#318 "This One..."

this day personally and we're all coupled up. Wait, no, you hate this day too. Yes, I am so annoyed with Instagram. I'm just disgusted by all the like love going out for like just my little sloppy love lover my little bunny this year. It's real. It's not even photos, it's video compilations. Really, Oh god, I can't take it.

I just do not have a boyfriend who would ever do like unless we were like getting married and he wanted to make a reel of me for like the event, like which he's good at and does for a job. He's not going to put up a personal post of like me. This there's no one's coming at me. I don't even want this one's because I think they are lame and they kind of speak to like a guy who's a little bit pacified. I think of just like whipped in a way, no offense. If your boyfriend does it,

I am jealous. It's like I want it, but I don't want to you know, Um, but I can't take all the posts today. It just really is irritating me. And um, if Chris didn't want it, but I would be out of character for him. I that'd be like him being like I want you to have, you know, an ass. It's like, well, I can't give that to you. Why are you with me? You know, like why you you shouldn't be with someone like me? Then if that's

what you want. So it's like you know those things in relationships where you're like the person can't have so I want I want it from you know there? Yes, I do want something. I will say it is. He's on the West Coast. He got in really late last night to our airbnb that we're going to share again there. I'm arriving on Sunday, and today he had to wake up and go to work, so I'm allowing until I think we decided noon on the girls Chat. Well, then I asked, how long until noon Pacific when I can

have reason to get like, okay, where is it? And then his argument would be, which is logical because he's just a normal person, is why didn't you write me if you want? I would think I don't think that would be mine? Of like, don't do this game of like waiting. If you want it, now write me. Don't do tests. But let's not play a game like. This is not Let's not pretend this is man's holiday too. This is our day. Okay, let's not make any bones about it. I know we have to pretend we're all romantic.

I come to find out I want romances. As Aanya puts on her lipstick, That's why I'm putting on my lipstick for you. I'm about to do it this one post for you. Thank you. I get it this one. If I died tragically, that's when everyone's gonna I'm gonna get ever wanted in my life when I die tragically. This is such an irony that you get all the attention you love and crave, and all the love after you've been smashing the head by a log coming off

of a truck or whatever it is. However you get taken out like that's when you get it all this. We toured the country together, we did podcasts together. We were, Oh, it would be amazing that. I hope I have Instagram in purgatory wherever I'm hanging out. If you're dead and everyone starts making your death about them, You're just like, I barely know that person, well a little. I mean, I would like everyone to be saddened by my death,

for sure. I want some people to be like, because I've been saddened by people's death that because no matter how sad you are, you're making it about you, you know, like a person could be misconstrued as making it about you. Yes, but what people like top posts on Instagram are people that are on your like fifth tier of friends. You're like, I did a podcast with you once, and my boyfriend's on his fifth tier coming out of his eye. I wouldn't mind it, Like I kind of that. I've I've

touched people who I barely know. I feel like most people who would mourn my loss would not know me. It would be like best. These are people that have never fans of mine because I feel like I'm a fan of people that if they died, I've felt extreme loss of people I've barely known or even I struggled with the Bob sagg and thing of like I don't know him as much as John Mayer knew him, or stay most or you know all these people, yet you face him. But I facetimed him for my show. That's

the only reason you know that. Otherwise you wouldn't know the context of our relationship at all, and you probably would have been like, and what if I didn't FaceTime him, then I'm not allowed to be sad? Like where are the where does it count? You got a mutual admiration for one another, and I got to witness that in person. It was off air in an hallway at a radio station. Yes, but I'm just saying, where where do we draw the line?

Where do we go? This person has no reason to be sad because this is where it gets into tricky territory for me, because I think you have a reasonably said I wouldn't bother me if people made my death about them. I guess is my can't tell people. I feel that's generous. Really, you like who have what what what kind of post would annoy you posthumously? For you if you saw someone post it, that's like a fifth tier friend. I mean, I get annoyed by people who

don't know someone who died. And it's just like, here's a long monologue about the one time I met them in a hallway and they were so kind to me and they talked to me about my mom, and it's just like, Irene Kara. Really this, You're gonna make a three paragraph thing about Irene Kara, who doesn't even know you exist, and then chose that. I get why that's annoying because that person is so unseelf aware and making like doing a eulogy for like they write more about

that person than their mom. But the reason they do is because they had a shitty mom that they don't want to write anything about. Can I add to Anya's

so that Nikki? I get why that's not annoying. He would be annoying if the photo was of them doing like that lunge ass shot that Kirsten did the other day, And it's just an excuse to show the photo right where that's just well that yeah, that's photos of taken with me are of and I know that now because I take probably two photos after every show um with people, and those showed photos, I would say one one or two show up at the next show that that person

sees me at. They print them up and they hang them on the wall and they have me sign them. So that's that's of use. The other ones, I probably think five people at most out of two posted on their Instagram story or tag me on it on their Instagram post. The other two forty four people waiting for me to die, because that's going to be a great Otherwise, what are you doing with the photo on your phone?

Maybe they said, you know, like the it's not like they know they're waiting for me to die, but they I know the day that I died, They're gonna go what month was it we went to go see her, like putting it in their phone, like trying to find that picture. We've all done it. I've done it too. Yeah, it's because you're looking for identity, you're looking for connection,

you're looking for people. You're an adult child of a of a you're an adult child of an emotionally immature parent, which is a book I'm reading right now that literally any bestie should read because if you are attracted to the words that I'm saying, ever, you probably had an emotionally immature parent. Doesn't mean they were a bad parent. It just means they had kids and they don't know

how to like connect with them emotionally. And it's such a good book that I think a bestie recommended me and I'm flying through it and I love it, and it's I'm reading way more than one third of it and um really yeah, oh yeah, I'm like I'm halfway through. Um, it's it speaks to me like almost no other book has. And that's not to say that my parents were immature, except my dad would always go stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, and go ying ying, yinging, And it sounds

like that's emotionally imature. That's justoopy face. Yeah, yeah, that's just immature, emotionally immature. What are the qualifications for it? If you had an emotionally imature parents, Let me look at this up because they were kind of fascinating to me. Let me guess you want to guess, yeah, because I think mine, for sure, one of my everything is about them. First, Like this happened the other day. My dad came over

to our condo. Matt and I are staying in a condo right above my parents, like two floors above them. My dad tested negative, Yeah, positive for COVID. He's on like day eight, okay. And it comes over and I'm like cheers in him. I go, God, damn, I cannot believe seven days ago you fucking had COVID and we're sick, and look at you now, you're amazing, you look so great, And I go, just for kicks, let me test you now,

because it occurred to me. He tested himself and he's like, I'm negative, and he took the packs alvid, which everybody knows. You get rebounds off that it's very likely I had one of myself. He's done so much research on cod that none of one of the three people here knows. Ye, So I test him. Everyone knows COVID. You But what do you you bounce back? What are you talking about? Remember? I took packs alvid and I got sick again. I got do you feel great for a second and then

you bounced back to feeling like shit again? Yes? And if you feel like shit, that means that if you test positive, though it doesn't necessarily mean you're contagious. Correct correct. Although people can give it like full, COVID comes back a lot of times when you take this pack anyway, so mine came back taking it. Some people get well, most people get well, okay, okay. Also, if you're like old, you know it's going to keep you from hospitalization and death.

So I give my dad a test. He tests positive and he goes, fuck, and I'm like all right, and he goes, I do have kind of like sniffles that I noticed this morning, and I, you know, I feel worse today than yesterday. We're sitting there at the table and with Matt and then I go yeah, and he starts sneezing, and then Matt like looks at both of us like, are you guys crazy? Is put your mask on? You should put your mask on now. My dad's like, God,

damn it, I'm so pissed. This ruins my day. I go, is any part of you at all right now worrying about like maybe getting other people sick? And he's like, oh yeah, but that's his first instinct is my day is ruined, my week is ruined. Well, that's what was wrong with COVID was everyone cared about themselves and didn't care about other That was remember the height of it where no one was wearing a mask. It wasn't I And I even said in my stand up, I didn't

wear a mask because I cared about getting COVID. Give it to me. It's like harpies. I just want to get it out of the way. I'm gonna get it eventually. I don't care give it to me. I'm not scared of it because I'm gross, and I'm not scared of sickness. I don't really get sick. You wear a mask for other people. And that was the problem with our country not being able to get on board with masks is

because we don't care about each other. If you're poor, if you're different, if you're from a different part of town, we just don't care as much about each other. It's

really it's just selfishness. But we're gonna go through the checklist because I found it in my phone on this book right after this, and you will be able to sess if your parents are emotionally immature and if maybe you should read this book for some a little good guidance and a little bit of letting yourself off the hook for some of your behaviors and attractions to people that you have because you were raised with emotionally immature parents,

which is not an indictment on them. They were also raised by emotionally immature people because it's something you passed down. Let's break the cycle after this, but we'll be right there. Okay, we're back. So do you have emotionally immature parents? Here's the checklist. Read through the following statements and check that any that describe your parents. My parents often overreacted two relatively minor things. Are we let's all just do this right now. Okay, just to keep pick one either one

or both parents. Okay, so it's it's a yes if it's even one of your parents. My parents often overreacted to relatively minor things. My parents didn't express much empathy or emotional awareness when it comes to emotional closeness and feelings. My parents seem uncomfortable and didn't go there. Absolutely, yes, my parents often my parents or parents were often irritated

by individual differences or different points of view. Hell yes, when I when I was growing up, my parents used me as a confidant, but wasn't a confidant for me. My parents often said and did things without thinking about other people's feelings. Yes, I didn't get much attention or sympathy from my parents, except maybe when I was really sick. Yes, my parent was inconsistent, sometimes wise, sometimes unreasonable. If I became upset, my parents either said something superficial and unhelpful

or got angry and sarcastic. Again, if I became upset, my parents either said something superficial and unhelpful or angry and sarcastic, or got angry. Um conversations mostly centered on my parents interests. Even polite disagreement could could make my parents very defensive. Polite disagreement very defensive. If it was deflating to tell my parents about successes because it didn't seem to matter. That one doesn't. I don't relate to it at all. You relate to that one, it's not

my parents. Would my parents would get rid of jealous of my success, No way. He would immediately he would be so happy for me. But the next thing out of his mouth would be, you know, I've never had that kind of an audience. Oh, he'd be like, that's incredible, I've never It would always be about him. The next thing facts and oh, years would be judgmental, right, like you would never there would never be any praise. It would just be like, oh, well, you know that didn't happen.

Or they would just point out if you got it, if you've got something good happen to you, they would point out like there was a well it's not that big of a deal because it was just like they would minimize it. Yes, facts and logic. That's one I did not ever have to my knowledge. Maybe subconsciously something was going on, but my parents were your parents that love to talk about you and recognize every little thing. The Texas Weekend actually of like your dad is so

proud of you. He gets tears in his eyes. You said something he does, he gets he beams. He literally beams, like yesterday I met him briefly, will not say why. And it was a cloudy day. What Okay, I know why. I know why you're saying that, but it sounds suspicious. He was helping her in a week or two. Okay, you were handing him a file in a parking lot. Yeah okay, Um, it was not a drug exchange, and it was cloudy and um, you know it was just

like a quick thing. And then he like brings, brings up your name, and he literally like the sun came out. He was just beaming, just rating he talks about you. He loves you so much, so he does, he really does. But it often is like I wish my mom could see you. And I take that as like he just wants to show me off, like look what I did. You know what I mean? Like it's that means a lot to me, and I know he would go like, I just want my mom to see you, because I

think she'd be proud. But there's a part of me that's like, and I get it. If I had kids and they accomplished amazing things, I would desperately want my dad to see it, to be like, Dad, look what I made, that did this thing. You know there's a little you want the praise. I would I want the praise of, like, look at this amazing child you made.

And I think when people go it's a little bit of my worry about adopting is that my parents, if the kid is amazing, they'll be like, well, wherever you got the kid, good job, then that's my parents child, Like it had nothing to do with you. But if it's your blood, like any time there's anything wrong with like anything off going on with nieces and nephews. It's like, well,

maybe that's mad side of the family. You know, maybe they it's like it's like it's never their blood, like like we can even help our genes to begin with, like whatever, d n A. It's and and I mean that's that's not a conversation that really comes up ever. But whenever there's like a behavioral problem, it's like, you guys weren't like that, and you know, maybe it's just something that you know, the other side of the family.

Like I could just tell if I had adopted kids, there would be a lot of well she shouldn't have adopted that kid's kind of going crazy against um. Conversely, Matt's mom does this thing all the time where she's like, well, your talent is because of Jesus, and he's like, my talent is not anything to do the thing. Oh god, that's so yeah. She's always like, well, you gotta thank Jesus for all that. He's like, do I She's not wrong because you can't really attribute nothing you do is you.

You guys know, I don't believe in free will. Nothing you you don't choose your thoughts you don't choose your motivations. If you're someone who like practice guitar a lot and became a virtuous so you didn't choose the brain that was you were born with too good at guitar. I know it feels like you're like, but I chose every day to play music. You didn't. You just got born with a brain that is good at practication. Wants to take away any kind of talent. It's not not but

I want to give it to science. She wants to give it to a guy on across. I'm sure, but yeah, um, it was deflating to tell me. Okay, so facts and logic were no match for my parents opinions my parents. My parent wasn't self reflective and rarely looked at his or her role in a problem. My parents tended to be black and white, be a black and white thinker,

and unreceptive to new ideas. Okay, So if you listen to this checklist listener, and even one of those statements you said yes too, you could potentially be a child of a emotionally immature parent, because even one of those is enough to damage a kid in a way that will lead to lots of behavioral problems later on in your life that will suck up your life forever until you learn to like go against that. And it's not

because your parents were bad. I have the best parents in the world, but they were twenty five when they had me, and they had parents that never listened to them, weren't around alcoholics, Like there's no way they were equipped to handle a little sensitive child's emotions all the time. And if I had a child, I would also probably be emotionally immature for that child as well, because we're all flawed. So this isn't a book that you buy

and then you like hate your mom. It's like you don't even have to tell your mom about it, even though your mom might listen to your podcast. And here you go off this checklist and say, I was very hurt by that checklist. When have I been defensive about anything? I always support you know, I got a total of five, which I thought it would be more like twenty, but I got five. Yeah, I got like, yeah, I got

enough where I said, Okay. Then you read the book and you just read the patterns of like people, people pleasers. They put their own feelings aside for someone else. I mean, it's all it's all a codependency, it's all kind of adult. Also, this could all fit for adult children of alcoholics, but I think this is a more helpful thing because I think a lot of kids here I'm not going to read about being an adult child of alcoholic because my parent didn't drink or my parent was never drunk around me.

They can't associate their parents or their parents hasn't qualified as an alcohol to alcohol it to them, and so they don't know. This is like something to wrap your head around so you can know it's not your fault whatever it is that you are and do, which I think is most of therapy is learning it's not your fault.

And then when you're able to think of things is not your fault, I think you're able to get over them more Like on you, you were suffering this weekend with like a thing, and you're like, as long as you like let yourself off the hook for it, because you were, without getting into specifics, you were saying, like I realized I'm just fucking crazy sometimes and like I can't control my thoughts around this thing. How did you did you feel like that was acceptance or that was

judgmental of like you're crazy. In the moment, it felt heartbreaking, Like, God, I work so hard on myself and I'm just as crazy as you know. I'm around my family right now, so I get caught up in the toxic cycles of like an old dynamic. I'm sure a lot of people can relate. So I felt heartbroken, and then I was like, it's okay because I do have so many tools, and when I take one step back from these people, a loving step back, I am not crazy anymore. Like I am,

I am temporarily insane. And someone said something to me so great, I've already told you this, nicky, But no, I maybe I haven't told you. I've been holding onto this adage. Boundaries are the distance between me and you where I can love myself and still love you. So I have these like loving boundaries. People don't seem to like them, but I have them so that I can be nice to you and myself and so I can

still have you. Yeah, I have a thing. I don't love people staying over at my house for more than four days. Four days max, God, Well, Chris and I do this thing where like I only want to see him if he's in a good mood. That I can nurse, you know, like, if he's in a bad mood needs to talk about things, babe, I'm there for you. But if you're tired, hungry, let's go. I mean, if you're what's it called dirt or something, halt halt, it's the

acronymic halt, dick, halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. That's usually what people are like, um, but there's a there's a lot of times where I'm just like I. I can hear that he's not in the best moon, and I know the kind of mood he's in where he wants to talk about it and like he has to work through something, and I know the type of mood where he's just doesn't want things aren't going to go well

between us. And I also have those moods too, where I'm like, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but don't come over tonight because it's not This isn't going to move our needle forward in our relationship. This is only going to take away. But there's the illusion of like being together that gives people. If you're not with the person they think you're, you don't love them. But it's like I love you. That's why I'm not hanging out with you tonight, as I want to maintain how

I like you because I am not. I am walking on a tight rope of my own emotions. I'm gonna fall off it and I'm going to hurt you. I'm gonna hurt you like I need to protect you from me. Yes, I'm a toxic train in Ohio or wherever that was that burning day away FLEs there. It's terrifying. Um, yeah, it's it's it's I as someone who is definitely a crazy person and can have my moods and act everything around me like like an infection. I have to quarantine

myself from people. I should put on masks when I'm in a sour mood, and it sucks sometimes because you gotta record a podcast or you gotta sucking. Podcasts are the hardest thing for me because there's no allusion. There's no I don't put on a face for a podcast. If I did, it would show up that I was putting on a face. A podcast is some If I was, you know, in a bad mood today and I had to do this podcast, you would sense it. There would be like a fucking you know you. It was last

year yesterday's podcast. I was sad and I but if I was shooting a commercial, I could have snapped out of it because everything's a facade and it's like welcome to Holiday and Express or whatever the funk I'm promoting. I can put that. I can put a cape over my feelings. But if I'm in a situation like a podcast where it's like I'm myself and there's no I don't even know what an edifice would be here if I were to put one on. Believe me, I put someone before on rough episodes that we've had to just

because of relationship things going on. But if it's just us three, I'm not going to be able to put that. I don't even know what that would be, to be fake around you guys and be like everything's great. This more like it just doesn't. So that's where I get into rocky territories when I'm forced to do things where I get to be myself and I and I have to just and then it's almost like, um, like there are days I would choose not to do a podcast

because I'm in a bad mood. But you but you have to go to work or you would choose not to go to your s SDJ. You're still sucking day job because you're in a bad mood. You should be able to call in sick mentally to things. I don't think we're ever close to that happening, But I really resent that everyone gets to be like cold today and I can't be like I want to jump off my

balcony today. So I don't think I can make it to my dentist appointment, like I want to be able to say that which I did say to myst wouldn't be my dent dentists would now he'd be like, without those that amount of work that you need to have done. Now I'm getting bonding on I'm bonding with my dentist. It's is it? My calendar is dentist bonding? Because I wrote it in tomorrow I was excited a meat over a campfire. Yeah we're gonna hold hands and talk about

our emotionally unavailable parents. Um. Yeah, we're gonna do trust falls out in the woods. Um, so I'm bonding with my dentist tomorrow. Who's Scott Baculus, nephew? No, just name dropped, No, not big deal. Dr Baculus shout out, Yeah he really is. Um, but yeah, it's just though I wish that you could. Um I did. I mean I've called in. I've called in depressed to things but before and then, but I always do it when I know the person is going to be very understanding and like kind of gets it.

And it also talk about bonding if you tell someone that you're depressed and you like open up to them about that, like I can't make it today, like I'm depressed. Man, is that like just it? I did it for my vocal coach the other day, Like I was like, I'm too depressed to meet I'm sorry, I'm not gonna lie and say anything else, like I just I'm having horrible

thoughts today. And the next session we were like all we did was talking about that kind of stuff and like bonded so much because it was like instead of me being like I'm busy or I don't feel very good today, it just cut through the ship. And if we could be more open about being depressed or those thoughts, I wouldn't feel like such a weirdo sometimes because it seems like I have a chronic disease. That's just like go for a walk around the block. And that's how

you solve it, Nikki. And it's just like, well this, if I could do that, I would. I can't walk around like you know what I mean. I just don't think other people cancer doesn't get this kind of like you know, just try harder make your bed every morning, Like tell a cancer patient that, like that's the kind of thing I'm feel like I'm up against some days.

Is like an actual physical illness, but it does you know, and everyone knows this about mental illness is that it doesn't get the same respect that physical illness does because it seems like a choice. Um. But I'm just like the more and more I suffer with it, um, and it is stuff that There's also obviously stuff I can do. Like sometimes people get lung cancer and you go, why are you still smoking? It's like okay, yeah, put down the cigarettes. There's things I can definitely do, um and

try to do. But I do wish that we can get to a point as a society where you could call in sick, or you can also just make say that you were molested and then people go, oh, okay, sorry I didn't know that, and you could be like, yeah, that's why I was late or whatever. I just it's

a new joke. I'm working on my act. But I think you should casually be able to say you were molested and have people if you forgive you yeah, well yeah if you were if you were molested, I think it should be as easy to admit as saying I had my hair like or as shameful I guess as being like I had botox or so I don't know, or like I I my car hydroplaned, and like sometimes you feel it fault for like like the amount of shame you have for getting in a car accident, because

that's some people do a shame about card, since that's what I mean, like a little bit maybe, which I think you should have zero, but we'll never expect that out of anyone because we're a country of shame. But being molest it should seem like you just got hit by a car or something like it's a car accident and you had the right of way to walk and

you didn't know. But instead because if someone was like I'm sorry, I I'm if they kept being late for meetings or zoomings or something and they were like, I'm sorry, I was lost as a kid, I'm really fucked, I'd be like, oh, okay, yeah, well I'm glad you even can function, or like if they're like my dad beat me severely, Like I think people should be able to like kind of give their mental illness history or like

they're child abuse history without it being so heavy. I wish definitely never seen since you started talking more about botox and filler, I've seen way more people start doing that too. I'm not saying you started it, but you're define so open about it. Like five years ago or maybe even longer, but nobody it was not cool to talk about that openly. I feel like it's still something people. Yeah people still yeah, keep it very secret. But that's

a really good comparison those two things. Like people have less shame than they did five ten years ago aout admitting the botox, And I always compared botox to getting your hair died, Like it used to be shameful to get your hair highlighted, like women used to like hide, like go secretly at night like they were they wouldn't talk about it, and it was rude to say did you get highlights? Yes, exactly, and that we don't even know that there's your natural although you know that's a game.

What in the book the game that's an egg like that because those written. But it wouldn't be an egg now because you'd be like, of course it's not natural. You take out your hair and be like, no, it's from a woman in India, this isn't mine. Um, yeah, that I wanted to be. I like, yeah, I would like things to be a little bit more just transparent, I guess, just honest and transparent, um than they are. But it's just, you know, not that way I was yesterday. I was at a very um high pressure event all

day long. I was at um Cynthia Rowley fashion show. Because it's fashion Week in New York, which is my least favorite week. I forgot that it was that. Do you guys remember fashion Week when you lived in New York and just like you and I lived together, our street was a major hub before it because there are tons of galleries and they would have shows on two.

It's just like, yeah, and it's just like an alien start ship lands in Manhattan and lets off a bunch of seven foot tall people cats cats, seven foot tall, lengthy vertical cats and they walk around, yes, and they they truly look so I mean, I saw a model yesterday at this thing and she was probably six ft two, very thin, and I was like, well, and she was. I saw her taking pictures. She was stunning, had a gorgeous body, gorgeous face. But then I was like, oh,

she's the awkward tall girl in high school. These models are not like hot in high school. She was like on the volleyball team. Maybe it was probably really good social studies student. Like this girl. I just saw her for like, she's this supermodel, Like I don't know about super but you know she's special. She's special model and m she uh she wasn't the super Bowl of models.

She was like the Orange Bowl of Models or whatever, um Dorito's Bowl and she but I just saw she was like a high school dork, which most models are like kind of dorks, you know. But um, I was at this event and it was a bunch of comedians Ego from UM s N who's hilarious, uh, Rosebud Baker, Rachel Feinstein, Claudia oh Sary, I want to say she's a girl with no job on Instagram. Um and then esther Coup, Michelle boto Art and Mirren and we were all doing this UM the show where we got like

we went I went to a fitting yesterday. We have two looks, one for our stand up set, which was five minutes long, which, by the way, if you do stand up, like no one knows how to do a five minutes that We were all like, what is that even? Like you would just go out and say Hi, my name is NICKI and I'm an alcohol Like what do you even say for five minutes that It's like, unhurt. I haven't done five minutes since I did the Tonight show.

Like I was making jokes with Rachel, like you have to submit your set to Michael Cox by four pm, like for standards and practices, because it was like that's who you know, get you on this tonight show. But it was just like it was a short amount of time, but it wasn't about comedy, was more but but Cynthia Raley kepting like, no, it's about the comedy. It's not about the fashion. We're like, no, we are all wearing outfits we would never fucking were outside of this. We

looked amazing the fashion. I love Cynthia Rowley. Thank god I got asked to do a fashion show earlier this year that was happening in Paris that a lot of comedians did. You can look it up, but I'm not going to say who it was. I turned it down because I thought the designs were so hideous, like I couldn't find one thing in this collection, and you will know it when you see it, when you go see find the comedians that did this fashion show. I don't

know how this person. I'm sorry, artists subjective, but not this art It is objectively bad. I don't know how anyone would ever wear any of the ship And it was all like the coolest guys in comedy too, which made me laugh that they have to wear these ridiculous outfits even though they're like bad boys of comedy. And I can't wait to see a couple of them to mock them for it, because they must have felt so

uncomfortable doing this fashion show. But I got us. I turned that down because I was like, I don't want to wear any of these clothes. Cynthia Rally, my god, is like one of my favorite designers anyway. She's like someone who's dresses I wear all the time, and um so I was so excited I got to meet her. I also saw her daughter on The Bachelor. The daughter kid was on one of the butts, so I liked I liked her daughter, so I knew her mom would be cool. She was so fucking cool, so normal, so nice.

Someone I'm like, literally truly could be friends with. And I don't say that about everyone. Like if she was just like a kind of like a what you would like an Anna Wintour type, I'd be like, she was amazing. She's so such an artist, like I would just say

that cursory thing. This woman was actually the real deal, so cool and um went to a fitting yesterday which was super easy, and I thought it was going to be like very uncomfortable, but it was in like her studio with like all of her like people that are

working there. And then they have like a little shop up front with some stuff, and I got to wear this like red number and then this other white dress with these boots that's just fantastic, and multiple outfits because we had like a curtain call look at the end and then so but backstage we had to get there at Here's how quickly I do my hair and makeup. If I'm going on stage, I can be full hair and makeup, total glam from the time I get out of the shower too, walking on stage forty minutes to

blow dry everything. I'm fast when I get my hair and makeup done with my team an hour and a half, because even that's fast for me for most people because they are usually like they need to a half hours. We were there at our Carlton was three thirty. We didn't go on until eight, and I was like, I

don't need to get there fifteen hours early. But but I wasn't in charge of the day we're there, like it was kind of like the no one and no one should put their foot down because we were all equals that day, like no one's I'm not going to be a devon and show up at six when everyone else has been there since four. But we're all getting ready in the same room. We're all that just like there's different stations and it's just like you go here, you go there. And I realized in this process the

on the fashion side of things amazing. Treated like a princess. I love Cynthia Raley. I love the people that she

works with. It was so fun. Makeup and hair side of things a little bit commoditized, like if that's a word you I realized with a I have a friend who's a model, sayer Lena, and I always when she talks about her day's modeling, she does and I've heard this before from other people too, is that models are just treated like objects, like they're just objectified, like they're talked about in front of each other, like people will

just be like, this needs to come in. Oh my god, her waist is spilling over that this is not gonna fit. She looks tired, like they'll they'll talk about you, like your car that they're working on, and you forget that you're there. Whereas as a comedian in a makeup chair, I sit down, I go I okay, So I really like a dark eyebrow with like a sharp edge on the um on the front. I don't want them to look like a little round sperms. I like uh eyeliner in the waterline. I like um full lashes, but not

too full like false eyelashes. I like mascara on the bottom. I do not like any kind of eyeliner on the bottom. I like a thin line on the top. I like a wing. I like really like pinky blush. I like a slight contour on chin. And then um, cheek, I like know exactly what I want because I've been doing this forever and I swear to God. The guy goes, wow, okay, do you know what you want? Like offended, because when you're a model, you just sit in a chair and

get makeup done. There's no mirror in front of you, so you can be like, um, can you actually just you get your makeup done, and then you don't get to look at and go I like it or not. You just moved to the next station. And by the end of the night, Rachel had overheard someone commenting about some outfit. She'll have to tell it next time she's on the podcast. I think it's gonna go in her act because she heard someone's saying, we need to find an we uh, we need to find another dress for

Esther and they go, no, Esther looks great. Rachel's probably something. It was like Rachel heard with an earshot, like we need to fix like, which is Rachel's biggest fear in life is that she's like a problem and like and

it was not the case at all. Rachel looked amazing, but like we kept all each of us overhearing little things where we weren't where we were like, and then the second you start feeling like a model, Like the second you're like, have all your glam and you have your fucking awesome outfit that's so tight and looks so good, and your shoes and you look tall and you look leggy. Then in walks this model. We don't even know why they brought in a model. We don't even know what

she did. She was just there to make us realize, you know, you are not know if you were starting to think that you are a model. Look over there at that woman who is a foot taller than you, forty pounds lighter than you, wearing that thing like she was born in it, with the cheek bone, the cheek structure of I don't know, gollum, Like this is you're you're nowhere close to her and they you know, I just jokes to examine these clowns. It was weird, which

we didn't even know why she was there. I introduced myself to her. I was like taking pictures of her because she was so pretty. She was like doing a shoot and I was behind the photographer being like is this weird that I'm taking? Like you're captivating and I want to learn poses. I was making jokes, like at one point we were backstage and there was like a bowl of mints and someone was and the mints were all eaten, and someone was like, wow, someone like those mints.

And I was like model dinner, and I was just like making jokes like that. They did give us a really good food, They treated us awesome. I mean, it was just a really long day and I'm not gonna lie. It sets women up to be competitive when you have seven women on a show, all comedians from different genres of comedy, like we're talking sketch, we're talking stand up, we're talking TikTok, and then you all have to do five minute it's. And everyone who loved that show was like,

I like this person best. I like this person like you can't go to a comedy show without ranking everyone who you liked the best. And I'm not talking about my comedy shows because I have maybe two or three comics at most on them. And you're gonna like me the best. You should because I do the most of my time. And if you like someone more than me, it's because they did a shorter amount of time and they got to do their best jokes, whereas I had to boo a bunch of jokes, I had to do

an hour. So this whole idea of like, I'd like to opener better eight minutes, he did eight minutes. You might maybe you should, but also maybe you just do and not he, she, anyone. It's just like that's a common thing in comedy where you'll be the headliner and that you'll see the opener. Someone go you were the best, and you go, oh, really because I did an hour in fourteen minutes and he did eight. So maybe don't say that in front of me with an earshot because

you know I can hear it. But you get to play like, oh, I was just there. I just really resonated with. But but that's not he or she. I'm not talking about Andrew specifically or anyone that it's happened with. Andrew used happened to me as an opener. People would say it in front of to you know what, in front of headliners to me and go like you were actually and I'm like, I did twenty minutes and they did an hour twenty of course you're gonna like me more.

I leave I left you wanting more. Um. But it was just like a competitive day because we all I went out on stage and I was like, are we're models? You guys were models? Like are you loving this comedy show from a bunch of models? I go, We're not models. We all are very deeply uncomfortable with the setting. The reason we got into this is because we're not good at this. And the whole audience was influencers. I mean, it was all fashioned, but they were a great audience.

It was really a great show. It was so fun. I talked about like a girl falling in a fire and how I like loved that, like I did. I did. There was one there was a little bit of heckling going on and people kept going like because I was like, am I hot? You guys like I need to feel hot. I need to be hot, And people kept going like you're what you're so? And I go because I'm rich, and it was it's rich or d n A. That's

all it is. If you're averagealous of someone, it's because they're rich and they can afford something you can't, or their mom was hot, or their dad had good legs. That's it. And it was just so freeing to scream at all these trendy people, to be like stop and scream it myself. I mean, it's honestly, like I'm telling myself, Like when I get jealous of people, I always have to remember it's because their dad or mom had good genes or they had the money to do a certain treatment.

And that's where I start beating myself up, is like I'm not doing the right treatments. That's where I start going, Oh, I need to do this and that. I want to talk about Rihanna's super Bowl when we come back. And I also want to talk about something with Olivia Wilde that came up after the super Bowl and get your guys thoughts on that. So we'll talk about that when we get back. All right, we're back. Um, how do

you guys feel about rihanna super Bowl halftime show? I mean we're a little late to it, but I do want to give my take. I loved it. I love her,

That's all I have to say. She could in my book, she can do wrong in mine, because I've read about her fenty line and how it course people into like signing up for like way more money than like a membership, and then they like their bank accounts were drained by this thing and that all her clothes are made in sweatshops, and she's a billionaire, so she's definitely done some things that are shady, and you know she's bullied people online that I didn't care for that kind of stuff. But man,

can that girl sing? And man, that performance. If you think it was boring, you're boring. You. You're someone who needs too much stimulation. You're boring. Look at yourself if you thought that, If you've left that performance is boring, it's because you are boring you probably, And I get it, like there are times where I am a boring person too that I'm like, I want more like Pizzazz. We needed nothing thing more from her. Those stages moving were

great enough. The dance sequences. Even though people were joking about how she wasn't moving a lot, she fucking ended up moving a lot. Maybe she started out slow, but there and she's also pregnant and she's singing. Yeah, she wasn't singing in some parts she was and like, yes, they were agreed, but they there was tracks, but also she was singing over track but she um but which is fine. I don't even fault that when people are

like she was lips singing or whatever it's like. But at least she sang that live at some point recently into a microphone, and it sounded like live to me. It didn't sound like two souped up or like too many effects on it. It sounded live. So whether she did it there or another time, I don't care. It was recent enough. This girl has not performed live to my knowledge, in like four years. Can you imagine the first time you perform live and you never test out

any of them? I mean, she's she's done so many concerts in the past, but years of being dormant. Is the super Bowl halftime show, which is the biggest stage, the biggest show that you could do. I thought it was her voice. Her voice commanded enough, and you know what also commanded enough, her fucking energy, the confidence that woman had. I've said it before about Dave Chappelle, when I was watching him one time on stage, I said that man is more comfortable on stage than I am

in bed. And that's the way I fought about Rihanna. She was so comfortable. There was no part of me that was worried about her. When I watched Katie Perry's Super Bowl I was worried when I'm watch Lady Gaga, even Gaga, she's a very competent performer that makes me feel secure. I was even like when I watched j Lo I was literally like having a panic attack of like can she do? Like even though she she's another performer that never fails. But Rihanna, I was My blood

pressure went down. It was just like the way she was sauntering around the stage, the way even the moment with her fenty Beauty product where she's touching her own makeup, which is a brilliant marketing, Like I know that it was maybe presented to make it look like, oh, the camera switched to her too quickly and they caught her touching of her makeup. They weren't supposed to. That was for the dumbest person watching That was that was who that was meant for the dumbest person watching goes They

should her touching up her makeup. They weren't supposed to. That's literally anyone who thought that should be. I don't want to say what I think they should, but like shouldn't procreate anymore, like anyone who was goofed into thinking like they cut the camera too close. First of all, if they did, she would be having makeup artists to her makeup. She would not be touching it up herself. So that's how I know that was a that was put in there, but it was also a wink to like,

I know what I'm doing. I'm a marketing genius. I'm putting in a moment where I touched up my own makeup on TV in the middle of my performance. What does that say to girls watching at home, touch up your makeup whenever you want that shameful thing of going to the bathroom to do your powder, do it in front of the guy at the table Bowl. I just did it at the fucking Super Bowl during my performance. Never feel ashamed for doing your makeup and having makeup

nearby you and having my makeup nearby you. It was genius. It was genius. And then then at the end when she walks in and she's just like at the when she knows that she's in, like the she's the fucking it's in the final stretch of the show, and she walks and she's like, you know, high fiving or like whatever she's doing with like the musicians and kind of just like sauntering around the stage confidently like her just

like having a moment with her musicians. It was I was awe struck and I was watching on my little phone. I watched it after the fact because I was flying when it happened. I thought it was awesome. I loved there wasn't too much bombastic bullshit. I don't need to see fireworks. I don't need to see people dangling from things. I don't need to see fifty cents hanging from a wall. I thought the Doctor Dre Snoop Pastime show was bad. Really sorry, I thought it was bad. I I love them,

I'm not like a huge, huge fan. I thought that set was stupid. I didn't like all the it looked like a little Barbie house dollhouse. I just thought it was dumb. I thought the performances were good, but I thought the set design was was dumb. And what do I know about set design? Literally nothing. So if you're watching this and you design that set and you're like, what the funk? Literally I'm an idiot. So I don't

know anything. And I'm the only one who didn't like the performance, and I can only feel confident saying I didn't like it now that I loved Rihanna's because now I know what I like and I did not like that. And I remember after that happened, everyone was like, that was the most amazing thing everyone. I was like, I was bored, and it felt weird and it felt like I was just looking at these little like a little play happening inside the doll house. I didn't like it.

I love the music so much that it took me back and made me feel nostalgic. And I think they're creating sets to make you feel like you're in Compton. Okay, so it worked, but maybe the super Bowl for me, I did not feel like I was there. But remember the performer, the girl doing sign language, that was amazing, so cool. Yeah, they should have cut between her back and forth from her and Rihanna Like that was such a that was like this whole other life that it

was given. Okay, So I want to talk about this thing though that Olivia wild posted. Now, Olivia Wilde, you know is was dating Harry Styles is not anymore. They broke up. Final thought Harry Styles to set the stage for this. He did not. He's never really acknowledged that she's his girlfriend. Ever impressed even when they were dating. Okay, um oh, I got a Valentine's Day thing from Chris. It's not huge, but it's a frog emoji, and that's like our way of saying I love you as a

frog emoji. It's a long story, but I did get a frog emoji Happy Valentine's Day to YouTube baby. Um so, uh, he's never acknowed that. It made me think of that. I was like, oh, is my boyfriend acknowledged me today? So he never acknowledged her In an interview during he did make Let's say if you made the deadline though, because when did this come in by half an hour? He did not make He did know he did it. He sent it one fifty, he was ten minutes, he made it ten minutes to go. So I still have

a boyfriend. Everyone was really there was any consequences of that. Yeah, he said a frog And you know what, and you know what I love about it is he didn't know I was trying to make the frog emoji R way of saying I love you. You You know, some people have like a thing like you know in that stupid fucking movie where Lady Guga like strokes down or dumb fucking knows and like that sort of their way of being like,

I love you, baby star is born. I hate that so much, but I wanted like a thing like that. The other day I sent him this frog picture that like it said on the frog it said like, look at the left corner, bottom left corner, and then you looked down there and a little thing says, look at the right top corner, and then you go up there and you and then goes, now, no, don't look up here. Look at the frog's tongue and like very small in

the frog's tongue and says I love you. So it has to you like jumping all over this photo and then it says I love you, but you can't see any of that unless you look closely. And so then I sent that to him one day and he was like, I really liked that, and I was like, and it's kind of stupid. So I was like, well, that's cute that he liked it, because it's kind of like, I don't know, it was just like, uh, dorky and corny.

But then um, the other day I sent it again and then sent the frog emoji after it to be like, this is what means what I love you. So now he's connected it and I succeeded. I got a little emoji sign with my boyfriend. You know, it's the small things in life. Really. So Olivia Wild posted about the Rihanna's performance asap Rocky, who is Rihanna's I don't know husband, but definitely baby daddy boyfriend. Um. She he was like cheering her on and I guess she posted a video

or all. I was the still of it, but it was on her story and she said, um, oh my god, what is the direct quote? Noah? Okay, so she she tagged Rocky and Rihanna and she goes, if I thought he was hot before, this really put me over the edge. Okay, So he was filming Rihanna right, And people are savagely attacking Olivia Wild for writing this because she said if I thought I loved I thought he was hot before, She's calling someone else's man hot. She tagged him and

her in it. What do you guys think about this? We're gonna talk about her what she said afterwards, which I think I know what she was doing. I don't think. I think she was trying to make a point to Harry Styles, like a man that supports his woman is hot. I did not. It's exactly what she was doing because her her post afterward, because people were like, how dare

this bitch called Rihanna's boyfriend hot, baby daddy hot? You don't say another woman's man is hot, which I would not be bothered by that at all, An, what do you mean? I mean people do it all the time. I guess if you're a celebrity or celebrity does not publicly say someone's hot if they Like the other day, I did an interview and I said someone was hot that has a wife, and I was like, you know,

on my vision board we might end up together. And I was like, you know, because they could get divorced. You never know what happens. And I'm like literally quaking now in fear that that's going to like air and people are going to destroy me for it because it's like he's married, and it's like have you ever heard of divorce before? Like, I'm sorry, Like and also I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry, It's all a joke. I was just joke. I don't really have a vision board

of this guy. I'm getting mad about something people aren't even mad at me about. So let me just having arguments in your head beep beep. Okay. So then Olivia Wilde wrote back to all these people being like, how dare you? Everyone fucking hates Olivia Wilde? Okay, everyone does. I like her. People hate her though, because they're jealous. She's beautiful. There's a little apotism. I think that might be going on that people are like, that's what, she's

a former princess and she she what she's a former princess. Yeah, she was married to her prince. Okay that and also Harry Styles. Women are so jealous and she's gorgeous and perfect. They're talented and talented, and she's a director and she likes the lime like she likes to be behind the camera in front of the camera. We all hate it. She's artistic, she's cool, she like looks flawless and everything. We are jealous. Me is jealous. Okay, So that's what

they're attacking her. But also, would you be pissed if someone wrote about your man. I used to think Matt Pond was hot. Now he's so hot because of how much he is loving on your I would be I'd be like, yes, bitchy, that is hot. I get exactly what she meant. Noah, If I'm tagged, it's okay. If I'm not tagged, I don't know. Okay. She was gonna take her earrings out. Well, you know what, if she didn't tag Rihanna, people would have said that exactly. They

would have been like, why didn't you tag Rihanna? You're trying to make a pass at asap. No, she didn't tag sheet. But then because she tagg Rihanna, I was looking at all the comments. They were like, how fucking corny. She tagged Rihanna, like she wants her to see that she's coming for her man. I'm like, this bitch can't win. So then Olivia, following the backlash, wrote another thing on her story, and I liked what she said because it is exactly It tells you exactly what you need to

know about why she posted it. She's talking about Harry Man. She did not get the support from harry that she wanted. She wanted him to be proud of her. She wanted him to brag about her. She wanted to post about her. She wanted him to like hold up his phone. She wanted him to do the same thing that she was doing at the Harry Styles Concerts, which was holding up her phone and dancing. She was captured many times supporting him from the side stage. Where was Harry during Don't

Worry Darling Press, We didn't see him. That's what maybe led to their breakup. Who really knows, But what did she say? No? So she writes for anyone who got it twisted, it's hot to respect your partner, especially when your partner just did that like that, like what Rihanna just did. It's not as overt as I initially thought. But I know women, and I know what is going on here. This was not about asap racky. This was This was not about I don't really keep saying racky rocky.

This is not about Rihannah and I'm saying her name Rihanna and how she feels about her or like trying to get it's how she feels about Harry. She's projecting And aren't we all today? Frog emoji gotta get out of here. Thank you guys for listening. We will see you next week. Happy Valentine's Day, belated. Um, come see me this weekend. Where are we, Anya? Um? We're not anywhere this weekend. Oh, I know where I'm this weekend.

I'm in Vegas. Um, so if you're a millionaire, comes see me in Vegas as Steven Tyler's charity for um Alzheimer's. I will be there with Sammy Hagar and John Mayer and um oh loads of other people. It's a huge event that I'm doing on Saturday night, so wish me luck on that. I'll tell you about it on Tuesday's podcast and um and then the next weekend we are where we are in Bloomington, Newport, Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky. Oh my gosh, Kentucky, Indiana, get on it. Europe that is

coming up in May. Can't wait to see you guys out there. Please, besties come to shows. I love meeting you. You can get free meat and greets if you go to the merch booth and just tell them that you're a bestie, they'll hook you up. UM and I can't wait to see you at a show. And thank you so much for listening. I hope you have a great day, and I hope your parents aren't emotionally unavailable. Don't encouraging