#325 Awe and Shock w/ Brian Frange

like the new pre nine eleven. Um. He is the author and creator of Apple rankings dot com, which is a hilarious site where you can read about apples. He's also a hilarious stand up comedian. He hasn't been a writer on UM show, a show like Adam Ruins Everything. What other shows have you done? Is there? Am I getting all your credits? Right? Yeah? If this is your own Comedy Central UM animated series, what was that called you?

Oh there's a show on Netflix called Adventure Beast. Uh. Yes, Oh, there is a Common Central snapchat show called George Washington DTF. But we don't have to go through all my credits. I mean you could see my credits at all. Yeah, I mean, well that's it just gives you a little bit of um, notoriety. Not that my fans care. They just like they just care that you, well they do care, but they they care that you're just my friend and you're funny, I think. Um, and that's the truth for

you're funny, nice and my friend. And uh, yeah, we've been friends for a while. I met him. What didn't we meet two thousand Oh, my god, a long time ago, earlier earlier, I think two thousand and nine or two thousand and ten, because we met in Indiana. I know you met at the first club I ever headlined. You made the first poster for the first show I ever

headlined at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. Um, but he was a comic on the scene then and uh, and he's my friend now, and he's here with us. His name is Brian Frangie. Yes, hello, hello, hello, And here Noah is here. We got started off today when we all got on the thing and I asked Brian how what he was doing, and he was like me, I'm good, I go I'm good. It was just like a very like you thought about it, and then you said, I said, okay, good and you go. I try to

answer that sincerely. UM, And that's what I like about you. You have like a shimmer of autism. Right we all agree, not all agree, but me and all the all of you. Yeah, if I could go to a doctor, I'm sure they could diagnose me with something. But like I feel like, you know, I could. I feel like everybody could get diagnosed with something, but I don't exactly. Yeah, we could. I'm I'm not autistic. No, No, you're not. I'm sorry

to say that. I mean I think I have a shimmer of it too, But I like that you have what'd you say on you right out of the gates, I'm not. I'm just like, there's well because he's he's very he has a lot of theories. He has. UM, he's just an interesting person. He's a quirky person, and I think sometimes quirky people you can maybe leap to a thing. I don't know what is. There's there's a

neurodivergence there. I give it to myself too, I am I'm I'm complimenting myself because I see a lot of my the same things I like about the same things I feel sometimes weird about being too honest or being like too like I know exactly what I want and the way I see things. Um, I see in Brian and like just being and not being able to lie about how are you or not like not being able to lie? Of course you can, um, Brian's great at reading, reading social cues. He's not like, not that that there's

anything wrong if you can. But yeah, you're just a You're a quirky person. You're a quirky guy, right, wouldn't you say so? I would say so. You know, speaking of quirks, you have an addiable quality that I want to point out that's in the same vein. Yeah, you want to hear an admirable quality. Yeah, by saying you to shimmer of autism, I want to say that was me saying you you don't I don't. I guess we haven't hung out enough that I'm obsessed with people with

autism and I want to have it. And so that was me being nice. But it seemed like I was like bullying you right out of the gate. Okay, what

does my admirable quality tell me? Now? I want? I took it as a compliment Honestly, I like the idea of being focused on things and you know interesting, but your annual quality is when when you learn about a thing, a new thing, especially especially if it's a niche thing, you are you have the ability to dive into every single thing that's been written on that and read everything about it within the next day. Yes, do you have that too? I have a feeling you might have that too. Well,

that's kind of how I feel about apples. Because I can rank apples, I'll go into it. It's pretty crazy to go in on the spectrum. I forgot he has an Apple blog, give an Apple ranking website where I give every apple a score out of a hundred based on ten nine ten point rubric. And you know, that's just a little bit of like focus that needs to be a lot of yes do you isn't? Are you remembering anything that I got really into and learned about overnight?

That like is the basis for this is? Does anything come to mind? Oh? Well, I mean there's tons of things, Um, definitely, Uh, personality disorders, yeah, which I just casually. You know, I don't read everything. I read a third of things. As my fans know, I read like a third of books, and then I go, okay, I get it, like yeah,

us times, I dive right in. Oh yeah, I'll wake up and there will be three hundred and seventy four texts from Nikki because she's been up since four in the morning reading about sociopathy and she's taken a quiz and sends like thirty seven screenshots of her results of the quiz. Yes, and then she knows everything aboutth I mean that that's there's something wrong with me. Do you know what I'm into right now? That I read everything

about yesterday? I think we can probably guess pizza. Yeah, Succession, I Nicholas, something Nicholas brought. I mean I read everything about succession that I could find Yesterday. I googled succession HBO that I went to news results boom, went down the list, read every you know think piece that I you know that caught my eye that I thought maybe there's something the new info to be gleaned from this. So I just true A lot that shows is about

the Murdoch family. But yes, yes, I mean it doesn't completely line up perfectly, but they do have I believe, two sons and a daughter, and there's estrangement. I mean, I'm guessing Brian, you love Succession as well. I just by knowing who you are. Well, I've only watched the first couple episodes so far. I'm late to the game. I'm late. You're just like me, then, dude, I was.

I only watched three episodes for so many years, and I was like, you know, it's like I can't like I got into it, but I didn't let yourself get into it. Man, I just finished. I went through three seasons, which was twenty nine episodes an hour and five minutes each. Let's take off up five minutes because at the end they do like you know, they talk about the episode or whatever, and there's credits. So twenty nine hours of my life. That's a day and some change. I realized

it contributed to my lack of sleep last week. It it's rare that I want to watch something oversleep. I mean, I would say it almost never happens. I really do value sleep when I'm tired. I liked to sleep, but Succession was more entertaining than my dreams last week and

I finished it. I'm a little disappointed. Can I just say that everyone that's seen three seasons there was something that happened in season three because I remember it distinctly when I was just a person that did not watch it, remembered a moment no. I remember in twenty twenty one, there was a moment when everyone was watching it where everyone lost their mind and was like last night succession. I don't remember if it was the season valley, I

don't remember if it was episodes. I don't remember what episode was, but there was a cultural moment where everyone who was watching it lost their mind, and I remember being jealous. It was like, um, the Red wedding episode of Game of Thrones. It was like these these seminal moments on TV shows where everyone collectively that is watching it was like, that's the greatest thing, and they all collectively share this feeling of awe and shock. You know,

those are usually listed the other way around. But I changed it up on shock and and it didn't happen. I don't know where it was. I don't know what people were freaking out about. I let me just say the season three finale didn't catch the big twist. I so I watched it yesterday at UM I was flying back from Buffalo. I can't believe it was yesterday. It feels like so long ago. But I didn't sleep on Saturday night we just shown Buffalo, did not I was

stayed up all night. I wasn't watching Succession. I was just like, couldn't sleep because I had to get up at three thirty. And then the time change, and it went from one o'clock to two o'clock so fast, almost instantly. Some would say and then and then so it was like eleven o'clock and then it was two o'clock, and I was like, what the fuck just happened? And then I had to go to the airport at four and then get on my flight at five, like it was.

It was crazy. And then I didn't sleep, but I watched Succession like bleary eyed in the Admiral's Club in Charlotte. And I did not catch the twist until I read a bunch of New Yorker pieces about the twist, and I was like, oh, and then I had to go back and see because so many things happen in Succession where it's like someone will witness something and there's no dialogue, so if you don't see that person see the thing,

I mean, this happens in a lot of shows. I had to like watch it, you know, not just like listen with my eyemask on and just let it talk me to sleep, like a mom telling me a story. Um. So I'm just a little disappointed though, that the twist was not as crazy as everyone seemed to be losing their minds about in twenty twenty one. I'm it's fine. It was great. It was not like lose your mind moment, Brian, what do you like these moments? Yeah, there's no shock there. Yeah,

I'm awe. And then I went to a yawn. I was like, oh that great. Um, but the show is fantastic. I'm obsessed and I've read every single thing that I can get my hands on. If if you Bestie know any article that isn't the New Yorker one with Jesse the creator, or with the Kendall one that's very famous, or the New GQ one about Kendall, I've read those.

But if you know any others from back in the day, any interviews, I would love you if you send them to me, because I am just like wanting to sop up everything I can about this show because I don't understand knowing so much about something that you could write

a show like this. I'm so jealous. I'm jealous that, like, if I wanted to write a show about corporate like behemoths, I would not know anything about money, about like IPOs about like and Chris I my boyfriend whenever I lament about like because every time we watch a show, I just go, how could I ever write something like this? I don't know anything about like even Last of Us. I go, if the end of the world happened, how do they figure out like Fedra like these like what

Fedra is? How they come up with that name? And then the fireflies and like, and He's like, it's a creative thing. And also, you like hire people who are experts about this stuff, So like, say you wanted to like write about the army, you would hire someone who knows a lot about the army and say I want this thing to happen, and then they would fill it in. And I'm like, oh, like you get a task rabbit

to do certain things. But I do think there are some writers who know everything and that just no stuff. Brian thoughts, I think that the show is is not real and the stuff that they're showing is not necessarily how it actually is. And then that defines what we all think it actually is, and it seems so accurate that we now think that that's the way it is.

I'm not saying it's not like that, but I think, like, you know, if the end of the world happened, we have many different apocalypse shows and they all they have all different takes on what the army would do in that situation, and it's like that all of them consults a military expert and come up what they're going to have a barbed wire fence. You know, they all didn't do that. And how do you feel about Last of Us? Brian will write me like I'll post on my Instagram

stories and think like the Last of Us. Brian wrote to me once he was like Last of Us is the new Game of Thrones. And I was so happy to hear that because Brian used to come over to my This is so weird, you guys, not so weird. But Brian and my boyfriend Chris are friends. They met through me, but and Brian worked on my show Not Safe. He was we did the podcast together, but he was also the worked in my digital department and he killed it. But he um. They would watch Game of Thrones when

Game of Thrones was on. I guess this was like the penultimate season, right this season five at least season and I think, okay, good seasons. I mean seasons once we three were good, seasons, seasons five, Season five was good. Should I go through all the seasons? I mean was it seven seasons total? Oh? I don't know anymore? Okay, Well, all I know is the last season sucked and you guys were all upset. But the seasons that we watched, that you guys watched together. Brian would come over, so

would Tim, Chris's brother. They would. The ritual was they watched the episode from the week before. During that episode from the week that they had already seen, they could talk. They could they could discuss what was going to happen in the next one. They could talk about fan theories, comment on anything they want. That was an interactive moment. Then the Game of Thrones would start and there it would need to be dead, silence and respect, like in

a fucking funeral. Throughout the entire new episode, there was no chiming in. I'm a very active watcher, so I could not watch any of this because, first of all, it was too violent. There's too many like and I just didn't catch onto it. So I would go in my room and sleep during this time. But they would have these and then I would come out the very end when I would like feel it wrapping up, and there would be this like they would still not talk.

They would not talk for like five minutes after the credits would end. They would just all be like in stunned silence processing what they just watched, whether it was good or bad, and then they would have a discussion after that. It was like this weird It was this ritual. I respected it, but um, what is it about? And so I it was really happy because I felt left left out of that. I felt happy that you have now deemed I even told Chris. I was like Brian says,

Last of Us is a new Game of Thrones. I was so happy to like be in on this thing that was so sacred before. Um do you do you have the same ritual for Last of Us? Not yet, but I do want to commit on the Game of Thrones experience. Uh. There. There was also part of the ritual was I would get a complete Allenny and Larry's complete cookie, which is a protein cookie, a vegan cookie, yes, a vegan cookie. And I would nibble on it throughout

the Yeah, you would. Oh. It made me so mad because I was into those two at the time and I would finish mine so fast, and you were I can't stand as a nibbler too, and I just watched. I can't stand it because I can't nibble, and so I watch you and I just go, how does someone take a bite of something, a tiny bite, and then put it back down and then chew it and then maybe have a conversation in between the next bite, or like maybe take a phone call. I get into it

uber with a Starbucks. I sort of got every single time, because I'll sometimes have my Uber stop at a Starbucks before we head to the airport. They always put down they They're like, oh, please, please, please, and they like put down the rest and that I have a cup holder, and I go, I'm not setting this down. There's no point in which I'm going to set this who sets of delicious beverage. I'm gonna chug this extra hot ventique

thing within two and a half minutes. It's gonna be done, and I'm gonna be sucking out the phone and using my finger to like scrape it. Um. So you would nibble on your little cookie because you have um, I don't set it down. I don't set it down. I keep it up there and I just keep new nibbles. Yeah, guinea pig, Huh do you nibble through the cookie or do you have like a ritual? Do you eat around like in circles? Are you kidding me? Brian is not

doing anything willy nilly. There is a rintual being on it. There's a plan in place, and in general, I would nibble a circumference first, rotate it again like a dial. Well, because the outer the outer edges are generally easier to nibble, and as you get deeper into the cookie, they become dense and you have to And that's the better part, Like you're saving the epicenter for for the end, like the best. Yes. Oh but first I forgot this is

really going to bed. I forgot to mention that. I first I opened the package and then I smell it for like ten minutes. No, no, about Well, okay, so what you have to understand is I would the cookie. I would know how much we had left in the episode, depending on how much cookie I had left what I will never look at my watch and I will do the things. I won't pretend to press pause so I can see the little line come up on the bottom of the screen, because it takes you out of the experience. Oh,

I do that all the time. I like to move my cursor, or I like I pause, I pause. It shows all the time to be like, what do we got left? Why isn't there an easy way to look on? And by the way, just sidebar and maybe do you have this thing too? Do you watch a lot of YouTube? Who doesn't? Okay? Why is YouTube so hard to fast forward and rewind? What the fuck is the toggle? I

don't know what it is. I've never given myself opportunity because anytime I want to even try to figure it out, I know that it's going to skip to the next video. What is the toggle? Does anyone know? It's all capitalism, It's all based on ads. You're right. They don't want you to be able to fast forward fifteen seconds or behind fifteen seconds like my porn I love to go. I don't know what you mean when you say what is the toggle? No for for fast forwarding and rewinding

YouTube videos? If you want to go ten seconds ahead, how do you do that without putting a finger on the cursor at the bottom and tracing it and then getting it wrong. There's on the screen. You can tap on the right side of the screen and it goes forward ten seconds the screen on the screen itself. Oh there's so, there's no little marker, it's just the screen. Hold on, Gonna try it out. Kelly Clarkson covers ninety pump smash Smashing Pumpkins. Brian, thank you. Okay, go back, Okay,

wait we answered that. That just worked for me. Thank you so much for that. Oh my mind. The same way when you taught me the cursor, or someone taught me just moving the cursor on the iPhone. You just hold it down and then you can move it all over the place when you're texting. Yeah, people don't know that.

If you're in the middle of a text paragraph and you you have a misspelling or there's a period that wasn't supposed to be there, you need to put quotes or something instead of like just tapping it and trying to get the cursor exactly where you want it too in the text, You can hold down your finger and the cursor will go there, and then you just keep keep holding it and then move the cursor around on the screen and you can move it wherever you want it to and that Oh, there's a new one in town.

You guys updated my iPhone. When you send an email, this is crazy. You send an email, draft it, and then you go to the little button that would be to send it, like the blue arrow. Hold that and then it will give you the option to send tomorrow at whatever time, and then you can send it in the AMA tonight when you're in the middle of the night and you want to send someone a bunch of pages about sociopathy, do you go This is gonna look quick chaotic, coming at four am. I would like to

send this at nine thirty am. And that's why you can do it. Isn't that cool? So that's the new one. OK. We have to go to bramail or macmail macmail. Um, I'm not using macmail. Who is us? Like on your phone? Do you always use Gmail or do you use like this little guy? I'm talking macmail. Sorry, I don't know who uses Gmail. No, I mean I use Gmail through my macmail, but I don't on my home computer use the mail. Don't know why don't? Yeah? I never know how to set that one up. It's always jumping up

and down. It's always like come on, you know, like on on your notifications, and I'm like, get at it here. It's making weird noises, it's chiming during zoom meetings. I don't want it. I'll go to the web browser. I'll type in Gmail dot come. I don't want you jumping around. I don't want final draft to stop jumping around and reminding me that I have a script that I will never start. Just down there. Okay, we're gonna go to

break and we'll come back with more Brian Franjie. We'll get well, we'll pick him back up where we started, where he's sniffing his cookie and then um and tracing where he is in the Game of Thrones episode right after this. Okay, we're back. Um, so you're you're in your cookie. It's helping you trace the time. Any other things that would happen during this Game of Thrones ritual

that I've missed out on. Well, it was very it was very nice of you because it was your house and we'd watch the show and then you would give us our fifteen minute grace period where we could sit there in silence, and absorb what just occurred, and you would then you would come out and you would start saying, you would start making fun of us and also trying to understand what happened, why do we feel this way, and appreciating the show itself. Yes, thank you, Brian, thank you.

I don't mock something. If someone loves something, it's not just me just mocking it. And yesterday I was with my assistant Jen and my hair and makeup stylist slash friend Robin, and we were in Miami for this event and they got on about F one and Chris loves F one and Robin loves F one and Jen loves IF one and I said something about F one. They go, oh my god, I love it. I go why, And they got very at first. They were defensive. They were like, um,

because it's the best. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm not asking why, like, oh why sometimes I do that. I'm not gonna lie. I'm sometimes I'm very judgmental. I want I go get me to like it. Please explain to me why I don't have this chip in my brain that enjoys cars go fast round round room, room might flip over and like spill into the audience and

kill people. I realized my biggest hesitation with any auto racing is the chance that I'm going to be injured during it, that I'm going to be in a car accident that I'm not in, you know, like that a car accident's going to come into me. And they told

me that it rarely happens. It happened like one time in like nineteen sixty something with like there's a huge f one, you know, but they're often you know, just going like through like Monaco and there are hundreds of people with babies, and I'm like, how is this car not one time just like the guy gets a text message and just carens into the crowd. There's the same reason I don't like air shows. So yeah, I would come out and try to understand what is it about

Game of Thrones. It's it's so cute to me. When my boyfriend, especially is like I get kind of you know, I get horny when he's into like like when he gets like reared up about like you know, sexual things, like when he I see him get like turned on by something I'm like very interested in, like oh do you love that? Or when I found out as a kid, he like played with legos. I was like, what that was your thing? Like that's so cute? Like I love

learning what he loves. And so that's why sometimes I get I think hurt where I'm like, Chris, why don't you care why I like Taylor Swift? Like there's never been a question, and my family doesn't either. My family is just like, go, aren't you interested? Why I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift? Like no one's ever asked me why why does this mean so much to you? And it's because that is how I show my love is like or how I feel connected to someone is figuring out

how why do they care about this so much? So I still I get it. I get it with Game of Thrones. I mean you're you're definitely not alone, but um, I still don't. It's like football for me. I don't understand how you guys keep it all, how you memorize all of the shit, and how it's all sticks in your head and how you the characters don't because I've watched a couple episodes and it's in one ear, in out the other. I don't or in one eye and out the other. Um out my asshole because I just

don't I can't retain it. Um, So yeah, that was that. That was always fun though, because I could could just go and get my seven pm nap and I'd come out with like indentations in my face from my sleep mask and just be like, hey guys and like get pick up my dog and kind of like let it out, and then you guys would all just be in stunned silence. Um, Chris would be like weeping sometimes I'm like, he's never cried with me, Okay, Like it would just be It's it was so cute that you guys all cared about

something so much. What would they tell you when you would walk up and be like, why are you guys into this? What was their answer? Oh? Would it would be longer than I'd want it to be? What is it? Brian? Like what can you try to answer that for me? And then like what is it? Because I'm guessing that you really haven't found a replacement for it since no, when I say last of Us at the next Game of Thrones, I really mean that it is um appointment television that people that the a lot of people seem

to be watching at the same time. It's nice that something doesn't just dumped on you. Nice. It's nice that, um it's from Taylor sled Nice. Um, it's nice when something isn't just dumped on you and you just binge all the episodes. Um, I like this doling out. You know. The doling out does not work with Love is Blind. Netflix, Listen up. I don't care about these characters enough for you to take a little hiatus. I'm not coming back. I'm gonna. Yeah, you can't. You can't dole them out

like it's a HBO critically acclaimed uh dramatization. Serious, you can't. It's nice that you tried. You don't. It's not gonna be destination TV. We want to watch it in one binge when we're going through a depressive state of our lives and we want to watch other people's um going through something as well, Like we're not doing well when we watch these shows. If you want us consistent viewership, you gotta it can't be. It can't be Love is Blind. So I agree. I look forward to every Sunday with

Last of Us. It's a ritual. It feels like, you know, back to the way it was interesting enough, you know, Chris Rock having that live special and having that be that did well for Netflix. You know, people tuning in live we're back where we're back at live TV. We came back full circle again. It literally we're all watching the fucking moon landing. Um. Yeah, any other things to say about Game of Thrones? About Game of Thrones, Well I didn't. You didn't answer my question, um because I

interrupted you about why why it matters so much? Why does it matter? Well? I think you just get really invested in the characters and the world. And even though it was like horrible, I think a little bit of part of me wants to be in the medieval times, and I kind of wonder, like, what would I be too Christmas time post a Puck, I will be dead. Chris.

I remember watching Last of Us and it's almost like when Elane and remember on Seinfeld, when Elane doesn't believe in God or heaven and Hell and Putty, her boyfriend does and she goes, yeah, you think I'm going to Hell, which I am not because it doesn't exist, but you think I'm going to Hell. And he's like, it's gonna be rough, and she's like, but David, Hell with the devil and the heat my God, the heat, and he's

like gonna be rough. Like that's how I feel when Chris like loves Most Apocalypse said, I'm like, I'm gonna be raped constantly. I'm not gonna have the running water, Like I know, you get to like go battle fucking zombies, but it's gonna be rough for me, like we consider me and not that like his wish is gonna come true. But I get mad that people want to live in those We're so lucky we're not living medieval times. Aren't you so happy? God? Yes, I'd have to be like

scrubbing all those mushrooms off the wall. That's all I'd be doing is cleaning the fucking mushrooms. Oh, I don't think about that at all. I'm like, oh, thank God, a excuse not to clean. Everything is dirty finally, I mean it is gross. There's no like kimp to check into and like be like there's a sheet on last of us. They're all on a dirty mattress on the floor. I know he had that wound and she kept covering his shirt back up. I'm like, you're reinfecting the wound

with his dirty shirt. Stop just leave it open to the air. Sounded you make when she injected him with I said, Chris, this is the grossest thing I've seen on the in my entire life. Was her putting a needle into a wound. I can't even think. I can't think of maybe in that movie. Uh remember the movie. There's like a pie movie. I think it's called Pie and there's like a needle in an eye or something weird happens with oh Pan's Labyrinth. There's some I thing in that. I this is worse than that. Um so

the characters, all that stuff. Okay, I want to set you up, Brian. You came in. You said you had a story that you want to tell. Yeah, this weekend I had an ordeal. Oh please yeah, bring us through it, hold us, hold our hands through your ordeal. Yeah. So, um this was I had a very stressful weekend because there's my neighbor is Um, I guess he's like a farmer. He's he's not my neighbor city. Yes, oh no, no, yes, I live in Culver City. I don't want to Los Angeles. Everyone. Yes,

my neighbor is a is a farmer. He has a lot of land and he's farms and I my window looks out into his into his yard, and I see him farming, and he's a nice man, but to protect his crops, he puts out traps, and that last of us. Yes, and frequently he traps animals like squirrels, possum, things like that, and um, sometimes he leaves them in that trap for a long time. Like you're allowed to trap animals, but

you can't just leave them in there. Yeah, And I've called and so I've been watching this guy's yard for years, and like I've called animal control on him, probably like three or four times over the last three years, because I'm like, hey, there's a squirrel in there, there's a possum in there. There's something in there, and it's not if they're not letting it out. It's been in there

for a long time. And then god damn it, the local, the local animal control person would go down there and they would give him a warning and they would release the animal and they would say, you really can't leave it in there for that long. And so he's been

spoken too. So on Friday of this weekend, I'm I'm expecting to have a nice, pleasant weekend, and I look out the window and I see in his backyard there is a possum trapped in his cage and it's raining, and this possum has probably been in there since the night because it's a nocturnal creature. And I'm like, I can't believe this possum in there, but I'm gonna keep an eye on it, because, like you know, if it's in there for too long, this guy needs to let

it out. Of course it's going to be in there too long. He never lets them out, So okay, yes, so I all day I'm watching this postum this cage, and it's just so excruciating to watch this possum and be like, what is this. He's like, maybe I can get out now, maybe I can get anything. You can never It's just like, no, you'll never get out, Like that's the that's my problem. People are like sometimes people don't understand why I care more about animals than human

rights issues. It's because humans can understand their circumstance. Humans can go I'm starving right now. I mean, not chill. Children is a different thing, but even children can kind of grasp and conceptualize what is happening. We're in war right now, it's raining. I'm scared. I'm lonely animals are just fucking terrified and have no there's no there's no accepting their fate. There's no, it's just that is That is the part that breaks my heart, is that confusion

that keeping trying to get out that um. Every animal that everyone eats at feels yes, and so I I you have to give a grace period because it's like you're allowed to trap the animal, and then you can, after like a few hours, you can take takeet to the woods, away from your crops. I go to sleep. I wake up the next morning and I look out my window and the possum is still there. So that means it's been in there for over twenty four hours. My god. At this point, I send an email to

the animal control the local animal control guy. I have an email thread with him. We correspond and I called him and nobody answered, and I'm like, okay, well, no one's answering. And then at a certain point, after more and more hours pass, it's raining, and worst of all, I have to say, if I was listening to this podcast, I would stop listening right now because I can't take the story. I will stay on because I'm the host,

but I am so uncomfortable with an animal's struggle. If this were not my podcast, I would just go I'm assuming this story ends. Well, I'm not listening, so will you get right now? I need to know this is okay. I can't handle this. Okay, just keep going. I'm just saying I'm very high to get it. The people there, there's people walking around in the backyard. They see this postum. I know that they see it. This guy, this fucking farmer, okay him so much so I call the police, the

local police, not nine one one. I call the police station, and I say, hey, there's a person with the possum. It's howling in the backyard. Can can someone just go over there and tell them to release it? Because I don't want to go over there because I don't want this guy to know that I'm a snitch. I don't want I want to keep looking out of my window. I don't want anyone to know that I'm some guy,

you know, peeking through the blinds. So, and I also don't want him to retaliate if he finds out it's me. He can set traps. He's a shifty he's gonna trap you. Yeah, the police don't know a circumstances, though I won't feel as bad. Brian is just gonna be like, oh, just like can't eat his cookies. Okay. The police tell me that the animal the local animal control officer is no longer a position in the city, so there isn't one. They said, you can't. You have to contact La County.

So I so I call the county and the county tells me. The county tells me, we can't go out. This is not something that we would go out to see. This is not something we would do. We need the police to tell us to go there. So I have to I call the police again and I say, can you tell the animal control can go out there? You're like dealing with siblings, Like fine, you go tell mom. Yes. So finally they go out there and they knock on the person's door and they say did you call animal Control?

And they say, no, we did not, and then they leave. So I'm like, I'm I'm waiting like a two hours. I'm still watching this possum and uh, it's been in there for over two days at this point, and so I call back Animal Control and I say what happened? And they say they told us what they didn't call. It's like, no, you don't understand I'm snitching. You need to come to me and I'll show it to you in the backyard. It's not them. They're not gonna they're

not gonna tell you we're torturing animals back here. So right, They're like, well, you have to get the police to call us and tell us to come back. So I call the police again. I called the pants again, and uh they say, okay, we'll tell them animal Animal Controls is on its way, they say, And then, um, and you are not getting anything done this day? No, I'm just I just feel I wanted to make pancakes and

the whole day I don't want to make headcakes. I don't want to make pancakes when the police show up, that'll be horrible. I'll be in the middle of a pancake and it'll get burned. Edge. Is Alie your fiance here also, like with you monitoring staking it out or she kind of just like Brian's doing a thing. She's not here this weekend. I'm all a load, Okay, what is the load? Looking at this thing? And I just

want to make pancakes so I would feel better. And then and then uh uh, my neighbor, who is an eighty eight year old woman who I have a very good relationship with another neighbor, a downstairs neighbor. Yes, um, she doesn't fuck around and she loves animals. And I say, I say, you know that our neighbors are gonna possum and blah blah blah, and she says, well, I'll go over there and i'll talk to him. I have a

pre existing relationship with him. I was like, oh, okay, it's like, but you gotta wait till he's outside and then I'll go over there and I'll talk to him. So I post up at my window. As soon as that man comes outside to check his recycling, I text my neighbor, my neighbors. I say he's out, and then my neighbor says, okay, and then she goes out there. Excuse me, excuse me, my upstairs neighbor says, and I'm like, no,

don't understand. No one understands the game. Okay, Yes, my upstairs neighbor says that he sees a possum and you're and it's cruel. And then at the exact same moment, Animal Control shows up, Yes, and and uh, the man. But but unfortunately the man has now been tipped off. Animal Control shows up and I'm watching this out in my window. I watched the guy look at your window. No, he goes into his backyard. He knows animal control is here,

he knows that we know about the possum. He goes into the backyard, he lifts up the cage and he hides it in his ship. Yeah. You have to get involved. You have to get involved. You have to say that I just saw him hide it. Come on, Brian. So the neighbor comes up and tells me that animal control is here. I go out and talk to Animal Control and they say, so, what's going on. I said that possums back there. And at this point, the possum is

not moving. I'm assuming it's been in there for two and a half days, no water, no food, in the rain. And the person, the animal control person, is like, well, Uh, this guy's saying that the pot that he released the possum in the mountains uh this morning. And I was like no, I just saw him, and I'm like I just psalm. In fact, I filmed him pick up the cage and put it in the shed. I show Animal control my phone video of him putting the cage in

the shed. Yes, and animal control. Animal control is like, we have video evidence that the possum is still back there and you just put it in the shed. And he's like uh, And he's like, if the possum is dead, you might be criminally charged for animals. Yeah, you better hope the possum is life. Just give me the possum, Give me the possum and let me take it from you. I'll just release it. He should be charged anyway. The

possum has been is near death, torture, tortured. He's allowed to trap the animal, but he can't keep it in there until it starves to death and dies. Right, But what if it's about to die? You know, Like isn't that a crime? Like why is there not? Like if you hit someone with your card, don't kill them, you still get in trouble. Okay, go on. So the guy's like, Okay, I now that there's video evidence, I'm going to go

and get the possum. He takes the cage out, he brings it and I and I say it should I stay here because I don't want to have a confrontation with the neighbor, but I do want to see what the possums situation is. He puts the cage down, The possum is not moving. The animal control person takes out another cage, pokes at the possum and it wakes up. Yeah. Yeah, and then he's like, what the fuck is going on? The possum is okay. The animal control person takes the possum,

puts it in her cage. He says, I'm going to release it in the mountains, and then she puts it in her truck. And my neighbor scowls at me. And but he doesn't get in trouble either, which is fine. I don't want him to get in trouble and then have a vendetta. Yes, the possum is okay. The possum gets driven to the motherfucker. The farmer is not isn't arrested, and I get to eat my pancakes, and I feel good that I save the possum. But I also am

am in fear. Yeah, i'd be in fear too. I mean, now he knows it's gonna be, You're gonna be man, because every time you leave your house, do you have a chance of like seeing him like, where is his car? Like, is there a place to run into him? I guess just to get the mail or take out the recycling. You're gonna have to time it now. Oh, I see him all the time and uh yeah, and then I try to smile at him and he never smiles back. But now, guy's a lunatic. I think a serial killer.

He really does. He sounds like the one the guy that you're like, well, I did notice, Like the news team comes and goes, did you would you ever think he would have all these bodies in his basement? You'll go, well,

there's a there's a possum situation. Um, yeah, you're this is This is so often the case, you know, where you are witnessing a person abuse animals or people or their kids, and you don't want to say anything because you know you're dealing with a psycho and so you I'm so proud of you for saying something though, and like calling the right people and getting it done. I don't know what I would have done in that circumstance. I would have probably moved out because I'm like, I

can't watch this possum die. But I'm too scared of this man um it's what is this thing that we all have? Is it like a trauma us? It's like, Nikki, you reposted that great tweet the other day, somebody wrote something like that thing when men get angry with you when you simply told them what happened. Like you, you explained to a man something that he did and then he gets mad at you for extplain it. It's like you're now Brian in fear because you just called out

something totally inappropriate and you're in fear. Why this guy should be in fear, But it's like you're scared. He's the one that fucked up. I say, live your life happily and fucking peacock your chest out because you did the right thing. You're the good guy. He's the asshole that's torturing animals, and you've got your eye on him, and don't let him scare you. Don't let him terrorize you, because you'll fucking call the cops again. I feel that way all the time. It's such an if I people.

There was an instance of it, even with mad in the confrontation with the guy and wherever Charleston in the lobby, I instantly felt because when he got mad at us. I felt he's right, we're wrong, We're in trouble. I need to just like give up, like I can't take anyone being mad at me, or if I break a rule, even if a rule is dumb, like I have, I wouldn't.

I was talking about it to someone yesterday or I was scared of like we had pot on us or something, and I was like scared of someone smelling it and like, no, and I know the pot laws like most places, it's it's legal or whatever. But there was a part of me that was like scared about someone being arrested. And they were like, why are who cares? It's like, and I go, well, it's stinky and it's annoying, so you

should like we should take it over here. And they're like, but it doesn't matter, and I go, well, I'm scared it is illegal and I will get arrested. And I if I get arrested, there's no me going like, but I didn't mean, it's just put my hands, me on my back, acquiesced like I would never I've and this is maybe a white person thing, like I don't. I don't think I could ever be charged with a crime. And I'd go but I didn't, I would just fucking

take it. I've never whenever I've gotten yelled at about your you guys are too loud in this restaurant, or like, not that that's ever happened. But I'm trying to give examples where you're like, well this is okay that we're doing this, or like, um, you can't take this chair, this chair blogs over here, even though no one's new using that chair. I just go, oh, I'm so sorry, take back the chair. There's no I will never finagle anything.

I will never get a good deal on something. I will never go like, but I think you said that I could get that. I will just always give you all the money that you want. I don't want to ever try to scam the system ever, when a company wrongs you in some way. Yes, well this is another

example I was talking about. Um uh, you know someone was saying, oh when I was talking about living in Saint Louis, and I go, you know, it's nice because studios, if they want me on their shows, they just fly me out and put me up and then if they own of the money, I'll do it myself and they go they always have the money. I go, I understand that Warner Brothers has the money, has millions of dollars that they would not even know about if it went missing,

and they'd find another way to make it. But what I'm saying is there's someone, there's a human being that is managing the money that was allocated for their travel expenses, for their talent, and there's a human being that's gonna catch shit from another human being. Because I am asking for an additional night at this hotel, so I know

it's not about the company. It's about a human being who is in charge of that money, this arbitrary amount of money, and that's who I'm trying to not get in trouble or protect, Like I under fuck Apple, fuck Whole Foods, fuck Amazon. But there are people that are catching the brunt of these expenses. Or you stealing from a CVS the manager of that store, Yes, yes, steal from CV. Like I got so mad at my friend Taylor because she shoplifts all the time. She's like, it's

the man, steal from the fucking man. Target doesn't care whatever, and it's like no, but that manager of that target has a family and has like he's gonna catch because there's too much theft going on in his place. It's not about the corporation. I wish we could just steal straight from the Amazon headquarters, but there is no Amazon headquarters.

It's all in the cloud. I just was in Mexico on vacation and we were out at brunch and they had a huge bachelorette party, and between when we ordered and when we got our lunch, it was an hour and ten minutes or something, and at the forty five minutes, I would have died in that time. I left because I had to go do your podcast. So I was like, I gotta go. You guys have fun at lunch. And I left my party there and I told the waiter, can you just cancel my tacos? I have to go

run to work. And his face just fell, and you know, I was like, oh sorry. And then a few days later, my dad and I were talking and he was like, do you know that here in Mexico the waiters are charged anytime somebody cancels or no order or something. And I was like what. And I made a point to get the money to that waiter because I did not. I was like, I do not want that guy to have to pay for my lunch that I can't slay

that be I don't know. Um. I Also, I was at dinner last week with some Australians and there was a question about whether there was butter in one of the dishes because I'm vegan and I ordered this asparagus but it tasted really buttery. It tasted too good, you know, And I was like, I think there's butter in this, and the bus boy and I go, we gotta find our waiter to ask because I had specifically asked him.

The bus boy came over and my friend becks. The Australian was like, do you know if there's butter in this? Or if the and I go, he doesn't fucking like I go. We all were like, no, no, no, don't ask the bus boy like there And I guess in Australia bus boys are there's no bus boys. Everyone is just working in the same system. In America, bus boys

generally don't know what's going on with your orders. They're refilling waters, they're busting the table, they're bringing out plates, but they're not they don't know the ingredients of the salad. Do you know what I'm saying? So there's I guess there's different chef's meal. Would you say they haven't like sampled the family meal. I mean there may be like taking bits of food off plates that they bust because I used to do that when I would bus tables.

But I have awkward interactions with bus boys all the time because I don't realize that they're the bus boy. I think they're the waiter. And then I go, um, oh can I order? Oh wait, you're the bus boy? Oh is the waiter? Can I talk to you? No? Neverbody English, I have no offense. And they're just kind of looking at you blankly and you go, um, you know, well, I'll just wait, and it's just yeah, it's awkward, but

that is that's interesting good to know. In Mexico, if you cancel your order, it's they're eating the cost and maybe they're eating your order. Who knows. I'm in a Miami right now. Um. I couldn't sleep last night. I didn't get to bed till six am. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am I need to start telling my sleep because it's just not there's not enough and I don't know what. I had caffeine yesterday, I think that was the thing, but I needed caffeine.

This is the paradox of caffeine. You need it because you're tired to go to the event they have to be on for, and then you drink a little too much. And then the second you get are done with the event and it's time to go sleep, sleep, you cannot. And so I gotta not do caffeine anymore. I'm going to Um, I haven't. I usually don't do it. I get Decaflottes every day, but I had some yesterday because I went to the Oscar party here in Miami, the

Vanity Fair Oscar party. Wouldn't haven't been invited the Vanity Fair Oscar party in LA but Miami I was. It was hosted by Zeoman, which is like a injectable thing that I did a sponsorship for. And um yeah, went to this like hoaity twity event, got full hair and makeup, and flew here after Buffalo my friend Robin and Jenner here we went out afterwards, um the Oscars. I could barely listen because we were at this party and it would play and everyone's talking. I think Kimmel killed it.

Kimmel is just so good, you know, and we've seen him get good. I remember watching him on The Man Show. He used to host Wind Benstein's Money Like he went from being this like affable, chummy guy. He was always good. But he's just so, you know, the best kind of performers. They just make you feel like you're in good hands. You're not nervous for them. It's the They're a Greyhound bus driver that you know has gotten a lot of sleep. He's been doing this forever. You don't worry. Like whenever

I got on a bus, I'm always worried. That's overnight. I worry about the bus driver falling asleep. I can't I can't sleep because I'm worried, and I have to look at him like Brian watching the Possum. I'm like constantly checking in, like is his head nodding off. I have no comfort in a bus situation. Ever, when I went on the Bert Chrysher tour, I had panic and I had my assistant call Bert's assistance to ask about

the bus driver situation. How many hours if they were like you know, unionize, like if they're rules about how many hours they can ride, because I know they'll push it. They'll take a couple of five hour energies, smoke some meth get through the night. I wanted like to make sure I know what they do out there. And truck drivers it's very dangerous, Like it's a dangerous job and they got at they that is something that you would

deep dive into the light of truck drivers. Well, I can't deep dive too much because I will never sleep again because they're all on no sleep and I just worry about their mental health less than them falling asleep on the road. I'm just like every time I saw a truck driver, then I will have a bleeding heart of like you're not getting enough sleep, which is me

just like really obviously projecting constantly all over everyone. But um so Kimmel though, Like I always talk about this when people are like you're such a good comedian or like what's the secret, It's like getting on stage enough so that you being funny is one part. Is a huge part of it, no questions asked, Like writing jokes, and that comes with time, but that can also come with writers. That can also come with people helping you, like you know, like like we were talking about, I go,

how does this world exist? How does he know about tank engines? And Chris. It's like he just the writer, calls up people that know about tank engines and then he gets information and I'm like, okay, so comedians can use writers. But that confidence that you have on stage that you are the bus driver that isn't going to fall asleep, Like Kimmel walks out and you go, he's

got this. Someone could run up on stage. Shit could happen this, a light could fall down, you know, Lady Gaga could start like having a seizure and Kimmel is going to handle it. You know what I'm saying, Like we're safe, and not all hosts can do that. I mean, I I don't think I have that kind of calm.

And that's what I always try to do at the beginning of my shows is like try to make everyone feel like we're in good hands, because generally with stand up comedy, you everyone in the crowd is thinking I could never do that. Not everyone, but I would say the dates of the have my mega fans who are like, we know what she's capable of, and we love comedy and we come to comedy shows all the time. We

know how this works. And then there's their date they brought that doesn't go to comedy shows and their date, whether it's a guy or girl, is thinking, oh my god, I could never do that. That would be so scary. I'd be so nervous. And then they project that onto you, and you need to instantly give them like the feeling you're okay, everything's fine, we all. That's why in America it's so fucking crazy that shows start with an MC

who is the least experienced on the show. That's why I introduced my own shows like from the backstage, because I'm like, I want a voice of like calm and not that on you. You're a consummate professional, You're never you're You're someone who makes everyone feel relaxed, even more so than me. Sometimes I watch you on stage and I'm like, damn, the way she handled that last week she handled a heck. This past weekend, she handled a Hecklert. It was so funny and so good and so present.

But um, yeah, Kim Will just makes you feel that way. And his I just want to when we come back from break, I want to go over a couple of the jokes that I really enjoyed from his monologue, and um, maybe talk about some Oscar moments. Brian, I'm guessing you watched it. Did I did not? You did not? Okay, on your watch, I did. I'm a single belief. Okay, Okay, Well we'll talk about what we get back. We'll talk about what we did it watch when we get back.

Welcome back to the show, guys. I'm on tour, not this next weekend. I have one weekend off, but not really because I'm going to DC to watch Chris's Adam Sandler Mark Twain Prize thing this weekend. That'll be fun. So I'm off. But am I really off? Full there and makeup travel. I sort of got every weekend that I'm off, there's something else going on. Even though I want to do this and I'm not having to be on, it's like you can't. You can't get any time off.

But it's gonna be awesome. Please watch the Mark Twain Prize when that airs on CNN. I don't know exactly when it's at the end of the month, but um I'm coming to the Pacific Northwest next next week, the twenty fourth and twenty fifth, Friday and Saturday. I'll be in Spokane, Washington with on your Marina and m Eugene Organ on Saturday, So come out to those shows if you want. We had a great time with Bessie's this past weekend in Rochester, Buffalo and itic Um, so that

would be so fun. The Oscars. I loved Kimmel's joke about um ozempicum. He's like, I can't help but look around the room and think ozempic might work for me. I just loved that. Is one of my favorite joke deliveries of just you read it, you know exactly how to deliver it. It made me want to host the Oscars so bad his jokes because they were just you don't have to do a singing dance billy crystal thing. I'm like, I want to host an event like this and just have like scathing jokes that just kind of

tow the line. He said something about um, Tom Cruise looking hot, and he was like, l ron, hubba hubba, Like he said something he made a little dig about scientific No, no, of course not, because Tom Cruise can't go anywhere where scientology might be mocked. I mean that is essentially why I think he wasn't there, even though Maverick was, you know, um nominated. And then of course he talked about the Will Smith thing. He made a

joke about, um, there's so many Irish people. His first dig at it was there's so many Irish people dominated that like this is the year where there's going to be a brawl on stage, Like it's gonna get really something about that, and then he made another comment about you know if you, oh, he goes, guys, this year, there is a there's a plan in place if anyone assaults anyone else, just do exactly what you did last year. Nothing,

do nothing. And then oh no, he goes. If no, he goes, if anyone comes up here and assaults anyone, we will immediately give you a Best Actor win and let you do a nineteen minute long speech. And he's like, just do nothing. He goes, No, even don't even try it this week or this year. And then he just listed all the people that will like fight for him,

like that are there. He's like, I have Spider Man here, and they zoom in on Andrew Garfield and he's like, I got you know, and he's going through all of them. It was fun, it was it was a nice acknowledgement and there was I think a couple of other digs throughout the show. He said this, Oh, you know, last year the slap happened during the documentary film uh announcement, and so this year he was like, and not to announce you know the best documentary. Um, this was the

time where we had some issue last year. Let's hope this time it goes off without a hitch or without hitch, which was played hitch. I thought that was a good line. So a lot of fun jokes last night. I didn't really see the speeches. I guess Jamie Lee Curtis won. Um, I don't know. I was there any moments on you you watched it, did you did you care about anything? I like really tuned in at like eight oh seven or something. I was a little late, and I just immediately, well,

I'm I love the Oscars. I've always loved him. I'm like Chris and Brian watching Game of Thrones. It has to be quiet, like knowing a reference and you don't go to oscar parties. No, I I loved it. I just watched it alone for like an hour, and then Matt came down with a big bowl of popcorn and reluctantly watched it with me. But yeah, I wept when um kay who que or whatever one best, supporting for everything everywhere, all at once. He was like, this is great.

He was so excited. He was just like talking about being from an immigrant family and how he's like, I'm living the American dream. Plus I had watched a clip of his that was viral where he was like, I could not get medical insurance two years ago because it was a pandemic, couldn't get anywhere. And now it's like he got nominated for an Oscar and then one he was just so grateful, sorry for joy, and it was I'm gonna be cynical. That's this isn't the American dream.

This is not possible. There's not any Most people from immigrant families that come to the US or you know, will never have this opportunity. It's one one in a billion, almost like it's it's probably one in five hundred million at least to even get a chance to ever be in a movie and get this level success. He won a lottery. This isn't. This is not a dream that America offers anyone. It is. It maybe used to be,

it's not any more. It's but America loves this presentation of like you can come here and this can be your life. It's not gonna be. We're probably going to offer a better life than wherever you came from. There's no denying that in a lot of cases. But I don't like this thing of like that this could happen to anyone else like like that, And I don't like and I don't like people to claim that they worked hard for something. I don't like it anymore because I

don't claim I work hard for things. Yes I do, but I got lucky because I was born with a brain that worked hard. Everything is luck. None of this really matters. I you know, I'm cynical about these shows. When I went to the critics Choice, I was like had a existential crisis of like, everyone in this room

is playing dress up. This is embarrassing. Everyone in here thinks they did something special when they were just probably either born with parents that were rich and supportive or mine too, My parents were financially supportive of me, Like, and they were born with a talent, Like we should just celebrate, like you were lucky enough to be born with this talent. We can do that, but don't act like anyone's man made or self made. I just don't buy it. And I don't buy people that America lucky

people like I don't. I think this is really suits the narrative we would like to say for the immigrant experience of like you can make it, No you can't, No, you can't. Odds are you're not. Definitely think that's true. That's definitely true of casting. Like if if you think that you got cast in a role because you were the best one, you're wrong. It's there was forty people who were the best one, and out of those forty one of them was randomly selected, essentially based on some

weird thing that a casting director had. It. Oh, I saw they had they drank an orange juice. Yes, how do you do you always hear the stories of how people are casting. It's like I had seen him in this production of this one show, like it's or you know, you're right, Like I saw the way he drank. He brought in an orange juice into the audition, and I like the way he didn't cap his orange juice, and it really spoke to the character. And it's just like

that was just a random fucking thing that happened. Or she gave a blowjob, or she gave the sorry, she gave the idea that she might blow you someday. Do you know any actresses you know about because they fucked someone? Really? And I'm not talking about like old timing. You know most of your favorite actresses have done sexual favors for the stuff, and maybe not most. I would say way more than you think your favorite actresses to the four

people here, I'm not kidding. I do you think I know that I've gotten roles because or opportunities because men have wanted to fuck me. I know it. I haven't fucked them. That's not me being like I'm better than that. If I was a different person, I would have fucked them. I don't blame you for fucking someone for a role.

If you think that you're talented enough and the only way you're gonna get at it is to fuck someone and you don't care about sucking them, is not going to really like affect your bottom line as a human being. Do it? I don't care it. You know. I'm not trying to be um controversial here or accusatory or I'm just saying it like it is, Like the reason people get things is not because they're talented most of the time, and the reason they're talented is not because they worked

harder or because they're better than you. It's just they were born with this talent. And I think the Oscars, just like I think the Olympics, is cool because it is a meritocracy, you know, like you're the you. There's no nepotism in athletics. There might be a little bit, like you might get your son into the right kind of camps that make him train better and then but you gotta be fucking good. You gotta run fast, you gotta be a good player, you gotta have a good arm.

Do you agree? Am I wrong? Well, it's no, you're not wrong. It's just that there are certain countries that are able to have the facilities and the and the money and the exposable income disposal income to put people. That's why America America isn't the most athletic nation in the world. It's not like we genetically have all the athletes and that's why we win all the medals. It's

because we have so much income. Yeah, we just take someone when they're three years old and we put them in a pool and we make them swim, and we pay for everything they could ever want. There's a book you gotta read Nikki the talent code. I know the talent code. You got me the talent code, and that is what everything I mean that took me from that got me into like there's no free will. Everyonce is Beyonce because of first of all, she has an inborn talent.

She was born with like the right kind of structure in her head to produce that sound, the right vocal chords, everything is working. So she was born with it. It wasn't something she invented or she created. And then she trained from the day she was probably singing and training since she was two. And I'm not joking, and she went to there's a lot of talent that comes out of exactly where she went to went to go train. She's the best out of all of that. But she

she didn't come out of nowhere. I didn't come out of nowhere. People think like, you're so good, and I go because I've been doing it for twenty some odd years. I'm coming up on the twentieth anniversary. I think of doing stand up March twelfth, what's the date right now? Oh? Yesterday? Weary that it was marched like twelfth or three? It may it might have been March thirteenth, So this might be it, but um, it was the first time I

went on stage and then I took a break. But I mean, like that's why I'm good, it's not and because yes, I'll say it's because I'm quick, and like my brain is. I'm smarter than a lot of people. There's no doubt about that I have. I'm smart. I'm not. I'm there are money people that are smarter than me. But I didn't make my smartness. You didn't make your legs that made you a fast runner. You have those, you can train properly. We all think we're in control

of it. But the talent code is fascinating because that is what got me on the controversial take of anyone could be a comedian if they want to be. Anyone could be anything they want to be. It's just about how many hours you devote to it and how young you intercept them. That's why China's good at gymnastics. They steal, They robbed girls of their childhood, much like we do. I mean, I remember when Kursten got really good at gymnastics. We were like doing gymnastics at the same time. She

was always better than me. More inclined, just has the body for it, born with it, not taking anything from her, but she is. And she started going up the levels and then suddenly when she was like at competitive level, bye bye Kirstin. No more hang out because you have to go to the gym for four hours after school every single day. And it was like and she got Thankfully she got out of it before high school really kicked into gear because she would have had no experience

except to that one, which isn't not an experience. You have friends there and you have the social life there that becomes something, but it wouldn't have it. It's a huge sacrifice that these people make. It's so so rare that you know, you see videos sometimes of like an autistic girl just like going up to a piano and just playing a Bach concerto and she's blind and her head is spinning around and she just like ever practice it. She heard it one time. That is something we don't

understand yet. But that is also something that she couldn't control. Like, no, one, don't stop giving people credit for being talented. We can give them credit for being lucky. And that's but I remember dat Fan who won last Comic Standing the first season he came. He shouldn't have won. He had literally ten minutes of comedy at tops. He won the first season he came to KU to perform. I would just start a comedy like a year before I went to go see him. I'm front row. I'm so excited. He's

not good, he's mediocre whatever. Most of his show was like a real We watched of him on the show, and then he did a Q and A. I mean, these are all tricks I know to fill time. Now, you like start with a video, you do your act, then you end with a Q and A. You did a Q and A. I raised my hand and I go, how does it feel to be like so lucky to have won that show? Because he was against like Rich Voss and like Todd Glass, Ralphie May, Like there were people in place I forget exactly the makeup of he

shouldn't have won. Just like when I was on Last Time Standing, I was lucky. I was at five minutes of comedy. So many people were better than me. And I said that, and I will never forget. I go, how lucky are you to have you? How do you feel so grateful? And that you like I said something about luck and he goes luck had nothing to do with it, and I was just like, he got so mad, and it's like, dude, everything is luck. I mean more

so than I even knew at the time. But certainly for him to win that show, it was just luck that he was in the right place at the right time. But people hate that because they want final thought. People hate to have luck as the thing because it's not in your control and everyone wants control and to be

able to go No, I earned that. I did that because I'm smart, And it's like, well, you got lucky that you were born with parents by parents who were smart and they gave you some of their genetic smartness. It's not you're just lucky. But then at the same time, I've noticed people who, you know, I'm something. When I started getting things in my career, people always used to go, I'm so glad you're getting this. You deserve it, you

work hard. And it really bothered me because people were excusing my talent as she just got that because she worked hard, Like she's not born with it, she's not a natural, she just got it because she worked hard. And then there are people who don't work hard, who are just naturals who hate when people go you're a natural and they go no, because I got this because I worked hard. So no matter what you get credit for,

I realize you want the other one. It's always greener on the other side of the I can't control it street, which because we're always looking for something that like, no, I did this, Brian thoughts. Yeah, it's like being a musician or a comedian or an athlete. It's like, if you're an athlete, you want to do comedy. If you're a musician, you want to be an athlete, and if you're a comedian, you want to be Did I say

that already what I said? Yeah? Yeah, No, it's true everyone wants to be But do you believe Do you believe in free will? Are you on the no free will train yet? Um? I believe that the universe is random chaos and this is a charade that is leading towards nothing. But I also think that we do have some we have some agency over what occurs, and I really do think that the decisions you make today will

affect what happens three five years from now. Yeah, butterfly effect like yes, yeah, little things, yeah, totally, Like like I went out of my way to release that possum, and maybe on a couple of weeks, I'll read a story in the news that says like local possum eats baby, and I'll feel terrible about it. That's just what starving. We don't against natural instincts in the mountain. Yes, we just don't know what effects we're going to have, and

that's where the luck comes. It's like hopefully the because you don't know. It's like gambling. It's like, oh, I think Anthony Davis is going to get forty points today. It's like it might feel like that's the right decision when you place the bet, but then he gets ten points and you lose two thousand dollars. Then you're like psychic thing of people going like I just had a feeling.

I just everyone loves to say that of like I just knew, Like when we were playing that psychic game on the girls Trip, Anya, Yeah, it just like made it irritated me so much how everyone didn't see the

mind games that were being played. Like we all wrote down, so Brian, we got together on this Girl's Trip, we all wrote down like a word on a piece of paper and then we crump like whatever word, just like we just like the first word that comes to your mind, whatever pops in your head, which I think is an example of no free will because you don't control what thought pops up. It just does. And it was a

perfect example of that. So you write down, write down all these words, we crumble them up, We put him too a thing. And then we each have a question in our lives, and we asked the question aloud, like what should I do about this my future? It could be as you know, vague as that. And then you open the thing and it would say volcano and we would go, that means that you are spewing creativity soon and that it was like tarot card reading. Yeah, you just project what you want onto it, which is fun

and it's a good way to interpret life. But I don't, you know, I don't know that there's really um although I will say that the you know, we talk about the astrological sign thing on here in like astrology a lot and how I think it's probably bullshit, but you know, who cares. It's fine if it's not harming anyone. It's not like religion. It doesn't seem to be like organizing people to hate other people, even though it kind of is when people are like any scorpios, I'm not working

with you, a gay j Loo fired. Yeah, but we did a thing where you know all that on Instagram, there's all those like, um, they'll have like different slides for your sign, and it's like it's a meme, and it's like this is a scorpio meme and this is areas meme. So we blindly took all of them and took off the sign and then we sent them on my girls chat and I said, everyone, read through all of these and see which one suits you the most, which one describes you the most, and then see what

sign it is. And instead of just finding your sign and going, oh no, that's so me, because that's the cognitive fucking tricks that are mine plays to give us what we want. And I will say that most of us picked our own sign and that was wild. Isn't that crazy? So there's and you know, I leave open as much as I think I know the laws of the universe and I know everything and I'm a misnow at all. I will say that the one show that got me to question afterlife is the show After Death

or something. It's a Tyler Henry's show The Little Psychic Kid who scribbles on a piece of paper and talks to people who are dead, And I wrote on his instagrams because it was a year since the anniver story of his show debuting on Netflix, and I wrote a comment. I was like, is this like so lame? But I was like, this show changed everything for me. I look at death. I now look at death differently. And I meant it like that show changed that little experiment we

did in the girls chat with the astrology. I go, Okay, I'm open to it. I might embrace this. And then Tyler Henry show, I think there might be ghosts. I think there might be an afterlife. I'm not like I'm I'm open to it. And it's interesting how those how you can even be open to that stuff from a Netflix. I hope there's ghosts. I hope that there's something. I mean, the biggest fear that I have is that there's nothing. And that's probably the case. And um, yeah, that's why ghosts.

Ghost shows are like full of hope. That's like, oh that tortured ghosts is something. It's I'm not not gonna be nothing. But do you ever think about the thing of like you just go back to the way was before you were born. Does that bring you comfort? You've heard that obviously, right, Yeah, it makes me no comfort. It makes me want to scream and jump out a window.

But that's probably the case. Yeah, I'm gonna be frozen in a tube until they can fix that fix aging, and they're gonna defrost me, and they're gonna be like they're they're getting. Yeah, I need to be Yes wants to be decapitated and it's frozen head and then they'll clone all the stuff in his head and he can come back. Why why would you want to be back as an eighty one year old man? Um? Well, maybe he's enjoying life as an eighty one year old man and he's like this is and he can't go back

to his thirty one year old self. So he's just gotta take what he can get. But I do it. Maybe you can. Maybe you can put your brain and your memories into a robobody and you can walk around and you can jump eight feet high. That's true. Don't want to come back to whatever world we're living in. When they have that technology, it's gonna be so it's so advanced. I'm not gonna know the new apps. There's gonna some new app that every all the kids are on,

and I'm gonna feel so out of it. I'm terrified of aging, not because of the looks, but because I'm so scared of being stupid with technology. And right now I'm like, I'm starting to get a little stupid. Like I don't I don't know how to make a real I don't know how to like do faded. I don't know how to do that thing where you like talk behind an image or in front of an image and you're like, see what she's wearing here, Like, I don't know how to do that yet I know I can figure.

I just figured out how to fast forward YouTube. So yeah, I'm I'm getting there. But um tap tips. Let's talk about you never worry about and oh sorry, you don't have to worry about any of that. By the way, you don't have to worry about learning anything because in the next five to ten years, all you have to do is ask the AI to do it for you. You don't have to learn any of this shit. Really, hey, I will do it for you. You'll just you'll just type.

Can you please make a reel for me where my head is in front of a blah blah blah and the AI will do it for you. You don't have to no coding anymore. It's crazy. This is relaxed. That's makes me feel both better and more awful. So I don't know, Let's get in a listen more tomorrow on the podcast I'm so good You're gonna be around that. You were so fun today, Brian Frazie, thank you for being here again. Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Oregon, twenty fourth and

twenty fifth coming up in two weeks. Come to those shows on your Marina. Thank you for being here at Noah. I love you so much, don'tyka and just ask the chat GGP to do it? Is that the name? Yeah? Yeah, sweet, I gotta right