#335 Not Horseworthy w/ Julie Glaser

The Nicki Glaser Podcast, Nikkleaser.

Here's Nikki.

Hello, welcome to the show. It's an Glazer podcast. Here. I am in Saint Louis, Missouri. Joining me as always is Noah in Arizona. Brian Frangie new sidekick. He's in Los Angeles on your Marina is in New York City. And right here in studio with me is my mother, Julie Glazer.

Hello, God joke.

Woo.

Look at you and your little new shirt that you got at Zama. Wait, no, wait, where did you get that shirt?

Where did we get it? Forever twenty one?

Yeah?

Forever?

Yeah, we did some heavy shopping this these shop Forever twenty one star and Starbucks and Starbucks.

That's all you have?

Any buyers? Re Morris, do you guys get that ever?

I'm got it forever twenty one because your pants seven dollars for something that costs to make. I did, oh yeah, because she was like she was, I just want to get the hell out of there. And so as soon as she found her shirt, I just go give it to me. Let me just get it, because I know if she's buying it herself, she'll kind of go, well, do I need this, and then I maybe get this And what does that sound?

Is someone hammering?

Do you.

Knocking? Somebody's knocking? Yeah, I think it's nice door. No, I think the old lady moves. It's your fertility. Yeah, something knocking.

You don't want.

A couple of weeks? I have till eleven tonight?

What had some deadline?

You do have a deadline with? Aren't you freezing him with some No? I'm not freezing them.

No, but you were offered oh yeah, a bestie's dad was like, yeah, I'll do it for half price. But then I was going to do it low. And it's not about the price. It's not I can afford it. Listen, I spent thirteen thousand dollars on Taylor swimt tickets.

God do you care for all that?

I'm being open about it your tailing. At first, I was like I spent a lot of money. It was like, this is a child's tuition for half a semester or whatever. And now I'm just saying why not full transparency? And it sounds like a brag. Maybe it's a humble brag hashtag Harris whittles, but is it's just it is what it is? What it is, and you know what, people I don't. I don't care if people know. It's not me bragging. It's funny that I spent thirteen thousand dollars.

Do it. I would have been twenty six thousand.

I would have been like, that's thirteen times too, I gotta do it.

That's the same logic you used as Zara.

Yeah.

Absolutely, but I learned from you at Zara. You were like, are you going to try this on? No, I'm by, I'm getting in line.

Yeah, my mom does not try on shop in the place anymore. You just get them and you return them later. That is the way to do it. And listen, this has always been the way I work. I hate dressing rooms. They I don't know why. If I ran a retail shop, I would have First of all, I would have a security guard at the front door. We would have lost prevention in place, because I know that people shop lift.

I'll take care of that for you.

So I would, and I would have dressing rooms that have good lighting and skinny mirrors. Okay, there's a mirror you can buy, and we all know that mirror. It's the mirror that you always look at in your own apartment. It's the skinniest mirror in your apartment that you can put up and you look way better than you would outside of it.

But no place to do this. I don't know a single.

Retail outfitter place that has better lighting than I will have at home. And I don't want to cry at the mall. I cry a lot, and I get really emotional when I try on things that are too tight, or my skin looks too pale, or you turn around and you see that little side angle of your cellulate on your thighs that you did not know it was there, and then you then you're depressed the rest of the day. And then you it's just you don't buy anything, so

Right.

No, I think they have just a lot of people, fake people in line at the tryout, so you go, I can't stand in that line. I'm just gonna have to buy it.

No, I don't think theyrs on the line to hire six or seven.

People, Yeah, you know, with big piles of clothes in their hands.

Yeah, Mom's just kidding, has gotten sad.

It's getting sad. Yeah, just kidding. It's so born out.

But she Yeah, so she just goes, I'm just getting them. And I was so proud of her, and so she just got them. Then she tried them on at home. They worked, We wore it. She worked to Taylor's with that night. But we had quite an adventure. Yeah, we went to the we were saying right by mall in Houston.

This weekend. We filmed Family Feud this this week?

Oh God, actually is that coming out? What is that coming out?

I think on this summer too long?

I can't wait that long for that.

Actually, the summer's almost here. Get that body in shape to watch Family Feud answer the beach.

Have you ever seen the Turkey clip from Family Feud? That's uh. That was on British Family Feud, Like, oh my god, it's the funniest one. It's it's it's final family feud, uh, you know at the end, and I don't want to ruin it for the people, but basically, no, I can't do it. He asked all these questions like what would you bring to a picnic? And the first one's like, oh, turkey, that makes sense. And the second question was like name a bird and then he's like

Turkey, no way, and they actually fit.

He said, well no, and then he got zeros on four out of five of them, and he's laughing the whole time. He's like, I can't believe I'm gonna say this again, but is it turkey? Watt watch it?

So it's an international show.

Well, there was another clip that I sent to my family that was like, let's do this because it's the Here's the thing about game shows. You can get really competitive if there's real money on the line, Like, yeah, take it seriously. But if you're gonna be on TV, make it watchable, like be funny, be interesting, like especially if it's a you know, if you're already in the weeds, like be be funny always. I think air on the side of being entertaining as opposed to like saying the

Down exactly, Wow, I know, are you there? Are you there?

So yeah, you just try to be funny and and that's what we were. And we can't give any spoilers in terms of gameplay. We can say that we were on it. We played a pop star h Bbi Rexa and her family were our opponents.

Know that it was supposed to be Gene Simmons time.

Yeah, well, my parents had the worst day of travel imaginable, and so the whole we were supposed to film on early Friday, it got pushed to later because I mean, listen to this travel.

Day do you want me to take them through?

And listening to people's travel stuff is not enjoyable and it is like the worst thing to listen to on a podcast.

This.

I will say that in the past two years of me traveling every weekend for work, all of these things have not happened to me in two years. That happened to you on one flight.

Yeah, you are lucky. It is just luck. I mean that's what it comes down to.

And the way you guys handled it was so admirable because you were just like, there's nothing we could do. Because I hear Dad going in my head. I'm like, Dad's like we should have left on Wednesday, we should have done this.

But he didn't say any of that. It was basically his fault because what, well, here we go.

Well, but you were going to be the bigger person here, and well, I mean, I'll just tell you one's got to be to blame.

This is my family. Who's to blame. No, No, Dad's fault.

Well, we could have left the next day. First of all, started out, our flight up canceled, like at three o'clock in the afternoon. We were supposed to be on a flight at seven, So they canceled that flight. They scrambled to find another flight. They said, yeah, we'll put you on Southwest and you'll go through Austin, Texas. Okay, but that least at six o'clock. Well, Matt and Lauren, you know, busy kids, they're flying yeap, we can make it. So

We're going to have a connection.

We had to catch this connection. So that connection we already know is not going to we're not going to meet it. So we're going to end up staying in Austin. And we're like, well, we could take that flight at six am tomorrow morning morning and have a direct flight on business class and just get there.

Yeah, why wouldn't you do that?

Your father's said, no, that's just I said, we could get stuck, we could get Sack explains everything.

Because I could not believe that my dad wasn't bitching so much.

But it's because it was his fault.

I didn't blame him. I just said, of course you didn't. You gotta got it.

This is because I go, why is that being so chill about? This is because he knows the only one to point a finger at is himself, because the alternative is the thing he shut down because.

We had to make Yeah, we could have made this decision like early on and say we have the option of going six am.

I wish she would have brought me into this because I would have said, let's do the six am flight and.

We would have made that.

We would have made the time we would have been so there anyway, real quickly. We ended up going to Austin, but they couldn't land in Austin because you didn't have enough gas.

So we had to go under thunderstorms. So they had a circle and then they ran to the gas.

So they went to Dallas, Dallas, and we had to go get more gas.

And it's eleven o'clock at night when they land in Dallas, okay, So then they're in dawas are on the tarmac or like an hour, so right, they get refueled. Then they go to Austin and then there's no gate attendance there, So when they're on the tarmark for two hours in Austin, they finally get off the plane. They get to their hotel room at three in the morning. Dad said four, So I made it three because I know for sure.

So three.

Let's say you checked in your hotel. Then you had a flight the next morning.

We had six six o'clock six thirty or something. No, it was like an eight o'clock five, but you had to wake up at six.

We had to wake up, so we had like then that was delayed for two hours, and then they they landed right when their call time was, and then the traffic was so bad from lax to the studio in Glendale.

If you are.

Familiar with la it was an hour and a half in the car, right, So they were an hour and a half late to set with a show that had already been pushed back.

So it was just like it was such a they even moved the show. They moved the show back five.

I'm so proud of Dad for not being like we should have done this, like not having that.

And now I know a lot. Yeah, I know why. Now this is the thing. People don't change.

There's circumstances that lead people to act differently. And I'm the same way, Like, I oh, listen to me right now. I'm like, it's Dad's fault, like I have to someone has to be to blade.

I didn't know. And guess what that flight the next day.

You should probably check the status of it because it was probably canceled too, you know what I'm saying, Like if you would have chosen that flight, it would have been canceled. Like it's just this is all just rolling the dice. And Dad was probably being smarter and being like, let's get in tonight.

You know, he just wanted to get going. Yeah, we're at we're going to the airport, We're ready to go.

So what is it with dads? Why are dads get so angry about directions and traveling? And my dad would flip out about that too. Yes, it's always Dad's.

A man.

Let's call it what it is.

Well, I'm a man and I'm going a man too, And I would be like, Dad, if not, like we've missed an exit and like we'll just take the next egg and for like the next hour. He'ds that.

Can't handle when you just miss an exit and you just go, it's okay, it's just adding two minutes. Ways is self correcting. It's now, it's just added three minutes to the journey. It's okay. But it's like I could have gone, Like it's like you were you just lost seven minutes of your life whatever that little thing you just did. We now, are you just injured yourself?

You're so good about being chill when it comes to like things, you really've learned that you're really good. You go, there's nothing we can do about it, just go with it.

It's like, okay, I need to tell you're really good. Everyone's no, you really are good about Oh thanks, yeah, I just just oh, like this is this is my family's motto. Ship Oh God, like just missing out?

God, God damn it. Nikki, why didn't you do that?

You could have got da you could have like all of the missed opportunities of like, why wouldn't you have said that? Thing, Like there was one moment in family feud where my mom like blanks, Like we were all so scared to fuck up because we put so much pressure, so we.

Didn't have any sleep. Yeah we had, Yeah we weren't.

If you did have sleep, it's okay, Like it's not like you didn't want to not know that answer. I always say to Dad, do you think mom wants to be in pain right now or whatever he's like complaining about, or like, why didn't you think of that?

You just drew blank up there?

Do you think Mom went up there and chose to draw a blank like she wanted to that's where and this is not this is not just dad do it?

Or like we're.

Oh my god, we know that you were the final family.

I was the failure of the whole. No, you were, Oh yeah right. Mom was the funniest there were.

Can I just say I saw she was you guys, and you guys looked so incredible like hot, and I know it don't matter.

By it's all dressed.

Yeah, all the style of it was so.

Sweet of her unbelievable sounds inserted.

Yeah, it was definitely.

I was.

Venmo.

Yeah, I paid a stylist to treat it because everyone was stressing about what to wear it. I said, let's just hire a stylist, so you all, I want this to be easy. It was a really space or La based Saint Louis based nog and Perry shout out.

It was really sweet. I mean, I was like, it took so much pressure.

My sister was like, Mom's gonna try to go to DSW tonight because these shoes are four hundred dollars that she pulled and I can't have you buy me three hundred, four hundred dollars shoes. And I was like, sweet, So Mom is urgently searching online for a DSW T for the show, and she's gonna go all drive up to ball Wind to pick up these shoes that are not even as good as the ones you want, Like, let me buy you four hundred dollars shoes. I just been

One second, she said she said, oh my god, the shoes and she said they were four hundred and seven dollars And I.

Said, oh, I didn't hear something. I just heard four. Well, then let me talk to her.

Yeah, anyway, I said.

I said, well, I said that seems like a lot, and she's like, no, I will wear I said, I will wear these the rest of my life. I said, okay, Well, then Nikki wants.

To buy them.

How many shoes, Like, how many pairs of shoes would she buy for like a wedding at like payless or dsw that or like eighty dollars that that's four pairs of shoes to equal that one pair of shoes that is so nice that will go with everything. It's worth it to spend spend thirty thousand dollars on tailor switsickets find out after the break. So yeah, thank you Anya for telling us that we looked so great.

At that's so nice.

Yeah, really buld of choices too, Like Lauren's dress was like for a collar that I don't normally yea lay Yes.

He's like all black and like foxy and dapper.

Yes. I did see my dad during the fitting change out of like he was wearing he wears like boxer briefs and they're like dark colored, so they're not like I'm not seeing it.

And I've seen my dad.

My dad like wears Speedo's, like it's not and I'm just in there talking to them, like on my phone.

Has he ever? I think he owned one.

Once once, maybe one in her mind.

Yes, he's wearing it every day.

In my head, yeah, just one time, and then it's like always, well that's never leaving me. And so Dad's always wearing Speedos in my head. And so then I was in their dressing room and Dad like was changing out of his pants, and I just looked up and I saw my body change. I saw my aged body. I know exactly what I'm gonna.

Look like when I'm sick body. You have your aunt.

I just got to keep my skin tight because that's the only thing. Otherwise great physique, like things are gonna look good. Gets wiry, like I'm looking forward to getting this like very old thin like dad, Dad goes I went down a pant size and he's not even trying to. I love old people that just like lose a lot of weight, like I just want to get real.

Spindly is like.

And I'm like, man, how did you stay so fit? And then like all he eats all day is like one piece of spinach and a bean and does not.

Watch his weight. No, my dad is never wants the calories on something. My dad is not ever want exactly the way that ben Affleck describes j Loo as like she just eats whatever she wants. That is my dad, and it actually is the way to live your life. If everyone eat like Dad, like he eats when he's hungry. He doesn't eat when he's not hungry. He doesn't emotionally eat. He never I've never heard my dad go like I'm so full I can't or like, oh I feel sick.

Are well, never eat every meal with him. So I've heard it before, but not like a.

Race, never like he's get that away from me. He's never said get it away from me.

I know exactly how much I mean it's I can I know exactly a serve.

But he doesn't.

But he doesn't overeat, but he's not ever, He's never stopping himself from wanting what he wants.

He's never wants.

Dieted never ever, and he always looks thin. And he doesn't really work out that much. That's why he does. Mom, I know what dad does to work out, and it's like ten minutes every day.

I've seen him at the gym. I used to go to the gym with him. He works.

He like he doesn't do any cardio. He will he will lift weights, but that's like he doesn't overdo it. He's not like a guy that's woking up. I started lifting weights recently because I want to have a libido again. And I was told that I have low tea and you can take like testoster own supplements. But I was like, can I eat like what foods have testosterone and.

Them They're like none, And I'm like.

Well then how am I supposed to get testos? Like I thought it was like a vitamin, like even like and she was like the one thing, you can lift weights and I was like, oh, really, like there's nothing I can take. So I've been lifting weights recently to get my tea back up, and I gotta say it comes back, like I feel so much more vibrant and alive and sexual and like just a functioning you know, human being in society. When I have a little bit of when I'm just like pushing a little bit and

I'll share it on the story. The arm workout I do. But that's all I do.

And then I work on a treadmill, I walk on an incline for a half hour. But that's all you gotta. That's all I feel like I have to do now. But yeah, the the the idea that I was like, you know, just nover. I don't like feeling like I have no sex drive or no. And I don't mean to talk about sex. That's not where we're going with.

There's a deodorant.

You I know you don't care about sex.

You can put on a deodorant that gives your tea really yeah, yeah, there's a deodorant. But it stinks.

Oh yeah, well maybe it's like smells. What if it smells like pheromones, like good.

That's what it smells. I don't know if I mean, it depends on who you are If you like that smell, it's it's the musk. You know, some people have a stench that for some it'd be like the most attractive smelling thing, and then for others it's a repulsive, disgusting.

It's so true.

Do you know that if on birth control, like you can become unattracted to your man's scent because it changes everything. If you fall in love with the guy on a birth control and you're really attracted to this guy, if you get off that birth control, it can change your perception of smells and fair and it can make girls have become disgusted with their husband's or boyfriend's sense or

These sacks of meat, and you could just and chemicals and little little changes, like like little changes to your brain could change your entire personality one the bottomy away from being a completely different person. Our lives are a farce.

Oh you bump your head and you can all of a sudden want to fuck children or something.

Yeah, I'm not kidding you. People, they are.

Well I'm just thinking of the worst thing. But like I always talk about this on the podcast, pedophiles don't want to be pedophiles. It's just an anomaly in their brain.

So maybe if a pedophile bumped his head, he won't want to find I.

Would be yea my head against everything.

On an episode of Gilligan's Island, I think one of them he hits his head on a coconut and then I'm a.

Pedophile hit their heads and and had huge changes in their personally. I mean, let's talk about like T M I C TE, Like, these are all things that you know, Mom, Mom has had had seven concussions that she can remember five five so probably seven. Yeah, can you name them all?

Yes, are you saying Tom or Peggy, Tom Tom.

Those were the answers for the family and Turkey.

Okay, how many what concussions, let's go through?

Oh my god, Okay, my first one was I hit I fell off a horse with one Cindy Depew's farm. And then my no, my first one was a tire swing. But my brother tomar hung up and it was above the cement driveway and he's he said, do you want to try it first? And I said, you're darn right, and so I fell and hit my head that time.

Can I just also say my mom was the seventh of ten kids in a Catholic family, and her nickname as a child was pig woman.

They were so to her, maybe that's dirty, and she would just go make friends with old people in the neighborhood because the kids really liked her.

I know her child, but she, yeah, she was pig woman. She was a little wondered a little girl. I was so sick. I was a little chunk whin did Yeah, I was a little chunk er.

No.

My sister, two years older than me, was a waif, and so she always was so thin and and she would go, you know, you're fat, and I'm like, I am net. But anyway, she was skinny, so yeah, I was fat, baggy. Yeah, anyway, So then okay, so that's two. And then I was riding on Jony Neil's shoulders in the school playground on the cement and we were having races and she tripped and I hit my head and

Were you on the Bachelor? Yeah, one with Peter Terry or one on one the train playing when he got to the no.

Domnonia's story was that it was out in the country and I started dating this guy and he took he he had a winery, his family owned a winery, and he's like, and I wasn't horseworthy, you know.

Yeah, you felt like I don't.

I really I fell off a horse when I was I was a big woman. So he's going up and down these and he's galloping and I'm like, hold on, you know, and he went to the horse, my horse twice on a horse, So I fell off of that horse, and I you know, so then.

I started playing.

Yeah something happened. But the funniest part of the story was, so I'm like, he goes, it's okay, my my neighbor's a nurse. And I'm like, okay, okay, you know, because I was seeing stars and yeah, I'm like, and we're walking. He goes, oh, there is my nurse neighbor and I'm like, we're walking over and I'm like, Tom, Tom and.

It was my old boyfriend who was a nurse. I moved out to the country.

And he tears, boyfriend is a nurse because you're gonna I think it's a woman.

You think it's a woman. And I'm like, he's like, my neighbor's a nurse. I'm like, oh, perfect, I said.

I'm really definitely have something going on.

And I'm looking. We're walking towards. He goes, there's my nurse neighbor. And I'm like Tom Foley and he's like, oh, Julie Burke what I was like, It was like, am I dreaming this or what? Because we're in the country. Anyway, that's in part of the story. And then one time, here's the other, here's the other.

Last one. It's just awful.

We're playing softball with a big group with it was with kegs and beer and stuff. Was a Sunday afternoon and I was dating this one guy who I came with him, and he so he his friends. It's his friends too. So a ball, I hit the ball out to the field that whoever catches it in the outfield.

Oh, the two people the.

Third base and second base run to catch it together and they bang into each other but in and then the meantime those two knock each other out. And then whoever who was on left field picks up the ball and throws it and hits me in the side of the hedge, crying. I get literally knocked out, my knocked out.

I'm flat out. I'm knocked out.

So I ended up waking up with this leccher guy over.

Me, going, you need a ride? And I said what Tom.

This was a guy who I saw him looking at me, and he was kept staring at me. Wait, he was waiting around. We were the only two people left there. They left you left organized your date left you because his two best friends ran into each other and they had to go to the hospital.

Oh and then he left como one noticed me laying on the ground. They were all being tended to.

They had to go take Doug and somebody else to the hospital.

Oh my god, I woke up and I'm looking around this guy.

Later I went to his house. I said, I never want to see you ever again.

I'm coming to see you to tell you I'd never want to see you before you I was shot him. I was like, you left me, goes what happened to you? I'm like, oh, you are in such trouble. I was afraid this guy was going to kill me.

Yeah. This guy was like a Letcher kind of guy. Yeah.

I look around, there's no one left this whole group of people.

Thank god you weren't just hit a little bit harder, because he probably would have, Like he loaded your body into the car and had his way. So Jim, Yeah, fuck Jim.

Jim.

I went over there and I said, did he try to win you back?

Oh?

He was.

He was crying. He was like, he said, I said, what if you left me? I was still dizzy. Yeah, I had to drive you. We're still dizzy from the first horse ball A fifth concussion, So those are no fro that was five, no coming back. That guy never.

Date unconscious in a field.

Can you believe? Do you cry? Brian? So you're remor no, it didn't work.

Oh my god. Okay, so that's insane. I'm glad I have all those stories. Yeah, so now we know what to tell the doctor. When you get your six'll go, I can walk through all five.

That's probably.

Yeah, that's well.

I'm glad. I've never been around for any of them. I would hate to see you knocked out. Can you seen you knocked out?

I got this was knocked down.

Look, I've seen you give yourself a concussion. I've seen you that. I will let you pass out a couple of fields. But because you couldn't drive me home. No, that's she's followed off the wagon and.

A horse. I thought it was a horse.

My favorite story is I wasn't horseworthy.

Thank you. It's like spun doorthy.

Yeah.

I felt that way before when I'm dating guy that like even Chris, like his family is like very kirk. Well, if you know Saint Louis, they're just like he went to private school and they they they've been to country clubs, and I've only been to country clubs. Like when like our friends get us in for like oh there's a brunch happening, and like we get to like go once and we have to like go out, we have to go to pay less to get like nice shoes for it.

I feel like that's what the country.

Clubs for your friend, getting you into the country club.

Yea, that they're letting in.

The riff raft.

Like there's a little bit of like, I don't, I don't deserve this. I'm not good like you know, even Lauren with those shoes like this, I don't. I don't deserve these kind of shoes or even with you, anytime I try to get you something super nice, I do. I take it now, Now you take it. You took those tickets, I'll tell you. And I told this on the podcast. When I went over after Taylor's with broke up with Joe, I had a de pull inside my soul that said, you need to go see her, you

And I got to go to that too.

And I went over for Easter a couple of weeks ago, and I was like, Mom, I really want to go to the Sunday show and I just I was like, there's but there's only I can't buy just one ticket front row. I got to buy two. And I was like, would you go? And you were like, yeah, i'll go, and I go, there's this much money, and you go, it's a lot, but I do it. And I was like, I couldn't believe because my mom usually is like, you are not paying No, that is disgusting.

Oh you told me a lot less. You said, well, then see a couple of thousand, and then they're.

Fucking jacked it up. It was stabhab.

Then after you bought him, you're like, I'm not going to tell you what these were in Laura, Lauren look at this and I'm like how much?

How much? And you were like, well, they take two thousand each for fees.

Yeah, I mean the the fees were six thousand dollars. I think five or six thousand dollars for just stub hubs. I'm not joking because the tickets themselves I think were forty five or I think there were fifty two each, so maybe it was like three thousand dollars in fees.

Mooly, Ticketmaster and Live Nation merge and that was a crime against America.

I don't understand it, but I do know that I got screwed because the first night I go, I sit down in my seat and the guy next to me is also alone. I go, you're alone too, and he was like, you actually have my ticket? And I was like, oh really, and I was like, wasting it? Do you? I like, all of a sudden, was like, did I actually send the wrong seat? And he's like, no, I sold that ticket, and I'm like, you need to buy me a fucking drink.

Then I was like that I drink, but I was.

Like, you need you owe me buy me a shirt or something, and he goes, no, I don't know how much you paid, but I only made a thousand off of the ticket. I was like, well, I paid forty five hundred for the ticket, so someone resold the ticket

No offense to anyone.

Sitting up, I'm gonna sit up in the seats again for another version of the tour.

I want to sit everywhere.

I want to be all over the theater or because the screens are so insane and phenomenal, and all her close ups on the screens, you don't miss anything. If anything, you're sitting in the front room and you're looking at the screen too, so it's like, yeah, you're not. And she's so all over the place that even if you are on the floor. These is to anyone who'd got tickets and isn't on the floor, and you're.

Like, well, I'm not gonna have the experience.

You are not even close to her for for ninety percent of the show because the stage has all these different areas, so she's constantly moving around and all these different parts, So she's maybe in front of you for a couple seconds here and there when she walks by, or she'll like sing a like maybe a.

Verse if that around where you are, and then.

You scream, and the whole time you're just getting out your phone, so you're looking at your phone, and I'm trying to hold the phone but also look at her with like just clear view to like actually have it. There's this I'm someone who obviously rolls my eyes at anyone who's just filming the entire concert. But as someone who's like that, I have to say, don't judge people who do it because you don't know what it's like to have it right in front of you, and you

I mean that's what.

I totally understand that and being able to rewatch it. But like sometimes I'll go to like the Hollywood bawl and we'll be like so far away from the stage you can even see people's faces, and they'll be people filming the entire show.

Fucking insane to me.

Well, you can still see it on the big screen. So it's kind of like.

Well, if you're zooming in on the screen and you're trying to capture like a picture and whatever, I get that. But if you're filming, like you were filming some stuff that was such shitty footage that I just put your put your phone down and I go, the exposure is too high, like you didn't know how to work your phone. So I just put my hand down your phone. I go, just experience it, because this is not a videos anything filming for me. Trust me, Well, I was also filming,

I really I could care. I did get some good stuff.

So anyway, I I was definitely like struggling with finding the right balance of just being in the moment and just like trying to just look at her with my own eyes and know, oh my god, there's twenty feet from me and this person who I love so much, and like we're breathing.

I could give her COVID right now if I wanted to work that close.

Like this is just the closest I not the closest I've been to her, because I've you know, hugged her and taken a picture with her, but very close as I've been to her since. I felt this way, and it was just incredible, and she sounded so good. And at the show on my show that I went to alone on Saturday, she got injured. Oh it's this big story. She during one of her quick changes, she is it was between I think too. I think it was reputation in nineteen eighty nine or something. She got a gash

She's usually very cryptic.

And just as like, had a great time in Arlington and you guys inspire me. But this was like for those worried I fell during a quick change, I it was my fault. Entirely and everything's fine. I'm totally okay. And she even said like I'm okay, but she had it all bandage up and she had a band aid that was flapping around, and I was just like, okay.

Part of the costume I haven't seen.

Yet, huge gash, a triangle like right here out of home. That was like that was like ow shopped out. It looked like someone took like a cookie cutter. Yes, I was thinking the same thing. It looked like it would have almost gotten attendon, but I think it was more like just the skin hopefully. Anyway, she you couldn't tell, and she wasn't like trying to hide that hand she was waving and she was just like her normal self.

Can you describe the atmosphere? And because when I was watching the videos, I was like, this feels like a historic event, Like what was it like in the audience, especially when like the countdown started.

Having the countdown is the most I have to Like. I don't know if you guys know about like dopamine release and all the studies about it, but like when you have a really exciting thing that's coming up, like an orgasm, or Christmas or your birthday, or like they're about to the winning touchdown. The your dopamine rises until it happens, and then it starts to fall. Even while it's happening. The thing that you're loving, your orgasm that

Don't known me, yeah na dun dua dud, and that song starts playing. It's like.

And everyone's like whoa, And then the countdown is happening, and then it's like ted hey, and then the lights go down and it's like probably a minute or maybe a two minute intro of like these guys come out with these fan type things and then they put them over the center of the square.

Then they lift them up and she's like, it's been a long time coming, but to you and me.

And then it's just pandemonium. I mean she's like there and it's just yeah, it's it really is.

Reacting like the Beatles and Elvis, like Nady.

Not crying screaming like I was comparing it to maybe like Elvis a Beadlemania, and it's not like that.

It's not people fainting.

It's I saw a couple of girls crying. I definitely like had a couple tears fall down, not in that moment, but like different moments during the show when she would sing a certain song or whatever. It wasn't It wasn't Beatlemania. It was like that's our friend that we're so proud of us.

Oh my god, Eric love. Yes, the love. It is like a love.

Yes.

I'm like every person in this stadium is in love, my mom.

Because I would turn around and look at these girls and they're like from every age. I was like, oh my god, they're in love with her, like Nikky's in.

Love because my I go, mom, I think I could be bisexual for Taylor Swift and she goes.

Yeah, no shit everyone and that goddamn state I am too.

She was like every woman in that stadium would be in a relationship with Taylor Swift if a romantic relationship love. She is so cute, she is so talented, she is so adorable. So I've run into my friend Kim Gamble at the at the show on Saturday when I'm there alone. I get there a little bit early because I was so scared about getting there on time, so I got there too early. I didn't want to go to my seat,

That's all I needed.

And but Kim was like Nicki and I looked over and it was Kim Gamble who was who introduced me to Chris Conby. She was my show runner for Nicky and Sarah Live, my first TV show, and she was the first person that I met Taylor Swift with her and we went backstage when I was when she was

I was like, oh my god, I've arrived.

And so I was like, I'm such a or like a Kate like I'm trying to think of a gear friends and I'm just like, oh my god, I'm like Cindy, That's who I am now.

So uh so.

But then I remember Kim texted me after the show like, oh my god, that was insane. I mean, all my friends that have gone to her show say it's one of the top ten nights of their life.

I will not.

I will say that it's not because for me my top nights of my I mean, it's a great night of my life, but I truly have my relationship, it's a great night.

But like going to Taylor show.

Singalongs, to those of you who can't afford tickets to go to her show, singalongs give me just as much joy these singalong nights. And that's no slight on Taylor. It's just a more intimate space. It's with and when you're doing singalongs, you're like singing to each other, and this is more like we're all just looking at her, and it's more interactive to me at least at the singalongs, And not that I've had more fun at those, it's just it is a comparative experience. So that's a heartening.

And what about what about that moment like her solo acoustic stuff, those are the unique moments. What was a surprise during each show? Did she surprise you with any songs?

Yeah?

Well there was the first night she plays this song Marjorie, about her grandmother, and so she sings that song and it's like so beautiful. It's about, oh my god, if you are dealing with any kind of loss in your life or you want to remember someone and like think about them, put on the song Marjorie and it like will let you think about the person that you miss and like actually make you feel like they're in the

So it was beautiful.

So after that song, she goes to her piano and she's it's a little interlude where she talks to the crowd about the album ever More that we're in the era of, and she's like, we're in Evermore era and that song, Marjorie was really important me to just sing because my grandmother is from Houston and my mom grew up here. And she was like, and if I keep

Five five five five.

You can't see over the stage. Yeah, if she's on the lip of the stage, you have the best seat in the house. But anywhere else on the stage she could not. My mom could not see Taylor at all at all. Thankfully there's screens, but my mom can't even see the top of the screen.

My mom can only see half the top of the.

Screen and these are the most expensive tickets.

These are the most expensive tickets, and she couldn't see. And then what about the security guard?

Okay, can you believe that.

He's right in front of us and he's six feet tall looking at you.

And you're in front of you.

Imagine someone staring at you a foot in front of you, so in the stage is behind him. You can't even stay so you now he's blocking you are whatever stage.

Trying to watch a concerts, just having someone look at you for two hours. I liked it.

I like it because I realized the first night that I kind of when I a part of me such a narcissist. Probably this is what it's I'm deducing, is that I don't like going to concerts because I don't feel like I can I want to perform, and I feel like at sing alongs, like there's a performative part of it, like where like maybe someone could be watching me or like and when you're at a concert, no one's watching you, and not that I need that, Like I can obviously.

Turn it over and go behind you are I don't think about that. I need them, I like need to know.

But the security guards have to watch you and they are so I mean, there are these black guys that like are probably not into Taylor Swift, not big tailors, they're all black people that are working security at and it's like you can tell.

That maybe not that she's not someone that black people are.

True, they every single person was a black person that probably is not into this type of music, and it's probably like these dumb white bitches, Like in my mind, that's what I'm thinking, because we are.

And I was like, I'm gonna give.

Them a show to talk about later. Of like I saw this thirty eight year old woman crying and losing her mind and like performing it, so it like it. It gave me a purpose during the show to like entertain, not even into like be like I didn't want them to be like, wow, she's so good at the lyrics. I just wanted to make them laugh at like how enthusiastic I was.

I'm a story, give them a story.

So, okay, we have to go to break, but I want to tell you about the greatest thing that happened the entire show and then we'll stop talking about Taylor Swift talk for I promise, Okay, So I will say that this is a very Swifty episode and I'm sorry, and this won't happen for every show I go to. But I did post on my story a bunch of stuff about Taylor Swift on my Instagram story, and I even wrote like, I'm sorry to the for everyone who's not one of the fourteen Swifties who care about the stuff.

So it's more than you think. I'm not alienating.

Someone who likes I'm not a Swifty yet, but I like knowing her stories and the stuff behind her music and stuff, so I like it.

Oh thanks. She talks about it in between songs. That's always my favorite part of shows, and she's so good at it's those inter inters, stories.

She would just go like and it's it's this running thing that after Champagne problems, because of the first tour she did, or the first couple of shows she did, it was so loud after that performance, she was just sitting there kind of looking out like, and she takes out her earpiece to kind of go guys, And so it's kind of every city tries to at that moment show their love the most. It's even me chills thinking about it. But she and I've been to three shows.

Don't deserve keeping it humble. I think she has she knows how to do that.

She's insecure deep down and has probably has a little bit of low self esteem deep down, And that's what makes us love her is that she doesn't. She hasn't gotten this inflated ego. She has a ton of confidence, clearly because she should. She's so talented and it's earned. But I don't think she came out of the gate.

Joe.

No, she goes right into all of the man like she does. The song called the One she actually swapped out. There used to be a song Invisible String that she did, and she's wopped it out for the one. Invisible String was about you know, how they were destined to be together forever, and then she changed it to the one.

Like London Boy or whatever that song is called.

Yeah, she would do She'll do London Boy again. She'll do all of it because.

She she's she still does songs about guys that she used to love when she was with Joe or that she's still heartbroken about.

Like she'll do Harry Styles. She still does Lover and Lover is all about Joe.

I mean, she did say that these are songs that I wrote at one point that meant something. She said, Yeah, she does Harry Styles. The song Style is about him. But the best part of the whole thing was that so we're sitting in the front front seat, front row, and we're kind of like I'm kind of getting pissed because I'm like, you know what, I'm trying to be zen about it and like this is meant to happen.

And I learned my lesson is this, like in.

The movie theater, you wouldn't get a front row seat in the movie theater.

Exactly, Brian, That's such a great fucking point, Like why does every That's why I was mad afterwards.

I'm like, why does everyone act like front row is the bast Oh no, if well there's a reason, well why well?

Well you.

So, so we're kind of like, not that happened. There's listen, there's parts before the reason happens that we are just we're like, okay, these seats are justified because how close are we to her?

When she's walking by, she's.

She's eight feet from us, eight feet and that is when we were I was really measuring it, going okay, that's like eight feet.

My mom got out her ruler, I.

Got at the tape measure and I said, tailor hold that yeah, shining sound effect effect?

Yes, And so she so.

She was so close to us, and and there were I mean, and when she walks around to because the stage, I mean, it's it's gigantic. So when she comes over to your area, people just start fucking losing their mind when we sense that she's coming over, and everyone gets out their phone and it's just like and I found myself based on the recordings I made, which I did not know at the time what I was saying, what I was doing.

But I've watched back the footage.

First of all, I would apologize to anyone I was sitting next to, especially my mom.

With earplug in.

I don't know how loud I'm singing because it just sounds muted in my head. Let me just say, everyone's singing as.

Loud as everyone is saying, so it is completely exact.

Me who does the words.

My mom didn't know the words, but like everyone else is singing, I sang way too loud. I regret it. I'm sorry to tailor. If she heard it, it's not okay. It was too loud. I can hear it on the recordings, and I'm like, I I it really kind of a crisis. But I will say what I did realize I can't. What I did realize was I will say that my singing. My voice teacher would be very upset with how I was singing because I was not singing in my head voice.

Everyone in that place. But there's a way to sing this.

This is like chanting almost Like yeah.

There was.

Some element of it when I listened back that was like, Nikki, do you want Taylor to hear you and to be like, wow, you're good.

Come on up and sing like it's.

I was so gross I am being This is me being so vulnerable right now. There was that in my head when I'm singing. There was no part of me that was like, I hope Taylor hears me upon hearing my own voice. I'm like, bitch, you wanted her to pick you out of the crowd and like find you and ask you to join her band and would duo and be like like Taylor and Teagan and Sarah like Nikki and Taylor.

To listen. But I can tell you.

You came to butcher my lyrics, so I so I regret that. But what I will say is that when she when when she would be in between songs or whatever, and there she would be close, what I kept saying was.

We love you, We love you.

You're the best, You're the best. Do you think in a million years, I would not think I would be screaming you're the best.

Like there's so many.

Other things I want to tell her, There's so many other ways to encourage her, But I'm just like you're the best.

You're the best, I mean, even wrecking. I didn't even read there, I didn't I heard this one yelling you're the best. I don't think it was I swear, honestly, I swear to God it was me.

But then I remember, you're the number one singer, dude.

That's what I said to my favorite director when I met him. I met Noah Bomback, who I love, and at a restaurant and I go to him, your films means so much to me, and my sister were sitting right next to you. Were leaving now, but I just had to tell you you're so wonderful.

Thank you.

And he goes, oh, that means so much.

And then instead of walking away like a normal person, I go, you're the best, and then he goes, thank you, and then I go number one.

Like a foreign exchange student.

He just walked away for hours, just kept going one.

Oh God, mony yeah, it's it's like the moment I really don't remember something funky no.

I kept saying.

But then I realized that final thought. I realized that is what I would want someone to say to me. You're the best comedian A comedian. I just like, if anyone's gonna give me any message, I want it to be that I'm the best. Like that's a message, and I truly believe that about her, there's just no one better, and that I that I am loved, we love you, And so those are that's if you're boiling down how I feel about her. Those are the things that came

Never heard before.

I'd heard, but they just didn't like grip Me a

Now. The Lucky One's one of my favorite songs.

I heard it for the first time a couple of weeks ago, or really heard it for the first time. So, by the way, I don't know where she's going to do these songs. There's no she's been switching it up, like sometimes they'll put the microphone. They put the microphone just somewhere after she finishes the nineteen eighty nine tour, and then that's where she does She's planted doing her acoustic song, and then they put the piano a little bit on the other side of the stage wherever they plant it.

I have no idea where this is gonna be.

I mean I saw the show a couple of weeks ago and I go, I think it's gonna be in the set, like the mid stage, so I thought we're not going to be very close to it. I go on Saturday night and I'm like, oh my god, she's doing the acoustic song, like right, I think where Mom and I are gonna be sitting. That's gonna be cool, and not the piano one the guitar one piano front row for piano. There's still piano between you. Yeah, you know, like it's acoustic guitar. You are like fucking with it.

It couldn't have been more in front of me. I mean it is.

It is not to the side of foot, it is not to the left, It is right in front of me as close as you can be, the number one best seed in the house for the acoustic.

Song and swiff you're the best.

And I am like, oh my god, and so we we. She starts, she walks over to it. She is right there. I mean, you saw my Instagram stories. She is eight feet in front of me. Couldn't be closer to the.

TV she sings. So then I realized, and that's why I kept saying, it's not the TV, that is her.

And I took a selfie turn around because I go, that's not a screen, that's literally her. I'm in the same shot as her, her physical body. She's right in front of us. She plays a song I do know called begin Again that I love, and so that was so good because usually she plays some obscure song that I don't know, and this one was. It was just like a private concert. Couldn't have been closer. It was the best, it was worse. It was worth that money so much like it was. It gives me chills just

She just so intimate.

That's how it felt like. She's just the way she smiles, she's just like, you're right there. We did not make eye contact at any point. Everyone's like, I think she made that contact with you. She did not look at me. I'm happy for it. I didn't want to distract her. I would have been too much. It just I probably would have gotten the lyrics wrong and she would have read my mouth and like it'd gotten fucked up, Like it just.

Would have been bad.

So I'm glad she didn't look at me. But the other thing that happened that was wild on this thing, and I wanted I know that we've got a rush. But so my mom and I went to a cemetery on Saturday because my friend Harris Whittles, who I shouted up before or who created Humble Bragg, he died eight years ago and he was a comedy writer on Parks and rec And he was a comedian a friend of mine,

You love craves and.

Pros yeah everything. I love death. And so we we find in. My Mom's very worried, She's like, how are we going to find this gravestone? I'm like, find a grave dot com.

On my wayside and if it gives you the.

Exact coordinance, the location, the section, the plot number. So we find it and and it's like no one else is in the cemetery. It's like dead quiet, and I'm like, I want to leave something. I forgot to bring, like flowers or something. So I was like, I want to leave something, and I'm looking through my bag and I'm just like, oh, he played guitar and I have a guitar pick. I was like, I'll leave a guitar pick just as something. So I put a guitar pick on

It was so nice.

And yeah, then we went home and just relaxed in bed and like got ready for the show. And then we go to the show and we're there and and it's you know, it's in the show just starts and

He looked like he was like maybe a manager, Yeah, like one of like someone backstage.

Yeah, like probably, so I don't know what it was, but they get I got a Lover guitar pick, which is an official like it has the weight of one that she uses, probably Like I feel like it's a it's a nice guitar pick, And and everyone around me is looking at me.

Like yeah, we were like what are you And I'm like I don't know. Like he disappeared and he goes away.

There's no he didn't give me any for he just is like take this, and she's on stage. It's not like she she threw that out or something like she throws out her guitar picks after she plays, so it's not like one that was thrown out and then like he found it like it. I don't understand where it came from. If anyone out there can tell me what the fuck that was, I really want to know. But then I realized it's a sign. I gave a guitar pick to Harris's grave earlier and I got one back

Oh it's some weird sign. I honestly for.

For me to get it was like Harris being like, I saw you there today.

Here's a gift. Guy got it, and here's one for you too.

Like That's what it felt like to me, was like he was in there that night or there was some like there was some cosmic energy of like thanks buddy, thanks for your gift today, here's a gift for you, Like because there was no reason behind it. It wasn't like anyone knew Nikki Glazer was there, and she plays guitar, and there wasn't I wasn't singing the song more than other people. There wasn't like we're gonna give this to the most enthusiastic. There was no good The security guard

They're amazed at you, if anything. They were like, what does she think she is?

I literally go, we paid good money for these seats and you are blocking our view.

This doesn't make sense. And I wasn't being rude about it.

I was like, I just don't understand why you need to be so close to us, Like what is gonna happen? And they were nice though, They were like oh yeah yeah, and he backed off.

Was Bob in his head? Yeah?

Because then shake it Off came on. He couldn't help, but Bob belong to it. I mean you you that's a toe tapper. And so it is funny to see the security guards like being cool, and then all of a sudden they're like bank space, baby, and I'll write your name. You start to see them like ding I kind of bound second more than like start all moving and said and so it was just the best, and I rarely I can't wait to go again. I'm gonna to go in Nashville next weekend and yeah, I'm filming

I don't know. I might do it again.

And now at this point, I have the show memorized, so I know what each song goes into it, and I have all the interludes memory I know, and I know the dance. Yeah, I know what's third row, and I know like that some of the dances and it's like because they're not that hard, but they're like so fun.

So I don't know. I think I might.

I'm gonna keep going and auditioning for her, and she's gonna go you get on up here, you get one of these bicycles in every city.

Yeah.

So that was the guitar pick. Was it was like, you got like five shows under your belt, you get a guitar.

P Oh, yeah, it was that's so true. Oh my god, Yeah, that's a that's the tiered system that they get. Next time, I'll get a a capo, and then I'll get a strap and then I get a good guitar. Yeah, oh my god, I can do it. It was It really was like it's just where I belong. It felt so right. It's so and everyone's dressed up.

I mean the costumes. Have you ever seen anything like it?

Mom?

Nothing, No, It's like I called it, swift Cella. It's everyone.

It's like Coachella, but it's everyone's just like girly jewels and just everyone's cute. I mean, it's just the involvement everyone the funnyest. Some people are doing really funny costumes. So every night she loads into the arena because she can't go underground. There's no underground to get in, so

Oh my.

So lately at.

Concerts people have been dressing as the mop car.

Any reference to her it's so funny.

So it's it's just like, it was so fun and thank you for letting me talk about it the entire episode.

You guys, we will be here tomorrow. Yeah, it was so fun. Last night. I was like, I was I missed you last night. We got back here and I was like, oh, I missed you too. What are we gonna I know, No I called you. I'm like, texted you come over watch the session.

Instead, I watched the Boston Marathon bombing documentary.

Your dad said, what is she like, I'm like, I'll definitely watch.

Yeah.

I told Anya today there weren't enough body parts. I didn't see enough limbs or gruesome footage. I want more, not that I want that to happen to anyone.

It was horrible.

If we're gonna go there, let's go there. Let's see the real I want to see what her leg looked like when it was all twisted off and ship like that.

Like I but it would. I mean, it's it's a great documentary. You're gonna love it. Yeah, No, it's not that graphic.

I mean it's like what happened is so graphic, but it's really well done and it's it doesn't waste your time, it doesn't talk to you like you're a fucking idiot.

It's really good.

Okay, it's not a bomb. It's a what it was, but the show itself not a bomb. Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. We'll be here tomorrow on the show. Don't be cad and just forgive me for talking about Taylers, but the whole time.

Thank you.