The Nick Agliser podcast Niki Glaser post. Here's Nikki. Hello, Here I am. It's a Nick Laser podcast. It's a late night edition recording this. I can't do it? Can you do it? That's pretty good? Yeah, I can't do the back of the throat one. Noah's good at the back of the do it again, Noah, Oh, that's so natural, me too. How do you do in the back of your throat?
Jew?
Yeah, this is what people tuned in for. Welcome to the show. It's late niner. Come Gusland. It's six thirty six on the West Coast and it's like ninth thirty six where Noah and on your Anya described her boobs. What's going on there?
Oh?
I did it was totally unconscious.
They have been growing and not going down. I've had two periods this in the last seventeen days. Holler at me, ladies in perimenopause, what the fuck is going on with my body? I will reiterate day one of my period. Normally I'm a seven day girl day no, but but guys, like a pantyliner, never using a tamp haven't used a tamp in years.
Very light.
Oh for seven days. The whole time is a panty liner.
Exactly, just one.
For years the time. I just like to recycle.
No, you know, like a few a day, but very light, and then it goes away.
Sven days. That's a lot. That's long.
It's usually like six.
But i'm talking life.
Whoa, I'm talking.
Like a nineteen ninety six Bobby Brown Matt lipstick that it's like that brownish thing, not blood red.
So no blood red. I don't think you never bleed when I was on birth kind of like a different color. And I was on birth I had the brown, but off of birth control. Yeah, I'm not sting.
I have a scarlet red droplet sometimes just hit the bathroom floor.
So it's been going on for two weeks.
You said, it's just it was like very light for six days. And then I had sex on like day eight or nine, and Matt was like, what we got a little situation here. And I was like, are you sure that's from the front and he was like, he's like, I don't know, it's kind of I don't know. And I was like, oh no, that's that can't possibly meet my period, and it was and then.
It started again.
Wait, so when he has something on his penis that might be your period blood. He does tell you about it, because I don't think my partner does. He just assumes I know it was. He just goes in there to clean up on himself. He's not like reporting back to me what he's finding on his.
He probably know well, he knows who he's dating.
I had just done the sheets, and we have white sheets, so I think he was just warning me, like, you have a handprint on your.
Sheets, right, okay?
Crime scene, yeah, a little bit. It was like a very light crime scene. And then I thought it was weird, and then I just let it go. And then like two days later, it just starts up again like full on and when for another seven days?
So it's like when, So you feel like it's perimenopause.
What does that mean?
It's anyone over forty is in it. That's what my natural apath told me.
It's just when your periods start to get light. It just means before a menopause, which happens in your.
Yes, that's.
People will be tricked me.
At some point I.
Saw I had to admit it because you're getting older and I keep staying and you're very age.
I don't know when I'll start lying about my age or concealing it. But this weekend I was saying a lot like I'm in my late thirties, and then I said, at one point I was just like, I'm in my latest thirty and it's got such a big laugh, and it was one of those laughs where you're like, I don't even you didn't even know that was gonna be funny.
A lot of those, Yeah, I just have no idea what what I'm saying.
After time, but someone will like burst out laughing and you seem kind of perplexed, like why was that funny? And then sure, then you that's when you know, like to hold on to that one. Yeah, that's good, even though I didn't intend for it to be fin.
It's really you.
Yeah. Yeah, Unfortunately, that actually feels good when you're like, oh, I guess I'm just naturally funny, but in a way that my mom is like my mom's ever doesn't seem to ever trying to be funny, but she is, and it makes me. I'm so jealous of that. But I guess I have a have that.
Every comedian, every comedian planet earth, has a friend that's funnier than them. Yes, and a mother, yeah, or somebody.
Even today, I was at this work thing and someone goes, I just did you work on Barmageddon? And I was like I did, And he's like, I just got a message from my friend. I just got a slack for my friend on a slack, a thing called slack. I just got a slack for my friend that said I worked with Nikki on Barmageddon. Let her know her mom is the coolest woman ever. It was just like, oh, I was like, oh my god, I made impression on someone at Barmageddon, but it was no, it was my mom.
She's the coolest person ever, and you know.
Like I'm her wing man. Thanks a lot like getting hit on when your hot friend gets hit on at the bar and you're like, oh, I thought you're talking to me.
I don't even want to talk about how like even you mentioning that, it's like triggering away. I can't. I can't handle when I am with a group of friends. You generally, it's like when I'm with one girlfriend and someone else hits on her and not us both equally, not because I'm like I think I'm prettier than her, and I'm this makes me feel like I'm not as pretty.
It's just rude, yeah to like, I just feel like I've really struggled with it, Like I can remember every single time in my life it's how to me like and it honestly it's giving me anxiety right now even thinking about it, because not only do they not want to fuck me, which is like hurtful, but and they want to fuck my friend more, which is also hurtful.
But they think it's so it's to do something that over where you're just hitting on there's two single women sitting here and you're just hitting on one of them. It means it would be insane. You think it would be insane for me to even think that you would ever be attracted to me, because that's such so not even in like it means he didn't even think like she might be hurt by this because she's kind of fuckable too considerate exactly, and so it had hurt some
doubly like that. And I'm sure people are going to investigate this and talk about it on Reddit how I'm so insecure and everything like that, but I am, and I'll be the first to say it. It really bothers me.
A similar thing happened just now to me with you. I was walking down, I was in I was on the good side of it. I was walking down the sidewalk towards the hotel. I saw it, and you waved at me. And then there was another guy between us. He thought you waved at him, I know, and he was like, did you just wave at me? And then he waved back, and then I made sure not to do anything, so I didn't want him to know that you were waving at me. And I saw that.
I saw that you made that choice, and I'm so proud of you because I wanted him to because I would wave at him. I was already waving, like when he came into the lane.
Yeah, there was no way to avoid it.
And I knew that once he saw you, he'd be like, oh god, he's probably she's probably waving at him.
But because you.
Didn't wave back, he can walk through life now thinking maybe she was waving at me. So it was a joint effort, and he did a good job this part of the podcast, and now he won't hear it.
I was just gonna say, that's my nightmare. In high school, I remember someone waving at me. I think it was a girl. Who I desperately wanted to be friends with. And I was like, oh, she's finally waving at me, and it was.
Someone behind me, one of her click.
I was just has anyone wanted to fuck you? Or like fuck someone else? And you were like, hurt by that does that?
But I mean maybe I was always the funny, quirky friend, never the one hit on.
It always happens to me when I'm with Nikki, So yes, no, yes, no Moontower twenty eighteen, How can I forget it? Great and like a bunch of guys turning their heads looking at you, and I'm just like a piece of shit.
Nothing because I'm they recognize me because my face was on like the holes there gorgeous. It doesn't count if you're famous, No, it doesn't count if you're famous. It's and listen, I'm not. I'm not an ugo. I know that there are people that would be interested in me, but it is really devastating. I don't know why it's so devastating when it happened when it happens to me, But I I will say that, yes, that probably happened at Moontower, But I do think it's because they recognize me,
and that is a problem. Like when I'm somewhere where I'm recognizable and I'm in an environment where people know I'm going to be there so they know it's me, I do feel like, oh, no one around, like the girls around me aren't getting any attend there. But I don't feel like it's actually earned, like the way it is when I'm just a two girls sitting at a restaurant and no one knows who they are, and these guys are just like, I'm sorry, I just had to
tell you're so beautiful, like that's I can. I don't think it's ever happened to me where someone's just been like, actually, it happened the other day, Okay, I'll say it. This guy. I was walking to meet Lizzie for lunch, and this guy was like pulling out onto the street and I had just parked my car. But I think he's full of shit because I looked disgusting this day, like I wasn't dressed up at all, a dirty book, no, and
he just he goes, excuse me, ma'am. And I just turned around and he in his windows rolled down and he looks at his phone like he's gonna be like can you tell me how to get Like he's looking at his phone like I just want to tell you're very beautiful. And I was just like thank you, Like I was literally like it never ever happens to me. Thank you so much. And he was not attractive, there was and he's a guy that probably does this women twelve times a day.
He was looking at his phone like he was like trying to find directions.
Yes, and so I got a little closer to be like, what do you need?
There was nothing better than giving someone directions?
Oh yeah, And I had no idea. How easy is it to give someone directions? I have a phone and you have a phone too. He was even asking for directions anyhow. How old was he by the way, forties fifties, But like you could tell he was like a sleazy dude, not an attractive guy, but like this is his thing that he does. I mean it was but the fact that that he wouldn't have done unless he wanted to have sex with me, And that is complimentary in my book.
As a woman in her latest thirty, I take it as a compliment that someone wants to come in me and would like to do that.
What was your response?
I said. I literally was like, thank you, that's so nice. Thanks, and then I like backed away slowly and then quickly and then ran into the Starbucks to get my third of the day. I will say there's.
A converse thing that happens to you too, Like, just like you were saying, being famous, you kind of you feel like it's not earned. But then I feel like you also probably I don't realize that there's a percentage of guys who don't hit on you and act like they don't know who you are because you are famous, and I've seen it happen. I've seen it happen multiple times, not just with hitting on you, but they sort of
subtly nag you because you're famous. They want to connect with you, they want to bond with you, so they're like they give you shit in a way, and it's actually like to you, it's rude, but you don't realize, like because they just saw you perform and they are kind of wowed by you or whatever, they're like, I know how to get with this girl. I'm gonna fucking be really rude to her or you know, like dirty or ignore her.
And I know that I know that that'sing on me, I'm not. I don't ever I'm I'm not one to get offended by guys saying the wrong thing or like saying like tripping over themselves. I know that if a guy talks to me, he probably wants to Like if a bumbling dude is they're kind of like they.
Probably ever had a girl neg you when you're like, I know you want to be my friend, but you're just nagging me because Oh.
The other day, this girl we have are spending time with a woman, she said, I want to come see your show. I love filth and I was just like, oh, cool, Like it's more than that, and I actually have a lot to say about the patriarchy if you look at the undertones of like but I was just like, okay, because M favorite most girls that like me, I have to say, they're like, there's they but I take this as a compliment. They're women who are kind of like a kind of like dirtier or like a little bit
like rough around the edges, or have dark thoughts. They're a little bit more masculine energy. And we were kind of exploring this the other day my Instagram following and also this podcast podcast Demo. The podcast demo. You want to tell them what it is people listening to the podcast. You fit into a demo?
All right, people bestise listening to the podcast. Right now, I want you to pick a number in your head how many percent of women listen to the podcast versus how many men listen to podcast based on the way it's broken down in the Instagram. Yeah, so to think of a number in your head.
So we have twenty four thousand Instagram followers, which is a good sampling of example, what our listenership is. And it is almost exactly correlated with my Instagram.
Following too, which fans of Nikki Glazers.
Yeah.
I thought it would skew a little bit differently, and I'll tell you why in a second. But I want to ask Noah and Anya what they think.
I'm want to say, eighteen thousand of the twenty four our women.
So what's that percentage? What'd you do with that?
Can you use a percentage?
What do you do write writing?
Okay, I'm going to say fifty six percent even that's.
Not Wait, eighteen thousand was way more percentage.
Than sixty percent.
You actually, how do you figure this out mathematically? I think it's you do on their scene right now, times twenty four?
Right, I would do eighteen thousand divided by twenty.
Four okay, okay, or you can just do eighteen that's seventy five percent five percent as women. Okay, I would say I'll say less.
I'll say less. I'll say sixty two percent are women?
Sixty two percent women? Oh, it means that it's eighty six percent men, Jake, JK, you got me.
She almost agreed to it. I'm going to say it's the inverse of that. I think it's like maybe sixty to sixty five percent men.
Oh, okay, less women than Ryan.
I don't remember.
Oh no, it's I'll look it up right now.
It's it's whatever it is. It's surprising and not memorable.
Okay, No, no, no, it is memorable, but I believe I just want to get it exactly right. Okay, okay. Looking at professional dashboard, total total fault? Where is it? The total fall? How dare you touch my phone?
I'm sorry?
Isn't it weird when someone else looks at your phone and then they touch it, and you're just like, okay, I could you could just point at it you.
Touched my phone?
Would know I would never care all those spots I want.
You know, I would never care for yours. Some people who I've touched my phone recently, I think it's moved. Oh wow, Okay.
It is fifty four percent men forty five percent women, which is very different from my own Instagram. I didn't mean to say that. I'm seventy percent men follow me on Instagram, and my boyfriend thinks it's because I'm a hot girl, and I'm like, but I'm not posting not even a one maybe one or two. I have lay legs out in some photos, but it's not like you can't come to any of the picture. I mean, I challenge you.
Maybe they think your personality is attractive.
I think it's because I have a masculine enter. I have a masculine sense of humor, and I think that when I encounter women, and especially besties, they're always like kind of the girls that are like you talk like me, you talk like there's there's like kind of like a secret code we have where it's like, I say, weird shit too. I think these weird things too.
I also different like experience. Yes, they've experienced something, and sometimes it's traumatic. Sometimes it's just like yeah, I've been through it. Yeah, that type of person.
They're non judgmental too in a crazy way where it's like I just feel like they accept me and they're just like I'll be like I like your skirt and they're just like I don't need to hear that. But like they're like they're they like they're not desperate. Like whenever I meet a best nameay was like, you're so cute and like like compliment. I found that at meet and greets when I compliment girls clothing, they're not as excited as I would be. And I'm not just doing it to like make them like me.
I really am not.
I wouldn't say anything if I didn't actually like something. But generally they're always just like thanks, Like they just like post with the phone and they're like, I'm like, your skirt is so cute.
They're just like yeah, they're not freaking out so much.
Yeah, i'd be like, oh my god, do you want it, I'll give it to you. Like I'm always like, oh, I'll tell you the price I paid for it, and you can go to the website and I'll send to you. And they're just like, I what, didn't even mean it bitch.
But I was talking around Kingston having dinner the other day with a couple of musicians, and I get up from a tiny little hole in the wall and my tiny little town, and this girl comes up to me and she's like, Anya, I'm a bestie.
I was like, oh what.
I was so not ready for that in this context. I've never I've been recognized once in this town for my music, just from my name, but never like from the podcast. So it was so cool. And she was tall, she was lovely, she was having dinner with her mom. She was educated. I could just tell.
Don't ask me how. She used some big words. She was just lovely and she just seemed, I don't know, down to earth and cool.
It seems like the besties are not neither are good people. That's really important because there are some podcasts out there that I won't name. I guarantee you the hosts of those podcasts do not want to hang out with their fans at all.
Agreed. I couldn't agree with you more. I know some people that have been around certain people's fan bases, and and I know I know certain people hate their fan base. Oh yeah, because they're obnoxious. Yeah, And they're drunk and they're mean their bullies or whatever and ours. I saw a girl the other night shout out, I.
Forget your name.
You're so sweet, and you brought your friend with you and her friend. It was at my show at Supernova in LA. She's like, I've seen you three times here and so sweet. I think if I've met her before, like in the parking lot there, but we took a picture and then her friend, which is always so sweet when the person that they bring vouches for, like I hear about you all the time. It's such a sweet thing. And she's like, you're like a household name in our house.
Is so sweet. And yeah, they're always just they're less needed who want to really they are like they're kind of like Anya, because I.
Let you go, you're having I just want to say, hey, but.
Thank you, Anya. I realized you are the You're like the more mature, self aware, not desperate, not insecure version of me.
Oh that's so nice because I aspire to your I always tell people like Nikki's easy breeziness around flaking and friendship is a huge asset to me.
But you're like that too.
Yeah, I like I like.
The freedom to flake, Oh, freedom to I flaked the other attend or not attend.
I flaked on something, but I didn't flake. Is flaking flakes like when it's the day of right, not necessarily is a week before a week?
A week's not a flake unless it's a huge deal, Right, if I wouldn't do a wedding a week in advance.
No, can you flake on a funeral?
I think whenever it's a funeral, I do. I don't think you can flake on a funeral because you could always say that you were uncomfortable, you were too emotional. It didn't you did. The funeral is for you know, to support the family. Obviously, if you're like the sun, it's really weird if you don't go. But it to go to a funeral is a difficult thing to do. I don't think you can really flake on it.
Well, I flaked on something that was an appointment, the thing I pay for, an appointment that I pay for, and I said I can't do it this week because I'm working too much. And there was a few back of like, oh, this is a bummer, and it's just like, please don't say it. I already feel like it's.
A bummer, Well, you're paying them the whole to I.
Think they felt like, I feel bad taking your money because we're I'm charging you for this thing and I have to charge you and I'm like and they felt guilty, but I was just like, no, I'm good with that, Like I'm I'm.
Choosing not to be bummed out loud.
No, I just don't like, you know, who wants to disappoint anyone. But what I really took it as is like that person just like wants to hang out with me.
Oh yeah, those one on one professional relationships become personal.
Well hip hop Darien.
Oh yeah, Darien, hip hop Hanning, you're.
Dance teacher for over two years.
The person like my my stylist, my hair stylist.
Oh my god, I got hair this the other day. Brian was like, and I've been seeing this stylist and me and my friend are like, you go to a stylist, like what have they don't and he's like, yeah, they do my hair and we're like, oh, a hair stylist. And he's been calling a hairstylist a stylist.
I still do.
Then we go stylist.
Because I don't go to a barber a barber is a guy who is from Estonia, who can who can trim your head with a buzzer, and that's it. He's got pictures of other men that into one that have been on the wall since the Reagan administration, and he can do one haircut. And that's a barber. I go to a stylist who has a vision. Generally it's a woman, and she's very good at cutting my hair so that it looks nice. Even though I usually wear a hat.
I know you do usually wear a hat, and you do have great hair, so I would like you to well.
I wear a hat on the podcast because it's too early for me to shower first, so then I need to wear a hat.
Have you ever thought of dry shampoo.
I've never thought of it. It's never crossed my mind. And I'm still.
Not good with greasy hair A lot of times.
Yeah not me. I mean one time you commented on it because I woke up a bed hair.
No, it was, it's so messy. All you need to do is brush it.
I can't.
Okay, let's go to break and unpack that when we get back. All right, we're back. So one thing I wanted to get to is this weekend this past weekend when I did nine sets, the same number of Taylor Swift concerts I've been to or no, it will be nine this weekend. I'm going to Taylor Swift on Saturday in LA.
I think you're up to ten, Okay.
No, I might be up to ten by mid next week because she is going She's doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Wait, Friday, Saturday, Sunday taking off Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or something like that. I mean she's doing six shows in La. So it's going to be wild.
Wow.
But so yeah, I did a bunch of sets last week and one of these I was I got off stage and Jeff Ross was already backstage. Like at the Comedy Store, the main room there's like a it's my favorite green room of any comedy club. It's like up there with the Comedy Seller upstairs of like comic hangouts, and it's just there's just nowhere else to really, Like at the Improv there's nowhere the comics hang but this
place is it's always good. And he he was there and then I don't know how this happened, Like, yeah, I guess I got he went up first. He brought me up. I get off stage, and then when I come back off stage in the back room, there are like two guys with him, and Jeff introduces me and says, this is Brian. He invented Airbnb. And I go what, And I was like, you started airbb He goes, yeah, me and two other guys. I go, you're do you
still own it? And he's like yeah. And I'm like just thinking of like I can't wait to type his name in and right network of course, which by the way, you don't even need to type in net worth because it fills in right away because that's what.
Everyone wants to know and if.
You go to his Wikipedia, literally, it's the first thing that pops up. Yeah, but very nice guy. And I just went into So Jeff was there with his buddy Avery, and I know both of them, but I just snapped into, like, I'm with a billionaire, Like I'm with a multi billionaire. This is someone who is one of the richest people in the whole world. I gotta I gotta know things. Sure, So I went instead doctor do you really that would be your question.
I would be like, what do you go to a special doctor for rich people that has special medicine that we don't get.
Okay, I got to ask him that because I think we're friends. Now.
Oh my god, he was.
So normal, so nice as nice, as nice, as normal as you could ever imagine. I mean, you'd never think this person's a billionaire. I don't know how you're supposed to dress. I fear a billionaire, but I just imagine a lot like me.
Yeah.
Probably actually we have a fanny pat and he probably had a stylist though. Yeah, he did not have a panion act.
Was his hair really good?
His hair is good? Yeah, he was. He was a good looking dude and like, uh, dressed sharply, had a white like white jacket on. I liked wearing white is bold, and I think he kind of had white pants on. So it was almost like a whole white look. But it wasn't like trying too hard at all. It really that sounds like it was and you're rolling your eyes, But it wasn't bad. He looked cute and so what'd
you ask him? So at first I said, I'm like, my whole brain is shuffling, like I got to figure out what this guy and he's hanging out though, so I'm like okay, I got some time. Yeah, And I first went to I needed to ease in for play cause I'm going to get to the dirty stuff, but I need to know. I just was like, so, I go, you you started Airbnb? What year? Two thousand and seven? Okay, well, okay, And then I'm like, can you give me this, like
just the short story of how it began? I know I could google this, and I'm sorry, I asked, and I'm sure if you've told this a million times and he's like, no, that's fine, and I go, wait, you know what? Tell me the name was the name Airbnb? Like is that? Where did that come from? And it's kind of an interesting story. The first Airbnb was These guys were like out of college. He's a year I think younger or older than me, So they were like fresh out of college. He was an engineer. He was
designing toys and like sports equipment or something. You know, he was just designing things products, and he and his buddies noticed there was a convention in San Francisco in town. It was like, I think it was like a democratic convention. That might have been later on the story, so forgive me if I'm wrong, but there was some kind of convention in town, and they noticed like all the hotels were booked up because they were trying to maybe get their friends a hotel. And they were like, well, we
have space here. Wouldn't it be funny if we just made a website and put up our apartment and we'll get some air mattresses and it'll be an air mattress B and B bed and breakfast. So they just put one room up on it and it sold and there were three people that stayed. There was the first three customers for Airbnb. And he told me there was like an interesting story about like who they were, and they're just like there's three people out there that are like
the first Airbnb people. But another thing. So that's how it started. And then he went back home for Thanksgiving to his family and was like kind of telling them about this thing that he did, and everyone was making fun of him. It's such a dumbyd And then I think then that's when the Democratic National Convention came through and they were like, let's try it again. I think that before it was a tech convention thing and that
and the Democrats loved it. People are like they're like they may maybe put up like three more places like their friends did it. Sure, and the Democrats didn't love it, but they they had something going. And then the Republican National Convention came through and they didn't like it. Oh had no room. So it just kind of shows you.
That, Wow, it's a cross factor.
Yeah, because if you remember back when Airbnb came out, it was insane.
Yeah, it was.
And I have a SuperHost right on my podcast.
A former SuperHost. I airbnbd for years.
That's how I paid my rent when NICKI moved out, and it was hard and I did not I was not like providing the best shampoos.
I had problems with my shower, I'm sure. But in New York City, I was almost always booked.
Yeah, and it was, but it was wild. When we first heard out about it was kind of the around the same time Uber happened, and we were all like, why would you ever get in someone a stranger's car? We all used to be scared of strangers.
I remember my first Uber? Do I remember my first Uber? Because I was so baffled by the fact that this existed because I was in New York City and it's like, well, there's taxis, why would we take an uber. I was at the that like on the West's side yard where like the tennis courts are and like the pool and all that sports shit, and and my friend was like, was taken uber? And it wound up being so easy. I was like, they come, just pick you up. You have to fight. You have to fight anybody for it.
I mean sometimes you do. Yeah, you have to fight when you get in.
It was really good and the rest is history. Then after that day they said that we're going to make this a bigger thing.
You were the one.
Yeah, I was the one.
If we can get that guy to believe in this, we can get anyone. That's how Like. I do remember hearing about Airbnb and just being like, gross, I don't want to stay at someone's house. I mean, it reminds you of the Jim Gaffigan joke about hotels and he breaks down. Like if you if someone was if you're trying to get a new mattress like you are, and someone was like, do you want this stranger's old mattress to sleep on, You'd go like, no, disgusting, I would never.
What about a pillows? We'll put on some new sheets, but just the pillows we'll wash the sheets. You'd go disgusting, but we do that every time we go to a hotel, and we pay for the luxury of it. A bathroobe that someone's worn before. You go, look at this bathroom. Someone so excited, someone's chirked off in that before. But we were just in this illusion. But and you are your worst self in a hotel room. Oh, there is
no nothing holding back in a hotel room. I know I'm living in one right now, and it's I have to check myself. It's like it's gross. And yeah, there's just just towels, a napkins is the classic one, and just always missing the toilet when I throw the toilet paper behind me. Sure eighty percent of the time, I own I do that anyway in my life.
That was another segment I'm Not Safe, where we went to a hotel room and did the black plan and tried to check what was the dirtiest part of the hotel room pillows? Right, I think the dirtiest part was the remote for the television, because you interviewed a cleaning lady at a hotel and she said, we have never once even put a napkin on the remote on a hotel television.
Yeah, and that's when I came. Someone told me about the You take the bag from the ice bucket, yes, and you put it around the remote control and you tie it not and then it can it can still work throughout the bag, and then if you lose it in bed, you can hear the crinkling too, so you double.
But I think how they recently learned the horror of I read on Reddit or something people use hotel kettles to clean and sterilize their underwear.
Told me this, and I couldn't believe it until I googled it and disgusting and I am at all I've never even heard of this, but it is a saying that people walk the sterilize their underwear by boiling it in the tea kettle.
Why don't they just take it home and wash it in a washing machine? Who is underwear?
I don't get it.
I've been drinking tea out of your disgusting underwear broth.
Do you know how much we eat feces every day? That's why when Kirsten dropped cookies on the floor the other day, I go, yeah, of course, and some of us it's a seasoning. But Kirsten dropped cookies on the floor the other day and she sent us a picture of them all like splattered on the floor, and I was like, just pick them up and wipe them off because they unless you can see it, it's not going
to kill you. And then I loved it because I saw but she said they were wet, so I was like, Okay, that makes sense.
If they're wet, they pick on them and then they're just not enjoyable if there's like hair and pieces of wet if you.
Can see it. But if you can't see anything and you examine it closely, eat the cookie, it's you. I mean, we're starting inhaling skin, dust and cells and stuff. He's dust all the time.
Time.
Doesn't kiss girls.
It doesn't French kiss because he's disgusted by it.
He's right, you know what, at least he follows he follows logic. If he's not eating something off the ground, you shouldn't be making out with a girl. That was always my argument when people would be like, God, I got sick, I have the flu, I got a cold. There's like there's a baby on the plane that was sneezing, and I'm like, or was it you ate ass this weekend, Like why do you? Why are you so grossed out by sharing a drink or like a spoon or something,
but like you can't have off the floor. But Joe Lis had joke in his act that I loved as someone who eats off the floor constantly, and he was like, has anyone ever died from eating something off the floor? Have you ever seen a toddler pick up a cookie and they just start bleeding from their eyes off the floor. It doesn't happen. And I know you could argue like, no, you get sick later. No you don't. You're getting sick because you're like using too much hand soap and you're
I've stopped washing my hands. I barely hands too. Why I'm sorry, I'm so.
Disgusting guys, Why wait, you should wash your hands?
If I have not pooped on my hand, My hand does not feel wet from a poop, from wiping or like from.
From from p okay, I don't, okay, care okay.
Because I know that I touched the handle and I and I always hit the flush with my foot if I'm enough public place, I'm sorry to people who are touching that and it's touching the butt of my foot. Wash your hands, then I'm not going to I don't care what you do.
But if you were cooking for me, I would want you to wash your hands.
Yeah, yeah, of course, But but what on you? In what universe?
I never would if you were like and.
Hand it out to you and say you want some, say why did you get some of your own? I'm planning on eating this whole.
If you just took a piss and then you didn't wash your hands, then would you and then someone said hello, and then would you shake their hand? Or did you feel bad?
Yes? Because guess what, this is my logic and maybe I'm wrong, and bestie's are gonna revolve and now now they're going to be judgmental, but I don't think they will. If you are walking around, if this door handle right here has more germs on it than the than or at least as many as something near my toilet, because that's the door's handle is not getting cleaned, that's getting sanitized. Every time a maid comes in my toilet, at least is probably a.
Couple of times particles.
So no one would be offended if I touched the door handle and then shake shook your hand, So why do you care I didn't. If I have debris on my hand, I'm gonna sec I don't want to like shit. Germs make your immune system stronger. We need germs. I have to say. I don't get sick. And so if this didn't work, if this made you sick, and maybe that's a I should knock on wait, where's wood? Knock on wood, knock on wood. But it makes you mentally sick. I think maybe there's a bacteria that eats my brain
and makes me want to jump off a bridge. But I also think that, yeah, just I think it's hypocritical. At least your friend is in line with his world, Like I'm not going to make out with girls because I wouldn't do all these other things when people are hypocritical and don't. When Chris grimaces when I like a piece of salad, will like drop on the the table and I'll just pick it up and put it back on, I'm like, I want every morsel and I'm I'm like a food weirdo. So I just want to eat everything
that I looked at. What I was gonna eat. It's already in my body as far as i'm concerned, so it better all end up in my body. No matter what, I'm going to wash my hands after this podcast, you should. I do it in front of you, performatively. Most of the time I did wash my hands just now you did, yeah, before we begin, because I knew I was going to touch the equipment. I'm aware of that, sure, well.
No, I mean, whenever I'm holding a microphone or something, my hands just feel like they could use a nice wash.
Now that's smart. If I touch a dog, I'm gonna wash.
I don't.
I gotta be honest. I don't want to touch your dog. I'm kind of like, I'll touch your dog on you because I've never met it before and it looks so fuzzy and cute. But most dogs make me feel soiled when I'm touching that much.
To wash my hands after my dog, I was conditioned to do that growing up. I was like, never eat after touching a dog, and so I still I always have to wash my hands because they have an.
Oil on them.
Don't you give your dog kisses?
I make out with her, I kiss her cheek, I kiss her nose, and her nose.
Doesn't have anything on it. It's totally clean.
But I wipe her butthole every day after oil poop.
Oh yeah, I clean my dog's asshole.
Why you don't have no wonder she likes you.
Because she sleeps on our bed, because she rubs it all over the fucking place.
Does it give you don't wipe your dog's ass.
If you don't wipe that dog's ass, does it get get everywhere?
Sometimes they have a messy poop and well, Marry and Will does your butt and you got to get it out and like wash it.
But that's like if it's a runny one.
If it's a messy dog runny shit, you got to change the diet and then they don't have a mess. You want a solid every day.
Do you think every dog has a peepe?
I don't know anybody else. I've never met anyone else who wipes their dogs ass. Really, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I think.
That anyone listening give it a shoesh Why not?
No, it makes sense because your dog's ass is literally on your pillow right now in the background. So I don't think it's a bad idea to wipe your dogs ass. If you go to see on if.
You're fine, if you're fine with it.
It's literally his asshole on your pillow.
I love it. If it doesn't bother you, your dog's ass and it's just fine, then it doesn't matter. But I'm just saying, I don't think I've ever met anyone.
He knows that if she farts, the poop particles are still getting on the pillow.
I'm sorry on you.
Yeah, there's no avoiding the poop particles.
Now, now you're just you're splitting hairs.
No buttole hair, Yeah, exactly, the whole hairs are parting when the poop.
I also wipe after every walk.
I have a cold cloth and I just wipe her nose and face because there's an aunt because she sniffs ship and I'm like.
I'm gonna be kissing that face.
That's what everyone should do.
Yeah, But I speaking of germs, I have been going to mattress stores and laying down a mattresses in the stories, and my god, some of these mattresses. I went to a Macy's, a basement Macy's, and those mattresses I think have never been touched by any sort of cleaning implement for at least six years.
I would think the basement of a Macy's. A mattress department of a Macy's would look as if it was a place to hide out during the Last of Us. Oh yeah, yes, that's what it is now like it would just be an abandoned I gotta say.
I went to the mall in Tarzana, which is a place that I've never really been, and the mall was fucking hopping. I thought malls were dead.
I think malls are backed.
I went to one today and I thought it would be dead too, and it was. There was a food court there was like, what were you like Vegas Starbucks. I was on a road trip back from Canada.
Oh okay, yeah, you picked one at a mall and you didn't know it until you pulled up.
Yeah. I was like, God, damn it.
I think you and I have been at that mall because we've been so many than anyone.
The dice and hair dryer, I think it was.
Remember I took a thing I would do, Oh god, is.
Under a Dison hair dryer and not remember as even a thing of it. Not even that's something that you should obviously imprinted in your memory. I guess I did wash my pussy that day.
There you go.
That's so funny. Yeah, so it's very jermy.
Oh, the Macy's basement in Tartan, the mall in Tarzana. There was people's hair all over the mattress and like, I wear my hat when I'm laying down those pillows. But there's dandriff on the pillows, there's hair on the mattresses, there's stains on the mattresses.
Are there sheets on the mattress or it's just no naked.
Straight mattress and like you're supposed to, you know, lay in that for like fifteen minutes and it's like it's fifteen minutes.
Is a little long week. Kanya wasn't there for yesterday's podcast and she hasn't been able to listen to it yet. I just want to hear now that the besties, the besties are all in on something that you're not in on and this will be fun. Okay, how many hours do you think Brian Frangie spent at a mattress store one day before he purchased the mattress. And this is not to say he didn't spend hours prior to this trip, but in one day, the day he purchased his mattress
that he now hates and he's trying to replace. How many hours did he spend at the store that day?
I want to say, did I hear this?
Was it?
Six?
Yeah?
I kind of didn't you think that was a joke number?
Yes, for sure? Wait six consecutive hours?
Yes, Anya a lunch.
Oh, he went and got a smoothie because he was forced to because the guy was like, I'm starving, man, I got to eat. Yeah, the salesman, were you working.
At the like, were you on your phone? Were you or are you just lying there?
Star are you talking to I would lay in the mattress for fifteen minutes, and then I would be like, okay, I think I didn't know how this feels, and I would get up and I would lay in another mattress for fifteen minutes, and occasionally the man would come over and say, you, how does that mattress? Sorry?
Ever a time you got on a mattress and go I don't need to do the whole fifteen minutes, because it's clearly not it.
Sometimes I said I need I need longer, real like speed data. I need twenty five minutes on this one. Really, I just I was so baffled and confused. I had no idea what was going on.
This did not yield good results for him. I was terrible results because he was famished, he was confused, he was missing his family, he was hungry, he was homesick.
He was I felt like a refugee.
He really was. And he picked the worst man. I picked the worst mattress being discontinued.
Probably, I don't know, but I do want to publicly complain about temperpedick for a second.
Let's get some besties writing to you about the mattress you have. Okay, here's what What do you want in a mattress? And if the best he can fit these requirements, write to you.
I like a mattress. I'm looking I want to sleep on my back, and I'm looking for a foam mattress, a memory foam mattress that I sink into and I stay in that position and then wake up like a vampire that has not moved an inch the entire night.
Because he's learned from his doctors that for his health he should sleep on his back. And we don't need to get into why because it's a whole other podcast, but he needs to be sleeping on his back and he wants to sink into it and mold it around his body.
And I slept in an airbnb in Utah and there was a foam mattress and I slept in it and I had a great night's a good night's sleep. And then we messaged the airbnb owner and there was a memory folm mattress and they said that mattress is a five hundred dollars mattress we got from Wayfair. So I remember this. Yeah, so I know that a memory film mattress is good for me, But I just the one that I got is hard as a rubber brick and it makes my back feel like hell help him?
What happened? So waiting for Noah's for months.
It got ninety days to return.
I would like to every stocking.
I don't know who this bestI is, but we did have a comment on our YouTube page from the last episode that you not the second the first episode where you talked about this issue.
Oh no, this has been going on that the person run episode three of Mattress Gime Mattress Gate.
So the bestie said that it does take I think three months for your spine to also adjust to a new mattress, so your body also has to adjust to It's not just the mattress exact.
But this is beyond, This is beyond that. This is horrific sleep.
Have the luxe breeze from temper Pedic and can you confirm that that sucks? Medium hybrid Lucky medium hybrid lux breeze. If you've got six thousand dollars mattress recently after spending a fourth of a day.
Wait a second, what about the obvious thing? Why don't you return it and then contact the Airbnb and off of them double for that exact mattress.
And I can buy that mattress. I can buy that mattress off Wayfair. But it's a shitty mattress. It won't last that. I'll get it in a last like seven months.
That's the reason they are seven months.
Yeah, exactly. Why would it last seven months?
Because I read the reviews of the mattress and people talked about it like this mattress is fucking terrible. It was nice out of the box, but you he.
Went to Purple today. I went to like a they use like a it's almost like rubbery.
Yeah, it's like a it's like a rubber egg crate type thing, and I gotta say pretty comfortable.
I like those when I felt the material because I used to do ad reads for them back in the day. They sent me like a little sample and I used to just play with that thing constantly and like press on it and feel like, oh, how your pressure disperses, And so I'm very into it press. I think we should get a sponsorship because I think if they gave me a king sized mattress, I would talk about it
non stop because I'm looking for a new mattress. Purple off your living Yeah, and I really need a king I mean I'm kind of using you as someone to go out and try these mattresses.
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm ready to go to more mattress stores.
Kin of speaking of time being wasted, can I just say.
That we're sorry for this.
Yes, first of all, apologies, We'll move on. But this is it's it's interesting. I mean, this is a this is a big purchase in your life. We'd spend half a love of life sleeping. Another thing someone spends half of their life doing. If you happen to be a fan of the show is watching suits. If anyone out there, suits is the number one show on Netflix. It's been It's there's was like three point nine billion minutes watched over the weekend or something. It's something like a USA show. Yes,
but now Netflix bought it. And if you've been on Netflix in the past month, they are pushing suits so hard. It's always in your top like suggested things. But so Chris, my boyfriend ages ago, when we were not dating. It was in between our dating, and he had a he was an Abu Abu Dhabi for an Abu Jabi. And this is the favorite best joke I've ever written. Possibly
hell Sinki Heaven. Oh yeah, hell Sink were like Heaven floating. Okay, So I did not say that on stage, but I said it to any and Chris backstage and they were like, say it tonight, and I was like I can't think I can. I don't think I ever want to repeat that. But because I just was like more like Keaven floating, and they just slowly turned their heads to me like did you just think of that? It was the same
moment like when I we made so jelgged. I was because I was just like kind of mumbling to myself in the corner. I was like hell sinking more like Kevin floating, and but I remember you both like did you just think of that? Which is the same response that I got when I was in Kapa Kapa Gamma and I was on a double decker bus on pledge day, on like bid day when you find out you're in Kapa Kapa Gama, and we loaded onto a double decker bus and I had no friends. I was anorexic. No
one wanted to talk to me. Everyone hated me. I was walking skeleton. Everyone was begrudgingly like even having me in their presence, and what's coming make friends? No, it's not funny funny, And I was like, I go, guys, I hope we don't. I hope we don't go under under any low bridges because then we'll get decappaated. It was just like not the worst, It's just like a cute little thing. I wasn't like, hey, everyone listen to brilliant I am. I think I just said it like
to someone I don't even know. And I remember this girl was just like did you just think of that? And I was like, I think I don't even I wasn't like waiting good, but but it's it's heaven.
Floating she was asking you that because she never thinks of anything exactly.
Is there a weird joke about wall?
Oh no, that was Henry Phillips thing. There's a there's a really fun game to play at all. No, you didn't understand it. That's why I was wrong. Okay, So I uh so that the game is and I'll talk like Henry Phillips to deliver the line. My friend and I we were at a house party and the cops broke it up, and so we had we had to climb over this. Oh no, this is how you do it,
my friends. You create it. Let me just tell this rasis you tell a story and in the story, you act like you can't remember the name of the city. You present the name of the city in an uptose way, but it sounds like you can't remember the name of the city. Then you, the person listening to my story, you offer, oh, is it this city? And then it sounds a lot like what I'm saying. So here we go.
My friend and I were in this city in Washington and the cops at a house party, and the cops broke it up, and we had to run through our neighbor's yard and and and jump all over all these things. And it was in this city in Seattle. No this, we had to jump over all these Yeah, but you just say, just say it anya wala walla, no offence offencea and we were So you say, I did a
poor version of it. But you just pick cities and then you come up with a word that sounds like the city and make a story around that thing.
Okay, okay, So what's another So you have to really do some prep work in your head.
Yes, yeah, so it's like it takes a lot.
Okay, okay, okay, job, that's that's kind of hard.
That's only what I remember the version of. But it's it's a fun game to play when you're really bored and you know, okay, okay, got one.
So yeah, I I was trying to find a girlfriend at the time, and I was, you know, I met up with this girl at this bar. It was this place. It was in Ohio somewhere, no Cincinnati. I really wanted to go out with this girl and no singleton.
No, that's good. No singleton works because you were singleton.
Yeah.
Oh that's good.
I wasn't dating.
That was good. Okay. So that's a fun game. So I took you away off track. Sorry, No, I forget what I was even saying. We got to go to break and I'll come back with the ending to my the Airbnb guy thing. All right, we're back, So Suits, we're gonna get to Airbnb Guy. But Suits is this show? And do you ever hear find out something about your boyfriend that you just don't or like your significant other where you're like, what really? Chris today on his radio show,
I was listening to it. They were talking about Suits, and he said that he has watched all of it, which is fine, You've watched all of Suits, right, there are nine seasons of Suits. There are one hundred and thirty two episodes of Suits. My boyfriend has watched all
of it. And this all began because he was a nabu Jabi for a Nabu Jabi and he met a girl on bumble and they were like kind of flirting and they were talking about like shows they liked, and she was like, I've never wanted to watch Game of Thrones and he loves Game of Thrones. So he was like, okay, here's a He's like really fun when he's flirting and like trying to get to know a girl like he's done really cute things. I think it's adorable. I love
these stories. But he like challenged her. He was like, you watch Game of Thrones. I'll watch whatever show you think most people don't like, but might that you love. And she was like Suits, and he was like, okay, I think you're gonna like Game. There was a lot more than I'll like Suits. So he started watching Suits and he loved it and he couldn't stop. And he never even met up with that girl. She definitely didn't watch Game of Thrones, but he has watched nine seasons
of Suits. And so I'm in the car driving and I did get out my calculator as I heard this, because I needed to confront him, and I did forty four because an hour long show is forty four minutes times one thirty two divided by uh sixty so hours and then divided by twenty four forty four times one times one thirty two divided by sixty times I mean divided by twenty four.
Okay, I have a number.
And I said, babe, you've I go one. I just wrote him out of context, one thirty two suits, I go four days of your life has been spent watching Suits. Yeah that listen, I get it. I've watched you know, six seasons and five seasons of succession and in a short amount of time.
Suits, I've wasted so much time Kardashians, A Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor and Paradise.
Have you ever edited up like that? Four days of my boyfriend's life is watching suit.
Which shows like that? With like Bachelor and Paradise. You've got a double desk. You've got to be like cooking dinner, doing other things too.
How many cult documentaries robbed us and lives? I mean every cult I've watched every every you know what really robbed me though I just had it on the tip of my brain.
It doesn't matter.
But man, Kardashians are robbing you. You're watching all of it now, can you give ship?
Is the kid?
Is it good? A clip of Chris Kardashi ChRI like hard.
So is l Chloe is so funny?
Chris goes I I saw a clip the other day. She was like, there is an I've there have been lots of headlines written about me. The other day there was one and the cover was Chris Jrenner Drinks Alone, Drunk and Alone and I have to say, what's wrong with that? It was just so funny, it was such a cute way. It's remind me of my mom so much. And she goes, what is wrong with that? She's adorable?
What do you can you just as someone who used to watch the show on Ean has no interest in supporting their show on Hulo for whatever reason, because I just I don't know how jealous. They're too pretty, they're.
Too definitely triggering at times.
I how so uh oh, I mean it makes you start valuing looking like that, And it's just not a normal way to look. You have to have so much surgery and so many procedures to look they're like superhuman, alien like.
It's not a normal way of human faces.
But I guess I'm wondering. Most people I talk to that watch it say they look like it's like it's are people just lying when they say it's crazy the way they look. I don't want to look that way, And then you or is it that they that way? And then you start thinking it's normal.
Yes, okay, start thinking it's normal. I like that.
This season, Chloe is really opening up about our surrogacy. She had a child via surrogate. She gets very into it, and I think, not Nick, you've talked about this, like not enough people talk about the feelings around it, what it even means to have a surrogate.
It's like who is it your egg? Or is it her egg? I'm away when these bitches have kids. I know it's none of my business. But when you have a surrogacy, that's fine. Tell us if it's really yours. And I know it shouldn't matter, but doesn't it kind isn't that kind of I want to know, just for myself of a woman that like should I put my should I freeze my eggs? Because is this something that
is that that easy to do? Or is it? And I just want to see if it's socially acceptable to not have your own egg, because I really don't feel like freezing my eggs, Like will people judge me and think that I don't love my kid as much as theirs? If I do a surrogacy without my own egg? Why are people not telling us?
Because you can.
Do with sergacy just means someone else is having your baby that you will get afterwards, but it does not imply it's your egg or not.
So I wonder about the man doesn't either. I want to know just someone. Then why is that not just like adopts.
None of our fucking It's exactly. It's it's just adopting knowing. It's like pre paying for It's a layaway and lay away.
Yeah yeah yeah.
So did she talk about like bonding with it.
Yeah, she talked about having trouble bonding with it. And I thought that was cool because that's a probably not a very popular thing to say. Maybe it's a risky thing to say, like I'm having trouble bonding with this kid. And she's like, it's just weird, like you just all of a sudden, one day someone hands you a child and you're supposed to be like.
Oh my baby.
And I thought that was cool that she admitted that she was kind of having some issues, you know, feeling close and I don't know, I like that.
And she'll talk about wanting to murder her child with a steak knife.
That is what.
That is the most amazing thing.
I waste four days of my life on that documentary. When did that scene happen?
Shields. I like fantasies of murdering her daughter and like cracking her neck and stuff. Oh my god, through Brooks Shields. Because she had postpartum and she did not bond with the baby at all. She wanted a baby more than anything, like as much as any girl you know wants a child. She finally has this baby and her husband like husband hands it to her and she's like, I feel nothing.
This is in the emergency room and the husband's bonding with the child, and then he starts judging her and telling her I've never seen a look at all these mothers they would go to the park, look at all these mothers who love their kids. What is going on with you? And she's like, I just don't like it. I don't want it around me. It grosses me.
It's like that's how I feel about my mattress disinterest.
Yes, it's so similar. And so she just give it four months. They gonna put it in, right, no bed bugs on the kids?
Was this in her doc?
Oh?
Yeah, oh I missed that, I think ever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She eventually got treated for it because it was the most part of them. So she was on medication for it and it didn't make Yeah, and she loves her child now, but at first, she really did not like her kid, and she felt so much guilt about it, and then she was starting to have intrusive thoughts of like murder it, like homicidal thoughts that she would She was like, I'd never do it, but it was like
crossing my mind to do it. And it freaked me out because I would just be so jealous of mothers that in the same way that I get jealous of like things I wish I had, Like she was like, I want to have that, but I don't have that feeling at all, and I don't know what to do about it. And she went on Oprah and talked about it, and this was like in the mid two thousand and two thousand and five, I don't know what we call the first parts of the two thousands. We still haven't
come up with. No oughts are Oh is that the oughts? What are the tens? The tens is what it bothers me. We'll have a word for that.
Yeah, I don't know. We don't. The nineteen tens is the tens, so you barely even we never.
Even Why can't we say the twenty tens?
Okay, I like that especially sounds actually pretty good. I guess we do have a word for it. Annie's just like or we call it the thing that we call it. But yeah, it was the aughts when like postpartum was not on the tip of people's tongue. And she went on Oprah and bravely talked about this and then wrote a book about it. And I just thought that was so cool, because yeah, it's it's weird what people get shamed for. There was, you know, Shinead O'Connor with her passing.
This week, I saw on Reddit there was this post like everyone in Reddit that is posting and celebrity things, including my own fan page. Some of it's positive, but most of it's negative. Like there's this whole thing where like if you if you're on Reddit and you join a celebrities thing to like write nice things about them, unless it's Taylor Swift, you're writing horrible things that people just hate the things that they're fans of. It's such
a weird thing that happens. But in this celebrity one that I follow, I think it's called pop culture beat or something. I forget what it's called. But there was a post of Miley Cyrus and they're always trying to call it problematic women, and he's problematic These women are all so self fucking righteous. They all have husbands that cheat on all They've all cheated on their husbands. They call out any woman who does it. They villainize every
single fucking woman. They hate everything. They love to hate people and find a problematic thing they did once and they're just the worst people. I don't even follow it. They just pop up. But this one popped up of like, guys, is no one gonna talk about Miley Cyrus what she posted in twenty thirteen, and it is crazy what she posted in twenty thirteen, two ten years ago, right, but she took a bunch of Tornado O'Connors tweets that were like,
I need help. I'm having a psychiatric breakdown Ireland to can't I can't get medicine. Please someone help. Here's my email if you have meds I need. It's just like, was her pleading for help because she was having psychosis or a bipolar episode, and Miley Cyrus screenshotted that and wrote, uh, something like we've got another Amanda Bines on our hand,
like clearly mocking her mental illness. And so everyone's like, I can't believe Miley got away with this and that this is still up and why would she ever say that. We don't realize that ten years ago that she didn't get canceled for that, that wasn't even no one cared. It was okay ten years ago or not at least not remarkable to mock someone's mental illness, especially Amanda Bines. I remember we were doing it on my MTV show
when she was having that breakdown. I remember there was a little bit of sensitivity of like this mate, we pulled back a little bit. Well, we were making jokes on my MTV show. She was walking through the streets, was you know, shoeless, tattooing her face, she lost her mind, she was saving her She checked her just she just checked herself. And again, I mean, this is an ongoing battle these people have, like a what bipolar is, if it's not treated, is a terminal illness, like it's gonna
end and like you know, a bad thing. So it's like and it's so hard to treat because they have to take their meds and if they don't, but then once they're psychotic, they don't want to take them. It's just so hard and difficult. But we didn't have that sensitivity that long ago, but then someone contextualizes the one person Thank God came to Miley's rescue because it just
seemed like Miley was just like cruel piece of shit. Yeah, but Sinad O'Connor had just like a couple days before, written an open letter to Miley saying, after her wrecking Ball video came out of like, you don't need to sexualize yourself like this. You are being a sex slave to these men. I mean, it was kind of a crazy and I'm using that term in an in polite way, but it was just someone who is unwell trying to protect another woman who's been you know, she pimped out.
She says, you're pimping yourself out, You're pimp being pimped out. And so Miley was just like, fuck you bitch, and she was she was retaliating to that. And Molly was a child at the time, of course, but it is just so interesting to me that that that string of tweets, she still has them up, you know, like it wasn't on anyone's radar to go, Miley, this isn't nice mocking someone's mental illness. She had a huge PR team at the time, and no one clocked it. Imagine what we're doing now.
Then though it was accepted because we had like those gossip blogs like Perez Hilton and what was Tyler Dirton do, like all those like gossipy things that love to make fun of celebrities in that way.
I mean Britney Spears. We were in Paris. That was Nicole Richie Oh was shaving her head and like looking like through the window at someone filming her doing it. Her beating up that car with an umbrella. We were all front seat for it, and it was so bad. And now we're a little bit more sensitive to it. But I'm reading Shenead O'Connor's autobiography right now. If she was didn't have a mental illness, it would be shocking
with what she went through in her childhood. It is like I cry about like my parents, like sometimes when
I would cry, they would be like, stop crying. Her mom used to have her I mean trigger warning for horrible child abuse, used to beat her with a broomstick on her private parts and make her splay out openly naked on the kitchen floor when she was like four five six, like, and beat her in her privates till they were black, and and she would have to go to school the next day and she had to lie and her she had a really kind teacher who would
be like, did your mom do this? And she would just go no, and her teacher, she said, her teacher would just look at her like she knew, but she couldn't do anything. And I mean, she suffered grave abuse. Like if this person wasn't unhinged, it would be it would be impossible. And it was just it's so heartbreaking. Anya. I know you were a big shnad O Connor fan. Did you know about how horribly she was abused as a child.
I don't think I did.
I think I might have read that or heard that years ago, but I have not read her autobiography.
Oh, because it's very good at Belle. I was like, I think I knew that.
Oh my god, like the way kids are abused. I just I mean, it's just it's the you just are happy reading it from I mean, obviously I'm reading the point where this person is likely taking their own life. I don't think it's been confirmed or anything, but it made me feel like, Okay, at least she's out of that. She's like an adult now and survived it. But like you just it's just.
The and it's so heartbreaking that she was like a laughing stock, and she was right the whole time after.
She tore up the picture of the pope, like that was the.
Bravest thing to do, and everyone for years she was just like the butt of jokes and.
And she lost the whole doing that. Yeah, she lost everything, and she said she doesn't regret it, which is really cool. But she tore that. No one even knew why she tore up the picture of the pope. People were like, what is she doing? Why should not like the pope? She hates she hates the church, in which you cannot hate the Catholic Church. But she was protesting the crimes against children in the Catholic Church that she how was she ready to that?
Never uh disavowed those priests and never disavowed the what was happening?
But did we know it was happening in nineteen ninety two? Clearly there was something in the news. But based on the movie Spotlight, sure it seems like that all broke in two thousand and eight.
I'm sure it was covered up more than it was in the two thousand and the two thousands.
But it must have still been out there.
Yeah, she knew about an issue that just got swept under the rug.
But yes, I think it was an issue.
I mean coast to coast am alien folks. You know, we were talking about the Pope being an alien and child sex trafficking of the Pope way back in the nineties. For sure, there was a fringe belief that he's an answer. The Pope is a you know, the Pope is controlled by Satan or reptilians.
Do you believe in aliens?
Aliens? Oh, of course, but not the ones that AOC is interrogating that navy guy for this weekend. What there was a congressional hearing about UFOs.
Oh right, we're right.
Those are probably not aliens. But of course, the vastness of the universe, there has to be there must be intelligent life out there. They just can't read or.
Maybe they have.
Believe Yeah, I don't believe.
I don't believe they reached us. I don't believe they either have the technology to reach us, or if they tried to reach us, we wouldn't understand how to analyze that.
Communicating the dark forest theory, No.
No, I don't know anything called the dark forest theory.
Okay, I thought you would. You would. You probably not know what it is, but well you know about it. Like, we should stop looking.
For them, oh, because once they find us, the.
Will they'll kill us immediately. It will be a split second of like, it'll just be like if they saw a gnat, Like if you see a gnat and you're just like ah, the second they notice us, like us with a gnat in our room, they'll just go stop just because they they won't even think of, like, let's explore this and see what we can learn from them. They'll just be like ew, if.
They have the technology to reach us, there is nothing that we can do to stop them.
Yes, because we don't have the technology to reach out.
They've been trying to reach us forever.
We are just too dense to get it. That's my theory.
But if they could reach us, that means they have technology that is so beyond our understanding of anything that they would have the ability to destroy us immediately, as would it would be to destroy us.
They're kind, they're not fucked up like us.
I doubt it. In order to have in order to have the amount of natural resources to control a machine that could take you to you have to be harvesting multiple solar systems worth of natural resources.
And I cannot be so evolved that they are like beyond our fucked upness. We're just destroying ourselves like a bunch of idiots, like fucking with the earth, and like.
This is what happens when you seek power and seek to expand your power, you need evil. And so they would probably be evil if they reached the point I think would be the argument. But final thoughts speaking.
Of evil.
Because you asked them of expanding evil and needing more and more. So this billionaire, I'm like, he tells me about the founding of it, and then I was like, I go, so you I go, can I just cut to the chase. I was like, you are one of the wealthiest people that has ever walked the planet and will ever walk the planet. Probably because he also told me that for every fifteen hundred dollars that is spent in the world globally, one of those dollars is going
to Airbnb. Oh my god, wow it and it's I did not understand how because he was speaking in like a way I don't understand about business. But for some reason, Airbnb is not something like you know, Amazon can be reproduced by other places because it's there's some reason that Airbnb is is propriet proprietary in the sense that other other nations have to use Airbnb because they don't want to for some reason. China can have their own Amazon,
and you know, Dubai can have their own Amazon. But like Airbnb, it's this, it's the biggest American company that is globally and is not it is you can't recreate it. That's every reason, right, And he said that was by mistake he did. He was like, we're just lucky that it's that way. So then for every that means for every dollar fifty spent or like you know, fifteen dollars spent, one cent is going to air BB which is another way of saying that in math, one hundred and thirty
two hours of suits. Okay, so then I feel like you're.
Just bragging you about your math abilities. Now I didn't know that.
How much is there for every one hundred and fifty.
Million dollars one hundred and fifty million, how.
Many fifteen million dollars?
Wait, fifteen million dollars, Yeah, so that's fifty It would be old. Don't do this to me. I'm really panicking and I need to write it one million, fifteen million, No, no, no, it would be ten thousand. I have no idea of someone knows that someone's sailing at their phone right now. So then I said, I go, what's the point of anything anymore? Like what do you get up in the morning for? If you can have any I go, you can have anything you want. You could buy anything you
want any nation. You you you have as much money he's worth. I looked it up. What eleven point eight billion dollars?
Wow? What they're you?
Myself? He himself, he's the he's he's the biggest. Yeah, but they don't have as much money as him. I looke up their names too. Okay, he is the most. I don't know why, but I said, what do you What keeps you going? And he's like, because I just like innovating and I like creating new ideas. Like it was you know, he had a good answer for it.
He was like, you know, it's like I like building and he's really I've been on his Instagram now and he's very proactive about like building community and connecting people. And he has you know, he's friends with Obama and and I think Obama is a good guy, like they're working towards good things, it seems. And then I said, well, what about This is where I think I derailed it. I was like, what about the like saying that there's no accidental billionaires? Which what do you think that means?
When someone says.
That, that means that they had to do so something cruel and unusual in order to garner that much or at least or at least exploit their workers.
Thank you, that is what that means. But everyone in the room, including Jeff, Jeff's friend and no Jess trying, actually had my back, but he wouldn't. He was just like looking at me, like I have your back. But I go, you know how they say there's no accidental billionaires? And he's like and everyone's like, yeah, yeah, you gotta try, and I'm like, I don't think that's He goes, I go, do you do?
You?
You seem like a nice guy, like are you evil? Are you evil? And they all go why would you ask that? And I go, but that's what that phrase means. There's no accidental billionaires. You had to exploit, you know, low paid workers to get to where you are, you had to like employ slave labor, essentially. I read that quote first with Rihanna about like she is making money off the backs of people's working in sweatshops, like you
don't become an accedental billionaire without exploitation. But they all act baffled by it, like that's not what it means. It just means you gotta try. And I'm like, yeah, I don't think someone finds a bill billion dollars on the sidewalk like whoopsie, oh, I'm an accidental billion andre. Of course it takes effort. That is implied. What I mean is are you evil? And then it just got kind of weird in the room and I changed subjects
as quickly explain it. I didn't want to have to explain it, but they made me explain, Like what I was saying was like are you evil? But I had to say that to him, like.
Well, why do you recover from this? To make friends?
I think I think I just said, like I don't think that you are, and I have a billionaire friend who I don't think is evil, but I'm I'm wondering where that's happening in your company, Like how did you get that who is losing out like, and we didn't get into it. I just steered it away to like, wow, it sounds like this relates a lot to comedy and.
I don't know.
But then we walked out together and he said to me, he was like, thanks for asking so many questions. I was like, thanks for answering them. He was like, people don't usually ask that much. And then later on I thought, scared, yeah, but I.
So glad you asked. Yeah, this is why maybe that's not dating and billionaire.
I think anything, I think he is true. I think if anything, ad buys me something. Because I was not intimidated, and I wasn't like he was just he was an I was like, it's so cool to meet you. I mean, this is I'm never going to meet someone richer than him. I don't think. I looked at the list. He's very low on the Let me just say he's like in the in the hundreds or maybe even higher than that.
I know, because there's people with like three hundred and twenty six billion dollars, So he's with his eleven point measley eleven point eight. I mean, but he's on the Forbes list of richest people. I had to scroll a lot, you know, like I was putting in my birth date in a thing, so I had to go to the bottom to find him. But on the way out, he was just like, thanks for asking, and he was like and then he said this. He was like, I could never do what you do. And I go, well, I
clearly never do what you do. And I was like, but it is. He was like, and I'm a public speaker, and but like make writing jokes and making jokes. I have no concept of that. And I was like, it's cool that I do the only thing you can get and the only thing you can't pay to learn. Like there's yeah, I hold something that you can never You can literally have anything that you want. I mean, you could have a I write movie scripts for you, but they still can't really do comedy.
They can't write movie scripts either. Really, can I ask you this? So why was he there? He friends?
He was friends with a friend of Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross always has the most interesting celebrity like interesting, cool tastemaker friends that are like hanging around. And then so I ran into Jeff Ross later on, like at my next set at the Improv and Avery, his friend walked in and was like, that was awesome, and I was like, wasn't that the fucking coolest? We got to talk to a multi billionaire? And he was like, and you really didn't hold back. He was like when you asked him
what's the point of life? I mean that was palsy and I was like, but what is it? And then Jeff came in and was like you. He was like, you fucking Charlie Rose. That was amazing, and he was like quite the interviewer and I'm I was like, you gotta take advantage of that. He was like, no, it was a great conversation. And I just liked that they gave me credit for that. And I felt a little bit like almost the way that I felt when that
we were talking about before. I forget what I sa oh when I said that I'm in my latest thirty and everyone laughed, and I'm like, why is that funny? It's nice when you get feedback about a character trait that you didn't even know you had that brought some people some joy because I would have done that in a bubble. I wasn't doing it for any other reason. I wasn't like I'm just gonna be different and maybe he's gonna like me more yourself. You're unfiltered, but he was nice.
The cool thing about you is you're unfiltered, but you never seem to get in I'm probably wrong, but you don't seem to get in trouble for your unfilteredness.
Well, because I think if as long as it comes from a place of not trying to hurt people, I can kind of if I do offend, I can back out of it.
And I feel like I'm always.
Asking things and then five point five seconds later, I'm like, oh, you shouldn't have asked that, because that's hurtful. Like I don't realize it's hurtful till later, like a second later.
Yeah, But then I'm sorry that was rude and I wasn't thinking. But I am curious. But most of the time people do want to talk about why they lost an arm, or why they're in a wheels or the obvious thing that everyone is avoiding. Oftentimes if you ask it in a kouth way, I mean, don't say that with a personal ways to have what are you living for?
But we really wanted to know, like what is if you're in your shoes, what gets you up in the morning? Like if I was a billionaire and.
I was you, I'd have trouble getting up in the morning now, And like having a reason to take on more work when it's like I don't really need anything else. As long as I can afford to get Starbucks three times a day and Postmates every night of the week, I don't really and maybe send my nephew to college. My nieces doesn't look like she's gonna go, But like, as long as I'm able to get that stuff done, what else is there to life? And so maybe I
was kind of seeking it in that way. But the point of life is making podcasts with your friends, and that's fun and that's why I do this, not for the money. And so I think that's what he does it for, Like he enjoys what he does, which is refreshing, and that's how I connected to comedy, and that's how I'm gonna marry a billionaire. Okay, guys, thank you for listening to the podcast. We will be back next week, and uh yeah, don't be good and just ask the questions you want to