Dat Niho here, I am speaking. There's your podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm in Los Angeles, um Noah and I are here in my airbnb in Santa Monica. We can't see ourselves on our screen because we look so gross today that I had to move it off the screen. Have you ever been in a zoom meeting and you like can't it's there that does give you the option to remove your window, you know, yes, but on riverside, which is what we record on, there is not that option.
So I had to like zoom in on Anya and like move us to the side because I can't handle it today. There's no what was that? What do you see? Just just you you zoomed in? Yeah, you always look lovely. I don't know what's going on with It's just my head gets bigger every day, and my head does. I do have a huge head. My dad tried on my hat the other day and he goes, you got a
big hat too, because he has a huge head. We have a large um dome I think it's called but like from the front, it doesn't look like I have a big head. But every hat on me, Like Chris the other day put on this baseball cap because he really likes it, and he brought it and I was so like flattered that he with his like very exact boy style, Like I can't buy him anything because he knows exactly what he likes. He never likes things that I would like for him, but he likes my hat.
It's um my brother in law's canoe company thing, big muddy. And he took the hat to dinner and I was like yes, And then he tried to put it on and he was like swimming in it and he had to think, like he had to make it. I have a bigger head than my boyfriend. I just never it just means you have more hair. No, no, it's I mean that might be true recently. I love that. When I was in college, I was obsessed with Shinad O'Connor. I made like a life size collage like a serial
killer on the side of my dorm room wall. And she has the most beautiful cranium. Yeah, it's like a perfect skull. I'm sure it's a double XL. Yeah. I always am testing the limits of baseball caps. I'm I don't and I don't like it's a snug fit because it um depresses my forehead, and then I have a line there and it depresses everyone to see me in that hat too. Hats Hats are the best baseball cap I know. I wish I had one. I have one in the other room. But baseball caps are the fucking best.
They make you look cool. They're the sunglasses for your head. Well, sunglasses are for your head as well, but they're they make you feel secret surfacing black ball caps. I can't get enough. I want to wear them. I wish I could wear them on every TV appearance I have everything. They make you look cool. They make you look like you have a Selena Gomez sized forehead, which is a tiny,
tiny forehead. My I have a large forehead. It goes all the way back like it's It's just it's not like, you know, the worst thing about my looks, but I do have a prominent forehead. You do. Look at this, hold on, hold on, I can't hear you, but look you're actually testing it with your hand. Yeah, oh yeah, mine's definitely. No. Oh that guy f PB you got some No you don't. But Selena Gomez. I love her forehead. She has like literally she could maybe fit a cute
tip between her brow and her hairline. It's so good and she has just it makes you have a cute, little small face because I think kids don't have big forehead beauty ideal though, like Rita Hayworth had all her hair pulled out back in the day, because she has makes me a cotton mouth where I mean no, no, no, I don't like, Oh my god, I hate it so much. That made me more sick than last night. I went to um uh A. I went to my friend Natalie. She was on the show she does the dog rescue.
So I went to go to her house to go look at this dog that I might rescue and out of We're gonna put it in a burning building and I'm gonna run into get it, just like really lean into the rescue part of it. And so I went
to go beat this dog. But she has a blind dog because the dog had like eye problems and so it was nearly blind, but its eyes hurt and they would have to administer drops and it would bite anyone who would so they just had its eyes taken out because now it's not in pain, it's just you know, permanently blind. So she was like, yeah, but I got his eyes in a jar like she is so, and so she goes you want to and she was like,
you want to see him? And she kind of was just like I could show him to it it if you want, and she kind of said it as like just a passing thought. But I was like, fuck yeah, I want to see these eyes in a jar. And so she cut out this jar and her dog's eyes were in it. It It was like this little, tiny jar. It was so cute. That made me less disgusted to see these like cloudy eyeballs of this this dog than what you
just said about Rita Hayworth. I'm gonna I'm gonna be sick all day thinking about questioning her fucking hairline hairs out. I'm gonna that makes you sick rather eat eyeball or I'm gonna say another thing. You're okay t depths or pulling cotton out of your mouth that's no hair is the worst for me now, like plucking hairs like people with even I have so much empathy for trick tillomaniacs out there who are plucking their hairs to like calm down.
But I can't handle if it's like in the back of your head amongst a lot of hairs, it's easier for me. But if it's on the edge, Oh, I don't know. Why do you have any of those? No? Sorry, just bru Do you have any of those? What like things that make you go Dad? I guess like something's like I related just like touching the eye. Oh sorry, I jar would have bummed you out. No, I just those eyes are out. Yeah, like if it's oh, don't pluck a hair off? No, no, it's trying to take
something off your face. Okay. Um, so do I anything that like the worth of my nose, anything that involved I touching? Okay, so contact lenses lasick. Yeah, but I could do contact contacts Lasick. I want to do it so bad, but I'm really trying to get over this eye stuff. I can tell you enough. Like I know Lasick. Lasic Plus is one of our sponsors, and I got LASI through them. I can't wait to go back and
have my other eye done. So I'm getting my other I done for sure, because the one eye isn't really working for me. It's a soothing process. I got to bring Taylor with me. Everyone's so nice. You're in and out. Chris is gonna get it done to it Lasic plus, like I'm like obsessed with the doctors there. It's just they are so chill about it, but they're not chill in a way like I hate when you go play I think I've said this before. I hate when you
go places and they're too chill about what's happening. Veneers like where they're just like, yeah, you're just gonna get it, and you're like, no, I need to like hear everything that you're doing, Like I know you guys do this every day, but I don't. It's kind of like the way I was with my family with reality show. I was just like, the cameras are gonna be here and it's gonna be fine because I'm used to that, but they were like freaking anacking Yeah, And I didn't have
enough compassion for her experience. I was just thinking about my own experience and how it must be the same as hers because I lack empathy because of my mom. It's all ironic, But but at Lasic, they just like hold your hand through it. Literally during it. You don't there's no do you smell anything? Yes flowers that they give you at the end, No, you do smell They tell it that's the only thing that I could say that you might like, you don't feel anything. I'm not
kidding you. Like you, there's no like needles involved. There's no like you know that there's lasers, but you don't feel the laser. You don't see the laser. They were talking to me the whole time. They were just going, your lashes are so long, and I was like, oh, I use this Lattisse knock off, like I think it's made me blind and I was just like, but they were like, your lashes are incredible. They're just talking to me about my lashes the whole time, and then we
were talking about makeup. It was you go to one machine and then you go to another. It's done within like three minutes tops. I'm not even joking you. And you do smell like a burning but it's like because someone's like, you know, over coaked potato in the break room, like it's it's not bad at all, and you don't really like get COVID before it, so you won't smell anything. I'm just making conversation while they're doing lasak. Yeah, because
he's done ninety seven thousand procedures. Have you I've never done anything that many times in my life, I haven't blinked ninety eight seven ninety seven thousand times, so like this is nothing to him. So yeah, he was trying to distract because he's so used to people being so nervous. But I was just ye, I wasn't nervous at all. But they also give you, um, like a relax like valium or something if you want it, or Zanex or something. Beforehand I tried to go. They were like, do you
want some Xanax? And I was like, can I have it for the road? Dogging back, They're like, no, this is how like this is for your your feelings now, and I'm like, but I think tomorrow it might be like anxious about this like show I'm doing. And they're like, no, we can't, just like get me. But they were they were cracking up because I was like, I don't need it now. I'm very relaxed, Like I actually looking forward to laying down and just like having someone gently talked
to me about my lashes. But um, that's like ob GYNs. They're like, so, what's your major? You're like your knee deep, elbow deep, yes, or dentist. I know it's such a hack thing, but they always ask you questions when their fingers are in your mouth, and it's like, really, that's bizarre. Did you notice the other day I put in the thing about male gynecologists in my act. Oh my god, your act was so much Now I came to see me the other night. I went to see Nikki at
the URB so much. I don't know if that's a great no, it's it's there's I mean, like, there's so much material and it's the first time I've seen you in a club in a really long time. Yeah, so for you know, like I've heard you talk about stuff on the podcast, So for besties who can go see Nikki, like, it's so fun to hear how you put all these things together. Yeah. I wouldn't have done that kynecologist thing had the pod not like open that fucking world up
to me. But everyone's on board so much, and so you know, like I was thinking and I was only in the car, like all the comedians had their own style, and I was like, what is it about nikkis that like pop so much? And you're like one of the few comedians who you don't just like tell stories and like do social commentary. You talk about the things that like the thoughts that everybody has, but we don't let it out of our id. It's like like it stays in the inn and you just like bring it to
the surface, and it's just like it's so funny. We had such a good time. Oh that's so nice. Yeah. Like I just because I've always been talking about like
we shouldn't trust male babies. There's like I have this whole rant about like protecting your kids from pedophiles, and I go, I'm just gonna keep going, like I'm like swim coaches, like men should not be able to be children's swim coaches, children's gymnastics coaches, but below a certain age, like anyone who's like your kids genitals are like within their hands reach no. Yeah, And anyone who like kind of disagrees with me, I kind of think, like I'm right.
I'm like, especially with I was so nervous on the podcast to say that I'm suspicious of male gynecologists, but then we were flooded with stories of male guynecologists being creeps. And then of course people sent us articles about these are male guy ecologists and this is why they do it, and the their reasoning was creepy, like a lot of those reasonings, like I really have not been given too many like it, Like I don't know like proof would
that it's not weird. And I will say that I'm sure ninety percent of male guynecologists get into it for the right reasons, But ten percent is a lot of gynecologists. I don't even know if after hearing all the feedback, I wouldn't even say, I'm not even tas Just think about it. If you are in med school and you have the option of doing anything, why would you choose the one where you get to have your hand inside a woman and she is going to allow you to
do anything. Because we don't see doctors they can't move, and we trust doctors like and we should we hopefully we can like and I would even say pediatricians, like I've heard about people being molested in front of their parents at the pediatrician because the people tramatologists did it to me When I was seventeen or eighteen, I had some moles and I and then this, yeah, he made my mom leave the room. I think I was maybe eighteen, but I was just on the verge. And then he
exam he goes you have to get composedly naked. And he was so short, so disgusting, so creepy, and then he walked around me slowly. Sorry trigger warning, but I'm just reporting. And then he just in my ear he goes, you have a beautiful body. I can put your clothes on now. Disgusting. And then my mom came back in and I told her immediately, I go I hate him. I told her what happened, and she was like, that's awful, and well him did nothing, did nothing because people are
terrified of doctors. They're egomaniacs. They are just they're like, you know, that's the documentary Stolen Youth. Like I wouldn't trust myself about around that guy, even though I know what his ways, I believe he is probably Yeah, he's so sexual. I just want to hold his penis as a sleupid thing. But that's part of the die. Um. I just want to rub my tits on that end.
Oh god, he's so gross. But it's just like, I don't think you're going to outsmart these people, or don't think that you're going to be different than other women in these circumstances. Like I've told this before, but I have a friend who's probably like the out of everyone I've ever known in my life in terms of women, she's probably been in the most bar fights of any woman I know, like most scraps with other women. Like
she's just like a ballbuster, she's like intimidating. And she went to a massius, a male masseus, and he fingered her asshole. And this person who calls out any injustice around her, like I'm scared of her, did nothing because and she said, I couldn't do anything. I froze. I didn't know what to do. She was she was disgusted with herself that she didn't do anything afterwards. She didn't want to. She couldn't even call the place to you know, uh,
you know, say anything about it. Luckily that place another girl there that same day got her asshole fingered as well, and so a lawyer went and that represented that woman, looked at their books for the day and said who else saw this guy, and called every one of them. And she got a call from this lawyer being like, at this salon, were you fingered or did anything? And she was like yes. So that's the only way that
she ever ended up seing this guy. I think it's really a personality thing because a couple of days ago, I told you we went to a restaurant ABV and I and some woman fainted at the bar and she just fell back and I saw it happy with my eye butt, I froze, like all I could do. I just went av and he and he turned around and he like sprinted into action. But I just like, I just didn't know what to do. And I think there's
just action. Was a sporting goods store next door, he ran away, he sprinted sporting good Um, yeah, you just don't know what you're going to do in those circumstances or any just free frama and then and there were like and every you know, there were other people who saw it happen and they were just frozen. And I think there's just people who can just fight through that frozenness and just go into action, and then there's just some people who have to just stay frozen and watch
my voice. Teacher was talking about coming upon a car accident. He saw it happen, and then he rushed into action, right the sporting goods store. He rushed in there and got there everywhere. Yeah, I mean it's it's I would invest if I were you guys that his action sports would be a good sporting goods place. Okay, So he's he's sprints into action. He gets over to the woman that's been like or the mailman that was like tossed out of the car and stuff, and he's like helping
and aiding and assistant. And he said that the girl who was probably on her phone distracted driving early twenties, was just like on her phone and like she nearly killed this maleman. He went flying. He's like crumpled in the corner, and my voice teachers helping him and she's and he is telling me all about this, and he's like, she didn't even come over, She's just on her phone.
It's like if I hit someone, and I go I didn't say this at the time, but I'm like, she might have been like a total twat and just not cared that she hit someone, But you don't I've hit someone before. And my first reaction was to laugh because it was so insane. I started cackling, like like an like an insane person, like I can't even imagine that
I would do, ever do anything like that. There was nothing funny about it, but it was so shocking that I was laughing, and then I didn't want to get near him at all because I was so scared to see what I had done, and there were other people assisting. I mean, like, given the fact that if and no one would have been there, I obviously would have mustered the courage to do it. But I don't like I don't like seeing people hurt. I don't like seeing blood.
I'm just so scared, Like I hope I never come upon a car crash the first I will drive around it. I'm sorry, I will. I will probably wait for someone else to get there because I can't. I can't handle it. I don't know what that is about me. It's I couldn't even call nine one once, so I understand, God, it's happening to her. Well what you need to Uh? He didn't know, because you don't. It's like, you know, hippa or whatever. Like what about the woman in the
bar um? So the ambulance eventually came and and you know she she came to she was just like frozen. I don't think she fainted, but she bit her tongue as she fell in her head just hid the floor. So when the EMTs picked her up, there was blood and stuff, um, and they took her and that's all I know. Oh my god, yea lady. That just reminded
me of a joke I said the other night. And I was just so excited that you reminded me of it because I did on stage and I totally forgot, but I was talking about how men are like intimidated by sex toys, and I was like, you know, like I think that they think we compare them to our vibrators, and it's like, we don't. It's apples to oranges, like do you compare us to your like your clenched fist, Like do you are you like, oh, her vagina doesn't have as many people like callous it Like it's the
same thing. But men's somehow think that we're like why doesn't his penis vibrate at ten thousand beats per second? Like we don't compare it. And then I said something about like I did date an epileptic guy once and he was seizing and he was there was some kind of connection where he was like vibrating that much, and I was like, just the idea of like me taking an epileptic to a laser show, So it triggers it
so I can help. It really made me laugh, so sorry money, but I just remembered that, Oh it's so good when you remember something that you said on stage, because I keep having these moments on stage where it's like the perfect joke I came up with and I just can't go back and listen to my set. I cannot do it. And I'm like, the other night I said something, and I knew that I would want to remember it. I knew I would never go back and
listen because I hate listening to myself. And um, but thank you so much to the listener right now for listening to me. I don't know how you do it, but um, I h there, I couldn't see Anya off stage, and I was like, on, you write that down, but I couldn't see her. And so there was there was a stage man, the guy that was like running the lights. I had like talked to him right before because I asked him. I always asked when I go to towns,
like what's the worst part of town? Because I have this joke where you just like insert worst part of town here. And he was like not being very cooperative with that, but he was okay, he was fine, but I didn't even know what to call him sound he because he wasn't the sound guy. He wasn't a stage manager. So I just go, bald guy, that's so. But there was nothing else. He was just a white guy, like average heighted white guy. Like what I just like bald
didn't say that, and he turned in. He was disgusted with him. He was really so mad that I said, it was that asshole guy that you guys said you didn't like it? Mean he was so. I didn't know he was an asshole at the time, but I was like, he probably wasn't and he probably didn't like that I called him bald guy. But then the audience kind of reacted, and I go, he knows he's bald, Like what am I supposed to do? Like that's the I didn't have.
I didn't get his name. Maybe that's on me. I don't I don't know that those people you can't get every crew members name. I wouldn't have remembered it even if I got it because it's in one ear or not the other. Not because I don't care, but because you know, everyone knows how it's like hard to remember names. So I just said baldy that wasn't trying to be mean.
He was just it's like the old guy that I talked about on that game show I did where I said, you know, he's old, and everyone goes it's like people are bald, people are old, people are like you just can't say those things. There was nothing else about him that was definable, but he certainly did not write down the joke that I told I was like, will you please remember this thing? Thank god Anya was in the back and they had the audio going, I got it.
Mother abortion, Yeah, it was like job it was. I was talking about Chris being like he doesn't want to picture the mother like like his wife doing these things. I was talking about how like men like they want the whore, and then they want the madonna, like the mother or the whore, and they don't like when you can't be a horror like a lot of times men when they have their Yeah, when a lot of times
when men have children with a wife, they can't. They don't want to make her a horror anymore because it's like she's a mother of my child. So I was like, so Chris, Chris doesn't my boyfriend doesn't want the future mother of his aborted fetus, and so I was like, baby, write down mother of an aborted fetus. He was just like no. He just looked at me like, uh so, we gotta go to break. We'll be back at the mor after of this. Okay, we're back. So last night
I saw a dog named tic Tac. No, he's approximately eight. They don't really know he was astray. They I guess this is what happens. People bring in dogs and they say they're strays, but they're really just like, I'm broke and I can't afford to take care of this dog anymore. So that happens a lot at rescues or like um shelters is people will be like they told me that last night. They told me the story that one guy came into a rescue one day or a straight sorry rescue, yeah, rescue.
A humane society brought in the dog and was like I found this dog on the street and they're like okay, and they were like, well, scan his microchip. And they scan the microchip, a number comes up. They call the number. It's the guys fucking his phone starts ringing and so people do this all the time. And so this little
dog named Tik Tak, this is, this is this? Can I just like present my struggle with this and maybe this will go down in the annals of time of like, oh my god, tik Tak's my dog, and I'll be like, oh, the first time I talked about tik Tak this was on or maybe I never have Tiktak. Who knows. I'm still like kind of um in this weird place with it.
I feel like I'm ready to get a dog, because, first of all, I watched this Ted talk the other day about how your life you have all these moments in your life where your life can buy fear kate, I think is the word she said, where you're you can go in two different directions, right, and you have chances of that every day, But generally we don't. We don't choose those chances. We don't go, I'm gonna just
quit my job and try another job. I'm gonna I'm gonna, you know, move, I'm gonna get a dog, like we often are just thrust into them because we get sick, A parent gets sick, a parent dies, like we're just and then you're hurtled into or you get fired. You're just hurtled into this new version of your life that is going to change you for the rest of your life. And we don't often just choose those, we wait for
them to happen to us. And I've just recently been, like I was saying the other day, feeling like I don't I know, I don't want kids, which is another joke that is killing right now because I realized in deciding that I don't want kids, I literally am set to make over the next eighteen years up over a
million dollars. That was So it's about come up to look at the audience to see like how many people the light bulb went off that, Well, no one's ever I mean everyone knows that raising a kid is about I think it used to be three hundred thousand dollars like four years ago, and now it's about a million dollars in LA. It's a million dollars easy if you want a kid to have a good education. And it's true.
Like when I when I realized I didn't want to freeze my eggs and I probably I'm not going to have kids, I was just like, I get a million dollars, Like that is a really cool way to look at it. So when I said that the other night, and I don't want to go down the Chelsea Handler route of like I love what Chelsea Handler does about being childless. I just bought a sweatshirt that says childless on it like almost like collegiate, but it says childless. Like I
am celebrating me in childless. I'm leaning into it. It's awesome, But I am not going to shame people for having kids, like I'm not going to like I feel like a lot of moms, well that's just me being a pussy. I like Chelsea Handler for just like not giving a fun what people think. And she's like, I don't care if you, like I can tell moms probably you're like easy lady, Like I get it, you get to smoke pot and sleep until the afternoon. Like you're making me
feel bad about my life. I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but I do want to say I'm going to make a million dollars that you aren't going to make, like whenever someone gets a job, Like I even said this on stage of the night and this I hate to keep being like quoting my own jokes, but I was excited. I told Chris when I got home, I was like I stumbled upon something that is gonna
be a big, big thing of my next special. Like the last special I had, the Old Souls, was like the bit that traveled, And this next special, I think it's gonna be how if you if you decide to not have kids before your body decides for you, right like, instead of waiting for my age to happen, where I'm like he was taken from me, I'm now making the decision myself. I'm telling body, I'm in charge. I don't
want this. If it happens, okay, but like I don't want it, I am now empowered to like realize all the fruits that will come from the fact that I'm not having a fruit of the womb and and it. But it was interesting because I'm always scared to alienate anyone who is apparent because I already know the struggle of being a parent is so hard. They're already deeply regretting it in their souls. They can't admit it to
anyone or themselves there are it's so hard. And that being that was me being ironic and facetious or sarcastic, whatever you want to say. I know you don't really regret having kids, but I know that parents are struggling and I don't want to make them feel bad about it and be like jealous of me, not that they would ever be because they think they made the right decision,
which they did for them. But the other night it just resonated so hard with this la crowd of like you could tell there's a lot of women in their twenties who don't want kids and are like whoo, but like it just gave them. It's just such a for me at thirty eight deciding I don't want kids, and Anya you can speak to this too, like there's something about it that makes you feel like less of a woman when you have maybe made that decision internally you
don't want to share it with people. You feel like there's something It's like this new shout your Abortion kind of thing, like shout your Abortion was a little like moment where women were like, I did it. I'm not going to be shamed about it. Like leaning into like making decision not to freeze my eggs has felt very empowering to me as all I'm saying, and it's I
think it's going to be exciting for my act. But so this is I guess the dog thing is maybe in a reaction to that, like, Okay, well now I have the freedom to spend my money on this thing, and you know, I just have been compelled to be Like if I I picture myself in a car accident and no one coming to aid me because they're all like me, they're running into aunt like sports, and I'm just like laying there. They like I need to get a ten and I'm a triage unit that I won't
have anyone in because this woman will have died. So I'm just like laying there. I picture me like being like and being like seeing the light and being like, what didn't I do on Earth? And it will be wrote a song that anyone heard. And then the other one would be bird. I didn't have a bird, and I can't have a bird right now. It's just I can't travel with a bird. I mean, they could fly along the side the plane, but I don't know if they're into the engine. Yeah, and then we'll all go down.
Solely won't save us. And it would be like there's a senior dog out There's a dog out there right now, right now, there's a dog suffering because I don't have a dog. There is a dog right now that is like shivering in a cage somewhere because I'm choosing to not have a dog. And so I just when I made that connection, I'm like, I need to do it. I have the resources, and I want a small dog
that I can bring with me anyway. Tik Tak was the first dog that was and I kind of because I'm such a I hate when people have designer dogs and they're like, I want that looking dog and I want to Doug that's hypoalergenic, and like there's no such thing. That's like a made up thing for white people to like find the dog that they want and be like I have see I'm like different than everyone. I have like a specific allergy, so like I need this special thing.
It's it's so a white person. I'm a white person and I'm just like you. But it's you trying to be original because you have no culture because you're white. White people have no culture, so they need to get tattoos and they need to have allergies to like feel special. So I hate when people choose their dogs. It's not that I hate you, but I hate that decision that you made that you're like, I want this looking dog, and guess what it's because I want a certain looking
dog too. Do you think I want a dog that looks like Tic Tac? No, it's not my ideal dog. I would like a little dog that looks like my friend Nick's dog. She has a dog named Bonde because she's from Australia. But her dog's name is Bond. And it's like this little skinny dog. It looks like a little deer, and it's a tiny little deer and it's clean looking and it looks like a little Golden Retriever if you shrunk it down. And it's a rescue. But she just got lucky right when I got Luigi. I
didn't like the look of that dog. That wasn't the dog, the ideal dog. I'm admitting it. We all have a dog that we want in mind of, Like what dog looks like me and looks cutest in my arm? I have that too, But I don't get to do that. You don't get to this is the type of thing that I'm like, I don't get to be a chooser. And there were two dogs. There were two dogs at this rescue that I was like a may Day rescue that I was looking at on Instagram and I go, oh,
these are cute. One was named Maureen and one was named Darlene that I was going to change to Darling. And they were so cute and they were like one and a half years old and they're like adorable, and they were like the looks of the dogs that I would want. And then I was like, what about these? And she was like, what about Tiktak? And TikTok is
so cute. First of all, I'm sorry TikTok that I ever said that you weren't the kind of dog I would want, because Marian was not the type of dog I wouldn't want Luigi and they are my perfect dog now. I love them so much. Little cartoons. And this dog, TikTok, it does not like me. It doesn't like anyone. It's like Luigi, like it was so disgusted by like it was. It just wanted to be with its foster lady. She brought him over and she's only had him for forty
eight hours. He's got at the shelter less than seventy two hours ago. She him for forty eight hours and he's just following her around. He just wants to be with her, so I know that this dog will love me. Like, Okay, I'm not even worried about that. Because Chris was like, because the dog didn't want to be around me or like let me touch it, he was worth that. I was gonna be like, I don't want this dog, but I go no, I've been through this with Luigi. He
bit me the first day. He wouldn't even look at me. He was shivering in a corner, like this dog isn't abused, like I don't think it's been like beaten severely. But the cutest thing that happened was there's like all these dogs in this house because they have the Natalie and her partner have like a bunch of dogs. But then it didn't care about the dogs. It was just kind of like this little seven pound chihuahua. It's so cute named TikTok, and his penis will not stay in his body.
So if penis is out and it's like dry, it looks like a human. Um bobbit no no um. A lot of people at chihuahua's have this problem. Their dick doesn't go back in and it's very painful for the dog. But sugar Water sugar water water? Is that a type of dog that will suck it sticky sugar water? And he goes around no like you YouTube it and this guy's like, listen, I didn't want to figure this out,
but I fucking figured this out with my dog. I am not gay, but check and it does help the dick get less swollen and it goes back in the sheets. But you have to do diaper. Well, he's getting spayed or a neuter this week and they said that would help with it. But it also can wear like a little like there's like these little diapered for his whole life. Yeah, because he's either been on the street or someone brought
him in. And people don't have money to get their dogs neutered, like they just get a dog or the dog gets born in a litter and they just don't do something for the service it. You know it is through the UM. I know it should be. I mean, Bob Barker was not wrong, like that is ore. That's the number one thing that needs happened is spaying and
neutering animals. Like and there are people that just take in stray cats and then they just new to them and then like put them back out because I want to start saying that I, um, I'm Spade, because I want I want to start saying that I got spayed because no one goes as women are because you spay a woman dog, right, I know, but no one calls that be spade. I know. I think it got a spade. So I said it to Chris last night and he's like, or you can like it's about like David Spade because
he doesn't want kids. But I'm like, oh, he has a kid that doesn't really work. But um, anyway, so TikTok was like so like stiff around me, just kind of like oh, I was holding it and it's just legs were outstretched, like it's penises out and it just like doesn't want to be around me. But then this cat came by, like they have a cat, and TikTok was like liked this cat so much and was just like wanting to play with a cat. And they theorized that maybe it came from a home where it had
a cat. And so he likes cats. He's interested cats. He kind of has a cat demeanor. He kind of looks like a cat. He's so cute. And I left. This dog did not look, this is the closest it got to me. We'll put up a picture on Oh yeah, I'd love to see a picture. So this is wondering why and these photos you kind of look like you're looking off into the distance. And now I realized he doesn't want to be near me at all. Fucking tik Tak. He's so But I love this dog. So this is
the was just kind of like, he's a cute. He's cute. He's a cuteie. But I like Chris. We left and Chris is like, you're not gonna get a TikTok because there was no bonding between us, and he like, But what he doesn't know is that I love all animals. I love even Congress Lee. Yeah, and I know that about Darlin. No, this is the thing. Darlin and Maureen. They are young, they are cute, and Natalie told me
there's already like four or five applications for them. And TikTok because he's probably eight and he's penis is hanging out. No one wants him. And that is the dog that I want. Stick to your plant, no one wants. Yeah, that's the one I want. Um, that's the man I want. No Um, and I don't know if I change his name, but I'll tell you he wasn't named for his penis because that thing is big, okay like he but he's a little tikie techie and I TikTok sorry, Oh that's good.
Tic TAC's TikTok um. And then we went to dinner with my Australia friend Nick and she was she was like, what's this. What's the dog's name? Tactics in Australia. No, I guess not. It was so funny that a dog's name would be tactic, like it's tact dick. Yeah, no kidding, But I just just Bond Diman Bond. I think that's like a coast of Australia, the Bond by coast. I
think that's it. But um yeah, I think next week it's I think Monday or Tuesday it's getting neutered, and then I could like have him after he recovers from that, so I might have him by like next Thursday. And I'm gonna do like a trial, I guess a trial because you can always go like this isn't working for me, But I plan on not doing that, you know, like I'll there's no way this dog won't like me after a couple hours. Like it's and it's like all he wants to do is just be in a a little
papoosa and just like hang out. I could even bring him on stage and he could just like be on like hanging from my back in a little papoosa while I perform. They say that Chihuahuas are the smartest dogs, and the way they that they determine it is by the brain to body size ratio, so that their brains are so much like their big body. Yeah. Yeah, his brain is hanging out too, coming out of his ear.
But it's just so it's so sad that these dogs just get that their owners can't afford them anymore, and they just I've heard of so many people saying, like my dad said, the dog died, and it's like it didn't die, just like they just took it to a shelter because they're like, we don't want to walk this thing anymore. It's just it's so tik Tak might be in my life by next week. We should let besties know.
For the ones who have been curious about Marian and Luigi, oh yeah, so they I can't get them back because my parents love them too much. So my parents took over for Marion early on. I was like, if you want her, you can have her. And because they because I was living in New York, they got I just wasn't. It wasn't. They had a bad life. Andrew walked them twice a day, so you know how that goes. But no, Andrew, I had a dog walker. I had um daycare. I was I was walking them four times a day like
they had a great It was just exhausting. And they were in a tiny apartment and I would go out and do sets to night. I would feel guilty. They would go to daycare and I would watch on the mom I would do it. I would pull it up at sirious. I would pull up the camera of the doggie daycare. All the dogs are playing, but my two dogs are longing looking out the window waiting for me to come back for hours. And then I would call them and I'd go, will you take them off the
window and play with them? And then they would and they would go right back to the window. And so it was just so sad of those doggies in the window. So I was like, Mom, Dad, can you come get them? And so they came and got them. And I tell the story in my act and I say there were a lot of tears when I handed them over because my mom didn't want them, so she was crying and
I pushed them through the door. And I know, but I was very sad when I gaate I surrendered them, but it was the idea was, when my life is easier, I'll take them back. So Luigi went to go with my sister eventually because my parents couldn't handle two, and he had Wilson to play with over there, and they loved him. And then my parents had Marian, and Marian and my dad bonded hugely. Bone died and he just love They loved Marian so much. And then when I
went back to Saint Louis, I got Luigi back. He was living with me at my parents and then he came to live with me at my apartment. When I moved in with Andrew. Everything was great. And then I went on f Boy Island and so he went back to my parents' house and he just likes it there. And then I would take him back and he would I could tell he missed it. He gets to go
to the river. He has a big yard and he has Marian, you know, like they're not best friends, but when he wants to play, he can get his energy out start wrestling, and man, he's always looking at me like being like when are we gonna There was just so much guilt associated with him, and I'm a little worried about TikTok. But I think tik Tak is more senior, so he just wants to sleep all day and just like hang out with me. And Luigi is a big dog, so putting him in a papoosa it would like break
my back. I would do it because he loved like being like, oh for you to get a dog, because little means that we get to walk him on tour, Like he's gonna come on tour right. I'm like, I think doesn't even want TikTok doesn't want to walk. TikTok wants to just sit hill and like that will love TikTok. He's so soft, he's like a little fuzzy, like, oh, he's just so cute. Um, but it's exciting. But I just feel like if I got to choose any dog,
it wouldn't be TikTok. But I'm letting life choose this one for me, Like I'm because Chris was like we can keep looking at Natalie even was like there's other dogs we can Yeah, I mean no that you got to put an application sounds like to get a view. Yeah, but TikTok, no one wants and so I love that, Like I just want a dog. I want the dog that isn't going to find a home unless I do it.
Like that's the purpose for me to get a dog, is that I'm trying to get a dog that no one else wants that would otherwise time can pass and maybe in a couple of years you can get a dog that you can get Mentos. Yeah, the Freshmaker, I can get it. Um listering pocket pack strips. That's gonna be my snake trident um. Oh yeah, Trident is a good name for a dog that's cute and trident. Oh my god, I will call him Tactic. But he's funny.
You can just tell when he relaxes, he'll be very like Merry An esque, like he's just gonna be like I'm just like a funny looking dog, Like my dog needs to be funny. I feel like I don't want a perfect looking dog. The other day I was dry, like running in the park or along the you know, in Santa Monica along the ocean, and there was like
this meetup of like we have golden Retrievers. It was just a bunch of people with their goldens, which I was just like, cute, they are so cute, But it was just something about it that I was just like, oh, we only socialize with other goldens, like thinking that anyone who just like loves people that just love this type of dog. It's so weird to me to like a type of dog and like we only get this type of dog. And I know listeners are being like nicky,
don't understand, like these type of dogs have a different personality. Honestly, I get it. I do get it. And I don't think I'm better than you because I'm like I'll get tic tac I'm just saying I think the universe is
telling me that you don't get to choose this. It's almost like adoption, Like I mean, it is adoption, but I always have felt that I would have no problem adopting a child, like I don't need my baby to be a golden retriever like white Bread look like me with like golden locks, like I just need it to be whatever is the one next in line for me, for the universe, because it's the same as like when you have a kid, you don't know what it's going to pop out of you. It is whatever the universe
gives you. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, more people like you. I don't think a lot of people are that way in so many other ways. So rest assured that I don't. I might be better than you in this way, people who have purebred dogs, but I am such a con in so many ways that you are not. So don't think that I'm getting a superiority complex over anyone. I don't think I'm an angel. This is just one part of my life where I'm pretty perfect when it comes to like I will say I'm a little bit of
a mother Teresa. But I am jealous age. I wish. I'm jealous of girls. I wish for harm to happen to them sometimes, like I'm I am jealous, Like my jealousy knows no bounds. It's really a sickness. Yeah, I'm jealous of the younger dogs like Darlin. You're like, look at her skin, honestly, look at her mans No, I mean, like I just told you. I would drive around a car accident. There are many people that would run into it and be like, how can I help? So like,
I'm not. I don't think I'm better than anyone, except in this case, I am better than you. Um. I was saying that jokingly. Please don't get mad at me. Please stop, don't stop listening to the show because of this. Um. Okay, so we wanted to do um what's it called? Oh yeah, I almost thought we know nothing? But again, please let's not do that again. No, we can't electricity. We solved it. I think I think we're pretty good. Um, we want to do Uh? Why do I care? Why do I care?
So this is the select news story and we figure out if we care or not. Yeah, I don't think we will, but maybe yes, who knows? Yeah? All right. Rumor has it that Tom Brady is reportedly considering pursuing a career in stand up comedy, and his inner circle absolutely hates the idea of having to hear his jokes. Okay, so this is just and this is just rumor? Has it? That's the source on this? Well, it's from like Radar Online. Okay, Well,
they're always right up there with the fucking Washington Post. Um, yeah, they broke the Catholic priest scandal. Radar Online and Babe dot Net. Um, so yeah, I saw this, like I just saw the headline of like career change. This doesn't shock him that he might have said something. I'm sure this isn't true because Tom Brady gets it gets kind of Um. There was this thing the other day, Remember
when Tom Brady had like these sexy photos. The other day he was sitting on the edge of a bed and it looked like a selfie in the mirror, like he took a mirror selfie. Oh, he's on the edge of the bed. He looks like he's in his underwear, he's in his boxers, and it looked like such a thirst trap. And it was so like I sent it to Chris being like, what is going on with this guy? This is so cringe And Chris was like, no way, this is real. I'm like, babe, it's real. I'm sat
a savvy news consumer. Daily Mail convinced me, even though I know the Daily Mail is Fox News in fucking sheep's clothing. They they convinced me that he put up this thirst trap, that desperate Tom Brady. They probably even wrote that in the title. It was a bit. It was a funny bit that he was he got dared to do to rip off some models posts, So he was doing a funny thing to raise like money for a charity or some babe. See, he is getting into more comedy exactly. So this might be true. But I'm
just saying, like I wouldn't trust. I doubt he wants to be a stand up comedian, even though everyone kind of does. And like stand up comedians, we all want to be athletes and rock stars. So it's like it makes sense, but why can't he be? And you know what, he would probably be better than all of us. Tom Brady, who I believe entered into the Combine as like a kind of schlubby, like not that impressive, um young guy that was like ranked very low compared to what he
is now ranked as like one of the all time greats. Right, he he was schlubby. Look at his Look at his first picture? Okay, like to combine. Yeah, I think that's what they call it when they like, go to um train combine photo. Harry is a Columbine. Look at him, typo s right, Okay, look at him? He looks like my Barbiglia. Not no offense in my Biglio. But I
don't think of him as like an All star quarterbacks. Yeah, he is slobby, lobby, I mean he's not and he definitely you know, Giselle taught him a thing or two about his looks, but he wasn't. His stats were that impressive from what I understand. I could be talking out a line here, but from what I remember Andrew telling me and like Chris telling me, Tom Brady was not that impressive. But what he did was he read that book The Art of Impossible. Maybe he didn't, but that's
that book that I was talking about. He figured out a way to optimize his training, and he is the hardest working person and he fucking became the best. He wasn't born the best. He wasn't like Chappelle I always talk about as a comedian that was just born with it. You know. I would say that Spade was kind of born with it. There are certain comedians that I'm like Rachel Feinstein, born with it, I mean, and that's not taking anything away from their hard work. They definitely do
that too, and it's a mixture. But so if you are not born with it, you believe that if you work like anyone could be fun. Anyone could be a stand up comedian if they, if they, if they want it bad enough. That's the thing I always tell young comedians is like if it's hard for you, if you talk about it being hard in the beginning, it's not for you, because if you like it enough and you are into it enough, the hard work is like fun. The pain is fun. Like I writing songs for me
is fucking hell. Because I'm too self aware, I think I suck. I didn't know I sucked at comedy, but I did suck in the beginning. I really I had promised, but I was not. I was bombing. I look at old jokes, old clips, and it's like my stage presence was awful. Like I got good because of the practice
that never felt like practice because I liked it. So Tom Brady might like comedy enough that he, given how old he is, whenever someone starts late in something, they work that much harder because they've been around the world long enough they know how to work. And especially since he has already achieved the greatest level of something in one field, he is much more inclined. I believe to be able to achieve. So if tom Brady is comedy, we should all fucking work watch out because that guy
can do anything. And those of you who know what tom Brady like no football, because we certainly don't. You heard that episode. You know that tom Brady is insanely impressive. He is. He's just he knows how to optimize his He's gonna this and he's gonna like start calling you for advice. Please, he doesn't need anything for me. I should call him for a comedy advice like he has. So what if they asked you on a date. I would tell Chris, it's been fun. You have to help
me pick out an outcast. So excited for me, Christide's so excited for me. No, I would not want to date tom Brady. I I have. I think that Chris is hotter than Tom Brady. Like, I'm so lucky that I'm with someone who height wise, yes we are lacking, but like, face wise, no one has a better face than my boyfriend to me. But if you're a dating tom Brady, they're already dating him and he's like, babe, I want to go into stand up. Honestly, what would your response be? I'm not kidding you, I'd be like,
that's awesome. You are going to be so good. Because Michael Chase started stand up comedy at twenty nine, Okay, that is very late, within three years he was on TV less then. So this is the thing. This is what happens if you start something later in life. You might feel like, even for me with music, like there
is a disadvantage. Everyone your age who is doing the same thing is probably going to be much better than you because they've been doing it longer, right, But what you have the advantage of is like when you start something, and this is what I saw with Michael Chase, this is what I saw with Tim Convey, who's Chris's brother, who started comedy in his thirties, you hang out with people who are your own age. Whenever you start something.
You might hang out with beginners, but most likely you grab towards your own age, your peers in your age group. They're gonna be so much better than you, So you're gonna be holding yourself to a higher standard. You're gonna
be learning from people who are better than you. When you start at the bottom of something and you're taking beginners classes, you're with beginners, You're going to lunch with beginners, you're hanging out after class with beginners, you're talking about you, there's a slower You're not getting the wisdom of the elders. So if you're worried about starting something later, like I get to hang out with Anya and Matt, who are professional musicians who have been doing it longer than I've
been doing comedy. So I am going to excel at music so much faster than if I took you know, if I went to like school of Rock with a bunch of seven year olds who are who are at the same level as me because they've been doing it for two years since they were five, I'm gonna I'm gonna learn more because I'm surrounded by people who are my own age, who definitely always make me feel like, oh god, what am I doing? Their leagues above me.
But compare yourself talent wise to people that I've been doing it as long as you, But surround yourself with people who were the same age as you, so that and that are better than you. I think always even judged by his comedy peers, considering his least, everyone's so fucking excited. Everyone would be so happy. Everyone wants to suck Tom Brady's dick, everyone, including TikTok tic Tek's like, I don't even care about my own hey with sugar water on it. People, Well, then why didn't John Mayer
get you know? Because he did? He totally did. Oh he's best friends with Chappelle, like he's I know. But his comedy career was very short lived. He went up at the cellar a couple of times, and then he almost got canceled because he probably he probably flew too close to the sun, and he probably is so used to being so great that it was probably frustrating to see the learning curve and so, and he probably is smart and learned that you have to do this every
single night to get good. Comedy isn't something that you can practice at home in front of your stuffed animals. You have to perform it life. And that's actually really hard for people who are already famous to do something like that. For me, I can practice guitar alone, I can play, I can sing songs, and I can get better slowly alone. Santo comedy performing you can't get better alone. You can't. The only way to get better is in
front of crowds. So it is harder for people who have a name Jeremy Pivens of the world like them trying to think of other actors who have like started doing comedy, and you roll your eyes. But it's like they there's nowhere else that they can go get good. They're good. I don't begrudge them taking shows that where they're on lineups with people who've been doing it for twenty years, Like where else are they supposed to go? And so I don't know. I always encourage people to
get into stand up comedy late. I don't give a fuck. And I know for a fact that if Tom Brady wanted to do comedy, everyone would fucking lose their ship to be around him all the time. I mean, he's the coolest guy ever. People love Tom Brady except Giselle. I mean she's the only one that would be like, I don't give Did you see that clip of her dancing? Oh no, no, no, no, what was she doing? She had zero body fat and zero dance skills and zero
percent dance skills, which would you choose? No, no, no, she actually did a little. She was cool. She was doing like a salsa and there was like this gross guy that came out next door. She just looked free and fun and she looks awesome. I've always loved Giselle. She's ageless, she's beautiful, she's so cool. Will show a lot of luck, and boy will it? Would it be fun?
Just he's not going to be good at standup comedy, and I do I don't think he'll stick with it because tom Brady's used to be being good at something. But he could get good faster than all of us if he wanted to. Final answer, Okay, we'll be back with a market us. Okay, we're back. Final thought. Um tic tac tom Brady. Um. I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my day. I have a couple of sets tonight this weekend, going to Charles.
We're doing a Southern run Charleston, Durham, Greensboro. I don't know in that order, but I've realized we've been back to a couple of these places. When I was researching vegan restaurants, I was like, we've eaten here, and we've eaten here, and this is how my fucked up memory works. I can't remember anyone I went to high school with or things I did, but I remember what I ate at my random acquaintance's wedding like a girl managed me
for a year. I just she just had all these pies at her wedding and I thought that was so cool, and I did overeat. I was gonna say, if I always remember the times I overate, I don't remember the times that I was like I just had a normal amount. Um. Yeah, so wait, We've been to Charleston and Durham and Greensboro. I think we've been Greensboro. Yeah, we've been to Greensboro. People would be shocked to find out that I can't
remember this stuff. But I have a really bad memory for like for spaces as well, Like I just we fly into a town, I need to go take a nap immediately. I love napping before show because it just cleaves the day. Like I don't want to be performing with the save energy that I was on a Southwest flight, Like I want that to be the day before. And if I go to good nap and it's like reset and now's the night. Like I don't like to go
straight through like on you. Sometimes we will land and Onion Matt will go right to the venue and I'm like, oh, I've never felt more bad for any humans in my life than when you and Matt can't take a nap between the show or like even relax at all or go to the hotel room. Well, a lot of time, Hanya is checking into the hotel after the show at like twelve at night, after the whole day of Go Go Go. We've been to Greenville, South Carolina. That's where it was that we've been. I've been there, but I
don't think you've been. Yeah, I just looked it up. June I went last year. I was there. Yeah, you I don't know how we've been. We have eaten it two of these places. You will remember the menu, green Don't, North Carolina? Okay, well we're looking forward to it. People. Jack fruit tacos. Don't remember jackfruit tacos, Well, I have those all the time. Jack fruit jack fruit not not over,
don't don't, don't go away. Um No. Jack fruit is so good and so unfulfilled, like it doesn't fill you up at all, so you have to eat all of it, like I have to eat. Yeah. I but man, I'm gonna get jack fruit tacos tonight. Chris and I are going to go to this restaurant that has them and they're so fucking good. Um what happened last night? Okay,
so last night I was at Um. We went to go see tik Tek and then we went to dinner with our friend Nick and we went to Beauty and Essex, which is a great place in LA to have dinner. I am obsessed. David Spade was the one that originally introduced me to this place. Any restaurant that I know about is because Spade as we've had dinner there. Because I don't know everwhere to go, I just picked tie restaurants that are like dirty. Yeah, they have like a C minus in the window. That's like always what I
go to. I don't know, but I some people, Yeah, well they're more like autumn by the time I get there. But but yeah, any kind of thing that I have taste of, it's always like because someone else who I think has better taste brought me there first. Yep, Like I was at saying at the Sunset Marquee, which I don't stay at anymore, so you know, who, don't try to stock me there. But I remember when I first
got some money and was like visiting La. I used to just go on like hotel tonight and just get like a decent place, like I wasn't like living in squall or whatever. But when I first got to the point of like, oh, I like, am getting dropped off at this place, Like I need to like look like and I want to feel I could spend a little bit more money, I was like, I don't know where to stay because I don't want to stay at a
place it's a thousand dollars a night. But I just trusted where Amy had stayed before because Amy was my first rich, famous friend. So I was like, I'll just go to the Sunset Marquis because that's where you go. And I actually ran into her. I was leaving there not too long ago, and I saw her outside. She was picking up another friend of ours, Bridget, and I was like Amy, and she was like hey, and I
was like, I'm staying here because of you. But anything I've ever done has been like even like clothing wise, I'm like, where did you get those genes? Yeah, but that is a sign that you do have good taste, because you're like clocking something cool that you like, So it means you must have good Yes, it starts from somewhere, but I guess I'm not someone that, yeah, no, I
just but sometimes I will. It's almost like when people hired stylists or you know, interior designers, they just go like, you know better than me, Just do what do what you want. But I do have my own I know what I like when they I see it. But last night we go to Beauty and Essex, which is really cool because you walk in and they have like it's like a little gift shop kind of thing at the
front you walk through. And we were running late because we were like looking at tic Tek's penis and like time flew by, and so we get there and my friend Nick is waiting there and she's arranged it so that like our reservation, they made accommodation. Now I put my full name in, just hoping someone be like, oh, Nicky lays just coming, Let's let's give our extra appetizer or something, you know, like I don't know, because sometimes that happens, and it did. So they were like totally
fine with us being a half hour late. I was mortified. I was so apologized. I hate being that late, like five minutes late. I'm chronically five to twelve minutes late, but like over twelve you should feel embarrassed. So we're walking by this jewelry box, this jewel and I kind of just see this necklace that has like a bunch of stars on it, and I was like Chris. I was like, I I go, Chris, by the way, if you ever want to buy me my jewelry that necklace. I love it. And I don't know how much it is.
I don't know anything about it, but it looked like it wasn't like that expensive. I'm like, not going to point out something like a Svavorski fucking golden swan or something. And so he we go to the table and then he gets up to go back, like I think he's taking a shit, but he then he comes back to the table and I'm like, oh, someone got caught taken a ship because you were gone so long, like there's no there's no hiding that, babe, Like I know you
didn't have a phone call. It was just kind of cute. We Nick and I both were like we thought you were taking a pooh, even though Chris would be mortified that I even associated him with that because he does not like potty humor. And then this guy came over and was like, here you ass and had a jewelry box and then like the check for him to sign, and he bought me the necklace on the spot and I'm wearing it right. Wow, I love it. Do you see closer? Oh that's so cute. It's so my god,
I love it. I love it so much. And and it was so it was there was no part of me that thought he was going to buy it, and it was like and I became such a basic bitch. I went from being kind of like in a bad mood, like he's kind of on his phone on the way here, and like we're not I don't know, he's not asking me about my day enough in the way that I want him too. And he doesn't even know I have this really interesting story. But it's like he's not gonna
get at it because he's not even asking me. He's just he's asking vague questions like he's like, do you have any good stories from today? And I'm like, I want more specific, like I want to know, ask me about the time of day, yeah, the story from yeah, Like I don't know what I wanted from him, but
I was just like in a little crab. And then I got a necklace and I was like babe and just like hanging all over him and like he was almost like I was like, let me see that tic tac Like I was just like trying to get his tick tack. I was just so excited. I was so horned up from this dot necklace. It was yeah, I'm sorry, Chris, no I can't. Yeah, it's because it's the size of
the dog, a seven pound dog. That's why. I mean, that's why is dick I call it tik tak um no. But I was just so horny all of a sudden because I got this like gift and I was like, oh no, I think one of my love languages is gifts. Bach. I always prided myself on like I'm not one of these basic horrors who likes purses and like gifts, Like gifts are just like that's so lame. But like even though I was literally like I want that and he just got it, there wasn't a lot of like it's
still like it made me so happy. He got me flowers the other day that I just like leaned up over there. I don't even like flowers, but I told him, I was like, I love I love the thought of flowers. It's the thoughts that counts, or like the thought of you yes, because that's what a gift is. Someone like see something they think of you. Yes. And even if you pointed out it's like, you know what if I just make this little effort and come back and get
up for her, she'll be happier. Yeah. Like it. It was just a very loving thing, and it was like it was just sweet because he knows. He also knows that I've made a lot of sacrifices to be here with him during this time. He is always ordering me like groceries. I come home and there's like eighteen Zivias, like twelve packs on the and like I can't consume all this while we're here. He's just trying to make it so easy. And then he's the most lovely thing
at dinner. Oh my god, so he goes we were talking about we were helping our friend talk about like relationship stuff, and then he said about because I was telling my friend, you know, Chris has learned that I can be crazy sometimes and I can be like if he if I don't get a text back from him right away, I don't I don't go to he's cheating on me, which a lot of women go to or he I go to he found something because it's happened before in a relationship where he's like heard something I
said on a podcast or like it's there's been times where he finds out something I don't hear. He gets a little quiet because he's processing it, and then eventually when we talk it becomes like I get confronted with, like you did this thing, and then I get broken up with. Like that's what happens when there's like a silence. So every time that if there's a delay in him writing to me, I start going back ten years now.
I mean, he doesn't do this shit anymore, but I go back ten years where you found something, You're going to break up with me? And then I start texting him, like I need to hear back from me right now. If you don't get back to me, I'm going to then I'm gonna just I'm downloading bumble right now, Like I just assume our relationship is over. I go to
like catastrophizing right away. And so I don't know if I said the word right, but he um so I was telling her that that because she was talking about something, and I go, you know, Chris has learned that. I think that sometimes in relationships, we get we get triggered by things, and we feel really bad that we do. We are like I'm so like I'm sorry, I'm like this,
and like it's like I'm flawed. I'm such a bad person because I get jealous, or I get insecure about this one thing, or I get triggered by this little thing that most women wouldn't get triggered by, and we feel like there's something wrong with us. But the thing is, we all have these ticks. We all have these little things that we have to learn about each other and
accommodate to. Like Chris now, he knows that I panic when I don't hear from him, so he most girls, he would probably go like he's in a meeting so he could just see me text and most girls if he were stating them, they wouldn't freak out, they just be He would get back to them when the meeting
was over. But for me, he just has to He'll write like in a meeting or something like he'll give me something, or like if he's a little bit annoyed with me, I've talked about this before, We've worked out away, like like if I notice that. I say something like,
let's give an example that has not happened. But let's say I'm having we're having lunch with friends and I reveal something that he told me in privacy, and now I'm announcing it to the group like it was like for public consumption, and he is feeling like you just revealed a secret. But for me, I'm doing the thing that I talked about before. I'm like, I wouldn't care if everyone knew that about me, right, But he's like any or he looks at me in a way of
like why would you say that? Like we've all had those moments. I've had him with him, He's had him with me. I go to after this dinner, he's going to break up with me. It's over because I've I've harmed him in some way and there's no going back. He won't forgive me. There's no forgiveness. I'm a bad person. He hates me, he's disgusted by me. He's leaving me. That is where I go. And so now I've told him, when you're upset with me, but you're allowed to be.
I have to be okay with that. Put your hand on my knee, like just give me some sort of touch and then you can take it away. But I just need some sort of touch. And that is just code for yes, you're you're sensing that there is up. I'm a little bit mad at you, but I'm not going to leave you. It's not we're not over. It's
it's kind of like a wedding ring of sorts. I think that's what people say they get married for is because you once you get married, you know that every fight will have to be resolved and you have that security. I don't have that security. I don't even think I would feel it if I had a wedding ring, because that's like a concept of I need him to like just touch my leg and he knows that. That's our code word for I'm not going to break up with you,
and I need that. And that's stupid. It's not stupid, but it's not it's a thing that it's it's my mind playing tricks on me. It's not something that's real. I'm scared of monsters under my bed, but he is looking under the bed to make me feel okay, even though there's no monsters. So what did he say at dinner? So at dinner, um, what was I getting a sweet
thing that he said to you? So then he goes, he was like, we're I was talking about this to where I was like, I have all these weird things and these are the little, you know, ways we've come up with coping with my weird anxieties. And he goes, and I was thinking, he said, Nikki the other day apologized to me because he got home and I was just on my period. I was crying, I felt discussing nothing fit. I was having to wear jeans. It was like the night of the show you saw me on
I was. I was nearly canceling the show. Was so depressed. I was like running a fever of depression and like I was crying and I was just like nothing fits and this I was as a mess and I didn't even clean anything. And then I get in the car and I'm like, I'm sorry. I didn't wash the bedding. I haven't swept, I haven't done the recycling, Like there's trash everyone. I haven't done anything domestic since we've been living together in this place. And he was like, I
don't care. It doesn't matter to me. And then he said at dinner, he was like the other night, Nikki apologized for not like washing the towels or washing the bedding or taking the trash out, and he was like, I could find a woman that does all those things. There's many women that would love to do that stuff. That's just ingrained in them that that's what they do and they take care of the house in that way.
But I would be sacrificing so many laughs and so many like weird moments of just like giggles and like pretty much laughs. He was like, I'm trading in like domestic bliss for just a weird lady who makes me laugh a lot that I know that other women can't bring for him because I'm fucking weird and the way I make him laugh is with some weird shit that
you guys haven't even scene. And so that just hearing him tell someone else that made me feel so good of like and it made even though I was a little bit like I didn't even know he thought about like how women would fold his towels and like how that might be a nice thing that someone would would do the laundry. Like I know that about myself, but like I didn't know that he had noticed it. So it's like a kind of confirming this thing I am
embarrassed about. But then he but then when he was like, cool, that didn't bug you, no, because I kind of know who I am. I am gross, like I just I don't he values that more? Yes, because yes, he values it more and he knows what he's signing up for. This is he like news to him that I Am not going to wash the dishcloths and then I'm going to like leave dishes in the sink. I'm not always
like this this. I've just been kind of depressed and like running around and not getting enough sleep lately, so when there's time to clean, I'm just always going to sleep. But it was just nice that he acknowledged the laughs that we have are like the reason he's with me, because sometimes I forget sometimes I'm like, oh, you know, we have a good physical relationship. You know, we both like the same TV shows. I'm like, is this enough? And then I goes, oh, he thinks I'm funny, which
I know that he does, duh. But it was just it was nice to hear him say it to a friend as if I wasn't there, right. It was a rare quality and a guy too, and it didn't. It didn't hurt that I was wearing my new star necklace that I was like, I just was pretty lady, see you like holding it. I was so excited, and I felt like bad being so excited about this gift, but I really was like, Babe, I loved that gift so much. I was just like, I was just staring at it
all night because it's beautifully constructed. It's just cool looking. Um And he wanted to Yeah, of that like necklace. Yeah, just like it makes shopping easy for men when you just go I like this because men want to please us. They yeah, they want the manual, but some girls will want them to predict or read their mind, and that's a flaw of ours. I gotta say, I've never been when I te Chris like I need you to touch me more, and he starts, I'm not like, you're only
doing it because I asked. I'm like, oh, you're doing it because I asked. That's cool, Good for you. So I think, as women, if you ask for something and they do it, don't punish them for doing the thing you asked. Give them credit for that, because I'll tell you a lot of men don't do the thing you ask, and that is a thing in and of itself to even care enough to do this thing they don't really want to do, but only because you're asking. It's like
the Jenniferranson thing in the breakup. No, I want you to want to do the dishes, and he's like, why would I want to do the dishes. He's like, I'll do them, but I don't want to, just like I want you to want to help, and it's like, that's just not going to happen. Just take what you can get. And I got a necklace, so I'm pretty happy. Have you guys gotten any good gifts yet? Like lately that are like little moments with your partner of sweetness. I
can't remember I'm breaking up, No Matt. I see moments of sweetness with Matt all the time. How about the fact that he calls you darling all the time. It is honestly the most romances, Psyche. We are driving me crazy, Darling. No it's not darling. Uh No, it's oh it's not. He just calls you darling and dog on Instagram made a rescue. He's calling you darlin, darline. Yeah, he's dreaming
about that bitch. No, I'm always jealous of his darling's and his um and the fact that I see you guys get into little TIFFs when it comes to driving that Chris and I would just like our car would slip over if we better, and you guys get right through it. You're both like he's You're like, you seem to be panicking about where I'm going. I know where I'm going, And he's just like, Nope, you're right, you do.
Whereas like if I said that kind of thing, it would be like it would just literally I should just like hurl the van off a bridge from that would be a Later we had a conversation about it or not that great. Later it was brought up, it's not to do that again. People. It always you can just as a couple, you can behave yourselves in front of other people, yeah, or you can like say things that you wouldn't normally. I thought, I was like, oh that
was easy. Nope, did him darling during the conversation, do I ain't never do that again. I was walking up the stairs and he couldn't see me, but he was like, that was behind me, like a couple flights below, but he could hear someone was ahead of him and he goes, is that my babe? And I go yes, but I go yes, and I like did a fun because of your teeth. He was so embarrassed. You could tell because he was like he was like my babe, Like it was just sweet thing. I wanted to so bad, but
I was not his babe. I'm like, I'm sorry, it's not she's not here. But it's so cute that he just up the stairs like is that my baby? It wasn't Romeo. It was like Juliet with his voice echoing yes. No. I was like, it's darling. It's not Darling. All right, guys, we gotta go. Thank you for listening to the pod. This has been the shows this week See you in
the South this weekend. Very excited come to those shows and um, you know, go to the merch booth and say you're bestie and we'll bump you up to meet and great if you want. UM. Love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to the show. Noah, thanks for being in town. Has been to have you here. Um and an y'all see you on Friday, and besties, we'll see you this weekend and definitely see you next week on the show, Bye Guys Don't and