poop there again.
So your law has to do the master cleanse after.
And yeah, I think Cayenne Pepper's not very nice to do, but he did vinegar. So anyway, Uh, he finds the person and he's.
Like, I found it.
I found it.
Oh my god, I knew it was this lady. I knew it was her. She never says hi to me. Oh, she's always weird to me. And I'm like, let me see this. And I look, and I couldn't believe my eyes. This woman lets her dog poop on the front lawn, mimics picking it up. She has one of those gloves that's a poop bag, takes her glove, mimics picking it up, yes, and then leaves it. And I'm like, oh my god. We closed up on it several times. I'm like, I can't believe.
Someone would do this. So that's what fashion crazy, I know.
And then Matt I was like, next time I see her, I'm going to tell her I saw what you did, and I'm gonna call the police.
Next.
I'm like, don't, well, that wasn't I'm like, there's no police show up. It's like there is, there's a dog, there's a dog unit. I'm like, Okay, that's not the police, so that's like a dog a dog patrol or whatever.
Yeah, No, I cared about someone. He's turning into an old man if he's going to call the police after a poop on a line. I was like, you could just bruck her and just be like, why did you mind picking it up? That is so embarrassing we have you miming picking up dog shit.
Can just talk for a one time and she'll never do it again because she's so embarrassed.
Yeah, I wonder today I was my dog shit and I and I didn't have a bag, and these people sitting outside Starbucks saw my dog shit, and so I had to.
Go like, where's the bags.
Gotta go get the bags because I always pick up dog shit. And if I forget to pick up my owns dogshit because I don't have a bag, later on I'll pick up a dog shit that is my dog's for the fact that I didn't get that shit, because usually I pick it up with leaves or with mults.
You guys, if you've seen my reality show, you know my mulch trick where you just douse it with tons of mulch and you cover it like a birthday cake and sprinkles, and so you pick it up and you're only touching the sprinkles the mault and you're not touching the shit. It's a great idea or grass any kind of thing. But I used I had to get Starbucks napkins today.
But these guys did think.
I was just going to leave it, and I was like, oh, I know they're whispering about me and I but I would. I think it's so crazy to do that, to leave it. This woman's mentally unwell, for sure.
Yeah, it's not such a paradise after at all. Yeah, you want to hear something interesting. I don't know if you're going to find this interesting. Tell me if you think this is interesting, because I find this to be interesting. The population of Kingston is currently twenty four thousand, one hundred. In nineteen ninety, guess what the population of Kingston.
Was twenty eight thousand.
Oh you think it went down.
I mean that's why I think this is maybe interesting, because otherwise how could this be interesting?
So I'm gonna guess unless Speak died.
Thirty years ago. A generation ago, the population of Kingston was twenty three thousand, eight hundred and ninety four, so it's basically not changed at all.
Wow, that is interesting. Yeah, okay, no, it's not say it. It's just the same.
That helps me understand why no businesses are open here ever.
It just like everything, there's no businesses.
Like if you want Mexican food, I hope you know, you can only get it Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the very popular Mexican food restaurant in town that everyone loves.
That's it.
Do you do you eat? Do you make every meal?
No?
We go out once in a while, but we do. We cook a lot, but we like cooking a lot. Like I haven't been truly blown away by a lot of restaurant food here.
What do you guys cook? Like, what's your number one thing to cook?
Number one thing?
I mean, I love this gluten free pasta I make. We do that with like a you know, like a quote unquote bolognietes, but it's beyond meat, and then like a tomato sauce, and then we make a nice big salad.
Lately, I've been really into sandwiches for lunch.
I don't know why, because there's a fancy sandwich place here and it's like fifty bucks every time we go, and we're like, let's just learn how to make these sandwiches and they're amazing, okay, And so I just make like a really yummy vegan sand or a vegetarian sandwich with like a fried egg and then sprouts and lettuce and tomato.
This place does it with soaur kraut.
So I should just buy candy, but like basic vegetarian food.
Mostly and we love it. Okay, all right, what do you guys do? Takeout?
I did take out for every single meal and that's just what.
My life, you know. And Chris don't cook at all.
Chris will cook a little, but sometimes when he's like trying to be better about being healthy because he doesn't really have options for healthy food like elsewhere, so he'll like make Brussels sprouts and stuff.
But like, no, we don't. We don't cook at all.
That's why I go out.
I want to go out for something I couldn't possibly make, like really delicious Brussels sprouts.
I don't know how to make them, so.
They're like all fried or yeah, like.
Sugar is that it?
I mean anything that is cooked elsewhere that you're like, how do they do it.
It's usually those ingredients.
I think, well, for Brussels sprouts, you need the flamethrower thing to make them really crispy and burned.
I guess we got to get air fryers. Everybody's doing air No, I.
Was gonna go as out of style soon, I bet you no.
But I don't know what i'd air fry.
Everybody's like it's incredible, sweet potato fries, chicken nuggets, tofu nuggets, deep fried anything, call of our wings, Like you can make the most.
I don't know.
People live their lives where they have to cook all their meals. Yeah, they are constantly cleaning their will take a.
Really long time to cook your dinner. I mean it's you know, you can do fast stuff, but.
If you want to make a clean dinner, yeah.
No, it takes a long time. Every time I do, it's like, wow, I just spent from the hours of five pm until seven thirty pm cooking and cleaning my my dinner. Yep, I clean my dinner too.
It's a lot of maintenance and upkeep.
But I will say takeout makes you feel bad because you are constantly throwing away plastic.
And it costs like seven thousand dollars, that is.
But that's my one thing that I that's why I that's my one indulgence that that in Taylor Swift tickets things.
The population of Saint Louis, Okay, right now in twenty twenty three, it is two hundred and ninety three thousand, three hundred and ten.
That's here, Saint Louis City, Saint Louis City.
Yeah, isn't that what it is?
Yeah, but that's not where I live, not even in St.
Louis County. Yeah, okay, so Saint Louis County. Okay, Well, this one's nice.
I think we're like millions.
The population of Saint Louis County is nine hundred and ninety seven thousand, one hundred and eighty seven.
Oh yeah, what was it in nineteen ninety whatever?
In nineteen ninety it was basically the same, nine three thousand.
But this is the town's family moved here from Cincinnati.
Oh.
It's interesting is the city has decreased dramatically since nineteen ninety. Oh the city.
Yeah because yeah, white flight baby. Yeah, Saint Louis is very segregated and very scared of the city.
That's why I said, like it's different.
Like my sister lives kind of in the city, and you would think she lives on skid row with how people respond with like you live in the city. I mean, her car was stolen twice in one week.
I think, so should they have two cars stolen or one car twice?
Two different cars stolen? Both of their cars were stolen, I think in one week.
From the driveway, we gotta go, we gotta go a break. But I want to talk about something that happened with Luigi last night. When we get back my step dog or not step dog? My, Uh, what's the my he was my dog, but I've given him away?
What is my biological dog? Her biological say? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll back up to the.
Okay, we're back here.
I am with Marion, my dog, and Luigi's in the other room with Chris because he hates me right now because the dogs are staying with me right now and less. My parents taught me a funny trick with It's not even a trick. It's actually really cruel now that I think about it. But you know what, certain dogs respond to certain words like w alk or like t r e A T. And you have to like spell it
so they don't get too worked up. Well, there's a certain word that makes Luigi so sad and like turn like it's just it's funny, how fucking sad he gets so quickly.
But if you say the word.
B A T H, he he is tail goes between his legs.
You would think that he has been beaten in baths. So I can't even believe it.
I said the word because I said I would never say it around there is something something horrible happened to him.
They used to happen to my dog Bruno, Like if if he would hear me whispering bath, he would just hide.
Why do they so much?
It's not that long, it's not that horrible, but you would think he has was like it's like I said the R word to someone who has had that happened to them, Like he was traumatized in a way that I felt so bad because I've saying to because it was like, Chris, look how funny this is because my parents showed it to me, and it was really funny when I first saw it, because he just like.
Puts the stail between his likes and he just kind of tiptoes into a dark room to like it's so funny.
And we say bunny, she's she saw bunny once outside and now she knows the word. And if you ever say bunny, she gets her ears go crazy and she goes to the window and for like an hour she's just staring out like laser focused out the window, waiting for a non existent bunny to come.
That's sad, but that's actually like, she's not like sad.
Though Luigi looked like he was reminded of a time where you know, he got severely or something.
Yeah, that's exactly it in them.
And so last night I did it and Chris was like, I think this is cool because he.
Went in the other room and he wouldn't come out, and I was like, babe, I'm so sorry.
Camere and he he was he then he started shaking trembling like crazy. Guys like just like but he also is a kind of dog that likes to be a baby and likes to be a widow, like likes when he gets like, I go, are you a sad dog? He'll like get sad or looking to just get like and he'll just get like kind of limp bodied. So sometimes he I can make him start shaking if I just go, oh, is someone so sad and he will eventually start shaking. The last time he was shaking so
much from the mansion of a batch. And then I started saying like, oh man, I have a math problem to do late, like I was just saying things at rhyme with it, and he was even getting triggered by that, and and I felt so bad. And the rest of the night he was mad at me. He was mad at me until we for hours after he wouldn't we were eating popcorn. He wouldn't take a popcorn from my hand. He would only take it from chrystals.
He was like.
Punishing, so mad at me.
He's very smart, He's such an asshole and he h I love him so much, But I was just wondering if you guys, I'm glad that Bruno had that same response, like why.
It's they get clean?
And also as soon as we get done with the bath, I go, it's tell time. And then I go like with towels, and I just like messed owls around their head and they freaking love some nothing more than how do you bathe him? I used to bathe them like once a month. I think, like not that much and he would love it when it was over, and it's like, wasn't even that worth it? Like it's almost like working out, like I work out, because the feeling afterworkinglain.
That to him.
Yeah, right, Bruno would also turn it. Bruno would also turn into a stone in the shower, so he.
Would not like move.
Yes, it was like that dog that like turned into a statue. And I think it was like Home Alone or something POMPEII in Problem Child. I don't know if you've seen that movie.
Oh no, but I know what you mean.
Like, I like that's what Luigi does too, just like gets totally shivery and so tense and like like a boner, like stiff, like a boner.
Do you try treats because Willy used to do that and hate baths And now I just bring treats up there and just keep giving her treats the whole bath and now she jumps into the tub like a little bit of life.
Yeah.
But what is the difference between like a dog when you you know, when you scratch a dog in an area where they're like oh yeah, and they kind of get tense and they like they like start shaking their leg and they kind of like start shaking, and they like look up into the sky and they almost their bodies start twisting and contorting because they're in such ecstasy.
How is that not an orgasm? How is that not?
Like Marian will have one right now if I get her spot She was having one last night, And I was like, there's no difference between me and Marian when we have an orgasm, the same thing, the same body. Con she finished, And I just remember as a kid being like doing that to dogs, making their legs twitch and making them get all tense and stuff, and not
even thinking anything of it. Like, but I wonder if my parents were constantly like, oh my god, that dog looks like it's having an orgasm, Like I wonder if all adults were always thinking, like a dog looks like it's coming now, why would they connect the two?
And then he gets really tired after her and then he starts smoking a cigarette.
Yeah.
When I was a kid, I hated baths and my parents told me that for two years they didn't give me a because I would scream. And my Dad's like, you developed scabs on your head, you know, you were really difficult. I'm like, you're a terrible parent.
Like, why are you blaming me?
Right?
Not for two years.
That's I know, But somehow it was my fault. It was an infant, like you were really problematic, really weird kid.
Just didn't like why that was before.
Wet wipes, Like what did parents do back then?
Just get a wreg.
I don't know the feeling of water on my head, so maybe it's not that rare well.
Anya bringing up this camera that she filmed her neighbor doing the poop reminded me of this story I read over the weekend that made me feel crazy. But there's this couple in Florida who had just had a baby and they're downstairs. Neighbor complained that the baby was crying too much, and but there's nothing that they could do about it. It's a crying baby. But then a couple of months go by and all of a sudden, they
start noticing a weird chemical smell in the apartment. Yes, they started raising a weird chemical smell in the apartment, and they're like, that's weird. And they tried to look everywhere. They looked at the hot water heater, they looked at the gas leak, they look for everything in the house and they fix things, and they thought they got rid of the chemical smell, but then all of a sudden, the baby, who is now like one or something, started vomiting and getting and crying, getting really sick.
Oh my god.
Yeah, and they were like, we don't know what's going on. So then they decided to put some cameras. They hit some cameras in a bush right outside their front door to be like, what the fuck is going on? What's this chemical smell? Why is everybody in the house getting sick?
And this is going on for months and months and months, and then one day, all of a sudden they see on their camera their neighbor to the one who complained about the baby crying before he leaves for work or whatever, he walks up to the front door with a syringe and he injects chemicals underneath the door jam into the house and then walks away and they have him direct It's like it's like this was filmed for with the Apple.
I didn't see it that yet, so okay, but it's like this was film for a television show that you can see his face, you can see this perfectly framed, this guy injecting the syringe, and they found out that this guy, who was a chemistry doctorate student at the at a local university, was taking chemicals, mixing them together like a fucking mad scientist, and injecting them into the door of the house to try to kill the baby because he was mad that it was crying all the time.
Jesus, yes, God, final thought. People are insane. Did you have to brind this the other day?
Seriously?
People are so stupid and crazy. First of all, how do you not know that everywhere is cameras. If I wanted to murder someone, I just wouldn't do it because everywhere's cameras. There's cameras all over. You're not You're always gonna get caught.
You're fucked like.
You can't murder someone anymore. This isn't nineteen forties. Oppenheimer could have killed that chemistry guy with the apple, even though I heard that's not a true story based on that was one of the parts of the movie that wasn't real, and it's not.
Don't worry. Don't get mad at me about the spoiler.
It was two seconds of a movie and it never comes back to even be a part of the movie, right, Anya correct? Okay Anya? I saw Oppenheimer. Oh waite again. I just want to say this too. There's a website called like rent a Hitman. I told Brian about this, and they are getting They're catching so many people who are trying to kill people because people really think it's a place you can get a hit man, and so they're signing up and trying to procure.
A hit man.
And so go to rent a Hitman dot com and see it's like a fake website to catch people who are trying to kill their spouses.
I'm guessing I saw Oppenheimer. I loved it.
I don't really know what I saw though, to be honest with you, it was I saw Killian Murphy is hot and cool and I like watching him. He's just hot in a weird, mysterious kind of creepy way.
He's a great actor. Emily Blunt. I'm a fan now.
I know.
I'm like cod why is she and everything? But I get why she's and everything. She's fucking good and I liked how they like made her look more and more like old and alcoholic throughout the movie. I saw it the Chinese Grahm in theater, like the gigantic seventy K screen or whatever it is. It was a very loud movie. I had to put earplugs in the entire time. Heeling fast paced, there was no need for there was three I was almost like Ariostour, you never get bored because
it changes so fast all the time. It's like there's not but there's no boring scenes. It flips around a lot. I did feel like it was like the same kind of movie over the same scene over and over, because it kind of was, because it went through like but I thought it was great, and yeah, I liked it. I don't know what to feel after it. It didn't like stay with me though. I'm not like thinking about it a ton after I saw it.
It was good, though, what did you think about it?
Anya? Because I haven't talked to anyone who's seen it about about it, I know that you you would.
I was impressed visually, but I also was like, this is not this is not for me. Christopher Nolan is famous for really using soundtrack so much, and for me, it was just like I'm distracted by this sound being so loud throughout the whole thing. It's like a movie trailer. It's like I just want to hear these people talk and I don't need like swelling strings in this part.
It's just like I.
Would have loved some captions up in that bitch. I felt very like, I am used to captions. Now I need them, I want them. I thought, uh, yeah, I really liked it, and it was I'm glad I saw it and it's Christmas mail alone, And I said, what do you mean by that?
To male gaze?
Like Florence p it doesn't need to be nude in every scene.
I liked it.
No, she didn't, though. It was all about like her tit in every shot. It's like what she's saying is actually kind of important, but we just have to put her naked in this scene again.
Do you know your ears and your nipples completely match up mine?
I found this just yours Anya.
I read a fact about Annia last night on your ear loaves, and your nipples are perfectly aligned, or should be if you're yeah, think about it.
That kind of makes sense. Yeah, I like it.
I don't know why that was interesting to make you learn Oppenheimer last night. It was a good film, That's what I learned. I have to go because I have to go to therapy and to get my car. But thank you guys for doing the podcast today. Thank you for listening to the podcasts. I'm on tour this week Chicago Theater Friday. I'm very excited about it. New material, new merch Anya will be there, Chris will be there. He's not performing, but he'll be in the house, and and you will be there.
Hopefully.
Tell your friends Chicago this week. I really want to sell it out. We are not even close, and I would really like to get those tickets.
A move in.
This isn't like Aerra store. If you buy a ticket to my show, it actually matters. It's not like every seat counts, and I really appreciate it if you come so. And also Peoria on Saturday and also in Illinois.
I'm very excited about that show as well.
Friday and Saturday this week, and then my tour kicks off and I'm off to like a million shows in the next couple of months and I'm really pumped for them.
Best material yet. Come out and see me. Thanks for listening to pod today, Dumpika and listen to what Florence has to say. Oh stair Ships