#287 Worked This Tool So Hard

I leave it to here. I landed there. The day will be over. Um And in the plane, no one can get you. There's no obligations, there's no like urgent, like you need to do this thing. Like the world just is on pause when you're in a plane. Even though you can get WiFi, you still it's the only place, besides maybe if you go spelunking or on a hike up a like, or if you're camping, those are the only places. Plane splunking, in a cave or camping are the only times where you have an excuse that your

phone is not If you're not on your hospital. Hospital couldn't Maybe surgery, yeah, if you're getting surgery, um, But hospitals have great WiFi. But you always What I'm saying is there's those the only places where you have the benefit of like the WiFi wasn't working because otherwise you can get on a network um free. You can never escape it anymore. Is Are there a lot of homeless people in Santa Monica? Is it bad? Is it as bad as people say, like when you go for a

wall in Santa Monica? Isn't because it's rich people, so it's like a couple of them. Yeah, Venice, I hear, is no offense to anyone living in Venice. I hear. It's I mean, we didn't we were about to get an airbing be there and I told Chris, I'm like, I think the homeless situation is not good there, and he was like, I don't know about that. And the Texas friend like, you know, my girlfriend's a little worried about the homeless situation event and she's like, oh, yeah,

don't come here. It's bad they you know, especially when they break up the camps, which they do every so often. Like it's just and I feel so bad for these people. They don't know anywhere to go. They don't want to be fucking homeless, they don't want to be on drugs, they don't want to like it's just it sucks for

everyone involved in Um yeah, I was. I was wanting to originally live in West Hollywood, and I just was like, I don't want to do that because I was thinking about bringing out Luigi and I just didn't feel safe fucking my dog. That's why I got all these weapons. I was just so scared of being attacked because you hear about it. But um yeah, that you know, Hollywood's not great, It's not horrible, but um yeah, and the valley is nice. I mean there's places that don't have that.

But man, when I used to I used to live in Silver Lake and I moved out in two thousand eighteen, and I drive over there now and like everywhere near my old apartment, which was in a nice area, like all the underpasses, homeless encampments, and like just tons of tents on the side of the road. Everyone looks like they're camping out for a Harry Styles concert or like a sail At best, it looks like Black Friday on every um they're tailgating. It's it's so sad, but I

can make fun of it. Yeah, they don't have to well they get to be off the grid even Yeah, added to it, added to the list, bunking airplane homeless. Now that's not even true. They all have they all phones, and that is such a shitty thing to be, Like, I'm not giving him a book. He is a phone. A phone is It's almost like shelter and water. Now, just just because someone has a phone doesn't mean that they have enough money to get clean clothes, to go

get a job, and you know, all these things. So don't be one of those things that I'm not giving. He has a phone, don't be stupid. Come on, like of Horizon, they're not like paying one twenty a month. They don't have good WiFi. They probably connect to WiFi outside of Starbucks. Like, don't act there, like how can they? You know, sometimes you'll see a people are like, well they're shaved, they have a shaved face. People love to give anything, don't care money. Yeah, even my mom will

be like that guy's not really homeless. Like some people do stand out with signs and say I'm homeless and they aren't and then My mom was like, I know that motherfucker. That guy goes home. I know where he lives. There's an article about him, and I go, but isn't this humiliating? Like isn't this a job and of itself? I don't. I wouldn't do this. Would you stand on the sidewalk and and in traffic and go up to

windows and have a sign? Not that I'm saying that's like we should all give to him, but it's not not work. That to me is war work than anything I would do. Or like sitting on the sidewalk with a sign and begging. That's embarrassing, it's it's shameful to these people. They get they get spit on, they get

told they're people are mean to homeless people. So before you judge to one of like they're just looking for handouts, do you think they want to be on the fucking sidewalk asking for help and do like and I'm talking to all of your dad's, you know, like everyone's dad is just like this that bomb. Like I feel like dad's just don't have a lot of empathy for the homeless, like they chose it or something. I know our listeners

are smarter than that. But it's just I think that there's a lot of like just they chose that, or they don't want to work. That guy in the morning, like instead of putting a suit on, he like has to throw some mud on and throw on a contours all over his face. I get it, I've done it. He doesn't rub the contour in. You ever see a girl put on contour, It's just like she was like, looks like she's putting on war paint. He just does that but doesn't rub it in. Um, it's a fucking job.

You're right. You have to stand outside for people say she's using her kids. You know the women that have kids, those poor fun Give that woman money even though she might be using her kids, like she has kids. Do you think those kids want to be there? Do you think they know the difference between their mom and someone other moms? Do you think they chose that mom? Do you think they want to be there? Like, think about them. I know that the mom is shitty, maybe, like I

don't know. People just have so much and I'm the same way. I can judge people so quickly about stuff and not consider like what really brought them to this moment. The other day, Chris and I got into a uh, I don't want to say fight, an argument pretty heated and it was so helpful. And I know I've shared this before, but I really I worked this tool so hard the other day. And by the tool, I mean Chris, I worked. Um, I know I worked this tool. He would not like that joke. I'm just getting baby, it

was just a joke. I think he ate that more. Baby, Yeah, he might name that. I thought you were referencing his penis that tool. Oh yeah, well that later on old

Nosa over there. Um, if you are just joining the podcast, that's a deep ham drip from way back when when Noah revealed Twists that she likes to take her nose and gently push it up against the ball satic scrowdum, separating the two balls with her nose into yeah on the bottom, like going up from the bottom and separating the sack at the seam with her nose and feeling each ball gently massage it is. It looks like exactly like a division sign. Yeah, like the line and the

ball yeah division long ball division. But we did this thing, like I was. We were both so mad at each other about the misunderstanding about just we were both at a stalemate of like so mad and we've all been there before with our partners, of like you're so frustrated. You know that you're not getting through. Your point is not You've already made your point. They get your point and they don't care about your point, and you feel

the same way about them. It's a beautiful thing. In that moment, I was like, I knew that there was no getting out of it. It's like this was either going to like not break us up, but like be a really really arduous, long time fight. And I just didn't have the energy for it. And I also just I just didn't want to, you know. It's just like this is a thing that we've gotten into before. I

was like, I don't want to do this again. So I just imagined I felt my anger at how fucking angry I was at being misunderstood and and and how I actually understood and not empathized with. I felt so much anger that he wasn't getting it, wasn't apologizing right, And then I go, oh, my god, he feels the exact same way about me right now. There's no way he doesn't. And then all of a sudden, I was like Nicky just switched. Like, know that whatever you're feeling,

he's feeling it towards you. He's feeling just as much frustration. He's feeling just as backed up against the wall, he's feeling just as much resistance. And I was able to just go, imagine you are in the wrong for just a second, even though you know you're not, because you're both we were both in the right in our own way. I was just like, just imagine how much he hates you right now, not hates me, but like the anger

that he feels towards me right now. I know that he has it and feels sad like feel like, try to get him out of that, you know, like do what he what you want him to do for you right now? Do for him, apologize, just do even though if you don't think you're wrong, like try to find it.

Was just helpful to go because one time, I remember my sister and I were fighting as kids, and I used to hate my sister like they hatured I would have for her in some moments was so raw and hot and real like and if you have a sibling, you know what I'm talking about, Like where you're just like I like, just hate and I remember one time I was like, Lauren, my sister was like, I hate you so much, like you don't even understand, like I wish you were dead. I hate you, and I go, Lauren,

it's so weird. I've told this before. I'm like, I hate you too, like I feel the exact same way, like I know exactly, like I get you don't even have to communicate how much you want me to die, like I literally want you to die, like I hate you so much. And it was like brought us together because we both hated each other equally and it almost was like we have so much more in common than we think. But it always brings me back to that because I really sensed it, and my sister I was like,

I just realized. I was like, oh, she feels the same way. Do you ever have that you for sure? I mean last night would would and you say the apology though last night or the other day with Chris, did you get an apology back or were you just okay with given the apology like that I said, I said, listen, I miss I misspoke. I because I did. I figured out like what the issue was, like I could find some fault I was like, my tone was not good.

I was kind of looking to bring up a fight that I like, I wanted to talk about something that wasn't this, But this was kind of like the spur of it for sure, Like I I said something like, you're right, my tone wasn't good. I misspoke. I repeated back to him what he needed me to understand, and I said, do you believe me? I was like, I know, that's not what you meant. What you meant was this, even though it came off across this way to me, this is what you meant. Do you believe me? He's like,

I don't know, you know? And I was like, well do you? Can you see? And after you kind of like he accepted my apology, I said, but can you see how your tone and the way you said the thing you said might lead me to get very defensive about this? And he was like, yes, I can't see that. And so then it was we Eventually, when things cooled down, we both got each other. We both apologize to each other for how we had acted. So I did get that, but I had to be the one to do it first,

and not because I'm the better person or something. It just happened you know, you can't both do it at the same time, or we'd have to jinx by me a coke. That's neither of us. Soda. Well maybe, but um, yeah, that that happens. And we've talked about tone on here before. Like I have a lot of trouble with it, especially if someone's like, let's say someone's having a bad day, you know, and then the tone is then and shifted towards you, even though it has nothing to do with you.

It's so shitty what they're going through that it comes towards you, and I can't help but take it personally, and I don't know how. And then I give and then I give tone back. I give tone back, you know. Um, And I'm like, well, my tone is legitimate because I

was in the first half the time. You know. What I've also realized, Andrew and that you're talking about is like like even this morning, I was a little bit like upset about something and I'm not going to see him until Sunday and I'm packing to get ready and I'm just trying to like I'm just being not as cool.

You're like, I'm just not being warm, And I was like, are you doing this because you want him to ask you what's wrong and the answer or do you are you doing this because you really don't want to be close to him right now and this is just a

natural thing. And I was like, I'm doing it. It's a little of both, but it was mainly because I wanted him to kind of notice and ask me so I can tell him what's going on my mind because I just don't want to bring it up and feel like a nag and all those things, like I want him to like dig for it. So it was like I realized that I sometimes I am not helping the situation, Like sometimes I feel like when this is where and I saw on love is blind and this is what

a trap I think relationships get into. He so let's say, um, he's in a bad mood and he comes home and I can sense it in him. He's hungry, he's tired, it's whatever. He had a bad day at work. I he I take it so personally, because I'm an adult,

child's an alcoholic. I take it personally. And then instead of being nurturing to him, which is what he needs, sweet to him, which is what he needs because he's had a rough day, I take it personally and then I shut down and then I get then I get bitchy, and one person is going to feel closer to you that if you act pitchy like that's only he's that's just giving him more of what he's dealt with in his day, more of what's going on in his head. I'm like adding to it. And I see this on

Love His Blind there's this couple. If you're watching it, they are um uh it's um Cole and uh Jenab Jenab I think her name is. And it's so interesting because they had sex in the morning. Cole was trying to be quiet and not wake her up and got out of bed and was like trying, you know, doing his like morning rituals. But he was being quiet and she didn't know that. I'm guessing she did not know that he knew that that that she was awake, so she thought he was giving her the silent treatment after

they had sex, but all she wanted it. So then what does she do Instead of saying, why are you giving me the sound Truman, she starts fucking punishing him because she's like, I'm not gonna be the first to get hurt. I'm gonna hurt you before you hurt me, and then he all of a sudden is like, she is being so mean to me. What's going on? Then he's been back to her. So it's the cycle. It's like someone's gonna break it and just be nice to

the other person. And I thought, you know, I was a little bitchy this morning because I didn't get what I needed last night in terms of something, you know, some kind of emotional connection. And the truth is he was tired. I came home late, he was like bleary eyed watching Game of Thrones, and I like walked in and turn on the lights and I'm like I want attention,

and he didn't give it to me. And so this morning I'm like, I'm I really regret how I acted this morning because I was adding to what was probably he probably I went to therapy and she goes, one of you always needs to be the schmoopy, you know, like what she said, one of you needs to be the one that's like the baby, and the other needs to be really gentle. And if that baby is in a bad mood, don't respond to it with a bad mood,

don't take it personally. But it is so hard not to it's so hard not to because we just want everyone to like us. That's why we're comedians, like we want everyone to like us, and when they're in a bad mood, we think it's our responsibility when it really has nothing to do with us. People get be in a bad mood despite us. You know, I know about then what is the answer to okay? If it's if it has nothing? To find out that answer right after this break, besties, I don't know, you know, but I

have a new tour that is happening right now. It's called the Good Girl Tour. It is sweeping the nation, starting out in Iowa this weekend, and then I'm in Reno, I'm in um California. Have four different cities there. I am in Vermont, I am in the Providence, Rhode Island, Memphis, Tennessee, Waterloo, New York, Quercy, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma City pulls Us, Louis, Albany, Portland's Maine, New York, Hampton, New Hampshire, and then I hit Europe. So those are all the cities I'm going

to be reminding you. If you know anyone in those cities, let them know they have a fun night of comedy awaiting them. Just down the street. You can go to nikulaser dot com for tickets. I would love to see you there. As always, there are meet and greets available. If you go alone, I will grant to a free meet and greet. You just have to write me going alone in all caps, your name and the city in which you're going to see me, nothing else. You don't

even need to write thank you. If you write anything else, it will actually make it so I don't see the message. But you must start the message with going alone, and don't follow it up with anything, because otherwise I won't see it. It's very weird how it works. So thank you so much. And I hope I get to meet you. And if you don't go alone, meet and greet tickets are available at the merch booth. And I've got some sick merch this time around too. I can't wait to

see you. I can't wait to perform for you. I can't wait to meet you. Come on out Iowa this weekend and California next weekend. So what was your question, Andrew with what is the answer? We should add in every segment with me? But what is what is the meaning of what? And why did my dad have an affair. But what is the answer, you said, you know what, like, what is the answer to go? Okay? Right? Meet meet their mood with like a hug of like hey, what

thing are you okay? Do you want to talk? Be loving, be gentle, be treat them like smoopy, they're a baby. And then sometimes you get to be a baby and they treat you like one. You know, like it gets to go back and forth. It's really hard. I'll try to breathe in the moment and just take a step back and be a smoop. It doesn't come naturally. I think we all want like, well, that's not how I'm feeling,

so I'm not gonna do it. It's like, well, sometimes you've gotta be the better person and and just do a harder thing to see if it gives you different results. If it doesn't, if there's still a piece of ship, then yeah, go in your bad mood, but like try maybe gentleness. Do you ever feel like you're like, well, I'm tired in a bad mood too, Like that's when my therapist session sounds. She was like, it sounds like

this fight that we were rehashing the therapy. She was, it sounds like This originated from you both being tired, not feeling like you got enough of love. For the past few weeks, I hadn't seen each other, and you both felt I was you know, the fight we were reliving was I was right after surgery for me, and he had just come off this bike trip where he's giving all and then he was helping me through surgery.

We get into a little tiff and I'm like, I can't give him love because I can't even talk and I've just been through surgery and I'm tired. He's tired because he's just like gotten me through surgery. So we were both just not there for each other. And that's

where I said, next time that happens, we space. We we create space because it's not neither one of us are strong or you know, awake enough to be the bigger person and take that do the harder step, which is to be nice to the other person and see what happens. Um. But I think that's really helpful for people because I think so many space in space hard

to create space in a relationship. You right, and you get to Nikki because for your career, you get to leave for a little bit and come back and I think that's so helpful, or could be so helpful in a relationship for people who don't have that as part of their job. It is, it's a great part of my job is that I get to leave and we get to miss each other. But I do think that there is a way to get it because I told Chris.

I've told Chris, like when we get to those places again where I can't be nice to you and you can't be nice to me and we're at a stalemate, I will leave. And I don't want you to take that like I'm abandoning you that I won't come back. Like I said this in a neutral tone, like when we were both like talking about a fight and we're both totally neutral. I was like, you need to know that if that happens again, I'm gonna leave because it's not going to get better. I'm going to present you

so like it's going to build. And he sometimes takes me leaving and I know I've taken his leave before and getting space as abandonment. He's breaking up with me. He's going off to start like finding a new apartment. He's going off to call a friend and figure out how to break up with me like I take it as you're leaving me. It's abandoned mentastic. Yeah, but I think that there's a way to just go, like I

still love you. I always need that reassurance. Whenever we're fighting, I'm like, please just put a hand on my leg, Please put a hand on my hold my hand. When you are you know, expressing how frustrate you are with me, Just give me something that says I'm not going anywhere,

but I'm mad at you. And I think that's what marriage gives people in a lot of ways, is like we but I mean, you can always get divorced, but it gives you that reassurance of like I can't leave, Like if I do, it's going to take a hell of a lot more. But with your boyfriend and girlfriend like holding a hand of saying I'm gonna step out, I will be back. You can reach me on the phone, but I just need some time alone. This is you know.

But that's hard to do because people are so scared of abandonment, and they really get triggered when you leave them. Especially I find I find like many like little mini space breaks, even in your own apartment, can be so refreshing.

So like something as simple as like I'll go watch baseball or football in the in the living room for like four hours and we don't have to be on the same couch, we don't have to be next to each other, but I still love you your twenty feet away, but that twenty ft can literally like that four hours can really like refresh everything and you start and I find it very helpful. And it sounds like it's nothing,

but it really is. Like, you know, that's the reason why guys build man caves and women you know, fucking whatever you guys do. We need a little break from each other. You need you need breaks even if you live together. And it's not because you love them less. It's like, oh, I love you so much that with this, you know, it's like uh, restarting a computer. Like every you know, he'll go in the bedroom and watch his phone or whatever, and I'll stay out here and play guitar.

Like we we take breaks, for sure, but it's hard because sometimes I feel, I'll say, from speaking for myself, I feel abandoned when he when he doesn't want to be close to me. When we have the time to be close to each other, there's like you would rather be on your phone or watching football or whatever or um. But whenever I expressed that to him, he usually makes

time for me. Like there's so many times where we have been hanging out and we're watching Love Is Blind or something, and I'll go, what's going on with rooms today? I call I call I call um formula one racing room rooms just because I'm like, are you watching your room? Rooms? And it's just to like infantilize it, and uh, I'll go, what's going on with rooms lately? And He's like, oh, there's a race right now, but and I'm like, why

aren't you watching it? This is so that's like if Taylor Swift like dropped a live like a new album and I was sitting there, he will like, you know, put aside and these really important things to make quality time with me. And I really appreciate that. But um, I'm totally into him having his own things that he really cares about that he can go do. Like last night, I was at the comedy store, I was at the improv.

I did a podcast. I did Tiger but I can tell you what podcast it was because it went great and um, but Tiger Belly, which will be out. I Guess This Week. UM. You can find it on YouTube. It's wildly popular. You'll see UM if you haven't. It's a fun podcast with Bobby Lee and his and Khalila. UM. I don't know about girlfriend ex girlfriend, and we got

into some couple's counts. It's funny because I was like asking them about, like what really went wrong, because I didn't know what they've covered on the show or not that you know. This is a couple that's been together for like a really long time. I think he said like eight years or something, and they broke up recently. They lived together for a while, they were sleeping in the same bed for a while. They still do this podcast. They share a lot together and they're still best friends.

And so I didn't know what they had covered on the podcast because I wasn't caught up. But I started like asking them about it, and he's getting into some good stuff and he's like, I mean, hold on, people don't want to hear this, And I go, you are so wrong, like this, your listeners are dying for these details. Like I know, I am, like this is some interesting you know, they went to therapy. I was asking about like what they discovered in their essentially, um, Bobby is

a comedian. That's what we discovered. That's the issue. He's someone that you know, and very much like me, needs constant validation, and when you're in a relationship, that's really hard because we want new validation from new people and knew we want. We're addicted to being liked and being like, what's the next thing I want someone else to be into me. It's not even like we really want to fund other people or date other people. We just want

we can't. You know, when you're in a relationship, you don't get validation constantly of how great you are and so and we start to crave that if you know, and you know I did. Bobby's like, I went to I was in New York last week. I did like eight sets in three days, and I was like, I did eighteen last week. I did eighteen to twenty two. I can't. I kind of lost track, and he's like, you get it. I'm like yes, like, and he was trying to tell me that as as a comed he's

not a comedian because he was. I was like, it's because you didn't. You weren't loved in the way that you could have been as a child, and for you, you seek it out like we seek it out on stage every night, like getting these strangers to like us and you know, media validation, all the things we know. And he's like, no, no, no, that's not it for me. I just like it because I like I just I like performing. I felt I didn't feel seen as a child. I'm like, yes, yes, that you do like performing, but

you didn't feel seen as a child. You want to feel seen, you want to feel liked. And we talked about bombing and he's like, I just like, oh. Kalilah had read read this text that Bobby had said after a rough set at the seller. Sorry, if you listen to podcast you'll hear all this. But it was something like I just had a really bad set and she goes, oh no, what happened with bad crowd? And he goes, they just didn't like me. And I go, see, Bobby, they didn't like you. It wasn't like they didn't like

my jokes. They didn't like you. It's about being liked and essentially, but that was that was kind of what we on Earth was like. And it was funny because Kalila is dating women too, and I was like, now, that she's you know, single, she's she's bisexual and so or I don't know how she defines it, but she

definitely dates women. And I was like so, and we were talking about like she kind of revealed other comedians, comedians have asked her out, like Bobby's friends have asked her out, and like even Bobby, yes, yes, I mean she's gorgeous and cool and not a comedian but gets it like it makes sense. So Bobby was like, and I go, would you ever go down that road? And she was like, oh, never, never, never, And I go, out of respect for Bobby or because they're comedians, she goes, oh,

because they're comedians. She's like. She was like, I mean it works out that it seems respectful. She didn't say that, but that's kind of like what it implied. She was like, no, I don't want to be dragged through that ship again, like and I was trying to get to the root of it, like what is the ship? And she was like, female comics are different. I would date a female comic And I was like um and um. But it was

an interesting conversation. But anyway, so afterwards I went and did some sets and and Ben Gleeb met up with me and he's going through a thing right now and we were both talking and I was like, yeah, I just want to sing and he was like, let's I was like, can we go to karaoke because we've done that before, and I was like, let's go get a karaoke room and just sing like four songs. And then I gotta go home because I got an early morning.

And he's like great, He's like, let's just go to karaoke at my house and I'm like okay because he has this whole like comedy club in his house, and so we went to the cellar. I ran into Carlisle. We're like, we got Carlisle on board. She's like after my Syddle, come over. And then I got late and I was like, can we just like sing in the car on the right home. But it was nice because I wrote Chris and I'm like, can I go do

karaoke tonight? And he's sitting at home waiting for me to come home, and he's like, yeah, sure, do it. Live your life, like have fun, and it was just so nice to like be a be with someone who's not going to like be resentful of that or you know on my last night in town that I want to go saying he was like, Nicky needs this, like he knew and he and Ben was talking to me. He's like, he, I guess saw me on Rya. I guess my profile is still active on Riya And he

was like, you gotta take that down. What if Christie's did or finds out? And I'm like, he wouldn't think that I was on, Like he wouldn't care because he would know that it's a glitch. Like I'm not with someone who's like suspicious about me, like or jet like thinking I'm going out there and doing things like it just felt safe to go, like oh right, like most people would go, you're on Riya, but like it's nice to be with someone who just trust like oh yeah,

because my account, I don't know. He still from Kimmel from your picture has Today's newspaper and what's going on? It was a I went to this future exhibit um four years ago. Um I was looking on his his iPad and it downloaded all his apps like from his phone, you know when it just downloads, and it had Tinder on it, and I go, who is doing You're doing Tinder on your iPad hinge or whatever, and he's like, no,

we just downloaded from the thing. And I go, someone downloaded Hinge on their big old iPad and he was like no, which And I was like, I trust you, I don't care. I love It's hilarious to me that your profile is still out there. I don't care. Um, but yeah it was. It was nice. Um, what um would you do last you end up singing? Did you end up singing or not? On the car ride home? It was funny. We took the car ride home and I go, Ben, what do you need to sing? Because

he's going through a little bit of a thing. And he was like, and we he had this like breakup mix on Spotify and I was listening songs. He's like, I don't know that one. So we listened to Post Malon's you probably Think that You are better now, Better Now, and then we also listened to um, if you look

the way you look so much? And I was about to get to my first choice of a song, which is going to be Kelly Clarkson's breakaway um, because I'm obsessed with this version of her doing it with Sam Smith that was on her show a few weeks ago and and Ben was like, can I just actually read to you this email that I sent her like really quick?

And I was like, okay, so I'm just I was like, oh my god, this is such a scene in a movie where this girl is like a bad friend just wants to sing her song keeps starting it as like spend my wings and wait, sorry what Okay, yeah, I do think I don't think it's bad that you said that. Okay, good? Yeah, he Oh my god, that is so funny. And then he's like he's been so sad, he's been writing poetry and he was like, I want you to read my poetry.

So he hands me a song. Dude, he wrote like, I'm not Ben, if you're listening, which I'm sure you probably are. You he wrote like, I'm not even kidding you, like eleven pages of poems and I I have started. I read like a couple and I handed back to him and he goes, no, keep going like read them all and I'm like this is so they weren't good. But then then I I literally read remember do you

remember any of the rhymes? There was no rhymes, but it was all like it was, um, they were really can please I was, but it was just so funny. I was like, he's such a comedian. He's such a little boy like my guy friends. I just see them as little boys sometimes where I just go it's so cute, Like it almost looked like he was because I tried to hand it back to him like two different times, and he goes, you're almost done, you have three more

to go. It's like for me, if I was making someone read my poems right and they handed it back to me, I would I would grab it. But I don't even like to make people look at a picture of like a trip I took. I'm like instantly like, oh, you don't want to be bothered by that. And Ben, It's like, wait, there's like two more and I'm like ten minutes reading your poems. This is the most poetry I've read in my entire life. By the way, I've never read this much poetry. Uh and silver Stea, do

you have any notes? Like what do you feel like, what do you like? How do you feel about the third like verse? Like, and You're like, dude, I just want to sing. I was just like I loved it. I love him so much, and I know he's going through it. And it was it made me love him that he is the kind of guy that will ask you to finish reading his poems when you've clearly the last interest. And it's like a little a little kid who's like, mom, look at my drawing and you go,

oh wow. The snoke man looks like so happy and there's the sun I love. And he goes, wait, what about this part the flower? And you're like, oh, that's good too, and it's like it just it was a little there. All my friends are little boys. Let's go to break and come back with a little bit of news and then a fun game that will play because it's wild Wednesday. All right, we're back. Let's do some news. You oh you heard it here. It's Wednesday, folks, you

know what that means. It is Wednesday. Apparently we're having all the swells. Hope you are to out there all right, coming back down to no over there, right over there? Yeah, all right, thanks Andrew. Actually this story was submitted by Andrew. Are you reading it? But I will? So we've been talking about why women want to have babies, and one woman says she had an orgasm during labor and she

didn't want it to stop. A thirty six year old woman said she entered the orgasmic state while giving birth to her daughter, and she credits prenatal yoga classes with the pleasurable pain free process. Pain free during birth, I surrendered my body and I had a similar sensation to an orgasm. It was really natural to put and the contractions didn't feel as painful. I had this fullness and

I didn't want the feeling to stop. Um. That's weird to be in the you know, delivery room and being like keep going, keep going, keep going right right there, right there, right there, and your baby is like emerging. The first thing your baby here is is your mom coming. Yeah. It's like put the baby back in, then back out, then back in. Oh, put the baby foot in. Oh my God. Said it was harder than a marathon, and I've run many. Um. Yeah, So prenatal yoga classes famously

help women prepare for pain three labor um. If you allow birthing hormones to work for you, then a woman can come into a state of bliss or labor land. The pain is then not so intense because the endorphins are flowing and there is no fear. It's said that the endorphins are ten times stronger than morphine and that working for you. Wow, it does help. If you have a butt plug too. I heard giving birth, I think I would kind of like labor, and I mean cramps or hell if you give if you have a butt

plug in while you give birth, is what you're saying. Like, I just love the idea of like, let's do it right, But I don't know, but I don't I guess I don't really understand what the pain is when you give birth. Is it the is it the cramping contractions or is it the ripping? And I always thought it was like your your pelvic floors opening, so it's like your bones

are shifting, Oh God, and your vagina rips. Yeah. Yeah, that's the epplesiastic me, I think is what they do when they cut your taint um and just make it all one. I mean it's crazy. Um, and I can't believe we do it. I can't believe we've done it for millennia and we'll continue to do it. Um. Yeah, I it feels good, but it feels like the most like release ever because that's what orgasm is for me at least, It's like it just feels like I'm finally

surrendering to this thing. Like because I fought off orgasms my whole life. I felt like like they were just felt like this is I don't know what's going to happen on the other side of this whatever. This like boiling like teapot is, I don't I'd rather just turn down the heat than like see what happens when it starts whistling, you know, like I don't want it to

boil over. And you know, that was always so scary to me, and I think some I don't know why more people why I don't hear that more often that like having an orgasm is terrifying because you feel like you're gonna ship yourself, you're gonna screw, you're gonna say expletives, you're gonna fart, you're gonna like I just was too

scared of everything. And I think that, um, like what she's saying, Yeah, you just have to like let go and it's a really and it would it would feel like the biggest you know, I love taking like I like anal because it feels like you're taking a really big ship, which feels really good. It's not like why I like it. I think that shipping actually feels more like anal than adol feels like shitting. If that makes sense, Um doesn't make sense. I don't know. But uh, why

don't men ever? I never hear men saying they're scared to come like women. I have heard they're like, I don't need to come. It's like too much, like it's too sensitive. Like I have a friend now who's like, it just feels like I'm being tickled, like in a bad way. It's just too much sensitivity, and they don't want to come. Why don't never fight it? It's because guys masturbate and come thousands of times before they ever have sex, from the ages of thirteen, even before that,

even when you masturbate like I feel like it. I also think I think it's because it takes you, guys less. It takes less sensitivity and less pressure and less it takes less to make you guys come, and it's not as intense when it happens, so you're not there's no fear. Yeah, yes, yes, but I think they're but it's not they're not scared of the feeling of coming, you know what I mean. I dated one guy who would not come, who refused

to come and he it was really weird. He was always like saving it, like I'll do it another time, like let's we'll do it then when it's like this kind of sex. And I found out later from talking to therapists and who knows that this is his story, but like when he comes, he feels like that woman now like has a piece of him, and that he owes her something that it's like it's now like and and the truth is like you do like men don't

understand this. When you like have sex with a woman, she does feel like this closeness for you that you might not feel for her, and there is going to be a kind of an expectation on the other side of that, whether you want to want it or not.

A lot of time you feel though that it's closer if they have an orgasm, like does that maybe I think that in his mind that made it like that sex to him that is like actually like I'm gonna and it's like, yeah, you have the potential to get that person pregnant, So it makes sense that that act would make you feel like I'm going to be locked into this woman forever, and so he would just put it off because I think he knew the inevitable, which

was when he did eventually come. And he did this to me multiple times in our course of our dating, that he would get he would change his mind about me as soon as he came. He would go, I this is moving too fast, literally in bed holding each other, after we'd have sex, he would change his mind. And it was something that you know, I just was like, oh, I'll never trust this again. Not that he gave me the chance to trust it again, but I was like,

I can't. Yeah, it was. It was so weird. But it happened twice where the first time I didn't see it coming, and then the second time I was like, are you going to change after this? And he's like, I don't think so, but maybe, And then we did it, and then right afterwards I was like, how are you feeling?

And he was like, I just think we rushed this, and I'm like, are you fucking I just flew across the country and changed my life to make this happen, Like it was just so devastating, but I hate you, like it's such a such a sad like it should be the most like happy, joyous moment and it's just nothing but sadness and despair. Oh god, it's I mean there, it makes sense. I mean I talked about him, my special It makes sense because it's time to move on

to the next woman. You already got this one pregnant. It makes sense. Why you guys your brains shift that way? No, what's the next news story? Okay, the next news story? Do you guys, wife having baby? Do you remember who Billy McFarland is the singer. No, it's the man behind the infamous fire festival. Yes, of course, of course. Apparently this week he teased a new project. Uh he was on TikTok and um. Of course he basically from what

source as are saying, planning another festival. Hell yeah, because which to that? Why wouldn't you trust I actually want to go to that one? I got it. I mean maybe you know you go through you to go be an influencer at that one and go and get and you wouldn't you would be happy with that meal? I saw that meal. I remember seeing that like bread and cheese, and I was like, Andrew would probably think this is dynam like over here. Yeah, yeah, that I would not

be upset that, Yeah, it'd be great. Were so like thinking they're gonna die. It's like you're not. You're fine. Like that guy knew he'd be up to more. That guy is that's the kind of go get her attitude that I just don't have. That I envy, Like he

is operating from prison making a new festival. Like I was even walking past stores the other day on the street and I was saying to Chris, like, god, opening a store like managing a store, and like opening a store is like I could never do that, And He's like, I would love to do it. I'm like you would. I could never When people just like love organizing things and putting things together. Thank God for those people. The world would not run without you. But man, that is

to get out of here. If I have to refill a shelf, that shelf would never that would be an empty shelf. Even girl's name Tori. Do do you think the Firefest? He'll probably try to do it in like I don't know, New Jersey. Like he's not gonna go He's not going Ham again. He's not going to try to do an island. Yeah. I mean, like this is just ridiculous. If anyone trusts him, I just can't. I can't even imagine anyone going into this thing. That's enough news.

Let's get to the game. Est parrel. Noah picked two cards set us up for some storytelling. This is so funny because it goes right with what we've been talking about today. And you didn't see the cards when I picked them, No, I did not, David Blaine, Yeah, alright. So the prompt card is close, share something close to your heart, and the other card is the hardest lesson I've learned about love, The hardest lesson that I've learned

about love. Okay, the hardest lesson I've learned about love is that I mean that you have to say goodbye to everything, like at some point you're not you're either going to die or they're going to die, or you're going to break up or they're going to break up with you, or that honeymoon period will end in your relationship, or you will move out of that a place that

brings you a lot of good memories. Your dog will die, like in a in a relationship, there are so many small deaths, and it's like it's like grieving all the time for just different things of like, oh, like even this place that I have with Chris, right, now in

Santa Monticu. It's like, I'm already sad about moving out of here because we have so many memories here, and I just think, Um, I guess, like that's the hardest lesson, is like it's it's um, yeah, And the more you love someone, the more you risk being sad when they're gone. And like every time you add someone to your list of things that you love, whether it's a pet or a person, you're just signing up for pain down the road.

You You're just you no matter what people go. I don't want to I don't want to date again because I can't handle a breakup. I don't want to go through the pain. It's like, even if it works out, there's gonna be pain because when he was gonna die, you know, like it's it's always gonna be pain, no matter if it's successful. So I guess that's the hardest lesson, h the hardest lesson about love spoken from the heart.

That's that's the thing. Um, I think it's the hardest lesson I've ever learned, is that the more you give doesn't you're gonna get more in return. And that's the hardest thing. So like, even if you show them so hard that you love them and you're fucking running in the rain for them or crying on their face whatever. Like the more you give doesn't doesn't equal the return value you're gonna get. And that's hard because you would think why not, why wouldn't that work? I'm giving everything

And sometimes then that's hard. That's a hard lesson to learn, and I feel like everyone learns that one. It's really hard, like really bad. Yeah, there's no that some people just yeah, there's some people think that they get broken up with and there's like there's something I can do, and it's like, no, whatever they're telling you is the reason they're breaking up with you, it's that's not it. It's a lot of

other things. And you're like, I'll fix that thing, and they go, don't bother because there's you know, it's just usually not that it's too late. What the person to like pull out a whole list of this is why I'm breaking up with you. You know, you're just like we don't vide this way, and like I could fix and then it's like if you pulled out, you would kill the person. But you have to give a reason because people always want a reason. When you're breaking up

with them and you go, well, i'll fix that. I can fix that. I'm so you know when they go

you know. The saddest thing is when I've had friends who like get like they the guy will cheat on them because the guy just wants out and he wants a reason to get out, and so he gets caught cheating or he tells her and because he knows that's a deal breaker and the girl's like, I'm willing to forgive you, and he's like, oh, come on, han no, like I'm not gonna it's over, Like the guy still has to end it like that's a really and the girls do that two men too, where it's like it's

just funny if that happens and you forgive him and he's like, actually that's fourth on my list. You're too forgiving And he's like, okay, well, I mean that is a problem, like you're a push over. People kind of don't like that. Um, but that that happens on no, what about you? Um, I think it kind of goes in line with, um, what you guys are saying. But um, the hardest thing that I've learned is that like you

have to and it's kind of cliche. You have to like let go of your loves and um, whenever they come back to you, it's always going to be stronger. Like you have to let people exist on their own for them to be better for their relationship, including myself. That's that's kind of the most you have to let go. You can't control things as much as you wish you can,

and you certainly can't control someone else. And so many of my friends and my girls chat when we talk about our boyfriends or husbands or whatever, it's so much

of like I wish he would do this thing. I need to confront him about this, but instead we always get to I need to get to a place where he can figure it out on his own and think and think that it's his idea that I asked him to change, you know, like that's and that's usually giving a person the space to go, um, just giving them space or give not trying to change them and actually and saying how you feel as opposed to like you never do this and being like it makes me sad

that I don't get to you know that you don't take out the trash as much like it just it bums me out and let them do what do something with your feelings as opposed to you need to take out the trash more like let them figure out. Oh, if I took out the trash, maybe she wouldn't be sad like that in love though, to like be able to have a life outside of the relationship, because in my past, my relationship was everything. We would hang out

all day, twenty four hours, do everything together. But now I see the advantage of live your own lives, go on the Tiger Belly podcast and then go to karaoke and you know, like have your own fun and then you come home and you have something to share. Would not be in trouble when I get home, not have like not have it be I mean, I was worried about that. The first couple of times I went out to dinner with friends here and Chris and I had kind of decided, oh, we'll go to dinner together every

night that we can. And it was one of the first nights here and I got asked to go to dinner with some ends and I didn't feel comfortable inviting Chris because it wasn't my dinner to do that, And I was so scared all the dinner that like I was gonna come home and he was going to be kind of in a bad mood because even though he said it's fine, Like was he fine about it? And I was so glad when I walked in, and like the energy was just like no resentment. So fine. How

is dinner? I hope you had fun? Like, ah, what a fucking relief to have someone that allows you to do that final thought. Um, it sucks when you have that feeling that you're gonna come back and be in trouble and and then you end up not in trouble and you're like, no, that is how life should be. You shouldn't be in trouble like you like. But I have those same intrusive thoughts of like I'm fucking up, I'm not I gotta get home. I gotta get home. They're gonna be piste, They're gonna and and nine at

ten times. They're never pissed, but every time I go I'm gonna be in trouble, this time is different text message and you're like, did they is this? There's not an explanation mark, so they're definitely mad about that, Like what's the tone of this extent? You just think they're gonna be mad at you, and like, what aren't people allowed to be mad at us? To like? I want that.

I want that ability. I want that superpower that some people have where if someone's mad at them, they let there just like, okay, be mad at me, and they don't take it. It's like you're a bad person. And I take Chris as when he is mad at me, I think he I jumped to the conclusion he's disgusted with me, he hates me, he doesn't want to be around me. He can't even believe he's ever been in a relationship with me, because I'm like, if you're mad at me one time and disappointed at me, let's say

he's disappointed. I'm like, he he'll never get over this. That's where my mind goes where I'm like and he's like, can you please just not go all to those places? But it's so hard for me not to where I just think anyone who's mad at me, I'll never win them over again. I'll I've lost it completely. I'm okay with Like, I had a fan right to me the other day and say something that was a little bit like accusatory and like something I did that bummed them out.

Something I said, and usually that would spot make me spiral and I would hold on to it all day. But I was just like that person is allowed to be mad at me. I don't know, like I'm It was something about I said something about my feelings and they were like, you're not They said, I'm not relatable anymore because my my feelings that day were not like my I had, Like you know, it's like what do they call it, um champagne problems, like you know, complaining.

And I go, listen, I wish my do you want me to lie and say that my feelings are something different than they are like these you know this relatable but it's real the heat that Tailor got for the like in the video she went on the scale, yes, yes, okay. So in her anti Hero video, I meant to address

this yesterday. I think you know, it reminded me. In the Anti Year video, there's this part of the song It's All about self loathing that that music video and the song itself as a part where she's in the bathroom and she gets on a scale and she looks down in between her feet on the scale it just as fat instead of a number, and then she looks back up at the mirror, and behind her is her evil self staring at her, being like disappointed, like you're fat,

and people are freaking out because she's obviously through that connotating fat with bad. You know her, her evil self is disappointed in her for being fat, and Taylor is obviously not fat. So there's a lot of things that play here. When I first saw that, I was like, yo,

not the best word to use. She could have written the word bad, because there would be no indication that she's fat on the scale when you equit, when you equate fat with bad, which you know, Taylor is not the first person to do that, by the way, So everyone that's getting mad at her about this, do you think Taylor started the global narrative aside from a couple little communities in Africa where fat women are like the you know that's the the yeah, the idea ild body size, Like,

do you think Taylor is the only one that equates fat with bad? She is just highlighting something that society is already telling us. And I get it that she is putting that loud out there loudly and maybe not helping the fat um positivity movement, which I absolutely feel like people should be allowed to be fat and not have it be um more something morally wrong with them or like anything shameful. Like I think fat shouldn't even

be a bad word. You're fat and that's fine, Like you're I feel the same way about like any of these words that we think are some kind of moral judgment, like if you're not fuckable, people are like I'm not fuckable, Like oh my god, Like it's so mean. It's like you're allowed to be things. That doesn't mean you're a bad person that you know, But I I take those words too. I struggle with the word fat. I struggle with feeling and associating that with like you're somehow less

than I'm not the first person to say that. People have come at me about it before. Nikki, you're still talking about how you feel fat, and you're you're kind of implying that that's a bad thing. Are you kidding me? Look around us? Do you think the society is am I the first person to say that this? Our society does not treat fat people the same way? And I know it's not helping the narrative of treating fat people better. But again, I think pretending like, Oh, everyone loves fat people.

Now everyone's accepting of it. Is not the move, not acting blind to the fact that, no, we're still getting inundated with diet culture and being thin. The Kardashians are now sucking all the fat that they put into their bodies out because thin is in again. So Taylor or me, or whoever you're coming after about who are struggling with this feeling of being scared of being fat or being fat and feeling like that makes them less. I'm sorry that if you're a fat person and you feel like, wow,

you're connotating fat with bad. We can't help that. That's how we feel. That's what society has given us. And when you make art like Taylor is making, maybe she made a I knew it was going to be a misstep. I knew people are going to come after her. But she's just highlighting what society is telling her. She's not saying fat is bad. She's saying that is what how her brain has been warped. So in doing that, she I bet you anything, that's what she would say. I'm

not saying fat is bad. I wish I wish that weren't the case, but I feel like, that's what society is telling me, and that's what my inner demon on my shoulder is telling me. Does that make sense the distinction between those two. But I also see why fat people are very upset by that because if let's say Taylor wrote, um, I don't know, like like something I'm struggling, like like saggy jowls, and was just like, Oh, that's

the grossest thing ever. Like whenever my friends are insecure about something that I have, I take it so personally because I'm like, you're saying that this thing that I have is bad, and it's like, yes, because we're you think it's bad about yourself. The only reason you're getting upset about feeling like it's bad because you you hear from society that it's bad, Nikki, Like you already got

that message. They're just highlighting it and you're putting all your anger at them, when really the problem is is talking about these things and saying, how ridiculous is it that we think that being fat is bad? What because someone eats more food than someone else, When someone might struggle with a food addiction, someone might not be able to exercise as much, someone might have a thyroid condition, Why do we associate that with laziness, with their bad

with they are unlovable? That is the issue. Why do we associate it with don't deny that? That's what we do as a society when artists are asked to censor themselves and not say they're true feelings, even if their feelings spit in the face of everything you want to believe about yourself. And Taylor Swiff doesn't want fat to equal bad, but that's what But that's what it still does. And we are not going to get past it, and we're not. I don't think we'll move past towards a

fat um, a non fat phobic society. I don't think we'll get there unless we call out the fact that it is still rampant and that is not solved because of Dove body commercials. Lizzo didn't solve it, Adele didn't solve it. Uh, you know, Ashley Graham didn't solve it. There's we need so much more than that. And I think just acting like everything's fine now and fat is beautiful and everyone thinks so. I think so the American

things so like it's okay. If you still struggle with connecting those two your whole life, you've been inundated with fat equals wrong, and it's we all know that not to be true deep in our core. But acting like everything's fine now is not the way to address things. It's just not. And I think that that's what cancel culture is. It's like, just you know, don't talk about rape. You can't make jokes about rape, you can't talk about rape, you can't do it like just pretend it doesn't happen.

It will go away, because any mention of it is making someone who's been raped the butt of the joke. Is It's like, no, it's not. I'm commenting on something that is currently plaguing our nation and play my thoughts. And I don't think I don't like rape, but I've got to talk about it. And just because I haven't been raped doesn't give me, you know, doesn't mean I

can't talk about it. I think that people just people are so sad, and people are feel so victimized, and they should because it sucks out there, and that they want they want everyone to shake everyone and just be like fat is okay, I'm okay, right, Taylor Swift thinks I'm okay. She does think you're okay. What she doesn't think is okay is these thoughts that tell her that fat is not okay. That's what she doesn't think is okay, and that is what she's calling out. Final answer, Okay,

now I have to go. Well, say, dude, we have one more episode tomorrow. Thank you for letting me have that little tirade. Um. I appreciate you all, uh meaning Noah and Andrew and all the listeners. And if you disagree with me and have something else to say on the matter, maybe I'm getting it wrong, maybe there's a blind spot for me. Please let me know. I would love to hear it, because I don't think I have it all figured out, even though the tone boy voice

definitely suggested that I did. H All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Don't be cool and Williams. Okay, who's that Jack? Yeah, he's a basketball player, played high school ball with Moss. Yeah, I'll tell you about it later. Another person I don't know. Yeah, he's a bit football player who played basketball. Take goodbye. I'll let you know