#353 Brian's Wedding Vows, "Babe No One Cares" & YMCA Is So Gay

The nick A Gliser Podcast.

Niki Glaser pos Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. Man, I sound a little loud, but I kind of like it. Maybe they'll make me talks softer.

You think it'll balance balance out low Mike, Brian, Yeah, I.

Mean Brian Franjie's coming back from his honeymoon with a little mic. But he's getting on the right supplements and we're all going to support him emotionally and he's got doctors monitoring it.

Brian Franjie's back.

Everyone. Oh, man, I missed the pod, and you know what, I listened to three out of four of the episode so far that I was not on. And I have so many comments, so many moments where it's like I want to say something here and I can't say anything.

I know, And isn't that a because you used to listen as a listener and you couldn't say anything and that was just your lock life.

But now you you have an.

Entitlement now that is warranted because you're a part of the show.

Yeah, you had to have the user experience.

Yes, that's awful. I feel bad for all the listeners out there who can't contantly chime in.

I feel that way. Often I listen to Chris's show. If I wake up early enough, I listen to it live. It's from six to ten or if I usually listen to it on the podcast and at like two times the speed. But when I get to hear it live, it's so awesome because he'll get like there'll something will be of debate in the room of like how old is she? Or like did she actually Usually it's something where they're like, or we'll bring.

Up a guy.

We'll be like, oh, yeah, I think this guy is a really good guy and rape.

Seven women in nineteen eighty one.

Go look at them, just like, do your own research.

I really do. Every time there's like I'm like, he once kicked a dog in nineteen ninety something.

Well, for Brimley, I think is pretty clean. He's a great person.

Problematic diabetes, PROBLEMATICUS. No, he seems like a good guy. But okay, so we have so much to get to today. Let me just set up the room. Okay, Brian Franngie is back. Or you're in California. It looks like you're home right, all right, I'm in California.

Yeah, back home, all right?

And then okay, yeah it's.

And then Anya is in New York.

What Anya's has her parents in New York with her right now? If we want to set the scene, they were staying with her all the week all the weekend.

This is all the weekend.

This is one of seven pills I've found. This is what happens when eighty year olds stay with you. There's just stray medication everywhere, Like a.

Weekend with Nikki. I'm like, what is this?

I don't so many because I don't I will never take a pill and just be like, well, I wonder what's this experience going to be?

Like?

There are a lot that I don't know. And then I just, you know, throw them into a creek.

One side you grow dollar and the other side will make you grow smaller. Do you know that movie Beauty? This is.

Seventies.

Yeah, okay, you know how you're supposed to dispose of pills because if you put them in the toilet or something, they're bad for the environment.

Yeah, yeah, that's what was my joke about putting in I.

Don't know how I forgot remember, Well there's one I know, Courtney, This corny show doesn't add for a place called what's it called.

I hate the name of it so much.

It's rough prevent prevented.

Prevented, prevented. Oh yeah, and we're like, what.

Did ed do?

Like I as time and I was like, Corney, I think it's supposed to be prevented dot com, but they like did it wrong? But then I looked it up and I was like, well, I didn't say that because it literally is prevent ed dot com and you can send in your medication and they mix it or they send you a mixture to put in with your medication that makes it neutralized.

Yes, yes, and then you can dump it. I thought it was prevent a rectile dysfunction.

I know.

I think that's what a lot of people are. They're swallowing that goo they said them, and then.

Get hard.

That's a good point.

Oh my god, my dad almost killed Matt over the weekend.

Okay.

This is another thing eighty year olds do is they don't they don't look at what is in front of them. They're just haphazard, or at least it's just my dad. So I had a bowl of cherries.

All starts with cherries.

It does. Then there's like a crime scene exhibit, a kind of thing, something that only happened one hundred years ago, when people were like, life is but a bowl of cherries.

Nobody's got a bowl of cherries anymore. That was an old time say what is a bowl? When did you get cherries?

And why do you have They had the I guess it's like cherries.

Your mom brings like vegetables and fruit.

It is.

The wildest thing at the store. They have them there.

It's you said, you're you.

It was the season, so your mom picked them from a tree in her Your mom brought me a bag of lemons one time to like a show that she came to visit.

See, yeah, I'm like that.

We're in San Francisco. Nikki lives in Missouri. She's flying home tomorrow. She's like, but I have this from my tree for Nikki.

It was really sweet. But that's why I thought she brought the other cherries.

Yeah, okay, she just likes fruit, so I brought her some fruit. I'm trying to get her acclimated here in Hudson Valley anyway. I have a large glass bowl of cherries, and then I have two small bowls that are white and ceramic one has trail mix in it. It's like medium size, and then there's a tiny white bowl for cherry pip pits because if dogs eat cherry.

Shitty part of the trail mix like the peanut exactly. Oh yeah, whatever part you don't like, getting.

Nikki, what does a peanut look like a cherry pit? Right? So my dad's just willy nilly eating all the cherries and cherry pits are toxic to dogs, by the way, and people, which I didn't know. Also, apple seeds, Brian.

Apple seeds contain a small amount of arsenic in them, so if you eat too many apple seeds you will get arsenic poisoning. It's it's a cheese.

I ate apples like whole for like a season. I remember just thinking like I'm just gonna eat the whole apple and be cool. Never bought, never had an issue, but I did. I've eaten many apples entirely ate the whole Why. I don't know. I could just got into it once and was like, why are we throwing this part away? It's like kind of probably.

Like really gross stuff up in it. It has like spider webs, and.

I don't know if this is allowed either like for my cousin, I don't know whether he was tricking me. When I was young, he started like eating peanuts with the shell and he was like, hey, you can just eat the whole, and so I was like, oh, yeah, I'll do that too, and then I was doing that for a while, and then at one point I was like, did he just do this twice to trick me into doing this for the rest of.

Those lies you see only the peanuts shell?

What?

Yeah, even as a kid, it wasn't like I was like trying to avoid calories, even though it was calorie conscious.

As a kid, I would say.

Throw out the I was I was sick because it's salty on the outside and you like almost choke to death every single time, and it's like you're living, You're just this is.

My going out submarine.

And yeah, I was like getting kind of horny about it. You went there, Chris, You you gave me the man.

I was not even headed in that direction, and you.

Go, hey, you know, a nice trail to take would be this one and in that direction.

And then I get then, okay, all right, you're going to give it back to me on this podcast. There will be I.

Will get you.

I will, I will take you somewhere where you'll go and you'll want it taken out, but we're gonna leave it, all right.

So okay, So that trail brings us back to trail mix, which my dad is eating by the fistful and also doing the cherries double dose. Of course, at one point he just throws a cherry pit into the trail mix, which nobody knows about until Matt takes a handful of trail mix. And then I see him go and he's like choking and he's like, oh, my tooth, and then he's like spits something out and then he rushes to the bathroom and I'm like, I already know what this is.

I'm just played And I wondered if Noah played it? What the did I that was weird, like it, but it was perfectly on time. What if my brain is putting those sounds in it's so weird? Did anyone else who's listening to the podcast, hear it, because.

This is how people here goes like. Sometimes I'll hear like yeah, and I know it didn't happen in real life, but I'll hear don't do that, But I'll hear like voices.

No, that's good, that's really good because that's your inner voice. Because I all these books I'm reading, you were hearing like voices. If you listen, if you're really plugged in with your body and you're like mind, your subconscious is telling you ship all the time. So you're plugged into that inner voice. Whereas my inner voice is me. So I would never hear if I go like, ew, that shirt's ugly, I would never think it was someone else. It's like Dave Matthew said on stage that blew my mind.

The his guitar way up, he goes you know what.

Sometimes no, But when he said that, he goes someone he's he had like a revelation and he shared it with us, and I already said this, but it bears repeating that. Uh. The he was like, someone told me that the voices in my head, I'm just an audience for them. They're not me, Like I'm just listening to them, they're not me and that, like he separated and then he started going into and he was like going into some of the voices and they were like, you're not

Well, I mean, he went through a.

Couple of years, but he's back. He is.

All right.

Rob Thomas v Dave Matthews right.

Now, Okay, Dave Matthews.

Because it's just grained in me as a child, like, as literally a seventeen year old. I guess we could count that as a child to be like attracted him. But Rob Thomas is more like your friend that you like are like you acknowledge he's cute, but he's like he's just the Rob Thomas.

I can't get over it. He's the best person. I wish. I can't wait for you to meet him.

I looked at his tour schedule so we could go hang out with him, because he's gonna love you. You guys are gonna be best buds, it's gonna be wild. We're gonna go, We're gonna go like on tour with him.

I'm obsessed.

Every story I've heard about him has been great.

Yeah, from other people, because she's stalked him like four times over the years working in radio, and he's always been kind, he's always been hilarious. She had like specific stories to tell about him, and like, you just can't find a bad story about old Rtie, And.

I think he's a monster.

Oh god, the show.

Yeah, I text you on him, like, actually, you keep your mouth fucking got about that.

I can't believe Artie got friend zoned so fast, My good old Glad.

Don't know what happened.

He doesn't want any of this, and I don't want our relationship. I'm not gonna be friends with Dave Matthews. So I could say, like, oh, he's so hot or whatever, But if I want to be friends with someone, I'm also not going to sexualize them either, and I would not want him to do that to me.

You've got boundaries. You and Taylor both commented, and he was a good looking guy.

Well, I'm commenting on he looks exactly the same as he did in the nineties and that that.

But he is a good looking guy. There's no but it's not I'm.

Not like, let's get back, let's get back to being furious to say he didn't almost kill Matt. Matt just almost broke a tooth, which is terrible. But you don't you the cherry seat is never going to choke you to death.

It's not that I was shocked to learn, like, cherry pits have our cyan I in them. If chewed, you could like release some cyanide, and and there's conflicting reports. I immediately was like, maybe.

You're going to be hind them all over the place.

I know instantly if kids could get their hands on them, we would kids would be dying back.

Seven chew it. If you open the pit, it does it's much worse than just swallowing it whole, because there's cyanide in there. And Matt evidently did that. I was like, you're going to be fine, and he was. I think he was just like, I've fucking had it. At this point. It had been a long weekend. Let's just say, and you know, sucking on somebody else's cherry pit, there's.

No disgusting cherry pits okay, I.

Have some information, so they do have they have cyanide in them. Hardstone in the center of cherries is full of prussic acid, also known as cyanide, which is poisonous. But don't freak out because if you accidentally swallow one, it'll just pass through your system. But if you do what Matt did and you crunched down on it, eating just three eat a four pits of the Morello cherry or seven pits of red or black cherries will lead to cyanide toxicity.

And doesn't mean or death.

No, a guy died, a man died, A grown man died after eating three cherry pits, which, of course Matt finds that article. I'm like, let's put the Internet away and just like, sit.

Did he eat it?

Though?

He spit it out?

Though? Right?

He ate it?

He like, He's like, I think I swallowed half of it and half of it I spit out. I'm not sure. I think at that point he is just done and I had to leave him alone.

I'm gonna be like one of these wives someday that like once you you okay, so you know how the wives kill their husbands and they like, here's this tea. Honey, I'm gonna be like, it's a new cherry pit tea I found. We'll see cherry pit tea.

Yeah, And I'm gonna be like, here's.

I think I've heard about this before.

I'm like, we did a pans about it. You fucking dumb fuck.

That's what you said the last time I was on, you were like, how dumb is this guy for marrying a girl that wants to kill him?

Yeah, and you're gonna be that, but you're gonna be senile. It's not your fault, Okay, Like you're smart now and you don't And I'm fucking crazy right now. I would never kill you. But no one knows what's going to happen in thirty to four.

We don't know what voices are in your head or what sound effects are going to.

Lead you to kill all of a sudden.

That's gonna be a.

It's jaws.

And while she's waiting for me to die, what's the sound effect while she's waiting for me to die?

That's great?

Love your your it's so crazy.

We can try. Your mom can do the whistle? Oh her whistles whistle?

Can anyone do that?

One don't do it.

I wanted to do that.

It is you can you kind of do it? Chris?

It sounds terrib I mean.

Kill yourself with two guns like you're doing Like that was a horrible conversation. How do you do the trick to doing act?

You fold your tongue right.

Yeah, you fold your tongue back. I mean yeah, you fold your tongue back. My mom could do it with like one hand, one hand. I have to do it with two.

Badass?

What is the cool part of your badass? I remember seeing kids do this that's flip. Yeah, And when I was a child, I was like that was so cool, just this like the shape of it where the fingers were done. I'm just showing you something that is almost as cool as a one handed whistle. But when I was a kid, I would have to like hold my fingers down. Look how lame this?

I get it, Like when you're a kid in your hand. I saw a kid the other day that was so cy was like a baby and you just learned how to do thumbs up and he had done something. They were like yay, and he like looked at his hands and he was just really focused and he was just like slowly his thumbs went up and he was like.

Yeah, every figure. It's almost like, yeah, it was so cute when I learned the bird.

Yeah, we were skydiving, me and my sister. I think I gave it to her for her.

Eighteenth birthday skydove, Yeah, with my sister.

And on the way down she I think she tried. She's not this kind of person like she doesn't do like, but I think on the way down she tried to flip me off as like just to be funny with me, but instead she she held up all the fingers except for her middle finger.

Doesn't do it just like.

That is so hard.

Yeah, it's hard to do.

She did it.

Oh.

I get so nervous whenever people to post her pictures and they're like.

Let's do the heavy metal rock.

I'm always like, I'm going to do some Nazi symbol I know, because I don't know which one is.

You should do the opposite because like Taylor Swift is and then it becomes like the Dane Cook superfinger.

Oh yes, Swift gives the horns.

I saw it with my own eyes. What do you mean she went like this like this, Oh she does yeah, Oh yeah she can.

I mean she can do everything.

I don't know why I'm putting that like this simple land movement as like God, she's so fucking amazing, and she can sing, she can dance, she writes her own music. She's a fucking near billionaire, and she can do the devil hornto her hand like without thinking.

Yeah.

As of today, she's number two on the Lady Musician List.

Yeah, and she did it without the use of slave labor to make her products like Rihanna did. I'm sorry, Rihanna's number one, and it's totally on the backs of slave labor making all of her fenty stuff.

So money like total money earned.

Yeah, yeah, well Taylor's never Taylor has her merch but Taylor's never been We were talking about this in the kitchen just before this is a little private action, little purview into Chris and ized life. We were talking about this, and yeah, Taylor Swift never doesn't take any money to perform and Dubai. She's never done a private party ever. She doesn't do any like I'm not gonna say ever, but she doesn't do any private events where they pay

Time ago.

If true, I mean, yeah, but we'll still buy it. Okay, we gotta go to break. We have a lot to talk about. Brian's marriage. Noah went to Taylor Swift this weekend. We did I don't know what my dad performed with me in California, and Anya had her parents in town. So we'll talk about all of that and more and maybe not even all.

Of it, mostly not all of it. We got too much to get to, so we'll be back right after this. All right, we're back.

Let's start off with Frangie's wedding, because we've talked about it a little bit. What a time I'm I'm almost wanting to start with Noah because what no experienced this weekend is almost the same as like a marriage, because is it something you only get to do once or eight times in a summer in your life. It was transformational. But uh no, let's start with Brian's.

Which relationship do you think is going to last longer? Noah's with Taylor Swift or Brian's with his wife.

I think they're both going to go the full. I think there's no going back for knowing very good. There's no like, nothing could happen that will make noe not a swiftye.

Okay, Brian, how are you feeling now?

Almost? Is it like almost two weeks out of being married? What's been like?

It's been great. I was very I had a lot of anxiety leading up to a peak anxiety. I couldn't sleep the night before. I didn't sleep for a single second the night before. I had to cancel my morning brunch that's supposed to have with my boys or whatever.

That was a good call, though, Yeah, definitely those guys.

Laid in bed just not sleeping for hours.

I thought maybe lane and bread was like one of those things you researched and like, help somebody anxiety.

I got a of warm bread and I laid in it and it didn't even help.

And what was the anxiety? If you don't mind me asking?

Was it?

Was it like a hundred different things, seeing all the family? Was it doing your vows and not.

Best man's speech?

Yeah.

Here's what they don't tell you about weddings is that everyone puts an incredible amount of pressure on you. Everyone puts an incredible amount of pressure on you to have the best day of your life, and if you're not having the best day of your life, you're a piece of shit. You make everybody sec God, you're right, And that's why I had anxiety, because I frequently feel like shit.

Make like just saying that you had the best day or you know, like if you didn't like.

I also want to have a good time, you know, I think that.

You you were you want you wanted to have the best time. I understand the pressure that other people put on you, like this better be the best day, but I think deep down you wanted to have the best day possible. And I also hear that a lot from Anya about her anxiety is like I want to make sure that I absorb this day and I remember it and I have memories from this day and that it is the most special day of my life. But it's just a day, and it's a party, and.

It's wait before you can I share a funny stuff I was freaking out having an anxiety spiral at like midnight or one. I can't it felt like one in the morning. And Nikki's caught, you know, as always like talking me off the ledge, and She's like, play out your fears. I'm like that I won't be present, that I'll miss it, that I'm gonna fuck something up, I'll forget something.

Can you read your exact thing? Because it was very interesting, I can have it.

I can't have it, okay, but and then she can. I just read in your tone what you said to me because it made me laugh so fucking hard. I'm I'm on imagine me in bed in the dark, just like all on the verge of tears. And I won't be present, and I well, either I want to have a nice day and be present, but I'm already lamenting it, lamenting it being over and me missing it because I wasn't really allowing myself to have fun.

I'm not even making sense. Thanks for listening to this. I'd feel better just writing it out.

And that she goes, Babe, no offense, No one cares at all.

She goes.

She goes, literally, everyone will forget everything about this day.

And at the moment it's over. I go, No one, Uh, there's a way, did I said?

What did I say?

There was something else that made me laugh, So it was like a combination of over and over, like Babe, no one cares, yes, and it doesn't matter at all, which just made me laugh so hard at the anxiety passed.

Yes, I go, it's just like every person, Oh this is it's just a party. And much like every person I know who throws parties, you're riddled with anxiety. I don't and I said, I don't get why people do them. And I said, oh God, where is it. I want to get it right because no one is going to cut you out of their life because you didn't respond to an email in person. Okay, this is another thing. You were like, people are emailing me back. But there was a worry about kombucha.

This was the big worry.

She goes, she's worried it has cyanide in it.

Yeah, shes okay.

I want.

I can't sleep because it's so many decisions to be made and so much many things to do, overwhelming to the point of pep paralysis. Eventually, I'll get to it, but it's all exhausting, so true. Too many dumb things like whether I have to decide on whether I want to serve kombucha in a big conator or just let people serve themselves. And I can't even bring myself to reply to an email. I said, big container there done, and she's like, I mean, I'm doing my own hair

Now, It's true.

How you look does not need to be like you're going to the oscars, Like it's not going to be. I said, weddings are forgettable. They all are. You don't have to ut And I go and about like she's worried. Well, this is the thing about weddings that I worry about. And I talked to Chris, like, if we have a wedding, I feel like I'll never see Chris because he will have to like spend individual time with everyone because they like made the effort to be there, and you want

And I go, no one is looking at you.

And that soothes me because I had the revelation at a young age in the gym in La where everyone was so fit and perfect, and I was going through like a chubby phase in my life, and I didn't want to go to the gym. And I went there and I realized, no one is looking at me. Everyone's looking at themselves. And it's the same as I gave the same advice to Noah for Taylor Swift because she was worried about should I wear this sparkly dress or

No one gives a shit about what anyone does at any time unless.

Yes, and weddings are great and like, but just think about the weddings you've been to in your life that, yes, they have you have fond memories of them, but you're not remembering every detail of them. You're not revisiting. You're not like flipping through photos and going, wow, that wedding I went to four years ago, Like it's important to the people who have it, so don't worry about other people's experience as much. Was my point not to be like,

I'll be looking at you the whole time, judging the whole every second I'm there, I'm gonna be like, I can't believe she made that decision dress.

Getting married.

But I remember a lot of good things about Brian's wedding, and it was two weeks ago, but those are the thing the highlights that you remember. Like I remember thinking, oh man, it's going to rain on this wedding. We're in trouble. And then the hails started coming down and I'm like, oh, this wedding is screwed, Like I don't know what I mean, Brian's going to be devastated. And then everything cleared up.

Oh yeah, as soon as it starts. So it was the day of the wedding, and we knew that there was a likelihood of various storms in the mountains. That always changes, and it started drizzling in the morning and I was very worried then that it was going to rain all day. As soon as it started hailing, it was hailing buckets of like.

Buckets of white on the ground. Yes, it looked like it was snowed.

Yes.

One of the rocks that concert everyone.

One of the bridesmaids fell down the stairs because it was too slippery and she sprained her hand. Aubrey Aubrey Aubrey, who is a bestie by.

The Bustye Aubrey, hope your ankles better man the way.

There's many besties in Grand Lake. I didn't even know this, but the the executive chef of the Lodge restaurant.

I met her. Yeah, that was cool.

Yeah, she she listened to the podcast.

She delivered my beyond Burger patty and mushrooms in for breakfast, and she was like, and I'm a really huge fan. I don't want to bother you by like literally even like look in her face and I was stuffing it down my face.

And then she comes up and she's like, I tell everybody not to ever do this to guests, but I'm asking you for a pictures.

So she's like, don't ever do this to people, but she's like, I'm doing it.

Her names Caroline Schwartz. I met her at the dinner. I had dinner at the Lodge after the wedding, and she came up to our table and was like, thank you for inviting Nikki Clazier to your wedding. It was the best day of my life.

She was so nice.

Yeah, yeah, that.

Was really that was It was just a cool like it was a cool weekend altogether. Chris and I got there on Thursday and the wedding was Saturday, and it was like, it was the smallest place I've stayed in in my whole career since I was like traveling in Illinois as a one night or comedian doing like shitty real glindside.

Small room.

I'd say, like the smallest hotel room I will ever stay in the rest of my life. There's no way, there's no way we'll ever get smaller than that. And it really brought me back to like when I would drive to Carbondale to perform at a holiday inn like bar and grill, and no one would be listening to me and I just check into like a you know, a motel essentially. But it we got in, I was like, this is but that's what it was. And it was not bad at all because you.

Don't even spend time in your room, you just sleep there. I don't need a lot of space.

It was it was great and its cleans and it was nicely decorated. It wasn't like it wasn't like a motel grungy. It was like just small. It was nice though.

I loved it. I think the whole point of those tiny rooms is to get you to hang out at the love I want everybody to be like Kellerman's and dirty dancing and hang out in one space.

Definitely like a summer camp vibe.

There was.

There was moments when Nicky had great I was very gracious, and one of them was the small roofs. But the other one was when the DJ started playing a terrible The DJ was amazing in the world, but he did play a remix of a Taylor Swift song that was.

Like, this is the story this is that's so funny, So he is. He was a great DJ. He was very into it, very professional. Every song he would he would play like the perfect amount of chorus and verse, and then you would transition out of the song and you would almost hear like a new song coming in and you'd go like, what the fuck is this? I know it, but I don't know what it's going to be. And we were about Chris how long into the night were.

We I was saying. I was saying, Nicki is like, is one of the most intuitive people.

It's the nicest thing you've ever said.

I can't tell you how many times NICKI will will be watching TV or be somewhere and nick will like pause TV and be like, say something.

We were listening to podcast recently?

Was it?

It was, uh, my dad or my dad wrote a porno? So, which is a great podcast that Chris and I have always been talking about starting. But on this road trip back from Colorado to the airport, we were like, let's start it, and we're listening to it and this girl's dad, this guy's dad wrote a porno and they're all making fun of it the whole time, which is the you know, the that's the idea is.

Just to mock it.

But I was kind of getting a little bit turned on by the writing because it was like a little bit like they were making fun of it, being like they were making fun of the fetish in it, which was kind of like this girl's like just like an object and like the people are just like using her, and they're like and then I stopped it and I go, I.

Don't think these people watch porn. I like, pause it.

I go, I they're making fun of it in a way, like I get making fun of the writing and the word choice, but like this is actually something people are very into, and this dad is kind of nailing it. And then we press play again and this girl goes, I just want to say, I don't watch porn. I was like, and Chris was like, how did you know? Because I was like, that was the point where it was like cause she has to address that she's not getting this.

And the night before Nikki turned to me and she's like, it has been an hour and a half and this DJ hasn't played one single Taylor Swift song. The song ends like thirty seconds later, and then the Taylor Swift song comes home.

And Chris goes, are there?

This was another thing. He goes, are there Taylor Swift songs that are appropriate for a wedding? And there aren't many, to be honest with you, like when you're really wanting to dance, But we've got shake it off, We've got We're never getting back together, and there's a couple other ones, but those are the two main ones. So shake it Off begins.

I would dance to your being too, loud too, you're being too loud.

Yeah, calm down, Yeah, that'd be a good one. Waiting with me, but shake it off.

He he is playing so every song the normal one, like you were saying he was. He would manipulate the bpms a little bit for some songs. So we songs.

Yes, but every crank up to like what they were every other song.

So this song starts, and I'm telling you he slowed it down by thirty percent at least.

I stay out to the late, got nothing in my brain.

Yeah, it's like Taylor Swift one.

And Brian came up to me about a minute in because we were keeping like waiting for the beat to drop where it would be like shake it off, and it just wasn't and you could tell it wasn't ever going to.

And Brian came up and he goes, is this acceptable?

I said, is this offensive?

Yes?

Yes?

Yes?

Is this offensive to you?

And I go absolutely, and he and I go, but it's funny because it's it's funnier than if you played it normal. I got more joy out of like this song, never reaching any kind of apex where you could let loose anyway you.

Would rather him just never even you. I would rather be like, oh, this guy just doesn't know that Taylor Swift has a few good songs at a.

Wedding, right, And instead it was like bastardizing. Yes, but that was that was but I enjoyed it. But the rest of the songs were so oh.

My god, I do want to him. He was the best DJ. He We danced the entire night. The dance floor was on fire the whole night, and he he was responsible for that. He he knew the right songs to play, so fun. He was amazing and so gracious and great the whole time. He lent us a speaker for the day before. He is amazing. If you're in the Colorado RIDI DJ Perry, he's booked until twenty twenty five. You can't get him, but he is.

Can't even get you can't get even get him. Goodluck married ten years book DJ P.

We're dancing right away and it was still light outside. And that was a surprising to me that as soon as the speech is wrapped up and dinner was like already eaten, everyone ran to the dance floor and it was it was packed the whole time.

One thing having anxiety right now? Why because I don't have dancing at my wedding. My wedding is like a lunch garden park.

That's fine, That's what it is.

That's what it is.

You're getting married during the.

Day, in the in the afternoon, and I told you should have dancing, and you said, I don't want it.

So like you.

Chose that the best DJ in Denver. This was a choice.

But no, one no, Like one thing I did is I were to dance at.

Cyane's Crew was great. It kind of reminded me of like friends because most of the guys that were there were high school friends, yes, and they were taking shots at Brian all weekend. The wives were taking shots. I didn't you made me feel like a home.

Yeah. We were in the hot tub and like people would just get in and they were all they all knew Brian from high school. There's like Brian has like ten friends from high school and all their wives were there.

And they've got a guy's chat. I think it's like fifteen people.

A girl chat.

We have nine.

I asked what they talked about in the guy's chat because your buddy Steinman, he was telling who I love so much, which, by the way, everyone was shit talking Steinman all weekend and being like.

Ah, you don't even want to run into this guy.

Character.

I didn't hear what I heard. You were going to get towels.

These girls were like, I go, is Steinmann married because they're all like all of our husbands, and I go, which one of you is married to the guy who's giving the speech that I've heard about, who's like so crazy and so wild. And they're like, oh, no one could love Steinman. He'll never find anyone. I'm like, he's awesome. He he's the best speech he gave. He fucking killed the speech. And he was like a normal guy, Like

He was such a reliable, good hanging at the end of the night and one of the best best speeches I've ever heard of my life.

Yes, oh truely.

Do you have any highlights from that?

My favorite was that he was like Brian the last the last line he had he said he didn't he wrote that joke that this morning, but he's closed it and he goes and Brian is on strike from a job.

He doesn't even have so funny your favorite line? That was probably it? But had he had a few great I mean probably what were some of your favorites?

Oh god, it's all blur. I couldn't. I don't remember anything. I have a out of the speech, but I uh, I don't remember any specifics.

Yeah, yeah, his vows were opening line for his wedding vows was the one that killed me.

That's one I've been telling people.

John, did you prepare et cetera the vows well before we go to the vows.

I don't want to finish the hail thing because it was drizzling during the day and I was afraid that it was going to rain all day. But then as soon as it started hailing, I said to the wedding coordinator, who was also the best I said this, the ceremony is gonna be outside as soon as it started hailing, because I knew that in the mountains, if it hails

It's never hailed for days.

Yeah, so as soon as I started hailing, everyone was like, oh no, we're to do it inside. And I was like, make sure we wipe down the benches, make sure the staircase is swept, because we're doing this outside. And it was I.

Cleared up beautiful.

It was like sunny and gorgeous and it wasn't like sopping wet everywhere. It was like a perfect ceremony. I cried instantly when you started walking, when you were walking towards the.

Really whatever, Yeah, instantly, why because I just.

Knew we were like he's disgusting.

No, you looked so handsome, so handsome, but you just it was just like I saw the importance on your face, like I saw a little bit of nerves. I saw like how special this was to you, like on your face, and I just like couldn't handle it, and I started like welling up like instantly, because it was just like I just saw all the love you have for Ali, like everything was just on your face.

I don't know why, you know, And your cute little dog.

Was yeah, Jack was there. Nikki, you are an extreme EmPATH. I have frequently said things to you about like my pains or whatever, and I can see you feeling my pain, and I think that's an incredible uh personality traits.

So I think I will never say that I'm an EmPATH because I hate people that do, and they're usually not because it's just a way to be. Like, there's a lot of people on f Boy Island. Let me just say that. It always like and because I'm an EmPATH, Like, I like, get what you're saying about your school.

You can't say that about My name is Jack.

Well and I used to have a therapist who told me I had no empathy. But I think I'm brimming with it.

I think, well, that's why you felt I really felt it.

Yeah, yeah, and it was just so yeah, that was a and then just you know, every let's get to your vows. Though. Annie wants to know how when you started preparing and how long it took you six years.

Ago on you before you even met Ali. I started right, No, I I took about about a month prior. I wrote a first draft and then just like mold it over, just like was mulling it over. I just did notes in my phone and then like I'd say, I looked it over like four more times, stressing out. The biggest time I looked it over was that the night before when I wrote it down in my little book, and

Best man's speeches. You know, I kind of want to do that, control everyone's speech.

But I knew that there was going to be a certain expectation, especially amongst the my high school friends and stuff that did you say? Especially expectations were from No.

It's especially especially No, especially.

I'm gonna Brian, you are too smart to be saying.

Especially. It was especially I think for my high school friends and my family, especially to prove it to my family, like I'm a good writer, I'm funny. You know. I needed this to be good. Is everybody that I ever cared about or loved is sitting there in these seats, And it's not just that I care about love them, but also I have something to prove to some of these people. Some of Ali's family never even met me, and I'm like I'm going to show you who I am in my writing.

Well, it wasn't even like you did. You did that, and you weren't trying to be too funny, because first of all, you just are funny, and so you be. You trying to be sincere even became really fun. You like being as sincere as possible with hilarious. Can we just go?

Can you walk us through your vows? Can I just hear it?

I laughed so hard.

I think the besties deserve to hear the whole thing.

It's pretty long, so I want the whole thing, but I can.

Oh, there are some moments that really got me.

There was one moment where Salmon Runner.

The Salmon Runner was great.

There was one moment where, no matter how many times I read it to myself, I couldn't not cry. And I was like, I'm not.

Gonna cry stop the whole time.

Brian.

Yeah, I just want to say that it was a miracle because I feel like shit probably nine out of ten days of the week, and I didn't sleep a single second before this day, and the entire day I felt a solid eighty five percent, which is like the best I felt.

I think it proves that's great that it's in your head.

I know that you know everything.

I know that I was, that I was a solid eighty five percent. It was a miracle, and honestly, I felt so glad.

I was so worried about that.

All that anxiety. But when I was with my groomsmen in the getting ready room, I said to them, you know I made I said a line. Rob was there, and he laughed out loud. I didn't even realized it was funny, I said. I didn't sleep at all last night, not a single second. But if I do sleep, I know I would have ground and clacked my teeth. So I guess it's better to be tired than in pain. Yes, yes, yeah.

I agree, Like you would have had some like crazy nightmares and stress dreams that would have added to the overall stress.

So you were just tired, but not in pain. And so that's how I felt going into the up to this. But once I got there, all that anxiety and the pressure of my friends and family wanting me to have the best time of my life turned into incredible feelings of love and support, and I felt amazing. And I can honestly say this. I know it's cliche, but this was the best day of my life, best day of

It's fucking over. We're done. Shit. That felt the highlight of my night, despite all the laughs and your stuff and like all the joy with her values, how I looked and how pretty Nikki made me say she looked was when I went, I talked, I got like I got like two minutes with Ali in the middle of the dancing, and the first thing she said was this is this is the greatest day of my life. And I was just like, I was overcome with joy because I knew she meant it like.

She loves top like thousand Honestly, it was filled with joy.

It was it was It was truly like a perfect wedding.

If I could just like have that be every my wedding, like it seemed like the best.

And Allie looks like she knows. She's like she's you know, she's beautiful when you're going on a hike, and she's beautiful when like, you know, she's hanging out and all that fun stuff. But she was born like it looked like she was born to be a bride. A bride.

She looked stunning and her dress was perfect. But she and she also got down on the dance floor. I've never if you think, I do you see me dance like a Swift concert and you're kind of like, wow, take it easy, Nikki.

You don't know what dancing is until you see this girl.

What was beauty like?

She was bopping around, you know.

So do you remember what song it was? I would have. It would take me a little bit.

But they remember there's a song that's something like it up hot Wires.

All the girls, like all of her friends must have like done the US. Was it Space? No, it was it was after Space. Jam was one of them.

But oh yeah there was one Space. I remember it was.

They were like and then they One of my favorite things is those beautiful moments were like every single friend. If they hear it, it's like a beacon that they all have to gather together. And there was a few of those songs where like all of her girlfriends.

Knew, we've got to get to.

The dance floor.

For me, it was Hymca that was my yeah.

But here's this as it's playing, I was saying to Chris, this is the gayest song imaginable.

I can't believe the lyrics, how gay that song is.

You can hang with all the boys, you can hang.

Out with all the boys, you can do whatever you please, you can have a good like and then it's about like getting homeless.

Boys off the street, which is a nice thing.

And it's like you can come in, you can get clean, you can have a good meal, and then you can fucking do.

Yeah.

And if that's what you feel.

So gay and it's so your body just knows why. I'm like, you don't even have to think about it. It's like it's like.

You can dance to Ymca that the beginning eat is so danceable.

But in the seventies, to people like were accepting of gay people, like they we're in the seventies where people like this song's fucking gay. And like they're like, you don't know people.

I don't even realize because like I think in republics, I think McDonald Trump wanted that to be his like theme song, and they said no, Like there was some Republican who was like, I wanted to be my team song.

But themc now is like you can have you can come in and get your picture taken and then pay thirty dollars.

You can go on the slide in the Lazy River.

It's like you can run into a bunch of families. You can not go past this gate because you can't scan your car.

Rule.

Yeah, it's not the same, but it used to be like a fucking gay bathhouse fun.

You can wrote on the sidelines of a pickup basketball game and feel really nervous about getting in.

With real athletes.

You can go on a treadmill that a fact I didn't wipe down.

You can deal with him. You can watch Fox News on the screens. It's like that's what's going on at wess Now, Okay, anyway, I.

Wanted to show you this picture. This is like a preview picture from that the that the photographer sent me.

My god, yeah, that was Ali's just bouncy and.

In the background.

So who's basically like, I didn't know my son was such a stud. Yeah, your dad was so proud of you. It was sweet than you to make sure.

Oh sorry, I want to hear that. But I sent that picture to Darien Hip Hop hnting and I said, yeah, that's a great one. I said, I just got married and you weren't there in person, but you were definitely there in my hips and knees, and I couldn't have done it without youp Ho. Truly, he is the reason I was able to.

Dance coach for every everyone once a week for Oh my god, Yeah it did payoff. You looked so fluid and comfortable and you're casual dancing.

Thank you.

Can we just can I just hear the first couple of lines of your vows because that's what it really got me.

Okay, so Ali's It worked out that Ali's vow was a was Ali's vows were amazing, but we were so funny too, And they were funny, they were amazing, heartfelt. I loved them, and they also worked as a setup for my first line, which wound up being a punch line. It wouldn't have gotten a laugh if Ali didn't do her.

Vows, did you plant that way?

No, I didn't expect the first line to get a line.

I don't hear each other's vows.

Yeah, Matt wants to like go over our vows before the wedding.

Would that's the point of it? Yeah, he said, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't go over the vaws. I mean it was I mean we got lucky in that we didn't cover the same ground in our vows, but I think it was so nice hearing them from the heart.

Insupposed to go first.

It doesn't matter wherever you.

Think should Why don't we take a break and come back and listen Tor's vows because we got we got to do that, and we're not going to get nothing before we go. So we'll be right back and you're gonna want to hear it Bryan's vows after this, all right, dearly beloved, we are gathered here, Brian, will you read some of your vows?

Yes? So Ali did her vows, and then my first line.

Was hers were amazing. By the way, I don't want to breeze past that. I'm not just saying like, oh, they were cute, lovely, they they made me cry so much, and and they were the you're right, the perfect setup to yours.

Because Allie's vows were funny and heartfelt, but they were all so more normal. And then because my my first line, because she's normal, because she's like, I love you, And then it swelled to a loving thing. And and then I say, before I met you, I was very lonely.

That was the first line.

Was at lunch true because everyone there knew that, everyone there knew Brian. He wanted to find somebody. It wasn't working out. It was a miracle that he found out.

My god, the line that made me cry. It's even thinking about it. I can't even can you do the line? The well, just take us through. But you gotta do the line. I don't want to tease it at all.

Just keep going in.

If you don't do it, I'll tell you.

I start telling the story about I had been single and searching for someone for a long time. I lost hope I would find anyone. My expectations were very low, which also got to laugh. I didn't expect that.

Yes, it's hilarious.

I used to say, I want someone who will ask me what I want for dinner. Tonight, which I've said to you Nikki before. Uh that that's when I was searching for someone. I'd always say, I just want someone that will ask me what I want for dinner tonight, because that's like the symbol of just like where a partnership.

Mom, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah sure?

And then I three, can I get clarification on that? Like is that open to like uber eats or are we talking like what do you want me to cook for you tonight?

Well, that's that was my joke.

I said, I'm sorry.

Something I realized now I could get from like a McDonald's.

No, I don't want.

I fixed in the person day.

It was so funny but honest question, like in your dreams, were you looking for someone who was cooking for you or you just wanted them to caere.

I wanted somebody. When you're when you're single and alone, no one gives a shit what you do at any time. You don't have to clear anything with anybody. But when you're with somebody, a very normal thing in a relationship is for you to say, hey, what are we doing for dinner tonight? And that's what I wanted. I wanted cooking. Yeah, I wanted that like sort of routine and that expectation that someone else is like interested and on board with whatever it is that we're doing together for dinner.

It's a really good team, beautiful, simplistic, poetic way of you know, highlighting what relationships are about is about someone caring about the mundane, your mundane need.

Your designers. Yeah, would you like?

Yeah?

And I always when Chris says it, I always say your dick.

So it's like.

She did it?

Did It'll say what your.

For dinner?

Take it out?

Uber eats, what you're gonna do? Okay, all right, so keep going.

On the vows.

So then I started talking about dating. So when I first saw a picture of you on that dating app dressed like a pirate, only one thought crossed my mind. There's absolutely no way someone that beautiful will ever talk to me, which is truly what I felt. Yeah, but I said, you know.

What we all felt.

Yes, No, it's really crazy. I really do think that she's lady. Yeah she is. But I said, you know what, I'm just gonna message her because I'm just messaging a lot of people right now. It's a numbers game.

That was so funny. That was one of my favoriteized you, but you know what, I'm going to message her because I'm just messaging a lot of people right now.

I remember that.

Got a huge usual.

But you know what, because we thought you were gonna say, I'm going to message her because you know, on the off chance this girl.

Or we respond or like I feel some magic.

Something, you know, usually I would pass up on this. But there was something about the way her smile, you know, tilted into the side. But he was just like, because I was just messing goo.

That was one of the biggest laughs I've ever heard.

Okay, go on.

So the fact that you not only responded but also greet to go on a date was quite frankly shocking. I was certain you would cancel or maybe you were. This was this was one of my actual punchlines I start. I sort of regretted having actual punchlines in there, because I was like, everyone knows you're trying to get a laugh.

Well no, no, no, I don't think so you got it. That's who you are anyway, Like you try to get laughs in your own life.

I was trying to get some laughs. So I was certain you would cancel or maybe you were an actual pirate who was about to ask me for money. So that was an actual Okay.

Well I regret that for you as well.

Let's skip over that one. No, no, no, it was good.

The last thing I expected was the actual girl from that picture to walk through the doors of that weird airport theme bar. I stupidly suggested, and then I closed yes, and then I when people laughed at that, then I said it went out of business three months later because people to tell people don't want to spend more time in an airport. I was off the cuff.

Yeah that was really good.

Yeah, now I'm riffing. I'm doing crowd work and work.

My mom.

When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, so beautiful. The bartender was confused at what was even happening, which is true. He probably thought it was your agent. I couldnot I cannot believe how lucky I was to be sitting across from you that night. You laughed at my weird jokes. You were smart, you were kind. I was so nervous and excited. I talked for forty five minutes about salmon.

Yeah he kept salmon salmon as well.

Correct.

She had frontloaded the salmon thing. So it was so funny because we all knew they had not heard each other's speeches. Like it wasn't that vibe of like I would never in a million years think that they planned this, but they both It.

Was lovely that they had.

And that's what you'll have, Anya, too, is like you and Matt will have crossovers in yours that will be genuine and cute rather than like plant.

Yeah, I'm just gonna tell them I forbid us from doing there.

You go, yeah, I love it.

Yeah, good, that's what you also do. So for most girls, you got them. For most girls, a ten minute lecture about salmon on a first date would be a deal breaker. But you said, and I quote, that's cool, how much you know about salmon over and she meant it, that's why we go well together. Oh yes, And that's when I knew i'd be talking you.

Oh yeah, I like that part where you go and she meant it like he was like, that's cool, how much you know about Salmon.

She really the beauty of the relationship is that she really gets Brian, yes, like not only gets him, but appreciates Brian. And for anybody that has been getting to know Brian over this this you know since the start of the podcast, once you get it, you're all in, oh, yeah, because.

I don't understand who's like there was some talk of like Brian's kind of like an interesting, different kind of guy, which you know, arguably he is.

Who would not like Brian Frangie.

I don't understand it because club man, you're nice as first and foremost, Like, you can't not like someone who's not nice. Sure, you get grumpy sometimes and you like have strong opinions about things, but overall, you're like a very kind person, which is like I forget. I was telling my mom like how we met, and I'm like, he was just not He was a guy in Bloomington. I was at a comedy club and he was nice, and you want those people around if you don't like Brian Frangie.

That's on eight.

Well, I'm just talking about being like appreciating how amazing and hilarious it is like he you know, while he was doing stand up. He was like my favorite comic. I felt like he was Larry David and Bill burd In one human man. Yes, wow, and he's not doing stand up enough anymore. But man, I just am back out there, getting back out there. So yeah, that line, that line the salmon stuff killed.

I can say that I had to learn in my life the phrase just kidding, because frequently, if I'm in a conversation with somewhere or meeting new people, I'll do a joke and they will not get it at all. So I learned to say just kidding a lot in my life, Yes, exactly, Yeah, because if they don't get it and I don't say just kidding, then they're just looking at me like I'm insane. That's happened so many times and sometimes.

You're not kidding though.

Well that's why you have to really understand the nuance of Brian Frangie, and Ali does and you could. I mean, she's really bought into.

This hilarious Frangngie story.

When we were all gathered together after like we had a really fun group at the end, and then night everyone was kind of drunk, you know, and partying, and the bride was with them and all, and she was holding it down. It was so nice of her to like stay with the main party because we kind of went up to the cabin with Brian and Rob Stern and his Steinman guy and your brother who did the ceremony, and then Chris and Tim uh Tim convey and Tim was telling a story about uh oh and Rob's wife

And was like and this doesn't even open.

The landlord just goes it opens on the other side, like and what about this? Oh, so are you gonna fix this?

Pre empty? So he get a good deal.

Okay, back to VOWS.

I just want to say it was so amazing having all you guys there. I was so happy that you guys came. So fun. It was like it made my food was so good.

And that just the atmosphere and like all your friends were fun. It was like and we Chris and I just had like a great time on little like adventures that we went on together.

The town was cute, and they did a bunch of thoughtful things, like for people that were vegan, they had like they made sure all the vegan people stuff and then the gift bags were really thoughtful. Yeah, they were so cute and I've never seen better place cards like to find your Table. They're big on national parks and they had your name your name on them. But then also I think they associated the closest or the national park that sort of made most sense to you. And they had the Saint Louis.

Arch form the Gateway arch table yea, and yeah, and it was just it was a great group of people and the dancing was fun and it was just and it was low key and there wasn't like everyone has to look amazing. You're in Colorado, so it was kind of like a laid back and Brian wears like you know, fanny packs everywhere, so it was like the dress code. It wasn't like we need to be seen and look perfect, like I felt like it was just casual and fun and it was about having fun and.

That's that was our number one goal. Was totally easy, good time.

It was easy.

It had the opposite of an on your wedding.

She looks like a cherry pick.

All I heard was food on your wedding.

That's an opposite of on your wedding. Sorry, I was just kidding.

I'm filled with so much anxiety, but that does sound so lovely. I don't have gift bags. I don't have it.

Don't compare.

I need to get back because you don't have You don't need gift bags, babe.

I don't egot about coasters or name tags.

There's no seat placements, babe.

You don't need that person that they gave us. You don't have to do that need gift bags.

This was This was an added thing for people because they were coming in and staying the whole weekend at this place like it was obviously, I would never care if there was a gift bags.

Well, can I say one last thing quickly that I just remember that Nikki said to soothe me at my anxiety at two in the morning about my wedding. I go and I over invited people. I was supposed to have fifty it's in a tiny backyard and there's sixty people coming and she goes, she goes, Babe, so many people are going to get sick?

I did.

I said that, here you go, so many people are gonna get sick.

And I just started laughing in it all.

And what does that mean? It means too many cherries. I think you meant they're not going.

To the wedding. But it sounded like all my friends and drugs are just going to be getting sick everywhere and canceling.

And I would not say so many people are going to get sick. There's no way I would. Didn't even make sense. I can back, people can go inside.

I know you said so many people are going to get sick. When I said I'm nervous, I don't do it now.

It's bad radio.

It's bad radio. But no, when I was stressing about too many people, yeah, it's there, but you meant like before they'll flake. But it just sounded so funny, like look forward to all your friends getting sick.

If it makes you feel any better, on you. But I don't think there's anything that anybody can say or do to lower your anxiety, because I can say I had gift bags, I had a theme or whatever, and I had the most anxiety of my entire life leading up to this, Like there was nothing anyone could have said or done. There was no wedding advice I could have heard that would have lowered my anxiety at all. So I don't think there's anything you can do. You're just gonna have super high anxiety.

I relate to you so much. It's on so many things like so, I just know I'll probably have a sleepless night too. And that's okay. It's all my life hearing you say it was the best night of your life.

Yes, it's just worked out. And if it doesn't, then, uh, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. If it doesn't, I don't know.

It's not Brian's.

It's a miracle. It's a miracle, all right.

Final thought.

Finally, here's my final thought. I can't wait to talk about Noah's experience with Tais would be there next episode.

I know I'll have my mom, I'll be there to talk about it. I know you could come back.

I'll listen to it.

But I did look up. You said Kate's place is small. I'm thinking, what was I thinking inviting so many people. I said, it's hard to keep it small, and I said, people will make it work and sit inside if they have to. It's not that big of a deal. I know it feels like it is, but it's not. Everyone who's going has been to a million weddings. It's a big deal to you, and so you just make it fun for you. Everyone else it's just another event. Write them the morning of that's what I and you were

But I never said that.

I just heard some sick stuff in there.

I delete all my texts sadly.

Well, I will go through it and and I will send you screenshots to prove that I never said that you delete all your texts.

Yeah, I just there's incriminating stuff really sometimes yeah, thank god freely in texts, I'm like uncensored and then I'm like, oh I should delete that.

Oh wows.

On the other side, if you find the text, Vicky, and then you realize that it was even worse, Like you said, I hope everyone.

Gets Can you search Anya and sick?

I did, and it says and it's me saying, you know, well, we were talking it's so funny about the last time you guys went snowboarding.

It said, because we were talking about like people who.

We're watching the Ultimatum Queer edition, we're talking talking about someone who had been in a lesbian relationship and they're mainly in straight relationships, and one day in the lesbian relationship, they were.

Just like, oh, I hate eating pussy. What am I even doing?

And that was used as Annie was kind of saying, because that person's experience, it was kind of like proof that they were just doing that as like I want to be cool in lesbian for a while, but they really don't like pussy, or maybe it was about the person and that's what I said. I go, how many times have you been with a man and been disgusted and sick? Second by his genitalia? So that was the word.

I was like, I know, it's more about the person.

And then I just and then I referenced someone from a past of someone's we know, Oh god, it was a one.

I just searched my message, and you know what came up me telling a friend of mine who was soothing me about marriage, how funny it was that Nikki had said to me, don't worry, babe, so many people are going to get sick. So somewhere I have this memory of something that may have never occurred, but it actually did.

The only reason I don't think I would say that is not because it's not something I would. It's not because I'm like, I don't want people to think I'm rude that they're going to get sick. I just have that's not a train. You know how you know when you have not said something, Because Chris I even accused you of saying something recently and you were like, I would never say that, and I trusted that he didn't say it, because you know what you would say and wouldn't say it doesn't say it seems.

Nicky because people will get sick, probably before.

And I would never think that if people go to New York City. That's not even a thought that would ever occur to me, that people would get sick.

No, this was not entertaining. Cut it all.

I think it's entertaining.

I remembered something that never occurred.

A conversation, remembered something that didn't happen. What about Brian, do you want to finish the loop on those vows? Yeah?

Please?

Did you say the line that killed Nicky? I thought it was something else.

Oh no, it's coming up.

Yeah.

So I said, that's cool. How much you know about salmon? And you meant it? And that's when I knew I'd be talking you for the rest of my life about all sorts of fish, even con even cod. When the date ended and I walked back to my car, I looked up at the moon. I raised my fist and I audibly cheered, which is true. And then I did a little paragraph about the moon, and then I did my the reasons I love you part, which is pretty standard vow part, like Ali, I love the way you

You do we want to hear those? Okay, yeah, this is like girl stuff. Okay, this swoon hard at the details that you like, the little things we don't like about ourselves or whatever.

I love the way you patiently listen to my endless rants. I love the way you are unconditionally supportive of me, even though I'm an unemployed comedian. I love your kindness and your optimism, your undying loyalty, and the sincere joy with which you travel through life. I love how much time you take taking things out of bags and putting them into smaller bags.

That was like an inside joke.

That was cute.

I don't even know what that means, what that looks like.

Whenever she we're on a trip, she's like, oh, I got to move this this from this bag into another bag and then put that into a different bag. She's going to takes so much time and like, can you just leave everything in a big bag?

So do you really like that about her?

Because this is the thing about vows that bugs me is when people will say things like I love when you like get little like some food by the side of your mouth when you chew loudly, and it's like, well, this is gonna be a reason you divorce them, and you're just trying to be cute right now. And actually you're allowed to not like things about people.

When you love them. You that those little things are the things that you wind the you don't love. No, I think those little things are the for me. It's like those are those are the little things. I'm like, yes, this would be annoying if I hated you, but because I love you, those are the little things I think

Like, oh he wore hats.

He wore hats.

So it's like that with the little bags. I'd be like if I if Ali and I broke up or something and I saw someone like, oh my god, all he always did the little bags thing.

You know.

It's like that if chrisal little bags, you'd be like, she has those under her eyes. It's like one of those Barney's bags. It's like medium bag yeah.

And it's also he could tease each other about, like I love how you're I love how you always fill the water picture up too much and you simply refuse to admit it's filled too high, no matter how many times it spills out the top all over the counter, which is something. And you don't cook except for when you microwave eggs.

And so got an audible groan from people like how could she? I was like, no, that sounds like a great idea, And so I never did get someone who'll ask me what I want for dinner. It's more like what are you making me for dinner tonight?

Which is fine because I make an absolutely incredible salmon that is as good as advertised.

In fact, I'm just taking notes, Yeah, I really am.

The question is better because it's not about the salmon. It was never about the salmon. It's that now I finally have someone to cook for who loves me.

Oh that was the line.

That was the line that like fucking.

Man, because I couldn't get through it. I couldn't get through that line. Now that it's over, you do at any time, but saying like I.

Just you know what you were saying there is like I found someone who like loves me like that just that like someone being vulnerable enough to admit that they didn't think they would find someone because in that line, you're saying, like I thought maybe no one would ever love me, and like I found someone who loves me. And it's just it was a vulnerable thing for a guy to say that he just wants to be loved.

And to be like cared about it. It was like really gay.

The line before it.

Was so vulnerable and like, but it's true, I mean, and that That's what I loved about it was because it was just so honest. The reason I could, oh, you actually see it?

Well, the reason I couldn't get through it is because when I was writing this, that was like a revelation to me, Like why was it that on our first date I talked about cooking salmon for forty five minutes. I didn't connect that with me saying to you Nikki earlier that I just want someone who asked me what I want for dinner. I and I realized while writing this, I was like, the reason why this is so important

It was awesome. She really she really does. Yes, I mean I think she.

Loves him so much. So sweet they are. I have no question that you'll be together forever and ever, like and I wouldn't. I would just say nothing because who needs to say that when people get married. But let's be honest, fifty percent of marriages and didn't divorce you.

Most times you're sitting at weddings and being like, I'm in somebody's backyard in New York.

These people aren't gonna make it, no way, they're not gonna be They're just so perfect. Oh you're doing audio well. Anya. I know I've known they were gonna be together forever, since forever, but yeah, it was just everyone got it there. It was so nice.

And your dad and Ali's dad are the same place.

Yes, Oh my god, you guys.

He gave a speech, and then Ali's dad gave a speech, and then your dad gave a speech, And I go, why.

Is Ally's dad back up there? Because it was they were pacing the same way. They both are lanky, tall men.

Yes, and as someone with a lanky, tall dad, I get it too, And yeah, it was really and their speeches were so sweet and thoughtful about you. And then yeah, the best man speech was hilarious. And did he say anything that made you super embarrassed and you were worried about because you were pretty worried before that.

Yeah, I was worried. But no, nothing, Everything was great. I mean there was some yeah, there were actually Ali's dad said some things that I was like, what how did he even know that about us? That we were embarrassed? But the best man's speech and Rob's speech were so great.

Oh yeah, Rob's speech was so good.

Yeah. And then and Ali's sister did a speech too, and she actually yes, she said.

Oh yeah, and she said some sweets.

She told the story, the real story of how Ali and I got together, which I'm glad somebody mentioned it because yes, I you know, Golden scissored it out of the vows But the truth is is that Ali and I went on a first date. I thought she was the love of my life. I thought we were gonna be together forever. And then we had a second date set up, and right the day before or two days before the date, I get a text from Ali saying, I hate to do this, but I need to cancel

So I've sent that text to a lot of guys.

Over the years.

So we didn't, well, we didn't go on that second date, and then I went insane. I was so upset, and I went on dates with like thirty to forty different women over the next three months. I went crazy. Date I was doing three dates a night, I was doing I was just trying to find someone that would be as good as Ali. And about four months passed and then I just I just had a feeling. I just had a feeling, because I had a feeling that when someone sends a text like that, an old flame re

Months Actually it is a great move because I'd be like, this guy's pissed, yeah, and like and he's so sad and like he's not being understanding of it. He doesn't want to wish me well with this guy, because a lot of times we'll go like, I just want you to be happy, and I really hope and it's like, no, you don't. You're not happy about this, be honest, Like leaving like that, that's a good move.

I thought.

I thought I was dumb to loose end.

Yeah, I thought I was done looking and I went I looked at the moon and I fist pumped because I was like, I'm done. I don't have to do this anymore. I found her, and then the cancelation was such a blow. I almost like I was working on a show at the time and I walked into the showrunner's office. I didn't even know the guy I was I had, I had no relationship with him, and I said, can I just be in here? And he was like okay, and I just sat in his office and I poured

But the second time I went out Alley, I was like, there is no groundhog Dad, Yes, yes, exactly need Ryerson.

The second time I went out Ali, I was like, I am one percent in control. I am dodging bullets left and right. I am jumping through portals and I really do I can honestly say, I fucking world. Man.

I feel like there are gonna be guys listening being like, what was the secret to like being so bulletproof on a date?

And it's probably just a repetition.

Right, It is rejection. Get rejected one hundred times in man, and then you will you will lose all fear. And I was just there. I used to say, like if if a girl, if there's a chance that a girl likes me on a date, it's up to me whether or not we're gonna make out at the end of the day, Like I'm not going to mess this up. WHOA, I'm not gonna There's nothing I'm gonna do to mess it up.

If she does pick up art, if she doesn't.

Like me, then she doesn't like me. There's nothing you can do about it. But if she likes me at all, then I'm not going to do anything to mess it up. I can make out with this person.

Wow, it's so crazy to give up that skill.

Man.

I want to sysitter with Brian one night and I made out because I didn't have a choice.

Brian, he approved our theory that a man will always pursue if he's interested enough, even if it's four months later, even if we have sent them a text.

Point Anya to every girl listening who's like, is he into me?

Did he?

If he is, he will fuck? Did he lose my number? Maybe?

I do not take my own advice.

No, of course not.

No, I did not for at.

Full speed. I have chased after.

Why didn't Allie write back to you? Did you ever get like after it ended? Was she still thinking about you? Did you ever get answers on that.

I didn't text her?

Yeah?

She says she was. I think she was. She never lies, so.

I wonder she's probably one of those girls like you know, lighton Measter whatever. When we were listening to where it was like she was just like we I mean, just so like I do think about you all the time, but I'm just like gonna wait, like what the fuck.

She's probably still like not licking her wounds, but like processing that breakup. And then it's only been a week and she's like, well, Brian never wrote me back.

Yeah, she said she was so happy. She was so happy when I texted her.

Oh, cutie.

I wish I had footage of her receiving that text. That's always when I want in people's lives, is those moments where they're like, like I always went the footage.

I wonder if she yelled at the moon, Oh my god, American tale.

The only time I've ever yelled at the moon was when Obama got elected. The night he got elected, what you say? I was, I was alone and I was going back to my apartment. I parked my car and I was walking into my apartment building across the street, and all of a sudden, and it had just been announced on NP.

I was listening to the radio and it had just been announced. It was happening.

Everyone else was at parties. I was like alone, I don't know why, coming back from a show. And then a gust of wind like the Santa Ana winds. It was like whsh And I just looked up, not at the moon, but at the.

Sky, and I go the winds of change.

And I stood in the middle of the street and paused and said the winds of change to myself. And I was like, I'll never forget saying that to myself. And I also recently we got to go, oh, yeah.

It's great. I don't even know that song Wind's a change, but I did get it.

There are times where I catch myself doing things alone that I'm like, this is hilarious. And I didn't do it to later tell a story about it, right, but it needs to be told because it's so funny. But I was watching The Gang recent born and the girl took so much during it. After I was done, I set down my phone and I just go, thank you for your service.

I literally said that.

I didn't started laughing so hard because I didn't intend to be funny at all.

I really meant it, like, thank you for what you just gave me, because that was rough.

Girl.

She was not able to do that for another year or so. What she did that was a olypiic style. Okay, so we gotta go thank you guys.

So much. Thank you for your service, thank you for listening to the show. We love you so much. Lots of tour dates coming up. You can go to Nicki Glazer dot com. I'm with David Spade this weekend in Las Vegas. If you want to plan a last minute trip, just look at flights. Come to see US Venetian and then yeah, tons of tour dates. I wish I had them all listed, but they're at nicky Glazer dot com. I love seeing you on the road. Anny's getting married