#316 Take a Chase

She's happen trained, she's stealing things, she's um, she speaks Russian, she is writing on her pants. She um doesn't like I stuff. Do you have um? Yeah, she doesn't like I stuff. That's one of her phobes. It's Taylor for everyone. She's back, better than best friend from Where did when do we meet tree Court? In middle school? Eighth grade? Yeah? Become bloods great question. You just hit it a swim

club called Tree Court. Yeah, I don't know. We were on the same swim team in the summertime, and I remember you had really cool like bell Bottom. Really they were, but oh my god, they were pretty big. Oh my god, they were so cool. They still intimidate me when I see a girl with a perfectly coughed like the bell bottom has to. Like right now, I'm wearing bells and they're like flooding and it makes me want to hurl myself in front of a train that Taylor is sleeping on.

I hate when bells are like slightly like like I mean a quarter, I mean an eighth of an inch too high, and it's disgusting. But if you get it's yippie kippie, skippy skippy. We don't know why we called it that, but back in the day we used to call it yep, yep kip kip, yippie kippie. If like someone's pants were flooded or skeet, we called it ski really like a knife or a thing like I don't know what. Yeah, you went to Nie for middle school. I went to North But anyway, um flare jeens, do

you know I'm talking about? You've got no one on you. You definitely live through this time of like there has to. Noah has perfectly flair jeans too, Like because Noah's legs are on the shorter side, I'm guessing for pants, so you're always gonna have your they're never gonna be hippie kippie on you, and I'm always I'm so jealous of that. And I know that long legs are you're probably jealous

of long legs. But there's something about the flare of what it perfectly cuffs over the shoe and it doesn't hit the floor, but if it does, it's kind of cool because there's like a little bit of a fray on it that but you can't be stepping on the fray and it can't be like peeling off, but it can be a little bit dusted. Like you know, I have stylists and there's such exact rules for like everything, like why those I'm always like, why don't these shoes work with this off? Like I don't get why is

this length of skirt not good with this? I don't understand the rules and it bothers me that there's things, but there's with flares. Do you guys agree that flares are just when we switch over to skinny jeans. They can be ankle, they can be up to your fucking they can be cool. Lots skinny jeans, you can mess with the length a little bit more, but with flares, it has to be perfect. I just wouldn't wear flares at all. Why I don't think. I don't think they

would work. I don't think I avoid Wait, no, flares are the most flattering genes there were. You never wore flares in high school? Of course you did, Yeah, but now you would they were like would be flattering? Yes, low rise? Yeah, and no, you also have a good low rise body because you have a good Sorry I'm like objectifying, I have a good high rise body. It's not good, frise, No, you do have a good low

rise body. Still, some people have good Um. I used to have a good low rise body, but you have um. You need to have big hips for a lower a good low rise body, and you have to have like a flat stump, like a stomach like I used to have. No love handles when those show up? Sorry, low rise, what you do? You're gonna get a ticket? Yeah, you have to have this, Brittney Spears, I'm a slave for you,

fucking Torso. That is only achievable when you before you start dieting and after, like there's this perfect body you have before you start being aware that you need to have a perfect body. Does does anyone else agree with that? Unless you're suffering from childhood obesity. There's this thing that happens as soon as you start dieting, your body is

hell and then you have no control over it. But before you realize that things that foods are fatty and bad and you're just eating when you're hungry and not like you have a perfect body, you gotta look at pictures to find when it was too. A lot of us don't know when it was because we started dieting right at puberty before a body even figured out what it was. But it's so true that like your body. Yeah, I mean, John Mayor said it back tongue disgusted me. Today.

I went to the dentist and she was like, no, she didn't say that, but she almost did. She was doing. My favorite part of the dentist is when they scrape. I sometimes do it. Sorry. They get that little tool that looks like Captain hook and they get in and they scrape behind your bottom teeth and they get in those crevices and they scrape the plaque off. I mean sometimes I watch YouTube videos of it. It's so satisfying when they do. Like homeless men's mouth, I would love

to get your plaque. Oh, my god, please I have one of those. I have a tool. I would plaque you up. So I would love it, because even today I was like wanting to ask her, but I didn't want to get into it because I wasn't in a talking mood. But I was like, if I was a little bit more social right now, I would be like, is it fun to scrape? Act like, what is it like? Because it would be I want calling to let me do it. But I knew it would be a longer talk than I wanted to have, so I didn't say anything.

But afterwards, I was like feeling it with my tongue because after they scrape all the black off, it just feels kind of cool down It feels like empty down there. Well well yeah, maybe a little bit, but it just feels like you get some of these chunks off, these little like sometimes they're white or sometimes they're like yellow,

and you feel that. And she said, isn't it cool that you can feel even though it's microscopic amounts of something, you can feel the difference with your tongue, like you feel that. She was like, every time I have it done, I feel down there, I'm like so much space, And she goes the tongue. It's a wild little creature, that tongue. And I was like a wild creature. Have you ever looked in the mirror and just had your tongue go like and like dart to the side. It looks like

a groundhog looking for like ship. Like you can make your tongue look like a nervous rodent like like watch. I was just like checking for cling that. What do you like anyone? People that don't have control of their tongue, or if they're paralyzed tongue. We used to have a person on this he had a lazy tongue. But that's the funny thing about Andrew having a lazy tongue back in the day is that when I'm taking voice lessons now, your tongue is the thing that gets in the way

of your voice more than anything. I mean, tension is number one, probably tension in your body and tension in your throat. But now that I'm learning like the logistics of your voice your tongue when you're singing, it's both to be lazy. I think Andrew could be one of the best singers. I'm not even kidding you. If we if we were closer like taking yes because he he always he would always say I have a lazy mouth.

And it's so funny because now my teacher is like, there's like some kind of Italian phrase like no but the dade and it's like nothing below the teeth and it's supposed to mean like deadness beneath the teeth to sing properly, nothing should be moving, everything should be soft and like lazy. So um, yeah, it's like Dante's there. It's like no, no, Dante, and it's like nothing. And that's what you know opera singers talk about. But he I think Andrew could have an amazing voice because I

was like in this because I can't relax my tournet. Well, his tone is not good, but in terms of his um like he's a little tone deaf. But his uh the sound, because your your tongue interferes with your sound going up and shooting into into the caverns of your head. So all the sound you hear from like Adele, it's not coming from her chest, it's not coming from it's coming from up in her head and in her nose. What I know, it's fucked up. And some people just

know this. Some people just like Anya is just a naturally good singer. She never had to like learn how to deaden her tongue. She just does it naturally because your sound is so good. No, I am not having a good day with my voice. Really. Yeah, Matt posted and I was like, oh God, my harmonies are off, and I was just like very depressed about it. I

was like, is that me or is that Hillary? Because Hillary and I were both singing on this song and he posted it a sound I listened to it eleven times because he was uploading it and trying to edit it, and I was like, this is Chinese water torture. If I hear myself one more time like trying to reach that note. It definitely threw me into a shame spiral. Well, I can tell you right now that you have a naturally amazing voice and everyone knows it. Everyone everyone, There's

no doubt about it. It's just so naturally perfect. Um. But it's yeah, um, I never heard you be off key in my life. I'm gonna have to listen to this. Is it? So he's uploaded it so we can go listen to you be off key. I'm sure everybody can go. I bet you anything every mate. There's no way you would admi if you sound really horrible right now, it's so bad, really, I don't know, there's we wouldn't know it. I think you're being a perfectionist about it, but I

get it. Or you're just having a bad day, and this is yes, that can happen as well, because why would Matt post something where you sounded bad. I don't know, and I don't know about me or someone else. Yes, yes, okay, see if this sounds bad to you, thank you for play. It's coming. Hold on, it's it's coming. Hold on, I'm fine there here, it comes, there, it comes. Okay, it's not as bad as two notes in there. There's two

and that's actually a really hard note to find. And it's not like you rehearse that song a fucking ton. I did not notice, and it sounded amazing before that, and it was literally two notes and I didn't even actually, unless you were telling me when it was coming and where to listen, I would have never noticed. And honestly, I was just as nervous now as if you were to ask me about World War One. That felt like World War One was fighting the wait is the blitz?

No no, no, it is actually amazing. Um, we were pretty good. Yesterday was part of World War One? To write? What do you know about World War One? Are you? Matt was here? Matt, my brother in law, my my brother's husband. Does he know about it? One? No, no one knew. We did another football? Just do another one? I want to do? You want to do one right now? Okay? Well, Alice suggested one on the girl's chest today. Chess. We can just do chess. Really, do you know chess? Taylor

gets offended. No, why would you every? I just learned, you know, Russian, So I don't really. Maybe I would think maybe those two would intercept. Okay, Um, I know I know how to say I'm a lesbian whore in German because Taylor taught it to me at Tree Court back in the swim lesson days. I don't ben I'm lesbian. Shoot, I didn't even remember that. Lesbian? Yeah, lesbian? Shoot, I don't. I mean, I don't know if that's right, dude, you

told me just like yeah, I think that's like. Okay, So chess, we got a rook, we gotta we The rook can move like a soldier like um, yeah, pawn, I don't think that's called a soldier, but I think the rook might be. There's a horsehead the queen. You're trying to trap the queen. The queen is the one that if you she dies, then the game is over. Check checkmate is when you're like I've got your queen and you're like, fucked us take your queen. She's got all the move that the king is. Queen can go

anywhere the king is. I think the king can move like a couple, like two or something. I think there's one that can move like a tetris, you know, one of those tetris that's like long and then short, so it can move like three up and two and one to the left. The horse. I think that's called I think that's what the rook. Oh yeah, the cast The rook can go that crooked crook. I live next to nearby the World Chess Hall of Fame, and there's a huge, huge salt and pepper shaker that is probably a rook

out front. It's like the biggest chess piece there is, but it looks like a salt and pepper shaker, or it looks like a pepper grinder rather. Um no, yeah, I have been in there. I haven't actually been to the museum, but I've been to the gift shop to get some toys for the kids. Um, so that's us trying to explain chess when we really flopped it. I mean,

we didn't know what it was about Harbor. No, yeah, that's wait, No, that was the Japanese and that was World War that was World War okay yeah, fuck okay, Oh my god. This podcast is just turning into fucking hell. It's just every every subject is like what we don't know? Question from yesterday? I have a follow yesterday. I need closure on the Chance the Rapper thing, like when did that happen? Thank you? The story behind me? So this week, this last week I went to l A for um.

I got asked to be a part of this pilot that is really fun. It was not my pilot, and I was just asked to be like a celebrity panelist kind of thing on it. And one of the people on the show, someone in Chance the Rappers family was on the show and we didn't know it was Chance the Rapper. Do you know who Chance the Rapper is? Taylor say it like you like I just asked to know what Okay, So we were trying to guess who this person was. All we know is that they're a

rapper's mom. She looks like him kind of. And I know what Chance the rapper looks like. I do I know one song? No? Do I know where he's from? No, we know she's the mother. We've asked enough questions that we know she's the mother of a rapper from Chicago. Well, I know Kanye's mom is dead as a door now, so I knew that wasn't it. And then so this mom and I know what Kanye's mom looks like, and I don't know other rappers from Chicago. I'm sorry, so sorry everyone. But then I go, do you look like

your son? Because I was you could ask you es or no questions. And I was like, do you get told you look like your son? And she was like yes, And I was like, looked at her really hard. I was like, because Chance is hot. He's like a cute, big smile, really cute looking guy, and and I don't know if he's from Chicago, and uh, and all black people look alike to me, So I was, you know, it was it could have been anyone, stop please, but that did cross my mind to be like, can I

even ask if you look like your son? Or someone going to call me racist for you know what I'm saying. But she did. She did look like her son. So in my head, I go, it's Chance the Rapper or Chase the rap I don't know which one. Why would I if I don't know this art, Like I'm sure someone who's a Chance the Rapper fan is probably like, yeah, uh, Taylor Swift like would probably not know, like Paul mckisney or something, I don't know what I'm talking, like, I

know this is turning, know what I mean? Like or like they those are two bad examples because they're very well known. But like, let's say Bonnie Raett, someone might say that and then to someone else Bonnie rad is like, you don't know, but it's like, no, I don't. I don't know, Bonnie, you don't know. It's okay. So my thing is, so I guessed, and I knew it was between Chase and Chance, and I knew I took a Chase, and I fucking said Chase the Rapper, And you would

have thought I spit in this woman's face. You would have thought I had looked like a fucking you know uh kkk hood on you would have like you would have thought, I said the most like people couldn't believe it. I don't even know. Everyone reacted like, oh, we're gonna cut that, and I go, don't because then as soon as everyone reacted, I go, I mean chance is it chance?

I'm like, why is it? You know what? The difference between me and if everyone of the audience goes, I can't believe she said that you mother, half of you didn't know if it was Chase or Chance either, okay, And the difference between you and me is that I actually did think. I know that I'm going to get ridiculed if I get this wrong, and there's a fifty chance I get it wrong because I knew it was either Chase or Chance. I'm gonna take a chase and

pick one. And so I picked Chase and it was wrong, and I thought, maybe I don't even because it could go onto the next person. I had like ten seconds left. I could have wasted it by being like, do you like your son's music? Like I could have asked some dumb question, but instead I guessed because I knew I was right in some way. But most people I think would just not say anything because they don't want to

look stupid. And that's the difference. And I didn't do anything wrong by saying I literally wouldn't let them have it. I'm like, I'm not going to be embarrassed by that at all, not what you would have thought. But everyone was just like that was so embarrassing that. I'm like, his mom doesn't mind that? Can Taylor Swift number one fan doesn't know who her son is? You knew what he looked like, That's something I would that I knew his I said, does he have a though in his name?

You know? I like new It's like, so sorry, but i got a chance to repper hat and I'm wearing that ship now and I wore it. Chris. Chris was like, do you are you a fan of Chance? And I was like, you mean Chase, But have you ever just not known something and been scolded for it? And like, people just this is the new thing, is like if you don't, you should just stay quiet if you don't know something, because otherwise you're gonna look like an idiot. When really I was smarter than most of the people

there that didn't know of him at all. Do you know what I'm saying. So I could have played it like I didn't know him at all, to survive, to preserve how cool I am. He wasn't you know? The mom didn't give a fuck. The mom didn't give she was so sweet. It's just it's white people being like, oh, I think we should find a way to be offended. And because also she's talking that there's a black woman in here, and like, somehow this could be bad and we want to make sure it looks bad in case

she's offended. No one has ever been offended by something like that. Yes, they're so proud of themselves for knowing chance. The wrapper didn't know and I'm I'm guilty of this when someone doesn't know something and I go, you didn't know that, But if you would have asked me first, I probably wouldn't have known it either, or it would

have been fifty fifty for me. You know, when you like shame someone about something that because you also feel that way, I've done it, so I get project she's And there's another one happened on the show too, and I'm going to talk about that right after this that was also equally annoying to me. But I actually had a great time with the show and it's it's a wonderful show. I was happy to do it. The host was amazing. I'm not going to give away who it was, but I think I just, uh, I just I had

a great time all day. That moment really set me back, though. We'll be I'll have another story for when we get back. Okay, we're back. So the other thing that happened was there was like this old guy on the show that he was one of the people that were like trying to guess who people are. Okay, okay, I don't want to see what they much, but they I heard you talking about so they yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, because you

were there, yes Aussie days. So this is the guy he asked me to do that pilot that night that we met Azzie Smith and you still Aussie Smith's water bottle and we don't know where that is. I did take a drink of it, didn't I in front of everywhere because I was trying to be funny and everyone was just like, you're gross. I'm like, I don't really think Azzie Smith's backwash is something I wanted my mouth. I thought it would be a funny bit, I did want John Mayer's backwash. So when we did that, did

you do that with us? Did you see John Mayer at Mississippi Nights And we stole his water bottle and we swigged it and there was just a little bit left, and we all around us circle we got his backwash, because there's definitely John mayor d NA up in that. Um. Jeff Goldblum too, Oh yeah, when you shared his trailer, yeah, which I forgot. What show was a festival? Oh yeah, we're the Outside Lands out bad Lands Festival. Um. Okay. So there was this there was this old guy who

you're trying to guess what he was about. And at one point I said something like, oh, okay, this is His name was Josh. He was in his eighties and his name was Josh. So my question, which I think is hilarious, was are you the oldest Josh. I don't even know of a Joshua that's old, Like Josh is a youngish name, like everyone in the nineties, not people in their nineties. Yeah, Josh was not a common name when this guy was born. It was definitely like he

was the first. So everyone laughed and I go because but then they got offended, like, oh, you're saying he's old. I go, he's clear, and I know you're the oldest Josh I know. And everyone's like, she said the old word. And I go, I go, he knows he's old. Everyone. This man is literally eight seven. I go, he's an old man. He's a good looking old man. He's thriving, he's awesome, he's on the show. And then the audience does their little and I'm like, he's an old guy,

and and they're still owin. And then I get on my fucking I'm like, I can't have this. I go, just because we live in Hollywood and aging is the worst thing that could ever befall. We're all gonna be old someday. Everyone. It's not I'm not saying he's a bad person because he's old or worth less because he's old. He's just old. It's just a fact. And people just got they just couldn't believe it. And then afterwards with

the audience, I'm not kidding you. I turned on the audience because I was just and all the producers and all the panelists I was with that were like, nicky, you're calling him old. It's like, we need to as a society get on board with being able to haul out what is literally in front of us. Any you can't call someone old. It's old is bad. Since what

is old bad? It's because I understand why it's bad, because you get unfusable and no one wants to fuck you anymore, so you don't no one cares about that you exist anymore. Yeah, and those people have mental conditions because it's not you can't procreate with an old person, so it's weird that you'd want to suck it. I guess it's a paraphilia. Then what does that mean? I think, like if if, if it's not for procreation, well why But then you get into gay things and then you go, well,

that's paraphilia. It used to be. I mean, they just took it out in the seventies, out of the out of the m Oh my god, that's my joke. I used to have a joke that says, men, don't be scared of therapy. They're not going to diagnose you as gay. They just took it out of the the d s M in ninety six. But they got took it out of the d s M and taken out of the d s M and the seventies maybe it was. I think it was like I make it, I make a joke as late as I think it could go, like I'm exaggerating,

But the seventies seems late for that as well. But but yeah, like just I guess you can't call a woman old. I think calling a man old is. But I just I wanted to be more acceptable. I'm really leaning into whatever this trait is of mine. That's just like just saying what's honest. Bill Burr really inspired me this these clips I've been seeing on Instagram. He's just so honest and he's not being mean about anything. He's just being like you do you fucking do you know?

Like it's sorry, it's something is you can say that it is. It doesn't mean you're being mean. And I like that, and for some reason Bill burg gets away with it. But there's a little bit of a like I'm sure that he he went through a stage of like people being like, what the funk you can't say that? So maybe I'm just going through that stage of like earning audiences respect enough that they let me say what

is true. And even if I think what is what's true for me, it's still true for me, it's not I can have thoughts and not go to prison for them, and they are thought crimes. Yet this is they're trying to make it that way. I mean honestly, and I'm not someone who rallies against cancel culture, but I'm starting to because it's just people are so offended, Like people

want to be offended. I'm offended sometimes because they're projecting, because they wouldn't get offended unless you knew you were thinking something like that, because then you're like the inside, yeah, I don't want that to happen. Like if you say, who is your Asian friend there last night? People like, oh, you couldn't say that? She had the one with the green dress, Like, yeah, she's Asian, she's the only Asian one. Yes, People go like why what's within you making you get weird?

And also how do you not see that? She's like I don't see Asian? Well, then you need to get your eyes checked because it's a different look and it's kind of obvious. It is a different meaning different than black people look like. I'm sorry people who don't see color. I mean, this has been done, This has been discussed before. When people say I don't see color. It's like, well, then I don't understand what we're lying. Then you're lying, um.

But the difference is you can see differences in people and that's fine, but you can't be moralistic about it, like I can't. If I say someone's old, it doesn't mean that I think they're less than me or worse than If I say someone's ugly, it doesn't mean that I think they're they should be killed. But that's what

people associate it with. Like this week, I didn't talk about well, ugly is not a nice word to say, because well you can say unattractive, but even people go, who, no, they're beautiful, And you got know that person's eye is hanging out of their head, they have a mole with like a may of hair coming out of it on their chin like their other eyes weeping some ooze. They are not attractive. Stop lying. Why does everyone who's fighting

a monster in space look like a supermodel? You know, like, let's have a little bit like Sigourney Weaver was not like the hottest woman ever. Let's get that back of like this. Not everyone has to be Emily Blunt levels or Natalie Portland levels of hot. Carrie Fisher was they told her. Everyone was like, she's too ugly, but she made it work. But there are some fucking ugos in Hollywood, and I love you well, I'll spit just like and And people are going to be like that is so

mean that they're saying this. I'm not. I'm just saying it's impressive to me that Hollywood has let a yeah, and you want to see it. I don't think that I think I'm not an ugo. I look at here every morning and think I'm an ugo. So I put myself in that category too. Don't think think that I think I'm better. Um, But like this, did I talk

about nub this weekend? The guy with no hand? Okay, so talking about honestly, Like, I'm into if people are in wheelchairs or not necessarily wheelchairs, but like, if someone has no arm, I'm asking you what happened? If I'm meeting you, if I come up and I try to go in for your handshaking arm, you would think you would think it would be weird. But no, I met this guy this weekend. He comes up, he has no fucking arm. All the way up. He has maybe a

little bit, maybe two inches off his shoulder. Of an arm and he comes up and I go to shake his hand. I can't see that he doesn't have an arm yet. And then he gives me the left hand and I go, oh, what happened there? And he didn't say anything. I don't think even heard me or probably was like there's no way she asked what happened here? So then they go, good show, and we're posing for

the picture. This is a the Meet and Green in Orlando, I believe, And we're posing for the picture and he's got his nub like touching like around like we're doing like around the shoulders, but he's not making it all the way around because of facts and I mean like because factually it just couldn't make it. But it's like work over. It's like just like kind of like tickling

my neck, the side of my neck. And so I said, as we're like, you know, we took the picture and then they're moving on, I was like, what happened and he goes what. I go, what happened to your arm? And he goes, you really want to know? Oh no, he goes, oh, she fucking pulled it off like he made a joke. At first, he goes, she did she didn't like it. She ripped it off to his like, oh the old fucking ball and chain. And I go, but I go, uh, and I go, know what happened?

He goes, wait, you really want to know? And I was like yes. He was like, I used to be addicted to heroin. I ruined my arm and I was like, that is yes, he went in his veins, his arm went dead because that's what he used. And and he's been recovered for men like I think it was something like three or four years, maybe seven years something a substantial amount where I'm like, man, this guy is good to go now um, And but you could tell no one ever asks him because I had to ask him

three times before he took me seriously. The first time he thought I wasn't he didn't hear me, I go, did you lose your ear? To the second time he did a joke answer because he and not followed by the real answer. He just gave a joke, thinking there's

no way she wants to know. Why can't we ask people if they I wonder, can some skin some besties that have missing limbs or friends of besties with missing limbs family members tell us what that experiences and if they get asked by the general public what happened, or if it's like you just always everyone it pretends like you have a phantom limb and it's they're they're going in for high fives in the air, and like, I think that's American as hell. I think it's also but

European too, because Europeans don't hug. I mean, they're very much like I don't want to they talk about their feelings, and so where do they talk about nuts in function? That comes to my mind that maybe like some people don't want to recall that event, like I especial if it was traumatic or they just don't want to like talk about it but a second. And it's not like but they are allowed to say that too. You can say I don't wait a second. But just the same

way that this. Comedians are allowed to do this because you're Nikki Glazer and you are known to for being iras fears. If I was or if I put someone out of the circumstances, if I was uber driver with one hand, I wouldn't do it and they didn't know. I love that you do this, but I think when most people try to ask questions that to them seem like this is just a normal thing anyone would want

to know. It's perceived as being rude, Like when we ask people are you planning on having a child, it's like, fuck, you do not ask me what I'm doing with my body and my uterus. Go funk yourself. But how would anyone saying, well, that's what I'm saying, that's why, Well, you risk getting so you risk triggering them, is what I'm I guess I'm saying. But you risk that with

any question you ask, do you guys have kids? That is a normal question, And some people take it very offensively because they've spent thousands of dollars and they can't have kids, and it's offensive to them because we all have things that are offensive to us, these personal things. But I think that a lot of times people lose arms and it's they have to walk around like it's not there, not there, like that that the thing isn't there,

is not there. And I think that like maybe it's a traumatic event where like an ape ripped off your arm and then killed your mom at the same time, so it's going to bring back all these terrible memories to to bring it up in which case I could say, I would totally be okay with someone going like that was I'd rather not talk about it. And I've had people say that to me before where I where I go, oh my god, your friend died in nine eleven, like

what happened? Like more details, and they go, it's just and I immediately sense it. But I'm going in first and it's and I'm okay. I'm not offended if they get offended at me asking, I don't think I'm a bad person for asking. I don't go, oh my god, I asked if they wanted kids. I didn't know. Oh god, I just go, Oh, I guess I hit a nerve. It's fine, let's move on, Like I don't think I'm

I don't want to tiptoe around. I'm never gonna ask anyone if they want kids the rest of my life because one out of every four women might take offense to it. Maybe I don't know. Right now, I'm feeling very obviously riled up about the kids stuff. So there's there as someone who was saying, like, ask anyone anything.

There are many things you could ask me that I would be like, fuck you, and I believe to say that or not fuck you, but like not fuck you, but like in my mind fuck you, and like to you,

I'd rather not talk about it right now. Um. You know sometimes in if I'm having a bad time in my relationship and someone's like, oh my god, tell me about your boyfe or whatever, I'm just like I'd rather not, and then tears start welling in my eyes or whatever, like you know, like there's things like that where like anyone would be okay about it, or um, oh, how's

fboy Island going? In my mind, I'm like, it's canceled, but no one knows yet, and I just well, it was canceled by hbout but don't worry, it's gonna It's gonna find Taylor. Taylor just feeling out. Taylor's more set than the heroine arm Man. I could regrow the show on Hulu, but everything ever it um because it costs a lot of money, and shows get a tax write offs when they fucking dump shows they get they make money when they It's this weird thing that was explained

to me by someone smarter than mein that I couldn't understand. Um, this isn't the podcast for anything. Maybe it'll find a new home right, Yes, for sure. I mean I think without question it's going to find a new home. I'm not worried about it at all because it's a successful show. But um, but yeah, and also I'm really done letting people.

I gotta be done letting people it away with animal stuff where they're just like, well I love bacon, and sometimes I just go like, yeah, this isn't my place to get on my fucking grandstand about it, like let this person have it. And I know you're like when is when have you ever shut up about beacon stuff? I hold my tongue so much I would say I only say something when when something in my head like clicks off to go like this is fucked up that

we're wasting animals right now. People are just treating animals lives flippantly and they're not even eating the thing that they got because they're like, I don't know, I don't it has a weird sauce on it, and it's like this fucking chickens life just like thrown in the garbage and Disneyland because I never thought of it that way. Well, if you do a thing and it goes in the trash,

that's like, yeah, chicken. And that's a chicken that like was like came out of its egg being like I'm so excited about life, instantly taken away from its mother, never getting any comfort, never seeing the light of day. Free range. Look into free range you, Oh, it's not free range, you know that. They what they do is they have laws where they're like, we opened the barn doors for the chickens, they don't go out because they don't know what outside is, so they technically get away

with being free range. But the chickens don't even know need to know to go outside because I guess they're so stupid and we should eat them, but they so anyway, Yeah there. I keep my mouth shut nine percent of the time about animal stuff, I would say, and I gotta make that number fewer because animals don't have voices. And that is why vegans exist, is to be annoying about it, to to move for these cows that don't move.

Because I'm just tired of it. I read this interview with this I was listening to this interview with this guy from Vampire Diaries. He was on the cover of some vegan magazine. I got sent it, like this good looking guy from Vampire Diaries. I don't forget his name, um, but he did this interview on YouTube and he was like getting emotional about the scene he did where they were eating, like everyone had a steak in front of them and none of them got eaten because of their props.

It's like, why couldn't we You was just fake steak for this, so like this whole cow had to die for the stupid scene where no one And then I was and he Paul Wesley, Paul Wesley, thank you girl. Um. So he and I was just like listening to this interview that he had and he was getting emotional about it, and he was like, I I can't stand even thinking right now about all the millions of animals that are just as sweet and as like needing of love as your kitten or your dog, and they're in a cage

and they're scared and they just want their mom. Like he's he starts getting emotional, and I was like I then I started getting emotional because I don't think about this stuff at all and I don't like to talk about it because it is very upsetting, but it's true. It's happening all the time. And I was just like I remember this one day on f Boy where they didn't even air it. They didn't even air it. There was a scene we did where a pig's head was

on the table. It was supposed to look like all the guys that have been eliminated from the show were in, uh, the good guy Grotto, all the nice guys, and they get to go to this castle and they're treated like kings. And we're doing this scene where it's like they're eating this feast and they're treated like kings because they're good guys. And there was a pig head and big turkey legs, all props, none of it consumed. And I got on set and I saw that pig head and I was

so upset. And because it was just a pig, they could have made a fake. There should be fake ones if they need it, and it was this real. And then and also when you see a pig's head, it just looks a lot more like a pig than a fucking cooked piece of meat looks like a pig. And so it's just a reminder. But Paul was saying that he did a scene on Vampire Diaries and he said, I just had to suck it up and do it

because what am I gonna do? Like I'm I'm you know, I mean, I don't want to say it, but he was like, you know, fourth on the call sheet, so you don't have a say. You can't be like I'm not doing this scene like it's they they'll fire you. And I felt the same way that day, and I was just so sad all day. But I kind of want to start be and louder about that stuff too, because I because the vegans one man, I was a little bit lenient about it. I've been a little because

I don't want to be an annoying vegan. You lose a lot of fans every time I post about it. I lose literally hundreds of people from my stories. They don't want they hate vegans. They people hate vegans. So I risk losing my career. But I don't care anymore because it's um. You know, you got to stand up for what you believe in. And also I just feel like the vegans got me and I know that they

sent me. I did this like, um they were doing awards show and I had to give an award to this guy who like rescues what they do with um beagles hunting beagles in a lot of places in America is that after hunting season they chop off the beagles ears for someone I don't even know. They just dump their beagles after hunting season and they drive off without them and they leave them in the woods to die.

And they because sunting season is over, um a hundred percent they do the crown they don't because they cheat those dogs. Well, but I'm guessing there's animal abuse on in the crown as well, or like in within the royal family for sure. I mean they're hunting animals, so there's definitely animal abuse. Um. But it's a common thing that in in I forget where this guy, but this guy goes out and looks for these beagles because they get I mean, it's this is I mean, look it up. No,

will you google beagles abandoned hunting season? Why to know about this? Because that's the thing. If you know, then you know, and then people can be more aware and go, well, there's hunting, isn't all it's cracked up to be? What is this ugly side of it where they abandoned the dogs afterwards? So anyway, I was giving an award to this guy who saved a bunch of these beagles, and he rescued beagles from testing labs. I don't know why beagles get such a ship deal, because they're the sweetest

looking fucking dogs. I gave this award and for because they wanted to give me something, because I spend all this time making the speech for this guy. They sent me a box of like all these goodies, but in the box were like four stacked magazines, like vegan magazines. And one day I was just like sitting at the counter, just like mindlessly eating, and I was like, I'll just flip through this magazine and then I just started like

I was like, I'm all over again. I'm an activist, Like it really doesn't work if you get the message out there. So that's why I choose to spend this last ten minutes that you all skipped over to talk about it. But it's also not even funny to me anymore that people are like, oh, on your vegan thing. It's just like if you looked into it, you would be upset about it too. I think you don't World

War one, this like know something about it. There's something that you can do though, that is like more hands on with like the activism, you know what I mean, because I think you'll find a lot of like fulfillment Peter commercial and how happiness and stuff. Actually, physically I can't see the abuse, Like I can read about it, but I don't want to see it. You can. That's with scary saved animals like in a sanctuary and learn

to tell their stories and stuff like. There's got to be plenty of ways for you to like really like step outside and challenge yourself and be more physically. I'd rather take my platform and use the time that I have to talk to thousands of people every day to talk about it, then go and clean out a dog's cage for my time sake. But I do understand that I do need to get in there and like get

my hands dirty. But that's what I mean. That's the hardest thing about this is like the pictures and like the what you see is just so upsetting, so you just look at it a little bit and then you go, Okay, I have to tell everyone, and then you stop thinking about it for two years and then Peter send you a bunch of magazines, or Mercy for Animals sent you a bunch of magazines, and you go, fuck and the only reason you opened it was because Paul Wesley was on the front cover. And you know who is this

watch crying? I I obviously I very much should. I was looking at the level of star they get to and I'm like, I'm ready for my close up. It's like, I could definitely get on the cover of Mercy for Animals, bi annual pamphlet. That is a goal that would be cool. Well,

Peter did, do you remember? Um? Peter did ask me to do something one time, and I thought it was going to be their campaign that Pam Anderson, you know, did where it was like I'd rather go nude and where for and like Olivia Munn has done it Alicia's Silverstone. They all get naked and they get to do this glamorous naked photo shoot that's like really sexy, and it's all like I'd rather do this than wear leather. And it's like, oh, she's not just being a whore, She's

doing it for animals. So you have this excuse to be like horrorsh and horror. I mean that in the good sense slutty and the good sense the kind that I want to be. But you always need an excuse to be because women just can't be slutty on their own.

They need an excuse. But Peter finally wrote to me one day and they asked me to do it, and I was like, yes, it's here, And they're like, we want to do a photo shoot with you where you play a lazy, slash tired sheep much and we put even a sheep costume, and you're talking about how you're funny about how like, hey, this is my skin, folks, stop putting it in your own. Let's like eat more chicken. Yes, Oh, I hate eating more chickens so much. Those cows are

fucking illiterate. Eat more cows writing like four year old. The fact that they can even write at all. Why do we make them dumb too? Why can't we make them intelligent? Eat more kid? That is really a weird thing. It's like, stop slaughtering us, slaughter this other species. The whole campaign. We're also stupid, but we're like masterminding this. Yes, yes, but I was so sad to um. I don't think I do the pet naked campaign though, because it would

be too obvious. I've already been too obvious about like it would be everyone would know. I just want to get naked, and I don't know that it actually makes a statement that you should it to them, like send them a full pitch deck you fully tanned and ready to go. You're like, I already shaved my body. I gotta I'll send them like pussy picks and be like I'm ready. People are like a picture of my vagina clothes up. Would discuss people from eating like lunch meat. Ever, again,

what turns people do? Wonders? Have you ever sent plus picks? No? Wait, what did you used to sell from craigslist? On craigslist dirty stockings and socks? Yeah? Wait, tell us how that process worked from your period? She uses black socks. You can't do it. It sucks. I got on eBay flirty feet sixty nine and uh, and I sold. I would go to the the drift store and just get like the you know, the bens full of tights and just you know, probably steal them because I didn't have any money,

um that were just worn by old ladies. I wouldn't even wear them. Sometimes I would just put the put the like bottom in the foot of the sock, right in the foot of the shoe so it would get stinky. And then I'd mail them out, but you had to, like you had to flirt a lot, be flirty with your feet. You had to in the messages. Yeah, you had to. You had to interact and let them tell your your toes look like suckable shrimps, but s u k k A b l E shrimps with like five

h and rs. That's what I called toes that must be suck it take how much did you make? I think I got like thirty bucks and this was in like two five. So underwear to I, you can't. You couldn't do underwear that's probably always taken down, but you could, like people, if I had returned people, they would hint at it because they can read your messages. Everything was getting taken down, but it was getting taken down by the jealous other stinky foot, so they would report you. Yeah,

they would report Yeah, bad stinky. I can picture all of these bitches, like you had to stand with like a little dainty like foot and the pictures so you would put them on your feet the sock and look like kind of like eighties. Oh. I look at foot stuff all the time because I'm obsessed with bunyans and like I want people to just have videos of people pulling people's bunions away from the toe, like like I just wanted to be pulled out and I just because

that's what I want to happen to my foot. So all I look for is people just being like I type in bunyan massage and you tube and then look at the most recent video every single night of my life looking for someone to put a video of people like massaging with someone's bunyans. But all they do is they crunched them together and like, no more crush, separate them.

And so there's a lot of foot fetish guys that are obsessed with bunyans, and I I could do a whole bun like I know exactly what you're talking about, where they like their feet will have like personality. Yes, they're flirty and like the guys are obsessed with the bottoms. They want to see the rings on the bottoms, like the footpads. There's there's so many positions like how is this done on Craigslist? Though? How would they pay you?

When I'm bespoken? And then they got rid of that, And then I did Craigslist too, and I had to get a po box oh my god. And they would get the payment first and then send them the socks. Yeah, like a chat all the while. Was the chatting part the annoying part. Would you be like, set this fucking perpose, won't stop. But yeah, it was funny. And we used to go to a O l oh yeah, yeah, I

love that ship. I mean we used to just get who knows who we were talking to, but just horny guys with their dicks out, probably talking to you, fourteen year old feel um. One guy wanted me to he was going to buy me a ticket to England to come into his house and break his legs with a bat and then buy me a ticket back. He was like, we shall not interact like we I will not touch you, I will not talk to you like we'll have so many things in place. So and I was like, fuck,

like you think it was. Yeah, I didn't do it. I feel like you would kill me for sure. But I heard about this one guy. It's a very famous story of a guy that paid someone to come eat him. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and the same England too, I believe is going around over there. I mean I know their food is bad, but well, okay, so we're gonna We're gonna go away for just a second then come back. I want to like tie this up, tie these stockings, these foot stockings up. We have some interesting things to

talk about, so stay here, stay at us. Okay, we're back. Um. Yeah, the we were such pervs when we were little. We were I loved sex stuff and like talking about it, looking at it. Little boobs. Yeah I didn't. I did it on the cam, you guys did. I had kurseden be my boob. So we played guests the bo So we would just do close ups of boobs and then we would send them to boys from our school because we were the first house people we knew. Aw sometimes

it wasn't, but I remember Alex definitely. Who was the guy that yelled at if you're list if you were bestie, let's listened to every episode. He's the guy yelled at a Thanksgiving Day parade that was like come to the reunion. So we sent him our boobs and I it was

huffy me Halla, I think maybe you were there. But um, I then cursed people we knew because I didn want to not want my boob out there, so I had I was like chrisonal we be in my boob, and so we had two of Christons and yeah, and then and then we we would also ask them like who's the prettiest? We'd ask strangers that was so mean that we had him rate us guests who always lost the red haired friend. I would like, why would I subject

myself right hot blonde girls? And I was like, I don't know what I was thinking either, but we would always did you guys ever go online and like talk to predators? Of course I didn't have online growing up, but I mean you had it in college though, or like in in like in your twenties the chat room started happening. I would have been into this in my twenties too, nerd ing out and going to the library looking at Liz Fair interviews on micro feast on the internet.

Before the inner that I was going to the library and like looking at books about that had pictures of penises and stuff in it, or like drawings and stuff. No, what did you do this? You were perv too? Write? Yeah, me and my friend, uh, my one friend growing up, she had illegal cable with access to like the Playboy channel and the Spice channels. We were watching that, yes, and then it was so terrified of sex. I was kind of a polly and I think, just like what

happens it goes inside of your mom. We would scre disgusting too. I wasn't like jerking off. I wasn't getting offto it. I was just like morbidly curious, I guess, and it didn't seem like something I would have to do or I was going to do. So it was able to separate. You wanted to mess with people because it was like we were shaming them for having sexual impulses a little bit, just like we would shame the wolves. And yeah, not a locus. We that guy is out

there somewhere there are still suffering from they that we did. Yeah, if anyone out there knows anyone that in nine two thousand would go in wolf chat on a o l and pretend to be a wolf and his name was not today n oct E Lope loopus lope put night night wessing. Yes, we relentlessly bullied this guy. I mean, I'm sure he might not be still with us. Yeah, But the thing is we wouldn't be like you fucking loser.

We would just pretend to be a wolf and then we scratch and the wolf would start like our wolves would like just do weird ship and not say sorry he must he was probably buying socks from you. We would think fucking tail to a bush or something like we would for the wait. I know you're like, how do you do this? You type colon colon if that

would mean an action? Okay, so like if they would if the wolf was gonna do something, it would be colon colan, pause at noct a lipus's jowls colon colon, and then that would be a complete action in the world of this, like you know, role playing kind of thing to distinguish it from what you were saying. Yeah, and then what you were saying was different, and then what would he respond? How did you know that he would block us? We would get kicked out of the

wolf chat. Then we would do private messaging with some of the wolves in the wolf shop. He would earn we like Psychologus, and then he was on my buddy list in college like any time, like because he was still around and we wouldn't but I wouldn't. I stopped, you know, we stopped after high school. But I would always think of notched a lopus and yeah, yeah, I um, but yeah, I was. I was always perving out and like definitely obsessed with sex stuff long before um I

was having any of it. And I really do think that I didn't think I would have to do any of that stuff, that I would dodge it. And then my friends started doing it, and I was like, oh, fuck, it's coming. I mean I did a little special about this, but like when you, yeah, your first friend to like put their mouth on a penis. I'll never forget who it was. I won't say it because she's still a person that exists, but she was my friend who was Indian.

Do you remember my Yeah, so it was her and it was some other guy, and I remember just being like, I know she was the first, and I remember crying so fucking hard, dude, I sobbed for like, and I couldn't tell my parents yeah, because I was just like that you stabbed a homeless man like something I would go, why would you first ever do that? Why would you ever do it? It's discust like it would be like

you licking a toilet. That is exactly the same thing, licking a toilet, and like all the cool kids are licking toilets. Toilets, now that's what it felt to me, but then I would have to lick a penis. They're so cute. But I didn't know that I like it now because I didn't know what what would make you

like it? What makes you like it as intimacy and like and getting turned on and getting things done to you, and like when you get horny doing disgusting things like right now, licking someone's dick sounds disgusting to me because I'm not turned on, you know, like I can you know, I'm not like actually viscerally grossed out, but horny nous makes you stupid and it makes you like not have that filter up of like this is kind of gross? Did they wash that before? Right? It all goes out

the window. This is why people don't put on condoms when they're like, I would never not wear a condom, and then they start getting horny and all of a sudden, no one asked about it them. Condoms have never been invented, No one's even All your morals go out the window because you get stupid when you get horny. Um, And I think, yeah, that was But did on you were you you were a late bloomer, did you get upset to when you found out your friends were like sucking dicks? Yeah,

I remember, well. I really cried when I found out what sex was and how my parents did it. I was just like, I can't talk to you guys, Why did you do this product of this? I was just like, this is horrible. It was the worst news ever. And then when my friends started doing it, I was just like, yeah, I felt alienated and like, am I supposed to do it too? I'm not. I'm not going to do it. And then same thing when I heard that people move out when they're eighteen, I was like, what the fun

out of our homes? I was like to worry. I always knew I could go back. You don't have to move out, that's the thing. But you you have to suck a dick someday, you do, like you got to learn. I mean, this is all in my special bang and but like you can't get out of that. You can't. If you're a straight woman. You look at like you can probably last all of high school without giving a blowjob. And it's not the worst thing I did. I didn't

give a blow job until I was twenty. I think I had sex before I gave a blowjob one so I gave a blow job after I had sex, but I really avoided a blow job because your mouth is just so different, your vagina can't taste. So I was like, yeah, I put a dick down there, but I won't be able to taste it. Um. But eventually I just I remember my first blow job, and I just I gotta get I gotta, yeah, I gotta, I gotta do this like I have to. And then I just got it over with and I was like, it wasn't that bad.

It's it's annoying. Yeah, it is annoying to I mean it's actually I would say it's not annoying, and that it is a huge if you are not wanting to penetrated because you just don't feel like getting a U t I. You're not in the mood, you don't feel like coming, because that's the whole predict production. A blowjob is a real quick detour too time to go to bed. It's quick. Yeah, it's the eat more Chicken of sex. Acts is the eat more chicken chicken leg just do it,

eat more dicken. Yeah, the person is fast. I've been lucky that I've been with people who are tend to be like sometimes I uh with partners of past two I won't specify. I've been like, are you a middle schooler? Like or in high school? Like I've heard about this kind of fastness, Like I should be offended by this, but it's like it's so nice out of someone who's in their forties. I think it's it's Uh, that's great for everyone. It's awesome. It doesn't mean I don't like it.

I sometimes I just want it to be I just want to go to bed, or I already came once, already a little. I think guys think that women, because we can have multiple orgasms, that we need to have multiple orgasms. Do you guys agree that Sometimes men think that. I think they want yeah, like like as a competition or something, but that, but I think one is enough. Do you agree that one is an I don't masturbate. When I masturbate, I came and I'm done. I'm not like, No,

let's keep going? You do keep going? Final thought? Wait you keep going? Wait? Do you guys keep going if you masturbate? No, I'm not. I'm I'm a one and done person. On the like the intensity of orgasm, yeah, oh, if it's if it's like if it's like a yeah, you'll keep going. Yeah. Wow. I've never persevered. I the only way I can do it is if someone forces me to keep going and then I'm like okay, and then it's like oh whoa, these can get better. But

I couldn't force myself. I don't have that kind of perseverance. By the way, we didn't tie up this end yesterday, but because my brother in law was here, my my brother's husband. Um, that's how I introduced it might really sucked it up. Um. But I this weekend in Florida. I didn't bring a toy to masturbate with, and so I couldn't. I couldn't come. There's no like, there's no alter can't go back. No, I've never gone anywhere before

that you didn't know. It's like it would be like asking someone who has only flown private to go take a train. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even people still take trains. I couldn't if I really worry about I wanted the last of us and there's no electricity and I go, I wouldn't come. If Court accepts takes over the world, I'll never come again. And by myself by the way I can come from penetration and like romance and like connection with someone. But

by myself, what should I do? Does I want to act? Really try to come with no equipment? Can you guys give me some advice without it being like like a podcast where guys are taking their junk out and being like, yeah, like I want to make this not sexual. Yeah, it happens on how you like it? Well? How do you how would you do it without? How do you masturbate? Can I ask that? Yeah, because I would do I would do, uh, fingers on top, on top, And then

what do you do with your fingers? Just like that? Wait? What does that? Wiggle back and forth, up and down and down? Where's your clip in all of this underneath it? But where's your clitoral hood? It's always I haven't any So you just keep you go on top of the hood. Yes, okay, you keeping like shakes it up, And I was like, whoa, whoa, And then how long do you do that before you

are feeling like horned up? Like because I do that right now, And I'm just like, I mean, honestly nothing, I'm just like it would take so long, it would take a really long time. I get. I mean I'm not patient enough how long. The toys are too good, so they're gently sucking. I mean yes, I mean my atachi wand is insane, and I only use that for penetrative sex. I don't use that alone because it's just too much. But the sucking toys are kind of just

like what is it sucking your cli in it? Not in it, just it's like on top and it's just like a gentle suck. So it's like the same thing that your finger does, but it's well, you're clid is like a dick. Do you know that right? So it's literally like sucking your dick, but minds in any minds in any too, but it just like pulls it out. No, but in a good way. It's on top of the hood.

It's not too sensitive. It's amazing. I need. I'm actually getting some sent to me to give away to my friends for Valentine's Day, so I'll give you one because I've already sent Chris. What I think, um on you? What do you use? Just a hand? What do you too? Fingers? Just reminding me of the foot rub I had yesterday with this poor man for an hour was like sweating and I was just like, I know we had moved to my shoulders because I did an hour long terrible

foot rub with him. And then I was like, can we just do a half hour shoulders and neck? Let's see if this guy can do it? And he was exerting himself so much, sweating, dripping sweat. I felt nothing nothing. I was like, are you serious? He was so bad at it. He just couldn't do it at all. He was doing it all the wrong way, like in there, Yeah, this God, would I would just go stop, I go, I'll just pay you full. I can't. It just makes me feel icky. That sucks. I'm so sorry. But could

you do? Could you guys both masturbate without toys? I thank all I do. That's all I do for you. What about I'll sometimes watch some born that help can masturbate with no porn and just your hand analog old school wait no no, and a long dog you guys log as we log would be a perfect thing to like put like, wait, so what's your technique? Do you lay on your back and just two fingers? Yeah, I'm the same as tailor. But I get everyone's just kind of going, oh, you're stiffy. Okay, well my legs I

get I'm real stiff. Okay, you guys do that? Yes, I know everyone everyone does that. Yes, everyone, A lot of girls, A lot for myself. Yeah. A sex that is not great for me is that I need to like tense up. Okay, good, everybody's tense lucy. Yeah, it's like sailors like I'm partying. I like I'm trying to cram myself into a little like tube or something like like nicking on an airplane like a shrimp girl up

in the window seat. Well, like, look at what I'm doing with my legs right now, you know, like this, like I want it to be like tight everything, like yeah, uma, do you so both of you on your back just fingers or do you like I need to too much pressure? I need more pressure? I think I don't. I would need someone to lay the top. Just take your fingers like this too together and then you just rub back and forth on top of your will just take before I start to like feel like, oh I'm going to come.

It depends on your mental state. If you're horned up, like get really horned up. Watch something that you like that gets trying to do it? Just my brain do it. That's your task for this day. I don't work happen. I think it would take hours if I didn't have porn, because I don't. I jump around. My brain jumps around too much. I can't stay on one fantasy, think about like what I'm going to do later that day really

happens anyway, No, you're watching. Um it's sometimes like I have and you know, then it's like an hour later, you know, like I find something that I like, but I wanted to add. So I don't really do the same method that Anya and Taylor do. You Like, I'll take my my two fingers and I'll bring them in and then I use my palm on my clips like that. Wait, you've done that on your Yeah, you can do all

kinds of stuff. And this is why no one knows because everyone's so vague about it and weird about and they go, yeah, sure, like be specific what do you do? And everybody do you do? Do you do a claw like this, like come hither or do you jab it? Like I kind of done twelve things before. I kind of do the claw. But you have to look like inside of your vagina, like where the opening is. You have to stick your fingers in and find something that feels like a soft wampum. Oh yes, yes, like chewed

up gum is what I ask. And you have to play with that, okay, and that will give you like an internal not just from your clitterest. That's like the g I think that's the G spot. It feels different. We didn't know it, but we stumbled into a we no nothing. I used to way, what made you stop? Well, when I was younger, I used to always be on my stomach and that's how I had my first orgasm. Then when I was like fifteen, I put something in

there and I was like, oh my god. I had the most incredible, huge body orgasm and I was like, oh, that's wad. Probably when I was like ten, what about you do? Or no six ten? Also with my friends mom back massager, I didn't know I was masturbated. I was just like, this feels amazing. That's not fair. This is this is I'm getting triggered again, like I'm gonna cry. It's not good that everyone, it's not it's not a

good thing because you're watching porn. We were watching women on Playboy do it, and then we're like, oh on Playboy in eighth grade, and I didn't masturbate until I was like thirty one. I didn't I didn't come until the X Factor ride. No. First time I came was Pete Lee in two thousand shout out six Yeah, two thousand six, I was twenty two, about to be twenty two. Was the first time I ever came. Pete Lee went

down on me, and I think he's engaged now. I'm sure as wife Twob doesn't want to hear this, but it is true. And I look at him as a friend now. I don't even but I think we've talked about it before on my show. That was my first workasm and I was like what, And then I fell in love with him. I didn't need to be in love with him, but I did because it was so I did never experience that feeling from myself from anything before,

and then I didn't again until that roller coaster. And then I think after that, and and I got a boyfriend and when I was twenty four, and then I then I started coming a lot, and then you know that since then it's been okay. But I gotta get back to this. I need to get a log. I can't believe all the stuff I need. It just makes me kind of sad for myself. And also, I mean, I know we don't have time, but when do you

get to masturbate if you live with your partner? Because that is the thing I'm worried about, is that I will never get to masturbate if I live with someone. When they know but what if they can't walk in on it or something, they would be like hell, yeah, I mean I know, yeah, and my boyfriend is not threatened by masturbating at all. But it just feels like a little bit like if a guy wanted to jerk off and said, of funk, you, wouldn't you be like,

I'll be like, you're supposed to save that? Yeah, can I watch? I actually wouldn't. I'd be like, can I watch? I know I've said that before, And the person's I've been with in the past that I won't say specifically who have been like, I would never in a million years if you saw me jerk off, I'd have to like never talk to you again because it's so grotesque and it's just so and I'm like, I wouldn't, literally

cc it's a shameful act. Like, you know, men are so vulnerable and so like gross, maybe they do something weird, like maybe they use something. This person didn't do anything weird. He just was like I just go like, what's your style, like kind of like showed me and he was like, I can't even show Like it's just too it's just the idea of it. But are there time for you? Like I wish I could jerk off, but my boyfriend is here or my fiance is really do it next

to them? I want to be alone all the time. Okay, that's a good point. Okay, this makes me feel That's like somebody being like can I watch you in the bathroom. It's like, no, leave me alone, this is my time. Yes. But also but if but the bathroom is different, you can't like bathroom with someone Like I'm not going to be like mad at Christ people that to go pee. I'm gonna pe with you. Like my sister used to sit on the toilet and p together. It's called humpty dumpty.

That next week, Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Thank you for being here, Taylor again, You're so awesome. Thank you, Noah, thank you Anya. You guys have a great weekend. I'm not on tour this weekend, but next weekend I'm back out. I forget where I am on you do you remember where we are at weekend? Thank you? Greensboro. I think Bloomington, Durham, Bloomington, Indiana, Newport and lex Suport, Kentucky. Oh my god, Lexington, Newport, Kentucky

and Bloomington all next next weekend. So come out to those shows. Shows tickets available. And I'm also going to be in Europe very soon in May, so many dates from Tel Aviv, and we're adding an Athens date. Uh, We're gonna be in London, We're gonna be in um Berlin, We're gonna be in Vienna. We're gonna be It's gonna be nuts and I can't wait to go over there. So please come see us Stockholm, Come stock me in Stockholm. Uh yeah. Here at the show with David Spade in

Las Vegas. Oh yeah. And then David Spade and I have a little bit of a residency for weekends out of this year and you can check out those um on Nikki Glaser dot com and those. So plan a weekend in Vegas and comes to me in Spade at the Venetian. Al Right, guys, thank you for listening. We will see you next week. Have a good weekend. I don't be Kit and jack Off. That's your hand, hopefully fingers crossed over my clip.