#279 Seven Days Away

in seven days. I just check my flow out because I'm just feeling just so gross today and I'm like, what day of my cycle is this where my vagina feels like an armpit, just like kind of like an undodorized arm Dearn saying where it just like is weeping, not in a yeast infection way, but it's just like sweating and like feels gross and and I feel heavy. My boobs feel heavy, my like skin feels heavy, My arms feel like old librarian's arms, my like my Lulu

Lemon leggings. I am now avoiding certain Lulu Lemon leggings because they're too tight. That is when you know things are not as they should be. When don't even I don't even bother looking at the jeans anymore. I I have borne the same size jeans for four fall, winter season, spring seasons in a row, for five maybe six years,

maintained it. It's time to retire them. They're not It's not going to happen all of my jeans are my skinny jeans now and there I am at the stage of a woman where the your body starts to change and you're just gonna get bigger from now on. And that's okay, it just happens. It's like I have to just say goodbye to those pants, but to avoid certain Lululemon leggings, like I have my ones that are like those are my skinny leggings. They're leggings. They stretched to

any size practically, I mean I know that there. I'm just like feeling so look, but it's seven days away. That's it. And you know what, I paid eight dollars for this fucking app to tell me that, And that is this is the you know, the count tax I guess what they call it. If you have a vagina and you have to pay for things that men don't have to pay for, do you pay for any apps that tell you when I need Yeah, six days away. My balls feel like a wet like locker room towel

and just heavy. I don't need to make this sexist thing, but all my apps And do you ever look at the apps that you've subscribed to and you're like, oh, I've been paying for this like learn how to play piano app for fourteen years month or whatever. I think I'm paying to learn how to download an app. I'm

paying for that. I'm paying twenty a month. Do you ever look at your subscriptions to see I bought video game a video game app where you can't you can't upload these video games without having insane amount of memory or you have to be locked into a WiFi. So I bought like an arcade thing that was like on the airplane, I had whatever anxiety and I was like, oh, I'll just play NBA Jam to feel normal again. And I couldn't download it so on pain, and I haven't

canceled it yet. Where do I go for that? Where are subscriptions? So I always just Google cancel subscription and then um, and then it's probably like the third thing down. It shows you are you guys doing it right now? Because it's like you're Apple, and you know if you want to cancel subscription from Apple, and then you go to that and you click on the cancel a subscription blue button and then you see all your They make it so hard to have to pay for that now. Everything.

Let's see, um I have so I'm paying for Apple TV for ninety nine. I'm paying for Discovery plus six. I'm paying for Flow Period, Trucker app, Hbo Max, instas size, which is a thing that really bothers me with Instagram photos where people will post them and it'll I'm a big proponent of like photos should be there are a certain size for a reason, Like they look good when you edit them because they're the whole size, and I need that whole thing to fit in the tiny little

box and it'll crop it weird. So instasize crops it so you can keep your whole photo in that. Well, that's four nine a month just to have pleasant looking photos, have a crossword puzzle six a month. New York Times digital subscription, what's a year? Waking up? Um Meditation app a hundred dollars a year, but that also gives me access to Sam Harris's extended podcast and all that stuff.

YouTube premium a month. I am somehow not showing certain things that I think I paid for, but maybe I paid for it in different ways, so it's not showing on my phone like Spotify, I pay for it because I don't have YO had a trick you by hiding it. You probably have to go huh oh, yeah, you probably have to go up into the app. Do you have any apps there that I just have Repost, which is so you can repost like a photo or a video from either someone else or from your screen record or

text that person to send it to you. That'll save you so much. And when you do repost, they put that little stamp on the bottom. I guess if you pay, they remove this dollar a week. Oh no, and get that off their cancel it right now. Okay, this is we're cleaning up show. Then I got um anal leakage. I don't know why I'm paying for that. Yeah, I mean that's like something you'd want to subscribe from, but maybe for free good you would think, Noah, I'm not

subscribing from Discovery. Plus what am I? What am I doing that for? Because you watch one show? One showed one show called sex life, and you know what fun that show? By? No I watched it. But YouTube I pay for premium Apple TV and Apple Arcade. Apple Arcade is gone. I gotta get rid of this bit. Okay. I just bought Headspace for a year, but unwittingly I download like I I subscribe to the two week trial, and I was like, Okay, I'm going to delete it

unless I really want to keep it. Remember when I texted you like two weeks ago and I'm like, will you be my meditation accountability partner? Yes? Yes, So I was on a streak. Yeah, I was on a streak and then I stopped and I'm like, I don't know if I really like this app too much. And then I forgot to um to subscribe. But it was kind of like on purpose so that I would keep it so that I feel like I'm forced to use it

at that. Yeah, so you gotta use it because now you bought it, so it's like you got to use it. You won't, but I mean it's not gonna have it if you will or won't. Yeah, it's so hard. I bought a productivity app called Fabulous Daily Habit Tracker. You know how on Instagram they get you, They'll be like, yes, they'll they just get you. All My Instagram ads are

always about productivity, meditation, breathwork. That's why instag using your ace, fertility updates, um, losing weight, like it's all they like, know what I want, even though I don't even ask for that. It's free it was the first period. Tracker tells them everything your blood and they're like, this girl needs some vitamin D. Know what I want? They know, I need stretch your leggings right about now, and like you're guaranteed you're gonna get it. Dumpling service pants to

side advertising is for dumplings. For I just like looking at them. I don't even want to eat them, but I do. Like I'm almost like you with Halsey, like licking my phone, but I'm not. I shall not have that. I can't. I can't. I can't get new pants. I just don't want to do it. It's not about like I know I feel better new pants. I just don't

want to. I like those genes I've had. I like the breaking they start getting holes around the the belt loops, you know, because that's where you're hiking them up and like trying to pull them. And then they start getting the scenes get loose there and the belt loops start

giving out. I've been through this before. You know how they hang jerseys on the wall of like retired players, like your jeans a jeans wall just be like yeared two th I bought some like really fun like oversized baggy, like good American Kardashian um oversized like boyfriend jeans, because they had all these supermodels wearing them where they you know, Emily Radishowski with that fucking luge um div it down her stomachs like an ice lose that I went through

at a frat party down her stomach. So I see all those girls where they're just like wearing them around their heads, and they had these tiny stomachs, and they just look like so cozy and tiny. The problem is really really thin women, like model esque. Thin women look amazing, and oversize is closed. They look tinier. But if you're just anything other than that, you're gonna look bigger when you put on oversized clothes. I bought these. I went with these instead of a slim I just make my

legs just look shorter. Wait, I can't tell the wait, I don't know those black I don't know what you're telling me right now. These are at five nine, so I just look like four eleven because they're baggy. A tall guy could get away with baggy clothes, right right right, short guy can't. So I'm like just agreeing with you

like that. These make my legs look just shorter, like I can't get away with it like this, this big T shirt look that girls do I love where you'll be big T shirt with um, you know, bite tiny shorts, cycling shorts. Yeah, bite shorts. You could pull that off. I but I've seen pictures where I'm like, oh that you just look bigger. You don't look like a little tiny girl swimming in something. It just it just doesn't work.

And so the these pants that I bought, I bought four pairs just on a fucking whim, being like, I need comfortable jeans that are like just around the house, sexy jeans that I walk out and you know, my my fucking hip bones are jutting out of the top and everyone wants to fuck me because I'm like, I'm just so tiny and these little jeans I don't even know how to keep them up, and I need a big old boyfriend's belt and they are tight on me.

They don't they don't fit. They are they are also jeans that are They actually fit me perfectly, And it's insulting that these genes that are supposed to be me, like you just buying jeans like these are too big. I can't I wanted to that's what I wanted in your closet. You're wearing mom jeans. Do you ever eat

because you think it might make you thinner? Like, do you ever I mean, do you ever eat because you are so sad about not like how much you've eaten, or like you just you are so sad about like these pants don't fit, and you kind of convince yourself it might be something proactive to do. Like for me, I just don't know what to do besides eat or sleep.

So if you're feeling overweight, you're not good in my body, whether it's like just itchy, skin dry, my face feels craggy and old, but you don't feel like you're doubling down, like you're like, well, fuck it, I'm already feeling big. No, it's not fuck it. It's like, actually this will help me in some way. It's so healthy things, So maybe that's it. I feel like eating healthy things is better than eating no things. Well, there's a thing to eating

five small meals that apparently in an afternoon. It's just I'm just also, you know, whenever this stuff happens, it's just depression. And I just saw a meme yesterday that was like when my regular depression meets seasonal depression and it's just like a thing on top of a thing. And then like the weather outside is just like the sun is going away, Vitamin D is sucked out of that miss I don't even science and just feeling bedraggled. I can't get out of bed until eleven o'clock every

single day. And after this podcast, I'm going back to bed. I'm going to l A on Monday. And I'm supposed to have like a productive life and I'm supposed to be like getting back into work, and I'm just like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. All I want to do is sleep. And I think about mothers and like people who have responsibilities, and I seriously feel like I or women that are just have actually autoimmune disorders that make them tired. I feel so bad

for people who are chronically sleepy. I just don't know how they do it. I'm so tired all the time. I mean, it's do you debate in the morning of getting out of visit always a constant debate, like no, it's I opened my eyes and I go, no, I don't want to be I just go is I hope it's still because my rooms are dark. I just hope it's four in the morning so that I have and if it's eight, I go, okay, Earl. My new four in the morning is eight because I don't get up

till eleven. So it still feels like this is great. So then I just keep going because if I'm awake, I'm just gonna eat. I'm just gonna eat. And I'm and I'm bored. I don't I haven't been inspired to do and I know it's like, oh, you should go do things, and like, I just don't want to do anything though. I don't want to do anything except um and I can't watch anything because I have no one to watch stuff with and I get bored doing that. So I just I go to Starbucks to write. Yesterday,

I walked in there and I went to write. I wrote for twenty minutes, which is like more than enough for me. I got a lot done in that time. I just like it's billed out, and then I was like, Okay, I'm done, and I felt accomplished. I'm packing up my laptop and this guy is like, who is sitting next to me the whole time? And I think does not even notice me or like doing his own thing. He's like done for the day, and I'm just like, no, yes, you know what, definitely, And now I'm grossed out. I

don't want to go back to Starbucks. I don't want men like watching what I'm doing and like waiting for me to get up so they can say something. And I know I've complained before about men not hitting on me, but I do not want to be like commented on about especially your work, your work, the work of the day. And I go and he got there after I did, so he didn't know how long I worked for, you know what I mean? So I could have been there hours before he sat down. He could have just what

time was it. He's probably just four something like that. Work ethic goes to five. You know, that's a real work day. I can't believe people who work like actual long hours, right, I can't. I can't go to a coffee shop and feel comfortable enough to like be productive. I feel every place I can feel comfortable working because it's you're accountable, there are people right next to you. It's kind of like the atmosphere of like you work here.

And because it's performative, that's the only way I work is if there's something on the line where someone's expecting something out of me and they're right next to me, like I just you. Oh yeah, I used to what was it called? I forget what it was, you, I forget what it was called. It was it was like

something work made or something. And you go and you get randomly assigned to someone else who wants to work for fifty minutes, and you both have a talk on like video about what you're going to work on, and then you check in fifty minutes later and you're both there and your cameras are both on like making you accountable. So it kind of brings the Starbucks library type atmosphere to your computer. And I used to do that a lot and get stuff done when I used to have

like things do, But now there's nothing do. It's kind of just like, um, you have to manage your own time. That's the difficult thing when you don't have like a nine to five and you have to hold yourself accountable. Yeah. I think I used to make to do lists of like I'll do this from this. There was a time during the pandemic when I was so depressed. I had some like intervention methods of like this is what you

need to do. You don't have a choice. And it was like every day, make your schedule the day before. You'll have more things to keep from thinking about stuff, like you know, you have more things to do, potentially will be at work all day. I'll just be like I've lived and I'm living in Santa Monica. I've lived

there before. Yeah, and um, it's just like I just I'll I'm actually already nauseated by like all these green juice, perfect bodied women with like like straight hair, and they're little and they're just they're matches that they sip on, like I will finish a Grande Macha in one sip, and they just go and they just little SIPs and like they can like milk one for all day long, and they like carried around and it gets like a little water at the top because it's like the ice

melted is They're just like I don't know, I'm just not that into it. And uh and they have they're just yoga clothes on and they don't have I don't know, I just can't take it. Like a longboard skateboard you in the morning. That's more of my look I look like a homeless beach man. You really do look. I mean, it comes out very funny. I'll tell you that depression hilarious. I've been making my friend laugh on the group chat because I'm just like just questioning things like why I'm

not even trying to be funny. Why do we like men? Like why are we attracted them? Like what is the point? And then there was this other thing of like just not feeling like a woman. Like my you know friend Kirsten is like, Oh, I'm making fall pots where it's just like these pots you put on your front doorstep that are like winter foliage. I guess that you know, can withstand the cold temperatures. And I'm like, why, why is that a thing? And how do you know about this?

And like why am I not a real woman that's ever heard of fall pots? And why would that not interest me? Why you're going to like this is what I'm talking about when girls have days off and they're like, Nick, you need a day off? And I go, I don't because it would mean me going to the plant store and like walking around with a big gas cart and having to get a bag of soil and then some

pick up it's just too much. There's always something I'm not doing, fall pots you put on your front porch that has wintry foliage that doesn't like And I said why, or like points setias or you know mm's And I'm like, why not a tree? Why not a lot? Like why is it a pot? Like who determined that this is the thing. I want to be Kelly RiPP I want to just be a woman that just does everything that

could be an entertainment. Can look stunning on shows, has a cute sense of humor, likes to bake, has kids that love her, has a husband that she still has like a great relationship with, Like how do these women have it all? And that it also drinks wine and doesn't have a problem with it, like still has like flirty fun times with her husband and like it's the non funny answer is that she's definitely has the same kind of thoughts and same kind of sadness and you

don't see it because she she pilates it out. And I stayed, I doubt Kelly Rippo has been through months of her life where she couldn't get out of bed, Like I have wasted so much of my life in my room, dark room when the sun is shining outside for more months of my life probably spent, and like, spend a day with Kelly Rippa. You know, if I had a TV show, that would maybe be a fun thing to pitch on a TV show. That's a great idea.

We'll be back with Kelly Rippa right after this. Andrew coming to me, Kelly, he's so happy, plots all day. Let my husband nine pack. Alright, we're back. Let's let's skip any more of my blathering about how sad I am and inadequate when really everything is just great. I have nothing to plan about, and honestly, the only thing that makes me okay right now is the fact that whenever I get jealous of another woman right now in my life, I go, We're probably gonna die from nuclear

war at the same time, and it doesn't matter. And all these women that are getting pregnant and working on their fertility and I'm jealous of them because I wish I wanted to do that. I'm like, they're gonna die in eight weeks too. We're all going to perish at the same time. And your skin is all gonna melt off at the same time, and your eggs that you froze, are all gonna melt in that lab that you froze them? Honestly,

these are my thoughts lately. I My next special is going to be a dark one because I've been putting this all down and I'm like, I'm not a bad person. It's not like I make these things happening. Dark things one week before your period. Yeah, my special. You should do all your writing when you feel like your vagina is an armpit. Well, I've been writing down my dark thoughts, like my really dark thoughts where I like wish death

upon people. Secretly, I think Dahmer's helping me get there because his dad was like, I'm learing these glasses right now for the fraction of you watching arrest. But it's because my face is disgusting right now and I can't handle it anymore and I can't look at it, and I don't want to be on video. This is a great day. I'm having fun, am fun of my depression.

It's actually putting me in a good man. But the dark thoughts I've been like, because on Dahmer Dahmer's Dad, once you get into like later episodes Dahmer's Dad, and it's you know comes out what he did and he's arrested. Dahmer's dad starts having like these really, he just is placing all the blame on himself. He's like, I had dark these. I had these thoughts too. I wanted to hypnotize the neighborho girls so I could control her, because that's all what Dahmer wanted to do. He was not

someone who would even liked to kill people. He only killed people because he wanted them to just be not like nothing. He didn't like enjoy some guys like enjoy strangling, like get. He didn't get aroused from that, um and so his dad felt guilty. And his dad is crying to um, you know, his wife, Damer's step mom, and he's like, I did this to my boy. I used to have these thoughts. I thought in church about murdering people,

what it would feel like to murder someone. And I don't have those thoughts, but it was nice to hear. Yeah not a church outside the church. Yeah, well, what are your dark There's nothing wrong with having thoughts. People. Sometimes you say thoughts and people go it's like, well it didn't I didn't do it. It's not who you are. You can think about murdering people all day long, and I don't. I'm not a homicide. I don't have homicidal fantasies.

I just had of fantasies of people's lives falling apart that I'm jealous of, just because I want them to experience yea, sadness and hurt. Yeah, I just don't want them to have these perfect lives. And it's it's a really bad part of me, because the thing is, they do have sad parts of their lives. I just don't see that. But I think that sometimes people get so upset for people. It's almost like thought crimes, Like you're a bad person because you think it, like George Orwelly

and type um things. But it's like I am realizing, oh, my thoughts, there's nothing wrong with them there. I mean there is if I act on them, But thoughts themselves, I can think anything I want, especially you know how many times I wanted to throw a baby in a stroller on the track on the track. But why because the baby is crying or because you're just like angry, Probably because um I had to get your coffee. No,

I don't know. I think it was just like get my coffee, by the way, because I just don't trust you grabbing the right one. That is one thing I always get myself. I used to get it when we were whatever. But yeah, so anyway, you know, and also because I never wanted to be left alone in the uber with the uber driver. Can you go, I'll get it? Why you got it? All? I ever wanted to be alone with the uber driver. You would always leave me a little. You'd be like, I'll get it, acting like

a hero. I'm like, you're not a hero right now, you're talking about you nice, You're leaving me with the weird conversation. I mean, you could have come with me, but I did not want to be in there alone, no way. So yeah, no, I mean, I don't know why I would want to do that. I just like, it's just the thought that I think I was just frustrated with my day picking up nineteen things a dogshit, you know, smelling like dogshit, feeling like dogs or were

you just joking? I don't know if I was joking there. I mean, I'm trying to get it. What do you mean, Like I didn't notice baby, I didn't know the baby. I don't know the baby's man. Towards just like Rando's. Yeah, but unless they are doing something in that moment, maybe throwing someone down the stairs in front of me at some point that's walking too slow and I'm like, let's see them fall down mine flights, you know, I was like,

I wish there's more flights for the fall. The mine gets mine or more specific is interesting because that's like a different that's like, is that more or less premeditate? I mean, I think that would be like, because I had mine are never violent, I'll say that mine are always Like I hope she falls. That's violent? Is it's not me pushing her, not me strangling or not me doing it? Like I don't want to see the fall I hear about it. I actually I don't wish that.

I wish on like, um, I hope that she gets broken up with and has to have heartbreak. I hope that she I hope she develops. I hope she like I hope she gets a thyroid condition that makes her gain weight for a few months, just so she can see what it's like to not be the skinny bitch that guess whatever she wants. And by the way, these are dark thoughts that are like I really don't wish that on someone. I don't. I really don't at the end of the day, if I really think about it,

I don't want anyone to feel sad or bad. But I think that when I get jealous, my jealousy just knows no bounds, Like I get so jealous of people, Like, but it's it's been this way in my whole life. I mean, I'll get to it. Um well, I guess it won't get to something. But yesterday I was writing about it, and I'm like, it started when I was so young. I may have said this on the podcast before.

I remember, because you remember things from your childhood early by the way your parents react, or by the way someone reacts. If someone goes, oh my god, you know, like you just say dumb things, but if someone really laughs at something you say, or someone who's really horrified, it kind of sticks in your head. And I remember one time which this would not have stuck in my head except my mom's reaction was I was probably seven or eight, and I was like, Mom, I'm never gonna

have kids. She was like, okay, Nikki, and I was like, I just don't want them, because what if I have a daughter and she's that means she's younger than me, and I'll be jealous and I don't. And I didn't even like men at that obviously, I didn't like mentalas yesterday. Where did you hear the younger thing? You just I just picked it up, That's what I'm saying. I just had to come from somewhere, from watching TV, from being

a woman in the world. You just realize, like youth equals an eight year old looking at a four year And I remember my mom's four year old bitch. You think, you know, it was just about me realizing how good I had it, because I remember being like, Mom, are you jealous of me because I'm younger than you? Like you must be, because that's the way women feels like you're jealous of whoever's younger. So I remember she I remember her head slowly turning. We were like reading a book.

I remember it was like Barnyard Animals or you know. I remember being very close to her, and I remember her head turning in and goes, what did you just say? And I was like, but you're jealous of use. I'm young. I'm never going to have a because what if I have a daughter, If I have a boy who cares. But if a daughter, she'll definitely be younger than me, and what she's prettier than me, I won't be able to handle it. And I still I don't feel that

way about a daughter. But um and even Poppy, my niece. I thought there was a part of me that was like, if my sister is a niece, I know she's going to be prettier than me, and I hope she is. Like that's That's truly how I feel. But I've always felt this way, and it's hard to This is when you started killing young girls. It's like the nucleus of who I am hating younger women? I feel just envious of them, not hating. I mean, how does that go away?

I think as a mother, you live. Vicar said, she was like, that doesn't happen with mothers, and I'm like, then I then I saw. You know, you see movies like um mean girls, and you see like the Amy Poehler character, you see like Housewives, and all these women are trying to be as young as their daughters and like dating the men that their daughters, and You're like,

it is a thing. It is a thing. I mean, I think, Yeah, I think you just just if you're going to have a daughter, you just have an abortion. Even it's maybe do you believe that your mom feels that way? Do you still believe that? No, I didn't think that she did even at the time, But I think I just kind of did the math of like women, older women are jealous of younger women. Therefore, why how

are moms not jealous of their daughters? Because they're like younger versions of them, and there they are examples of all the things that they could there, Like, it is sad to think that you will never you're dying. We're dying, Like we have less life ahead of us than younger people. That's like a sad thing to accept that you have less than someone else, Like you know the way you feel about money when people have more money than you. It's like, you know, we have less years than so

many people. I had thought go through my head yesterday about like there'll be a cure for a disease that I will die from three days, three years after I died, something like that. There's always talks about the Native Americans, like there was one Native American who died the day before white men settled, Like he was like this is the greatest left, Like you know, it's like my life was amazing, and that's actually a great story of like he didn't have to face that, but like he would

have never known. But there's always the right before. Yeah, I guess you live enough life where you go I'm good. Well, I'm reading this book about the AIDS epidemic. Note but like when AIDS was like there was no really planned, no one was talking about in the eighties. It's called The Great Believers. It's really good book. But they all are not wanting to get tested because there's no cure, so what's the point. And they also feel like the

government's going to track them once they're tested. Um, no one's talking about it. There's like thousands and thousands of men dying every day, but because it's like this gay thing, no one really wants to talk about it. Reagan won't address it. The Challenger explosion just happened in the book, and they're like, oh, he's gonna make a speech about you know, fourteen people dying, but he won't talk about

thirty thousand people in a year. And reminds me a little of COVID because the people that died of covid are were overweight, they were old, and it's like no one cares because it's and so with gay people thinking whatever, it's just the gay people, and then it starts leaning into oh, well, these people are starting to get sick that you Tom hankson Rita Wilson, we should shut down.

It was such a good movie, we shut it down. Well, there's also the thing of the gay thing of um even like you're watching Dahmer and you realize it's such a story about civil rights and about gay rights because Dat got to keep doing what he's doing because he was he got gay people had to operate in the shadows, and so cops were just like he would literally the cops will come over and they'd be like, what can

we see in your bedroom? And he'd be like, oh, there's just a bunch of gay ship in there, and they'd be like, okay, well we don't want to go in there. Like he could just say he could excuse anything weird in his apartment as gay and they're like, there's bones in your bedside table. He's like, well, it's just some gay stuff and they'd be like, oh, well, go by your business, have a good night. Sir, and then they here's this little boy who's bleeding out of

his head that we're not going to ask about. He's fourteen. I mean, the Dahmer thing is fucking insane. You guys have to I can't believe you guys haven't seen it. I saw the first episode. In the last episode, what I Branda watched it, I'm gonna watch Did she say it was good? She loves it. She started watching the tapes after. Yeah, that's what Netflix was like, we gotta get these tapes together because this show is so watchable. Let's get to the news first. First, your first, folks,

It's Wednesday. You know what that means. It's Wednesday. We're having all the swells over here. Nikki is not depressed. She's swelled per one week. Get ready, here we come, explosion and then in other week a blood. It's great, what a life. It'll end soon. That's a menopause joke, not a don't say nuclear George, do not I al right,

okay um. A woman was excited. I was excited about her birthday trip to Costa Rica with her boyfriend when she received a message on Facebook from someone who told her that her boyfriend was in fact, also in a long distance in a long term relationship with her friend. Her friends. Oh, I feel like they weren't friends. Oh the girl's friends. The mess yes a message from a girl, and the girl that message her was like, hey, my

friend is dating your boyfriend at it. Yes. Soon the two girlfriends started texting each other and um, since the trip was already paid for, they ended up going together. They became close friends. Both of them said, I was thinking it would probably help us both to go on a trip like this. We deserve this after what we've gone through. Yeah, didn't he like do shifty stuff where he would like change out their toothbrush and like change

all of their things each time they came over. They were like so in disbelief about it that they like shared photos to make sure it was exactly him. They talked about like the gray robe he would wear and stuff like that, because it was like over a year, for over a year for each So wait, he gave up his seat to one of the girls say birthday eight, things like I'm tired of this whole thing of like,

but it's my birthday. You can't like that? Details added to a story, And it always if it's a woman's but it's and it had to top it off, it was on my birth today is I'm sorry, women, we gotta stop with this birthday think you are entitled to your pain no matter what time of year it is. It being your birthday means nothing to me. It doesn't make me feel more sorry for you. I understand the birthday is a very important time to people that don't

have other things going on in their lives. But on the Bachelor, Bachelor in Paradise, there's so many there's been three incidents now of like, but you he's gonna bring up with me on my birthday. I can't leave the show on my birthday. It's just like my birthday month. Yeah, it's well, it's so stupid. It makes me think, like the girl was like, you know what, I'm mad, but I'm going to go to Costa Rica still because I'm and I'll take care of it five days later. And

then you keep putting off. You're like, well the next month we have you know, we're going on the ski trip, so I can't say anything. Then like you keep put anything. It reminds me of like when my parents pretended to be together during my bar mitzvah instead of to like just show face. Yeah, it's like when people try to quit drinking. I don't get the analogy to this thing because so just like the idea of like not not ending it because like my birthday, let's deal with it

a week from now, because it's my birthday. And I feel like a lot of people people push things because it's their birthday and that certain things that well, it's like when people it's it's just a way to avoid being accountable for the things going on in your life. Like these girls, Like like I said, like it makes the story a bit better to be like and it was my birthday trip when really it could just be

a trip that you were going to take. It doesn't matter to me because I just don't care about birthdays. I love birthdays. I love celebrating people, but girls that identify with their birthdays in this way unless it's a forty birthday or like a like one of the big ones. The forty is pretty much the only big one, um, because it marks the time where men stop caring about you existing. But um, I just feel like you do that with another girl that would That's another thing with

the story. Sorry, I don't think these girls have friends, because if I I would never I don't want to be the uber driver or you have a global order. I would want to go on this trip with someone who I actually was friends with. This However, if I was thinking to make the news, I would have this girl make the guy jealous, like make the guy feel like shit, it's like looking at us, we're going to

still live it up. Bit this just told me this girl didn't have And maybe maybe I'm totally wrong, maybe I'm wrong about this, but no, what would you ever invite the girl? No? But okay. The surprising thing to me was that the Washington Post, like I just kept reading through with this article, would not end. The reporter even tried to get the boyfriend to comment on it, but they couldn't. I just couldn't believe that they like and they're like, you have you guys heard about Yemen?

What's going on over there? Exactly? Someone there's so many people that have birthdays over there and they're starving to death on their birthday birthday, would love to go to Closta Rica they got bombed on their birthday. Yeah, I just I don't you know. I'm actually sad for the guy in this because what a like the girls obviously that is so heartbreaking to be like lied to, and it's gonna funk with their sense of trust. What a sad person to have two separate relationships going on like

that is untreatable. These girls can learn how to trust again. That kind of sociopathy is untreatable. He is as doomed as dahm Er. He will never ever have a normal relationship ever. Can you say that about Adam Levine? Um, Adam Levine, I cannot believe we've already just moved on from that and then come out that he did he actually did. Did he ever get caught physically cheating? Of course he cheated, but of course he of course, of

course he did. Look at him look like you know, it's so funny when when you've when you're like because before that story, people can look at your tattoos and be like those you're cool. It's kind of reminds me of yesterday when we were talking about you could finger someone and then it could become in it like an examination. His tattoos go from like cool to creepy in just

one story, you know what I mean? Like his tattoos no one was like talking so much shit about how ridiculous he looked until that story came out, and then it goes, oh, it adds up. Now, Yeah, that is I knew it would happen that that came out, that it would just get that we would go back to liking him again. It's already he's already performing again. I don't want him to be canceled. Who cares, But let's

just make fun of him a bit longer. Please those texts, I mean that was the problem is those memes went nuts of like, oh my god, joke and everyone, but they were so funny, but then it just became oversaturated with every re one doing those memes that we got tired of it. And then we flushed that story down the train and it's onto the next thing, and it's like, let's spend a little bit more time on the fact that he almost he was going to name his baby

after his mistress. What a what a piece of ship? I mean, that is that is sociopathic? Is so um? I just there are I think I think if the wife left him, the story would keep going. I think when someone goes well, I forgave him, So who are we to not forgiven. Can we skip ahead to the Giselle story, Noah? Can we go to Why do I Care? Yes? Why do I care? Oh? Giselle Brady? Yeah, I'm and I have an actual update on this that I don't think Noah had seen yet. But this is a good

We'll get to it. I saw something came out today. Um, Giselle sack Tom Brady over sexless marriage. The Brazilian beauty needed more. Okay, first of all, I don't know if I was this article. What is this article from? What is that the Daily Mail? No, it's Radar Online. Okay, Um, yeah, this is this is nominated for this? This actually I took from a different news report because they didn't include this,

but it made sense. The forty five year old quarterback does not deviate from his strict diet or lifestyle, which he considers the reason he's still able to play, and that includes not having sex up to seventy two hours before a game. And here's from Radar. An insider says that that Giselle is a Brazilian supermodel with a super sex drive and she's told her friends she needs more from her all American husband. I mean, I definitely think he doesn't have sex before. But I don't think she

would care about that. I think this has to do with him being more obsessed with football than his family. Seventeen times three, that's how many times he doesn't That's how many days a year he doesn't fuck. But he goes into a playoffs twenty times. Sixty days a year. He's not a fucking I think women could deal with. Wait, seventeen games, he s well, he goes to the playoffs

every year. So how many games is that four? Because it's three days before doubt if anybody's too tired on the game, So four times, so a hundred days a year he doesn't her With this map half that's a third. It's almost a third of the year. Based on the things that we know about a year having it's got to be so annoying that dates he's probably cuts up his blueberries and force. But they used to blame her

for that. They used to blame her for him being like all crazy about his vegan diet and not eating tomatoes and not eating like anything fizzy or whatever. They used to blame her and be like, she's making him a little pussy. And now it's like it's the opposite story one of did you hear about? Well? This is interesting.

So you know that guy J Shetty who has like those piercing blue eyes that everyone just is convincing themselves that he is probably smart and has a lot of I've heard he's not a good person, but you can hear that about anyone no phones. But every time you watch the video of his there's that music behind it. If you want to get back your life. The thing is I used to it. He's thirty five. Did you know that these these self help people? I've been watching

so many videos recently of this. I some one to Andrew this morning of this guy of um, yeah, because you love Mike Posner. This story was had zero information in it that made me feel inspired. But the music behind it? Can I play it? Ye want us to do our own? I want to here an inspiring story. Can we play the music behind it? It could be? Um, let me find the one I sent you, Okay, I could tell you exactly what it was because I had the same conversation with my coach. It's just I really

did with my basketball coach in high school. I mean, I feel like a lot of people had this conversation and you you are waiting. These are the things of these videos. They and I will say that this is stand ups out there putting out clips, have something funny in the clip just because you clip it out. I wait, and I watched, and I go, when's the punchline coming?

When the No, there's so many videos out there that don't give you any kind of sustenance, but they give you the soundtrack in the background, or they just convince you that something's funny is going to happen. I'm so tired of it all. Just story with these things, that's what. Well, when you hear Mike Posner's things, it's just there's a difference in your story about what. I was on the basketball team in high school. Oh, this will be good. I didn't play on the basketball teams of the way

through the season. I built up all this courage at a meeting with the coach in his office and I said, coach, why don't you ever play me? Wow? He looked at me. Something BIG's gonna happen here. Don't play you because you're not good enough. Okay, okay, well maybe more's coming. I tried really not to cry. We started crying. Something's about to happen. He said, he doesn't know a specialize him, and I'll show him. So he's gonna show him. He's

gonna which was true. I wasn't good enough to play us why I didn't play right right, But he's gonna show him. I think that's how he doesn't understand me. He doesn't see how good I am, and I'll show him. And not only that, no one understands me. That's how it's living in my my life. There's a difference between similar to what happened your story about what happened. I was at basketball. Wait wait, wait, so it just started over a wait do we didn't get to a point. There

was no point at the end. I was waiting, there's nothing. I was waiting for something to happen. He was either going to show the coach or the coach was going to say something very you know. It seems like what he thought happened inspirational. That's what he thought happened. I thought happened happened. So the point of his thing was that not the story you tell yourself is different than the one that happened. But the story he told himself

was the one that happened. And nothing happened. I guess the only thing that didn't have it is like he might have told himself then I've not wasted a minute in fifteen seconds of my life watching that twice. I held onto every word that because I heard that music and I'm like, this is gonna be big. And I know you like posing or you got bit by a snake while he was walking across the country or some ship, and I was like, this guy, I need some inspiration today.

I'm feeling bloated, I'm feeling soggy. And that's what I got was a story about him being bad at basketball, being told he's bad at basketball and it being the truth. What does that mean? That also makes it sound like that he the music was already playing at the podcast, like we should do a podcast to full time. Well, that's how he talks. Everything is like this when people tell rational stories. I was a young boy. I didn't

have much. It's all like a rhythm to it of making you feel sad and like I saw a thing. This guy he interviews like random like people and be like, how did you become successful? In This guy was the Nike CEO and their whole thing. He goes tell emotional stories, and you do learn that, like even if you're stand up, even if you're an actor like Rock the Rock for when you hear an emotional story, generally, if it's from

someone who's striking le good looking, it's such bullshit. If it's from someone who is there are four year old, I'm not kidding you, it's from someone who's too hot looking and also who has propped their camera up in a way that like, I don't believe any of it and I see it happening. Rock is so full of ship. Have you heard him talk about not wanting to be president.

He's like, I just He's like he pretty much is like, I mean, I could be well, listen, it's something that I would love to do, and it's something that I know I would be great at. But you know what, my job, the most important job I have, is being a daddy. He used the word daddy. Yes, Chris's show made fun of it the other day, and Chris was like, and he had to say, daddy. That guy is so full of ship and full of himself and and by the way, most people would go, I don't want to

be president. I don't know what I would do. I'm not qualified to be president. He's he assumes, yeah, i'dwin. I would be qualified, but I don't want to do it because I'm a daddy. Stops calling yourself a daddy. That's disgusting. I am. I am on a high alert if you call yourself daddy, because up, I want to do a test. We should both think of the most inspirational story that we could think of, put it on Instagram and watch that. You would get two thousand likes

if you go. That's the thing. Is like, even with people's stand up clips I've been watching recently, I'm like, I know this trick. Oh, I could do this, and I'm so. I think that's what sending into the depression is. I saw stand up clips yesterday that I was just like, I could do this if I wanted to. I know every trick. I have this level of confidence, I have this level of writing style. These people are being sold like processed, fake goop. It's like you're all eating at

Del Taco every day for your entertainment. I just watched Damer. That is an excellent show. I'm not kidding you. Respect I first started watching being like, oh is the number? It gave me hope? That people like that show because but the thing is it could be crap and they'd still watch it because people like crap. It's like, but this is what people do to be really isn't successful? Just make make stuff that it's just low bar and and fake, fake, fake sincerity, fake um anger about things.

Everything's fake. And that's the problem. As a stand up you want to be real about things. And that's where I struggle, as seen him sometimes, because I'm like, I'm not really that passionate about anything right now, and I'm not gonna fake like I am, but I could. That's the problem, you know, when we do this thing that's like it's like, yeah, I could. I could totally write a whole act that just playcates to women's you know, like Bachelor at Night out like that, the two Dumb Girls.

I think of it. I think I have trouble being sincere without feeling fake or like, without feeling like I'm trying to get something out of it, even though look, I like sincerity when it's pure, it's fucking beautiful, like when I can really performative. That's why I hate One Man shows. They are trying to access sincerity every night. That's like vulnerable thing that they went through. They have to like get to that point where they're like choked up.

And I will not fake a choking up thing unless it is so serving a joke where everyone knows she's choking up to be funny later on. I will never take you to a place emotionally on stage that I am not currently in. It's just so gross to me. Well, I took a one man show the guy that this guy Seth Bears who was Barbigli as director, and this woman got up there and she literally took us to

the moment through acting, which was amazing accent. But I'm not saying it was good because it took you to her place of abuse, to a point where the audience it took you to that so much that it wasn't good, you know what I mean, Like you can go, I don't like it was so emotional. Respect that more than people and every time, and if you are a stand up that gets sincere in your act, you take a

good cold look in the mirror about yourself. Like I could get sincere about something sometimes, but I don't waste more than ten seconds on it. And the only reason I waste ten seconds because I actually feel that way. I'm so sick of this performative sincerity. So I just want to say, Um, I'll reveal what the gizl tweet is when I get back to that by J Shetty, because it is good and we should get to it right after this. Okay, we're back and we are on

a fucking roll today. Um, it's been a coast. Yeah, the fire inside me is burning bright. Yes, countdowns, So now I know a week before my period is when I am at peak anger. But also like I do have an enthusiasm right now, I don't know. That's the thing. When I was writing down dark thoughts yesterday and I was like, my next special is just going to air out every dark thought I've ever had because I'm tired

of holding it back. When I watched like, I saw Bill Burr do a joke about how women are always like uplifting, like you know, Lizzo, like we love you, and he just he said, of course you are, because you're not threatened by her, and it just like cut right through. You can't be mad at him, even though he does stuff sometimes that you're like, that's body shaming. I'm not a big fan of that. It seems like a little misogynoust stick. I'm not a fan of that.

That to me, I was like, he's right, well it goes back to you when when he was like, yeah, shave your head so then you're not threatened, Like I know you like my joke about yes it's but there was something about no context. But it just made me think, yeah, I know it's the same thing, but the tweeh, I just yeah. To close it up, I just want to say that I am worried though that my dark thoughts that I wrote yesterday that I'm like, oh, this is

gonna be like the crux of my new special. I'm not going to be able to recreate those dark thoughts every night because I'm I'm in a dark zone right now, and I feel like I don't want to be insincere by bringing writing these jokes and having to recreate them every night on stage when I'm not feeling it. But maybe some people want that in a performer where they're like, it's a show, bitch, put it on getting to costume.

But I'm someone I can't go to see Broadway shows because I don't want to see people have to perform when they might not want to. It's very hard when you're in a depression state too. You don't you don't want that to last. Yeah, you don't want to. And I write jokes and depressions that I cannot support in my normal rice or whatever. The singer he always talks a little bit of your tiste. Yeah, yeah, from closer or closer closer. Yeah, so he writes from a very

sad place. And he said, right on the floor in the closet, yeah yeah, yeah, with big jeans on with the gun was not Yeah, okay. So J Shetty, the guy with piercing blue eyes, he wrote, uh, you know. On Instagram, he posted like a tweet that said, you can't be in a committed relationship with someone who is inconsistent with you. Read that again. I hate Read that again, by the way, and be consistent with read that again you it's so it's so crazy and pointing what I

just said, you might need to read it again. You can't be in a committed relationship with someone who is inconsistent with you. Read that again. You can't be even a committed relationship with someone who's read it again. I am, and I'm stuck into bullshit. Loup um. And then underneath that Giselle and this was on comments by celebs. They caught this. Giselle commented a prayer hands emoji. So that is our biggest clue yet because she has been mum.

I mean you can't really trust these like friends of hers that he was not consistent and retiring from football. Maybe that's what she's talking about there with you. It says in consistent with you. I think it's um and yeah, that it wasn't consistency of being like I think he got back into life and was just and and he's so obsessed with football. There's nothing there's no room probably for anything else because it requires that level of obsession.

And as someone who has dated someone in TV production and I told him, like, I can't. It's TV productions like that, like people work twenty hour days and then they sleep for two hours and then they start again, and you're like, I can't be with someone who works in this level of like obsessive work that it's like these and then there's time off, but it's still like I I don't think I could do it if I were Giselle date someone who was that obsessed with their work.

I think like Also she's in a job where like, look she makes she makes more money than him. I've learned like twice as money, like crazy amount of money. But like she was a model of her life. She gets celebrated by being young and gorgeous and whatever. Like that profession, that's what that is. And I feel like it's like, okay, well you had your football thing, now it's time to pay attention to me. Like I feel like like her profession is done in a sense of

like what that is right? And like football, you only have a finite amount of years. I mean it's like modeling. Athletes and models are very similar. You tap out around like seven. So I'm sure she's I'm done. It's time for you to be done. Let's enjoy each other. We don't have to keep pushing for this. What's he going to do when he actually has to stop? Like what is he deal to do to know? But he doesn't want a broadcast? That guy wants to play football, And

that's the problem. Like when models and there is or or an athletes, there's there's a end to this and that's shorter than any other career. And it sucks because those people are sometimes the most dedicated to the profession of anyone when you're done. If comedians had to quit around twenty or if I was like an old comedian right now, because if if I was modeling, i'd be an old model what kind? It would be devastating, Like I would you have to go. I don't care how

much they're paying me to do anything else. It would be like hard to you know, I could do other things. Have it taken from you? Is told the world that you're the most gorgeous person, which she is. She's gorgeous, But the guy you're sleeping next he is looking at a playbook instead of looking at your tips. And it's like that happens to every woman, no matter how gorgeous she is. You will eventually that has keeps me, that

helps me sleep at it too. No matter how gorgeous you are, you will have your man will to get tired of sucking you at some point because it's like, at least Tom Brady has a pretty good excuse. He's like a quarterback. For here's a guy not looking at your tips. He's like making four dollars. Yes, people talked about the Adam Levine thing, like, but he's with Bahati how could he ever go after the Instagram models that aren't as cute as her? And it was just like,

you think that's what this is about? Are you that's stupid that you think models can't get cheated on? What I mean? Maybe I thought that when I was fourteen years old, But how do adults think that if you are a certain level of hotness that you won't get hurt? And by the way, there's a secret part of me that thinks that too, because I am so jealous of hot girls that I think their lives are perfect. So I mean I kind of am a snake eating its

own tail right now. Like it is funny to think that, like just to think of a guy like I won't be like how did they do it? And then they look over and their husbands playing fantasy football instead of sucking them like or just looking at photos of Tom Brady instead of like every yeah, dude, I mean it's you know, you gotta keep spicing it up. And and you know, I think Tom Brady probably he's not tired of probably sleeping with her. He's probably just tired of

sleeping with anyone except for a football final thought. Last night we were watching watching Bachelor in Paradise and there is excite eating stuff that's about to happen. So usually on the show Bachelor in Paradise, it's like a bunch of singles that you know from the Bachelor franchise go to this island and they all every week, you know, the guys will have the roses and then um, you know, and there's an uneven number of guys and girls, so like some girls will go home because they don't get

a rose. Then the next week the power dynamical shift. The girls have the roses and they bring on new people to spice things up. Well this season, based on like the UM preview last night, everyone's already coupled up kind of and like everything's kind of like where it is and safe and like steady, and next week they're they the host goes girls pack your things up and

the girls have to go stay at a hotel. When they bring in a new batch of girls that are and Chris and I've been watching and being like the caliber of hotness of these girls is not what we generally expect from the Bachelor, And you know, and if I walked on the island, they would be like, who is this sand Goblin, like, these girls are way hotter

than me, So I'm judging. I'm saying these girls aren't hot enough, but they are hotter than me, no judgment, but you expect a level from Bachelor and you're just like And I also think, as an older person watching this show, beauty standards are changing so much that what I think is attractive for a man is no longer what is attractive to younger girls for a man. Does that make sense? Yeah, or we're attracted to a younger guy, yeah, yeah,

and women with filler and different things like that. I think the women are beautiful, but Chris is kind of like, I'm a little disappointed in them, and I'm disappointed to the men. But I think beauty standards are changing and this is just a young and it's yeah, so anyway, but the girls that are coming in next are fucking smoking hot. Like they've they up there, They've saved a batch, so they're coming in the organ. It's amazing. I'm so

jealous of this. They I think they took a page out of f Boy Island and we're like, we need to up the auntie and make this a little bit more vicious, because if if you know Bachelor in Paradise, I've ever watched that. This has never happened before. I mean, one or two people will come in and be a hot girl, but they've never sent the girls away and been like, sorry, you just have to. And this girl's like, so I did have to sit on my birthday two

weeks ago? What's going? God? She's like, I mean if my mom like, was it labor a little a long time. It was interesting when we would do it on f Boy because sometimes well if they were even or a little bit lower, there was no way they were There was no jealousy. But if Casey walks in, everyone loses their goddamn shit. Yeah, I mean that was all about attractiveness, and that's these girls like yeah, and it doesn't matter if they're hot or not. Like new guys like new,

and women are not that into new. I don't know if Tom Brady, like a month after divorcing Giselle, will be like I gotta fill in another woman. I would be interesting. It would be interesting to see who see him with people, But I think it'll be like Tiger Woods,

you know, like we'll see him day eight. But it is weird to me that those two I always thought were just such an exemplary couple, but you yeah, but I just go because he met this woman that is so perfect for him and they are meant to be and they have this like blended family, and everything just seems so perfect. She's so supportive of him and he seems supportive. It just I know that everything is not perfect,

but it looked perfect. And it's kind of interesting to me that they both get to go fund new people now and like fall in love again with a whole different person. We're gonna watch Giselle get married. It's going to be on People magazine. There's a guy out there that Gisele is going to be married to the rest of her Probably that would be awesome. Or what if Tom Brady dated Oh my god, I like the new

Pete David Sintago Bell commercials. He's adorable. I love him too, Yeah he was, Yeah, it would be It's gonna be interesting to see who they date, if she date someone younger, he date someone younger, and how they get how it gets. Can you imagine getting married and being married for they've been married what twelve fifteen years, and thinking this is it forever? And then now being like I get to go.

I mean, I know it's like tragic, but I just there's I don't know why I romanticize it so much, but I love older couples breaking up and being like this is fun for now, but now I'm gonna go fall in love with someone else, like I love on Dahmer His I think it's so cute how Dahmer's dad and the step mom, Molly Ringwald had this like youthful relationship of like love and compassion and they're like old

as fuck. There's something so sweet about that because you never see that because by that age, it's just like they're not cute anymore. Sometimes you see all my grandma and grandpa still on TikTok, and it'll be like, look at my grandma and grandpa. They still love each other after all these years, and it's like them sitting on each other's lap, and you're like, oh, that's so sweet, and it's one in a million that that is still as cute as it was the day they got married.

But isn't them. It's a step mom, right, So it's what I'm saying. I like that. I like the idea that like old people, I don't think of relationships of failure. If you go, we did fifteen years that for this time in our life, it was good. But now I'm going to go meet someone new and have a new, whole, new life that I thought I would never have. I think there's something very exciting about that. I wonder if, like they're at the age two five, how old Jael

similar age? Probably so. I mean they're young enough where they got a lot of fun. They are going to have great I can't wait to watch what happens with their relationships. He's gonna be dating Katie Holmes. She's gonna be dating the weekend. I mean, I guarantee you she will be dating the weekend. He dates everyone. If he becomes single, he might play until fifty five. He might just keep That might be the only thing that was keeping him from not playing, you know what I mean.

I mean, he's having an okay year. It's so embarrassing to oh, really, so, how's it going to mean this year? It's not the things aren't lining up well. Like like if he was playing grade, he'd be like, yeah, you're it's good, leave Gisel. But he's playing just good enough where it's like maybe of quit, you know, that's the thing.

I would you rather retire on top like Seinfeld style, or go out and play as long as you could and just always be remembered as a greade but kind of like fade out because I just watched Poole's last Game the other night, and I was just so intriguing to me that everyone was like, HiT's his last game, and I'm like, every single one of these players is going to have a last game, Like there's something so

sad about that. It just reminds you of death. Kind of like there's gonna be a last for everything you do. There's gonna be a last podcast that we do. There's gonna be a last time that I go Hi Noah, There's gonna be a last time that I'm like by Andrew Sya tomorrow. There'll be a last time for everything in your life. It's a little sam herrisey that I'm getting into this, but that I think that I had a friend when I was depressed. Send me a uh

ellenor Baker. She does. She's a producer on This American Life, and she sent me this piece that she had been working on that never aired about depression, and man, I wish it would have aired so badly, I'm like dying for her to put it out in some other way because it was so helpful. I was kind of like, I don't need this, right and I'm depressed. I don't want something that's going to help me. That's like the

last thing I need. And it was during my quiet time, the last last thing that's going to help me when I'm depressed. Well, if he's depression, no, I get it. I get that you don't want the block does not seem like it's going to do anything. Making your bed doesn't seem like taking a shower, adult seems like just

shut up and let me just die in here. But it was about how we are constantly suffering grief in our lives, whether it's the end of a relationship, whether it's a job that you thought you were going to get and even imagined having that job and you didn't get that job, a job that ended that you did have, Like we're constantly having these many deaths and we don't don't have any kind of mourning period, and in fact, we don't really even have a morning period for actual deaths,

Like we have a funeral and we have awake and then it's done. And a lot of times it's like back to work, back to normal, and you know, they a psychiatrist and her piece says that the in Judaism, it's like the only culture that actually, you know, the only modern culture that we actually talk about. And you know, there's there's probably other tribes that do longer mourning processes, process cross seas processes. I don't know, but that you

guys do Shiva and and I didn't know this. There is like a song that is played maybe on Friday in church whatever it is that is so um joyous that people that are in mourning are kept outside of the temple so that because it seems it's too happy

for them because they're still in mourning. So for a month after their loved one past says, they wait outside stumble and then people come out to go get them because they're being respectable, like we don't expect you to get on board, and we like and I love that. I love that, like you're able to time to and no one's forcing you, like come on sing happy birthday. It's like, no, I don't want to because that's actually

not honoring my sadness. Like like and I think that, yeah, I listened to Sam Harrits where he was talking about like how long should you mourn? Like you could mourn too long, right, like you could allow it to completely take over you. Is that the one you were a

month ago? But it was just about how we don't acknowledge like when we're all sometimes, you know, even me, I'm like, I'm away a week away from my periods, like or maybe I'm mourning the loss of a life that I just had where I had some time off and now I'm getting back to work and I'm literally as dumb as that sounds, suffering a little mini death of like this life that was pretty fucking good and allowed me to breathe for once in my life, and

I'm mourning that. Maybe I'm mourning the like I'm moving to l A for a little bit. So I'm like, I'm mourning leaving St. Louis. I'm you know, my dog doesn't really like being around me anymore. I tried to take him home the other day and he like looked at my parents house like I want to go back, and I was just like, go back then, and I just opened the car door and he went sprinting back, like the all these little things that I think, you know,

maybe that's it. So it's just I think it's interesting to pay attention to things in your life. Is like, I think it's hard when you go when someone goes, well, you know, with every with every end, there's a new beginning. But that new beginning it's not going to compete with being an NFL quarterback. I don't care what you say, you know what I mean, like, I think maybe it maybe it will. And people say, you but die peacefully in your sleep like people that have a witnessed death.

It's like you're like gagging on blood and you don't like it's not fun. Well do you think if you ask Seinfeld, you go this comedian cars getting coffee's full as Seinfeld, does it fill you as much? Maybe? I bet it does, but he does curb. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying, Like he was able to fill it with that. I mean, you know, who knows? You know all they all exist in another podcast because we gotta go on this one. Thank you guys so much for listening.

But it's my birthday and six months isn't really sick? Yeah, it's probably six months exactly. No one's counting except you're forty two and a half today, is that right? Just a number that's big. I'm going to particular thank you for listening. Don't be ed Jack, Jason um Jackson, Andrew Brown,