The Nicky Glaser podcast.
Glaser Post.
Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am, It's Sneakey Glaser Podcast. My my mic was up too much. Oh wait, I'm trying to down. Sorry that was for me. My my headphones are too loud. Sorry I didn't appear on Scream when that was happening. Jump Scare. It's the show. Welcome, Anya and Brian and Noah are all here, and we're still all in California. And then Noah is still in New York. Yeah, my god, you've been there so long. Why are you again? I was like realized the other day.
I don't know why exactly you're there.
Well, I originally came here for Anya's wedding, and then at the same time I was helping my dad. He had to move and I'm in his new house right now, like from a chair to the couch or something.
No.
No, it's just like our parents, A good daughter.
Holding his hand, walking him along. Yeah.
No, he has like so much crap and I don't know.
I just stayed to help me. I think it was a mistake though. Nice. It's really my parents know that I'm not gonna do I'll hire I will pay money to hire people to do that, but I can't. That's what I should have done. I should I should have done that. You're right, so in that respect, you do wish that you would have just like spent some coin to have someone else do it.
Yes, because the amount of screaming at me that happened was just inappropriate.
Yeah, throwing out did you throw out things that he wanted? Or were you no?
Like he he yelled at me and then I just gave up on it even yelled great time for clearing He's he's very like my dad is very stubborn, and I realize if I come visit like annually, he'll just get more and more stubborn as the years go by. And there was no like changing anything. Everything that went from one house had to go into the next house in the same way and the same quant.
I'm guessing he's moving because he has to, because this guy doesn't like change, so he's being forced to move. No, did he want He's not. He wanted to.
Oh, he wants more space so that he can accumulate more crowd.
Yeah, yes, some.
Sort of film moving situation or like I remember in college and even all the way up when I was living in New York. It was like asking a friend to help you move or like uh, and then you give them pizza and you have a fucking pizza party. And then I learned like, it's like two hundred and fifty dollars to pay professional movers to move shit for you. I mean, how much would it cost a task grabit to have that to get that shit done for you?
And then it's it's like so little.
Like when I was like twenty two years old, I was like, it must cost five thousand dollars to have movers come and help you move things, and it's like, no, it's not.
It's like two hundred dollars.
It's like the hotel mini bar. There's like always a meme about like who grew up in a time where you thought, if you like ate a couple things, you would bankrupt your family and end up on the streets. And I still have that anxiety of like if I try to move things around to put like a hummus in, I'm like the censors will know and I Am going to be in a shelter tomorrow because I moved to Jack Daniel's mini bottle. Yeah, there's all these things that we'd like attribute, it's going to be so much we
don't even like check. Yeah, it's moving as hell. Listen, these are all life lessons. You'll do it right, Christian, move into your place.
Yeah.
But he This is what I love about my boyfriend. There are like whenever, whenever I'm like, oh, you know, is this going to be the right thing forever for us, I'm like, I have a boyfriend who would never ask me to lift a finger to help him in any way, Like he does everything himself and hates to put me out in any way. Which I'm very much like that too with him, Like I don't like to put him out, but he protects me from bullshit because he knows that
that is such an anxiety for me. Of like, you know, if we ever moved into a house together, he's going to deal with the guy to come over and fix our dishwasher. He's going to deal with the guy like there's I'll never have to do anything that's like a solid agreement between us. Is like I get stressed out by those things. He protects me from them, and then I don't know really what I do for him, but I make him laugh. I I have to like reassess what I offer my friend, I think, because he really
does do a lot for me. And the other night, God, there was something. There's some meme I sent him. Let me just look it up because it was so cute. Oh, I also want to get to this letter I got from a bestie.
Last night.
I was at the laugh Factory and oh, a bestie. I was on my way there. I was doing three sets and I was looking at my phone in a stoplight and a bestie wrote me and was like, I'm at the laugh Factory. I'm going to see you. I have a letter for you. It's okay if I can't give it to you, but I'm here. And I was like, oh, fine, just go to the bathroom and find me because you'll see me walk in. It's very it's a conspicuous like you have to be kind of conspicuous there because there's
no where to like really hide when you enter. And so when I got there, she was in the bathroom waiting for not waiting for me, but she was just in the bathroom, I think, And then I opened the I went into the bathroom. I think she first went in there because she had anxiety about crowd work, because the guy on stage at the time was doing crowd work.
Because then my friend Jermaine Fowler, another comedian, said there was a girl in the bathroom hiding from CrowdWork, and then you came in and I heard you walk into the bathroom and her go, oh my god. So she like started crying as soon as I walked in. She was washing her hands and she just didn't expect to see me. And she was wearing a Nikki Glazer podcast t shirt and she's like and her eyes were welling up, and she was so cute and so sweet, and I
just like, I was just so freaking touched. And then she gave me a letter and I said that I would read it, and I haven't yet, and now I'm reading it. Okay, So the meme that I sent, I sent him a couple of things that are really funny that because Chris has a segment on his podcast called the Best Thing I Saw Yesterday, and they all just share like memes or tweets or something that they saw on the internet or even if they saw their real lives. And I sent He sometimes reads one that I sent him,
and one is a bumpersigre. I don't know if you guys saw it was like on the internet a lot the past couple of days, and it's a bumper secret that says Helen Keller Denier. And then like one of those non smoking signs that has like a red circle with a cross, and that cross it says, ain't no way.
I saw that in skipttastic because I didn't get it, and I still don't get it. I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
Okay, R Bryan, would you like to explain it? Then, as I look for this other.
Tweet, I believe the way I interpret this piece of art is that people are saying that there's an imaginary group of people who deny that Helen Keller could have possibly been deaf, dumb, and blind and still been alive and wrote things. And then the basically the slogan is a is what would be a slogan for those people? Ain't no way that she could have done all those things and been deaf, done blind. She was faking that. Being deaf, dumb, and blind just a more succinct way to.
Say that it's not real. There's no one that's a Helen Keller Denier. It's a joke.
Yes, it's like a satirization of people like like Holocaust deniers.
And landers flat earthers. Yeah, yeah, and then okay, here's the here's the meme. Oh sorry, what was your next question?
I'm sorry?
You love and I love analyzing.
Okay, what why the red crossout sign?
Well that I think that's just bad graphics because they're making fun of people who don't know how to actually put together because usually all those people moon landing people flat earthers, they don't really know how to present an argument in a graph like they usually use, Like they probably don't have a they don't pay a lot for good graphics.
They don't have a creative suite on.
Their Yeah, so let me pross. It doesn't even make sense.
The sign says ain't no way or whatever.
Okay, so the sign says Helen Keller denier and fought on the bumper cigar and on the side it's a non smoking sign, and in that non smoking sign says ain't no way, and it's crossed out. That does not make sense. It doesn't make sense, but that they're making fun of people who don't know how to make things.
This isn't funny in that instance, and it ain't no way is a satirical making fun of flat earthers, moonlighting people because they rarely have any evidence. So that person's argument is.
Just showing stupid people are Yes.
That's all comedy, isn't it.
Yeah, I mean, it's just making fun of people being dumb.
I feel like there's something either awry with my brain or other people because to me, this isn't funny at all. But I want to laugh.
Well, okay, let me just make you laugh about it. Okay. There's a group of people out there that are like, join together and they don't believe they're big thing that they make bumper stickers over, and they get together in groups and talk about and spread misinformation about is that Helen Keller is not is faking it? That's really no,
this is it's a joke, satire. It's making fun of flats like people who believe in this big or like yes, and so you have something outrageous and then there there there's their tagline is just this empty phrase of ain't no way, which the word ain't implies they're kind of stupid because you don't say ain't unless that it's like, I mean, you can say ain't all you want, but
you wouldn't say that. If you were like a group of people coming together to be like, what's our statement, you would put ain't in it and then crossing out ain't no way doesn't make any sense. It's just like a bad graphic choice. And so it just kind of hammers up, like, look at how bad this like the the art is on this. Yes, I remember saying it. It's like using comic sands almost. So okay, here's the meme that I was looking for. Yeah, I love this. It reminds me of my favorite segment on my old
favorite podcast, what was that called? It was with PJ Vote and uh, another guy from but they used to do this thing called yes, yes, no or something in this remember that and remember that I don't hate what people say that member that And it was about the one guy that was like an older man would be like they would they would he would bring a tweet that he saw and he would be like, I don't know what this means, but it has twenty thousand likes and you know, five thousand retweets and it made no
sense and they would break it down because it would be some very specific reference and they would like teach you how to understand meme culture. And it's like it was interesting. So this one was.
And yeah, and also we got to give a shout out to Tony Zarit. Then he's the king of this satirizing meme culture Helen Keller thing.
I'm honestly, he probably did. He's the one that does the best job of it. Where you go, is this real or is he? Oftentimes people think he's legit. Tony's zarat Z a r e t if you want to follow someone who is like satirizing memes and idiots. Okay, so this one is the one I was talking about. It's a it's a body like floating and above it. It says the feminism leaving my body. When my night stand water cup is empty.
You want your friend to get it?
Yeah, yeah, And that's always what happens. Like when I'm in bed, I'll just be like, I won't even say a thing. I'll just be like, oh, I forgot my charter in the living room and I don't. And Chris can be in deep r em sleep and he will still and he will have worked a twenty four hour shift like sometimes his and he will still go get it for me. Even if I've been in laying in bed all day, like he is always that that's a very sweet thing about him.
But anyway, creative power, the power of memes is amazing. I was at your hotel a couple of weeks ago and we were playing what do you Mean?
The game what do you Mean?
And at first I think all of us were like, wait a second, this isn't going to be fun, like these these aren't funny, And then we started playing what do you Mean?
And then five minutes later we're like, this is fucking hysterical. Memes are so funny.
So funny, just a dog looking sideways. Yeah, And then it's a really fun game. It's called what do you Mean? And it has all these meme pictures and you pick a picture, and then every person has like a deck of phrases like that are funny things like when your boss calls you in and tells you you've been spending too much time in the bathroom at work or something like.
It has those kinds of things, and then you have a deck of them, and for every picture that gets put up, you put the best phrase for that meme, and then the person who picked the meme picture has to vote on which one's the funniest. And so you read all of these in conjunction with the picture which is being posed on this little it has a little easel it comes with, and you look at the picture and read these things and it's really really funny and
we had a good time playing it. But uh, okay, so yeah, last night this girl came and she was really sweet and she gave me a letter, which we'll read later because we're gonna do fan thras. But yeah, I went. Oh I wanted to say. This weekend, Brian and I hung out with We went to a pool party. What yeah, we I did something social I saw. I guess it was like last week. I went and did a set and Tim Dillon was there, who I'm quite
obsessed with right now. I'm going through a Luis k slash Tim Dillon, just like obsession where it's like all I listen to and in his podcast about Lizzo, can I just give a shout out you guys finish this one, but then go listen to that one. It's so fucking
funny his take on the Lizo thing. And again he is like the Tony Zarit person we're talking about he's like these like mocking meme things, like he's not really serious when he says that Lizzo needs to become thin and leave the fatties behind, leave the pigs in the barn, abandon them. They've turned on you. He's like, his whole point is that you were the queen of the fatty fatty boom batties, and he's fat so he can say this, and so I'm just paraphrasing. I don't believe this. I
don't call people fats. But he says you need to leave them behind, get thin, go on Rogan. He has this whole pr plan for her that is completely ridiculous and totally a joke. But when he said leave the pigs in the barn, and really you need to abandon the hogs and have first, it's just it's so it's so harsh that it's so funny because you just go, this is an insane person, but he's so funny. Anyway, I ran into him at the improv and he uh, he was like, Oh, you got great beaches out there
where you're staying. And I was like, oh, you go to the beach. He's like, yeah, body surf And I was like let's go to the beach. So we all we came up with an idea to go meet at a beach. And then the day came and he was like, we could either you're doing a text exchange with some other people and we could either go to the beach and you could come to my house. And he's right off a road and it's a long road. And he also so he I go, let's go to your house because I just want to go to and sit by
your pool. It sounds way more fun. And and then I got over to his house on Saturday, which I did. I've gone to Sunday, I've gone to Taylor's with the night before. I did not want to go get up and drive an hour to go to a pool party. I was like, what am I doing? Being this is like a social thing. What am I doing?
Good for me?
Rest I know good for me? And most people are like I'd love a pool party, and I'm like exhausted by it, And but ended up being very, very fun. I knew it would be as as everything I dread, and when I got there, every.
Was in Los Angeles. It's a city full of lonely people, so it's almost like doing service by showing up at a party because everybody's like dying for a pool in summer. And then everyone in la is dying for a friend.
Do you think so?
Yes, it's the loneliest city I've ever lived in.
New York City's lonelier people.
You walk outside and you're not alone. In New York. You're like friends with the bagel guy who's yelling at.
It's so sad because you're surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely.
I don't know.
I seen the main high maintenance.
Every episode is a characterization of someone in New York City feeling lonely.
And that's not having a weak guy deliver weed.
And that's your friend, and that's your friend, and you're going through something and he's the only one that's listening to your problems.
But in New York, on you.
Though, there's this I remember living in New York. I've told this story before. I'll tell it quickly. I was there for a couple of weeks and I was walking down the street and there was an old man shuffling down the street trying to get his arm into his sleeve of his coat, and he was hunched over and I'm just walking beside him for like ten or twenty paces, and I just grabbed his coat and put it on
his arm. I never would do that anywhere else, but in New York City because we're all together, crammed together, you have this odd sense that we're all a family, and so you don't have as many like walls or boundaries up.
But you guys stepped over four homeless people on that twenty steps. You literally the old man and I just leap over old people that are homeless and dying on the street that you have to ignore.
Probably good the reason he had his jacket undone. He's probably dumped a bunch of chemicals into the Hudson River just before that finance bro party.
In New York, you do not deal with people that are struggling because it's constantly around you, and you would never get to where you're going if you addressed every person that needed help in some way with a stroller, with their jacket, with money, with you know. And I've helped many people in the New like old women cross
streets and stuff like that. But I think you become because it's all around you suffering, and you go, how are these people affording to live or even be how do they even get to Manhattan from wherever they came from? Like it's so expensive to even spend three hours in Manhattan. So I'm these people trudging along. I just don't I don't get where they're all coming from. It's a strange city.
But people look to each other more in New York. I'm on the street always to people are like, hey, where's this? Where's that?
Oh?
Yeah, like how do I get to this? Stop? Think about when you're in New York you talk to talking.
About cars versus not cars. As I think what you're saying, because people in La would probably talk to each other, they're just in cars.
So exactly in New York, you're on the subway, you're on the street, You're like.
No one talking to each other on the subway on you literally no one. You can get raped on the way and talk. Watch you get.
Rid on the subway you don't talk, but waiting stander effect, waiting or on the stairs or on the way in you talk. French family just was like, how do you do this metro card to meet family?
Talking chorus?
A metro card is not talking and that's the talking.
If you're a lonely thing.
We had a lonely persision about where they went that day.
If you're a lonely person and then you're not going to go to your therapist. I was feeling lonely, but then a French family asked me how to use the metro card.
I feel less alone.
I'll just speak for myself. I've lived in both cities. I was very lonely in LA and because I'm in my car, like you said, you're isolated. And in New York City, I immediately felt like I don't care if I'm alone all day. I'm at the movie theater I met.
I agree with that. I do agree with that. I mean I want I just said quickly. I love New York City. It is far superior to LA. Go ahead your but.
I will say the thing that I've noticed about LA before we go to break is that if you need to get in the next lane, people will let you, no matter what. It's the greatest thing about this city. I will never back down from it. I have noticed that people are generous. If you've oh, fuck I forgot my exit, you are never gonna have to lean on your horn and be like fuck you. You saw that I'm there. It would take you two seconds to just like let me in. Yes, my Amazon boxes are here.
They were looking for them yesterday. So one signed off called his name was Red Canyon or something and Red Ranch you can just leave it here, thank you so much. Uh, but we couldn't find who Red Ranch was, and we thought maybe it was the name of this place. Anyway, everyone in La lets you in. Everyone in La lets you in in traffic. They are so generous when it comes to being like cool, I don't care if you cut me off. Like, no one's freaking out here. The road whereage is like less here and.
Yeah, well they all they let you in.
It goes.
They're all drunk.
No one's stone. We'll come back with more after this.
We're back.
I don't know if La is all drunk. They're all maybe hi driving.
Everyone drunk drives out here.
It's like it's like I'm here and the OC especially forget about it.
I did so really drunk driving.
And there's so many self driving cars now that you could kind of do it. I think that will that be a thing when you can just be drunk and get in your car and just press go and then it just takes you home and.
Why not.
The only thing you might do in the wrong place. Oh fuck, talk me to a fucking in and out burger.
So did you body? Oh no, you didn't.
Yeah so Tim dillan. But yeah, So we all go to the house for the pool party. Invite Brian because Brian hasn't seen Tim Dillon in like over maybe eight years when they used to do a podcast. You guys do that podcast, so Brian was Tim was Brian's sidekick on his podcast. So I wrote Tim, and I go, hey, can I invite Brian Frangie? He is my podcast sidekick now and I heard you used to be his? Isn't that crazy? And he wrote back yes, and I was like,
uh oh, like am I Like why is it? But I could just tell that it was like he just looked down on his phone when he's probably in conversation with someone else and was just like yes. And then he wrote me back later he was like, I love Brian. I was like, okay, good, Like it wasn't just like a yes, but he was so excited to see Brian.
And then Brian and Ally came over and uh we all hung out by Tim Dillon's pool and it was very hot, and we watched his Tim Dillon's assistant struggled to put off a So Tim Dillan, I guess that morning was like, oh shit, I have no one bre and it's hot as fuck out here and people are gonna come over and be outside. So he sent his assistant to go to like home depot to get an umbrella. And then the assistant just had to assemble this gigantic outdoor umbrella while we just all sat and watched him
struggle in the blazing heat. And yeah, and then Tim.
And also one of the hottest guys I've ever seen.
That's so funny. Yeah, he's a good looking guy, but I wouldn't have described him that way. But yeah, he was fit. He was a fit guy. Sorry, wrong room. I think. No, you're okay, You're okay.
Yeah, he was just trying out a new chriacter. What if he were just like doing a monologue.
Well, I'm just connecting with people in La dropping up is just someone.
Walking by your window. I have no idea who these people are.
Well, there's like a something going on here that people in the next two rooms next to me are doing some kind of production thing, and so they keep wondering up here, thinking that they're like with like gaffing tape, ready to walk in my room, and I go no, no, no no, And they sometimes they walk in they go, oh my god, they're just so scared.
Oh I didn't realize you were like, buy a door.
Oh yeah, I'm right by a door. It's right here. In fact, i'm looking at it right now. I look at that fucking door. Uh yeah. So we had a pool party and it was fun, and Brian brought his wife over. First time I've seen them as a husband and wife together. She is amazingly perfect teeth. They were as white as the beautiful sun dress outfit she was wearing, which was also gorgeous. She's ethereal. Tim Dillon had lots of nice things to say about her. He was just like, God,
she's a keeper. I forget what I said. What did he say to you?
He thought she was twenty four?
Oh, god's amazing, and how old twenty five?
Yeah she's twenty five, so you know, yeah, he was off by a year. Really embarrassing. Wait, connect, it was really fun.
How is it.
Being married for you? Is it any different from dating? Do you feel any to friend?
I guess.
You know, there are occasions when I you know, like at this pool party or whatever. I mean, when you say someone's your wife, you get a little bit more credibility there. But also just like it is nice. Yeah, it is nice too. You get a balance out of a handshake, which is really an incredible feeling, but you get every once in a while, I catch myself going like that's my wife to myself, like, oh, that's my wife, and I'm pretty happy about it, Whereas when it was my girlfriend, I never did that.
So I think there is something about this.
Like uh, pride of having uh this person be your partner forever.
That is wasn't there before?
That's cute, that's sweet. Anya, you can speak to this as well. How has that it been for you to say, my husband, have you been in?
Seems happier?
Okay, so that answered how you feel like Matt seems happier.
No, No, I just noticed that, and it was striking. I was like, he seems happier. What's going on? I mean it might be related to something else, but that's and then I'm I ask I guess because I didn't feel the thing that everyone's like, it's different.
It's like people never say it's different, they're just saying it's the same. I hear mostly, I would say ninety percent of the time, I hear it's just the same, especially if the people were living together before.
Maybe I've only heard a couple of people say it's different, and that stuck in my head. So I'm like, I wonder how it's different, but it is. I'm noticing a very subtle difference of like slightly more tenderness towards one another or this like slight. It's not respect, it's just like protectiveness. Yeah, Like I guess we're gonna I'm gonna like take care of like We're gonna look after one
another till we're old forever like this. So there's this new attitude of like all of a sudden, we're talking about like long term things, you know, where we weren't so much for And it's just like I don't know, a weird a sweet.
Or maybe it's like she's going to take care of me when I'm old, so I better be nice to her now or else.
She's gotta we got to keep her bone health stable.
Supplements a night.
Yeah, if I.
If I mean to her now when I'm in a wheelchair and can't think she's going to be switching out my pills and hitting with a ruler and ship.
We're like you I look at sometimes like you know, the way my parents eat, Like you think about the way your parents eat or the way the things they do, and I'm just like, we need to keep you around.
Like when you start to think about someone's demise or like the long term, like towards the end where you're like, we want to prolong this, you start to kind of nitpick about little things about them, Like I think that if christ and I got married, I might start to be like, let's look into other food alternatives for you so that you you know, because or we should talk about like when you are in a coma, like can I date other people because we need a plan or whatever.
You know that's a joke obviously, but it's like I saw a thing last night that said the more you hang out with your mom, the longer she's gonna live. And I was like, oh God, I need to start hanging out with my mom more, because yeah, I just want them. And then I was listening to this other podcast when I went to sleep, Sam Harris with Peter Atiya Atiya Tila, and he was talking about longevity and he is like he's working this guy, this doctor. All he does is work on how to get people to
live longer. And there was just like, I don't even want to say it. This just such a bummer. But it's like, if you break your hip after the age of sixty, you have a like ninety percent chance of dying twenty years earlier than you would have if you didn't break your hip. So everything is about don't break your femur, don't if old people. And that's why you need bone strength, because the only way to break your hip really or the most common ways falling and those
statistics are wrong. But it's something outrageous like that, where it's like your chances of living longer are just cut so severely from if you wouldn't have bread broken your femur. So the goal when you get older is to protect your femur because it is the biggest indicator of if you're gonna have a long life or not, if you're going to reach like your nineties or one hundreds, which not everyone wants to do. Maybe, but so the whole.
Thing is like, yeah, I didn't know I guess the.
Top of your your pelvis, like at your hip, anything around there. You yeah, any big bone you're I forget what it's called, but he had some really long name for what it is when you break that area, if you break a hip. Pretty much I think was the thing you which is a common old person thing, but it's all from falling and so the whole thing is like oh, and he said, this was a very interesting thing.
He said, so it's all about protecting your muscles, like make sure you have you eat a lot of protein, and if you're a vegan, you find a way to get that in because it's gonna be for you, which I don't think I don't agree with. I think it's actually very easy. It's just a way for people to get to not go vegan. It's like protein, where do I get it? It's like if you heard of a p But anyway, so he said that you need a lot of protein, you need to do muscle strengthening things
and that he was like, no person. He was like, Sam, how many human beings do you think have lived in the history of human beings? And he's like, I think it's around something like ninety billion people, you know, since the dawn of humanity, and he said, I don't think one of those people on their deathbed, if they were in their old age, would wish they had less muscles. Not one. He was like, it's always the thing when you get older, you're gonna wish you had more of
is musculature. And so it just made me I'm trying to hire a personal trainer for my mom because it's just not some She's never once worked out consistently in her life in any way, not for a week, not for a you know, like she's walked in stuff, but walking doesn't build muscles like you know. She needs upper bodies. She needs actual like resistance training. I'm projecting too because I need it too, But at least I have had
some sort of idea of what that is. So I'm like, maybe she could if I said maybe if I just pay a trainer, and she's like, I don't want you to do that, and I'm like, well, then I'm going to pay him anyway, and if you don't show up, it's a waste of money.
Mind.
I think that's the only way I can get her to go. I don't know. I just want my parents to have les.
I had one. Well, I still have one. He's just back in Arizona. And it's great because you have someone who is motivating you, who is teaching you how to work out in a way where you don't injure yourself. And it's also it gives like accountability, like he's showing up, so I have to show up. Yes, And I'm all for coaching. Therapist just gets someone to help motivate you do good stuff. I know.
I don't just get her on board though. Nikki is so much money. It's like, well, I would pay that for you not to die ten years sooner. So what is the difference.
Okay, Shelton's going to be at the gym helpt her workout.
Well, my mom the same way. She never worked out her entire life. She just didn't want to do it. And then recently she's she's truly living her renaissance right now. She moved into a community in Florida of older over sixty five people and made a group of friends, and now she exercises more than she ever has in her entire life. And it's because her group of friends do
exercise related activities. They play pickleball, they go swimming, they go on walks, and I think for someone like your mom, one of the only ways to get her to exercise in that way consistently is to connect it with something that's not just your exercising.
I don't know about that, because, well, the thing is my mom. I think the only way is to motivate her by otherwise your daughter is wasting money, because that is her truest, biggest fear in life is that her daughter is yours f what on that she does. But I'm talking about, like, my mom needs to do more than just play tennis or pickleball. She needs to do actual weight resistance training. Like how do you get women
doing that. She's not gonna go to like pool classes where she's with the floaties doing exercise in the water because the soula respect of it. My mom doesn't do that.
Would she go with you? Would she might be motivated by hanging out with her daughters.
Yeah, but I don't have time to go to Okay, get another reality show, right, you're both working out. That's like the theme of the reality show.
I think that's a good idea. I think my mom made her Yeah, and she was like, I'm making twelve hundred bucks a day for an appearancing. I'll do it. I'll do whatever you need me to do, and look at my tries. But this pool party was fun and it was a weird group of people. Milo Mannheim was there from Dancing with the Stars. He was on the season that I was on, and it was good to see him again because I haven't seen him since then. And he did a movie with Tim so Tim knew Milow.
And then Milo brought another friend who was this eighteen year old kid who was like, so like, it's such an old I hate to say old soul, but he was. I thought, he's like maybe twenty five at the young garage. My wife Yeah, yeah? And then who else was there? You guys? And then aunt Andrew Colin was there. That was fun. And then who else? Oh, David Spade came by and then he sent me a text later and was like, I didn't know it was gonna be Twinka
Paloose up in there. I had to duck out because there were a lot of like young hot guys.
David is at one point almost.
David is a twang. But he made me laugh so hard. He gets there, he walks, there's like a three year old there right when David arrives. I don't know what happened. Oh, Carlisle was there, but like a girl woman came over that Tim nose and she had like a tiny baby kid that was playing in the pool. And as soon as David walks in, he says to me, you didn't tell me he was gonna be here and points to the baby like he has beef with him. And I was like, oh my god, shit, I didn't know. I
forgot totally about you guys. Oh and then Tim goes, He goes, yeah, Dave goes, me and that baby have have beef. And I was like, I'm so sorry, and Tim goes, yeah, they dated the same girl. But David just came in and was like, that's I told. I told him later, I'm like, I know that it wasn't your scene because he thought it was gonna be like more comics and he didn't really know the comics that
were there, and which was fun. He had fun, but he he was like, it was you know, it was a little twink fest up in there, And I said, yeah, but I knew it wasn't far out of your way to go, and I wanted to see you. I just wanted you to come in and like say, a couple of singers and leave, and that's exactly what he did. He kind of like circled around and then Brian noted that he immediately like he was like all right, I'm leaving, and then like left. There was no like pretense of
like I don't think I'm gonna go. It was just boom gone, which is uh. I love that style.
He stood up.
We were talking and then he stood up. There was as soon as there was like a a pause in the conversation, he stood up and said all right, see you guys later, and then he left it and there was no production about it where he went by to each person, Nice to meet you, good to see you.
Oh, I'll see you next Wednesday or whatever.
It wasn't rude, and we also felt like, yeah, like if I was him, I also would get out of here. We're all looking for that exit as well. Now I really wasn't. I was having a good time, but it was Yeah, it was fun, and any other things to say about it. Brian, it's interesting.
When you go to a party like that and you're looking around, you don't know very many people, but you know that each person here is either rich, successful, famous, or combination of the three and so. And then what's interesting is that everyone else reciprocates that to you. When they look at you, they're like, what is this guy's deal? There must be a reason he's at Tim Dillon's house.
And so everyone treats each other with a little bit more respect than you would at a different party that I've I've been to other parties like that, and it's like that aren't in Hollywood or whatever, and people are like, I don't give a fuck about you.
Ye when there's vacation that this person could be a producer, I don't know. I ever know, you never know. That's a really good point.
I don't stay from the point that Anya was making about how lonely it is is, because then it's like.
No, there's no question, la as lonely as fuck. I just don't think that New York connections are real and like, and I don't think that people actually help as much on the street. I think Anya gets approached because she's a nice looking girl that has like an open, shiny, kind demeanor. But I don't think most people are like really talking to each other in New York streets in
fact there's not a lot of eye contact. No, what you don't you agree that people kind of just like you have to be immune to everything going around you. If you address everything that needs help, you wouldn't get anywhere. Yes, but like I guess in a way I agree with Anya. It is easy to connect because there's like all these like New York characters, yeah, that you see on a regular basis, and they talk your ear off when you get their whole life story and vice versa. I al
wants talk to someone on the subway? Am I like anti social? I've never heard I get the.
Submary like it's too weird. Work on the street waiting to cross.
For talk to someone and no.
People will come.
Up to you and be like, I'm n yu. Were doing a survey for a class coming in.
That's not talking and that's like doing a survey.
Well, it is come up to me.
Will come up to me in LA and they say, would you like to take five minutes for the environment, And I say no, I'm sorry.
But they're working.
That's not going to make me less lonely.
We have to remember where the conversation began, which is are you which city is Lonelier? And Anya is giving a bunch of examples of solicitors trying to get money.
For Here's my hypothesis. New York feels more like a family of people crammed in together, and therefore there are fewer boundaries and fears about approaching someone. There. Very often on the street, I'll say, you look.
Stock, I'm stuck on a ship with a bunch of people. It's crowded in LA.
Everyone's in their own bubble. It's more isolated.
Yes, I agree with any on this.
I also agree with an on this.
It's the illusion of like when you walked when you're in New York and I'm depressed and I'm like, I'm so alone. I can walk down the street and I'm surrounded by people, which gives the illusion and does give you the feeling like you're connected to people. You're in this organism that is like working together, and you're walking by people on the street. You can smell people, you can hear people's conversations. In LA. You get in your car and you're still in this bubble and you there's
not a lot of witnessing other people. It feels yeah, I get that, I think, but I think it is the illusion. Even though it does work to make you feel more connected, it's still not actual connection, which I think is the difference between our arguments. But I do agree with you, like you you can feel less alone in New York because there's just so many people around all the time. Yeah. Yeah, And the thing about the parties in LA is interesting that yeah, everyone there. I didn't know why everyone.
Was there and was like, yeah, isn't that fascinating?
And then you're just like it's like when I went to the WGA meeting and I would or or if I'm on the picket line I start talking to someone, it's like, well, I have to secretly go onto IMDb and see what they did, just to make sure I'm not embarrassing myself by not knowing who this person. Like I didn't know who Miley was. And then after I got after I got home, I was like, let me look this guy up. And I was like, oh man, he did all these things.
Yeah like that.
It's weird though, because I was like, why didn't I introduce him as he's from Zombies and he was on dancing starts. I just I sometimes I forget to introduce and to give contextualize everyone and I should have done that.
I don't think he wanted that. I think he was downplaying it because he has tattoos on his foot, a tattoo for each project he's done.
Yes, I know this about me.
IMDb is on his foot.
Basically, yeah, he has a he has a little tiny tattoo on his foot for each project he's done. He's got twenty seven, a little twenty seven for being on season twenty seven of Dancing with the Stars.
He doesn't have twenty seven credits yet, He's just yeah, he's.
The number twenty seven. And so I asked him.
I was like, what to each of the things on your foot mean? And that was basically like saying what's your credits essentially, which I think some people will.
I didn't know. I was just like, what are those things?
And he's like, oh, just a little something for each project?
Is wrong?
Is oh, yeah, he keeps trinkets. But yeah. His mom is what's his name, what's her last her first name Mannheim. She was on the Private Practice Cameron Marylynd. Cameron Cameron Manheim is his mom, and she wanted a baby The Story of Them. He was on my last show on Serious and you may have heard the story, but his mom it's the coolest story. I had him tell it again to everyone there. But his mom knew she wanted
a kid, and she to this. She was hanging out with Marcia gay Harden, who was a friend of hers, and Marsha gay Harden was like, I go to this pottery class. You've got to go. The teacher is so hot. So she brings Cameron to the class and Cameron's like, oh my god, this teacher is so fucking foxy. And she went up to him after the class and was like, if I'm not pregnant by the time I'm thirty five, would you want to have a baby with me, and said something like that to him, just kind of joking.
He's like, well, I'm gay, but yeah, I'll do that. And so they they would see each other at parties throughout the years and that was just their running joke. She was in her twenties when she made this first offer, and they'd always see each other, and then it got to be the time she's thirty five and she saw him and was like, I actually would do it, and he's like the stunning, tall, handsome guy, and so she got his sperm and they made a baby and it's Milo Manheim.
Oh my god, that is amazing. I love all that. That is so what a great Worsion story. Does he know it's sad?
He yeah, he does. He has a relationship with his dad, but he was just like his But his mom was just like, I'm I'm not gonna it sucks that women have to like wait to find a good man to do, like if they want to be moms, Like they've got to have all this these ducks in a row beforehand. I like that she just like took the reins and was like, I'm ready to do this. Let's all that guy. Allow would like it makes sense with a woman's egg. I'd be like that girl, let's use it. Yes, if I wanted to do it.
Can I quickly? I want?
I do.
Want to give a shout out to a bestie. This is a besty shout out. Uh I learned. I learned yesterday. Yesterday was Rob Stern's birthday. Happy birthday. Rob and I did another social event that's two in the same fucking week, which is pretty rare. We went to dinner for his birthday at Moon Shadows, that restaurant on the Malibu Coast.
Have ever been to Moonshadows?
Oh my god, you had to drive up to Malibu.
Yes, I did, well, half an hour shorter, but yeah, I went to the moon Shadows and this, and then there's this couple that are friends with me and Rob and I didn't know this, but the whole time this uh uh one of my friend's wives, Liz Galalless, is a bestie and she was a bestie before I was on the show. So then I was like, well, so then when I came on with a rude awakening and she said no, but uh yeah, Liz Galalless, shout out there,
she's a bestie and I knew. It's it's so crazy and amazing meeting people who are like, I was a bestie and I knew you the whole I knew you before, and I was a bestie before and then you were suddenly on the fucking podcast.
Yeah that is so wid Yeah nice, so cool. It is so nice to Yeah, it's when people are busties. It just warms my heart and is a different Sometimes I'm shocked from different levels fandom.
Like I know some kid people that are besties, but I think that they're kid mm hmm.
But they're I don't have cuz it's actually cool.
I thought they were okay, but they're besties, so I'm like, oh, you know what.
They can't be Yeah, so they're cool without you.
But they like sometimes in their lives. I just yes, in their lives, they say they sort of make some choices. But then I'm like, oh, I love you now because I know you're a bestie.
Is this like choices you see on Instagram? Like this is how we diagnose ka Now, yeah, let's go. Let's go to break and come back and maybe we'll discuss a little bit more. But we got to get to fans with Thracks talking about busties. Let's do that when we get back. Right for this, all right, let's just get into it. Let's get to fan thracks. Haven't done it in a while. Time to get to bestie mail and voicemail. Noah, let's let's just get right into it.
Okay, Well, I'm gonna start off with Kelly because this seems kind of urgent.
Kelly.
Okay, hey guys, longtime bestie. I wanted to get your opinion on a situation. My car was broken into this morning and it's my own fault. I left it unlocked for the first time in years, but they took out. I had a big bag of dry cleaning full of all of my favorite sweaters, and one of them was this vintage sweater that I'm just like, I can't replace it and I'm looking everywhere for it. But how would you handle the situation? How would you get over it?
What would you say to yourself? Would you just say that it's gone and it doesn't matter, I need to get over it, or just how would you guys deal with the situation? Cope with the loss of your favorite sweaters? I am trying to my favorite smart all right, thank you bye.
I'm so sorry. That sucks so much. I can tell how much that sweater means to her.
Do you guys have a car broken into? Is such?
It so violating?
Violating? It's like, this is my little personal car. I don't want people valet parking my car because I don't want people in there. But like when someone just busts into your fucking car and takes something from you, it just feels sold her fault.
We all leave our cars unlocked, sometimes that doesn't mean someone gets to go into it. So it's like it's so not your fault. You're allowed, you should be allowed to leave your car unlocked. In no way is that your fault. Don't let anyone tell you that it is. You should be able to leave your car un locked and not have someone take your fucking dry cleaning bags.
So annoying fault of a violent and selfish society.
You can up so many like violations through stealing, like the stealing of someone's security, the stealing of someone's objects. You know that the stealing of someone's life. It's like stealing is so I don't know, it just it's so wrong.
Yes, you just take something from someone and then it's theirs and there's nothing you can do about it.
And the person I isn't gonna even value these sweaters at all.
No, No, it's like they probably got to I mean, I don't even want to say what it probably became of these sweaters. But how I'm having I'm having a hard time emphasizing right now because I don't have any sweaters that mean that much to me, But I'm trying to think of something that would mean that much to me if it got stolen. I'm having trouble conjuring anything because I just don't know that I get that attached to Do you have anything like but me, me, your
grandma or anything like that. No, And I guess what I would say, And the reason I think I don't is because I guess and this probably won't bring comfort. So I'm sorry if this is just like the wrong thing to say. But we die eventually, and you can't take it with you no matter what. Like, at some point you and that sweater will be not as one separated. Yeah, and it just happens sooner than you want it to. But it was always going to be that way in
the end. And yes, it could be passed down to the generation and stay within with people that you love, but even they would eventually pass on and the sweater, the sweater will eventually be alone in a landfill some day and there will be no humans around to to take care of it or be with it and that wearing it. Maybe I also think that I guess I do have a take, which is when I do lose.
Sometimes I lose things I guess that I've spent a lot of money on and I just feel so stupid and so mad at myself, what a waste, And I'm so angry and how dumb I was. You know, there's a story of me spilling the water on the laptop that I literally had just opened and bought and spent thousands of dollars on and I spilled water on it.
And my therapist, my my abusive therapist, doctor, my abusive She told me, and I'll repeat it again, is that don't punish yourself because it sounds like part of your sadness is like I'm it was my fault, like I did this, and like how stupid I was to leave that valuable thing, my car door open when I knew that vintage sweater was inside, Like I deserve this or something.
The punishment is losing the sweater. It's already happened. Don't pile on the punishment like you you already got the punishment, you know, like you don't need to punish yourself anymore, and like suffer with thinking how stupid I am. Don't tell people about it that are going to double down on that. I know that when I spilled water on my computer, I called my mom instantly because I knew she would go, why would you have a glass of water compete? Like cutting? Why would I do just punish, punish,
So the punishment is already done. You lost your sweater. That's like that would be a severe punishment to you if you you know, if you killed someone, someone could go, well, I'm gonna take your sweater, and that's what you get for killing someone. So it's already in and of itself a punishment. So back off in that way. And then in terms of dealing with the loss of it, I don't know that I am ready to speak on that. Can you guys maybe share some stuff?
It sounds like what's her name, we don't know, Kelly, Kelly Kelly. It sounded like you were sort of fishing or like dancing around the idea of maybe trying to get them back, if that's what you need to do.
Try.
My first thought was like, oh, you're never getting those sweaters back.
Not to be harsh, but I think she meant like poshmark finding the same sweater elsewhere.
I see, Yeah, sure, but my hunches that these sweaters mean something to you. So my first thought was, like, write about this rite about everything that comes up for you. Is it like like what Nikki's saying, Like, God, I'm so stupid or I feel violated, like Brian was saying, is it. Oh, the sweater meant so much to me. I had all these great memories, or I'll never Like, I have a blazer that I would be kind of shattered if I lost, but not because it means something
to me. It's just the perfect color, it's the perfect cut I wear all the time. It's like dressy, it's casual, and I've never found one like it, so that would annoy me. But like, right about what's coming up for you? And then here's the thing I've been working on lately. Let yourself feel all the feelings and don't do the shortcut too well. I just have to get over this, and you know, just get over it, like really let yourself feel the feelings, and then this cool thing happens
where they do kind of wash over you. I've had this recently. I just disappointed somebody and they let me know, and I was like proud of myself because I let myself feel what came up, which was like fuck you for being mad at me, fuck you for like telling me I disappointed you. I get really angry and I'm
not used to feeling that way. And then I was able to move from that through like it's kind of annoying that they told me I disappointed them, and then it's like, I don't know if I really like this person. And then I was like, well, they have a point.
I did do something not that nice, and then I got around to compassion, and then once I was neutral, I was able to act from there, so I would That's my advice is like, write about all this, let yourself feel everything, and don't judge yourself for whatever you might be feeling, and then yeah, maybe you'll find a new sweater.
Wait.
So well, if you want also right now, if you're feeling like you'll never get your sweaters back, and it's just so sudden, if you want an off ramp from hope, because now your hope's been entirely dashed, you can give yourself little pellets of hope like a hamster, and it'll
slowly snuff out the hope over time. So, for example, now your sweater's gone, you can believe, which I don't think this will work out, but you can believe maybe the thief will post the sweater on Craigslist and try to sell it, or maybe the thief will donate the sweater to Salvation Army to get money for it, and I can try to look on Craigslist. I can try to look at the Salvation Army, and maybe I'll be
able to buy back that sweater at some point. So keep looking at those things for the next couple of months, and then slowly the hope of you getting the sweater will decrease, but at the same time, your acceptance of losing the sweater will increase, so that by the time you lose all you'll be ready to accept that it's gone.
I like that. I think another thing I would recommend. And maybe this is like too soon, because sometimes when people's dogs die, I'm like, get another dog, and so they're like, I'm not ready for that. But sometimes I'm like, but I think it would actually help. I think you should get a new sweater. I think you should treat yourself as a thing. You stop this. It's my fault. I lost my sweater. Feel victimized by it, Feel like
this bad thing happened to me. I deserve a fucking treat, Like if you you know, you deserve some compassion, you deserve something nice for yourself because you were victimized. This
wasn't your fault. So go and you spend more money than you probably should, and you treat yourself to something you've wanted forever that can replace that sweater now and become your new vintage sweater that is your new most sacred and prize possession, something you really love and and maybe it's gonna take a lot of time to find that thing, but now this opens up a space in your closet for something new that can that can be that important to you.
It's not opportunity.
Yeah, that goes hand in hand with what I was just thinking about, too, which is a lack mentality versus an abundance mentality. Sorry, a rape, But I come from this a lot. I don't know if this is what you're upset about, Kelly, but baby, it is like I spent all this money on these sweaters. Now they're all gone, and I don't have any money. We don't know where
you're coming from, Financia. So for me, that's where Like I was on a trip recently and it was expensive and the trip got kind of fucked up for me, like one of the days was going to be fucked up, and I was so upset about this, and a friend was like, you really sound like you're in this lack mentality. What if you were in this mentality of like it doesn't matter, I still have eight more great days of this trip because one of the nine days was fucked
with and I'm trying to do that more. Just be like, what if I had this attitude of like you can't take stuff away from me, or like Nikki's saying, like what if I had the money to buy more sweaters? Like what would that look like? I don't know.
And even if it's like you don't have the money, just go to Goodwill and a new vintage sweater that you can ascribe some sort of meaning to. That is like you're giving a sweater a home that wouldn't have one before because you're so that something gets a chance
because you got this stolen for you. That would have just sat and rotted and that sweater could you could even think about the history of that sweater and how that may have been stolen from someone and now you're giving it a good home or something like.
That, and probably somebody needs that sweater. The person that stole even though it sucks, they needed to steal that. It needed to happen.
And it was always going to happen. Yes, you parking your car where you did, leaving the thing. There's that's where the free will. No free will sets me free. It was always this is determinism. Things are always they're already set in stone of how they're going to happen because of physics. It's things are are going to end up the way they are going to end up, and nothing you can do is going to change that. So it was always going to be this way. It wasn't
your fault. You're not stupid, you're not foolish. Everyone gets burglarized at some point. You can't really avoid it.
Yeah.
I mean I lost my wallet because I left my stupid fanny pack open.
I mean, how is dumb? Was that? But you know what? He moved someone? Now there's someone, uh with my w G A card.
Yeah. Well, I got this letter last night from I hope that helped you. Uh, Kelly. I got this letter from Kelsey last night and I'm reading through it and it's there's nothing. Well, I'll just say she says all these very nice things. She said, buckle up. I'm giving you this letter because I'm too afraid of how I will actually react when I meet you. Well, I saw you meet me and you were ridiculous get it together. No, you were so sweet. I made it made my night.
Also what made me night at the laugh Factory was a table of what I'm guessing were gay men who were like As I was walking up, they were like, we love you, we love you, we love you so much. And it was like, just when gay men love me, I'm sorry, it means so much, especially sweet women and gay men. It's got, it's it's it's it's the best because gay men have great taste. I think it's a.
New Taylor Swift song on the next album, Taste Game, Sweet game Man.
So she said, since discovering you randomly one day in two thousand and eight through my YouTube, I'll go, my life has changed for the better. She didn't say, algo, I did. My life has changed for the better. You have taught me to laugh more, be less hard on myself, sing more, create healthy boundaries, how not to be play guitar more, meditate with Sam Harris, be more prospective, work on myself, forgive my parents, be brave enough to go to things alone, no free will. And most importantly, you
made me the swifty I am today. And then she goes on to say you are my tailor, I'd say you're my Taylor Swift, but you're not. You're my nicky Glazer. And anybody who is friends me knows how much weight that carries. This is just like, it's so nice. I am right there with you, playing my guitar and singing with you and Anya. I'm just reading excerpts. You're like my sister I always wanted and I've never even met
you before. How is that possible? How are you able to capture the hearts of all as beesties through a screen? That is what makes you so special. I think it's how you can make us feel special and less alone just through your words. It's a gift all of us benefit from. I really need to hear this. Thank you so much. Also, thanks to you, I'm now a huge fan of comedy in general. I now actively listen to about twelve or more podcasts hosted by other comedians. Oh yes,
my boyfriend has tells me I have a sickness. I'm a fan of all these comedians and have gone to see most of them live, and I would have never discovered them if it had not been for you and your podcast. So thank you for bringing so much lefter and joined to my life. Final thought. This is hers, but we'll make it ours too. Final thought. I really
hope to get to the end of this letter. I know it's probably really uncomfortable to hear these things about yourself, but I hope you can accept these words into your heart because you deserve to hear them. This is so nice and you are addressing exactly the feelings I'm having. I have so much more to say, but I believe you Your time is valuable and I don't want to take up any more of it. I've bombarded you enough
with my feelings. At this point, all I have to say is I love you, Nikki and Noah and Anya and Brian and all the besties out there. Don't be cu And just a reminder of what one million people died in nine and eleven joke of ours from way back in the day. So that is so nice. Thank you, Kelsey.
That really touched my heart, and I'll try to remember it on days where I feel WHOA, We're worthless, because that always creeps into I was Actually I texted Anya this morning about because I've been I think the listening to Louie a lot has inspired me to like really try to delve into these jokes that I have and like try to really actually find the truth in things that are just maybe just a little thought I have, but like, no, let's cover every angle and maybe prove
a thesis like and that can't really be argued, which is always my favorite thing. And I'm really struggling with the idea of why people want to have kids. I just you know, it started here where I asked Noah one day, like why would you want it? Because Noah, Noah would like children, and I just want especially when my best friends want something I don't want I and everyone knows, like I'm very interested in like I'm bothered
by the fact I don't want things. And I say this on stage, I'm like, I'm not approaching this kid thing like a Chelsea Handler vibe, which is Chelsea Handler's vibe, which I totally agree with her as well, and I fucking love her take on not wanting kids and being child free and childless, but hers is more like I did the right thing. Your life kind of sucks that you have kids, And I like that angle because it really I send them those clips to Anya all the
time because we're both child free people. And she's gone right now because she decided to go have kids. She we just lost her. But she's like, actually I'm out of that, Nikki. So she's in labor right now. But Chelsea Handler has more of like a just like why would you do it? Like I'm living the best life. I'm smoking weed every day. I can do whatever you want, I can sleep till noon. Mine is more like, yes, I can do all those things. I get that, but like,
what am I not getting about this one? To have kids? Clearly there's something about this that I'm missing out on. And so I've been like investigating it in every way. And I know that we have kids to prosper our species.
That's the number one reason, because every species does. And then there's the emotional thing of like Noah said, I want to see the world through a child's eyes, and that gets a laugh in my set because I go my one friend Noah says, I would like to see the world through my child's eyes, and I go go to Burning Man like I just to do some asset,
like I think you'll get that experience. So then it gets a let of drugs, but you want a lifetime of them and then uh, And then I explored, like I think, but I think the answer is and there's no shade here whatsoever. But I think the true answer is that people want meaning in their lives and they
don't have meaning. At some point in adulthood, you find a career, you pursue that career, you do that career, you find a husband, you get the husband, and things kind of just settle down and you feel like, what the what's the point of me being here? What am I here for? And I struggle with that all the time. That's like why I have suicidal thoughts. It's like, what's the point of me? Like if I didn't exist, who
would care? And I think that instead of people letting those suicidal thoughts in, they go let me find meaning in the form of being a mother. And I woke up this morning too, I opened my Instagram and the first thing that pops up is this do you know Bobby what's her name? Bobby out out and off? Wait where is it? I sent it to Anya hold on once again? Bobby altof She's that girl that talks like this and it yeahs rappers and it's just very like.
My good podcast or something like that. Yeah, like the very good podcast she interviewed Drake and Bed and one viral.
Oh yeah yeah, and she's just like, are you heading on me?
Why?
And she's just so chill and so cool. But she's a mom, she's a young mom. But this quote I woke up to, I guess it's from her Cosmopolitan interview, and she said, there are times when I think that if I didn't have my kids, I wouldn't be here. When I don't feel like the world needs me or that I have a place here. I know that my kids need me, and it got cut off by the the thing, but that answers it for me. People feel worthless if they don't have a purpot like she wouldn't
be here if she had kids. If that tells me she would be dead if she wouldn't be here, right, I don't think she's talking about Cosmopolitan magazine. I wouldn't be here. She means I wouldn't be alive. Therefore she probably was a little bit. She's referencing I'm guessing unliving, which is the way that you're supposed to say it. Right now, even though.
I really like that, I don't know if I agree with that though, because what do you know it means why wouldn't be here when when parents say like, oh, my children are my life or comments like that, I think it just puts the onus on the children, you know, it's it's I don't know, there's just something without that I.
Don't I don't think it's because I would be like my mom would have killed herself if I didn't exist, and therefore my mom really didn't have worth without me. Well, that's a lot of fucking pressure. And also, if I grow up and I don't really want to talk to my mom on the phone every day anymore and I don't really need her, is she gonna kill herself? Which is a lot of people's concerns that have overbearing mothers. And I'm not saying this woman's overbearing or that this
was a wrong thing to say. It just gave me insight into exactly why I think people do do have kids. I think I'm getting it now. It's because they need another they want a purpose in life, and that is the instinct. Because my argument is that animals were the only species that tries for kids. Other species just have kids and they're like, whoa I just had? Like they don't relate having sex to like we're gonna make a
baby bird. They don't think of it. I really don't think birds know that inside their egg is a little bird. It's just the instinct pops up. Oh the bird comes out, and they go, oh, I gotta feed this thing. It's all instinct. It's not like they're like animals are fucking like, oh, we gotta try for kids. They don't know. They're just fucking because it feels good or because it's the instinct. We're the only animals that go, I'm gonna fuck so that I can have kids. Kids are like just a
thing that shows up for almost like predator. It's the thing you have to deal with.
Monitoring their theirlation cycles the month.
Yeah, can I just goly weird to have like a it's a new thing to want to have kids.
Can I just go back to what we were saying about, like kids give me meaning, give my life.
Yeah.
I think the the correct approach, or you know, or the one that doesn't like put any burden on children is kids gave our relationship a meaning. Because I remember seeing a statistic that like if you don't have like a big change in your relationship, like every four years, you're it's more likely that your relationship will fall apart. So you know, if the changes, Oh we're going to move in together, or we're going to get engaged and get married, we're going to have on this special together.
What's the specistic it's saying, Man, if you don't have a big change every four years, you're gonna break up.
I totally need to agree. We needs a big kind of impact to shi people need big announcements, like Instagram is just a microcosm of a bigger thing, which is like we all before Instagram, we still needed like a thing to look forward to humans, like we need things
to look forward to in life. And when you get to be a certain age and you've been working a job that and you're not gonna get a promotion and you're not gonna pursue a new career and your house is the way it's gonna be and you can't afford, like you gotta bring something into the shake it up a little bit.
I think that's statistics flawed.
I think that statistics flawed, and it's it's it's skewed by the fact that just most relationships are not good ones, and so they break up before four eight years happen, and then then they're trying to everything.
Has to apply it to like one, Like, I'm sure that's.
True too, But there's plenty of examples of couples who have been married for sixty years and like they haven't had a big change since their kids went to college, and like, well, what happened? What about those thirty years where there's no changes happening where they're.
Just kind of my parents' marriage fell apart when you know, like the empty nest syndrome, Yeah, because nothing.
So a big change happened and then they broke up. So that goes against that.
Study, right, But I think it's like it's it's not a distraction for it's not something to work on together, whereas an empty nest is a big change in a way that it's like a deficit. It's not like adding forces project. Yes, I think that there's no Everyone knows that people have kids because they're bored in their relationships. We all know that's a bad reason to have kids, and that people do do that, like, let's save the relationship by bringing a new kid, like a new thing
for us to deflect our boredom with each other. Onto, yes, but I'm just trying to I want to do a set where I cover. I want to be able to go to the audience and have every reason that people have kids and have a thing to say about it and not being like and that's a shitty reason, because I don't think these are shitty reasons. I even last night, I said, I get why you have kids. You're bored and your life is meaningless without them, which is not
a bad thing. That's why I do comedy. My life is fucking meaningless without doing another season of f Boy. That's why I pursue projects. It's not enough for I have a weekend off and I have no purpose in my life. If I have a day off of work, I want to kill myself because I'm like, what is the point of my life? So I don't begrudge anyone having kids to fulfill that void. But you have to admit that's why you're doing it. That's what I want
people to have to admit. It's like, you're not doing this because you've always like, I just don't know that. I think people are just scared to admit the real reason they do things. People are scared admit they have low self esteem. People are scared to and this is a separate issue. People are scared to admit that they're insecure. People are scared to admit they're bored. People are scared to admit my life really doesn't have meaning outside of
this one thing. I think I'm more I've been I've been doing it for many years on stage of admitting my flaws. So I'm just more and in therapy, more able to do that than most people. But I want to get people to a place where they can stop putting themselves on a pedestal for having kids and start realizing what it really is is that you're not some sort of hero. You are in my and actually you are a hero in my eyes because you're loving something so much that can ruin your life if anything happens
to it. I think that is completely brave. I would never I think it is up there with free solo climbing in terms of a risk because you're toddler. We all know toddlers like to get into shit, and if you don't watch it with like a hawkeye, your life could be over. Your toddler could just like run off with your life in its hands and ruin your life. Completely if something happens to it, or if something just like unlucky befalls, disease, whatever, like, you're taking a huge risk.
So I really give it up to parents for that reason. But don't delude yourself into thinking that you are some like martyr or like better person than me. That's what I kind of want to strip away is like parents, I think like they're better than people who.
Have a different little approach is that it's less of just like the reason why you decided to have kids is not valid versus, why are you think you're better than me because you had kids or why does that make you superior.
I don't think most people think they're better than me because they have kids. I think there are a few people that do. But I also want to strip away the idea that even if you don't think you're better than me, the reason you think you had kids is kind of not the reason you think like you because I have so much love to give and I've always wanted to be a mother. No, there is an insecurity deep down in you that you're not enough unless you put more life on this planet, and that you have
a job. And we all come from a place of that I just happen to have a job that has not yet become too boring that I need something else. I think that if my I definitely think that I could have kids if I get bored with my life. And maybe that is not everyone's perspective. People are, please write to me and say that is if you have a perspective on why you had kids, that is I
haven't touched on yet. I want to hear it because I want to hear every single side of why you want to have kids, because I'm trying, in a very slightly autistic way to understand another side of human beings that I don't understand, and I want I just want to get it. Like I I get frustrated when I you know, I've felt this way about why do you like hiking? Why do people like to go see things that they could google image? I just want to why do you like cooking when you could order out food?
And I understand that some people cook because it's cheaper, but like some people don't, some people like to cook even if they can afford to order out. I like to understand people's motivations, So send in yours if you have one, and or if if I've hit it on the nail on the head. Please send that to me as well. But yeah, when people say they have so much love to give, that's why I hike.
I hike because I have so much love to give.
But like, is it have the love you have for a dog? There's nothing in me that goes man, I want something more like it's just so there's so much love there. I had to give my dogs to my parents to get them away from me. I love them too much. Like it's too strong. But I think it's like a drug. Love is like a drug. People want a stronger one. Give me something that's like, Okay, I want this dog to like talk, now, Okay, what's the what's the version of that? That's a baby?
You know.
Like, I think people want love, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I think that I just want a reason for it, and I and people give me too vague of reasons for having kids, and I feel like it's it ends up sounding like when people describe mushroom trips. I just don't. I'm like, I guess I gotta do it to understand it.
That's the problem with kids, though, is once you do it to understand it, then that's the only way you're going to know whether or not you want it to do that trip.
Yeah, it's all you do time.
Yeah, it's only you do shrooms like and then you have to raise those shrooms for the next twenty years while they slowly suck away your lively.
I respect it mad respect to parents out there, because you were locking yourself into a thing that you could maybe not like and that you might have made a just was like, we'll see if we like this, and shut up to mostly men who are the ones that like get stuck being parents and don't really have a choice whether or not they're going to be parents. Yeah,
I would wear condoms. I mean, the fact that men ever don't wear condoms is so insane to me because at least as a woman in the state I am in right now, I think in California, you can still get abortions. I get to decide whether that I become a parent. Men do not. They just have to do it.
Then the well, men get to decide whether or not they stick around.
Well, men can you know, run the world and decide whether or not women keep their babies or what. But yeah, men can just but they still have to pay, they'll get hunted down and they'll still be a parent. They'll still have to live knowing they abandon their child the rest of their life. We've really gotten into it. We lost Anya, but maybe for good reason in this last time. Thank you guys so much for listening to the show this week. We will be back next week, you know
we will. Thank you for your call, Kelly, Thank you for your letter, Kelsey Dobeka And did you just tell me why you wanted have kids?
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