The Nicky Glizer podcast. Glaser. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's a Nick Klaser podcast. I am in a hotel room in Los Angeles. I have nothing going on in my life right now. I was thinking, I went to go journal this morning, nothing that is like of note, and I was like trying to come up with some stuff to talk about today.
I was journaling. I have been journaling every day, which is good.
I like have been having pretty good dreams and I've been writing them down and stuff, and no one wants to hear that fucking shit, not even my therapist. I was starting to like talk about my dreams two days ago when I saw her and I could tell she was just like, even I'm bored with this, and I know what they mean, you know, like it was just falling off of roller coasters.
Oh, we got to stop with the dreams. I think.
I'm right, Yeah, I don't want to.
There's some symbolism to them, but like I mean, it's a it's a trope in the this and up comedy world that's like a million comedians with the joke or even in sitcoms, but like one that no one wants to hear your dreams. It's not interesting at all. There's only one time that dreams are interesting to the other person, and that is.
They're sex or you're in it.
If you're in it, I don't think if there's it's like vacation photos.
It's it's like someone some comedian or maybe it was like, uh, I think it might have been Dennis on Always Sonny said, dreams are like people's photos. I don't want to see it unless there's sex or I'm in them. Yeah, I don't hear about you know, something like that. It was like, oh, that's a good annoualog.
Because they're such bullshit. They're always just you know, there's no rules. It's like, oh, I saw this thing, and then my aunt was there, and then all of a sudden, I was in Topeka, and it's like who there's no.
Way to describe them. It's like an acid trip. It doesn't sound interesting to anyone else who like. That's the same way I feel about people doing psychedelics and telling me about that experience, even though I do ask, and I did, like I was talking to some about it. I saw a clip of Theo Vaughn the other night, you know, like YouTube just serves up what you need.
And it was like, THEO Von describes the difference between DMT and ayahuasca, and he said that DMT is like being buried in a pinball machine that's like on and it's just going on and you're inside it, man, and it's like a double baller or what. I don't know how you eat out the talks and then he said,
but ayahuasca was like your heart farts. He was like it really, it's if you don't if you want to ever know the difference between those two or have any one like you just want to know what that it's like. It was a very elucidating, you know, description of both of the things to me, because I've always gotten them confused. I know I'll never do DMTA. Neil Brand told me, Yeah, oh, THEO is one of the best people to just talk
about anything. I mean, he's one of my favorite people to just look up clips and just hear him talk. He's he's one of the best talkers that will ever exist. And but I was just thinking about dreams. I recall my favorite Mitch Hedberg joke. One of my favorites is like man dreams, you know, I'm paraphrasing, dreams are like bullshit, man like you could do anything, He's like, But most of the time it's just like I'm building a shed with my landlord. You could do anything.
My dreams are just like and then I'm packing my shampoo, and.
Packing is a crazy one for me. I pack a lot in dreams anyway, So let's not talk about dreams anyway. Been journaling a lot, didn't I have nothing to talk about, So I'm just gonna.
Throw it to you, guys, what any.
And then you're like, I have nothing?
No, I well, I had something. I always have something if I talk enough. But I really want to pitch it to you guys with like, what do you have? Major update?
Major update that I'm sure the best of these are all curious to hear, and that is that the the old Rag.
Yeah, it's somewhere you're going to say.
That the old Rag has been delivered to Nikki.
There's many stains on it.
I told you it was not a good rat.
I thought it was old. I didn't know it would have.
A microfiber from your glasses.
Case microfibers of murder scenes on it. Like it's like it looks like a lot.
It's vintage for it.
I liked it. It says eye people.
Or something on it, an old eye care professional, and.
It's a great gift.
Look, there's a twist.
How does that feel to part with it?
Is there a twist?
I didn't even know I had it, so it feels nothing. I feel like someone.
Explained that he got it out of the waste basket after you all take that.
Oh, I thought it was in a special zip lock that he carries around.
No, it was like in a it was he threw it out on the show.
There's a twist.
What's the twist?
Oh?
No, you need it back, there will still open.
No.
I went back into my bag. It was much deeper than I had originally realized, and I found a another old rag from the same place I had that.
Little better stiff.
It's not stiff, it's no very few stains. Do you want to ski?
Yeah?
I want I want that.
I don't know what these stains are. They're like black. I don't know what that could because I use these for my glasses.
Can't believe you still have this stuff.
And I can't believe that you went further through that bag, Like, do you have that much time on your hand. I don't think you do.
No, I don't, but you don't.
Man.
I'll always make time for my rag bag.
Brian's been going to like he's he's got a lot going on. He got a new mattress, which is like the dreams of It's like, I want to hear about this just as much I want to hear about people's dams. But it actually is interesting because buying a mattress is such a fucking arduous process.
And uh, you got a Temperpedick.
Yes, right now behind me is a temper Pedick Breeze lux medium. And I got to say, anyone out there, any of the besties, please help me. I need your help because I got this temper pedic mattress. It costs like six thousand dollars. And I know that there's a break in period. I know that, but I just don't trust that there it's gonna work. Because I'm sitting there raising your hand. It's much firmer than I thought it was going to be. And I wanted I want to sink in, and it's not sinking in at all.
Brian, I understand your pain. We had the same exact thing. We spent like the most amount of money that we have ever spent on a piece of furniture. But it became worth it. You just have to wait. It'll take like four months, no unfortunate months.
That's past the return and I can't not sleep for four months.
That's past.
It works, It works, and it will It'll be a game changers super mattress.
Yes, ours is a temporari.
You didn't tell you by the hybrid kind? Or did you buy the like it's gonna let me sink into it kind of because Brian what he wanted out of the temper Sepedic is that it forms to his body. But when he went to the showroom, he was talked into a hybrid of the four to your body and the spring. And then he gets out of there and he gets the hybrid, and now it's arrived and he goes, why didn't I just get the thing that I wanted, which is like it just forms to your body.
So which one did you get?
Noah, I cannot remember. I think we may have gotten the hybrid. I can get back to you.
Saw this is.
What this is also the problem with mattresses. I've asked almost every single person in my life, what kind of mattrees they got, and either it's like Nicky's answer is like, I have a shitty mattress. I don't give a shit about it. I want a new one, and so that's not very helpful, or it's or it's I have a great mattress. I love it. It's the best mattress in the world. What kind is it? Oh, I don't I don't remember. I guess I'll look it up and then I look up the receipt and it's just, oh, I
found the receipt. But it just says, uh, you know, it just says like mattress good. And it's like, well, what the fuck is that? Is it medium? Is it firm? Is the spring?
It's medium? It's medium. I know that's for sure.
I just don't know which design it is, uh like a year ago or something, or you just.
Is like disenchanted with it at first, and like what a waste of money? And did you both have a night four months and where we were like it's working, like I mean time and I love.
Yeah, we have just like aggressive sex on it to break it in. But before that, yeah, I was really worried because it was so we were dropping like so much money on it, and for my whole life.
I heard temper Pedic is the one. It's the best.
And then when we finally after getting it delivered and it was a commitment to put it in the house, we got the little platform and everything, and we were just like, this is a lot more firm than I remember at the store. And then I had like when I checked, it was exactly medium firmness, and I was just like, we're gonna have to return this and go through the whole process. And I was really like just
so agitated over that. But right like as it got to like the four or five month period, all of a sudden, I was like, this, this mattress is so comfortable, we're not.
Is it just because your will has been broken down? Or does something happen in the biochemistry of the mattress.
I have been sleeping on a shitty mattress because I'm at my dad's house, and my back and my neck aren't so much pain, like pain that I don't feel anymore because I sleep.
How many days have you been sleeping on your dad's mattress?
I've been here for the three months, twenty.
Three days, twenty that's enough. To get used to it. Wow, yeah, shitty mattress. You can't. You can't get it.
It might be your pillow. I had a temperpedic pillow which I got addicted to, and then I just gave it to Matt because he had a really bad neck.
Once.
I'm like, I'm might mat next, fine, now take this, And now I'm like, is that a scam? A temperpedic pillow? And I think I'm fine.
I don't know. I think the pillows are really expensive, and there's a million different types, and so far I've tried almost every one of them, and I'm not sold on the pillows. I'm not sold on the mattress. I don't know. I think. I mean. I wrote an episode of Adam Ruin's Everything on mattress where we literally said, yeah, I wrote a whole episode on mattresses where we literally get you. Then, I don't know, that's what I'm saying.
I literally said in this. I wrote this on a script and it was said on television, do not spend thousands of dollars on a mattress. It's a scam. I wrote that, and then I went ahead and I spent thousands of dollars on the line.
Did you write that? What was your finding? Will you like tell us what the gist of the episode was and why that that's true and what you should do instead of spending thousands of dollars.
Studies have shown that there is very little difference in customer satisfaction between after you reach a certain threshold in mattresses. So like you don't want to buy like a five hundred dollars mattress, like the mattress no was probably sleeping on, But once you pass like a thousand dollars, there is no difference in customer satisfaction between a one thousand dollars mattress and a ten thousand dollars mattress. It's like it's like you know that thing where you make a certain
amount of money. Yeah, once you pass that threshold, it doesn't matter if you make two hundred thousand dollars or four hundred thousand dollars, it's like all the same. Well, that's how it is with mattresses, and a lot of the materials that are in mattresses are made by the same three companies. You know. That's like the coils with eyeglasses.
Yeah, yeah, it's basically like canned good canned tomatoes, like I told you guys.
Coming from the same factory.
It's just the label or like a hallal meat, oh exactly.
And you know the meat that's spinning and you're like, well, that doesn't look like real meat. Guess what, it's not real meat. It's mostly sawdust and breadcrumbs. You freaks. You're eating a bunch of shit, all right, Well the mattress.
The other day it's vegan, is eat that meat now?
And then also there's like a bunch of shady practices at the.
Mattresses, go against everything you know, and wrote like what have you explored?
Like what made you I'm desolate?
Pain?
Yeah, well that the pain is a great motivator. And I was grinding and clenching my teeth at night and destroying my teeth, and I learned that I have to sleep on my back in order to not do it as much. And the mattress I used to have, which also cost five thousand dollars, was too firm. It was way too firm. I couldn't sleep on my back and
too many pressure points. So I slept in an airbnb where there was a memory foam mattress, and I slept all night on my back, and I was like, I think I need a memory foam, so I you know, even though get that exact one, well, I thought about it. We contacted the airbnb owner and they said, of course you did. Yeah, and they said I was like, this was this was It wasn't the best mattress I've ever slept in, but it was good enough. And they said
it was a six hundred dollars mattress from Wayfair. It didn't even have a.
Name, right, yeah, so you weren't able to find the model.
No I was, but I was like, Okay, yes, that mattress was.
Good, that's not past one thousand dollars point that you need to feel good.
And also that mattress is probably not going to last very long. It's probably going to be like sagging after a year. And then like I don't want to go through this again. So at least was like, let me go find a memory phone mattress. That's why I did it. And then I just went to the store and I'll tell you what those I mean. They have all these things in place that make you buy the mattress. They offer three years zero interest financing, they always have a sale,
it's ending tomorrow. They have the mattress salesman who's like, oh, I'll just leave you alone and let you sleep on it. And then and then they come back five minutes later and they're like, how was it? And then they offer you the ninety day return policy so you can return it. So it's like, oh, is this even really a purchase? So then you just walk out of the store all of a sudden. So you spend six grand on a mattress and you all wells fargo your life savings and now you're sleeping on a brick.
May I have a solution and a hopeful anecdote? I'll tell you the hopeful No, I'll tell you the solution. Okay, No, I'll tell you the helpful it. Okay, no solution, Yeah, let's do the solution.
Solution.
I was just kidding, ok yeah, pillow top mattress. Just spend thirty bucks on a pillow top?
You did it?
Yeah?
Sorry?
Then should have told that last I wanted Matt mattter ring shopping for wedding rings and it was annoying, and we finally he found a company online where they send you a bunch of ring samples. You try them on, you figure out your guys. Yeah, and we decided. He decided on one. I was like, oh, I wasn't I didn't know I had a preference for rings, but these were not the specifications I would have decided. I was
thinking round, classic for him. For him, like a bright He's like, I don't know what to do, babe, which one. I'm like, I don't care, pick one you like, and then he picks when he likes and I was like, whoa, I don't think I like that.
Whatever.
Yeah, And I didn't even know what I liked, but I realized, I guess I like a classic men's wedding ring, kind of bright, like shinier gold, which is not what I would think I would like, rounded edges, not super not super thick, not super thin. Anyway, he picks like a matte pale gold. It's like, not shiny at all, and it's a little thinner than I'm used to it, and it's got square edges, so it looks like a little more industrial. I was like, I don't know if
I like that. It's kind of nineties or something. Anyway, I don't I don't say what I want because I'm like I don't even know what I want. Just let this guy choose. It's his fucking ring. And then it comes and he's wearing it, and I was just like, I think I hate it, but in my head, he doesn't even know this. For two days, I'm like, I think I fucking hate it. And I know there's a return period and it's like free exchange or whatever, and
I was just like, should we exchange it? And I just bit my tongue and now whatever, you know, a month or two months after we had bought those rings, I fucking love it. It looks so cool on him. It looks I'm like, that is the coolest ring I've ever seen, like every day. I don't know what it is. I've just gotten used to it, but it just looks. It's like very Matt. I can't explain it.
It looks.
It looks cool. So I'm glad I kind of listened to the tiny, tiny voice in my head that was like, eh, just let this alone. Try to micromanage this.
So this is another reason why marriage I don't want to do it.
Could I just say here's another thing.
I can't commit to a ring the rest of my life, like a piece of jewelry that I have to wear forever.
And also who cares?
Like, were you just mad that you were going to like see his ring and always just feel like, oh god, it's ugly like the rest of your life. Was that your fear or that people would think your husband's lame if they saw it because he likes it, So what does it matter? It's just like I don't.
I'm very much into like how like I get a lot of joy from the aesthetics of things, So like I can just stare at my own I don't fucking know, like a chair that I bought, and just be like, God.
When you had your nails done, you were like, I can't stop looking at them. They still long.
No, no, I cut them off. They're still they're like growing out. But I chopped them off so I could play guitar. Right, But the weird plasticky thing, the extension is still glued on there.
Right, And then what happens with that? You have to have it like removed. I forget.
Eventually I'm going to just have it removed, but I'm too lazy to go. And right now, it's actually making the guitar picking sound really cool because they're so thick.
Oh that's nice.
Yeah, what do you feel about your spray tand do you miss it? Because mine?
I missed it, but I got it strange. First of all, it did ruin my favorite white pants. I just got these, and it ruined the bottoms of them. I went to the foot massage place and they moved my pants up. They hiked them up to my knees and then you know, they were lotioning me up and it was hot that day in New York. And then when they were all done, I'm like, oh, horrified. My spray tand is like there's a ring around my little white pants And I was.
Like, fuck why I get tons of spray tan on towels and like makeup and spray tan, and they are always at hotels like they maybe they throw out the toels because they're like this is ruined.
Like how do why can't you just bleach things the way hotels do?
Why can we not do it?
But this is three three washes later and oh so I'll just bleach them. It's almost back to normal. But it was annoying. I missed the spray can though, although I did develop a weird dot on my leg that is still there.
Do you ever get these age spots? Was gone? No, I thought it was the plasma because they know they like definitely highlight your age spots when you get spray tan.
See that little freckle right there or not. So that was really dark. And that came like the night after my spray tan. I woke up with a super dark, dark, dark thing and it felt like a scab. So I'm like, oh, it's just spraytn collected in a weird spot, but it's taken three weeks to go away. Do you ever get those?
I would never notice that my ba not.
Just a weird dark dot on your leg.
You're you're very self aware.
I would not know. I mean like, yeah, no, I I have people are constantly worried about my spraytan more than I am, Like just makeup artists and people are just like, oh, it's like on the back, it's patch. I'm like, cause I got a spraytan. Like people can probably look at me and understand her armpits are gonna be white because she got a spray tan and it was a shitty one because she doesn't like because people go,
why don't you get custom ones? Because I just go in a booth every single time, no matter what the level of a thing appearance I'm making. And a booth is just like for people who are maybe going to a wedding that weekend. They're not in the wedding, but you are supposed to get a custom one for like the real good spraytand but I will not do it.
And do you know why, because you don't want to wait exactly.
People think it's like it's because you don't want to be naked in front of someone. It's also a lot more expensive. It is not any of those things. It's because it takes too fucking long.
A booth.
You go in and it just like sprays you naked and it goes down. Yeah, it's a glory. Like you go in, you take off all your clothes. I don't do any lotion barriers because there's a spray. There's like a wet wipe in there that you just afterwards, you just wipe all the places that you don't want spray tann on. You don't need to do lotion barriers. It's stupid And I've been doing these for hundreds of years.
And so you go ends of.
Your hands are a little bit orange. Did you not do it.
No, they're not.
It's just looking that way, like if I see them up close, they're not.
They really aren't. My hand is orange. This is orange, but this I know it looks orange, but it's not. For some reason what I look at it.
Are you supposed to do your armpits too? I forgot she had me do it, but I was so self conscious of black?
But who is seeing your armpits? And who is going to go?
I would definitely look like who cares? Now they're supposed to be white.
Exactly, But like, I just don't get, like, can't people just understand that there's gonna be like a little bit like there are people with vital igo and everyone's not like, oh my god, burn her, you know, like, who gives a shit if it's a little spotchy, we're gonna go.
To break What I say that, I don't know. That's just me though? What burn people? They have spots? Yeah, I'm just disgusted by everybody.
So you get naked, you go into a booth, it tells you, I mean, depending on the like this is. I want every girl to know this because spreetans will elevate you so much, and everyone's so scared of going into a spraytan booth. It will not just go to a low level, But I always go to the highest level no matter what, because it's so disappointing when it doesn't show up at all, and it will never.
Be so high that you're like, I look insane. At least for me. There's not enough tan I could be.
So you go and you press a button, you stand like this, then you have one arm like this, Then you have one arm like this, then you stay from behind, and then they do two and then they go drying phase and it takes five minutes and then you're dry
by the time you step out. You maybe like dance around a little bit, take a picture for your boyfriend, because you will look super tan and super hot and the lighting's really low and it looks it's always a great time to get like a sex sual and you're like kind of wet looking and that's always a good look. Send that off to him, validate your existence, and then you leave in your fucking hand and it's great.
Well, yeah, you're a pro. That makes sense. If I had had more than like five spray hands in my life, i'd booth it up to I'd be like, I got this.
But why don't you just trust me? Both because it's there's nothing that I'm.
Still learning how to, Like, don't.
Waste that top spray because it starts spraying at your head for tall people and especially if you're a shorty, put your arms up and follow it down and then hit the pose where it would be.
As Chris said, she just can't handle the booth. He said that it was funny.
There's a writer's strike.
You just still you can't handle them. Who did you say? Said that?
Christ Convey? He said that Chris Conny said it, and at a very appropriate moment it laughed out loud.
Oh okay, then that makes sense.
God, I miss him. That really made me miss it. I feel we don't talk on the phone when we're apart, so I kind of feel like he is we'll talk more about all of this and also.
Less when we get back.
We're back. I'm guessing that I when Chris said she just can't handle the booth, I was talking about a spray tand booth.
No, you weren't there. It was we were driving to the UDO concert and there's that parking lot outside of the concert venue, and there is a parking attendant lady in a booth and she was she kind of like gave us a hard time because Chris was like trying to park in the special parking spots because you know, he's like associated with the concert, and they gave us
a hard time. Then we went to go get dinner, and we came back and I pointed out, Oh, the parking attendant lady isn't there anymore, and then he goes, I guess she could just couldn't handle the booth.
That's very clever.
Good, Yeah, that does make me.
It's good.
Ye, he said. It's so fast too.
Right, He's very quick.
I'm very That's why I love listening to his radio show because I'm reminded of how fucking fast and funny and quick he is in many ways. But he does. I mean, that's a pun. Some people are nauseated by them. But that's a good one.
No, Yeah, people are nauseated by bad punts, you.
Know, or ones where the person is really proud of themselves.
No, not that hard and then go huh you know like that, yeah, and you wait.
It is interesting how some comdians' minds you can tell by hearing their set. They cannot help writing puns. It's like completely involuntary. It's just how their brains work. Like Mark Norman's new special Full of Full of Puns.
Yeah, oh yeah, did you watch the whole thing?
I've watched half of it, but he's so clever and he.
Did you get through it all? And there's literally no comedian I can get through it all.
I love Mark and luck. He reminds me of like a funny Grandpa cross and it's weird because he's like a young, god looking guy, but he's got that grandpa voice and some of the jokes are very like dirty grandpa, so it's cute.
I wanted to write one point five times the speed lesson I couldn't sleep. I was like, Oh, check out Mark's new special Soup to Nuts. It's on Netflix. Mark is one of the best, you know, joke writers. And but I was listening to him actually on Theo Vonn's
podcast again. A YouTube clip popped up and he was talking about how in THEO was saying man like, I was laughing out loud so hard, and it's just it's you're the perfect comic to go see on a date, because there's you never have to worry if she's having a good time because there's no time to ever check in on, like is she enjoyed because it's just rapid fire. It was something about that and he was like, yeah, I hate silence. I hate it. I don't want silence up there. And I was like, oh my god, I
relate to that so much. He's like some comedians can just like take their time, like why would you ever do that?
Like how could you risk that? And I really liked hearing something.
It just feels validated when you hear someone that you admire say something that you have felt your whole life. And yeah, he's he's just a rapid fire and has yeah, tons of puns, but like, yeah, I got I listen to it one point five times of speed, which is insane because he already talks so fast. But it's so good and I'm I'm just doing it bite sized because I was getting kind of sleepy at the time I watched, and I want to and I want to finish it up at some point when I have time.
In my life, because I can't wait to watch that one.
And so good. It's so good there the title is yeah, and I love he you know he always on Conan. He uh, it was the first time I heard him do it on TV. But he's you know, at the end of his said, he goes, thanks, I'm Kevin Hart. It's just like but they introduced him as Kevin Hart on this please give it up for Kevin Hart.
You know you're doing that a long time. I was like, I haven't heard this.
It's so good.
There's some comedians who are like really sit in the silence and they they usually have a stool that they can actually sit. No, thank you, and I and the industry.
Fucking up these that's the custom spray tan of comedians like come on, let's let's speed this up. And they do love it. You know why because to do that you have to be so fucking confident you have to be a narcissist. People love narcissists. They are It would be incredible to be one. Honestly, it's a superpower. It really is, like I kind of wish I was. And I'm not talking about having that narcissistic traits like we
all diagnose our boyfriends with. This is this is like someone who is a pathological just you know, personality disorder. They have narcissism, they are a full blown narcissist.
Is that if at any point anything deduces them, not deduces them, degrades them, or points out a flaw in any way, they cannot accept that and they will fight against that in the extreme. Yes, that's the that's the kind of they cannot admit any type of flaw at all, and so every time that if they make a mistake, they'll gas like you that they didn't do it if they if someone points out a flaw, they will just decimate them and completely discredit.
Fascinating they they'll do like a whole special maybe about how they're.
Not if they are deeply I don't know that Chappelle is a narcissist, like at that level. I think he is narcissistic traits because I think every comedian kind of has to to get up there and be like, you should listen to what I'm talking.
Wasn't an original thought. I heard it from one of his best friends.
That's hilarious. I mean again, long pauses hours on stage, he's he's checking some of the boxes.
But the thing is, narcissist narciss don't even mind to be called narcissists.
That's kind of my favorite thing about them because they're like, there's they see nothing wrong. Why would they wouldn't take that as an insult because they don't have anything wrong with them, so they're like, that's the way to be. And also they're impervious to ever changing. It's the only,
it's one of the only. I can't say it's the only because I don't know everything, but I think I do the it's it's impervious to You can't fix a narcissist because you have to see a fault in yourself to be able to go I want to change, and they will not do that.
So that's fascinating.
It would be great to be one because they will never struggle because they don't admit to themselves. They can't even have the I don't think they have any self awareness to ever be sad about what they are because they're the best. But it does come ultimately subconsciously from
a deep fear of insecurity and not being enough. But it doesn't matter that it does, and that doesn't make you feel better if you're dealing with a narcissist to know deep down there said because they're not they actually don't feel that subconscious thing at all.
On any level, they are.
The best, and I just kind of I want to be one. I do want to be. There's things I want to be, And sometimes I kind of wish I was a sociopath or a psycho, or like a narcissist psychopath.
But I think they're like unhappy.
They're deeply unhappy.
Narcissists do kill themselves. They do kill them Yes, it's a it's common that a narcissist or a borderline will kill themselves because if once the mask breaks down, if at any point somehow you get through that mask, and all of the tricks and all of the things that they do to deflect against introspection don't stop working, and if any little tiny flaw comes through, they cannot handle it.
They get extremely depressed, angry, violent, even and so like sometimes like even if it's just like a narcissist gets a gray hair and it's like something that can't control, and it's just like there's no denying it. Like sometimes that that can like eat away at their soul and until they, you know, can't take it anymore.
I don't worry about this narcissist in your life killing themselves, because they were all threatening suicide is like, narcissists don't commit suicide. They talk about it a lot or threaten it a lot, but they don't, but borderlines do. Maybe that therapist was wrong, though. I did see him walking in the street with a paper cup where he disheveled many years later, and I was like, oh uh, I think he.
Did so well in life, therapist.
I think he will listened the street. He was either homeless or very near there, and I was like, oh my god, I might have had or something.
Yeah.
He would always be like, don't bother paying me. I don't know how he paid his rent. There were many months I saw him and he's like, don't worry about paying me. I think he just enjoyed spouting off about stuff. Anyway, he said, narcissists don't kill himself. I don't know.
I mean, I've read a bunch of I've read like every book there is about narcissists and borderline and personality disorders, and frequently they say narcissis killed the borderlines killed himselves do a lot.
My guy didn't know what he was talking about.
Maybe, I mean, maybe it's true. Nobody really knows. I just want to disclaim, is that these these all these diagnoses and labels. It's like everybody's different. Even if you're
a narcissist, you might be different than another narcissist. These are just general things, although I will say that if you're they frequently exhibit the same behaviors, and like, sometimes people will be in a relationship with a narcissist or borderline and I can predict exactly how they're going to act and what they're going to do in almost every situation. So I don't know there's something to the diagnosis, but it's the.
First thing you hear from someone that's kind of like clueless that they're dating someone with borderline that you're like, oh, telltale sign. Like has there been moments where you hear something and you're like, I just want to inform you this might be the case here, someone who might be listening that's like dealing with something that they don't even know would be the You just know someone like.
You just know it in your gut that they are lying to you. You just know that they you can't trust what they're saying. If they're a borderline, then not only can you you just know in your gut that they don't actually love you even though that they act like it, but but you know that in your gut.
But also to a borderline versus a narcissis is like a borderline will frequently not be able to handle any discussion about anything that's wrong with the relationship and have outbursts of mania and also anger, and can frequently switch from being really amazing to really mean really fast, like usually cruel for any human being to be. And you're like, I can't believe you just said that to me. And then you know, maybe a week later, I either deny
that they said that. They'll say you took it the wrong way, or they will yeah yeah, or they will not even remember that they said that. So it's like stuff like that, but it's true. But here's how you don't get into that. Here's how you don't get into that situation. If you get into a relationship and for the first month you believe this is too good to be true. They're just love bombing you. They're doing everything you want, there are no problems. It seems like their
personality is like meshing absolutely perfectly with your personality. Guess what they are doing that on purpose to trick you, because they don't have a personality, and all they know how to do is to mimic your personality and give you exactly what you want so that you accept them. And once you accept them into your vulnerable heart, they will turn on you because they can't get too close to you.
Well, you know, here's the thing. I got to put a little blame on the person that falls for this stuff, because and I'm not saying I do. I do everything. I do so many things so wrong all the time. But if someone loves you really soon, and it's just like, I don't know, there's just something about you. I just someone who loves you after knowing you for a week. Don't you know that they don't know you yet? And
so they're kind of full of shit. I guess I think I'm coming at this from a perspective of I don't really love myself, so I'm suspicious of anyone who does in the first place, even after knowing me a long time. So I think my low self esteem has kind of protected me from these kinds of freaks, because I have been love bombed at some points in the beginning of things with certain guys, and I'm always like, where where is this coming from?
Like how do you have this information?
We have not spoken enough for you to have formed this opinion about me yet. And I'll say because I remember one guy just saying like, you're so interesting. I've been thinking about you NonStop. I love the way your mind works. And I'm like, we've texted and DMed a couple times. There's and I go, are you watching a special of mine or so? And he's like yeah, and
I'm like, okay, maybe I can let that slide. But then there were things like I can't wait to have I remember one guy was the I've told Brian this. I was telling the story to some friends of ours, but he was the hottest guy. I've one of the hottest people I've ever seen in my life. And I was like talking to him almost kind of romantically. We're feeling it out. And then early on he was like,
I can't wait to have Sunday snuggles with you. Not only does that discuss me on just a I just don't want to I don't like calling anything that, But I also was like, why do you want to snuggle with me already? That's a really intimate thing that you do. I can understand wanting to fuck me already. I'll let that slide. Like, I'm not gonna be total I'd be grossed out by someone saying that, but I understand that fucking really doesn't have to be predicated by like an
intimate connection. But Sunday snuggles.
Sound like you do, and that sounds like something I have.
To maybe start that phrase with you as well, Like that sounds like something he made up with another girl and is just like, oh, every girl knows about Sunday model. But I just was like, you don't know me well enough to want to snuggle me. We've never even met, we never have touched, we've never looked each other in each other's eyes in person, So why would you want to do this with me?
And it turned me off so much?
Wait, but you were down to fuck?
No, no no. But if he would have said something like I can't wait to be in the same room as you and like grab you or what like, I would have understood, like the sexual desire you can want to Men can want to have sex with anyone without seeing anything, and so can many women.
What was it anything?
Anything?
Yes? But they but son, I just I don't know. And then there was this other guy that was one time kind of love bombing me of like you're so intriguing and like I just can't get you out of my mind. And we had barely talked, and I said how many siblings do I have? And he was like what? And I was like, if you like you seem to know me so well and be so intrigued, do you
wanna do you know how many siblings I have? And he was like, I have no idea, And I was like, I think you need to know that before you're like desperately yearning for me in this intellectual way or like you're talking about like you know me really well, you don't know even the most banal thing. And then I like the dad on.
Love is Blind season whatever when they were in Seattle, Remember what's her Name's? Dad was like, how many siblings does she have? Or that's a great question to know if someone knows you. It's just a that's a first date question that should get out of the way, and not that you should retain that information on the first date. Maybe you'll need refreshers. I even with my friends, need to be like.
How many what sibling are you?
Like it's it's fine, but someone professing how much they're into you and how much they're ready to like move forward. They should know that already, like they should want to know those things about you. So anyway, he was like, whoa, you just schooled me. He was like, you're so right, that's so good. I'm going to put that in this script I have because I'm writing about this narcissist who all he does is talk about himself, and I needed
some turning point where he's revealed to be one. And I think it's great if the other character says how many siblings do I have? And I go, wait, okay, you still don't know how stublings I have? And you just took my idea it made your own, And it was like it that just like, is there any have you guys been love bombed early on? And will you tell me the other side of it where you don't
really care if he knows that stuff about you? Or maybe they're just so good at acting like they this is the first time it's happened to them, and they it's love at first sight.
I mean there's arguments for that as well.
I mean, I kind of believe in love at first sight, so why wouldn't I believe in the idea of someone loving me immediately.
Well, I'll speak for an early experience. I got to San Diego. I didn't know anybody. I was a new DJ on the radio there. I was twenty five, so I really had no friends. And then I met this guy and he was just like he said kind of all the right shit, like right away. Like And it's the same thing with people in cults, like how to intelligent self aware people fall into a cult like so many It's not like everybody is a ding dong no, but it's usually you're in a vulnerable point in your life.
It's not like your personality is like the type that would get into a cult. It's usually a finite moment in your life that you're either alone, changing jobs, or in some transitional period. Maybe you're you just had a breakup or whatever somebody died and you're kind of longing for something or searching for something. I think I wanted connection and friends, and this guy was like, whoa, you
are fine, and which I didn't like at all. But then he was like, I'm gonna like I want to be I want to like marry you, and I'm such a like a romantic that I was like, whoa, maybe this is it.
This is the guy I'm not I'm not opposed to that. Actually, uh so I guess first.
Meeting, so I'm being like, I'm going to marry you.
Like just because you hear of the story, because I'm a romantic too, and you hear the stories of guys being like calling their mom being like I met the girl I'm gonna mary tonight, and then it is yes, little do you know that guy says it about every single woman he meets, so it's abound to happen once and the story will pay off, you know.
No, they're red flag, like Brian was listing, when they want to hang out with you every day, male or female, heterosexual you know not or same sex friends whatever. If someone wants to hang out with you every single day, they say, it's a red flag.
That was me with you in the beginning.
Yeah, but we had dinner every night for like four nights in a row and it wasn't more.
Me too.
It's like Vulder positions.
Well, well, you can love mom and friendships also, but like the key, the key is you didn't at some random point just turn on Anya and start decimating her entire being being as cruel as humanly possible to destroy her.
Yeah, and I've had that with female friends. One developed borderline personality as a result of very hard times and drug addiction, and she was diagnosed with that later. I don't think you have to be born with it. I might be wrong. And then the other female friend, I just didn't know that well and we I think I was in another I'd just gotten out of a breakup, and she was like, very knowledgeable about stuff, much older
than me, kind of took me under her wing. I had always thought she was very like fascinating, almost like the Oprah of this one friend community I had. And then, yeah, she exploded on me one day in such a rage. But thank god I had sort of what you were talking about, Nikki, like this baseline value system that was like I'm not no, no, no, no no, Like this isn't a match for me.
No.
It was just like you with the guy being like I want to be with you, but he doesn't know your siblings name. I was just like, you don't talk to me, like no one talks to me like this, Like I don't have out, I don't have drama on the street like she did it on the street and was like, yeah, controlling and it was insane.
Brian, You've read the books. Why do they snap like this? Is it because of there's like you said, there's something that happens that they can't control and it breaks their oh psyche or what They're always trying to get something? What are you going to get out of screaming at someone on the street. Why do they snap like? Is this a It's going against what they want, which is like survival and to like feed off of people.
It often pushes people away. What would be why do they do that?
It depends on the situation. So if like you're a borderline in a relationship and then you spend the first several months or even maybe up to like a year, I mean, I can't imagine having a year of love bombing and then having it turned. But they'll be love bombing you and love bombing you and love bombing you, and then all of a sudden, the borderline will feel like they are too close to you and they can't be too close. But they also don't want to be too far away, so they love bomb ube to get
in there. They really want to get in there because being far away is bad for them, and they don't want to be alone, that's for sure. And then if they get too close, they all of a sudden get anxiety about being too close and they need to do something to push you away. So that's when they'll turn
on you. It's black and white thinking where they'll just all of a sudden, you go from I love you so much to you're the devil and I hate you because there's something about being that close that's scary, because I mean, if you want to get into like their childhood trauma or whatever, it's because when they.
Have borderlines are made from trauma.
I don't know exactly, but it's definitely you know, some people say that, Like some people say that like they don't nobody knows why. But some people says, yeah, it's like bunyans.
People say it's hereditary, and I think it's it's always caused by shoes.
Yeah, yeah, Like some people say, like you can become a narcissistic because you were held too much as a baby, or you can become a borderline or because you were because you weren't held enough as a baby. Yeah, it's just like but.
It sounds like they're both anxious and avoidant attached.
Yeah soople So people with borderline have dealt with every time they get close or have a close relationship, they get hurt, and their whole existence is to avoid that pain. At the same time, they probably felt like they didn't get enough love from people they cared about, like their parents, and so they that's why they love bomb is because they try to become the perfect person that will receive
this love. But then they get scared because they're like, well, now that I have this love, I'm afraid that I'm going to get hurt and damage, so I'm gonna push you away. So then they turn on you, because the best way to protect yourself from love is to convince yourself I don't love this person anymore. Fact, that person's a fucking devil who I hate, who stinks like shit. I would never want to have sex within the rest of my life. In fact, if this person died, I'd
be happy. Like that's literally what they convinced themselves.
They have traces of this.
I think I don't ever blow up at the person, but privately, I when I am, but when I feel anger towards someone, it turns into like I want to cut it off. I hate them, like I can go to hate so fast, and I always talk myself out of it, and luckily I don't ever say it to the person because I'm too scared of I always thinking ahead and going like what if I regret this? So I never actually put into action these might be like, but I do have intense like I fucking hate them.
I never want to see them again. They're discussed.
I say the meanest shit about oh not good guys, like about you know, people who are still in my life, and I've said things about the that if they knew that I said that or thought that I'd be gone, but I didn't really think that.
It was just like my brain got hijacked.
What do I do?
Like should I feel bad about it? I can't stop it?
You're you are you have traits, but you're you're like not You're like right outside the door of a personality disorder, but you don't have one because you're knocking on the door, and like you know, obviously part of having one, it's fun to have one, because you it's like you're a fuck when you if you get into a relationship with someone with a personality disorder and you're in one for a really long time. You get what they call fleas, which is you start to adapt the traits of someone
with the personality disorder. And I did that after I got out of a relationship with a borderline, and I was a fuck. That was part of why I was I got so good at dating was because like I just I just knew all I could do all the tricks that the borderline did.
But like this is so true.
You may have fleas, Please, you might have fleas, but I don't think you have a personal disorder, because you're far too empathetic and introspective. Like those two things do not combine with Borderlines will go to therapy, but they won't change. They'll go to therapy just to affirm and to build themselves up. I don't think. I mean, yes, Look, I want to just clarify I'm speaking about borderlines right now,
like they're animals, and they're not animals. There are plenty of borderlines who have been to therapy and are willing to change. And I know borderlines who like are are absolutely amazing people. But in order to do that, you need to go to therapy. You need to accept therapy. You need to be like diagnosed as a borderline and then to change and then do basically right neurolinguistic programming.
You need to you need to look at you need to do behavioral cognitive therapy where you go like, okay, every thing am I being is telling me that I should turn on this person and hate them, And then you need to train yourself to be like that's not right, even though that's exactly what I want to do. I need I need to know that that's not how like a standard brain works or how it or a good thing, and fight against that until eventually you can train your
brain to not be borderline anymore. And I've seen I've seen it happen.
Where it's like people can pick it up. You could probably drop it off.
Yeah, you can drop it out if it's much harder if you were born with this, and like it's a trauma that is intrinsic into your the core of your like brain stem that like that's really hard, but it's possible. And just because you're diagnosed with borderline does not mean you can't change.
And can I say something ameliorate those things? I love the word amelia or it's a beautiful thing for a little mora and my daughter that yeah. By the way, can I.
Also just quickly say I had a song in this film called Borderline the film and it's an excellent docum menory directed by Rebby Rattner, and you you should check it out. It's really really good.
Border Way, why did you say that name?
Like anyone would know how to spell it?
Rebby?
Rebby?
How do you spell that?
Uh Ari?
Bb I E?
I think all right, anyway, it's it's good and it follows a borderline around or a couple of them, and it's so interesting in their therapy sessions and everything, so you can learn more about oh.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, this is all like so fascinating. What I was gleaming onto about what Brian was saying is that you have to want to change, or that you have to be like I don't want to be this way anymore I was listening to. I'll just say this vaguely if anyone wants to bite about someone saying recently in my life that they notice things about themselves,
like their behavior. I don't relate to feeling out of control with the way I'm reacting to something, I guess, and you might be like, yes, you do Nikey all the so maybe enlighten me if I'm if I'm wrong about this, I've never felt frustrated like I hate the way I am and the things I like and the things I don't like and the level of talent I have I fucking hate and I wish all the time I could be different in that way, Like I wish I liked hiking, I wish I liked I wish I
worked harder, like all those things. But I'm never like, I'm so mad that I cried about this thing. I'm so And yes I've said before like I wish I could cry more, but it's I've never been mad at my like the way I react to something, And I feel like I've heard people say they're upset about the way that they react and they're like, wish they could react better, And I want to understand that. And is that a narcissis of me to never question the way
I act? Like sometimes I'm like, oh, that was a little embarrassing, but I'm not, like, I'm never so insanely frustrated by the way I've reacted.
So potentially maybe you are. You could just be an extremely high functioning narcissist who has learned how to do certain things to make people believe that you're not so like. I don't think this is true, but it could be that your empathy is not real. It's not real, that your empathy is behavioral meat and cheese at night or no, or you're just like I learned that I can get away with certain things if that I then follow it
up with extreme empathy. Or I learned that as long as I mimic someone who's introspective, then people won't believe that I have personality.
That's what a narcissist would say. It's like, let's change the subject. No, that doesn't anything like me.
I think what you're saying is is consistent with like. You let people off the hook, and then you are also really good at letting yourself off the hook. So I think it's just you you.
Practice what you preach. Maybe that's it of I'm just never embarrassed by my like outbursts.
Really, it's it's rare that.
I mean, there's been there's been times, but I just like it already happens, So what am I gonna do? It's more about the things I don't do that I am filled with regret and hatred for myself is all the things I don't say, and the things I and just the things that I don't have, like im I more have, Like I'm more fretting about that. But I've heard even like you guys speak to the fact that like,
why do I let this thing derail me? Or something like, I guess I never and I let things derail me all the time, but I'm never like, what can I do to not let this derail me? I feel inherently I'm right to be derailed. I am right to hate that I don't have enough talent that Taylor Swift has. Why why wouldn't I be a little upset and angry that I did not get the lottery in that way that she got the lottery? You know, Like, and I know that's stupid because most people are not going to
hit the lottery. Why spend your whole life being mad about it? But I know I'm right to be a little bit jealous that someone else scot this thing that makes your life so much easier in my mind, so I'm never like, why do I I'm mad? I feel that way, and when I tried it, when people try to fix that about me, like except who you are. It's it's going in one ear and out the other, because I know that I'm right to feel short changed
in many ways. And I know that you're supposed to focus on what you have and maybe compare yourself to people who don't have those things, and that's supposed to make you feel better. And I do that as well, but it doesn't change the fact that I also compare myself to people who just have better bone structure than me, or a better voice or you know whatever can hold a pick properly and strum, which I'll never be able to do relate to.
I know that I'm right, What do you mean?
I know that I'm correct in feeling angry that I wasn't born prettier or whatever it is I'm upset about that day. I know it's stupid. I know that I know that I'm prettier than other people, and people could be envious of me because or it could be foolish, but it's also but it is correct because I want something and they have it, So why wouldn't I be correct in being jealous of that?
I don't get that at all at all, really at all. It's like it doesn't compute, like, how can something be foolish and correct? Like it cannot be both.
I think it can, like I can feel ridiculous that this is my feeling, or I can feel like I know this isn't it's you know, not foolish embarrassing to admit, I guess because I have so many riches and I was born with so much privilege and all of these things. So it feels foolish in that way. But it is also correct that there are people that have it way better off than me and I should be jealous of them.
That is not true. Okay, it is just an opinion but not a fact.
But you gets a fact.
See, this is the difference. It is a hundred percent fact.
It's not a fact. It cannot be proven as a fact, can it?
What can't be that I'm not the guitar and someone else's more affinity for it, and that I am frustrated by.
That that one should be envious of another.
I think it is if I want to be a great guitar player, and that is my biggest goal for myself ever, is to be able to like strum efficiently, and I do not have the ability to do that no matter how much I practice, it doesn't get better. And there are people that just have naturally never struggled with strumming. It is a fact that I should be envious of them. No, it's not because it's something I want on you. No, it's it's it's just you're a feeling.
You just have this opinion, but it is.
You have to.
Compare it backwards also, because there are people who are worse than you, who can't even play as good as you play, right.
And I and yes, I can feel grateful for that, but I also at the same time I can still be pissed off that I don't have this thing and I am one hundred per sent entitled to that. And no one.
Feeling is valid. Yes, you're feeling as valid, But saying that one should feel a certain way and that is a fact is preposterous.
I guess the word should is the key phrase.
Yes, there are no should.
I'm sorry if you're doing the math.
This person wants this thing, this other person has this thing, Therefore that person should feel envious of that person.
Wow, that person's envy makes sense.
I should go to break And let's not keep talking about this because we're not going to come to an understanding because I know I'm right, because I'm probably a closet narcissist. Yeah, I wish.
All right, we're back, Let's get to Reddit dump. Let's do a segment.
Can I just say before that that that that conversation was slightly triggering because that I don't want to say slightly triggering, never mind.
I actually like it activating.
That's on my.
Because a thing that I fought with my one of my exes, the thing that I fought with her about all the time was the fact that just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean that that doesn't change reality. You know, like yes, and that's that's a sign of borderlines that they always say. Every borderline, and I don't care who you are, every borderline will say this phrase,
I feel things more intensely than the normal person. And because of that, frequently that causes problems because they they do feel this thing, but that doesn't mean it's connected to anything that actually happened or any sort of reality that's occurring. And so but then what do you do with it?
Because my biggest thing is that people are always like you gotta like validate your feelings and my whole childhood was no offense, Mom and dad, if you're listening, but my feelings did not get heard in the way that I needed that I heard because I had a lot of feelings as a child. There is the things I've come I've paid thousands of dollars to have this diagnosed. So it's true, Mom and Dad, I did not have
my feelings met. I was. If I cried about something, it was like, come off it, what are you crying about? Or if I was angry about something, you this is too much. You are being ridiculous. So now I am been told by therapists, honor your feelings. Your feelings are valid, your feelings are real. So now I'm all fucked up because now I'm trying this is making so much sense to me.
Now, So you you just like being like or feeling justified in the way that you feel is how you are protecting yourself.
How you're protecting like the child is not heard. Yeah, because like I'm the only one who can believe it. So I only have me to trust that this is real anger or real sadness, because no one else will or I didn't have a course of people saying, oh wow, that is sad because it never rarely was whatever I was crying about and not a reason enough to cry about it. Even into adulthood, I cry about things and
was met with what are you crying about? You shouldn't You shouldn't have these emotions, so you have to self soothe, right, like you were, like double down on, like, yes it is, it is real and I'm the only one who believes and it does. I don't need your validation because that's the only way that I'm going to even be able to process this because otherwise I'll trust you and push it down.
Still, right, it has to be, and that's really really healthy to validate your feelings and be like, this is totally valid no matter how I feel envy, jealousy, anger, rage, sadness.
This is a this is a real feeling.
How is that different than saying I should feel.
This way, because it's like should take that word out of the Vokay, it's just not helpful. So when this this validation thing goes too far, you know, he talks about any.
Following instructions I'm doing but a normal human would do so, which is something I struggle with, is like I'm different, so if I say the word should.
It validates to me that I'm not crazy.
Okay, let's change should to makes perfect sense. Should is take an action, Nikki, you need to take an act you need or like you should is like God in the air with his finger to be, like, you should be jealous to be a good person, Like you should be envious, and it's just not helpful to be envious all the time, like comparison is the thief of joy, right Shakespeare said it, or something so like, hey, mommy, I feel really envious of Sally because she has more
money than I have and we're poor. You should feel envious because wealth is something we all aspire to. That's not helpful. But like, oh, I totally get while you're envious. Yeah, Sally does seem to have a lot of stuff, but you know what we have. Sally's dad left them and
they're divorced, and Sally's mom is miserable. But we have quite a happy family here, and we have a dog, like you know what I mean, she's it's like validate the child's feelings, like, but do not tell them you should be envious, in fact, because then you're going to spend your whole fuck you should spend your whole life being envious. When you grow up, you're going to see supermodels that are really skinny. You should want to be skinny like them too.
You should have that.
That is a key difference is that you need to You want your feelings validated so that you're not gas lit, so that you're like, I am feeling this way. You don't want people to say like, you're not feeling this way or it's wrong to feel this way. You want someone to say, well, I understand how you could feel
this way, so that your feelings are validated. But the key difference between just validation and what like a borderline does is just because you feel a certain way does not mean that that justifies actions you might take based on those feelings. Those feelings, those feelings might guide you. You might feel angry at somebody and it's like, I understand why you feel angry, but that doesn't mean that what they did actually is just it actually should anger you. It's not a should, right.
It just reminded me of this joke I was listening to I'm Like on a Luis K tear right now, and I think that my favorite joke ever written because is just the perfect mixture of dark and also a great idea and like you just can't help but laugh about it.
Is that if murder were legal, like you, everyone would do it. It would be happening all of the time. The only reason it's not happening is because it's not legal. And if people didn't murder, if the murder were legal, and there you met someone that was like, I've just never murdered anyone, you'd go like, oh God, I don't want to hang out with that person. And he was like most of the people being murdered would be children. By the way, people would just be killing their children constantly.
It would be a problem. They would be like, we have to start cleaning up. If you murder your kid, you have to clean up your murdered kid. So funny, but it was just about like that feeling like it reminded me of like you should take action, and and yeah, I guess that's the That's the other hurdle that I come to is that when I'm feeling something I wanna
feelings aren't enough, then that's ridiculous. Then feelings, if you're not gonna do something with them, then they are stupid, Like and then you're just being placated, like oh you Oh, it's understandable you feel this way, but you're kind of rolling your eyes like Jesus Christ, she's fucking losing her mind about this doll whose hair isn't straight or whatever I used to cry about as a kid, Like there's still that, like, oh, Nikki, that's so sad, but like
looking at each other like what the fuck is wrong with our child? EJ Like I would catch those glances, and that I think is where you're talk where now I'm getting activated because you're like, it doesn't your action should not. You didn't. You don't get to act on it, and I want to act on it. I e sob wild and hurl my body around a van, a moving van, because it's nothing. He doesn't have.
Streaming about it. You should. Like the other day, we had a friend is very angry and she took Nikki's advice and listened to a Taylor Swift song and really loud and raged in her car and screamed to the song. And it was really cathartic for her. She didn't hurt anybody, she didn't yell at anybody, she didn't fire off.
Any and this is why we can't have nice things.
And that's a healthy use of anger. Like she got her feelings validated by all of us on the Girls Chat, and then she was able to express it in a healthy way.
Yeah, you know, because you don't have control.
Murder three people and throw them into a bog.
You don't have control over your feelings. Your feelings just come up from your subconscious and so you can't say that someone feeling something is wrong or right, or that you should or shouldn't feel a certain way. You don't have any control over it. They just come. But like, imagine a scenario where you're driving your car and then someone cuts you off and then you feel so angry that you want to kill the other person. Yeah, you can't just go kill the other person because you feel angry.
That was how Louie got into this. Betty's like, when I'm driving, it's the worst person I've ever I'm just like, oh, fucking kill you. And it's like why because you had to go, Like you had to push on the brake for two seconds? Yeah, Like why does it elicit? And we're all driving these weapons around other weapons, It should be the time that we're most compassionate why does this time bring out the worst in us?
Yeah?
Yeah, you shouldn't be able to kill someone.
I get that.
Your emotions, even though they feel real, and even if you feel them more than others, they do not justify your actions.
Now it makes sense, you Pie, You say this phrase a lot. I know I'm right. You say I know I'm right a lot, Like I know I'm right about Matchboks twenty And if you, guys, if anyone comes at me about Matchboks twenty, try I You're just wrong, or like Swift, I know I'm right, yeah, And like I know I'm right to feel whatever we were talking about earlier,
Like I know I'm right to be Yeah. And that's because what you just revealed today, which was so interesting, that you did not have your little childhood feelings validated, truly validated. So this is your adult way of being, Like I'm not crazy, and I.
Am like the reason you're a comedian self parenting, I mean you.
Self preservation, and say, I'm not that's the thing I'm I'm like having a narcissist time where it's like you can say I'm wrong all you want, and I'm just like poor Anya, doesn't.
You've helped me with this before, Like I have I have bad trauma around cheating, and it's like I have these very valid feelings sometimes that are really painful, that are like I'm afraid of being betrayed, or I'm afraid of being cheated on, or I'm like jealous, envious of jealous of somebody, and and I just have to like be super gentle with myself and be like, those are
really valid feelings. If I go to a place of like you're fucking nuts, get over this, like just be a cool girl, stop with this, it doesn't do anything, like it just makes it worse. But if I can just be like, wow, you had a lot of trauma, so much trauma around this, and it was not fair and it was not cool, that helps to just be like, oh, there's a lot in me that like needs healing and I need to be patient with that part of me.
But then with the action that it's not like and I'm right to feel this because all men are fucking cheaters. That's where I want to go with it. There's a part of me that wants to go there, like and I know I'm fucking right because I have all this evidence. So I am right, that all men will cheat and you and like all this shit, But it's like, no, the more mature your conclusion is deal with your feelings. They are valid, but deal with them in a healthy way. No,
try to trust trustworthy people. They are out there, you know, choose healthy relationships, et cetera, et cetera.
Yeah, I relate to that black and white thinking of like they're all like, I'm like every woman that is regarded as the hottest woman is thin and has great bone structure and her skin isn't sagging off her face in the ways mine is. So I literally am horrific and should probably kill myself because what's the point if that's all you should aspire to be, Like, that's where my mind goes, to just kill yourself if you just can't be the best, or if you know in the
lens that you're saying it. If I felt the way about cheating, I'd be like, you're never going to find a man who is All men cheat. All men want to cheat, even if they don't cheat, they want to, and even that bothers me. So I'll just never fucking ever trust a man. Right, But there's always exceptions. There are people that find other like, And my point it always is with like. People are like, but there are men who are attracted to other things. I'm like, but
they'd rather have something else. And I never want to be an exception because the guy's like, well, I can't get Emily Radiszowski, so I guess I'll settle on Nicki Glazer. Like, if you want someone else more than me, I don't want to be with you. I want to be the number one thing you could ever imagine achieving in your life. And there's no one better than me, which is insane because there's always going to be someone more attractive than you, especially as we age.
Dude, final thought, Yeah, the word you just said you have to discuss with your therapist because that is so telling. You said achieve. Yes, you said achieve about Nicki Glazer, a guy saying I'm going to achieve Nicki Gaz.
I want to be That's why I don't mind if my boyfriend is attracted to other women or is intimate with other women, because if he stays with me, I I'm constantly proving to myself that I am the best and that he hasn't left me for her yet, so like he can go sample other cakes, but I'm the one he's eaten late at night, Like I'm the one he's taking home.
True constantly.
Yeah, So I don't does other stuff because it's like that's just stuff to see if he wants it. But guess what, he doesn't. And I keep getting validated. That's
why I like that. It keeps validating that I am number one, whereas if we go through Like I did a joke last night on stage that was like I'm going to been in a ten year relationship pretty much, you know, And I was just talking about how like age has affected my body, especially like my vagina and stuff, and like things that just don't look the same lately and they don't feel the same, and it's Annie gave me the line of it's getting jowels and it's getting
jowy down there, and it's starting to look like my grandma in the final years of her life, like my vagina at thirty nine. So it's true, it like reminds me of me me, and I miss her every time I look down. But I was saying, like, if something happened with me and Chris, I am now like uh oh, Like I looked at my vagina and go. I wouldn't want someone new to see this. He doesn't notice because it's been over time. But there's no way I could present this right now the way it is without getting
some kind of my mind goes. If Chris breaks up with me, I have to get vaginal surgery because I can't have someone new see this. So I need Chris to constantly go out and see new pussies in my mind now to like validate that he still wants this one, because I think he's just gotten used to it, and I don't want someone who's just like, uh, this is all I can get. I guess I just have to
stay with it because I'm locked in. Another reason I don't like marriage because it feels like you have to stay with me because now there's a ring on your finger, and you made all this pledge in front of all your family and friends, and we spent thousands of dollars. So that's why you're with me, as opposed to he's with me because he could be with anyone at any time, and he keeps choosing me. Being a girlfriend makes it feel like I am fighting for something and achieving something
more than if I got married. It would feel like an achievement on that day, like I did it, But past that, I'd be like, Oh, I just locked him in a cage, and now I'm acting like he wants to stay. He doesn't.
No, he can't leave. He's locked in.
That stuff doesn't make me feel like I achieved snaring this animal. It's it's trapped. It doesn't want to be with me. Locked him in there jowls.
But this is like, you don't do this with your girlfriends. What do you mean you don't have an achievement paradigm with your girlfriends.
Tell me a little bit of that, Like I feel, I'm just so confident that I'm the best friend possible, and you all can meet each other and find other versions of what I offer in a friendship in other people. But I do there's a narcissistic attent. No, I there's nothing I feel more accomplished about in my life than the ability to collect amazing girlfriends and to nurture amazing friendships that both support me and that I feel that I can support them. There's nothing more in my life
that I'll ever be more proud of. Put it on my gravestone. I'm the best at making girlfriends. No, question about it. It's true, but I know, but the love it's like.
Love is not a the way the words you're using, but like collect.
Collect girlfriends.
Yeah, like I'm I mean, I'm just I'm trying to be I'm saying it for humor.
Okay, okay, you know, but I mean, like with Chris, it makes it's I don't know, like that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself that you love it best you do.
I love it. I want it. I don't want him. I want to constantly be the best that is in me.
You see a porn. What if he sees a pussy's and porn? Is that enough? You look at those pussies and he goes, ah, I want glaze, you know? Is that yeah?
That actually is enough?
I do.
I do like him to watch porn, honestly, to just have an idea of what's out there and what he could be getting. Yet he still chooses me. That is one hundred percent correct. That it turns me on to here even when I hear him on the radio be like, yeah, there's been some attractive Jeopardy contestants lately, or like, you know, there was some headline about the hottest Jeopardy contestant ever.
They were reading about it and Chris is like Chris watches Jeopardy every day, and he's like, there's been some really good looking ones recently. It was like the most banal thing. He was just being very polite, but like he didn't even say good looking. He's like some really impressive, you know, physically impressive people on the show. And I like wrote him like I heard you say this, and
I was like, I loved it so much. And then Christin Bell came up and he goes, man, she is something and I was like, oh, yes, Like I don't know why that turns me on because I see that he now I know he is in tuned with other things. He's not given up. He's still noticing other women are attracted. That means he's constantly calibrating. I got to keep up.
I like that. I never want to.
I don't like being complacent or a feeling like I just and I know a lot of people are probably like this is so sad. Nicky never feels safe. I a hundred there. The truth is, I'm probably a narcissist because I know there's no one better for me than him. He could break up with me and end up with someone, and I'd be like, he's always gonna think about me, even though that's not the truth. And there are men in my past that I've said that about and I
don't feel that way. I'm like, no, that person's better for them. They never think about me at all. But for Chris, I'm certain I'm the best he could do.
I think that's confidence, not narcissism.
But you said he's the best I know. I'm confident that he that he is the best person for me. Didn't you just say.
That I'm the best person for him. I'm confident right now that he's the best person for me, and I'm constantly calibrating that too, to be quite honest.
Yeah, it sounds like a good match.
Yeah, and it's like because I want I want to be with the bet, I want the best.
It's almost like you guys are in a stand still in an arm wrestling match and nobody He.
Would hate this. He's not like this, this is this is an invention in my own mind. He has no idea that I mean. It's not like I'm constantly like is this guy better? Is this guy better? Not like that. I'm just like I And it's not even about better, better looking, taller, whatever, more money.
I don't weigh those things. It's like, could someone love me more?
That is, if someone comes into my world that I'm like and they but they can't get in because they couldn't even get in the door right now because I'm in a relationship. So there's not a good chance of someone proving that. But if he starts to show signs of not loving me enough, if he were to suddenly start saying cruel things which he's never done in his whole life, or just ignoring me being affectionateless things like that, I one hundred percent would start looking for someone else
to love me more. But so that is and I think everyone should. Is that crazy? I don't think that you should just settle just because you're married, like for whatever that person's willing to give you.
Well, if the person is no longer giving you what you need in the relationship and then they're also unwilling to put in any effort to.
Give you, you would have to address it with them and say, hey, I've noticed this is a thing that's happening. Because it could be like they're going through a depression or something like that. But yeah, teeth hurt, their teeth hurt. I mean that is a huge thing. Brian is in constant pain. He's at A seven most of the time, in pain from one to ten.
I'm feeling okay right now, I haven't eaten yet, but.
What are you at right now?
Four?
Okay, that's not bad.
Yeah, it's not bad.
If people have chronic pain and you are in my life, please let me know because otherwise I just think you're a dick. Not that I ever thought Brian was a dick, but I just think I'll go, oh, Brian's like bored with me right now or whatever, and these aren't actually thought, but I will just take it personally. But when someone's like, I'm cramping right now, really bad, my back hurts, whatever it is, I suddenly all of the things, I'm like,
why is this person such a grump? Like it? It suddenly alleviates it for me, and then I'm like, oh, okay, And then now I'm like, I don't take anything personally, but people, man, I'm not someone who has lived in chronic pain. But I've said it on the podcast before. If you do, I have so much empathy. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you go to work. I don't know how you dress your kids in the morning. I don't know how you got a narcissist? What not a narcissist? Honestly the way I
feel about people in pain. I had a dream last night that my friend was in pain and I was just like helping them and like holding them and getting them things and like just like rubbing their head, like patting their head gently because they were in pain. And like I I'm like, Brian is someone in my life
that's in pain a lot. And then my other friend, Bill is currently in a lot of pain and I have to be around him a lot, and I'm like, it's hard for me to be around them because I'm so like, give me some it, Like.
Can I please take some of it?
Like it? Because I'm also like and then I get a narcissistic thought of like, man, I suck. If I had that, I wouldn't be here, and he's here, He's better than me. And then I start hating myself because I'm like, I'm such a pussy. I could never do what they're doing. And then I make it about myself. No, how do you do it? How do you get through it?
I just want to say, like, let that be. It should be a life less than everybody takes an account is never ever take anything personally because it is almost never about you. If someone's acting like a dick or being a little short or whatever, trust me, it's not about you. So like, yeah, what I say about people who are in chronic pain or stuff, there's no excuse. It's just like when you feel things in a certain way. My pain feelings are just emotional feelings that are manifesting
through physical symptoms. Because I feel that way. That's not an excuse to be a dick. That doesn't excuse any type of behavior. You still have to to be your best self despite that and so but on the other side of it, do not take it personally. If someone's addict to you, you can hate them, you can be like, I don't think that I don't want to be around that person. They're gonna act like that all the time, but like, know that it's not something that you did.
It's not about you. It's about them every single time, even if they're not in pain physically.
I said this the other day in mixed company because Brian and I were hanging out with some people, and I noticed that Brian, there's someone that we were hanging out with that was like in a bad mood because of pain. And I and Brian shared something and I said, yeah, I had that ex same experience, and I go, just know, and both me and my girlfriend were like, just no, it is not like it is. Don't take it personally. And he was like, oh, I don't. I would, I would.
There was no even Brian, this is the difference maybe between men and women, if I'm going to be more obtuse about it. But me and this girl were like so ready to just convince him that it wasn't his fault, and he was like, no, I know that. I'm not scared of this person. I don't. I'm not mad at them. I don't think I did something wrong. They're just in pain. Like it was just a little awkward, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna like feel sad about it all day.
And I'm like, what would that be? Like my god offended yesterday when I went to the cafe and the girl who I ordered my coffee from was a little bit short with me. I couldn't get out of my head for like four hours. This girl I'm never gonna see again. She doesn't even work there. The girl that I like was just not there. And this girl was like, I'll have your coffee in a second because I accidentally grabbed the wrong one, and then she forgot to put a Stevia in it, and I go, Hi, can I
get a Stevia? And she should have said, oh, sorry, I forgot, but instead she goes yeah, and I'm like, yeah, because I asked for one before, and you remember it because I even said one and a half because you were like, do you want to? And I said, kay, what and a half? What the heck? Was that weird? And we had a little laugh about it, or I guess I didn't. And then she's like and then she was a rude to I'm still angry about it. But Brian was just like, oh, yeah, I wouldn't. I don't
take things personally. It was just so, how do you not do that? Have you always been that way?
Brian in a situation like that? I mean, I can totally understand when someone's got full of stress and they just kind of snap at you, and it's like, well, that's not definitely not about me. I don't know I guess.
It doesn't stay with you all day, like even though you know cognitively, it's not like you still feel guilty I should have done something differently now they don't like me.
Mentally mentally it might stay with me all day just to be like just to just to say like can you believe that? But I'm certainly not reeling over it, and you're.
Not making a judgment about yourself and like I'm a piece of shit.
No, I'm kind of I calculate, like, well, now, knowing that this person might act that way when they're in high stress situations, what can I do to in a situation like this. I do not walk on eggshells in a relationship like this, but in a like a romantic or lie. But I'm thinking like, okay, so what can I do in order to make that not happen again when interacting with me? To taking that into a yeah, oh.
God, I wish that for every woman listening to this podcast right now a little bit because worst character flat taking the amount of times I see myself and my friends derailed for weeks on end from anything productive they could be doing because one person got mad at them at one point that had nothing to do with them. And I can see it so clearly because I'm not in it is. There's years of people's lives wasted every day from short interactions that have nothing to do with them.
Please God, stop wasting your life worrying about people being mad at you. Oh it's the biggest waste of time. Go right up, poem.
I forgot to mention that. Also, every morning I've been slipping a little bit of arsenic into his coffee, just a little bit so it will come back.
It is your fault. Oh yeah, I will get.
Just one and a half back into our sen Yes.
We gotta go.
Thank you for listening to the pod this week.
You guys, we really uncomfort a lot about myself today.
I appreciate that.
And uh, we'll.
See you next week.
Don't be cut and just feel your feelings. Don't murder someone