#261 The Best I've Ever Had

you got to go to mic stand. This is the only part of the house that doesn't have some like weird Romanian relic on the wall. What's like an example of a Romanian relic he has? I wouldn't even know what the weird like dolls, like weird dog figurines and things. You have really white teeth too. Have you been whitening recently? I think it's it might be well, I need to get that ring light. Tooth whiting is so interesting because you it works and your teeth look white because I

used a little light. You know, you put the stuff and I put it in my invisiline trays and then I just hold on the light and I read you the light over and over like it says to do it for three minutes, but I just keep going and then my teeth will be so white. And then the second I have a beverage, that is the second I gargle with Dike Cola, Cola, What am I going over there? Yes, some tab when I call it a big thing? I remember,

remember when you're younger. I remember when the first time I rememver went to an open mic night with my dad to see what the what it was like Andy Woodhall, who is a comedian that is still out and about. He's so good his He was his first time doing stand up and that night I saw him go up and I like loved his joke. He was like, I think the next civil war is going to be over whether you called it Sodor pop, and I thought that

was I was. I remember I went up to him afterwards and I was like, I really like that joke about the civil war. And it was his first time on stage, which I did not know, and he never forgot it. And then I ended up being obviously a comic on the scene and he was like, you were the one that came out to me on my first time. I ever did stand up and told me that joke was good, and uh, that's probably still doing it today. Probably,

I mean, maybe I'm not even lying. Like that's how much it matters when someone, especially like a young cute girl, probably for you know, he was a young cute boy, was probably like he's like, that's why I've written thirty hours on soda? And what did you call it? I mean, Florida, I think is a soda land? Right? Soda? Yeah, soda for sure. I think pop is more East Coast? Is that right now? Were you a pop Chicago? Midwest? Oh? Yeah? Maybe? Well I grew up in Ohio and Missouri. We called

it soda. My cousins called it pop. Yeah, let me get a pop. When we moved here, there were a lot of things that people said that we were just like, what the fuck trash here? Honestly, white trash is one of them that they burned in our zoysia yard. Is that the idea of someone getting a white person getting more mad at another white prayer another person being even whiter. White trash is so mean, but it's so it's such

a good It's a crispy word. Is white trash? Trash is just like it's got it's one syllable, yet it has so much trash because white is kind of looked at as angelic and uh, you know for a wedding and then trash. It's a nice combo. It's a nice balance. Well, that is an interesting thing that you say that that was one of the words. In Cincinnati we called white

trash hillbillies, and here in St. Louis they called them. No, I don't know, what do you think they call him in St. Louis, like white trash and not the word white trash. No, I know, rednecks. No, that's I think that's more South, and that's more like celebrating, like I'm a red nick. It's not like derogatory, um Hoosiers, whereas in Ohio Hoosiers were like, that's the Indiana team, that's the that's the movie about the guy's cycling. Yeah, you

know that. But but but here we moved here and no one used hillbilly, and we were I mean, we had songs about hill billies. My sister made a song that was like, hey, Billy's busting up the town. He Billy's running naked all around, Billy's having lots of fun. Hey Billy's gotta get one. I don't know why you gotta get one. Yeah, Hey, Billy's wasn't up the town. Hey, Billy's un naked all around here. Billy's having lots of fun here, Billy is gonna get wont that was? That

was fun. My sister used to do like a jake where she was almost very similar to that. Incredible that that came out of you. I just want to hold a not a teapot. What are it is? A jug? Oh? Yeah? What did they call it? Something else? A jug man? Oh? That's another. I think there's two different names for canteen. Oh. My biggest word that I used to funk up was that people go, what did you say? Where are you from? Was um c O M P A S S. Wait, what's that? C O M P A S S. How

do you say it? Ce O compass? Yeah? People say compass, but to me, I was like, it's not c U M it's compass. Oh or I thought you were going to say, come pass on my chest. Yeah, there's a there's a a little valley. It's the Compass. It's the never ending story where the two things blood coming down. Um um yeah yeah, I don't canteen. I love the canteen. I love the feel of a canteen. Yeah, that metal, and then you would put like a cover over. I

don't know, there was a very nice texture. Kerson had one in our base sit and we used to film a video of a homeless man who had a record release. I think I talked about it before. Okay, so there was this. We did a series of videos. We were again I hate to brag, but I was. We were so funny. Kerson is one of the funniest people a lot, and so she really inspired a lot of this. But um,

we had this canteen. We would put on a bunch of coats and then I would sit on the stairs and play my canteen and just like oh and just kind of like grunt and hit the canteen and Kirsten would do the voice over that was like he's back with another album and it was just like me just this. We would do jump cuts, like we would just press record and then on record, record on record, So it was just this hectic thing of like oh, it was

like it was so weird. We were so weird. And that was I think that was probably the same night we were down in her basement making videos, and I remember her mom came to the top of the stairs and was like, girl, Princess Diana's dead, and we were just like, we're you're sucking up our shot man Like it didn't I remember I was. I was actually deeply like affected by it because I could tell how much

it mattered to the world. Um, but do you remember you You don't remember where you were for nine eleven, let alone princess died. Do you remember anything about Princess Diana Dane. I think I was. I think I think I was driving behind her. I don't know. Was that a big deal to you at all? I remember it, but it didn't really like affect me emotionally. I didn't understand, like I didn't grasp the size of a princess being chased by a paparazzo. And I mean, I don't think

anyone put that together until later. But mazz that's a single interesting Yes. I also just found out that mido condria is the plural of condron drawn d r o n control what you recommended. Mito country is like the the thing inside of a cell that is like the center where all this stuff happens. All the energy happens. I don't know. I'm reading a book about sucking science and the mind and enlightenment. Right now, I've gone through like three pages, but so far things are positive. What's

what we're to get? Recommended it? My brother recommended it. Yeah, to like see positives in the world. That's Oh. I've heard of this book where it's like about how everything's okay. Yeah. Yeah. People are talking about this book where it's like the theme of the book as you get to the end of it and things are getting better as opposed to work actually essentially, yeah, and then after you read it, you feel a lot better about the world. And I don't want to be um lied too, So I'm not

going to read it. Well my two percent right now, and I think that includes the introduction. I am so sick of reductions. I've said this before. I've never read an introduction. Why am I going to buy a book forward forward? I'll forward this book to the trash. I don't want to hear another I bought this book to hear you, right, I don't want to hear your friend tell me how good this book is. I bought it already and I don't need you to give me a

synopsis of how good it or what's it's about? Started up, it's what inspired to write it, Stop it, what happened to just like for John, for mom, Like that's all I need out of a page. I do not mean I will tell you do do authors not realize that forwards? The only forward that I will say is worth reading is um that I've heard about because I haven't read the book in but I do own it sona mom Cessian. Um Uh is Conan's assistant, and he wrote the foreword to her book and I read it because they posted

it on the subreddit. And it is so freaking funny, as is the book. Because there's so many excerpts in the book you're really getting off. That's the only one I want to read, unless the person that is writing it is is the funniest person alive. Conan O'Brien, I don't want to hear forward. I'm I can't even believe we bought your book. You want your I think they think that people when they buy a book, they only read they start they when they're at browsing at Barnes

and Noble. This must be based on like trying to get people to get your book. So a foreword will it's like the preview for your book. But you know how long the trailer is? A half? Yeah, you want to do a forward, an intro to paragraphs at a double space. That's what the back of the book is for, is to tell you what the book is about. Show me a photo of the guy. Picture a black and white picture of the guy at a corner. Tell me the Canadian price. That's a couple of dollars more. Why

is it so expensive? I don't know why. It's worried to get that at the end and they got more trees there. They know it does work, though every time it works, it makes you think that it's twelve dollars. It's just all the way down I was thinking, is twelve dollars? You think dollars? No, no, no. But that's that's why they do it, is because people do think and you do too, whether or not you know it.

It's like it's a it's a proven method to make people think that they're getting a deal when they're not. They're saving a scent. But I feel we've talked about this before. If something is thirteen zero zero, I see zeros and I go I'm getting a deal. Yeah, I see I Oh my god, too many high numbers. It could be two. It's a free book. Ends with zero seems so much more than Fuck you, dude. I'm not going to spend that for that eraser. By the way, nothing anywhere. By the way, I don't think anything is

eight somewhere. Uh. Stephen Pinker is the guy's name. Oh yeah, it's called enlightenment now the case for reasons science, humanism, and progress. I have a lot of Stephen Pinker books. Yeah, he um. He's written a lot of stuff that is recommended by like Sam Harrison one time went to as a list of books that Sam Harris recommends everyone reading. I have a big problem. Another big problem, samples. Stop filling it with the intro and the forward. Start your sample.

I think chapter one it's a good point. No they that's a good point, and that is the only no. I gotta get off this train. Sorry is on it, but no, I actually would the best part about reading digitally is that you get a sample, taking sample any book you want. And I do feel that someone is actually whoever creates the samples for books doing a great job, because it is enough to actually give me a good

sense of the book. I would think it would be some program that they'd run it through and just go, oh, the first tint five pages, cut it off, and it would just be, you know, that way for every book. But someone's paying attention to go, we're gonna give them enough. So I gotta say that. I think people take it into whoever's choosing the samples, at least for Apple books, they're taking into consideration that the foreword no one wants to read, and they go beyond it. I don't think

you've made it past the forward though. I don't feel like they give you more. No, No, I'll fast forward to forward and then I get maybe, you know, twenty pages a book on the phone, so that's like you know, and then you make it bigger. You ever make a children's book three thousand pages? Oh my god? I mean that is what every book is for me, is like three words per page. And I'm like, it's like, no, this is bear steam bears Mandela effect. You know that? Yes,

you always asked me that, like I've never heard. I saw there's a show on HBO that was talking about the Mendela effect about oh there was I forget what it was, I swear. Yeah, it's like it's the guy that Um. If you watched the rehearsal on HBO, they suggest this show. And did you watch the Carmichael movie. No, but I watched The Princess, which is another thing that you recommended to me. Did you watch the No, we were watching something else. You recommended that as well. I'm

going to watch it. You guys, have you watched The Most Hated Man on the Internet? No? Oh, that one's good too. Noah, Ernie these ringing a bell? Did you watch The Princess diaiwan you can cut that out. That's part ten. Just leave it there then just put it back in, but like copy and pasted throughout the episode. No, can I just say the Princess? I really recommend The Princess on HBO. UM about Princess Diana. It is so good, captivating, I am. I'm riveted by her. So she spoke. Every

time she talked, it was always like this. She never wants like raised her voice. It was always this soft I was. I felt bad for her because I felt like she wasn't able to talk, and that's why I probably built up inside her. And then she left, left and then she went through a tunnel really fast because she was being chased. No. No, but I think part of her marriage she probably got tired and she kept

getting older and more mature. When she met him, she was so young that first interview, she was like, oh, she's nineteen. They image when she was sixteen. Suspicion because he was definitely in his thirties when they met in England. Sixteen you know, it's like, you know, you get your beans in your egg. Yeah, in tooth age it was

eighty he was eighty. Um he yeah. And then the interesting part about the princess, because I thought I knew everything about Princess Diana just because late nights, just Wikipedian and going down those wormholes, um, going through those Paris tunnels. Um. I did not know that he was jealous of her, and he was jealous of the attention she was getting.

I did not know that was a part of it, because he just seemed like a guy that actually was more like Prince William, Prince Harry didn't really want attention, was happy that it would go to someone else. How did he not know she was going to get so much attention? She was this beautiful girl that he kind of plucked out of not nowhere. But she was a nanny and um, but this this little pip squeak motherfucker was so jealous of her, and she did not do

anything to try to get this more mad. Can you imagine I thing, I ride a horse, I murder poor people, I do everything, you know, and then this girl just wears a sweater with shorts and everyone loves her. Oh yeah, she was just so I love that look. By the way, sweater and shorts, What do you mean it's a great look she has. I think you have the don't you have a photo in your back? Like big, big chunky shorts? No, you mean bicycle shorts? Yeah yeah, with a sweatshirt. Yeah, yeah,

that is it's not a sweater. Yeah, but a sweater is a very different thing than the sweatshirt. Um, not cou roy. Do you know what they call sweaters in the UK? I guess in London and I think also in Australia they called it. Noah, do you know what they called him? Jump us? What is it? Jumpers? Jumpers? Well? What are jumpers here? And not other people that jump? No, but there's a jumper jumper jumpers. I got my jumper and a jumper. Oh, I don't know they're sweaters. Yeah,

so interesting. Let's get back to this right after this break Andrew coming around the Mountain dot Com. Alright, we're back. Yeah. I could not believe. I just didn't. Just so grossed out by Um. I guess I'm so lucky in my relationship that Chris lets me shine and it doesn't get jealous if I get a lot of attention and he's kind of like not, he has no issue with that, which I could not handle that I would be a

Prince Charles about it. But if I were Prince Charles, I wouldn't marry someone who was going to take more. You know, I wouldn't marry a Princess Diana. I would marry a Camilla Parker Bolls. No. But I think that's what in his mind he envisioned. I met a nanny in a field. I'm I'm going to get it. Well, I'm gonna still shine because she did seeing somewhat reserve. She's pretty, but she's not like voom kind of look. She has like a very like regal like she's so beautiful,

but she is. But but I think in his mind he didn't when I look at her, I see like a well sophisticated looking, not like a like a model looking kind of people. He didn't know. People would just be so drawn because she's so kind and people just wanted to connect with her. And it was the first time, you know, the British royal family was actually like approachable. Yes,

everywhere she went, little kids coming up with flowers. She would be like being off paparazzi and then she'd like see a little kid it and she'd be like, oh thank you, Oh my gosh, thank you. She was just such a sweet person. She went to the AIDS, Yeah, the AIDS hospital, and like at that time people were still afraid to be my people thought you could get AIDS from the air. They didn't know. And she's holding

hands victims and so sweet. I cried so much in those scenes where she was just so kind to people

who were like invalids. But um, yeah, I just I it makes me scared of like the idea of ever being out there again and having someone seemed cool about like oh, you're in the spotlight, and then start to have the shift of like, wow, you really yuked it up today, Like he made little snide comments during press conferences, and you could only imagine the fucking vitriol that came out when they would get on the plane where he got no attention and she's like waving and getting so

many flowers. You can tell him could even I could predict. I bet you anything. At one point he was like, you love this, you love it. I'm not doing anything, Jaws, I'm not. I'm just trying to walk to the plane and he's like, you love it? You are you He's cheating out in the open. Yeah, that he was in love with this other girl, and she really wanted that marriage to work. It was so much that I didn't know about. And the documentary is really done so interestingly

because it is not narrated. There's not talking heads that usually drive a documentary narrative. It's just soundbites of the press talking about her and the public whing in on what they think of her. And it's just so interesting how quickly they go from like we love Diana to to she can't get enough attention, she loves leaving her house like she's being hounded by paparazzi to leave the houses. She can go to the gym, and they're like, why doesn't she just I have a gym in my I

have a recumbent bike in my living room. Why can't she get one? She lives at Kensington Palace and they're like, because she likes people, and they're like, oh, she loves that tension. And this woman is whenever you see someone getting a ship ton of love, the flip side of that is gonna be so fucking dark and negative. And it always happens to people. And that's what happened to

his football player. His I could tell you like a little remember his grandmother and his girlfriend died on the same day, and that was the big story, and people all rallied behind him, and then the girlfriend was ended up being what everyone was told was made up. He got catfish before catfish was the thing, right, So he thought he had a girlfriend, but everyone thought that he was lying, Yeah, because he never met her before. And she died of leukemia. Right, that's what her You just

got to see it. She made up a whole family. He ended up playing in the NFL for like eight seasons, married with a kid. No, no, he didn't die. The other documentary, The Most Hated Man on the Internet, is so good and it's about I didn't even know about this website and always knew about revenge porn, but I

did not know about the website. Is anyone up dot com that was like huge from two thousand eleven to two twelve, and it was like a place where guys girls would upload, you know, photos of their exes or people who had scorned them and then leave their also their address, their Facebook there instant like everything, so that

you could troll them. And these girls suddenly wake up one day and they go to work and they get a call from their friend being like you're on this site naked, and the girls like, I've never sent that picture to ever anyone. And that's where it begins. Was like this wasn't a boyfriend. This guy was starting to

get into some stuff where it's it's so good. There's so many heroes and it's a beautifully done documentary a lot like um that don't Funk with Cats one where it's like whoa, this is a roller coaster, Like that was so good. Um, Yeah, there's so much good stuff to watch out there. The rehearsal, we've talked talked a little bit about it, but that is amazing. With Nathan Fielder I think a new episode just came out last night.

I'm so excited to watch. Say about these documentaries, is like even something like that or or the Taal thing. The world has changed so much in nine years, where you know, the big story was is he gay? Is he gay? He's a football player and he's gay. Everyone, even Anderson Cooper, is like, we all really think he's gay. Like everyone's jumping on this, like he's lying. You know, this guy was loved, his grandma died and his girlfriend died. Now everyone's like, he's he's made up a story because

he's really gay. And that's literally every story it's it is wild. You're right, that's so that the cultures shifted so much something that would never never it just wouldn't be the main maybe like people would be like he's probly good, you know, like in their privacy of their own thing on CNN, across going across on a scroll,

is he gay? The idea of nudity on the internet, like not only fans is here where I'm not saying like you don't you know, but then was just like people fucking loved it and didn't see a problem with it. Now that would be fucking insane. It's like that's progress there is that we don't you know, landfast people for

being gay. Yeah, probably, and that we would probably. It makes you think about what is happening right now that will either not be cool, but there's also you know the woke thing, the woke trend of like where it yeah, yeah, where there's a lot of things that I think we're going to pull back from that and we're going to get a little bit more lax about stuff. And are you finally did an interview and like are you gay?

And he goes, whoa far from it? Like he like had like like lean into the and the whole audience goes and I'm like and like people are still like that about gay, Like there's still like that about I wonder, I mean, as someone who's not gay at least I don't think so yet or doesn't doesn't identify as bisexual or anything, it's still must hurt mean to be gay.

And then hear things in society that's still people go like, I'm not fucking kid, Like there's still this repulsion to the idea that you might be gay and that person we have not progressed that much. It becomes like part of the d n A of like, I'm not gay, and then you go, well, that comes off a little homophobic, and you're like, I'm the last person to be homophobic.

And it kind of reminds me of like when I tell someone I'm Jewish, not in New York City and they go, you're a Jew, and it like comes off like like in a way where they don't even mean to be. This happened at the gym the other day, like whatever, someone at the gym you're Jewish, Well, actually you look like a Jew. Like they were like saying like that, and I'm not kidding you, I am not excusing it. People in the Midwest are so fucking dumb when it comes to Jewish people. We just don't know.

I'm not saying, I'm not like mad, it just like they don't even realize how it comes. Nathan Fielder's showed rehearsal there is there. He is having this guy rehearse

having a conversation with his brother about um this. You know, the show is about rehearsing really tough things in life that you're gearing up for, and so he's having a conversation with his quote unquote brother played by An actor about his father's inheritance, and he's trying to get his brother to give him some of it because his dad wanted it that way but didn't write him in the will, and his brother thinks he's a gold digger, so he's trying to convince him his brother like, my, my, my

girlfriend is not in this for money, Like if you give me money, it's it's up to me what I do with it, even if I do give it to her, like dad wanted this way, and they start, I mean this is in I think Oregon, you know again, Yeah, And so within seconds no, but Nathan Fielder is standing above them with his like little laptop around his shoulders,

monitoring this rehearsal, helping them practice. And then he's like, don't be a jew about it, just like and he starts saying, and Nathan is just like looking around like whoo whoa, and he goes, I have to just get in your brother, the other brother, don't be a jew about and give me some money. Essentially, it's telling the brother, the actor brother, and Nathan goes, I have to say

know that the real guy with an actor. So the real guy says that, and he says some other stuff too, and Nathan is just like, Nathan goes, I feel this is very it's anti semitic. And he goes and he's like, but I don't want you to not say what he would say. And he goes, is this a conversation you would have with your brother? And he's like, well, yeah, that's how we talk. And he was like, well, it's really reeking of anti Semitism, and and he was just

like he there was no acknowledge. He didn't this guy is a sweet guy too, Like, there's no this guy's you find out you could come to love this guy for what he does for this old man, he says, a sweet guy. He just doesn't know that. That's like, I mean, that was my whole childhood. It's crazy people

you're still encountering it in St. Louis from adults. Well that it reminded me, like that conversation because living in New York, there's no plight of the Jewish person in New York City because New York all the Jewish people they don't they don't really understand. They get anti Semitism a little bit, but they you know, people are well off and like there's a lot of Jewish people their identity of like we're Jewish and like and loud about

it and it's great. But then yeah, here or like in Florida, like right when I hear that, I just, you know, go right back to my childhood of but that I heard that, So don't be a jew about it. Don't be a Jew about like that. I didn't mind Jewish jokes, but when it became such like a part of the lexicon, you know, like, hey, don't be a jew about it and pay extra or like dude, wait, that's when I would get like a little upset. But those same people again would literally like one day, would

give me money if I really needed it. They would fight for me. They would They were really good friends, but they were just ignorant, and it's just like, what do you do with that. I don't, you know, they're still my friends. I mean, I guess you could say it hurts my feelings, but then you get called gay. Yeah yeah, I mean I was going to say it, but I was having this conversation when we were watching this with Chris about can you say jew if you're

not Jewish? He's I feel like it sounds derogatory, even though it is the correct term. Well, no, Well, if you're saying if you're just saying someone's Jewish and say oh, they're a Jew, like, is that it sounds dear to me? And I know that sounds Jewish, but it doesn't sound it doesn't it sounds I guess because people who say who talk derogatorially? How do you feel? Yeah, it's how it said. It's the tone. I think, yeah, right, like it is the tone, but there is something kind of

dirty about it. I agree, just say Jewish people. It's like you say he's Jewish or she's Jewish, not a Jew. I think it's you know, the way black he's black and he's African American news to be. I think now black culture has like adopted like we're black and that is like a fine way to say that's bad. That's what I'm saying. I can't say she is jew, she's a Jew? Well, yeah, that's not that's not the but I do feel And then I started to go, well, is my feeling that it feels weird based on my

own like is I'm not? Am I not saying it because I really want to like whatever it is comics to a lot of times a Jew like is a punchline, so we think of it. I think that's that's why, because every joke about Jewish people is not like, oh, don't be a Jewish person about this, it's don't be you know, So it's always just a quicker Jews a strong word. It's just like it's long. It's like clue, trash, like the word I was saying before, Like it has

a lot of crunch in it. And I don't mean to say, that's not what I was, just like the phonics of it is like crunchy, sticky, don't mean I I wept when I wasn't Jewish from my dad's twenty three in me. I want to be too, it's so bad. She was like, trash, No, it's it wasn't that. Put it in and copy and paste. Yeah, cut that out

and then put it back in. Um. Yeah. Look, when I grew up, I think I've told you a story where I went to temple with my Christian Italian friend on like a high holiday like Young Kippur or whatever. Neo Nazi spray painted my whole temple like six million

left died juice swastikause, like all six million left. Yeah, it's pretty clever, like, you know, because we six million Jewish people were killed in the Holocaust, so six million more to go, like the idea of like they only killed half of you that's that's not a statistic, that makes no sense. Well they're not the smartest people. Well you said it. You just said it was good kind of you really like it's pretty clever. I feel in there's nothing too much credit anyhow, because I don't think

there was six million left. It was six million killed. Yeah, like they left the earth or something. Yeah. I think he was talking more like six million more to go, like hypothetically like kind of thing. Like it was the anti semantics. Don't be anti anti Semitic. Just let them be. Let them have written what they wanted to write. And I remember my buddy has never been to the synagogue before. He's never you know, so he's seen this. Was it fresh paint, like it happened right before they did it

because it was the high Oh shit. And I just remember my friend being like, has happened all the time, like being like not, I think a funny job. You should see. The people are so jealous of Jewish people that I mean, that is that the so much hate for different people comes from this and just jealousy that you're not that you're not that, because I think that

there's reason to hate anyone unless you're jealous. Yeah, and they don't believe in Jesus, or you feel threatened in some way because you're jealous that they have something that

you want. Well, here's the weird thing is like when I was in public school with a bunch of you know, everyone pretty much had the same amount of middle income lower I never heard granted I left in like fourth fifth grade, fourth grade, but I never heard anything really about your jew Jewish Like if anyone found out there, it was nothing. And then I went to private school

called Christian School. Obviously there's going to be a little bit maybe more anti Semitic parents, but I think it's more about not just religion, but like Jewish people coming and making money and taking their might in fridge on our the things we want and where I live. You still couldn't be you couldn't be a member of certain country clubs. And that was just like if you're black

or Jewish, you can't be a member here. And those were friends of like like that was not long ago, but no one but then if you say this, I don't think people want understand how weird it is to be Jewish outside of like big cities. You know, yeah,

it really does get a little bit weird. But the thing about it that's different from a black part, like you don't have like you can say that people go, oh, you look at but people don't know it by looking at of course, of course, because we're sneaky, because we could pass this way. Yeah, you guys are so set.

Oh my god, it's so weird. Like I really do remember the first time hearing like a Jewish stereotype was when my dad was reading a joke of Sarah Silverman's out of like the New Yorker, and I was probably in high school, and it was like I was, you know, I was molested by a doctor, which as a Jewish girl is so bitter sweet, and I just didn't understand it. I still am like kind of like wait what, I

don't get it. Every Jewish mother wants he had to explain it to me, and I I understand anti Semitism is like heartbreaking, and but most of the stereotypes about Jewish people are like kind of I never understood. I was like, so they are good with money, and they are good in Hollywood, and they're funny and they have like little curly tendrils on their head. Like what it was bad about any that's like it just didn't seem But you know, there's a history there that I wasn't

aware of. You, like, I would love to have curls. That's where you're thing. I know, how do you did you when you live in New York City? Did you deal with anti Semitism or I don't want to like talk for people that grew up in the city, but just from what I noticed, like when I would tell the jokes of being from the South and being Jewish, they didn't hit as hard because I don't think people lived it as much, you know, not Okay, so like

not that way. Honestly. I think because I grew up in Brooklyn and it's pretty culturally diverse and stuff, I

never really experienced anything directly anti Semitic. But I think like through maturity or something, I realized that all those Jewish jokes that I would laugh at, or even if like they had like a positive connotation like Jews our doctors or whatever, like, I realized that like that creates anti Semitism, so it's like, I don't know, I guess like in that way, um, and then like having to

laugh at it is kind of like awkward. Oh yes, so I mean I can only relate as the only kind of I guess, not minority but disenfranchised group of which I'm a part of, as being a woman and jokes about like sexist jokes. You laugh because you want to just get along with people, but yeah, because you want to get to it before anyone else can hurt you. Yes, Dan Mints had an amazing joke this weekend. I went

to go see Dan Mins in um St. Charles. He's one of the best joke writers out there, and it was so It was the first I'm I can remember going to a comedy show ever and being served and like getting there and sitting at a table and like having a comedy experience. It was so fun. If you gotta go see him. Dan Min's he does the voice of Tina Belcher on Bob's Burger's, but he's he's one of my favorite joke writers ever ever. It's just all

one liners. He's looking at it. He has a paper and he does like two hundred jokes in a night jokes, But some of my favorites were, um, having long hair makes it really hard to get It makes it a lot harder to get a job, especially because you're probably a woman. And then the other one I really loved was he was like, my wife is the only one I've ever been with. The rest of the women were nines or tens. When they don't land, that's hard. He

just keeps rolling through. He'll he'll address it and go like, well, because he did up, he funked up a joke. He goes, every bell is this snake skin belt. If you think, if you really think about it, every belt is a snake skin belt. And no one laughed, and he goes, what did I say? Did I say? And we were just He goes, I should just tell you that, you guys, that joke is too smart for you all to get because there wasn't an aspect of it of like, was

that too over our heads? But he was like, no, the joke is every snake is a snake skin belt. He just up one word, which I've done before. When I tell the joke sometimes and it gets nothing, I either go I said it wrong or I already said it And on to show nights. It frequently happens where I have done the joke on the second show, I will not know if I have done the joke twice or because I know I've done it once, but I'm like, did I do it in this set or did I

do in the set before? So you realize it on stage? Now do you stop yourself? And God, did I do that joke? And then if no, immediately people be like, yeah, if you did it. Rarely happens that I did it. I would say maybe one in one percent of times I think I've said that joke, Have I actually said it again? Because I will call it out because I do not want people to go she I think of us yea of some sort. That would be so crazy if you did a half hour set and then the

same exact half hour but don't even address it. Would you like the rehearsal kind of thing? You know? What happens often is that you have this happened all all the time in the clubs. When I used to have just like random people open for me, I wouldn't watch their set and they would tackle a subject that then I would tackle and there would be no connective tissue to being like, I know you just heard about this,

and people would just be confounded. And then at the end of the week, I'd catch this guy's set and he's been doing the same set all week, and I go, oh my god, I have been doing the same subject matter very close to it, and these people must think I'm insane to have even gone. How does this guy also have a baggy pussy? Don't wait? Did they hook up? That? Is that why he knows that experience? Well? Yeah, it was, um what do you yeah? I mean it's uh, yeah,

it's funny, like I never have picked openers before. And you have to kind of think about that a little bit of like who what did they talk about? Well, not be dirtier than you have them, not um, talk about things that you're going to talk about, like subject wise, because you can, like I've told you certain times opening for me like don't talk about eating ass. And it's just it sounds like I'm like policing you, but it's

just because you can only ring that bell once. You're very you're very kind about material of what I can. I mean, usually we don't have too many things that cross over, but I've never felt once like keep it clean or whatever. Like it's literally been one line or one subject matter in three years, so it's like, but that that is stuff to think about. You can go see Andrew August Tuesday, UM coming up at zany is in Nashville, and you can see me in Vegas UM

on September two. I would love if you would go. Benedict Polasy from UM F Boy is opening of me a young or no? UM, Well, I always tell you not to do the shirtless part, but I'm going to actually ask him to include it in this UM. I'm excited for him to do it. It's gonna be fun. Does India Where does he live? He lives in Indiana? I think yeah, I'm pretty sure. But he's flying out for that, so that'll be fun. You'll get all. I think we'll do a little Q and A about F

Boy Island. I'd love for people if you want to plan a quick Las Vegas trip. It is UM Saturday, September two, and it is my last show before I have my chords uh taken out right? Now? Is there? I don't even want to put this out there, but I will because it's it's kind of fun to talk about. Are there chances at the surgery. But he's he said, in the thirty seven years i've been doing this, I've never had someone not like He goes, you have to

understand the risks because they are there. But and he's flying back from Israel the day before he gets in like that morning, and my mom was like I thought, my mom, because my mom was at the pre up meeting, and she was like, what about jet lag? Are you gonna have that? And he goes, I'm a surgeon, I've sleep anywhere. I like, yeah, she asked, it was a good question. At first, thing thought she was talking about me. I go, Mama, coming from St. Louis, it's gonna be

an hour different shut up about the jet lag. And she was like no him, And I go, someone's actually a good point. Um. But I I talked to um. A friend of mine had vocal cord surgery, John Mayer, and I reached out to him this weekend because I was having a lot of stress about it. That just started like I was nothing but excited, but all of a sudden, I'm like really scared about the three weeks if not talking like really like am I'm almost like

solitary confinement for my brain, Like am I gonna go insane? Like? How am I going if if you know, even leaving the building, like people in the elevator always are like chatty and like or if you know, someone holds a door for me and I don't say thank you, are they going to think I'm a sucking nothing. I'm gonna take my mouth shut so I don't talk in my sleep like that kind of thing. Are you gonna go to? Um? You know, Chris and I are going to go away to some sort of resort, and so no is the

answer to that. But I'm actually scared that if I go there, Noah, I will not someone might come across the cabin or like neighbors, and then I will I'll have to try to communicate, Like I just I got a T shirt that says, um vocal Rest can't talk Um. Chris and I are going to make more T shirts that I can, so every day I can just wear a T shirt because it's too hard to hold out your phone and be like here. But I d M John and was like, I know you went through this,

and he he did a lot longer. He did months and months, maybe a year. He was no talking and he said he suffered pretty hard the first for he said, I was going to discover things about myself. He said, it was gonna be amazing. You're gonna write so much, You're gonna learn things about yourself. You never knew it's going to be an amazing experience. Um. But in order to be social, get an iPad, put it on a stand, turn it around and you can go to dinner with people.

Turn it around, get a Bluetooth keyboard and just type on it and then it comes up on the iPad facing out. And that was his tip. And I thought that was so helpful, and I was so excited. And he asked me, you know, if the doctor said not to because he had the same doctor. Um. He asked me if he told him not or me not to work out, And I was like no, because he said sometimes when you work out, you're like, like you grunt,

and I'm like, I'm not doing any grunting. So mine's just like I can still work out, I can still eat because nothing really touches your vocal cords unless you're like choking on water. That's the only time something touches your vocal cords. Otherwise, Okay, when you swallowed me Yeah, I didn't really understand vocal courts. I don't think they have nerves, so I don't think it's going to hurt. You know, there's very light bleeding. It's mostly done with

like a laser. Um. It would be funny, like you get the surgery and then you have you now speak in an Asian accent, and then you you can't stop speaking, and everyone's like, dude, this is not right, and you're like, you don't understand the surgery. It's not me. Oh my god. That would suck. So I would choose to be silent

the rest of my life. If I just seemed like I was doing an impression of an Asian person, like you get canceled because you're I mean, what is the surgery exactly like it's done with it's called a oh man, let me just hold on. She's going to get something that explains the surgery. Um. What I'm guessing is they probably take a scalpel and they cut around the vocal cord, and what they do is they bleed it out. And then after you bleed out for about four or five days,

you can speak better. You gargle your own blood um, and then the blood vessels will then turn into a crystal telling them about it all. Yeah, I just explained exactly. Well, then I don't need to say anything because I'm sure you've nailed it. Essentially, it's the old medieval time of they bleed out your vocal cords. Oh my god, they put leeches on it, the nick version of what I'm doing. How funny is that, Dude, You're going for a cold and they're like, you know what, We're gonna drain your

body of blood. We're gonna put leeches and maggots on you. Well, leeches and maggots are actually maggots are great to clean out with the Noah's Favorite band. Okay, Um, So it's called suspension micro larin goscopy with laser and it's a green laser, so it's not it doesn't use it doesn't burn anything. It uses a green laser, a g laser, a glazer something. Mates call it um why not? You know? And if you google this doctor you will it's really interesting.

He's he's operated on fucking ever rewe ever. I mean, he's it's going to It was like going to Planet Hollywood to go to his office with how many pictures on the wall of so many. That's how I knew John went to him. I was like, oh, there's a sign thing. Is there any other like Joe Buck? Joe Buck is the reason I'm going to this guy. Joe Buck saved the day and swept in because I went to a vocal UH coach who you know, saw heard something.

I went to a doctor she recommended who trained under this doctor, and then um, I talked to Joe Buck about it. I was like, I think I'm gonna need this surgery because I knew he had had some. And he was like, you need to go to yeah wait what Oh yeah yeah the hair transplant thing. Yeah, that's how he sucked up his vocal cords because they put a tube in his throat, you know, like into for the surgery, and it sat on his vocal cords too long and damage them. So he got out of this

hair transplant surgery and he couldn't talk. And he's a broadcast. I mean, he's the voice of sports. I was thinking, because the guy talks obviously a lot, so he got it from an actual surgery, but you could get it all. Yeah, but usually had a different operation than I did. Yeah, mine, mine.

It was really nice to hear the doctor say, first of all, I got they stick a scope down your throat, and so they spray the stuff in your throat to numb it, and then they stick a scope down and then he makes me go, uh like do like ah and like sing and he said, You're the best I've ever had at this is that you were that you were the best I've ever had at sticking a scope down someone's throat and them singing and not gagging. He was like, you were the best at having something down

your throat and not gagging. And I was like, I was believing in college and my second life is but I really was. I no gag, refles, nothing, and I could sing perfectly. And he was like I've never He was like, you're great. And then my mom was like she as and he goes, well, her chords are terrible. He was like, this is so he looks at it and he was like, your mom's like I would never watch her perform a scope while singing. Sur I would never watch that myself, But I get why people would

like it. If I wasn't her mom, I would not be here right now. It was I got a mom, so uh. But he was the idea of your mom being like a cancer. What I'm going on, Luigi, what's going on? Wiping his butt hole on the ground? Here? Come here? Can I hit your butt hole? Come here? Well, mean the green lazer your butt hole off? Okay? So then so yeah, so you get the scope and then and then he's like, it's really you know, this is bad, and so my my chords. You know, it looks like

a vagina. There's like two sides to it, and it's all wet and mucacie, and it looked like the places where it hits it's like all calloused and bumpy on each side, and it's supposed to be smooth. And then I got this weird web space at the bottom that he might cut. He's going to be like, that might free up some more room, but then I'd have to stitch it up. So I'm going to actually make all I might have to have two surgeries, and which is another thing. He's like, I'll decide when I get in

there if it's going to be one or two. I'm never trying to make money off of you, Please don't think that, but this might need to which is just like, oh god, but but that's what I mean, I was going to dumble up on the surgeries because I'm out of work, So it's I might as well have maybe a little nipotech, a little ponytail lift. Um, let's talk about this and top one, bottom one all the week. Yeah we're back. Um, so yeah, I'm gonna sound I'm

gonna sound different. It's like I'm a little bit of gonna be too high or like like in the middle. Shocked that I don't get mocked more for my voice because it is harsh and low and um husky, But it's it's something that is I get recognized for my voice more than anything. Anytime someone recognizes me, they always go I heard your voice, and I go, I know that voice, and so what do you mean, Oh, David has been well that is a different voice entirely, So

people don't tend to recognize me on that. But um, yeah, it's it is. I don't think that happens to most people of where their voices. Although I was staying in l A this past week and I heard, yeah, well we're getting we're waiting for another two point three million to finance the deal, and so we're gonna we're gonna try to make it happen. And I was like, who the And I was like, that's a Baldwin. I looked over and it is definitely a Baldwin brother and I was like yes, because um, but so I do get

recognized for my voice. So there's a little part of me that's like, I know people are going to be like I miss because people hate change, and so I know I'm gonna have fans be like you sound weird. I don't like it. But the truth is like I'm not doing this for my speaking voice and doing this we can sing because my but like Keith Urban and I are having had the same surgery. And Keith Urban I was reading all these things about him and he

had always sung on a fucking broken voice. He didn't he he broke his voice early on in his career singing in like loud Australian pubs, and then for the rest of his career it just got progressively worse. But he was just like it was like running on a broken leg, like he just made it work, like he was Jackie channing at You ever see those videos of like Jackie chan like breaks his leg doing a stunt and then he just like keeps working on it. So

that's what Keith Urban was doing. And he said that once he had the surgery, it's he was able to write so much more and it freed up so much space because he was always so fucking worried about losing his voice, not being able to hit this note, like it was consuming his life. And then after he got it done, he he didn't know what it was like

to not worry about his voice. And every time I sing or do like a little like, you know, even by myself alone in my like you know, it's the thing I enjoyed most in the world, and every time I do it, I'm always like, how long do I

have before this gives out? Like I have a sweet spot of about ten minutes where my voice sounds the way I wanted to, and even then not really the way I wanted to, just the best that I can sound, and then the rest of the time it's ship and it's like I, after this, my speaking voice will be a little clearer, he said, I'll still probably have a little grit to it like I normally have, but that my vocal range in terms of singing is going to

be crazy, like exponentially different, And it's all because I think yelling in my childhood home, we like having a big house. When we moved into a bigger house, the yelling to communicate with each other, I think did broke me good. But it was just very I almost started crying when he was like, there's a lot of trauma on these vocal cords. Just the word trauma like validated,

like so. And my therapisty Is even noticed that when sometimes I'm talking to her on when we're on FaceTime, like when I'm having a hard time, when something is really affecting me, I just start grabbing my throat like this, and it's like that. She's like, that tells me that you have so much as being held back through your Yeah, I'm like, yeah, please like me. He's still came pretty and young. You said that like fans are sorry. You said that fans might be upset that your voice might

sound different. But I was watching an old clip, and your voice has changed over the years. You still have, like, yes, the same quality that makes it recognizable, but I think like your pitch has changed totally. I listened to even if you watch perfect or even if you listen to you Up, like some clips from that, I sound much younger and like Spryer and yeah, it's just I'm so freaking excited to get that back and to have like a a voice that isn't like grizzled and like my

cords are just struggling every day. And the cool thing like Steven Tyler has a lot of damage on his vocal chords I've heard, but he makes the little space that he does of his chords that actually are soft, and like he makes that little space work. He's like a genius. He's figured out a way through just training to keep to maintain even though he has damaged. So like your chords, you don't really have control over them. They're not muscles that you can control. But some singers

that's why they're better than others. There's something that they can do in there to make it work that I haven't been able to do. It's so um so it's yeah, I'm I'm I think that if I'm able to like sing well and train it, It's like getting my guitar fixed. It's like I'm trying to play with a guitar that has one baggy string and like going like why this is really what I want to do for a living? Put like well, you're never going to be good if

you have a shitty guitar. I feel like the second week is going to be the toughest, obviously, So I think the second week you're gonna start going okay, like because the first week it's kind of it's like a new challenge. It's kind of cool. I don't have to talk to people. I can actually focus on writing. I don't have to really do anything, which is so nice for the first time in your watches. I love to talk. I really love not talking like I love it. I

love a fucking nothing. I love especially if I'm like having a little bit of a depression, like I just want to be I don't like talking to people in elevators. I don't like Today I got a weird fan thing. I was at Starbucks, got my coffee set down and just to like, yeah, just to have a couple of SIPs and to think about our top one bottom one.

I was just trying to like sit down and think for a second, and this girl across the way just goes, good morning, Nicky Glazer, Hi, Nikki Glazer, and I just go oh hi, And I didn't know what elsepposed to do with it, because I didn't want to have a conversation that almost sounded passive aggressive. Yeah, it was just like I know, I know who you are, and it was like it was fine, but maybe just add to it like a big fan or like oh I know you from this or like not just like did we

go to high school? Like I don't know. So I felt rude that I didn't go, Hi, what's your name? But she didn't seem to even want that. She just wanted to go, I know who you are, and so that was interesting. Yeah, Hi, Nikki Glazer. She was very sweet. What was that was it? Breat Larson? Oh my god, Bree Larson knows who I mean. I was in train Wreck with Brie Larson and we went to lunch together I think once or twice during that process, and I

definitely talked to her. And this was before she was Marvel Yeah Les masal Um, before she was like superhero Bree Larson. She was you know, played Amy's sister in train Wreck where they were underground or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah that was great. I read that book. I didn't see the film, but um, she was very nice, so she knew I think I don't know she connected that

I'm that person that she's watching on FY Island. But last night on her Instagram stories got a lot of people messaging me being like Brie Larsen's watching boy and she was like, when you're supposed to be memorizing lines and preparing for tomorrow's work day, but you can't stop binging f Y Island. And then she just kept writing like facial expressions of like watching being like like and so it was like, y, yeah, I mean, there's it's

so funny, like how marketing works now. It's like that will get more people to watch the show that necessarily when I watched it, than any commercial or billboard is about. It makes me regret not doing what you said with my reality show of asking my famous friends to just post about it, because it made me realize, like that does get me to watch things is when I see someone who's taste I trust or who I'm a fan of is watching something that's the biggest endorsement ever. Dude.

It was funny. I got recognized that golf Galaxy. I went, of course, just as a guy that's on the range, that guy that's there every day, do you work here? He's like, you don't have enough money for how much you spend here, And I was like, I know, um it was funny though. I showed up right when it

was opening at like nine am. And there's so there's a I'll keep it short, but there's like a famous guy that makes putters named Scotty Cameron, and he makes these special select ones and so right away they'll be they'll jump in value by like double if you could buy one. And next thing I know, I'm on a line. I just was dropping Brenner off at work because her window got knocked out again. That's a whole another and uh and I'm and next thing I know, I'm in

line to get a putter. I don't even want the putter. And there's a whole bidding war going on. People are standing in line. It makes you want it because it's in demand. Other people are wanting it. There's a line and it's already on the internet for and how much does it cost? Six? Okay, so double? So aways a long story short like the there's kids that can't even afford it selling their place in line. I'm like and

they're like, what do you want? I was like, I'm just here to get tease, Like I don't even want to be part. It's just funny to be like anyways, one of those guys that was in the line to get one recognize me and like what was really nice he want? He like really is into the podcast and like sweetest dude ever. And then his other buddy came up, you do podcasts and I was like yeah, He's like

I don't know who you are. And I was like, I'm not even try I'm not even trying to like it, like you love this and I want to let you know that you're not as cool as you think. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just trying to put end up being a nice guy. But you know it is. Um. It was just a funny moment of being like caught in a bidding war that you're not even supposed to be.

And it's like it's funny to think, like if like you you go downtown and next thing you know, you're in a protest and you're like, I'm not even part of this protest, you know what I mean, Like, oh, these people are protesting abortion. I'm just getting a yes. Sorry. Chris is entering the building. He's gonna be on the show tomorrow, which we're gonna tape right after this. Let's get to final thoughts. Um so final that. Let's just do top one Bottom one real quick. Today's Top one

Bottom one. The subject is a party that you've been to. Party that you've been to. Okay, the worst party I've ever been to was the one my sister through in high school at my parents house when they were out of town. She was a sophomore. No, she was a freshman. I was a junior. Um. She was very popular, and so they were like seniors coming. I was a junior, and there were seniors showing up for like my sister, and it got so out of hand. Too many people

found out about it. Everyone showed up, kids were drinking, stealing my parents like her a guy. A kid threw up in my parents bedroom like this, like bright red throw up everywhere. Um. My sister left at one point, did get froyo with my friends and left me to deal with the party. I literally slapped her in the face because I was so mad at her. Yeah, because I just felt like, you were so fucking kid right now not showing any accountability for this. It is out

of control. It's I mean, I think like walked out of the room. I mean it, I don't know if I did hit her or if I wanted to so bad. I remember almost there I did her, like I can't remember, because it might as well have happened because I wanted to so badly. The next morning, like kids were having sex in bedrooms. I mean, it was insane. And the whole time I'm running around just trying to manage it.

And the next day I found, uh, my parents like liquor that I was that I had protected all night long, had been drunk as soon as I went to bed eventually, and I found the empty bottles and I just walked out and was like, oh, drave this, and then chased kids out of my house down they ran for me. I chased them with the bottle holding it, screaming down my street and hardly wait. Like that girl that you know, like from the party that in the blue dress. I

was that girl. And I cleaned everything up, and my parents came back in town and they it was really creepy because my dad walked in he goes, it smells like sex in here. I swear he said, it smells like sex, And I was like, I don't even know what the funk that meant, but he knew something had happened. And then um, they found they found a vodka bottle cap and that broke open the whole thing. And then you know, my sister was probably grounded for a day

or something. My parents aren't good at enforcing, you know. But that was betrayed by my friends. I felt betrayed by my sister, Like they were like, just went off with my sister, get throw you and left me at this party with all these fucking freshman and these seniors that were showing up that I was like trying to be cool in front of, but I was also trying

to like man, it was just it was awful. I mean, what kind of person has a party at their parents house and then gets fucked up and they're like, yeah, let's keep breaking and ship like you know, it's never fun for the person hosting. Never never just want to be cool people to like you, you know what I mean, Like you want like you want some recognition, and there's always a fight. There's always a fight. And that's why I was trying to rack my brain to try to

think of my parties today. I couldn't think of like my favorite parties because I was like, and then I go, well, think about your birthday parties and think about parties, and I was like, never has mine, Like we talked about this, any celebration of me, I am not going to be having the best time as possible because I am worried about everyone else having fun, and you know, especially if it's in my house, like and definitely would never have

a party at my own house. I mean that sounds like complete hell, Like people just judging my hand towels. I couldn't even handle it. Um, that's my biggest concern is like the handhels in the bathroom, they like don't match anything there. Sometimes you'll find them on the stove hangar, like the door, Like handgels couldn't go anywhere in my house. And I know that certain women are like this is the bathroom once and the glazer really just her hand

towels or just really Yeah? What about your favorite party or your least favorite? Well, my least favorite, I guess is probably in high school when I shipped my pants and was that a party? It was a party in your pants? Yeah, and there was a party in there and everyone died. Yeah. I just I mean, I think

I've told the story on here before. But just I'm trying to impress like ten of the coolest guys by getting funked up smoking some weed, got a twenty four hour virus shipped in my friend's bed, and then they yelled at me while I was naked in the shower like crying, and uh, I'm like, I'm naked, don't come in, and they made me sleep on you're so worried about getting made fun of at school that Monday, but that Monday next weekend. So for about four days I was

ship boy. And then someone shipped their pants way worse. Which was the best party I've ever been because that guy saved my life anyhow. But yeah, um no, what what's your body's favorite party? Okay? Least favorite party was at a company that I worked for, and they definitely had a lot of resources and money to throw the employees good holiday parties. But one year they threw a party for us in like the lobby of the office, and the food that they ordered was like all cold.

They had these like cold like meat sticks, and I just remember feeling like this sucks, just realizing this place doesn't give a funk about you, even when you're celebrating you. It's like I shipped myself and in the lobby. I mean, honestly, her sounds worse time where you're like, you know this, we're gonna celebrate working at this shitty place. We're gonna

enjoy each other's company. It's just example of it. There was some thing on Reddit that I saw recently of someone that works at Michael's, you know, the craft store. It was like employee celebration and it was like a gift and you scratch off to figure out what you wanted. It says unpaid time off. So it's like it's moments like that where you just go they give you little tree, and they just give you a little there, like here's

a you know, oh there's ping pong here. Oh my god, I'll live here, you know, die here making an Excel spreadsheet so I can play ping pong for an hour. Man.

I was walking by an office place the other day and just look inside and just saw these women wearing these uncomfortable shoes and like these you know, skirts that they didn't want to be wearing and having to sit at these just it's if you work in if you have a s s DJ my heart goes out to you, and um, I want to hear about just there must be something nice though about being able to leave it there. And I hope that if you do have one of those jobs, you don't have to take it home with you.

The stress doesn't come home and you can just like pick it back up when you get there. But oftentimes those things follow you. The best already I ever went to was the premiere party for the movie Snatched that Amy was in with Goldie Hawn. She invited all of us to go. We get to go in the red carpet and then we saw the movie, which was I really love that movie if you haven't seen it with Goldie Hawn, Wanda Sykes, Amy Schumer so good. Um. But

afterwards the premiere party, it was nice. Like those parties are always so swanky and like great food that's warm, not in a lobby, you know though, I just I don't feel I don't know l a parties do not make me nervous because I just know where I stand and like I'll go in these red carpets. This is an example of one of them where Rachel and I, Rachel Fines and I are there but we know no one gives a funk about us. I mean this was six years ago, and like, no one knows who I am.

And I love that because it's like you just know, you know where you stand. You're not trying to be anything you're not. And I would go, Rachel, let's do

the carpet. And then you know, usually when you want to red carpet, your publicist follows like in front of you and go and tells the photographers this is Nicky Glazer, she is the star of this, or like either if you're the start of it, they know who you are, but if it's like you're just there at the premier, they'll say she's got this coming up and then everyone's like Nicky over here, took and they don't even know who you are, but they know because the publicists announced you.

And I saw that happening all the time, and I was like, all I need to do is do that for myself. So I'm like, I'm Nicki Glazer, this is Rachel fine Stein. We're the next big things in comedy. We're gonna be famous. You're gonna want to have photos of us. They're going to be sold at some point, like just and so the star ropers would laugh and then they take a couple of photos and then you get ahead of it. You would just address the obvious.

So what happened at the party. So then the best part about the party was the after party because Goldie Hawn had Amy and select friends over to her house and we got to party and sit with Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell in this amazing house and Kurt's make like mix and drinks and there's great music and we're just sitting on I just remember sitting with Goldie Hawn around a fire on their like back porch, having a private conversation with Goldie Hawn with you know, other people, but

just being like this is the coolest thing ever, and she's treating me like um. You know. Amy always did a good job of making her friends who weren't famous co mingled with her famous friends in a really seamless way where everyone respected each other. You know, I met Diane Sawyer through Amy that Diane saur came over to Amy's house one time. I'm just in a kitchen talking

to Diane Sawyer. I mean, there were just so many examples of that, but that was that was one moment where I was like you know, I snuck a picture I think, you know, just to be like mom, I'm at Goldie Hawns house. So in terms of like fun, I don't remember any of the fun we had, but it was just a cool moment. Yeah what about you? Um. Surprisingly, it was for my own birthday, my thirtieth, my brother

through that surprise birthday. I show up and everyone dressed in medieval time, and everyone's dressed as some kind of medieval thing. One guy is wearing the best thing. He wore a hoosier Indiana. Who's your sweater? And he was he was Bobby Night which so night like. And then you know, my one friend dressed as not everyone's stuck dress. Parties are fun because, you know what, they take the pressure off because well, we're all gonna look yeah, we're

all dumb. And so we go to medieval times and I'm dressed as the King and I take the king spotlight. Then next thing, you know, the party, we have a

drunk bus. We go to this one party. My two friends are dressed as the Burger Kings and my buddies on the on the bull with no underwearing Oh my god, gross, he's riding the bulls going and you see everyone able to see his dicking balls and everyone's going, oh my, you just as people the King and I'm in the shower and everyone's like, dude, did you see the Kings?

Why is it so fun to see people's reactions. There's this video I saw yesterday of this baby that his mom put eyebrow I was on him, you know, these eyebrows, and the baby's facing the mom and again away from the door, and you see the dad get home from like a construction job. He's in this like neon, like fucking neon fucking sweatshirt, and you see him walk in and then you see the dad like kind of double

take on the baby and just start laughing. And it just makes you so happy to wait for a reaction when you notice is something. There's something so gratifying him see people getting grossed out by something. I used to always watch reaction videos to Two Girls One Cup like that was that was the first time where you were like, oh, this must be bad. I mean that's what Cigar and them do. Was that live show? Yeah, it's all about reaction.

It is good. And it was a crazy night, best party, so the best party that I could think of um was on the roof of the building that you worked on hot meat. We had hot meat. Well it was okay. So UM, my friend Roland he got me and my best friend Rob into the w w E two K event, which is like the video game that ww puts out right before SummerSlam. And this is like maybe five years ago.

I was so obsessed with wrestling. So we got to like interview wrestlers for a podcast, and then there was the after party, and um, one of the wrestlers, her name is Sasha Banks. Her cousin or her uncle is Snoop Dogg. So he came out and he was djaying and like passing around blunts and stuff. Oh my god.

And I just remember like having the most fun because I could see wrestlers and they were just talking to everyone and you just like have conversations with wrestlers and they're just and you didn't feel like you didn't belong. I didn't feel like I didn't belong. I didn't feel like it was work. I didn't feel like I was like nobody amongst celebrities, you know, because everyone was just like engaging and just having a good time. Was it weird?

Meaning the wrestlers like in regular Like you see this guy's like expo, like in fucking tights and then you see him like, hey, how are you Yes? How she dress as a night Oh wait, I'm mixing up my parties. They look so big on TV or even like seeing them in the ring and stuff. They just look like figurines. Even the women. So with the exception of Charlotte Flair, who is like six ft three or something like, the rest of them are tiny or smaller. Yeah, that's the

thing about famous people. They're always smaller and fucking I don't know when that one where they wore all black when they became like there was three of the guys. It's the biggest people I've ever seen in my Sometimes they're they're either gigantic or smaller. Yeah, that is true. I saw a picture of this is the last thing I'll say Ben Affleck. This week, I was looking at paparazzi shots from their wedding that j Loo and Ben

got married. Um. Ben Affleck is walking down the street with his daughter, Violet, who is fifteen, and she is just probably two inches shorter than him, and I looked up ben Affleck's height to be like what is going on here? This? And she looks exactly like Jennifer Garner exactly, but she is and she's wearing flats. She's walking like with her arm around him, so like there's not a dep thing. It's not a Johnny Depp thing. And it

was crazy and I looked it up. He's six two and a half, so this girl is six ft at fifteen. I'm so jealous. I think it's so cool. I love the tall lady. Did you see the video of him taking photos with people while you're smoking a cigarette? I gotta show it to you. So he's doing the nicest thing ever while being so upset that he has to take photos with regular people smoking. Is it recent? Oh? I thought it was. And then like he's smiling, and then all of a sudden you see him just like

is that zoom and meeting where your face? Just buy guys, thanks so much, thank good drop all right, speaking of dropping out, we gotta Oh, we're gonna take a new podcast that will be out tomorrow with Chris to look forward to that. Come see me in Vegas September two. Go see Andrew Agust thirtieth at Saints in Nahville. Show up. We would love to meet you and see you and don't be cool. And Jack Carlotte