The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nils, here's Nicky. Hello here, I am its Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. It is Thursday. I made it through a Wheah, we really did, We really did. That's the voice of my um. Recurring guests this week and recurring boyfriend. And I gotta say, you're looking very handsome. Thank you. You look lovely and so does your mom. And my mom is also here. Everyone
wanting the show, Jolly Glazer and Chris Convey here. Chris Convey on The Courtney Show, which is not only a radio show but a in St. Louis said, you're here one of six point five the Arch but you can also listen on the Arch app. If you are not in local you can listen live on the Arch app, which I do every morning because I am not in my car. Or you can listen to the court Show podcast anywhere. It would be a long way to get through,
but we mentioned Nikki. Basically every day you do it is a fabric of the sh It is fun to be listening and to just like hear them get on, get you you guys, like we'll get on a subject that I'm like, I know. Chris has an anecdote like, and then all of a sudden, my name comes up, and it's like it's not even just you, like Brando and Courtney, like I'm I'm in the theme song the same time. It's awesome. And then we're gonna start talking
about you a lot, Mrs and Noah. Now now that I know that all these new things about her, we're gonna start talking about her we just learned. I mean it, fascinating, woman. What did you just learn about my mom? I just learned that that wasn't her first language? What isn't English? Yes? So what is your first language? First language is Hebrew? Hebrew? Okay, got it? What are you steen favorite things about Noah? No, please don't do this to me. I don't you should know.
I hate being on the spot like this name fifteen right now. But I'm not going to have to put her on the spot. But no, I love Noah. Yes, I've been to her home in Arizona. Yeah, they like hung out my mom and dad. We're in Arizona for a month. I'm not gonna say which one because my mom doesn't want people to know when she's out of town. Exactly, NICKI, if you let people know when I'm on to eat,
they're gonna come. They're gonna steal our artifacts. Your dad has artifacts, They're worth a lot of He has arrowheads. You guys do not even bother trying to rob my parents if it takes takes the driftwood. My mom doesn't even know where she's hidden things that are valuable. My mom hides valuable things, and they're they're hidden for what and well forever for like she doesn't she'll she'll hide things and then won't remember where she put them. Sometimes
I'm so good at hiding. Do you ever find things like years later and you're like, I've been looking for this? Of course, of course you kid me. I don't know why am I here because you could just you could just see me, Nikki, that would be oh my god, my poor mom. I was in such a two this morning because I was like running around packing and I'm also trying to stay on vocal rest, and so she's like, don't talk, NICKI stop talking. And then she's like, are
you being good about talking and about not talking? And I'm like, the truth is I haven't been great about it. That's not what you said. No, well, I said, well, I'm telling you. I said, it's none of your business,
because here's it is. But my answer to that was like, do you ever have people ask you a question, and especially like your mom or someone that cares about you, and you know that the answer is not going to be what they want, So you're only The answer that I was going to give her, if I was being honest, is no, I haven't been great. And then the answer the thing that will proceed, that proceed that will be well, Nick, you got it. There's not going to be like, oh,
it's only going to be a she thinks she does. Well. What were you going to say if I said, no, Mom, I haven't been good. No, well you gotta be good. You're not contributing. You have no information to give me. After that sentence, then just a shame or scold, which I'm already doing to myself every time I talk. Here's the thing, Okay, I have not We have not conversed period since you've gotten these polyps. So I don't know anything polyps for twenty years, honestly, and so you guys
haven't talked in a long time. So we even talked, and this explains, it explains why we haven't talked but no, all I was really looking for was I never heard what the doctor said, what anyone has said, and we just let's just run the conversation and what you would have said if I gave you the right answer. We asked me again, let's just do it. Let's just say it's okay, okay. Have you been good with your voice? Honestly? No? Really?
What what have you been doing? I've been talking, yeah, I mean as the doctor said that's allowed, or no, they said it's not good. Oh, because I didn't know what the doctor said. Okay, well they said it's not good, and I love and not following the doctor's well, what can I say? I'm I'm not gonna say anything. I'm gonna I'm not allowed to say anything. You will never know what you know. There's another example of it. Of Um, what was the other thing we got into this morning
where I was rude to you? God, I mean it just came right off the bat. Um. Remember the first time that Nikki was rude to you? Remember when going like it's too room me in here? You were like what you do? You were crying right off the bat. I was like, No, when did have become a bit like when did Nikki Che's right off the bat, we're gonna know when did it? Like I do, I do
want to know because I'm trying to. I'm kind of become interested in the fact that I might be a little bit autistic because one of the best he sent me a book recommendation that And then yesterday after the podcast, someone wrote me and said, you might have borderline person disorder, and then I looked that up and I was like, oh God, even though the only thing I don't have for borderline, I pretty much do all the checklists. I don't.
I don't have fits of anger, and I don't even though I want to A lot of times I don't, like I do like get up set. But I think it's a normal amount people with borderline like scream and like we'll cut people off really brazenly and just be like like shut people out of their life, like in an instant, and it's really like you. That just didn't resonate with me, and I sent it to Anya, who knows me very well, and she was like, I know
people with borderline, you don't do this. And even though I've wanted to cut people off and be like we're done here, I don't normally follow through on that, but I do have that desire. Does that make it? I don't know. I have to get on you goes, you have to get to I had noosed bike a psychiatrist, and I was like, I do you think I think a bestie is a doctor someone damning me? Of course I know, but there are besties who you don't either suffer with these things or no people and might have.
And there is something about you know, googling what you have and like everything leads to cancer or whatever, but like there are times where you can find out what you are and then go consulted dr and be like, hey, I read a checklist in some of these things. So anyway, anyway, I've been reading this book about neurodie divergence and where do I fit in this? I was wondering as my borderline, like when I was a child, I had sensory issues
with socks. Yeah, you did, Like I remember just blankets, certain blankets, certain socks, Like what would you but I understand it kind yeah what would I do? Well, you would go, no, I can't have that, Like I don't
like that. I just remember being on our in the first house we lived in St. Louis and having to put on those socks that I had to wear to the Catholic school I went to and it's part of my uniform, so like I have to and it's like also we're new in town and my mom just doesn't want her daughter to look unpresentable, and like I just remember being like Nikki, you have to wear these and it was like putting on a like because it's a canvas,
it's like sandpaper. No, they were just they're like they were nice wool socks that were soft, like most people like them. But it was just like hell, I think they were cheaper sucks, like they were thinner sucks and you were used to it. Just don't know, I don't like it. It's like it was like it's not a chalkboard, that's kind of your like it's in your mouth all this stuff, like like I can feel that's like eating it.
It's like Kirsen used to put her socks in her mouth when we go to gymnastics, just to torture me and be liked fine to be like stop it, um, But when did I become like a straight up like when did I? Because I think a lot of people have kepen a bitch. Who would ever say a child's a bit anyway? No one would do that. Okay, maybe that, oh boy, you said it a lot, But that's I understand it, because I think I was. And it's like
so hard to deal with. Like everyone talks about this, Like everyone I know that has kids that have made it to teenage years they always say I thought I was ready, but it's something happens around this age and it becomes very like your kids go from sweet to like they are like get away and like I hate you, Like when did that happen? I mean I can remember you throwing fits like when you were three too, I mean you were we could tell that you were just
not you were. Did Lauren profits not like that you were? I mean you were kids that were totally different children. Was there any part of you that was like we should get this looked at or was it it wasn't like that extreme? No, Because I had a sister kind of you reminded me of my sister Peggy, Yeah, growing up, and I was like, I thought it was kind of normal. I was like, well, that's what little kids do. And me and Peggy are very similar kind of on our
adulthood as well. You definitely are right, I think, so that's so weird, but you don't think so, But no, I do think so, okay, good, she's very successful. Yeah, she's driven. She one time we went to a spinning class together. Spin not spinning, spinning class. I think it's spinning class. Now it's called a spin class. Hate say biking class, like recumbent not recumbent, but like stationary bike class. Just say that. When it started seeing spinning, I was
just like I hate that. It was like kind of a rapid to me. So but now I've accepted it's part of the lexicon. But I remember we went to a spin class once and she we were so we're both competitive people, obviously, Like that's what makes us driven. I think she's she you know, she started her own graphic design company in San Francisco and became a Fortune
five hundred company shortly after. Like she's so impressive in her field and as this like independent woman, like who has just made her own money and like made her own name for herself. She's like so impressive. So we went to the spin glass and we there was just this tacit like competition between you know, niece and aunt, and I have never worked out so hard in my life because I wanted to keep up with her because
she's very fit. Um, I threw up. I fell off the bike and threw up because in I got to the bathroom. But I've never like I've heard will Smith be like, you didn't have a workout unless she throw up, like next to each other, installs throwing up because you made each other. I mean that was later after lunch. But um, just kidding, just kidding, but wait, I want to hear that. Yeah, yeah, so I'm just reading this book, but it's just making me kind of look at things.
I was so mad at her when she when you went out there, why because you threw up? You she worked you so hard. She didn't do it. I know what makes you do anything. We went to a spin glass. I chose to be like those classes. You set your own settings on the bike and they say, hey, if you want to go to an eight, go but no one's going like if you don't. She wasn't like holding a gun to my head. I think you didn't hit your had wine the night before too. Oh, probably that's
why you probably get sick. No, No, it was because I was working out too hard. Well, I know, but you had drinks the night before. But it was my own fault. She I love when you go, I'm mad at her. She did well. No, she's a very act. When I visit her, She's like, We're going in a seventeen mile hike up this mountain. I'm like, f you, I'm not going up that mountain for you know. She does that to you. She does, and then you feel guilty,
like a loser if you don't follow. She's so when she comes to St. Louis, you should do the same thing to her. You should be like, we're going to seventeen goodwill exactly. She she'd be throwing up in the bathroom. She speaking of like feats of endurance. I'm guess how many miles Chris, because many hours. Chris rode his bike last Friday Sunday. Okay, last Sunday, New York City, Chris went to visit his friend Vaughn, who he's he's Chris is going to Europe in not I'm not going to
say when, because his house will be abandoned. You might go in there and get say it's in but um, that's my mom's nick. Her posts when we're out of towns. Um, so he's going out of town. He's going to Europe. Um, what are the dates and what's your address? And uh he is, Um, he's going on this bike trip to explain what you're doing. So I've got I've got these
four friends and we go. We've gone like for several years now in these big bike trips, and one of our friends is just this he's just an amazing human person. And he sets up these unreal bike trips where you're doing like, you know, hundreds of miles in a few days. And I made him already. No, it's actually it does sound articulating. Just kid, I wish you did, Thank you, thank you. Anyway, we go in these big elaborate trips
and we're going to Iceland, and he's got Iceland. He's got like four and a half days of just beautiful cycling. We're gonna go see the the lava. What there's lava right now? I've I haven't told you yet what really? Yeah, so there's there's like an active volcano right now. It's not like erupting, but the but the lava is it a rap because that's a rap? A to my ears you're gonna be don't be in danger. I'm not going to be. Chris is a little bit of a ledge head,
which is a thing that we coined. It's people like to get close to the ledge when they're taking pictures or when you're like at like Brenna Andrew coined it. Brenna is a ledge head. Like she will they will go to Castlewood Park and there's like a lookout and she'll go to a place that's like if if by any chance, there was some erosion that happened that day, she would fall to her death. But you know it's
not unlikely. She's just she just takes it to the next level where it's like, okay, if you if you got dizzy right now and felt you would die, and that's not going to happen. But like I always stand from a distance that even if I like somehow got you started having a seizure, I would not tumble off the mountain. But like, ledgeheads just live on the edge. And you say that she's going to die, but that's
just alleged, head Lee, it's not definitely gonna happen. And you don't want to be a dad um that so um yeah, you're a bit of alleged head in that way. Like we when we were in keen Um up in New York, there were just times where Chris was just getting a little too close to the ledge and I
was just like, this guy's gonna die. And then he was telling me about these bike trips and he's like, I go, I like going fast down that I'm really bad at going up the hills because I'm not as strong as the other guys hard they're all a lot stronger than I am, but going down the hills, you
like to fly smash them all. Well, And that what he says, that he even goes faster down the hills than the trainer that you guys are like the guy, Well, no, I was following closely behind a pro who wasn't going as fast as he could, but I was keeping up with a guy who's who's been in like the Tour de France, and I was it was like probably the proudest I've ever been in my life. And he wasn't even trying. He was just like letting gravity do It's you know, it's it's job that tells me. That tells
me that guy it's reckless. Rick As he's Chris should not be keeping up. Chris isn't a pro, so the fact that you're going as fast as a pro makes it me feel like, listen, I don't want to make it sound like I was keeping up with a pro, because I wasn't. I was going down without breaking as much as my friends were there to break a lot down. I talked about this before when we watched a dumb movie not it's not dumb movie with that guy that
wanted to climb those thirteen peaks. You know, I don't know why I keep going back to the well them, so we claim that's what I want to do. I would watch thirteen Fast and Furious is in No one's ever done it in one year. Most times it takes seven years to accomplish that. So I'm going to do
what that guy did. But anyway, watch the show, and I got so mad at Chris because he was like, there's this one hill or hill, this is one mountain called K two, and they're like people that climbed Maybe it was Anna Parner or Caju, but um, it was like fifty of the people that attempt this die and I go because Christ the all time, I was like God,
this looks so fun. I would love to do this stuff, and I'm just like kind of keeping my mouth to just you know, about the other mountains that aren't as treacherous. And then we get to K two and I go, would you do that one? And he's like yeah, And I go, with the fifty percent chance of dying, you would do that? And he goes yeah, I've wanted to do all of that for a while. But it's just casually the way people are just like, oh, I want to be an astronaut, or like I want to do
these cool things. But I would have somebody would If I could get somebody to fund the whole project, I would be like, yeah, i'd be there tomorrow. I'd start training. But with a chance of dying. Yes, the people don't fifty chance going up K tom yes one and evert mom, Yes, I swear to god. It was on the documentary that is the stat fifty percent of people who attempt it. Or maybe it's like, let's say it's why would you do something where the people who trained to do this
of them done, Why would you do that? I don't understand it. It was because they would be awesome, but you have you only have one life in that is like an accomplishment like that would make you. I think that would that would change you fundamentally if you could have, yeah, change you because you won't be existing anymore. There's but I really don't understand that. There's nothing. There's no thing in the world that I would do for the experience
that was chance of me dying. No, no thing you really wouldn't like if you if like, what is a big dream of yours? Like for me with Taylor Swift in an arena show at Madison Square Garden and there was never, Never in a million years would I do that because I want to live and that is a high percentage of dying. You gotta go to break well to explore this more. When we get back right after this, Andrew Andrew, Um, what would you say, Mom? Well, I
mean I felt bad Andrew's gone. Chris and I are taking his place, Andrew's and Jackson Hole, Wyoming when he's having he lives in an apartment. What what I'm worried about Andrew's apartment. I don't know why. I even we wouldn't want anyone stealing his Willie Nelson or you know, his clubs that is precious clubs are probably locked up no knowing Andrew. They he keeps them in his apartment
and do you think they closet? But I also think he probably just keeps him in his trunk in his car because he goes so often out so his cars parked on the second left. They just slept in between. And he does love them and their king size. He does love them. They do have a king size bed, and Babe, we gotta you have to, I have to.
I can't. I can't do it anymore either. Like we were talking last night about like our relationship and like things that we want to do to show each other like we're in this and I was like, I was on a run the other day and I was like, getting a king size bed will be a message to Chris. I care about him in his comfort. I haven't wanted to say it because it's just like I'm not going to pressure my sweet lady into like getting a king size bed when she's got a bed that she really
is happy with. I'm not happy, But this is the greatest news Jet. It is the best thing that we ever did, getting a king's eyes bed. I'm not kidding right now, Like I'm ordering it. You are sniping in so quick. I think you should get the king size and give me. But but you just said the best thing you ever did was I have a queen. Why do you want to go back because I need one for the extra bed room? All right, just get chicken? Say it with it, one to three chicken again, Just
skidding the whole episode that. Yeah, Mom, is there anything you would do with the chance of dying? And I know smoking is something you did for thirty three years of your life? Said was kind of maybe you've got back. How do you know thirty three? I just had to actually go to the doctor yesterday and get all this lung stuff done. And what do we see? Well, I haven't told you all this, but my last time I
went to the doctor. I oh that's much better. Uh, the last time, the last time I went to the doctor. I mean I've had you know, I've had a collapse alung before. And I haven't spoke for fourteen years. I know, my mom quit, How do you quit? Called turkey? That's not true. Yes it is. No it's not, yes it is. You use the Alan Carr method, Mom, And I was called turkey. No it's not yet. Yes, it's saying I'm not smoking anymore. You can smoke the whole time you're
reading the book. Yeah, that book. At the end of the book he stopped smoking. You do. But that's not cold turkey. Cold turkey is not using any method. That's a method. It's a good help people quit smoking. Because pul turkey does not work, you will go back to it. It's people that people have that success with the Algard method is how you quit smoking. Okay, all right, well
I definitely have to give a credit. Yeah, okay. So anyway, on my last report, I did had a whole um physical and uh it came back like I'm reading the bye lines underneath and said emphysema. And I called my doctor. I said, oh my god, it says I have emphysemas. She said, no, you don't. So she said, let me call thee let me call the technician. So I was like freaking out. I didn't want to tell you any of this because I didn't know what was going on.
So yesterday I took six months to get into this pulmonary doctor that I had to go through all these tests. Yesterday and pulmonary pulmonary dr Menary Okay, Paul, Dr Pulmonary. I hear he's good. He's so good, he's actually you make fun of my dad care you know the other one. I don't eve want to mention any It wouldn't have killed on my show. It would have gotten a lot of eye rolls. Anyway. So I went through all these tests and then you get an X ray and I
went into this doctor all morning. So for six months you thought you might have emphas ema. Yeah, and you didn't tell me. Yeah, because because it was not my business. Because it's not your business. Okay, well it is kind of your business. You are my daughter. So I was gonna after I found out the test, and we don't talk that often. So, yeah, it's the polyps thing, and we haven't talked. Okay. Anyway, it turns out she's like you have. She said, I wouldn't have even seen this
on the x ray. You have great lung capacity all. She said, you have so little emphysema that it's not worth talking about. But you do have it. Oh yeah, I mean I smect you. You You you just get emphasima. You probably, but she said it's not going to get any worse. Oh oh my god, she said it is so faint, you can't she said, I couldn't have seen this. And the other doctor looked at it. He couldn't see it. Your lungs are so tiny you can't even see your
Emphazima is so skinny. Can't get secret. It's called green tea. Green tea is great and vodka. Wait, that's so exciting. I know it's a just he just for in my whole story, but I just know you just said just get him, had you know, emphasize anyway? It was all good to me. I was like, oh my god, because that is scary, like when you know people are like
I would you when you know what could happen. The whole time I'm watching Casablanca, I'm like, one of my questions for that movie was like everyone's smoking all the time in that movie, literally every single scene is just smoke. And that's just the way it was back then in the forties, like fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties. I mean, smoking indoors all the time. Didn't when did everyone realize didn't?
And everyone feels sick all the time, like I feel so when I smoked, I felt sick all Like you're constantly breathing in a smoke stack, like do you feel tired? Like didn't people feel like this is killing us? Like how do they not know? But the truth is, even if you know something's killing you, it's not. If it was disgusting lungs or if it worked to see like to know surgeons general warning and have these graphic pictures on cigarettes, it doesn't. That doesn't work. Like, that does
not deter people from doing it. There's a cognitive dissonance there that you're going to be the exception, Like, um, so it doesn't work that but um, my favorite Norman Donald joke that I can remember off the top of my head. It's like, hey, you ever see, uh, you ever see a picture of a smokers long? Disgusting? Do you ever see a picture of a healthy line? It's disgusting. It is like the same thing. What's your favorite Norm joke? Oh? My god, off the top of my head. Yeah, I mean, like,
I mean, do you want to go into the moth joke? No? No, it's like that's like the moth storytelling show. Um, I mean the one that I think just popped into my I mean god, there's so many good ones. The one that just popped into my head. Was the one about oh man, I just want to do like a hundred of them. I heard a good joke from Jesselyn yesterday. Growing up, my family moved all the time, but now they're all fat pieces. That's a norm joke. Usually as jokes are very long and then the end it's like
someone's dead or molested. That one was just like one too, and I really liked it. That's fine. Um, I'm trying to think of like quick norm jokes, but there well there's one that was like he's like, have you seen these? I mean, I just there's so many of them that I loved. This isn't the one that I love the most. One I remembered first, but he's like, um, these Olympic events they're getting crazy. I saw this guy run run miles and then fish that was bad. Um. I yeah.
Chris and I were talking about like stand up jokes are like just observations, and I really loved the one like you said that, what was the one you had, Chris that you were like about talking to people in your car? Can you share it? Which is what like when you're you're like, I don't always, but I like this one those memes that are like, I'm looking at my favorite norm jokes right now, but those memes that are like, I don't always do blah blah blah, but when I do, I do mine was I don't always
when I communicate? What did I say? It's like I don't always uh communicate with cars on the road, but when I do, I talk like this and make emotions with my pants and let little bits of volume come out of my crawl down your gas tank. Your gas tank is open, but you're not even whispering. You're just like it's even worse. It's like, it's such a weird. Why are you sort of talking like I sound like Marley Matlin. Here's what, here's a good normal one. You
know with Hitler. The more I learned about that guy, the more I don't care for him. Any stand up jokes that like, you're a big fan of Kathy Griffin. I know, And you put me on this spot about remembering my voice coach with her? Are you kidding? No? I once walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most embarrassing thirty minutes of my life. Now
I can't think of any isn't it funny? Like you can consume stand up all the time, and you like, even for me, I'll go to a whole entire show and I'll laugh the whole time, and I won't remember a single fucking joke, Like you can't re tell a single joke, what you know. I've got a lot about this, and it's and I've probably said this before, but bears repeating that when you go to a stand up show. That's why the opener is the most important joke, and
then the clothes the opener and the closer. The middle does not matter, um, And if you're doing a special, the end is actually the least important because people usually don't even get to that anyway. The opener is always the most important. People um in life understand the first
and last of something. And people usually remember jokes they don't like versus the joke they liked the most, because evolutionarily, it is more important for us to remember things that cause us pain or cause us suffering so that we don't eat that berry again, we don't travel down that path that has a grizzly bear on it. That's going to serve us more for survival than like remembering like
oh that made me feel like happy. What I'll remember after this podcast is not remembering any norm joke exactly. Here's another one. Here's another one. I love. It's um I. D is a strange abbreviation. I is short for I and D is short for identification. Oh god, it's is it like for him? It's like delivery or the joke itself? I can't really tell, because when you said that joke, it's yeah. I loved his special, his latest quote unquote
special so much. I know that people that whole thing where Spade and Letterman and Molly Shannon and Chappelle we're all talking about it afterwards, and Sandler and Conan. That was so uncomfortable, and I really did not like that. But I liked the special so much, and I thought it was so funny. I thought it did count as a stand up special. I thought it was everything. It was pretty much what bo Burnham did, like just without
an audience and just quietly in his room. Like I thought it was just as satisfying as a stand up special. I really was like, this could be the new model. Like I would watch someone just at their computer telling jokes to a screen. I don't need to see crowd shots. I don't need to hear laughter to understand when I should laugh. Like that stuff does help, and it even
helps me like laughter is contagious. Um. I think it also helps that both of those guys like you could do it and if there's a you know, like does a few dozen comics that could do it, but you kind of have to have the gravitas of a Bo Burnham or a Norm McDonald like those guys. They're great,
incredible performers, so like, it can't just be anybody. The stand up I hate is the stuff that is bolstered by the audience, in the in the pauses and the looks after they hit the punchline of yeah, and what's
essentially a laugh track. Yes, it's like those those comedians that if you I'm someone who be able to know I hate, if I get a big laugh, you will notice I will step on the laughter because I just feel so self indulgent, like writing it out and being like, isn't that a gift I just gave you everyone, Because as a comedian you are you can ride those waves and you can abuse that if you I'm not trying to brag, but if you watch my special and add
up the amount of words I say versus anyone else's hour. I guarantee you it's not just because I talk fast. It's because I'm not letting those moments like and probably to my detriment, like some people like when things breathe and like that, you don't you allow the audience to, like the laughter to die down and then you take
a breath. I think it is so self indulgent. I am someone I've never understood comedians who after a show stand out wave and take it all in and walk from the side of the stage Canada remember, yes, yes, yes, But what I like what you do is you're out of there. But I kind of assumed a lot of this stuff is because it's just a natural part of your personality to talk fast and get through things. But I do like how you're not basking in it, like like a bunch of other people do, and we know
who we know who they are. But what I do like is you don't sit there and try to take it all in in like that setting in front of everybody. You go talk to people afterwards, So like that's what that's what you like, kind of that one on one interaction with people because you like a little bit more. Well,
I just don't. I feel like people know the But I will say at the same time, when I went to see Dave Matthews in the year two thousand and I the best seats that I ever had, sixteen throw at report he when he said good night, I wanted him to stay out there so freaking long. So as a fan I do. I just feel like I've already done an hour and a half. These people are tired, they want to get home. That's too much talking. Anyway, I've overindulged in talking. I need to leave the stage.
These people need to get to their cars and get the home and relieve the babysitter. And when you say an hour and a half, you really mean two hours and fifteen minutes, right, like me talking an hour and a half for the whole show itself. Yeah, but yeah, sometimes you know, I've been at shows where you're where you go to like two hours and it's funny the whole time. It's that's too much, and I feel bad that I do that. And that is me without taking
these long these comedians, I don't understand. It is just a different that's the stop it. As an audience member, like all these things that you're pointing out. It makes sense to me now listening to you dissect it. But when I'm at a comedy show and I've and I like all the different comedians, even the ones that you don't like, I'm too stupid to know their techniques, and I don't care. I'm just there to enjoy the jokes and the lefts I know. But as someone who knows
the tricks, it bugs me. I guess it's just like I don't if you were. It's like it's like anything when you can see people within your profession not doing it earnestly and not actually getting when you see that. And I've used tricks before. I've admitted to this on the podcast. There are definitely road hack tricks that like every comedian does, laughing at your own joke, you know, hitting your leg, acting like it's the first time you say it. That's Chappelle thing of like, oh my god,
that's so funny, like everything. It's like it's it makes everyone laugh, it makes me laugh. It tricks me, Like there's these things that I utilize. I'm not a perfect person, but I am. There is this thing in comedy that I just I can't stand the gloating afterwards. And but I will say that as a as a fan Dave Matthews.
When I lingered at that two thousand show, I got on my seat and I everyone started going to their cars, and Dave was still on the side of the stage kind of still waving, and he saw me, and I was one of the only ones still fucking jumping up and down and waving, and he waved, he like waved directly at me. And I had a moment with Dave Matthews before the moment where I told him I was in his fear, and also before the moment where I told him that he should play a song that's fucky
and he did not like it. So this was my the only good moment I've had with Dave Matthews was in the year two thousand, like September night eleven, and Dave. Dave definitely saw me in that matter to me that moment, what's your what is like a favorite type of thing the best he can do? Or does it a show? Or like, what is what is the thing that you like at the shows? After the shows right when you're like when you are waving or whatever. I love and I love you. I love when they cry. I love
when they shake. Some of them are very embarrassed because they're like, I'm shaking. This is like I love all that because it's real. Like whatever is real for you, I don't care if what's real for you is like I'm sorry, I kind of want to suck you. Like, if that's real for you, say it like, don't touch me. But like you can say whatever you want. I might go, well, that's a weird thing to say. But like, you know, as long as they're being honest, I don't want anyone
to try to beak. Just don't be just be yourself. And that's what I Mrs Glaser. When your fans come up to you, what are what are some of your favorite sort of well, I do like when they don't touch me, are hugged me. You don't like that. I don't like hugs really from anybody, from strangers. No, you don't like how back to my childhood. You've got a lot of You've gotten a lot of attention from the
tv O. My god, No, not really, not really. No people are I mean just a few people recognize me and they're like, but if you were like actively online and knew how to read your message requests and like things like that. You would see you would be getting flooded with stuff. That's where I get most of my love is like d M S. And if you did meet and greets after your grocery store it runs, you would also be you should meet and do a little tour. Well, I did get recognized the other day by this Kajari
old guy. I was like, oh god, he's like movie store. I'm like, what I saw you on a commerce herschel or something. I know they always have your daughter. Well that's see, that's not nice this movie star because they're jealous and so they have to do the thing of like, oh, you think you're big time. It's like, no, you think I'm big time. And that is why you're saying movie star. You're jealous that you think that I think I'm better than you when I don't think i'm better than you.
You are thinking that you that I think I'm better than you because you were insecure that you could never be on TV. And it is kind of your dream, isn't it, you old cadream man, So you have to say movie star. I don't think I'm a movie star. You do, well, never been in a movie. I don't know. Let's go to break, we'll be right back. Just get I'll put you in one. Um, we'll be right back with Van Brax. Welcome back to the show. No, my mom during the break was like, I'm gonna go get
my coffee and no one goes. I think they're I think they're actually Julie. I think there is a coffee cup right now? Does she imitate everyone and has Chris? What you do you gonna take? Chris? I don't, Yeah, glaze now you're you're great? No, no, really you're great. Do you have to have something right, some sort of impression. That's what was my impression, like having perfect yet you're great. People don't may not know. Do people know how great
you are at two second impressions? Have you talked about two second impressions on the people get a sense of it on the show a little bit because it will drop into it. He really can know how good you've been at all that stuff. The thing is, I realize I'm not I'm so not as good at impressions as Anya and cursing being around them and they're just cursory impressions. They are so fucking good it's it's really insane how good they are, Like I could be better. You are
really good in my vocal range. Do do Aniston? If always well for you? I will say that, Um. I can. Oh. The other day, by the way, Melissa via signor Um, she like was writing me and was like, I just want to let you know, like your special was amazing, you know, like she was like, she wrote me about my special. It was very nice. And then she was like,
and I'm working on an impression of you. She's like, like guys like I don't know, like old souls, it's not a thing like she did, and it was very flattering and it was actually really good, and I was like, thank you. It's the first time someone's not done an impression of me. That's like, God, I hate that, Like every time someone doesn't impress on me. It sounds like the guy from Love on the Spectrum season two where he's like I can't find my sword. This is not
I lost my japing car Dard. This is not good. Oh god, Dad wears my cloak and jagger. Um. I exactly. He's very me like, um, but so my impression. The thing I will say is that I don't do an impression of Chris, but Chris's mannerisms have worked their way into my stand up, Like any time you hear me go and you know that's what you like? Kind of jackpot that like jack that is something I've picked up
from Chris. Okay, yeah, that's good. You know what. I think we're gonna do it like that is something I mean, this goes back to fourteen where because I don't even know if I'm doing that anymore. I don't think you are, but I got that from you initially. It's funny because I'm like when I when you do that on stage, I'm like, that's good. I like that. I like it. Yeah, that's you. Have you have, Mr Glaser? Have you been on the podcast before? I have no idea. Okay, so
people have like explored your relationship. Yes, wait, can I just hold that button and do that? Yes? Um you can't. Yeah, we've I wish we could explore it right now, but we have to get the fan tracks, which is our messages from besties about the show. And I'm really excited for you guys to hear these. Actually, is there a
section for corrections and compliments? You know what? That's kind of like a part of the voice messages, so they can go onto our Instagram and they can send voice memos to us through this link and like um and and let and they let us know sometimes like hey, you're talking about this and actually this was Yeah, So like if you ever want to like write into the show correction, but I can't do it on the show today. No, you can do it right now. Okay, cool, you want
to start. I don't want to mess with fan fx fan trax. You can. We can do a live fan trax. Um, you can start. Let's get to fan Trax. Welcome to fan Trax is the part of the show where we hear from people, our listeners about the show, compliments, criticisms, not really criticisms, but corrections. And we've got our first one live here in studio. Let's do the other ones because then I'll then I'll let's just hear the vibe of them, and then i'll pepper mind I love that. Yeah, yeah,
let's get a sense of it. Let's do the first one. Okay, let's start with India. Hi, Nikki, my name is India. I'm a long time listener here Big Fanny, you guys, I was listening to your segment on gibberish, and I'm so excited. I've been speaking Gibberish with my mother since I was five years old. She's the only other person I knew who knew about it, so I'm starting to think she made it up until I heard you guys talking about it. Um, I did want to chime in
the way that I have. UM best taught people how to speak it. You had it right when you said bring it up into syllables, but the best way after that is that you add the good to the vowel in each syllable. So my name India, like the country is it again? Did the gu it again? Did the the guy andrew it again? To the goo? Nikki ni nigo with a guy? So adding the other good to the vowel vowels in each syllable has helped me teach people. So you know, nobody picks it up except for me
my mom, which we use all the time. Anyway, big fan, thank you guys to the gang, you the go with the Gindi the guy and the guy with the guys with the gunder, the girl, the gang, the gift you the goo and again, but the or the gird You think You've the gird, the ghost to the but the guy, the little, the gain of the guests, of the God, the gist of the get to the gang, the go in that song, thank you India, thank you. Noah loved it. No. I love when Noah has a bird. It's so cute
and it really is the best feel perfect. I can't exactly how I feel when NICKI gets into these gibberish things, because no matter how many times you explain it, my brain just can't. Maybe now you can get it because you add and no one knows several languages too, and this could be your third Noah, Oh my god. No, Nikki would never teach me that the guy with the goods that's the gats that the guy with the to the doctor, the gup, the gout green vass. Did you
did you make this up with Kirsten? No. This we learned on spring break from some boys that we met on the beach. Boy, it was before I met you, Chris, before I met you. I didn't that boys, I promise I didn't talk that to those boys and and anyone I met in springbreak in high school. We know from me having Daniel the bestie on the show a guy. I met one of the Alabama boys. We met in spring break. I was not hooking up with boys. There
was no hanky panky going on. If anything, there was like the hokey pokey going on and we were dancing to that. That was the most day I was not grinding on anyone. I was like, maybe going to grind coffee. Have you used that joke? That's good? We bring you need to bring that to remind me of that you should do all right? Are you ready for your one or do you want to get I'll do a I'll do a correction, and then later I'll do a correction
and a compliment. One correction yesterday I was I chose accuracy over what I actually felt during something on the that we talked about on the podcast, And you were like, what do you You didn't say it was a great show, and I was like, no, I saw. I said, this is great television, and yes, your show f Boy Island is a great television show. You're the best host of any rally show I've ever seen. I've watched a lot of reality TV. You were by far the best best host.
You do things that no host has ever done in your in your funny, and you're saying things that people at home would want, would be thinking or saying, or like the funny version of those things. So I just want to clarify. I could tell that it didn't sit right with you, and it's true. It is a great TV show and you're great at it. Thank you. First correction, I appreciate that. No, are you still there because you just want to blank on the screen. Oh yeah, I'm
still here. And on that note, and I play a voicemail about F Boy Yes please, okay, yeah, thank you, Chris, thank you baby. Hello, it's Besty bad boy re Re. I love you, Noah, Nikki and Andrew so much. I um started some F boy drama. I was stumbling upon Nikki's stories and then I started watching that you know that Q comedian on F Boy Island. Ever get his name, but that guy and I clicked on me and I was like, let's see what this gorgeous girl is doing.
And she was live. So I started watching the live and I commented, Peter gives me small d energy and she started uncontrollably laughing, and I was shocked, and everyone was saying, you have to you know, you can't say anything and alive, and she had also confirmed that she's not with Peter. Girl, I'm just starting of trauma and I sincerely apologized, but you know, I'm living my grandma life here in the suburbs of Chicago and it was
an accident. Nikki, please get on live again. I just to listen to you, sat Taylor Swift and not stirrup f boy Island. But you know, tell that comedian Dan need to hit me up if anything, Benedict, I think, Um, okay, who is this bad boy reread? Is that what he said? His name was? Yes, um, bad boy, you are so cute. I fucking love you and I want to be friends with you. Um did you say he gives you small dick energy? Because Peter is an Asian man or is
it something else? Because not a fan of that stereotype. I'm kind of not a fan of any of that shaming sort of situation at all anywhere. This man seems like he the way he's talking, he seems like he might know about penises. Yeah, so I feel like he has a right to kind of maybe say that stuff more because he has one. I don't like when girls do it, but for some reason, when gay guys do it. It's not my favorite, but that's I'm not shaming you,
big boy. Really I appreciate it. I mean, let's be honest. This guy's got his this guy has he's punching down, which right, well, he also said he's a grandma on the suburbs of Chicago. He's maybe he was having a bad day and like needed like was maybe I get it and listen and this he did not mean to sturb drama. But what about Peter is like that though I don't I don't. I don't think that necessarily that's
what I'm saying. I think it might just be. But to me, the height he has total b d E to me, um, Peter, what because could it be the high thing? Because Peter and the cameras kind of blurred out, like the high difference between me and is very tall. Me is like five eleven and Peter's probably I'm hepe blind as you know, thank God, I know. Um, but I'm guessing Peter's like five nine ten. I don't know,
but he literally could be six too. I don't like that's it's not gonna seems smaller than most of the other guys out there. I would say that he's probably five eight, but I actually maybe I don't know anything, but as as a lady who's been with shorter guys that has nothing to do with with just you know, spiritually like been standing next to one thing that when I feel they're penis scene, I didn't expect. I love
my fans, that's a nice, great nat come on. Um. One thing I didn't expect was to like so many of the guys on the show. I know, aren't they nice? A few of them are just like these guys are great. They're like funny, they're like so natural and so like
so much of themselves and you just don't expect. You think they're all just going to be a bunch of d bags, but so much of them are like cool Mercedes, like Mercedes, who is the biggest f boy, and like you watch him and you just go, God, this fucking snake, you know what, There's something endearing about him. Remember when Lukaj during the Man Splin comes out as bisexual and
announces that he has attracted to Mercedes. Mercedes is a very straight man, and I was very scared during that moment on the show that Mercedes was going to like be like that's some gay ship. Don't fucking involve me in that, and like lash out because I had heard rumors that Mercedes had sort of a temper kind of thing, which was addressed on the show and which we saw
on the show. So I was very nervous about that, but I love there was something that made me love Mercedes so much when he just goes, I like you, I like you too, lukas well, thanks Lukaj, and then he con just eat accepted it. He didn't have this like a lot of and I know that in black culture there is a lot of like anything gay is like fuck you like it's it's it's different. I've I've
heard that. Maybe I'm totally off base, but I've heard that, you know, that's why the downlow exists, like men are not able to be openly gay or like you know, even a little bit stigma. Yes, And so I even and he was able to take that and handle that situation. He seems like the the smoothest person alive alive for sure.
And you know what, as much as I'm like, I don't like how he you know, talk to people, you know, wh when he calls people a fucking idiot or calls him goofy and like it's just like I'm you know, I'm fifty point lead. I didn't like all that. There's something about me that goes this gut. This kid has been told he's a fucking I need a lot in his life, and I feel sad for him, but that doesn't excuse it. But there's something I can something hearing
things about the F boy. I think to be an F boy, you have to be to be an F boy at the at the level that those guys are, there has to be something a little bit broken about you, right, like you to to need all the stands for fragile. Oh yeah, that's really good. Who music leaser? Who are some of your favorite F boy Do you remember any
of their names? Like? Are there guys you're rooting for that You're like, I already she loved the comedian Benedict, which, by the way, Benedict, but I don't see the last one, Benedict. If you come, I'm only keeping one toward date UM because I'm getting vocal surgery UM in early September. I'm only keeping one date. I'm kind of clearing my schedule, so there's going to be rescheduling for a lot of shows. Um, but September two in Vegas. I am keeping that. I
thought I thought I was. I didn't even realize it was a date that anyway, September two in Vegas, if you come to see me, you will see Benedict Pelosi for me. So it's going to be an f boys show.
I'm very excited to have him on the show. I think people are going to be so excited to watch him because we you're so funny on the show, and we wanted to get a chance to see but I want to get a chance to see a stand up I know from experience that the way you're portrayed on reality TV isn't necessarily the way you are in real life. But I think Benedict came off every I'm rooting for him big time in all in every single situation. Yeah,
he seems like a really good guy. Picked him from the get go, Well, I have a nice guy, honestly, I liked him well that kind of A did a Q and A the other day on Instagram and it was something about like, you know, uh, tell some jokes about the show or something, and he was like nicky glazer Um gave the as the energy of um a substitute teacher who would try to suck your dad or something like that, and I was like, I was just
having a bad morning. I was like in a depressed mood, and I was like, this guy's calling me old, like I'm gonna suck your dad, Like why why wouldn't I try to fund my students? Like I was offended that he was like making like, you know, just and then someone was like, but he said substitute teacher, that kind
of means younger. And I was like looking at as I'm old, and I was just like, funck this, and I was mad, and so I wrote underneath it, um, oh, thanks for laughing after all of your punchlines, so we know went to laugh otherwise we wouldn't know or something like that because he has the comedian that he does this really great laugh And honestly, I was just lashing out.
And then I took a shower and I was like still kind of like fucking mad about it and being like I'm old because I woke up on the wrong side of the fucking bed, my craftmatic adjustable bed because I'm old, and I was like, how do I do that? Oh? My good and so I wrote to him and I said, Benedict, that was so uncalled for. I just erased the comment. He goes, why did you raise that? That was the best thing ever that's ever happened to me. You roasted me.
I took so much events to it though, because I was having a bad day and and the reason he's opening for me now is because I was like, I'm just mad at you for because of my own ship, and I was like, come open for me, like, so it was kind of beautiful that this thing where I got.
And I appreciate any of these guys anyone talking about me. Ever, I swear to God, even if you say something bad about me, I appreciate it because it's acknowledging I exist, which is also is my what I want essentially, you know. And it was it was a playful joke. I roasted these guys so fucking hard every night when they like had their these they were like everyone like, I posted a joke last night that I did and people were like, oh, the guys, their reaction to it wasn't that great. And
I'm like, they put up with so much ship. They would come out for these elimination rounds and they were like so tense and like they're worried about the show, their in love with this girl. And I'm like, oh my my period is tonight, and you guys look like you're farting a lot. Like they were just like oh God, like can we not? That's a good point. You are kind of mean to them. So I'm going to take back what I had to say. It's not a good show. Final thought. Let's next, next man Fras. Okay, let's go
with Aaron. Hey, Nikki, Andrew and Noah. This is bestie Aaron from Charleston, South Carolina. UM, I have a suggestion maybe for uh, I don't know, maybe just like a good game or short segment of like lies parents told us as kids that you learned later on into adulthood, We're just so not true. Um. One of what one of mine is when I was younger, I desperately wanted to try out for American Idol and I am a
terrible singer. Um, this memory just came back. I was belt in the lyrics to You and I Both by Jason raz And Yeah, that was one that I used to record myself into my Pink Razor and my poor family. Um, it got to the point where they told me that it was impolite to sing indoors, so if I wanted to practice my vocals, I had to do it in the backyard. And to I mean, well, into my adulthood, I thought that it was horribly rude to break into
song indoors. Anyways, Yeah, there's a lot, but I love you guys so much, um, and I would love to hear your versions of what your parents told you. Uh signing off you and I both, Jason Mraz Um, I love you so much. First of all, I sang you and I both with Jason Miraz at that show in San Diego, and I love it so much because you and I. Yeah, but it starts. Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen just so? To me, well,
things both. This is so rude. I'm singing indoors. Um. I had a similar thing to this when I remember singing in front of you and Dad at one point, and you guys said, you know where you should sing is the bathroom because the acoustics are better, And so you sent me away to the bathroom and I was in there, and I realized as I was in there, I put it together that they wanted to watch the TV show they were watching, and they wanted me to get out of the red out of there because it
does have great acoustics. It's that's it's true. It's true. I love this question. We've done we've done it on our show before, and somebody texted in our show and I love this one so much. So obviously, like the you know, every summer, the ice Cream Man comes around and it's like it's hell for parents apparently, I don't know, you know, like brandowners. Yeah, it's just like but it's also like disrupts the entire family. They do it at
dinner time and all this stuff. And somebody in like you know, Columbia, Illinois or something, Breeze or something, said that their parents told them that when they heard the ice Cream Man song, it meant they were out of ice cream. That is so so they only played this song when they're Oh my god, that is brilliant. That's pretty brilliant. I'm trying to think of one's stand for me was a huge, huge, I mean we went to
to this day about it. Well, we wanted you were so in love with Santa and the Easter Bunny and it wasn't. It was just like I liked him, like, yeah, you were in love with him. My favorite, one of my favorite things that it's that I've ever witnessed was at Nikki at Lauren's wedding. Nikki did a whole big speech and part of her speech was, you know, Lauren did everything before me, and like, obviously Lauren got married before you, and Lauren does all these things before me.
She's doing this before me, but run because she's my younger sister. Yeah, because she's my younger sister. And she found out that Santa Claus wasn't real before me, which is like embarrassing, but at what they were kids at the wedding, so they found out I found out from my fucking best woman's speech or whatever the funk it was.
Who cares they were crying in the bathroom. Honestly, it's better than you know now because later on they're going to feel so disappointed when they're in fifth grade and they finally find out that Santa isn't real. It was a tough revelation for you. What about you, Mrs Glazier, because you would have had things that were from like, no, she existed. She was one of ten. They didn't. They there was some hard truth. If anything, they didn't lie to her. They was they never told you remember anything
like something they told us that would have been. We just gave several examples. Yeah, I know, not really. They really never talked to you. They never really they didn't know. My mom would just run around the neighborhood and like, it is a miracle you weren't molested, And I think maybe I was. It was like the seventies though, So were there any like old times where they like it,
don't get don't get hig in your own supply. No. When I was really young, I mean I was five and six, my mother said, you never met a stranger. And I'm like, well, god damn it, Mom, you let me sit at the bus stop and go home with strangers and go get a cookie. But what she meant was you never met like everyone was your friend, and that is what she meant. But what she should be saying is don't talk to strangers. But it said she was like, you love strangers, and we just let you
go off with any strangers. Did I knew everyone on our street. I've been in their head intimately. The one thing that and they've been in you intimately. I will say. The one thing that I remember my mom telling me as a young kid, and I've said this before, is that if you go we lived on a river, Nikki, if you go down to the river, had to I said, you will die. So Miami, you go across that street, you will fall down and you it wasn't you might die, you will you will ever see us again. I had
to scare that. That's what she would say to me. I had to do it. But I think that was like like the undertone of your entire relationship with your mom, like through your childhood. Because you're dangerous was your first word, and like everything was out together. We moved on a white water river and she could have died, but hey, she's not wrong. Could have died. But then the Ira way of my dad would come home from work and want to go kayaking and go, Nick, come, let's go
in the canoe. Well that was fish and I would go, yes, that's why you hate me wanting to climb out. That's like there was this one time. There was this one time that I was with Sabrina Julie's walking in Brooklyn and we came across these little girls that were probably like four years old, two little girls four years old, and they were on Razor scooters, their little Razor scooters, and they were going so fast and they were busy busy roads, I mean, and these girls definitely shouldn't have
been out. They got out and they just like went on a little adventure just you know, probably a couple of blocks from their apartment. But I started chasing them because they were going so fast, and I was like, these girls don't have a chap around. There's no one inside. What do you mean? I'm just kidding. So I went and I and I and I chased them because I was like I need to find out where they're going. And these girls, no one's watching. So I chased them.
They went back to their house. I went up to the door and I was like, were you or I on the street. I was like, girls, are is anyone? Are you with anyone? They were like our mom our babysitters inside. And so I went up to the porch and I was like, hey, these girls got out in there. She was like ohsh and she seemed to be alarmed, and um but I no, no, actually they said she's inside. And the girls went inside and through the screen door.
I said, girls, if you ever do that again. And Sabrina witnessed this, and this was before I put together my mom's kind of like weird warnings for me. I said, if you ever do that again, you will die. Didn't these are very These were roads that were like I'm not getting you, like Manchester Road, like four miles right outside their door, and I go, you will die. And I went back to the street after I said that.
These girls are looking at me through the screen door that they've run inside because a woman was chasing them. And they're in the screen door just like look at me, like shaking like and I go, you will die. Do not ever go out without an adult ever, ever? Ever? And I went back to the street and Sabrina and her wife Shawna, We're just like, Nikki, what was that? That was really disturbing And they were both like that was And I was like, what was wrong with Like
I had no idea what I had done. And they were like, you told them they would die if they go outside. And I was like, but yeah, because that's going to scare them from going out and doing something where they'll die. I mean, we've come full circle. You cannot do K two, you will die twenty five percent chance. All right, guys, we gotta go. Um, thank you so much for watching the show listening to the show. Have such a great weekend, don't, Pika and Jack you join her Curtsey Andrews roots brother