#360 Dead or M.I.A.? White Trash River & Shame On A Shelf

The Nicki Kleiser Podcast.

Niki Laser poss Nicky's Hello here I am. It's a nick Klaizer podcast. I'm Nikki Glazer. Welcome to the show. I am joined by Brian Frjie and Anya, Marina and Noah in Arizona. Brian is at his home in Los Angeles. We're all apart today, but we're together. Really, it's gonna sound like we're together. How is everyone today?

Good?

So good?

Really so good?

Finished the song live? Oh my god, very rare feeling, but I feel accomplished. It will fade in seven minutes.

So you just finished it this morning?

I just finished it like twenty five minutes ago.

Oh my god? Was it? Is it like do? Or? Was it just a song that was in you that you had to get out? Yeah?

It's due. I rejoined my songwriting group that I've been in for the last year, but I took off off the last three months just because wedding planning was such hell and part of me was like, you know, when I asked Bob the leader, like can I come back after the wedding? I was like, You're not fucking coming back? Girl? But I did.

Wow.

Yeah, I proved myself wrong, and I turned in my song and I like it, and is it? Am ever feel that way? It's definitely like a great strong first draft. It has like three different verses, it has a bridge. It's okay, so that's the full song? Yes, do you guys feel that way? Ever? Like a complic accomplished about anything?

What are you talking about? No?

Of course, it's rare though that I know the feeling you're having right now, and I think it'll last more than what did you say, six hours or six days?

Seven minutes?

Oh?

You said seven minutes.

I can relate to that. I mean when I finish a cartoon and then post it, then I feel that way and then it immediately goes away. I'm on is I mean it's no, it's like less than seven minutes. It's like immediate. It's like, now, I gotta do the next one because time is going to continue to tick by and no one's gonna, you know, remember.

You, Yeah, goes by? So s I mean social media sevenes write.

Social media does that to you more than anything, is that it makes you. It continually reminds you that no one will remember you, because if you don't post something, for like I don't know untes a month. If you don't post thing for a month, people might think you're dead.

Yes, I was thinking today if I died, how long it would take for someone to and I'm like pretty in demand right now. And I was even like, I think it would take a few hours before people were like, maybe she's dead, you know, like I think, first, it's funny that so many when people do die and they miss an appointment, and then they miss a lunch that they were supposed to go to, then they miss a zoom call. At first ever, one's just pissed at them and thinks that were a piece of shit.

But they're just like laying dead in their room, you know what I mean.

Like I knew that if my I was like, if I died today, my voice teacher would be like, God, once again, she forgot our lesson, Like this, she's really probably you know, she's going through something like this is really irresponsible. It's so funny that most dead people everyone's mad at them the first couple hours they're dead.

They're so embarrassing.

At what point do you think your friends would start wondering if you had been abducted or like you were in danger? Or like locked in a car or in some kind of peril.

I think it's if if we didn't see Nikki responding to anything on the girl's Chat and like I would say, twenty four hours, Yeah, I'd be suspicious, But.

Sometimes my life is going so badly, I don't want to be on the like things or just I think girls chat when I that is when you should start active.

Right, you're active on it, but if we know you're kind of like you doing your own thing, I would.

Be for a large portion of America, they wouldn't know you were dead until you made an appearance on a television show and then the credits it said in memory of Nikki Glazer.

Yeah, that's a good that's a good point that happens to me.

I feel like it would be I would I would have the front page of the Daily Mail at this age if I died tragic, Like there's no way if I'm dying right now, it's not going to be tragic. If it was just tomorrow, I'd make the front page of the Daily Mail. For about three hours, you know, the lawnmower chunks of lawnmower girls. She was up there for about three hours when I.

I mean, my death is not going to be more interesting than that.

There's just no way. That's the most interesting death I've ever heard of in my life.

I may never say never. There have been some interesting deaths.

Well, I'm not going to be laying outside anytime soon. I don't like the sun.

I don't want to.

It's scared of ticks. The grass is itchy. That's just not going to be where you're going to. You're gonna kill me.

You know Lance Reddick? Who's that Lance Reddick? He was in the John Wick franchise. He made an incredible appearance on the Eric Andre Show. He's been in a lot of actually like prestige things to them that I didn't see. But uh, he was. He was in Written Fringe, and he was in White Man Can't Jump.

What happened to him? I don't need to know now. He died. He died, damn it.

And I didn't know that he died. And he was young too. He was from the wire, he was in the wire. He was in the wire drugs. No, I didn't see that he died until I watched John Wick four, incredible movie. And it's said in the memory of John Wicket and memory of Lance Reddick at the end, and I was like, what the fuck? And then I heart disease. He died like too, yeah, like two weeks before the movie came out of heart disease and it was out

Let's die down all the time, is to everyone in my life right now is so scared of dying, and they just keep quoting these like freak. Then this person died and no one knew they were gonna die. Well, this has been happening forever, but it's so rare. You should worry about winning the lottery too, and and having all your friends change after that, and and everyone, and then you go broke and homeless because you win the like the just fear of a random death or like

Fuck that's so scary.

But to be playing to Lane Highway, I don't think about death.

I'm just like thinking about the second before it where it's like oh fuck, like that like moment like have you ever heard the September eleventh when the guy's on the phone and he's like.

No, it's getting hard to breathe and he just goes no.

And it just cuts out and you see it times with the building crumbling and you see his floor get hit and it just goes like yeah, and it's just dead like silence.

I can't handle this, I really can't.

I mean that's not that bad because people always whenever there's a reddit that's like what's the worst audio You've ever heard? And they always say that one, And I'm like that one doesn't get me as bad as but just yeah, that that moment, I don't want to know.

That's why the thing?

What was that as bad as like Cisco's album the Thong song, that's the worst audio I've ever heard.

I'm trying to I think RFK Junior talking is the worst audio I've ever heard what is content and the way he has some kind of throat thing condition whenever, now that I've had throat uh surgery, and I can hear when people's vocal cords are just using them wrong, which is pretty much my voice still. But when I hear like people, I can't even do an impression of it because I'm scared I'll injure myself. That really bothers me. But he has a he has a condition.

Did you hear his last speech? Oh my god, he went. He was like, let me see that thong, that thong, theng thong kong.

Try any of the worst song I can think of.

Behind the music on that song, there's like the making of the thing.

Yeah, I watched it.

It was interesting, but I'm like, I can't believe this.

EXIT have a question.

Do you remember when it was trendy to wear your thong over your jeans. Did any of your partake in that? No? I, oh my god, to.

Stick anything to draw attention to me being a sexual being at any point in my life except you know, no, no that would would you know?

What did you do that? There's no way you did.

For sure, No, it did.

There was a wrestler name is Lita and she used to wear like these baggy cargo pants and her thong would stick out.

And I used to think that was so cool. But there's no way I could pull that off. You could. You have the best ass?

Are you insane?

Yeah?

You have the best like waste to ask ratio of anyone I know to pull it off.

It looks like you had a BBL.

You really do get fat sucked out of your waist and put in your ass.

It's perfect, Which is a compliment. Yeah, totally compliment. You have a great waiste to hit.

But no, yeah, I do remember that being a I just remember the first time I ever felt like, uh, really insulted when someone I remember I was like sitting on up on this shelf, you know, like I'm sitting up on the counter in chemistry class, Like when we were waiting for the bell to ring and this guy came out to me and said I had thighs, Like what? And I was like, I like cried later on that night because of he was quoting that song and my thighs.

Of you, no matter how you have thigs, like what.

She's got thighs? Like what what?

What?

Yah?

Maybe it was a compliment, Yeah, yeah, probably what I mean everything in that song is a compliment. But that was before white women were trying to have like thick bodies, right.

And now it's very trying.

Yeah, me telling Noah that she has a like good size, like has juice in her ass is like a compliment. But back in the two thousands, for a white girl to early two thousands, if you did not want an ask.

Juice in their ass in the early two thousands, that means they had to go to the hospital.

Someone injected juice in your ass.

Yeah it's it, you know body, Uh.

But now it's but now sin is getting back in.

So that was a little bit like on the borderline of like is that insulting to Noa to tell her that, because now everyone doesn't want an ass again because trends change, like eyebrows thick one second thin the next, yea, what is it now hip hugger's mom jeans? What is what is somewhere in between? There's still girls that want bbls and then there's now it's getting back into like kind of with hip huggers coming back twiggy style because rob

Thin is back in.

Oh really, but thick is still probably what most women are going for, is like a a more full brow. Yeah, I don't know, I know's what I still feel mine in. I'm not going thin anytime soon.

The thick brow, I feel like, is a recent thing. Like I feel like it's like Emily in Paris is when thick brow became popular.

And they're they're falling away again, Wow, like Shields.

When she was a child and every and pedophilia was like, isn't just the hottest new thing? I mean, she was considered the most beautiful child old slash young lady. What was she thirteen? Disgusting? But her brows were thick. And then there was a study that came out that said that men actually are genetically biologically attracted to a woman to full rowse because it indicates fertility.

Really, yeah, that's everything. Anything men are attracted to is an indicator of fertility.

Always.

Yeah, juice in the ass, child bearing hips, having like because first of all, you can't get pregnant if you're underweight, and so like the idea that men are attracted to waif like men aren't gay men and women like waif and they set the style standard like you know Vogue, What's who's that mean bitch from Vogue and the one that never smiles and has a horrible haircut.

Yes, she's the one.

She's she's setting what the standard for beauty is and she's you know that she's not a man who wants to get any woman pregnant. So, but I think generally men were never into there's some men that are into it, that are into the waif.

Look like last night I was gooning.

You're back to goon it.

I'm back on it because I got my trick. Man, you can just smile and it goes away.

Wow, how long?

I would probably like thirty five minutes last night, and then I did another set for about thirty Yeah, I was I had.

Nothing to do.

How much of a breaks between.

Probably like three hours two Okay, okay, okay, yeah, so different than I never go twice in a night. That's like not, I would never ever do that. It's never happened for me in my life. But I have nothing to do right now in my life, and or I do have a ton there's like desperate emails that are waiting to be responded to, so I have there.

Yeah, there's put your email signature, change your email signature. I'm gooning likely, yeah, I mean I was doing a lot of that last night. And so, but there was a there was a whole genre of men fucking anarexic girls. Because I clicked on one video where the girl was kind of thin and just because I liked all the other content in it, but it happened to be like this guy and it's an anorexic girl in the you know, she was an an like I could tell.

I was like, no, she's just a thin woman. But like I was like, oh my god.

As soon as I clicked on that, all the videos underneath it, thattic suggest is like a barrage of anorexic porn.

It's crazy.

And I was just like and then I was like, looking at him, I'm like, God, I could never enjoy watching this because I know these women are just so hungry. There's no way when you're hungry.

No, they're not.

There's no way, because when you're hungry, that's the number one thing you think about.

You know.

Victor Frankel in that Man Search For Meaning the book about this time and not Holocaust.

That's also on Nicky Binga. Oh it's not okay, I never know.

But nine to eleven I think probably is. I didn't mention to Columbine yet, but he even says in the book, and so I'm not trying to be gross here. He's like people sometimes ask like, we were all naked all the time, and we were living amongst each other and these bunks was where you guys like banging, And he's like, no, because we were starving. You don't think anything sexual when you're starving. There's nothing else you care about because you

Yeah, I should probably have a nice meal at the end of it.

No, No, anarxics do never let themselves have a meal. And if it is, it's like a head of iceberg lettuce and it's no fun, like dipped and mustard and it's no fun.

I guess they could really a direxic porn. I just imagine there's like a chicken palm meal off camera.

It was just like tasty delight in the corner, low cow peanut butter flavor. You just made me remember something from a time when I was not anirexic, but I was very thin. I was super depressed. I had had a terrible breakup. I was smoking like a chimney. I was so I remember getting a manny petty and this woman, the Vietnamese lady, was like asking me all these questions, all always the same questions, like you know Mary. I'm like, no, I'm not married. And she's like, you look sick. I'm

They can't help it. But if you want me get your nails done?

Yeah, what have you been told at this salon?

Why you old lad?

Oh?

Yeah? Luis c K.

I was listening to his special this past weekend, like the latest, not the latest one, but the one from twenty twenty one where he kind of references his.

You know, jerking off in front of women.

But anyway, he was talking about he does you know, He's talking about going to a sushi restaurant and she's like you finish, and he's like and by the way, yes, I'm going to do the accent because it would sound insane if I was like and she came up and said, you finish, like like if he didn't do he was like, that would just sound crazy.

And I like that, like when is it inappropriate to do the accent? When is it not anything?

Because accents? Again? Please?

I was reluctant, but I just like it.

What is the problem that's if it's I don't know, I'm I'm kind of used to this is I used to?

If it sounds like, why can't you do an impression of it?

There's a song I made up. I used to sing this to my dog because he had these treats called I can't even do this, I can't do this on I'm going to make you. No, no, this is a cancel thing.

I won't make it.

But there was this song I would sing to my dog because there was this treats called lamb long. Have you ever had lamblung?

Oh?

God?

Is that what it is?

It's lamblung? It's lamblung, And well it's not it's not waste. It's good because it doesn't waste. But I would sing a song for my dog.

Because it's telling you what it is. Like anything that's honest, Okay, lamblung.

Oh way. I would sing it and then at a certain point, not it wasn't my fault, but at a certain point it would sound like I was in personating an Asian person because lamb lung already kind of sounds like some kind of Asian Asiatic language. So I would sing the song and.

Don't they do l's instead of ours or something, so it sounds like you're saying ram wrong or no, they never mind.

Anyway, this is canceled. I don't want to get canceled. But I would sing the song, and then at a certain point there was a threshold whereas like, I think this song just became racist. But it starts off not racist, it's just like lamb long, lamb long, But then at a certain point it starts to sound racist. And so I think that's the threshold we're all in search of. Anyway, can we please delete this?

No, you don't need to delete it wrong, But there is that thought of like when is it honest and when is it racist? Like if you're doing an impression of someone who is speaking broken English in an Asia Asiatic accent, are you and you're nailing it?

Are you doing? Are you?

You know, are you telling the story more authentically or are you being a racist?

What if?

So?

Like my dad's answer, this is what.

We get back because we have to go to break. Okay, what is your dad's life partner? Yes, my station, Yes.

My dad's life partner's Chinese and she has a thick Chinese accent. If I did a stand up joke where I you know, frequently people reference their parents or step parents. If I referenced her and I wanted to impersonate her, is that allowed?

No, unless you're Louis c K and you've already been canceled and you don't give a fuck like that is what I will say. That's what's great about listening to Luis c K is that there is no trying to be PC at all. It's it's once you're canceled, like he just has no fear anymore. So it's kind of nice. And I don't think he's inherently a horrible person. I think he's a narcissist, and you know, I think he's but I don't think he can help that, you know, and I don't think he's totally shown enough.

She's kind of still. Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.

But he's also free to say whatever the fuck he wants, and there was some freedom in that. So I don't know. We'll talk about anything else but this when we get back. All right, we're back. So we talked about how long we think it would be until well, Anya, you live with someone and so do you know us, so they would discover you dead quicker than and so do you, Brian, so you would be You have partners.

That's why we have partners.

Is that so if we die, people know sooner than before we start to smell.

Yeah, like we were talking about yesterday, we lived in villages. We were all connected. We had many people around us that knew our whereabouts.

Yes, but it is funny to me that people would be mad at you at first.

Huh. A neighbor will smell you. Yeah, there was one time I was one of my neighbors died and it just stank.

And you'll never forget that smell, right, that's the smell that they always talk about the smell of death. I've never smelled a dead body, have you, guys besides Brian?

I have on the subway. I told a story on the podcast before. Oh yeah, saw a stiff body.

And you do you know this? It can it? Like can you conjure the smell right now in your head? Like is it stayed with you?

Well? I wonder if Brian has the same memory. It's kind of like this, Like it smelled like a like a really potent chemical, as if like I mixed ammonia with something else.

Oh yeah, I mean I guess I don't really know what that would smell like.

But it didn't smell like like garbage. It just smelled like a really bad chemical.

Have you smelled a dead mouse ever? Yes, for sure that smell. I couldn't get out of my head for months. Once finding a dead mouse, I remember like something is awry. And then I turned into like a hound dog like sniffing around my apartment, just like sniffing out of the TV. And I was like, it's under here, and I lifted up the TV. There was a dead mouse.

I can't handle dead animals except when you guys winter, Like if you had to remove a dead animal.

Yeah, I don't mind it.

I mean I'm sad that they died because the mouse always looks like, oh, they always look like they were in they kind of die, and the look of pain that they were in and it makes me so sad. But I don't mind death as much as I mind suffering. So as long as they're not like still twitching, I don't care. But you don't want to touch a dead animal because of like the disease that's possibly within it is that it's probably it's smart of you.

I think that's what it is. I don't know why. I just get so emotional. Like sometimes we'll have birds fly into the window of our house, I know, and then they're just they're dead, and I just like every time I look down and I see them, I just scream and I run away and then I ask Avi to do take care of it.

I just I will say that.

When I'm driving down the road, I have a similar thing where if I see roadkill like coming up, I put my hand up and I block it until it goes. But I'm more scared of yeah, I guess I'm just scared of seeing like a cat's head twisted like like I just and I just think about the asshole who probably like tried to hit it. And I don't think that happens all the time. But I have been in

And like wherewithal of every team?

Yeah she wasn't we don't think of and as a teenager, you're not thinking you're not as compassionate And I was.

Trying to dumb shit you dead as a teen? I yeah, I mean I drove drunk so many times as a team and drunk, Yes, what.

About luteron Yeah definitely not too but yeah, yeah I did not. She should never understand tell me this. Okay, So you and your past have driven drunk. No one's gonna come after your statute of limitations. Its way past, okay, And we're all joking on here, So anything could be taken as satire and you're not actually talking about your PA, but say you did drive drunk in your past, why the fuck would you drive or radically whenever I had had maybe any kind of alcohol in me, even if

You ever had this thing where you drive so well and then you drop someone off and the second you were alone in the car, you just start driving like a maniac or you're like a little more reckless. It was that it was like I lived on a mountain up You've never been to the house where I grew up, but I lived up a windy road in northern California.

I understand, okay, if there's no cops around, but also.

Like you're yes, so you're you're in the privacy of your own weird mountain. I get that, Oh yeah, And you're just like I know how to take these turns. I don't need to follow the lines, I don't need to stay within this like and it's two in the morning. Just remember thinking you're insane.

I've been doing that every night. Yeah, where did you grow up? What was the town?

Cooper Tino?

Oh, Coopertino, Oh right, right right, the apple the Apple Icon.

Yeah. So like the Santa Cruz Mountains and like the mountain ranges there, they're all kind of like windy, there's no lights and the kids are crazy up there.

Yeah. Yeah, so I never.

Had to drive up there, but I definitely did some reckless things in my past that are embarrassing. But I never tried to intentionally crush a squirrel beneath tell us my car.

I mean I would, I would.

I always got drunk at this bar, like, uh, probably a quarter mile a half a mile tops from my apartment, and I would definitely. Oh, and there was one time I remember being, oh, man, I don't even want to talk about it because it's I'm so mad at myself.

And I never did it again.

I never I mean after that, I'd think I drove maybe with like where it was questionably over the limit. But and that is that is really why I quit drinking. It's actually why I moved to New York or out of I didn't go back to Los Angeles. I left Los Angeles in two thousand and nine. I was drinking a ton, always making that quarter mile drive back and forth. Was this was before uber and I couldn't afford cabs and all my friends were wasted to I mean excuses, excuses I should have walked.

I mean, this is horrifying for me to even relive.

But nobody walks in La No, And it would have to be under this like overpass where a bunch of homeless people were camped out. Even back then, they were ahead of the trend that is now in every corner here.

But I remember thinking I'm gonna get a dui.

And I used to hear the stories like it's just it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when so if you keep doing this, it will happen. You will get caught. And I didn't have ten dollars to my name, let alone ten thousand dollars that I knew it would instantly deprive me of and the disappointment of my family. It was all looming, and I knew it was going to happen. So when I moved back home to Saint Louis, I I had just had friends drive me everywhere.

I was not drunk.

I don't remember drunk driving in Saint Louis, maybe because I was black out and don't remember it, but I do remember going to New York being like, this is where I'm going to be safe and not I can't drive here and I can't bring my car, And I remember being like, yes, now I can just drink with abandon because that thing that's always looming is not anymore.

That's an emotion that only only us whites can feel.

I was just thinking, I mean, I have nothing to fear.

Yeah, I understand my privilege with that statement, but yeah, when if you're not drinking, like, you've so many less worries in life, Like there's no waking up and being like who I text? There's no it's just so much worry evaporates. It's some more anxiety or your wallet, oh and all the money that you save, but all you are still dancing. You stop going the girls are here, whoo like you have no enthusiasm ever again the rest

Sorry, you know whatever he said.

But I used to have the bit of when someone you cheat on someone, as long as the person's drunk, you can go like they were drunk. You know, like we all if you've been drunk, you know, you do things that you it's not like your true self comes out, like you just do stupid stuff. I think in some cases, yes, your true self comes out and you get to do

But if someone gets cheated on, you're.

Like, John, you cheated on me, and you're like, well, how wasted were you?

And he's like I was sober. You're like, oh, you just hate me. Oh you just have no respect for me.

Like, getting cheated on when the person is sober is got to feel so much worse than if they're drunk.

You could always blame your mental health on your raises her hand.

Yeah, it happened to me.

Did you did you wish.

He was drunk? Did you have that moment of like, but you were drunk right? And He's like no, I was.

Like you were doing this in the afternoon on a Sunday. But then I learned like, oh, sex addiction is its own is it? Like it's so and it's so strange. It's like you hate what you're doing. You're compelled to do this many times more than anyone would need to do it with people you can't stand. So it's like, oh, it's a true addiction, which I don't really like. I've always rolled my eyes as sex addiction, like come on, are you really? But then you meet people that really.

Are can you you relate to like eating something that you're like, I'm not even hungry.

This is disgusting. I don't want it.

It's in the trash I'm eating it, and it's such an embarrassed I mean.

Here all the time like comics being like really sucks.

Adduction. That's not a thing.

I know what it bothers me because I really do think it's a thing. It's first of all, sex gives you. I I shouldn't have masturbated twice last night, but I was bored and I needed some dopamine and I was like craving, you know, I didn't want to eat, so I was like, I'll just come you know. Like it's the same kind of shoots off things in your brain that make you feel real good.

Yeah, but you could be addicted to anything. I mean you could, I'm you know, you could be addicted to I mean obviously like gambling and stuff, but you could be addicted to just like, uh, you'd be able to exercise. There's everything in I do think that there there is like a slippery slope here of diagnostic diagnosing everything that's just human behavior, Like oh, you hit your wife a lot,

Well, I'm no free will.

If you read free will, everything is your mental condition. Everything is things firing in your brain that you have no control over. So you can always have that excuse. Like the example he gives that I always like to give is when that one guy there was a mass shooter in Texas in like the forties that went up to like a clock tower and just picked off a bunch of people, and everyone was like, how could he do this?

And then he killed himself.

Like I think he died, like you know, somehow he died where his brain was still intact. And then they opened up his brain to go what was going on with this guy? And they found a fucking tumor on some part of his brain and they go, oh my god, he didn't want to do this. This wasn't his fault. He had a tumor. This was this was a this

So why do we let that guy off the hook because he had a tumor.

Well, really, everything in your brain is something that you do not control, and it's all things firing that you have zero control over. That is the essential argument there. Well, I agree, never illness or not, tumor or not. Your brain's doing things you can't control.

That's just existence is if you eliminate that's just the central tenet of existence, that everything is in your brain, that your brain is you. But the thing I don't like about it is when you use that to to let people off the hook, as opposed to what you just said, which is saying everyone's responsible for what they're doing despite the fact that you don't have control over anything because of your brain.

But yeah, not responsible.

No, you get punished for things to send an example to society. Because although humans do not choose what goes on in their brain, your brain is something that's operating in order for you to survive at optimally. Now, there are anomalies that happen that make you do things that

Now if you.

If we if we then put people in jail who murder, we're the real reason to do it is not to punish them because they couldn't really help that they murdered, even though you think they can. Their brain did a thing and they can't help it, and it seems like they chose it. That's why we have like you know, first degree murder or second like, we have degrees of it because it's like first degree means you chose it, and you planned it, and you googled all this stuff.

But isn't the death penalty also a deterrent, like society will fear getting.

We fear of spending our life in prison. So why do you got to make it death if.

You believe in studies, studies show that the death penalty does not deter crimes from being happened. That's what the studies have shown.

I would love to be put to death if I was giving to prison a hundred Who wouldn't Why would you ever want to spend life? And I'm spending my life right now in this place I'm staying at where I kind of feel trapped in for myriad reasons that I'll get into it another time, but I just feel like I can't really leave. I feel and I my mental health is fucking plummeting because I'm in like a

I was on death row. I would want that meal, baby.

Well.

And I don't think they're going to nail the meal for you. Isn't that weird that we like show one? Do they really like if you want some fucking meal that you had when you were a kid, do they go to that fast food restaurant in dustin, Florida and find it for you and have it overnight?

A No, I doubt it.

It's like, oh, probably get to.

Choose from like a like a pizza or whatever you had for lunch yesterday, Like there's there's no last meal?

Is if I had friends though in jail and I was like getting a degree, I'd want to be kept alive, never get out. Yeah, I want to hang out with my friends, my jail friends, and if I was safe, but if I was like constantly in danger and like you're gonna get shanked or raped, just put me to death. But I'm scared of the electric chair, I'll be honest.

Let's not.

I don't think that's how they do usually with like much anymore, except in like really backward states do they do drugs that like don't really work and the person's just like like frocking out the mouth and they have to like inject more. Guillotine was invented because they were looking for a more humane way to kill people, And the guillotine is probably what I would want because it's not as like horrible as like having your head shot or like hanging's got to be the fucking worst. Boy,

I would never.

And when I hear about these people who hang themselves, I just think, how fucking horrible that. It's just please don't do that to yourself ever, anyone. And I hear that it's most of a lot of the times people who hang themselves are really trying to auto erotic asphyxiate.

Yeah, it's a mistake.

They're goon and they're going.

There's a lot of things you can use to kill yourself. I mean, it doesn't have to be a rope. You can there's a lot of metas in that you could use. There's you could crush up cherry pits kill yourself with that. I mean, it's so easy.

To die, I can come over and.

Yeah, I mean anyway, I did something really embarrassing. Going back to the embarrassing thing, Uh, it's maybe to light in the mood a little. I did something really embarrassing in college that I had. I lived next to this girl who I had a crush on. In college. I was in a house and there was a house next to us, and uh uh, everyone, it's really weird living. Have you ever lived next door to someone you have

You your wife, she's in the next room. You guys don't share at actually have a crush on. I know crushes. Why can't you have a crush on your spouse?

It's always just like hi, like you used to be obsessed with her and whatever. Okay, so you're living next to a crush it would be I don't think i've ever I've never done that.

I live next to Have you ever found a dead spouse?

Sorry? I love my spouse. I hope she lives longer than me. Anyway, I was living next door to my crush and uh, there was a big rainstorm and next to my house was like a drainage river, you know, like you know, like one of those rivers that's like filled with trash most of the time, but it's still a river.

Its wash wash.

It was a real river. It's called the Jordan River in Bloomington, Indiana, and it was it was a river. It's it's since been cemented over this portion of the river. It was just it was just like a ditch. It was a part of the river that it was like a ditch filled with trash. But it rained so much that it was flowing like crazy. And I saw my roommate was outside just looking at the river. And then my crush came out of her house and she went out to look at the river, and everyone was marveling

I was like, this is like a white trash.

Romantics of garbage.

It gets much more white trashy. So I go out and I like, oh, this is my chance to impress my crush. So I walk out with an empty keg because we had a party recently. I had an empty keg and I went nose. I said, I'm going to ride this keg down the river.

No, no, because you were so desperate for attention from her.

Yeah, I was like, hey, look at me. I'm fun I'm exciting. Who what am I going to do? I take the keg. It's so dangerous, I know. I straddle the keg like a horse, and I jump into the room like a horse.

I see, like the keg is a horse.

Yes, I put the keg on top of me, like like I'm a horse. I straddle the keg like a horse, and I jump into the river and I start flowing down. I'm like, oh my god, and I instantaneously just you can't control yourself. And it it's not like a bucket.

You thought it would be like a cartoon of a guy just bobbing up and down riding this thing perfectly.

Yes, down, Yes, I'm riding down the river. I immediately flop over and I scrape my leg against like some trash, like a chopping cart or something. The keg squirts away. It just rushes down the river and I climb out of the river bleeding. My leg is dashed and bloody.

Oh my god, I am Imagina is winking.

Help help me, and the crush is like, it's horrified.

What did you imagine happening in your in your mind? Did you like think at all before this, Like, did you have a fantasy of what she would think?

I was thinking the same thing your friend was thinking when she tried to run over that squirrel, which is nothing.

Oh nothing.

I was like, I was like nineteen or whatever, and I was thought that this girl would be so impressed by my adventurous spirit that she would immediately see that I was the one that she should be banging.

And boy, you just crawled out of the river, like, oh, crawled.

Out of the river bleeding.

Help me, I said, help me, Thank god. I mean you could have drowned.

Anything could have happened. I could have Yeah, I know.

You're so dumb.

The more likely thing that could have happened, which I'm surprised it didn't, was I could have gotten an infection. This is a filthy, trash filled river, and I just cut myself on a rusty shopping cart. Probably how did I not get an infection?

And that the day talk to her.

I want to be next to her, maybe even like brush your like shoulders together, to be like, wow, look, at that and like pointed at something and your shoulders would touch and she would feel a rush and she would like be excited, and you could have just like stood next to her.

Instead, you like hurled yourself catastrophe.

Do that all the time. Guys that like you do dumb shit all the time. That's the opposite of what you want them to do. You're like, just touch me or talk to me, but instead they're like drinking with their friends or like standing on a table.

Or that guy who jumped off the end of that boat and died.

Yes, oh yeah.

Maybe he was trying to impress a girl.

That's what I said.

And my boyfriend Chris was very he was like he used it as an example recently of how we see things so differently. He's like, I would have been that guy in high school, and it wouldn't have been to oppressed girls. It would have been to like be the fun guy. And you would have had the story about me forever if I would trying to impress a girl, but I wasn't. I'm like, but you were trying to impress men. What's the fucking difference. You're trying to be like a fun guy. He's like, no, I would have

You know?

Come on, and that guy probably was trying to impress girls, who everything we do is for the opposite sex and to get love and protection from people and acceptance. Why else would you jump off a boat into shark infested waters? You were trying to come off as a fun guy. Was this like a persona that you were trying to pursue for a while, like I'm the fun guy? Was Was there like maybe someone you were admiring that was more like?

This?

Was this during the time of Jackass? Where did you feel like those guys were getting laid a lot or something.

I was just a different person at this age in college. I freshman, sophomore year. This was before before the pains came. This is the big difference. I was a different guy, filled with hope and joy.

And then Brian is in chronic pain.

Everyone yeah, and you know it ebbs and flows, and but before this time, I was like, I was filled with hope and optimism and energy and honestly like a little bit too much, a little bit too much, and the pains kind of put me in a median place that was more acceptable to society but also not worth

New York was about.

Yeah. Everyone was like, do you do you ride a taxi to school? And I was like no. But I was like the tough New Yorker guy even though I never, I like maybe got into one fight in high school?

Was this who you really were?

Were you trying to adopt an identity back then and like figure out the kind of person you were? Like, was that the person you wanted to be? Because I think we all relate to I was, or do you think it was really who you were?

The one thing that I'm very proud of that I stand by that has been a consistency throughout my life is that I've always been the funny guy, like the guy that try to make people laugh. And I I really appreciate that. I always knew that about myself, that that's what I wanted to do, and that was my passion or whatever you're.

Jealous of that, yeah, because I'm not. I did not relate to being the funny one until I started doing this as a career. And now it's like, you're the funny one and I'm just not, and people expect me, I think, to be all the time, and I can be because I can. I'm very harsh and people find that to be funny, and I can be honest and blunt. But I was never like going for the joke trying

It wasn't even like like I was a funny one.

I was just like trying to I've always just tried to be the nice one that people want to be friends with. I think that's the person I was always trying to be.

So is comedy like you just honed a skill and became so good at it that it was just like well, I'm going to do this all the time.

I'm just so cry I knew I was a good writer. I got a five on the AP English exam. That was like, that was the moment I was like, because my teacher even she was the one that when September eleventh happened during her class and I was like, what's the World Trade Center? She was, you don't know what the world trades that she like really was furious that I was such an idiot, and she just never really

She was scary.

I really gravitate towards women who were terrifying and don't seem to like me, and I try to win them over. And then that's why I get a five on the exam, you know. And but I remember that getting a five on that exam was a huge moment for me of like, invalidates something that I needed. I was actually extremely exceptional at something, and that proved it, whether or not it did like I could have just had a test greater

What in literature as in life, is that a phrase? It's just a dumb common phrase that everyone starts their stupid high school essays with.

Oh, I've never heard it before.

I sorry. I thought everyone would have heard it and then laughed knowingly, but no one did so because.

When we get back of like these identities, we choose and pursue because yeah, I just realized that was a formative moment from me.

So more on this when we get back. All right, we're back. Yeah, I just needed something to go off of that made me feel like I was.

I was never good at anything. I was never like, wow, you are better than this than everyone does ever does anyone else feel like they wanted that moment of being the best at something. I am a three enneagram and that is one of the major points of being a three is that you base your self worth off of how you're perceived by others.

But I don't know how you wouldn't do that. What the fuck else are you basing it off of? Other than an audience?

Interpersonal relationships, acceptance service, but that's still other people, still other people?

Well self love is not but like, what else would you base your self worth off of? Rather than if your family thinks you're special, your friends think you're special, being special?

Like what else would there your own personal happiness?

Utilitarian is a.

Yeah, what the fuck?

Being useful? I wanted to be the best figure skater right until I got cut, and then I got cut in the calf and it stopped my career. But I definitely had a competitive streak for sure.

But are you one of the best?

No?

And I knew it, And that's what I think. That's a quality I've always had is I'm like, I guess I know I'm not the best, but I still am going to pursue things. You know, what makes.

You do that thing despite knowing you can't be the best, because that really I'm not trying to sound.

Because I knew I had other talents. I was like, I'm a graceful figure skater. I'm not like this strong chick that ended up cutting my leg open. Her name was God, I was Tanya. It wasn't Tanya. She looked like tanyayarding.

Okay, so Nancy Harrigan. But it was by accident. She didn't like pay Jeff Galuley to do.

It right, right right. It was by by accident, mullet. And she looked like Tanya, but she had She was a powerhouse. And this is a theme in my life, like wanting to be the powerhouse, but knowing I'm not that. I'm like graceful and maybe like slightly wafye, but I have a certain talent. Like I was the graceful skater that could do like little frilly things, but I wasn't like like triple axel.

You know, were you was it? Once you realized that you had this other thing? Did you lean into that or I wanted.

To always first place.

I wanted to have the gold medal, and then I couldn't figure out why I was always getting like bronze and silver. I mean, this is in like rank head in competitions. And then eventually I'm like, I guess I'm just not that great. Like you would see they'd show videotapes of your performances back to back with the other girls, and I was like, I see what I am. I was like slower and just not as powerful.

But you know where you see something that you cannot describe is when you watch dancers next to each other and you just like, they're all doing the same routine. They're all great, They're all at the top level of dancing. You know, you watch these tiktoks. I don't know if you guys do, but I like watching dancing on reels. I don't do TikTok. But when I say TikTok, just know I'm talking about reels.

I'm not lying.

I really don't go on TikTok, but I'm not alo whatever, it doesn't matter. So when I'm watching these reels, you just gravitate towards certain dancers and you go what. I try to figure out, what are they doing that the person right next to them is not doing where I'm watching them. And it's not that they're more beautiful. Sometimes

It's like Kim Kardashian said on a recent episode of The Kardashians, He's just trying to choose between the nineties archived Crystal Dulce dress that was very classic, versus what her stylist wanted her to wear, which was like this plasticy like pleather. I can't I don't know what it was. But she's like, no, no, no, don't wear the old thing, like wear this new. You want to do something new in front and modern, and Keim's like, I can't explain it.

Well, what about when you're writing a song and you're trying to maybe go for You're trying to push yourself to maybe do something outside what's your comfort zone. So we always say, like, trust your gut, But then there are other times where you have to push yourself into an uncomfortable position where this is something that you wouldn't normally do, but I'm going to go outside my comfort zone.

Which is it?

I think there's having fun.

Yes, there's a in a talent code it says that there's like a range that's like just five percent outside your comfort zone that you need to be in. But if you go too far out of your comfort zone then disaster will strike. So that's that's I don't know if that applies to just like being generally comfortable or not, but like I think just getting slightly outside of it is the key, not too far outside of it, right, in order to improve. That's something I was.

Doing that today writing a song. And I was like, I really wanted to write it about this one thing, and I just couldn't get anywhere. And I'm like, on day three of writing this thing. Then I revisit it today and I'm like, just write about the real thing that happened. Just stop trying to write this other story. Just write about the actual, real moment that you had that was the inception of this song. And so I did.

Right.

Maybe I think that's what you arrive at with comedy too, is like what's the truest thought here? And like, but sometimes I just feel like the truest thing is just so bleak and sat like. But then that sometimes can be very funny.

I just there.

But that's I don't think there's so many conflicting Yeah, but I also hate that about myself because some people, because people, I don't like being laughed at, and I think like a lot of times people are like, you're so funny and they're laughing at me, Like God, I would never be that. I'd never throw things around like that, and I would never honk like that, and I would never tell someone that blunt thing. And it's like people are not laughing, like, oh my god, I wish I

It's like, who gives a shit, Like that's what's so great about you? I think, like, lean into that more because it's true to you. That is what makes you you. No one is like you. No one is like, there's a craziness about you. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, it's so funny and it's so unique. It's like no one is like you, but not craziness. No one wants to be crazy,

I don't like it so much.

I remember you saying that you were so He called you a prototypical blonde girl.

Or something heterone, normative, normative.

I were a dream of someone describing me that way. I love you're like, and I'm like, you think I'm normal and plastic and like cookie cutter. Like as much as I think that, I do want to be seen and want everyone to be like look at her and be exceptional, like I do want to just blend in. More than anything I want to be, I want to be normal.

Your slamming cabin and she started off hand, it's.

Easy to say that, but when.

You're a lifetime of people going nicky, shut up, calm down. Oh god, here she goes again, Nikky, do don't talk that loud in a restaurant. It is so hard to

My mommy, like mama. It's so humiliating.

And she's like, why don't we put the shame on the shelf for right now? I'm like, I wish I could. If you could just put shame on a shelf and let it sit there and fucking grow dust, I would I wouldn't be here, lady, Like, I can't put shame on a shelf.

Shame is shame.

If you can put it away, you would, but you can't. And it's so humiliating to feel all these everything that I feel I'm humiliated by and even saying this whole thing. I'm like, God, people have actual problems in mine? Is that like sometimes in the middle of the night, I wish my sister would massage my face, and I'm like crying about how embarrassing that is, Like people can't pay their fucking bills.

No, but I think everybody has a shame shelf the inside, and everyone can relate to this.

You can't. You gotta put it in a drawer. At least you shouldn't put your shame out there for everyone to see. It's like the worst place I have.

Shameful things in my bedside.

For her, it was already like food and vibrators and like toenail clippings.

No, you're right that I do have a shame.

It's just it's it's hard to bring up all of these things and feel like and to admit that that's what you want. Is like your sister to massage your face, but not your sister as you know her, like your sister is your mom.

It's like, what the fuck is that? That was a breakthrough? But what am I supposed to do with that?

I always say, who care?

So tonight she told me if you wake up in the middle of the night instead of reaching for food, which I do to calm myself, and it gives me that like instant, Like I just feel an overwhelming calm throughout my body, Like the ocean just like settles. There's like a crazy storm and then all of a sudden, it's placid waters after I eat something, and there's no need for me to do It's not like I'm hungry in the middle of the night. This isn't it's some

Yeah, don't go to the embarrassing part, because just try to sit with it and be like, all right, I need to be soothed. Now, there's everybody wants to be soothed. I mean, so many of us don't have to be because we're like we have a partner or we have a dog. Like you're out there without a partner, you don't have your dog, you don't have like a weighted blanket, so of course you want to be soothed by stuff. You know, anybody would want to be like, I want a full body massage now from Lauren.

Final thought, what what do you guys do to self soothe when you get into these like cause I was in this session and she was like, the way you're rubbing your hand right now, I was like rubbing my thumb like this, And then I was playing with my hair like this. I was just doing this, like she goes, who would do.

That to you?

I'm like my grandma, I think would play with my hair if I laid in her lap, And I'm like maybe, But again I'm four, like why am I reverting?

It's just feeling like I'm a I'm a woman.

I should be able to like journal or listen to a podcast or meditate, but instead I'm just like I want to suck my thumb is kind of how I feel about things.

Did you just what just happened on you?

You're having a crazy thunderstorm?

Oh cool?

Oh my god?

Do you guys hear it? It's like, no, I'm going to jump into our garbage river with.

Nice. There's a thunderstorm here right now, break he wave. In terms of that, I this is one of those things that falls into the category of like, yeah, that's nice that you learned that, but I just feel like it's not practical information. And it's this is why I'm like down on therapy right now, because like the fact that you know that is like to me doesn't help in any way. It's just like, yeah, what you're saying, it's like, now you're crying about your grandma said.

To massage my own face tonight, like the way I would think that a good mom would to myself, so tonight instead of eating, I'm gonna massage my face.

Yes, but it's what would you do if you were in Nikki's shoes since you don't believe in therapy, Like.

No, I believe in therapy. I believe in therapy. But I'm I am, I am. I think because I believe in therapy. That's why I'm being so critical of it. And I'm like, can you just prove to me that this is good. It's like when you believe in a boyfriend or girlfriend but they keep fucking doing stupid shit and you're like, please just show me that you're gonna

Achieved that your anxiety is pain like that manifest and pain. It doesn't feel like a roiling sea in your stomach. Yeah, no, I don't know how to describe mine, but yours is pain.

I would much rather go back to the roiling sea in my stomach because it manifests in different pains. I do rounds, like from like the program that I use DNRS, which is basically like putting yourself in a positive memory and trying to place yourself in there and just like elevating your emotional state artificially and trying to sit in that emotional state and then let it travel through your body. That's essentially what the rain.

You're subconsciously doesn't know the difference between a memory and like what you're actually feeling, so it can That's that's kind of a cool thing. But then I start to judge it and go, God, your life was so good and that's never gonna happen again. That's like I start to grieve that that memory I'm reliving is not well.

That's why you go into the future. Also, you do a past, and then you do a future memory. You do something that hasn't happened yet that's going to be great in the future. And anything you want. It could be imagination, it could be fantasy, or it could be like I did, like my wedding day, quite a lot when I was leading up to that. Do that you

I was doing something exercises last night. I was breathing in for it because I was the one that helps you go to sleep. Is you breathe in for seven counts, you hold it for four, breathe out for eight, breathe in for seven, hold it for four breathe out for eight, and that does calm my nervous system quite a bit. Yeah, but then I get really bored doing it, and I'd start to resent that I have to do it, just

I have woken up Matt before and tried to talk things out, which has helped. But what really helps is writing out all my worries, because then I'm like, Okay, these are concrete, there's nothing more to think about because I've written them all out. And then if I can't think of anymore, sometimes I just fall asleep because it's like when I'm thinking and obsessing, it always feels like there's a new one. Oh, there's a new one. Oh my parents are aging? What am I going to do with them?

What about?

What do I have to do for work? What about money? What about this? What about this conflict I had with somebody? And then but when I write it all out, sometimes it's like, all right, so there's twenty three things I'm worried about. Now what And then it's kind of like my brain exhausts itself and I can finally go to sleep. But insomnia is a bitch. When my parents were here and leading up to the wedding, I did not sleep for two weeks and I developed bags under the bags

I disagree. I think you look amazing in your wedding photos.

Whatever was happening for you that day, like it counteracted how tired you were.

But I definitely thought of Brian a lot, how he didn't sleep a wink before the wedding, and I was just like, just lean into this. This is just how you just have insomnia right now and you won't in the future.

Is it worth it to get married?

Getting me like you have to put your life on ques you stopped songwriting you wed?

Are you getting married weeks the wedding?

Because I have to say, based on the stress that I've seen, and even though you both say it was one of the it was the best day of your life, I don't think I want to do what you guys did to yourselves.

That's true. For many people. Well, the thing you got to remember about me is that I feel that way anyway, even without a wedding. So the wedding was just like a nice little bonus, and it was I feel like it's similar to when people have kids and then they see and then you look at them and you're like, you're not sleeping at all, and you can't do anything and all your hobbies are dead now and you have to put your career on pause, and then they still say that it's it was. I would never change it

Really have the best day of my life either, and I'd like to maybe have one where I'm like, that was the best day, and like what did you say before that day?

What was the best day of your life for both of you?

Because Anya, I know you said your wedding was also the best day of your life.

I mean definitely, like certain dates with Matt have been the best ever, or like I remember a memory with my mom and my dad and my sister in San Diego and we all like got We went to this fucking resort for a day and got massages and we were in the swimming pool and we were just giggling. We could not we got the giggle fits. And I just never will forget that moment of like uncontrollably laughing

Days of my life.

Yeah. For me, I think it was probably the day Trump got elected. Just kidding, No, I know. It's it's truly like you have a bunch of moments that are like, these are amazing moments, and I use those in my rounds, But truly the wedding stands head and shoulders above all those moments. So it really is like a clear number one front runner out of all the trips and all the family events and all the beautiful moments. And there was also great moments leading up to the wedding, like

Taylor Swift, everybody, everybody from all the different eras of your life.

Everyone who's ever loved you is in the same place at the same time for the same purpose, just there for you out.

Because yeah, there's only one problem. Nikki has already had many like quasi weddings in her life.

She's done. Yeah, but not.

I've never had all the people I love in one place, and I would say, you've gotten close to that pageant. It wouldn't I wouldn't anyone else at the like.

Yes, I've had many events where if there was if my aunt was there, it wouldn't make it better.

I'll tell you that, like a distant cousin. You're not going to take this any better.

No, I guess I just don't care about having every person because there's just it's I would be stretched too thin. And I think that's always the problem with weddings, is like you don't get to have even you said on you, you didn't get to have any meaningful conversations with a lot of people that you're like. They flew all this way and I just all I could talk to them about was like what dish they liked best?

Well, were like how hot it was or whatever.

That was a fifteen moment of post wedding, postpartum blues of you know, I had a wave of that of like, oh my god, I can't believe my friend Heather from Portland came and it barely got to talk to her and I haven't seen her in years, and but then it passed. It really was fucking the most insane day just to have such a small group of people that I love all together and it's like, it's all about you, It's all about your love. You get to I heard all these things from Matt I'd never heard before. I

Have to spend weeks of your life not sleeping so you can get your husband to tell you how he really feels. Not I mean, like, why do we have to go through all of that to get I just maybe I'm.

Before, but you're right it was like that was a part of me that was like, why you wait till today? But it was very h I don't know, like maybe that was his trump card too. It wasn't even like he said anything. I've never heard it.

Yeah, I also think not to speak for Chris, but I feel like there's a chance that he wouldn't like it either, Like he would are.

You kidding me? He's such a sum to fucking yeah, super host.

I think he'd be so stressed out or no, he would organizing everything.

He loves the stress of organizing and hosting. It's his element. Okay, I will not see him on our wedding day. I will barely talk to him. I will be like a distant aunt to him. He will be and I've let him know this. I'm like, I'm stressed out about marrying you because I don't feel like I'll see you the whole day and I'll feel like it will just be about us, like making sure everyone's wheelchair is in the right.

Like.

The saddest thing to me about weddings is seeing old distant ants have to get on flights and like sit in an uncomfortable flight to go watch this niece that they haven't thought about in twenty five years getting married, and like they should be just like relaxing and doing their cross to be like huh what, and like there's a lot of like crowing going on and like they have to put on like a fucking dress, and it's like just let them fucking die without without adding stress to their life.

Like that bothers me.

That's why if you ever see an elderly woman on an airplane, you need to help them, because they are on that plane for some reason that is really important to them, and they don't and they can't get their bag out of the top thing, and they're supposed to be a wheelchair waiting for them, but it's never there. Help old ladies on planes and subways.

If you see an elderly person with a suitcase on a subway, please help them up the stairs.

Elderly people in general.

You just got what about this, you guys the other day speaking of this, and then we'll really leave. I was at the baggage claim and from my periphery, this woman looked very able bodied, like you know when you just see someone just the shape of them, and I'm like, this woman's in her thirties, right, and then I saw her struggling with the bag and I gave it a second look, and her face was.

Old as the hills.

She was an old woman, but she presented as a thirty year old, and I felt so rude that I didn't as soon as I saw that she was old as shit, I was like, oh my god, let me like assist you with this bag.

And I almost felt like.

Saying, but you looked so young at first, like I can't say that I saw your fucking old face until I saw your rotted apple face and now but I was like, she's okay. I felt like telling her that, like you present as young until you turned around. Yeah, but yeah, I always.

Help old people party in the back, old hag in the front.

But then I think a lot of times old people are like insulted that you're helping them because they're totally fine. I e my mom, like can't nick, I got it, this is my bag, I got it.

Elderly what she's not elderly though we're talking like seventies.

A broken woman. She said that many times herself, and I'm always your home old. Like when I'm sixty seven, whatever my mom is, I think i'll be like, I'm old. I hope that I asked for a sixty seven not screened. But we got in a big fight because I was like, I try to. I have for years hired someone to clean her house for her every not for years, maybe like a two years a year plus. Hired my cleaning woman to clean her house every other week. Because my mom is always cleaned the house. It is like the

EJ. Get the shit out of the dead. Oh you're tracking.

Stuff in I just fucking mopped that. I just well, I just vacuumed in here. Can you please stop traps? And like it's that's the reason I can do. My mom's impression so well is that's all I heard. My childhood is her just I just clean that. Now I'm gonna have to reclean it. You guys are the shit everywhere. This is fucking ridiculous, know. So I got her as soon as I can afford it. I was like, I'm gonna get you a maid. I would do it every

And my dad's in the back room.

Going and you don't even understand. She has to clean the house for two days before this woman even shows up. It adds more stress to her life. And I'm like, Mom, what do you what can I do? She won't take help? What do you do?

She just said, I've said, I'm well, I'm gonna pay her to not do it, then, so you're just wasting my money. I'm gonna pay her every other week, however much money it is. I'm gonna look, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell her to charge me for those vemos whether she comes or not.

So you're just throwing money out the door.

And that's how she's like, fine, if you're not doing that, I go I will do that because I want I want to support her business.

And so now my mom.

Is forced to have her house cleaned up for them because otherwise this woman gets paid for doing nothing.

Damn.

It sounds like she's afraid of having someone in our house. Like there's a deeper fear here.

Oh, my mom's greatest fear is that everyone's trying to steal everything all the time from house and hide jewelry and hides money and hides things and then forgets where she hides it. And so there's gonna be there. It's gonna be a fucking treasure dig the gold rush when we finally when they move out, we're going to find things all over.

She stole my my stuffed crow. Yes, always like, what do you think people are going to steal?

The floor here has arrow heads, and I'm like, these are no wants.

No one wants arrow heads. They're not God. You could buy them on eBay. They're not even priced that.

I scout cleaning your eyes where I have to go.

Thank you guys for listening to the show this week. We really, we really dug up some stuff today and I appreciate you guys listening to my inner psyche and my inner child meeting face massages.

Thank you so much for listening. Don't Beka and just keep going to therapy.

Don't