#262 Double Back w/ Chris Convy

this Thursday. Please DVR a tune in. I want them to see a spike in ratings, um, so that people are like people seem to like her. So far, that has not been what the bock Lazer effects meant. It's meant canceled her show after one and a half seasons. At at most, that's a whole season one show you're gonna be That's gonna be crazy. Yeah. A lot of guest hosts for Kimmel are do too. I'm glad. I'm like, there was a part of me that was like, but I'm so glad because I get to pack it all.

Like I get stressed out about these things, and two would make me a lot more stressed out than one. And it's energy into one. But to would and feel like, Okay, I'm the second one. I could kill it. Like there's no no I think I'm gonna kill I have, honestly I have. By the way, Chris Convey is with us. My boyfriend. Hi, Chris, Andrew's here, We're all here, Luigi's here. Noahs in Arizona. Um, Chrissy, look great, Tan. Yeah, I was doing some yard work the other day outside. Okay,

stop with jeans, no shirt. You wearing jeans. I wasn't wearing your shirt. Everything was cut off conversation. Um, well fine, let's talk about Kim. He went to your yard. I went over to pick you up the other night and it was popping off. You had a sprinkler going. I got some color going out there. Yeah, you got like you have fall pots getting. I don't know what that is. It's like you put Yeah. He was having a genocide. Um of the fourteenth century. I don't know it was

that even close. He's a singer from I think that was like, yeah, that was actually recent was the killing fields. He was like one of the worst genocides modern day genocides. Christ I envisioned an English lounge. Yeah, well you did vote for them in American Idol and it was weird for everyone. Well, I mean, genocide is better than listen to Simon cow You were just not a Reuben Stuttered fan, and you had to show it in some way. He stuttered. All right, Um, so this Jimmy Kimmel thing, you've done

it before. Your Yeah, this is okay. Um, Yeah, you hosted Kimmel before, but it was during the cook COVID and it was during which was was so cool to be asked it was. It was around the same time too. I think Kimmel takes I like that he takes vacations and he like he gives the hands over the reins to other people. You don't see Colbert doing guest toasts.

Kim is a notoriously hard worker. Yeah, but the fact that he takes vacations is really cool that he like knows how He's just a guy that like loves like you know, everyone on his show is like family. He just likes spending quality. Yeah, when you're there, you fill up on breadsticks, your poor did you did they pay you for this? Yeah? But it's it's not. I'm just saying, like a lot, yeah, but they give you. Kim is still doing fine. He's like making money on vacation. It's

not like Wayne Benstein's money. I'm gonna say, welcome to Jimmy Kimmel Live. I'm your guest, so snaky. It's not going to be like welcome to Nicki Glazer Live. I mean I might say that as by Jimmy something. No, but it's some it's so so. I guess hosted in July of two thousand twenty. I mean it was like when things were still scary and I hit it in a house in my head that was six months ago. Really, I feel like it in my head is exactly as far as it was, which is rare for me. Everything

always seems like demented in time. But um, yeah it was. We weren't together. We were just friends. We're friends. We're friends and out we're watching normal people. We're hanging out and like we were on the port or he was at your house or something. Did you visit that you think you visited that summer and you showed your boobs to him or something. Something that happened where your friendship. Oh I don't know. I remember that you weren't there

for that. Of course, Oh I thought you were there first. Andrew showed some stuff that yeah, we're putting stress fish and um no, it was yeah. I mean, our our relationship has been you know, the show Welcome Home to Laser kind of covered us getting back together, but not in the way of like what really happened. I mean, it's it's crazy. It's constantly evolving, it really is. And I do think that we have a better shot of making it because of all of our breakups than a

lot of people do. I think a lot of people would have walked away a long time ago. Smart people would have walked away even should we just like, it shouldn't be this hard, which is a great point. Sometimes people, you know, when they talk about the relationships, so like I just knew because it was easy. It's just Nikki, it's supposed to be easy. You just know because it's no work, And it's just like, I don't I don't really buy that. I just I understand it being not

as difficult as it has been with us. But I look at those couples that it was so easy and then they have issues. Everybody has issues. Yeah, everybody except Brandan Andrew. Yeah, they're perfect. It's weird, totally easy at first, different pages, like maybe one of you liked wanted something you weren't communicating exactly properly, Like it's tough, it's I don't like this whole thing of questioning your entire relationship. If it's not easy. Well, anything that's great. Anything that's great.

Kobe Bryant him practicing, and that's not easy. But I think the goal so great that it's worth you have to question, like when we're at our best, is it good enough to deal with when it's not easy? And I think with you too, it's not right now, but no, I think you guys, Yeah, we're in January. Just that was a dark day. I woke up from a nap coming back from Boston on the first date of the Nicki Glazer Tour, first theater date, I think it was that weekend was our first theaters and we were taking

the train back from Boston. We pulled into Grand Central Station, Penn Station. Dark. It's whenever you pull into Penn Station, you're kind of like, what time is it? Like, Yeah, it's so underground that it's like a different kind of dark and coldness, like the coldness of Grant or Front station is weird. And you get thrown into a quick like you see blood, like you see a lot of crazy ship within seconds of getting to there's huts of

news is in there for no reason. It's like you guys know that there's no security to get in here, that you don't need to charge me seven dollars for water, Like I could just go up. This isn't the airport, but I still wait in line at that fucking anyway, we pull up, I wake up and you're like, Kobe Bryant wasn't That was how I found out. That was how the breaking news got to me. Of that, Do you remember that too? Do you remember where you were

when you found out? Absolutely? I was in at a hotel restaurant with a bunch of Australian people who were in town for like some sort of Australian Day celebration, and we were all just it was in l A and so like you would, everybody in the tables around like everyone was talking about trying to give information to each other, and yeah, it was. It was a weird time to be in l A. Because people love Kobe

Bryant loved him. Oh yeah, and um I remember yeah, like just it just seemed so not real and it was also it is interesting that I bet a lot of people will remember where they were when they found out he did. There's certain things that you just like. Princess was one of those. Yeah, I just talked about in the last episode. I remember exactly what do you remember where you were? I was in a car somebody Australians with Australians trying to hunt her down to take

a picture. Yea, yeah, I was trying to get a fixture the first on the scene. What happened was me camera start. I was in a car with like my freshman year I think was something like that with the girl I was like dating. Let's get back to her. Parents were picking us up from a party. Oh really, Oh my god, you were going to a point because I was in it. I still don't know. Never met until New York. I know when you see someone, we

knew this. We need the same people. For Kirsten, my best friend all through high school, got a little bit popular are sophomore junior year, and she became really good friends with this popular girl, Jessica Graham, who lived right now to the Convoys, and so she would go over to Jessica Grahams. We weren't invited because I wasn't cool, and it was kind of like, oh, Kristen's cool now,

like she's with the popular kids, and she um. She remembers the Convoys because she remembers Jessica lived next to this house of like these private school boys that were all hot, like these three hot brother did you did you do you feel like you guys would have dated in high school because I didn't date. I didn't like I mean, I wouldn't love with him. Yeah, the way he looked in high school, he looked like a donnut,

which is the donnup. That's the phrase that me and me and my friends coined about a guy that kind of has like long hair that looks like he listens to fish. Chris did not looks like he was like into like you just had like long hair, you were tan. You looked like um. I was like, I like was president of the outdoors club. I started like go camping and stuff, and I have long hair. We called them

donuts because the fish song. Wilson. There was a guy named Ryan Wilson who was the quintessential dunna of our school. And his last name was Wilson, and in the song Wellson and so we called them donuts, which is kind of genius. Green bass, vigorous green bas is what we called blow jobs figureus is what we called hand jobs. Um, so chriss have done it. I would have been obsessed with him and um, but also he liked me, but

I would have not liked him. Your private school, she was probably was that Louis and your private school, and we were friends with public school people for sure. Yeah. I was not for friends with any public school people and I went there. I was not a cute thing that I want to mention in last episode was what we're talking about you being Jewish and and like going

to a public school. I didn't know. One of the cutest things I ever said that my aunt Lynn used to always tell people was that one time she asked me when I was over. She was just like trying to get kids to say the darnest things, and we were talking about religion, and I was like, I don't know what we are and I was like, I know, well, we used to be Catholic because I went to a Catholic school. And now I think we're public. She our religion was public, and I was like, we are the

chosen people. We have parks, we have you know, parking spaces. Uh. I felt like when I went to Serban school and the public school kids, the guys, when there were parties, there was like a something in the air where there might be a fight or like the girls might be a little bit like too rough around the edges. For us private school boys, like there was something, there was something. I went to Kirkwood, he went to Priority. What did you guys think about the school Kirkwood, which is where

I grew up. It's it's it's the public school I would have gone to if I didn't go to Catholic schools wild and you would have been a senior when I was a wait, what year do you graduate? So there's there's this guy and so there was there was a like a hilarious like quote unquote gang that we made fun of. These guys that like you know, thought they were from the streets and all these things and maybe they were tough or whatever. There's guy named Ruben

that everybody was afraid of. He would go to parties and fight people and all this stuff, and then he rolled with like a huge crew of guys that were like skaters, and they called themselves the douce Sjuice because our area code of sixty one two too, So when we we were making fun of these guys, we'd be like douce S Douice and uh. And then some of

our friends got in fights with them. And then it was always Luban wasn't as tough as we thought because we thought he was gonna bring knives and stuff, but he just felt like a regular guy. There was always like brothers, Like I think there was like the McGuire brothers, and it's like, you don't want to funk with the

McGuire because then you got to fight. All You went to private school too, and so you also had this kind of thoughts about public school kids and being especially in Florida public school, and in in Florida you get some rough kids. Mean, well, we just went to public school now because we were poor or rough, but because my parents didn't want us being taught lies for a bulk of our daily lives. It was four hours but one class where you could be learning about something else. I mean,

that is crazy. And I will say that there is stuff to be learned in Wait, what do you think private school? You think we're indoctrinated? Like I went to school and I remember being like, we have to go to church and like sitting in those cues, being bored on my fucking mind and then learning about God and honestly, what does this mean? Yeah? It was. It was, but it didn't feel like I never felt at any point

like it was just like another class that you took. Yes, it was, because every class in high school, right, It wasn't like some serious thing where they like sat you down and like if you don't believe this, then you're a bad person. Like people that don't experience it think of it as like this indoctrinating situation, and it's just sort of like it's just another class where you're learning these stories. Yes, like, yes, sure, I'm sure some people do take it a lot. Got turned into a pillar

of salt. That happened. Yeah, I'm sorry. You shouldn't look back. I'm just saying I would do I would do the prayer, you know, our Father Lord in heaven, whatever, that whole thing, And then I wouldn't say I would just mouth Jesus because because because I didn't give it all to you would just got Jewish instead of Jesus, and they would never know it was crust. That's what I would say. I just realized something. I don't want to get into it too much, but I'm reading this book right now,

and I'm definitely going to read the whole thing. I do read a percent of books sometimes if they're about column six. But this one is not about Columbine, unfortunately. But it is a book that I got recommended by UM and I just sent it to my dad because I want, like everyone, I want to want you to read it. To every book you read, you should change the cover to a Columbine scene. I'm on Nikki's like

phone screen. Yeah that's I just got that same feeling you got when you got like added to somebody's like my Space four top four. You're just like that made me feel great. Wait wait wait, you're on the front because I cho this hot picture of him in the golden light the other day when we were getting Rebel kitchen, and he looks so hot, and it really does it feels really nice. There's something about it that every time I look at it, I get reminded of how attracted

to you. I am like it throughout my day. I think of you more. It's like, I'm going to do it. Will you put me on your gout? Okay, right now is his I was going to ask you to put me on yours because because of that effect, Like it's not just because I want to be on your plate and I want everyone to know that you your girlfriend. It's like it's like having a picture on your It's the new on your desk. It's a Dave Matthew's light switch.

That's a new age because you go to that at the most, it made me to your phone the most. It made me feel great. Yeah, I'm going to do it. Yeah, I would really appreciate it. Because right now, your cousin Drew his big face, it's a gigantic head of it's a funny picture. But I see I saw Drew at a wedding recently that we went to, and I said, I see you in bed more than I see Chris's face because in the you light up on his phone screen next to me all the time, it looks he

looks like Magnum p I with a big mustache. And it's true, like I see Drew's face does he usually have a mustache. Chris is holding it up, so check out the YouTube video if you want to see it. Um he uh yeah, he's a handsome guy. But I the other day I was like, I want to ask Chris to put me on his plate. I just will feel loving. It's the new on your desk at work, my dad always you have pictures of us on the desk, My pasces on my mom that's like it is bred

on yours. It was it was Bailey. I called my cat, my old Oh yeah that's it was mango jumping but with his legs like chicken. It's down now because I had to reset my phone because my phone wasn't working. Ok, what a dud. But anyhow, yeah, it's my cat. No, Luigi was on my phone for the bulk of my life, and then it was my nephew, and then it was my niece. My niece like was really like almost became like the Oprah of Oprah magazine where it was just

only my niece. And I was feeling bad, like is this wrong that I don't have my because I got a ring the other day that um, the day that I bought my surgery. You have to pay for your surgery upfront a gigantic amount of money and American Espress. I had to like call my business manager, Yeah, do you get those points that card and that the big silver, chunky card that is like, oh, it's so it's like

down and people know you're vocal cords with it. Honestly, well, I spent a lot of money on that, and there was something about spending that much money that made me go money don't matter. And I was in Boston already with my mom and we went out on like my mom wanted to go and maybe go on like a walking tour, and I just I had to be um, like I had to have vocal rest because I was, you know, filming this thing and my voice is going out. So I was like, I don't want to go on

a tour, even though I did. I didn't want to hear other people talk. And I just don't care about history. And I was kind of tired that day and I was like, let's go shopping. And my mom loves to watch me spend money. She was like, you're like Peggy. You know my mom was on the show not too long ago, and she told me that I'm exactly like my aunt Peggy was just like ambition, just go get her very type a person. While we were shopping, she goes,

you aren't just like Peggy. It's like shopping with Peggy, because Peggy will just be like I was going into the stores and going yeah this, this, this, like there was no trying on. There was no in every store like I love you. This girl knows what she wants and there's no I can't. That's why I don't go shopping with my friends. It's because I can't stand they

wait in line to try things on. I'm like, put it over your jeans and then get a smaller size if it fits, that's what you do, Like put it over where it tanked up and just put it on in the store, Like, don't go to the dressing room. Yeah, I mean I like to, but I has to fit. I guess later. I just don't want to wait in that line at Zara it's so long and then just steal it. And because then the line to buy it's

too long, we gotta go to break. But I'm much more to say about this, and I'll tell you why this all relates to Poppy long as you get back from the break. So I'm shopping with my mom in Boston. I'm going First of all, Uh, my friend, you feel weird about spending a lot of money in front of your friends and your mom because your mom My mom loves it. Because I feel like a successful daughter who's like, she's like so proud that I have this money to spend.

And I know that. I'm sure there are people that roll their eyes anytime I talk about money on the show, but it's something that I don't. I don't usually because can I say something about that real quick? No? So I love that. That was great, not until you put her on your phone? Do it now, Chris, do it now? I am excited about this phone screen thing. This is a big this is a big moment from it. Yeah, it is. What do you say? So it's a huge stuff.

This is like Facebook official. Remember we put our relationship status. Yes, I saw tweet the other day that said, can we just address how the fact how insane it was that we used to go on to Facebook and and sometimes put it's complicated with someone like that was always a joke. Yeah, that's yeah, anytime I put it's complicated. It was like with me and my friend Nicole, like it wasn't like and then or your girlfriend Nicole whoa, whoa, who's on

your about? I'm going to give you commiments. But then you were so many me my money and so many people like you know who are successful. You know, maybe got help from all these different people. And yeah you got help and stuff, but like you know, their their dad, like even like Steve Jobs, like he got help from his mom who worked at Dell and Trump yeah trump at all for himself. But Nikki, everything that Nicky has was you know, obviously everybody gets lucky here, that's all mine.

This is all things that I bought. Oh, you bought those balloons. I will say, though, thank you for saying that. I didn't even get to finish. Yeah, I want to know what's on Noah's screen. I do too know. Oh it's just my nephew holding Buzzy when we just got them. All buzzies are cats. So oh you doubled up that it. So what was the finish? Yeah, there's no finish really now we're not finishing this one? Well, can I finish it?

And say that I love that you said that and I appreciate it, and um, I will say though that this is part of my story. It could have ended bad. No, it was gonna end good. But Chris has a very staunch rule about if if, if the moment is past, he's not going to double back and get it because it's never going to be as good as in the moment. And I respect it too, and I like it, and that's just who he is, and I think he's going

to be on the show a lot more. So let's just get to know him as a double back on my relationship with Nikki. I don't double back on stories, and I do appreciate that you double back on that. Like every time we break up, I go, this is it. If we break up, it's never going to get back never, And my friends always just like mmmmm, so this is this is the time, this is where it's going to stick. And so it is nice to know that we will

allow for you. Will you will get back together with me if if, if it's the right yes, and the gist of the all of it was yet to hear somebody talk about double back. This isn't a double back. This is is you know when people hear you say like, oh, I got to spend money on this and I got to buy a car and all these things. It sounds like you're bragging, but it's like, Nikki built this entire thing.

You know, obviously there's people that help, but NICKI worked really really hard to do all of this, and it's you know, it's one of the it's a real success story. She pulled herself up by her heel straps. You always do say that the that you always remind me of that, like, it's really cool that you've done this thing. It's insane.

But I will say that it would not have been possible had I not had financial help from my parents, you know, like when they I would get over draft fees, my mom would put like, there was a time I think my parents probably lent me. And this isn't even counting what they spent on my college education, which they

paid for it the whole thing. So they probably spent loaned me ten dollars over the course of uh several months when I was in l A, just drinking too much, not babysitting enough, not tempting getting fired from temp jobs because they'd be like this isn't temporary enough and you shouldn't come in tomorrow. I'm like I have one day

left there, like we'd rather train someone new. We're terrible, but they really helped me out and and I was able to pay them back, which is great over time, and just you know, but I never had that, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I'm not saying that you didn't have any help, but I conceded the idea that you know, you you had help, and people

have help and stuff, and that's great. But I just mean, like, if people are rolling their eyes at any sort of money spending or any sort of things that sound like a money brag, like, yeah, you had you had some help from your parents, but this isn't like you were handed the keys to some sort of for you know, You're not like, you know somebody who has inherited everything.

You know. I know people that are like, oh, they started this company, and it's like, well, their parents are super millionaires and all of their friends are like, yes, well and you know the best thing about which is weird. That would be so awesome. I forgot Aunt Peggy gave you yes undred bucks every birthday because I'm am your goddaughter, um, which means nothing, but it means that I get a hundred extra dollars on my birthday than any of the

fact my aunt Peggy is my godmother. Really that's cool. I love her she and she's also like a cool

California and she's californa successful real estate right. It is weird when people brag about money, because it happens a lot on the Internet where people go, I'm worth eighty million dollars and it's like such a high number, and then they get so much attention they don't get negative shipped for it, but there's like a weird number, and there's a weird number in between, like eighty million, and then like if you say I spent fifteen thousand on clothes,

people like, oh my god, I can't. But if you say I fucking that dude, I want to like suck his dick because he's great. It's a weird it's a weird, like amount of money you used to be able to stay I'm a millionaire and people would go, whoa, And that means that honestly, of course, being a millionaire, you're you're set. I mean, Chris has always told me, what

is it three million dollars? Well three is really good, two million in two millions to retire and just I can't wait to be rich enough to give everyone I care about two million dollars and go stop working, pursue what you love and put it in something safe and that it will gain the right amount of interest in things. Put it in a Vanguard index fund. You're gonna be fine.

So I do want to say that I recently I I give away a lot of money to um, something that I've never shied away from that I really I almost enjoy it more than the person who gets the money gets it. My friend the other day was telling like, you know, just reached out and was like, hey, thinking about you, love you. How are you? And I wrote back like, good, how are you? And she was not

at all asking for anything. She was just honestly just being like, I'm grateful you're my friend, just thinking of you. Because my voice was sucked up and she was checking in and I go, how are you? And she was like, UM, honestly, financially, it's just I'm stressed out right now. And I go, We've never talked about this, but I and this does not go out to besties. This, please do not send me.

Venmoor has people do it a lot where they're like hundred dollars like my I can't do it on that, but if you become one of my good friends, if if you're someone who I know would do it for me, I will. I will give you anything you need to the point where I'm not like jeopardizing my own financial you know, situations. So I told her, I was like, just so you know, I don't think we've had this conversation. I have more money than I probably deserve to have.

I am a single woman, I have a dog. I do take care of my family in some ways, but not in ways that you know I can I help you if it would. What's the amount that would make it so you don't stress today or tomorrow, and that will give you a little like just tell me the mount and I'll let you know if I could do

it or not. And she I gave. What I also said was I want you to know I don't expect it back because when you lend up money, I go, I would like it back someday because I just feel like you're the person that would if you're able to doesn't have to be tomorrow, it doesn't have to be in five years. It can be in fifty years, like or pay it forward to someone else, and I said, it will never affect our friendship, which how can you

really say that? But I know that when I've lent money to friends, I forget how much I've given them. I don't think about it all the time. I don't it really. My mom's always like, Nick, we owe you this, and I go, will you stop? I do not remember? And it's not And it's probably because I'm bad with money and I kind of like to just like forget what I've spent. I'm not someone who keeps receipts. But I said to her, it's not going to affect our relationship.

I it will not be you. If you if you're feeling bad about owing me money and if you're going to carry any guilt about this, and it's going to affect you wanting to hang out with me, do not do not let me give it to you. But you've got to if you accept this, you've got to promise me you're not going to be weird around me and feel like, oh, I have to buy her coffee and you can't. You're not gonna let me buy dinners? Still, like,

because you owe me. It's not that I know that I have been blessed to be born in America with parents that's a boarded me and loved me and accepted me for who I was, who supported me financially. I fell into an industry that is very lucrative that I happened to have a good bed, good at I have a brain that helped me work. Like I got lucky to get all these things. And I don't look at you not having money right now as you being lazy

or you being um less than you know. I think some rich people look at poor people is like fucking work more. Just like you just didn't do it right, do what I did. And it's like even if they could do what you did, they you know, I've talked about this extensively on the show, But it's like, you don't get to choose the brain you're born with. You don't get to choose your parents. These people who are born, no one wants to be poor. No one wants to be even lazy. Even if they are lazy, no one

wants to be lazy. They might be suffering with depression or whatever. So I told her that, and and then I just vent motor amount that I thought was a lot um to give a friend that was like, would suffice based on what I hurt because she didn't give me a number, and I knew she was like hesitating, so I just go just fucking take this. And then she wrote back and she was like, actually, can I

get this amount? And it was, uh, it was almost it was like probably more than I had already given her to the point where I couldn't venmo because it would go past my limit. So and I said, fuck, yes, yes I can. It's a crazy amount of money, but what a joy that I can do this. And she is now out of debt. She doesn't have to go ask her parents, who she's kind of estranged from, for money, she doesn't have to take gigs she doesn't want to do like and she's such a great person that puts

so much good out in the world. That is going to be what you said that like you kind of enjoyed it more than she did. So because about that? Did you enjoy? Because it makes me feel good because I know that I am giving someone I love relief. It's like giving someone like giving my mom a foot rub. It's giving like something's hurting her and causing her chronic pain, and we're it's like me figuring out how to relieve this pain instantly, and that feels good to like limit

suffering on this planet. And she is someone who's so um. She's given me so much in terms of support and emotional caring and like being there for me that I mean, honestly, I feel like I I just I she gave that back to me. And things that are not tangible, that aren't aren't financially, but it was this. It was It's an exchange almost, and and I know that that relief that she feels she's going to be able to put so much more good out in the world that is

going to trickle out. And then she when she becomes rich enough to do it, she will do that for someone else, I believe, and I know she would do it for me. I one time went to a guy's funeral and I said, I'm going to this funeral. I don't really know him, but I bet if I died, he would go to mine. And I think that's how

we should kind of look at life. Is like, I don't think i'd lend money to someone who wouldn't do it for me, even though I have UM, but I do think it just I don't know it just feels I like spending money on other people more than myself. But I did spend a lot of myself in Boston, and I got myself a ring that had a p on it for Poppy and my mom was like, well what about Arlow and Forest? And I'm like, well, that's too many letters. And also this in this ring was

kind of expensive. I went to, like this gold dealer, it would be fat, yeah, and yeah, we can't have that. And the peak kind of looks like a g sometimes, so that's not gonna be good. But I gotta pee because I like because for me, a little girl in a way, she's my favorite. And Forest and Arloe might watch this some day long after I'm long gone and

be like what the funk? But like when you're a woman and you see a little girl, like there's something I kind of look through lens of my life of making decisions of like what I want this for Poppy. And so it's just a little nice reminder. I'm not wearing it right now, so I can't what I want. Probably to listen to me rattling on, probably not, and I should have that ring on to remind me to change subjects. But I also don't think that everything is

to be equal. Every time, like like one of my nephews comes up to me and it's like, hey, Chris, I want to show you this thing. Somebody in the family will be like, well, now show show team man, and it's like, we're forty years we don't need these

kids to treat us equally. It's so exhausting. You're visiting your nephews recently, did you encounter anything with that of like having to I think depending on the age, the more I feel like I have to give the older one more time because he'll remember it in a in a weird way, like I'm like, oh, this will be more meaningful for me to throw to football with him because he could actually catch right now, as opposed to Leo, who's essentially black out drunk until you're like four, that's

when you start waking up for him, and then I'll give him just as much time. But I feel like, also, it's just more fun to hang out with the older one. But the middle of Leo, I won't stop talking. He'll tell stories that make no sense, never talks how old is Leo? Like four or five poppies? So quiets hit it off with kids at different like you know, different times, and I've never seen someone better with kids than this guy.

Do you love so much because she's hilarious and I love her because she is It's I learned how to be from her. Of like I remember the freedom of not being worried about what my hair looks like, what my skin looks like, what um like, just being what's important is what's right in front of me. And I'm and she's I will say, she is poppy. If you're watching this in the future on the hologram in front of you, you were a little bit like you were a four year old. That was like getting into something

like the other day. I was like, oh, I get how you can love someone so much, but also like be like I don't want to see this person again, like just so mean. Just the way she was like talking to me of like do this, and I go, who are you talking? I would never talk to my

aunt that way. Like I was scared of my aunt and there was some part of me that was just like, screw you, lady, but it was but she at the same time, she kids are acting out when they're feeling frustrated, when they're feeling scared when they're feeling not like seen, and so I was able to get through to her eventually. But I was laying in her bunk bed with her and the top she asked for me to do it. Usually she's like, no, I don't want Nicky, I want Mommy, but she was like, I want Nikki, and so I

was laying down with her with the money in the ring. Yeah, as soon as she found out about my spending spring in Boston, she was like, hey, crawling in that bag of coins onto the top bunk. But I was just in this bunk bed with her, and I was looking at her, and I love how quickly kids fall asleep. They're kind of like you, Chris, like just out very fast.

But she was it was like hot in the room and she was kind of tossing and turning, and she looked so much like my little sister that it like my love for her was so I couldn't handle it. I had to leave because I was like, I just I can't handle how much I love this. I just want to like just stare at her, like she was just so cute the way she was like kicking the sheets, and like I just I felt overwhelmed with like love her because she reminded me much of my little sister.

And I also was like if I was a bad person, the things I could do, like if someone ever gets like I know, my mind goes to both places. But like I like, just being like in a bed with

a child makes me go, is this even okay? Because I don't want to encourage Poppy inviting adults into the bed that she doesn't know, Like she doesn't know, you know, you just know that she's like that if if she invited any adults or maybe sitter or like you know, where there aren't nannycams in the dark, I'm just like and then I start going to that and I feel like and then I start getting a reach like if anyone ever tried to fucking touch this, like what I would,

and it just becomes too I think that's why I kind of shy away from having kids. Is not only because I have depression and I feel like it would just rub off on them and they would resent me and I wouldn't be able to show up for them, but also like I can't love something that much, like it's just too scared. And then let them like learn

to drive go to school. For the firste I was on the top bunk and I was looking at you know, the metal that holds the kids in, and it was there was a pretty big gap and then it wasn't that high, and I just all like, because I fell off a top bunk multiple times, So I'm just like, which explains a lot, Like I fell on my head from very high and then it didn't put me higher. Did it affect the shape of your head? Just here and here right here? Doesn't know? I think you look great, concrete,

bad dude. But I was looking at it and I couldn't I was like having trouble sleeping thinking I was like, why aren't they and my they're like the best parents ever, like, but like I couldn't get out of my head, like, no, they're just gonna fall. They're and as aunts and uncles, we don't really know how Like it was so just they're just sensitized at this point to like all the

dangers that they've seen and they aren't really real fears. Well, Augie who seven, you know, he did a camp there where we were on a mountain and they just went hiking up the mountain and I'm like envisioned, like because I get my my fears get projected onto the kids. Yeah, so like you know, me hiking and seeing jagged cliff rock, I I think like they're just gonna Why would a

kid not know to just walk off? You know, Like it's like when you're walking a dog or whatever, you see these goats that climb up the mountain and you're like, how did you know to just not die? Yeah? Or a squirrel on a a tightrope, but like you know, squirrel at the circus um. Yeah, So I just project all these fears onto them and that's like it's tough, like I don't know, but like I it just shows how I love them. Obsession and as a child was

that my sister. Once I learned about kidnappers and murder and all those things and like what that people prey on children? Like, I was like like I couldn't. I was obsessed with my sister. It was only eighteen months younger than me that she was going to get up because she was such a more free spirit than me. I knew I was never going to be alone with

a man. And I was a funky look at kid, like nobody's too trusting and I remember there was like someone spotted a weird van where a guy talked to some kids in our neighborhood, and it got around like there was a van and some kids like you know, it's probably a guy looking for direction, Like like, if you're a creepy guy, are you gonna drive the card that's the create Like you know what I mean, Like, are you gonna I'm like, stop doing the thing that ever,

stop being the stereotype. Yeah yeah yeah, So if you're driving a creepy van, you probably I don't know, there's a strong chance you are still creepy, yeah, because you can do that's there's no windows back there anyway. So I remember being obsessed that my sister and my mom would just let my sister go, and I'd be like, but there's nothing you can do as a kid to

be like Lauren stay. So I would try to come up with ways to keep her inside, like let's play school in the basement, like just anywhere but out there, because you're gonna get stolen and it's going to ruin my child. It's all about me. Um. But what I wanted to say before about this book that I'm reading. It's called how To change your mind or something like that. We don't know. Let me just see what it's called again.

Were you protective over your brothers, Chris, did you guys have Yeah, we were protective of each other, but we fought too. Yeah, but it's one of those but it's one of those things. And we never punched in the face. But it's a lot of wrestling and stuff like that. But if you know, it's one of those things where it's like we could fight each other, but the second somebody said something to the other one, it's like, well, yeah,

they're so protective of each other. And and and now even like it quick like even like your radio gig, like you came to town to do the radio gig to hold a spot for Tim because he was he wasn't able to get that gig, so you were like, I'll keep a place for you until you become free to work here again. And then like like you guys, look at we all have gotten each other jobs and we've tried to work with each other a bunch. But the best is when you're like really young and you're

like fighting. Anytime the two of us would fight, the other one would like come in and like get like kicks in whoever whoever was like, you know, look on the out it would be like me and Tim are fighting current company, Like Chris was a jerk to me today and get you a middle meddal Yeah, number two in birth or number one in their hearts. Yeah, yeah, what are the year difference? Eighteen basic basically two years, So it's Tim eighteen months than two years in current.

So you guys are Kai and Khakis four years after that and you're the middle child of three boys as well. Yeah, two years and nine months is my older brother and then years younger. We would fight. Yeah, he outsmarted me a lot, but I was the better athlete power him. I could. I was small though, I was really small. But you had heart. The guy had heart. I had a lot of heart. I really did. They remember coach Wally Myers. He goes, if you had the heart of Colin,

you guys would all be all State. And I was like, but you're kind of saying I sucked in a way too, in a big way, that's what they say. And Rudy, they were like, if anybody had half the heart of Rudy, they'd be all American. They'd end up in jail for financials. You're the Florida Rudy. It's like, hey, come on, we'll be right anti semitic, but thank you with the call back ham grip. We'll be right back up. Alright, we're back, Um,

sorry for interrupting your book thing. No, no, no, I actually wanted to say the thing about like if you had as much hard as Andrew Colin. It reminds me of when I was in field hockey and my I think I've told this before, but my coach's husband called me one day. I was calling her and I think he was on the phone. He was like, they were about to have a baby, and he was like, I just hope my daughter turns out like It would be great if she turned out exactly like you. You're someone

that I would hope my daughter would be like. And I thought he was talking about my like playing, and I was like, oh, I'm not even that good. I feels like he goes, oh god, no, not that just in general, and I remember being both offended and like delighted. But I remember him being like, oh wait, no, you think I'm talking about your No, I read your English paper. Good grand Now you haven't talked to boys for all four years of high school. That's hard to get for

this guy across town. I've never like in love with you and really would have had art. I was just so scared of boys. I really was. I want to see like a side by side of YouTube, like photos from high school, like sometimes senior year would they date, And I think you would have been into me. I was a little I got a little chunky um towards the end, but not in a way that like it was adorable. I mean, you've seen one picture of you where I looked like a sub librarian. That adorable I was.

But you and your friends were the funniest thing. You would have liked, my friend. So I'm always so impressed with you and your friendships. They were I am, so I'm also so proud of them. Okay, So the book i'm reading, it's called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I found it on reddit um. It was recommended in the subreddit books as a book that's changed someone's life. And then I posted about it yesterday in my instant game story and my friend Brian Frangie, our friend, wrote

to me and said, this book changed my robot. Brian Frandie, this book changed my life and um, he said it really helped me. What did he say? He really helped me yesterday? He's what a good guy. Brian Frangie is one of the funniest people. Got him on the show. You have to have him on the show. He's so funny. He's so funny. He has a website called the Apple List where wait, is that what it's called. He says that I'm the number one Apple influencer, which is true.

And he does cartoons and he's written for Adam Ruins everything a ton of he does stand up um. Apple rankings is what it's called Apple rankings dot com and it's a hilarious description of the best apples and the worst apples and he ranks them all. So if you want to check out Apple Rankings. But anyway, Brian, I posted it and he goes, um um. This was a seminal work in the program I did to deal with

recurring symptoms. It's also definitely in the Sarno Realms. Dr you know John starting to Know the back doctor that has the book Healing Back Pain. If you have a friend that is suffering with back pain, send them that book and their back pain will go away. And he said, And I can think almost everyone can benefit from this perspective, but all depends what your goals are. And um, so I'm reading this book and it's blowing my god damn mind.

Because we were talking about prayer before. So I've always been like, I just got into praying, like when I got in eating sort of recovery about like choosing a god of my own understanding, higher power type thing, and I didn't really know what it was, but I just knew that when I did pray and I asked God for help or ask God like I remember doing Bill Maher and being so nervous about it on backstage, and I was just like, and I've never done things like this,

but I was just like, God, will you please be with me during this whatever that means. And I'm not a religious person at all, and so but it just helps me and I just I've seen the benefits of it. But this book has made me realize the science behind it because it's talking about quantum physics this book, and now, Adams, I don't know anything about quantum things, what quantums was, and this is obviously the dumbest person that could ever

be telling you about it, what it is. But what I've learned from this is that atoms used to be thought of as you know, the atoms that make up matter. We're all thought of as material, and then there's energy in the world and there's material, and atoms are all just material. Once you zoom in, there's like a physical thing that you can see. But what they found was that the atom would only show up where you wanted

to see it. So it was a ball of energy that would be invisible unless you you focused on a certain part and then it would show up. So it showed that when you give your focus, your attention as a human being, your consciousness, you give your focus to something, you can materialize matter that is not there and it's just an energy, and you can materialize things happening. And this is really tapping into like why the secret works, why it might be is it I've never seen it?

Oh yes, yes, do you see the atom? You see the energy when you when you focus on it, when you look for it, if you feel God. So this is the point he makes. And I'm just in the first chapter, but when it talks about not I'm in the second chapter actually, but he explains quantum physics. He's like, let me just give you a cursory explanation to get

you on board. But what he his point is is that they didn't experiment back in the like this random experiment where they had people pray for patients that had sepsis. In this hospital. They were like hundreds of patients with sepsis, which is like a you know, once your your blood starts. I don't know what it is, but it's like a bacterial thing and you can die from it. And these

people they had to pray um. There was a group of people that they they these emotionally like really positive people prayed, and then they had these other people that were agnostic of emotion, just didn't really believe in prayer, and they had them prayer say the same kind of prayer. And the interesting thing about this is that the people that got prayed for um got better a lot sooner. They both died at the same kind of rate, but the ones they recovered sooner, the ones that did recover,

we're the ones that were prayed for. Did they know that pray for? No, Because the interesting part is is that these patients were from like hundreds of years ago. They chose patients to pray for from the past, and these people did not know they were praying for people in the past. So it is an example of that your energy can not only the energy you give towards something. If you have both intention emotional intention, like you want something, but you also have the motion behind it, um you

can change the past and future. You can affect both things. It's really like out there and crazy, but it is about if you It's about manifestation really and the science behind it. Because I've always been like, so too, will will this manifestation for people that have already died, and

it's gonna affect change. It's not gonna change the past, but the past will be affected by it somehow because because the past and present and future are all one thing, they've already all happened in some way because as of determinism or so it's it's almost as if those patients were affected by the future because the future had already

actually happened in another dimension. So what it is is that your life, the way you want it to be, or whatever you see for yourself, there's some dimension where that's happening. All you have to do is focus on that and you will see it. Much like they see uh particles in these atoms once they focus on it. It's not there until they focus on it. So if you So he talks about his daughter, telling his daughter like, what do you want for your life? Like what's what

are you looking to have? And she's like, oh, this summer I want to like you know, I want to spend six weeks in Italy. I want to work there. I want to make money while I do it. And he's like, okay, well you know what you need to do, Like she's his daughter and he's been talking about this for years and so she I don't know the exact He's going to teach you how to do it. But you have to envision your life. You have to like meditate.

I'm guessing this is what happens. You meditate on what you want, and you have to not just think about your future self doing it. You have to actually think you've done it. You have to be someone that lived in Italy. You have to and you have to be grateful for something that hasn't even happened yet and be like I'm so glad I get to live in Italy.

And if you can get to that place where you actually the thing you want to manifest, you actually believe for yourself, you can put into action all these things. And I think it's one of the reasons that I have been successful in in comedy is because it never was something I didn't I knew it was gonna happen. I had the intention, the emotion behind it was congruent

with my what I wanted. Because a lot of people want things and they go but secularly I can never have them, and you won't get them because it's not congruent. Your emotion and your intent needs to be the same. And I feel like I always knew I was going to be successful for some reason in entertainment. I just knew it, and I pictured it. I pictured being on stage.

I envisioned it. I am like sang the song Lucky and imagine being Britney Spears and like singing that song and being like, she's so lucky, She's a stark but she cries, and I like it. I think even though I didn't know I was doing it, I was somehow late at night when I was sleeping in bed and imagining my future, I was giving my attention to a a quantum version of myself that wasn't there until I'd

given him. There's there's a book that I read where high performing athletes talk about their strategy, like Olympic athletes and stuff, And you're reminding me of one. Um. I think it was a soccer player who was out for an injury or something, and um, he couldn't practice before they're you know, like I don't know what the big matches called, but he was saying that like match okay for the big, big match, the biggest meat of them all.

And um, he was saying that he had to visualize down to the smell of the grass, like that's how deep the visualization went. And he would take maybe an hour to three hours every day and he would visualize the game him playing, and he like they have like the best game ever. His his performance was the best game ever. Yeah. I've always wondered why this prayer thing works, why manifestation works, and it's because there is science behind it.

It's like this, this book is totally making me believe in a thing that I would have always thought was complete witchcraft. WHOI but I'm like, oh, if particles are only seen under a microscope, once the scientists looks at them and gives them the intention and the the attention

and intention, then what there there's millions. There's infinite possibilities for what your life looks like, and they all are somewhere in a different dimension, and the only way that you're going to be able to like see those is to is to actually envision it. And he says that a lot of people are like, you know, they'll manifest wealth by being like I want to be wealthy, I want to invite money into my life. But secretly there's a part of them that goes, I don't. I'm not

it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. But if if you and I think that that's something that has held me back to is like wanting um a type of relationship, wanting um, you know, a relationship with myself. Even like projecting like what kind of woman I want to be, It's always like, yeah, I can get my household organized, but I'm still going to be like a stinky lady. And there's this part of me that's like,

you don't deserve this. But if I just really work and read the rest of this book honestly to learn how to trick my brain and actually think that I have these things like I'm gonna I started last night, I started imagining myself performing at Madison Square Garden with a guitar, singing, and I'm like picturing the front row, picturing that I can't see hearing the roar, which is a total insane dream. But honestly it's not. It might be a might be a sound check for when I

you can't stand up, there no stand up. I've already achieved what I want to, like, I'm good. Your first manifestation really should be manifesting finishing that book. If you do, then you're not hold on there. Okay, So how it's going to feel to turn the last page? Oh god, and see the I, S, T N number and barcode on the back. It is interesting to like, what separates someone from if they have equal ability? Yeah? How does

that one person? And h like all these comedians we know that are so funny that just haven't made it and they deserve it as much as so many people that have made it, if not more, because of their skill level. And you go, what is it in part self doubt? Well, it self doubt. It's not believing in themselves. It's marketing. It's it's a lot of things other than just marketing, is believing in yourself and things. For sure, people deserve to see me. It's a lot of things.

A lot of it comes down to luck, you know. It's the same thing with with musicians. How many how many musicians do you know that are just unbelievably talented. You can't believe how good they are. They're not even on a record YouTube. I watched people, do you know all google covers of certain songs. I'm like, this girl's voice, how is this not? It's better than Kerry's, better than Lady Gaga? Discouraged because I'm like, if I want to be a singer, what this girl is like not even

trying in her bedroom? She's seventeen. White. But then I realized it's because all that we have talked about this before, like people like different sounding voices, like Noah likes roaring men. You know, she like what was the name of the band that you said yesterday? Lemons and maggots, maggots. We were talking about old um like the you know, the way they used to do surgery and stuff in during the you know, turn of the century whatever, back in the day. I think I think we live in a

world now. If you are talented because of the Internet as a comedian, this is the best time ever for you to become uh a working comedian where you don't have to worry about getting five minutes on late night, you don't have to worry about getting thirty minutes. It's still those things can matter and it solidifies you. But if you see someone like uh Namash Patel, he's completely an Michael Malone who was at The Funny One this weekend, Chris.

Chris is starting a podcast, and he sent me an episode that he and Tim did with do you name for your podcast yet? Mm hmm. I mean, I wanted to call it Breakfast for Dinner, but it's called to be called the Convey Brothers podcast. Breakfast for Dinner is so good though, but yes, it's like a little special, like exciting treat. But you're the episode you said me was so freaking good. It was with Michael Malone, who

I really recommend checking out his stand up. He's someone who is also like not waiting for gatekeepers to like let give him a late night set, he said, for the first I've known him for twenty years almost maybe more. I don't even know at this point depending on what my ages today. And he said, um, last year was the first time in twenty years of doing standard they's submitted for a late night set and he's done it all himself. He has two specials out, one on Amazon Prime.

One's called UM. The name is she was So Good? Do you remember what it was called life Laugh After Death? Yes, what a great name. Some serious tragedy. This weekend I was brought on stage at UM the Lady Journey podcast which will be up soon with Sarah Tollamash and um, Katie Hanagan? Is that Katie Hanagan? Right? And they brought me up and said, you know, check out our specially good clean field and I gotta laugh in the room that title. Final thought. Let's do um Reddit karaoke mode.

This is your reddit, all right? So this is where I go through my reddit. Um. So this is from asked credit and it says what's a dark secret you want to get off your chest? And it has in brackets serious so serious replies only because sometimes people and read it always try to be funny. Um. Someone said when I was seven, I was home alone. I called nine one one due to a house fire. That consumed half the house and they found me outside my mother, who was at work. I was a latch key kid.

Was told by fire department that it was an electrical fire. In truth, I had a lighter and was fascinated by fire. It was burning the little tassels at the end of the blanket on my bed, putting them out before it caught the whole blanket on fire until I wasn't able to and the whole bed caught fire. Um, I'm forty now. My mother still doesn't know the truth, and I still remember it all vividly, complete with the heat on my face as I tried in vain to put out the bed.

WHOA did you so it's kind of your fire phase. Did you ever go through the phase where you take a lighter and you like just hold down the black button and all the gas comes out and then you light it like on your closer skin, remember we were doing Yes, don't do that, kid, Or you could put it in your hand, all the gas and then you

light it and then you open your hand. Or did you ever have the girls that would hold the lighter and they hold it they tilted so the whole metal part got really hot and then they'd sinched their skin. It looked like a smiley face, like the tooth parts that you click you slide your fingers down. Those were the two eyes. They were like slits and then the little part where the flame comes out like a smiling face.

Oh yeah, did you ever do that thing where it's like somebody's birthday and you put all these candles in a cake and then you just lit. Yeah, dude, that's weird. Yeah, well, no one ever celebrated his birthday. Oh that's what I would show me that later. Um. Once, someone said, I snort. I used to smoke matches. That was a dumb thing, like I would like to match and then it would that that ignite it. No, I would do it alone, wise on the shipter with my pants on the tennis

ball container, hoping those take good with that's gotta be toxic. Um. This person said, I worked on SpongeBob square Pants The Yellow Avenger and know for a fact that the game cannot be completed on the DS version. Not my fault, but I hate that it shipped like that, and I feel sorry for anyone who seriously tries I like. Um. Someone said, I asked credit, what is the best non sexual,

non drug related physical sensation you've ever experienced. And this is a question I'd like us all to try to answer, non drug, non sexual related physical sensation you've ever experienced. Someone said, when you're a kid and you play in the pool or in the ocean all day, and you come home and get a shower, uh, and go to your room and the air conditioning has been running. You've been playing all day in our exhausted your skin is tight, kind of tight for being in the sun and water.

Your eyes are tired from squinting. And you get in your nice cool bed and curl up and take a post pool slash beach nap. That's good. That reminded me of have you ever got gone to a it's been playing in the ocean all day, or gone to an amusement park, and then you come home that night, you go to bed and you can feel like like the sensation of being in the waves. Sometimes if I think about our relationship and that night, it feels exactly like

being on a roller coaster all day long. Um. Someone said, laughing at a really good joke is one of the best feelings in the world. And I gotta say, like, we went to the comedy club on Friday night to see Dan Mints. I quoted some of his jokes yesterday's episode. But what was one of your favorites do you remember? Yeah, I mean the cub Scout Well, the Satan one was probably one of my will you say it? Yeah it was.

He said, you know, he's he's doing one liner, so he's just going, you know, bam bam bam right through him and he goes, I'm probably gonna go to hell for this next one. He goes, I pledge my undying loyalty to Satan and then will you help me with the cub Scout one? Yeah, a pack of day Habit is really disgusting, especially if you're pedophile cup Scout leader. Yeah, yeah, is that it? And something like that? Um yeah, I

just it was so nice to laugh so hard. And I had been really depressed that day and almost thought about bailing on the whole night because I was like, I just don't feel like even being forced to laugh because it's not going to work. And man, it helped.

It was so good. What do you guys think of a physical sensation that feels good that isn't sex or I gotta not to brag, but you know, spend some time in Paris and I got my hair was very long and curly and disgusting, and the person that cut my hair, I'd never have gotten a head massage from hairstylist before, and I didn't even know they do that, And this girl did it for forty minutes, and it was like, do you ever Brinish give you one? You

should ask for forty minutes? Yeah, I should probably do it for well, there is a place in St. Louis that does do it called Lady Jane that sounds like you might get other head They don't, they don't cut your hair, but no, but a head missage that had massage I still think about today because you know, I never got one before and it was just it was so much longer than it should have been. Yeah, did you like almost feel afterwards like I feel after a

massage sometimes where I'm like, are you gonna call me? Like? Did you feel like almost an attachment? That was like sad that I knew that that would never happen again in America. In America, yeah, that I would have to move to France and learned French. Do you have my wife is the only one I've been with. Oh, yeah, I said that yesterday. Did did you do the My wife died? My wife died snorkeling when we were in the Bahamas. She died doing what she loved, ruining my vacations.

That was perfect. I forgot that one. Yeah, I mean one of For me, it's rides like I do legitimately love roller coasters and like, you know this is going to sound like I do, like, oh, going going fast down a hill on a bike is one of the greatest feelings that I currently get to have. And then skydiving. I know that that one's like probably pretty obvious, but also like that feeling of being like a little bit weightless while you're riding. Scuba diving, Yeah, scuba diving was

an insane feeling. It was. It wasn't as physically like I don't put it up there with like sex and um what was the other one that drugs in terms of like but or like something you fork, but it was there was just a stillness about it that it was me. It was my first glimpse into what like meditation, meditation could be for me. The other one is that feeling you get when you're during Christmas, when you're cutting wrapping paper and all of a sudden, the scissors, Yeah,

just smooth. That was so good mine is probably that is a nice thing when you cut once and then you slash. My grandma like doing tickies on my back of like gentle, like laying across her stomach in my twenties. No, um, my grandpa rubbing my back was just gentle with her fingers. And then she would draw animals and I would have to guess what they are and that is like. That to me was like it's been a good artist. How can you tell between a dog and account Well, you

can do like it has a long neck. And then I was doing it to your nephews the other day and they loved it. I was like so excited to play this game and they were like dum and it's so cute. I was like having a trouble coming up with animals that kids would know. My mom did this thing I loved where she would take your chin and pull a hair off like that, do it relax with

your teeth. Oh that's fine, that is good. You don't really realize how much tension you have in your face, and like right here, if you just go like this, for a three psychego oh, I've been holding on something from twenty years ago right here? Yes, like it's kind of wild. He's like, I don't know, No, what's something you fork for you? Well, you guys are giving such like thoughtful sweet answers. And the thing that I could think of is, it's so stupid. It's when you choke

some fool out on the mats. No, but I don't know if anyone's ever done ear candling. Oh yeah, okay, so you do ear candling and it takes the wax out of your ears. Some people don't believe it does, but for me it does. Then you take a Q tip, you take some of the cotton off, I know you don't like cotton separation, and then you stick the Q tip inside so far in that you're like touching the bone and coming it very gently, and it feels amazing. It's you for like the song lyrics to us your

favorite Yeah wait you honestly no, that's so. And I'm supposed to put it a Q tipin with the cotton. You take it off, pull of it off. You just make it a little thinner so it goes all the way and oh my god, bunch of gunk on there. Um, it's not really gunk, but it's just like it touches this very sensitive part of the ear and it's almost orgasmic. I I know what you're talking about. And there's there's certain feelings that having my feet rubbed in a certain way a s MR also for me was a huge

like orgasmic feeling. Um. This was a funny UM I guess tweet from Suspiciously Specific, which is one of my favorites, and it says asparagus grows like it's trying to prank some idiot into thinking this is how asparagus grows. It looks like just stalks sticking out of the ground. Just poked them in the ground, like you know, you're putting down a tent. Yes. Um, and then wait, I'm sorry you lost my place. So asparagus isn't like on a tree or anything. That's yeah, I mean what was that?

Does asparagus make your pe smell very easily? No it doesn't. But it's a different gene. This was something I think I did on read at one time. It's a different gene. It's a um to be able to smell asparagus. P And then to also have your p affected by asparagus. So some people can smell their own asparagus P. Some people have asparagus pe smell and can't smell it, and

some people have neither. And I don't know which I am, because you wouldn't know if you're no one's ever smelling my asparagus P except me, and if I don't, I definitely don't have the gene. H you could smell it, or maybe I do and I just don't have it. You don't know. Did you find any fun tweets or anything? I found one that I liked this. I found this onement earlier today from Isabel Steckle says whenever I whenever I switched sleep positions, I'm like, this one's going to

be huge for me. It's so true. I was having restless leg last night and I was like, fight it. See what happens when you fight it and you just go You're not going to die, there's nothing like and just try to detach. I was almost getting meditative about it, where I'm like, you don't have a body, just late like, observe the pain that's going on in your leg instead

of trying to make it go away. Just like be curious about it, like a panic attack, and it actually made them go away because it was it was keeping me up. I couldn't stop. Every so often it would just be this tingling that was like change positions. Just I get foot pain. And what helps me is connecting. You know, when you sleep, your feet are kind of like they're not touching the bet. Your bottom of your feet are never touching the bet. It. But if you can connect your feet to the bed, you can feel

more I don't know, they'red and more grounded. But I sleep on my stomach, so that's going to be hard. You sleep when you're back, No, I sleep sometimes if I want to ground my feet, I'll go it. So I'm sleeping like this and then I'll just go like that. Have you heard of ground not your kids, where you lay on the earth and like become one with like the soil and you try to get you take your shoes, your your socks off and feel the grass and your toe. Yeah,

and it's supposed to help you. There's something to do it when you garden and your shirts off. Yeah, I said on a tree the other day, like it's it's rates in this Boston park and it was so like peaceful to like sit on this tree and be like connected to it. Yeah, I get that. It was like a little chair on this tree and I just sat in it and it was just like I am. I

felt like Pocahontas. But there are tons of studies that are like being out in nature right now, Like a park in Boston isn't necessarily nature, but I felt like it.

Being in nature is like huge for our mental health, I know, and it's it's I was talking to a depressed person last night who is probably listening to the podcast shout out to tell um he also runs depressed, and we I was suffering really a lot in the past like five days with it, and he was he was too, and I was like, dude, the thing that has helped me so much is like just going and first of all, getting my dog here from my parents, because it forces me to go outside and walk him,

like a walk around the fucking block. And I know that depressed people are like, I can't even do that. I know you can't, But if you can just go outside for like thirty seconds and get some fucking sun, it's so it's something, man, it does something. I gotta be in nature more and you gotta force me to do it, babe, because no problem. Glaze ch is a whole list of things to do when we're quiet. Oh it's a jam. You can literally walk a half a

mile and you could be complete, silence complete. I was in the middle of this field on Saturday at five o'clock and I'm not thing you around me. I did a panorama shop because it was like we could have filmed an end of the world seen there, because there was no one at five o'clock on a Saturday in August. It was like and I it was probably a quarter mile I could see around me and there wasn't a single soul, and it was I talked to God out

there like I was talking to birds. I was like I could scream in a way that I couldn't even scream in my apartment. Um, and then I got scared about getting raped because I was like, no one, what do you're making So that I ran home. But people probably live because that's not a lot of your best seas live in St. Louis necessarily, But people probably live

in places that they've never explored. Their biggest park in their city, like you know St. Louis park is amazing, but I'm sure there's parks nearer people that they should just go check out. There's there's like national parks close to people, and like even more local parks. Just walking through those paths. They're all over the country, listening to the like taking your headphones out, listening to the grass like on your shoe, or like the grab ole like

ship like that. Just getting mindful and just getting close with God, whatever your version of it is. Quantum physics. Man, guys, thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. Um, Chris, You're an amazing guest. I love I love having you here. I would invite you back tomorrow. But can I say one thing to the best He's Yeah, I'm always nervous coming on the show just because you guys are so

good and such, you know, like awesome professionals. But the Besties have been so nice to me and have really yeah, people have said some God, I thank you too, people for being supportive. It's really a cool group to be a part. I always get positive feedback when you're on the show. And if you want more of Chris and more of just me too, because I'm often on the show, You've got to check out The Courtney Show. UM podcast.

It's every day they upload it. Chris writes the descriptions for the show, and that alone is enough to like, look at the show on the podcast app. The descriptions are so funny. The name of the shows are funny. He'll name it like the one where we had a pretty good time in the last half, and it'll be like, listen, not everything's gonna go the way, like if you don't need to listen to the first part of the podcast, but we really had fun on the second, Like so

many people listening to the first part. The first part of your show is my favorite because they talk about like their weekends. It's kind of like our show. I mean, I modeled this after a morning radio show because I wanted it to be daily. And his show is so fun And if you like our show, I just know you'll like his. And it's called The Courtney Show. And

you can get it um wherever Apple podcasts are. And if you're up early in the morning and you've already listened to our postcasts from the night before and you have no podcasts to listen to UM, if you download the arch app UM, you can listen to his show live from six to ten Central Time, anywhere you are. And so I'm whenever I'm on the road, I'm always so glad. When I'm like also on East Coast because i wake up at like nine, I'm like, yes, they

have three more hours of the show left. It does help us feel close because you'll listen in text and it just it feels like an American tale. You can text into his show. He reads the text on air. It's like a live experience. It's so much fun. I wouldn't recommend it just because he's my boyfriend. It honestly, it's one of the reasons whenever we've broken up that

I've honestly been like very sad. It's because it would be like it would be hard to listen to if we work together, and it's so it brings me so much joy. So check out The Courty Show download the arch app if you want to listen live um, but you can also get it as a podcast. Go see Andrew April Tuesday, auguste Tuesday, Zany's Nashville. Please go support him.

He is headlining. It is his first big headlining gig in you know, a major market, and we want people to come out and support him and make him feel really good about It's gonna be so much fun. You're going to kill it because I know you have. I can't wait to see it, and I'm sure you're going to clip the funk out of it, right Yeah, Okay, I'm definite that, um. And then you can come see me in Vegas. If you're looking for a last minute trip at the end of the summer to tack on,

why don't you go out to Vegas September two. I am there at UM the Theater at Virgin Hotels, So go stay at the Virgin Hotels. You like this luck on me? Yeah? Yeah? What is this click? You talk about skydiving? Yeah? Maybe and that, but yeah, come up to Vegas. You're gonna see Anya. You're gonna see Benedict uh Pol Easy from f Boy Island who made it to the finals. As you saw. He's gonna be hilarious. And then you'll see me. And it really is my

last performance with this voice. And God only knows what's gonna happen in the surgery. This could be my last performance forever. You don't know, Um, but it will be my last performance before a very groundbreaking event in my life. And I think that if I were a fan of an artist, I would want to see this performance if it was in their career. Of like, how, um, my life is going to be very like before the surgery

and after the surgery. Um. I almost I hate to compare myself to the trans people, but I feel like it almost is that big for me because um. And also my doctor says that the girls that get the surgery always go, I sound like a girl now, and they start dressing femininely after they have the surgery, even though they don't even want to be like they didn't even wanted to wear dresses. They're just like, I'm so feminine now. Like my voice always dictated that I'm kind

like I'm a boy's girl, and I'm like, I'm masculine energy. Yeah, I get ready for shorter skirts. I mean I'm already very feminine on stage. But I think it's um if you can make it out to Vegas and if you have any friends that are going to be in Vegas or lived there, I would love for these ticket sales to go better than they're going right now. Um. I think last night checked H was at thirty seven percent.

That was a couple of weeks ago. I got to see NICKI do comedy this weekend, which is rare right now for me, and I loved it so much. People need to go check out so much new stuff, so much funny. Stuffed me so much. I mean I even wrote on the way because we went to Damon's and then we went right to the Funny Bone, the other Funny Bone in Westport. Your brother, Yeah, your brother, um

vocal rust and also disinterested. Um. But your brother was the opening act of the feature act for Michael Malone, who I talked about earlier, and I did a guest set after Tim. Tim brought me up and man, I had so much fun on stage in a way that I haven't before. So come see me in Vegas. Is going to be such a meaningful show to me. Of course, there will be meet and greets afterwards, and as always, if you can't afford a meet and greet, you can

buy them at the merch booth. But if you cannot afford them, you know your girl's gonna hook you up. You just write to me and say just like all caps important and then write your name and uh rt Vegas, and I'll know to put you down because there's only one show, and UM, yeah, just but don't write important and then write a new one. Send it all in one block, because I'll only see the last block you sent, and if you just send me your name, I might

think you're I might not see it. And if I don't get to it, send it again and I will give you a free meet and greet for your ticket purchase. So, UM, I will send that to people who listen to the whole podcast. I made it this far. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Chris Convey, thank you Andrew Colin. Noah will be here tomorrow Wednesday on the show, UM don't bek and check Nicholas